#obsessive compulsive related disorders

[hauntedselves]

therapy yesterday (tw: health anxiety, specifically heart-related; contamination OCD)

so i probably have health anxiety. i've been having some physical symptoms which led me to get an electrocardiogram (ECG) and then a 24hr ECG - and of course i didn't have any symptoms during, only before and after 🙄- but i talked to my psych about how i get all obsessive over it (e.g. i get palpitations, i check what that could mean, i worry i'm having a heart attack, the anxiety causes the palpitations to get worse, the cycle continues). and turns out she wrote her masters thesis on heart-related health anxiety so literally the best person i could be talking to about this!

in typical health anxiety fashion i spent all of today researching health anxiety. i found a subreddit (r/HealthAnxiety) and reading their posts has been really helpful. i also found a workbook on health anxiety so i'll read that.

the thing to remember is that i'm still here. like... i've had many episodes of these heart symptoms and i'm not dead.

of course though, all the symptoms of a heart attack are the same as symptoms of anxiety & panic attacks. which makes it hard! but then the trick is to wait, as hard as that is. if you're really having a heart attack, your body knows. panic attacks are awful but they won't kill you.

if i had been assessed as a kid, i reckon i would've been diagnosed with OCD (and painfully obvious autism lol). i read Roald Dahl's autobiography when i was a kid and he wrote about having appendicitis which scared the shit out of me. obviously treatment and prognosis of appendicitis is way better in 2023 than it was in the early 1900s lol. but if i felt any amount of abdominal pain i'd be mentally running through the symptoms of appendicitis and freak myself out over it. (a small reason why i got a hysterectomy was so that i'd be 100% certain that i could never get a ruptured ovarian cyst, or endometriosis, or cervical cancer, etc.).

i was also obsessed with (and terrified of) natural disasters. i'd memorised all the cloud shapes and patterns and what they meant and i was always analysing the clouds to make sure a tornado wasn't about to happen (worth noting i live in a part of the world where tornadoes literally do not happen). or i'd see a mountain that was vaguely pointy and i'd be like, oh shit what if that's a volcano. or i'd be at the beach and be obsessively checking the sky and sea to make sure i'd be prepared if a tsunami were to happen (again, there's no volcanic activity here or tsunamis). bushfires do happen and can be pretty severe (our house came close to burning down a few times) and i still fixate on them during bushfire season but definitely not to the point i did as a kid.

i also went through a phase were i'd never be sure if i washed my hands after going to the loo, so i'd go back to the bathroom multiple times to wash them again. classic OCD there.

my psych and i theorise that these anxiety/OCD-like symptoms are the result of autism and trauma (as everything seems to be in my life lol). it makes sense - a little (undiagnosed) autistic kid in a chaotic, unstable environment hyperfixates on control and uncertainty (OCD)... and develops a fear of pain and death. an injury can be controlled, there's a process and uniformity to it (e.g. you cut your finger, so you wash it and get a bandaid, and over time it heals). an abusive environment is unpredictable and can't be controlled, so you focus on what you can control (and dissociate from the rest). once again, i have to wonder how much easier and better my life would be if it weren't for all the trauma lol...

[blogthebooklover]

I may have shared a post some time ago about body focused repetitive behaviors (BFRB). Well, I’d figure it was time for me to share my own struggles with it. I have trichotillomania, and I’ve had it since I was 10 years old. It basically means self inflicted hair pulling, which 100% sucks ASS. When I turned 18 it went into (lack of a better term) remission and my hair grew out. I had it so long, that it touched the middle of my back (unfortunately, I don't have any pictures at this time of me with long hair). I absolutely loved how long my hair was.

And then, the whole 2016 Presidential election happened.

Aside from that, there were some other issues going on at the time, too.

That first picture is 23-year-old me feeling absolutely the worse I had EVER felt about myself. I felt so bad, all of the hard work I had put in to grow my hair out. There is so much shame around trich, constant self esteem issues, feeling alone, and too much bullying unfortunately. It was then, when I finally decided I would shave my hair completely. I felt so much more like myself than ever.

It absolutely does suck having this, especially when you’re a kid.

Here’s a small collection of me wearing four of my wigs (I have ten, yes TEN!), that I wear in public sometimes. Mostly during a holiday (that deep red one is my first lace front, btw).

Wearing wigs helps me out, I wore more natural looking ones in high school, and I like to express myself through them. I usually wear them in public, because I got done with people asking me about my hair loss (& I had a child ask me if I was a boy or a girl). I do like to choose whichever hairstyle I feel like coordinating with an outfit (yes, I intentionally wanted to look like a leprechaun for St. Paddy's Day, lol).

As you can also see from the photos, I'm plus-sized, which is DOUBLE the self esteem issues as a pre-teen and a teenager.

It took me a very long time to accept and love myself fully. I have my moments from time to time now as an almost 30-year-old woman. The point I am trying to make is that it wasn't until I was an adult, that I decided to really be honest about my mental health struggles. When you're growing up, you just want to fit in, no matter which group you wanted to be included at that time. I'm just mad at myself for not being more open and honest about my mental health.

We all want to be accepted and loved for who you are.

I want anyone who struggles with BFRB or any other mental health disorders to know: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! YOU ARE ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL!

I am here for you, if you just need to talk.

Edit: Apparently, I recently found out that September is also Trichotillomania and Alopecia Awareness Month. YAY!!!!

[nagichi-boop]

I know that this scene is about Shadow grappling with the fact he has alien DNA, but I feel like his thoughts in this scene are relatable to people with conditions like autism, BPD and NPD (not an exhaustive list) who struggle with feeling and being treated like an outcast or monster at times. For some, it’s because we struggle to operate in a world not designed for us. For others, it’s fighting against all the negative perceptions society has of us.

Shadow sees himself as a monster. But Maria assures him that just because he expresses himself differently, that doesn’t make him evil. I feel like especially for people who struggle with empathy, this really hits home. People often assume that people who struggle with empathy, whether cognitive or emotional, are heartless. And for those with personality disorders, they’re often treated as if they are abusive or manipulative just because of the disorder they have, even though people with said disorders are victims of trauma and abuse themselves.

I hope you all have a Maria in your lives. And if not, please remember that it’s your actions that define you, not your neurotype or disorder. If you struggle with socialising, or emotional regulation, or empathy, you’re not a monster. You’re strong for living in a world that so often seems to outcast and insult you. You’re strong for choosing to be as kind as you can be, even though so many people refuse to show that common courtesy in return. Even when you can’t be strong, you are not a monster.

Please be kind to yourselves. You deserve it.

[vegetabletaxi]

moments i should've realized i had moral ocd

when i was 10 i was convinced the police were going to arrest me for looking at boobs

thinking i was abusing and neglecting my first pet to the point where i gave him away so he would be "safe from me"

being so, so, so, so forgetful ("oh, what i ate??? oh, no idea! i was too busy being guilty over the fact i'm not 100% vegan yet!")

jumping at every opportunity to get drunk/high/etc. so i wouldn't have to think about anything anymore

having had like a million coping mechanisms but never knowing "why" and thinking i was doing it "just to get attention"

getting an anxiety attack everytime i mess up at work somehow

feel free to add on lol

[analog-autistic]

c’mon man I just wanna cut fruit you don’t gotta be like that :(

[sunderingstars]

obsession

& compulsion

[v0idsp3rson]

ocd be like:

(my art pls credit if you use this for anything)

[its-simply-just-krys]

harm ocd is one of the scariest disorders and i feel like it’s not talked about enough on here. the dark and impulsive thoughts and urges of it feels so dangerous. i feel dangerous. i’m constantly scared of myself and my thoughts.

[livingsidecharacter]

writing my new pinned post and THE URGE TO EITHER OVERSHARE OR JUST HAVE YALL FIGURE OUT STUFF ABOUT ME IS CRAZY LET ME OUT LMAOO /lh

[joshuakellin]

Everyday I think about Sebastian Stan and how important him being so open about his OCD means to me

[hex-is-vexxed]

Wish there was a hotline for ppl that aren’t actually in danger of hurting or killing themselves but are still suicidal,

Like I’m not going to do it, I have a lot to live for, and I’m not gonna hurt myself either

But!! I am in crisis!!! It is a constant thought- always in the back of my mind and lately it’s been getting louder. It is exhausting and scary and I don’t know what to do

idk if this is too dark for my blog like ik it’s outta left field but just,,,, Uhg… idk

if anyone has any resources that isn’t just a suicide hotline I’d really appreciate it

Or just if anyone else feels the same, I feel like I’m making this all up

[average-emo-enigma]

Y’all ever get sick of your own shit? Like girl why did you do that? And that??? You need to get your shit together. Please don’t ruin my life babe

[eyluvu]

Ocd is like 'ok so im sending this invoice to my boss and i hope this isnt a pornhub link or a picture of my bleeding thighs even though i havent attached anything at all other than my invoice but maybe it magically changed and now im fired and get no money and also everyone hates me and thinks im a prude for sending inappropriate links to my boss' and the link is like 'Basic Invoice Template'

[kiwibirdlover28]

Realising you have something then realising how much of your weird problems were to do with that thing.

Especially with OCD, realising how much of my thoughts that wouldn't go away weren't actually me but intrusive from OCD (or however you say they were intrusive thoughts, that I added logic to)

[musical-chick-13]

Question for any other people who suffer from OCD and like to write: Do you ever get writing-related Themes™ or compulsions, and, if so, how do you manage them?

[happyk44]

can someone please explain the difference between tourettes and tourettic ocd/tic-related ocd? because they both appear to be the same thing to me, just different onset of age. in which case, would they not just be the same and the age req for tourettes removed?