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[sonali20dec]

On Individuation, Families and the East

On Individuation, Families and the East

Often rumination starts with the meaning of existence, existence is tied to the individual and the society. Very intricately, by induction, this brings us to the meaning of freedom. What does freedom mean? What does freedom in “relation” to society mean? Do we allow the word “relation” when it comes to freedom? Does freedom ally with free-will, which must then ally with isolation- the removal of…

[sonali20dec]

Mothers and Daughters

Yesterday, my mother was 19 Frolicking and rebellious streak suppressed inside of her ^not very well^ to showcase to the world what a great conventional she was!

Today, I ask her “what were you like as a kid?” and she laughs and says “I was weeeird, They called me ladiesfinger cz I wore your grandfather’s shirt and pants Tailored down to save money and it was green and i was tall! ”

Mother, you…

[sonali20dec]

Memories

Talking about that day was painful. The tears in your eyes, the pain in the setting of your lips, the way you held your arms closed on top of your body as if barely holding yourself together from falling apart. Hell, even thinking about that day is painful. How we ever came to meet in this universe and why we ever had to move apart even after all the wishing in our minds will forever be beyond me.

[sonali20dec]

My Silence

Today I realised I owe some silence onto my becoming As much as speaking out It’s a knife edge in the quivering balance Pushed to the side, Marginalised Browned and chargrilled? Learning faster While being caught between Being delicious or exotic Owning up our own shame Or (trying so hard to)

decolonize!

I owe myself some silence Distance is hard to realise From loved ones Who tell me In hushed…

[sonali20dec]

Drunk on You

I am getting used to being drunk on you “a literary recluse” so to say they speak of me this way. I have been drunk on the open book that is you. Words, words, words and more words and it feels like they are fume wine made to intoxicate me. I watch your lips move in familiar shapes somehow made strange. alluring. unreal. They pull me in. Why? I do not have time to think. I am drawn in. craving.…

[sonali20dec]

Of Love, Long Distance Relationships, Longing and Hope.

Of Love, Long Distance Relationships, Longing and Hope.

Standing on the bus stop today at central silk board with my sister, waiting for our overnight bus to drop her off at her college in Manipal, I saw a young couple of my age hugging. Hugging. Holding each other. Trying to casually smile off their impending separation and then hugging again. And again. Fiercely. Hoping to convey everything they feel in that one long squeeze of body warmth. They…

[sonali20dec]

The Pied Piper.

There! There it was again. That haunting strain of music making me go to the window time and time again, pulling aside the blinds, trying to find a glimpse of the hand that was strumming the guitar in that addictive rhythm, scrunching my face in something akin to frustration laced with pain when I could not, pulling myself up on the window sill, hunching up next to the open window with my arms…

[sonali20dec]

The Outsider. Blue. Kettles and tea cups. The fine lines on that old English wall. The patterns.. no that tiny little smudge on the table cloth.

[sonali20dec]

Stormy

Today, the sky was red and yellow and it all but obscured the blue that I fell in love with since i was born and i realized that things have changed so much *growing up* a storm is my home now and i, the eye of the storm spewing rain when the tears become too heavy to hide behind the lining of your eyes and too “audacious” to be blinked back. Born a girl, an absense of an enlarged length of nerve…

[sonali20dec]

Beautiful be damned!

Beautiful be damned! I want to be ugly where no one looks at me twice or maybe do a double take Curves be damned I wanna thrive in rough edges and triangle like hips bones sticking out and not a fistful of muscles to be felt shapes do not define me, I want to be this jungle of cacophony-ness that shifts shapes right in front of your eyes and if you were ensnared by my voluptuous sashays and my…

[sonali20dec]

The Contours of Me. My name was tomorrow dark haired in a sweaty t-shirt shooting looks at you from over there at the…

[sonali20dec]

Rape Republic Day.

This cropped up on my facebook newsfeed today as something I wrote as a response to some crappy videos that was doing the rounds in the media a few years ago. I deactivated facebook soon after to preserve my mental sanity from being bashed by people whose fear is so big, their inner peace gets shaken every time someone says “Feminism”. In order to preserve the memory of that battle for my own…

[sonali20dec]

Barbarians at the Gate.

Barbarians at the Gate.

My heart went its own merry way, carrying water and making food. tick tock tick tock, fast goes the clock. fall in love eat your fill find your dreams make some money love your job love your life fall in love, contentment all that shit first-world-problems stand in a queue mosquito bites faster and faster make babies raise a family wipe their tears. War, they are whispering, “barbarians at the…

[sonali20dec]

Stranger Things.

Our hands they went fast and slow here and there, explaining our ridges in the joining of our bodies Our contours, changing with each other. Carving letters into our skin changing our stories in incomplete ways We will never be the same again my subconscious tries to gather strands of sanity that are clinging too far away for me to really care. Time was timeless and shapes, shapeless words…

[sonali20dec]

Wine for Two, Glass for One.

Wine for Two, Glass for One.

Wine glass in hand, we sat across from each other, far in the corner of the crowded room. Silence prevailed, bitten back words, nails chewed down to stumps, bloody eyes, unshed tears from unsaid words. They screamed at you, my emotions, my fears, banging against the delicate wall I had built to keep them in. Scream and scream, bang and bang. The table was round I remember, with small holes gorged…

[sonali20dec]

One Flag to Unite them All!

One Flag to Unite them All!

“Really I see you my flag In all your resplendent glory of the three stripy colors the wheel in the middle sitting like a proud king in its chair I see you my flag on this day when I remember I remember a bloodied history bandied about as non-violent while being torn apart into countries which will forever be suspicious of babies sent through the border What is a “country” you say? You see people…

[sonali20dec]

Impasse.

‘So you wanted me to be honest. Did you think you could handle it? Every single excruciating detail from every single day of our lives. It is believed that the average human being thinks around 600 thoughts per second. Do you think you can handle them all, each one of them waving their red and green banners in a cacophony of opposites, an amalgam of contradictions? Did you think that I…