eclipse15 - Tumblr blog

[eclipse15]

Lmao I would spend time arguing with you but a tornado is literally coming for my house so I have to go. Besides, people who say medically disproven shit (intersex is always a disorder, intersex is purely genital) as their sources while also saying recent actually medically proven things is “big pharma” never want to listen. I don’t go on tumblr to have meaningful debates anyways, I learned a long time ago that just leads to people whining about how I’m mean because they don’t want to learn, they just want to argue. Fuck you for comparing a sexuality to a trauma condition (hypersexuality) caused by sexual abuse, btw. Also “you have no power here” lmao this is literally my blog don’t even act like you can do shit to me. Bye bye now enjoy my block

Do you think PCOS should count as intersex?

Yes. PCOS greatly affects one’s sex hormones, just like any other intersex condition. People saying it’s “too common in women” to be intersex view intersexuality as some secretive, abnormal thing, which is intersexist. That being said if somebody with PCOS chooses not to identify as intersex that is their choice entirely.

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1. Intersex isn’t exclusively genital or reproductive, it can also be chromosomal and hormonal. Saying PCOS cannot be an intersex condition because it’s hormonal is just not true. Also, some intersex conditions are syndromes and disorders, it’s just that being intersex isn’t inherently a disorder or syndrome.

2. Again, not everyone who has PCOS considers themselves intersex. If you do not consider yourself intersex you are not intersex. However, there’s a good chunk of people with PCOS that do identify as intersex because of their PCOS. They are intersex.

3. “You cannot identify as a medical condition” I never said people with PCOS are PCOS, I said they could be considered intersex because of their PCOS. There’s a difference.

Also, you’re a major terf, you call trans people trannies as somebody who isn’t trans and say gender affirming care is medical malpractice. You think asexual people are socially inept. I looked through some of your posts. Don’t act like you know what you’re talking about when it comes to LGBTQIA issues.

Do you think PCOS should count as intersex?

Yes. PCOS greatly affects one’s sex hormones, just like any other intersex condition. People saying it’s “too common in women” to be intersex view intersexuality as some secretive, abnormal thing, which is intersexist. That being said if somebody with PCOS chooses not to identify as intersex that is their choice entirely.

[eclipse15]

Hello! Feel free to ignore this. My system has identified as a PG-DID system long before I have formed, however we seemed to have gone through something almost like a "reset" where all of our original frequent fronters are dormant- and none of us that remained seemed to remember our trauma. Have you ever heard of anything like that? It's quite a bizarre experience

That can happen but it’s not very well documented. Usually it’s not a full reset as in every single part is replaced, but frequent fronters, like you mentioned. And yes it is very bizarre as somebody who’s experienced it once before.

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I myself am also intersex but I wanted to ask as we all experience things differently + our variations of intersex are different

Do you ever feel scared to speak or tell a doctor about your medical condition or bringing it up to others who might need to know?

Yes I usually don’t even mention it unless it’s gonna be relevant, which is almost never. I’m terrified of anyone interacting with my intersex variations anyways cause I’m a victim of IGM. In general doctors are dicks about intersex people.

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Is it really possible for someone to have vagina and dick at the same time?

How does intersex look and act in your (like just your) body?

TW: SEX TALK. I USUALLY WOULDN’T TRIGGER THIS BUT SINCE THIS PAGE IS HEAVILY VIEWED BY SA SURVIVORS I WANT TO ANYWAYS

From my research not fully developed ones. However somebody can have an underdeveloped penis/vagina with the other being fully developed, or neither are fully developed.

For me it basically means I can never experience sexual pleasure or have penetrative sex without any type of toys. Even then I can’t receive. I also can’t receive oral.

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Do you think PCOS should count as intersex?

Yes. PCOS greatly affects one’s sex hormones, just like any other intersex condition. People saying it’s “too common in women” to be intersex view intersexuality as some secretive, abnormal thing, which is intersexist. That being said if somebody with PCOS chooses not to identify as intersex that is their choice entirely.

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Why is it that whenever I get somewhere with processing a trauma I revert back to dissociation as soon as I revisit the memories ):<

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how much does being intersex affect your general daily life? like, are there any parts of condition* that affect you regularly, or does it all sort of fade to the background like perisex people?

* sorry if condition isnt the right word

TW: IGM AND SA MENTION

I mean, I’d say it affects my daily life a lot but only in certain areas. For starters I consider myself a victim of intersex genital mutilation (IGM), and the IGM that I experienced doubled as a rape. Because of what I experienced I have often viewed my body as inherently wrong and needing fixing, and having a body easily exploitable, which affects how I navigate my day to day. It causes me to be very attention seeking and theatrical to compensate for the feeling that I should be quiet and fade away.

In general my intersex variation really affects my relationship with my peers, even though it is not visible with clothing on. Also variation is the correct term (:

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I’m bored asf and my post on my other account never reached the right people so

Perisex people ask me (intersex) something you’re too afraid to ask intersex people

My anons are on if you’re worried about being mocked by others. I’ll only make fun of you if you tell me what to think of my own identity-and by telling I mean tell, not ask.

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A big part of integration is realizing that life outside of imagination is safe.

When we were kids we had little to no safety. My mom was so depressed she emotionally neglected me. I was bullied and groomed at school. I was sex trafficked when outside of the house. There really was no safety…except for in the mind.

I have, in the past, identified with what many would call an “IRL”. I didn’t know that was the term so I thankfully never got into that community, but I pretty much was one. I was Sans, I was my OCs, I was Frisk. I still do that. It helped me escape the horrors reality brought.

But as much as it helped me survive it also hurt my life. I couldn’t make any decisions outside of cued ones for a long time because I was so out of it I would drift through life, just walking laps around school and sitting in the hallways. Or not going to school at all since I was so stuck in my head I wouldn’t be able to leave my house.

I would also never take my harm or abuse seriously because I genuinely believed it was a character’s backstory. I’m not being emotionally abused by this person but (character) is. It got to the point I would have imaginary family and friends with imaginary conflicts completely independent from my actual life.

It’s been hard for me to recognize this as a problem as I’ve gotten so comfortable not being fully lucid. However when it became known to me that I had a dissociative issue, I slowly started to realize this amount of dullness in my life wasn’t okay.

I’m now acknowledging my derealization and using it to recognize when I’m dealing with stress or trauma, whether it’s already happened or not. Confronting my problems as a real person has not been easy, but in doing so we’ve begun what we’ve wanted since realizing our dissociation is a disorder: integration.

I can’t tell you how distressing yet heavenly integration is at the same time, and that’s not what this post is about anyways. This post exists because I hope by sharing this somebody will realize that it’s not only possible to be dissociated in this way but also possible to fight it. Because you can. You can heal.

Sorry if this was a bit all over the place. Hope this helped.

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All medical trauma holders are integrating into Finnley

Me and Finnley are integrating

Advice needed (genuine) this is all so new

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The self-invalidation that comes with PTSD sucks so bad tbh. Like I’ll be having an active flashback to something and I’ll just be telling myself in the back of my head “this isn’t even trauma” “you’re being dramatic” “it’s your OCD” (I don’t even have OCD but I have medical trauma with being misdiagnosed with it) “you deserve it”, etc. and it’s so exhausting.

And I’d never say that to somebody else but I believe it when it’s me. “I’m just making this up” “this isn’t that bad” “it was justified” “suck it up”.

I wish it was talked about more idk

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Help an aspect of our trauma is coming out that we were NOT ready for ☹️

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This isn't a vent, and I'll try to be as vague as possible. TWs such as talk of RAMCOA and programming (nothing indepth)

Im a hc-did system, and im aware of us having been part of a cult. Through some work, we've been able to uncover certain memories. From what we know, we can tell our family was involved. I know as a fact, due to all the evidence we have. But even still, I have my doubts, and I'm not sure why. But we still live with them, unfortunately, for now at least. I wanted to ask for resources about programs, and just ramcoa in general. I sesrch your blog for whats there, and I know some things are dangerous out tgeir being spread on the internet. I don't want to step over any bounderies, but would it be okay to DM you? For questions, resources, etc. We're trying our best to heal, and to stop programs the best we can. But you can't just use a google search and find everything you need so easily, lol. And I know you're not a professional, and there's only so much you can do as well, one person. (Bodily, I mean. Im making jokes to lighten up the mood a little.) But you seem to know a lot more than we do, or the very few people we've come across. I'd appreciate any sort of help, even if its just a few more resources. We'd ask for help from a therapist for resources, but withus living in such a small town where everyone just about knows each other, you can't really tell if its all still going and who's a part of it, yknow? Thank you for everything you have, and continue, to share. It means a lot to us. Keep pushing guys, you've got this. I hope life is treating you well, and if not, that it gets better.

Hey yeah sorry for not answering this sooner. Feel free to DM me we can talk more there. Stay safe above all else and don’t over extend yourself mentally. Again please DM me

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We (The Panthers) were out doing food distribution yesterday and there was a homeless trans woman with cerebral palsy.

And just. Fuck me, man. It was all we could do to get her some estrogen. We gave her some razors but like. Can she even use them?

It felt more personal. Here was one of my sisters at the lowest she could possibly be and there was nothing I could fucking do.

I haven't been able to get her out of my mind.

She couldn't speak. She was terrified of men. She was on the corner begging for cigarettes. There was a smear going down her cheek from where she had applied her lipstick. She started crying when she saw another black transwoman. When she held me I could feel her drowning.

Fuck.

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EXTREME TW: INTERSEX AND TRANS BASED VIOLENCE (RAPE, MURDER), GRAPHIC

THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT TMA/TME OR TRANSANDROPHOBIA DISCOURSE

I see lots of people discussing gender and sex based violence to queer people who have said they never experienced said sex or gender based violence, but that they knew of other people who have. Knew of, not knew personally. They often use it to argue either “transandrophobia is real” or “only transmisogyny is real”. Im not gonna give my stance in this post, that’s not the point. This is a very hard post as I am still struggling to absorb what happened as something that actually took place and something that happened to me. Please be patient if this doesn’t have enough details. As somebody who has been a victim of this violence, this is my experience.

Number one, my gender and sex: I’m afab, I’m not female. I’m intersex. My gender as a whole is multigender, so I am not TME or TMA. I also don’t pass as a man, or even as androgyne, at all. The only people that recognize my pronouns are those I’m friends with, and even then they don’t understand I’m multigender. I do not have male privilege

Number two, attempted murder: I’ve had an attempt on my life during a rape. He found out I didn’t have the body he wanted to violate, found out I was “one of those tranny kids” (he either didn’t know what intersex was or thought I had some surgery to look more masculine) and attempted to suffocate me. I was saved but never brought justice because the person who saved me was selling my body to other adults for money. I was scolded and told not to “do it again.”, as if I did anything at all. It’s very hard talking about this all because I’ve never told anyone, but I feel the need to get it off my chest and speak out. I’m the only part that remembers this (DID).

Number three: I have also been raped just because I “needed to be a woman”. When I was a little over 1 years old one of my first memories was having a large dildo inserted into me to expand my vagina. According to them, I needed to act more feminine and “training to accept a male” would help. I’m not gonna share too much of what happened because I’m still having trouble accepting this happened. I’m bringing it up because it was purely because of my sex and gender. It’s transgender and intersex based violence.

I hate myself because of what happened to me. I still think I deserved it then, and that I still deserve it now because it wasn’t successful. I feel so ashamed and can’t tell anyone. I’m only telling you all because I’m not a person on here, I’m a blog that sometimes spouts out words that seem like a person.

Please stop assuming somebody is safe from gender or sex based violence. Please stop assuming somebody has never been sexually assaulted or mistreated in any way. Please stop assuming somebody has never had an attempt on their life because of their gender and/or sex. Please stop using us as pawns in your community in fighting.

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I need to set up a stripe so I can set up my commissions for donations to Palestine, Congo, Sudan and Ukraine but I keep forgetting 😞