comeoutalive

[comeoutalive]

While trying to decide what I want to eat for food.

Me: I want something... sharp?

Brain: Glass?

Me: No!! Different kind of sharp! The words aren't working-

Brain (full confidence): Knives-

Me: Still no, the words are still broken...

Brain (still trying to figure it out): Box cutter? Scissors? Weedwhacker cord?

Me: No!!! I give up.

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Me: Doctor's offices can be such quiet & peaceful places-

Also me: why the fuck can I hear that door opening from all the way down the hall?! There are at least 2 people on the phone & 5 other conversations at the same time while someone is using the drinking fountain & I want to cry.

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Why don't we taste our silverware when we eat?

I mean, maybe some other people do, but I don't think this is a thing everyone does (unless it is, let me know).

I was just eating my rations, & I realized it tasted like metal. I wasn’t bleeding in my mouth at all, so it wasn't that. It wasn’t the can, either, there was a layer on the inside- so it had to have been my fork. It was extremely strange.

Does anyone else experience this phenomenon? Does anyone else *not* experience this phenomenon? How do you think it works? Let me know!

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Actual quotes from hanging out with my friends earlier today:

"Twink /derogatory."

"I love my aunt dearly, but she is not a twink."

"Being a twink is not a disability"

(Clarification for the first quote- being a twink isn't a bad thing, but it made sense in the context of the conversation)

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The part of me with PTSD: This candy salad thing sounds like it could be cathartic. Plus, candy afterwards to eat. Maybe this is something I could try.

The parts of me with social anxiety and autism: Yea, but that requires creating a safe environment & revealing sensitive information to people I trust, which is obviously a terrible idea. Also, the candy would all be touching & ingredients aren't supposed to touch in that circumstance.

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Me: sitting in the bathroom 'cause I don't wanna shower- it's boring & has too many steps, which means it's too much work

Also me: is literally itching all over because I'm in desperate need of the sensory input from the water & my exfoliating gloves.

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Look, I know my intrusive thoughts slap most of the time, but I never suspected they would zap- ⚡️⚡️⚡️

In a bath right now & I'm so tempted to gently rest my phone on the surface of the water to see if it will float like a raft even though I know it won't 'cause it's a phone. If anything, my phone will just get water damage & possibly shock me to death. 😅🙃

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Being the parent friend is a lot of things- sometimes it's telling your children that you're proud of them, sometimes it's coaxing them out of a trash can.

And sometimes it's reminding yourself that you don't need to make them lunch because they are full-grown adults & they know how to feed themselves well enough. They already know jelly is easier to spread with a fork, stop coddling them!

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Ok, I have a stupid question for the people of Tumblr-

Well, I always have stupid questions for the people of Tumblr, it's just that most of them don't make it into a post... let me rephrase-

This is one of the few times I'm going to care about the opinions of people on the internet, so if you feel strongly about apples c'mere a second kiddo.

How do y'all eat your apples? Like if you just plucked an apple out of the void or whatever & ate it, how would you eat it?

I eat my apples from the top, logic being that the first bite of an apple is the best, & the top is (generally) the largest part of an apple, so you bite the top first to get a big best bite of the apple.

Idk how to make polls on Tumblr yet, so bear with me & comment. How do you eat apples & why? Bonus question, if you don't like eating just plain apples: how do you consume apples? With peanut butter? In pie? In juice? Tell me about it, because I'm curious & I'm asking you.

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Me: No, Brain, we don't need another breakup song. We don't need it. We're in a healthy relationship & it's okay! We're not frogs in a slowly boiling pot-

Brain: *slowly reaches for our music*

Me: *slowly reaches for the spray bottle*

Brain: *skips to the part right after the breakup & plays Love After You by Madds Buckley*

Me: *puts down the spray bottle & facepalms.* This is still unhealthy, just in a different font-

Brain: You said no breakup songs! This isn't a breakup song- I'm following the rules! & we can both agree this is a bop.

Me: *nods admittedly* If you call twisting the knife in your heart a bop, then sure, yea-

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Side tangent: if anyone reading this *hasn't* heard Madds Buckley's music, I'd highly recommend it- it's beautiful stuff.

Probably be prepared to hurt, though I wouldn't be able to tell you in what way 'cause there's ✨️variety✨️

I started with Brother, but honestly- I just handed you an uncapped Sharpie and pointed out the walls were empty. What you draw is up to you.

[comeoutalive]

You don't have to be close to someone to love them. You don't have to stay and/or be near them at all. Frankly, you're not obligated to love them either, but for those of us who still do-

You can love someone from a distance. As far as you would like- possibly on the other side of borders, maybe even on the other side of healthy boundaries if you're feelin' frisky. With a gas mask on, in case of fumes. And any other personal protective equipment necessary.

That's on protecting your peace of mind. Possibly your peace of person. Do what you must.

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My brain: THAT'S IT! WE ARE CEASING ALL HUMAN FUNCTION FROM THIS POINT ON- FUCK EVERYTHING, *ESPECIALLY THE IMPORTANT SHIT-*

Me: Hey, what if- instead of having a fucking aneurysm- we took a shower?

My brain: .... do we get to use the shampoo & conditioner that are separate?

Me: if it gets you to shut the fuck up, absolutely buddy- go wild.

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Me, drinking an energy drink late at night to complete my grave shift chores, wondering why I'm anxious so many more square liters per yard.

I'm so ready to go home. 😂

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My brain: Do you crumble Oreos into your pudding because of your sensory issues with squishy food, or just to fight the impulse to eat dirt?

Me: Why not both? 😆 It's definitely the sensory issues, though. The dirt here isn't nutritious enough.

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Me: *remembers that one time when I was little & I said to my uncle that I was gonna find myself a partner online like my aunt did*

Him: You're gonna have your boyfriend shipped to you in the mail?

Little me: *is confused 'cause I know most humans (sadly) don't fit in a cardboard box*

My brain, referring to said USPS partner: He really said some assembly required-

Me: 👀

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Y'know what?

I must have a hell of a lot of rizz to out-flirt Death. They've let me love this long, anyway.

It doesn't work on mortals, but it's still pretty cool.

[comeoutalive]

What is it about my brain that ruins certain things for me? Not necessarily 'cause it wants to. It's just really good at it.

I was minding my own business, eating my Mac n' Cheese at 4 a.m. (like everyone normal does, of course), but today I decided to use a plastic fork rather than a metal fork 'cause I loathe doing dishes.

& my Mac n' Cheese tasted... wrong. There wasn't anything wrong with the Mac n' Cheese. It just tasted different & to my autistic mouth, it was wrong. For a split second, I couldn't figure it out - what was wrong with my food - until I figured it out.

It tasted like Williamsburg.

The last time I had microwave Mac n' Cheese with a plastic fork was in Williamsburg a year ago after my family & I came back from the pool.

Can I eat Mac n' Cheese at literally any other time? Plastic fork or not? Sure, but it's gonna taste like Williamsburg.

What if I don't wanna eat Williamsburg Mac n' Cheese?

Suck it up, buttercup, both your wallet & your social anxiety will hurt you if you try to return this food & purchase something new.

Smh, y'all. This is what I'm doing at this age. 😅