cokezuko

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I want the fucked up fanfiction

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He sticky

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The whole thing about being out of weed for weeks at a time is your asking the question

Am I actually wanting to stop smoking or am I just saying that to cope with being broke?

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Cheese

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Wait staff at Bruce’s galas

Ya know the whole “Bruce hates talking to socialites at a gala” thing, I imagine in all his Brucie-ness to get out of it he develops a reputation of just, spending entire galas talking to the servers, at a certain point it becomes a standard at these things that is Brucie starts asking “oh what do you do for fun” or “you ever heard of gray ghost.” And at first reporters are speculating that maybe Bruce is trying to flirt with the staff at these things till an interview with one of the servers came out and he was just like “he went on a REALLLLY long tangent about one plot line in like… a murder mystery or something and then we started talking about penguins, cause I’m studying zoology and he asked me about like their behaviors and stuff, went on a tangent about how once a he tried to run after a penguin and broke his nose slipping on the ice, and gave me eighty grand for my college and then asked if I knew how to make wontons. It was actually a lot of fun, at the end of the evening he thanked me for all my help too, even though I spent the entire night just chatting with him I didn’t actually work much that night, haha but it was great” and just more stories about Bruce come out of him having the most random conversations with the staff and their all “oh haha Bruce is so funny with these crazy topics” but never realize that he is just so lasered in as Batman that he finds ways to speculate anywhere he goes” while also getting out of talking to shamarmy richler number 3 by the drink table again.

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Did you see that Mr strange made a video on you

(Cock softening, tilting its head to the side as it does so as if confused) What? No... No there must be some mistake...

(Looks online, shocked and enraged)

(Now completely flacid and PISSED OFF)

WHAT????????!!!!!!!!

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Megladon

So like, we all know the things of “maybe it’s still out there! Spooky!” But picture this the megladon is an ancient Percy Jackson monster and there is only one of them and it’s in the sea of monsters somewhere for it, I need that as a monster battle, I want Percy to unlock megladonian shark god lore god damnit!

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It’s an experience when your stressing over being a bad friend and not doing enough, then the next time you hang out you realize that they’re so used to bad friends the bar is in hell and you suddenly are feeling a mixture of relief and even intenser guilt over it.

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You ever go to someone’s house and they don’t have drinks, like even tap water is a foreign thing for them and they look at you crazy for asking, and your trying to be chill but internally your just like “do you consume liquid? This is the third instance of this barb are you okay?”

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HD Draco is a bit unhinged fic recs

Here are a few recs where Draco is a bit unhinged. Listed in alphabetical order.

(Fucking) Harry Fucking Potter by @bixgirl1 [6k]

It had to have been a dream, didn’t it? …Fuck.

Always the Last to Know by @nv-md [10k]

“I’m not napping,” Harry mumbled, his face still pressed to the floor. “I’m thinking.” “Salazar help us,” Draco muttered, walking around Harry’s prone body. Out of the corner of his eye, a bit blurrily, Harry watched as Draco lay beside him. “And what, pray tell, is so difficult to ponder that it requires a lie down?” Harry took a deep breath, very much considered lying, closed his eyes, and said, “Love.”

Bite Me, Hate Memes by pir8fancier [44k]

Draco Malfoy is incensed to realize that someone is trying to usurp his position as the premier Harry Potter hater.

Contretemps by @moonflower-rose​ [8k]

Draco Malfoy has been living like a model citizen. If only he could convince Potter.

Special Magic by lauren3210 [7k]

Harry was seriously considering the fact that his partner might be completely insane.

Storm in a Teacup by @faith2wood [7k]

For reasons he’d rather not think about, Draco is obsessed with Potter’s hair. This cannot end well.

Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain by @faith2wood [21k]

It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that’s ever so cross.

I hope you enjoy these stories as much as I did!

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Why must this happen

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the volunteers who run ao3 are stronger than the military

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me: I don’t really have a type…

my lying ass:

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The binder trope

So I like reading things that tend to have headcannoned trans characters, specifically I’m referring to ftm, which great, usually they’re really good fics.

But I have one complaint to the people writing these.

We head not a word of it, a mention that they are trans until the inevitable lines

“I woke up with my ribs hurting, I shouldn’t fall asleep with my binder on.”

I swear to god the amount of fics that use that exact same scenario to be like “btw they trans surprise!” Please find another way.

I can’t take it anymore, like teah don’t fall asleep wearing a binder, I just read FIVE FICS WHERE PETER PERKER FELL ASLEEP IN HIS BINDER! PETER DO A DIFFERENT SCHTICK! I love yall on all forms but find. A new. Trope. This one’s done, ghosted, been there done that tell me about how instead he wants to get more guys clothes, or like, foreshadowing or just saying “since I came out as trans” or something along those lines,

I know this is nitpicking and I’m likely just cranky from work, but it’s been on my mind 😅

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Bruce: Damian, don't you think that maybe you should make some friends outside of being Robin? Like some friends at school?

Damian: You want me to have friends? The very thing that killed Julius Caesar? I think not

[Dick, Jason, and Tim, all hysterically laughing]