chaoticquill

[chaoticquill]

Writing vs. Editing

Me writing the thing: This is the greatest prose ever written, my magnum opus, and no being or cosmic force could possibly arrange words in such a pleasing fashion. I am unstoppable. I have reached nirvana. The way these sentences are assembled perfectly represents my soul.

Me rereading to revise/edit: This… what is this? This is literature? No, this is garbage!

[chaoticquill]

Boy Howdy Windbreaker Sure Did Say Happy Pride

I’m not even TO Tsubakino’s backstory yet. I’m just 3 episodes into S2, and I just love that in the fight with Keel…

This man’s response to “You fight like a girl” was basically, “Okay, boomer.”

[chaoticquill]

Tumblr’s semi-infrequent reminder that this man is a national treasure.

Protect him at all costs. We need more anime about washed up middle-aged characters following their dreams in ways they hadn’t planned.

[chaoticquill]

It’s Not a Fanfic. It’s a Lifestyle.

If you didn’t think the CAU author would go on vacation without ordering a pour over, you were incorrect.

[chaoticquill]

An Open Letter to the BSD Fandom

Long post incoming. TL;DR: fuck fandom bullying. Full stop.

Fellow BSDers,

I have been writing for the BSD fandom since August 2021, where I started to write my way out of my big traumas. Somehow, with one image in my head, I started the CAU with A Drop of Black Coffee in the Pot. I'm not entirely sure if that makes me a "big name" in the fandom or whether that gives what I'm about to say more "clout," but hey... it's worth a shot, yeah? Because maybe people will listen.

Maybe.

Since coming into this fandom, I've made a lot of friends through Discord, and I have had a blast creating for, with, and among them. Through Discord, I became a rare pair aficionado and gained a soft spot for Chuuatsu, ChuuRan, and others. The conversations I had with fans, in short, brought me more than peace from my traumas. I found myself among a community who, through shared interests in pretty anime characters based on historical authors, held me up as I faced more traumas, enjoyed more successes, and just... lived.

HOWEVER (emphasis), in the last year or so, three of who I would consider my closest Discord friends--three people I care deeply about--have been bullied out of the fandom for their unconventional ships or portrayal of characters or preference for dead dove content, and two more have been targets of cyberbullying.

In one case, I was also targeted by Dazai Anon (one of the cyberbullies mentioned above). My response to this is always simple: I laugh at the death threats because I'm already dead inside, I delete the comments, I block the posts, and I keep writing what brings me joy. Sometimes, that's ChuuAtsu. Sometimes, that's a more popular ship. And in all cases, that's totally fine.

But that's me. And not everyone is like me.

I've written this post a dozen times in my head. I contemplated, as the "adult" in the room, putting everyone in timeout or putting on my disappointed parent face. But instead, I settled on this.

BSD fandom, respectfully, what the actual fuck?

Let me be perfectly clear: there is no good reason to ever bully anyone, but ships, tropes, character preferences and readings? These are among the worst. And don't even get me started on what's "canon."

What I guess I'm really trying to say is this: the three people I know who stopped making BSD content did because certain members of the community took their fun away. And that's never okay. There is room in the fandom for the main ships and the rarepairs. There's room for the fluffmongers, angst fiends, and dead dove aficionados. In fact, many of the friends I mention write content I personally don't, nor do they tend to write fluff and explicit consent the way I tend to, but guess what? We appreciate each other's art. We share ideas. We hold each other up. And, most of all, we're friends, anyway.

So if I'm in any place to ask this fandom for anything, it's to keep your own space as a writer/creator without taking someone else's space away. It's to have fun creating content SKK, but stop taking fun away from the people who create DaRan or DazAtsu or KuniDazai or Kouyou x Dazai or whatever ship. Most important, be kind to one another, regardless of what characters, tropes, or ships we love because at the end of the day, we're not just pseuds or creators; behind the screen, we're human.

As people, I don't think we have anything to lose in this. We can still work around tags and tropes and ships and characters we don't enjoy. Plus, who knows? You might make a new friend, gain new perspective on a character dynamic you never thought about, exchange ideas and share excitement about the newest manga chapter... and that might bring joy to both of you.

I really hope this letter to be the start of something bigger, maybe something that will move through boundaries between fan communities. I've thought about events, challenges, movements... but my limited resources as a creator with 99 mental health issues mean that for now, those ideas will have to wait. This letter, inadequate as it feels, still says most of what I want it to say.

I often say I appreciate people taking the time to read my fics. I mean that for this letter, too. So thank you, truly.

And as always, don't forget to drink water.

Until my next update,

ChaoticQuill

[chaoticquill]

Don’t mind me. Just casually dropping 11k words of stupid fluffy spicy HoshiKaf.

Now to use my secret technique.

My secret technique is anxiety, okay? XD

[chaoticquill]

I am posting this to be accountable!

WIPs to finish this month:

ChuuAtsu bodyguard AU (~3.5-4.5 chapters left)

ChuuRan year of the OTP June one shot (prompts: relationship reveal, pride?)

SSKK one shot for my beta’s birthday. (It counts as a WIP. I just started it.)

Also post that damn 11,000-word HoshiKaf because KN8 fans deserve stupid spicy fluff, too.

IGNORE THR URGE TO DO A HOSHIKAF CAFE AU BECAUSE HOSHINA CANONICALLY LOVES COFFEE.

Don’t do it.

DON’T—

[chaoticquill]

Guys I use em dashes all the time. I’ve failed some of those “are you a robot?” tests, but like… no AI here.

"If you use em dash in your works, it makes them look AI generated. No real human uses em dash."

Imaging thinking actual human writers are Not Real because they use... professional writing in their works.

Imagine thinking millions of people who have been using em dash way before AI becomes a thing are all robots.

REBLOG IF YOU'RE A HUMAN AND YOU USE EM DASH

[chaoticquill]

fanfic writing culture isn’t “oh dang! I wanted to write about this prompt with this character but someone else already wrote it, so now I can’t”.

fanfic writing culture is always “two cakes is better than one. the more the merrier. there can ever be enough fics of this character with this prompt!”

[chaoticquill]

Alas… Foiled Again

Me a week ago: Just a stupid fluffy little HoshiKaf one shot with Hoshina as the big spoon.

Me now: Oh no… I got smut in my fluff again. How saddd. How will I everrrr recover from this travestyyyy.

Also it’s 8k words in counting.

[chaoticquill]

Me to myself: you cannot write any new WIPs this year outside of your ongoing series or year of the OTP. That’s BSD. Do you understand?

Me in January: Okay.

HoshiKof in April:

[chaoticquill]

The Duality of Quill

The neurodivergent urge to know what the fandom “really” thinks of me paired with the near blinding awareness that I’m too soft and squishy for the truth and I’ll probably make this face.

[chaoticquill]

Actual Shit I said Watching Kaiju No. 8

“RENO MY SWEET BABY ANGEL STOP TRYING TO DIE HEROICALLY”

(His secret technique is running towards.)

“Kikoru and Kafka are so siblings.”

(Every time Kafka says he's proud of her, I find a new reason to live.)

~~~

“And of course Kafka shows up like ‘Hello my name is Hibino Kafka. You hurt my kouhai. Prepare to die.’”

(Same energy.)

~~~

“He’s like Ranpo but with like infinity times more homicidal.”

(Corporate needs you to find the difference.)

~~~

“WHAT THE HELL KINDA UNICORN FRIEZA ASS EVANGELION BULLFUCKERY IS THAT.”

(I don’t know what this is YET, but if I have nightmares about it, I blame Sony. No spoilers beyond this gif, please. I am invested.)

[chaoticquill]

God damn it, George. We talked about this.

[chaoticquill]

Well, That Escalated Quickly

Special shoutout to everyone who has ever read any part of A Drop of Black Coffee in the Pot. Sometime in the last couple of weeks, that fic reached 200,000 hits.

Seriously, thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has read it, and especially to those who have then created something because of it. That fic is near and dear to my heart, and I never expected it to have this kind of reception. To see people who read it realize something about themselves or feel inspired to create something of their own sparks so much joy, I lack the words to fully explain it.

Thank you all for all the kind words and kudos, and for just being there whenever the internet led you to that fic. I am honored to be part of the BSD community in my own weird way.

To the stray gay dogs.

[chaoticquill]

I summon thee, Chuuatsu crew. Arise…

Anyone interested👀 Big thank you to @venelona for creating the prompt board😌

[chaoticquill]

Making ChuuAtsu kiss in the stupidest way I have so far (Chuuya got smitten and knocked them both over while trying to kiss him, then after a little banter kissed his hand while helping him up) only to probably make them kiss even more stupidly next week.

I’m glad the brainrot for this AU came back. Maybe I’ll actually finish it in the next couple of months.