incorrectirondadquotes

[incorrectirondadquotes]

ava: guys. red alert. yelena has discovered fanfiction.

yelena: what the FUCK

bob: oh no

yelena: alexei is my DAD. why are people writing this erotic garbage about us?

walker: can’t be worse than the stuff they write about me and bucky?

bucky: i’m not phased by it anymore. after seeing what they wrote about me and steve, nothing will ever shock me.

walker: i’m surprised. i’d think you’d be scandalized.

bucky: i may have been born in the 1920s, but i was anything but a blushing prude.

ava: what he means is that he fucked.

walker: yet another thing to add to the list of things i didn’t need to know about bucky.

bob: there’s a lot of fanfic about void. people apparently think the physical manifestation of my depression that entrapped all of new york in their greatest shames would be kinky in bed. to be honest, i think that’s the last thing on its mind

yelena: EUGH! me and WALKER? absolutely FUCKING not.

walker: should i be offended?

ava: absolutely

[incorrectirondadquotes]

(on a stakeout)

alexei: lena

alexei: lena

alexei: LENA

yelena: what, dad?

alexei: you need to drink water. hydration or diedration

yelena: that’s not the saying

alexei: here. i keep juice box in belt. just for you.

yelena: ugh. it’s warm! i do not want to drink warm juice.

alexei: is good for you. you know what dehydration does to a person. i mean, look at bob. unwell. sick sick man. like dry sponge, begging to be wet again.

yelena: please don’t say wet and bob in the same sentence.

alexei: that was not the same sentence. those were two different sentences.

yelena: fine! i will drink your warm juice. i will not be like bob.

bob, back at the new avengers tower: ….i feel like… someone is making fun of me somewhere

[incorrectirondadquotes]

matt murdock: sometimes i use my blindness as an excuse to stick my hands into bowls of decorative rocks because i like the way they feel

father lanthom: also not a sin but ok

[incorrectirondadquotes]

i’d love to see it if you do!

the howling commandos baffled by steve and bucky having what seems like endless secret codes

steve and bucky who have actually time traveled and are communicating through media references

-

steve: luke, i am your father

bucky, knowing he's gotta pull some winter soldier type shit: (revs up his human left arm) (vader ksch noise in agreement)

-

steve trying to locate bucky in the depths of the forest: SWEET CAROLINE!

bucky, distantly: BA BA BA!

-

steve, ziplining to the train where bucky fell off of in the original timeline: road work ahead?

bucky, nodding solemnly: uh, yeah. i sure hope it does.

[incorrectirondadquotes]

teen: mama, a girl behind you!

agatha: (tearing up at him calling him mama)

rio: (looming behind agatha with a comically large branch)

[incorrectirondadquotes]

the howling commandos baffled by steve and bucky having what seems like endless secret codes

steve and bucky who have actually time traveled and are communicating through media references

-

steve: luke, i am your father

bucky, knowing he's gotta pull some winter soldier type shit: (revs up his human left arm) (vader ksch noise in agreement)

-

steve trying to locate bucky in the depths of the forest: SWEET CAROLINE!

bucky, distantly: BA BA BA!

-

steve, ziplining to the train where bucky fell off of in the original timeline: road work ahead?

bucky, nodding solemnly: uh, yeah. i sure hope it does.

[incorrectirondadquotes]

steve: sam did two tours in Afghanistan

bucky: oh, thank you for your service

sam: i didn’t do it for you

[incorrectirondadquotes]

peter: hey, sorry i’m late! i broke down on the way here.

tony: is your car okay?

peter: car?

tony:

peter:

[incorrectirondadquotes]

bucky barnes

[incorrectirondadquotes]

peter: you know, if there’s one thing being convicted of terrorism and murder has taught me, it’s that people are fucking WEIRD. there’s a difference between supporting spider-man, sorta avenger, local hero because you believe in the goodness in him and support his innocence, and then there’s the Very Specific niche genre of people who AREN’T a fan of spidey but DO have a murder kink. like, i knew people simped over murderers, but i didn’t think I’D be one of them.

the hot dog vendor, staring wide eyed at the vigilante whose face has been plastered on the news for days: uh... do you want ketchup on that?

[incorrectirondadquotes]

peter: are you... you know... 💅?

harley: i am. are you... y’know? 👀

peter: oh you mean ✌? yeah.

[incorrectirondadquotes]

peter: okay, you’ve got a gun to your head. what are your last words?

harley: i am gonna go in absolute silence because nobody is gonna have that fucking power over me. they’d be like “any last words? you must speak.” and i’d be like “...”

harley: like just do it, man

(inspired by this tik tok)

[incorrectirondadquotes]

matt murdock: sometimes i use my blindness as an excuse to stick my hands into bowls of decorative rocks because i like the way they feel

father lanthom: also not a sin but ok

[incorrectirondadquotes]

tony: so, are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

bucky: i’m a knife

steve, from across the room: he’s a little spoon!

[incorrectirondadquotes]

tony stark, world renowned, award winning, genius, technology innovator and modern science icon with several PHDs: pepper! did you know the p in ihop stands for pancakes?!

[incorrectirondadquotes]

my mom put this on my christmas tree and all i could think is this is major tony stark energy

[incorrectirondadquotes]

sorcerer villain of the week™️: i have endless knowledge that you can never even begin to imagine.

peter: oh yeah? i’ve got some knowledge for you.

peter: forbidden wisdom that no one wants to accept.

sorcerer: oh really? and what is that?

peter: baby yoda is to the mandalorian as the minions are to despicable me.

sorcerer: holy shit dude