dreamsinreverse

[dreamsinreverse]

I have become so independent and satisfied with being by myself alone, that getting used to new people is becoming harder and harder;

to the point, where I don’t even understand why they are needed to be around me anymore.

[dreamsinreverse]

I draw in every gaze. I linger in people’s minds. I collect the desire of others on my skin. But I never stay in their lives.

I am fleeting oblivion; a temptation that flickers in bright red through the half-dark, like a neon sign outside an expensive bar, where eyes blur and bodies tense with sweet anticipation.

I am a fragrant, poisonous bloom; a flower one longs to pluck, only to toss away after or just stare at it — but also a creature that protects itself from being ruined by others.

I am always the desire;

but never the permanence.

[dreamsinreverse]

[dreamsinreverse]

I crave intimacy; but I have no one to share it with.

[dreamsinreverse]

I need a pause from my rumination, and instead, — passionate dark hickeys all over my neck from a butch.

[dreamsinreverse]

I’m drowning in my own chaos of thoughts.

[dreamsinreverse]

Like a phoenix, I perish and rise again each time,

losing more and more of my humanity with every rebirth.

And yet, even so —

I am still full of it.

[dreamsinreverse]

[dreamsinreverse]

My want to destroy someone and to love them with me being loved back, switches in between so much, that I almost yell in agony,

trying to find my own peace in this world.

[dreamsinreverse]

i wanna be loved so genuinely;

to be hugged so tenderly;

to be spoiled so gently;

to be adored so dearly.

[dreamsinreverse]

I will watch your every move — you can’t hurt me anymore. My snarl has become permanent; my instinct to strike now comes first. You can no longer tame me (could you at all?). I no longer care how mad my gaze has become, how sharp and frantic my movements now seem.

My thirst for blood can wait no longer. I’ve endured for far too long.

[dreamsinreverse]

Marcel Roux (1878–1922) - “Piece for Four Hands” (Death plays with us)

from the series ‘Danse Macabre’, etching, 1905

[dreamsinreverse]

I want your gaze to linger on me every minute.

I want you to search for me among strangers, remembering me in even the smallest things.

I want you to try and catch the scent of my perfume in the air, piecing me back together in your memory.

I want your heart to beat for me alone among others —

for me to be the only one who exists for you, like a muse.

I want you to protect me like a delicate flower, even if I’m strong enough to stand on my own.

I want your genuine tenderness.

I want the truest and the most sincere version of you.

[dreamsinreverse]

I regret trusting you.

Sincere and innocent in my intentions, I failed to see your true motives.

Your gentle touches clouded my judgment, starved as I was for affection and warmth;

I overlooked the lack of significance of my presence in your life, reveling in nights with you and moments of fleeting intimacy.

I was intoxicated by you — or rather, I allowed myself to be deceived by you. And no matter how new it felt to wake up in your bed in your embraces —

I don’t want to be your pastime and entertainment, another passing someone, waiting for you to finish playing.

Or rather,

will you ever be done doing so?

[dreamsinreverse]

It breaks me, when your attention belongs to someone other than me.

It breaks me, when you give your gaze to everyone besides me.

You exist among other people — and while that may be logical, it unravels my mind all the same, — you are meant to be mine, wholly and without question.

You are meant to be only with me; to hold only me in your hands; and to keep yourself always, only, by my side.

[dreamsinreverse]

Illustrations by Stephen Gammell for Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark

[dreamsinreverse]

Crawl beneath my skin, and stay nestled between my ribs.

Grip my heart so tightly it hurts to even breathe — from the endless rush of your love flooding into me.

Make my eyes chase after you endlessly; make me crave your touch, your presence, your very being.

Fill me with yourself — be jealous, possessive, never let anyone else have me. Take my worries as your own.

Forget the world — make me your own one.