p-rainybee

[p-rainybee]

So we put on our eyeliner

☆ • And a bit of glitter dust

Don't you want to?

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang •••••

[p-rainybee]

I wanna gather up stardust and hit you with it

Why do I care when I can only love myself… ?

I think my heart’s been broken… ♡•°♡~

♡~ For real… ?

I’m clutching my loneliness, stuck

Inside the box of sparkles you left behind

[p-rainybee]

I just want you to feel something

No, I don't want you to heal

'Cause for me, it was real

At least, for me, it was real pain

[p-rainybee]

I've never been robbed,

I take all to myself everytime

Just notice

with teeth and claw

[p-rainybee]

Everything ☆•°

you've ever dreamed of

becomes a reality

There's no

°•☆ turning back

[p-rainybee]

I see you when I see you

Like you were a dream

[p-rainybee]

People love my people

On days like this I miss you extra much

Recently I keep thinking about all the things that are wrong with me.

I don't know. I think there must be something if no one loves you right?

And I'm not their priority anymore

[p-rainybee]

A doer, not a dreamer

[p-rainybee]

Just love me please. I have so much potential.

I'll be good. Just love me.

[p-rainybee]

💗~▪︎° ☆•🪷•~●•*'*◇▪︎

Wake up, melodramatic babe with nostalgia disorder

Summer is over. It's time to move on.

[p-rainybee]

Even just by closing my eyes

I will hear your voice

Even in pain

I'm with you

[p-rainybee]

Funny, I really thought they care. Even a little. My own insecurities and desire to be chosen played the same trick. And I got fooled again.

But no more ｡ﾟ•┈୨୧┈•ﾟ｡✧˖*°࿐ •*⁀ ｡˚ ೃ࿔₊•

Grow up, you helpless, unloved child. Be enough for yourself.

˖*°࿐

[p-rainybee]

In another world no one cared if I was stuttering on the other side of the phone. And I was enough ◇•~

[p-rainybee]

-•*WRITING PROMT from a tired mind

There were times when my thoughts were not only about male validation or school. Times when I enjoyed reading adventure books and cook cherry pies. I loved going to my my neighbour's house and play with her dog. Miss D. was a lady in her 50s with no children, no husband and beautiful, long grey hair. Mom was always bad mouthing her saying that it's a bad sign if no man decided to tight himself to her it. I loved miss D. though. She always offered to help me with my school work and let me pick cherries from her garden for my baking sessions.

Unlike mom I thought that she was the coolest person ever. Walking alone in the morning with her dog, smoking cigarettes and knitting her own cardigans. I loved miss D. Truly. Like I child would love her older sister. Until one december night when the postman found her body next to the cherry tree in her garden. They said she died in her sleep which now if I think about it, was not that bad. At least she wasn't in pain.

No one saw her dog after her death. Two weeks after her funeral one of her relatives came to take a look at her house before putting it to sale. After three month miss D's house was repainted and sold and I was packing my bags to move to the city.

My childhood and memories of mild days were left there. Probably the last moments of peace were buried with miss D. My next years became gray just like her hair I always wanted to braid.

****

[p-rainybee]

- But I miss you.

- Stop. You have to focus on your life. Don't let them win.

[p-rainybee]

╰◟◞ ͜ ◟◞╭◜◝ ͡ ◜◝╮ ͜ ◟◞╯♡

♡ ☆ .♡‧₊˚ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

I know I shouldn't but I keep on waiting for something magical to happen

Because I'm so tired of fighting alone

So tired tired tired

[p-rainybee]

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ I used to always have a plan.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ until today ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

But I'm a survivor right?ೀ｡˚ ⋆ I can't give up.