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Fucked up how humanity discovered electricity and radiation and made machines and learned to make airplanes and cured diseases and our takeaway isnt that "Some Magic Is Real And Here's Why", but that magic is fake this is big boy science and it's totally not magical

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They broke the world for each other.

This one was first published about a month ago on my Patreon. I tried to imagine what kind of portrait would Delilah and Sylas commission a painter to decorate Castle Whitestone have they defeated Vox Machina. I love how they weaponize their sexiness alongside their sheer lack of empathy for everyone but themselves and their evil god to obliterate their enemies. Relationship goals, really.

Sylas and Delilah Briarwood were created by Matthew Mercer and are property of Critical Role.

Available as a print on my InPrnt shop:

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candela obscura textposts be upon ye

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you need to defeat my homunculus

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Jon Eric Riis

Hands of the Oracle

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"I don't like old sci-fi shows, the special effects look too cheesy" you are incapable of joy. Go to the dungeon.

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I was getting pretty fed up with links and generators with very general and overused weapons and superpowers and what have you for characters so:

Here is a page for premodern weapons, broken down into a ton of subcategories, with the weapon’s region of origin. 

Here is a page of medieval weapons.

Here is a page of just about every conceived superpower.

Here is a page for legendary creatures and their regions of origin.

Here are some gemstones.

Here is a bunch of Greek legends, including monsters, gods, nymphs, heroes, and so on. 

Here is a website with a ton of (legally attained, don’t worry) information about the black market.

Here is a website with information about forensic science and cases of death. Discretion advised. 

Here is every religion in the world. 

Here is every language in the world.

Here are methods of torture. Discretion advised.

Here are descriptions of the various methods used for the death penalty. Discretion advised.

Here are poisonous plants.

Here are plants in general.

Feel free to add more to this!

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medieval backstreet boys: you are… my friar

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Dwarfs can hear a weapons voice, Swords speak in vigor, Bows speak with precision, Hammers are blunt and to the point. But when a Dwarf found an old human tank, as their fingers ran across its barrel it heard it say a tired firm voice “I will watch until I am needed again”

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Things that ARE covered by your Wizard Insurance:

Top Surgery

Bottom Surgery

Witch Encounters (one per century)

Killed By Greg

Middle Surgery (✨ New! ✨)

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Could you offer some tips for D&D?

There is a trick to each dice roll. To get high numbers, try these:

d4: Drop the die from a height of at least 4, this will guarantee you get 4.

d6: The cubic or "Caesar's Dice" can be made to roll a 6 by blowing on them as they fall. Do not try with 3d6 or you will get 666 and Satan will result.

d10: This shape is not physically possible, and works only with the placebo effect to make players think they have rolled it, thus you can make up any number and people will accept it.

d12: Anoint the die with Oil of Abramelin and seek guidance from the holy guardian angel of dice to guide them to roll the numbers you wish. Roll what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law, 12 is the law, 12 under Thac0.

d20: Bribe the dice with payments of gold, silver, electrum, or ivory. Photograph yourself doing so, then blackmail them if they refuse. This also works on most politicians in the d20.

d100: This is a ball. Why are you rolling a ball for D&D? That's absurd, balls are for sports people.

dℵ₀: Do not roll infinite dice, this will annoy the DM.

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Want to play Dungeons & Dragons 5e without a Battle Map?

Here's 5e Range Bands.

Designed based on the usual cut-offs of different class and spell abilities, this diagram demonstrates how you can break up the specific amounts of feet into more of a cinematic rough positioning set up.

In the center is the "character dot". All within 5ft of them are Hand range, the standard range for melee. From the edge of Hand to 10ft out is the Reach range for reach weapons and some throwing attacks. Then we have Close, Short, Long, Far, and Beyond.

So if there's a question of "my character wants to attack shmebulon, how far is he?" we can say "Shmebulon is in Short range of you, so you'd need to dash or use a bow/spell to hit him."

This isn't a replacement for a battlemap, you don't stick everyone on one of these and call it a day. It just equips you with a simpler method of communicating people's relations to each other.

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Inadvisable tabletop RPG premise #137: Nobilis-style god game, except instead of being the rulers of various fundamental concepts, the player characters are those concepts' mascots, in the sense of sports arena or theme park mascots. They still have terrible reality-warping powers, but they can only use them while wearing their mascot suits – our of costume they're effectively regular humans.

Because mascots don't talk, while the characters are suited up, their players are only allowed to speak to the GM, and then only to state what their character does; all other communication – including coordinating with other players and dialogue with NPCs – must be carried out either via exaggerated gestures*, or by holding up printed signs which the player in question has prepared ahead of time.

This restriction may temporarily be set aside by miming the act of taking off the head of one's costume, after which that player may speak normally; however, doing so renders their character powerless and vulnerable during the following exchange.

* And no sign language, either – that's disrespecting the spirit of it!

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