queertations

[queertations]

“As I pondered a pronoun change, I began to think of gender less as a scale and more as a landscape. Some people are born in the mountains, while others are born by the sea. Some people are happy to live in the place they were born, while others must make a journey to reach the climate in which they can flourish and grow. Between the ocean and the mountains is a wild forest. That is where I want to make my home.” ― Maia Kobabe, Gender Queer: A Memoir (Affiliate link)

[queertations]

"By claiming that they wanted the power men had, man-hating feminists (who were by no means the majority) covertly proclaimed that they too wanted to be rewarded for being out of touch with their feelings, for being unable to love."

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

[queertations]

"Because patriarchal culture has already taught girls and boys that Dad’s love is more valuable than mother love, it is unlikely that maternal affection will heal the lack of fatherly love. No wonder then that these girls and boys grow up angry with men, angry that they have been denied the love they need to feel whole, worthy, accepted. Heterosexual girls and homosexual boys can and do become the women and men who make romantic bonds the place where they quest to find and know male love. But that quest is rarely satisfied. Usually rage, grief, and unrelenting disappointment lead women and men to close off the part of themselves that was hoping to be touched and healed by male love. They learn then to settle for whatever positive attention men are able to give. They learn to overvalue it. They learn to pretend that it is love. They learn how not to speak the truth about men and love. They learn to live the lie."

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

[queertations]

“The collective power of trans-feminized people, including trans women, lies in how many others rely on us to secure their claim to personhood. In other words, the dolls hold all the receipts, and the time has come to call them in.” ― Jules Gill-Peterson, A Short History of Trans Misogyny (Affiliate link)

[queertations]

"Despite the contemporary visionary feminist thinking that makes clear that a patriarchal thinker need not be a male, most folks continue to see men as the problem of patriarchy. This is simply not the case. Women can be as wedded to patriarchal thinking and action as men."

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

[queertations]

"I think about being told I was not allowed to speak about femininity. I wonder what a person like me is allowed to speak about."

I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out. by Jennifer Coates

[queertations]

"It stands to reason, then, that the masses of women committed to the sexist principle that men who express their feelings are weak really do not want to hear men speak, especially if what they say is that they hurt, that they feel unloved. Many women cannot hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female failure. Since sexist norms have taught us that loving is our task whether in our role as mothers or lovers or friends, if men say they are not loved, then we are at fault; we are to blame."

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

[queertations]

"It is not true that men are unwilling to change. It is true that many men are afraid to change. It is true that masses of men have not even begun to look at the ways that patriarchy keeps them from knowing themselves, from being in touch with their feelings, from loving. To know love, men must be able to let go the will to dominate. They must be able to choose life over death. They must be willing to change."

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

[queertations]

"If we cannot heal what we cannot feel, by supporting patriarchal culture that socializes men to deny feelings, we doom them to live in states of emotional numbness. We construct a culture where male pain can have no voice, where male hurt cannot be named or healed. It is not just men who do not take their pain seriously."

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

[queertations]

Lavender Vision

Volume 1, Issue 2 (May, 1971)

[queertations]

"Every day on our television screens and in our nation’s newspapers we are brought news of continued male violence at home and all around the world. When we hear that teenage boys are arming themselves and killing their parents, their peers, or strangers, a sense of alarm permeates our culture. Folks want to have answers. They want to know, Why is this happening? Why so much killing by boy children now, and in this historical moment? Yet no one talks about the role patriarchal notions of manhood play in teaching boys that it is their nature to kill, then teaching them that they can do nothing to change this nature—nothing, that is, that will leave their masculinity intact."

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

[queertations]

"There is a platitude that says parents always love their children. It is not always true. BLGT children are regularly disowned -- and the streets of the big cities are filled with these children."

Not My Child: disowning and other abused of transchildren by Suzan Cooke (on page 14 of Anything That Moves iss. 19)

[queertations]

"For example, transgender men fleeing from domestic violence are often unable to find any help or resources unless they are willing and able to go back into the closet. Insurance does not always cover gender-affirming care, or care associated with the 'opposite' sex (for example, prostate exams for trans women). While transgender health care is supposed to be covered nationwide, it’s not uncommon for trans people to encounter denials of care that require time, resources, and legal counsel to appeal—privileges not every member of the community has. Even when insurance does cover gender-affirming care, the costs can be substantial—leaving BIPOC, disabled, and housing insecure trans people scrambling to try to fundraise thousands of dollars out of pocket."

Transgender experiences are not monolithic—and we need to stop pretending that they are by Orion Rodriguez

[queertations]

"Mother love is aplenty and apparent: we complain because we have too much of it. The love of a father is an uncommon gem, to be hunted, burnished, and hoarded. The value goes up because of its scarcity."

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

[queertations]

"Even the women who are pissed off at men, women most of whom are not and maybe never will be feminist, use their anger to avoid being truly committed to helping to create a world where males of all ages can know love. And there remains a small strain of feminist thinkers who feel strongly that they have given all they want to give to men; they are concerned solely with improving the collective welfare of women. Yet life has shown me that any time a single male dares to transgress patriarchal boundaries in order to love, the lives of women, men, and children are fundamentally changed for the better."

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

[queertations]

"Several months later, we talked about what sort of man he wanted to be after he completed his transition. Ty described his ideal masculinity as, surprisingly, quite traditionally feminine. He wanted to provide financial support and physical protection to his partner (more traditionally masculine), but he also wanted to cry, express emotional connection, bond with his partner and their children, and 'spoil' his partner with love, affection, and gifts."

The Menstruating Male Body by Breanne Fahs reprinted from Out for Blood: Essays on Menstruation and Resistance

[queertations]

"One girl I knew moved here from Mexico with her family when she was three. After her parents became legal citizens, they legalized her brothers and sisters. Because she was a gender queer, they wouldn't legalize her. They kicked her out instead. Another one of my friends' family read Kaddish [a Jewish funeral service] over her and declared her dead."

Not My Child: disowning and other abused of transchildren by Suzan Cooke (on page 15 of Anything That Moves iss. 19)