stayalive9129 - Tumblr blog

[stayalive9129]

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

— Unknown

[stayalive9129]

#DearMolly

I keep having this odd feeling that something bad happened to me when I was younger but I couldn't quite figure it out. I have had a lot of trauma in life but even before there was that drama I felt this odd sense of dread inside of me and I don't know why.

If you ever feel this way, don't think you're alone. Even IF something really did happen to you or I, we can over come it. I am older than you and perhaps wiser and I can gurantee that feelings pass and that life is worth living.

There will be moments in life that are painful, those will always come. But today I can tell you that you there is more than just pain. There are lovely moments to live for. Don't give up on those moments. They won't take away the pain but they will surely help.

do you ever have the feeling that you suffered something traumatic as a kid but you can’t quite figure out what it was?

[stayalive9129]

[stayalive9129]

“You were never created to feel depressed, unwanted, alone or ashamed. You were created to love and to be loved, and to feel that you are worthy and are valuable.”

— Unknown

[stayalive9129]

Eating Disorder Recovery Websites

1) http://eatingdisorderrecovery.com/index.php/home - Features a free eating disorder recovery workbook that helps you manage eating disorder symptoms. Includes blogs to help inspire eating disorder recovery. Allows visitors to post and discuss problems and questions in a forum that is monitored.

2) http://www.recoveryboat.com/ - A website that offers peer support for eating disorder recovery. This site includes a forum for those struggling. It also provides basic information about eating disorders for those suffering and those supporting a loved one who is suffering. Lastly, it provides some therapy exercises that can help overcome eating disorder behaviours and symptoms.

3)      http://www.something-fishy.org/ - An all exclusive website that provides a treatment finder, forums, eating disorder information, hotlines, and more. This site even includes resources for books and self-help worksheets to help combat eating disorder symptoms and behaviours.

4) http://www.webiteback.com/ - A pro-recovery website that exists to help others overcome their eating disorder and to combat pro-ana websites. This site provides a forum for users to post on to get advice and share struggles of their eating disorder. This site also provides an extensive resource list for those struggling.

5)  http://www.nedic.ca/index.shtml – The National Eating Disorder Information Centre. This website features all you need to know about eating disorders. It has a resource library that includes links on where to get help. NEDIC runs public service announcements and campaigns that you can get involved with in your own community.

6) http://www.eatingdisordersblogs.com/ - This site is a compilation of blogs written by different people to help inspire you to overcome your eating disorder. You can find blogs written by Doris Smeltzer, Karen Koenig, and even Jenni Schaefer. These blogs provide information on eating disorders, skills you can use to recover, and resources you can access.

7) http://www.mirror-mirror.org/ - This is a site dedicated to help promote awareness for eating disorders. It helps to educate about the dangers of eating disorders. It also has links to resources on getting support for your eating disorder. It provides information on relapses and has a relapse prevention plan. It gives a lot of ideas on coping skills to deal with the hard emotions you feel instead of using eating disorder symptoms.

8) http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ - This website is dedicated to advocacy for eating disorder recovery. It provides resources to help teach about what eating disorders really look like. This site provides resources for recovery as well. This is the organization that holds the National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, held at the end of February. This site provides stories of hope that encourages others to seek out recovery.

9) http://eatingdisorderscoalition.org/ - Advocacy at its best! This site is your guide to help get legislators and representatives to hear your voice and get legal action for eating disorder help and recovery. You can find facts and information about eating disorders on this site. You can learn how you can advocate and lobby for eating disorder recovery at the federal and state level.

10) http://www.mentorconnect-ed.org/ - A website that pairs mentors and mentees together to help support those in eating disorder recovery. The purpose is to pair those who have been in recovery and those who are struggling with an eating disorder to share experiences, provide guidance and to help each other through the journey of recovery. 

[stayalive9129]

Your bio mentions your "younger self". But how old are you?

Just turned 30 in September.

[stayalive9129]

#DearMolly

I found this great video by Catherine from @the-suicide-effect about what depression feels like and her description is so on point, I wanted to share it with you.

It took me many years to realize what I felt was depression and I wish I would've watched a video like this one and that I would've gotten help.

I am glad people like Catherine are brave enough to share their experience. I hope it helps you #DearMolly.

I just wanna join all of my followers on tumblr and talk to them and give them one-to-one advice with their problems.

I wanna be there for you and be your coach to help you

[stayalive9129]

#DearMolly

I wish some people were kinder, but they aren't.

One of those people happens to be my brother. The guy has no filter sometimes and I understand but when mom told him she was worried because I'd been sleeping too much and didn't really bathe or ate much of anything his first reaction was to text me the following words:

"Please tell me you aren't thinking of DOING SOMETHING STUPID, again"

I know he is worried and anxious about me being hospitalized or even worse, maybe me actually going through with it but his words are extremely painful.

I know that to him wanting to die might be me being "Stupid" but there's nothing stupid about feeling suicidal.

My therapist said that feeling suicidal is like a 'coping mechanism' because its like your brain telling you that you want to escape the current situation and the only idea it could come up with to stop the pain (or numbness) is to think its better off being dead.

Since people as STUPID as my brother exist and sometimes you don't know who to go to when no one understands I'll share something with you, #DearMolly.

There's a new suicide hotline here in the US that will let you talk to someone. All you have to do is dial #988 to talk or text to 988 to chat with someone who might be of help...and they won't judge you the way my STUPID brother did me.

Hope this helps.

[stayalive9129]

#DearMolly

Believe me, I am older (and maybe a little wiser...but only a little)

Life will change and things will come that will make you happier even through the sadness.

I know it hurts so much inside that you only wish to disappear to make the pain go away.

But don't give up on life, #DearMolly. Try your best to stay alive. Things will get better.

[stayalive9129]

#DearMolly

When your head is full sometimes it's good to empty it on paper.

Write when everything hurts.

Write when you feel numb inside.

Write when you feel alone and no one seems to listen and no one seems to care.

Write out your wishes and your dreams and the nightmares you wish to escape.

Write a note to those you love and tell them why you love them, don't send it if you're too afraid.

Write to free yourself from thoughts that haunt you day and night.

Write when you can't sleep.

Write when you can't dream.

Writing is the best medicine for a cluttered mind.

Just write.

I'm mentally ill, and writing is my antidepressant.

[stayalive9129]

#DearMolly

I had to attend a partial hospitalization program (PHP) after my last attempt and I remmember one of the therapist said " Suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem."

When I just read this message it reminded me so much of what he said that day. I wasn't doing very well that day since I'd spent 7 days inpatient and now they were making me sit in these classes for 2 more weeks and I was a little angry.

But I guess some of it stuck. I hope what I am sharing with you is helpful.

Stay one more day with us, #DearMolly

being suicidal is easy. it makes everything less scary. suddenly, all the stressful things in life don't matter, because you'll be dead soon. you can put it off, not worry about it, everything becomes unimportant. it's a safety net. if everything goes wrong, you can always just die. no consequences! people act like being suicidal is a horrible affliction, but it's actually the coping method. something in your life is horrible, and "i'm gonna kill myself" is the balm that makes it all bearable.

but there's another side to it, too. you're also not making any long-term plans. why would you? you'll be dead soon. it's either true, or you're selling yourself the belief that it is, and that won't work if you do anything to contrast it. you're not working on fixing any of your problems, so nothing gets better. you won't start that big creative project, that novel or that webcomic or anything that would take a while, because you'll never have the time to finish it anyway. you don't botber trying, because there are no consequences, why should you? and this makes life suck more. so it becomes a vicious cycle.

so even if you're suicidal, i recommend living like you're not. start that project you think you won't have time to finish. work on solving problems you think won't matter in a month. worst case scenario, it still sucks and nothing's changed. best case, things might be a little better. no consequences, right?

[stayalive9129]

#DearMolly

I know, It sucks being 13. Everything hurts and everyone hurts you. No one understands what to do or what to be. Am I an adult or still a kid? Parents look the other way while I cry alone in bed, pretending that I am asleep.

#DearMolly, Don't despair. decades pass and things and trouble moves along but you'll be fine.

You're not alone. Get up today and #stayalive. One day, like for me today you'll see that it's gonna be alright.

You're a fighter. Don't give up on life. Life CAN be beautiful if you give it a chance.

#StayAlive #DearMolly

[stayalive9129]

#DearMolly

I've been so focused on all the stuff going on inside of me that I forgot maybe the few friends I have still need me sometimes. I saw this message while scrolling around Tumblr and thought maybe I could remind you that we all struggle from time to time.

I decided to send this to all the friends that do seem to care and I was thinking maybe you could do the same. Maybe today your friend is struggling and you talk it out with them and they feel fine.

Maybe next time you'll need them to listen...we never know when the sh*t his the fan and we'll need them back.

Support can make a huge difference when someone is hitting a rough patch. Why wait until then to let your friends know you’ll be there? Take a stand for Mental Health Awareness and tag someone you care about to let them know you have their back. ‪

[stayalive9129]

#DearMolly

Today I am thankful for my friend K. I caught an awful flu and the cough medicine messed with my meds.

I slept for so long that even my mom got worried. She knows I have my 'off' days and she knew I was sick and it was normal to sleep too much but she let me sleep anyway.

K and I have known each other since middle school. We now live in different states but even from afar she's never given up on me.

she called me after she noticed I hadn't answered her, or posted anything (not even about the World Cup, which is probably my favorite thing since I was a little kid) so she got worried.

All of a sudden, without even asking she started bombarding my Insta chats with funny tiktoks. I got so annoyed because they would not stop so I finally looked at my phone. I couldn't help but laugh.

I finally wrote back and she wrote saying "B*tch its 'bout time you answer...I was 'bout to use my airplane miles and fly out there to beat you out of bed...what's happening?"

She called my mom, my brother and my sister and they all told her I was just feeling down because of the flu but she knew better. She knew I could have the flu and feel like cow dung but would never NOT answer for THAT long.

If you don't have a friend like K...be like her to someone. It's the best feeling ever to get someone to laugh when all they wanna do is cry.

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A post shared by Mizan Ali (@mznalie)

Grateful for the good moments.

They kept me alive.

Thank you.

🖤

[stayalive9129]

#DearMolly

I started taking these new antidepressant meds not too long ago and they are making me gain so much weight and break out into what look like hives. I look so gross that I decided to stop posting pics of myself on Insta and now I just post pics of the dogs. I know it's stupid, but I have to post something, right? Someone at school said, "if it's not on Insta, it didn't really happen."

I wonder if I stopped posting at all would anyone ever wonder where I am. Would they think I am dead? Would they call my mom?

I got so angry I almost deleted all my social media, but then I decided not to be such a "drama queen."

Still angry, I started searching for videos about fake posting on Insta because you KNOW most of the people on there HAVE to have fake lives. No one can be that perfect. This video is the #honesttruth.

I hope you know that you don't have to be someone else for anyone to like. Just be our #DearMolly.

[stayalive9129]

Unwell - Matchbox 20 (Lyrics) 🎵

#DearMolly

Today was a rough day. My life once again is in shatters; its all in pieces of glass that I must pick up without hurting myself. 

I am trying very hard not to go to the dark place and you should too. I understand your #pain; the loneliness that seems to never stop. 

I know it hurts so much inside and makes you wanna give up. I am unwell too and I can’t help it. I wish they all understood. I wish they’d stop looking at me as if I am #crazy. 

#DearMolly this song is for you. I used to listen to it when I was 14 and I thought maybe you’d like it too. So you know you’re not alone when you’re a little #unwell. Go ahead, sing the pain away...it actually helps quite a lot.  

“But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be”  

[stayalive9129]

Grand Slam Short - Hunt the Good Stuff

#DearMolly

One of the classes they made me attend during hospitalization after my attempt was on positive thinking and trying to focus on the good.

The guy teaching it was an army guy and he told us a story about two really young amputee guys who were recuperating in the base in Germany with him after they were all wounded in Afghanistan.

Apparently they got in trouble because they wanted to go watch a movie on their day off outside the base but neither of them could drive so they decided (one of them was an arm amputee and the other one legs) to work together and borrowed their friend's van. One of them used the pedals and the other the stearing wheel.

They didn't get too far because when they were about to go through the gate one of the officers stopped them and took them to their commanding officer. When their officer questions they said that they were trying to "Hunt the good stuff." 

Their officer laughed and let them go with a warning. He couldn't help but laugh because this phrase was from a training on resilency (being able to cope with bad stuff) that the guys had gone through only a few days prior.

The message I share reminded me of this phrase. When I get reminded of it I try to find good things that have happened through the day to get me through when I am feeling down. I thought maybe it'll help you to "hunt the good stuff" too, **#DearMolly. **

p.s. This video explains what their training is about, just in case you wanted to know more.