reallysirius71

[reallysirius71]

Idontwannabeyouanymore

A YellowJackets drabble, spoiler for 3x09

Natalie sat on that log for what felt like to her, hours. Even as she noticed the snow starting to fall. She knew she should get moving, should go back to the group but she was paralyzed because the facts have sunk in. They weren't going home before a second winter hit. Maybe they'd never go home again and while she had nothing, no one back home, she didn't want to be in the wilderness anymore. It scared her. Who she'd become, who Shauna has become, who they've become as a group. Maybe Jackie was an accident, that's still not clear. They were starving and she'd smelt like barbeque. Javi... Javi was necessary. It wasn't easy but he helped them through the rest of the first winter. But coach Scott... The way Shauna was so smug by declaring that Natalie would have to butcher him. He'd been the closest thing to a father she ever had and she killed him just like her own dad. And now the snow was falling again and any sliver of rescue was gone because the guide had been killed. She didn't want to keep this doing. Didn't want to eat anymore people whether she knew them or not. She wanted this nightmare to end. Maybe if she sat on the log long enough, it will.

[reallysirius71]

What do you mean this guy said "make gay marriage illegal again"

Michigan representative

Bro looks like he was caught red handed

Also, I believe that if you're against gay marriage and especially for the white straight rich cis men, you then don't get to go online and get off to lesbian porn 🥰

[reallysirius71]

I wish I was exaggerating too guys but a maga ACTUALLY said they'd be chill with Jesus if he entered legally

😃

[reallysirius71]

"Man shall not lie with man"

Sure, sure. For sure. That's a lovely cherry you picked, Martha. If I may just share the cherry I picked

If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away" in Matthew 5:29

You know. I don't really think your verse means what you think it does but Jesus was a middle eastern man born to a young single woman. He was a carpenter and was known for caring for the common man. He died for our sins and I just don't feel like Jesus would care if he saw two guys kissing. He would care about the richest man alive pulling that gesture on live TV though. Not even just once but twice. Full force and the crowd cheered. Germany and countless other countries had to sensor it and the Germans are confirming what we know that to be.

If Jesus were alive today, "Christians" would have him detained

[reallysirius71]

The Way Things Go

Chapter 2: Don't Look Up

1996

Sirius felt like he had just fallen asleep when he was woken by screaming and Pomfrey scrambling to put an oxygen mask on him. His eyes widened with fear, realizing they were actively crashing. He grabbed Remus' arm for some sort of comfort or stability, shaking him awake. “Remus. Remus, please. Wake up. Remus.”

“Hm?” Remus looked around and he got startled as well, trying to unbuckle. Mary was hunched over in her seat and muttering to herself. Marlene and Dorcas held onto each other tightly. Regulus genuinely seemed scared more than anyone else and if Sirius wasn't frozen with fear, he'd go over and comfort him. But he felt glued to his chair.

“I… I don't - how'd this-” he was at a loss for words and was honestly praying that this was just some bad dream. That he'll wake up and they'll be safe in California.

“Just- just brace yourselves. Our pilots are doing everything they can.” Minerva spoke though her voice gave away that she was panicking too. “You're all wearing your masks so it- … it should be fine. We'll be fine.”

Sirius dug his nails into Remus' arm and screwed his eyes shut, willing himself to fall asleep again.

The next time Sirius came to, they'd already crash landed and this time, it was Remus shaking him awake.

“Oh, thank god. Come on, plane's on fire.” Remus heaved a huge relieved sigh as he helped Sirius up. Sirius noticed that his limp was worse and slung an arm around to help him walk. “You okay, Rem?”

“I'll be fine. Hope I can find my cane.” Remus put a lot of weight on Sirius to keep himself stable, holding on to the shorter man. Sirius nodded and brought Remus to the others, helping him sit.

“And if not, maybe you could use a branch.”

“Yeah. Maybe…. Probably.” Remus hissed as he shifted. Sirius watched with concern. He felt scared and like a trapped animal and in all honesty, wanted to run away. Wanted to hide even if he had little to no survival skills. Instead, he looked around to see if he could help anyone else. Peter was already tending to quite a few other team members, aiding them or advising how to. Probably best that way. The most Sirius knew how to do was apply band aids.

“Anyone seen Minnie or Poppy?” Lily asked. Her hair was singed in some places and there were several scrapes on her hands and legs, most likely from escaping the plane. She also had the same scared expression Sirius was feeling and that made him feel slightly better. He shook his head. “No… no. I mean, Poppy put a mask on me before we crashed. I'm sure she's fine.”

Lily smiled curtly and ran around to the other side of the plane to search for the coaches. Marlene jumped up from behind Sirius, making him yelp.

“You were in the way. Just gonna stand there?”

“Sorry for not responding better after we've just crashed.”

“Whatever, lover boy. Just move.”

“Lover boy?” Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“Like you're not? With all the times you ogle-”

“I'm not. Piss off, Mckinnon.”

Marlene cackled as she left. Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair. If they were stuck here, he wondered if his parents would miss him. Then he wondered if he'd even want them to. Walburga and Orion were by no means the poster children for model parents. Not even with Regulus who they blatantly favored more. That made him start crying again because everyone who would miss him was here too. No one back home fretting over him. He'd been just about to scream when he tripped over something. Letting out a gasp, he saw it was one of the plane wings and McGonagall was trapped under it.

“Hello? Who's there? Can you help me? Poppy?” McGonagall called out, only able to see so far in her trapped position.

“Guys! I found McGonagall!” Sirius shouted. “You’re going to be okay, McGonagall.” Sirius knelt beside her. Lily, Barty, Sybill, Peter and Dorcas came to help.

“Shit…. That looks painful.” Barty stared with wide eyes. Dorcas elbowed him and scoffed. “That's not helpful, idiot.”

“Ow.”

“We need to move the wing and her.” Sirius instructed. Lily went to McGonagall’s other side while the rest grabbed the edge of the wing and lifted. Sirius and Lily pulled McGonagall out from under it quickly and gasped when they saw her leg. It was red from the thigh down and practically not even there, mangled.

“Oh God.”

“I'm gonna be sick.”

Dorcas rubbed Lily's back as she hunched over.

“What? What is it?” McGonagall demanded. She couldn't move to see the condition, much less even feel her leg and the way everyone reacted didn't reassure her. “One of you tell me! What's wrong with my leg?!”

“McGonagall, uhm-” Sirius started. Barty cut him off. He had grabbed a plane instrument and used it to chop off the mangled part of McGonagall’s leg. Surprised, Sybill screamed and attracted more attention.

“What the fuck, Crouch?!” Evan exclaimed, seeing him hold the bloodied metal.

“Her leg was useless anyways and could've infected her and made her sick.”

“And how the fuck would you know that??”

“Please stop shouting. Panicking doesn't help anything for Christ's sake.” McGonagall said shrilly. “Any of you got a belt or something to make a tourniquet?”

Sirius took his own belt off and followed McGonagall's instructions, fastening above her bleeding stumpy leg to stop the flow. His breathing was uneven and it felt as if this day just kept getting worse and worse. He'd be damned if they didn't save at least one adult.

“Thank you, Sirius.” McGonagall sighed. “Anyone know where Poppy is?”

“Haven't seen her yet. She'll probably turn up….” Sybill looked apologetic.

******

Their bags had been found and 12 out of 13 people had been accounted for. At least those who survived the crash. No one wanted to admit out loud that Poppy most likely died too because then they'd have to relay the information to McGonagall and that was wanted least of all so they just agreed that she had to have fallen out somewhere else and would turn up by tomorrow. With McGonagall's help, they got a fire going and were huddled around it, all just processing the very real, very scary situation they'd found themselves in. It was quiet for a good while until Sirius broke the silence.

“What if it's karma?”

“What?” Barty struggled not to laugh.

“Karma. Like, the universe is trying to tell you to take your shot before it's gone. Lost forever. And getting stuck in some forest is the consequence.”

“Oh yeah? What shot would that be, Black?”

Sirius glanced at Remus. “I don't know. Nevermind.”

“I date guys without ever really feeling anything for them.” Marlene blurted out. Her cheeks tinted pink at the followed silence. “I think I might like girls but like, it's not as if I could ever confirm. I just- I wanna be like every other girl.”

“I steal things to get my father's attention. I don't even want or need them. I just miss him.” Sybill added.

“I used gorilla glue to hang up posters of male models to spite my father.” Barty admitted with shaky breath.

“I called Dumbledore a cunt once. In my head but I still felt bad.” Peter admitted. That made everyone laugh. Though not to be mean, more like they were just beyond scared and didn't know how else to respond to everything about the situation. Sharing the worst things they've done Incase they don't make it out.

“definitely why we crashed, Pete.” Sirius joked.

Remus spluttered, feeling something drip onto his forehead. He tilted his head back, curious since no other part of him was wet so it couldn't be rain. Sirius frowned, confused until he looked up too and screamed, jumping away.

Poppy laid face down on a tree branch, held up by a limb of the tree impaling her middle. Everyone else looked and screamed in horror.

[reallysirius71]

The Way Things Go

Chapter 1: Brace The New World

Present day, 2021

Sirius groaned as he slowly sat up. The sun shining through the window woke him up and if the bags under his eyes were anything to judge, it was too early for him. He stood up and attempted to contain his hair, messed up from a restless night of sleep. It was the same as always haunting him. A boy. With a smile he reserved for Sirius, a laugh few heard. A laugh he was starting to forget and it hurt Sirius to realize this. Even the visage of him. A scar from the crash running jagged across his face, a limp he'd had for as long as Sirius could remember. Years.

Sirius yawned while making himself toast. Footsteps sounded down the stairs and hurried through the kitchen, try as they might to avoid a conversation. Viviane grabbed an orange as she passed.

“What are you in such a hurry for, Vi?” Sirius turned to stare at his daughter with his arms crossed. She stood at almost the same height as him with brownish hair and brown eyes, a slight tan to her skin from all the time she spent under the sun. Even with such nice features, she was a bit rude in personality, groaning and readjusting her school bag.

“School, obviously. Didn't think you'd even notice me, dad.”

“That attitude isn't needed so you can drop it.” Sirius gave her an incredulous look. “And what's with the slight emo retort, hm? Dad doesn't pay attention to his kid? I pay attention, Viviane.”

“I didn't - I didn't mean it like that. You're just not usually up before I go to school.-”

“Because I work late to afford this house and that phone you're glued to.” Sirius interjected.

Viviane stared blankly at him, almost seeming annoyed. “Did you really stop me just to complain?”

“No. Of course not.” Sirius sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose just as the toast popped up. “Was hoping to have a nice conversation before you left. We don't talk much anymore and I miss my daughter.”

“Talk about what?”

“I don't know, Viviane. Your life, maybe? How's school? Your classes?”

“They're fine.” Viviane replied shortly making Sirius sigh.

“Just go. Have a good day, kid.”

“Mhm. Love you, dad.”

“Love you.” Sirius watched her leave before turning around to spread some butter on his toast and pour coffee.

1996

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘬 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴. 𝘚𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵, 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘈𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘢. 𝘈 𝘳𝘦𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘣y 𝘔𝘤𝘎𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 tournament 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴.

𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘹 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴. 𝘏𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 15 𝘥𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘴 ( c ) 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘦. 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘵, 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳’𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘨𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘦. “𝘏𝘦…. 𝘏𝘦𝘺. 𝘏𝘪. 𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨.”

𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘩 𝘨𝘰𝘥, 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴’ 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘳. 𝘏𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦. “𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵?”

“𝘚𝘭𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘯'𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘮.” 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥. 𝘏𝘦'𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘰𝘶𝘴. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘯𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝘕𝘰. 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳. 𝘙𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘧𝘢𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮, 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩…

“𝘜𝘨𝘩, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯.” 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘧𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘵𝘴. “𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘺, 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘱. 𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘢𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘯.”

“𝘚𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘫𝘶𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴.” 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥, 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘶𝘱.

“𝘏𝘢. 𝘏𝘢. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩.” 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘦.

Present day

Sirius watched a bunny through the window, mug still in his hands and frozen to his spot as he watched the tiny creature eat his flowers that he just barely managed to get blooming. “Little shit.” He cursed. Finishing his coffee, he put his mug in the sink and put a jumper on, stepping outside to shoo the bunny away. He glared as it ran away. It had chewed through the lamb’s ear and isn't that just the damnedest thing. Sirius sighed softly, picking up the damaged leaves and went back inside, grabbing his car keys. He had to go shopping anyway.

***

Sirius had headphones on while he shopped. He found that lately he'd been getting overwhelmed between the other shoppers and the squeaky wheels and the stupid shop music, it blew his already short fuse more times than he'd like to admit and the music made it easier for him to function.

He stopped to look at the plant repellents with a soft sigh.

𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘛𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵. 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘶𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢 𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘪𝘵. 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 20 𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.

As he puts a repellent in his trolley, a kid runs into him and he turns around clearly annoyed just to see a man running after the child. He's wearing a brown jumper with a simple pattern and he's lean, maybe about 6 feet tall. Short brown hair and Sirius' breath catches in his throat. He wants to yell out to him. Call for Remus but he doesn't. Because rationally, he knows it's not Remus. He just watches, frozen.

“Christ, I'm sorry, Mate. Kids, huh? More energy than I can keep up with.” The man commented and chuckled.

Sirius managed a small laugh. He knew that all too well. Viviane was the same. He pushed his headphones down to his neck. “Yeah, kids. My daughter was the same at that age. Made me consider bells so I could hear when she ran away.”

The man chuckled again. “Bells. I'll keep that in mind, not bad. Well, you have a good one, mate. And sorry about my Teddy.” Teddy laughed and squealed in his father's arms.

Sirius nodded, holding back tears. “No worries. You have a good one too.” He pushed his trolley away quickly. Not Remus. But Teddy was a name Remus would've given his son and that tugged at Sirius' heart strings. He leaned over his trolley while he struggled to breathe for a few moments.

1996

“𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵, 𝘚𝘺𝘣. 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦?? 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘰𝘭.” 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘥.

“𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴.” 𝘚𝘺𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥, 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘱𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯.

“𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘔𝘳. 𝘛𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘸𝘯𝘦𝘺.” 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘴.

𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩, 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘏𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥.

“𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘪𝘵'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺. 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘴 𝘸𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘱.” 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘥.

“𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩… 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘙𝘦𝘮.”

“𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦.” 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴’ 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘮. “𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘮. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦.”

“𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶.” 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘮.

[reallysirius71]

Prologue to The Way Things Go (a Marauders x Yellow Jackets fanfic)

Her heart pounds hard in her chest as she runs through the forest. The ground is covered in snow and it's freezing. It doesn't help that she's only wearing a night gown. Haunting sounds echo around her, woops and animal mimicks and they're getting closer with each passing second. For a moment, the girl wonders why she bothers running at all. She's seen this happen a few times and she knows she's no different. She'll be killed and eaten too. But as quickly as that thought comes, it leaves and she's running again. She thinks she's actually getting away when she trips and falls into a pit and within the pit, is impaled on spikes. The only identifiable thing at this point is her bright orange hair and a glint of gold around her neck.

[reallysirius71]

So, I'm working on a Marauders x Yellow Jackets fic and there's 2 and a quarter chapters out (I wouldn't really consider the first chapter a real chapter).... Would anyone read if I put it here? Is that even something that goes here? Do you share actual fics or just drabbles 😭😭😭

[reallysirius71]

Due to an executive order recently signed, America does infact have a female president. is she smart and qualified? No. Is she orange as fuck? Yes. did she mean "your gender is what you are at birth"? Probably but she wrote "you are what you were at conception" so either everyone is female or all the men are trans. Either way, she really said "female and trans rights"

[reallysirius71]

Salty Tears (Jegulus)

"James, this isn't working out, we're not working out."

"Fine! Leave me! Fucking leave me, Regulus. Run off to Voldemort or whatever you're going to do! Can't believe I trusted you, you . . . You dirty little death eater."

Regulus entered the cave with James' hurt voice still ringing in his ears. Of course it wasn't true. Being with James made him more happy than he could ever wish to be. James was the light and the calm in his fucked up life and he'd never do anything to hurt him. Regulus loved James with every fiber of his being. That's why he broke up with him. He didn't expect to make it out of this and he certainly didn't want James waiting eternity for him.

Regulus looked out to the great blue sky, crying. "If I survive, I'm coming home to you. If not, I'll love you even after my breathing stops. I'm so fucking sorry, James Potter."

He would end up drowning but in the confusion of it all, Regulus imagined James wrapping him in his arms, his warm and loving arms.

He would die, thinking of the best man he knew.

His greatest love.

[reallysirius71]

Good Luck, Babe! (MaryLily's version)

Fifth year. Towards the end. Mary had been dating Sirius on and off if you could even call it dating. More like two bisexuals pining for a homosexual relationship but they're too scared to admit it to themselves so they seek solace in each other. A booty call, essentially with some of the surface relationship requirements too. Picking each other for partners in class or for the ball. It'd been going on since the start of fourth year and always the same. Drunken sex. A mutual understanding that they weren't the partners they wanted. Fifth year seemed brutal too, for Sirius as Mary noticed. Of course she heard Remus shouting that dreadful morning and she didn't fully understand what had happened so she tried to comfort Sirius.

So yeah, she wasn't at all hurt when Sirius finally called it off between them and came out to her. Actually, the fact he came out to her made it easier to admit she'd been battling with her own feelings over Lily Evans. And Sirius laughed whole heartedly, saying how he noticed and offered to put in a word with Lily for her if she'd like. She declined. She and Lily were planning to spend that summer together anyways so she figured she'd just tell Lily privately on the train since Marlene started hanging out with Dorcas and (more reluctantly), Dorcas' friends from Slytherin.

A few hours. Maybe a bit more of awkward silence. Lily tried engaging in conversation but Mary was lost in her head before finally having just enough to say something. Say it fast like ripping a band aid off. "LilyIlikeyoulikereallyrealllikeyouandIhaveforawhileanditsfineifyoudon'tfeelthesameidon'twantthingstochangebetweenusbutijusthadtosaythat." She was out of breath and blushing heavily by the end, gauging Lily carefully who stared, open mouthed and unmoving and then that voice in Mary's head was screaming at her.

"Stupid! Bloody fucking stupid! What made you do that? Now you'll lose her as a friend and-"

Lily kicked her foot, bringing Mary back to reality but now the red head was smiling, warm and loving. A look that assured everything was fine. Mary waited with baited breath for Lily to speak, to say literally anything, tell Mary how to move on from the confession.

She didn't speak though. Instead, Lily closed the space between them and kissed her. And, oh, Merlin, the kiss was better than any she had with Sirius. Not to say he was a bad kisser, he wasn't by a long shot. But his kisses were always heated and hungry and sure, they had her melting but there was an undertone with them. I just really need to fuck but it seems impolite to lead with that.

Lily's kiss was sweet and soft and passionate. It had Mary feeling like she swallowed all the butterflies in the world. It was... There were no words to describe it, really. And when the kiss broke, Mary sighed with content, eyes closed and smiled, her fingers tracing her lips while she memorized the feeling of Lily's lips on her. "I was so worried this summer would be awkward." Mary laughed after a few minutes, delighting in Lily's pure laugh.

Mary's favorite memories will always be from that summer. She might forget most of her teenage years but never the moments with Lily Evans. And she'd never stop loving her either. Even after Lily broke up with Mary for James Potter.

With the cold shoulder Mary gave Lily for half of seventh year, you'd have thought Mary's secret was exposed. The yelling match the Gryffindors were all talking about. The tense air between the two girls. How Mary cried when she saw Lily in James' arms, giggling over something dumb he said.

Why him?

Why Potter?

He's chased you and annoyed you for so fucking long? Why him and why not me?

What does James Potter have that I don't?

It left Mary stranded. Sirius had been dating Remus for a year now, Dorcas and Marlene were going on two and now Lily's just left her for bloody fucking Potter. He's not even that funny and everything he says is dumb and he's loud and obnoxious. Or didn't Lily remember? They bonded over roasting James for Merlin's sake! So why now? Did the summer they were fifteen mean nothing?

Mary stopped talking to Lily too much that year. She apologized for being so cold halfway through that year but couldn't bring herself to get close again.

Even on Lily's fucking wedding day, she sulked. Lily had made her, Marlene and Dorcas bridesmaid and Mary hated it. In truth, she loved it. She loved the way Lily lit up talking about the wedding and when they went dress shopping. Lily looked absolute royalty in her wedding dress. She was just so beautiful, Mary couldn't keep her eyes off her. Her dress was light but still traditional and just the right amount of short and she'd chosen heels that gave her height but not so much that she saw eye to eye with James and Marlene had done Lily's hair into a beautiful braided crown style. Mary thought she looked like a work of art and she hated it because it should've been their wedding. She'd want to become Mary Evans but instead, today, Lily becomes a Potter and Mary swallows back bitter tears.

She didn't even want to come. She knew she couldn't stomach it. She wanted to back out and claim she had something else she couldn't get out of but Marlene wouldn't let her. She lectured her and yelled at her, threatened even. Lily was still their friend and this was an important day, Mary would've been a bitch to skip it. That was a hard pill to swallow.

[reallysirius71]

Art

Sirius sat up on the creaky old bed, sitting close to Remus who was passed out after another full moon. Moments like these make Sirius feel at ease. Between the transformation back to human and waking up. Sirius knows he'll be in a world of hurt when he does finally wake. Even with Moony finally having a pack to play with and not hurting Remus anymore, his bones are still sore from the transformations so Sirius is grateful for when Remus manages to sleep.

The only thing really covering Remus at the moment was a thin blanket. His clothes were in a messy pile in the corner, taken off just a few minutes before Moony came out. Sirius never really understood why he did it. Maybe because he got hot flashes? Or to protect his clothes? Sirius would happily buy all the clothes in the world for Remus but the man is attached to his jumpers, Sirius doesn't argue about it anymore. Besides, Sirius thought he looked pretty in the morning light.

He currently had a sketchbook book open and some colored pencils in his lap, half admiring Remus, half studying him for the newest sketch. The blanket had been pulled down and bunched up at the same time, just barely covering his ass. The side of his face was pressed into his arm that he was using as a pillow, stomach down and his breaths came out long, deep and even.

His hair was a mess but it was Sirius' favorite style. The curls unruly and showing how rough the night had been. There were little nips on his legs from padfoot and at that, Sirius smiled to himself. Moony and Padfoot were play fighting heatedly and moony tried swatting at the dog but he was quicker, biting Moony's leg. It wasn't terribly deep, a playful warning but it was worth it with the way Moony pushed him aside to have a go at Prongs. The three of them played like that for a while and it was exhilarating. It was the best way for Sirius to expel his pent up energy, coming a close second to sex.... Only a close second though.

He adds the bite marks to the sketch with extra detail. Something inside himself was giddy to see the marks made it onto Remus and even though they'd be hidden by jeans once Remus wakes up and gets dressed, it's enough for Sirius to know they're there.

His eyes rake up to Remus' back. The scars there are mixed. Some from moony, some padfoot or Prongs and some just from Sirius. He can't really tell where one scar ends and another begins but it's twisted beauty. Like their own little constellation mapped out on his boyfriend's back. A few he can tell are scratches from human fingernails and his stomach does a little flip at that, tracing them. They still looked fresh and Sirius knew they were from the night before. Remus' emotions were all out of whack, more so than usual and Sirius was happy to help him.

Others he recognizes from antlers and dog claws but then there's deep gashes and his stomach sinks trying to imagine how that would've looked. Moony had to reach his arms impossibly back to reach his spine. It almost looked like the wolf had attempted to flay him. He draws the scars in shades in red or gray, peppering in some freckles.

When he felt content with the sketch, he tucked his book and pencils away and looked out the window. The sky was a sort of orange yellow color and the sun was peaking over the horizon. He figured it was close to 6 am and Remus would be waking soon so he opts to just watch him. He looked much more peaceful asleep and he didn't want the peace to end.

[reallysirius71]

the question caught him off guard. he would've never thought Remus to be the kind of person who needs validation. he could easily answer on just Remus, just the human part. that was easy. no. not scary. those warm brown eyes, the scars Sirius wanted to memorize the feel of. his laugh, the sound of his voice in the morning when James wakes them all up before the sun for quidditch. the soothing way Remus always spoke to him. Sirius was in love already. he'd known for a while but couldn't admit that yet. he can't just say that about his mate so he considered moony. skinny, tall. grey short fur that looked soft to touch, that Sirius wanted to feel under his fingers. the way moony interacted with padfoot and Prongs. gentle bites, as if he saw them as a pack and not food. his howls and growls. relentless energy that had even Sirius/padfoot tired. Sirius didn't see a werewolf last night. if he was being honest, he just saw an extension of Remus. he knew they were two different entities, that's how they talked about Remus and Moony to help Remus cope but last night....no. he didn't need to see Remus' face to confirm what was true. Remus could have a condition that turned him into a wilted flower and he'd still find him beautiful. gazing into his eyes, he replied, "no. you were beautiful."

[reallysirius71]

Lost dog

Sure, Remus has felt lost so many times in his life.

He was lost before Hogwarts. That time between Greyback biting him, changing his DNA forever and his first year at Hogwarts where he'll become glued to three boys.

That time when it was just him and his stressed mother and a distant dad. God did he feel so fucking lost that first full moon. He felt sick days leading up to it and days after. His body ached. Felt something twisting inside that scared a young Remus to death. He wanted to hide under the bed from the monster but how could he? How could he when some part of him knew that the monster laid within himself.

And then the full moon hit. The twisting became pulling. Distant howls. They come from him but yet also sound so far away in his terrified mind. The first time the wolf showed itself and scarred Remus as it ached to scar something else- someone else. Devour them whole. He laid in bed in the morning just sobbing as his mother cradled him.

The first transformation and young Remus didn't know that was the easiest transformation he'll ever have.

He felt lost at school too for a bit. He had friends but he couldn't tell them the truth. Could you imagine that conversation? "𝙃𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙤. 𝙄'𝙢 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙪𝙨 𝙇𝙪𝙥𝙞𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙛𝙪𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙤𝙤𝙣. 𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙗𝙚 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨?"no. He couldn't. These three boys were innocent and loved carefree. They didn't hate what lied under their clothes. They didn't have scars they had to hide. They didn't keep up with the moon cycle. James, Sirius and Peter loved to joke and goof off. They loved pranks. They were normal and so Remus pretended he was too. He laughed with them sometimes and ran with them through the lawn or through corridors.

He hid the ugly parts. The sickness and ache that came uninvited every month. The howls that had students whispering amongst themselves. The shack and the whomping willow placed to keep the beast at bay. The beast that tries to tear open Remus when it can't have other meat. He quickly learned spells to hide scars that clothes didn't.

Still didn't work. Of course James and Sirius would come looking. Peter trailing behind like he always did. Remus was clearly careless somewhere. They'd notice his absence every month. Even if he was normally quiet, it seemed sometimes his silence was deafening in their friend group. It was messy. They saw the wolf- the monster. They saw the truly ugly, truly vile parts of Remus. And he didn't have his mind to worry. The wolf slashed at them and howled. It finally had prey.

When Remus found out in the morning, he flipped. He yelled. He paced angrily. How could they be so careless? The werewolf could've killed them and they didn't care. His friends. Friends... That made him pause. Falter. Friends. He's never considered anyone his friend before and now he had three. And bloody hell, he cared about them. Not to say he wasn't an affectionate boy. He so was. But These were people he held dearly in his heart. If the monster in him killed even just one, he would never look himself in the mirror again.

It took a while for James and Sirius to calm Remus down while Peter kept offering chocolate. When he finally did breathe, James explained that they were going to help Remus during transformations. This made Remus want to explode again. They wouldn't stand a chance. He was a monster and they were so 𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙪𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙪𝙢𝙖𝙣. He didn't understand why they were determined to pry so far into his life. Why him? He started to protest but Sirius explained Animagi. People who could turn into animals at will.

Okay... He thought. Animals. Maybe it'd be... It wouldn't be so brutal.

And so it was. Sirius, James and Peter became Animagi. A shaggy black dog, a stag and a rat (how did he miss that sign?). Every full moon they'd go down to the shrieking shack and Remus would become a beast. Peter was too small to really fight but he was useful for the willow. He could reach the root that paused the branches. James and Sirius.... They fought against the werewolf. Never without pain but it was easier. He'd never been alone again.

So yes, he's felt lost.

But the very moment he realized he loved Sirius Black, lost took on a new meaning. A deep cut inside himself that will maybe never heal. He aches but it feels good. This little rebel outcast from a pure blood family who defied house tradition and who laughed with his whole heart and body. Who didn't care what others thought. A boy who smoked and rode a flying motorcycle and kept long hair. Always had a mischievous glint in his eye. Remus Lupin loved him so deeply, so achingly deeply. And he realized it one winter morning in fourth year. Remus stayed during the holidays because he hated going home and watching his mother stress over him. Sirius has been staying over the winter break every year because Hogwarts was his only escape from home, from being told what a disgrace he was to the family name.

Remus woke up early from a bad dream and turned to the window, seeing Sirius smoking on the window cill. The sun was just rising and cast a shadow on Sirius. It seemed to make him glow and the way the smoke curled around his head shapes mesmerized Remus. He stared at him. His eyes traced his shape, the way his hair fell onto his shoulders, how his clothes hang off his body. His lips curling around the cigarette as he took another drag, how effortlessly he held the cigarette between two fingers.

𝙇𝙤𝙨𝙩.

New meaning. Feelings were confusing and especially these ones. It wasn't natural to love a boy the way he loved Sirius Black yet... He dared go there. No. Dare makes it sound like a choice. He didn't choose this no more than he chose to be bitten. Feelings are the second monster he'll come to know and it scares him more than the moon because he can't just watch the cycle. There is no cycle. No predictability. Feelings come in bursts from within Remus. Huffs and stamps when Sirius flirts shamelessly.

The way his heart races when their hands touch. All the words he can't say. He won't ruin a good friendship for something he could never have. No one could love him like that. That was one fact he was sure of.

Sirius did though.

It came in a heated argument after the prank. Remus had hit Sirius and he screamed at him. He'd cried until he felt empty. And when he finished, Sirius picked him up like he was picking up pieces of glass and kissed him.

It wasn't an apology but God did it fucking work. Did it fucking work. Remus crumpled completely in this boy's arms. Because he couldn't hate his Padfoot no matter how much he might've deserved it. And it felt too raw to be real.

Sirius kissed the tears away and muttered apologies and praises amidst. They lay there together, crying in this messy little world they've created but they knew they were in it together and that was enough. Moony and Padfoot.

Not lost. No. Loved.

Remus knew he'd be okay with Sirius by his side. And that much was true.

October 31st 1981.

Remus screamed to the stars and the skies and for all fucking hell, the moon too. The moon that took his life. The stars that remind him of love. The sky that's so big and full of possibilities. Just how his life felt yesterday. Last week. Last month. Two years ago. Fifth year. Fourth year.

James and Lily dead. Sirius the betrayer. Makes perfect sense. Sirius betrayed once before. It's easy for him. It's Black. It's him. Black is evil and he should know. Remus' life felt Black. He thought for one shining moment that Sirius was the colour in the world. The laughter that pulls at your ribs and stomach and makes you ache and cry but it's so good. The smile that never lets you feel bad. That forbids you from crying. The warmth that spreads through you and soothes your sores. The love you only dream of.

And Remus had that. He felt sick to his stomach now. A fool. He played right into the hands of a Black. Stupid. Stupid. 𝙎𝙩𝙪𝙥𝙞𝙙.

Damned. He's damned. He howls at the moon but it's fully Remus. Not the werewolf. He wonders if this is God's sense of humor. To give him love so pure, a dream so damn good then pull the rug when he's found his footing. He's drowning and there's nothing he can do about it.

He's lost again. The one constant in his life.

Twelve years go by painstakingly numb and blurry. Countless moons, countless everything. But it's in the twelfth year that he finds a sliver of happiness for himself. Back home. Back at Hogwarts. But as a teacher now. He's probably severely under qualified but Dumbledore came to him personally so he accepts it.

James and Lily's son is in his third year now and God does it fucking hurt. He looks just like James and acts like him but with Lily's green, soft eyes. The best of his two friends and it aches somewhere deep inside his broken body that this... This teenage boy is all that's left of his own childhood. A reminder of what once was.

Harry's thirteen years old now and Remus can't believe it. He helped Lily through the pregnancy and he was there for Harry's birth right alongside Sirius Black. The war waged on but in that hospital room, there was nothing but love. Love for the friends and love for the new life just barely born.

Remus remembers that first year of Harry's life too fucking well for his liking. Harry's first word, first time he crawled. First Halloween. First Christmas. First time he said moony or Padfoot. How they laughed when Sirius cursed and Harry repeated it like a parrot.

Fucking Sirius. Worming his way into the purest of memories.

Lupin rode the train to school. And he opened his eyes to see Harry. He had to stop for a second. He thought he might've been dreaming cause he swore that was James until he saw the scar. Fuck.

The scar.

Remus cries for Harry. That he's doomed to always remember his tragic life when he looks in the mirror but then, Remus thinks, they are similar in that way. Harry has one bad scar. Remus has too many to count. Doomed by choices they did not get to make as defenseless kids.

That year was probably the hardest for Remus. All his good memories come flooding back with every step he takes in that castle. The Gryffindor tower where they planned pranks or played stupid games into the early morning and laughed and 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙙.

The dining hall where they've lost so many points over food fights. Where many feasts were shared. The secret passage ways they've discovered. The lawn. The lake. The dungeon. the astronomy tower where he had his first kiss with Sirius and the world finally slowed down. It slowed for them. Two lost boys trying to feel grounded in their fucked up world.

The castle opens wounds in his soul that he forgot about.

He hears the echo of laughter still ringing from James. Feels his presence like it's etched- 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙙 in the air at Hogwarts. It fills the space when you least want it. When he least wants it.

And the shrieking shack. Fuck. The shrieking shack.

Their childhood names are still etched in the walls. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. A place his friends stubbornly followed him to once a month so he'd never be alone again.

He stands here, 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙜𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙪𝙢𝙖𝙣 and alone. James and Peter are dead. Sirius escaped from Azkaban. Remus stuck between the past and moving on. There's blood stained on the floor from every moon spent here as a kid. It brings tears to his eyes.

How could something so sweet turn sour in one night? It makes him want to scream again. And he does. He screams and he punches the floor and sobs so ugly. So.... So wounded. So human. Sadness is as human as happiness. Werewolves didn't feel anything but hunger. But he felt hunger too. Hunger that no amount of food from the kitchen can satisfy. It's hunger for the life he should've had.

Remus screams til his voice is gone and that's when he notices Padfoot.

Padfoot?

He should be angry. He is... He thinks. But drunk on anger and craziness, he pets the dog. He pets the damn dog the same way he did in his youth after nightmares. It's him. Remus knows it is. Sirius Black. The betrayer.

"Sirius.... Why?"

The dog turns into a man in ragged clothes and messy, greasy, matted hair. "Moony... Peter's alive."

All hell breaks loose.

Peter Pettigrew. Of fucking course. The actual fucking rat. It was under his nose the whole time. The whole bloody time. Remus sobs some more and breaks apart in Sirius' arms the same way he had all those years ago in the astronomy tower after the prank.

And just like then, Sirius holds the pieces in his hands and kisses Remus tender. Kisses him soft. Smoothing over exposed scars and drying the tears.

Whole. Remus feels whole again. Not much has made sense in his life. But this does. Sirius Black does.

Two years later, Remus breaks again.

They're fighting Bellatrix and a few others. Him, Harry, Harry's friends. Sirius.

Bellatrix kills Sirius and Remus feels that curse in his very fucking soul. Harry's not the only one who wants to scream. But Remus forces himself to be strong for Harry. He'll fall apart later. And he does.

This is the third time in his life that he screamed his heart out. Moony is in pieces and there's no Padfoot to patch him up. It's so fucking unfair. Hasn't he lost enough? If this is God's humor, God needs to find new humor because Remus is done.

He wasn't lost.

There was a lost dog in his life. A wonderful, loyal shaggy black dog that loved so deeply. And that dog is never coming home for even one more moon.

[reallysirius71]

Sailor song (Wolfstar 's version)

"Don't laugh, Remus." Sirius pouted, playing with Remus' fingers with his head on the other boy's chest. It was Saturday and they'd yet to leave their dorm, comfortable and happy as they laid on Remus' bed. "The sea is so peaceful. It's graceful and beautiful and I dunno ... I've never felt bad at my family's beach house. I'd love to live there with you." Sirius turned his head to look at Remus with a soft expression. "Could run away when we're 17. We'll lose the trace."

Remus chuckled softly and sent butterflies to Sirius' stomach. Maybe it was another one of his half baked ideas or another daydream, Sirius didn't even know himself and he didn't care. He wanted to steal Remus away. He'd put him in his pocket and keep him safe, keep him hidden from the moon and Sirius would hide from his family then maybe neither of them would have to feel pain again. After everything, they deserved that most of all.

Sirius wanted to run away and be pirates with Remus. Or start up a self sustaining farm where it could just be the two of them until they're bones on a farmhouse porch, watching the sunrise one last time.

Start a life of crime maybe but they'd never be caught because of Remus' brain and they'd eat the rich.

A life of sailing doesn't sound so bad either. Travel the world on the ocean and it would just be the two of them.

Sirius would follow Remus anywhere, be anything for him because he loved him so fucking much. He loved Remus so hard that it hurt to breathe. Loved him and needed him like oxygen and his kisses like food. Maybe it wasn't normal to love like that but it wasn't something Sirius could change.

Remus was beautiful and kind and smart and funny and a goddamn good lover. He was sensible and forgiving and the right amount of mischievous. He was helpful. He was like a dream that Sirius never wanted to wake up from. He was everything that Sirius wasn't and Sirius so badly wished Remus could see himself through his eyes.

"Sure, Siri. Beach house at 17." Remus used his other hand to comb through Sirius' hair. Sirius smiled widely at him, all teeth and all joy, surprisingly a smile not a lot of people got to see. He closed his eyes and leaned into Remus' touch, letting him take his hand and kiss his fingertips.

"Doesn't have to be a beach house. Wherever you go is where I want to live. You're my home, moons."