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ineffable-romantics · 1 year

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Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:

This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:

First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)

These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.

I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.

This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.

Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.

This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.

If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.

With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.

Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can

Food

Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).

This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.

Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.

(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)

Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.

And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.

It's What Humans Do

In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).

He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).

What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.

But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.

Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?

Angels, Demons, & Asexuality

Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.

Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)

And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).

The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.

I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.

Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.

Except...

Brielzebub

We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.

For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.

And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).

Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.

Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.

Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction

But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?

And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.

At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).

So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?

I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.

After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)

Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.

However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".

Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.

I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.

But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.

(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)

More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.

Aziraphale's Hedonism

Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.

It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.

Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.

Dancing

I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.

I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.

We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.

(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)

As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.

Love Languages

I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.

We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.

You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.

The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).

And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.

So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.

So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.

"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"

Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.

First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")

(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)

More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.

Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.

The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).

Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.

Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.

The Birds & The Bees

Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.

Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.

Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.

The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma

The Kiss. Where to even begin?

This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.

It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.

Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.

Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.

So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.

I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.

What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.

All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.

(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)

Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).

Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.

In Conclusion

I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.

So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.

You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.

But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.

___________________________________

Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post

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knavesflames · 1 month

Note

Hello, I hope your day goes well as you're reading this!

If your request is still open, can I request touch deprived! Arlecchino and Touch deprived! Reader? Like reader is very clingy and affectionate to her closest friends because she's been deprived of physical affection since she was younger, and Arlecchino who's also touch deprived but unlike reader who has no problem with physical affection, she finds it hard to do it, but when she meets reader who's hugs are so comfortable she's grown addicted to it and craves her gentle touches more and more, thank you! Have a great day or night!

(I realise I’m apologising on every post for the late ones, but I’m almost caught up to a reasonable delay) hi anon!! I feel this hard, I am so affectionate because I was touch starved as a child. Though, I focused this writing piece more on Arlecchino. I love exploring her and her being in character and slightly OOC too. (She’s my comfort character, can you guys tell?) thank you for the ask!

Word count: 1k

Content: fluff, Arlecchino is touched starved, she loves you

Nsft utc!

Arlecchino and you have come from completely different backgrounds (that are unfortunately all too similar as well). You worked well together even so, your routines matching each other, the same sense of humour. By that, I mean, you joked, her lips barely turned up, and she hummed in response (which is equivalent to your wheezing on the sofa over.. a silly cat?). The point is, you worked. You both made sense together. Except one, tiny little detail.

You loved physical touch, and she despised it. Once you discovered how it felt, you were obsessed. You loved the way your body was enveloped by arms that seemed like they’d block out the whole world for you.

Arlecchino hated physical touch. She isn’t used to it, she grew up with her horrifying excuse for a Mother, and physical affection was used often as manipulation rather than anything else, she saw that much with what happened to her dear, dear friend (who haunts her dreams).

The first time Arlecchino held you was a year into your relationship. She awoke during the night to an empty bed, and when she made her way towards the living room, she saw you, in tears on the sofa. A bad dream, you had said, and nothing more. Arlecchino saw the way your body was almost aching for some sort of touch, and despite the discomfort, her arms wrapped around you. Awkward, clumsy, and a little bit forced, but she hugged you. She had not hugged someone since she was sixteen. Without a word, her thumb stroked against your arm, and she felt the way your body slumped against her body. She felt like a burning fire, you realised, most likely due to the flames running through her veins, but you welcomed it nonetheless.

She began to notice that holding you in her embrace was not as torturous as she assumed. Arlecchino held you until you fell asleep.

Her embraces were few and far between, reserved only for special moments or moments where she can see you need them. Her facial expression never changes, but over time, she becomes slightly more comfortable with every hug. She ended up craving your embraces, the way your hand gingerly caresses her cheek and your lips on her skin, the gentle squeeze on her arm when you go past her. She wanted so desperately to associate touch with you instead, someone she knows could never hurt a spider.

Eventually, she begins allowing it more and more, and even begins silently hinting when she wants one by sighing slightly louder, or grumbling a bit when things go wrong, only to feel a fuzzy warmth inside when you smile at her and give a gentle touch. Both you and Arlecchino wonder if she will one day make the first move.

Arlecchino does not know why she dislikes physical affection so much. She enjoys buying gifts she knows you will cherish and love instead, doing things at a distance. This was never supposed to be anything more than a fling, she didn’t want investment, she didn’t want any affection to be returned, but she fell for you, and hard. She dislikes how vulnerable she has become around you, but a part of her deep down inside of her likes it too. Arlecchino is scared you will leave, that you will ruin her one day, and she feels like it won’t happen if she doesn’t let on how hard she has fallen. (Everyone knows and says nothing.)

Perhaps she prefers affection the way she does, unrequited and with little investment, is because some part of her craves a love so great that it would tear her apart, and that frightens her. She does not know how to receive love, yet she still wants a love that will consume her entire being and burn hotter than the flames that course through her veins with every beat of her slowly-thawing heart. You are thawing her, she knows that much.

The weather chills the way her touch grows warmer, and winter comes quickly. The winter in Snezhnaya was cold and biting, and despite her accommodating her home for you (she clearly does not need it) by lighting the fireplace and leaving you blankets, the cold still finds its way into your bones, leaving you shivering. One night, when it is the coldest night of the year, you find yourself unable to sleep at all. You lay awake in the dark, thinking about your past the way you always do at night, shivering so hard you’re practically vibrating.

At some point, you hear her stirring, and you try to quiet yourself, to make sure she can continue sleeping. She noticed the second she opened her eyes, though. Doesn’t she always? She is glad you are pretending to sleep so you do not see the hesitation in her eyes before she snaps herself out of it and does what you both want her to. Wordlessly, she shuffles a few inches closer and her arm wraps around your midsection, dragging you closer until her body is wrapped around yours. Arlecchino, being the attentive person she is, notices your smile and sigh of relief and the way your shivering stops. She notices the way you nestle further in once you know she’s okay with it, and she notices when your breath falls into a deep rhythm.

It is her turn to stare at the wall, her heart beating faster than usual, the only giveaway of any of her feelings. Slowly, her arms snake around you until she’s holding you so tight you can’t move even if you wanted to. Her breath is visible when she exhales, when she lets her body finally relax in the company of another. Arlecchino buries her face into your hair, smelling your shampoo. The smell makes her drowsy, she tells herself (it is not the smell, it is that after so many years, her walls have crumbled completely), and she finds her eyes drooping until she, too, falls into the throes of sleep.

Arlecchino sleeps the best she ever has. Arlecchino has her first night of no nightmares since she became the poor, mad, cursed knave. Arlecchino does not feel so cursed when you are beside her.

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porcupine-girl · 10 days

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I realize that I am preaching to the choir here, given that I actually have NOT seen any of this going around on Tumblr. But just in case it's here and I've just missed it:

DO NOT MAKE FUCKING CAT-EATING MEMES. I KNOW YOU THINK YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF TRUMP, BUT YOU'RE NOT.

The thing is, 90% of the memes and jokes I've seen about this don't specify in any way whatsoever that they are making fun of Trump/Vance/people who believe that it's happening. They're just "haha eating cats funny" - which, guess who else would make that exact same joke? People who believe that immigrants are eating cats and are making fun of the immigrants for it!

Almost all of the memes I've seen shared by people on the left, I have to wonder if they were originally made by people on the right. I hear people talk about wearing "cat-eating shirts" to the polls since they can't wear Harris/Walz shirts, and I'm like... won't the other side do that too? Do you not see how the exact same thing is funny to them, but for completely opposite reasons? Vance even outright said he wants to see more memes, whether or not it's true.

And if you share these memes, they will assume you agree with them. Have you ever wondered how MAGAs could possibly believe that over half the country agrees with them? Well, when it looks for all the world like everyone else is also laughing at those stupid immigrants who steal people's pets, it's not hard for them to assume that those people laughing at immigrants are on their side.

This isn't the first time this has happened, either. Right after Epstein's suicide, some guy was being interviewed on the news about something unrelated and right at the end threw in something like "Epstein didn't kill himself" or something, and people on the left thought it was hilarious and amazing and shared it all over the place.

Except. That guy? He thought CLINTON killed Epstein, not Trump. THAT was his point, THAT was the joke he was making. But the left caused his video to rack up the views and shares, so now he thinks everyone else also thinks Clinton did it. And the same for all the other Epstein jokes that didn't specify who you thought actually had him killed. I definitely saw ones that got used by both sides unironically.

Please think a little bit when it comes to political humor. Could someone on the opposite end of the spectrum from you look at the joke or meme you're posting and think that it's aimed at them? Like, no matter how obvious you think it is who the real target is intended to be, could someone possibly misconstrue the target to be someone on your side?

#politics #please just stop making cat-eating jokes #like I said I haven't seen it on here #but I've seen them shared on discord and seen people talking about how many there are elsewhere

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acowardinmordor · 1 year

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You Left Me, You Miss Me

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four

@mc-i-r is writing another version of this and tagged me and my brain woke up, so here ya go. This is almost all dialogue, and my new love for Mrs Buckley.

----

"Hey Steve-o! Get in here!" Robin yelled.

"Thought you were talking to your mom?" Steve shouted back.

"I am! That's why you have to come here! The cord won't reach!"

Steve hauled himself up from the corner of the kitchen where he was reorganizing things for the third time since they moved in last week. There was a pile of boxes they really needed to open in the hallway, and his mattress was still against the wall, but he kept going back to the kitchen, trying to make it work despite there being only one pull out drawer. One. They noticed before they signed the lease, but they both assumed they could make it work somehow if they just tried hard enough. But. Third time's the charm.

Flopping onto the thrifted couch next to his best friend, he leaned against her head, and greeted, "Hi Mrs Buckley, how are you?"

"Now why can't you answer the phone so politely, Robin? Who raised you to be so impolite?"

"Yeah, mom, I know you love Steve more than you love me, you tell me every time you talk to him, now can you say it again please?"

"Yes, well, like I was saying, I don't really know why they were all so upset about it, but I didn't want to overstep, so I didn't tell them anything. Not really. Only that you had moved and that you were fine. It's not like that's a secret. Then I noticed that they didn't know about that and so I didn't answer the rest of the questions, which really only made them more upset, but I think they were upset with me, not with the pair of you, so that's perfectly fine, none of them were nearly as vicious as Robin was when she was fifteen and decided she--"

"Mom!"

Steve giggled. Robin's rambling came from her mother, that was certain, and it was worse when they were on the phone. They fed on each other's talking. Like that snake thing.

"Right, yes. Well, Steve, like I told her, those boys, the ones you used to babysit for, they came around to ask if I knew where you were," Mrs Buckley finally said.

Robin grabbed his hand with the one not holding the phone, and pressed her forehead harder against his as they crowded the handset. Steve didn't think he'd reacted, but they didn't need anything as boring as a visible reaction to know each other.

"They said that they went into the video store and saw someone new at the desk, and when they heard that the two of you were no longer working there -- Apparently that manager of yours had some unpleasant words on the subject. You know I never liked him? The first time I stepped in there he asked me if I was still married? Not like that, of course, but it was still very strange. I didn't like it. And according to Robin he was always like that, wasn't he, Steven?"

"Yeah, he was pretty weird," Steve answered numbly.

"Well, that Keith fellow told them you were no longer employed there and that curly haired one demanded to know where you were employed. Since its not like he knew even if he would have told them, those boys went looking for themselves. I guess they went to your house first, Steven, and must have seen the for sale sign. I don't know what your parents are thinking, selling with the market like it is right now, but no one has ever made either of your parents listen to a single word of sense in their lives."

"Mom, the point?"

"Yes, sorry dear, like I told Robin, eventually it must have occurred to them that the two of you would be in the same place and thought to come by. Well. I say come by. First they called, and your father, you know how he is, simply said you were no longer in residence and hung up on them. He thinks he's so funny. Oh! Make sure you remember to call next Tuesday to congratulate him. It's his first day as the lead manager in the office. Oh no, wait, does it count as long distance for you? Never mind, I'll place the call so you don't have to worry about it."

"Mrs Buckley? You were saying something about Dustin?" He was proud that his voice was steady. They left Hawkins eleven days ago. They started packing two weeks before that. His parents put the house on the market around the same time. It wasn't until today that they noticed.

"Yes, that's the one. So Dustin didn't take your father's humor well, and he and his friends came by earlier this evening."

"Wait, evening?" Steve interrupted, "It was dark? They were biking around in the dark? In this weather?"

"Oh goodness no, that young man drove them. The one that was in the papers that the pair of you helped last year. He was much more polite than they were. Well, once I told them that you'd moved, they all started shouting over each other, I was sure that Ms Wickley was going to come over and scold them."

"I'm sorry, ma'am--"

"Oh you don't need to ma'am me Steven, I've told you that."

"Mom, he was just trying to be polite when he asked you to please get to the point, so can you, you know, try to get to the point some time tonight. You're paying for the call, but jeez."

"Oh yes. Well it occurred to me while they were all shouting that if they were your friends like they were saying, they would have known that you were moving. So when they managed to calm down enough I could hear a thing I said, I refused to tell them anything else. It's none of their business if you don't want it to be. And that Dustin boy said that you were his best friend, right in the same sentence he said he hadn't seen you in a month. But, I wasn't entirely sure if I was wrong about it, so I did promise I would ask you if you wanted me to pass on your information."

"Good job, mom, you finally got back to it. This is why I had you come over here, so you could hear that last part. I should have just asked you. Do you want my mom to give them our number or address or anything?" Robin had rolled her eyes over her mom's rambling, completely unaware she was just as terrible. But then she stared at him, concerned and outraged and protective and sad. God, he didn't know what he'd do without her.

"Did they ask?" Steve said.

"Ask? I don't think a single one of them knows how to ask anything. They certainly shouted a lot of demands. If you don't want me to tell them, I have no complaints about being the villain in this story. After everything you've done for my girl, being there for her before she even told me, and now making sure she's safe from any kind of trouble up there, you're such a perfect - what was the - beard? I think that's what I saw in that article in that magazine. Oh, no, the Zine, I ordered. But even without all that, I'll happily shut the door in their faces every day for a year if that's what you want done."

Steve's next breath stuttered, and that was all Robin needed to see.

"Hang on mom, I'm going to put the phone down, don't hang up, we'll be back." She sat the handset on the couch, then dragged a throw blanket over it to muffle their voices completely.

"You okay there or do I need to make a snap decision about which is going to be our household's vomit bowl?" He pushed her shoulder half-heartedly. "Okay, yeah, we both know it's gonna be the one with the cow on it. But you okay there, Stevie?"

"I'm fine."

"No you aren't."

"I'm fine."

She gasped, "You would lie to your soulmate? To her face?"

"I'm not! I'm fine! I just... I don't know, Robs."

Robin watched for a second as all of the muck of emotions bubbled inside him. Then she, as she always did, understood him.

"You want to say no. You want to tell her not to let them know where we are, but you're also freaking out because the brats come find you whenever It's back."

And because for a second, he desperately hoped that they missed him, or wanted to call so they could apologize for the last months. She didn't need to say that part. He half shrugged, sort of nodded, and bobbed his chin towards the throw blanket.

"You sure, Dingus?"

"Yeah."

"Is it gonna be Hopper or Joyce?" she faux wondered as she grabbed the phone from its prison. "Mom? Hi, back. Yeah, thank you. I'm gonna hand the phone to Steve now."

She didn't move away, but she didn't share the earpiece.

"Hi Mrs Buckley. I guess I -- could I ask a couple questions first?"

"Of course dear. What would you like to know?"

"Did any of them say anything weird or really specific?"

"Like what?"

"Like, about the mall, or last spring, or, bats, or uh, did they say anything about their dungeons and dragons game?"

"No. Why would they?"

Steve forced his shoulders to relax. El said it was done, but four years of it coming back meant he'd never fully trust that as true.

"No reason I guess."

"Well. That Munson boy did ask me about a radio right at the end. After the others stomped back to the driveway. He came back and he seemed - well he asked about a radio. And I said you certainly had a radio in your car, but I think he may have been talking about something else. Is that what you meant?"

"Okay, uh. Yeah. Thank you. I guess."

"So what would you like me to tell them next time I see one of them? If you'd like to take your time about it, you can. They were quite worked up about it, but it's a little ridiculous to act like they were owed something if they didn't even notice you two moving. You knocked over a stop sign with that rental truck."

Steve laughed. Couldn't help it. "I really can't wait, ma'am. They'll be back tomorrow morning to bother you." He gave Robin a look she immediately returned. Even without hearing the other half, she understood how true that was.

"Of course they won't, they have school," Mrs Buckley argued.

"Yeah, just means they'll be at your door even earlier."

"Well that's rude."

"Yeah, that's them. So, um. You can be rude back if you want. Don't, uh, you don't need to answer their questions. If you don't mind that they're not going to take it well."

Mrs Buckley laughed, loud and cackling for a moment, making the phone go staticky. "Oh dear, it would be my absolute pleasure to be rude right back to them. I'm much better at it. Anything else?"

"Yeah, you know Jim Hopper?" The resounding silence promised she was giving him the same judgemental look Robin was. "Sorry, that was dumb. But can you give him our number? Not to share with them, just so he has it. And, funny story about radios, but, the one that -- that that guy asked about is in your hall closet. Top shelf, next to the popcorn tin. Give Hopper that too?"

"Certainly, anything I should tell him, or should I ask to return the phone to my ridiculous child that you're generous enough to live with so I can say good night?"

For some reason, it made him think about the returns box at the store. A handle pulled open, the movie dropped inside, and nothing else needed. No one had to explain why they were giving back their copy of Breakfast Club. They had it for a while, hopefully they enjoyed it, and then when it was done, when they didn't need it anymore, or when it was overdue, when they kept it longer than they should have, costing them more money to keep around than it was worth, when they decided they were done with it, they didn't write a letter and explain why they--

"No. But, just. Tell him its for emergencies or something. Thank you, bye, or, goodnight ma'am, Mrs Buckley, uh, here's Robs. Bye."

He climbed off the couch as he shoved the phone at her, and headed for the window in his yet to be unpacked room. Rob would kill him in his sleep if he had a cigarette, but if he had any, he'd have taken the risk.

The glass was so cold it was painful against his forehead when he leaned into it, and he watched the little flurries of snow on the street kicked up by the wind. They didn't even notice for a few weeks. They'd quit Family Video a week before they left, and he knew the kids watched at least a few every weekend. They must have gone in, multiple times, and just, not noticed. Or not cared.

He wasn't sure which of those was worse.

He wasn't sure why it hurt when he made his peace with it weeks and weeks ago. It hadn't ached so vividly since the fall. Worst of all was the shock of concern for them, thinking they were out on their bikes in the dark and the snow. Then the relief that Eddie drove them. The feeling was huge enough to eclipse anything else until he knew they were safe.

Hadn't seen them in a month, barely seen them before that, and his first instinct was still to drop everything and grabs his keys. He was two hours away, and his brain was itchy to go drive by and check on them. They didn't need him to do that. They didn't want him to.

And based on how his stomach lurched when he heard that they didn't know he'd left, he didn't think it would do him any favors to go back. Hop and Joyce knew how to handle them if they started to do anything too risky, and the kids were practically glued to Eddie's side.

They weren't his to look after.

"Stop staring out the window like your lover is lost on the moors," Robin complained, wrapping him in a hug from behind.

"I have no idea what that means, Robs."

"Good, I'll explain it to you. Come on, lets go, we've got a kitchen to reorganize. I already started stuff for popcorn and hot chocolate. Lets gooooo, you're too heavy for me to carry, hup two."

Steve snorted and let her drag him away.

"I thought we were going to get my room set up, so I wouldn't have to share with you again?"

She gave him that look. That one that was fond and frustrated and sassy as shit. The one that said she wasn't going to let him get away with being dumb, but wasn't going to call him on it.

"It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind. You can share with me for a while longer. Now do the hot chocolate, and don't skimp on the whipped cream. We bought that can on sale and its going to go bad any second. Just use all of it. Directly into our mouths if we cant get it balance on the mug. Don't want to waste it, and we deserve it. I'm on popcorn duty, and then we're going to defeat this puzzle, Harrington. We outsmarted the Russians, we can outsmart the dishes!"

Shit. He sniffled as he followed her orders.

He was so damn grateful he still had her.

-----

Next>>

Still don't do tag lists. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#You Left Me - You Miss Me #Steve Harrington #Platonic Stobin forever #Steddie eventually #still not making things better #cause that is really not my specialty #and apparently Rob came out before they left

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yetanotherlesbianonthiswebsite · 4 months

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An overly complicated analysis of everything we know about Neve Gallus in canon, as well as some additional thoughts of mine on the themes surrounding her (because I am so gay for her already)

1. Canon information

- Her age is, as of yet, unknown. In the Tevinter Nights story The Streets of Minrathous, narrated in the first-person perspective by Neve, we read “He greeted me with a dismissive ‘young lady’ that made me think he’d forgotten my name” (216). However, this is a description by an older man, whose nephew is alive long enough that his “parents had disowned him years ago” (213). In another passage of the story, the following can be read: “The man was a con artist I’d turned in the year before. To be fair, he’d nearly gotten me killed the year before that, so we were even” (221). We can therefore be certain that she has engaged successfully in detective work for at least two years, and has likely been doing so for a while. We do not know when the story is set, neither do we know anything about the parallel stories of “The Wigmaker Job” and “Luck in the Gardens”. We get the information that a Venatori cultist was wearing clothes that are fading (220), and that the cult had long since lost much standing in society; it has likely been quite a number of years since 9:42. At the same time, we know of a Qunari invasion in the eastern part of the Tevinter Empire from 9:44/45 onward, with several major cities falling to the invaders. Neve describes the catacombs as “a place to hold a year’s worth of food and supplies, securing the city’s survival in case of blight or Qunari invasion” (232). A woman as observant and politically savvy as her would likely not frame an invasion as that much of a hypothetical in case of an ongoing war. It is reasonable to assume that the story takes place sometime around the middle of the forties. Which means that by the events of Veilguard, in the middle of the fifties, we should expect Neve to have had at least twelve years of experience as a private investigator, which places her likely age at minimum in the early thirties. (Not that I am hoping for anything 40 or upward, no, there is no MILF agenda here)

- She describes the manor of a rich man as “a residence nowhere near the third-rate bookseller where I rent a room” (216), locating her residence both outside of the rich parts of town, and informing us that she does not have the greatest of means.

- Likewise, we learn that her “family has more templars than mages. I’m sure that says a lot about me. The point is, I’m not from an old family and I felt as at home in Lady Varantus’s house as Jahvis looked” (218). Within the rigid social hierarchies of Tevinter, she is privileged by magehood, but not by blood. To the degree that Tevene social classes can be broken down so neatly into stratified categories, she seems to be somewhere in the lower ranks of the middle class.

- She is canonically disabled; an amputee wearing a prosthetic leg made of dwarven metal (215). In the comic The Missing #4, we see her prosthetic, it is designed as a cobra standing up in intimidation of an attacker, and the metal seems to be predominantly a bronze or gold with blue or silver accents (6). On her foot on the other leg, she is wearing a boot which has a bronze or gold tip symmetrical to the tail of the cobra, and a high plattformed heel (ibid). Combining that with the fact that she fights and runs with a prosthetic and a heeled boot (TSoM 215, TM4 16), we learn that she expresses immense control over her body.

- Likewise, she approaches all her actions, her appearance, and her communication verbal and physical with a high degree of precision and deliberation. Her outfit is perfectly composed, with white and dark leather as primary colours, the same blue-gold metal that her prosthetic is made out of for accents as well as her belt (which is a coiling snake, TM4 6), a dark turquiose for some of the cloth (such as pants and cravat), a light turquiose for such accents as her fingernails and her meticulously applied eyeliner, and some manner of cap akin to a graduation cap at the right side of her head, in an almost black brown, with gold details. The shape of the cap has the exact same angles as a rhombus as her earrings (TM4 9). The detail on the cap forms a snake. It has been posited by tumblr user @cleric4vampire that even her movement in the trailer reinforces the cobra/snake motive (https://www.tumblr.com/cleric4vampire/752850000700194816). Despite sometimes excrutiatingly long workdays (223), Neve puts an extreme amount of emphasis on her appearance. Even in the comic, while the style does feature very dynamic character movements while talking, her gestures stick out as particularly deliberate; she talks with her hands a lot, and with deliberation (see the appendix of this post for more). This speaks to a plethora of willpower, control, and a desire to maintain a controlled barrier between the self and the larger world.

- While writing this, I have come up with the theory that the blue accents of her apparell might partially be lyrium. If she is literally wearing lyrium makeup, I will marry her.

- The only two offensive types of magic that we see her use are ice magic (e.g. TSoM 226, 227, 235, TM4 16, 17), and a manner of magic that lets her freeze the moisture in the air around a person to stagger them (e.g. TSoM 214, TM4 17). Through cooling the air around herself a bit less, she manages to hide herself in mist (e.g. TSoM 214). She is capable of some healing magic (227).

- She has a network of contacts, acquaintances, and informants all over Minrathous, particularly in its underground.

- She loves salty fried fish (221). This is not only in line with Minrathous being a coastal capital, which has a distinct influence on the caloric inflow into the city and cuisine at large, but also, once again, stresses that she does not have much money at her disposal, by emphasizing that she eats fried fish from a cheap street food stall very regularly (221), which she calls her “fish dinners” (228).

- She canonically has straight dark brown hair, meticulously kept at the left side of her face to keep space for the cap on the right, brown eyes, and brown skin. It is furthermore canon that anyone who has a problem with that or wishes to change that with mods will be exploded via elemental magic. It is furthermore canon that I will not buy Veilguard if the game whitewashes her.

- She is involved with the Shadow Dragons in helping fugitive slaves (TM4 9, 20). She expressly approves of the use of armed violence against the institution of slavery. At one point, she comments: “The cult’s dead god wanted to bring Tevinter back to what it was—to its “glory.” It was nonsense, of course. It always was. The old empire was even more corrupt and heartless than what it is now, no matter how pretty the picture Corypheus painted” (TSoM 221). In her vocal resistance to the empire, she sees it as a good usage of her time to track down Venatori (214). In spite of her resistance against the empire, she considers the city her home and would like it to be better than it is (214, 221).

2. Themes: The noir detective and the empire

It goes without saying that the formational archetype behind the character of Neve Gallus is that of the noir detective. A solipsistic cynic with little means, a private investigator, called to investigate a crime scene in dance with and against the police, depending on the point of the story. The noir detective of the movies of the first half of the 20th century, the formational corpus from which stems the archetype, is distinctly tied to the metropolis; a story that needs the urban context, the urban scenery. While of course featuring a plentitude of settings and configurations, at the root of the archetype rest particularly a white, male, US-American figure. To bring Minrathous in parallel with New York particularly is in so far a welcome change as it means a partial departure from the orientalism underlying a lot of early descriptions of Tevinter in Dragon Age canon. But, to me at least, it raises the question of how well Dragon Age is equipped to tackle the arising thematic implications. Just like the Tevinter Empire, the United States of America is a slave society fueled by the deprivation of Indigenous communities and the physical exploitation of a racialized, disenfanchised class. The metropolis is the core of the imperial core; and Minrathous is, as the largest city of Thedas and the capital of Tevinter, certainly that. The Streets of Minrathous manages but a partial critique of the society of the imperial-colonial metropolis. While Neve remains critical of the templars, the undeniable cop stand-in, the critique remains bound to corruption the higher one goes in the chain of command, as well as the bureaucracy (231). The story, in particular, follows the very dangerous trope commonly found in copaganda that the base-level officers should be allowed to disobey the chain of command and act on their own, particularly when it comes to the deployment of heavy weaponry (234). That the base-level officer is as much an agent of imperial violence as the top of the hierarchy, turning the systemic and depersonal violence of the system into concrete interpersonal violence, cannot be formulated by the text.

Furthermore, the Venatori, in their supremacist-fascistic death cult, remain cast in ableistic terms that deprive their ideology of systemic connectedness: “that didn’t stop remaining loyalists from acting delusional and stirring up trouble when the mood struck. That’s fanatics for you” (213). That fascism is but the logical conclusion of empire, particularly a weakened and collapsing empire, remains just as unacknowledged. And yet, what haunts the story is a profound sense of loneliness and alienation. A rich man estranged and alienated from his nephew because of his fear of social repercussions for the nephews behavior, said nephew dying while grasping to any semblance of connection he can (“He knew what came next. He was searching for whatever company he had left” 215), Neve facing the cultists in their hideout alone because the templar Rana does not want to breach protocoll, hell, even the Venatori preacher making a ridiculous figure, alone and ignored on his soapbox while the masses rush by him and shut him out of their attention; everyone is lonely, seperated by the dividing and isolating forces of the empire. The imperial metropolis condenses people, yet they are emotionally distanced from one another. Neve’s final action in the story is to return to the rich old man, explaining to him that his nephew was trying to be good after all; a post-mortem attempt to mend but one severed connection between humans. Her entire character is defined by the trajectory that comes from wandering almost aimlessly in a desperate attempt to escape the solipsistic nature of the empire. Her defining emotional conflict is with the reality of empire, as much as her status as a brown, disabled, bisexual woman clashes with the roots of the figure of the noir detective. We see by the time of The Missing #4 that she finds a sense of fulfillment in working with the Shadow Dragons for the slaves and against the slavers, which hints at a character arc from TSoM to TM4. As Varric correctly observes, she has a heart of gold (TM4 20), one which she hides behind a particularly controlled facade, as stern as beautiful. How well her character plays out in Veilguard hinges entirely on the stories limited ability to discuss empire in meaningful terms, and the story’s willingness to further explore her emotional arc suggested between TSoM and TM4. I am furthermore worried about how well a series known for its overt centrism can handle the nuances that make her character so great, as well as fearing the reaction by gamers[TM] to having a brown, female, disabled, bisexual detective.

3. Appendix: I am gay for the way she talks with her hands and body

TM4 9

TM4 5

TM4 10

TM4 14

TM4 19

#neve gallus #da:v #my analysis

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whileyoureinschoolidothisallday · 7 months

Text

OKAY it has been a day of being sad and panicky. Time to move.

Yesterday, I made a post detailing the cdc announcement that there will no longer be an isolation requirement for covid. If you are one of the thousands of people rightfully raging in my notes, here's some steps to focus on.

We're not gonna give up. I've seen quite a few comments with things like 'what's the point', 'why should I even try anymore' etc etc and what we're not gonna do is give them what they want! It helps the eugenics cause to be apathetic and listless. We've made it this far, we will continue to make it. I know it's hard, but I am at least right here with you. Give yourself whatever time you need to grieve, and then I need you to get up.

If you have stopped masking for any reason, or you haven't upgraded to a respirator style mask, now is the time to change or start. From now on, we will be living in a country where you could assume there are multiple covid positive people in the room with you at all times. Surgical masks will not handle that load, and cloth masks will be even less effective at that point. Obviously, this is an unprecedented situation we're putting these masks in, and I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to be an expert that can tell you with certainty that even respirators will hold up with this amount of viral load for a long period of time, but it's the best and strongest tool we have. I'm considering using my p100 more, so that's always something to consider as well (and they make you look like a cool raver when you wear them!!!). You can buy all sorts of masks here, there's more links in the comments of my original post, and most states have their own mask blocs. To find them, go to Instagram and type "[your state] mask bloc". Here is a google doc of verified advocacy groups and mask blocs all across the country here is a diy fit test kit you can buy for $30 (unfortunately they are sold out right now. shocker.) PLEASE remember to take a layered response in these times. Masks are not the only tool in our arsenal. PLEASE for the love of God keep up with your vaccinations. Make a corsi-rosenthal box or buy a high quality air purifier if you can afford it--at the very least our homes can be safe havens (you can even put a hepa filter on your furnace!!!! And in your car too!!!!!). Use CPC Mouthwash, nasal irrigation, and nasal sprays like this one. Make it a routine: you come home, you shower, you brush your teeth, you rinse your nose, you change your clothes. And, like I said in another one of my posts, DO NOT TAKE OFF THE MASK.

3. If you would like an outlet for your rage and you're into calling your reps, feel free to calmly but firmly let the cdc have it at these numbers!!!!!

[alt text: a tweet by user silly_paulie that reads:

"Disdain for the CDC unites us all. Call today and demand isolation policies be returned to 10 days, and reducing it further to 1 day would be criminally dangerous. Call both:

404-639-7000 (press 8)

800-232-4636"

end text.]

4. If you need more outlets for your rage, I STRONGLY encourage you to get involved with your local union. Moreso than calling the CDC, tbh. I've seen multiple comments telling people just to lie about your symptoms to get more sick time off, but since there's no legal precedent to allow employees sick time for covid, all that's gonna do is get people fired. I truly believe in my lefty heart that the ONLY way we're getting anything close to mitigation is through labor rights. Even the standard for the fucking flu is 3 days, and that's nowhere near as contagious or disabling as covid. I say this as a high risk person with a neuromuscular disability: covid is an intersectional issue, but where we have the most leverage to get what we need is through labor rights.

It is NOT safe for workers to be working while ill with a Level 3 Biohazard (same as TB and the FUCKING PLAGUE. Seriously we have more regulations around fucking lice)

It is NOT safe to willfully EXPOSE your employees to a Level 3 Biohazard

It is NECESSARY for all employees to be allowed up to 10 days to recover fully from Covid-19, in order to avoid possible further injury from or hospitalization

You will NOT die or be disabled for the sake of the wealthy!!!!!

(and while you're at it, ask for better air filtration too!!!! At least 5 air changes an hour, MERV-13 air filters!! Then we won't have to constantly worry about virus bs and policy changes in the first place!!!!)

5. Closing statements. Nothing has changed with covid, this is just policy. Covid still isn't magic, she still has to get in you before she can do damage--mask up, arm your home with clean air, and don't let her. It's always worse toward the end. This is not the time to give up, it's time to dig in your heels and get to work. There are so many good things happening with covid. They are finding encouraging treatments for long covid. Finally, after years of nothing, a new prophylactic for the high risk was submitted for emergency use to the FDA, and it looks like this time it's built to last against new mutations. Covid is here to stay for the rest of our lives, but the real science hasn't given up on taking the worst of its teeth out. We WILL get to the point where the extreme fear of catching covid is nothing but a bad memory for EVERYONE. All I need you to do is commit to the belief that you're gonna survive long enough to be in that moment with the rest of us.

Now stay safe, and give em hell!!!!!

#covid 19 #covid safe #covid advocacy #covid is not over #mask up #danger days: truffula flu simulator #truffula flu survival guide

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cheolaholic · 1 year

Text

ring of love; csc (01)

summary; agreeing to join vernon spectate an underground boxing match wasn't how you'd expect to spend your friday night. you also didn't expect to see seungcheol, someone you've lost contact with for years, become a part of the ring.

modern! au • boxer! au • hhu focused • multiple kinds of tropes • fluff, angst, smut

a/n; AND THE FIC IS OUT 💃🏻✨

ngl, i posted up the teaser at around 1am just to see how it'd go (was planning on deleting it right afterwards if nothing showed up). i woke up like 6 or 7 hours later and holy shit yall - i wasn't expecting it to get so much attention or blow up 😭 and it was just a TEASER 😭✋🏻 i've also gone through the small notes section of the taglist form (my favorite is the one that said they like my brain lol) either ways, i'm so glad you're all as excited as i am for this fic 🥹🫶🏻 it really means a lot to me <33

i'd also like to point out that i'm writing this fic as i go, kind of going with the flow, so, occasionally some things might not make sense but let's hope the flow goes well 🙏🏻

taglist at the end !

click here to join the taglist ♡

“hey there, babygirl,” vernon greeted as he took a seat in front of you at the library desk.

the nickname had you looking up from your laptop, shooting the boy a grimacing look.

“vernon, what the fuck?”

vernon chwe, an art major you had met on the first day of college during orientation, since both of you were in the same freshman group during said orientation.

you were entirely new to seoul, having spent most of your life in a small town in daegu (alongside your introverted nature, talking to new people while having to adjust to your new surroundings was basically an introvert’s nightmare).

when vernon approached you during one of the 30 minute breaks, he handed you a bottle of coke, a friendly gesture you appreciated a lot. that wasn’t what caught your eye though - it was his clothes. it’s not every day you’d see a college student wearing a bright neon tie-dyed shirt.

when vernon noticed your staring, he simply said “ah, yeah, the rest of my clothes are in the dryer. i’m vernon, by the way! vernon chwe!”

“...i’m ___,” came your response, “lee ___.”

from then on, you’ve both been stuck to each other like glue. always seen together to the point you both had been mistaken as a couple one too many times.

guess the saying of 'you're not real besties unless people think you're a couple' is true to an extent.

though you both have made it clear that the relationship between the two of you is strictly platonic.

the boy laughs at your reaction before shutting up as a few students shoot him a dirty look, a few others shushing him. “it’s fun messing with you, ___,” he said in a soft voice, not wanting to get on the nerves of the other students, “watcha working on?”

“just the usual presentation preparations,” you answered as you pushed back up your glasses and continued typing away.

“is this a group or solo project?”

“solo, which thank god. if this was a group and i had another bad luck on my groupmates, i was going to lose it.”

vernon cringes at the mention of groupmates. in your previous group assignment, you were stuck with not one, not two; but three parasites. he remembered how sleep deprived and stressed you were throughout the semester for said group project. he’d gotten you to submit an email to the lecturer in charge, writing out in extreme detail how you had to bear the responsibilities of the group members while they were out and about, partying, going out on dates etc.

however, you decided to go even further than just submitting an email.

it was the day of the presentation. as your lecturer sat in the front row seat alongside two other faculty members, you looked at your parasitic freeloading groupmates that were standing to your left.

“are you guys ready?” you asked in a quiet voice.

when they nodded their heads, you smiled as you pressed the clicker in your hand. anyone would have assumed your smile was that of an encouraging smile. you however, knew better.

as the first slide was projected onto the projection screen, the topic of the presentation was written in a big font while all four names of yours and your groupmates were written underneath it.

as you pressed on the clicker, one by one, the names of your groupmates began to be removed from the slide. the classroom was confused before catching on - you were calling out your group mates for being parasites.

your groupmates watched in a panic state as the students began whispering amongst themselves; the faculty members jotting things down on their clipboards.

once all the three names were removed with your name being the only one left on the slide, in a calm and collected voice, you said, “now, shall we begin the presentation?”

vernon remembered the proud expression you had when he met up with you the same day. “how’d it feel?” he asked, having helped you with your research and planned out the execution for the revelation of the free loaders.

“amazing!” came your reply with a beaming smile, satisfied.

“whatever happened to those three anyways?”

shrugging, you heard from some classmates that they had either gotten suspended or needed to retake the class. but, you didn’t care.

why would you?

if anything, you were glad you didn't have to deal with them for the rest of your studying years.

"hmm, fair enough," vernon responded before placing both arms on the table, leaning forward, "so, got any friday night plans?"

"if you're planning to drag me to a frat party-"

"not a frat party."

looking up from your laptop with an eyebrow raised, the boy just shoots you a smile - a smile that you can't help but feel suspicious of.

as you saved your work progress and shut down your laptop, vernon spoke again.

"have you heard of underground boxing?"

"i am not going to get in a boxing ring."

"you don't have to!"

once you've packed up your stuff and headed out of the library together, he explained more about the underground boxing.

it's a monthly event and is usually held somewhere in itaewon. when you mentioned that you didn't think vernon was the type to take part in these events, he replied with, "that's because i don't. a close friend of mine does and i usually go to support him with two other close friends!"

"and where do i play a part in this… support group?"

"don't hate me for this, okay? i just think that you could use some outdoor time, ya'know? i know you're introverted and want to hole up in your apartment the entire weekend, but it wouldn't hurt to try something new!"

you were silent for a moment.

"so, i'm a bore, is what you're getting at."

"what!? no! absolutely, not!"

when you let out a laugh at vernon's reaction, it had a few students around both of you stunned.

maybe it's due to your introverted nature that everyone assumed you'd be cold-natured too, black cat energy they call it.

but to vernon, he knew it wasn't the case. you just needed to be around the right people or in a setting you're familiar/comfortable with to be yourself.

'naturally introverted, selectively extroverted' as they called it.

"i'll go if you pick me up."

"does seven sound good to you?"

"yeap."

"aight, bet."

introverted ass: ik i should've asked this earlier

introverted ass: but is there like a dress code or smtg?

introverted ass: bcs i don't wanna show up looking extremely out of place

vrrnonie: casual should be okay

vrrnonie: maybe bring a jacket along

introverted ass: but it's a boxing match

introverted ass: wouldn't it be hot and stuffy from all that sweat

introverted ass: ?

vrrnonie: it's actually air conditioned, believe it or not

vrrnonie: and it's well ventilated too

vrrnonie: and there's not much people, dont worry

vrrnonie: the place can hold up to 100+ ppl

vrrnonie: but they usually only let in abt 70-ish?

vrrnonie: not wanting to be too stuffy, crowd control etc

introverted ass: so i'm assuming i can just wear my sweater and tights?

vrrnonie: yeapp

vrrnonie: reaching in 10 btw

introverted ass: wtf

vrrnonie: you can do your makeup in the car when we reach

vrrnonie: it doesn't start til 10pm so we can grab some dinner

introverted ass: again, wtf

vrrnonie: love ya bestie 😘

introverted ass: 🙄✋🏻

true to his word, vernon did show up ten minutes later at your apartment front door.

parking his mercedes-benz in one of the few empty spots, he then brought you to a diner he deemed to have the best burger in all of itaewon (of course that was after he let you finish doing your makeup, as he had promised you).

"so… how long have your friends been doing this whole underground boxing thing?" you asked, stabbing a few fries on a fork before shoving them into your mouth.

"oh, just one of them actually," vernon replied with his mouth half full of his beef burger. "wonwoo hyung acts as the manager while mingyu hyung and i are there as first aiders. occasionally, we'd help him train too. but, mingyu is the one he trains with since he works out more than i do."

"does this boxer friend of yours have a name?"

"i can't really say his actual name out here. but, his stage name is scoups!"

why does that stage name sound so familiar… you ponder.

it's now 1230am and you've been out way longer than you should be (technically, more like longer than you wanted).

by right, shou should now be on your bed, cuddled up in your blanket as you binge whatever series or movies are available on the many streaming platforms offered.

yet, here you are - in an underground boxing ring somewhere in itaewon all because your best friend had decided you should spend more time outside.

the match was nearing its final round and based on what you've heard from the people sitting beside you (vernon had left to go to the locker rooms where his friends were; but had assured you everyone is respectable and won't try anything weird. it didn't reassure you completely to be left alone in the crowd, but any kind of reassurance is acceptable at this point), it seems that the two final boxers would be JK and scoups.

(you had also taken a lot of toilet breaks due to the overwhelming feeling of being in a crowd for an extended period of time)

you still ask yourself why the name 'scoups' sound so familiar…

it was only when the loud cheers snapped you out of your thoughts, causing you to shift your focus onto the ring that you finally realise why that name sounded so familiar.

because right in that boxing ring, stood an old face you've been longing to see for years.

choi seungcheol.

taglist (i can't tag a few for some reason ㅠㅠ);

@yoonclip @1004luvangel @catjunhui @mystikha @spk93 @tinkerbell460 @yoozuku @dnylwoo @christinewithluv @limbomoon @plutoxxxworld @i-give-up-1234 @m1ngyuc0re @yunloyal @leclercloverbot @bettybeako @billboard-singer @ocyeanicc @krupyadoorrahe @seobinnieshi @xcynthiaaa @k411z @disneyprincesshuri @sunnyapp @khxsh @staygenezy @loufi8iepuff @ursweetener @noisypapergalaxy @wonwootakemyheart @sugainpinksweater @leah-rose03 @thisisnotthelastofus @yearnoclock

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jensettermandu · 9 months

Text

oxytocin - jennie kim

genre; smut with some plot, fluff by the end

pairing; jennie x g!p reader (enemies to lovers)

content; oral (reader receiving), fingering (jennie receiving), degrading/name-calling, p in v :D

description; Something you and Jennie always did was hate each other, bickering every chance you two got, not caring about how others' ears fell off from it. Although, you two get put in a situation where you both need to try not to kill each other.

words; 13k+

masterlist

You shoved Eunwoo into the lockers with force, the guy hitting them and actually creating a dent, making you both stop and look behind him. "It's either that I am hella strong or you are just getting fat, buddy." You commented, your best friend turning back to look at you seeing the shit-eating grin on your face he decides to shove you back into the busy hallway. It was one thing when you pushed him since you pushed him into the lockers while he pushed you into a crowd of people. "Watch the fuck out, Y/n." Taehyung grumbled out as you got pushed into him, you looked at the guy. "Shut the fuck up Taehyung, no cares about you anyway." You said and the guy huffed as he continued to walk with his friend, he was one of your friends so it was ok to be mean.

"You have no chill Eunwoo just pushing me into a crowd of people." You huffed out and he gave you a smile. "Who told you to call me fat?" He asked and you pinched his side, making him squirm away. "Was that a little fat roll? Getting big are we?" You asked, knowing that he had nothing against it since you two were super close and always joked like that, he would call you fat and you would do the same, he would call you ugly and you would do the same and so on. There were no feelings getting hurt since if that would be the case one of you would say something. "The only thing big here is that attitude of yours." He bit back and you were just about to shove him back into that locker only for him to push your hands away and land his hands on your shoulders giving you a harsh shove instead of you shoving him.

This time you weren't lucky enough to get pushed into one of your friends or some random, but the biggest bitch you could possibly stumble upon in this entire universe. Her feelings of hate were mutual. The second your back collided with her side she pushed you right back the way you came from with much annoyance. "Get your herpes-infested body away from me!" Jennie yelled after shoving you away from her and you turned to look at her, the girl standing with a pissed expression, a scowl on her face as she fixed the purse hanging on her shoulder with the cross C's on it. "The only infested thing around here is that big mouth of yours with the yapping virus." You bit back and her eyes went up to you, looking away from her baby pink purse, her eyes sharp as she locked gazes with you although you weren't one to falter.

Jennie clenched her jaw in irritation as she couldn't even stand the thought of you.

"At least I'm not fucking braindead." She huffed out.

"Well...That's debatable." You commented and heard Eunwoo stifle a laugh behind you and you nudged the guy so he wouldn't laugh.

"What's debatable is you still not being in special ED class." Jennie said and her close friend Nayeon stood behind her just like Eunwoo stood behind you.

The two are used to the everyday bickering between you two that always happened. Everyone at school was used to it. No one knew why you two hated each other so much, you two just simply did even if there was no actual bad history between you two. You were the school's popular delinquent, known for that while Jennie was a popular kid, you assume mostly because of her family status because there was no way that it was because of her personality as it seemed quite rotten from your point of view. It's not like she was mean to everyone or a bully, the only person who she was a bitch to in their face was you and it was kind of the same with you.

Before you could say much more the bell rang and pissed about not getting to say the last word as Jennie started to walk, you tripped the girl for your own satisfaction. Jennie stumbled forward but quickly regained her balance as you had a big grin on your face until she without any hesitation turned around with her baby pink Chanel bag swinging towards you, covering and it hit the back of your head instead of your face. Groaning as the metal cross C's collide right with the back of your head. "You fucking bitch." You grumble out as she flips you off and walks away with Nayeon as if she didn't almost fall face first and then didn't assault you with her purse after.

That was just your first encounter with Jennie today.

The only reason why you were in this art class was that your friend Chaeyoung forced you to join it. It wasn't that you were bad at art, you would just prefer to do something else than sit with a canvas in front of you and paint whatever you were told to paint. Looking past the canvas that was in front of you. There sat Jennie very invested not in her half-finished painting but in her phone, you took the paintbrush and glanced at Chaeyoung beside you.

"Can I borrow that pink paint?" You asked her and she shrugged, taking the paint palette and holding it out for you to take the pink paint, watching you scoop up as much as possible onto your brush. Thanking her she went back and you moved your stool to get a better view of Jennie who was in front of you.

Taking aim, you whistled to catch her attention which seemed to work, Jennie flinched in her seat the second a big splat of paint flew right at her face. She stood up so abruptly that her stool flew back, grabbing everyone's attention. Her phone was discarded to the side as you watched her face turn red from anger, her jaw clenched as she with closed eyes wiped away the paint, only smearing it on her face and you finally started to laugh. "Jennie and Y/n-." The teacher got cut off as Jennie had finally charged up and her outburst came.

"You fucking idiot! I will fucking kill you!" Jennie yelled at you and you widened your eyes as she grabbed onto the pair of scissors that were laying beside Lisa. Jennie charged towards you and you grabbed onto your canvas, quickly holding it out when she swung the scissors your way and you realised that this girl was serious about killing you. The pair of scissors went right through the canvas.

"You ruined my makeup, you dickhead!" Jennie continued as the scissors fell to the floor with the canvas.

"If anything I only fixed it...You look more like your true self now, you know a clown." You said, adding fuel to the fire.

"Hey, that's mine." Minho beside you complained when Jennie took his colour palette and yanked it at you when you said that, the paint splattering everywhere and Chaeyoung beside you becoming a victim of Jennie too as some got on her shirt, the colour palette landing on your pants.

"Y/n and Jennie!" The teacher finally raised his voice at the childish behaviour coming from the two high-school seniors.

You stop as you with a clenched jaw remove the colour palette from your crotch to see a big colourful stain on your black pants, a mix of red, white and blue.

"Great, now I look like I have the American flag on my crotch." You complained, letting the palette fall to the floor, the mess getting bigger and the teacher angrier.

"Shut the fuck up." Jennie snapped and the teacher slammed his hands on his table.

"That's detention to the both of you after school, you two will stay and clean this entire classroom!" He angrily let out.

Soon P.E came and Jennie was one of those girls that always had an excuse for not being able to participate and would sit on the bench the whole school year and somehow still get a P.E grade by the end of the semester by picking up a ball and then throwing it a foot in front of her, her friends praising her together with the teacher. You would like to assume that she sucked off the P.E teacher for that grade, but the man was gay and married so you assumed that she paid him as she could swim in her family's money as Scrooge McDuck did. She was that rich.

After that art class, you had to change into the pair of sweats you had packed for P.E and luckily for you, this was your last class for today so you wouldn't have to walk around in them for the rest of the day as that wouldn't feel too fresh. Sitting on the wooden floor of the court as you stretched with Eunwoo on your left and Wonho on your right, sitting in the middle of those two big guys as you were a lanky fucker, tall (5'9) and skinny.

"Did you really get detention?" Eunwoo asked in a hushed tone and you sighed.

"Yeah."

"Awh come on, we were supposed to hang out after school." Wonho complained and you shrugged.

"Well, I will be spending it with Jennie, the girl who tried to stab me with scissors in art class." You said, not actually feeling safe doing this as you looked up in front of you to see Jennie sitting in all her glory on the bench.

The girl was for sure beautiful and you were aware of that, her personality sucked but that was probably because she was a privileged kid that had gotten everything she wanted her whole life. Always quick to judge people simply because of what they wore for example, although she never went up to someone and straight up bullied them. She did that from a distance, talking about whatever person would pass her and her friends, quickly exchanging looks with her group of friends before getting to judging.

You mostly liked to mind your own space that you were in with your friends and if someone got into that space you would quickly give them a look or say something so they would scurry away. You were the school delinquent and people were usually quick to judge you for that so you just lived up to their judgement instead.

"You had it coming for flicking that paint in her face...Poor Chaeyoung became a victim of Jennie's wrath caused by you." Eunwoo said and you looked away from Jennie and at the guy before letting your gaze fall on Chaeyoung who now had her gym shirt on, sitting with Jisoo and stretching.

"I apologised to her and to be fair Jennie was the one who had it coming for hitting me with her purse, I think I lost brain cells when that metal logo hit me." You grumbled out and winced internally since whenever you would touch that spot it still hurt. Wonho and Eunwoo both snickered and you sent both of them a look.

"I doubt that it's possible to lose more brain cells if you have none left." Wonho laughed out and you kicked the guy's shin, making him wince in pain.

Ignoring what the P.E teacher was talking about as you turned to Eunwoo and punched him too as he was about to comment too.

"Y/n, you don't seem to be paying too much attention to class either way so how about you go and help Jennie with getting the volleyball balls from the storage for tomorrow morning as the team has early practice." The teacher said and you stopped at that, he couldn't be serious.

You could see in the corner of your eye Jennie already rolling her eyes in annoyance as you got up without protest not needing much more detention after school than what you already had. Looking at Eunwoo and Wonho with a scowl before walking away as the teacher handed you the keys to the storage room.

You walked ahead, Jennie following right behind you as you pushed the big door open and walked out of the court.

"You ruined my favourite pair of pants, you know." You grumbled out still pissed about your favourite pair of black pants being ruined by paint.

Jennie scoffed and you glanced beside you where she was walking by your side with the distance between you two.

"You can buy a new pair, you ruined my makeup and I had to redo it." Jennie replied.

"Or you could buy me a new pair for ruining them, you have the money...plus ruining someone's makeup and pants are two different things- like you said you fixed your makeup." You explained with your hands in your pocket, looking in front of you as you walked through the empty school hallways.

"I don't do charity cases and plus you would never catch me in one of those cheap stores." You gave her a distasteful look at that, you weren't serious about her buying you a new pair but she didn't have to go as far as call you a charity case before judging the places you could afford to buy clothes at.

You took out the keys from your pocket as they jingled, approaching the door leading to the storage that should have the volleyball balls stored.

"Thank you for rubbing your wealth into my face and I wasn't serious about it either." You spoke as you unlocked the door before pushing it open and going inside after finding the light, walking into the small storage.

"You're welcome and I know how to read sarcasm but I still like to put it out there." Jennie let out with sass and you scoffed before looking back at her as she stepped inside just looking around the small space.

"Whatever, brat." You said and pushed her aside to push the door closed as the balls seemed to be behind the door.

"Who are you calling a brat?" Jennie angrily asked as she never liked being called a brat, she despised being called one because she wasn't one, not in her opinion at least.

"Definitely not you." You said and spotted the net with balls.

"I thought so." Jennie firmly stated and you chuckled at that.

"I thought you knew how to read sarcasm, brat." You said and turned to her.

Jennie looked confused for a second before a scowl appeared on her face and you knew that she caught on. Your eyes widened as she gave you a harsh shove, making you stumble back and trip over the net with balls. Reaching for the first thing to not fall you grabbed onto Jennie's wrists. A squeak left Jennie who definitely wasn't the best choice to grab onto as the girl seemed to lack strength and only fell with you as you closed your eyes embracing yourself for the impact.

You groaned as you landed on the bunch of soccer balls that were there too, Jennie falling right on top of you. Opening your eyes you were met by soft darkness.

"Am I in heaven or hell?" You mumbled out confused.

Jennie quickly with wide eyes pushed herself up to sit when she felt your hot breath hit her cleavage as her chest landed right on your face.

You bit back a smile seeing that the soft darkness was her boobs in your face as the girl was straddling your waist.

"I guess it was heaven after all." You mumbled to yourself with a smug look on your face, Jennie's cheeks getting coloured together with her ears at what you said as she managed to hear it.

"You fucking perv!" Jennie exclaimed and slapped you quickly.

"The fuck! You were the one who pushed me." You complained and cupped your cheek, bucking your hips and pushing the girl off of you as she wasn't moving fast enough.

You sat up on the floor and caressed your cheek as the girl stood up, still angry as she fixed her clothes furiously.

"You fucking molested me! You fucking freak." You frowned at that and looked at Jennie.

Jennie stopped for a second at the flash of hurt in your eyes, knowing that she didn't watch her tongue.

"That's low of you, Jennie-" You mumbled, looking down as being called a freak wasn't something pleasant as you had been called one ever since you were a kid until your 16th birthday when you changed schools at last which is this school. Growing up and getting hormonal your classmates didn't find you a freak anymore but found it attractive instead and cool, girl's instead of avoiding you would throw themselves at you. Although that didn't mean that it still didn't hurt you when you were called one. It wasn't your choice to be born with a dick.

"And I didn't molest you! It was an accident that was your fault, to begin with!" You exclaimed and Jennie let out a huff at that, with a roll of her eyes and a judging look she turned around and yanked at the door handle to leave.

It got quiet...

She yanked at it again.

Nothing.

With that she started yanking and pulling on the door handle, trying to open the door that did not want to open at all. You frowned and looked at the girl who was struggling to open a door, wondering if she was incompetent and did not know how to open doors since she probably had people do it for her ever since she was born.

"Are you that fucking stupid that you don't even know how to open a door?" You commented and she stopped pulling on it with a frustrated sigh, turning to you with her usual scowl that only you seemed to fall victim to. "I am not you moron, it's not opening...try for yourself." Jennie let out and you got up from the floor, wiping your hands on your sweats as Jennie stepped aside to give you space in the already small room.

"You just pull-." You cut yourself off as you pulled but nothing happened, frowning you tried to push instead, but still nothing. Bumping your shoulder into the door as you tried to force it open. "Now who's stupid?" Jennie asked, seeing that you couldn't open the door either. You let go of the handle and took in a deep breath because there was no way that you were stuck together in this cramped room with someone like Jennie. Your ears were bound to fall off if no one would come and open the door for you two before gym class would end.

You inspected the door and saw that you needed the keys to open it from the inside. "Oh, we just need the keys." You quickly stuck your hands into your pockets, but the only thing you felt was your cardholder. You looked up at Jennie who was leaning against the wall and waiting for you to open the door, her fingers fiddling with the strap of her purse.

Clearing your throat nervously as you did not have the keys. "Did you perhaps remove the key from the door before entering after me?" You questioned and looked as her face fell and anger was boiling inside her eyes.

"Are you fucking kidding me! You didn't remove the key!?" Jennie angrily let out and you watched as her hands clenched onto the strap of her purse.

"I thought you would do it, you bimbo!" You defended although you knew that you should have removed them since you were the one who inserted them.

The word bimbo must have ticked Jennie off a lot because the purse swung right your way again.

"Don't. Call. Me. A. Fucking. Bimbo." She stated with each hit as you covered your head, trying to move away as she landed hits on your body with her baby pink Chanel purse.

"Goddamnit!" You complained and managed to push the purse away at last making her stop. You grumbled to yourself and fixed your hoodie that she messed up, taking a safety step away from her before leaning against the wall and sliding down to sit on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Jennie asked and you shrugged. "I am not going to stand and wait-" You glanced at your wristwatch before continuing to explain. "P.E ends in 40 minutes and that's when they will come here." You stated and tried to busy yourself with something to make the time pass faster, grabbing onto the small baseball ball that layed on the floor not too far from you as it had rolled from its place after your and Jennie's fall.

Jennie sighed and looked around the small and cramped room before moving over to the corner and sitting on top of the storage drawer that contained new volleyball jerseys.

It got quiet as you rolled the ball around on the floor.

Glancing up at Jennie who opened her purse and took out her phone, shaking your head slightly as she tried to call whoever it was she was trying to call...there was obviously no signal here as the room was very isolated and in the furthest corner of the whole school.

The girl gave up on trying to call one of her friends for help and with a grumble opted on playing games on it while the two of you were waiting.

You glanced at your clock to see that it had been 45 minutes already, P.E ended five minutes ago and you knew that no one walked in this hallway, but the P.E teacher would definitely come here to get his keys back.

Jennie was still seated on top of the storage drawer with her phone and you were still playing with the baseball although it was starting to get boring.

"What are you playing?" You questioned and looked at Jennie who glanced up from her phone at you, sending you a look, obviously not up for having any conversation with you. "Mind your business." She only replied and you heaved a sigh, picking up the baseball in your hand and thinking about throwing it in her face, but you wouldn't do that since that would hurt her...and hurt you even more since she surely would start beating you with that purse again.

You opted on just looking over Jennie who was wearing a black skirt with black pantyhose, a baby pink v-neck shirt with the small Chanel logo on her cleavage that was barely visible since it was the same colour as the shirt, black low doc martens and the damned purse to match her outfit and a hairband holding back her perfect brown hair.

You already knew that you found her extremely hot, but that was it- her personality was rotten and very unattractive which prevented you from ever actually hitting on her. Rolling your eyes at your own thoughts and averting your gaze at the door that hadn't been touched by anyone from outside yet.

"What if no one comes?" You stated, putting the possibility out there and that seemed to get Jennie out of her focused bubble. She looked at the time on her phone to see that it had been 15 minutes since all classes had ended and you two hadn't heard a single person even pass by the door.

"Then you are fucking dead because it's all your fault since you are a dimwitted fucker." Jennie snapped, not liking the idea of being stuck in this room much longer. "Same with detention, you always ruing everything for me." Jennie said angry with the fact that she also was supposed to have detention right now although that wouldn't happen now that she was stuck here instead.

"Hey, hey, hey...how is detention my fault?" You asked since in your opinion it was her fault.

"Because you flicked fucking paint in my face!"

"That's cause you hit me with that pitiful purse of yours."

"Watch it! It's Chanel."

"Should have gotten a bigger one 'cause that one isn't nearly big enough to fit all of that attitude in it."

"You surely have an ego way too big for the prick that you have in your pants."

"Your mother should have swallowed to spare everyone your aura of idiocy." At that Jennie gasped and reached for the first thing in sight, throwing the dodgeball at you as you shield yourself, the ball bouncing off you and you grabbed it throwing it right back at her. The girl slapped it away from her before it could hit her and reached another throwing it at you, hitting the top of your head.

"Yours regrets that she didn't." Jennie fired back and huffed, getting off the drawer and walking up the door, banging on it, as she couldn't stay in there for another second or she would totally flip.

"Someone open this fucking door!" She screamed and banged on the door, getting to yanking on the handle as you rolled your eyes at what she was doing. No one would open that door for you two, not until someone would need to get something from this room and that would be tomorrow morning when the volleyball team has practice.

Instead of wasting your energy on what Jennie was doing, you got up, ignoring her banging on the door and trying of yelling for help. You sighed and walked over to the three shelving racks that stood beside each other that were filled with stuff. Kicking the few balls to the side that were in the way and rummaging through them to maybe find something interesting, not minding the few things that you knocked over and fell to the floor. This caught Jennie's attention, who gave up on trying to get someone to hear her as most people had already left the school property and she looked at what you were doing.

She leaned against the door with a small pout from the anger and frustration this and you were causing her as there was only this much she could handle of you every day and today the limit had been crossed. Jennie never knew why the two started to bicker in the first place, but you two just did and it had been going on since you moved to this school- two years now. Well, she knew that she liked having your attention on her and what better way to get it if not from being a bitch...Seeing you all frustrated and angry because of her sent dopamine to her brain...oxytocin too...but that was something only she would know and no one else.

Your fingers stumbled upon a permanent marker and you knew that it would be enough to occupy you for a few hours since you were the type of person that could get entertained by an empty paper roll. Jennie watched as you turned and removed the cap from the marker with your teeth and walked over to the wall where you sat earlier before sitting down and busying yourself with doodling on the wall.

"Nooo." Jennie whined when her phone battery died only managing to catch a glimpse of the time before it died. School ended three hours ago- it was 7 pm now- and you two were still sitting in the cramped room, Jennie had managed to make herself comfortable on top of that drawer and you were still on the floor. None of you uttered a single word to each other for three hours as it seemed like you two only knew how to bicker.

She discarded her phone beside her and sighed in boredom, her eyes falling on you to see you still doodling on that wall- you had taken occasional breaks between. At this point, you had drawn everything you know how to draw. She looked at the things you had done on the wall and tried to come up with something to say as she would die out of boredom if none of you would say a word.

You got snapped out of it and looked beside you to see Jennie crouching down next to you, double-checking to see if you were tripping or not. There was no way that Jennie was right beside you without having any malicious intentions. Her expensive perfume invaded your space as she always smelled so feminine that her smell and looks slightly made up for that rotten attitude.

"How do you draw this?" Jennie asked and pointed at the 'Cool S' graffiti sign that everyone always did on every surface possible although Jennie had no clue how to do it. She had wanted to learn ever since she first saw it which was when she was still a kid. You looked at her slightly baffled, wondering why she wasn't throwing insults your way or hitting you with her purse.

"What?" You questioned to make sure you heard her right, Jennie rolled her eyes and pointed at it again, your eyes following her finger. "Teach me how to draw this." Jennie demanded, of course without a, please.

"It's really easy." You said as you shifted as you were sat cross-legged. "You just- draw six lines...connect this with this...then these too and lastly these and...done." You showed her step by step and finished it, looking at Jennie who was still crouched beside you, a small frown on her face. Sitting this close to her and with peace was different and it let you look closer at her features and she didn't look as dangerous as when she was angry.

"Here, try." You said and carefully held the marker out for her, Jennie looked away from the wall and at the marker, taking it from you. You leaned a bit closer to her to look at her doing it. Watching her do the first step and then moving to the second one. "No- this one goes to this." You corrected and pursed your lips when she scowled. "That's what I am doing." She huffed out, mad at you for correcting her. "I know what I am doing, Y/n." She continued and went back to the S that she was doing wrong. "If you knew then you wouldn't ask me how to draw it, Jennie." You commented and tilted your head at her attempt as it didn't look right at all.

"It's stupid." Jennie concluded and dropped the marker after failing, she was about to stand back up but you grabbed her forearm gently and pulled her back down. "It's not...come on, it was your first try and you're already giving up." You said and tried to hand her back the marker, now wanting to teach her how to do it. Jennie looked at the marker with raised eyebrows and then at you. "It is stupid...it's just an S." Jennie said in distaste as she never did anything twice if she failed on the first try.

"I know, but it's a stupid S that you wanted to learn...Why give up after just trying once?" You questioned and used your free hand to open her hand, placing the marker in her dainty hand before making her hold it. Jennie was wondering why you were this patient with her if she herself wasn't, she always gave up after her first try if it failed. "Fine." She gave in and you smiled.

She did the first lines and then looked at you for you to explain what to do further. "Connect this one to this..." You pointed and she followed your instructions.

"See, it wasn't that difficult." You said as she managed to do it on her second try. Jennie tilted her head at the S she did and then looked at the ones you did. "Yours look better than mine...Why?" You stifled your laugh when Jennie's head snapped your way. "Is my failure funny to you, Y/n?" She seriously asked with a threatening voice and you shook your head with a smile. "No...It's not that- it's- it's not important." You let out since you only found the way she asked it cute, but saying that out loud would not happen. "Just try again and it will get better with time." You said instead and watched as she shifted on her feet a little.

"Why won't you sit down?" You questioned confused since it couldn't be comfortable to be crouched down like she was. Jennie rolled her eyes at what you asked as she started her new S, trying to make it look better this time. "Because I have a skirt on Y/n, the floor isn't something I would like to sit on without jeans on." She stated the obvious since she only had thin pantyhose on. Suddenly you were in sort of a dilemma and contemplated whether or not you should offer her your hoodie since you had your t-shirt under. One time wouldn't hurt...just because you and she always bickered didn't mean that you were a complete ass.

You pulled off your hoodie while she was busy perfecting her S, taking it off just as she finished and the girl looked at you. "Here...uhm, you can sit on it...unless you don't want to." You awkwardly offered her and Jennie looked, a bit taken aback as never in a million years did she think that this type of generosity would happen between you two. About to just as awkwardly retreat your hand while cursing yourself out in your head, Jennie took it from your hold. Without knowing what to say to you, she placed it on the floor before sitting down on it. Jennie cleared her throat and went back to the wall as you watched her try another one.

Seeing that she was invested in doodling on the wall now, you stood up and walked back to the shelving racks. Just when you were about to look, your eyes landed on the paper that had written tomorrow's date on it as it layed on top of a box. Being curious you walked over to the box and dragged it away from the wall before removing the paper from it and opening the box. It was water and snacks for the volleyball team that had a game tomorrow after school. "Do you want water and crisps?" You questioned Jennie as you crouched down beside the box, not giving a single fuck about the volleyball team because you weren't about to starve for their sake.

Jennie hummed confused and you dragged the cardboard box over to her, where you had been sitting the whole time. You slumped down beside her in a v position with the box between your legs as you looked down at it. "Here." You said and took out bottled water, handing one over to her. Jennie took it as she reached for the cap of the marker, closing it to not get her clothes dirty. You both sat by the corner so you leaned against the wall where the corner connected as she sat leaning against the other wall, being a good two feet away from each other.

You took out water for yourself and placed it beside you before taking out a bag of crisps. "Do you want some?" You questioned Jennie who was drinking some of the water you had handed her, she shook her head and you frowned slightly. It wasn't like you cared, well as a decent human being you somewhat cared, right? But that was cause you were a human being and nothing else. "Why not? Aren't you hungry?" You asked her quite baffled as you opened the mini pack and went straight to eating the crisps since you were starving. "I am, but...it's not part of my diet." She murmured and looked to the side, her eyes gazing around the storage room, pretending it was interesting since she wasn't used to you being generous and somewhat caring towards her.

You laughed at that although groaned in pain when the heel of her doc marten collided with your shin. "Why are you laughing you dickhead?" Jennie asked pissed as she clutched onto the plastic bottle in her hand. You rubbed your shin. "Because you are stupid." You replied and quickly moved your leg away when she was about to hit you again. "How?" She asked with a scowl. "Who's here to see if you are following your diet or not? No one. And I certainly do not care...but suit yourself and starve." You said and continued to finish the mini bag of crisps before crumpling it up and flicking it away somewhere on the floor. Grabbing onto another one and opening it while Jennie crossed her arms and leaned against the wall behind her.

"Damn these are good." You moaned out on purpose just to get on her nerves and watched as her nostrils flared from the pissed exhale. Taking a sip of your water before eating more and chewing a bit louder and watched as her jaw moved in anger at your behaviour. "Oh, these barbecue ones are delicious...good thing you don't want any, more for me that way." You said and reached for a new pack, taking it and opening it, using your hand and trying your best to make the delicious smell of the barbecue crisps reach her proximity. Jennie groaned at how annoying you were and finally spoke up. "Why do you even fucking care if I eat or not...fuck off, Y/n." She let out pissed because not even her closest friends cared enough to make her eat.

"Because...we are staying here until tomorrow morning and you will feel uncomfortable if you sit hungry." You rolled your eyes and sighed. It was almost 9 pm. "Plus, it's not like I do it because I care specifically about you, but because I am a decent human being, but you wouldn't know that now would you...You only associate with rich people in the end so why would you ever get to know me...plus I am a freak aren't I?" You let out and took out a new packet and threw it in her lap before going back to your opened one.

Jennie licked her lips as she looked down at the small bag of crisps on her lap, pouting slightly as she felt really bad for calling you a freak earlier. With a sigh, she took the bag of crisps and opened it. "I don't only associate with rich people." She corrected while still keeping her gaze on the bag of lays. You looked up at her, watching her just looking into that bag as if she was actually contemplating if she should or not eat. "The barista at Starbucks doesn't count, Jennie." You said and watched as she, at last, ate some, rolling her eyes at you while being at it. "You don't know me either, Y/n just how I don't know much about you." She stated as a matter of fact and you hummed, agreeing with her.

"Still, the Starbucks barista doesn't count." You reminded her and the girl groaned, throwing a crisp your way. "Hey!" You complained and threw one at her too, her hard gaze met your eyes and you knew this would not end well. "You braindead fucker, it's Chanel." Jennie exclaimed and threw more your way and soon you two were throwing crisps at each other.

You took your whole bag of crisps and yanked it in her face. "Ha, gotcha big ass forehead!" You laughed and Jennie's blood was boiling as she grabbed inside the box and took an unopened pack, moving from her place you tried your best to cover yourself to not get hit in the face although Jennie wasn't having it.

"Stop. Fucking. Covering. Your. Face." She gritted out and pushed you over, making you lay on the floor, pulling on your arms to get them away from your face, the bag of crisps already discarded as she needed both of her hands since you were much stronger than her. Jennie managed to grab hold of your wrists and with all her strength yanked them away from your face, pinning them down beside your head. Your breathing was heavy as her chest heaved up and down, you both swallowing as she ended up straddling you. Her hair which was being held back by the hairband gently fell down her shoulders but kept all her hair out of her face.

Jennie took this awkward position as her chance to apologize because she knew that it couldn't get worse than this. "I am sorry for...calling you a freak earlier...I didn't mean it." Your lips parted at her words and you pursed your lips slightly. "I just...uhm..." She trailed off not knowing what to say without exposing herself too much to you now. "Well, I am sorry for molesting you." You apologized too and she shook her head. "No, you didn't do anything inappropriate, I was just..." Jennie trailed off and her grip tightened on your wrists for a second as she looked away since a blush was threatening to cover her cheeks again.

"No, I am sorry because I clearly made you uncomfy and that's my fault." You stated, because no matter how much you two would bicker and push and pull, your intentions never were to make her uncomfortable. That made Jennie look at you and her cheeks were slightly flushed as she was quick to clear it all this time without beating around the bush. "No! Really, it was because...I got really flustered and didn't know what else to do or say...So, I just slapped you and accused you when it was clearly all an accident." She finally explained and you were very surprised to hear that you made thee Jennie Kim flustered. It was something you thought that you would never get to hear or would never think would be true.

"I believe you." You said and she tilted her head at that. "I mean, look at you...you're as red as a tomato right now." You said with a smirk and Jennie clenched her jaw as she knew that it would be a bad idea to boost your ego like that since it was already big. She let go of your wrists at that and pulled away, sitting up straight about to get off you, but you stopped her, grabbing onto her forearms as you sat up with the girl straddling your lap. You glanced down at her chest subtly to see how her breath hitched. "I knew that there was something more to you than just liking to get on my nerves." You stated the obvious and her eyes darted around the room to avoid yours. "Like what? There's nothing else, I just enjoy making you mad and that's it." Jennie sassed out, trying to slither her way out of this somehow.

"You're attracted to me." You cockily said and watched how her pink chubby cheeks got a little brighter with your words, her skin flushed and probably hot. "I am not...Your ego is way too big right now and that's far from attractive." Jennie replied and still kept her eyes away from you, looking behind you instead as you still gently held onto her forearms. "Ok then, can I try something? If you don't find me attractive just stop me right away, Jennie." You said and she finally met your eyes with hers that held curiosity and she gave a hesitant nod at that. You wetted your lips and didn't waste much more time as you pulled her closer to you, her eyes widening at that but her whole body freezing and going into shock when you pressed your lips against hers.

You just gently pressed your lips against hers, you closed your eyes and started to move your lips against hers, waiting for her to either push you away or to start moving her lips against yours. Loosening your grip on her forearms, Jennie's eyes closed and her hands came around to your nape, her lips moving against yours. The amount of comments you would like to make right now just to get her mad and worked up were right at the tip of your tongue, but you decided to push it into her mouth instead of annoying her. Her nails dug into your nape slightly as she opened her mouth more. Wrapping your arms around her petite waist you tilted your head slightly to have more access, a hum left her mouth at how your tongue pushed against hers.

Although you pulled away when you felt her warm thighs that were straddling you squeeze slightly, obviously looking for some sort of friction. "Don't be a wuss and stop now, Y/n...finish what you started." Jennie firmly demanded through the blush covering her cheeks and there was the attitude you knew her for and not the shy little Jennie she was just a second ago. "Or are you afraid of some pussy?" Jennie quipped and quirked an eyebrow just trying to provoke you to get what she wanted. You bit your lower lip with a smile and lifted the girl off your lap, making her sit back down on your hoodie. You watched the frustration on her face from that before you stood up and reached your hand out for her. Jennie took hold of your hand and you pulled her up to stand.

"Still seeping with attitude even though you're the needy one." You commented and a small gasp came from her mouth when you pushed her up against the wall. Her hands gripped your shirt as you held her waist, pulling her into you before leaning down and kissing her again. This time more assertive as you knew what she wanted from how much attitude she had even when being desperate to get fucked by you right now. A moan slipped past her lips and her hands kept pulling onto your shirt, definitely ruining the material with her neediness. Your knee went between her thighs, parting them as they were so desperately rubbing against each other for friction. She shuddered at the contact with your knee and gripped onto your shoulders just in case her knees would buckle beneath her.

Feeling her hips roll against your thigh that was between her legs as she continued to kiss you fiercely, too focused on chasing her high to realize what was going on. Your hands let go of her waist and went under her skirt, gripping the thin material of her pantyhose, Jennie groaned right into your mouth when you ripped their seam, exposing her cunt- inner thighs too- that was only covered by her cheekies now. Moving your hands to her hips as she rolled them, grinding right onto your thigh that was pressed between her legs. You pulled away from the kiss, Jennie's lips were wet and parted as her head fell back and rested against the wall, her eyebrows furrowed as she lost herself in chasing her orgasm that was growing in the pit of her stomach.

Seeing that she was too busy to even try and kiss you now, you leaned down to her neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses on the skin while your left-hand untucked the pink v-neck from her skirt. Sneaking your cold hand under it, goosebumps formed on her hot skin as you ran it up to her breast, fondling it through the bra she was wearing. "Oh fuck." Jennie breathed out, her nails digging into your shoulders while you sucked on her neck, squeezing her breast as you reached your hand inside her bra, your fingers busying themselves with her hardened nipple. Jolts of electricity went through her body at the pleasure that her body went through, starting to feel light-headed from it. Breathless moans came through her mouth mixed with cries as she was so close but yet couldn't reach the orgasm that was right there.

"Fucking rub my clit or something you fucking- fuck yes!" Jennie got stopped from cursing you out of frustration- letting out a cry of pleasure instead- when you let go of her breast and moved your hand between her legs, snaking your hand through the waistband of her panties and finding her swollen clit. Her legs tensed up and her movement halted as she moaned continuously, not being able to stop her moans even if she did not want you to think that you were good at this which you very much were. She wrapped her arms around your shoulders, holding herself up as her legs were giving up at this point when her orgasm came at last. "F-Fuck." She breathed out before gasping when you did not stop rubbing her clit for even a second.

She choked on her breath as it didn't make it past her chest, her whole body burning from the inside at the feeling. Her legs were shaking the slightest as you removed your hand, watching her chest heave up and down, holding her up by her hips. She continued to pant, trying to catch her breath as quickly as possible although she hadn't had a good orgasm in a while since her own hands did not satisfy her enough. "Come on." You ushered and tried to pull her away from the wall. Jennie finally moved her head that was resting against the wall and looked at you confused. "What?" She questioned confused and you chuckled, reaching into her hair and removing the hairband that was in it gently before throwing it on top of your hoodie. "You know...I want a release too." You pointed out as you were very fucking hard right now.

"I'm not sucking your prick." Jennie let out and you raised your eyebrows at her. "Who said anything about sucking? And even if I was talking about sucking, why the fuck not?" You said, kind of offended that she wouldn't want to suck you off. You were very clean. "Because why waste talent on a one incher?" She tsk right after and your mouth went agape. "Plus, I don't have any condoms."

"One incher!?" You exclaimed and she rolled her eyes at you. You reached into your pocket, taking out the cardholder while praying to the seven goods of fortune. They seemed to be on your side when you took out the unopened condom with a big grin on your face. "Wanna do the honours?" You questioned as you held the wrapper in front of her, throwing your cardholder into the pile of other things. She was about to take it but you changed your mind. "Nevermind...why would you waste time on a one incher, right?" You said and shrugged, putting the condom in your pocket. "Unless you are saying that because you...well, in simpler words suck at giving blowjobs...I will go with my version." You provoked and saw how something literally flicked in her eyes at your words.

One thing Jennie hated was to be bad at things, anything, it didn't matter and she despised people who said that she was bad at something when she knew damn well that she was a pro at it. It triggered her so badly and she knew that she needed to work on it because it wasn't healthy to always feel the need to prove herself. You bit your tongue when Jennie literally dropped down to her knees in front of you. She was going as far as bruising her knees right now just to prove to you that she was not bad at this and she wasn't sure why she went this far because the Jennie she knew herself as would never, NEVER bruise her knees for anyone even if her life depended on it. Yet here she was, on her knees before you.

This made her not want to look up and meet your eyes. Instead, she looked at the print through your grey sweats and she could tell that you were not a one incher, definitely not. Her hand went up to the hem of your sweats as she tugged them down, the sweats pooling around your ankles. You looked down at her, watching her every move carefully as she reached her hand up to your dick that was trapped in your boxer briefs. Taking in a deep breath when she ran her fingers gently along your length up to the hem of your boxer briefs. Her lip was between her teeth as she pulled them down, curious about your size and excited.

You smirked when she finally removed your boxers, watching as she squeezed her thighs when her eyes landed on your dick. Jennie wanted it inside her, didn't matter what hole as long as it was inside her. Her hand gripped onto the base as she stroke up, your tip leaking with precum that she gathered before spreading it along your length. "Ever had anything this big in your mouth before, brat?" You groaned when her grip around your leaking tip tightened in response, Jennie wasn't sure if she liked your big ego or not. Instead of responding she let her tongue out and licked up the precum, your dick twitching at her kitten licks, wanting much more. "Come on...Anyone can do that...thought you were a pro." You added fuel to the fire.

Jennie ignored you because she knew very well what she was doing. "Don't cum too fast because I still want you to fuck me." She only said and you noted to not let go too fast to not embarrass yourself. Not after getting this far with her. Your lips parted as you watched her take your tip into her warm and wet mouth, her lips wrapping perfectly around it. You hummed as you put your hand into her hair, pushing her hair back for her as she swirled her tongue around your tip before pulling away. You watched in a daze as she finally looked up at you, using her hand, she guided your length, running your tip along her plump lips, covering them in your precum, you tried to push it back into her mouth but she did not open her mouth and you rubbed against her cheek instead which she didn't seem to mind, almost nuzzling into your leaking tip, rubbing it back to her lips.

"Are you that into teasing?" You questioned and she looked at you through her lashes with a small smile, her tongue only poking out to clean her lips before she bit down on her lower lip. With that she opened her mouth and took you into her mouth, your grip tightening in her hair as she gradually took more and more into her mouth. She hummed as she hollowed her cheeks, sucking back up and swirling her tongue around your tip. Stroking what she didn't reach with her hand while her other hand went to your balls, kneading them and making a moan escape from your lips. She continued to take you in as much as she could before sucking and swirling her tongue around your tip, fully focused on the dick in her mouth.

"I've had better." You groaned out, Jennie's movements almost halted, but she continued because she was just getting started. She sucked hard with her cheeks hollowing even more up to your tip, another moan coming from you, pulling out and licking up the spit that almost fell from your tip before entering you back into her mouth. A loud mouth left your lips and you felt your thighs shake while Jennie let out a shameless moan, enjoying this more than you at this point- when with one smooth and fluid motion she loosened her throat muscles before they tightened around your tip with her lips around your base. The girl deep throating you and making your free hand hold onto the wall beside you as her throat muscles squeezed your tip. "Oh- Oh fuck." You shakily breathed out, not knowing what to say as you hadn't had anyone do this to you yet. You were so fucked.

Jennie released your tip from her throat and slurped back up, the spit running down her chin as her hand squeezed your balls, your hand tugging onto her hair only making Jennie moan and you watched your tongue, to not say anything without thinking it through at first. With another lewd moan coming from Jennie when her throat opened for you again, her nose tickling the skin of your stomach as she had her lips around your base again. "I'm gonna cum if you don't stop." You moaned out because there was no way you would be able to hold yourself if she was going to take your dick like this. Flexing your stomach to not cum when you looked down and met Jennie's eyes, who had your dick shoved down her throat with her eyes watering slightly.

You gave her hair a tug because you were going to bust any second and reluctantly Jennie slurped back up before letting your dick out of her mouth against her own will, but she didn't want this to end yet. You took deep breaths to try and collect yourself, baffled that you had to collect yourself and you hadn't even had a release yet as you pulled your sweats up. "Fuck, how- how?" You breathed out, Jennie rolled her eyes although on the inside she was smiling because she managed to get you like this and it made her feel different things. Instead, she reached for the hem of your shirt and used it to wipe her chin and mouth. "I- you bitch." You grumbled and grabbed her wrist, removing her hand from your shirt to already see that it was too late as the spot was wet on your white t-shirt. "Fuck me like one." Jennie said and you snapped your head back at her as she stood up, your lips parted and eyebrows quirked.

"You know what, I fucking will." You let out and Jennie let out a yelp when you manhandled her and turned her around, pushing her down on the drawer where her purse was laying in one smooth and quick motion. You pinned her front down on the drawer, her hands gripping onto its edge as her chest pressed down on the wood. It was the size of a desk but was used as a storage drawer and now you were going to use it to fuck Jennie into it. "J-Just...don't forget the condom." Jennie basically whimpered as she felt your hand caress her ass slightly through the pantyhose as they were only ripped on her crotch. You hummed at that.

Just when Jennie was about to push herself up because it was taking too long for her liking she hummed out a whine when you pushed her body back down, flush against the drawer. "You fuck like a grandpa." Jennie complained because she wanted you inside her right now since her wetness was already threatening to run down her thighs. You chuckled as you moved her skirt, flipping it up to get a view of her ass that was covered by the black lace cheekies and pantyhose. "Fucked a lot of grandpas?" You questioned and she groaned at what you said. "That's not what I meant!" She grumbled out and you crouched down, removing her doc martens as she let you do whatever you pleased so far.

You yanked down the pantyhose that were already ruined, hearing how they ripped more together with a gasp coming from Jennie, throwing them away in a corner since she wouldn't want them anyway. Still crouched down, you ran your hands up her smooth thighs, looking right up at her cunt that was covered by her panties that were soaked, seeing some of the wetness that was on her inner thighs. Holding them when she tried to close her legs for any friction, preventing her from doing so. "Damn, you're so fucking wet." You commented, slowly pulling down her panties that were basically clinging to her drenched pussy. "And you're so fucking annoying that I would rather fuck a grandpa at this point. Do something already!" Jennie let out frustrated, her nails digging into the wood of the drawer.

You stood up after getting her panties off her and stuffed them into your pocket, taking out the condom and pulling your sweats down. Ripping the packet and taking out the rubber as you discarded the packet somewhere on the floor. Pulling the rubber down your length to the base. You grabbed onto Jennie's hips that were exposed together with her ass and glistening cunt, her skirt flipped up above her hips, licking your lips at the view. Jennie reached behind her, wanting to speed up the process, but you grabbed her wrist, making her hiss as you pinned it against her lower back. That's how she knew that she was going to get fucked literally and in other ways, may it be emotionally or physically.

You took hold of your cock, letting your tip disappear into her folds, collecting the wetness as you run it between them before finding her grasping hole. Choking on your breath as you pushed into her, the tightness of her in this position making your stomach twist as her walls took you in with ease from how wet she was, the tightness only making it difficult to thrust. Jennie whimpered as you stretched her out, her hand that was held by you balling up into a fist and her free hand gripping hard onto the desk before a loud moan spilled through her lips.

You started to move slowly in and out of her, feeling how her walls were squeezing around you. "Fuck- Oh fuck!" Jennie cried out when your pace just picked up from nowhere as you didn't feel like going easy on her, not after what she put you through today. Letting your frustrations out on her. "You know what your mouth is actually good at?" You groaned out and thrust deeper into her, she let out an uneven hum, her voice unstable from how her body was being fucked into a drawer by you. "Sucking dick." You stated and she moaned when you pressed your hand more onto her back, making her feel your dick right on her spot, rubbing her g-spot just the right way because of how her lower stomach pressed into the drawer, making it easier for you to reach her wet, spongy spot. It made her legs shake. "Fuck you, Y/n, and fuck me better!" Jennie bit back, wanting more from this.

You removed your hand from her hip and took it up to her head, gripping her hair before pressing her face harder into the top of the drawer. Jennie's cheek squished into the wooden top, her moans and cries echoing in the tiny space that got hotter from the sex. Having her hand pinned behind her back, her legs shaking from pleasure, the lewdness of her wet cunt swallowing your dick and your hips meeting hers, taking over your senses as it all sent you into a frenzy because you were fucking Jennie Kim who was a big bitch and a brat for all you know, but here she was letting you fuck her as if she had no dignity at all.

You groaned as you pushed harder into her, hearing how the drawer banged into the wall with her purse falling off it although Jennie was getting fucked too good to even notice. "Y/n..." Jennie whined out and her thighs spasmed, clenching hard around you, making your movements go uneven and you instead tried to thrust harder into her. She choked out whines at the feeling of your tips continuously brushing her spot, the twitching of your hard cock, making her want to clench harder to feel more of you inside her. All her sticky wetness just ran down her thighs and she knew that she would never redeem herself when it came to this.

"God, you're so fucking tight, Jennie and you take dick so good." You praised and she let out a shaky hum at that. "You're the first person to fuck me this good." Jennie admitted with her tears of pleasure hitting the wooden top, her cheek still squished into it, her free hand, digging its nails into the wood as she tried her best to grip it. She needed so much more to grip on, the way you were fucking her brains out, your dick stretching her tight walls and she wasn't sure if she wanted more or if she wanted you to stop, her mind getting clouded.

"Fuck, please...I want more." Jennie begged like never before and you let go of her hand that you had pinned down, reaching it around to her front Jennie's whole body tensed up when your fingers came in contact with her clit, her body momentarily flinching at the contact. "That's too much!" She cried out although in pleasure, not wanting you to stop, you kept going, her both hands gripping onto the drawer that was sounding like the last screws in it wanted to leave right this moment. "Yet you're taking every bit of it, aren't you?" You questioned and pressed a tiny bit harder on her clit that you continued to rub and she gasped big, your dick still rubbing on her spot inside of her.

Her mind went blank, her eyes rolling to the back of her head as she whimpered at the orgasm that went through her toes all the way to her ears that were ringing, her legs feeling numb with her walls pulsating in rhythm with her heart which she could feel amidst her orgasm- the throbbing of her clit and wall- her hips pushing more into you as she let out moan after moan. "I- I- I can't...Y/n." Jennie managed to whine out as she needed you to stop, her clit and walls throbbing from how intense her orgasm was. You removed your hand from her clit and let go of her head, making it easier to breathe for Jennie who was panting.

Holding onto her waist, the feeling of her slick walls, throbbing and clenching around your cock made you burst within seconds as you had been holding long enough. You pressed your body flush against Jennie, your face in her neck, burying it in her hair as her perfume attacked your nose as you busted into the condom, filling it like never before with a slight whimper. It got quiet in the small room that you two had been trapped in for a good six or seven hours now, both of you panting and swallowing to get rid of the dryness in your throats. Waiting for your legs to not feel like jelly as you rested on top of Jennie who had her eyes closed, trying to just breathe normally.

You took in a breath and placed your hands on each side of Jennie's body on the drawer, pushing yourself up before pulling out of her and pulling down her skirt for her. You took hold of her shoulders seeing her still struggling to push herself up fully, getting her up and making her turn around. Jennie leaned against the drawer and you stopped yourself from leaning over to her and kissing her since you were scared that she would find it too intimate. "Just- wait a second." You quickly let out and Jennie didn't care and just listened as you lifted her to sit on the drawer.

Removing the condom and tying it as you cringed at it before throwing it somewhere on the floor. Pulling your sweats back on fully with your boxer briefs, you turned to where your hoodie was and wondered what you were actually doing since you never acted this domesticated. You shoved your cardholder into your pocket that was on your hoodie, took her hairband and then picked up your hoodie and a water bottle before walking back over to Jennie. Cringing internally at yourself because what the fuck was up with you? "Here, put it on." You let out and placed the water with her hairband beside her, even going as far as putting the hoodie on Jennie, who yawned after you pulled it down, feeling drained.

"I don't- uhm, I don't have any paper or tissues..." You trailed off, going too far for your own liking and Jennie pointed to her baby pink chanel purse on the floor. You picked it up and like an idiot opened it, ignoring all the tampons and whatnot before taking out the pack of tissues. Jennie saw as you stopped after taking them out, seeing how you were contemplating what to do. "I can just do it myself, if you really don't want to, Y/n...You don't need to act-." You cut Jennie off as it wasn't like that. "It's not like that...I just have never even thought of doing this much after sex for someone and here I am wanting to do it...so I am just a little confused with myself." You admitted and looked away from Jennie and down at the tissues. This made Jennie just as confused cause she never had anyone go the extra steps for her and yet she wanted you to do it. God you two hated each other for this.

"I haven't had anyone go the extra step for me." Jennie decided to admit since you two were at it so there was not much more to lose here. "I mean even the hoodie was more than I have ever received." She said, people weren't even decent enough to pull a duvet over her let alone a hoodie and to think that the person she "hated" the most and was "hated" by the most was the one to show the most care. She would at first think that you were just a really generous person, but you did admit just a second ago that you never did this for anyone else before...so that meant that you actually cared for Jennie.

"But at this rate, I rather do it myself, you dingus." Jennie said and tried to reach for the tissues in your hand because the stickiness was starting to get too overwhelming after being there for so long, but you moved them out of her reach. "No...I got this." You firmly stated, for some reason wanting to leave an impact on her- which you already had done today in multiple ways- this time by being the first one to go the extra mile for Jennie. She rolled her eyes and just let you do it as you took out two tissues and helped her clean up while she took the water bottle and drank from it, liking the princess treatment she was receiving from you.

Once you were done you looked at Jennie who was looking at you with a knowing look. "I need my panties back." You groaned as you hoped that she wouldn't have caught you and reached into your pocket, handing them over to Jennie as you had been caught red-handed. Jennie took them from you and you helped her get down from the drawer and stand on her feet before averting your attention to look around the room, ignoring the corner where you had made a mess with the crisps and the other part of the floor that had her ripped pantyhose, the wrapper and the condom. You looked at the place where the soccer balls were and saw what you knew you had seen earlier, walking over to them and reaching for the rolled-up yoga mats, taking three of them.

Jennie watched as you walked over to the clean part of the storage room and rolled out the mats, placing them on top of each other before you heaved a sigh and slumped down, sitting in the corner and leaning your back against the wall. You glanced at your wristwatch before looking at Jennie. "It's only 11 pm...the volleyball team doesn't start training until tomorrow morning at 6:30 am." You informed and gestured with your head for her to just sit with you, looking at her as she stood with your hoodie that reached mid-thigh on her, making it look like she wasn't wearing much more. With that, Jennie walked over to you.

Feeling needy for cuddles after what you did to her, Jennie settled down between your legs, taking you by slight surprise but either way, you wrapped your arms around her waist wordlessly as she leaned her back against your front. "You're not really as arrogant and spoiled as you pretend to be? You're no snob." You questioned after a few seconds of just silence. Feeling Jennie shift slightly at your question before she rested her head against your shoulder, looking at the door in front of you two. "...Not really no." She replied quietly and you nodded as her fingers started to fiddle with yours.

"Then why do you always act like that?" You curiously asked.

"It's my personality Y/n." Jennie stated the obvious.

"I don't mean the attitude, that's obviously bitch syndrome." You groaned when she nipped your thigh at what you said. But you knew that the attitude was just part of her although the rest wasn't. "But seriously, I know that the spoiled brat and arrogancy isn't you...not from what I have seen today, you're no snob."

"People don't like rich people that are humble." She shrugged and you moved your face to look at her, the girl just looking down at your hands that she played with.

"How do you know?" Jennie sighed at that and you were worried that maybe she would snap soon for pushing this far since you two never had any real conversations.

You could see that she was a bit reluctant but decided to just say it. "Because I tried at first...I had to change schools because of how much they bullied me for it." She explained with a frown, remembering how much everyone just pushed her around when they found out about how much money her family had and yet she was one of the most humble people they had met. "You can't know if now will be the same if you try to just be your humble self." You tried, seeing no reason at all for her to be the snob that she pretends to be.

"Exactly, that's why I don't want to risk it...I don't enjoy flaunting wealth, but people don't like it when someone with money tries to be humble, they think that we do it out of pity or something." She reasoned and you could see it from both sides.

"Do you?" You asked her.

"No, I don't do it out of pity, I do it because wealth had never been the most important thing to me, I am thankful that we have money, but that's it..." Jennie had always been grateful for having money, but she never saw it as something that would define her until people made her use it as something to define herself as. They didn't like her humble self and bullied her for it, most people who were not as wealthy hated her for how she was like right now, but they at least didn't bully her and she associated herself with other wealthy people who were nice towards her. "I just don't trust it." She concluded, not trusting people with trying to be herself in front of them.

You thought about it carefully, knowing that this could very much ruin even the bickering between you two, but with a sigh, you just went for it just like you had the whole time ever since getting trapped here with her. "Maybe...you could give me a chance to prove to you that it doesn't have to be the same." You suggested, knowing that it wouldn't hurt to get to know thee Jennie Kim especially since she proved you wrong- her personality wasn't rotten and she was hot, but you already knew that since you weren't blind.

Jennie chuckled and turned her head, coming face to face with you...small blush on her cheeks because well, Jennie had always been attracted to you and bickered with you for your attention and because she liked it and now you were basically asking her out. "This is my pussy preceding me, isn't it? I am sure this is out of order, Y/n." Jennie let out another chuckle as everything that went down today was not in order. You shrugged as you gazed around her face, momentarily glancing down at her lips that had been places today and had let out different sounds and words before looking her in the eye.

"I mean...kind of is, but the sex isn't what's making me ask this." You cleared it up since Jennie had made you feel a few things you hadn't really felt with anyone else yet and the same went for her...You made Jennie feel like a normal human being and didn't kiss her ass just because of her money- you never did as you were basically the only one at school that didn't care about whether she had money or not and then showed a bunch of care ever since getting trapped and no one had really done that either.

"What is then?" She asked, wanting to know what your intentions were if it wasn't sex.

"I would actually like to get to know the real you...unless you really can't see yourself with someone like me, then it's fine and understandable since-." Jennie rolled her eyes at your rambling.

"Fine. Plus I just told you that I am not like that...money doesn't matter to me." She cut you off, reminding you about what she had told you not even five minutes ago.

"Fine?" You asked baffled as you expected her to be a bit harder to get to agree, but here she was...but only if you knew how you made Jennie feel every day and especially today you would understand right away why she so easily agreed.

"Yes...but no sex until you take me out on a few dates and we get to know each other." Jennie leaned more into you and licked her lips before leaning in and leaving a peck on yours. "That's just to close the chapter for what happened today." She explained as you never kissed her after fucking her so good. "No more." She said and put her hand on your lips when you tried to kiss her again since you weren't ready for that peck. "I will only kiss you once we are together...you can kiss my cheek." She let go of your mouth and pointed to her cheek, making you lean in and peck her soft cheek before the girl sighed and closed her tired eyes after today.

Soon the morning came and it was 6:35 am when the door to the room opened, the light waking you and Jennie who was snuggled into your chest while you were still leaned against the wall. The girl who opened the door gasped and you widened your eyes at the way too-familiar voice. You only managed to cover Jennie's face (although everyone would still know that it was her) who groaned awake before the flashlight of Yeri's phone lit up the whole room, taking a picture of the mess, capturing everything from you and Jennie- her bruised knees- to the condom and ripped pantyhose- Yeri the school's biggest gossip girl ran away right after.

"What was that?" Jennie asked pissed as she sat up straight, you cleared your throat and swallowed.

"Yeri." It went quiet.

"Hold me or I swear to God she will be 6 feet under." Jennie let out and was about to stand up, but you pulled her back down.

"Wait...is what we said yesterday still...you know valid and not something in the moment?" You asked to make sure, Jennie rolled her eyes at that.

"Of course, you fucking moron-" She confirmed, still having that attitude of hers that you always loved before she gave you a quick kiss on the corner of your lips before shrugging your arms from around her. "Now let go so I can threaten Yeri and the next five generations of her family, Y/n."

You smiled and she quickly stood up, running out of that room you two had been stuck in for 15 hours and 15 minutes together...it was all the time you two needed to get something between you two started.

Let's say that it didn't take her long to introduce you to her parents...she knew that you were staying for good and you had no plans of leaving Jennie once you had gotten to know her better.

#blackpink smut #jennie smut #jennie x reader #smut #jennie x g!p reader #girl group smut #fanfic #oneshot #fluff #smut with plot

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adhdtsukasa · 3 months

Text

tsukasa tenma has ADHD!! except it's an actual analysis because 1. look at my url 2. i'm mentally unwell (and i started to love tsukasa mostly because i immediately recognized my ADHD traits in him). which is a thing i should probably leave for ADHD awareness month, HOWEVER!! it was my birthday yesterday and i wanted to spoil myself (i just kinda overlooked how much time writing it from scratch would take me, so i'm a bit late with it). and i reaaally don't wanna wait until november when i finally wrote it down because i'm so HYPED because i was preparing for it like what? two years? somewhere around it. and that's a LONG time.

please keep in mind that i'm no psychologist, psychiatrist nor a neurologist and while i do use some sources (cannot really confirm if they are true, though... because i forgot to write credits down... so i'm really sorry for that), most of this analysis was just based off on my personal experiences with the disorder (and i don't really have the full professional knowledge of what i struggle with i'm just a Boy). i mean, i am analyzing a character from a hatsune miku game. i think i'm already putting way too many effort than i should.

also the examples of tsukasa's behavior here are not all of the things, because i wrote down only the things i remember off from the top of my head. sorry, guys. my hyperactive ass is not sitting thru all the stories again just to get my crumbs, unfortunately.

anyways, with this a little bit unprofessional and messy introduction, let's get it started!

1. THE MAIN PART OF THIS WHOLE THING, AKA HOW THE ADHD SYMPTOMS CORRESPOND TO TSUKASA'S BEHAVIOR

i wanted to write it down in my own words, but i think the screen above has summed it up perfectly; there are some established symptoms of ADHD, but to be an ADHDer you don't have to experience them all. and this is going to explain why i'm gonna show a lot of these symptoms later, yet gonna connect only some of them with tsukasa. it's only these i have evidence for, and yet i think they're good enough to point at tsukasa and already say woah! an ADHDer!!

in short, there are three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive (ADD) and combined. the combined one is the most common iirc, so that's also what i'm going to focus on today. especially since for a rep of the other types, i could say that shizuku's a rather great representation of ADD — but that's not the point of my ted talk today, so i'm not going to go into the detail about it. i'm sure some momojan or shizuku oshi would do better than me in this field, so i'm leaving it to the experts.

these are the symptoms that i managed to gather — the first two screens being about the symptoms viewed in children, the last one being about the symptoms viewed in adults. "in which one of them tsukasa belongs to?" that's a good question, because i actually don't know. calling a high schooler a child doesn't sit quite right with me, yet a freshly turned 17/18-years-old is not exactly an adult, either (although most of the symptoms i'm analyzing come from these that are viewed in adults). and while i do think tsukasa has more of the symptoms viewed in adults, we're gonna analyse them all! because i'm putting my all into this.

FORGETFULNESS

i believe there's not much left to say, as this is the most obvious one and everyone already knows that. even though it's not touched that much anymore for some reason, tsukasa's forgetfulness is his very apparent trait. it varies in severity a lot of times: from him basically forgetting both his childhood and true feelings in the main story to him, for example, forgetting his own phone and lunch (in the same day!!) in hinamatsuri. even saki in the same event, while they were arguing, called him a "big, dumb forgetter" and assumed that he forgot what happened the day he brought her the hinamatsuri dolls to hospital. while forgetting basically half of your life is not exactly normal and can be a sign of something bigger, like dissociative amnesia, his forgetting of just the ordinary things and it happening a lot definitely still fits this trait.

EXCESSIVE TALKING/PHYSICAL MOVEMENT

while this is something that you'd rather connect to emu (and for a good reason), it's not like tsukasa is completely devoid of it either; he talks a lot. he moves a lot. it's not on emu's level of hyperactivity, but it's also not "a lot" that's taken as a social norm, based on how the people around him react. he's putting the 1 in oddball 1 2, after all.

in holy night or some side stories connected to it (it might be meiko's side story? but i'm not exactly sure) it was also said that tsukasa moves in his sleep a lot to this point that his parents have to leave his christmas presents under his door instead of next to his bed.

oh, and he also talks to himself a lot. even in class, which was confirmed in chapter 6 of dazzling (or maybe even earlier, it's just the one moment that i remember). (but i'll get to this moment later on)

he says his long monologues, he strikes his poses at every occasion — and while i don't think that's the first thing you think of when you have "excessive talking/movement" in mind, for me it sure does count as it.

LITTLE OR NO SENSE OF DANGER

this point can seem rather weird, because "isn't tsukasa always riddiculed at rui's weird inventions"? well, yeah, he is, that is not a thing to deny. but he also agrees to try out most of them, if not all, if it's for the sake of the show. he's aware of what can happen, but he also doesn't back away if it means that he'll be one step closer to achieving his dream of stardom.

does it count as "little sense of danger"? well, i'm actually not sure, for me it doesn't, but maybe for someone it does. i'd say that's a rather weak point, but i wanted to include the explanation for the counterpoint of it — that's why i even mentioned it in the first place. i don't have a lot to say about this tbh.

update: oh, actually no, wait, i just remembered. remember how tsukasa in phoenix decided to not eat anything for three days just to be able to resonate with rio, while also having to do straining exercise on top of that? you certainly cannot say that's a safe thing to do, but he still went along with that in order to get the role. it makes me come to a conclusion that tsukasa actually has a sense of danger, but sometimes chooses to willingly ignore it if only it makes him get closer to fulfilling his dream. i think it's coming close enough to the little/no sense of danger to be actually considered an ADHD trait.

DIFFICULTY KEEPING QUIET

while i'm not sure if what i'm going to talk about is a difficulty keeping quiet in a traditional sense of way, it definitely counts as it, somehow: tsukasa is loud. like, really loud. and that's another obvious fact both for us and for characters in-universe, especially when thinking of tsukasa shiho's first thought is that he's kinda noisy, which can be seen in the "a friend's brother" 1koma. (and probably a lot of other cases. free shiho.)

tsukasa doesn't seem to realize that he's way louder than he should be and that him being loud is his first impression in most of the cases, though, or at least i don't remember any moment where it happens (and it's a possibility. then that's on me, i guess.). and yeah, i know what's the reason for it, obviously — he's supposed to be a comic relief character. because wansho's stories are mostly supposed to make you smile, as this is what wansho's aspiration is. however, as much as being intended to make the viewer laugh it wouldn't be, it still is a part of tsukasa's character, and a rather important one on top of that. his constant loudness is something that's definitely not considered normal by the society and could very well fit into this symptom.

and since i promised to elaborate on the mentioned before scene from dazzling chapter 6: when tsukasa talks to himself in class, it always ends up to be loud. and it already happened a few times.

(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on youtube because i don't have proseka on my phone wah)

if it's not a difficulty keeping quiet, then i don't know what is. bro can scream up to 120dB as measured by robonene for god's sake.

IRRITABILITY/QUICK TEMPER

again, this is something that was more apparent with early game tsukasa, maybe he just got medicated. idk man. but even if it happened three, almost four years ago, it still happened, i don't make the rules. back in the early game, tsukasa was really easily losing his temper and getting annoyed, mad even — i mean, that was the whole point of the main story argument: tsukasa's first response to nene accidentally messing up their show, which was not even her fault, was to shout at her. and while this was obviously very important thing to him and being upset at this is a rather understandable reaction, taking this as far as screaming at a poor girl for not being to face the audience because of her anxiety is not something a person who can control their anger would do.

it could be also easily seen by his reaction to emu and rui's antics back in the early game, which were often stained with irritation.

another example is his hinamatsuri argument with saki, where, despite loving her so much, he still got slightly mad at her for not liking the new dolls he bought her. he started to regret his harsh words and actions soon enough, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that it was rather easy for him to get him across.

INABILITY TO DEAL WITH STRESS

if i'm not mistaken, tsukasa has once said something along the lines of "is it anxiety? there's no way a star like me would feel anxiety" — but i cannot recall for the love of my life in which story it appeared, so i don't want to take it as a face value when i don't have a solid proof for it.

other than this vague mention of "something that's in the story but i don't remember where", i'll admit, i don't really have anything backing me up for this tbf. i mean, i guess maybe tsukasa doing his best to appear strong as a child to not worry his parents could work? because the stress of saki being in the hospital definitely was also present here, although i just see this more as a coping mechanism for his situation than a reaction to stress, so that's not a solid evidence either.

so, yeah. take this one with a grain of salt, actually.

from the symptoms that weren't listed here, i remember reading something about people with ADHD enjoying to show off more, which is certainly what tsukasa does often — and while it actually applies to me too, it wasn't on an english site so i didn't screenshot it and i cannot really find it anywhere in english... so even though i treat it just like my whole argument for the inability to deal with stress, i thought it's just worth mentioning.

however, there is obviously one more thing...

HYPERFIXATION/SPECIAL INTEREST

obviously, i'm talking about acting here: for tsukasa, acting aligns with all these criterias. it is his deep passion; it is something highly engaging for him; it is sometimes all-consuming for him; he tunes out the world around him when he thinks about how can he possibly improve his acting (see: the dazzling moment i showed earlier. yeah, i like to use it as a backing point a lot, as you can see.); and it is something that is his life-long interest.

is it his special interest or his hyperfixation, though? well, it's hard to tell...? because while according to screen two, spinterest revolves around a topic and hyperfixation revolves around an activity, so it would qualify what tsukasa feels towards acting as a hyperfixation, it's still kinda hard for me to call it so because of its length. yes, screen three clearly says that hyperfixation can last years, but they mostly revolve around shorter periods of time, after all (my longest hyperfixation was just a year long, for example). i think it's up to you to determine whether you'd call tsukasa's love for acting a hyperfixation or a special interest, but it's something from these two most certainly.

i'm also a big fan of the headcanon that tsukasa's other spinterest is kaito ww it's in no way a canon evidence (unfortunately!), but kaito's 1* side story, where tsukasa and emu are watching kaito's show and tsukasa is explaining to her why kaito's wearing a scarf somewhat implies that tsukasa knew a thing or two about kaito before the main story. and i'm all for it. colopale let tsukasa be a kaito fanboy pleaseee.

2. I REALLY LIKE ANALYZING SONGS, IF YOU CAN'T TELL

those who have already read a few of my things probably know what i love to do the most — analyzing songs!! so i wouldn't be myself if i just left tsukasa's commisions without analyzing them under the angle of neurodivergence, especially since the sole reason i became obsessed with the thought of ADHD tsukasa was that one sekahaji line (there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse you will always be famous).

of course, remember that only the world hasn't even started yet should be taken as a canon value! producers are often given space to do whatever they want in the lyrics of the songs they are commissioned for, so they're not canonical in any way. i think it's still fun to look at their lyrics and ramble about them for a bit, though. i've already got too carried away anyways.

won't be posting photos of the lyrics since i'd hit the images limit, but you can check them yourself — all the translations i'm taking, as always, from the vocaloid lyrics wiki. (since filament fever has two tls on there, i want to clarify that i've only looked at and considered in my analysis the official english one, because it's, well, official.)

THE WORLD HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET

besides the mentioned earlier there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse, which i think of as a representation of overstimulation (since i used to see people asking "oh but why tsukasa has something about there being too much noise in a song made out of his feelings when he's such a loud person himself". because he likes the noise he makes, not the overwhelming, overstimulating noise from the outside!!), sekahaji also has a rather good amount of quotes that could be read as something connected to neurodivergence (based on the fact that it's not supposed to be a song about this topic): the main theme of these are procrastination, which can be seen in let's cross the end of all of this, partying forever and the world hasn't even started yet line itself. the thought of the world not even starting implies that there's still a lot of time left to do something, while "partying forever" can refer to deciding to give up on doing the things you should do and going to drown in something that indulges only you and yourself for the rest of eternity. while procrastination is not counted as an official ADHD symptom, it's a trait that people with the disorder very often have (for reasons obvious).

other lines, which i couldn't entirely fit into a box of a certain symptom, are there's too much conflict, so much conflict and it keeps growing (a parallel line to the noise one, so it means something! right) and let's break the plans for a harmonious future. in my personal interpretation, they both can be viewed as your typical neurodivergent struggle in a neurotypical society — "too much conflict" refering to an internal struggle of not being completely normal, while the "harmonious future" that's going to get broken are just the social norms that are going to be broken because of an off-putting, neurodivergent behavior. something that some neurotypical people dooon't really like.

TONDEMO-WONDERZ

since i've just talked about breaking the social norms, "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you, huh? line from tondemo-wonderz is going to go first, because it revolves around the same topic. it's the same case: it's about (subconscious, not intentional) fighting what's accepted by the society by just being yourself — because you're neurodivergent, you're different.

from the other lines in tondemo-wonderz, i have only one and it's take an eraser to your memories?!, which is pretty much self explanatory. as always, a mention of forgetting something in tsukasa's commision. who would've thought.

88 SHOOTING STARS

another self explanatory line that i have written down as first: it's okay if you only remember a little part of it sometimes. another mention of tsukasa forgor™, and while it corresponds with what happened in dazzling, it's still a line mentioning forgetfulness — so it's worth mentioning.

aren't we just inevitably going around in circles? and it's okay if you take a rest for a little bit sometimes can be interpreted as another mention of procrastination and while it's not that apparent as it was with sekahaji, because going in circles can refer to something else and taking a rest sometimes is not a bad thing at all, i still wanted to mention them here. for the record.

you ought to slip and fall in panic in the final moment is connected to a symptom that i showed, yet didn't elaborate on it (because i didn't have anything to work with) — making careless mistakes. the same case, yet with another symptom goes with is this not enough yet again? is this not how it's supposed to be? couldn't we go even further than this?, which can be seen as a reflection of unability to listen to instructions. a bit of reaching with this one (like this whole part damn), but as i said earlier: for the record, i'm leaving it here. to show that i had some intense thoughts.

tbf, when i think about it now, maybe the mentioned earlier "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you [...] could very well fit this symptom too.

MR SHOWTIME

mr showtime you will always be famous, because this is a song that gave me a looot of things to work with. i was so flabbergasted when i read these lyrics for the first time. tsukasa tenma why are you like this. /aff

there are a lot of lines hinting being easily distracted, and these are basically the very first ones, too: you know what? i just can't make up my mind, it's so messed up that i can't put my thoughts together and a merry-go-round (my thought process) goes round and round are all about it. like you cannot deny it this time, if it's not about being unable to stay focused then i really don't know what is [insert the tsukasa don't look away stamp here because i love it and it's my biggest motivation to actually focus whenever i do something]. the more i mess around and waste time, the more i become hungry / and i can't handle it can be seen as about procrastination again, and even not "can be seen", it's literally being frustrated at yourself for wasting time, that's the sole outcome of a procrastination!! being bothered by feeling anxious, meanwhile, is resonating with the inability to deal with stress once again.

also jumping the gun. driving in a zigzag manner can actually connected with the little to no sense of danger. because, as far as i'm aware, driving in a zigzag manner is certainly not a safe activity. don't do it at home.

from the symptoms that i haven't yet mentioned to this point, am i taking a long way? am i making a fruitless effort? can be reflecting difficulty organizing tasks — since the poor planning of your activities can make you take a long way and can make you do a fruitless effort. then, where's the fun in taking shortcuts all the time? can be read along the lines of something coming close to extreme impatience and while a person that's extremely impatient would actually enjoy taking the shortcuts to get closer to their goal or destination, said impatience can be also connected with the desire for something interesting to happen. a task can make you impatient not because it's long, but because it's simply boring — avoiding shortcuts can make it less boring, even if it extends its duration. with this explanation, it makes the unexpectedness (unexpected program) is the best part of the show (my life) perfectly fit into this category, even though i wouldn't call this line a sign of impatience on its own.

i have some issues with i'm pathetic. i can't satisfy myself, because... at first i thought of connecting it with either mood swings or inability to deal with stress, however i'm not sure if that's really it. i'm pretty sure it connects to neurodivergence in some way, but i just can't put my finger on it, so... i'm just leaving it here for the record, once again.

oh, and there's also i got lost in the world (stage) and / the end credits rolled (the curtain fell), which also is pretty much summing up the experience of being neurodivergent in the neurotypical society. in the middle of trying to stay true to yourself and having to mask just to be accepted, it's easy to get lost — and once you do so, there's no going back. the curtain falls.

to end this part of the analysis, i'd show the lyrics from filament fever and sekai wo terasu tetrad here. i won't do this, however, and the reason for it is fairly simple — they don't give me much material to work with and i'm not really surprised, because mr showtime has succesfully sucked all of the neurodivergent coded lyrics into itself. there just won't be another song like mr showtime, i fear.

i can just say that in filament fever there is running away from the flow of time — which got me thinking of either procrastination and unability to stick to time-consuming tasks, with the former being more plausible as a potential interpretation... but that would be it.

3. NAKAYAMA IS A METAPHOR FOR NEURODIVERGENT MASKING AND IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER SAID BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

listen, i know how it sounds.

i'm not actually a fan of trying to fit every thing a character does into a box of a metaphor, symbol or allegory, i really am not. i think some things should just stay as simple as they are, but this thought has been bothering me ever since i've first seen spoilers of what's happening in a story where you're the star for the very first time. i'm in no way saying it has any canonical meaning, but i just thought it would be fun to include. because maaaybe someone sees my vision.

for those who haven't seen tsukasa4 yet or want to have a recap of what has happened in it: the whole event story revolves around tsukasa trying to grasp his role (as always). wxs got recommended to shunmei-za by shousuke and went there to practice their acting skills, immediately getting thrown onto the preparation for their next performance. tsukasa, however, is not a lead this time — he got the role of a supporting character and has got basically three lines to say on stage total. since tsukasa's used to playing lead roles, he obviously has issues with grasping the role — it's hard to use method acting in regards of a character that says three sentences total and nothing more. with help of bakuno reki, one of the actors in shunmei-za, and the rest of wxs, he manages to create a portrayal of nakayama that would make him "come to life" and "be a protagonist of his own story", something that would make it easier for him to get into role, however...

he gets a little bit too carried away with his acting during the actual performance.

and this is not something that would ruin the whole play, obviously, he's just a supporting character, the less invested audience would probably forgot about his impact on the story after five minutes of his last appearance — but he still made a slip-up. he still resonated with his role, but didn't achieve the utmost perfection. he still did well acting, after all, he managed to receive praise from the director in the end... but it's still a very apparent mistake that was made.

(tl, once again, by the awesome tsukasa's #3 fan)

and that's where the nakayama masking metaphor theory (it's not even a theory but it sounds cooler this way) comes in.

nakayama is supposed to be just a man. from what we know about him, he's in his late twenties and works as an editor — and even though tsukasa makes up a whole backstory for him later on, he's still supposed to be ordinary. nothing special. he's coming nowhere near the other roles that tsukasa has played, he's not on the same level as miles, torpe and rio. and while you could possibly consider torpe and rio as rather ordinary, they still had something interesting to happen to them, the main reason why they were lead roles for their respective plays. in the tsukasa4 play, nakayama has nothing like that. he's literally just a guy, he's normal. and "normal" is a keyword here.

tsukasa did everything he could to fit into nakayama's role. he followed the script, he took the advice from a more talented and professional actor that is bakuno, he didn't do any mistakes during his preparations — and yet he still managed to mess up in the end. why?, besides of the fact that he just let himself become one with nakayama during the performance and it resulted in a supporting character outshining the lead?

if we take as a fact that tsukasa is, in fact, neurodivergent, it would make sense that he's having troubles with playing a normal person — because he's not exactly normal either. and this would very well work out as a metaphor of masking; even when you try your best, even when you mask yourself perfectly, you can still make slip-ups. you can still accidentally drop the act in middle of something that absolutely required it, or, similiar to what tsukasa did, can accidentally overdo it and end up perceived as even more weird than you'd be without masking. something something i got lost in the world and the end credits rolled. rings a bell?

and i'm not saying that tsukasa has a problem with masking, because he doesn't. he tries his best to pass as a normal member of society, but he also makes no effort in actively masking his weirdness (or else he wouldn't be a part of oddball one two). however, if you want to neurodivergent code your character, it would make sense to include a possibility of it in some way, right? especially since wxs stories' already had the theme of dealing with being perceived as weird (eg. rui's whole backstory, obviously). even if it's not affecting tsukasa directly, i think it would be cool to include something that indicates this issue's existence in his story and, in a way, his struggles.

however, as i said earlier, this is a very stupid thought and that's why i left it for the very end. i don't actually think that how tsukasa played nakayama was supposed to be a metaphor for masking, it's just a pure coincidence that it could be interpreted like that when you think about it too much.

aaand with this, we've finally come to an end!! (finally. i'm so exhausted.) i don't have anything more to say about this topic. maybe i'll retweet it with some more evidence in the future if we ever get more ADHDkasa content. for now, it would be all!

is tsukasa actually intentionally written as an ADHDer? Who Knows! there's a possibility that he is, but even if he's not, he's still one in my heart. regardless of the status of his possible neurodivergence, analyzing his behavior in this light was still very fun! and maybe i even converted someone into the ADHDkasa hell.

feel free to add something if you want to, and feel free to correct me if i got some things wrong! i still hope that even though of how messy this whole thing is written, i did tsukasa justice and didn't accidentally say too much nonsense lmao

...i hate ending analyses.

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inkpot909 · 4 months

Text

Falling for an Oblivious Reader Headcanons

↳ Characters included are Johnny Joestar and Gyro Zeppeli. Gender neutral Reader with they/them pronouns.

A/n: Exploring these guys’ inability to spit it the hell out was extremely fun. What a couple of disaster men.

Warning(s): None.

Johnny Joestar

At first, he’ll wonder if he’s just out of practice.

Johnny’s never been interested in someone so oblivious they miss every little hint or flirtatious remark he throws their way. Having been a famous jockey, people used to flock to him; he hardly needed to even try.

But by the time of the Steel Ball Run, he hasn’t been with anyone romantically in a good while. He could count how many years since, but he would rather not keep track.

And you’re not exactly making things easy for him.

Going about your day looking the way you do… and then having the audacity to not pick up a single signal from him (Or anyone else for that matter). Honestly, it should be illegal.

Johnny’s natural instinct, unfortunately, is to immediately assume he’s not what’s clicking. Lord, am I… not being obvious enough? he often wonders.

It’d be one thing if you wanted to outright reject him; he can handle rejection (No, really, he can). It’s just the way the horse gallops sometimes.

But you don’t even seem to notice at all and that’s what’s so frustrating to him.

Just thinking of it can make annoyance fester inside his mind. Gyro throws him a knowing look whenever it’s visibly getting to him; to you it just seems like his mood spikes at random.

His annoyance isn’t directed at you, of course, but at himself (As much as he outwardly blames you, it’s really just a front).

Has he really lost his ‘skills?’ Did the passing years make him completely forget how to flirt with someone? Gyro seems really keen on telling him that’s the case.

And Johnny is nothing if not contrarian to everything Gyro says.

The guy is bending over backwards, doing anything he can do to try to impress you. All while Gryo is not-so-subtly ragging on him over it in the background.

“Quit it! For the love of God-“

“Awe, c’mon Johnny, it’s not like they’re noticing anyways!”

Johnny hates how right Gyro can be.

He’s metaphorically tripping over himself left and right, feeling like he’s at the same level of a clueless middle schooler desperately trying to seem ‘cool’ in front of a crush. Gyro’s damn near crying of laughter at his struggle to make you get it…

But all you do is just stand to the side. Smiling kindly, and blinking without an ounce of procession of his actual intent behind your pretty eyes.

Agony… Johnny Joestar is in pure agony… you’re lucky he finds you cute.

You’re so frustratingly oblivious he can’t even tell if you might like him back, and at this point he’s honestly just trying to get a read on your feelings before he spells it out for you bluntly.

Such an approach is needed with you, apparently.

It’s around this time too that he realizes… Holy shit, they’re really just that oblivious.

Someone else approached you at a bar during one of your numerous stops during the race. Both Johnny and Gyro knew exactly what they were getting at the moment they walked over, a sly smile presented on their face.

All while you sipped from your drink, your expression and tone of voice so casual one might assume your simply discussing the weather.

Johnny isn’t ashamed to admit he felt a sense of pride as the person ultimately walked off, giving up.

Luckily for you, Johnny is not.

You’ve stolen his heart so completely without even trying… he can admit to himself it’s a beautiful thing- if he detaches himself from his own frustration.

He’s going to keep trying to get you notice; try to get a read on however you feel about him. Even if it takes him the entire Steel Ball Run to do so!

And, yes, it does take that long.

Gyro Zeppeli

So what, you didn’t notice the first time he winked at you? It was real sunny out that day- the light probably shined in your eye and made you miss it.

Whatever, if his first flirtation or two ultimately fell on deaf ears. Statistically speaking, not every line is going to land the way he wants.

Who cares if his apparent interest in you is obvious to literally every one other than you? It’s your loss, to be honest.

Not that he really cares.

And you know what? He doesn’t care so much he’ll snap at Johnny for bringing it up. He’s not bothered by it… so why does the guy feel the need to mention his failed attempts at showing interest? Really, it’s just a little annoying the jockey thinks it matters to him at all.

… it should go without saying that he does not handle the frustration well at all in the beginning.

He won’t necessarily blame himself.

He is aware of his own ability to flirt, and his past has granted him a sense of confidence in it. Gyro’s certainly the forward type, and knows that.

Yet, everything he says or does seems to go right over your pretty head. It’s a not a notion meant to flatter you either- one he keeps to himself with pouted lips and arms crossed.

It’s a rather childish anger directed towards you, but it doesn’t last too long.

Eventually, he also comes to the (Begrudging) conclusion that he really cannot blame you. Gyro realizes this around the same time he figures his liking of you goes far deeper than a casual fling.

And if anything, he’s going to start directing his frustration towards the people in your past.

Clearly, no one’s really hit on you before… or worse, something happened to you that made you think no one ever would- so thick-headed in that belief that you don’t even perceive it.

It’s in Gyro’s nature to let his mind ponder the ‘why’ behind your obliviousness- especially when he thought he was being so obvious about it.

Either possibility makes him want to find whoever contributed to your inability to pick up a signal, grab them by the shoulders, and shake them violently.

But with time, he’s going to find it endearing (Not that he’s ever admit it out loud).

Look at you… riding your prized horse as if you’re not the most beautiful person in the Steel Ball Run. And the smirk doesn’t at all falter even when the three of you stop at a dingy town for the night.

“I’ve had three strangers walk up to me since we entered the saloon… the people in this town are so friendly!”

“Y/n, dear, they’re all trying to hit on you.”

“What? No way! They just wanted to talk about the race over a drink or two. One of them said they had gin from France up in his hotel room. Can you believe that? Sounds delicious, right?”

“… good lord, Y/n.”

It’d be funnier if he wasn’t another trying and failing to flirt his way into making you open your damn eyes.

At some point, Gyro just has to spit it out.

It comes during the climax of one of the race’s many stopping points. It’d been looming over his mind for weeks, and if someone were to ask him (Okay, if Johnny asks him) he would bitterly grumble that it’s been affecting his scores.

His logic behind doing this at specifically that point in time… flawless.

How are you going to blissfully remain in the dark if he’s shouting his confession at you from the finish line in front of a large group of confused onlookers?

They just wanted to see the race… not one of the top contestants with a heavy Italian accent declaring his love for you while damn-near standing on top of his horse.

#this fic was brought to you by maggot brain by funkadelic #and the cosmetics store i work at #jjba #johnny’s work #jojo’s bizarre adventure #manga #anime #steel ball run #sbr #johnny joestar x reader #gyro zeppeli x reader #gender neutral y/n #jjba x reader #headcanons #fluff #sfw #fanfiction

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hobisstar · 10 months

Text

moving you | jjk x plussize!reader

summary: sitting on weverse with your best friend seems like fun! until your best friend finds his fingers deep in between your folds.

warning: jungkook is touchy, yn is also touchy, matching besties, smut, jungkook dom, yn sub, yn champagne confetti. i think thats it.

it was time. time for yn, his favorite person outside of family and friends to come over.

this was normal ya know, her coming over every other week for week just to sit with jungkook and bam. but this time he had to do something.

so jungkook grabbed his phone and sat it up on his kitchen counter. he was going to go live on weverse. he has talked to her before and asked if it was fine, he wanted his fans to meet her really bad and she agreed without hesitation.

this wasnt his usual lives though since yn was over. its was kinda like a meet & greet through weverse if you will.

yn was just walking in from the bathroom when he grabbed her hand and pulled her close. jungkook kissed her cheek off camera and then pulled her into the camera, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

“army, this is yn. i’ve promised you guys were going to meet her..” he smiled and watched the comments on the live go by extremely fast. it was definitely hard to read anything they were saying but jungkook managed to see a few comments.

“matching pajamas? you guys look like a couple. we get told that a lot. believe it or not Joon, bought these for us for my birthday.” he answered. “ your bestie is my bestie. no, she is mine only.” he laughed. yn smiled watching the interaction between him and his fans.

yn pulled to go pet bam since he was staring at her and whimpering this entire time. she sat down and cuddled with bam on the floor and laughed as he continued his live.

“me and yn want to back some brownies. even though its 2 am” he mentioned as she stood up. walking up to him and stating “ Kookie was hungry and thats all he has in his house” laughing as she walked back into the camera.

as much as he thought this wasnt going to work, it was going smoothly. they were baking and interacting with army as if this was normal. but the only problem was that, jungkook loved putting his hands on any part of yn. she liked doing the same. since being on live they haven’t really touched and he misses it.

“we will be right back army!” he stated and took her to his bedroom. their bedroom at this point because his sheets smelled like her.

without missing a beat he instantly pulled her into him gripping on her hips and letting his hands rome down to her ass.

he gripped it softly then slapped both cheeks. she chuckled and held onto his biceps.

you know jungkook and yn have been this way since theyve met actually.

they have always been blunt, touchy, honest with each other. it’s normal. so normal that the rest of the group is so tired of seeing it.

“if we are gone too long they are going to assume that we are doing something naughty…” yn whispered to his ear which sent him to chuckle.

“ ah… you are such a tease..” yn watched him poke his tongue on the inside of his cheek.

one of yns biggest fears was crushing Jungkook. everytime he sits her on top of him its a fear. when she sits on his face. its a fear.

jungkook absolutely enjoys it. give him a run for his money. or life.

he loves it :)

absolutely. never be scared to give your man or bestie all of your weight. youd be surprised how much they can handle.

anyways, jungkook picks yn up and puts her on his desk. not caring if she was sitting on important information.

“then we should make this quick no?”

without waiting for a response jungkook kisses her deeply and eagerly. its like there lips were made for each other. both their bodies were crafted for each other’s.

wasting no time, he slipped her pajama pants down to her ankles. he glade he persuaded her to not wear underwear with him. this is so much easier.

going back to her lips he slowly massaged her clit with his four fingers. he loved her lips but right now he needed to mask her moans with his own lips.

“your so wet for me and i barely did anything yet” jungkook whispered into their kiss which made her shiver and whimper into the kiss.

“please… kook please” yn quietly whined.

needing to hear nothing more Jungkook entered two digits and slowly moved them while he bit on her lip. he felt her grinding against his fingers trying to get him to go faster to which he did. soon, he was moving his two fingers in and out of her at a nice enough pace. yn felt her wave of orgasm coming with each sharp thrust of his fingers. as if on que, yn bit his lip and he speed up even faster.

“ oh fuck k-kook im cumming…” jungkook smirked and took his fingers out and slapped her clit fast watching her release and go to her high. He put there lips together again and she moaned well probably screamed into the kiss as she squirted all over his floor and desk.

he slowed down his hand and soon massaged her pussy helping her come down from her high.

yn was a shaking mess and very limp. when she opened her eyes she saw jungkooks shirt wet and the floor infront of her covered in her juices.

he kissed away her shock then pulled away chuckling.

“ mmm… champagne confetti.” kook looked her up and down with lust in his eyes. god he needed more.

without saying a word he walked out the room and grabbed his phone “ army, im sorry but i have to end the live… yn got a little tummy ache and i need to comfort her.. ill talk to you guys later. Bye!” he smiled and waved ending the live.

he put his phone on the counter then also grabbed the oven mitt and took the brownies out the oven. those will definitely be good, but not better than the meal he was ready to have.

after putting the brownies on the stove to cool off, he headed back into the room and smirked while closing the door.

“ready for round two, doll?”

#jeon jungkook #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #hobisstar writes #jungkook ff #bts #jeon jk #jjk #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #bts jeon jungkook #jungkook imagine #bts jeongguk #jungkook

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ash-whimsicalfanfic · 1 year

Text

A Black & White World

Mattheo Riddle X Fem OC/Reader

Word Count: 2635

Warnings: Mild Language, Partying, Alcohol, Angst, Fluff, Blood…

Prompt: Everyone sees black and white until you meet your soulmate. Unfortunately, you are the only one in your friend group who hasn't met their soulmate.

"Look at this color! Isn't gorgeous!" Pansy exclaims, running into the common room with her dress.

Lorenzo, Theodore, Draco and Blaise go quiet, looking between her and I nervously. She looks confused and I smile.

"I'm assuming it's a darker shade of green which should go well with your hair since it's a darker brown. Not to mention your have a somewhat pale complexion." I say with a soft smile.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Y/N. I forgot." She whispers.

"It's fine. Seriously." I say.

"Y/N..." She trails off.

"It's fine. I have to go catch up on some studying." I say.

She nods, looking guilty. I grab my bag, giving her a soft smile before I leave the room and frown. I never am going to meet him.

After sulking in the library for a few hours, instead of studying, I headed to the Great Hall for dinner. I found them sitting there already and I take my seat when the room goes silent.

"I'd like to introduce our new student! He is a fifth year and he was pre-sorted into Slytherin! Please welcome Mattheo Riddle!" Professor Dumbledore exclaims.

I focus on my food, pushing it around on my plate. Pansy kicks me from under the table and I glare at her. She motions to her left and I look over to see the Mattheo had sat on the other side of Draco.

Mattheo looks at me, and the moment our eyes locked...I could see color. The first thing I noticed was his brown eyes. Then I took in the blank expression. He looks away and I bite the inside of my cheek before looking at Pansy and shrugging.

"Y/N!" Fred exclaims.

"Yes, Weasley?" I ask, turning towards him.

"Umbridge took our brooms again...could you get them back for us...again?" He asks, motioning between him and George.

"No! Last time she was forced to write lines with Umbridge's special quill." Pansy snaps.

"Special quill?" Mattheo asks.

"Basically you write lines, but it's writes into your hand." Lorenzo explains.

"Yes. Come along." I sigh, standing as I begin to walk out of the Great Hall.

We get to Umbridge's office and she wasn't in here. I point to their brooms and they grab them when I hear her. Oh great. I motion them to hurry and they grab my hand, pulling me towards the window as we all jump out.

Fred and George each hold one of my hands as I hang between the two.

"If you drop me, I'll kill you!" I exclaim as they fly higher on their brooms and I'm dangling by their hands.

"Fred! George!" Pansy screeches from below in the courtyard.

"We won't drop her! We got to go! Umbitch!" Fred exclaims.

"Y/L/N!" She screams and I grimace.

"Tree!" I screech and the twins fly higher.

"Sorry!" They shout.

"I'm going to kill you both!" I shout.

"Well in that case." Fred says, as he smirks.

He lets go of my hand and so does George. However, they both fly down and grab me again and I find myself about to throw up. Thankfully, they land.

I stumble forward and Pansy rushes forward, pulling me into a hug.

"Oh thank god. Your okay." She breathes.

"Y/L/N, I thought you learned last time. Come along. You'll be writing lines again." Umbridge says.

"Why are you still trying? You know it doesn't work on me." I say.

"How doesn't it hurt you?" She asks, rolling her eyes.

"It hurts, but I know how to hide it. Kinda like it." I smirk, shrugging and her eyes widen briefly before she rushes off.

"What the fuck?" Mattheo mumbles, his eyes widening slightly.

"I never said she was sane, did I? She has her crazy...but we all do...just hers is more so than others." Draco explains quietly.

"I think I'm in love." Mattheo whispers.

It's been a few weeks since Mattheo transferred here, but he avoids me, so I do the same. I was out dress shopping with Pansy for a party that was being thrown tonight.

"This is pretty! I like it. I've discovered that emerald green is more my shade." I say as I turn to her, holding the dress up to me.

It was short, going to about mid-thigh. It had a high slit on one side, so I definitely wouldn't be able to wear panties with it. It was a deep v-neck, and it'd run down between my breasts, nearly reaching my belly button.

"Its so pretty and so you! And yeah, I agree! Emerald green is your color—wait a goddamn minute! Emerald! When were you able to start seeing color?" She asks.

I pale, realizing I slipped up. She knows. I look down, letting a deep breath out as a familiar ache takes over my heart.

"He doesn't want anything to do with me, Pansy. I'm just trying to move forward." I say, looking at the satin dress I held.

"Alright." She mumbles, knowing I didn't want to talk about it.

"There they are!" Draco exclaims.

I add the dress to my basket before I look up to see that all the guys were here. I decided to slip away and went to the shoe section. I found a gorgeous pair of black heels with a silver snake wrapping around the heel. I find them in my size and add them to the basket. I look at a pair of shoes and grab them before heading back to Pansy.

"Pans, try these on." I say, tossing her the box.

She grabs them and sits on a nearby bench as the guys watch. I ignore Mattheo's eyes on me and she grins up at me.

"They are perfect and will go with my dress! Did you get yourself shoes?" She asks, putting the shoes back in the box.

"Yeah. I just need to find some boob tape." I say.

"What? What are you wearing?" Draco asks protectively and I roll my eyes.

"None of your concern. I'm a big girl and unfortunately yet fortunately, I'm single so I can wear what I want when I want and look however the hell I want." I say tiredly.

"Give her a break Draco, she's having a hard time. She met her soulmate...but she said he doesn't want anything to do with her." Pansy whispers.

I acted like I couldn't hear, focusing on the handbags that were literally right next to us. I grab one and pair it up with my dress before adding it the basket.

"Ms. Y/L/N?" The store clerk calls.

I look up before walking over to the front desk. She laid out some of her best snake jewelry and I look over them slowly.

There was a long silver snake choker necklace that was covered in diamonds. It was a necklace, in the shape of a snake and it would be like I had a snake resting around my neck. The snake head and tail would rest between my breasts, but it was gorgeous.

I see a matching pair of snake earrings that would dangle. It was like the snake was slithering, however it looks like it would bite your ear from the way they clip on.

"I'll go with these two pieces." I say.

"That's over a grand, are you sure Ms. Y/L/N?" She asks.

"Yes." I say, pulling my card free.

I pay for the jewelry, dress and shoes before walking back over to Pansy who was ready to go to the makeup store. The guys followed behind us and I let Pansy lead the way.

"This shade of red would be gorgeous on you!" Pansy exclaims, running towards me.

"I don't know Pans. I'm not big on makeup." I say unsure.

"She is right. The red would really make your eyes pop." Theodore says.

I sigh, looking at the lipstick. I nod, giving in and she grins. I follow behind her as she excitedly shows me different pallets before I decided to look at the different perfumes.

I look around before catching Mattheo staring at me once again and I look away. Why won't he stop staring?

"Excuse me?" I hear.

I turn towards a boy who was much taller than me. He had blond hair and green eyes.

"Yes?" I ask annoyed.

"Would you go out with me?" He asks.

"Abso-fucking-lutely not. Goodbye." I say, turning away.

I gasp as he pulls me back by my hair. I spin around, pulling my fist back and hitting him in the nose. He groans, grabbing his very much broken nose. I knee him in the balls and watch as he sinks to the floor.

"Maybe next time you'll think before you put your hands on a girl, asshole." I snap.

I put the lipstick down before I storm out of the store knowing if I stayed any longer, I would've pulled my wand out whether he was a muggle or not. I was absolutely furious.

I find myself in a bookstore and I felt myself calming down as I read the backs of several books. I ended up caving and bought myself several romance novels and several spicy books.

I walk out to see that Pansy was waiting outside with the guys.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asks.

"Why wouldn't I be? Well...my card definitely is suffering now. Who knew books have gotten so expensive? It's such a shame." I mutter annoyed.

"I...I'm talking about that guy." She says.

"Oh him. I came to the bookstore to calm down. I wanted to crucio him, muggle or not." I say.

"Alright. I think you've had your dosage of muggles for the month. Let's get her back to Hogwarts." Draco sighs and I shrug at the concerned looks from my friends.

Mattheo looked confused and I look at his hands to see that his knuckles were split. I quickly look away before he notices though.

I slip on the dress, looking at myself in the floor length mirror. I smooth out the silky material. It was gorgeous. I loved this, although I was a little worried about some slip up or flashing someone.

I pull on the heels before looking back at myself in the mirror. The heels pulled the entire outfit together. The dangling snakes and the snake necklace around my neck looked beautiful. I looked...hot.

Not to mention the makeup job that Pansy did was phenomenal. I had a red lipstick on with a dark eyeshadow. I heard the music and I knew I needed to get out there soon.

I walk out and go to the common room where everyone was dancing. I head towards the drink table, pouring myself a glass. I slowly scan the room, ignoring Mattheo who was staring at me. He had a group of girls surrounding him who were hardcore flirting. Pansy was dancing with Draco.

"Wanna dance?" Theo asks.

"Where is Luna?" I ask.

"Broke up." He says shortly.

I take his hand and we head towards the dance floor where we start dancing. He was one of my best friends. I shouldn't have been dancing so sensually with him. This was wrong. Especially knowing Mattheo was watching.

"Seems like both our soulmates don't want us!" He calls.

"Theo, what are you trying to say?" I call back, turning to face him as I stop dancing.

"Why not try something out? Just you and I." He suggests.

"Theo, we are best friends." I say surprised.

"We could be more though." He says, pulling me closer to him as he starts to dance.

I look over his shoulder at Mattheo who was watching us with a clenched jaw. His fists clenched around the cup and his drink goes everywhere.

I couldn't be in a relationship with anyone else unless it was Mattheo.

It felt wrong already.

Mattheo was pushing through the crowd and I look down between Theo and I. Theo was giving me time to think although, I knew my answer. I knew I couldn't be with him. Especially because I only saw him as my best friend. And I'm friends with Luna. I wouldn't do that to her. I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation to why the two broke up because just the other day, they were so in love.

"Theodore, get the hell away from her." Mattheo snaps.

I look up to see Mattheo standing behind him. Theodore turns towards him, chuckling and I could tell by Mattheo's stance that he was about ready to beat the hell out of Theodore.

"No Theo. I'm not interested in something like that. We are friends. That's it. Mattheo, come on." I say.

Theodore grabs my wrist and pulls me into his chest. I stumble and I smell the alcohol on his breath before his lips were on mine. I push him away, sending him back as Mattheo goes to lunge at him, but I use all my might to push Mattheo back as more attention focused on us.

"What's going on?" Draco asks, pushing through the crowd.

"Get Theodore out of here before Mattheo kills him! He's being drunk and stupid and has no clue what he is doing anymore!" I grunt, pushing Mattheo back who was still trying to get to Theodore.

Blaise and Lorenzo start to drag Theodore away as Draco and Pansy calm the party down and I was able to drag Mattheo away. I held his hand, pulling him through the halls and outside until I see the Astronomy tower. I pull him up to the top before I turn to him.

"Don't you ever fucking stop me again, Y/N! He fucking deserves what will come to his way! You could've been hurt. If I'm going to get into a fight, you need to standby." He snaps.

"No! Theodore is going through something right now. He's drunk and he probably won't even remember this tomorrow. So, calm down Mattheo! He's still my best friend." I snap.

"He fucking kissed you right in front of me!" He snaps, running a hand through his hair as he paces.

"And? Why do you care Mattheo? You've acted as if I was invisible these past few weeks although we both know we are soulmates." I snap.

"I didn't think you'd want to be with a monster like me." He snaps.

"Well you don't get to pick what I want and what I don't want, Mattheo! I'm a big girl! And frankly, I'm a monster too if you are. We are more alike than you think." I say.

"Your not a monster! Your so much more than you think you are!" He snaps, looking me in the eye.

"You can't say stuff like that, Mattheo." I say annoyed.

"Why not?" He asks, stepping towards me and I back up.

"Because we aren't together." I snap.

"Then be my girlfriend." He says, pinning me against the wall as he looks down at me with those chocolate eyes.

"Fine." I snap.

He chuckles before leaning down and kissing me roughly. I kiss back, moving my hands to his hair where I run them through his curly locks. He presses himself further against me, biting my lip before pulling back. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth and I see my blood coating his lips.

"As much as I love this dress on you, I rather see it off." He says, pushing a strap off my shoulder.

"Then take it off." I murmur.

"At my dorm." He says.

I huff, nodding before he drags me along. I try my best to keep up with him, the both of us eager to get to his dorm.

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hina-has-no-life · 6 months

Text

Dark Era: Dazai and Akutagawa

The Scene in Dark Era where Dazai shoots Akutagawa was abusive and messed up, but sadly justified on Dazai's end.

Now this may sound harsh but let's take a step back from the emotions the scene causes and look at it purely logical and analytical. (No I am not excusing the abuse Akutagawa went through. Dazai had no right to abuse him but this scene is more than abuse.)

What happens in this scene?

Per Dazai's orders as an Executive within the Port Mafia agents from Mimic were captured to be taken to Kouyou for interrogation, as is her department. Akutagawa then kills the hostages in retaliation for the casualties the Mafia suffered at the hands of Mimic. Dazai proceeds to punch and shoot Akutagawa.

In essence this is what happened: Akutagawa disregarded direct orders of his executive in front of multiple people and said executive. Plain and simple, this is insubordination.

We know, due to Stormbringer, that insubordination of the Boss and his executives (who essentially work as extensions of the Boss within the BSD Mafia) is a death sentence. It's at the same level as betrayal.

So, while messed up and abusive, Dazai's reaction can be classified as a mercy. Had it been another executive or Mori, Akutagawa would be dead. And no, you can not use that Chuuya cares for Akutagawa as an argument against Akutagawa dying here were it Chuuya. Chuuya's loyality is to the Mafia and Mori in a situation like this. We saw this at the end of the Guild Arc when Chuuya asked Mori what punishment Akutagawa should face for disregarding Mafia orders and going on to the Moby Dick. Since the moment in Dark Era is a similar case, it is safe to assume Chuuya would have asked Mori for the punishment and then delivered it.

Now here comes the much more interesting part about this scene I sadly do not see talked about. (If you find posts talking about it please send them my way!)

This scene shows us, in a very subtle way, how the dynamic between Akutagawa and Dazai works.

But how? Let's count it: - Akutagawa is very self assured in his insubordination. - Dazai gives him a chance to speak up about his reasoning, to defend himself and ask for forgiveness for his blatant insubordination. - Akutagawa in turn arrogantly doubles down on his decision. - Dazai punishes him.

While Dazai framed the moment at the end as a teaching moment with his comment about Akutagawas use of Rashomon, it is mostly a punishment. Yes there are 2 moments that can be seen as a teaching moment but what Dazai does is in fact nothing more than a punishment in his eyes.

(Giving Akutagawa the chance to think about his rash action was the first teaching moment btw)

Now the way the scene is handeled with it's framing tells us something interesting about the relationship between Dazai and Akutagawa.

Dazai actively favours Akutagawa with his treatment.

But how? It's a good question because the answer is very much hidden.

Both characters treat the situation as something usual. This in turn tells us that Akutagawa often commits insubordination against Dazai. And only Dazai, since Dazai takes him under his wing as his direct and only student. (This is made clear in the short where he actually recruits a younger Akutagawa) This means that Dazai does favour his student above other subordinates rather openly. We know he would not let this slide with other people under his command. The scene at the beginning of the Dark Era LN with Hirotsu shows this.

Akutagawa's reaction to being shot also tells us that this is the first time Dazai points a weapon at him. While not expecting, but accepting, the punch he did not expect to face a harsher punishment than this.

He is visibly surprised. But not just him.

In the Anime adaption (which is the best LN adaption in BSD) we see that even the other subordinates around them only become surprised when Dazai draws the gun and shoots Akutagawa.

Did Dazai think Akutagawa would survive being shot at? 100% yes. He even says as much after the fact.

(This is actually what makes teaching moment number 2, since he remarks that Akutagawa "finally" managed to protect himself with Rashomon. This tells us that they were actively training this and Akutagawa was failing at it for some time already.)

In short: - Akutagawa feels very much secure in his position at Dazai's side, despite the regular abuse. - Dazai favours Akutagawa openly enough within the PM that other subordinates are surprised when Akutagawa faces an openly harsh punishment. - Akutagawa, in committing insubordination, regulary disrespects Dazai as his superior and Dazai let's it slide. This is something that mirrors the relationship between Dazai and Mori, as Dazai does disrespect Mori in private and Mori let's this slide. (The biggest difference in this relationship mirror is that Dazai never disrespects Mori in front of other people.)

In my eyes (and I hope we learn more soon) this also shows that Dazai's abuse of Akutagawa has multiple reasons. - Dazai sees himself in Akutagawa. Dazai also hates himself and blames himself for shortcomings so he projects this onto Akutagawa, who he then abuses because of it. - A warped sense of care. In his own, very fucked up, way Dazai does care for Akutagawa. Is he good at showing it? Absolutely not. He wants Akutagawa to be stronger than Dazai himself is, he wants him to be better. So he favors him but also abuses him. - He favors Akutagawa so Akutagawa needs to get strong extremely fast to avoid a conflict within the ranks of the Mafia. - Dazai tries to get Akutagawa as strong as possible as fast as possible since Akutagawa effectively went from joining to third highest rank in 10 seconds and needs to prove himself in front of everyone else, not just Dazai's eyes. In this he ends up abusing Dazai because he himself is a child with a very limited understanding of teaching. What he does know, through Mori as his teacher, is that cruelty and abuse are effective teaching methods that work faster than proving patience and taking things slow.

(am I saying that Mori physically abused Dazai? No. But he, as shown in Beast and Fifteen, honestly answers to the questions his students ask him. It is entirely possible that he simply told Dazai different teaching methods and Dazai decided on the fastest one instead of the best and most effective.)

and thank you @sorcerersandskillusers for sending me the LN parts I mentioned above!! I didn't have the energy to look them up when I initially posted this and he did me the favor of getting them for me!

To summarize: The scene is a punishment for direct insubordination and shows us, the viewer, a deeper look into the relationship between Akutagawa and Dazai.

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exactlycleverpirate · 7 months

Text

What happened to Lemuria and Rafayel?

A mix of facts and theory. I try to quote where I got stuff from in the game, but let me know if something is unclear.

This is a monster. For TLDR, jump down to the bold words, as this sums up the general idea of this post.

SPOILERS for Main Story, Anecdote 3, and some Memories.

(MS stands for Main Story)

What we know:

Rafayel is Lemurian (Ebb and Flow and MS Chapter 7)

As a child, a long long time ago*, he lived in a Lemurian community in the ocean, specifically in the Deep Sea. He would sneak away from his home to explore the ocean and the surface world. (Nightly Stroll, Whalefall Lament, Ocean At Night).

*(What is a long, long time ago? 10-15 years? 800 years? He says his age is “24…probably” (promotional video). What does that mean? Has he forgotten exactly when he was born or is he alluding to the fact that he is much older? He made his vow to MC when they were both children (MS Chapter 7.11). Was that current MC or a previous reincarnation of her? If current, then he must be actually around 24. If a previous life of MC, then he could easily be 800 or more.)

Lemuria was believed to be mythical, and/or to have disappeared thousands of years ago. It was confirmed to really exist when, on December 31st, 2034 (the same year the Deepspace Tunnel appeared and the Chronorift Catastrophe occured), a tsunami and earthquake southeast of Linkon opened a rift in the ocean, revealing an ancient Lemurian city (MS, in-game article, and promotional video). When asked how he can be alive today if Lemuria disappeared thousands of years ago, Rafayel says to think of him as “a lost pearl that washed up on the beach”.

Other Lemurians are still alive. Rafayel’s Aunt Talia appears to be a Lemurian herself (his only remaining family) as she has known him a long time, knows about Lemurian ceremonies and other Lemurians, etc. In 2047, a Lemurian named K died. Rafayel attended his Seamoon Ceremony (essentially a funeral of sorts, returning him to the ocean to pass on and return to the water from whence he came), as did other remaining Lemurians (Anecdote 3).

Now that we have that foundation to work with, let’s start with Louis’ Tale in Anecdote 3.

For the sake of argument, I am going to assume that Louis got most of the story right, since Rafayel doesn’t contradict him on most points, aside from dismissing him in general, which I feel was to downplay how close Louis was to the truth.

They are discussing the opera Rafayel just performed in, particularly, the Siren’s Ballad. In the opera, the siren is a woman and the human is the man (played by Rafayel). Louis says they got this wrong. The Siren was “a charming, handsome merman”. Presumably this Siren is Rafayel.

Simple enough so far, but now it gets confusing.

The Siren (Rafayel) “met a woman on the beach, but she took his tail and cut off his scales”. This sounds similar in some ways to MC, but opposite in others. MC was a child, not a grown woman. And Rafayel got stranded on the beach (No way out, no hope, and waiting to die) and MC rescued him from death, rather than taking his tail and scales.

However, if we assume Fragrant Dream was a memory and not just a dream (Rafayel acts as though this dream is significant somehow), Rafayel gave a scale, his blood, and his voice to save MC, and ultimately sacrificed his life for her, in some past life. The perfume (bitter like fermented aquatic plants, the same description as the potion in the dream) that brings the possible memory to MC’s mind is from Your Fragrance. Rafayel has some very strange lines in Your Fragrance when he is under the apparently intoxicating effect this perfume has on him. He says the perfume smells familiar, then goes on to say:

“It must be an allergic reaction. This isn’t perfume. How dare they use such underhanded methods to trap me…”

“Who gave you the perfume?”

“Are you trying to run away again?”

“I’m not going anywhere. You’re gonna lock me up again… You’re with them, I just know it. Don’t think I’m unaware of what you’re about to do. (MC name), I won’t fall for it again. Not this time.”

This all implies that Rafayel was trapped and locked up in the past. And that on at least some level, he feels like MC played a role in him getting tricked. (Which might explains why he considers abandoning her when she is drowning in MS Chapter 7.11. See an alternate theory for this here.)

Back to Louis’ story, he describes the fate of the woman. The Siren is on the verge of death, and he sings the Siren’s Ballad. (Later, we learn this portrayal of the Siren’s Ballad is inaccurate: ““Siren's Ballad” isn't a song of revenge. It's an elegy sung for Lemuria”.) According to Louis, “Ultimately, the woman on the shore passed away with a smile as he sang.” Obviously, MC is currently alive. Did Louis get this wrong? Was this a past life? A different woman?

Louis then describes what he believes those who die by the Siren’s song experience.

“People lured by the siren's ballad don't die peacefully. Their smiles are just a mask bestowed by the Siren. Instead, as they near death, they witness bizarre visions as they're plunged into endless torment.”

The man, Mr. Fallon, who died during the opera is described as having died of no obvious cause with a smile on his face. After singing during the opera that Mr. Fallon died watching, Rafayel goes backstage.

“A searing pain throbs in his throat, pulsating in tandem with his heartbeat, rapidly stimulating his nerves. As he touches his Adam’s apple, he pulls out a new tie from his leather briefcase, a smooth satin entwined between his fingers. The cool texture gradually envelops his neck. It’s like sheathing a blade.”

This strongly implies that Rafayel used his voice for something more than singing, hinting at it being a weapon. I think it is safe to assume Rafayel somehow killed Mr. Fallon man with his song, presumably in the way Louis describes.

Another interesting thing of note in this part of Louis’ description is: “A blue pattern, representing the Siren, appears on their chests. It's a constant reminder of the sins they committed against the sea.” At first, I thought this may be the pattern we see on Rafayel’s chest in Chapter 7.11, implying he sinned against the sea, but on rewatching it, I realized that the mark is red, not blue. So I am inclined to go with my first impression that Rafayel’s mark is related to his bond with MC (since it responds to her calling out to him).

So, now that we are thoroughly confused about what has taken place between Rafayel and MC, let’s move on to the next part of the story. This is when everything takes an even more heartbreaking turn.

“The Siren returns to the sea, believing everything has ended. But he discovers his underwater kingdom has turned to ruins, soaked in blood. His people have either vanished, turned into bloody foam, or were kidnapped. His homeland has turned into a silent, deserted city overnight. Oh, and as for the name of this underwater kingdom - Lemuria.”

(Interesting side note: After this part of Louis’ story, Rafayel’s meal is served: “a fish laying amidst white rosemary”. Rosemary symbolizes fidelity and remembrance.)

Later, in his memories, Rafayel adds to this scene for us.

“The young boy sits alone in the middle of the coral reef, softly humming “Siren's Ballad.” Waves lap the shores, staining it dark red. The color blends almost seamlessly with the bloody setting sun in the distance. Those who deceived him have long since sailed away on their massive ships, laughing all the while. “Siren's Ballad” isn't a song of revenge. It's an elegy sung for Lemuria.”

He also remembers:

“The dying cries of his people echo in his ears, fizzing and crackling like a broken record that's been ground into pieces.”

“In the darkness, the shadows of those he personally laid to rest emerge and drag him down, lower and lower into the depths.”

Now, let’s talk about the painting Raymond bought from Rafayel.

But first, let’s talk about Raymond. He is a former patient of Zayne’s with a congenital heart disease. In his mansion, he has a giant fish tank with no water in it. Instead, it has a dull and pale skeleton. (MS Chapter 2.2-2.3)

“Fin-like bones protrude from its pelvis. This skeleton lacks legs, its spine extending like a long string. Its pose is ominously beautiful, resembling a girl sitting cross-legged.”

I think it is pretty safe to say this is a real Lemurian skeleton.

Additionally, Zayne notes that “According to the Akso remote monitor, your vital sign data has improved. The equipment also determined your age to be far younger than what it actually is.” In other words, Raymond’s health has improved, and he is unnaturally youthful for his age. Raymond even suggests he should be dead by now and asks Zayne if he is curious as to why he is not dead. Zayne admits to initial curiosity, but then moves on.

Before K died, he said “They took away my scales and drew my blood. Over and over again. I’m no longer Lemurian.” The doctor told Rafayel that K had endured “such agony”. This appears to be something many of the Lemurians on land are facing or trying to hide from.

In Rafayel’s Myth (Chapter 3), it says that the humans of that time believed:

"Every Lemurian was blessed with beauty. Their tears turn into glimmering pearls, their voices brought dreams of wonder, their blood made one live forever or could even resurrect the dead. Once you tamed a Lemurian, they were the most loyal, powerful servant. They listened to every command, even if it cost them their life."

Even if only parts of this are true, it shows that Lemurians are considered highly desirable as slaves or for parts. And the part about the blood seems to have at least an element of truth, given Raymond's health.

It seems reasonable to conclude that Raymond has been harvesting something (scales, blood, etc) from Lemurians to unnaturally lengthen his life and make him younger.

Now enter Rafayel’s painting.

He used blood red coral, infused with Metaflux, from the ruins of Lemuria for this painting.

When MC resonated with the painting in Raymond’s house, this is what she experiences:

“A stunning oil painting hangs on the wall opposite of the sofa. It depicts a brilliantly blue sea with cascading white waves. Each brush stroke feels alive as if countless fairies are jumping out of the water.

At the edge of the sea, the water is gradually stained crimson like something is being torn apart, swallowed, and coalescing into a blood clot.

The gloomy weather, the sound of the ocean - a salty humidity slowly creeps into my hair.

A girl by the shore, the lower half of her body submerged in the water. Strange. It's almost like she’s crying and laughing at the same time.

The swirling fog carries a faint, ethereal melody on the sea breeze. It sounds like a song, yet is also a lament.”

Mermaid Song plays in the background while MC is resonating with the painting. The translation of it is:

“A fish in your hand. Please burn with passion. Nets of moonlight. With coral, a prison. When waves kiss the morning sun. The scent of roses pierce. With a fish in your hand. Blood. Blood. Blood covers the sea.”

When MC visits Rafayel’s art gallery, we learn a bit more about this painting.

“When I was a kid, I had dreamed I turned into a fish.

I swam and swam and swam from the deep sea, seeking a place beyond the water's surface. Only to end up in blood-red seawater.

It was the first time I ever saw such a color. Who knows how many years I've spent trying to recreate it. But I never really could get that same shade of red.

It was always a slightly different hue, you know...”

All of this put together paints a scene along these lines for us:

A young Rafayel returns from an encounter with a human woman on the beach (MC?). He finds that Lemuria is in ruins and empty. He swims to the surface. It is nighttime on a coral reef. There is a smell of roses in the air. As the sun rises, he sees that the water is filled with blood. Perhaps there is a Lemurian girl there singing mournfully, or the girl in the painting is representative of Rafayel’s experience and the experience of other survivors. (Perhaps it is even her skeleton in Raymond's home). Some Lemurians are dead or dying in the water or on the beach. Rafayel hears their dying cries and returns those dead on land to the sea to become one with the water. He then sits alone on a coral reef, surrounded by bloody water, singing an elegy for Lemuria as the sun sets. He knows he was deceived and that his deceivers have already sailed away. Some of the Lemurians have been kidnapped and taken away with the deceivers.

("A fish in your hand" from the Mermaid Song seems to refer to the Ocean Emissaries (little blue fish) that come from making a Lemurian vow (though Rafayel also seems to be able to summon these on command). Is this a reference to the promise between Rafayel and MC? How does that play into the rest of this scene?)

Given how vulnerable Lemurians are on Ebb Day, I think it very likely that this occurred on Ebb Day. (Perhaps this vulnerability was revealed to those who killed the Lemurians by MC or Rafayel himself. Did one or both of them trust the wrong people with this information? This also might be why Rafayel was stranded on a beach in the first place when he met MC.)

So now we have some kind of a picture about what happened to Lemuria. Is this ancient or recent history?

Either way, Lemurians still live and are still being harvested for parts.

Louis concludes his story by asking Rafayel, “When the Siren returns to the beach…How does he exact his revenge on those responsible for Lemuria's destruction?”

To which Rafayel responds, “I think he’d first learn from them. He's gotta study their wits and cruelty, you know.”

Which brings us back to Mr. Fallon dead with a smile on his face at the opera. And also Raymond drowned in his bathtub after carving fish scales into his body. The painting has vanished from his home. (MS Chapter 7.3)

I think this is why Rafayel has a bounty on him, since those participating in harvesting Lemurians are being killed by him, but can't exactly go to the authorities about it.

I also think Rafayel is not solely motivated by revenge. He tells Aunt Talia “Not every Lemurian survivor can wait.” Somehow, what he is doing is supposed to prevent other Lemurians from ending up like K.

Talia notes that Rafayel has changed "After that incident in Lemuria." He seems unrecognizable. Past Rafayel was like a blazing flame, whereas he "now resembled a reef battered by relentless waves - outwardly cold and hard, yet riddled with cracks, vulnerable to crumbling from the next wave." Talia is helping Rafayel gather information for his goal, but she isn't convinced that they are doing the right thing.

What are your thoughts? Was this helpful? More confusing? Is Rafayel ancient or young? What the heck happened between Rafayel and MC? Let me know your thoughts!

#love and deepspace #rafayel love and deepspace #rafayel #love and deepspace rafayel

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