irisesinthegarden

[irisesinthegarden]

After years of hiding my depressive episodes to my boyfriend and just telling him I wasn't feeling super good, I just ended up having one on holiday with him. He woke up with me looking at the ceiling and as soon as he spoke to me I just started crying. He had to hold me for an hour while I just tried to calm down. I spent the whole week speaking as little as I could, forcing myself to eat, barely doing anything. I'm sorry for him. This shouldn't be his life.

[irisesinthegarden]

After years of hiding my depressive episodes to my boyfriend and just telling him I wasn't feeling super good, I just ended up having one on holiday with him. He woke up with me looking at the ceiling and as soon as he spoke to me I just started crying. He had to hold me for an hour while I just tried to calm down. I spent the whole week speaking as little as I could, forcing myself to eat, barely doing anything. I'm sorry for him. This shouldn't be his life.

[irisesinthegarden]

Everyone who knows anything about me always tells me how strong I am, how resilient I am, how good I was. But then, magically, they forget that I'm still hurting. That I still need help. That I'm still struggling. And they just... disappear.

[irisesinthegarden]

so tired of feeling like an outcast wherever I go, with whoever I'm with.

my best friend? feels like I'm just a wall in the room

my family? I'd rather disappear

my own room and on my own? feels like I should just disappear

[irisesinthegarden]

my family considers what I study just choosing a candle. I don't sleep most nights, I work my ass off, but yeah it's just a stupid thing right?

[irisesinthegarden]

everyone always ask me why I don't feel comfortable at home, why I don't consider them family, but how could I if they make fun of me for things that make me cry at night?

[irisesinthegarden]

tired of being the organizer of everything so I just stopped and honestly it's fun seeing everyone just do nothing. You are just as capable as me you know.

[irisesinthegarden]

Getting tested for arthritis and other autoimmune diseases at 22 is not how I thought I'd spend my twenties, life really is unpredictable

[irisesinthegarden]

trying hard not to have a breakdown, trying not to ask for help, trying everything but I keep just feeling scared and sad and I start crying as soon as I'm alone and not doing anything

[irisesinthegarden]

the worst part about finding your soulmate is that you can't kill yourself. you just can't do it to them.

[irisesinthegarden]

so tired I just want to disappear

[irisesinthegarden]

all i can think about is how much i want to be fucked. i want to be bent over and fucked from behind, i want to feel someone's hand on my throat while they choke me, i want to hear those sounds, i want to feel full, i want someone to come inside me and make me come. i want to have rough sex, to be tired and fucked stupid. i hate being horny and not being able to do something about it.

[irisesinthegarden]

Trying out adhd meds, hope this goes well

[irisesinthegarden]

drinking wine from the bottle, in my undies, in bed at 9pm. being twenty is... something

[irisesinthegarden]

Design and architecture professors are the worst kind of human. They think it's fine to scream in your face, break your shit, make fun of you.

I'm human too you know

[irisesinthegarden]

growing up with an emotional immature parent is fucking hard

[irisesinthegarden]

doesn't matter how much I try

it fucking never matters.