demonized-infodumps - Tumblr blog

[demonized-infodumps]

(Not targeted at anyone specific, just a vague rant from someone who is mentally ill in a way people don’t tend to like.)

“I support mentally ill people!”

Until they’re ill in a way you don’t like.

Until their scars are too big to hide.

Until they don’t want to hide their scars.

Until they need more help.

Until they look visibly ill or different.

Until their intrusive thoughts turn violent.

Until their compulsions are too weird for you.

Until they have to spend days in bed.

Until they can’t shower or brush their teeth.

Until their words are incomprehensible.

Until they’re delusional.

Until they’re psychotic.

Until they can’t go outside.

Until they ask you to stand up for them.

Until they ask you to stop using their indentities as insults.

You support mentally ill people—so long as they aren’t mentally ill.

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[demonized-infodumps]

sometimes I wish I could exist in peace without people looking at me like a witch in Salem

I’m not going to eat your kids I swear

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[demonized-infodumps]

(Sorry about sending this ask while you're taking it slow. Hope you get better)

So, a thing people don't realize that sometimes happens with PTSD, especially mixed with other disorders, is that I'm Inherently Abusive.

This isn't a cognitive distortion, this is just my disorder not being palatable.

My love is abusive because I can't love right because of my trauma. It hurts and it's exhausting for everyone. My love goes to the wrong people and the wrong things. My empathy doesn't exist until it's wrong. I hurt people because I love them and because I hate them, I let myself be hurt because I love and I hate in the same vein.

I can mask just fine for the most part, even with it starting to slip, but people just won't understand that I'm abusive. Do I need to spell it out for them and unmask so hard they get the fucking hint?

And don't even get me started on my sexualization of everything! How am I supposed to talk about it??? Literally everything is sexualized or loathed or terrifying to me.

Sexualization, fear, and hatred are the only options in my brain. It's my default. That's how PTSD can work. I'm nobody's little bean to infantalize, I'm nobody's dog or kid or whatever, I just force myself to be because it's more comfortable for everyone.

[You don't have to apologise. We accept asks at any time, we just may answer them until later.]

[demonized-infodumps]

similar to that one user (tearsofroses i think?) , i tend to get really obsessive over my partner - they basically wrote out the Same Thing i deal with its actually really funny to me- and also hyperviolent? nothing i’vr ever acted on but im scared something’s wrong with me because i dont knoe what could be causing this. i have dpd and am hyperromantic but nobody else i’ve seen with that combination gets Like That to that extreme

[The post anon is referring to.]

[demonized-infodumps]

You’re doing good enough!

Haven’t seen you around, I got worried! I wanted to check up on you!

Are you doing okay? Eating enough? Taking breaks as you need them?

Don’t burn yourself out, doll!

We are! Thank you so much for checking in on us.

You're very sweet, and we'll make sure to take care of ourselves! (though the hosts may need some reminders about not burning themselves out /vlh, /nsrs)

Take care of yourself too, and thank you for the check-in :)

[demonized-infodumps]

Hi! We were wondering if pedophilic disorder was included in this? (non-offending ofc)

Anti-contact paraphiliacs (I think that's the right term?) can post, but we will block pro-contact people and radqueers.

[As far as we are aware, paraphilias are similar to intrusive thoughts that you do not want but still have. We are answering the ask based off of this assumption. Correct us or further explain in the tags if required.]

[demonized-infodumps]

I often say that I’m happy being so mentally ill, and I really am. I don’t know what I would have done as a neurotypical. I hold suspicion that I have many stigmatised disorders (SzPD, AvPD, Conduct disorder, Narcissism, schizophrenia, did) and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the scare factor, I’d love to be called a monster and sick or disgusting, I’d love the fear. I know having disorders such as these in my records if I’m right about having them would probably have devastating consequences for my livelihood and life, but I am willing to risk it.

[Would you like us to add SzPD, AvPD and Conduct Disorder to our tags?]

[demonized-infodumps]

We have answered most asks on our blogs, but @demonized-infodumps and @tales-from-syscord still have some left.

We have around 20 asks scheduled across our blogs until tomorrow evening, so keep an eye out!

We will be scheduling the rest another time.

[demonized-infodumps]

oh this is ther PERFECT place to talk about our rad:)

we have reactive attachment disorder. a "rare" and extremely conplicated trauma based anxiety disorder where a child does not form a healthy relationship with their parent due to neglect or trauma.

i. fucking. hate. how i am PROFESSIONALLY RECOGNIZED, and NO ONE FUCKING ACCOMODATES FOR ME. no one has EMPATHY, no one UNDERSTANDS, they just get fucking PISSED OFF AT ME because I CANT DO WHAT THEY WANT ME TO.

my therapist constantly asks me how im feeling or what this and that makes me feel. and i cant fucking respond. because literally a huge part of RAD is that i cannot understand my own and others emotions.

the things people expect me to be? they expect me to be normal, they expect me not to be mean. but i am. i push other people away because people with RAD struggle to form and keep relationships, i hiss and snap and i always have and no one thought that that was strange. they expect me to be normal, and that i CHOOSE to struggle in social situations to such a high degree

this was a ramble im not bothering to reread so it may just make no sense

[We do not have RAD as a tag on our blog, would you like us to add it?]

[demonized-infodumps]

Hi, me again.

Wanted to make sure you were doing okay. I know that might be a little weird to some, but still!

Much love from me! ❤️

Make sure to take care of yourself.

Thank you :)

We've been low on social battery & energy recently so our blogs haven't been posting much, but we're doing quite well.

Take care of yourself too, and thank you for the kind words :)

[demonized-infodumps]

Honestly, I kind of like being demonized. But only when it's directed towards me. The other Narcissists are amazing, how dare anyone say otherwise, but when it comes to me I want someone to degrade me. To call me a narcissist in an insulting way, or to say I'm a monster. I don't want them to generalize narcissism, but I for some reason still want to hear myself because called a narcissist in an insulting way? I don't understand it.

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[demonized-infodumps]

I’ve recently gotten told about what could be wrong with me, and one of the things requires using a mobility aid.

My partner is wanting to go ahead and get a mobility aid for me but I’m afraid of how much stigma there is about those already paired on top of us being a system with demonized pds (npd, hpd, & bpd).

I’m afraid that we’ll be going out one day and I’ve already promised to ease their worries that I’ll use it or have it with me as a just in case and someone will see the opportunity to take it from me as a means of “joking.”

And I’m afraid that our chronic pain will flare and will make it to where we can’t walk for minutes to hours on end and be stranded. Or have to be carried through the entire park.

I’m trying to prepare myself for the dirty looks I’ll get or people coming up to me or mocking me while we’re trying to have a fun day, but I know it’ll still be harmful to see in person.

I wish there was less stigmatization and demonization of people using a mobility aid to help them. I wish I didn’t have to have the worry of having it taken from me or being mocked/laughed at just for living. I want to be able to do things.

That and then being babied and told to rest constantly makes me feel completely useless and upset. I can still do things for myself. Just because I’m having to use an aid doesn’t mean I’m instantly just not able to fend for myself.

Though, I appreciate people opening doors for me. That’s a gesture I enjoy having.

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[demonized-infodumps]

I know that we’re an anti-endo blog, but we’re so looking forward to seeing the DMs with people that are endo/proendo that are getting upset about it.

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[demonized-infodumps]

Personally, as someone with NPD, I desperately want something bad to happen to me so that people will feel bad for me and stuff. I love labels too, which I feel makes people think I'm faking everything and only identify with stuff purely because like labels, but I only use labels I identify with and I love it

Idk if this makes sense

[It does make sense.]

[demonized-infodumps]

tag as did, can also be tagged as anxiety bc i know ours plays into this specifically. we'll get better at tagging the more we visit lol /lh

honestly so much of did is socially unacceptable. but i haven't seen many people talk about the lying.

the absolute constant lying, to friends, family, anyone. and not from malicious intent. 99.9% of time its out of fear or its to survive/protect ourselves.

sometimes we need to lie about who's fronting. sometimes we need to lie about how we feel about you.

even if we trust you, some alters may lie because of fear you'll use information against us. its happened before and now we need to protect ourselves.

lying doesn't inherently make you a bad person. it comes down to intent and whether or not its helpful or harmful.

you don't owe anyone anything about your vulnerable self.

obviously there's nuances about all this. but if you're anything like us, forgive yourself for the things you have to do to survive. we've been dealt a horrible hand and you're just trying to live

love you all /p

- JADS

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[demonized-infodumps]

A major thing I hate about being the way that I am is that I get way too obsessive and possessive. I know I have a community of people that are the exact same way as I can be, but it always feels so lonely.

I have one person that I'm over the moon for and I love them so much more than they realize and yet it feels like they'll never love me back, so I must do what I need to and make them love me.

I find much nicer community within the yandere and obsessive love communities as it's a place I can relate to so much. Yet it also feels like if anyone knew outside of the internet, they would absolutely want to run me off the face of the earth.

I love loving and doing everything for my favorite person/people, I'd do anything for them, and yet it feels so heartbreaking when you know that it will only be a one way until you can get them to love you.

And I know it's not a cute and quirky thing to be as obsessive as I am, I'd do ANYTHING to have them be mine, and yet I know there's people out there who don't realize just how painful it is and how used you are to people hating you and leaving you for it.

Just love me!

(Also, thank you for this, I think this blog would be nice for others and can show multiple ways people experience things ❤)

[I'm glad you like the idea, we thought it'd be lovely to have a stigma and judgement free space where people can show the parts of themselves they have to hide elsewhere.]

[demonized-infodumps]

hello!!! can we claim the trinket/trinket sys signoff ? no infofumps right now but just so nobody else takes it ! :)

You can indeed.