caseyu - Tumblr blog

[caseyu]

I love this!

How light can change your appearance.

[caseyu]

This is me being A. Obsessed with this song “A Life That’s Good” from the Tv show Nashville and B. Testing my new Macbook’s Mic and Garageband program.  Bit of a fun, bit rough, but not the worst Ive ever done. ;) Share if you like ;)

[caseyu]

Do you ever sit back and look at yourself and get that feeling in your stomach..that feeling where you don’t like yourself? Where looking at a photo of yourself makes you remember everything you don’t like about yourself? I felt that today. I feel it everyday, but more so today.

I saw a picture of myself from last year and all of a sudden I got this weird feeling in my stomach and my first instinct was to close the picture and all these thoughts went through my head. They weren’t even specific thoughts, but they had a tone. They were like a blur. Every now and then a thought would stand out for a microsecond, but then it would fade back into the others just as quick and the same tone remained.

You know that feeling when you are are in a crowded space and its all just noise but everyone and then you hear something in particular but then you just go back to hearing noise again? Thats how I saw the thoughts in my head. But the same feeling was there. I do not like who I am.I hate looking at myself. I hate that I try and try to fix myself but fail every time. I hate that I have all these things I want to do, but I can’t bring myself to take more than a few steps to get there. I stall every time and each time the same thoughts hit me like a tonne of bricks and Im worn down to nothing again. I build myself up then break myself down. Regardless of how strong the need is to follow my heart and dreams I always lose, talk myself out of it, make excuses, and remind myself of all the things I can't do, how I look and how much I hate it and how many skills I lack and the amount of time it would take to get to where I need to be to be what i want to be.

This is all mental diarrhoea. This is coming out now, but I deal with these thoughts every day. But most days they are just pushed to the back of my mind where I feel they belong. They aren’t constructive. They don't achieve anything. Talking about them doesn't achieve anything. It just provokes people to tell you that “its ok” “but you are amazing” “you are none of the things you think you are” etc etc but it doesn't help. There is always a voice to tell me otherwise. And in reality, I know I'm not as bad as my mind tells me I am, but my mind knows no reason.

I am trapped in a mental hell every day. But I don't see this as something to whine about. others are WAY more worse off than I am. Others mental states are way more dire than mine. I am blessed in comparison. Blessed. I do not like that phrase as I feel its over used these days. But in comparison, I am. But this does not help.

Nothing helps. Well thats a lie. Some music helps. For a hot minute. I wish it lasted longer. I wish it was enough. I try to tell myself its enough. When is enough? What is enough? When do I get a break? When will my mind stop running me into the ground? Its lucky I have just enough strength to hide it most of the time. To hide that I am killing myself. Maybe not in the literal sense, but I ruin every opportunity, every bit of energy to be somebody, something. I am poison to myself. When did I let it get this bad? Did I? I don’t remember giving my brain the permission to be such a fucking asshole. Now I'm a statistic. I'm one of "those people" with anxiety and depression issues. I have a weakness. I didn’t want this.

I feel like I am 2 people. At least. The one who wants all the good things, the good life, who wants to be a singer in a band, either front woman or backing, just in her element, travelling and making others happy with the gift that I have, and then theres the other me,who shoots down every opportunity and who tells the first me constantly that I can't do things and that Im not good enough to do what it takes, that Im fat and that I don't have the energy to lose the weight and that I don’t have the energy for anything in general and that I’m tired.

I AM tired.

I just want this to be over. I want to be free. Free of this poisonous mind. Free of the constant war with words and actions and reactions and scenarios that play in my head every single fucking day.

You want real? This is real. This is my real.

[caseyu]

These babes..altogether..my heart...HALP. So many feels. So many feels that my feels have feels.. ya feel me? ;)

My babes @lisa_veronica, @jessicaveronica, @luckierobbie and TM extraordinaire @josephmiselis #TheVeronicas (at 100.7 Star - WBZZ-FM)

[caseyu]

VERONICAS TAKE OVER NOVA - October 12, 2014

- 2nd single planned for end of October!

- "Katy Perry used to be our next door neighbour!..She actually opened for us once"

- "Eclectic style record" but NO DUBSTEP haha!

- "We celebrated by sticking up our old record company and tweeting them. We tweeted "Haha" - like the vengeful cows/witches that we are" L didnt want to swear so used "cows" haha

- On XFactor "As soon as the first chord played I was fine - terrifying bearing ur souls (J) -amazing 2 play it 2 the fans" (L)

- L loves how cool it sounds to say "Our brand new, NUMBER 1 song .." hehe cutie x

- #YouRuinMe - beautiful sadness (J) I didnt think aobut the fact it would be a single - we'd finsihed the album (L) Had a moment in the vocal booth where I was just breaking down(L) Its still hard to be vulnerable in front of people (J) Through Melody and Music is the great way to get it out. Im not good with the words - so melody is my way(L)

- Both girls said they dont ask for selfies with celebs but J said she shouldve asked Daniel Johns & L said Jess from The Veronicas

- Tour - Early next year around Feb/March

AND THATS IT (there was other shiz - about which madden brother theyd each suit but that was a shit question. There was also stuff we've heard asked a few times before with only the same answers able to be given so no point writing)

Only 4 "fan" questions were asked in the 2 hours, they weren't from the hashtag or a FB post (as there wasnt one visible anywhere) SO WHERE WERE THEY FROM? WHY ASK PEOPLE TO PUT QUESTIONS IN THE HASHTAG IF YOU ARENT EVEN GOING TO USE THEM?! (This has happened before)

Dont know why I bothered (I LOVE MY GIRLS THATS WHY) - just pulled out stuff we haven't heard before

[caseyu]

IF YOU HAVENT BOUGHT “YOU RUIN ME” - you should before tomorrow (Thursday) night! (Australian Thursday) - GO GO GO GO GO!!!!!!! If it gets enough sales it will chart it’s first week at NUMBER 1!!! It’s neck and neck ATM so let’s push it over the line!!

REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG - LINK DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO, SPREAD THE WORD AND LETS GET THIS MASTERPIECE AN ARIA NUMBER 1 THE FIRST WEEK ITS OUT!!!!!!!! https://itunes.apple.com/au/album/you-ruin-me/id915601188?i=915601201

[caseyu]

So to the people who are posting information that has come from The Veronicas personal private FB's and posting it as "Exclusives" ,..you should be ashamed of yourselves.

You are taking information that they are sharing only with friends and family and using it to look like you are "in the know" with Veronicas fandom. 

Yeah new news is exciting, but if the girls wanted the fandom to know things, they would post it on their "Like" pages or their Official Facebook or even on Twitter etc.

If you have been added to their personal FB's then think yourself lucky and realise how out of line it is to take information from there and use it too your own advantage. Respect their privacy and just show a little maturity.

[caseyu]

Well played Perry.. Well played.

[caseyu]

Love this girl ! Go see her on tour with the Voice Top 8!!!

The Voice Australia - Season 3

Holly Tapp sings Bang Bang

[caseyu]

VERONICOVER #11 is INSOMNIA !!!

This song is pretty darn cool and I've been trying to figure out a way to cover it for AGES!! While this isn't the best and is a little strained at times, I thought it was a bit of a different way to present a cover to you guys!! 

Also, it seems I mess up a word and forget how to spell a couple of times.... But meh  haha!

Anyway, this is 11 so we are darn close!, 

Apologies for the pitchy start... ;)

 I think it's going to save with the worst thumbnail too hahaha

Soooo Each week until The Veronicas release their single, I will upload a short clip covering one of their songs :) Which means there's not too many left since the single is out end of THIS MONTH!!

Also I am well aware I have a pointy-ass chin... Getting my Jay Leno on up in this bish!! Or as a Vine troll said - "Bitch look like the scream mask" HAHAHHAHA!

Anyhoo have a listen and then go check out these links for the ACTUAL good singers of these songs I put up hahaha!

Http://twitter.com/theveronicas

Http://twitter.com/jessicaveronica

Http://twitter.com/lisa_veronica

http://YouTube.com/Notaheather (The Veronicas YouTube)

http://Facebook.com/theveronicas

The Veronicas have been signed to Sony Music worldwide, their album is finished and the final touches are being touched in order for their single release THIS MONTH (!!!) for the album release later this year....GET PUMPED! See the above links to keep in the loop!

[caseyu]

Soooo I was bored and I like this song soooo thought I'd record a clip and share it and shiz!

[caseyu]

Here it is...VERONICOVER #6 , a slower interpretation of "4Ever" that I did a fair few months ago. I like to refer to it as the "Reprise" - you know in the movie Grease how in the scene right as Danny won the race and Sandy is watching and it's right before she becomes badass Sandy that it's playing the slower "Sandra Dee" Reprise song? That's what I think of with this song hehe! Which really, is only fitting since this song/clip is dedicated to my beautiful friend Sandy who I was able to see marry the love of her life this past weekend :) Sandy, is a massive part of the VFamily. She's like the heart that keeps us beating -although I know she'll probably tell you it's the other way round sometimes hehe - but either way, she deserved a fairy tale wedding and that's what she got. There were some special guests and I won't deny we are all friends because of these guests. heck, we got our nickname based on them hehe - Jess and Lisa, we love you, thanks you for the songs and the love and well, the friendships. We are so lucky to have you in our lives. And in saying that, antother important part is the friendships we ALL have with EACH OTHER. I have a great bunch of friends who I have known for the last 7-8 years and I am thankful to Sandy for allowing us to be together and share in her beautiful day. We aren't just VFans anymore... We are VFamily, and we are so incredibly happy for you Sandy and Dave and wish you all the very best! Love you x

[caseyu]

So this is actually an original not a cover -I know, shock horror!- I might've posted it a few years ago, but I just had it sent to me after not having a copy for a long while and thought I wanted to share this original song because a lot of us struggle with different personal issues that we hide everyday in order to make sure others don't know. We suffer in silence. We feel alone but we'd rather be alone than have others know our weaknesses,anxieties and worries and the hurt we feel. This song was inspired by my discovery that a good friend struggled with self harm and I didn't know. The words she told me stuck with me and I wasn't sure how to process them. They started to consume me. I felt for her and hated that she felt so much hurt that she felt this was her release. This song was the result of me sitting alone getting out my thoughts. I hope you like it. I realise it's a heavy topic meaning a heavy song. But even though it's a rough recording, it's still special to me and I thought maybe others might like it or connect with .. "SHES NOT FINE" https://m.soundcloud.com/caseyu/shes-not-fine LYRICS: Into the air blows black glitter, from her hands she sits and she watches watches it fall to the ground theres a sense of release that embraces her soul as she writes "im ok" in it, on the floor When she cries, she cries alone No one knows how it hurts to be her Shes not fine, no shes not alright shes just pulled down her sleeve for you tonight sleeve for you tonight shes nobodys baby she lives only for herself shes been travelling for such a long long time its too late to save her but sure you can be there though she'll tell you that shes fine but shes not fine no shes not alright shes just pulled down her sleeve for you tonight when she cries she cries alone coz no one knows how it hurts to be her Hurts to be her Shes picked up the pieces shes changed up, up her life but the darkness still hangs from the edge of her knife oh, the edge of a knife when she cries she cries alone noone how it hurts to be her shes not fine no shes not alright shes just pulled down her sleeve for you tonight sleeve for you tonight.

[caseyu]

Veronicover #4 !!! Soooo Each week until The Veronicas release their single, I will upload a short clip covering one of their songs :) This week it's "Cry" - yes I know the lyrics were out of place in parts but it's a clip, so I shortened it on purpose and made the chorus a lot shorter ;) Also I am well aware I roll my eyes at one stage like a creepy bish. Also also, I am well aware that my eyebrow game IS strong, I will hopefully be seeing to this before next weeks video. Anyhoo have a listen and then go check out these links for the ACTUAL good singers of these songs hahaha! Http://twitter.com/theveronicas http://YouTube.com/Notaheather (The Veronicas YouTube) http://Facebook.com/theveronicas The Veronicas have been signed to Sony Music worldwide, their album is finished and the final touches are being touched in order for their single release in the next month or sound for the album release later this year....GET PUMPED! See the above links to keep in the loop!

[caseyu]

Heavily Broken Cover SO HERE IT IS! Veronicover #3!! Each week until The Veronicas release their single, I will upload a short clip covering one of their songs :) This week, I'm going to be away tomorrow so I recorded early and did it while sitting in the car while there was a light on next door (it went out as soon as I was done haha) So this basically explains the shitty quality. Anyhoo have a listen and then go check out these links for the ACTUAL good singers of these songs hahaha! Http://twitter.com/theveronicas http://YouTube.com/Notaheather (The Veronicas YouTube) http://Facebook.com/theveronicas The Veronicas have been signed to Sony Music worldwide, their album is finished and the final touches are being touched in order for their single release in the next month or sound for the album release later this year....GET PUMPED! See the above links to keep in the loop!

[caseyu]

Ok so here it is.. #2 of my “Veronicovers until single release” videos!! As that mentions.. Each week until The Veronicas release their single, I will upload a short clip covering one of their songs :) This week, I forgot my sister was already at home so had no choice but to record my video in my car in the work carpark haha! So this basically explains the shitty quality because it was so dark I had to use a filter so you could actually see me… Also this explains the shitty angle and why I was looking around errywhere like a noob - there were people walking all around me who could see me so I was trying to make it look like I was talking on the phone HAHAHAHAH. Shame. So yeah.. Here is this weeks.. HEART LIKE A BOAT :) Bit of trivia, Erinn Swan from Nina May/Streamer Bendy/ The Hangout had a hand in writing this beautiful lil tune! Http://twitter.com/theveronicas http://YouTube.com/Notaheather (The Veronicas YouTube) http://Facebook.com/theveronicas The Veronicas have been signed to Sony Music worldwide, their album is finished and the final touches are being touched in order for their single release in the next month or sound for the album release later this year....GET PUMPED! See the above links to keep in the loop!

[caseyu]

Soooo for those that see this and anyone who sees the tags...

I posted a short clip yesterday of myself having a lil bit of a sing of The Veronicas "Cross My Heart" ... Said clip: http://caseyu.tumblr.com/post/84400433027/me-having-a-little-singsong-of-cross-my-heart-by Here's an idea I want to put into the openness of the not really open world of those who see my tumblr.. What if I post a lil clip, like yesterday's, of me singing a Veronicas song, each week until they release their single ... ??? Might be a good way to get them to hurry it along HAHAHAHAHAH but seriously it's due in like a month.. Would anyone watch/care etc? I'm not one to constantly post covers all the time etc.. So it'd be a way to not oversaturate an already over saturated "thing" haha! But yeah... Should I?