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Uneven Ground

-

You like me,

But you do not love me.

Like the lingering hours after a summer storm,

Like dawn, not dusk,

Like the barely touched side at a dinner table-

Lovely to look at,

Almost a good idea.

I've spoken of things

I wouldn't tell a soul,

And to you?

To you, it is just Wednesday.

And it will be forgotten.

You like me well enough,

Of this I am sure,

But you do not

Love me.

Let us not pretend.

I am here to hold your coat,

Nothing more,

And certainly nothing less.

x

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..Okay, I mean.

-

I'm sure I should fumble over words,

Untangle the mess that sits within my head,

But I don't know.

It's grown and taken such a shape

That is familiar to my being.

A home of sorts, I suppose you'd say,

A scribble of a phantom.

And when I am,

Once again,

Kept on a shelf,

It sits beside me.

Cocks its messy head.

And in its own,

Creepy silent way,

Asks if everything will be okay.

While quickly assuring me that

It will not be..

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Conditional

-

My hair curls wrong

Where the stitches healed,

And I believe you love me,

If only the idea.

Even when you can't hear me,

When the noise drowns out my song,

I swim to you in darkness.

Love or obsession,

I do not know.

But I like the way you are kind,

Even when you are scared,

Even if you do not treat me

Softly.

Even when the written promises,

The ones that chained me here,

Burn to ash,

Even then.

x

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Lost in Translation (2003)

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Girls

-

I think I would've loved you forever,

If you had let me.

It was odd how we tangled,

Meshed together like chewed gum and glue.

I don't think of you often,

But when I do,

It is dusk.

And we are kids,

And you are the first to tell me

I am beautiful.

And I follow you with scraped knees,

I follow you with broken toys,

I follow you down.

I sit on that rooftop.

I look at you,

And I do not cover my ears from the fireworks,

And I notice,

How much prettier they look,

Reflected in your eyes.

How odd the way we tangled,

Poisoning the only water

In a bitterly dry desert.

When I speak of you,

Nobody understands the depth of how even our names

Became one,

Never me without you.

Porch steps and seesaws,

Bicycles and shame.

I'd build my life around you,

Mold it like clay for the chance to be us,

Not just me,

And even now,

To this day,

I am your warmth when it's convenient for you.

Your comfort.

I stare at the screen,

Your name,

Our name,

And it rips me apart.

I think I would've loved you forever,

If you had let me.

And thank the Gods

You didn't

Let me.

x

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Keep me honest,

Keep me kind,

Keep me as your finish line,

Keep me.

Keep me on fire.

x

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I see no future better spent

Than one where I am at your side,

Messy hair and lingerie,

Like the moon pulls on the tides,

I have lived a thousand lives,

Each one in search of you,

Would do your bidding for a smile-

That damned crooked one you always do.

x

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ⓘ This user is made of missed calls and unread messages.

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Some bookish art I've worked on

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Kinder Eyes

-

You preferred the sunrise.

It was a small fact,

Nuzzled somewhere within me,

Fast asleep.

To me,

Early morning was sticky wet dew,

A list of errands to be run,

Fighting tired eyes to remain open

For just a moment longer.

The golden rays flittered effortlessly between

The dark curtains that still held echos of our laughter,

Only hours before.

The morning was quiet,

And you struggled to stay awake to once again remind me,

How effortless you seem to find it,

Loving me.

A yawn crawled its way up my throat,

And I wished quite suddenly,

That I could see the whole world with your eyes,

Tired or not.

I wished as the sun continued to rise,

I wished as the buried fact unfurled its petals in my stomach,

And I breathed its luminous glow onto my pillow,

I wished I could,

Just once-

Be worthy of such a sunrise

That I'd spent my entire life ignoring.

x

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Repentance

-

And the world is all sex and violence,

Grabbing at our attention with claws.

I wish to sit in your garden,

Amidst the growing ivy and lavender.

Let my tears be the river that soothes you.

Let me rot here,

So that I may finally know salvation.

x