rebeccarushcomedy

[rebeccarushcomedy]

37 Things I Did at 37

1. Moved to Los Angeles 2. Wrote more articles than any other year of life 3. Bought a couch 4. Painted my walls a color I’ve wanted since childhood 5. Got sober in a real way 6. Worked all twelve steps 7. Started practicing ashtanga yoga again 8. Had my three favorite comedians on my podcast 9. Bought two televisions 10. Leased a car by myself for the first time 11. Signed a lease by myself for the first time 12. Left a landlord on good times 13. Walked away from people that didn’t make me feel good 14. Tried keto 15. Swiftly returned to flexitarianism 16. Wrote over twenty minutes of new material 17. Headlined in two states I’d never even visited before 18. Headlined in 7 states total 19. Was asked to headline a club weekend for the first time 20. Worked all twelve steps 21. Achieved more days of sobriety in a row than since I’m twelve 22. Created a meditation area / altar 23. Joined a gym 24. Started my own comedy show in LA 25. Got 4 tattoos 26. Planned a trip I’ve been wanting to take for 20 years 27. Stayed with a therapist 28. Wrote a closing joke that isn’t about sex 29. Watched most of my sex jokes stop working in short sets because having sex with people I’m later ashamed about isn’t authentic to who I am now 30. Had several people from different times in my life reach out to tell me they are proud of me 31. Became proud of myself 32. Read over a hundred books 33. Started a dream journal 34. Stopped being embarrassed of my beliefs in these things: parallel realities, past lives, spirit guides, psychics, crystals, etc 35. Got my lips enhanced 36. Bought an obscene amount of crystals 37. Learned to love myself for who I am and not what I accomplish

[rebeccarushcomedy]

WARNING: CUTE ANIMAL STORY ALERT

Last night while I was cooking Nico disappeared. After looking everywhere, I spent a good few minutes being convinced he disappeared into a portal (I just watched a doc about this). I had the door open at a certain point but I was sure I saw him after that. Out of options, I opened the door and started calling him. I looked around the lower floor from upstairs, I looked *UGH* in the pool, I LOOKED. I started wondering if he was in a neighbors apartment that leaves their door open for their cat to roam the building. (I live in a fully enclosed, Melrose place style, courtyard building.) Then the neighbor cat, Eli, came to my door meowing loudly. I let him in and instead of his usual try to scratch the couch and eat the dog food he meowed more and ran back out, stopped halfway, and looked at me. Reader, I followed him. He went to the stairs, and though I had looked downstairs, I hadn't gone downstairs. He started going down. I followed him. There, in a spot I couldn't see from upstairs, was Nico, looking perturbed. He can walk down the stairs but I always carry him up. Everyone was very happy.

THE END.

[rebeccarushcomedy]

PODCAST

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TL;DR: It's Nico's 11th birthday!!!

The day I got my dog, my ex husband had just bought another car we couldn’t afford. He said because he put a deposit down on it he had to take it. I went to Key West for the weekend, and spotted Nico in the window of a dog shop (puppy mill free, F off) ignoring everyone. He saw me and came over. I picked him up and he peed on my arm. I called my husband and he said no more dogs. In that moment I realized I would have this dog in my life longer and love him more. I told him I had put a deposit on him, and hung up. I split him across two different credit cards (and later declared bankruptcy) and had no clue what I wanted to name him so I named him after the waiter I had the night before. I was strung out on coke and hated myself then, and my marriage was horribly abusive in every way imaginable. I was sure I deserved it, but I knew Nico didn’t.  Worrying that coke would get on the floor and into his system, being unable to play with him high, and the knowledge that while I may feel like I deserve this life but he didn’t got me to rehab 8 months later, a place I had known I needed to go for over five years. Every move I have made to improve my life has been for him. I loved him until I could learn to love myself. Last year a psychic in NoLa told me he came to save my life. He sure did. If anything I have ever written or said or done has helped you in any way, you have him to thank. In the past few years he’s been to Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Boston, Miami, Key West, LA, Vegas, San Francisco, Sedona, Phoenix, Chicago, New Orleans, Philly, NYC, CT, RI, and soon Dallas, Atlanta, and Washington state. And probably more I don't remember. I didn't even like LA when I visited, but he did, and I wanted him to have a better life than Manhattan living can provide a dog while he's still young enough to enjoy it. Now we are both loving LA more than anywhere we have ever been. Happy 11th birthday to the best boy, and many more to come!

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My first medium post!~

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Habits to Leave in 2018 Based on Horoscope

Virgo: Overthinking

Leo: Bragging

Libra: Overspending

Sagittarius: Rushing

Scorpio: Vindictiveness

Capricorn: Controlling

Aquarius: Snobbery

Pisces: Paranoia

Aries: Impulsivity

Taurus: Laziness

Gemini: Gossip

Cancer: Whining

[rebeccarushcomedy]

JFK to LAX

The curbside check-in guys gave me such a hard time about how large and heavy my move-to-LA bag is that I was forced to tell them the truth; it's just 75 pounds of makeup, dildos, and like five pairs of UGGs. Also, they kept repeating how much extra it cost and DID I STILL WANT TO CHECK IT like I was going to suddenly be like "$150! I think I'll just throw out all these dongs instead!"

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All the jobs I’ve lost before, Episode 1

When I lived in South Florida, I became a Realtor at the beginning of the bust. I only sold one house, to myself, which I later lost because I advised myself badly on what I could afford. That's not why I got fired though, which is pretty hard to do at a Real Estate firm, considering they don't pay you. My husband found a picture of my co workers dick in my Palm Pilot, and called the office and told the receptionist he was going to show up and murder people, mostly the dude with the dick. After that the broker was like, we don't care what you do Rebecca, just don't do it here. And for the record, I did not have sex with my co worker. I Bill Clinton'd that shit. I did have sex with a man I met at a Victoria's Secret party on the beach after I sat on his lap and said, "My husband is old. How old are you?"

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2nd in my series on stand ups and sobriety

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“How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it. You would find yourself under a freer sky, in a street full of splendid strangers.”

Excerpt From

The Recovering

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If you had three days to live, who would you call, what would you say, and why aren't you doing that now?"

Steven Levine

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Early America: Sluts are witches, burn them.

Last Century: Sluts are crazy, institutionalize them.

Now: Being a crazy witch is AMAZING.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of sluttiness!!!

[rebeccarushcomedy]

Chicago June 19-22

Doing some shows! Come to the laugh factory Tues night and I don’t know the rest of my schedule bc my Comedy partner is doing it! But let’s hang and eat some of your wonderful meats!

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My newest piece for The Fix is out!!

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My editor just emailed me that my piece about relapsing on the road is "really strong and funny" which is kind of crazy when you think about all the times when I never thought I would make it to a place where my experience could benefit others. All the weak, unfunny moments that led me here. To borrow a line from Galway Kinnell, "with the light heart we started with, but made of time and sorrow." Piece comes out next week!

[rebeccarushcomedy]

Wednesday Posi Vibes

Some rando just hmu on fb,and normally I would ignore, but I looked at his profile instead and saw that he is a seemingly respectable comic so I respinded and he asked me how my day was and it’s so crazy because the more I get into flow by focusing on what feels good to me, like truly good,the more and more I am manifesting things I want, things I have wanted (BOMB ASS TAYLOR SWIFT TICKETS, SHOWS, FRIENDS) the better I feel and the more I am enjoying everything.

I really had a hard time enjoying anything once upon a time. As I put down the chains of self hate more and more and more and then I pick them back up and then I break them down more and more and that one was rusted ANYWAY so ya get it.

Anyway, like I told my new buddy Mike today I get to run a half hour in CT with some cool musicians and one of my good friends is gonna run a half hour too. And first I’m getting a massage. And right now I’m flipping back and forth from editing poetry to writing out the jokes I’ve been working on this week.

In short, my day is fucking fantastic and I’m so happy I get to live my life.

Happy hump day!!!!

I’ll be at Best Video Performance Space in Hamden CT tonight at 7:30 pm.