p-rainybee - Tumblr blog

[p-rainybee]

People love my people

On days like this I miss you extra much

Recently I keep thinking about all the things that are wrong with me.

I don't know. I think there must be something if no one loves you right?

And I'm not their priority anymore

[p-rainybee]

It's been 4 months and I still think about you.

There's no place for you. There's no need of you.

I'm so stupid.hopeless.liar.liar.liar.

Just get married and have kids faster so I can move on already.

I can't sleep in my own bed anymore and everyone keeps mentioning your family

Please don't come back. Or if you do bring one of your girls.

Though let her not be prettier than me.

[p-rainybee]

A doer, not a dreamer

[p-rainybee]

Just love me please. I have so much potential.

I'll be good. Just love me.

[p-rainybee]

💗~▪︎° ☆•🪷•~●•*'*◇▪︎

Wake up, melodramatic babe with nostalgia disorder

Summer is over. It's time to move on.

[p-rainybee]

Even just by closing my eyes

I will hear your voice

Even in pain

I'm with you

[p-rainybee]

Funny, I really thought they care. Even a little. My own insecurities and desire to be chosen played the same trick. And I got fooled again.

But no more ｡ﾟ•┈୨୧┈•ﾟ｡✧˖*°࿐ •*⁀ ｡˚ ೃ࿔₊•

Grow up, you helpless, unloved child. Be enough for yourself.

˖*°࿐

[p-rainybee]

In another world no one cared if I was stuttering on the other side of the phone. And I was enough ◇•~

[p-rainybee]

-•*WRITING PROMT from a tired mind

There were times when my thoughts were not only about male validation or school. Times when I enjoyed reading adventure books and cook cherry pies. I loved going to my my neighbour's house and play with her dog. Miss D. was a lady in her 50s with no children, no husband and beautiful, long grey hair. Mom was always bad mouthing her saying that it's a bad sign if no man decided to tight himself to her it. I loved miss D. though. She always offered to help me with my school work and let me pick cherries from her garden for my baking sessions.

Unlike mom I thought that she was the coolest person ever. Walking alone in the morning with her dog, smoking cigarettes and knitting her own cardigans. I loved miss D. Truly. Like I child would love her older sister. Until one december night when the postman found her body next to the cherry tree in her garden. They said she died in her sleep which now if I think about it, was not that bad. At least she wasn't in pain.

No one saw her dog after her death. Two weeks after her funeral one of her relatives came to take a look at her house before putting it to sale. After three month miss D's house was repainted and sold and I was packing my bags to move to the city.

My childhood and memories of mild days were left there. Probably the last moments of peace were buried with miss D. My next years became gray just like her hair I always wanted to braid.

****

[p-rainybee]

- But I miss you.

- Stop. You have to focus on your life. Don't let them win.

[p-rainybee]

╰◟◞ ͜ ◟◞╭◜◝ ͡ ◜◝╮ ͜ ◟◞╯♡

♡ ☆ .♡‧₊˚ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

I know I shouldn't but I keep on waiting for something magical to happen

Because I'm so tired of fighting alone

So tired tired tired

[p-rainybee]

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ I used to always have a plan.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ until today ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

But I'm a survivor right?ೀ｡˚ ⋆ I can't give up.

[p-rainybee]

Please don't leave me

Just this time...don't take that love away from me

I can't do this alone

I need it to keep on going

[p-rainybee]

*'^* If I close my eyes for a moment -*'x☆•°**'**

I think I feel a little scared

'* ☆*'If only you were by my side, anywhere in the world **▪︎☆ ***'▪︎☆

I need you

[p-rainybee]

Since I can't be happy for myself, I'll be happy for you just like you wanted.

Promise.

[p-rainybee]

"*"'xxxXxxx' I'll go back to my real life tomorrow. today I'm just a sad girl "*"'xx'xxX''x*

[p-rainybee]

▪︎° too deep of a wound ••••

°°•°° it's time to forget each other