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Bruce Wayne DOES eventually get married, but it's to a completely normal person who isn't a villain or a hero. Just, like, an activist or something.

They KNOW that Bruce is Batman and get defense lessons from Alfred, but they don't join him on the streets as a vigilante.

Like, he has this one bastion of normality. No angst, no problems, just a normal thing for Bruce to enjoy.

And before you ask, the reason he was able to actually HAVE a relationship deep enough that he married the person, the answer is He's Batman and if he can have a plan to take out Superman and the rest of the Justice League then he can figure out how to make Date Night work

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do I….do I even have to say anything at this point?

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Au where Batman doesn't want to tell the Justice League his secret identity but it's because he's really embarrassed about the things he's done as Bruce Wayne.

The thing is; Batman has spent years crafting and perfecting his public persona.

'Brucie Wayne' is supposed to be a dumber than life himbo, with daddy's credit card and the maturity of a seventeen year old. He's supposed to be someone so outlandishly ridiculous no one would ever even dare to mention him in the same sentence as Batman... And Batman has been acting that part perfectly.

It's a genius plan.

But then the league begins talking about maybe all sharing their secret identities, to become closer as a group and work better together. And the only thing in Batman's mind is 'Oh. My. God. Please don't'

Superman is saying something about trust and how he has come to value all of them as friends. Batman is thinking about last year Christmas' Gala, where he took off his clothes in an improvised strip-tease, and started swimming in the fountain.

Wonder woman is talking about how she wishes to strengthen their bonds so they become greater warriors. Bruce just remembered there's videos of him fucking twerking and pole dancing to Ariana Grande all over the internet.

Flash starts smiling and telling them he already trust them with his life– Bruce once said chocolate milk came from brown cows.

'Oh. My. God'.

There's just no way he's telling any of them.

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Of course

slop! slop!

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where’s that article by james frankie thomas where he says like “prior to my transition there was only one kind of sex i wanted to have. and i thought i could never have it” because i am about to blow these people’s minds

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I wish my Harry Potter fanfic was original enough that I could file the serial numbers off of it and go to town turning into an OC thing but it ISN'T.

It's got just enough original stuff that my stuff is unique (A nightclub in Diagon Alley with two friendly NotAZombie employees and their friendly NotANecromancer boss! Werewolves who work for the military! Implied reasons for why magic works the way it does!) but just enough Harry Potter stuff that I can't easily sever it (Voldemort's daughter is raised by the Grangers alongside Hermione!) and it's FRUSTRATING.

I don't want to continue it because JKR is terrible and the spirit is no longer willing, but I don't want to just forget about it forever.

Fuck.

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The book of Jonah is such an inspiration, because it teaches two important things:

A. Even though Nineveh was a vile city full of all kinds of evil and corruption, God still gave them a chance, and not just a chance, a fighting chance. He put one of his prophets THROUGH IT to get them a message urging them to repent. He is not willing that any should perish.

B. Even if you are the worst, most spiteful, most malevolent little crybaby God can still use you.

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The important thing about Christianity and angels and devils and God is that it's the dominant religion in a solid chunk of the world. Not all of it, sure, but enough of it that most of the people who tell stories about its beings and creatures were taught about those beings and creatures from a young age, or otherwise heard about them from a young age.

That's not the case with most Native American beliefs. Most Native American beliefs were legally and culturally forbidden to be passed on for decades. It's been ripped from them. And now that they're in a position to say "please don't use our beliefs for your fictions" we're obligated to respect that.

If someone from a culture with skin walkers or wendigo wrote a story about them, or included them in a game, or subverted them, that would be different. But that's not the same as someone outside that culture doing it.

Think of it this way: taking things from cultures is like comedy. You can punch up at power, but if you punch down at the disenfranchised, you're a bully. You can take from and disrespect the dominant culture, but if you take from and disrespect a disenfranchised culture, you're a bully.

While I'm on the subject of wendigos, I do not at all respect this Leftist position of "oh, Indians really believe this stuff, you can't use them as monsters in your video game". Supernatural and Constantine and countless other popular stories have done evil angels

they've done good guy Satan

they've done evil God

And no one--besides the Bible-thumping conservatives who are the whipping boy of all pop culture--has said hey, no, this isn't a respectful depiction of Christian beliefs, we have to have a rewrite.

Because it would obviously be nuts to expect creators who are atheist or Jewish or some other religion to adhere to beliefs they don't have.

So those are the rules. That's what we've agreed as a society. Everything is fair game. There are no sacred cows.

You can't say "hey, you're not a Native American and you don't have Native American beliefs, but you still have to adhere to their beliefs instead of your own..." because then we don't have free speech anymore. We have blasphemy laws.

So anytime I want to and twice when I'm feeling bored, I'm going to write about Wendigos as scary monsters with deer skulls for heads, and if any Native Americans have a problem with that

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just learned about farming simulator

I mean, I already knew about it, but I just learned about it

Did you know that the target audience for Farming Simulator is actual real-world farmers? Because I didn’t. I just assumed that farmers probably don’t want to go home from a day of farming to do some (presumably highly inaccurate) virtual farming?

Like, imagine if the target audience for Power Washing Simulator was actual professional power washers.

Farming Sim gets sponsored by companies and shit to put ads in their games. But since the game is for farmers, all of the ads target farmers. Advertising products that, realistically, only farmers would be interested in. Aka John Deere tractors and shit.

There’s a fucking farming sim esports league. Where do they play? Agriculture conventions. not gaming conventions. agriculture conventions.

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does anyone have any more posts in this style? I'm making a collection

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If someone drank as many Red Bulls as this person drank Monsters they'd be compelled to start collecting unicorns for a mad king.