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[denistricardo]

Happy Year of the Rabbit

•Panasonic Lumix GX7

•Olympus M.Zuiko 9mm f/8 BCL

•edited in VSCO

•📍Hsi Lai Temple, Rowland Heights, CA

It was a beautiful ceremony, especially considering the gun violence that happened in Monterrey Park. The attack was mentioned by the speakers at the event, though it honestly did not feel somber. I was happy to spend the day in the warm sun enjoying the performances.

These are the last photos I’ve taken with my GX7! It was a great camera, but I needed an upgrade/needed a camera that was in a language I can read (my camera was a Japanese model, so it was only in Japanese).

I now have a GX8 and I’m looking forward to the weather sealing since I expect some more rain this winter.

[denistricardo]

Please check out my Pokémon podcast! Listen to two 30-somethings not complain about a game for kids because we’ve tempered our expectations but are still critical.

Check it out, I've started a new podcast with my best friend all about Pokémon. Listen to two 30-somethings talk about one of their favorite franchises, discuss the new games, make teams and talk about other gaming news.

[denistricardo]

I find it quite odd when I come across a communist who is against LGBT progress or pride.

As a queer communist, I am aware of the decades-old antagonism between organized communist groups and queers (especially here in the US) because of aligning themselves with either Stalin or Mao (though Mao may have never been against gays, it was just his police). Later groups such as the Black Panther Party, RevComs and Senderos also has their antagonisms towards queers, though this may have been a result of the homophobic at the time.

Regardless, those days are long gone. Queer communists and anarchists have been creating theory and art, even through the HIV/AIDS crisis, to solidify a place in the modern left space. Even modern communist parties outside the imperial core see the emancipation of gender and sexual minorities as imperative to revolution. Despite this, there are still many anti-queer leftists.

You have your typical, far-too-online reactionaries who like to call themselves “mecha tankies” or whatever ridiculous new thing. These people are not communists, they are reactionary teenagers and young adults who believe in Strong Men philosophy. They claim to read Mao and Stalin, but hold incredibly anti-labor views. They enjoy communism for its aesthetics but do not engage further because it challenges their beliefs in conservative structures like organized religion.

There are also a few older communists who still have never shaken their very non-revolutionary beliefs about queer people. Older folks who will say that queerness is a reaction to feminism or something else ridiculous. They choose to ignore the works of queer and feminist writers like Balwin, Anzaldúa, Lorde, The Combahee River Collective, Davis, etc… just to remain stubborn in their beliefs.

Both groups, the former and latter, will point to corporations annually celebrating Pride Month as a reason to not accept queer rights. Though neither say the same about Black History Month, Women’s History Month, etc. Corporate co-opting of revolutionary rhetoric is the modus operandi of liberalism, but these other groups are not scrutinized like queers. Neither group talks to queer communists who are also upset about their identities being used as a marketing tool to sell sweatshop clothes. Why is that?

It’s clear why: these groups are not revolutionary. They are old and young reactionaries uncomfortable with a changing world. They have fallen prey to the same conservatism they claim to be against (though many “mecha tankies” foolishly embrace it).

What are we to do? Just ignore them. This is a minority of a minority of a political group. They wield no power beyond their very niche corners of the internet. If these people make themselves present in an group you’re a member of, correct their thinking or kick them out.

The revolution needs queers and weirdos making fighting, writing theory and making art. We won’t leave a person behind.

[denistricardo]

Check it out, I've started a new podcast with my best friend all about Pokémon. Listen to two 30-somethings talk about one of their favorite franchises, discuss the new games, make teams and talk about other gaming news.

[denistricardo]

Colorado Springs…

…will not stop us.

We stand in the face of adversity, living out true lives openly and publicly. This challenges the norms, created by imperialism and capitalism. We do not fit, because we never meant to and we refuse.

We will not shy away from being us, tranfagbidykes, a community shunned out of polite society so we can carve our own path.

I anticipate that this, unfortunately will not be the last time we hear of something like this. But we must stand brave and strong, by whatever means necessary, to eradicate fascism.

“After the bourgeois storm, we will be the red of the rainbow.”

[denistricardo]

“Corn Festival”

Panasonic Lumix GX7

Lomography Experimental Lens Kit, 24mm f/16

Edited in iOS

There was a surprising lack of corn at the Corn Festival. I didn’t even see a single tamal!

It was also bright so I switched from my usual Mitakon f/.95 to a very modest f/16 plastic lens and just experimented with double exposure. Basically, these lenses have a second shutter, so you can expose the sensor twice if you put your camera in bulb.

I rarely use these lenses, but I end up enjoying myself when I do, it feels like using film again, because I have to really wait for the editing process to see my photos.

I did shoot in RAW knowing I’d have to really push and pull exposure and the noise of the JPGs would have been too digital for what I had in mind. I also ended up bumping up contrast and saturation to reveal more details in the double exposures.

[denistricardo]

Over the Mountain, a journaling RPG

The following is an entry from a journaling RPG called Over the Mountain. This is part of a larger experiment of mine to attempt to write fiction. These will be noted in the "fiction writing" tag on my blog, and the different stories will be labeled with tags to identify them.

This story stars a man in his thirties named Raul Valdez. He’s a very average man, 5’8”, 230lbs, very bushy beard and balding. He’s moved temporarily (?) to a small town to finish his writing and learn about himself.

March 22, 2021

I've recently moved to Aniklafo, a very small town a few hours away from the university I teach at. I would come here sometimes with my grandparents, and when they died last year and left me their cabin, I thought it a good opportunity to take my sabbatical and finish my dissertation in relative silence.

I can also feel a bit more free, here. I am not ever quite open and honest with people back in the city. I hide the fact… god it sounds so stupid even to think of it and write it… I hide the fact that I am some kind of medium. I know, stupid, ridiculous. "Raul, you're an educated man, what the hell are you talking about?" I have no clue. But I've had this sense of things, ghosts maybe, for as long as I can remember.

I worry that if someone heard me ever admit this, well that they'd admit me. But maybe a small town is where I need to go, where people are a little more superstitious. Maybe if I said this sort of thing, they wouldn't think I'm a weirdo.

Perhaps this sabbatical was just an excuse. A subconscious effort to "find myself." Is gentrifying better than moving to India to that sort of thing?

In the morning, I decided the best thing to do was to go to the grocery store Glenn's to grab a few things that I didn't get on my trip here. I mentally prepared myself to expect my fancy vegan items like cashew cheese would probably be something I have to go back into the city for, however I was surprised to see that there wasn't even soy milk in the fridge.

"No lactose intolerance in these parts, it seems," I murmured to myself. However, this murmuring was obviously heard by a very severe-looking woman.

"Well if you don't like it, you can take your pansy ass back to the city," she growled at me, stopping her very important shelf installation.

I saw her name tag, "Glennda" it read, and she looked to have been as old as the store, so I can only guess that she is Glenn's daughter (???).

I wasn't prepared mentally for homophobia, so I apologized and took my pansy ass back to my car, taking a mental note to order powdered soy milk. It's a thing, I know it is, I saw it on a site once… I think.

I settled myself into my cabin and made sure that the utilities and internet were at least up.

With those all squared away, I walked in the direction of the archeological dig site. I had been there a handful of times as a child when my grandparents would take me up here. I was so excited to see the scientists from the university digging, I knew I wanted to be just like them. Well, turns out I am not, I teach Queer Theory and my childlike wonder of dinosaurs has gone.

When I arrived, I saw a young man in the site brushing away dust on a fossil.

I say hello, and he introduces himself as Erwin. He's maybe around sixteen and definitely should have been in school, but he explains that the bus left without him today, so he's here, doing what he loves the most. Erwin told me that most of the bigger fossils have been excavated, but it was still possible to find ammonites like the one that he was brushing.

When I went to get a closer look I stumbled upon a locket. It was beaten up, rusty and impossible to open. I ask if it was his, but Erwin said it wasn't. I pocketed it, maybe I'll find out whose it is once I open it.

At sunset, after doing some writing for my dissertation, I begin to relax and I hear a rhythmic drumming. It's very close to my cabin, so I do something which is probably very dumb, but I follow it.

I have no idea how I end up finding this path, as it's beginning to get dark and I'm not really and outdoorsy guy, but I somehow found myself at a small shrine in the woods. There, a very old woman is tapping her drum. She saw me and smiled.

I apologized, knowing I somehow was intruding on a sacred moment. She assured me it was fine, and she introduced herself, Rosaline. She was wearing a long, almost robe-like dress made of some very light material, maybe silk. It was all kinds of blues and purples with tassels. It was quite lovely to see sway as she talked to me.

She explained she was just making an offering to her grandfather, she explained. She said that ancestor worship is not something uncommon in the town.

The sun was beginning to set below the tree line and I offered to escort her back to the main path. Rosaline assured me that she would be fine, but she handed me a brass lighter. It's carved with pinecone and deer motifs.

"Use it to light your way back to the path," she said.

It was a tad ominous, but I felt calm.

I somehow walked back to Main Street, about quarter mile away from my cabin, but I decided the best place to maybe make new friends was at the local watering hole, which was conveniently enough called The Watering Hole.

The only souls in the bar were the bartender, another patron and myself. I say "souls" because this other patron was off, and I immediately clocked it.

After I ordered my drink, a gin and tonic, the other patron scoffed.

I felt a little more neighborly and willing to defend myself if there is homophobia present, I introduced myself.

He took my hand and offered a very pointed handshake. He says his name is Byron. His grip was strong and I can't figure out if it's because the man was at least half a foot taller than me and at least fifty pounds heavier than me, or if it's because upon initial glance he hated my fucking guts. Either way, I have to admit that I was a bit turned on by his demeanor, his stubbly face and his strong hands.

I asked him how long he had been dead. His scowl quickly turned to a smirk.

"I ain't dead, but it's weird that you knew something was different."

I explain why I'm in town, who my grandparents were and I even tell him about my "talent" for spotting otherworldly things. He explained that he's not a ghost, but a werewolf. But it's all the same because anything not quite alive but not quite dead is called a "Spirit" around here.

I don't know if it was the G&T or if it was just the vibe, but I knew he was telling the truth. It's such a ridiculous thing to say, spirits, werewolves, all of this is fucking nuts. But maybe Aniklafo is beyond some veil where this is normal. This is clearly a regular interaction and the bartender didn't seem to flinch when Byron admitted he was a werewolf.

Maybe this dissertation really is getting to me.

We get to talking more. He seemed interested in queer theory and begins to get a bit physically closer to me as we talk. He even brushed his knee against mine and I swear he winked at me.

Just as I finished my drink, thunder boomed and rattled the bar. I could hear the patter of heavy rain.

Byron offered me a ride home after I told him I walked here.

His truck is nice and roomy, it smelled of old cologne, leather-scented air freshener and sweat. It had clearly been used by him many years to do manual labor and he planned on doing it even longer.

When we arrived at my place, I thanked him and he patted my shoulder.

"Take care, Prof."

i'm happy to see things developed more positively. I can't deny that he is hot. He seemed like he would be more aggressive, but he held back. Maybe I'm just turned on by the fact that "werewolf=danger." Does it though? Is any of this shit even real?

Whatever, I can't deny the fact that while he was talking I was staring at his chest. He left the top four buttons of his flannel undone and his muscular, hairy chest was on display. A budding romance with a yokel? It's so very pulp novel of me.

[denistricardo]

Happy World Vegan Day! A few years back I made a video about the vegan cult of Ching Hai and her followers to this day leave comments calling me ugly.

That’s better than their modus operandi of threatening violence, I suppose.

[denistricardo]

Around two years ago I made a video about vaporwave and the politics behind some of the creators as well as its punk-like origins.

Now I still find myself still going to vaporwave shows and watching these friend that I’ve made go on to create amazing art.

I have an affinity for the aesthetic beyond its nostalgia. It truly feels like a subversive form of art that cares with community members that deeply care for one another.

[denistricardo]

RE: Imagining a Faggotty Web

In the essay "Fierce.Net: Imagining a Faggotty Web" by D. Travers Scott, they are critical of the 2012-era website DadLad.com's lack of nuance in expression. They deride the site's dropdown menu, accusing it of being too clinical, too masculine. Her internet would be swishy, faggy, voice-controlled and full of screens and cameras to fully express one's self.

Twenty years after the essay was published in the book Why are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots? by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, Scott's dreams have partially come true.

Apps/services such as Grindr, Scruff and Sniffies still are plagued by dropdown menus, though they are much more thorough, even asking safe-sex preferences which Scott wished for on DadLad. One can even indicate their pronouns, their kinks, who they're looking for in every subcategory of gay one can think.

The modern faggot has FaceTime, SnapChat, even video calls on these hookup apps. We can ask Siri or any other voice assistant to call our Judy to chat with, maybe even get a little flirty with. We did it, faggots. We won! But at a price.

We've tailored our wants and needs sexually, we have lost some identity. Queers historically have used seedy means to meet and have sex, out of necessity and out of the sheer thrill. However, apps have stripped some of that away. We are still confined to dropdowns, we are still only able to express so much. Mystery is still lost, because you know so much about someone prior to meeting them. That hasn't changed from the era of DadLad.

Our means of hooking up are also very corporate. These companies are traded, bought out and moved from server to server, country to country. Our data is subject to advertisers, marketing firms and to the police. Governments and vigilante groups in countries where homosexuality is criminalized use apps like Grindr to entrap gay men and trans women. The legacy of colonialism and imperialism destroying the legacy of third-genders and queerness in these countries is lost to the imperial-core homosexual, praising their government for being "tolerant" of fags.

Our sex lives are "represented" in big Hollywood films by cis white men with Adonis bodies. These films are produced by huge, billion dollar corporations, the same that fund right-wing, capitalist, imperialist propaganda. Many of us have lost our edge, have become one of these corporate drones, crying "diversity!" when a family-friendly-faggot appears on screen to be the comic relief in a room full of straight people.

This is not a critique of Scott, they even said she was over the data gathering and marketing. This is instead a reflection of their essay, a reflection of what could have been, if capitalism did not ruin faggotry.

[denistricardo]

Pikmin: bloomed (?)

Panasonic Lumix GX7

Zhongyi Mitakon f/.95

Edited in iOS and VSCO

[denistricardo]

I’m supposed to use this to write. IDK, maybe I’ll just use it to post my photos. Here’s some photos I took yesterday.

Panasonic Lumix GX7

Zhongyi Mitakon f/.95

Edited in iOS

[denistricardo]

There’s a full moon out tonight

I found out that I had the bare minimum requirements to take a decent shot of the moon. So, I did just that. Not too bad for a first attempt, maybe in the future I can get an even bigger lens for some tighter shots of the moon.

•Panasonic Lumix GX7

•Canon FD 70-210mm

•edited in iOS

[denistricardo]

“Kelp Forest study in 3D”

•Panasonic 3D Lumix G 12.5mm f/12

•Edited in iOS, VSCO and XstereO Player

•Red/cyan stereoscopic image

[denistricardo]

I reviewed the Catholic meditation app Hallow as a non-practicing Catholic.

[denistricardo]

Regarding my sudden departure from Psychic Dolphin Garage

For those of you unaware, I was previously one of the hosts of the podcast Psychic Dolphin Garage. It's a comedy news podcast that was originally hosted by three folks in Texas but evolved into its own thing as the years went on.

Hosts changed and were added, including myself, and for a long while I was satisfied artistically. However, as I felt more and more democratic control of the podcast slipping away from the group to one host, I was becoming more agitated at the process.

One of my cohosts, one who will not be named, began to take more creative control of the editing and producing. Normally, that would be fine. However this cohost of mine was usually quite rude about my editing job (which I admit, I am not an ace at podcast producing and editing, but the word "unlistenable" was used quite a few times to describe my editing). As they began to take more creative control away from the show, the show also was being released later and later, making the news topics that we discussed irrelevant for the most part.

Then of course when the episodes would eventually come out, the show would sound really compressed and weird. From my understanding this was to help people with ADHD not hear keyboard and mouse clicks, however we only had one host continually click and clack as the show went on… it was the very same person who took over editing control.

On top of that, I really just did not find this cohost of mine very funny. They would arrived to the podcast stoned, or in the process of becoming stoned and instead of becoming funnier or more chill, they would begin to explain their jokes. It would make the recording sessions longer and make editing more difficult because they kinda just dragged on and on.

One day, I was just kind of sick of it. We had a recording snafu where some of the audio from a guest was gone. The group Signal chat began a back and forth about the best way to rectify this. I gave my suggestion but it was shot down and I think I kind of snapped. I was tired of being ignored and tired of my experience with content creation not being valued. I declined an invitation to a meeting and said I was just quitting.

A lot of other things have happened in the background, me apologizing to my other cohosts, me writing a maybe-too-harshly-worded message to the cohost that I have an issue with and blocking that very same cohost on social media.

Yes, I left the show dramatically and a bit messy. But what can I say? I'm a gay Mexican Catholic with a penchant for the dramatic.

I know the correct steps will be to make an apology for not expressing myself in a more constructive manner. However, I do not want to continue to be a member of PDG. I made some great friends and my cohosts are all wonderful people. But some folks can't work with one another, I suppose. I will continue my own solo work for the time being, back to my old days of researching small historical anecdotes and cults.

Keep and eye out for those projects.

And to Psychic Dolphin Garage, best of luck. It was fun while it lasted, but it's best to part ways.

[denistricardo]

Roe v Wade and the future

A very frightening moment in American history has occurred today, the repealing of Roe v Wade taking away abortion rights to people in the United States.

For years these rights have been under attack and for years the Democrats have had the ability to codify these rights as constitutional. However, the liberals rested on their laurels or were too busy trying to appeal to "moderate Republicans" who can be swayed to vote for them.

Every email, every text from a politician asking me to vote to protect these rights has me reaching a boiling point. No amount of voting can protect these rights.

It’s been said millions of times by people far more eloquent than myself, but access to abortion is vital. It is health care. It is a person’s right to choose to terminate a pregnancy and they should have the dignity to do it safely with a health care providers. Giving birth is dangerous, especially here in United States where our health care is subpar.

Repealing Roe v Wade also sets a precedent for these conservative judges to repeal more rights that were based on privacy and not constitutional human rights. Clarence Thomas has already stated that the courts need to reexamine the right to contraception, the right to same-sex marriage and even same-sex relationships themselves.

Clarence Thomas’ opinion regarding other cases brought to the Supreme Court based on the rights of privacy. 

These times are horrifying, though I cannot feel a small sense of hope. The right to abortion was fought in the streets and I know that many people are mobilizing at this very moment (despite the emergency January 6 defense funds). 

I am unsure of what the future holds. I admit I have some very pessimistic thoughts about the fate of this country and the fate of this world, but that does not mean I am not giving up.

Please be safe, folks.