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I wish you the best of luck on your journey 💪 you can do it! It's crazy how similar we seem to be..i've been struggling with all these things as well and finally decided to take it slow and do it for MYSELF. Woah. Have a wonderful day ❤️

That's amazing!! Good for you!! And thank you so much, it means a lot. We can do this!!

[lookstraight]

One Week

It has been two weeks since I have come back to clean eating and making all my meals at home, and it has been one week since I have started working out regularly. I have put much more thought and effort into this time around. I have constantly been up and down with my illness, hormones, depression, medication, eating, and exercising. I have been battling these things all my life, my illness starting a bit later but still just as menacing and complex. 

I am taking it slow this time, I am trusting the process, I am trying to not look into the mirror too much, I’m trying not to weigh myself at all unless I go to my nutritionist’s office, which I haven’t done yet. 

During the course of the last year or so I have gained about 15 lbs. This comes from stress, my relationship problems, a lack of motivation, and as always, my illness. I had been eating terribly, I wasn't working out, and I was making excuses for myself. I told myself that I wasn’t gaining weight, I was fine, I was happy. But I was not. I am giving myself a year. I am working out 5 times a week, drinking 5 bottles of water a day, and eating healthy. My meals typically look like this:

Breakfast:

1 egg and 1 egg white

1 piece of whole wheat toast

2 pieces of turkey bacon

1/2 grapefruit

Lunch

Chunk chicken salad with green peppers and celery

1 piece of fruit

Dinner

Grilled chicken or grilled salmon

Salad/steamed vegetables or whole wheat pasta/brown rice

Snacks

Nuts, fruit, vegetables with low fat dressing or plain yogurt, etc.

I am learning so much about myself through this journey. I jump from self-hate to self-love. I feel terrible one day and then great a few hours later. This journey is very definitely an emotional one. I am peeling the layers of myself back. I’m learning. I’m grateful to be alive. I’m meditating. I’m thinking. I’m living. I am not giving myself a chance to fail, I am not giving myself a chance to make mistakes. I have done all those things, I know I am stronger than that. I am doing it for real this time and taking it slow. I am doing it for ME. 

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The worst feeling

I have had a terrible semester when it comes to weight loss or working out. I have been eating takeout with my boyfriend almost every single day because we have not made time to buy groceries, I have not worked out even ONCE this whole semester, and I have been feeling miserable and like I gained weight. Academically I have all As. I guess that is an accomplishment, but I feel so terrible about everything else, and terrified because I cannot get back on the bandwagon, my brain refuses to even let me try. Times like these are so hard. When you think about how much time you have left before you reach your goal, how much you have to lose, how much work you have to put in just to feel normal or look how other people look NATURALLY every day of their lives, how much you might miss out on if you get back on the wagon. And these things dance around and around and around in your head until they consume you, until you can think of nothing else and you feel trapped, suffocated, empty, insane, depressed... My boyfriend says "if you're not happy just change it, go work out, go to the gym" I wish it was that easy for me. I can't simply "snap out of it" and go to the gym. I feel numb, I feel like dead weight, I feel like stone. This is what depression does. This is how it consumes you.

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How much exercise do you really need?

1. To increase cardiovascular fitness levels? 20 Mins, 2-5 times a week. 2. To lose weight? 20-30 mins, 3 times a week. 3. To tone up?

2 sets of 15 reps, 2 times a week. 4. To maintain fitness / weight? 20-40mins, 3 times a week.

5. To increase flexibility? 5-10 mins, everyday.

[lookstraight]

Running without headphones?

Does anyone run without music and find that they are more successful? I find that music sometimes annoys me and when I run without anything at all I sometimes do better/set a better pace/run with a clearer mind. Does anyone else have the same experience? Just curious! I feel odd when everyone else has headphones and I'm just out there with nothing feeling like a weirdo.

[lookstraight]

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I fit into a size 14 yesterday!! I used to be a size 20 or greater depending on the dress/shirt! I'm so happy :)

[lookstraight]

You've helped me feel so much more motivated to change. I've always hated my body but lacked the motivation I need to actually do something about it. Any tips on diet/exercise? Btw, you look gorgeous! Xox

Omg thank you! This totally made my day!! Um for tips and tricks, I honestly just started out small. I've always been afraid of working out in front of people so I usually don't go to the gym even though I have a membership, that's going to change soon though since my boyfriend joined my gym and he's going to definitely force me to go with him all the time, lol! I started out watching what I eat. The first and most important thing I did is I cut out soda. I didn't even cut out all of the other drinks, just soda. Then I started to incorporate different healthy foods in my diet and cut out fried food mostly. Fried food is the devil! I counted calories here and there, but my nutritionist told me a great way to realize portion control is to use your hand. You should use your palm as one serving. I use that for chicken, bread, grains, etc. I know I'm kinda all over the place with this answer but the basic things are these:-WATER! -Cut soda-Cut fried foods-Grill and bake your meats! -Experiment with fruits and vegetables and figure out what you love, then incorporate that into your diet -Eat a balanced meal meaning one protein, one whole grain, and some form of fruit or vegetable with each meal-Try to be more active! (Parking farther away, taking the stairs, getting up more often to just do things and go places, walking, running, sports activities, just being outside) -BE PATIENT! I cannot stress this enough. Even now there are so many times I look in the mirror and think that progress is not happening fast enough. But then I realize how far I have come and the fact that I don't NEED success to come fast. All you have in this world is time. Put in the time and the effort in small steps every single day and trust the process and you will see results with TIME. -Don't be too hard on yourself or give up if you mess up. Even today I have many days where I don't eat right for 2 meals and I eat only one healthy meal. But hey, that's better than 3 healthy meals! I'm still cutting down the calories I used to eat (aka fast food every single meal) take it one day at a time and if you need to, one meal at a time. You'll learn along the way!

[lookstraight]

feed your body right before and after your workouts! :)

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Hello to all my new followers!!

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Eat like you love yourself. Move like you love yourself. Speak like you love yourself. Act like you love yourself.

Tara Stiles  (via yourclassyslut)

[lookstraight]

Photo update from last weekend y'all!! Me at a wedding in late 2012 and me at a wedding on August 9th 2014. Need to tone my arms and focus on cardio! Before my weight loss journey you had to FORCE me to take a full body pic. Now I'm cool with it. Halfway there and halfway to go!! Anybody have any advice to target stubborn belly fat? I know you can't spot reduce anything, but just wondering if anyone has had luck with something diet or exercise wise. My weight seems to leave me everywhere but my belly. Slow and steady wins the race!

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Non-Scale Victory

Yesterday I went over to my aunt's house. My younger cousin is flying overseas for her engagement party, and even though she's about a size 6 compared to my NOT size 6, she was telling me how she can't fit into her dress for the party since she's gained a couple pounds due to Ramadan. She actually asked ME, "So, how did you lose your weight like what stuff did you do? Because I'm not fitting into my dress right now and I need to fit into it in 3 weeks." Even though I am still losing weighty, she asked for MY advice, and I felt so awesome because I had been feeling very looked over and unnoticed from my family lately. They never compliment me on my weight loss and only a select few tell me that I look smaller every time they see me. I guess I kind of realized in that moment that everyone just sees my weight loss but doesn't say anything about it, because it has become so normal to them, whereas I'm still changing inside and out. I guess I realized that people still see progress even though they don't comment on it. Anyway, it was a really nice thing for her to do, to come up to me out of everyone in the family (and many people who are much skinnier than I am) to ask for advice and help. I wrote a long list of quick fixes for her to do since she doesn't have much time, like increasing water intake, cutting out excess sugar, making her meals consist mostly of vegetables, protein, and a whole grain, all that stuff. She was surprised at most of it which actually surprised ME. That she didn't have to think about that kind of stuff and she was still so small. Just goes to show that the hard work I put in to losing my weight makes the journey so much more difficult, but that much more worth it in the end.

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