#//i mean im gay and its accurate but still

[mechahero]

//today in rh gaming, got called a slur apparently lmao

[starofhisheart]

"You should be addicted to shutting the fuck up"

"You want to fuck me so bad it makes u look stupid"

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Alright, I took a quick nap and Ive decided that I wanna get the UTM reenactment over with as quickly as possible so Im reading chapter 42 and then I'll reward myself with some pain au chocolats and not thinking about this book for the rest of the day and watching the 2002 takarazuka flower troupe production of elisabeth instead. lets go

Chapter 42

here we fucking go with the illyrian wingspan-dicksize correlation, how would Amren even know that isnt she above sex or something. Honestly, I think Cassian would know wayyyyy more about that. on account of all the gay sex hes having i mean. I thought of that joke and then I realized that you could interpret it to mean that he knows about that because hes illyrian and has a dick, but I want to make it very clear that this is a gay sex joke

how come wings are so sensitive that just barely stroking them makes you moan and shudder but you can still fly with them in harsh winds with no issue. My headcanon is that wings arent actually that sensitive, Rhysand and Cassian are just weirdos with a specific kink

This conversation Feyre and Rhys are having about his wings is so weird, its like dirty and yet uncomfortably clinical

oh Rhysand is quicker than death just fucking kill me, im getting so angry again

Syphons are called 'Trichtersteine' ['funnel stones' or 'funnel gems'] in german which is more accurate to how we're actually told they work imo but it sounds pretty lame

Is it just me or is Rhysand being kinda weirdly paranoid rn. I mean granted, they did just get attacked with ash arrows so maybe hes actually doing a good job for once and Im just biased against him

Okay so we finally get some night court fae wearing white, but of course its not for moon symbolism its so they can blend in with the rock of the mountain because this series does nothing but disappoint me

The Hewn City actually sounds really cool, why couldnt this have been the secret city where we spend most of our time, you couldve made it a whole thing about Feyre healing from her trauma UTM through like, exposure therapy or something idk. That wouldve been neat and dramatic, her healing from her UTM trauma in the place that inspired it with the person that inflicted it. I mean, maybe that would be less healthy and even more controversial than Feysand already is but then you could atleast lean into the dark romance of it

I mightve said this already but you knowwww sjm is NOT a painter and consulted ZERO painters because Ive never heard of anyone think about creating art the way feyre does

and Mor is wearing red AGAIN why would you make this a trigger for Feyre just go back and edit it out its not like it matters

God, the description of her outfit is so deeply discomfortingl like it literally is exactly what she wore while she was being drugged assaulted but atleast they left the bodypaint out this time

"[Keir] looked at my face, then my body. I had thought that he would stare and drool greedily but... there was nothing. No emotion. Just ice cold. Shaking internally, - from anger and revulsion - I followed Mor." Im sorry, is she mad that Keir doesnt find her hot????

Theres something uncomfortable about Feyre referring to Rhysand as 'Mor's Lord' especially when we just had a whole paragraph describing her as a proud and empowered queen

"Usually, one Syphon was enough for an Illyrian to to able to steer his urge to kill down the right path." what???

Now shes describing Azriel as dark and beautiful as death and oughhhhhh i knoww im the only who cares about this and its for a pretty stupid reason but I care a lot and it makes me very angry

Feyre referring to a 19 year old Mor as 'barely more than a child' is weirdddddd

of COURSE hes wearing a black tunic for this, I cant believe this is the guy that the fandom has designated the fashion lover when he has two (2) outfits

Feyre describing Rhysand as sooooo powerful and beautiful with a face of nightmares and dreams makes me want to vomit, but more importantly, it makes me yearn to rewatch the 1996 takarazuka star troupe production of Elisabeth with Asaji Saki as Death who unirionically fits all of Feyres descriptors 1000 times better

Not Rhysand using Feyres Cursebreaker title while hes thoroughly humiliating her

Now Feyre is calling him a god, bro youre not gonna be able to have sex if you jack him off this hard hes gonna be all sore

Imagine being a hewn city noble and you all get together because your high lord wants something from you and youre kinda scared because hes the worst, and then you just have to watch him finger some random lady. and you cant leave because then he'll just kill you

I dont like that this is framed as empowering to Feyre, i think its one thing to write a female character who sexualises herself in order to empower herself but the fact that Feyre is doing this at the behest of Rhys automatically renders it non-empowering to me. Like yeah, she obviously consented to this but it wasnt her idea but this was not her idea and this is not something she usually does, the only times shes been sexualized like this is because it was part of some plan that Rhysand came up with

"[Keir] apparently clung to the power. But Rhys was the power." i hate that that sentence made me think of Keir/Rhysand as a ship why am I so goddamn yaoi-brained. And yeah, i know theyre related but according to Rhys himself, he and Mor are only cousins in the most distant sense, so. Man, that would make the IC dynamics so much more fucked up but also so much funnier

Theyre trying so hard to make this hot n sexy but its just so unappealing and dragged out. Granted, sorry if this is TMI, but I did just jerk off so Im all out of horniness for the next little while so maybe I just dont like this because Im not in the mood but idk. theres something so annoying about this, i think its how over-the-top and artificial Rhysands hotness feels, not to mention the fact that he is absolutely not my type

Imagine being Keir rn, just trying to do your job and tell your high lord everything that he needs to know, meanwhile his high lord is sitting in front of him fondling his new sex slave and you just have to keep a straight face. i mean, he sucks ass so i guess he deserves it but man

Presented to you with no further comment: "My breasts became heavy and full, longing, desiring, just like my crotch."

goddamnit, Rhysand just said that he put Feyre on his leash and then Keir made a kinda slutshame-y remark about her clothes and then I thought Rhys was like "maybe I'll put you on a leash too" but it was Feyre who said that. another loss for big gay incest

"He liked this as little as I did" uhhhhh no offense girlie but you actually seem to be having a pretty great time rn

I dont even know what to say about this part where Feyre is like, detaching herself from her thoughts that are calling her a traitor a liar and a whore ?? I think thats whats happening here?? Like, its trying so hard to be sexy but its invoking the imagery of Feyre's (and even Rhysand's) trauma and its just very strange

It took Rhys a fucking eternity to actually touch her pussy

What if Keir developed a voyerism kink because of this. would that be fucked up or what

Its so weird how Feyre thinks about how maybe Rhysand doesnt like sex or being desirable anymore because of amarantha and that certainly sounds like a trauma response he should have but instead it just never matters

"I had been tortured and tormented but my pain was nothing compared to his." YOU DIED

Oh man I cant believe I completely forgot about the absolutely iconic part where Rhysand gets so mad Keir for calling the woman he introduced as a whore a whore that he telepathically breaks his hand about it

what was the point of doing that, Feyre didnt even seem to like it that much

[sassykinzonline]

what’s your opinion on people who say sns is platonic? like i’ll see well done essays about sns and how they changed each other for the better and their love. then… theyll say its platonic.

is it just blissful ignorance or? 😭

oh wow this is a really good question, thank you.

um hm, i never really want to totally shit on anyone's interpretation of anything so long as its accurate to the information thats presented so im not really against any interpretation thats well-defended. i havent read the kind of opinion youre talking about so i cant really say anything more specific than that.

what i will say though is that i think sometimes some snsers get caught up in "fighting homophobia" that they kind of miss the essence of naruto and i's specific relationship: that we are every type of attraction and every kind of love. its obvious in the manga's arts, the different parallels, the words we use to describe each other, the progression of our relationship, the intimacy we share with each other, i could go on and on.

so, do i think our relationship is presented in a way thats exclusively platonic? nope and the only way you could come to that conclusion is either a) homophobia or b) genuinely not being able to grasp the storytelling elements in the manga (ie. you dont necessarily need to be able to understand or feel romantic/sexual attraction to see that the manga shows you it exists between us explicitly). the anime is a bit...worse but i still feel like most people have seen the anime ONLY and still feel discomfort because they cant figure out if we're gay or not, and ive never heard of another shonen anime with a problem that big.

however, the platonic element is a huge and important part of our relationship. there was no one among our "friends" that could truly understand, sympathize, or care for us. but at the same time, that wasnt enough. there's the familial element too, in the sense that we wanted the safety that we knew a family should make you feel. we knew the "family" we had (iruka and itachi) were broken. there's a professional side to it too, where our profession is so intimately tied to our sense of self that thats how we communicate our feelings to each other. there's a romantic element yes, the feeling of completion and feeling that someone is "for you". there's even a sexual/aesthetic element, where just the appearance of someone overwhelms your senses and consumes your body. i would also look at the relationships you have with other people and ask if they dont include different kinds of love/attraction despite mainly being one thing.

ultimately though, i think that the way the narrative is presented (and the way i feel), the point is meant to be that we have all those different types of love except because of our context (familial, political, social, whatever) its difficult to realize the romance that we both desperately wanted from the other. the manga presents the double suicide proposal as romantic, and thats the climax of the story. so the relationship should be looked at as a romantic one. at the same time though, if people feel like "well just because the manga says its a romantic relationship doesnt mean this is inherently romantic, theyre exclusive queer platonic soulmates that kiss and bone" or something then i think thats fine too. so long as they understand that naruto and i will always come before anyone else to each other, and that whatever we feel for the other is not only mutual but mutually desired and all encompassing.

[horsefreek151]

My husband's First time Watching Twilight

My dear husband has not seen many of the movies that were very informative of my tween and teen years; Twilight is one of the top ones. He not only agreed to watch it but agreed to let me write down his reactions. Here are the 3 PAGES of comments I recorded during the two hour movie.

Opening line: "I'd never given much thought to how I would die." - Well, Lucky you

I'm glad this deer is going to be totally unharmed

What ?! Hang on... He catches the dear mid jump like a trick dog.

Him: Why is (Stephany Myers) so obsessed with baseball? Me: Shes Mormon Him: I think it's the homoerotic subtext

ACAB even (Charly)

Alright... one bathroom? There's only two of you!

Billy (who is in a wheelchair) responds with how hes doing by saying "Still Dancing!" - I love him Meets Eric - GAY BEST FRIEND *He was disappointed by him being straight* *Pauses Movie* I had no idea her name was Isabella

Mike Existing - That's the most awkward person Ive ever seen

Jerk kisses her on the cheek without consent - That's assault

*Edward walks in* - OMG thats BATMAN *JKJKJK*

How ... Why ... Why is she laughing.

So he can see the future... Nobody in this movie knows how to eat food. Fuck you, Binder! She is the awkward one Charly Guy in Mill getting hunted - Hes agile I would have fallen over by then. Bella slips and falls over - Relatable *he is unaware of the trope* "Not in Phoenix Bells" Line referring to large animals hunting people in Forks - "YoU DoNt HaVe AnImAls iN ArIzOnA" What do you mean Charly!? They have Mountain Lions and SNAKES Charly! *I mention scorpions too* No writer in this movie ever talked to a high schooler. "Your name is Bella?" - Its actually Isabella as I have learned I only care about this golden onion... and why it isn't a golden garlic. "Cold wet thing" - Unlike sand which is hot and course She also looks like shes in white face paint. (Edward) just walks away like a fucking freak... I love it. None of these people have ever talked to a human before. *Car Crash* - So much is happening... why are there so many cuts... The vampires all look like fucking mimes Your asking him about the speed he got there and not the CRUMPLED DOOR?!

Dont worry (Bella) Im also confused about what happened *Edward in the corner of her room* Hes like a fucking PTSD flashback. Hes a fucking sleep paralysis demon Its dumb to send (the vampires) to highschool. I didn't know one of (Bellas) personality traits was Clumsy There Bio teacher belongs in a sitcom They act like they are fifty or twelve... not like teenagers... twelve is more accurate. The most unrealistic part (of there field trip) is that the bus driver is not screaming at him for banging on the door... or maybe I grew up in Boston. *Edward dose the apple thing* - Ok now he's just making fun of her Robert Patterson and the guy playing Charly are the best actors. Edward mentions wearing a mask, and Bella quips about it - OOOOO, She called Edward out for being autistic! *He can say that as I am autistic and I give him permission* *Edward cant go to LaPush* - Is it cause he cant cross moving water? *He made so many jokes about vampire lore I didn't write them all down* I was trying to tell what time this flashback took place and I just couldn't. I'm glad they gave us a 30-second tutorial on how to get a book online. Some of this look like a horror movie TOKYO DRIFTING, Dam that was a fuckin j-turn! "Little do (her friends know) he was going to eat her, for her blood" Oh Bella, I understand he's a pretty boy, but back up from the "How do you know what he was thinking?" and back to the "WHY WERE YOU STALKING ME!?" I can't wait for the almost SA scene to never come up again... *sarcasm* * They touch hands by oops * - Touch Barrier Broken Charly and Billy watch the game - DAD DATE! ... Oh no not Butcrack SANTA! Looks at Jasper - Is he another vampire who fought for the Confederacy? She sees buttcrack Santa's body - Do they not have body bags? With how much he's stalking her he should be called Edward the Relentless *he loves what we do in the shadows* Why are we spinning... why is there so much spinning? Bella claims Edward talks old-fashioned - He talks like a badly written character... like everyone here. "you won't hurt me" - cause stalkers never escalate violence when things don't work out. Because she's a white woman, and he's her pit bull. LISTEN TO HIM WHEN HE SAYS HES DANGEROUS BELLA. "personal brand of heroine" - Him: because everyone knows heroine comes in brands Me: Im on name brand Meth (me referring to my ADHD MEDS) Him: You're on generic Meth, and you know it. (as I take the generic brand) YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR LIKE A WEEK "Irevicoably in love with him" - GIRL... WHY? Sees Emmit - He kinda looks like Peet Davidson I like (Edwards) sitting like a little weirdo He turned to madly in love on a dime. Wait hang on.... (skips back to Billy giving Bella the stinkeye) Eyyyy They do what we do! (Billy holding all the stuff while Jacob pushes, like we do with my wheelchair) Just Sees Jasper - "Ive never seen more fear in a character than in his face right now

Is he scared she will know he fought for the Confederacy? (I have yet to confirm or deny the truth of this statement) Alice being Alice - OOoO Edward, she's gonna steal your girl! No wonder he's fallen in love in 3 seconds... he's been seventh wheel for who knows how long. *there dancing in edwards room* - *husband starts singing my fair lady* "Hang on Spider Monkey" - IT's THE LINE!!! *I mention how it's creepy that he watches her sleep* Well, you watch me while I sleep, but you have insomnia... and were married. *they kiss*- This is the most Mormon shit I've ever seen. At least they show how realistically boaring being a vampire would be. Drinking while cleaning your shotgun... that's totally safe Charly... "Why do you play baseball?" - Since they are American Bella! - "Well it is the American past time" Esme says - SEE! The Thrupple of trouble is walking in like there ready for a photoshoot. Blond Thrupple guy (James) looks so High... "...STuck here like MOM" - OOF! KNIFE TO THE HEART! Did her friends just steal mugs from the diner? Edward won't stop drinking her blood - Bop him on the nose with a newspaper like a dog. Edward sad he "didn't" stop - But you did stop when Carlile bopped you on the head with a newspaper. We kissed once now were in love forever.... They are all weirdos and this feels like a cult Director of Photography, I hate you. Costume? I can't forgive you for that flashback. High school science teacher, you were my favorite. His final review: This was a bad movie. There are better vampire movies, there's better romance movies and better young adult movies. All the genera are valed, this is just a bad example of all of those generas. I understand why its popular tho, and why young woman loved it. Especially when you take in at the time, it came out. Its the American mix of all about sex but completely clean and demonising sex and not having any sex in it. To me its the same way that 50 shades of gray wants to be about sexy bdsm while still saying bdsm is morally wrong. Nothing wrong with wanting a sexy vampire with wanting a romance, I like romance. Theres nothing wrong with media for young women. This is just bad.

[zonatcannibalism]

pjo ep 3 reaction

the oracle is the one thing i was really concerned about them not including. Was really book accurate but like the vibe in the book was between creepy and funny and this could have been creepier. Still really glad its here.

ANNABETH. I love everything about herrrr.

PERCY YOU SIMP

IS THAT BLACKJACK

well now im sad

the shoes. are. perfect. omg. Like the lace wings????? Omg????

✨i can see them building up to the ending and im scareddddddd this is gonna be very sadddd✨

annnabeth thouching the tree i cant

i. am. so. sad.

grover you are perfect and i love you

i am genuinely scared of the furies. Omg.

annabeth is such a badass

ANNABETH SASS ANNABETH SASS

annabeth putting on a brave face but being absolutely terrified i can't with how in character she is

percy thinking he could never be anything but a failure and annabeth being terrified of being a faliure ughhhhh i love this

uncle Ferdinand r.i.p

annabeth guessing its medusa on like the first moment i cant

i. love. her. outfit. Big greek vibe. Im obsessed.

i am so scared of looking in her eyeeees

are medusa and athena gay

Update: medusa is bisexual and Athena is a shit girlfriend

HER HAIR OMG NY SOUL HAS LEFT MY BODY

poor grover trying to bond them :(

"as long as the three of us are together non of us are gonna be alone" DO THEY KNOW HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO ME

floor 600 arghhhhh

lin manuel miranda jump scare

i love the crdits so much they give me good omens vibes

why are they bullying percy

[barbedwirechain]

hi!!! I've been questioning some uncertainty in my identity and you were the first person on t I saw when I looked into the "butch fag" tag, I'm really curious about what it means to be butch and on testosterone, or being butch and navigating the world passing almost as a cis man? for lack of better terminology, sorry if it's not right.

I've been out as trans since I was a kid (almost 22 now.) and I've always went back and forth on my identity bc I don't relate with other trans men or cis men in general but I knew transitioning was what's right for me. detransition doesn't feel correct at all, I'm so happy being on testosterone. im uncertain in my sexuality but have always found comfort with lesbians and butches, and I've always felt the explanation of butch dysphoria sounded more clear to me than wanting to wake up with the body of a cis man. what I mean is I think I'm a butch fag but I don't know what that means, I don't know how or if I'm ready to come out with that. I'm afraid of my future with dating or navigating queer spaces if I claim to be butch or lesbian aligned while still presenting full beard and no desire to change that.

I don't know how to navigate exploring this at all, especially because lesbian spaces online kind of scare me since its so easy to end up following terfs if you don't know what to look for. I don't want to be harassed or make anyone else uncomfortable with my presence. I want to connect with other butches on T. do you know of anything I could do to reach this kind of understanding?

i’ll say if you already see uh butch fag in yourself or find whatever it is in me, in you you’ve already started to reach that understanding. exploring online spaces where you have unprecedented access to people with these more “complicated” identities (more accurately—identities that are generally less referenced than others or not recognized outside of the community for better and for worse) and hanging out in adult oriented city spaces helped extend my understanding of myself as butch.

the longer i understand myself as trans the more i’m comfortable frankensteining my identity (for uh lack of uh better term). i say this to explain why i call myself the most appropriate word for me “dykefag” but butch fag… or faggot butch (on T or not) has uh community precedent. there’s articles and quotes of people saying that term or uh form of it and they’re also transsexual and/or lesbian, although this was something i found only after seeing myself in the phrase.

i understood myself as uh dyke for most of my life and uh lesbian as the most neat version of my sexuality; dyke is something i’ve reclaimed being called that as uh child and call/ed myself that for over ten years now (aside from uh brief period of bisexuality). after being on T though for almost two years i noticed people are less likely to see me as uh dyke so that word begins to feel more personal and intimate for me. but butch?

butch is always exactly right. its not something i reclaimed or have complicated relationship to, i just am.

i am and i mean it with no irony or “meh”-ness; i am butch and i think i’ll die butch.

uh good two years after beginning to call myself butch and right after starting T I leaned into my lifelong attraction to butches, already holding an interest in “‘queer’ masculinities” via research in college. eventually i realized i wanted to be that. i wanted to be masculine ina way that never didnt hold uh layer of unspoken queerness. even in my current “mostly cis-man passing” form (i don’t take it as an insult, i present more masculine than androgynous like i used to for comfort and safety) i’m always butch. most people assume ima cis gay man or uh very hairy bulldyke and at some point i was like… these lines are so easily blurred because of how i decide to embody butchness, on purpose, and (what’s read as) faggotry through my attraction to other butch and queer masc people. i experienced the difference between dyke and fag fade away and began to tag my shit with dyke fag and butch fag to be in the same spaces as other gay trans people who had this line also fade away.

maintaining my attachment to being butch and loving butchness led me to follow “butch4butch” pages and explore butch4butch tags and see myself as a butch4butch gay more and more solidly. and the more i searched for butch4butch, the more i came across trans fags and nonbinary butch lesbians (and both!!). similar to going on tumblr in 2011 and finding out there were people who didn’t believe in the christian god, lex and tumblr specifically led me to uh set of trans people who embodied this faggot butchness, whether dyke (lesbian) or faggot (gay boy) identifying— not to mention all the gay boy dykes and the fagboy trannies. i found/find myself relating to their appreciation of masculinity and consideration of transness and gender noncomformity more than any other space, including ones that are for lesbians which, in my honest opinion, always end up catering to terf-bubbles or narcissist echo chambers that define themselves through gender essentialist ideas about masculinity/men of which i no longer see any viability in.

inside, exploring tags online or apps for Gay people who do Gay shit and have Sexy and Fucked up understandings of gender can help you understand yourself further by identifying and also dis-identifying with others without having to “conflict”. outside?… i rarely explain what i am. and for better or worse, i don’t try to. i let people think i’m whatever they think unless someone directly asks or when cis men try to approach me and to conceal my agab and also deny them i kinda just straight up lie and play cishet man. i recognize we exist under 20 million ___ or ___ binaries, both imaginary and tangible, new and old, outside and inside—shit even nonbinary and binary began to feel like another binary to me recently and the only thing that alleviates that is 1) going through butch(4butch) tags and seeing cis, trans, and who knows butches loving each other in coexisting without pretending they’re at war and 2) being in community with other dykesfags, or fagdykes, and butch faggots irl. and like, lesbians in person are also jus way more awesome. *whispers* like most people. i understand this is, unfortunately, only as easy as your access, space, transportation, and work and personal life allows. most of my adult queer experience is in non-sober spaces ina city that i lived around or in and that can't be disregarded or forgotten.

to wrap this up, i didnt look for em (us haha) til i felt i was one of them but We’re Everywhere. not uh majority but uh presence, and that’s enough. and if i’m being honest even if i never found any of these people, i felt so intensely about being uh butch faggot and uh dykefag i saw myself simply going with it—but going with it with the knowledge that it’s near impossible to make anything up at this point. someone has almost surely shared the idea or identity regardless of if they publicized it or let it be archived. and even as much of this response IS about that, i can’t overemphasize that even if it’s something you did made up, all alone, 200% you, the feeling is true, yea? the beauty of frankensteining your [trans] identity is seeing that you can kinda be whatever the shit you feel as long as it’s truly comfortable and honest to the time with reasonable respect to yourself and your community.

[cartoonrival]

in shounen terms bakudeku is "the" ship for bnha, like its bnha's sns or killugon or whatever goku and vegeta's ship name is you get the point. but the way that bakugou and deku's relationship is actually written means that when u get down to brass tacks its not actually the same at all and treating it like its another ahh theyre rivals but that obsession is gay. just isnt accurate and is sort of ignoring whats actually going on. like im obviously not caught up but im aware of bakugous slowly building respect for deku and i think he calls him izuku for the first time in one of the more recent chapters. thats huge! its not gay though. theyre barely friends and at the start they aren't even close to being friends. bakugou fucking hates deku so bad it makes him insane because he was a big fish in a small pond squirming against the bank and it felt like a release to make fun of someone weaker than him cuz hes the type of asshole who needs to be constantly screaming at the top of his lungs. and deku admires bakugous objectively stacked quirk and since bakugou was his first friend and is someone he's been hanging onto for a decade and a half despite bakugou leaving him fully in the dust, deku still clings to the idea that he can be good and they can find common ground again. and maybe once bakugou's stupid fucking ego gets out of the way they can and they can look each other in the eyes. thatd be cool. i think if you read it as romantic youre stupid im so sorry i fucking hate it so much

[myconjecturals]

can i know what drew you to pete and billy? or did you just have a force of describable feelings possess you? also i like that the ask button says my reddit ama

yes oh my god ABSOLUTELY you can i have a lot of thoughts behind this. thankyou btw i love calling my buttons silly things ^_^

theres a lot of draws to pete and billy for me....ive always seen them both as aro4aro, like their dynamic just strikes me a lot as A Lot Like An Aro Gay Thing(tm) rather than a conventional alloromantic thing. just makes wayyyy too much sense to me just from my own experiences as being a gay guy in a weird aro gay thing w another aro gay guy, like I know exactly what they have because i am The Knower and I cant really imagine them being romantic outside of certain contexts. i know a lot of people in the vbros fanbase tend to view them as married or dating whatever but i cant really picture them getting involved like that if that makes sense. their arocoding is almost definitely unintentional and i get that a not of people really see it like i do but it is extremely comforting 2 me nonetheless. always remember that i can imagine anything

i also find a lot of comfort in the fact that theyre both disabled. like im mentally + physically disabled so like go figure that seeing that in characters from a cartoon is super nice to me. what more can i say. i spent a long time being kind of ashamed and embarrassed about my status and the limitations it places on me, but these 2 genuinely make me feel better about all that stuff. also this has nothing to do with anything but i love drawing them more than ive loved drawing any characters from anything. theyre always so enjoyable to draw in my style, drawing them brings me so much joy

okay now getting into the both of them specifically and why i am an insane beast about them. i have ALWAYS ALWAYS loved new wave stuff and that sort of zany fashion subculture from the 80s literally since Forever so me liking pete is the most predictable thing in the entire world. everyone saw this coming. plus i have always loved kind of weird mean feminine men so it goes without saying that his loserish ways have absolutely captured me. i love this cunty pink thing and also i would hit him with frying pans until he stops moving <3

AND THEN BILLY. ohmygod billy. billy. billlayyyy. billyi love billy so much i see a lottt of myself in billy honestly. frankly i think hes one of the best characters in the show every time i see him i go crazy. i literally get him so much like on a core level. i think his whole narrative is extremely close to home as someone whos disabled and tends to be infantilized for it and treated with less respect than my able bodied peers. theres so many nuances to him like i love that he still hangs onto his more (HEAVY emphasis on the quotes here) "childish" interests and isnt treated as lesser because of it theyre just treated like normal interests he has. i also like that hes a hater. i feel like a lot of people dont really realize that he tends to be kind of spiteful and sarcastic and i love that they gave him that Edge SO much. in general i feel like its pretty apparent that billy is meant to be autism-adjacent in some way and i think hes one ofthe most accurate depictions of autism in A Thing that ive seen. hes so cool i love billy ilove him .

i could go on and on for hours on end but yah in general these two kind of feel like the culmination of everything i love in characters from a thing. they are incredibly near and dear to me they will always be my lovely sweetiepies <3

[nopefer-art-tu]

im reading a book rn abt rural USAmerican men who ID as straight but have sex w other men, and like. in retrospect we criticize heath and jake for saying in a few different interviews that they believed ennis and jack were "straight guys who happened to fall in love w a man", but this book is kind of making me think that they had a point in a weird, twisted, unintentionally accurate(?) way 🤔

basically, the book sheds light on the idea that sexuality labels like "heterosexual" "homosexual" "bisexual" etc. are all social creations that have little basis in biology, and because of that, the US has a large percentage of men who identify as straight yet have had sex with other men.

there are many reasons why they identify as straight even tho many of them form homoromantic social relationships w the men theyre sexually involved w, but some specific ones the book identifies are the fact that for many of these men, embracing an lgbtq identity is incongruent with their concept of masculinity for themselves and others. so even tho some of these men who have sex with other men report feeling little attraction towards women, they still feel more inclined to identify as "straight" or "heterosexual" bc theyre masculine guys who like sports and other manly things, and their perception of the masculinity of gay or bi or queer men inherently goes against how manly they view themselves. basically, "im cant be gay because im into fishing and hiking and football, not fashion and musicals" type shit

after reading this in conjunction w the book that heath and jake were given to read before filming began, their comments that ennis and jack were "straight guys" kinda makes sense if you take into consideration the fact that jack and ennis just. did NOT have the language to describe their experiences, as many rural gay men described not knowing what being gay was outside of the whole "queer men are pansy predators" thing

furthermore, even if they did have the vocabulary to say that they were basically exclusively attracted to men, the fact that the social contexts they were raised in were so violently homophobic means they never would have felt easy embracing a homosexual identity label

and yeah yeah the whole argument for what their sexualities are at all is up in the air yadda yadda, but bc annie proulx got the idea for the short story by questioning what life would be like SPECIFICALLY for a gay man growing up in the rural northwestern US, I personally think that ennis and jack are both basically only attracted to men. they just deny this fact to themselves, both to varying degrees, because they can't feel like the normal, masculine cowboys they wanna be if they admit that they A. aren't really attracted to women and B. want to be with another man.

in conclusion, the social psychology of sexuality and gender identities are wild, and jack and ennis are gay straight men. its all truly fascinating stuff

[girlstressed]

the thing I had in place of a homoerotic teenage friendship was a weirdly homoerotic codependent friendship since my months were in the single digits to around the age of 11. And I know it’s a little weird maybe to call a friendship when we were kids homoerotic but….trust me. I don’t think the l relationship was romantic but like. It was gay, yk? I have this one homophobic relative who occasionally accused us of making out (didn’t happen) (she started doing this when we were 5 lmao). Or like. One time I hadn’t seen my friend in a month or so (a LOT for us) (she was at my house having a sleepover with me like every other weekend) and we were watching tv on the couch and I had my arm around her and my neck started to hurt kinda so I stretched my neck vaguely in my friend’s direction — not getting that close to her (even if I did it would have been fine w us) and my relative accused me of trying to kiss her. I don’t tell anyone this, but a small part of me liked that? When we got accused of that? I mean I didn’t like it bc that relative is homophobic and I’m getting accused of kissing my friend when our relationship wasn’t like that and that could have affected our friendship (it didn’t) and also she really thinks I’m dumb enough to kiss my female friend in front of my homophobic relative? But a small part of me did like being perceived that way. It was wrong in the actual accusation, but. Idk. She was like “my girl” to me. So seeing us as dating wasn’t accurate but it felt good. When we were younger I remember her saying she wanted to get married but didn’t wanna marry a murderer, and I told her “you could always marry me.” I don’t think I wanted to marry her, persay, but. I was willing?

anyway I regard this as worse because it began before I could walk or talk and ended abruptly. When I was a little younger than 11. Up until it ended, I had never remembered life without her or our relationship that had seeped into my identity. And we don’t really talk anymore. She moved, and wants to leave the past behind. And I am very much apart of the past. I don’t think she even remembers most of this.

oh, I should add, we are both some type of queer now. (I believe she is bi and I’m a lesbian probably maybe idk still kinda in denial. She doesn’t know I’m not straight)

TO BE CLEAR anon did give me permission to post this but oh my gosh . i always say that there’s no such thing as a unique experience but every one of these homoerotic codependent friendship stories like knocks me out (figuratively) because GOD DAMN . were we all going through it as children or what

its crazy to me that someone can have such a big impact on your formative years and then just not be part of your life anymore -> i was talking about my version of the homoerotic friendship/relationship and how there is a part of my life where i cant recall a single day i didnt spend with the girl and now we have each other blocked everywhere and obviously don't talk

im really sorry that the whole experience ended up souring for her (and you) :( im a big believer that people that are meant to be in your life will come and find you and i honestly doubt she doesn't remember any of it (since it seems like it was a very, like, impactful couple of years?) i hope that you can find closure about all of this

the fact that you realised you were sort of queer at such a young age boggles my mind but at the same time i guess we all have different ages of like realization -> not really surprised ur both queer especially considering *gestures vaguely* all that

re: lesbianism still kind of in denial why are you in denial out of curiosity?

[whumpshaped]

are you religious? On account of all the recent bible posting. I'm not Christian myself but I have to hand it to them, the whole "eating Jesus's body and drinking his blood" is really cool

im actually not! well. idk. reading the bible and talking abt it rly makes me wanna be christian again.

tl;dr i am considering accepting jesus christ into my heart but i dont know if itll happen bc whenever i type or say anything slightly religious i cringe or make it into a joke. also sorry to any christian who finds my bible posting

i was raised catholic, went to church and bible study for 3 yrs, did my first communion, then dipped bc it was horrid. i was so so against being catholic u cannot imagine. i was against church, i was against begging some man in the sky for mercy, i was against their gay policy, i was against saying my pets had no soul- i was against absolutely everything except some bops in church

then i had my first big voluntary christian phase at 13-14 in which i drew more towards protestantism and attempted to read the bible cover to cover (i failed but theres a lot that i read.) i went to a lutheran hs for 2 yrs in seventh and eighth grade so that mightve influenced it tho i HATED monday morning worship at 7am and i cant believe its still happening even tho ppl routinely fainted and shit. bc u have to stand. the whole time

i also wanted to be a nun for a goooood while but turns out im just aroace and autistic (chastity and rigid rules sounds amazing to me huh)

so im 21 now and i started writing my angel demon story and i wanted to make heaven a cult like dystopia (and it turned into my own ranting at some points) and i wanted to give cassael actual bible-accurate problems. bible-accurate brainwashing lol it came to me because something i said abt them either on here or in rp made me remember that verse abt the yoke and stuff (my yoke is easy and my burden is light) and i was like wait i should read the bible and pick out the whumpiest worst most horrid most easy to misinterpret and turn horrible verses. so here i am.

but then i got rly rly into it. its remarkably easy to enjoy the story when im not reading the 1908 károli translation and spending all my spoons untangling the wording. and the thing is, i was always spiritual yknow. thats why i bounced so much between faiths and beliefs. ive followed the law of assumption stuff for a year or so now, i had genuine results from it- honestly everything i believed in has yielded good results for me always. whether it be christianity or paganism or loa. when i read the bible i DO feel loved even thru the incredible amount of horrid shit god does lol i felt loved at 13 and i feel loved now. so idk. im withholding judgement until i finish reading it but honestly nobody be surprised if i go back to my christian bs before the semester starts

oh thats another thing. im miserable lmao so not very hard for god to swoop in and be like hey do u wanna talk abt ur lord and saviour. me.

but im not rly gonna change in any way even if i do decide that tho, i think. my policy is already "be kind do good leave others alone". i dont think im gonna get preachy on here or anything. i mean has anyone seen much vegan posting from me? so i think im good

so . yea. sorry it turned into such a long post

[i-sveikata]

Hi girl!! While waiting for the next chapter..

I know you have answered this question a lot. But, do you have already planned out the episode count? I remember that you said it's still in progress and the story takes up more and more as you write. But maybe it has cleared a bit?

Not asking because I'm worried it is going to end soon 🫢 (Yes)

I know it may change over time but I'm still curious about the status 😅

Hope you are doing well! It's already autumn in the northern hemisphere so the vibe is kind of moody. Perfect time for reading angsty fics of our unhinged gays 😄

hey there!!! im actually not sure what you mean by episode count? or wait are you talking about fic chapters left to be posted?

i definitely want to write the healing from injuries/hospital arc stage as well as more important relationship milestones for them both so it's not going to end the chapter after this one that's for sure. We'll definitely get past 16 chaps.

by now ive figured out im pretty bad at guessing so likely wont be accurate but after this new chap i think its possible i might have about two left after that to wrap the story up (max three even though that seems pretty unlikely to me)

but that being said i have been wrong before lol even though yeah we're definitely getting towards the end now.

i am doing really well thanks!! bit tired and hungover from my trip i took over the weekend but had a great time and things are also going good and the chapter is coming together really nicely now (i am enjoying their messy angst ngl haha) but i hope you're enjoying autumn!!!

i hope that answered the question you were asking but if not let me know!

[additiva]

Heyy, I absolutely adore Frechheit, the way you write is so amazing to read!! Especially the last chapter, its soo good! I think about this fic every day and Im always so excited when you update it 🤍

I Just have one thought I wanted to share with you, so as a Hungarian, its actually not illegal to be gay here. Most people in bigger cities are pretty chill about it, and I know many people who are openly out. We also have some openly queer celebrities. So while homophobia is of course a problem, and things are not ideal, its definitely not as bad as in Saudi Arabia for example. I live in a big city and Its pretty normal to see gay couples out and about.

Anyway this isnt a critisism or anything, I mostly just wanted to share as more like a fun fact lol. And I can understand its easy to have that impression because the governement is actually very homophobic, but most hungarians with a brain know its just propaganda. :))

So anyway thank you for sharing your amazing writing with us 🫶 I cant wait to see what you come up with for the next chapter, the cliffhanger is killing me!!

You're SO right.

I don't for a second believe that the Hungarian people are en masse homophobic, it's more about the legal pressure and the legal consequences of being caught in a particular country that Max worries about, a la Saudi.

But as you say, not actually illegal in Hungary. I thought it was so I must've misinterpreted that somewhere in past reading/news.

Also, you're so right in saying that it's not on the same level as some of those other countries. I didn't mean to imply it was, but I definitely did. So anyway I've taken Hungary out of the list, although Max still mentions it in an earlier chapter.

Thank you! I really appreciate your insight! You help me make the fic better and more accurate all the time 🤍 I'm glad you're enjoying it.

[moodr1ng]

watching a video on coming out narratives in media and it did make me realize ive never seen one that resembled how coming out went for me personally - where i first came out as bi to my mom to complete acceptance bordering on apathy (i mean, she had been telling me how it would be totally ok if i was a lesbian since before i knew i liked girls myself lol. it really was a case of the "i always knew" cliché) but later faced a very strong negative reaction when coming out as trans, with it taking several years for my mom to finally come around to it. when she did though - which seemed to be motivated by my psychiatrist validating my dysphoria and making it clear that this wasnt some new delusion or other mental health symptom - she eventually became extremely supportive of me and did stuff like writing angry emails berating my healthcare team for delaying my top surgery etc. also i kinda had to re-come out as bi bc i spent a few years only dating men and my mom just assumed i was gay now lol, and when one day i mentioned being bi she was like "oh youre still bi?".. AND i also had a sort of second trans coming out when telling my mom i was bigender now and not just a man, and this one i had to do twice bc her memory has been getting bad w age so she forgot the first time i told her!

while on my dads side, trying to come out as bi ended in learning that he was bi himself (even though he self-ids as straight for batshit reasons), and coming out as trans was met with "i dont really get it, but i dont care, you can do whatever you want", which was certainly a relief but also turned out to not be a particularly supportive reaction, more a lack of one. it wasnt a reticent reaction either, he just genuinely didnt care, which included him never informing himself on trans identity - like how when i started hrt after 5 years of socially transitioning my dad asked me what testosterone would do, because he hadnt ever looked it up.

thats not mentioning the various coming outs w my sisters and the rest of my family which all went in various ways (though luckily they were all positive). various members of my family have different knowledge of my identity - im bigender to my mom and my little sister but a trans man to my dad, my older sister and my maternal family, im bi to my parents and my sisters but my mom told her side of the family i was gay lol, and my other younger siblings on my dads side (who im not rly in contact with) probably think im a cis man bc theyre young enough that they were either born after i transitioned or were too young to remember it, so i do have two direct family members who presumably dont know im lgbt at all. interestingly, knowledge of my identity ended up reflecting our relationships, with the people closest to me having the most accurate picture of who i am while the farther apart we are the more vague that picture becomes, ending with the two members of my family im least close to not knowing anything at all.

maybe its in part bc i dont really go for the sort of media that tends to include coming out narratives that much, but i dont think ive seen stories that resemble any of these experiences. yet ik im far from the only lgbt person with weird or kind of comedic or messy coming out stories..

[hexagonopus]

CW: discussion of slurs, uncensored use of the r slur and the f slur

i wanted to talk about the way people use the R slur and are like, "no uwu its ok im reclaiming it"

like, just as a disclaimer (i consider this basically unrelated to my actual point):

but like, if someone tells me they arent comfortable with me using the r slur when around them, obviously im gonna not use it around them.

thats not really related to the topic at hand imo, though. id do the same thing with words like queer which have been unambiguously reclaimed but do still make some people feel targeted or upset.

if someone asked me not to talk about dogs when around them because their dog passed away id think about it the same way, and its not super about the semiotics of the word dog or smth

but we can observe that the word "retarded" used to describe neurodivergent people comes from a medical field that was, at its base, hostile to a vulnerable minority population. the inception of the word was not neutral, it was aggressive. it was also imposed from above onto that same minority group, and used to discriminate them out from the in group.

thats the historical basis of the word being a slur. as the medical field has advanced over time, we've shed that term in an academic context, because our treatment of and understanding of neurodivergent people has advanced to a point where "mentally slow or halted in mental progression" is not an accurate description of how the medical field understands neurodivergent people as a group.

ill admit, we can also observe that terms like "stupid, lame, moronic, imbecile, idiot", etc also have similar roots and an argument can be made that they also used to be slurs, even if they aren't used in that way anymore. so like theres a path that i think a lot of people want to take the word retarded down, and a lot of people also relate to having used it in that sense basically their whole life. i dont super want to discount that

but

so many people who use the r slur posture so much about "oh im reclaiming it", and i guess i find that pretty absurd.

like. "queer" is reclaimed bc we use queer as a neutral, descriptive word. the n word is reclaimed as a display of comradery. sometimes people will call themselves like the f slur or the d slur to say just, "im so gay" in a positive way. these are words who have a tangibly different use than they had as slurs, they are not being used to slur people.

but ive never actually seen someone use the r slur that way? its always being used derogatorily. it is fundamentally still being used as a slur. and we agree that slurs are bad. so why doesnt that compute?

you cant just continue to call things the r slur as an insult to say its stupid as hell and consider that reclamation bc its like, identical to how the slur has been used for decades

like if i say "im such a fag" im not rly saying "im degenerate and not masculine" im saying like. god i like boys and im gay and im gay. yknow??

this isnt like the word retard. ive LITERALLY never in my entire life seen someone use the word retard to mean smth other than an insult. if someone used "retard" in a like self affectionate sense to evoke comradery w/ other neurodivergent people. thats groovy imo that would be a case of trying to "reclaim" it.

my beef is with people who use the word "retard" in a way indistinguishable from how people have use it for decades, just to say "thats stupid, thats low, i dont like that" and then are like "no u dont get it; im neurodivergent so its reclaimation"

finally, a note addressed to the people who want to use the r slur as a word for "stupid" not directed at neurodivergent people:

if someone is using the r slur they should be honest about why they're saying it. and that is, always:

because its an insult, they're trying to insult something by calling it stupid.

they're trying to neutrally describe a neurodivergent people bc they think its still the 1960s

they're specifically trying to insult neurodivergent people

and like, HOPEFULLY we can agree that 3 is just bad.

2 is also bad, if arguably well intentioned. its smth to be corrected, and thats what things like Rosa's Law was passed for.

and ig in that context, i dont personally see the appeal of using it in the case of 1.

why would u want to share that kind of linguistic company w/ 2 and 3, yknow???