dyrpyn

[dyrpyn]

Completely wild how if I make the wrong decisions within a measly few hours my day can "suddenly" go from "Fully charged bursting at the seams and ready to rumble" to "No longer present in this realm and my vessel is but an empty husk." What do you mean Every Single Thing I do goes straight to my brain. What do you mean sometimes it's a thing from The Outside and then all of a sudden I can't function properly for days. How do I go into settings and change my difficulty

[dyrpyn]

i can’t stand “it’s not that deep” attitudes like even if it really really isn’t that deep just PLAY WITH ME. just fucking PLAY. have a meaningless but deep analytical conversation with me. just like think about shit for fun. does anyone else like to think about stuff for fun. it’s so lonely

[dyrpyn]

Reasons I have trouble getting out of bed (a checklist)

Trying to remember a dream because I want to continue experiencing it

Trying to forget a dream because it messed me up

Dreading doing nothing after I get up (I am not in the proper brain mode to pick a task)

Dreading not doing the task I did pick well

Dreading a lecture for getting up late (making it worse by staying in later)

Dreading my friends being mad at me because I said something weird last night

Making a song in my head / getting a new story idea (It will disappear upon any interruption)

Nose is clogged and/or throat is sore and/or eyes are watery (too overwhelming)

Intense pang for the days of the past

Reminiscing on old silly things that randomly came to me

No current capacity to be perceived by anyone

Actively in a depressive state and I don't realize

If I get up too quickly I may get super dizzy and almost pass out

Executive dysfunction not letting me move my body

The bed genuinely is just so so comfy <3

Tips and Tricks:

Think about food. What is a tasty thing you could eat soon after getting up

Keep some water nearby when you sleep and immediately drink a ton of it as soon as you can move

Pick a task you can start on your phone (if kept nearby). Start said task for five minutes

Reward yourself whenever you do get up quickly (favored treat is a good choice)

[dyrpyn]

Writers: "Ah I love traumatizing my kiddos" "Gonna make a light OC- aaand whoops I traumatized them again" "It's not a true OC without trauma you know"

Me, who for years was so caught up in empathy, worry of overamplifying hurt, and desire for emotional balance that I do not find joy in traumatizing OCs and in fact get extremely aggravated when traumatization is all character creation is reduced to: "Uhhh...... Uhhhh yeah trauma !!! Uh"

[dyrpyn]

"Hey man check out this cool new rap song!"

What I hear from fast rappers: "hanabiberonamiberonafibbabibbaboggabanobgdbxlksxbxbzvbvtjwfzgxh#$$@%!&#*$&#^@#^"

"Hey man check out this cool new metal song!"

What I hear from metal screams: "@*$((#^@^#&$&*A#@%@%#&$*%EE@%!%#^$*%*SE#@$$>$[#;!$!:#;TH#@%@&[%(##&"

[dyrpyn]

You have: 60/100 energies today

Okay I want to write something today but we need to preserve that energy meter to be able to do it, don't make any regrettable choices brain-

-> Initiating task "THINK VIOLENTLY ABOUT WRITING": -5 energies

Wait what the hell? Okay that's not that much. How do we get some back

-> Initiating task "PLAY VERY COOL VIDEO GAME": -30 energies

What the shit why did that take so many?? Okay. Brain we have to rest so we can get energy back to write. What's a good way to-

-> Initiating task "SCROLL PINTEREST": -50 energies

NOOOOOOOOOO

[dyrpyn]

i want to talk about my ocs but im literally this image. i got nothing

[dyrpyn]

Me: Let's do this thing

Anxiety: Umm no because you actually have all these other things to do too why can't we get to them it's eating away at me

Depression: Nah, there's no point. Do nothing instead

Perfectionism: Only if you can do it The Best instantly otherwise we fail and are a disgrace thank you

Anxiety again: What if we do it bad?? What will The People think of us

Imposter syndrome: But can we really do the thing on our own or do we have to wait for a big stroke of luck. Come on you know the luck's not here yet

Executive dysfunction: Even if you truly wanted to I can't fit that into my schedule. You must not want it bad enough

Perfectionism again: You need to start this right this instant even though we are all working against you telling you not to. If you don't then you have failed and we are perpetuating the never-ending cycle of procrastination and regret that has been messing with everything in your life and there is no clear sign of it stopping at any point in the near futu-

Corn on the cob named Kevin: Hi I'm Kevin

Gorilla about to eat it: Really? I'm Gorilla

[dyrpyn]

I love making typos on purpose for effect. Boy are yuo fuckign serious. Look at thatr,

[dyrpyn]

I have this practice I like to call "progression archive hoarding" where I will save every single one of my writings or doodles, no matter how arbitrary or bad, and never delete or throw away any of them because I Need to spend ~3 hours every couple months looking through all of it in chronological order again to rewatch my path of improvement

Also because if I ever did throw even one away I Know I would be back on it in a few years like "Remember that fucking thing I did. Where was it. I THREW IT OUT??"

[dyrpyn]

Brain: I see you're in a situation you enjoy and are grateful for. It's too bad I've already envisioned a parallel universe in which you did not make the choices you needed to make to get to this situation and so you are instead forced to watch it happen to someone else while you get nothing. This did not actually happen at all but it will still somehow give you a real feeling of regret. Hope this helps <3

[dyrpyn]

Plastering this repeatedly along the walls of my brain's enclosure and smushing its face against it until it takes it in:

"Perfect" and "Wrong" are societal and moral constructs. They do not exist in the creative world. If you type a sentence and it's a little out-of-character you are NOT going to be guillotined. There are NO guillotines in the creative world. You need this experimentation. Your work needs this freedom. Do NOT just go and lock it in another cage

[dyrpyn]

Whenever I make a mistake in a conversation, I'll end up thinking about it again and gaining a strong urge to apologize entire MONTHS later, when the other person has almost certainly forgotten all about it

I'll be preparing to say "I can offer you my firstborn son and all of my future savings and also my sanity. Here's a gun to shoot out my kneecaps and a hammer to bash my skull in. From now on I will not talk unless it's perfect, for you. Please tape this mouth for me" to a person who can only be confused what I'm talking about. Meanwhile the transgression in question is that I had said band instead of sand and it mildly perplexed them but they were the nicest person ever about it. And my brain treats it like I had insulted their entire bloodline

[dyrpyn]

Maybe the mortifying ordeal of being known is worth it for getting rid of the crushing weight of not being known after all

It's either "AAAH!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" all the time or "Damn I'm lonely" all the time

And as someone who regularly feels both. I am genuinely starting to think "AAAHAHHAGAAGHAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" is better to feel than The Hollows. Because you don't feel alive during The Hollows. And The Jolts remind you of how alive you really are

Therefore, even if I will scream and cry the entire time, I suppose Not sharing the mediocre writings I've had saved and the art I don't like looking at and the ideas I'm questioning leads to a much worse consequence

I don't want you to protect me anymore, beasts in my brain. I would like to be Known now. Begone. Begone. Why are you not leaving. Begone. Begone. Bego

[dyrpyn]

i cannot save you, but I can save your child.

I will give them the love and care and warmth you wanted to give them, if only you were able to fight a little longer.

I will tell your child of how hard you fought for them, how you gave every part of yourself to ensure your child survived. how you used your bones for their shelter, your meat for their hunger, your tears for their thirst, used your life for theirs. they will know of your sacrifice, and that the sacrifice was of love.

I will give your child what you could not, in your honor. they will know of the warmth of love instead of the scorching heat of despair. they will know of open skies instead of restraints and cages. they will know of happiness and full bellies and gentle rest and of ease.

these should have all been yours to begin with, and yours to give to your child, but my forefathers stripped that of you and your kind. whether I am doing this of my own morality, to atone for the sins of my ancestors, out of guilt that should not be mine, out of kindness from one creature to another... I do not know.

This is my final apology to you.

im sorry I couldn't save you, but I will save your child.

[dyrpyn]

Okay, I'm finally going to stop procrastinating *3 months pass* Okay this time I'm really going to stop *3 months pass* Okay I can do it this time *3 months pass* Okay I'm going to stop procrastinating *3 months pa

[dyrpyn]

I love how I'll occasionally get shocked by connections I hadn't noticed before in my OWN stories. Like there is an entity a few steps ahead of me at all times and with it I get the experiences of being an invested fan of something that I Myself am putting together. I am both the creator And the consumer. How is