jackandjanetdefender

[jackandjanetdefender]

^^The ingredients for the perfect Lil Guy

5 things u need to understand abt tim drake

dick grayson fanboy

he genuinely does care about people. its not fake or insincere even if hes kinda weird about it. he does really care about people

carguy

goof ass dweeb (whether that makes you feel affection abt him is entirely up to you)

half the time he creates his own issues and its usually real funny but the other half of the time his issues are inflicted upon him in ways that are irreversible and beyond his control

[jackandjanetdefender]

Have we considered that the reason the Drakes never spend time with Tim at home is because they are crashing out due to jet lag, and Tim's nocturnal stalling habits mean none of them are ever in the house at the same time?

Janet *waking up*: what year is it?

Jack: no clue, but it's almost 4am. Tim's already in bed.

Meanwhile, Tim is crawling down a fire escape while he stalks Nightwing through Gotham.

[jackandjanetdefender]

Okay. Idea.

Jack and Janet both "die" in Haiti. No bodies discovered, not even a clue left. Bruce is devastated. The next-door neighbors he was coparenting with have up and died, leaving behind their son to him. Except now Tim is also missing. Bruce searchea everywhere, in and out of Gotham. Can't find a trace of his boy. He's devastated and never fully recovers.

Anyways, years later, Tim Drake-Al Ghul and Damian Al Ghul show up on his doorstep. According to them, Talia Al Ghul scooped up Janet and Jack in Haiti, made them her freaky little consorts, and also snatched their son from under Batman's grasp to make a cute lil family unit. Relevant to why they've shown up, Janet, Jack, and Talia are still at the League doing sons sort of thing against Ra's, but they wanted the boys out of there.

Eventually, Talia, Janet, and Jack do show up, and Bruce is just simmering with jealousy. He wants in. He wants in so bad.

I can just imagine Talia dramatically fleeing Gotham after Bruce rejects her (again) because he doesn't want to date her if it means joining her dad's terrorist group. She ends up in Haiti to relax on the beach by drinking her woes away, and stumbles on the Drakes.

Jack: hello strange beautiful woman, I apologize but this is actually our private beach.

Janet: we are willing to share, but only if you fork over whatever you're drinking from that mysterious bottle.

Talia *tipsy*: Fine, but only as long as I get to vent about my ex babydaddy.

Janet: drama?

Jack: ooh, DO tell!

One drink turns into the whole bottle, then Talia's got her head on Janet's lap while she bemoans the stubborness of men with morals.

Janet makes a comment about how SHE wouldn't be so prudish, and Jack adds that "unique families" just make marriage more fun. Who cares if Talia's father does something vaguely illegal, everyone does that in Gotham! Except Bruce Wayne, anyway, but he doesn't count.

Talia starts noticing how Janet's hair lays against her collarbone, and how Jack is jacked (heh) from years running around dig sites. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe she's just sick of chasing after a man who keeps saying no, maybe she just wants to join in with the same casual banter that the Drakes have with each other... but Talia finds herself drunk on a beach, asking if they'd want to join her harem (that she is creating right now) and live at her dad's assassin cult for the summer to party it up.

The Drakes, lacking any rationale around Beautiful Women(tm) obviously say yes. After that, it's a small leap in logic to fake their deaths while they're at it, just so the annoying board members at DI don't track them down to bother them about work while they're spoiling their third rotten.

(A few weeks later, Tim arrives in Nanda Parbat FUMING because they forgot to tell HIM they were alive, and he had to play detective and track them down all on his own. They'd better make it up to him. No way was he going to stay in boarding achool while they got to live with awesome assassins.

Talia: how about knife lessons from my son, your new brother? He likes to stab people, he's very good at it.

Tim: hmmm, okay, a sibling sounds like a nice perk. Thanks Mom no.2)

[jackandjanetdefender]

Jack: siiiiiiiiiigh, it's so hard bonding with teens.

Dana: maybe actually do something Tim will enjoy. Signing him up for football? Really? I know you were a football player in highschool, but Tim's not even sporty.

Jack: you think I joined the team for sports? Dana, you're surrounded by athletic, muscular men for hours every day. I'd fake a knee injury every game just to stare at them. Sports had nothing to do with it.

[jackandjanetdefender]

[jackandjanetdefender]

That awkward moment when you realize your massive adopted family was never invited over for the annual kid-vigilante barbaque

(Pov you're Oliver Queen. Roy doesn't say diddly squat about Jason.)

the justice league: hey supes did you know bats has like kids? like more than one?

superman: yeah we... get together for the holidays. tim and kon are dating. jon and damian are best friends.

the rest of the league: what.

[jackandjanetdefender]

Dick *handstanding around the clocktower in a whimsical way*

Babs:

Dick has the patience of cotton candy on a humid day.

Bro goes from brooding to one-armed handstand in one panel.

And the overly-serious “anything I can do” with the batgirl toy is sending me.

My brother in Christ what you can do is take your ADHD meds. Please let a woman work for five minutes 😭

[jackandjanetdefender]

Basically, Jack and Janet

Jack and Janet share custody of a braincell. One gets the braincell at the gala one gets tim. The one with the braincell only ever uses it to flirt lol

No gala is safe.

To the right, Brucie Wayne giggling while he sips champagne. To the left, Oliver Queen rizzing up the tech bros. And prowling the room like sharks are the Drakes in all their attractive glory.

Janet--sleek, severe, beautiful, dresses like she's going to walk down the red carpet. Men and women fall before her in enamored despair.

Janet *on tim duty*: this toddler won't stop me from having a great time. Waych and learn son, I'm going to teach you the ways of romance.

Baby Tim: gah?

Janet: an excellent point.

Jack--cheerful, handsome, and comptetent, but he is where Tim gets his wet cat rizz. The man excudes and aura of being one moment away from a major crashout, and people can't help but drift nearer to see it happen. Even better, he's a disaster bi who literally trips into flings.

Jack: cons, I sprained my wrist falling diwn the stairs while I was talking with that ambassador from Europe. Pros, they held my hand in the ambulance and promised to let Janet and I stay at their villa this summer. I think we can count this as a win.

After each gala Jack and Janet compare notes on who they talked to. Until Tim was in hid early twenties, he assumed they were talking about business deals.

[jackandjanetdefender]

Jack and Janet share custody of a braincell. One gets the braincell at the gala one gets tim. The one with the braincell only ever uses it to flirt lol

No gala is safe.

To the right, Brucie Wayne giggling while he sips champagne. To the left, Oliver Queen rizzing up the tech bros. And prowling the room like sharks are the Drakes in all their attractive glory.

Janet--sleek, severe, beautiful, dresses like she's going to walk down the red carpet. Men and women fall before her in enamored despair.

Janet *on tim duty*: this toddler won't stop me from having a great time. Waych and learn son, I'm going to teach you the ways of romance.

Baby Tim: gah?

Janet: an excellent point.

Jack--cheerful, handsome, and comptetent, but he is where Tim gets his wet cat rizz. The man excudes and aura of being one moment away from a major crashout, and people can't help but drift nearer to see it happen. Even better, he's a disaster bi who literally trips into flings.

Jack: cons, I sprained my wrist falling diwn the stairs while I was talking with that ambassador from Europe. Pros, they held my hand in the ambulance and promised to let Janet and I stay at their villa this summer. I think we can count this as a win.

After each gala Jack and Janet compare notes on who they talked to. Until Tim was in hid early twenties, he assumed they were talking about business deals.

[jackandjanetdefender]

Jack and Janet

Jack Drake and Dana (Drake pending)

Tim and Tam

I see what you did DC. Well played.

[jackandjanetdefender]

Behind every Mrs. Drake is a fanatically smitten Mr. Drake on his hands and knees begging her to step on him after he's given her the world. She is his goddess and his life is dedicated to worshipping her.

[jackandjanetdefender]

Jason threw off the whole lineup instantly! Has he no respect for his parentals?

Dick: it's okay, I'll just hang from the chandelier during the picture.

Bruce: hrn

After Dick grows up, Bruce keeps acquiring smaller and smaller children, finally getting to the point that he's dressing an orphan alien starfish in spandex.

What does it mean? It means Bruce has the subconcious deaire to line his babies up in order of tallest to shortest for the most adorable family photo of all time. It has been decades in the making, and yet his babies keep running away/dying/misbehaving in order to foil him! Evil children! Bad ducklings! They mock his pain!

[jackandjanetdefender]

Just imagined Bruce, Jack and Janet playing "playboy bingo" as a friendly competition over who has slept with the most amount of people.

Imagine being in a bodycount competition as Bruce Wayne, and yet somehow LOSING to your next door neighbors.

Bruce will never emotionally recover from this.

[jackandjanetdefender]

Every Drake man must be a massive simp for his romantic partner. It's simply a law of the universe.

The sky is blue, grass is green, the Drakes get so down bad for their significant others that it should be a clinicial condition.

Tim over here gets teased by the Bats for being a "creepy stalker," but that's Tim on easy mode regarding nonromantic relationships. When he has a crush/situationship he's buying luxury cars for his boos, investigating pain cults, getting on hands and knees begging them to look his way. It'd be pathetic if it weren't so alarming. Luckily, plenty of people find his desperate simpness endearing and/or hot.

The Bats: we wonder where Tim gets it.

Flashback to Jack Drake falling off the Cliff of Feels for Janet, vowing to fund all of her archeology hobbies, and being so down bad that he trailed after on digs for the next 20 odd years.

Then go back even farther, and there's a long line of Drake men proposing to people the first day they met, imigrating to America because their spouse "wanted a change in scenery," and deciding to live in Gotham because their SO liked the gargoyles.

[jackandjanetdefender]

My fave hc is that Jack and Janet meet in college.

Jack takes an anthropology class and meets a fabulously carefree (unhinged) Janet who is majoring in archeology, falls head over heels, and changes his major to have an excuse to take more classes with her.

Janet adores Jack, but it takes her a while to figure out that he means more to her than her favorite minion/ancient ruins buddy. He's still both those things after they start dating, but now she gets to kiss him and hold hands too, which is a nice perk. ;)

Jack is the flower to Janet's sunshine, he loves being around her so much. He never is the same after she dies...

[jackandjanetdefender]

After Dick grows up, Bruce keeps acquiring smaller and smaller children, finally getting to the point that he's dressing an orphan alien starfish in spandex.

What does it mean? It means Bruce has the subconcious deaire to line his babies up in order of tallest to shortest for the most adorable family photo of all time. It has been decades in the making, and yet his babies keep running away/dying/misbehaving in order to foil him! Evil children! Bad ducklings! They mock his pain!

[jackandjanetdefender]

Update: I went to see it again and my need for this fic has only increased. We're cooking something good here, Gotham has all the ingredients for this fic:

Isolated manor

Lonely child involved in an incident that shook a community recently

Nosey concerned parties

Burglars

Stalking (so much stalking)

Corrupt cops

+80 years of creepy comic history and mysteries for inspiration

Literally all the rogues

If I was not burned out and working full time, mayhaps I could write it . . .

Just saw Weapons and dammit I need a Batman au of this happening to Kid Bruce so bad. Alfred can be aunt Gladys