bothcrowleydeservetobeloved

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

Concept: Kunikida did not want to join the Agency to begin with.

Because he had long since squandered whatever dreams he had to change the world.

Or at least that’s what he tells himself.

He’s a maths teacher, he’s in stable employment and he’s made his loved ones proud and is doing a job that fulfils him.

Or at least that’s what he tells himself.

I love the idea that Kunikida despite wanting to break the mold, being an outspoken and passionate person.

He instead learned how to silence himself in many ways. To conform to the what the world expected of him.

Because to stand out is to be alone and he never truly thought he could stand on his own to face the rejections and hatred of the world.

In a world full of monsters, Kunikida wears a mask and prays no one looks too close to see he’s not one of them.

Does he absolutely still fight for that ideal world? Yeah but in a way that’s more socially acceptable.

The real Doppo Kunikida quit college I believe to take care of his family and I can absolutely see that being a reason as to why Kunikida the character is a college drop out.

That he had all these dreams and aspirations and put them on hold to take care of the people he holds dear.

It fits him so well.

But of course Kunikida can’t pretend to be something he’s not forever. Maybe he witnesses something and he leaps into action without thinking.

Maybe he loses someone and it always plays on him that he could’ve done something.

And that’s something the Agency, in particular I think Ranpo notices in him. He sees everything Kunikida is and everything he could become.

Everything Kunikida has given up trying to be.

And he rejects the offer over and over again to join because he can’t. He has people to think of, he has lives that depend on him and he can’t give that up just to live his life the way he wants too.

He can’t do it.

He’s not worth this.

And what comes if that declaration is a deal, in the form of an entrance exam. If you don’t think you deserve this and can’t do it, then why not let us decide that for ourselves?

To no one’s surprise but his own he passes with flying colours.

And maybe that’s what gives him the push to finally live by his own ideals rather than simply writing them down.

The world will still turn but now he’ll be happy.

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

It's so hard for me not to relate to the main four, and even to Griffin. Robin just became that character I can't just read and then forget, he's now an essential part of me as a person, and I absolutely adore R. F. Kuang for writing such spectacular characters.

And I'm tired of people hating on Letty, even though I can understand where that hate comes from.

A (Hopefully Entirely Unnecessary) Defense of Babel by RF Kuang

For some reason, I've been coming across Babel a lot lately, on lists of books that are "overrated" or "overhyped" by the internet.

I don't know if this is actually a common opinion, or if I've some how come across several members of a minority with this opinion.

It's happened to me before--I made an entire video essay defending a romantic reading of Remy/Robin because when I wanted to talk about the parallels between the Tollywood action-revenge fantasy RRR and Babel, I felt it was necessary to point out that the relationship between the two central male characters are slightly different in that RRR is written to be a close friendship, while Babel is a romance. Since making that video, I haven't received a single word of opposition; I feel rather silly for having gone out of my way to make that, in fact.

So this time I just want to talk about Babel as a book, as a narrative, and why I call it, not entirely jokingly, "the book love of my life."

I am a mixed-race person who grew up in a third culture. I have no tie to this third culture except my upbringing and my current life, but it is not an "immigrant-friendly" country and I do not qualify for citizenship or permanent residency.

Both of my parents come from the majority cultures in their home countries, and so when I was growing up, they were, in many ways, learning about discrimination and how to deal with it as much as I was. My mother's take was to try to empathize and point out the unfairness, and fight for change. She became a strong voice trying to combat discrimination and advocate for the benefits of diversity in her company; and even then, she was constantly learning about her own blind spots on the subject. My father, meanwhile, who met my mother because he had immigrated into her culture, has a much more laid back approach. His approach seems to fall more along the lines of: the world is what it is, what can you do?

I grew up reading authors who were, for the most part, writing from the perspective of the majority. Whether it was in the country where I grew up, or the country of my birth where my parents met, my childhood lessons amounted to the idea that I must conform, conform, conform.

I have lived in the home countries of my maternal grandmother and my father, but even within my family, I am scoffed at for trying to claim them--above all, because my grasp of either language is shaky at best.

But I did not fail to learn the languages because of a lack of interest. I am better at the language of my grandmother, because she did have an interest in teaching me, but what she taught me was the standard language--not her native dialect, which is so different as to be unintelligible to those who speak the standard tongue. I don't know a single word of her native dialect.

I tried to learn my father's language, especially when we lived in his country. I've had a strong emotional attachment to his culture and his side of the family for as long as I can remember, and I am touched by the number of family members who take the effort to speak to me in English when they could barely do so when I was a child; but my efforts to learn within my own home were met with ridicule and condescension for every mistake, and so it's no wonder that I very quickly stopped trying.

So when I read Babel, I identify with Remy, who loves his country so very much; I wish I could see through the nonsense of the world as clearly as he does. I identify with Robin, whose life is so shaped and so very limited by his father's quiet, implicit violence. I want to be Victoire, who can see the beauty and value in a language that the world tells her is meaningless. I identify with Letty, who has fought like hell for the few privileges the world gives to her, and who would choose the safety of her society over risking everything for a reality her friends share, that she cannot see.

I love Letty, along with Remy, Robin, and Victoire.

Babel hit me in the gut as a story about the ways the more implicit thefts of colonialism are still very real in the damage that they do, yes; but also because when I read it, I felt this was a story about me.

We use the word "violence" to mean physical damage. In-universe, the violent ones are the students of color who rise up in revolution. We, like Lettie, are inclined to look at people enacting violence we do not understand, and condemn them because in our eyes, there were other, more peaceful paths for them to walk.

We cannot see the invisible nooses society ties around the necks of those it seeks to use. Just as Letty cannot see the nooses around the necks of Robin, Remy, and Victoire, many of us cannot see the invisible nooses around the necks of minorities in our own lives--sometimes, we cannot even see the nooses around our own necks. Society tells us we are being ridiculous, that violence is not the way, and we assent, not realizing that the people saying this to us do not have to make the same sacrifices as we do to walk that path; that in telling us so, society is enacting violence against us.

Robin's father raises him, but not as a son--he raises him as a ward, because he intends to use him for his Cantonese. Robin is given very little choice, and while he is closer to white-passing than Remy or Victoire, the cage of white supremacy affects him, too.

Babel is a story about Robin going through the journey of realization that his life is nothing but a sham--he is a tool to be used by his colonialist father, and he is not free. When you are a mixed-race child, especially one who is close to white-passing, the world may tell you lies about your place in it for the comfort of others. That those perspectives are more comfortable to the majority than a more "radical" perspective you might take if you were given a fair, educated choice does not make them more true.

Robin and Letty both act out of some form of love for Remy throughout the book. Both of them start from a place of seeing his perspective as radical and unreasonable; but Robin comes around and joins Remy's side, while Letty turns to the comfortable authorities where she knows she is safe.

I don't think Letty was wrong, from her perspective. For much of the book, the characters of color are careful to keep everything from Letty. In a way, by not trying to make her understand, by give her up as a lost cause until they are forced to fold her into their revolutionary beliefs, they show her how they have always viewed her as other. Why should she risk everything for them, when they have not done the same for her? When she has a relatively safe home to return to, compared to the others?

Letty is, in a lot of ways, the character I identify most with. She wants to be in denial of the horrors of the colonialist world in which she lives until the last shoe drops and she cannot possibly deny it anymore. Forced to make a choice, she chooses the side that means more safety for her, though not for her friends.

I wish I were more like Remy. I wish I were more like Victoire. But I would be more like Letty or Robin—and in a lot of ways, the main difference between them is that despite his white-passing appearance, Robin still does have access to the experience of a person of color, while to Letty, this reality is one she can only experience through the words of others.

Every single one of these four main characters is integral to this one story about the violence of colonialism. I look at every single one of them and see bits of me that have been and that could be. It's a reading experience I've never had before, ever. That this book exists means the world to me.

I haven't reread Babel as much as I wish I had, but only because it hits me so very hard that every time I read it, I cry buckets and take weeks to recover.

I honestly don't know why Babel ends up on lists disparaging its value. Of course, personal taste always varies, but to anyone who read and disliked Babel: I would be interested in a good-faith discussions on the subject. And if anyone has other anti-colonial novels to recommend, I'm definitely interested!

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

Virginia Woolf, from a diary entry featured in “The Selected Diaries of Virginia Woolf,”

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

ׂ╰┈➤ My introduction:

★ Name: Dan

★ Age: 19

★ Sexuality: Asexual

ׂ╰┈➤ Interests:

DC, bat family, writing, Spanish rock, BSD, Star Wars, Hannibal, learning new languages, Criminal Minds, Supernatural, The Walking Dead, R. F. Kuang (I love Babel).

Looking for moots! ฅ^._.^ฅ

☆ ⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

Oh, to watch Rick killing two guys and thinking it was going to be his lowest, when it was just the beginning

I would sell my soul and the clothes off my back to rewatch The Walking Dead for the first time again

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

Does anyone else get worried that when they start a show and start binging it that they'll lose interest in the show they dedicated their life to? Like me with twd, it's happened three times this year (greys anatomy, spn, and young sheldon) and each time I get scared that my 3398 videos saved to my twd album will be useless like what happened with my CoD album 😞

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

Thinking about Tim on patrol as Robin after all the Joker Junior incident. Like, him and Batman following and fighting some random criminals and suddenly Tim starts laughing/crying, but no one can see it's Robin, so they just think Batman and the Joker are working together against them.

Everyone is terrified; the criminals for the mere thought of the Bat and the Joker as allies; Bruce because he doesn't really know how to help Tim and feels guilty for not stopping him from going with him; Tim because he's having a fucking attack (he should be over this, it was months ago); and everyone else in Gotham (the fuck you mean Batman and Joker? The fuck you mean the fucking Bat and the Clown-)

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

I just watched a Gacha reaction of the Reverse Robins by Maddie on YouTube (I absolutely loved it) and wanted to give my own idea of this AU, so here we go:

The first one would be Damian, Thalia's kid who appears out of nowhere and has to meet and he slowly starts to care about this new father (they grow apart, as Damian starts questioning between the league, his mother and Bruce/Batman) he starts his own path, far from his parents to find "himself".

Then it would be Steph, Cluemaster's daughter, wants to make a difference and starts as Spoiler, but ends being recruited for Batman as his new sidekick, this, like we all know, wouldn't end well, she tries creating her own path and inevatebly dies. And, just like with Jason, Bruce starts spiraling.

This is were Tim arrives as Bruce's new light. Steph isn't dead tho, but no one knows that, of course, so Tim keeps the mantle of "Shadow" (Dick isn't there to choose the name Robin, Damian's first idea is to become his father's shadow, so… the name Shadow) (plus, it was the name in the video, and it's kinda cool). Unfortunatly, this mantle keeps being a curse even in another universe, Tim ends up as Joker Junior, kills the Joker and then keeps with the Young Justice, barely coming to Gotham.

And then baby Jason appears, brighteyed, so pure, and empathetic Jason "Robin gives me magic" Todd, has a great relationship with Bruce (for now, we all know no version of Jason would stay like that forever) and it's him who recruits little Dick, just like Tim recruited him (Tim knows Batman needs a sidekick, but he's not over all the JJ trauma, so he gives all his hopes to Jason and keeps him as innocent as he can (good older brother Tim is being created, omg)).

Dick is the last one, a genius acrobatic kid from a circus who was being trained to be a Talon but was saved by the fucking Bat and the annoying Shadow. He then creates Robin and joins them to catch his parent's killer and then is adopted officialy into the family.

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

this human shit hard i shoulda been a house cat

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

Ambos estarían bien para mí

No se si lo que me hace falta es un abrazo, o un balazo 🛐

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

it’s all about how the moriarty brothers love each other so much but none of them believe they deserve that love.

albert sees himself as poison, corrupted from birth. he recruits william and louis and he ruins them too, dragging them down to his level. he sees himself as fundamentally lesser than the two of them, and how he thinks he’s tricking them into loving a lie, a version of himself he can never be.

and how william knows he is his brothers’ idol, and he did that to himself, but it also means that no one can understand him. he has to do it to fix the world, to make it better for his brothers, but it makes him so, so lonely. and how he also knows he is a devil, and he can’t let himself bring his brothers down with him.

and louis knows that his brothers want him to be a part of their better world but doesn’t realize until too late that he’s going to live there alone. he wants to be there for them but they won’t let him in, and he’s helpless to do anything as his brothers burn themselves out for him. he never asked for it and he never wanted it and he can’t bring himself to tell them that.

it’s how louis just came along with william, albert didn’t really want him and louis knows it. how albert wanted a new world first and a sibling second. how william longs for connection but refuses to let himself have it.

how they love each other but they don’t think they deserve each other. how they all see themselves as the odd one out, the one that the others would be better without.

doomed romance? pfft. doomed siblings. that’s where it’s at

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

All I want for Christmas is a diagnosis. I know something's wrong.

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

"Every time I think about them I need to sit down. The weight of their love is so heavy on my shoulder I need to sit down."

Me, screaming talking about Cherik to my friend.

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

imagine a transgender padawan and a rookie clone trooper sitting together to figure out the perfect name for each other

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

Happy Birthday Oda Sakunosuke-sensei!

To celebrate Oda Sakunosuke’s birthday here are his top three quotes from my blog:

Quote #3:

I’m a fool who’s learned to do one trick and does it again and again.

- Oda Sakunosuke, “The State of the Times” from Stories of Osaka Life

Quote #2:

I was so fed up with things that I grew sick of myself too, enough that I didn’t want to show my wretched self to anyone else.

- Oda Sakunosuke, “Immaculate”

Quote #1:

Depression had left me riddled with holes, susceptible to any whim.

- Oda Sakunosuke, “The State of the Times” from Stories of Osaka Life

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

Happy birthday Odasaku

[bothcrowleydeservetobeloved]

Let's not forget he also has a problem with authority, so it could be from strict parents.

Idk if we ever hear about Kunikida’s parents. But I headcanon them as either being chill loveable folk who love and support Kunikida whatever he does in life.

Or that they are incredibly strict people who tried to mould Kunikida into fitting their image of the ideal man. Maybe he never wanted to go to college or be a teacher but was pretty much forced into it.

That he spent his whole life trying to live by their ideals until ultimately choosing his own. And that pissed as hell out of them.

There’s no in between.