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I found it :>

I can’t find my comfort hoodie <:’{

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I’m scared of men

But tired of life

Hit me.

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sorry I didn't mean to start tearing up as soon as I start trying to talk about my feelings, my bad

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I can’t find my comfort hoodie <:’{

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“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”

- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

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Remus: where’s Regulus and Sirius?

James: oh Sirius is teaching Reggie to drive. Some good brotherly bonding :D

Remus:

Remus: Sirius never learned how to drive!?!

Meanwhile:

Sirius: so, there’s two pedals, sometimes three but you can ignore the left one.

Regulus: I don’t think-

Sirius: the lines on the road are more suggestions than anything, like the speed limit.

Regulus: are you sure that-

Sirius: I’m not sure how to turn on the blinkers. Ready?

Regulus: no wait I-

Sirius *shouting*: GO GO GO

Regulus, *screaming*: *floors it*

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*over the phone*

James: remember when I said that me and Sirius were gonna have a calm night out?

Regulus: yeah..

James: well fun story now we’re in jail

Regulus: *hangs up*

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Haiku poems I’ve written over the years

(I know some of them aren’t 5/7/5 but oh well)

The dark took over

Once again I lost the war

It’s too much for me

Crying my eyes out

Are you even listening

I miss you too much

I want to cry out

But I can never do it

Why is it so hard?

She left me alone

I told her everything

And she still left me

(Maybe that why)

Quiet is nice

It’s like the nothingness inside

Becomes freedom.

I don’t want to sleep

Because the day comes quickly

And the night is short

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Friends

mar/22

I look at them. I look at their faces. Their features. Their blank eyes, stuck in one expression, forever

I look at them on my wall. In my head. In my dreams.

My friends.

I talk to them. Have conversations with them.

They’re response is always the right one. And if it’s not, I can just take a do-over.

They’re my own creation. Ink on a paper or pictures in my head.

They’re my friends.

My only friends.

And I couldn’t ask for more. Because they’re my very best best best best friends. Forever.

They won’t go anywhere. They can’t go anywhere.

Sometimes I think I like to imagine things away.

My problems.

My nonexistent friends.

My sadness, anxiety, anger.

If I can imagine it away, if I can make up friends and happiness and everything in the world, then I’ll forever be happy.

Until I snap back into reality.

It’s nice while it lasts.

Im happy in my made-up friendships and relationships.

The happiness isn’t real. It’s really not real.

When I look at my fake friends I like it.

I like to look at them and talk to them and smile at them and hug them. I can’t hug them.

I just want a hug.

When I look at them I feel lonely safe.

They make me feel better.

Until I remember I’m just a fucked up teenager with no friends and a shitty life.

I could talk to them all day long but I don’t, and smile and laugh and hug and hug and hug and hug and i just want a hug.

Mom calls me. Taking me away from my own world.

My friends can wait.

They can’t won’t go anywhere. They’ll wait.

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I’m drowning

Aug/22

I think I’m drowning

Not in a literal sense of course

There’s no water suffocating my lungs

No one holding me down so I can’t breathe

I can breathe,

Technically.

Still feels like I can’t tho

My chest feels too tight and my eyes water up if I let go of the breath im holding.

I’m trying my hardest to get to fresh air

But the water seems to pull me down faster than I can swim.

And I know the deeper I get in to the water,

The more help I need to get out

I’m scared I’ll never get out.

Im not even sure there’s a bottom

Where I can take a look around at all the other people there.

People who had drowned before me.

We’re all sinking deeper and deeper, until we hit the sand.

So I think I am drowning.

And I’m not sure I can get out of the water myself.

So im waiting for someone to help me.

The thing is,

that if you want help,

You have to ask for it.

I’ve never been specially good at that.

But oh do I need it.

Because I am drowning.

My head is under water

My chest is burning

My throat is tight

And I can’t breathe.

And I really think I need help.

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Feelings

Aug/22

I want to feel

I want to feel without feeling like I’m going to burst

And I’m tired

I’m just so fucking tired.

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Reminder from my 2022 self

I am human

I am human.

Human makes mistakes.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to mess up because that’s a part of life.

There’s nothing wrong with me.

I am human.

There’s no such thing as “eating too much”.

I don’t deserve punishment.

It’s okay to make mistakes.

I am allowed to not be okay.

Relapsing won’t ruin my life, but push me to keep moving forward.

I can do this.

I don’t have to punish myself.

I don’t deserve pain.

I deserve happiness and acceptance.

It’s human to make mistakes.

I am human.

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23Aug/2022

I think I’m drowning.

And I’m just so fucking tired of telling myself I’m okay,

Because I’m not.

And I know that.

I just don’t want to feel what I’m feeling.

And I’m tired.

I’m so fucking tired.

Because drowning is exhausting.

I’m so tired of trying to swim.

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Going through my old “poems” rn and I’ll probably post some of them.

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Just found a poem thing that I wrote years ago about.. well you’ll see I guess.

But damn.

It’s called Heartbeat

Heartbeats. Duhdu… duhdu… duhdu…

Heartbeats heartbeat beat heart?

You can’t control them. No. Duhdu… duhdu… du.. du.. du.

No, stop. I want it to stop. Stop the heartbeat, kill the man, woman, child, no.

Stop the heartbeat, kill the man. Dead. Death. Killing. Murder.

Did I kill you?

Are you dead?

No. no. no. no. no. You’re dead. To me, to you, to us.

I’m dead to me too. Dead. Duhdu… duhdu… duhdu…

Heartbeat. Heartbeat after heartbeat after heartbeat.

Stop it. It needs to stop. I will stop it. Will I? Can I? Can you?

Please you do it. For me.

Will you do it for me? I’m dead to you. Dead. Gone. Yet there’s still heartbeats.

Duhdu… duhdu… duhdu…

Will it stop? Can it stop? Will you make it stop? Please? For you, for me, for everyone.

It needs to stop. Now. For good.

The yelling, the crying, the suffering, the pain. Make it stop.

Heartbeat. It will never stop. Unless I make it stop.

Should I make it stop? Maybe. No. I can’t make it stop.

Duhdu… duhdu… duhdu…

Help. I need help. Can you help? Will you help? Can I help? Can someone just please help?

Please?

Yes. Light that fire, jump off that building, pull that trigger.

No. Don’t.

I need help.

Heartbeat… heartbeat, heartbeat, heartbeat.

It won’t stop. Make it stop. Don’t make it stop. Help me.

Help me now.

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reblog to give a lesbian a sword, a bi girl a dagger, and a trans girl a cool gun

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Couldn’t decide which one was best so you’re just getting both