#incorrect mcu quotes

[headcanonthings]

Clint: Apparently, it was Rude™ of me to pitch in my two cents on a conversation I happened to overhear, despite agreeing with them. Clint: On an unrelated note, I am no longer allowed in the ceiling vents.

[romanoffshouse]

Natasha: Dom or sub?

Y/N: I guess Domino's, since I don't go to Subway that much. Don't see why you'd put them in the same category though.

[hetaczechia]

Bob: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free: pouring river water in your socks!

John: Why would I do that?

Bob: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free!

[gay-dorito-dust]

bob: *stretching and his sweater rides up, showing off a little bit of his abs and v line*

you: i feel like a someone from the victorian ages seing a glimpse of an woman's ankle, holy shit-

bob: you say something?

you: i'm really am no better then a man.

bob: ???

[lives-in-midgard]

Y/N: Bye Bob!

Y/N: Bye Bucky!

Y/N: Bye Yelena!

Y/N: Bye John!

Y/N: Bye Ava!

Y/N: Bye Alexei!

Y/N: Bye Bob!

John: You said 'Bye Bob' twice.

Y/N: I really like Bob.

[witlessficcer]

Ava: if I'm going to die, I'm taking you with me!

Walker: That's so sweet. You want me to be with you in your final moments.

Ava: I want you to be with me for eternity, John.

Walker: That sounds serious.

Ava: Very serious.

Yelena: Murder-Sui-serious.

Walker: Lovely offer. But, I think I'll pass.

[johnwalkerwaow]

Ava: mansplaining is-

John: mansplaining is when a man explains something to a woman that she already knows but he acts like he's teaching her. Does that make sense to you?

[chaxan08]

Avengers: We listen and we don't judge.

Thunderbolts: We listen and we judge the fuck out of you.

[lingarace]

Thunderbolts: Don’t worry. We have a permission.

NYPD: This just says, "The new Avengers can do what they wants" with Contessa de Fontaines signature.

[hurtspideyparker]

Tony: I'm buying you a Rolex

Peter: What, why! That's way too excessive

Tony: You need a proper watch

Peter: I have a proper watch *shows off children's Spider-Man watch*

Tony: That is not a watch, that's an embarrassment

Peter: Just wait till you see this—*presses button so it flashes coloured lights* bet your dumb Rolex can't do that

Tony: It can't, and if it did I'd return it

Peter: Sounds like you've never been kidnapped in the dark with nothing but this bad boy to try and pick the lock with. And those suckers said it was too worthless to take, pft

Tony: ...Why do you create more problems for me every time we have a conversation?

[you-have-a-metal-arm]

JAMES?

pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count : 1.2k

Warnings : Just general fluff

Summary : When you call Bucky “James”—a name no one else dares to use—he reveals to a stunned Steve and Sam.

Authors Note : Hey y’all i’m back!!! Enjoy this fic 🙈

You stood quietly in the doorway, arms crossed as you watched him. His hair was damp with sweat, clinging to his temples, and his jaw was set in that stubborn way it always was when he refused to admit he was hurting. You let out a soft sigh. You hated seeing him like this—so hard on himself, so weighed down by things he didn’t deserve to carry.

He didn’t notice you at first, too lost in his own storm. But you stepped forward, not hesitating for a second.

“James.”

Your voice cut through the room like a blade, soft yet sharp enough to reach him. The sound made him freeze mid-punch, his metal fist stopping inches from the bag. His head turned slowly, his stormy blue eyes locking onto yours. And in an instant, the tension in his shoulders melted. His gaze softened in a way that made your heart ache, because you knew—you knew—no one else ever got to see him like this.

“Hey,” he murmured, his voice rough from exertion but laced with something warmer. Something vulnerable.

Steve, halfway through a set of sit-ups in the corner, dropped to the floor in disbelief. “Wait—what?”

Sam, leaning lazily against the wall with a water bottle in hand, nearly spit out his drink. “Hold the hell up,” he said, straightening. “Did she just call you James?”

Steve sat up fully now, wiping his forehead with his shirt and glaring at Bucky like he’d just witnessed a miracle. “She did. And—” his voice faltered as he pointed a finger at Bucky, “—you’re okay with it?”

Bucky glanced at Steve, then at Sam, his jaw tightening ever so slightly. But when he looked back at you, something in his expression shifted. He shrugged, completely unbothered. “Yeah. So?”

Sam’s jaw practically hit the floor. “So? You nearly ripped my arm off when I tried calling you that one time!”

Steve nodded furiously. “He’s not exaggerating. You said, and I quote, ‘Don’t ever call me that again unless you want to find out how fast I can break your jaw.’”

“Exactly!” Sam threw his hands up. “And now she just waltzes in here, says James like it’s nothing, and you’re—what? Cool with it?”

Bucky’s gaze hardened, a flicker of irritation crossing his face. “She’s not you.”

“Oh, no, we get that,” Sam said sarcastically. “But why the hell is she the exception?”

Bucky didn’t answer right away. His hand flexed at his side—flesh and metal both—but his focus stayed on you, his eyes tracing the curve of your face as if grounding himself. Finally, he said, quietly but with conviction, “Because she’s mine.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Steve and Sam exchanged a look—a mixture of shock, disbelief, and maybe even a little amusement—but neither of them dared to speak.

You, however, raised an eyebrow, lips twitching as you fought back a smile. “Yours, huh?”

Bucky’s ears turned a faint shade of pink, but he didn’t back down. His gaze was steady, unwavering. “Yeah. Mine.”

“God,” Sam muttered, dragging a hand down his face. “This is so disgustingly soft, I think I’m gonna puke.”

“Agreed,” Steve said, though there was a small, knowing smile on his face as he stood up. “You two can have your… moment. We’ll leave.”

As the door closed behind them, you turned back to Bucky, who was already watching you like you were the only thing that mattered. His expression had softened completely now, the rough edges smoothed out into something raw, something real.

“James,” you said again, stepping closer, and you saw the way his shoulders relaxed, the way his lips parted slightly like he needed to hear it just one more time.

“Yeah?” he murmured, his voice quieter now.

“You’ve been at this for hours,” you said softly, reaching up to brush a strand of damp hair away from his face. “Come take a break.”

He hesitated, his eyes scanning your face like he was searching for something. “I just… I didn’t want to bother you. I needed to work it out.”

“James,” you said, firmer this time, and his breath hitched like the sound of his name from your lips alone was enough to shake him. “You don’t have to do this alone. Not anymore.”

His chest rose and fell with a deep breath, and his hand—metal and warm and steady—reached up to wrap around yours. He held it there, against his cheek, like he was afraid you might pull away. “It’s not just the name,” he said quietly, his voice barely audible. “When you say it… it’s different. It feels… good.”

Your heart swelled, and you gave him a small, reassuring smile. “That’s because I love you, James. All of you. Even the parts you don’t think are worth loving.”

His eyes closed briefly, and when he opened them again, they were glassy, like he was fighting to keep the emotions at bay. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Stop it,” you said gently, stepping closer until your foreheads touched. “You deserve everything. And I’m not going anywhere.”

For a moment, he didn’t say anything. He just held you there, close, his arms wrapping around your waist like you were the only thing anchoring him to the world. And maybe, in some ways, you were.

“Say it again,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

“James,” you murmured, brushing your nose against his. “You’re safe with me. Always.”

A soft, broken laugh escaped him, and he pulled you closer, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “You’re all I’ve got,” he whispered, his voice muffled but full of emotion. “And you’re all I need.”

You held him there, running your fingers through his hair, and for the first time in a long time, he let himself just be. Vulnerable. Loved. Yours.

Thanks for reading 😁

[headcanonthings]

Clint: Here, have breakfast. Bucky, taking a brown blended “smoothie”: What’s in this? Clint: So, you know how you like yogurt and fruit and juice? Bucky: Yeah. [takes a sip] Clint: That’s pizza and root beer. Bucky: [spits it out] Clint: Bucky, slightly horrified: …I like it. [continues drinking]

[akutagawatomie]

If I am honest, I'm like Bob.

[Bob and Yelena texting]

Bob: Hey :)

Yelena: Hi

Bob: How's your day been?

Bob: Sorry for annoying you.

Bob: I won't ever text you again.

Bob: I hope everything goes well for you.

Yelena: YOU GAVE ME TWO MINUTES TO ANSWER WHAT THE FUCK

[hetaczechia]

Bob: I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Yelena: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

Bob: You don’t have to wear…

Yelena: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

[gay-dorito-dust]

you: i swear i saw a cat fly by the window just now!

yelena: i swear if it's just bob holding a cat as he flies past the window (name) or so help me-

bob: *holding a cat as he hovers outside the window* is that my cue?

you: disengage bob disengage!

bob: shit code red! *flies away*

you: YOU FORGOT ME!

[lives-in-midgard]

Bucky: Y/n isn’t answering the phone

Bob, already dialing on her phone: I’ll call

Bucky: Me and Yelena already tried three times each, what—

Y/n, picking up instantly: Hey Bob