kaiisinhell

[kaiisinhell]

in a "listening to a random spotify reupload of pretty cvnt on repeat for 3 hours" type mood so i think i'm going to write some banger fanfiction

[kaiisinhell]

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE WITH THIS

my mom knows we're a system now (no one willingly told her she pressured us until kai had a breakdown) which really sucks because

1. she's the main source of the trauma that led to us becoming a system

2. she refuses to believe this to the point where she initially called us "parasites" and still thinks we could be "spiritual hitchhikers"

3. we didn't want to tell her specifically because we don't have anything figured out and we want to understand ourselves before telling anyone, much less her

4. she keeps asking us who we are, which really sucks because we normally have to think about it for a while because we're often blurry or don't notice switches

[kaiisinhell]

>searches link twilight princes

>first result is link breath of the wild

[kaiisinhell]

we've reaches like 3 breaking points this week alone

[kaiisinhell]

Saw a cis (I think) woman talking about how cis women need trans women because if trans women don’t exist then being a woman isn’t a choice and is instead just something you’re consigned to for life.

I’ve been thinking about it all day because I agree but I feel like there’s more to it than that.

Idk. Gotta think more.

[kaiisinhell]

i always see posts that are like "i should have wings and claws" but where's the love for all the other dragon parts? i want spines and horns and scales. i need to be able to tear a pillow apart with my teeth. i need to curl up and wrap my tail around me.

[kaiisinhell]

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

[kaiisinhell]

i think i should be praised for the amount of restraint i put into not naming my annoying fucking college emails folder "bitches want me bad"

[kaiisinhell]

Whenever I see someone saying they “wish they were a system,” I don’t think: “Oh how DARE they try to mock this shit that debilitates me every day!”

I think, “I wonder what in this world could make them feel like they need to have multiple voices in their head.” I think, “Are they lonely..? Did they even have any friends whilst growing up..? Were they neglected..?”

I understand because I also felt this way as a little kid, elementary school age (5-10). **I** wanted to be less alone as a kid, so I created imaginary characters that began to separate and distinguish themselves from one another. While yes, I had some major events of trauma, my trauma was what I thought as “monotonous” or “insignificant.” I just wanted someone to talk to, someone to confide in. I didn’t feel safe telling an adult what I went through, so it was stored in another alter.

You guys are so quick to jump at someone you have no information on in any way. You don’t know how educated this person is on the complexities of DID, and you don’t know what the person went through at all.

Please stop being so harsh and aggressive towards people figuring themselves out.. you would want that grace too..

[kaiisinhell]

chat what if we created a twst social media au because i'm too adhd to actually write anything rn...

[kaiisinhell]

i'm going to intensive outpatient group therapy starting tuesday and i'm trying to make a deal with the host to at least not have to pretend to be them

[kaiisinhell]

really crazy how much one (1) friend hang out can do for your mental health. do people know about this?

[kaiisinhell]

MY H KEY IS WORKING AGAIN! REJOICE!

[kaiisinhell]

i need to say someting about gender and plurality and social expectations and violence but te issue is i am Very Muc not the alter to do tat but i don't tink anyone else as te experience i do wit tis and terefor probably doesn't want to write it

[kaiisinhell]

*completely forgets to use queue immediately*

i <3 queues bc i get like 3 minutes of fronting time a week and by god i'm gonna take advantage of them

[kaiisinhell]

key broke. send elp. ow do i fix it

[kaiisinhell]

confession magical girl site is literally my favorite anime. i don't like it, to be clear. i old it in absolutely no ig regard. it's objectively edgy, borderline torture-porn, ass. te animation is mediocre at best. it andles noting except te one trans caracter well. i've watced it tree times.