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[mortagesrants]

SIGNS YOU’RE BEING GROOMED ONLINE

This post is mostly intended for minors to stay safe from adult predators, but this can honestly apply in any situation where one person has power over another. like a celebrity, or a superior at work.

compliments you…A LOT: Compliments aren’t inherently inappropriate if they’re SFW, but it gets weird when they’re doing it frequently, like unprompted.

sexual compliments: No adult should ever be telling a minor they’re hot or sexy.

Conversations start slowly(or not that slowly) becoming sexual:  Convos might seem normal, but groomers/predators like to slowly introduce sexual topics until it feels normal, bc that’s less likely to set off alarms in your head.

Frequent comments about your age:  The biggest red flag is “you’re so mature for your age” being said repeatedly. They’re trying to break that age barrier between you by making you feel like you’re equal, like it’s not wrong for something to happen between you two. Adding onto that, they should never be making “jokes” like “can’t wait till you’re 18 lol” or anything similar. huge red flag.

They’re really clingy/needy for your attention: This is just weird. I, as an adult, should not be begging or fighting for a teenager’s attention or acting jealous when they’re with other friends. I shouldn’t even be joking about that.

They guilt trip you for attention: They start emotionally manipulating you. They make you think they need your attention or else they’ll hurt themselves or be super sad or something. No adult should be dependent on a minor like that.   

They try to turn you against your friends: When your friends try to point out that this person is being inappropriate, they’ll try to tell you your friends are just jealous, they don’t get it, no one understands, etc. They’ll attempt to isolate you so no one can open your eyes to what’s really going on. they’ll try to convince you that the people trying to help you are just jealous.

They’ll pretend to feel bad for liking/wanting you: They’ll talk about how they know it’s wrong but “it feels right,” how they feel guilty but can’t help how they feel about you. They’ll try to normalize what’s happening and convince you they’re not a bad person.

If someone tells you “i’d date you if you were older” that’s a BIG red flag

Another huge red flag is if they consistently pressure you for pictures of yourself. 

There might be more I think of later. feel free to reply with any I haven’t listed.

Above all else, never feel guilty for blocking someone. if you feel uncomfortable, the block button exists for a reason. if an adult or someone in power ever makes you uncomfortable, please take the necessary actions to keep yourself safe.

The above signs aren’t always necessarily grooming. grooming is a form of manipulation. sometimes people are creepy and cross boundaries without intentions to groom you— but that’s still not okay, you can block them!

definition of grooming. not all sexual harassment/abuse is grooming, but none of it is acceptable or okay at all and should still be reported

“what do i do if someone is being inappropriate?”

 - Screenshot EVERYTHING

 - Block them 

- If it’s in a server or other organization/group, notify those in power

 - If you can’t do that, either expose them yourself or ask a trusted adult to help you. you can stay anonymous

Remember: if they did it to you, they might have done it to others. I know coming forward is terrifying… but if you can, please do.

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Things that do NOT have a gender

Body hair

Kids toys

Emotions 

Behaviors

Scents

Perfumes

Hobbies

Skills

Public bathrooms

S-x toys

Periods

Body parts

Accessories

Hairstyles

Pregnancy

Colors

Make up

Clothing

Gender is determined by US only, not the things we do or the ways we look

Let’s stop gendering things that do not have a gender

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10 Stages of Genocide

Classification: People are divided into “us and them”

Symbolization: People are forced to identify themselves

Discrimination: People begin to face systematic discrimination

Dehumanization: People equated with animals, vermin, or diseases

Organization: The government creates specific groups (police, military, etc) to enforce the policies

Polarization: The government broadcasts propaganda to turn the populace against the group

Preparation: Official action to remove or relocate people

Persecution: Beginning of murders, theft of property, trial massacres

Extermination: Wholesale elimination of the group. It is “extermination” and not murder because the people are not considered human.

Denial: The government denies that it has committed any crime

TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS

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If depression is bad enough to make someone kill themselves, it’s bad enough to make someone lose motivation for basic hygene (showers, brushing teeth, brushing hair, etc) 

So stop saying: “I’m supporting mental health awareness” then turn around and judge an actual person with mental health issues

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Stop dismissing your child’s mental health

Honestly, I’m tired of those parents that will just continue to dismiss their child’s mental health as nothing but an “adolescent phase” or something that could just easily go away

Like, if someone tells you your child is dealing with mental health issues or low self esteem, etc. Or if your child is showing signs that their mental health is struggling, you need to at least do something about it and not rub it off as some edgy phase they’re going through

Even if you don’t technically believe that your child is struggling, at least be there for them, you ignoring your child’s struggles or just being very careless about what they’re going through won’t fix your child’s mental health or make them feel better

and if anything, it’s not really that hard to try to help your child. Just be there for them and understand them, and not just dismiss it as a phase or assume they’re seeking attention

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Fireworks are a danger to the environment and even other people

Fireworks emit 60,340 tons of C02 every year. That’s a bit more than what 12,000 has powered cars emit in a year. GreenMatters sourced from Tree Hugger

Fireworks also negatively impact

The waterways, rivers and lakes that animals and poverse people use to drink from.

People with PTSD, ranging from war veterans, victims of terrorism, and so forth

Native wildlife, especially native avian species who die from adrenaline overdose, stress, heart attack, or from the sheer noise and heat from fireworks

Disabled people with noise sensitivity

Local flora having severe burns or being at risk of causing wildfires.

Damaging human lungs from inhaling micro plastics and smoke

ETC

Statistically speaking

Between 2002 and 2017, 7.25% of people died from a result of fireworks, cracklers, and sparklers in the US

In 2017, nearly 13,000 people went to the hospital from firework related injuries

Fireworks introduce 42 percent more pollutants to the air than on average in a day to day basis

In Los Angeles, after the Fourth Of July, pollution rose up 10 times higher in 2020

Home made fireworks created even more pollution than store bought

Around 28.9% of C02 emissions are from fireworks in the US

While nice to look at, keep in mind the major environmental impact and impact on various people it has

Sources

Are Fireworks Bad For The Environment? Here’s What You Need To Know For July 4th - Sophie Hirsh, Green Matters, July 1 2020

Study: Fireworks release high levels of pollution on July 4th weekend - Kenzi Abou Sabe, PBS, July 4 2015

The hidden toll of July Fourth fireworks - Madeline Stone, National Geographic, July 2 2021

2017 fireworks annual report: Fireworks related deaths, emergency department treated injuries, and enforcement activities during 2017 - Consumer product safety commission of the United States Of America

How bad are fireworks for the environment? - Natalia Welzenbach Marcu, Iowa Environmental Focus, July 3 2018

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What is masking

Masking is when a person tries to behave in a socially desirable way.

Masking may look like

- Forcing eye contact and smiling

- Using scripts and reciting common phrases in conversations

- Withholding unpopular opinions

- Having others check your messages before sending them

- Laughing at jokes you don’t understand or find funny

- Forcing engagement in small talk

- Planning what to say in advance

- Changing your tone of voice to sound more friendly

- Not saying what you really want to say

- Pretending not to be bothered when you’re bothered

Masking feels like being hypervigilant of your speech and body language

It’s exhausting

Everyone masks to some degree

However, people from marginalized groups may feel pressure to mask to a greater degree

Unmasking may not be an option as masking is often required to fit in, be employed, and stay safe

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Fujoshis and Fudanshis

Stop sexualizing homosexual people. 

It’s not okay.

Not only are they hated by homophobes, you guys make it worse for them

LEAVE THEM ALONE AND BE NORMAL!

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Fun Fact

Just because an incestuous or pedo relationship is “queer” or has non straight/cis people, doesn’t make it good lgbtq+ rep at all

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Dermatillomania

Dermatillomania, also known as excoriation disorder, or skin picking disorder, is characterized by compulsive skin picking. It’s a body focused repetitive behavior, and an obsessive compulsive related disorder.

Most people pick their skin occasionally, but dermatillomania typically results in lesions and causes distress, despite trying to stop picking. The skin picking targets both healthy and damaged skin, which can cause further damage to the tissue

People with dermatillomania may pick one specific area, change areas from time to time, or pick anywhere, including the face, fingers, arms, and legs. People with dermatillomania may have rituals along with the picking and either use their fingers or an instrument, or both to pick.

People with dermatillomania may have anxiety and obsessions over their skin, feeling relief only after picking. Dermatillomania can impact their daily life by taking up time, causing shame, or leaving behind physical issues like skin discoloration, open wounds, or even infection

Dermatillomania, like all other BFRBs, are mental disorders that need treatment. They are not to be taken lightly and viewed as bad habits that can be willed away. Don’t feel bad for having it or shame someone else for having it

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Trichotillomania

Trichotillomania, also called hair-pulling disorder, is a disorder characterized by compulsive urges to pull out one’s own hair, despite trying to stop. It’s a body focused repetitive behavior, and classified as an obsessive compulsive related disorder

People with trichotillomania may get more stressed trying to stop, and feel more relaxed after pulling their hair out. They might also have specific routines or rituals with the hair pulling, like pulling from a certain spot. Trichotillomania causes distress in multiple areas of life, and can cause skin damage

Trichotillomania is often linked to OCD and stress, but OCD and trichotillomania aren’t always comorbid

Having trichotillomania can make people feel ashamed, embarrassed, sad, frustrated, etc., so if you know someone with it, don’t make them feel worse for having it. It’s not a habit that can be easily stopped or lessened, it’s a mental disorder that needs treatment

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Gentle Reminder

To anyone who is worried that you might be faking your disorder

Faking IS intentional. Faking is something that people do ON PURPOSE.

If you are worried that you might be faking, you’re probably not

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Autism: Comfort Objects

Many autistic and neurodivergent people have comfort objects.

A comfort object is usually something the person likes to bring with them wherever they go, or they like to keep it somewhere safe at home. This object brings them security and safety. We often think of security blankets or stuffed animals as comfort objects, but anything can be a comfort object.

Anyone can have a comfort object. Not just kids.

I have a comfort object I sleep with every night. Without it, I have a difficult time sleeping and often feel anxious.

I also have a comfort object that I take with me everywhere! I usually keep one of these in a backpack or in the car, but it comes with me wherever I go

If your child or someone you know has a comfort object, DO NOT:

- Take the comfort object away as punishment

- Tease the person for having a comfort object

- Joke about destroying or throwing away said comfort object

Those are ways to cause trauma. Comfort objects are not just objects a person really likes. This is an object they have connection to, and feel SAFE with.

Taking away a child’s (or adult’s) comfort object for a punishment is like taking away their safety.

Do not use the comfort object as a reward for good behavior either

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Unlabeled does NOT mean queerbaiting

Just because someone chooses to not have a label does not mean they are queerbaiting. And when has queerbaiting evolved into “who’s faking it?” Queerbaiting pertains to shows and companies deceiving the audience to believe a character is queer and pull the rug under them to show they aren’t.

Queerbaiting has never meant to claim someone is “pretending to be gay” because they are unlabeled

Just because you personally prefer a label doesn’t mean everyone else needs a label too

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Autism Support Groups That Actually HURT Us

Generation Rescue (hope for recovery)

The National Autistic Society

TACA (The Autism Community In Action

AutismOne

Autism Speaks

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Xenogenders are valid

They help people to express themselves

Bullying people for their gender identity and gender is wrong. It literally doesn’t affect you

Xenogenders were made for autistic and neurodivergent people, although people who are not neurodivergent or autistic can use them. They help us express ourselves better (I am diagnosed autistic)

Do you really think it’s okay to harass trans autistic people for living?

People are allowed to express their identity through different ways

“it hurts trans people”, Xenogenders are under the trans & nonbinary umbrella

If you still think its okay to harass others for expressing themselves, you really need to so some self reflection  

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Ways People Mask - Autism/Neurodivergent

Hiding stims

Changing voice pattern

Mimicking body language

Forcing eye contact

Pretending to understand

Pushing through overload

Mimicking facial expressions

Hiding emotions

Talking way more

Talking way less

Copying others interests

Being on their phone