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spootiliousrps · 5 years

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Suspicious Nature Part 14

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WARNING: There is Stuff in this part....

Dean nodded. “I know Cas. God, I know. But if we can work on the biggest problems, then maybe it’ll be less to handle.” He suggested.

“There’s nothing to do right now, Dean.” Cas sighed softly, sinking into the warm water a bit more, enjoying the way it was working out some of his soreness. “You can’t help me wrap my head around marriage when I have never considered it, or make me feel comfortable in a room full of people who know what I am… Or even the fact that I am no longer Knight Commander. These things just are what they are… I just have to come to terms with that… even if I don’t know how.” He explained, glancing away.

“How did you come to terms of being an Alpha before?” Dean asked softly. “The way that I acclimatised, was to find somewhere peaceful and calm and sit or walk and think.” He explained. “That’s what I was doing when I saw you on the hilltops. I was taking a breather to think things through. You should do the same.” He offered.

“I didn’t have to come to terms with it.” Cas explained. “I despised being an Omega, hated it with every fiber of my being. So, being an Alpha was easy.” He shrugged. “I can try it…” He offered with a sigh. “Though its not like I can walk around freely in heat at the moment.”

“No Cas, but afterwards, I’ll show you a small pond in the castle grounds, it’s only for the royalty to use. So I’d you’d prefer to swim you can do.” Dean offered softly.

Embarrassment flooded the Omega as he flushed a bit. “I… don’t know how to swim.” He managed in a soft whisper that was barely audible.

Dean hummed, “I can teach you, if you’d like.” He offered. “If you get pregnant, then I’ve heard Omegas like to swim as it takes the weight off their bodies.” He explained softly.

“I suppose thats not a bad idea.” Cas sighed softly before shifting to curl against Dean’s chest reaching for the soap and rubbing it against his Alpha’s skin in a lazy affectionate motion.

Dean hummed, holding Cas loosely. “Is anything a good idea?” He asked softly.

“I would argue that taking that arrow was but I suppose you would disagree.” He pointed out as he left a trail of suds along Dean’s bicep.

Dean hummed. “I mean that I suggest?” He asked softly. “Is anything I suggest a good idea?”

Cas seemed to consider it a moment. "Occasionally." He teased lightly.

“Oh yeah? Like when?” Dean asked, kissing Cas’ nose softly.

"Like..." Cas offered as he considered it. "Like when you suggested bottoming." He teased. "Or... Swimming lessons."

“Oh,” Dean sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Okay.”

Cas' brows furrowed at the response as he pulled back just far enough to look at the Alpha. "You dont think they were good ideas?" He asked curiously.

“I didn’t say that.” Dean sighed. “But if they’re the only good things I’ve suggested then how the hell do you expect us to marry and bring up children?” He asks.

"Dean," Cas grumbled with a huff. "I was joking. Most of your ideas are good."

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. “Sure. Thanks.”

"Why are you so upset? How the hell are we suppose to marry if you cant take a joke?" He countered playfully using Dean's own words against him in an affectionate manner.

“Why am I upset? Why can’t you ever be nice?” Dean asked, no humour or joy in his voice.

Cas' face fell. "Me? I teased you and you practically resended your proposal. Forgive me if I prefer not to be stiff necked for every second of everyday so that you dont get offended." He replied in the same tone.

“There’s a time and a place for teasing.” Dean hummed. “But when you do it constantly about anything slightly personal it is hard to know when you are being serious.” He shook his head. “Is this the type of Queen you’re going to be? Teasing and not being respectful in public?”

"Stop it." Cas warned in a stern voice as he straightened. "Dont start that again. If you dont want be to be Queen then fine but you dont get to guilt trip me. You know full well I would not treat you the same in public. I know what is proper and what is not. I will not have you hanging that guilt or shame over my head. If I were to be Queen then I would be a damn good one that you and anyone else would be lucky to have. Now if I've insulted you by my playfulness I'm sorry, I didnt mean to, and I will do what I can to make amends but if I cant be open and honest in private with the man I am considering marrying... the man who is currently knotted inside me, then when is the 'proper time and place'?" He asked evenly. "Because from where I'm sitting it looks like you're just being an assbutt by trying to make me feel bad for trying to make you laugh... trying to get you to relax... to be happy for once." He paused glancing away as he grumbled under his breath. "If youd ever allow yourself to be."

“Sure you can be open and honest in private, but I haven’t seen that yet.” Dean frowned, his stern voice matching Cas’. “I would love the day for you to be open and honest with me about someone outside of work, but each time I ask something personal I get, ‘I liked your idea of you bottoming.’ What the hell? I wanted to know what you like and didn’t like so I could improve and you just shove that in my face. I want to be better. But you just laugh and say I’m an assbutt.” Dean shook his head. “Have you ever considered that making everything a fucking joke is being an assbutt? Maybe you could be like that with your soldiers, or you’ve just hung around your brother for way too long. I don’t know. But know everything has to a joke. And if it is a juke, maybe crack some that aren’t constantly targeted at how crap I am.”

Cas’ brows furrowed, tears welling up in his eyes at the words, wanting to run but knowing he couldn’t. “First off…” He managed, voice cracking just slightly as he tried to reign himself in. Still, his words were barely above a whisper. “I said I wanted to please you… you were the one that suggested bottoming.” He pointed out softly, suddenly very insecure as he averted his gaze. “What did you want me to say, Dean? ‘I don’t know what I like because the only time I ever had sex with an Alpha he was three times my age, took what he wanted and didn’t give a damn about me?’ Is that what you wanted to hear?” He asked, voice moving to a more reasonable level as the tears started. “Is it Dean? You want to hear about the fact that I can’t stand among a crowd because the thought of being touched makes me physically ill? Or how about the fact that you are the only Alpha I have ever trusted enough to allow to even try to have sex with and didn’t want to ruin it by bringing up the fact that I’m a disgusting Omega that has allowed himself to be violated and ruined in such away so didn’t bring it up? Is that better? Is that the honesty you wanted to hear? I use teasing to hide my insecurity and disgust with myself; that is not a crime. As for telling you how crap of a person you are, I haven’t since the night we set our boundaries. You asked for good ideas I didn’t say those were the only ones. I was trying to make you laugh. You want to hear something thats not a joke? Fine. You took everything from me including my dignity and yet instead of hating you I shared my heat with you and loved you and now you’re degrading me and telling me how shit of a Queen I’d be. I might be in the wrong for thinking I might deserve happiness but I’m not the only one whose wrong.” He countered, wiping furiously at the tears streaming down his face.

“Now whose guilt tripping?” Dean tutted before taking a deep breath to calm himself, “I forgot you are the only one allowed to have a bad upbringing. I forgot that my past doesn’t count. My past where I had to help my father hurt my mother at the age of six. Do you really want to know why I don’t find jokes funny?” He asked, he took Cas’ hand and ran it down his left side, over him ribs and the five scars adorning them. “After mother died I took over looking after Sammy, I would try to make him laugh to stop him from crying. Whenever our father found out he would add a cut to my side. Every time I made a joke in front of my father I would be punished, so maybe I don’t find jokes funny. Maybe getting attacked for making your baby brother laugh does that.” Dean rolled his eyes. “You speak as if you know everything about me and my family, did you know that every Omega that asks for help during their heat must have a background check? Every night my father would bring home at least three Omegas, and have his way with them before casting them out of the palace before the sun rose. Did you know I’ve found at least ten step siblings because of this?” Dean asked. “All that work I was doing when you first met, all that paperwork that I said my father should have done? That was financial aide for the families that he touched. But no, please speak to me as if you know everything about my family and about me.” Dean hummed, turning his head away.

Cas yanked his hand away. "Dont touch me." He grumbled. "I didnt say anything about your family." He pointed out. "I never made light about your problems. You act as if I'm suppose to just know about these things. You punish me for your problems. I dont know these things I've never claimed to and I've never acted like I have. I don't know where your getting that. I never said your problems dont matter. I dont know why you keep accusing me of these things that don't even make sense, Dean.... I do know one thing... your issues do not make mine any less important and mind dont make yours so stop treating me like they should. I want to help you with yours but I'm not going to sit here and be berated for my own. I'm starting to feel like you intentionally wait until we start to have something nice and good and comfortable to throw it all up in my face and accuse me of all these things when I've done nothing wrong. You always say I act like I know everything about your family or that I dont care or I am the only one allowed to have problems. I dont know, I do care, and my problems are just as important as yours. So, get some new material if you're going to keep doing this because I'm really tired of fighting over the same thing. We've known each other for a few weeks, I /dont/ know enough about you and I know it... but I shouldnt be punished for it. And for the record, you act as if you know everything about me as well... like I should be grateful just being in your presence... like I should bend over backwards everything you wave your hand. Well, I wont and if you cant handle that then maybe your right... I would make a horrible Queen."

Cas pinched the bridge if his nose in exasperation as he took a deep breath to try and calm himself. "Dean... Look... I'm sorry about what happened... I'm sorry about your Father... Your mother... the other Omegas... what can I do to help? How can I help you be happy? That's all I have been trying to do... just make you happy."

Dean sighed, “All I want is for you to be truthful. I don’t want teasing, I don’t understand what’s truthful and what’s a joke.” He said softly. “That’s all I want, I want to be better but I don’t know how to when you simply refuse to help.”

“I’m not refusing to help, Dean…” Cas sighed softly, obviously distressed and tired but no longer defensive as his shoulders slumped. “Quite the opposite. Teasing is a way of showing affection and I can promise you if we do have pups, it is a language they will learn whether it is from me… or Gabriel… or some other playmates.” He pointed out. “I rather you not snap at them like you snap at me when I do it.” He added with a sigh. “Surely we can compromise on this…” He offered as he considered it. “I can try to tease less and when I do tease I can point out what I’m saying that is teasing and add what I really mean.” He offered. “If you’ll try and accept that form of affection?” He offered.

“You’re so certain of everything, why do I even play King? You could just do it yourself.” Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. “You could try to just be trustful at least one time I ask you something.”

“Dean…” Cas sighed softly. “You’re doing it again.” He pointed out. “You’re pushing me away when I’m just trying to help.” He pointed out. “I’m being calm and offering to compromise and your shutting me out… Please don’t.” He urged softly. “I’ll give you an example, alright?” He asked, not bothering to wait for an answer. “You asked when you had a good idea… I said ‘ Occasionally: Bottoming and swimming lessons’ I was teasing.” He clarified. “I think you’re brilliant. The way you handled Singer… Azra’il… everything… You have very few bad ideas, in my opinion.” He offered. “I offer my opinions always, Dean… They are not fact. My /opinion/ is that if we have pups they will learn to tease. Thats it… its just my opinion… You are the one to believe I am trying to state it as a fact. Others are allowed to have an opinion Dean… most do and very rarely will they allign with your own… it is human nature… To grow angry at them for it… Can cause you undue stress Dean… And again this is just my opinion.” He clarified, raising his hands in surrender.

“Oh yes because opinions start with ‘I can promise you,’.” Dean shook his head. “Don’t be so fucking contradictory. You act like you know more, you’ve seen more. You act like I’m just some... /assbutt/ that you’re using for pleasure. Which is fine, Omegas use me all the time, but they don’t lie. They don’t pretend.”

The tears threatened to fall once more. Cas wanted to slap the man for his idiocy. Here he was trying to help and all Dean could do was accuse him of such vile things. “What do you want from me Dean?” He asked simply. “What do you want me to say? No matter what I say or do Its not good enough. So tell me what you want? Do you want that to be true? Do you really believe it?”

Dean laughed loudly. “I can’t count how many times I’ve offered an option and you shut me down. I offer an option or opinion and you say, ‘no, this is the option we should take’. Don’t do that, that’s what I want. I don’t want to be treat like a three year old overstepping. You need to learn I’m not just another soldier who will always follow you blindly.” Dean sighed, as he felt his knot slowly ebb away he pulled out of Cas. He got up out of the tub and put on a robe before leaving Cas alone.

[Going to be honest… I don’t know what to do… I have no counter arguments to Dean’s cruelty and some of the things he says I really don’t understand where they’re coming from. The only thing for Cas to do right now is leave and if he does I don’t think he’d come back. And with Dean the way he is I get the feeling he’d either have him banished from the kingdom or killed… At least thats what Cas would assume.]

[so basically Dean is just annoyed that Cas seems to have an answer for everything. Acting like he knows more, like when they were speaking about Azra’il, everything Dean said Cas shot down. He’s just pissed at that.]

[Yeah but… the level of cruelty in the things he says… Its intense man… I’m not saying to change it. No one should change their writing for /anyone/. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m worried we’re going to end up going in circles. I can try though. Just giving you a heads up I’m not sure how good my replies will be.]

[deans just riled up. He needs time to calm down.]

Cas didn’t reply. It was useless to try anyways. He was at a loss. He had tried arguing with the man, and was only punished for it; He tried compromising and was yelled at; He even tried blatantly asking what he could do and was ignored. He gave a heavy sighed as he started washing. No matter what he did, he lost. Dean needed time… But what about next time? What happened when Dean started this up all over again? What happened when he showed the Omega he unending cruelty once more? Cas was suppose to do nothing? Just take the emotional abuse? He sighed as he got out of the tub. He dried off quickly before tugging on one of the King’s robes and slipping through one of the servant’s passage ways. For now he’d sneak off to Gabriel’s quarters and lock himself away from other Alphas… Give Dean some time to cool off. Maybe he’d realize how much of an idiot he was.

Dean laid on his bed, pushing away Cas’ pillows, he needed to be alone. To think. To think about Cas even when they were talking about the way he perceived Cas, even then Cas wouldn’t listen. Couldn’t. When Dean asked a question Cas didn’t like he tried to guilt trip him with his past, and then when Dean matched him with a story from his past, when Dean did the same thing Cas did, he was in the wrong. He sighed and shook his head, wrapping the blankets around him further. But still the Omega refused to listen to him. He didn’t know what to do. He was lost and confused and angry.

It wasn’t too long before Cas was sitting across from his brother, drinking more of that aweful tea, dressed in some clothes Gabriel had brought from his own room. “I just don’t understand.” Cas continued. “Sure I was defensive at first but I tried to listen… Tried to ask questions… She how I could help but all he kept doing was treating me like I’m some Omega whore that didn’t give a damn.” Cas vented as Gabriel nodded along. “He tells me I do all these horrible things but when I ask how I can fix it or make it better he just yells at me more and calls me a know-it-all.” “Souds to me like he’s being emotionally abusive Cas.” Gabriel offered. “It seems like he doesn’t want help he just wants to make you feel bad for his issues.” He pointed out but Cas shook his head. “That… that can’t be right Gabe…” Cas argued softly. “Dean is a kind man…”

“When he wants to be.” Gabriel pointed out. “The way he’s treating you Cas… its not healthy. Were you the one to yell at him first or did he blow up again?” Cas hesitated a the question. He had teased Dean but it was obviously affectionate which made the man lose control of his anger… He wasn’t going to admit that to Gabriel though. “Your silence is answer enough little brother.” Gabriel pointed out flatly.

“What would you suggest I do then?” Cas replied sarcastically.

“Dump his ass.” Gabriel shrugged. “If any Alpha treated me half as bad as that, or accused me of the things he’s accused you of I would have left by now.” Cas bit his bottom lip as he considered the words, not liking them but knowing /something/ had to be done.

A few days later, when Dean was sure that Cas’ heat would be finished, he sent the Royal doctor to Gabriel’s quarters where he was told Cas was staying as well as a note. The note was in a thick, expensive envelope, with a wax seal closing it.

Cas had spent the days hiding, his brother and Eve taking turns to ensure that any Alpha that might happen by stayed away. Eventually the heat subsided, leaving Cas feeling more like himself again. He had just began his studies once more only hours before the Doctor appeared. Cas glanced down at the envelope he was offered, glaring at it without even bothering to break the seal. He could feel his heart flutter at the idea that Dean might be apologizing which made his self hatred only grow. It no doubt held something vile that would probably make the Omega feel even worse about himself. He finally tossed the letter aside unopened and allowed the doctor into the room with barely a word.

“Hello again, Aide Novak. I’m not sure if you remember me, but I came when you’re infection was at it’s worse.” The doctor explained, holding his hand out.

“I apologize… I don’t but Gabriel has told me about you.” He reassured with a polite smile, shaking the man’s hand respectfully. “I am glad to have the chance to thank you.”

“I don’t expect you to remember me.” The doctor smiled. “There’s no need to thank me Aide Novak, I was only doing my job, just like you do yours. Why don’t you lay down on the bed? I can check your shoulder and your heat.” He explained.

Cas hesitated, obviously not liking the idea of someone touching him. Though… after a moment he nodded and moved as instructed, tugging off his shirt and laying down.

“How are you feeling?” The doctor asked as he started to undo Cas’ bandages. “Are you eating plenty? Is your brother still giving you the tea?”

“Fine.” Cas reassured. “My shoulder itches but that usually means its healing. I don’t have much of an appetite but I don’t think that has anything to do with my physical health… And yes… Gabriel makes me drink it about four times a day. He is very persistent.”

“Usually when someone has an infection their appetite goes down, whilst if their heat is... successful, then it can raise.” The doctor explained. “The wound does look well, the tea does help even if you don’t like it.”

“Good.” Cas offered with an amused smile. “I’m glad I haven’t put myself through such torture for nothing.” He teased lightly.

“You don’t like it?” The doctor asked. “Some people love it and some people have it.” He explained. “I’ll say to have the tea for another couple of days, just to make sure all the infection has come but then you’re fine.”

“Of course.” Cas offered pleasantly. “I’m fairly certain Gabriel would make me anyways.” He chuckled.

“I’ll speak to your brother about it.” He explained. “Can I have a look at how your heat went? Just to make sure you’re healthy.”

Again, Cas hesitated but he nodded allowing the doctor to do his job.

The doctor picked out a gown from his bag, “this will help keep you modest and more comfortable.” He explained. “How are you feeling after your heat?” He asked.

Cas nodded and took the gown. "Do you mind turning around?" He asked. "I'm fine I guess." He replied with a shrug, keeping the fact that he was disgusted with himself and full of self hatred. He doubted the Doctor meant anything but physical.

The doctor hummed and turned his back, taking interest in the objects on the table. “Is there any pain? How are you feeling mentally?” He asked, “your brother told me a bit of the reason you took the suppressants, just I know how long you had been on them and such.” He explained.

Cas frowned as he began to change, not liking people knowing about that. “I…” He began before sighing. “I am as well as can be expected.” He offered in a half truth.

The doctor nodded. “That’s good. What are you looking for coming out of this heat? What are you wishing to happen to you in the near future?”

Cas' brows furrowed at the question. "I dunno." He admitted. "You can turn around now." He offered. "I just want to go back to being... me." He shrugged.

The doctor hummed as he turned back around. “That’s understandable. If you lay back down, did the King knot you?” He asked softly.

Cas flushed at the question but did as requested. "Yes." He answered softly.

The doctor nodded without comment. “There’s no shame in that.” He said softly. “If you spread your knees and put your feet on the bed, I want to check everything is good down there. I do know that the King doesn’t have any diseases, so I know you are safe there.” He hummed.

Cas' embarrassment doubled but he complied staring up at the ceiling as he tried not to think about what was happening. "The woman who helped me with the suppressants... she said I could lose the ability to have pups... is that true?" He asked. He wasnt quite sure if he wanted Dean's pups or not but the idea of losing them was a bit... distressing.

The doctor hummed. “There’s been no set experiments done on this area, but I believe it depends on the Omega and how long they took the suppressants and how long they took them for.” He explained, “but that isn’t a fact. I’m going to touch you Aide Novak, though it won’t hurt.”

"Right." Cas mumbled starting to run over the daily routine of a Knight Commander in his head to try and distract himself.

The doctor gently touched and pressed around Cas’ area gently, “how much... fluid would you loose during each wave? Was it a lot of a little?” He asked softly, “did the King need to add extra... lubricants?”

Cas scrubbed a hand down his face. "No." He mumbled. "It was quite a lot." He admitted.

“That’s okay. It could just be heavy because you’ve not had a full heat for many years.” The doctor explained. “Though I do know there is scarring on some of your organs, we’re you ever physically hurt during any of your previous heats?” He asked gently.

Cas tensed, turning his head away a bit. "Yes." He stated simply, not bothering to give any further detail.

“Can I ask what they did to you? If I have more information then maybe I can see whether you are able to bare children.” The doctor asked softly, moving away from Cas and standing up off the bed.

Cas sat up slowly. "No..." He replied moving to dress. "I was very young and he was very rough. That's all you need to know." He added with a sigh. The words weren't angry or condescending... they were said in a soft spoken manner that made it obvious the Omega wasnt comfortable talking about it.

The doctor hummed. “I just wanted to ensure there were no... weapons involved. Some Alphas like to... brand their Omegas.” He explained softly.

Cas glanced at him in surprise before shaking his head. "No... no... none of that." He reassured.

The doctor nodded, “that’s good. I can’t say whether you will be able to have pups or not? I am presuming you are able due to having your heat and self-lubricating, though carrying the pup to term is another matter.” The doctor explained softly.

Cas frowned, dread sinking into his stomach before he nodded. "Of course." He mumbled softly. "Thank you."

“Do you have any questions? I know there can be some side effects from coming off suppressants.” The doctor said softly.

"What kind of side effects should I be looking for? How much longer until my next heat? Will it be as intense as this one?" He rushed.

“No one knows for certain the side effects, some people have none some do have side effects, usually the side effects can be... regression.” He sat on the bed beside Cas, “so if you’re suddenly feeling fearful of Alphas or anything that you may have felt or acted like before.” He explained. “Your heats should be each month now on a regular basis, as for the intensity, they should be normal.” He explained.

"What's normal?" Cas asked curiously.

“It won’t be pleasant but you would be able to go through a heat without the aide of an Alpha, though you shouldn’t be able to do any work or exercise whilst the wave is happening.” He explained softly.

Cas nodded. "Right." He sighed softly. That wasn't ideal but he could manage he was sure.

“Do you have any questions about your heats? I’m not sure how much healthy information you would have gotten about them from your... previous relationships with Alphas.”

"No... I think I have gathered how they work." Cas offered with a small chuckle. "Thank You Doctor."

The doctor nodded. “Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any worries or questions.” He smiled softly as he picked up his bag.

Of course." Cas nodded, moving to get the door for him. " I appreciate everything you've done, even if it is just doing your job."

The doctor shook his head. “And I appreciate how you kept us all safe.” He smiled softly before bowing his head and leaving the room.

Cas closed the door behind him with a sigh, glancing back at the letter before ignoring it. Gabriel would no doubt be curious enough to open it and read it... He would leave it until then.

A few hours later Gabriel came back to the room, plopping onto the bed. He leaned his elbow on the envelope and frowned. “Cas, why haven’t you opened this?”

Cas sat at the small desk furiously writing notes as he studied when his brother appeared not even bothering to glance up. "Figured you would save me the trouble."

Gabriel shrugged and opened the letter, he read the first line to himself. “Yuck, Cassie you can read the rest.” He said, getting up and placing the letter in front of Cas. “I think I going to go wash my eyes out with bleach.” He hummed, moving into the bathroom.

Cas glanced up at that before giving a small snort of amusement before a chuckle escaped him. He sighed when the other man disappeared into the other room and collected the letter.

‘Dear Aide Novak,

I am truly sorry for the way I acted towards you three days ago, it was, as you said, vile and monstrous for me to speak to you in such a way. I truly hope that you will allow me to make it up to you, now we have both had time apart for both of us to reflect and calm down.

As I reflect, my mind keeps replaying your statement about how I handle my history with regards to your knowledge. My opinion is that we could possibly make this work if we understand each other’s history and backstory more. I hope that you will see this as a peace offering and a sign that I trust you implicitly.

I was five when I first saw my mother being beaten by my father, she was four months pregnant at the time with my baby brother, Samuel. My father saw me stood in the doorway watching on horrified, and commanded me to enter. At five I did as I was told, even when I had to harm my own mother, an action I deeply regret to this day. I’m unsure if you recall but there was a scar going across her left eyebrow, that was claimed she fell down a flight of stairs. This wasn’t the case. My father thrusted a knife into my five year olds hands and told me to harm my mother for allowing me to happen across my father beating her.

Five months later, at the age of six I had to watch my mother take I’ll after birthing Samuel. My father didn’t care for my brother, fixated about being at my mother’s side as she slowly worsened. At the age of six I was left to bring up Sam, a nanny coming in to breastfeed him. After I had put Sam down for the night I went to bid farewell to my parents. However, that night I saw my father pressing a pillow over our mother’s face, suffocating her. The palace and the Kingdom was in mourning, my father fortunately not having noticed my presence that night. As the Kingdom mouthed so did Samuel at the tender age of one month, he would cry relentlessly. The only way to make him stop was to make him laugh. As you could possibly imagine my father didn’t like laughter during a state of mourning, so every time he caught me making my brother laugh he would punish me. Five times he caught me, and five scars I have on my ribs to show for it. Since then, I find it difficult to joke. The only time I was able to safely be joyful was when I was training with your soldiers. They were more of a family then my father. I also trained with them to protect my baby brother. I was fearful that my father would see Sam as the reason our mother fell ill and in a twisted way why he killed her, which I believe he did but never acted on the thoughts, to my knowledge.

Throughout the years, my father would punish me for every time I stepped out of line, including every time I missed classes to train with your soldiers. Every time Samuel placed a toe out of line, I made my father attack me rather than him. I’m sure you have seen the scars on my back to evidence this.

Then my father died of a short illness and I was relieved, at first. I wouldn’t be hurt anymore for unwarranted things. But at his funeral, the vicar stated something that will haunt me forever “John Winchester is now in heaven, by his wife, Mary’s side forevermore.” Because if he abused her in life, then in death he would surely continue the pattern. As I became King I saw all the hurt he had caused people. He would go out regularly to the loudest part of the Kingdom and demand any Omegas in heat. The youngest was twelve and it was her first heat. At the moment, ten families have come forward to say that my father did this and they bore his child, fifteen more have said that he took the Omegas for their heats, but I am certain there are more. He was prolific and that is why I am giving the families money to ease the rest of their lives.

I understand that this is not an excuse for my behaviour, but I do hope this shows trust. I also understand that I am a long way from being forgiven for what I have said and done, but I hope this letter may be the start of my apology.

Yours sincerely,

Dean Winchester.

Cas considered the letter for a long moment, even after Gabriel returned; Debating what to do. Eventually, however, he caved; picking up his pen to begin a reply.

His Majesty Dean Winchester,

Thank you for your letter. I can say, with honesty, that the thought is appreciated; though I am hesitant to attempt another relationship for fear of the consequences. While I would agree your words were… intense, I would not label them monstrous. They were quite hurtful and cruel but you are no monster, Your Grace. You are a kind man when the mood strikes you. You are a just and gracious King.

I will not pretend to know what it could possibly feel like to be in the positions your father has continuously placed you. I have no family outside of Gabriel; but I would die for him. Which I feel you can understand just as I can understand the sense of family among the soldiers.

Your Mother was a kind woman; I remember her well. I am not sure if you are aware of it but there were occasions when she would sneak off to the soldier’s training grounds when you trained with them, just to make sure you were alright. You were quite young then, and I hadn’t quite become a soldier, just a page but I do remember her. She was quite beautiful as well. Two qualities I believe you may have inherited from her.

What your father did to you.. And to the Omegas… Is cruel and horrible. You, however, are not your Father, Dean. The horrible hands we are dealt in life does not make us who we are… It is how we play them that defines us. The people will see your Father when they look at you [opinion]; it is inevitable; he ruled for a long while and many have only known his reign. But he is gone. You are free. Free to laugh with the ones you care about; free to share the wealth with the people who have been harmed by his acts; free to start healing this country and yourself. Your people do not know what you have gone through, even I can not be certain despite you sharing with me because I have not experienced it; I implore you not to punish them because of it. They will no doubt step out of line when they fell close to you [opinion] tease you or attempt to make you laugh; please remember that they do this from a place of love… of affection. It is how most of us learn to cope and adapt; to move on; to grow stronger; we laugh in the face of casualties and sorrow so that we can look past tomorrow. I realize you have been trained to remove yourself from that way of thinking; that laughter is terrible and horrible… but I am sure the first time you laugh… truly laugh it will sound heavenly… and brighten the faces of everyone in the room.

As for the rift that has formed between us; I fear I need more time. I am sorry, Dean; but I can not keep up with your wrath. I need more time. That is not to say that I will not be here for you if you need someone to talk to or confide in. I will always be here for you. I consider you a friend, Dean and the love that I have confessed is still present (without a doubt) I simply do not know how to handle it as of yet. It is all still a new experience. My feelings for you have not faded or lessoned by any means; but as I have said there has been quite a number of changes over the past few weeks; changes I am still trying to come to terms with and I believe I should focus on both my career and the fact that I must accept the that I am an omega before I can truly give you the attention (romantically) that you deserve.

I have the honor to be your obedient servant,

Interim Royal Aide Castiel Novak

Cas folded the letter before placing it in an envelope, sealing the back with wax and stamping his crest before trying to convince Gabriel to deliver it for him.

Gabriel shook his head. “You should may him no more mind, Cas. After what he did to you.”

"Just deliver it Gabe." Cas sighed. "Please." He added softly.

Gabriel huffed as he took the letter, “you could do it yourself.” He mumbled as he left to deliver it to the King.

Dean sighed as his guard handed him Cas’ letter. In truth he never thought he would receive a reply, his heart swelled with hope. As he read the letter he frowned not sure what he was expecting.

"I could." Cas replied to his brother, obviously not planning on doing as he suggested. He pinned him with his best puppy dog eyes until the elder man left and Cas turned back to his work, doing his best not to think about the King.

Dean hummed as he read the letter, fighting the tears that swelled in his eyes from the mention of his mother. He had to stop and start a few times to get through the whole passage. Though even with all that time spent he didn’t know how to respond. He picked up a stack of papers and his pen before leaving for the hills. He found a peaceful spot, high above the castle and Kingdom, looking down on it all, underneath a large oak tree.

Eventually Cas set aside his work, too exhausted to continue before heading up to his own quarters to change in the traditional Omega clothes that had been provided for him before heading for the barracks. He had no real reason to be there but figured itd be good for the moral of the soldiers to see he was alright along with a boost for himself being around something familiar.

Dean watched over the Kingdom, as the lights slowly went out from the windows in the houses. All that was left was the lights of the barracks and the soldiers patrolling the Kingdom. He sighed as he watched the rhythmic patterns of the soldiers patrolling the streets. He sat there most of the night, thinking about Cas letter and a response.

Cas spent an hour or two walking the halls and inspecting the patrols before he ran into Surges. The Alpha was obviously happy to see him as was Cas. After a bit of friendly banter, the soldier convinced Cas to go a few rounds in the ring with some of the younger soldiers; itd be easy enough to still school the men while not straining the man’s shoulder too much.

The first young soldier stepped into the ring, carrying two short daggers, barely longer than his hands. He bit his lip as he looked at Cas, not sure whether he should address him as a Royal Aide or as a equal.

Cas stood, eyeing the man’s blunted wooden practice daggers as he produced his own wooden sword. “Its alright.” He reassured. “Relax.” He offered before giving the proper respectable bow that was custom before a match.

The soldier nodded before bowing as well. “M- May I say it is an honour to practise with you.” He said, as he stayed low in his bow.

Cas offered a small smiled. “Thank you.” He offered. “I wouldn’t get star struck however…” He warned before suddenly rushing him without warning.

The young soldier was much more nimble and quick than Cas was, darting around him and popping back up behind him. He pressed a dagger into Cas’ back. “Hi,” he chuckled nervously.

Cas twisted, far more experienced and trained than the new soldier, hitting the dagger out of the way with his sword, causing a loud smack as wood struck wood. "Impressive kid. But you've got a ways to go."

Cas twisted, far more experienced and trained than the new soldier, hitting the dagger out of the way with his sword before it actually managed to touch him, causing a loud smack as wood struck wood. "Impressive kid. But you've got a ways to go."

The soldier mumbled a thank you. He pushed down the blade of Cas’ sword with his dagger, stepping closer to Cas to stop the effect of his sword. He quickly wrapped Cas’ good arm in a lock, keeping him close as he put the other dagger into Cas’ throat. He kept his eyes on Cas’ other arm.

Cas gave a small smirk at the man's action, allowing him the hold, noting the way he eyed Cas' other arm. He used the focus to wrap his foot around the man's ankle and kicked off, putting the soldier off balance enough to allow Cas to take hold of his wrist and toss him over his shoulder, the soldier going flying onto his back. Cas was prepared to twist his arm, earning the dagger from him... but the sharp pain that shot through his shoulder at the toss made him cry out, red beginning to stain the white cloth of his shirt as his wound opened.

The soldier instantly dropped his dagger, getting up. He bowed quickly to concede the fight before taking the sword gently off Cas. He wrapped his arms around Cas’ shoulder, starting to lead him back to the castle.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Cas tried to wave him away but knowing it obviously wouldn't work. He was thankful however when Surges came to his aid and sent the soldier to collect the doctor as he led Cas to one of the offices for some privacy.

The soldier immediately left for the doctor, bringing him back to the office. “He has an old wound on his shoulder, from the arrow. It’s reopened from sparring.” He explained quickly.

“I’m fine.” Cas argued as the doctor appeared. Surges had already helped him out of his tunic and was currently applying pressure to the wound.

The doctor sighed as he moved further into the office. “Soldier, fetch the King would you; I am certain he’d like to be informed of Aide Novak’s condition.”

“What?! No!” Cas rushed, trying to stand and earning a disgruntled grunt from Surges.

“Forgive me, Aide Novak but from what I understand the two of your are courting are you not?” The Doctor asked with an arched brow, reminding the Omega of the rouse they were suppose to be keeping up.

“Y-yes.” He mumbled softly, annoyed embarrassment infecting his scent. “Very well…” He sighed.

The soldier nodded and ran back into the castle, to fetch Dean.

Surges rested a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “I think what he meant was that he didn’t want his Alpha to see him bleeding again.” He covered softly.

Cas offered a relieved grateful smile towards the soldier. “I really don’t. He really has so much on his plate already. I would hate to worry him again.” He offered as the Doctor moved over to take a look at the wound.

“It looks like the infection set back the healing enough that one good pull would rip it open again. I suggest a few stitches just to reinforce it until it heals properly.”

“If we can wait for His Majesty, maybe he can help you through this, I know this isn’t a pleasant experience, Aide Novak. His scent could help to calm you.” Surges offered, as he looked down at Cas.

A few minutes later, Dean arrived followed by the soldier. He went straight to Cas’ side taking hold of his hand. “Why did you try to fight?” He asked gently, genuine concern in his voice.

Cas shrank in on himself a bit as the Alpha entered the room, obviously a bit uncomfortable with the attention. He didn’t pull away, however, as Dean moved to his side, taking his hand.

“I was growing a bit restless, my love.” He offered, the endearment, feeling a bit odd on his tongue. “I just wanted to work off some energy. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

Dean nodded and squeezed Cas’ hand. “It’s my job to worry, because I love you.” He said softly, trying to keep the awkwardness from his voice. “Were you hurt anywhere else? I see you didn’t get a good touch on the solider.” He smiled gently.

The doctor hummed, “I’m going to start stitching your wound Aide Novak. Just keep talking to His Majesty.”

“Don’t worry Doctor; its not the first time I’ve gotten stitches.” He reassured before focusing back on Dean.

“He is a new soldier, barely had time to train.” He offered. “I didn’t want to beat him quickly, I worry it might’ve hurt his ego. So I took it a bit easy on him but he didn’t really get any hits in, don’t worry.” He reassured.

Dean nodded and smiled softly. “Will he become a good soldier?” He asked softly, gently reaching up to cup Cas’ cheek. “You’ve always had such a good eye for potential greatness, darling.” He said softly.

Cas did his best not to tense at the touch, hiding the effort by leaning into the touch affectionately. “I think he will be a good fighter… he’s fast… I can’t say for his intelligence. The fight didn’t last long before the wound opened.” He admitted, lifting a hand up to cover Dean’s.

Dean hummed, love filled his eyes. “I love you, even now, as an Aide you’re still wanting to train and teach.” He smiled softly.

The doctor went about starting to stitch the wound together.

“Of course.” Cas chuckled, brows furrowing. “Its when we stop trying to improve ourselves and the world around us that it crumbles.” He offered, twitching slightly as the needle was pressed into his skin.

Dean took Cas’ hand and gently brought it to his lips. “Improvement is only important thing. But I mean, even though you improve the soldiers from a desk, you still want to help them improve on the ground, that is what I admire.” He said softly.

Cas gave another chuckle. “I was just trying to get rid of some energy, my love.” He offered with another smile giving his hand a small squeeze. He hesitated a moment before flushing. “Thank you though… I try.”

Dean nodded, “it’s okay you’re safe now. Though I don’t know how safe you’ll be when we tell your brother.” He smiled softly.

Cas gave a small grimace at the words, knowing they were true. "He doesnt really have to know..." He offered, knowing good and well the man probably already found out.

Dean smiled softly, “he can look after you just as well as any doctor, and he has more time for you.” He explained.

The doctor hummed as he tied the end of the stitches. “All done. Will you be okay getting back with just His Highness?” He asked.

"I really dont need looking after, Love. This is just a few stitches. I've had much worse." He reassured, patting his hand affectionately before looking up at the doctor. "Of course." He offered with a forced smile.

“Of course.” The doctor smiled as he packed up and his things and left.

Dean grabbed Cas’ tunic and gently helped him to dress. As he did he slipped a letter, without an envelope into Cas’ pocket. “Come on then, let’s get some rest.”

Cas didnt notice the action, gaze moving to the other men in the room as if to gauge their reactions. He offered them one final smile before looping his arm around Dean's so he could lead the way.

Dean kissed Cas’ cheek softly. He led the way back into the palace. “There’s a spare room off my bedroom, I think it best if I take you to my quarters and you can sleep in there.” He offered.

Cas didnt speak until Dean did, glancing about to make sure they were alone. "I dont think that's a good idea Dean." Cas offered softly, removing himself from the Alpha's side. "I am perfectly comfortable in Gabriel's quarters... I actually quite like it there." That and he was tired of being treated like he was some fragile thing now that he was an Omega. It was infuriating! He had more experience and training then most Alphad in the Kingdom but he they all fawn over him like he would faint at any moment. It was ridiculous... though he knew if he voice that opinion Dean would no doubt be angry and he really didnt want to deal with that at the moment.

“I worry about Azra’il. If he finds out we’re not sharing the same living quarters he may get suspicious. I understand your concerns and worries, but we must keep up appearances for Azra’il if we are not to but the Kingdom in jeopardy.” Dean countered.

"I would say sharing living quarters would be moving a bit too quickly, in my opinion. I dont think it would be too much of a stretch for us to take it slow." He sighed. "In the other side I think that being confined to such close quarters would probably worsen our already precarious relationship." He admitted before shrugging. "But you are King and I will do whatever you instruct."

“I understand your reservations, but to anyone else we have just shared a heat, the first one I have shared since becoming King. Plus I am assisting you now that your heat is over. This is what the Kingdom is seeing. The doctor did call for me.” Dean hummed. “For tonight, stay in the spare room, in the early hours of the morning, you can sneak out once the palace is at its quietest, and go back to Gabriel.” Dean explained.

"Of course, your Majesty." Cas offered properly despite the fact that he obviously hated the idea. He refrained from saying more, falling silent.

“I know you don’t like the idea, but we must keep up appearances if we are to be successful in capturing Azra’il in the act.” Dean encouraged. “You’ll have your own washroom.”

Cas didnt reply, he followed Dean as he was expected to. He remained quiet, knowing if he voiced his opinion Dean would either grow angry with him or simply shut him down and accuse him of not listening.

Dean hummed, as they got into his quarters. “I’ll ask to have your pyjamas and a clean set of clothes brought up for you.” He said softly.

"Thank you." Cas replied politely, already moving to the other room.

“Have you had dinner?” Dean asked. “Would you like Gabriel to bring something up?” He offered.

"No. Thank you." He replied simply, pausing at the questions.

“Look, Cas. I know what I did was wrong and vicious, but I do want to make this work. I want what’s best for you, for me, and for the Kingdom, and sometimes we have to forsake somethings to help the Kingdom. I know this isn’t comfortable for you, and I am so sorry I’m asking you to do this, but my first thoughts will always be on my people’s safety.” Dean sighed softly.

Cas stared at him evenly waiting for him to finish speaking. When a moment of silence fell between them Cas finally spoke of. "Of Course, Your Majesty." He offered properly... coldly. "Will there be anything else?"

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes, biting back a response. “Just to... look in your pockets.” He said softly, before moving to the bathroom.

Cas paused checking his pockets and finding the note. He took Dean's departure as a excuse to head into his own side room as well.

Dean sighed, hoping Cas would read his letter as he washed the specks of blood off his hands.

Cas locked the door behind him before sinking into a chair with a sigh, suddenly feeling e exhausted as he stared down at the note.

Dear Interim Royal Aide Novak,

I must thank you for your kind words spoken about my mother, I fear I can no longer remember her bar the few horrible memories I told you about. It is good to know she cared.

I completely understand your desire for time apart, and I would be happy to grant it to you. However I must ask for your opinion on how it will affect our Azra’il problem. We must be seen to be together romantically, if we are to keep the Kingdom safe. This does not mean we have to be romantically together. If you would like to continue this pretend partnership going, I would be happy to offer you a spare room from my bedroom. It is empty, ready to be used as a nursery, when I have my child (with or without you, I will not push). I can have it completely decorated, furnished, and ready for you a day after I receive your reply.

As for jokes, I admit that I don’t understand your teasing, though I do understand physical comedy. I trained with your soldiers enough to learn humour from them, though as King I do not have many opportunities to show people that.

Through everything I have done to you, I am eternally grateful for you to still consider me a friend. Maybe we can build a stronger friendship on trust before we try anything else.

If you would like to speak about anything personal or professional, my door is always open to you Aide Novak, no matter the time. You may be the only person I completely trust outside of my brother.

I will continue to raise my public persona as a fair and equal King, for now and evermore.

Yours sincerely,

Dean Winchester.

Cas sighed as he read the letter a few times over before setting it aside and scrubbing a hand down his features, leaning back on his chair and closing his eyes as he tried to figure out what to do... how to proceed...

Dean finished in the washroom before going back into his bedroom. He laid in his bed a long time before falling asleep.

By morning Cas was gone, having snuck out through the servant’s quarters before the sun rose. The only thing left in the room was a letter sitting neatly folded on the table with Dean’s name on it.

Your Grace, His Majesty, Dean Winchester,

I have made my opinion clear that I do not feel it is necessary to share the same living quarters to be viewed as having a romantic relationship. Even after sharing a heat most Omega’s do not live with the Alpha until they are mated. However, I have come to the realization that I have no say in the matter. You are King and will have what you wish despite my opinion so I will comply because I must. If I voice my opinion and it doesn’t align with yours you tend to grow angry and I am doing my best to avoid that; to make it appear we are happy for the sake of our Kingdom.

This being said, I have already informed the staff that I will be taking meals in your quarters or offices when they are ready to assist in the image of our courtship. I, however, will not be having breakfast with you today; I have far too much work to do.

I have the pleasure to be your obedient servant,

Interim Royal Aide Casitel Novak

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#Destiel #rp #roleplay #dean winchester #castiel #castiel novak #fantasy kingdom AU #m/m #abo #a/b/o #abo au #a/b/o au #suspicious nature #destiel rp #dean/cas #dean/castiel #omegaverse #fandomrp

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hazyheel · 5 years

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WWE Monday Night Raw 6/24/19 Review

Seth Rollins came out to start the night, for a promo obviously, and Becky Lynch quickly came out to join him. Rollins “gave Corbin credit” for picking Lacey Evans as the ref, because she did anything she could to screw him over, but he didn’t account for the best backup on the planet in Becky Lynch. Lynch then went on to call out Evans for tapping out as fast as she could. Corbin’s music hit, and then Evans attacked Lynch from behind. Rollins tried to pull Lynch off of Evans, but she pushed Rollins aside and beat her down. Corbin then attacked Rollins. The faces took down the heels, and Corbin got on the mic to claim that Lynch was basically defending the Universal championship herself. He also told Rollins to go home and make “The Man” a sandwich. They trash talked a bit, until Evans challenged Rollins and Lynch to a mixed tag match at Extreme Rules, for both of their championships. The faces accepted, under the condition that it would be the last time either of them could challenge for the belts. Then everyone left.

Grade: C. I was kinda into that match if it was the main event of Raw. it was different, there were stakes, and it meant that Corbin and Evans would be gone. For a pay per view, probably the main event, I just groaned. Especially Extreme Rules, because this was not an extreme match at all. But it is kinda cute seeing Rollins and Lynch together. They seem to be pretty happy. I also noticed that they are only calling Rollins Lynch’s boyfriend, rather than Lynch being a girlfriend. I dunno, I just think it makes lynch seem more badass.

Then we had a big 8-man elimination tag match. Xavier Woods, Big E and the Usos vs. The Revival and The Planets tag team champions. This is supposed to be “champions versus challengers,” which is weird because The New Day lost their match last night. Scott Dawson quickly tagged himself in, and had some tension with Daniel Bryan. This was compounded when Bryan tried to hit Woods with a suicide dive, but hit Dawson instead. This caused Wilder to give Bryan a european uppercut while Bryan hit the ropes, allowing Bryan to be rolled up by Woods and eliminated. The Revival quickly hit a shatter machine on Woods to eliminate the new day, so it became a normal tag match. They do this a lot now, more 2 out of 3 falls matches and elimination matches because Vince McMahon doesn’t let anyone wrestle during commercials anymore, so they have to find some other way to get you excited enough to keep watching the show. Which is extra odd, because the Usos were hitting a suicide dive as we came back, but I guess it wasn’t part of the match. There was an interesting finish where Jey got a blind tag, but the Revival didn’t notice, so Dawson went to superplex Jimmy while Wlider was up on another turnbuckle. Jey then crotched Wilder on the turnbuckle, and after Dawson hit the superplex, Jey jumped off of Wilder’s back to splash Dawson and get the win.

Grade: C+. Decent match to open everything up, but I hate that both sets of tag team champions were pinned. But it sets up some matches for extreme rules probably. Hopefully Heavy Machinery can challenge rather than the New Day, but we will see.

Then they had the Miz walking through a hallway before Miz TV, which I only mention because Abbey from the Firefly funhouse was in the background. So thats fun. Miz welcomed both R-Truth and Carmella as guests on his actual show, and apparently Miz had the 24/7 championship rule suspended during the interview. Miz showed Truth winning the belt back at Drake Maverick’s wedding. Truth talked about how he lives in paranoia with the belt now, and he can’t even have sex. He also thought that police coming up to his house to tell him that his car was on fire were superstars disguised. Drake Maverick then came out, saying that Truth ruined his wedding, and his young marriage, because they haven’t had sex. (He was studdering that he hasn’t... he hasn’t... as the crowd chanted “what” which was the genuine best use of the what chant) He then challenged Truth to a singles match for the belt, and Truth accepted.

That match was next, with Truth winning with a flatliner right away, and then being chased around by the jobbers. After Maverick lost, he was interviewed by Charly, and he just cried.

Grade: B-. This was funny, especially the stuff about Truth mishearing the word consummation as constipation. I think it is odd that they keep suspending the rule, as it was suspended for the match as well. The fact that the match wasn’t actually anything definitely hurt the grade here, and it was weird seeing an actual segment for it. I feel bad for Drake though, poor guy.

Backstage, Evans and Corbin seemed to think that their best strategy to take out their Extreme Rules opponents was to focus on Becky. Okay then.

Then we had Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre and Shane McMahon, in a tornado tag handicap match. Reigns tried to overwhelm them with sheer aggression, but the numbers quickly became too much for him. They beat the crap out of Reigns, giving him two Claymore kicks, and spear from Shane. As Shane went for the Coast to Coast, the Undertaker showed up to make the save. I think that the match ended in a DQ, but I don’t really know for sure.

Grade: C. W-what? Why? Who? When will this tag match happen? Why is it happening? I really don’t know. The match was fine, and I was certainly shocked that Taker showed up, but I am so confused and distraught. I just do not get it. The beatdown itself was fine, I just don’t know where this is going.

Then there was a tug of war between Braun Strowman and Bobby Lashley. Strowman won, and Lashley attacked Strowman afterwards. He even attacked him with the rope, so we will probably get a bullrope match for Extreme Rules.

Grade: D-. A worked tug of war is lame. This was boring, I don’t like this feud. The only reason that it doesn’t get an F is because I kinda like the idea of a big man bullrope match for extreme rules.

AJ Styles was then welcomed back to the ring from Charly, who asked why he wants to challenge Ricochet. He said that he wanted to fight the best of the best. Just then, he saw the goodbrothers partying with the conga line. Styles admonished them for not taking the competition seriously, even though they have a match with the Viking Raiders.

That match was next, and the two teams traded control back and forth. Not much happened in particular, and the Viking Raiders won with their finisher.

Grade: B-. Not a bad match. That’s all I have to say about that.

Backstage, Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross were talking about how Cross screwed Bliss out of her match at Stomping Grounds. Bliss did not be outwardly mean to Cross, but didn’t say that it wasn’t Cross’s fault. She just said that Bayley is good at manipulating people into being angry and stuff. I like where this is going. Bliss wasn’t hugely pissed, but you could tell she is annoyed. So burn, very good.

Natalya and Naomi talked to Nikki Cross about how Bliss isn’t a good person. Bliss then walked in and confronted everyone, which ended with Naomi challenging Bliss to a match.

Then we were supposed to have Heath Slater vs. Mojo Rawley, but Truth showed up before the match with the people in tow. Slater was able to land a neckbreaker and win the belt for himself, only to lose it right back to Truth, who then lost it to Cedric Alexander, who then lost it to EC3, who then lost it back to truth. I enjoyed this, just fun.

Ricochet was then interviewed about winning his first championship. He was just happy and grateful.

Before the Sami Zayn vs. Kofi Kingston, Kevin Owens and Zayn asked Kofi some interview questions that sorta vaguely insulted him. Kingston said that Owens had a zit, and Zayn said that Kofi was a paper champion who always needed help from the New Day. Kingston then pointed out the flaws in Zayn and Owens’ friendship, while saying that the New Day are brothers. Seems like foreshadowing to me.

Into the match, Kingston vs. Zayn. Owens was helping out Zayn when he could by attacking Kingston while the ref’s back was turned. Zayn was in control for almost the entire match, even hitting a good looking Michinoku Driver. But eventually Kingston rolled him up for the win.

After the match, Owens challenged him to another match right away, and Kofi actually accepted. So then they had a match, where Owens was very much in control. However, Kingston still won by giving Owens an SOS on the ramp and winning unceremoniously by countout. Then out of nowhere, Samoa Joe attacked Kingston and threw him around on the ramp before choking Kingston out.

Grade: B-. I get the point of this, they made Kingston into a huge underdog here, fighting off dastardly heels and barely surviving, only to beat beaten down afterwards anyway. I think that this means we will be getting a Samoa Joe championship match, but he should earn it in a number one contendership match. Especially since he just lost the US championship last night.

They then announced that it would be Reigns and Taker vs. McIntyre and Shane at Extreme Rules. I figured.

Then we had Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss. This match was quick, as Naomi accidentally hit Cross with a baseball slide. Bliss then won the match and continued to attack Naomi. She then tried to get Cross to attack too, and Cross pushed both women down. Natalya then ran out to stand with Naomi, and it turned into a tag match. Cross had a nice looking hot tag where she took down both opponents. Cross even hit the swinging neckbreaker for the win, but Bliss was the one who got the pin.

Grade: C+. A couple meh matches that furthered the Cross and Bliss storyline. I think it will be a while before the turn, and I’m okay with that. Slow burns are awesome.

And in the main event, we had a returning AJ Styles vs. Ricochet. They were grappling a little bit, when AJ just suddenly took him to the mat. And as they were wrestling, the Good Brothers came out, although not looking particularly friendly for either of them. Anderson did try to get involved, but Styles quickly told them to beat it. So they restarted the match and had a mix of both fast paced striking and submission holds, even pulling out some moves that were reminiscent of indie wrestling. At one point, Styles hit an awesome reverse DDT which looked really brutal. In the finish, Styles hit a Phenomenal Forearm for the win.

Grade: B+. Good match, but this is nowhere even near what they can do. This definitely sets up Styles for a United States Championship match on Pay Per View. That is when they should cut loose. Sucks that Ricochet lost in his first match as champion. Still, they put on the match of the night.

Overall grade: C

Pros: Main event

Cons: opening promo; handicap match; tug of war;

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elzariel · 6 years

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Karma Fairy

This will be a LONG one, like, short novel long, but its been a long gig and I need to tell the world of this mess, hoping this'll pay my debt back to the karma fairy for letting justice rain on this.

The cast: Me MOS (manager on site) CB (cheeky bugger) HAH (horny asshole)

TLDR; HAH acts like he's the pro and brags to everyone, before talking shit about coworkers behind their back to other coworkers and boss, then doesn't do his job, expects boss not to find out he's skipping work, doesn't turn to work and when boss wants to ask him what the fuck, doesn't even answer his phone. HAH is in for a surprise when MOS will never hire him again and probably will cut ties with him all together, as he now knows what a shit person HAH is.

Background info: I'v been with this company for half a year now, but have recently moved from another town. My old boss offered to introduce me to the manager at the new town and said they could easily get me more work there. I agree that I'd love to keep working for them, as I'v been cleaning for years on several smaller companies, but its never ended happily. Turns out cleaning as a profession is a swamp of bad customers and crap employers. Who knew. All in all, this company has been nothing but nice and I love working for them. The two managers I'v worked for were stellar gents, I trust them and will bend backwards to keep the customer happy for these people. My current boss at the company, is a friendly, no nonsense guy. I'v met him like, twice before I got to the worksite, but he seemed to get along well with my old boss, so I trust this guy. A little scatterbrained and bad at choosing workers, but we all make mistakes. Also kinda crap at making inventory on what needs to be done when etc. but its okay, he has a whole town's cleaning jobs to run for a fairly big company.

My new manager, MOS, asks if I want to do a short gig, since they don't have anything stable to give me yet. I agree, as I want work asap. This would also raise my experience and give me kudos in the company for accepting short notice work, since MOS called me a day before the gig starts. (turns out nobody else wanted to do it except me and CB) Gig is at an office type building, to clean before the new tenants move in. Space has been cleaned after the last tenant left, but they want us to deep clean the space, since new tenant has had problems with in-door air quality at their last place, meaning they're gonna be absolutely anal about new place being clean. MOS makes it clear to all three of us working there, me, CB and HAH that this is IMPORTANT. The dust HAS to be gone. From EVERYWHERE. There is no slacking at this job. This is one of those gigs where it has to be spotless or we'll have to just re-do it until it is.

On day one, I meet my work buddies for this gig. CB, darker skinned immigrant worker, speaks fairly ok english and a understandable version of the language of the land. Does the jobs given to him, or so we thought. Not a bad dude, just has a shit ton of work on his plate, including another cleaning company next to ours, this raises tension with him and MOS. HAH, dude says he's a veteran of the field. Has been cleaning "forever". Keeps mentioning how he's a pro at window washing and seems oddly fixated on windows, as if he thinks this is his only job here. MOS said he hired this guy because HAH didn't have work atm. Never said that HAH would only be doing windows. From that day on, HAH would constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, keep talking how the windows will only take him a day to do, including the outside. How this job, that has been scheduled for 70 hours or in other words 5 days, will only take us like two, so we can take it slow and laze around. (Of course not when MOS is around, but he openly talks about going slow with me and CB. Even bitches at me for doing the bathrooms "too fast" as we'll "run out of work" if I don't slow down.) When HAH wasn't boasting about how fast this'll be, he is talking about sex. Not kidding. This man spent 80% of the time his mouth was moving talking about fucking, dicks, vags, railing women and the sort. Now I ain't a prude, but damn son, reel it in a little. He's 49, going through a divorce, with kids my age (29) and it seems like he has no other topics besides being a fast worker and how many women he's banged. CB humors him, but I only answer with curt, short comments. I'm not interested. I'm here to work, not boost someone's ego. We get trouble almost immediately. HAH starts on indoors glass surfaces, while me and CB start trying to figure out how the heck we're supposed to clean the windows that are second story high, we have our own saga with fighting a scaffolding set that's not only badly installed, but at the wrong spot, trying to get it moved, trying to have CB not die falling from cleaning on this thing, etc. It is not fun, its driving MOS insane trying to get the guys responsible for the scaffolding to help us. It goes on for most of the time we're there. In the end, all higher windows have to be cleaned with a seriously dodgy ladder.

Trouble starts on the third last day. Its monday. I come in to find nobody there. Okay, I assume CB has been working too much again and can't come in today, or will be late. Its a trend, but I'm like, its okay. We're almost done anyways. On Friday, HAH left super SUPER early, saying he's done all he needs and we'll do the windows outside on monday when it gets warmer. I shrug, almost tell him to fuck off since he's done jack shit all week, even though he was supposed to help us with EVERYTHING, not just windows, but let him leave because its his fault when MOS comes by later that day and he gets in trouble. MOS got annoyed as fuck when he did come by, but said I could leave early too since we're almost done. (or were we, dun dun duu)

At around lunch on monday, I call MOS to ask about the bathrooms in the foyer, if they belong to the office space and if I should clean them too. Here's the convo: "Yeah those are part of the office too." "Hey I wanted to ask, where is everybody? I'm alone here and we aren't nearly done." "Oh uhh.. Yeah HAH was there this morning, but since the usual electricians didn't show up before 9am, he waited outside the door for an hour and left, without calling me to get someone to open the door." "What?! He left???" "Yeah I don't think I'm hiring this guy again after this. Old friend or not. He's getting all kinds of cocky.." "Well, yeah, he left super early on friday too, saying how he'd finish the outside windows on monday but I guess thats tomorrow then?" MOS apologizes and tells me he's gonna come by in a few to do inventory on what needs to be done and check up a bit on what has been done. We're going to have a check-up with the customer on tuesday around noon, so we'll know what the customer wants re-done by wednesday. MOS shows up in about half an hour, I tell him the list of stuff that needs doing, at this point its mostly the floors, one bathroom needs a quick dust-up since its been in use. We walk around and spot some dusty window frames. MOS looks suspicious af and starts touching ALL the window frames indoors. There's dust everywhere. HAH was supposed to wipe these as he cleaned them, turns out he didn't. While we're doing that, we spot a few ventilation vents that need to be vacuumed, nothing major. Some walls are scuffed and we comment on how that could use a touch up. All in all it looks ok. Rest of monday is spent with CB, who shows up late, getting upper surface dusting done and me finishing small stuff like the bathrooms and some of the walls. By the end of day, I'v seen MOS outside with window cleaning stuff finishing the outside windows. I'm starting to suspect he is so done with HAH at this point. This is tuesday. I come in fairly early, as I can only work for 3 hours that day. In between that tuesday and the first day there, I'v gotten a small bank job from CB to do three times a week + I'm doing holiday leave for a bigger job in town, cutting my available hours to 3 at the office space. This means I'm there for 3 hours, finishing up dusting high up surfaces, when I walk past where MOS and HAH are talking in a room. HAH is making snide comments on how he's surprised (me) can use the floor cleaning equipment. I listen in, take a deep breath, and walk away. Not worth it. I don't have the energy to explain to this jackass I have a damn degree, that has 40% of it concentrated on machine usage and maintenance. I can use any and all equipment a cleaning job needs, be it floor cleaners, polishers, watervacuums or those mini-zambonis. Client shows up around noon. MOS is busy walking the premises with them and I immediately realize there's trouble. The client(s) turn out to be a group of people, with various faces and job titles. MOS looks horrified about 5 minutes in and it just gets worse from there. HAH has done a shit job. Like, major shit job. CB did some of the windows high up, but since he's clearly never been actually taught how to do it, he did it in whatever way that felt logical to him. HAH was supposed to spot clean after CB, but this combo just turned into a mess where ALL indoors window frames had to now be re-dusted with a wet cloth. Yes. All of them. 1000m2 of space, re-dusted. That's 10 763,9 sq ft for americans. HAH had the balls to walk past me re-dusting with "I did that when I cleaned the windows you don't have to do that" which I curtly responded to with "No, the customer literally just said everything has to be re-done." This caused HAH to start doing the SAME THING I WAS DOING. We now had TWO people dusting these window frames, like idiots, while the customer is there. I was so very VERY close to throwing my rag at this guy, telling him to fucking find something useful to do, instead of passive-aggressively following me. I was already doing the job, what on earth! On top of this, the customer found dust. But refused to tell us where he found the dust from. MOS is flabbergasted. How does hiding where it is help us clean? We have no idea, we went through the whole location trying to find this mystery dust treasure trove. Got some hits, cleaned those. MOS is defeated and deflated, he is tired and done after the customer(s) leave. Turns out we have to re-do most light-fixtures, some windows needed a re-wipe, the floors are still not done. I leave on tuesday early, with HAH still shit talking to MOS, now insulting CB's work ethic and results openly, getting more and more racist by the minute. I exit before I have to hear what he has to say about my cleaning. So its wednesday now. Its technically our last day there and everything has to be perfect, finished and spotless before anyone can go home. What does HAH do? Leave early. I come in around 9:30, by 10:00 HAH is gathering his gear talking about how there's only the floor to clean and we should be done. CB is coming later to help right, you'll be fine on your own with 1000m2 flooring to clean! (again, 10 763,9 sq ft) Apparently only some of the offices floors need cleaning, mostly what is needed is two front offices, the big entrance room, a hallway and the foyer. All this time HAH is talking, he is clearly talking about using the small floor cleaning machine we have there. He even points at it, making sure I know how to use it etc. Before he leaves, I ask him to help me move all our equipment, scattered around the office, to the main lobby room and clean up a little. I'm thinking, he can at least do THAT, right?? No. No he cannot. He brings maybe third of the equipment to the lobby, helps with none of the trash, and just poofs into thin air. I'm like, ok, I'm fine with this. I start by checking that everything is ok, spot clean some walls, then start on the floor. I use the little machine we have. At the lesser used end of the hallway it works fine. It looks clean etc. But by the time I'm at the lobby end of the hallway, I'm seeing streaks on the floor. This is a trend that continues through the two offices and the foyer. After I'm done with the lobby/main entrance room, I realize this isn't gonna fly. The floor is super streaky and I can't figure out what is going on. I'm technically done now, all the floors are ran through once with the cleaning machine, but I just don't feel right leaving without asking MOS about the floor, if there's something to do, if I can leave etc. I text MOS if I can leave, I'm done with everything, I think, etc. Ask about the streaking. Then I start my lunch. I know he's at a meeting so getting an answer might take time and I'm in no hurry, as I have no other work on wednesdays, I can stay here however long that is needed. I don't hear anything in 45 minutes and decide fuck it, I'll call him. MOS answers instantly, laughing how he was just about to call. We laugh about telepathy and here's the convo: "So are the electricians gone? They were supposed to finish today right? Are you guys alone?" "What? No, I'm alone. There's two electricians here with me, they seem pissed too, I guess nobody is in time here." "Wait what? You're alone? Where's HAH??? Didn't CB show up??" "Uhh no?" "What in the actual fuck!? What happened???" "HAH was here until about 10am but he left, said everything was done, he had nothing to do so he'd be off" "What the fuck does he mean Nothing to do?? The floors are- are the floors done?" "Well see, there's this weird streaking problem.. I don't want to leave before you ok me to leave, since this doesn't look clean to me, tbh" "Give me 20 minutes. I'll be there. I'll give you a ride home later." "I'm in no hurry, I have no other work for today" MOS shows up in exactly 20 minutes. "The polishing machine hasn't done a very good job has it.." "What polishing machine?" "Huh? You haven't used the polishing machine on the lobby yet?" "No??? I wasn't told that was to be done. All HAH told me was to use the small machine and we'd be done?" "No, we need to use the polishin machine on the lobby, foyer and probably the hallway too, looking at the streaking, the shit's stained too deep for the small machine to penetrate it. Fucking HAH! What the hell does he think he's doing!? Why the hell did we bring the polishing machine and watervacuum here if its not used! Idiots!" At this point MOS starts cursing and I realize its finally dawned on him how much work there still is to do, and its just me and him now. MOS calls around trying to reach anyone to help, CB can't come he's already used his hours today, again. (Turns out he isn't even doing his jobs at the other places he cleans well, he has been lazying around wasting time and not following customer wishes/demands for a while, MOS tells me I might be getting stable work sooner than later, as it seems CB is gonna get booted too if his shitty work quality continues) Its now about 1pm and MOS asks me, looking desperate, if I'm okay helping him for the afternoon and for the next day as well. I agree, saying I'd gladly take the cash and how this vexes me too. The floor looks terrible + I want to look as good as possible to MOS now that I know both CB and HAH have screwed over their graces royally. We take a couple hours to use the smaller machine again the offices, but with the Good Stuff used with the polishing machine, resulting in clean floors. While I'm doing the offices, MOS starts on the lobby, with the Good Stuff + the polisher. GS is a very smelly, acidic chemical meant to strip wax off flooring, so its serious stuff, but also proceeds to get this grimy, black substance to come out the plastic flooring, making us realize some poor fucker waxed this floor, thinking it'd help (spoiler it didn't, don't wax plastic flooring) and that was causing the streaking, as the smaller machine can't strip wax but it can streak it. Thing is, when you use the polishing machine, you literally throw water and cleaning agent on the floor, run it over with the polisher then use the watervacuum to remove the dirty water. Its a two person job or it takes forever, since you cannot let the detergent and water dry, or you have to re-do everything. There was NO way I could have done this alone in a sensible time! HAH either knew this and was a cruel shit head or didn't know and wasn't the pro he said he was. By the time its 3pm, we have the lobby half done and the offices finished. The next day would be the hallway and the rest of the lobby. Before we leave, MOS tries to call HAH to ask him what the fuck is up, but doesn't get an answer. I tell MOS not to bother, HAH knows he's in shit so won't answer. MOS drives me home and on the way he expresses his regret in letting HAH in on the job, saying how if he knew what a bastard HAH'd be, MOS would never have hired HAH. MOS also tells me how HAH spent the whole tuesday shit talking CB and my work, how if HAH was alone he'd finished in 2 days. TWO DAYS. MOS says that was the point where he stopped listening and decided this man was beyond help. This is also when I heard MOS talk about how CB's other locations have been complaining a lot, saying how CB would leave equipment everywhere, would not clean the whole time he was supposed to be cleaning, would not show up at work etc. Got pretty much told I could have free pick when CB was fired later this year on his locations. MOS also mentioned how he was going to find out if there was anything he could do about HAH's pay, since he hadn't been at work or if he had been at work hadn't actually worked. I told MOS some pretty exact times when I knew HAH was working, meaning HAH couldn't bullshit his hours to MOS saying he'd worked when he hadn't.

Sadly, I didn’t go on thursday after all, as I realized I had a medical appointment I thought was on friday but was on thursday instead, so I have no other ending to this, except the knowledge that HAH will never work for MOS again.

I apologize for the HUGE wall of text, but it was a wild week and by the end of it, I could literally see karma fairy when I closed my eyes. I just wish I could be a fly on the wall when HAH realizes what a shit show this gig was and how its gonna affect his work prospects with this company.

Epilogue: Also, as a sidenote, yeah, this whole thing was a mess from the customer perspective too. By the time we got to wednesday, the electricians weren't done, they were supposed to have been done DAYS before we were to be done. There was new renovations that needed to be done showing up constantly. Several smaller jobs hadn't been done etc. I feel bad for the new tenants, who were supposed to move in on FRIDAY, with walls to be painted and crap still MIA. So its almost as if the picky customer got karma'd too. They were so hellbent on having the cleaning done perfectly, that the renovations weren't done anywhere near in time, meaning the nice clean floors and bathrooms? Now dirty again from reno guys using them for a good two days after we finished. And as we have picture evidence of our work, they can't come back saying we didn't clean. We did our job and their reno guys fucked our work up, not our problem.

#long-post #karma is a bitch #worktrouble #customer service woes

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comicteaparty · 5 years

Text

May 9th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 9th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on Lodestar by SasstastiKim.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Lodestar by SasstastiKim~! (http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Darkhalo4321

My favorite scene has to be... the coffee shop book place thingy. With taylor! Sarcasm max.

Letter Bee

Elliot being told to trust his new friends by his mother.

SpazztastiKim

Author note: chapter one is getting "remodeled" so any suggestions are welcome

Kabocha

My favorite scene? Probably be this one: http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2597078/ch2-pg-17/ ...It's so atmospheric, and that is a very good and creepy looking heart. I'm into the atmosphere. Under @SpazztastiKim's cute artwork lies something deceptively dark...

Darkhalo4321

I looooooovethe backgrounds in that sequence

L O V E

Yes, very dark. >:3c

RebelVampire

yeah i got second that as my favorite scene. cause the atmosphere is to die for. and i love how contrasted it is from the previous scenes cause you go into it and immediately go "oh no a spooky dream"

Kabocha

Also, Kim -- if you are interested in critique, etc, I can throw you thoughts in private, but I didnt' like, make any notes or anything. It's your comic and I figured that you were doin' errything to have fun! (And get some good creepiness in there too)

SpazztastiKim

You are welcome to!

Kabocha

Okay. I'll do that offline and another day, then. But I do think you've got a good story here, so please don't feel obliged to open yourself up to such feedback!

SpazztastiKim

Thank you

Darkhalo4321

Let us gush over how superb becky's optimism is

SpazztastiKim

Lol

RebelVampire

im busy gushing over the dialogue on this page http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2749604/ch3-pg10/

Kabocha

Honestly I just really like the magic effects, not gonna lie

RebelVampire

like its so silly and yet reminds me of youth

Kabocha

I'm looking forward to more magic and ghost stuff

RebelVampire

cause these are random convos i would have as a youth with ppl

Kabocha

YEAH

Darkhalo4321

Same here!

Kabocha

It's so dramatic, and... man,... I remember being like that when I was younger

I don't recall if it's stated in-comic, but how old is everyone?

SpazztastiKim

Not stated yet. You can guess tho XD

RebelVampire

elliot was a 30 year old man this entire time

SpazztastiKim

Oof XDD

Kabocha

Ahahaha. I was guessing 14~15

Darkhalo4321

Im not allowed to guess because i kinda know XD

SpazztastiKim

Lol

Kabocha

Either way, I'm guessing high school for all of them, but nobody's a senior XD

Darkhalo4321

Except for ally

Shes like younger, like idk maybe hr high ish?

I actually dont know for sure her age

RebelVampire

i wouldve guessed middle school personally. but its hard to tell cause i need to see more adults

Kabocha

Maybe? She throws me a little bit? XD She's probably 13ish?

Darkhalo4321

Shes a precious cinnamonroll and needs protected at all costs

RebelVampire

yeah id peg 13ish for ally personally too.

idk if she need the protecting. she is not the one who got tackled to the ground

Kabocha

I would not fight her

Darkhalo4321

She will tackle you to the ground in l o v e

Kabocha

I do also really like how everyone's designs are unique

So it's really easy to distinguish who's who (and I'm pretty sure if it was a greyscale comic, it'd still be very easy... Which is really good)

....ALSO WHAT WAS WITH THE POINTY EARS

Darkhalo4321

Yeah kim

S'plain

X'D

Kabocha

I'm getting the feeling that there are spoilers in that answer

SpazztastiKim

OP... someone noticed

Kabocha

but

I can't help but feel like there are some alternate world or reincarnation shenanigans afoot

RebelVampire

elliot was an elf in a past life and the birth he witnessed was from back then

ya know what scratch that

he was the elf prince

Kabocha

Okay so I'm not the only one that thought that though

RebelVampire

just make everyone a prince

SpazztastiKim

Pfft yes

Kabocha

What's with the lanterns though... hahaha

But I really do have to wonder what all is going on there. The wolf skeleton was warning him about a thing he... sealed away.

SpazztastiKim

Was it sealed tho?

Kabocha

.... Maybe not

Darkhalo4321

Kabocha

but, I mean, it's hella vague I feel like the wolf is protecting Elliot tho

Darkhalo4321

I get that vibe too, wasnt nice atthe end tho >:T

Kabocha

No, but this probably has happened before

Darkhalo4321

Ya think?

RebelVampire

when you say this are you talking about the dream itself or like the sealed away creature thing?

Kabocha

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2612346/ch2-pg18/ Well, the wolf says that Elliot's been dragged away before

so the thing that's hunting Elliot in his dream proooooooooooooooooooooooooobably has gone after him before

unless the "Birth" in question means it manifested in physical form

Darkhalo4321

Kabocha

KIM IS THIS NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, AND ALL THESE KIDS ARE GONNA GET KILLED BY FREDDY

Darkhalo4321

Maybe

MAYBE

SpazztastiKim

Pffft

RebelVampire

that theory did occur to me

cause of the dream themes

that this is basically monster in the dreams

rip everyone

Darkhalo4321

I mean, I know kim loves horror movies SO

Kabocha

Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors II

RebelVampire

so the thing about the pointy ears that actually interests me the most is that elliot didnt seem to notice all that much or care. and like i know there was a bloody skeleton wolf scaring the crap outta him, but i feel like hed have at least been a little like "hey i am an elf boy now"

also the fact that the dream did not start off with pointy ears

they only showed up with wolf dude

Kabocha

It might be a sign of magic or something. Or maybe he and his ghost are just used to the pointed ears showing up

Darkhalo4321

Ooohh

I didn't notice tyhat!

Kabocha

I did have to re-read that part when I looked at this earlier this week -- it was like "waaaaaaaaaaait a minute"

SpazztastiKim

Hmm WHEN did the change happen again?

Darkhalo4321

Hm indeed

Kabocha

It seems to be a slow transition to be honest

Darkhalo4321

you know who we haven't mentioned yet- TOM my favorite character.

Kabocha

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2456424/ch2-pg11/ On this page, they start to look slightly pointed http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2505393/ch2-pg12/ AND THEN He starts to hear things and cough... And magic shows up in the next page

mathtans

Here for the moment, the little one is being very fussy this evening. I think my favourite scene was in the night terror in chapter 2, where we just had the glowing eyes - and then Mandy's glowing hand. Creepy and atmospheric.

Scrolling back to read, I liked how Elliot was thankful not to be a hobbit when he woke.

Darkhalo4321

Right?

Imagine if he woke up and HAD POINTY EARS

the rest of the cast would have been howling

Kabocha

Also, he's focusing on the important things: Not being a dream zombie

RebelVampire

i will be surprised if that doesnt happen one day. that he wakes up with elf ears and has to explain to everyone that surprise, hes an elf now

QUESTION 2. Dreams seem to be central to the story at hand. How do you interpret Elliot’s latest dream? Was it a dream, or was it something more? Whose birth did Elliot supposedly witness, and what exactly is it hungering for? Who is the black wolf that delivers the warnings to Elliot, and why is Elliot the one tasked with helping to defeat whatever the wolf is warning him about? Additionally, if this is no simple dream, why doesn’t Elliot remember this supposed event? Last but not least, what do you make of Elliot’s appearance change within the dream, and what do you think the meaning of the lantern is?

mathtans

I don't think it's a nightmare on elm street kind of thing, because Crystal Lake was dropped as a reference, so these sorts of things already exist in the characters' universe.

Chapter 4, Elliot joins an elf help group.

RebelVampire

but see thats the genius of it. drop the refs, nobody thinks anything of it and is like "ah just a red herring"

and then boom

dream murderer

Kabocha

THE DREAM WAS A WARNING I don't know if the "Starve it" Though... well. Maybe it wants to eat his dreams. Dream eater. OH MY GOD ELLIOT'S BEING HUNTED BY A DROWZEE

Darkhalo4321

THAT PUN WAS GOLD

That would be sneaky!

mathtans

It can't be a simple dream either way. Mandy joined him. That can't be a normal thing for ghosts. Can it?

RebelVampire

yeah starve it really interesting. cause what do you have to deprive the creature or whatever it is of to starve it? is elliot just not supposed to get eaten? is it dreams? is it ghosts?

although maybe its the lantern

nah

no way that was just a dream

Kabocha

Maybe. The lantern did come out as danger started to come near

RebelVampire

that was a vision

Kabocha

what is Mandy anyway

didn't he say that she was never alive to begin with? Or was he speaking generally

....What if Mandy was a victim of the thing?

RebelVampire

or even worse

mandy is the thing

SpazztastiKim

Scary

Darkhalo4321

Mandi is an imaginary friend taken form because of El? Maybe? Like, Can El manifest things?

Without knowing it-

RebelVampire

that could also be true

but im now sticking to the she is the thing one

cause it would explain why the wolf kicked her out

and said "no dream warnings for you"

Darkhalo4321

I know she's not like... real but she HAS FEELINGS DREAM WOLF

OH, but aside from just El having that one nightmare, apparently it's a prevalent problem going on- so it's not just isolated.

RebelVampire

ya know, i just want to point out if the dream wolf is going around warning ppl, the strategy is not very effective. fear is not the answer wolf.

Kabocha

Based on the comic description... We'll have to see more about that though

I dunno, if you scare someone enough, they'll stay away

Darkhalo4321

maybe el gets royal treatment of being warned

Kabocha

maybe the wolf is protecting the place where "it" is

Darkhalo4321

while everyone else just gets stalked with EYES

Kabocha

it's because he's acutally Frodo Baggins

Darkhalo4321

YES

HE IS SHORT

Kabocha

and the thing after them is Melkor. Or Sauron.

SpazztastiKim

obviously its voldemort

Darkhalo4321

!!!

you mean, he who should not be named!

Kabocha

GASP!

What about the Babadook

SpazztastiKim

my bad

OOF

RebelVampire

where elliot lives the dream wolf is just how the letters are delivered

Darkhalo4321

Baba Yaga

RebelVampire

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2597078/ch2-pg-17/ so i wonder who all the creepy ppl are in the bg

mathtans

Maybe it's like regular dreams, you don't really remember them unless you're woken up in the middle. So the wolf is waking everyone up with love bites.

RebelVampire

like was the creature born cause ppl were like "yaay sacrifice"

Kabocha

Oh, great, the wolf is my cat

SpazztastiKim

pfft

Darkhalo4321

if that's what you call a LOVE bite...>>

RebelVampire

the wolf is reading the wrong book of how to talk to humans

SpazztastiKim

lol

mathtans

There were five witnesses to the birth maybe, Rebel. They were summoned to the place in dreams.

Superjustinbros

HELLO

Kabocha

I'mma go out on a limb and say the people in the BG were part of the creation. THE COUNCIL OF CREATION A bunch of high elves that decided one day, "hey, let's just do this whole thing and nothing can go wrong" And Elliot was like, "NOPE" And died and went into another world where it was nearly unleashed upon them.

Justin, what are your thoughts on the Wolf and the Five people on Chapter 2, Page 17?

mathtans

They're looking at a heart.

Superjustinbros

Can I bring it home and call it Maniac?

SpazztastiKim

good name for it

Superjustinbros

Anyways hey there, sorry I'm a bit late

Room's getting redesigned but to stray from going offtopic I wanted to drop in and hand out and see what we're all talknig about tonight

RebelVampire

they are looking at a heart. Elliot was the mage who betrayed the council and realized his magic was for healing not the dark arts

Kabocha

Yep. We're talking about this week's comic -- Lodestar. As is the usual thing on the Thursday Bookclub~

Superjustinbros

Oh yea

Kabocha

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2597078/ch2-pg-17/ But really, I wonder what "it" is. .... Maybe there was a ritual.

Superjustinbros

Is that white line it's eye

Kabocha

Also -- did Eliot's magical scratch appear when the lantern showed up I'm just noticing this Does magic have a price?

RebelVampire

i assum eyes, the white line is its eye

that page did have the atmosphere of ritual

mostly cause of the heart

you dont hold beating hearts unless youre doing a ritual

idk i couldnt figure out when the scratch showed up. id have to look again super close

Darkhalo4321

It's def. Skooky

Kabocha

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2547332/ch2-pg14/ It's this page, Rebel

Superjustinbros

I ruined the feel of this image

SpazztastiKim

pfft(edited)

meme material

Darkhalo4321

I mean- MAYBE the wolf thing, wants to be empathetci?

Kabocha

"The woods cried out: FEED ME pls can i haz yer dinner hoomin"

Darkhalo4321

also likes hoomin heartz

SpazztastiKim

GOOD LORD XDD

mathtans

The whole glowing eyes thing is pretty cool. Not sure how the effect is done, but nice.

Darkhalo4321

It's not like I LIKE you or anything! B-BAKA!

SpazztastiKim

TSUNDERE DEMON

Darkhalo4321

kiss kiss fall in the lake!

Kabocha

Also likes hoomin necks They are like beef, but more gamey

mathtans

Maybe the demon is actually that aunt, the one who made the tea.

SpazztastiKim

Nom nom

Darkhalo4321

Taylor?!

Kabocha

... I mean, dreams can be representational

so you got a Mama Wolf protectin' her youngins

Darkhalo4321

maybe- el is part dream wolf?

SpazztastiKim

i'm dead

mathtans

Yis. Summoned Elliot into town so the ghost Mandy could help.

"My other form is also a wolf."

RebelVampire

elliot wasnt real all along

he was summon

Kabocha

Oh no

Darkhalo4321

MAYBE- el is the creation woooooo

Kabocha

This isn't Final Fantasy 10, Rebel

unless we're getting meta, and we need El's father to be the wolf -- a summon from a dream becomes a dreaming summoned beast...

Darkhalo4321

I mean like-

We haven't SEEN el's dad yet so

Superjustinbros

"Hey, you OK?" "Does this look "Okay" to you?!"

_okay I'm done

Back to the comic

RebelVampire

yeah i was just about to say this is really gonna mess up the archives if it continues since i cant include images XD

Superjustinbros

Yeah lol

I feel like the joke has run it's course anyways

SpazztastiKim

I'm crying

Superjustinbros

You can only hammer in a joke edit so many times before it stops being entertaining

RebelVampire

onto the scratch. i get more the impression that the scratch was gonna happen anyway and the lantern showed up saying "hey stop scratching my boy"

Kabocha

image: [Elliot: don't make me Tidus- I wanna be Cloud]

SpazztastiKim

asdfghjkl!!!!

Superjustinbros

you wanna be a Cloud?

Darkhalo4321

giant SWORD

Superjustinbros

Oh that Cloud

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Early on, we learn that Elliot is supposedly psychic or an empath. Do you think Elliot is telling the truth about mostly just seeing ghosts, or does he really have other psychic powers as the others accuse him of? Who exactly do you think Mandy is, and what do you make of her closeness with Elliot? In other words, how do you think the two met? Do you think Elliot was born with whatever powers he has, or does it somehow tie into the creature he was warned about in the dream? Overall, how do you think Elliot’s abilities will help or hinder him in his task? What about in general for his newfound life in the town?

Kabocha

Elliot would not be a good Cloud, honestly. He's got too much personality, and too little damage from experimentation

Superjustinbros

Well we've seen a demon and a ghost so...

Kabocha

I THINK Mandy is his sister from another life. Or his best friend. And she couldn't be reincarnated with him, so she stuck around.

RebelVampire

was gonna go with his stillborn sister who never was

Darkhalo4321

But she was stated as never having BEEN alive?

That she wasn't real?

Kabocha

She's real for sure

She could also be a magic spirit, so she was never alive in the sense that humans would comprehend

Darkhalo4321

Real blue

SpazztastiKim

Har

mathtans

Elliot is all digital. He's in the Cloud.

RebelVampire

Elliot: I'm sorry Mandy but you're not real. Mandy: I'm...I'm floating right here and we're talking. Elliot: No, still not real.

Darkhalo4321

Maybe- El got the magic powers? ? From his last enounter that almost took him? And maybe mandi is some form of like... side kick from that?

Superjustinbros

Cloud saves? @mathtans

mathtans

I do think Elliot probably has other powers, but I don't think he actually knows about them. As to Mandy, I like Rebel's theory.(edited)

Kabocha

El goes on Dr. Phil, gets told "Perception is reality" Mandy laughs because... well

RebelVampire

so basically mandy is his familiar?

Superjustinbros

>Dr Phil I haven't heard that in a long time

Seems like it

Darkhalo4321

honestly, El would just sass his way out of dr. phil's show. they'd be like plz leave

Maybe?

RebelVampire

thats when they send him to jerry springer

mathtans

How did Mandy get her name? She must have existed at some point. Elliot doesn't seem like the type to just come up with that name, he's too introverted.

Kabocha

Maybe she has some sort of secret magic name

Darkhalo4321

Maybe Mandi named herself?

or came with a name?

Kabocha

and "Mandy" is just short for like Almandiasoriginamyeriath

mathtans

Bless you.

Darkhalo4321

cough kabo that's... I'm dying XD

Kabocha

HEY I know what "Bless you" means in some places!

Darkhalo4321

Salude

SpazztastiKim

ME TOO

Superjustinbros

Gesundheit.

RebelVampire

if we go with reincarnation being in this, maybe mandy isnt real cause she hasnt moved on in this life, has no memories of her past, and is basically just an empty shell floating around

Darkhalo4321

Oooh?

That's an interesting theory

Superjustinbros

I've seen stories with spirits like this

Kabocha

I'm curious to see what Mandy is later in the story, though. Like, if she's not real, then what is she. I'm pretty sure if she got kicked out of the dream, she's got some substance to her.

Superjustinbros

Yeah..

RebelVampire

well i guess it largely depends on what elliot's definition of real is

Darkhalo4321

RebelVampire

i could also argue elliot is just deluding himself as to whether shes real or not because its how he protects his sanity

cause elliot doesnt seem fond of the idea that he has powers

so if he pretends none of its real its fine

Darkhalo4321

Yeah considering that he got REAL dark real fast when Becky kind of prodded him about the idea of it being... odd-

but thank god for Mandi she reeled that back in fast.

Kabocha

Elliot's been through some crap, hasn't he

Darkhalo4321

I FEEL like it- He's been through something- :/ but what? WHO knows-

RebelVampire

Elliot remembers the great elf war

Darkhalo4321

maybe el is actually an elf from another world, and this is an isekai story and we have no idea

Kabocha

"Remembers" only in his dreams

I AM DOWN FOR THIS

Darkhalo4321

reverse isekai?

RebelVampire

i am ok with this

Kabocha

YEP.

SpazztastiKim

Y'all would be great at DnD

Darkhalo4321

I'm going to get yelled at aren't I?

Superjustinbros

is not a DnD player(edited)

Kabocha

I'm also cool with it being a reincarnation story, or just that El gets to see all sorts of monstrous things because he's got some sort of magic shenanigans going on

Darkhalo4321

poor unfortunate soooooul

RebelVampire

im ok as long as elliot lives to tell the story cause the world would be a lesser place without his snark

Darkhalo4321

I would cry

SpazztastiKim

X'D

Darkhalo4321

I would actually FLY TO KIM'S AND we'd have a long talk

>:T

#teamelliotlives

SpazztastiKim

-tosses the idea pretending I never planned it-

mathtans

Maybe Mandy will start possessing people. Suddenly Becky gets real mellow. Suspicious.

SpazztastiKim

pfft

Superjustinbros

Oh good just what we need

Ghosts doing ghost stuff

RebelVampire

wait maybe mandy is just the manifestation of elliot's lantern hence why she was never alive and isnt real

Kabocha

WAIT, Is there a risk of people actually dying in this story ... ...Kim are you going to kill off Elliot

SpazztastiKim

Darkhalo4321

I feel like Becky would out.... do a ghost?

SpazztastiKim

Darkhalo4321

SHE IS JUST TOO MUICH spirit for them XD

RebelVampire

Tom though is probably doomed for possession

SpazztastiKim

Poor Tom

Kabocha

.... Oh god you're probably right Rebel

Darkhalo4321

Becky is the one that would go " NO YOU DONT! " and unpossess herself with will power

Kabocha

Tom gets possessed and he seese EVERY HORRIBLE THING he's forced to do to feed the hunger

Darkhalo4321

NOT TOM

Kabocha

turns out the hunger is just really into chocolates

SpazztastiKim

PFFT

Darkhalo4321

NOOOO

Kabocha

They break into a Godiva shop with Tom's body

Superjustinbros

Did someone say chocolates?

Darkhalo4321

CHOCOLATE?!

Superjustinbros

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2771909/ch3-pg14/ I wonder what flavor everyone's getting then

Kabocha

The Wolf isn't super keen on the whole Chocolates thing though, because, y'know, theobromine poisoning...

SpazztastiKim

hehe

Darkhalo4321

so that's why the wolf says STARVE it

Superjustinbros

Tsundre wolf cannot consume ice cream

RebelVampire

well at least a chocolate quest would be more pleasant than alternatives XD

Darkhalo4321

TRUE

Superjustinbros

Chocolate Ice Cream? :3

RebelVampire

thats going too far in the sweets department questing O_O

Kabocha

Hey, at least Tom won't have to gorge himself on other things. But they do find out their local big box store was robbed of all its chocolate rabbits around easter...

SpazztastiKim

Truly the worst that could happen to this town(edited)

RebelVampire

but after Tom is freed hed never want to eat chocolate ever again

Kabocha

That's a tragedy.

Superjustinbros

RIP Chocolate rabbits.

RebelVampire

i want to see more tom though. i appreciate his calm demeanor in the face of the girls rampant amounts of energy

Darkhalo4321

Yes

Tom seems like the, solid rock founddation of the group type

mathtans

I like that idea that Mandy is just the manifestation of some object. Maybe something Elliot carries with him. A watch? He was good at pegging tea time.

RebelVampire

also cause tom is the useful one. cause becky is like "FARM FESTIVAL" and Ally is like "SWIMMING AND ICE CREAM" meanwhile tom is being a good boy and researching stuff for elliot

mathtans

Tom is a good counterpoint. He understands all the characters too.

Darkhalo4321

Like Hey let's do the job our club is suppose to do, shall we?

RebelVampire

Elliot is a time lord

mathtans

Oh yeah, the Farm Festival is sure to be a plot point. It's a metaphor for something.

RebelVampire

mystery solved(edited)

Darkhalo4321

I mean, if this were ouran host club, he's kyouya ... the only one that keeps the club on TASK

mathtans

Elliot's consciousness is trapped in a pocketwatch. With Mandy.

RebelVampire

ya know i could dig time lord elliot tho for reals. cause it explains why hes an elf or something. he just time travels and forgets he time travels. but why he knows how to save ppl from falling stuff

Kabocha

The farm festival will be... full of lore. About how they had the festival to appease a hungry beast.

Superjustinbros

oh boy

Darkhalo4321

Maybe

They farm

hearts

SpazztastiKim

gross

Kabocha

Hey, the heart could have been a Deer Heart

Darkhalo4321

was it though?

Kabocha

Coulda been.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. As the comic opens up, we meet a slew of characters and learn some notable things in regards to dream. What do you make of the fact another person is supposedly having intense dreams similar to Elliot’s? Does this have anything to do with the creature, or is it simply a red herring? If it does have something to do with it, what do you think Elliot will have to do about it to help the victim? In general, how do you think the dream club Elliot joined will help him in his overall task? Moving on from Elliot, which of Elliot’s friends are you looking forward to learning more about? In what ways do you think these friends might help Elliot deal with his problems and his quest?

Superjustinbros

How intense we talking? Like, Math Test insane?

Darkhalo4321

WELL Becky has every intention of making sure el has a social life, some what-

Tom will probably ensure no one dies- or he'll die trying.

RebelVampire

dark no

dont even suggest tom dies

Darkhalo4321

What if

he does die tho

RebelVampire

protect that child

Darkhalo4321

RebelVampire

no protect that child

Darkhalo4321

Ally tho

RebelVampire

or dont and be optimistic and assume him becoming a ghost will make him the most powerful being

Darkhalo4321

Ghost Tom

mathtans

Elliot's the replacement Chosen One. The current one in town is having trouble.

Darkhalo4321

current one?

Superjustinbros

SpazztastiKim

esplain Mathans

Kabocha

So, if we were to categorize these characters as horror characters...

Darkhalo4321

NOOOO

like horror movie horror, or like scary movie parody horror?

SpazztastiKim

Yes

Superjustinbros

Oh dear, this is gonna be fun >:3

Kabocha

.... Elliot's our Canary, though sometimes the canary lives Tom's dead. I'm sorry. Becky will be scarred for life, but probably will be the one carrying the plot and making sure everyone survives. Allison... She will not be in the horror parts. She'll be the character that calls the cops at the end.

Superjustinbros

rip Tom.

RebelVampire

no all of you need to stop killing off tom

SpazztastiKim

Just straight up kill off Tom

RebelVampire

the next page of the comic is literally just a dagger flying through the window and stabbing tom in the heart

Darkhalo4321

I'm pretty sure I saw the next page, can confirm

Superjustinbros

oof

Darkhalo4321

tom actually falls backwards out of his chair and LANDS on a dagger. effectively killing him off. Then the comic ends. Tom was the danger ALL ALONG(edited)

Superjustinbros

Dear god

That's cold

SpazztastiKim

A twist to make m night shyamalan proud

Kabocha

Lol Justin if you believe that you obviously haven't read through this comic

RebelVampire

no no the comic continues. the wolf comes back and is like "bro i told you to starve it not kill it. youre under arrest. this is a sting operation"

Darkhalo4321

SpazztastiKim

-wheeze-

Darkhalo4321

Elliot gets hauled off to DREAM JAIL

Mandi is denied visitation rights

Becky becomes his laywer

RebelVampire

then elliot becomes a dream defense attorney and has to prove his own innocence

becky would be a scary lawyer

i could just see her taking the floor and talking for hours

and her client is found innocent just cause the jury wants to go home

Darkhalo4321

She'd probably make a good case though-

Superjustinbros

@Kabocha Even if I did that's still pretty cold lol

Darkhalo4321

Jury: She talked for 5 hours, but... she wasn't wrong innocent!

Wolf thing : damn it!

SpazztastiKim

Ghost Tom: Language...

Darkhalo4321

Elliot: @#$% the establishment! throws a chair

Everyone just has the surprised pikachu face, after that!

SpazztastiKim

Superjustinbros

That face is glorious

RebelVampire

at this point i think were just all drunk and have gone mad with power

SpazztastiKim

lol probably

RebelVampire

im really curious to see what happens at the farm festival tho. mostly just cause maybe nothing bad will happen and theyll just have fun. like go on a nice hay ride

that will not trigger unpleasant memories and not start a fire to the whole festival

SpazztastiKim

hay rides are included tho

Kabocha

Maybe we'll find out that they have a sleep study at the contest

erm

festival

Darkhalo4321

And then after it's been ALL good- and it's all fun and stuff-

Kabocha

why am I thinking contest

Darkhalo4321

THEN

Superjustinbros

Oh god what's happennig here now

Darkhalo4321

then it will go downhill

Kabocha

Yep. It'll be a hot mess. AND FREDDY RETUR--- wrong series

RebelVampire

id really want to see elliot in a sleep study now tho

just imagine the scientists face afterwards

as theyre like wtf are these readings

Superjustinbros

oh boy

Kabocha

"This boy never enters REM sleep!?"

RebelVampire

what is life

Kabocha

"How is he alive?!"

Darkhalo4321

Right?

my question exactly ^^^ lol(edited)

RebelVampire

elliot was the one to have never been alive to begin with. the whole mandy thing is him projecting

Darkhalo4321

it would explain why some scenes have her split off of him?

Kabocha

oh that would be a twist.

Two souls one body?

Darkhalo4321

THAT IS MY JAM

RebelVampire

i had considered that as a realistic possibility. or more that mandy is just an aspect of elliot's soul

SpazztastiKim

-watches with entertained glee-

Darkhalo4321

Oh maybe?

RebelVampire

http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/comics/2704817/ch3-pg4/ off topic but i just noticed that computer has a pear on it and that makes me laugh

Darkhalo4321

Like the NICE version of who El is, and all the snark remained in the actual body

El is just Snark

that's it

TOM HOW CAN YOU

Superjustinbros

Shoutouts to Pear Products

mathtans

Sorry, called to crib. Have we talked about the title yet? With "lode"star? Is that like a metaphor for Elliot's powers, or something else?

RebelVampire

we have not talked about it.

mathtans

(As to explaining about the chosen one thing, the person with night terrors in town wasn't responding properly, so that's how Elliot ended up in town too.)

Darkhalo4321

We havent'

RebelVampire

i assumed it was a play on a lodestone

Darkhalo4321

I don't actually know about the title so much

PROBABLY

What is a lodestone?

RebelVampire

“A lodestone is a naturally magnetized piece of the mineral magnetite. They are naturally occurring magnets, which can attract iron. The property of magnetism was first discovered in antiquity through lodestones.”

Darkhalo4321

RebelVampire

elliot is the attracter of evil

Darkhalo4321

PROBABLY

el is an unlucky person

Kabocha

MAGNETIC SOUL

SpazztastiKim

poor kid

mathtans

Mandy being part of his soul is interesting. It reminds me, I liked in the first chapter how there were hints of her at times, and eventually it became clear.

Oh yeah, and I loved the Pear Computer, Rebel. Glad you remembered to mention it.

Yeah, I thought it was like lodestone, but being a star, maybe it's good somehow even though there's a burden involved.

RebelVampire

i liked the small hints but at the same time i was confused and wondered if he was communicating telepathically with becky XD

Kabocha

I'm curious to see where this all goes. There's not enough information to really like, get super crazy with fandom yet

mathtans

I did wonder where the thoughts were coming from.

Also, before the end, gotta mention the Becky and Ally ship. Those two can feed off each others' energy, it's sweet.

Darkhalo4321

they can power the entire town with their energy

RebelVampire

i will support the elliot/tom ship

Superjustinbros

Since the CTP is ending in a bit, thanks for the CTR, and thanks for the cool comic as well @SpazztastiKim, it was fun checking it out

mathtans

There you go. Can't ship Tom with his sister, after all.

Darkhalo4321

El == shippable with everyone honestly

mathtans

El is shippable with the wolf?

Darkhalo4321

...

SpazztastiKim

asdfghjkl

Kabocha

...yes

RebelVampire

yes

Darkhalo4321

I MEAN, as Friends?

Kabocha

BFFS

Darkhalo4321

El seems like he needs more FRIENDS

Kabocha

Anyway! Thank you Kim! I look forward to seeing where this comic goes~

Darkhalo4321

and boy and his aggressive wolf friend

mathtans

Wolf's name is probably Lodestar. Got it from a book.

Best with it, Kim!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to SasstastiKim, as well, for making Lodestar. If you liked the comic, make sure to support SasstastiKim’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://lodestar.smackjeeves.com/

SasstastiKim’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SpazztastiKim

SasstastiKim’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/SpazztastiKim

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #lodestar #sasstastikim

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thotragnar0k · 6 years

Text

i’ve been occasionally vague in my tags recently (don’t know if anyone actually reads them when i do add them but anyway) and I figured i should probably explain myself.

this past month of august has been really hard for all the good things that have happened in it. i’ve been feeling really upset about my body, my eating habits and my lifestyle, and while i thought being at home wasn’t helping, i was wrong (for reasons that will be explained in this super long post - i am so sorry people who don’t care about me).

i’ve never been happy with my weight. friends of mine have probably noticed that i put myself down a lot - saying self-deprecating things like I’m ugly and one such thing today i’m nowhere near pretty enough to a) marry rich and b) have a sugar daddy (you don’t need context here) - and it’s a problem i am subconsciously trying to fix.

but as i was saying, my body and i have never been on good terms. i think that my curves are in all the wrong places, and i feel like i’m in that gross in-between where no clothes look good on me, and I don’t have the right proportions for my tall (5′7-5′8) body.

i celebrated my 20th birthday this year, twice technically. Once a few days before with my friends and another the weekend of with my family. Firstly the night out with my friends. Sidenote: I’m not a ‘night out’ kind of girl. I don’t really like to get hammered. I will, I just won’t drink so much that I’ll throw up - mostly because I’m lazy and down want to have to clean. But as we were all at home, I figured fuck it, lets go out-out. Sometimes you just need to go out and get drunk with some friends.

three things happened that night that made me hate myself. three things, I don’t think I’ve actually told my friends (both of which are on tumblr and may see this if i don’t mass reblog other things immediately after it), or if i have I’ve played it off.

the first thing: my choice of outfit. again body issues. and lack of night out clothing. i don’t own any jeans that actually sit on my waist. i have high waisted jeans but unfortunately they always slip down to my hips (under my muffin top). my friends looked gorgeous. i felt like i stood out, but in a really bad way. sure the dress i wore was nice, but it wasn’t anything like the outfits they were wearing; jeans and a fancy top.

the second thing: dancing on a bar in coyote ugly. i did it because, you only dance on a bar once and they were doing it. i can’t dance. i have zero rhythm in this body. dancing on a bar did nothing to help my self confidence. i felt like everybody was watching me and judging me and it made me want to disappear into my bed and never leave it again.

and the third thing, also happening in coyote ugly; riding a rodeo bull. sure i’d love to say that i was too drunk to care. but i wasn’t. i was tipsy sure, but not too drunk. the thing that made me hate myself during this section of the night out - i couldn’t even get on the bull. my thick ass thighs kept sticking to the seat of the bull and my weak arms couldn’t pull my fat ass up. Sure I got up eventually, but the embarrassment of not being able to get on a rodeo bull was enough to completely slam dunk my self esteem into a trash can and into a bottomless pit. so that was fantastic.

concerning the weekend with my family; i found myself crying in the bathroom silently before we went to cardiff because i wanted to dress up nice because we were going to a nice steakhouse, but my problems with my body just made me want to hide under a big baggy jumper.

and i did. i found my biggest, baggiest jumper and i hid in it, because I couldn’t stand to see my disgusting body in something vaguely form fitting. no one commented on it, no one cared, but i did. and to be honest, i think it ruined my birthday.

and thats so sad, that such a small insignificant thing could ruin a while day. but it did. and to me it didn’t feel like a small, insignificant thing. it felt like a huge weight on my shoulder, drowning me completely. it also impacted my relationship with my boyfriend. he noticed that i haven’t been texting him as much as i usually do (not that im crazy, i just like to know how his day is going) and when we were conversing I was barely responding and being quite distant. and i hate it that that’s a thing i do; isolating myself to deal with my problems. i’m better now. i talk to him as much as i used to do, if not slightly less because i have nothing to do at the moment and there’s no point texting him for a cuddle because i’m not anywhere near each other for that instant gratification.

there have been many a night this summer where i have depersonalised (link here for those who want to know more) because of these issues, and its so hard to pull myself out of that floaty feeling. I’m better at it now than I used to be, but it’s still so hard.

i’ve had so many things i need to do in preparation for third year of uni but these episodes of depersonalisation have really stood in the way of actually doing that. i’ve got photos of a mutual that i need to retouch and send back to her but i can’t pick up the energy to sit at my laptop and do that work because i feel disconnected to part of my body.

and knowing she’ll read this, she’ll say just send them over to me un-edited; but the nit-picky, perfectionist part of my brain refuses to let me do that. i can’t send them to you because these aren’t perfect. they aren’t right. i can’t send them because this stray hair is out of place or this photo isn’t quite correctly exposed and sure, it seems trivial but it isn’t to me.

i went to a convention this past weekend; asylum steampunk in lincoln. i was helping my mum sell her books, occasionally assisting a photographer and his team, and running around taking photos. it was an odd convention; i felt as though i’d both done a lot and nothing at the same time. usually i feel so tired after a multiple day convention that i need a four day nap to catch up. but i was actually okay.

i learned a lot about myself at that convention. firstly, i oddly like talking to people and selling books. sure it’s hella tiring for just sitting behind a stall and occasionally selling a product. but chatting to people was actually really nice. my family tend to stick to ourselves. for welsh people (y’know that stereotype that welsh people never shut up) we don’t tend to socialise much, and networking is not our strongest asset.

the other thing i, well i guess i re-learned; photographing people at conventions for fun is actually fun. For the past three or four conventions i’ve been to - comic, gaming and steampunk - i’ve always been thinking about how i can use the photos as a series for university. but this time; i wasn’t thinking about that. i wasn’t caring if the background was any good, or if the lighting was perfect. i was just taking the photos. and it was so relaxing and fun. it wasn’t work.

for three of the four days we were at that convention, i got into the spirit and i dressed up for it. One of the outfits, that was sort of like a steampunk-y mechanic was a wide-full leg jumpsuit that my mum and i made together a few weeks before. i tracked half of my journey of that on twitter, (the bits i did, the cutting the fabric etc - my mum actually sewed the whole thing together- though i did give her a shoutout on twitter for all her hardwork). I actually really enjoyed wearing that outfit (mostly because the pockets were s o b i g), for the other two days i went slightly more piratey, wearing striped brown and black l=pants and a flowey striped white shirt one day and a light lace skirt and off the shoulder top on the other. that skirt, i don’t know why i don’t wear it more often (aside from the fact it doesn’t fit any outfits i have and i’ll look like an idiot wearing it anywhere other than a convention) because i think i look so good in it (baring in mind the lack of body positivity i have, this is a big deal).

the other thing that i’ve been doing this summer is i’ve been getting into make-up and even fashion i guess, trying to learn how to do that stuff (man it’s hard, why didn’t i start earlier). make-ups not so much of a problem in what i’m about to talk about, but watching fashion videos on youtube is rather annoying when you’re an average to slightly above average weight. I’ve not found (until today, the videos i’m watching right now as i write this) any youtubers that are fashion related that are anywhere near the shape/weight that i am. They’re either super skinny waifs who can fit into anything they want (and like that one i saw, saying that a size fourteen is a great size for oversized clothing - bitch please, stop) or plus size and self confident with those curves in the right places and much bigger than i can relate to. not that there’s a problem with either, there’s just not as much representation for the ‘average’ person. there probably is and i just haven’t found it (currently watching lucy wood) and i need to look better into it. i can guarantee that is definitely the case. but still i’d love youtube to recommend those youtubers to me please.

something that i did realise from the steampunk weekend was that i was so busy ‘working’ if you can call it that, that i forgot to eat the crap that i usually eat during the day, and i guess i forgot to drink water (which is not a good thing, drink water kids). but the main thing is not eating crap all day, paired with the amount of walking i did that weekend (almost 30,000 steps over four days) has actually made me lose half a stone since the last time i weighed myself at the end of july. (so i’m very pleased about this)

so sure, while third year is going to be so, so stressful, i’m making steps towards feeling better about myself and making sure i do 5-10 thousand steps a day and not eat as much crap as i usually do, but most importantly; learning to love myself and my body.

oh my god this post is so long. i’m so sorry anyone who reads all this.

tl,dr: the month of august has been depressing, body issues galore and i’m probably being ridiculous but i’m trying to get better.

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alegendarystudentwonderland-blog · 6 years

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Fort Wayne Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46809

"Fort Wayne Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46809

Fort Wayne Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46809

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Please settle an argument between my husband and I. We drive in our town back and forth to work, and I feel ok with that. I want to rent a car tonight because we have to go to an interview. It's about 2 hours away, down a highway strewn with police. I think it's crazy to try to drive in our vehicle, uninsured. He doesn't want to waste the money on a rental. It's a $5000 fine if we're caught - plus I'd likely lose my job (can't have a police record). How far would you drive uninsured? I don't even like driving in town - but we're a few months away from being able to afford insurance. Opinions please.""

Good insurance companies..I want to switch my car insurance..I need advice?

I have my auto insurance with Allstate and they're just ripping me off. They're always bringing up the prices yearly and I want to know where I can get a better offer. My car is a 2004 Elantra and they want to charge me 1 369 $ from March 4th to January 24th and that's just too much. I know there must be a better insurance company out there. Which ones and can I get a quote online ?

Is the acura rsx a cheap car to insure for 16yr old?

Is the acura rsx a cheap car to insure?

Why do sompanies like State Farm require you to pass a credit check?

What are they looking for because I do have a few things like a medical bill here and there but nothing more than 5,000 total""

How much would insurance cost an 18 year old for a car and a motorcycle under his parents insurance?

car is a honda accord 2005 motorcycle is a honda cbr600rr

Cheapest motor insurance in ireland!!!!?

im on a provisional licence and basically just looking for the cheapest insurers out there any help would be graetly appreciated as i am broke lol...also iv tried all the major ones like alliance 123 axa quinn :)

Insurance for my 1986 chevy Silverado ?

I have a totally restored 1986 Chevy 4x4 Silverado 1/2-ton pk-up extended bed 350 cu inch engine - it was appraised at $13,500.00 and we had a storm come through and a tree crushed the front of the truck, The cost was $3,000.00 in parts and paint. I only have liability insurance for protection but I would like to have full coverage insurance for future accidents etc. Can I get full coverage insurance on a 1986 Truck ?""

The anybody have auto insurance with the general auto insurance?

I'm looking for a cheaper car insurance, I have progressive it suppost to be cheap and now it can higher. I heard about the general but I want to know if it really cheap. Anybody""

How much is the average annual amount for a sport(crotch rocket) motorcycle insurance?

How much would insurance be on a mistibishi lancer GT on my moms insurance? (16 yrs. old)?

We are thinking about purchasing a mistibishi but we fear the insurance would skyrocket as me being a new driver. Any help?

Do most health insurance plans...?

if going from the US to Europe to work as an au pair for 2 months, how likely is it that health insurance will cover you while there?""

Asking all female drivers under 25- Whats a cheap car insurer?

Asking all female drivers under 25!! Does anyone know of or have been with any cheap car insurance companies? Ive already checked quite a few but they seem really expensive...Please help!

Should I pay my car insurance premium?

I purchased a car for my daughter last August and paid the annual premium. In November the insurance company said I cancelled her coverage and they issued me a refund for the remainder of the policy year (thru July). I didn't know what the refund was for, but deposited the check anyway. I don't know what I did to cancel coverage (for just this vehicle, all my other vehicles remain covered.) I don't dispute that I must have done something.... In April I found out I didn't have coverage for this car by my accidentally calling the insurance company about another question. I asked for them to reinstate the coverage immediately. They did and sent me a bill for the full amount of the refund, plus another $176. I feel I should only pay insurance for the remaining two months on this year's policy since, if I would have had an accident, the insurance company would not have covered me. They say they can't charge me for just the remaining two months, but that they have to bill me the full amount (plus what's with the additional $176 charge?) I'm thinking that I should just go to another insurance company and get the car covered. Any thoughts?""

Victim of car insurance fraud?

last year i had the police turn up at my door saying that i had hit a car roof with a claw hammer i didn't no what they was going on about i did not get arrested and they left, few days later i got a insurance letter thur the post saying that i had collided with a bmw and drove off leaving the seen, there insurance paid him out 5000, i spoke to my insurances and said i don't no what is going on they asked for pictures off my car i sent them, i phoned the police and asked them they said there is no further action is to be taken as the person as dropped the chargers, so i phoned there insurance and they said we are waiting for police reports, i said the police are not taking it any further as the person as he had dropped the chargers, they did not believe me and wanted me to pay 3500 in 14 days i said no, i lost 3 years no claims and my premiums went up, i just had to wait for months :( i got a letter today off there insurance saying we have had the police reports and there is no further action against me or my insurances... ok what will happen to the person what made up this lie to his insurance as he told the police one thing and his insurance another??????""

Which car insurance has the cheapest car insurance for new teen drivers?

i just got my license and i am trying to find out which insurance company has the lowest price for car insurance for girls?

How much is an occasional drivers insurance in ontario?

I am 16 i have a g2 i drive and 2003 dodge caravan sxt its my dads how much would it cost to list me as an occasional driver with TD insurance

Fort Wayne Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46809

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/reliance-car-insurance-randy-chavez/"

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pleaseimtryingtogetbetter-blog · 7 years

Text

An In-depth Analysis of Myself: the first critique

All the names are changed, and upon looking at the title there will be no end of self analysis. just letters upon letters to me, about me. This was written a few months ago, so who knows how im feeling now. try not to jude me too hard, whoever you are.

I'm so tired of feeling like crap about myself. I have good days and I have bad days. I'm so insecure no matter how hard I try to be confident. I like who I am on the inside, not the out. I know they say the outside doesn't match the inside, but what if it did? Is my outside appearance a direct reflection of who I am inside? Why do I look like this? Why wasn't I born beautiful?

I'm always going to be a big girl. And I'm slowly becoming okay with that. My legs don't bother me, or my arms. It's my middle. My large broad shoulders, the rolls of back fat that ruin any dress or short sleeve. And my big huge stomach that's never satisfied. I hate anything right on my body, anything that sticks to my skin makes me uncomfortable. I need things to be loose to hide the larger components of my body. Most just say eat right and work out, and while I agree, it's not that easy. All my life people think it’s okay to comment on my weight. The doctors, my family, and people who claim to be my friends. It ha always taken a dark toll on me, i developed self destructive behavior at such a young age part of me thought I was lying to myself. That I made up the eating disorder. I never ate anything. For some reason, it didn't bother anyone. They thought i was dieting because i only ate once a day. I got really skinny for my body type that summer. Going into middle school i slowly got better, until i was unhealthy in the opposite extreme. My parents ask why couldn't i put myself on another diet like i had before, they didnt realize i was sick. i didnt realize i was sick. i realized they couldn't see what i was doing to myself. For a while, I thought i was doing really well. I didn't deny myself what i wanted, and i felt comfortable.

Of course like all good things, it came to an end. I don't want to project this on anything other than myself, but i cant help but blame others. For some reason, i thought that since i was going to therapy i was getting better. Unfortunately thats not all that goes into it. The therapist can only do so much, the rest comes from you. Compared to my junior year, senior was way better. Or so i thought. Scholastically, senior year was better. My relationship with my mother was better. Everything should be going my way, but I'm still unhappy. I thought i kicked depressions ass, because i didn't feel so gray all the time anymore, once i realized i had everything i needed to be happy, good grades, great friends, and college acceptance, yet i wasnt, and that told me i wasn't cured just yet. I feel lousy all the time, plagued by mediocrity. Which can stem to all kinds of other issues, but for now let’s focus on my dissolving self confidence. Its not just my body i hate but my face too. My acne is crippling, getting worse everyday. Makeup doesnt do the trick anymore. At the end of the day the makeup wipe reveals the true ugliness beneath, not like the mask was any better. And for a while, i challenged myself to not wear makeup for a while. Sadly that only lasted a few days. You can have a great day, and one comment can ruin you. You see, my makeup less face oddly gave me confidence. Confidence to show who i truly am and to let myself breath. Ultimately, one comment destroyed that all in .002 seconds.

Remember how i said i didn't want to reject blame? Well I'm going to try and justify other peoples actions anyway. Jake is one of my friends. Honestly for a little bit i thought i liked him, but i only liked the attention and i often looked to him for validation because it was the only male friendship without any strict platonic mood placed on it. I can be honest with myself and admit that i was mainly attracted to the idea of us together because he was new, and i could make someone else jealous. However the stark difference between us enlightened me to see that we could never be together because we would never work. He is the opposite of what i want. He isn't goal driven and is often derogatory. Yet, I still look to him for validation just the same. Anyway, for some unknown reason, the last month he has made constant comments on my appearance. Im not entirely sure if he always did this, and I'm just barely noticing, or he is stating because we are slowly becoming more comfortable with one another. He has made comments that have really hurt my feelings. And it is a consistent behavior with him. He has made comments on my weight, my body, my height, my behavior, and my acne. He has made attacks on almost every inch of my being. And what angers me the most is that i often defend hid behavior to my friends. The last few weeks, there has not been a class period where i have left without feeling gross about myself. I excuse this behavior because i know he is equally insecure about everything i am in different perspectives. Yet, this behavior towards me is not acceptable. His comments destroy any inch of confidence i have left in me. I try not to comment on peoples appearance and if i have, i apologize. Jake also suffers from acne and we talk about it a lot. On my no makeup challenge, i anticipated a comment from him, and i shouldn't have to. he said “now that I've seen your real acne i feel better about mine” How does he think thats okay to say to someone who is obviously insecure about how they look? I wear heavy makeup, and he has commented on that as well. Why do people feel the need to comment on my appearance and attack the most vulnerable parts of me? If it can't be fixed in 5 minutes don't say anything. His verbal abuse, while unbeknownst to him, real contributes to my own self hatred. It fuels my fear of being unwanted. He is a close friend, but also a bully in my life.

Fear of being unwanted undoubtably comes from my father abandonment. He left at a young age for reasons I'm too scared to know and i have zero memories of him. I am extremely thankful for my mother and all she has done for me, but there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about him. Why did he leave? Was he not ready for a child? He has other children with another women and i often wonder if they know about me. Either unfortunately or fortunately, daddy issues is a common trope in todays society. I connect with many characters in media. Like Barney from How I Met Your Mother, Rebecca from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and Gabriel Iglesias’ own experience with his father. Like them, my father tried to contact me when i was about 15. Ultimately i said no and did not want contact with him. At 18, i am still not comfortable with the idea of having a relationship with him. He has hurt me deeply and I am not ready to forgive him for that. His abandonment makes me feel like i wasn't enough for him, and that i never will be. Probably the reason i find it so hard to connect with males. I can never truly trust them, much like i can never truly trust anyone because everyone leaves me in the end.

One thing i want to talk about is what happened with Oliver. He is not guilty in any reason, and if you look at it, a minuscule problem in my life. I finally got the guts to tell him how i feel about him, i kinda chicken out and wrote him a letter, but writing my feelings is more therapeutic than saying it, clearly. I told him knowing a relationship wouldn't result. And i think that that is the only reason that made me do it. Yes i genuinely have feelings for him, but i am no way ready for a relationship. Of course i want to make him happy and be with him, but i don't want to know what real heartbreak is, because I'm pretty sure i am heartbroken over myself. If that makes any sense at all. Anyway, i was denied and am okay with it. But it is another experience that makes me feel unworthy of anything real. I have never had anyone show interest in me, and while it is superficial, i long for a little attention. To verify that i am wanted. That i am beautiful. All of which i do not believe in, i want others to, and that is unhealthy.

Compared to my friends, who are gorgeous, i am the ugly duckling, and I'm okay admitting to it because i know no one else will. Actually my relationships with everyone seem as artificial as my hair color. All my friendships and family relationships seem to be temporary. I know everyone has someone they like more than me. Jennifer is my best friend, but i know she secretly prefers Rebecca or Penelope over me anytime. Daisy is one of my best friends, but i know my recent actions have made her hate me and i walk on eggshells with her now. Isabella is like my sister but i know I'm a third option to her. Behind Yolanda and Trina, and Brandon, Im someone in the background to fall back on. Vanessa is someone i treasure but i know she would prefer a night out with Kristina or anyone else. I know it’s selfish to want to be someones priority, but feeling unimportant to everyone is real hell. I feel like people keep me around because I'm dependable, and I'm tired of it. I look out for everyone, so who the hell looks out for me?

I do the most for my friends. I go above and beyond for everyone, and i notice i set the bar so high for friendship i feel like i don't have any. I want someone to be there for me like i am for everyone else. I look at myself as a lone wolf, but being alone weakens you faster. I am unable to look inside myself and find real strength. All i find is weakness.

I am sick to my stomach because i am so disgusted with myself. I am scared out my mind because no one notices I'm not okay. I cant ask for help, because i don't want people to look at me differently. I am very candid with the fact that i am mentally ill, and pride myself that i go to therapy, but laying a lot of my flaws out on the table is not easy. i know that this paper does not contain all things that i do not like about myself, but for now it is an installment.

If I ever send this to you, i am not attacking you. I am not looking for attention or compliments or sympathy. I am simply being honest with myself and need to write it out. I am hurt and i can feel a self destructive behavior coming over me and this is a signal to be on alert for any alarming actions i might do. Do not smother me, it will only anger me. Do not bombard me with questions about my sanity or overly ask if I'm okay, as i am not clearly sure myself. If you reached this point i am worried that you are scared for me, and my safety. And while i feel that I am being dramatic and this is a crazy disclaimer, this is NOT a suicide note. I am not going to kill myself. I could never do that to my family and cannot put Jennifer through another suicide. If I ever send you this, I am sharing something very personal and ask you to keep this just between us and not show anyone else. I am someone who struggles with low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, sleep issues, and deep rooted fears. And while it may seem contradictory to what i have previously stated, I will be okay.

#thoughts personal pleaseimtryingtogetbetter writingismytherapy insidemyhead

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