cassandrabookss

[cassandrabookss]

I might take a break (maybe) from Tumblr for a week or two, or longer if necessary, so if I don’t reply to messages, that’s normal.

I need to focus on myself, real life, do some self-reflection, write, learn, study, and spend time doing things away from my phone. I’ve thought about deleting my blog before, but I don’t feel like doing that for now, so I’ll probably just take breaks from time to time.

Also, as it’s already mentioned in my bio, I’ll say it again: I’m VERY inactive on Tumblr or any social media, because sending messages takes a lot of mental and physical energy for me, even though I’m usually already tired for no apparent reason. I think it might be related to the fact that I might be autistic.

If I really take a break, I might still post occasionally, but I won’t reply to messages right away. I’ll do it later—even if that means weeks later.

[cassandrabookss]

growing up undiagnosed autistic is like 'huh. i wonder why i feel almost like an alien compared to everyone else and why i have this feeling that i'm fundamentally different from everyone else in a way that i can't really comprehend. how peculiar that it feels like everyone just gets these things i cant possibly wrap my head around. its awfully strange how despite also being mocked and ridiculed for being different, people will also tell me that i'm overthinking and i'm just 'normal like everyone else''. and then time passes and then you have The Realization.

[cassandrabookss]

[cassandrabookss]

[cassandrabookss]

[cassandrabookss]

[cassandrabookss]

[cassandrabookss]

“but how could you live and have no story to tell?”- Fyodor Dostoevsky

[cassandrabookss]

𝑁𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑝𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑟𝑜𝑎𝑑: 𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑤𝑎𝑙𝑘, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑛𝑜 𝑓𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑤 𝑜𝑛 𝑖𝑡˖⁺‧₊˚📖 𝑉𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑉𝑎𝑛 𝐺𝑜𝑔ℎ

[cassandrabookss]

Ladies please never forget that respect is non-negotiable. Whether it’s subtle shade or outright disrespect, it’s important to set boundaries early and clearly. That doesn’t mean you have to be loud or aggressive, but you do get to protect your peace.

[cassandrabookss]

“they were flirting with you” and how was i supposed to know such a thing when everyone speaks in codes and puzzles

[cassandrabookss]

I think some of you forgot that autistic people sometimes act strange and say things that are poorly worded and speak with incorrect tone and misunderstand or miss social cues because they are autistic

[cassandrabookss]

i'm extremely aware of how I make people dislike/turn on/abandon me due to misunderstandings. I misunderstand someone and they get upset at me for "twisting their words" (and usually won't talk to me about it and choose to avoid me). or someone misunderstands me and gets angry and decides they dislike me and wont talk about it. if someone does talk about the misunderstanding with me, they tell me how i'm wrong and give advice (that doesn't always help/work for me because it's not a one-sided thing and i cant read minds to avoid misunderstandings). and either after the first offense, they give up on me, or it happens a few times and they get tired of it and then ghost me.

it feels like no matter what I do or say, no matter how careful I am, no matter how much I overthink every response, no matter how much I walk on eggshells, no matter how many questions of clarification I ask (which cause people to be frustrated on their own so I feel the need to avoid asking), i still can't do anything right! it never matters. I still give people bad vibes and my energy doesn't match with anyone ever. everything I say gets misunderstood. everything others say can be a hint for something else, they dont say what they mean, I have to try to guess, or take it at face value and be wrong. people make sure I know it's my fault for misunderstanding them (they usually think its on purpose to gaslight/manipulate), but it's also my fault for them misunderstanding ME (because I didn't read their minds to know they have different connotations for certain words than I do, and im told its my job to be aware of and predict that)

it's all so exhausting and I never benefit from most social interactions. only makes me feel more tired and alone and alienated. I know! "don't care what others think of you" but if I don't, then i'll obliviously keep trying to befriend people who think i'm obnoxious and don't vibe with me. I used to do that and it was an awful experience when they finally snapped on me for "not taking the hint" 😫 I don't know what to do about this problem. there's no solution. my understanding of words and feelings and inability to read minds will always keep me distance from people and cause bad and alienating experiences 😔

[cassandrabookss]