sleepypilleddd69

[sleepypilleddd69]

I BOUGHT A PS1 !!!!

I went to a flea market recently and bought a ps1, It was about 40 bucks with 4 games given fo free. I think that a prett good deal considering the fact that i live in an area where retro consoles are quite rare to encounter and also the 4 free games, its kinda funny cuz i wan thinking of buying it on ebay before but it was too expensive, even if i could find a good deal the delivery cost wouldve made it reidiculously unafordable (delivery to my country wouldve cost twice the price of the console being sold and also could risk damage if not packaged correctly). So encountering it in a flea market that morning was really lucky and i m really happy that i bought it!!!

I then visited my friend whos like really into retro gaming and knows alot more about it than me to look at it. At first it didnt seem to work but then we gave the shells a good clean and it worked!!! he did say that the controller was fake but the rest of it was real. He also gave me his (also fake) ps2 controller because the controller that i have is pretty janky. We also burned some CDs to pirot some games 4 it >:)

I played loaded for abit and realied that ikinda suck at video games lol but it was still really fun. But then my dad got kinda mad at me because I was being too loud. Now Im searching for an anolouge tv in my basement to have the authentic experience + put it in my room so that i wont bother my parents in the living room.

anyways that it byeeeeeee

[sleepypilleddd69]

the decline of malls is like deforestation for emo kids

[sleepypilleddd69]

very delayed intro post of sorts

Hello!!! You can call me Val/Boris, im 15 yrs old (i turn 16 in 23rd Nov)

i like drawing, gitaur, video essays, history, reading, music and stuff like that

i listen breakprocore, jungle, shoegaze, alt rock, prog, gothic, metal, and slowcore

im from Kazakhstan, Almaty

Im a Sagittarius

and idk what else to add

i mostly post about my life, I wanna get into retro gaming and like making websites but for now im just learning css

also i have a spacehey :33

[sleepypilleddd69]

please give tutorial on how to cope with having the most ugly ass haircut but still having to go to school

no i am not allowed to wear hats in school so idk what else to do

[sleepypilleddd69]

i wanna get into retro gaming

i rlly wanna get into retro gaming but idk how to start

like i have an emulator and i wanted to play silent hill 1 on it but for some reasoni couldnt shoot soooo

yea im not the most tech savy and idk how to navigate emulators without asking my friend for help and i dont wanna ask him for help that much because i feel embarrased asking the most stupid ass questions known to man 24/7

and also idk whats the best retro console to sart with so yea idk man

please give advice

[sleepypilleddd69]

vent lolzz

fuckk i hate my parents so much, like its not that theyre abusive or anything i just hate them. Idk maybe im a spoiled brat but like i dont hate them that much im just really sick of them. Honestly i cant wait to move out, i wanna move out soo baddd i hate everything about my life. Like you know how when a song gets really really popular you start hating it because they keep playing it EVERYWHERE and you cant escape it?? Its not a fundamentally bad song, if anything you thought it was good at first but now you fucking hateeee ti because of how much you have to hear it and cuz its literally like everywhere???? yea thats pretty much how i feel about my life. I know my life isnt bad i have good parents i go to a good school i have good friends but imm so sick of everything and i wanna leave so badd im so sick of ittt. Honestly i dont even care if i live alone or not i just dont wanna live with my parents anymore or in my house, also i wanna leave my school sooo badd but i cant leave until i finish my gcses (fuck my life). and the worst part is that i cant talk to anyonw about it, my friends wont get it , my mom wont get it (my dad will striaght up yell at me if i talk to him about it) and yea idk man. Anyways i feel rlly nauseus rn because last night shit happened and i downed an entire bottle of advil with some leftover vodka (like not that much tnh) and somehow i didnt even throw up last night and just went to sleep, now i just feel really nauseus and out of it. Also tf yall know how i can convince my parent to move out please tell. anyways byeeeeeeee

[sleepypilleddd69]

Here is my opinion on this topic, which is something I heard a lot of on this topic, “Delusion has more definitions than strictly psychiatric”

The problem with this is that those people are not talking about the otherwise literary term for delusions. I’ve seen it mostly used in the context of relationships, “I’m so delusional about my crush hahaha. I know he doesn’t like me but I’m going to keep telling myself he does hahah.” I’ve also seen people say “I’m delusional but I’m self aware about it” (which is the exact opposite of the definition, psychiatric or otherwise, of delusional). They are trying to present themselves as “crazy”, but have to let you know they’re not actually crazy “in that way”. (They don’t want to ACTUALLY appear schizophrenic). They often say “delulu is the solulu” which is a way of saying “staying blissfully ignorant is how I CHOOSE to stay about my __ (usually relationship)”.

For a personal story and example of why bastardizing medical terms is harmful, I’ll explain further about a comment I left on my original post. I have severe OCD, have had it since I was a child, but COVID made it significantly worse. It got to the point that I physically could not leave my twin bed, because I thought the air outside of my bed would kill me. I stopped eating, bathing, socializing, and otherwise caring for myself because I was so consumed with fear that I could not move. I physically could not move from my bed. It was around this time I first developed psychosis. Long story short, my mom called the cops on me and I ended up in the psych ward. Within my first 10 minutes of being there (no hyperbole), a nurse told me “I’m starting to doubt your OCD” because I told him I had not showered in months (again, could not move from my bed and the bathroom was a contaminated place). This is the problem with bastardizing medical terms. Once society at large gets ahold of medical terms they do not understand, it can become widespread. And if it becomes widespread, medical professionals can accept a generalized, bastardized usage of a term and harm those who it affects. It is imperative that medical professionals, especially mental health professionals, understand the terms they are using.

Yes, delusional has a more generalized meaning. I’ve seen it most in fiction. But it still has an overwhelmingly psychiatric association. And the people using that term do not understand either definition of it. They use it as a term of self admitted denial. But when used in fiction, it is actually used correctly (I think I remember seeing it in a Franz Kafka book, but the term is rarely used in the books I’ve read).

There is a reason the psychiatric term for delusion exists and it has criteria. There is a word for limerence, it is limerence. They are explaining two different phenomena. And romantic delusions are possible, there are multiple different delusions actually, such as delusional jealousy or erotomania. Psychiatry has labels for symptoms for a reason. Doctors need to know what it is they’re treating and how to treat it. I’m sure a non psychotic could experience something akin to a delusion, but again there is a criteria for a reason, and what they’re experiencing is something different.

And not to mention it is not only people with psychosis who can experience delusions. Cluster B personality disorders, bipolar disorder, delusional disorder, and a whole slew of physical health problems. See how wide spread the term “God complex” is, this doesn’t only affect people with psychosis but in that post I was speaking from my own experience.

The internet as a whole has a problem with bastardizing medial/mental health terms they do not understand. “Special interest” “hyperfixation” “I’m so OCD” “psychopath and sociopath” “narcissistic/narcissist” “God complex” “neurodivergent/neurotypical”. Those are just a few I can name off the top of my head.

Once terms like those get watered down, people can start using them in regular speech. And once used in regular speech, those regular people have the tools to put down those who DO experience those symptoms. Because it is no longer a symptom of mental illness to them. It is slang now.

Another problem with this is that psychosis is still largely demonized, which is the main talking point in my other post, so I won’t go over it again. When these people see an ACTUALLY delusional person, they call them crazy.

Sorry for such a long post. These are just my thoughts on the topic. Please do let me know if I misunderstood something or got something wrong about this. Thank you for starting a conversation about this respectfully. It is much appreciated.

[sleepypilleddd69]

some of yall need to understand that "my body, my choice" also applies to:

addicts in active addiction with no intention of quitting

phys disabled people who deny medical treatment

neurodivergent people who deny psychiatric treatment (yes, including schizophrenic people and people with personality disorders)

trans people who want or don't want to medically transition (yes, including trans masc lesbians with top surgery and trans women without bottom surgery, yall are so weird to them wtf)

and if you can't understand that, then you don't get to use the phrase

[sleepypilleddd69]

I wanna get worse

My mental health is pretty much ok now and i hate it, the emptiness is still there and i hate it. If anything its more extreme and now nothing really helps with it. Before at least i would cope by getting obsessed with someone to distract myself from my own problems but now i have nobody so i mainly just try to distract myself with my hobbies whcih dont really help they just feel like another way to pass the time. I wish someone was worried about me and I wish that i didnt always feel this empty inside. I havent cut myself for like a year and a half but now im considering relapsing lol. Im reying to make this blog make sense and make my thoughts make sense but they really dont, i dont really know who i am without my depression/whatever the fuck it is and i feel like i just suffered so long with it and for it to just randomly get cured?? did i suffer for nothing?? Also it didnt really go away its just that now i ignpre it more and people think i cured it even though i didnt i still feel fucking depressed but now i dont do stupid shit about it and i wish i did becuse it was so much more fun that way and i feel much more miserable now even though im not im way happier compared to before and im more in touch with reality butreality fucking sucks and i dont really wanna be in touch with it anymore.

[sleepypilleddd69]

I'm simply too cool

[sleepypilleddd69]

Have you ever seen videos posted about women's mental health that isn't a commercial for pharmaceuticals? Have you ever heard of a video about women's mental health that's been watched over 50 million times in six days? When has women's mental health ever been of focus outside of feminists trying our best to talk about it on social media?

Women's issues are treated as boring or normal when the vast majority of research on women's mental health, male violence against women, and sexual exploitation hasn't been updated in 20 years for the most part, and what has been published simply examines things such as rates of anxiety (several times higher for women than men) but not the causes—and there certainly isn't funding and resources poured into trying to get the public to consider women's mental health.

Men are less likely to seek out therapy and get help. They only typically get help when female significant others or relatives set some sort of boundary and give some sort of ultimatum for them to get help. I gave the man I was living with an ultimatum to seek help only after several years of rape, being screamed at for hours, being shoved around, and other forms of psychological, sexual, and physical terror. I still had to be the one to call around and find him a therapist.

I have no sympathy for men who do not want to seek out help, because what exists within women's research is that men don't seek help because they don't think they have a problem when they commit the vast majority of physical and sexual violence and would rather use women for psychological and sexual gain.

Of course I want men to seek help because I do believe it could help reduce the violence done to women and they're the sex in control of most policy and the technology that could destroy the planet. Because men own and control the vast majority of global wealth, influence, and resources. However, help isn't going to come in the form of sympathy by women or other men. It is going to come in the form of enforcing boundaries, which looks like, "If you continue to not seek help, I will... [leave, inform your parents, stop financially supporting you, alert the police, etc.]".

The vast majority of public focus is on men's mental health in promotion of providing sympathy when they are overwhelmingly the cause of both other men and women's lack of safety, homocide rates, and psychological and sexual terror.

[sleepypilleddd69]

honestly im so sick of the modern internet now, like before being on the internet was os fun because it was mostly me and the mich communities and fandoms i was in. I remember specifically being on amino alot and other wevsites made around my interests or that had more spaces for niche or fandom communities and it was so much fun and i got to be a dumb kid but now it just feels idk like dystopian in a way?

idk how to explain

[sleepypilleddd69]

yk its bad when you start unironically hanging out with people you lowkey hate

[sleepypilleddd69]

[sleepypilleddd69]

oh god ed reddit is having the “uwu anorexia isn’t rooted in fatphobia my mental illness is not abt you” talk again please god help me

fatphobia doesn’t mean “being a meanie to fat ppl” i’m begging you to use critical thinking skills for five seconds and apply what you know about literally any other form of oppression to this situation.

people’s point isn’t that you having anorexia makes them feel bad and therefore you’re a bad fatphobic person.

they’re pointing out how the deeply ingrained fatphobia our society upholds, from misconceptions about health to moralization of looks and weight, including yes being jerks to fat ppl’s faces bc they’re fat, is affecting what you think about your own looks, weight, health, body, clothes, eating habits, etc.

the logic isn’t “you became anorexic because you hate fat people so much you never wanted to be fat yourself (and that makes you a bad person)” it’s “fatphobia is a prism that transforms the root cause of your ed into disordered thoughts, behaviors, and patterns (and unlearning fatphobia will help you with recovery and harm-reduction)”

like. it’s not for no reason that anorexia is a disorder that disproportionatedly affects women. it’s not for no reason that there’s sky high comorbidity rates for eds and ocd. it’s not for no reason that people who need control in their lives so badly that they develop a mental disorder abt it get obssessed with being skinny and not with being a sumo. it’s not for no reason that ppl who feel the need to retract to childhood due to trauma envy things like being skinny light and frail, instead of being a tubby baby. it’s not for no reason that there is an incredibly common anorexic thought pattern (internal and self-directed, don’t make me say what i didn’t say) that associaties restriction and weight loss with moral goodness.

for each of these there IS a number of exceptions, but you can see case by case how the root cause (trauma, need for control, for self-destruction, growing up poor, whatever you think is “unrelated to fatphobia” basically) is processed through the prism of the fatphobic culture we’ve all been raised in. some people just, voluntarily or not, deal with those root causes in different way, which might or might not be healthy. but it’s a consequence of ambiant fatphobia that “i should starve and be skinny about it” is a statistically pretty common response to this distress.

the point isn’t “it’s fatphobic that you don’t deal with your neuroses in a body positive way uwu” the point is that no matter how cool you are with fat people on like, a personal level, you’ve been (like the rest of us) bombarded with fatphobic thought patterns your entire life basically, both directly fatphobic things and reactions to this fatphobia. maybe spoken to you directly, maybe not. maybe about you maybe about other people. you live in a society that places moral values into looks and health, and also pushes some deeply rooted falsehoods about how those things tie into each other. you have a disorder defined by obsessive behaviors. maybe, just maybe, deconstructing the logic that those obsessives behaviors are based upon will help you deal with this disorder. and recover or reduce harm.

basically, anorexia isn’t “getting skinny disorder” it’s “obsession disorder”, obsession with looking attractive, or pleasing your family, or going back to being a kid, or being healthy, or being fit, or being driven and capable, or being worth saving, or having your suffering known, or having control over something, or whatever. the fatphobia that is omnipresent (and i repeat, omnipresent, nobody is singling you out as a bad fatphobic meanie, or even talking about your behavior towards other people around you) in our society picks the direction in which many many people will express that disorder.

of course if you live in a society that tells you “being fat is morally bad” at every turn, when you start developping an obssessive pathological need to control things, without another factor weighting in, most people’s default reaction will be anorexia. food is a regular fixture of everybody’s life, everyone wants to be morally good, and even if we know/understand/believe to an extent the flaws of that “fat = bad” logic we know the world around us still believes it, and nobody wants to be treated like shit. we can think it’s stupid and fight against fatphobia and work to treat fat ppl better in our lives and support body positivity, but in any case, one always judges oneself on different metrics than they judge others, cuz we control our self-improvement. that’s natural. just it doesn’t mesh well with a pathologically obssessive need for control above self-preservation.

[sleepypilleddd69]

i will never leave this house

[sleepypilleddd69]

love going back and forth between hypersexuality and being sex repulsed, catch myself getting scared by my own posts like what kinda slut would ever say this shit? oh it was me stoned as fuck two weeks ago before I remembered my own existence and was repulsed by it, way to go team