#/also i'm past the halfway mark on this first chapter which is !!!

[keeps-ache]

ggghhg i hate vehiclessssssss ghghghhghhhhh [dies dies dies forever]

[wordsandrobots]

Had a pretty bad day so I'm going to boast about something.

I didn't mention it at the time but posting Chapter 14 of Ragnarök in G Minor on Friday took it past the previous high bar for individual Wishing on Space Hardware fic-length set by The Ares Affair (72,872 words vs 69,850). And this latest story isn't even halfway done. That'll come next week, and take the total word count for the series over 550,000 words.

(I'm hoping to land at about 555,000 because who wouldn't?)

Which is nice, and a good reminder of why, exactly, it took me half a year longer than expected to get Ragnarök finished. Because that did kind of disappoint me, but looking at it like this, it makes sense. There was a *lot* to get through to tie the overarching story together and give everybody some sort of key moment. My problem with writing fic for Iron-Blooded Orphans is that I want to write about ALL of it, and every single character, so it was probably inevitable that it wouldn't conclude with anything less then a doorstop of a fic.

Chapter 14 also marked the end of the character arc I started with the first IBO fic I wrote and I want to write a brief commentary on that. I'm planning a proper 'author's note' essay when the whole series is done, but this . . . this is something more specific.

(Behind a cut because it is talking about endgame stuff for Wishing on Space Hardware, which is already a post-canon fic for Iron-Blooded Orphans, so, yeah. Take heed and beware ye spoilers.)

I can't remember when exactly I decided one of the climaxes was going to be a three-way fight between fun-house mirror versions of the Devil of Tekkadan. Like much of WoSH, it fell out of the ever-expanding churn of ideas IBO left me with. But it's an obvious thing to do: take the legacy of the anime's protagonists and fracture it against itself for the sake of drama. Because whatever else, we are talking about a group of deeply traumatised child soldiers and there remains the potential for a lot of bad things to follow the hopeful ending of the show.

Embi is all the worst parts of Tekkadan. Violent, arrogant, selfish, reckless -- he's the vessel into whom I poured all that and more, to the point of having him actively reject the better parts. Heart-sickened by the death of his brother, the bonds of comradeship fray until he can't stand the sight of his former squad-mates, much less the miraculous returnee from the dead who catalyses the events of WoSH. At the same time, he can't stay at his worst. He struggles with new connections because they threaten to pull him from his grief. He doesn't want to move on. Embi roots himself in an old dream of being like Mikazuki, in the life of a mercenary soldier. Fighting is all he knows and beyond it lies the terrifying prospect of hope and trying. He'd have much preferred to burn up over Mars. At least that would have been a safely familiar ending.

Ordsley suffers the myth of Tekkadan, transformed by people who saw what a group of Martian children 'achieved' and wanted to surpass them. Yet the curse inflicted on him -- for he is of course a werewolf, turning with the influence of the crescent moon -- is to become unwilling legatee of Mikazuki's reality: the beast and the boy, the contradictory dreams of someone trapped by a system that sees people as raw material. For the smart young man at home on the proper side of history, it's a hell of a shock to reckon with the humanity of those condemned for their rebellion. Here, finally joining the survivors on the battlefield they once called home, the pieces click, for at least a moment. There are no easy answers in a world that offers children a choice between killing and starvation, but perhaps in the middle of the fray, it is easier to understand why they call each other friend.

Then there's Shino. The lovely, blood-thirsty himbo I thought it would be interesting to pluck from his canonical fate.

I know when I decided to shatter his prosthetic. The middle of last year, after reading writing by amputees, talking about how they are depicted, how that feeds and feeds off narratives fundamentally disconnected from their lived experiences. Still, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm not trying to speak to those experiences. The canon has sci-fi prosthetics. It's detached from the real world. It's just, the ways it also problematises them . . . the way, particularly with the addition of 598 and his cybernetic eye, that dovetails with the propaganda drive from militaries to gift high-tech limb replacements to those mangled in the course of fighting . . . I don't regret pushing myself to dip my toe in those waters.

You see, I wanted to tie together the strands of Shino's trauma. His instinctive reach for quid pro quo in his relationship with Yamagi, finally answered with the truth of everything positive he left behind on his first 'death'. His great bête noire, that failure of his last-ditch effort to save Tekkadan, coming full-circle as he's given another chance, another challenge, met this time with greater experience and maturity, and the knowledge of when not to fight. Third-best no longer, bolstered by all those who taught him what it takes to fly.

And as he gets to prove his mastery -- in ways beyond Embi's suicidal commitment and Ordsley's engineered supremacy -- he also reckons once more with that pernicious belief he is only fit to fight.

There isn't an answer, you know. Those doubts about ourselves, those demons, don't go away even when we let them go. We just learn to carry on regardless. To accept the possibility that we can live anyway, and to stop throwing the best parts of ourselves under the bus in our rush to distance ourselves from the worst.

So the arm is smashed to bits, the fate of the mobile suit pilot, the soldier, the body spent in violence. But Shino finally sees his younger self in a positive light and does what nobody else was able to for Embi: tell him it's OK to leave. Whatever it takes to be happy, even if that's a million miles away. He treats Ordsley as Ordsley, not Mika 2.0, reinforcing Ordsley's newfound balance. Above all, throughout everything, he is not alone. This final fight is spent with Eugene right at Shino's side, backing him up, trusting him. The Ryusei-Go is Tekkadan as a community, the part that truly never wilted. Because the reason Shino can have this moment of catharsis is that he is loved. So many people, building him up, giving him a future.

Everything he would do for them, unhesitatingly, and has, more times than he will ever realise.

I don't know if it's character development, exactly. Honestly, I don't know if the chapter actually encapsulates these things the way I wanted it to. I've read it too many times to see it straight any more and, even with a lovely band of readers I am privileged to have commenting, I'm doubting myself a lot these days. I don't sit well on my laurels, with the things I've completed, the word counts and the tick-marks. I worry it's still not enough. Put a fair of myself in Shino, there.

But I think it's good. I think it came out the way I wanted it to. I think it's the right thing for the story, to take a giant mecha battle, the tragic, inevitable conflict, and flip it around into an act of firefighting. I think I should be proud I got here, even if I never expected to when I first sat down at my keyboard to explain why the hot bisexual anime boy was still alive, actually.

So I'm make a note, to myself, that I did. That I should be proud. That I am, of me, for doing that.

And if you're reading this and you're going to be reading the rest of the story -- I'll just say, Shino himself is going to tell you why his vivid pink robot arm needed to be demolished by a giant sword. There'll be another, eventually (they do have a cyberneticist on speed-dial), but for now, well. You'll see.

[solace-sylphieee]

For Contents Moving Forward...

The very first post in my tumblr and it ends as my final notice for 时空中的绘旅人 / For All Time / HLR / Lovebrush Chronicles / LBC.

The irony.

But anyway figured I should do here cuz it's going to be quite the long essay from me.

We're now halfway through March, White Day's almost here and so is my 3rd Anniversary Emerald's Wedding Ring Merch.

THAT'S RIGHT

I'm gonna get married with Emerald / Cael and retire for good to enjoy my marri-

...

To hell with that, I really can't bring myself to finish that bs.

But anyway the intention is still there - I am planning to retire from HLR / LBC but before that, I will clear off some of my stuff and I will drop the game as a whole: 1. Retrospring QnAs for the guide account I'm part of: @stshelterpedia 2. Chronological Summary to the game's story (had been requested to do this cuz the event release is now extremely messed up) 3. Claiming all my remaining monthly pack resources

For my followers from Twitter, new and old, I have gone missing from releasing the translation of game news for a long time, and now I feel the need and for the first time, share my thoughts in a very elaborative manner instead.

Sorry for ghosting on you guys for so long and from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all the follows all this while, even with me neglecting the translations here and there.

Although I believe many take me as a source of news translation and no more than that, there are still some who I've build relationship with as well throughout the years.

Now onto my retirement from this game and the translation thereof:

Do take note there's going to be some spoilers too -

Work may have been one of the reasons behind it as I've been way too occupied this year comparatively, but the very main factor would be the fact that I've lost my love and passion for this game.

In all honesty, I've stopped reading the Card Stories since Paradise / Eden and Event Stories since Onmyoji Collab. And for my long-time followers, I'm not sure if it's that obvious, but I have stopped fangirling or make any remarks on the game content for years - which I guess is quite the obvious sign from then on.

I loved HLR / LBC for its plot. I loved how plot is the driving force and priority of the game since the beginning. I loved how everything revolves around the plot, including the charaters to Event Stories and Card Stories.

But alas, all of that are past tense for me.

I may have been biased cuz I stopped reading all the side contents, so it's just the impressions I'm getting from the discussions I have with my friend. But for me after Destiny Corridor (DC) iirc? Fan service becomes the driver in this bus.

DC has its own share of service, but I feel the wrmth from deep down. All the nostalgia and warmth, and that's the peak storytelling before its downwards slope for me.

Personally I don't mind fan services, but for me it feels like Event Story has become more and more irrelevant to Main Story, unlike in the past. Card Story is there to build some background story, but since it's more fan servicey now, it's just a stalemate story with barely any development.

At least that's what I feel and my impressions here and there.

Some may wanna ask: "But isn't Empire series the most Main Story relevant Event Story?"

Yeah, it should be, cuz it's almost the deadline (iirc supposedly by 4th year) that Empire Chapter will begin for Main Story and the final route of it marks the end of Season 1.

But the latest one I've read - Tidal-Disruption, Admiral Star / Prefect Luminance side specifically, actually disappointed me a whole lot.

Chosen is written brilliantly to make us fear Maker more, but in juxtaposition Star / Luminance had a great start but a meh ending.

I find that the appeal behind Star / Luminance is that he is interested in MC for how strong she is emotionally and wants to break her, believing she will also be his greatest and most perfect creation cuz his other 'collections' can't withstand his 'molding'. All the revelations is nice and all, then suddenly he becomes so infatuated with MC he accepts his name as Alkaid (THAT DUDE HAS BEEN DENYING AND REJECTING OF SO STRONGLY SINCE HIS APPEARANCE) and play family with MC, imprisoning her and the story went like husband going back home to a lovely wife waiting for him treting his wounds.

I just

??????

DUDE WHERE DID YOUR COLDNESS, INDIFFERENCE WENT?

WHY DID YOU BECOME SO LOVE LORNED?????

I believed he had been better than that but he made my inner Asian Parent Disappointment surge up and I can only shake my head at the end when he decided to just let MC go.

Others let go cuz they are interested to see how far she can go, cuz she's not a threat at all, cuz she's a great piece for their plans, or cuz of their own twisted obssession; but for him it feels like a bad attempt in making him more romanceable.

End of ranting for now else it's gonna be for eternity.

Stories aside, what prompted me to ultimately announce my retirement as a whole is the moment I realise I hadn't logged into the game for 2 days (my birb brain had thought it's only 1 day).

That's right, 2 days and I didn't feel any urgency or frustrations for missing out on the resources. This is as of today, 10 March 2024:

While on the other hand I feel like choking myself for missing my morning grind for another game.

With such comparison, I figure it's high time I check this off with a notice for everyone.

It has been a long journey and I enjoyed the companion of this game that also bring many new encounters for me.

But it is also time for me to bid the game adieu.

Feel free to unfollow me on my Twt if you're not interested in seeing me anymore.

Moving forward, I might begin some other translation project for games I took interest in (time to see if 世界之外 Beyond The World's grip be that strong on me) and I will also share a more elaborative train of thoughts here too.

Thanks for reading all the way here, my DMs in Twt are open for chats, and feel free to interact with me. I will be more than happy to share my thoughts with you too :)

[andistarburst]

TMNT: AbstractedStar.

Chapter one.

( Reunion arc part one.)

Word count: 995

Next

Raph walks into his first class of the day,the teacher pauses her lecture and looks at him.

" Do you have another reason for being late,again?" The teacher asked.

Raph paused for a second,before coming up with some stupid accuse that no one would actually believe,April ran over, apologizing for him and pulling him over to his desk.

" You know you can't do that!" April hissed.

" I know,but it was a good joke!" Raph responded.

" It really wasn't,do you want to be in detention before the class even is halfway done!" April whispered,angry at her friend.

" Not really,but I'd rather that than math class," Raph laughed,getting a glare from the teacher,which he ignored. Raph glanced around, looking for someone.

" Where's Case? He stole my juice box yesterday," Raph smiled.

" He texted me,he said he had too stay home because his sister was sick,and his parents are busy," April said,opening her textbook.

" Well,I guess I'm skipping some classes today."

" Just don't get expelled,alright? I don't have many friends, y'know."

" You'll be fine and I won't get expell-"

" Ahem?"

April and Raph looked up,along with the rest of the class.

" April, Raphael? Please,work on your schoolwork and stop talking," the teacher asked.

" Uh, alright,but we are worki-"

" Shh!"

" Geez," Raph muttered.

They worked for awhile,until the school bell rang. Raph ran out of the classroom,leaving school.

------------

Raph knocked on the door of Casey Jones' house,tapping his foot while waiting for a answer. The door clicked as it opened. Casey stood in the doorway, looking tired. He had a bandana draped around his neck,wearing a band shirt.

" Oh,Hey Raph!" Casey smiles.

" Hey Case," Raph offers him a fist bump, which Casey declines.

" Right now isn't really a good time," Casey whispers.

" Oh,sorry,I just wanted too ask a question-" Raph slightly tilted,looking behind Casey. A green turtle with red and lime colored markings,a blue mask,and bandaged up,laid on the couch.

" CASEY!" Raph ran past him,gaping in shock," is that a turtle mutant!?" Raph pointed at the turtle,looking back at Casey as if trying to make sure he wasn't hallucinating or something.

" I found him near a pizza place,he was pretty banged up,so I brought him home and got his wounds fixed up" Casey explained.

" Why didn't you call me!? Y'know I'm also a turtle!" Raph hissed,turning off his cloaking broach," also these aren't wrapped correctly!"

" You were in school!" Casey defended.

" Yeah,yeah,but I would've picked up either way."

The blue turtle muttered something,starting too sit up.

" Oh,he's awake," Raph chirped,walking over too him.

Raph put pressure on himself too make a good first impression,but he still didn't.

" Hey, dip shit," Raph greeted,Casey wheezed from behind him. What the heck? Why'd he say that out of all things he could have said?

The blue turtle scoffed," where am I- OH CRAP A HUMAN!?" The blue guy stumbled back,summoning a sword made what looked like blue light.

" Woah!" Raph gasped,eyes wide.

" What is happening?" Blue hissed," did you kidnap me? Are you going to dissect me?!"

" Hey,calm down!" Raph slapped Blue,making him stop and stare at him in shock.

" Did you just slap me?"

" I was calming you down!" Raph defended himself.

" Who are you?" Blue muttered.

" My name's Raph,and--"

" RAPH?!" Blue yelled,the sword disappeared,he hugged Raph.

" Get off! What the heck?" Raph pushed him away.

" You remember me,don't ya? I'm your brother!"

" Woah! You didn't tell me you had a brother!" Casey leaned on Raph,laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

" I don't, I'm an only child," Raph said, pushing Casey away," where'd you get that idea into that thick skull of your's?" He asked the Blue guy.

" You seriously don't remember?" Blue asked," my name is Leonardo, don't you know my name?!"

" Leonardo? No,I don't recognize that name," Raph answered.

" So you don't remember you and our brothers being kidnapped by a rat? And me being the only one left behind?" Leo asked.

" No? But my dad is a rat," Raph muttered.

" Wait- your dad's a rat?" Casey questioned,face scrunched up into disgust.

" Yes,a mutant rat," Raph sighed," I thought I told you!"

" No you didn't!"

" Why does it matter?"

" Actually,our dad is a goat," Leo interrupted," and he is a yokai."

" A what?" Raph and Casey said.

" A yokai? The rat guy is one also!" Leo answered," we are the mutants."

" I- wait a minute,did you say 'brothers?" Raph gasped.

" Yeah,we have two other brothers, Mikey and Dee? Or did you forget them too!?" Leo hissed,seeming a little angry at Raph forgetting about them.

" How can I believe you?" Raph yelled,he wasn't sure he actually wanted too believe that.

" Ask the rat man,maybe he'll give you an answer," Leo said,leaning on his sword.

" Hm, doubt it," Raph muttered.

" Well, alright! I should go before our dad finds us! He'll kill the human kid, probably," Leo laughed,walking towards the door.

" Wait,what?" Casey yelped,staring at him.

" Thanks for the help, I guess, I'll see ya around!" Leo smiled,walking outside.

" Wait! You forgot your cape!" Casey yelled,running outside.

Raph stood still in the apartment,now alone. Left with his thoughts as he heard Casey outside trying too give Leo back his cape and hood.

He has brothers? He's supposed to remember them? When did he ever have brothers? Splinter would've told him by now,and if they were in his childhood, he should remember them.

Actually,now that he thinks about it,he can't remember a lot of his childhood before eleven. He's...never noticed this chunk of memory missing.

Raph needs too ask his dad some questions. He activated his cloaking broach and walked outside,walking around until he found a sewer drain,which wasn't hard, and heading home.

Notes

I hope you enjoyed reading! Chapter two will be out soon,but I need too make art for that one. There was going too be art for the first chapter,but I decided not too make any.

Anyways,soon I'll post some other stuff about this Au,but it may be awhile.

Thanks for reading! Have a good day!

Au Masterpost

[gothark]

Books I've read in July 2024

And what I thought about them:

The Husky And His White Cat Shizun Vol 1 - I looked at a problematic person and said 'yes, you. i will keep you' no joke though I breezed through this one, so invested like wdym????

5 Stars

The Borrow a Boyfriend Club - literally based on 'what if everyone was a stereotype' and I really wanted the characters to be more than that? and they were, but all that got added was that they were all fucking mean

DNF

The Sky Blues - really didn't like it at the beginning but I didn't want to DNF another book right away so I continued and I think I liked it more at the end? Might just have taken me hostage instead though. Cheesy.

3.75 Stars

Tadek and the Princess - Follow up Novella to 'A Taste of Gold and Iron' and it made me bawl my eyes out. i was ugly sobbing, such a good exploration of grief and not allowing yourself to feel that grief. chefs kiss.

5 Stars

The Lightning-Struck Heart - I just couldn't get into this one. Maybe me and T.J. Klune just don't mix but this kind of humor goes from kinda funny to really fucking annoying in like 4 chapters.

DNF

Reforged - I just got over A Taste of Gold and Iron and this punted me right back into it, very similar feel but also different? I dunno how to explain it but if you liked one of these you will probably like the other one too. This just missed that slight spark to make it amazing.

4.75 Stars

The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories - Jesus fucking Christ. Like. WHAT. I hated this, this is legit the worst book I've ever read. If you like stories that sexualise the abuse of women at the hands of men in literally every single story this is the book for you. Maybe I'm just stupid but none of these stories gave women any agency, everything was just done TO them. Hard no. Gross.

0.25 Stars

She Who Became The Sun - Holy Shit. My beloved. Actually just my favorite fucking book ever. Like Shelley??? Hello??? How did you write this masterwork? Still can't decide if Zhu or Ouyang is my beloved (it's Ouyang) Pls, everyone read this. i'm keeping the second book in the series for dark times.

5 Stars

The Past Is Red - It was fine? I didn't like the guy, whatever his name was, i didn't like the rift between the silly names for things and the at times really horrific things going on?? the reveal at the end felt kind of cheap and unbelievable.

2.25 Stars

MADK Vol 1 - Insane? like... wtf did I just read? homoerotic cannibalism the manga. i was intrigued though and the art is really pretty??? (help)

4 Stars

MADK Vol 2 - i have no clue what's going on anymore, i'm just here for the ride. things are happening and my last brainvell has left the chat

4 Stars

The Fragile Threads of Power - CONFLICTED. I liked it? the world is really interesting? the problem was the 50 different pov's and that i really like some of those characters and really disliked others. i was also a little confused at the beginning because this was the first book i read in this universe (which you totally can do, everything you might be missing gets explained)

4.25 Stars

Herald of the Witch's Mark - i thought this was the last book in the series but it wasn't and i was lowkey so glad to be finished with the series because we have a serious love/hate relationship going on. i'm also just not the biggest fae person I've realised. oopsies.

3 Stars

Red Rising - my god, this is so good. completely changes it's vibe like halfway into the book and i'm all for it??? darrow is fucking insane, batshit crazy. this man will lead me to an early grave and I will THANK HIM FOR IT. he is my favorite frat bro who does murder in space. right after she who became the sun in my fave book rankings.

5 Stars

The Lightning Thief - I read the first five books once as a child and man this just hit such a good nostalgia spot, it also has none of the bad taste that harry potter does and this was just such a nice and easy read. like a nice rainy day in a warm blanket. would recommend.

5 Stars

The Extraordinaries - I actually started reading this at the end of 2023 and that should basically say everything. So technically this is my first TJ Klune, not Lightning-Struck Heart but I gave up on it after. Microwaving a cricket to make it radioactive to gain super powers was just too much. also the main character? felt kind of offensive if he was supposed to be a character with autism because no way in hell would any real person actually be like this

DNF

A Darker Shade of Magic - We have the problem here, I like the world but the pov characters are the ones I did not like in Threads of Power (lila) i'm sorry, i just don't vibe with her personally overall a good book though?

4 Stars

Shadow and Bone - man it just took too long to get to the reveal, once again i didn't really vibe with any of the characters (except for mal) and i want to punt the Darkling to the dark side of the moon

3.75 Stars

The Sea of Monsters - what can I say? i'm a sucker for greek mythology so this is just really my thing and it's just such a nice break to take between other books, also the twist at the end? i love that shit lol

5 Stars

Firefly Lane - so this book was basically taking the blueprint for the life of the typical midwest, american white women (maybe a little extra shitty life) and it's this book. it feels like going down a check list. young girls getting sexually assaulted? check. young girls getting with older men? getting pregnant when it wasn't planned? having a miscarriage? getting married to the guy who liked your best friend before he liked you? surprise twins? (being a bad mom lol) but that works for some people, just not really some gay guy who thinks marriage and children are kind of icky (personally, for me) also the parts where it was heavily implied that the one women was only unhappy because she had her dream job but no husband or children??? so ew. the ending got me though because cancer runs in the family. oh also just way too fucking long. needs to be like 40% shorter, so boring for so much of the time

3.5 Stars

[ramonag-if]

I lost track of this wip for a long time but I'm so glad to have found it again. Just finished my first playthrough since way back when this was just two chapters long and I am so delighted and impressed by the quality of writing and quantity of content! Also!!! I gotta gush about Salyra and Ahlf for a second.

You have made characters that are so flawed and so lovable in a way I very rarely see and it's fantastic! The more I learned about each of them and their interactions with the MC (many of which poor MC didn't even know about) the more I'm fascinated by them. So many of the revelations made genuinely hurt so deeply, Ahlf being the old leader of the blood guard, Salyra's new family, Ahlf never sharing her letters and lying about MC being happy and fine, Salyra's bid to fix the war by having a mixed race baby blessed by the gods, it's all terrible and my poor MC is heartbroken because these two people who should have loved her did such a bad job of it but she's also conflicted because she'd like to at least think that they do actually love her! They were trying to do their best while also being fairly self-centered people. The angst is so so good! And for all that I can fault these characters I can also kinda see their lines of reasoning. It makes sense that Ahlf wouldn't want Salyra back in his or the MCs life, both out of spite and out of real concern for the safety of his child cause like, who goes to give a baby god powers with the express disapproval of their partner??? You can't trust a person after that.

And while it sucks that Salyra has a whole new family now she's more than just the MCs mom, she's a whole ass person and so of course she continued to do the things that people do even without MC around, she continued to live and love and make questionable choices. It's shitty that she never came back, but the vibe I've gotten from both the game and your responses to asks here is that she was under the impression MCs life was better this way, that their life shouldn't be uprooted again, that they knew at least some version of the truth about where she was and how she was.

Never mind her involvement with the princess and the repercussions her counsel has had on countless people! She's so interesting and tugs my emotions in so many different directions. I pity her and I loath her, and I'm playing a character who loves her so much but is crumbling under each new revelation and it's so so good.

And oh my God another thing I appreciate is how consistent your characters are, even when it doesn't paint them in a good light. Salyra is described by many people as stubborn but stubborn is one of those traits that I often see written with only the positive connotations in mind. A character is "stubborn" but it always works out for them, it only chafes the other characters who are bad guys or antagonist, it's more determination and it's tempered and righteous and leads to good outcomes because "you should never stop trying, never give up!", but like that's not proper stubbornness. Salyra is stubborn to the point of ruin, she charges forth with what she thinks is best with what seems to me is little regard for the input of others and it appears to have gone disastrously in many places but she just. keeps. going!!!

I'm having so many feelings about these characters omg. I have so many questions! Though at the forefront is does Salyra even love MC or does she just love the potential she saw in them, the plan she had for them, the symbol they were supposed to be? This ask is so long and for that I do apologize I just wanted to let you know how fantastic I think this story is and I guess express my undying love for the way you've written Salyra, even if it does break my heart lol

Have a great day!

Thank you for finding your way back to the game 🌼 I forget that the game was at one point just a few chapters in and now we're a just past the halfway mark of the full game 😅

I'm really glad you're enjoying Ahlf and Salyra as characters. I never intended to make them this flawed or angsty, but as I wrote their scenes, their characters did become more than the idea I had for them and suddenly Ahlf was emotionally detached and Salyra was heading straight towards martyrdom. I like showcasing realistic characters, which is how I view Ahlf and Salyra. I've always enjoyed family dynamics that aren't always depicted as happy and perfect or the fights are trivial at best so this was a lot of fun for me to write such a complex and painful family.

I've always been stubborn myself, so I know that it can be more of a flaw than it can be a good thing. With Salyra, I based her on a lot of different leaders who would often be successful at rebellions but have really bad personal lives because they were so focussed on their ambitions that it got in the way of everything else. Salyra's best and worst quality is her stubbornness, it's what gotten her this far, but it's also what's ruined her personal relationships around her.

Salyra does love the MC, though you as a reader need to determine if she loves the MC because they're her child or because she can't separate the MC's existence from the plans she once had as them being a symbol of peace and unity 😅 It will depend on your playthrough and there is no right way to interpret her feelings towards the MC. As the writer, I can understand how she might seem to genuinely love the MC and how to others, she might seem like she's manipulating the MC or only loves the idea of them. So you'll need to ask yourself after weighing up her actions and words if it's enough to prove genuine love or not.

Please don't apologise for the long ask 💖 I enjoy reading everyone's take on the characters and the game. It's always my favourite part about sharing updates and the story with others so we can all gush about it together. Thank you for your support 😊

[paula-in-dreamland]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let's spread the self-love 💞

Tagged by @azriona. Alright. Finally getting around to this. Imma cheat a bit and use fics that are no longer available online and are currently WIPs for the sake of ~variety~ but also I'm obsessed with some of WIPs and the other works are SO OLD. IT WAS HALF MY AGE AGO.

Anyways. A look into my past and future...

450 Years Later - Twilight: Rosalie/Emmett - Post-Canon Timeline - Roughly 2010 - Basically, it was a break-up/make-up story. First fanfic I wrote to completion. First one I posted. And I was just very proud of it. Also it was lowkey funny and somewhat plotless? Unfortunately - I took it off FF.net and then I think my dumbass decided to delete it from my computer too? Don't do that. Don't ever do that. YOU LEAVE THAT WIP./COMPLETED WORK/WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO ROT ON YOUR HARDRIVE FOR GOOD.

Finding Love: Emily and Jayden - PRS: Emily/Jayden - Canon Divergence - 2011 - Oh these two blorbos. My first big hit. Made all the 10-15 year olds wild. Gave me confidence in my writing abilities. I think it's just a very sweet story. Back when I just wanted fluff, not to drag my barbies through the mud.

Movie Marathons and Love Triangles - PRS: Emily/Jayden - Canon Divergence - 2011 - Kind of same as above except it's a one-shot. Back when my brain got one-shot flashes instead of "You need to write three novels for this one scene/AU idea." Pure fluff. Some silly things.

A Game of Revenge and Loyalty - TLK: Stiorra/Sigtryggr - Hunger Games AU - Fall 2024 (Hopefully) - I am officially at around 58k words. And just over halfway done. I would estimate I have ~10 chapters left to write. This fic was one of the first ideas my brain went WILD over in ten years and that I have actually stuck to/kept thinking about after the year mark. All to say - I am absolutely feral over this fic and it is extremely self-indulgent and i dont give a fuck and my brain will be so happy when i get to read it back one day.

Untitled WIP - TLK: Stiorra/Sigtryggr - Biker Gang AU - ???? - This would be one of my first "challenge" fics to grow my writing as it would involve a asynchronous timeline, a bit of a mystery, and possibly utilizing 1st POVs? IDK. I have it plotted by 80-90%. It's just figuring out how to set up the asynchronous timeline/order of chapters. And you know...writing it....Which would take a few months. BUT ITS REALLY COOL AND I HOPE I GET TO WRITE AND DO THE IDEA JUSTICE !!!

Lol now imma go read the fics 14 year old me wrote and have a giggle.

Tagging without pressure to: @ladyaldhelm @holy3cake @arcielee

(again pm or reply if want tag/future tags removed)

[amethystina]

I saw someone ask how many chapters you think Who Holds the Devil will be, and it got me thinking about how long (word wise) it might actually end up being since it’s already ~270K. This fic is a monster where it currently stands and if there’s still a lot left to go, the final word count might be insane. It makes me curious as to what the longest fic you’ve ever written was. Have you ever written a singular fic as big as this one before? What’s the most challenging part of writing stories this big? Is it outlining, continuity, or is it less to do with the story itself and more to do with things like potential burnout etc.?

(Okay, so, this is going to be quite long (which is very on-brand), perhaps a little more detailed than you asked for, and also delve into my insecurities in a way that might be TMI. Read at your own risk x'D)

Yeah, I can't say for sure how many chapters I'll write or how high the final word count will be, but it's definitely going to be a very, very long fic.

As for other fics I've written, my very first fanfic was a series (three parts that tell an overarching story, plus nine bonus chapters) that clocks in at 290k. And, after that, I've written two more than go past the 100k mark, one at 183k (if you count the bonus chapters) and another that lands at 127k. So writing long fics isn't anything new to me, but Who Holds the Devil is definitely the longest so far.

As for the most challenging part, that differs depending on the story. That first fic I wrote was a Teen Wolf one where I basically did a third season (before the actual third season aired) and the challenge was definitely the continuity, keeping all the details in order (both from canon and my own creations), and making sure to write the frankly rather big cast of characters in a believable way. It was meant to be a cohesive story that spanned over three parts, but each part also had to have its own internal structure and climax, slowly building up to the big finale in the third instalment. Hilariously enough, I was too young and dumb to even realise how big of an undertaking that was and just kept writing, blissfully unaware of my own hubris. And, somehow, I pulled it off.

But in hindsight? I was nothing short of insane. Especially considering my, at the time, untested skills at actually finishing a story of that length — in English, to boot, which isn't even my native language. I had written original stories before that, some of which were quite long, but none of that size or complexity. Like, I'm not sure I would dare try that now, even with the added experience and skills I've accumulated since then x'D

Sometimes, ignorance truly is bliss.

Anyhow, the more I write, the easier the outlining, continuity, pacing, characters etc. gets so that's rarely a problem. And a lot of that has always come naturally to me in a way I can't really explain. Like, that 183k fic? I wrote that entirely without a timeline, outline, or notes. I just kept it all in my head and went by instinct and, somehow, never had to go back and correct a mistake — not even once. Which is kind of wild when I look back on it (not to mention reckless) but yeah. And the fic is Autonomy, for those of you wondering.

I don't know what it's like for others, but I rarely get stuck on planning and outlining. I usually just figure out a beginning and a couple of key scenes and off I go. And then everything just falls into place as I keep writing, sort of outlining itself without conscious effort from me, long before I actually reach that point in the story (my brain works faster than my hands, I guess? xD). So I usually figure out the ending before I reach the halfway point and then it's just a matter of filling in the empty spaces in between. And, somehow, my brain just automatically manages to figure out the pacing, continuity, and details without me having to pay attention. Don't ask me how that works, it just does x'D

Since it's so much bigger, I do have a timeline for Who Holds the Devil, though, to keep track of where we are and remember important dates (like Go Eun's birthday! :D) as well as a document with notes for future scenes. But that's mostly because I got so excited about some of them and wanted to write down all the cool dialogue before I accidentally forgot it.

So I would say that the more experience I get, it's definitely not the story itself that makes writing long fics difficult — that part is honestly the easy one. Burnout is definitely a factor, though, especially for a fic of this length. Basically, I'm a sprinter, not a marathon runner. I will usually write a lot of words in a short period of time, then have long stretches when I write nothing at all. If I divide my total word count from last year, I actually wrote over 500 words a day, except it's usually more along the lines of 6k three days in a row, then nothing for three weeks x'D

Anyway, since I know this about myself, I usually never start posting a fic until I've finished writing it, since there might otherwise be months without updates. But I obviously had to change that with Who Holds the Devil and that has proven a bit of a challenge, I will admit. I'm not used to regular or even semi-regular updates like this, so I've had to change my habits quite a lot. But I still make sure to recognise when I have to take longer breaks (which does happen, usually after a very intense portion of the fic) just to let my brain cool down a little.

Fortunately, since I'm very goal-oriented, I never lose sight of what I'm doing, however, even during these breaks. I'm not someone who needs to feel inspired or motivated to keep writing, so I can just pick it up again whenever I like. That's not to say I force myself to write, but I can usually trick myself into getting excited enough to continue simply by taking myself over that first hurdle when everything just feels boring and uninteresting.

I'm stubborn as all hell, is what I'm saying, which is definitely useful when writing long fics.

Because, at a certain point, you're going to need more than just inspiration and eagerness if you want to finish. I have not written a single long fic during which I didn't have a moment — often more than one — where I questioned if I truly wanted to continue or not, either because I was at a boring part of the story or felt overwhelmed by the thought of how much further I had to go.

And that's honestly the most challenging part with Who Holds the Devil. I'm confident in my writing, my characterisation, my ideas, and even my plot, but sometimes when I look at my notes and see how much more I have to write, all I feel is doubt. And, in an interesting turn of events, it's not even my own commitment I'm doubting, but everyone else's.

I know I can get through this and stick with this fic to the bitter end, but can you?

Now, don't misunderstand me — my readers don't owe me anything. You can stop reading any time and you should if you're not enjoying the story, but I would be lying if I said that the amount of criticism and questions I get about the length isn't beginning to wear me down. It makes me second-guess every single choice I've made about the plot, pacing, and overall tone of the story.

At the same time, of course I get why people ask. Some want to know when they can start reading because WIPs are scary (I can totally relate) and these readers have no reason to trust me when I say that I will finish this fic, come hell or high water. Heck, I've already lost two grandparents during the writing of this fic and I'm still going. I even tried to write one chapter while sitting at my grandmother's bedside, waiting for her to die (bad idea in hindsight, my writing was very incoherent — do not recommend).

But it's not like everyone who runs across my fic automatically knows that. They don't know me so of course they'll ask, not knowing that they're the fifth person to do so in less than two months. And that kind of hurts.

And I won't deny that there's probably a bit of pride involved as well — it's annoying to have people question my choices — but, more than anything, it's telling me that I must be doing something wrong. My readers don't trust me. And, well, that's kind of alarming as a writer, when the whole point is to take someone on a ride and they keep asking you for directions or "are we there yet?"

Clearly, I'm doing something wrong.

Now, this is not EVERYONE. I have so, so many lovely readers who enjoy both the insane length and glacial slow burn of this fic — I know that. But there's always a niggling doubt at the back of my mind that I'm eventually going to alienate every single reader because this fic is just Too Long. Or that they'll simply give up on the story since it's going to take us beyond Yo Han and Ga On kissing. Like, this fic isn't just about the two of them getting together, but also how they'll make their relationship work in the long term with their individual and shared baggage taken into account. It's going to continue long past the point of them kissing for the first time, as well as them having sex for the first time.

And a lot of people lose interest after the first kiss or the first sex scene. Which is fine — each to their own — but it's very disheartening to be told that as the author. I've had people ask me in what chapter they'll finally kiss so they can jump to that chapter and ignore the rest. I've had people tell me they're going to stop reading because they just can't stand the annoyingly slow burn anymore. I've had people tell me the fic is already too long for them to read and, here I am, knowing it'll take a lot more words to even come close to finishing it.

And that, at least in the case with Who Holds the Devil, is the biggest challenge — to stay motivated and committed when more and more people are telling me I'm not doing this right. It's daunting enough as a writer to look at your fic and realise that, damn, I have such a long way to go, without also having people tell you, to your face, that, yeah, that's way too fucking long, what the fuck are you doing?

It makes you wonder why you should even keep going, especially when you know how much time and effort you're going to have to devote to the project.

What's the point?

Because despite all the lovely comments I get, praising the level of detail and how realistic everything feels, we all know that negative comments have a tendency to stick with us longer. I can't ignore them even if I desperately want to. And, to make matters worse, not all of them are even intended to be mean. Some just want to know how long the fic will be — which is fully reasonable. But those entirely reasonable questions just pile on top of this mountain of doubt I already have, telling me that this is all pointless. My commitment to this fic is a mistake. I'm wasting my time. It's not Good Enough. It's Too Long.

Now, all that said, I love Who Holds the Devil. I love exploring the characters and the story, and I honestly don't think I'll stop writing it. Because, cliché as it might sound, I do write for myself, not others. I share with others because I know people like my writing, but I'd still be writing even if no one wants to read it. So, worst-case scenario, if people are no longer interested, I'll just keep writing it but will stop posting.

Because, when it comes down to it, I don't need validation to write. I can write in complete solitude. As mentioned, I usually finish a fic before posting, which means I've sometimes completed a 60k fic without a single word of encouragement from another person. I LOVE validation, as most writers do, but I don't actually need it to keep working on a project.

Interestingly, what I'm seeing with Who Holds the Devil, is that too much attention can, apparently, instead make me doubt my commitment to a project in a way that's honestly pretty fascinating? I felt more confident about the fic BEFORE I started posting it, BEFORE I knew if anyone would even want to read it x'D

Now is when I feel the doubt, because what these comments are telling me is that, sure, a lot of people would want to read this fic, but it's too long so now they're not gonna. And, in many ways, that feels like a failure on my part, even if I of course know that tastes differ, we can't please everyone etc. etc.

Tell that to my anxiety.

So yeah. For me, personally, it's definitely outside things that make writing long fics difficult, more specifically opinions from other people that make me doubt my skill level, intentions with the fic, and if it's even worth writing in the first place. I'm actually pretty confident about the rest and, even if I struggle sometimes, I can usually push my way through those issues.

Sidenote: As someone who likes to analyse people's behaviour (including my own), it's pretty fascinating to realise that my biggest issue isn't that I feel pressured to produce more or post on a certain schedule — which is what most fanfic authors struggle with — but that I might, in fact, be doing too much? My fic is just too goddamn long for people to handle.

Like, you gotta admit — that's pretty funny xD

Anyway. All of that said, know that I don't regret writing Who Holds the Devil and that I certainly don't regret posting it. I also have every intention of finishing it and I doubt I'll actually reach a point where I'll stop posting. As long as there's even one person out there who enjoys reading the fic, that's enough for me to keep posting.

So to all of you out there — especially if you happen to be one of those who just casually asked me how long the fic will be without knowing all of this shit — I'm fine. I'm not angry or upset with you. I know the majority of you love the fic and wouldn't want me to change a thing. I also know that these insecurities of mine are… well, not unreasonable, but I don't need to listen to them. And I try my best not to (it's just difficult some days, you know?)

So, to finish this off, just know that I love you, appreciate you, and have no regrets. And thank you so, so much for reading my fic, even if it's long, and taking the time to comment, kudos, or even just gush about it with your friends. To know that my writing brings joy to other people and that it can help support you through difficult times or make your day better is the best feeling ever.

Thank you 💜

… also, chapter 29 will probably be another 15k one, because fuck my life x'D

[liquid-luck-00]

Connections 15

Chapter 15

this is based on @thepeacetea daminette soulmate au

MasterList *** First *** Previous

~~~~~~~~~~

Under the cover of darkness, close to midnight, did Mari leave to meet Wonder Woman.

When Marinette arrived at the Justice League headquarters in France she was met with not one, not two, but three Amazonians.

"Queen Hippolyta, it’s wonderful to see you once again." She greeted.

"As well as you, little bug." Came the Queen‘s response.

Marinette de-transformed and then they started the conversation.

They discussed how they would proceed with the miraculous threat and how to retrieve all the miraculous without causing irreparable harm. Because the thought is that whoever this Hawkmoth is, he was no chosen of a Kwamii. Meaning there will be consequences, and even though his actions are not ones they condone or support. That doesn’t mean they are cruel enough to let this person be harmed by their own stupidity.

Yes the miraculous give blessings to their holders, but only if they are the right holder, with the right jewel. As each time a miraculous is used, the holder quite literally channels the kwamii's power. The more compatible, to the kwamii, a.k.a. a true chosen, the person is able to use the powers of the miraculous safer and easier. The opposite is also true, and incompatible person will be hurt to the point of damaging themselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and even damage their souls.

Which is why they also had to find this guardian to see about taking back the miraculous of the cat.

Which brings us to the reason why there’s three Amazonian‘s currently in front of her in Europe.

Wonder Woman, because yes she is Marinette's teacher of sorts within the Justice League.

Queen Hippolyta, for being a past ladybug, and also because it would be wise to seek out the Guardian.

And finally Artemis who was tasked with finding the guardian to discuss how this threat will be eliminated.

After a bit a back-and-forth Diana decided that she would have to head back, and so did Hippolyta. Artemis had decided to start the search halfway through the conversation and had left.

Now that she was alone, she knew there was another person she needed to meet with. So, she re-transformed and checked her yo-yo.

Luckily there he was transformed and roaming the city. With a quick text of directions, she was off. It took less than 10 minutes to arrive, seeing as he was already there.

Before she said a word, with a practiced motion, she drew one of her escrima sticks. And proceeded to draw a spell glyph in the air. Resulting in a protective box inside the bell story.

"Thank you for coming Chat Noir."

"Is there something you need to discuss?"

"Yeah… there is." She took a breath to steady herself.

"Are you planning on sharing our identities?" He wiggled his eyebrows, she assumes.

"No, I wasn't." She saw him deflate. "Did you receive your miraculous from the guardian?" She started to question.

"Yeah… " He seemed to think but almost like he wasn’t sure, figures, seeing that he was rubbing the back of his neck.

"You don’t actually know." It wasn’t a question but a statement.

"Sorry." He shook his head.

"No, it’s fine. Artemis can find him, and Hippolyta will know what to do." She hung her head and whispered to herself ever so slightly.

"Was that all you wanted?" He stepped towards her, but she stepped back.

She shook her head in response. "Did your kwamii... did Plagg tell you..."

"How the black cat and ladybug are soulmates meaning you and I are Soulmates. Oh what do you think our soul mark is. I haven't noticed anything different have you?" He spoke without taking a breath, waiting for her answer.

"Sorry, but you aren't my cat." She shook her head.

"What?!"

"You and I aren't soulmates." She stepped forward, taking his hands in hers. The certainty in her voice caused him to freeze.

"Does this mean I'm not a hero." His voice and ears dropped; his head bowed sadly.

"No." Her voice was steady, no hesitation in her voice or posture. "You are a hero. Your actions so far prove that."

"But I'm not your cat."

"No, but you are a chosen."

"How could you know that for sure?"

He looked at her sadly as if he didn’t believe a single thing. A small small part of her understood that whatever he was feeling was because of something in his personal life made it so.

That the love and attention he got was conditional. It broke Mari's heart but also, she understood. She remembers before Papa, Uncle B, her brothers, before Damian, the love she received in Paris was conditional. She also knew Damian would understand because of the League's similar conditions.

She had to shake her head before she could spiral. "I know you are. Because your soul resonates to the miraculous. It just isn't that of the black cat. But..."

"LB. you should give this to your soulmate." He didn't let her argue, he dropped the transformation. "You are Ladybug and I am not your cat."

He took off the ring, grabbed her hand and placed the ring into her palm. "I’m sorry for wasting everyone’s time."

There in front of her stood a blond-haired boy, his eyes closed, with a sad, defeated look on his face, and a say in his shoulders.

"You didn’t."

She grabbed the blonde haired boy’s wrist.

Marinette was going to drop her transformation, but call it intuition or maybe this was cosmic interference, so she didn’t. "Please, keep the ring until my cat can take your role. But you have helped so much, please continue being a hero."

"You're just saying that. You don’t know me." He mumbled barely audible. If it weren’t for her enhanced sense and close proximity, she would have missed it.

"Hey kid." Mari heard a new voice drawl. "Adrien."

The boy looked up and noticed the black kwamii floating in front between the two of them. "Plagg?"

"You might not have been my kitten, but you are a hero. And I’ve seen my fair share of them." Plagg responded as a matter of fact.

"Adrien." She repeated the name, drawing his attention. "Plagg is right. Heroes are more than just being chosen by a miraculous, artifact, or powers. It's what they choose to do with that power. You have a heart of a hero, so please don’t lose faith so easily."

She took the ring that was placed in her hand, grabbed his wrist, and pushed the ring of the black cat in his palm. "Fight with me for the time being."

---

"I..." She didn't let him answer. She turned and swung away from the tower.

"Are you putting the ring back on or what kid?" Plagg's voice snapped him from his racing mind.

"Yeah." He re-transformed and went home. The next morning he was resolved to go to school. Natalie and Gorilla caught him at the gate, but let him go in.

He made his way to the homeroom. When he stepped in everyone went quiet before he was tackled by Chloe.

"Adrikins!" She clung to his neck as he tried to regain his balance. "There's an open seat here in front of me!"

she led him to a front desk. "Thanks, Clo."

Was all he could say before the blonde next to him shouted. "What are you doing in my seat!?"

"The only thing needed for the triumph of evil, is for good people to do nothing." A bespeckled girl sitting behind him sat resolved.

"Get..." Chloe started but was cut off.

"Here-Here," A girl with blue hair, dyed at the ends responded, causing the entire classroom to watch her. But she didn't look up from her tablet.

"You're supposed to be on my side, Mer!" She stomped.

"And outburst like this is why everyone thinks you're a brat, Goldie."

"I have high standards." Chloe argued back.

"And you can still have them in the empty row up front." the girl pointed forward without looking up.

"I hate when you use that logic." Chloe grumbled but moved seats.

Adrien couldn't believe it. Someone could actually reign in Chloe.

"Hi, name's Nino." The boy sharing his bench introduced himself, snapping him out of his trance.

"Adrien." He greeted.

"I have to ask are you really friends with Chloe?" Nino asked.

"She's my only friend." He shrugged.

"Well now you have two." Nino pointed to himself.

"I'd like that." Adrien smiled.

"So, you don't know Marinette?" Nino brought up.

"Who?"

Nino pointed at the bluenette in the back who was still absorbed in the tablet. "she's apparently also Chloe's childhood friend."

"Really?" Adrien didn't recognize her.

"Apparently she just came back to Paris." Nino informed. "She seems nice enough, she's just blunt. We all don't know her well though."

"I heard she moved because of bullying?" A brown-haired girl behind him piped in.

"Really gurl." The bespeckled girl popped in. "You’re in the know Lila, spill."

The two girls behind him started talking, but his attention was on the girl sitting in the back of the class.

The whole day he tried to talk to her, but someone kept him. Be it Nino, unknowingly, Chloe demanding his attention, or her disappearing.

Then he saw her.

They were the last two in the school. It was almost like his luck started to turn. She was standing by the entrance, just before stepping out in the rain. She was on the phone. It took him a moment to realize she wasn't speaking French, but english.

So, he quickly hid behind a trash can while in earshot.

"I know I should've..." He doesn't think she noticed him.

'...' The other person must've said something, as she pursed her lips.

"That would've crushed them!"

'...'

"I know... but."

'...'

'Sigh.' "Why don't we talk later." She breathed. "The walls have ears after all." She looked directly at him.

She knew he was there; did she know the whole time.

"No need, I'm already here." A boy with black hair came running in the rain.

"You're soaked!" She hit him with her umbrella.

"Sorry." the looked down and opened his own umbrella. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop." He held out the umbrella to the boy.

He hesitated before taking it.

Thunder clapped.

Adrien ran out to the waiting car.

He might not have talked to her, he might not have made the best impression, but he hopes that it's a start. He smiled down at his hands. Barely catching a glimpse of the golden ink that was sinking back into his skin.

~~~~~~~~~~

Permanent Taglist:  @itsmeevie01  @adrestar  @miraculouspenta  @vixen-uchiha  @animegirlweeb  @jumpingjoy82  @thedragonbug  @astoriaandroses  @icerosecrystal  @t1dwarrior-of-earth  @moon5606  @zalladane  @midnightrosecrystal  @myazael  @prettylittlebutterflie  @toodaloo-kangaroo  @roseisred  @galaxymoon  @queenz-z  @mystery-5-5

Taglist 🐞🦇: @thanks-captain-obvious @mandy989 @our-preciousss @readingismyoxygen @birdy912 @shifty-lesbian-retro-goblin @todaylillypads @laurcad123 @demonangel27 @be-happy-every-day-please @fandom-trapped-03  @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss  @t1dwarrior-of-earth  @saays-bitch  @k-poplunardreams  @animegirlweeb  @weird-pale-blonde-person  @myazael  @toodaloo-kangaroo  @moonlightstar64  @miraculous-simmer7  @wannajointhecrabcult  @blackmagicforever  @blackroserelina  @justcourttee  @consumeconstantly  @abrx2002  @livelifeauthorstyle  @certifiedbidisaster  @dreamykitty25  @ironspiderstark  @fantasyislive @dast218 @susiej1118 @sassakitty @lilyreadbooks12 @dawnwave16 @mochegato @galla02006 @nathleigh @trippingovermyfeet @promiswords @rosep16 @officiallydarkgeek @inarachi02 @justafanwarrior @emimar7 @vroomtaka @gimpedmercy @alabastas @chaoticstarworld @ichigorose @mica-aa  @demonicbusiness  @dahjokester  @nyx-in-line @alysrose-starchild  @kking13 @raeuberprinzessin @k-tea-and-coffee @corporeal-terrestrial   @user00000003  @schrodingers25 @mizzy-pop  @redbullgiveswingss @lookatthestars1 @buginetye @its-maemain

[saellefanwork]

𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕋𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕋𝕚𝕞𝕖

Reminder: This Demon Slayer fic is rated Mature (adults only) for canon-typical violence and eventual suggestive or explicit sexual content

Return to Chapters List

Chapter 26: Grief and Gratitude

Tanjiro visits Kyojuro to see how he is holding on.

Author's note: Happy New Year with delay guuuuys! Sorry that I'm a bit late, I was more wasted than expected after the new year lmao. That's the pros and cons of hosting the party, I guess. Not everyone can be as flashy as our dear Uzui the days following such an incredible night of cosplaying and playing board/video games with my gang!

Anyway, this is a long chapter, and I think it's FINALLY a calm one where some good things happen. 2024 shall bring less angst and suffering to our characters, I swear!

There's actually only two chapters left. The rest will be bonuses!

Kyojuro held your hand, which seemed so delicate and cold in his, his eyes tracing the calluses and scars that adorned your palm and fingers. To most, such marks might appear unsightly, but the former Flame Pillar found them beautiful. They were the hands of a warrior who had battled, bled, and made profound sacrifices in the relentless pursuit of protecting others.

As a Pillar of the Kisatsutai, he was no stranger to the concept of sacrifice. To fulfill his duty and shield the vulnerable or his subordinates, he had willingly placed his life on the line, time and time again, without a moment's hesitation. Yet, upon reflection, he could recognize the boundaries of his own resolve when compared to yours. As a proud heir of the Rengokus, he found himself unable, or at the very least highly reluctant, to compromise his image, dignity, or principles. Becoming a demon, remaining one to vanquish his foes and save innocent people, or even accepting the loss of a civilian to ambush an Upper Moon—these were not options for him if the decisions were his to make. But you, you could seize such opportunities, unburdened by the fear of tarnishing your honor if it meant safeguarding your loved ones or more lives. To fight against monsters, one must accept the possibility of becoming a monster himself. Sacrifices were part of being a Demon Slayer, a reality well known to all, yet few were willing to soil their hands to fulfill their duty. By shouldering such weight, you demonstrated a level of selflessness that exceeded his own. In this aspect, you reminded him of his dear friend Tengen, who had quite a dark past too. Both of you were more honorable than him in his opinion, even though others might unjustly criticize your lifepaths. He acknowledged that he, too, had been unjust to you at some point.

His thoughts meandered through memories of the challenging last few months that the two of you had faced together. It was difficult to fathom that nearly a year ago, he had professed his love to you for the first time, after years of close friendship. The recollection of your initial kiss brought a faint smile to his lips, though the subsequent events left him burdened with profound sorrow and regret. His upbringing had instilled within him a stringent code of conduct, deeply rooted in bushido principles, but it offered no pardon for his past actions. He understood that you had forgiven him already, yet he longed to voice his remorse once more. How much he wanted to talk to you again...

"Rengoku-san Aniki..."

The Hashira raised his head slightly upon hearing his name, his thoughts disrupted as he turned halfway toward the room's entrance. He must have been deeply engrossed in his contemplation not to have sensed the presence of his former tsuguko approaching The young man stood near the door, his expression tinged with concern.

"Come over here, Tanjiro my boy," Kyojuro invited, tapping the seat beside him, unconsciously mimicking their second meeting on the train. The charcoal burner was taken aback by his superior addressing him by his given name, although Giyuu was also using it since the Hashira training. It wasn't unwelcome; in fact, quite the opposite. He nodded warmly and approached with a smile, which turned sad as he glanced at you.

"Nagase-san, she is..."

"Hmm! Kanoko has been in a coma for three months, as I'm sure your little sister has explained to you," Kyojuro began, his voice remaining as robust and steady as ever. "Nezuko has been a tremendous aid in taking care of her. The butterfly girls fon't allow me to tend to her, citing modesty and feminine dignity, so all I can do is hold her hand when they're not attending to her."

Tanjiro smiled compassionately at his former mentor, finding it admirable that Kyojuro could still provide kind and reassuring smiles despite the helplessness he must be feeling. He could hear and smell the worry and hint of self-deprecation that the retired Pillar exuded.

"I was informed that her body has endured significant strain due to her Blood Demon Art," Tanjiro confirmed as he settled into the offered seat. "But her scent suggests she's in a peaceful slumber, at least. I wouldn't be surprised if she awakens soon," he added with sincerity, wearing an encouraging smile.

Kyojuro's large eyes widened slightly as he gazed at his tsuguko, then his expression softened. "That's wonderful news, Tanjiro! I also have faith she'll wake up soon, but it's comforting to hear it from a person who truly believes it too."

The two young men remained at your side for an extended period, sharing updates and easygoing conversation, occasionally punctuated by tranquil silences. The months they had spent together as master and disciple had forged a camaraderie that resembled a fraternal bond, something that the boy in the checkered haori found both gratifying and pride-worthy.

"Rengo... Kyojuro-san," Tanjiro ventured timidly, emboldened by the informal address now used by his senpai. He was relieved to see that the older man didn't correct him. "How about we take a walk outside? It might help clear your mind, and I need to attend my recovery training anyway."

"Excellent idea!" Kyojuro responded enthusiastically. "How about I supervise your training, as a tribute to the months you've spent as my tsuguko?"

"With pleasure!" the young boy replied, his enthusiasm undiminished, despite his lingering apprehension. He vividly remembered the demanding nature of the Flame Pillar's tutoring, but he was not one to shy away from challenges or intimidation. He was the eldest son after all!

You awoke for the first time since the final battle a few days after the conversation between Tanjiro and Kyojuro. The enticing aroma of food miraculously pulled you out of the limbo where you had been immersed for months. Slowly, you opened your eyes, your stomach growling despite your confused state. The first thing that met your gaze was Aoi leaning over you, her brows furrowed, her serious face almost entirely filling your blurred field of vision.

She professionally lifted your eyelids and examined each of your pupils before straightening.

"It's good to see you've regained consciousness, Nagase-san. You've been showing signs of restlessness in your slumber for a few hours now, so I suspected you'd wake up soon. How do you feel?"

"Very weak...," you murmured, your voice hoarse and almost inaudible. "Food... smells good..."

"Does it? It's just soup, though. Now that you're fully human again, you can have it for dinner. Sorry that your first meal in so long can't be something more special, but you'll need to eat soft food for at least a few days."

Despite your disoriented state, a powerful emotion overcame you. Human food, not the blood of wild animals or the one of your dear comrades... you had almost forgotten how a real good meal tasted. How long had you been asleep, anyway? Your gaze instinctively turned toward the window above you. The setting sun bathed the cherry blossoms and plum trees of the Butterfly Estate's courtyard in a silky light with warm pink hues. It was already spring… You couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness at having missed so much precious time with your loved ones.

Aoi supported you to sit up and slipped the tray of food in front of you. Despite the hunger and the joy of being human again (and alive), a question gnawed at you.

"Kyojuro...?"

"He's doing well. He had to be placed in intensive care after the battle, but he was only unconscious for two weeks afterward. He started his rehabilitation a month ago." Rehabilitation? You didn't have time to inquire further as she continued, "He was doing exercises with Tanjiro and Inosuke. I didn't want to give him false hope, so I didn’t tell him that you might wake up soon, but I saw Kaname-san fly off his perch when you emerged. He should be back any moment now."

You had many questions, but it was difficult to speak, so you settled for nodding and focused on eating. Soup had never feel so good, and it was frustrating that your hand trembled a whole lot. Your watchful assistant only intervened when necessary, letting you reacquaint yourself with moving again as much as possible. After a few spoonfuls, you already began to feel a bit better.

Toward the end of the laborious meal, Kyojuro burst into the chamber with a deafening crash of the western door.

"Kanoko! You're really awake!" he exclaimed with a huge smile, his face radiating both contagious joy and profound relief.

"Don't shout in the patient's room," Aoi snapped at him.

Ignoring her, your childhood friend jumped swiftly to your side, taking your hand in his. His shunpo made an unusual, loud clicking sound, almost like he had struck the ground with something hard, but your foggy mind didn't delve into the details. You smiled tenderly at your beloved, gently caressing his face with your free hand. He hastily kissed your palm and rested his cheek against it, gazing at you with fondness. Embarrassed by your open displays of affection, Aoi coughed and grumbled about the Flame Pillar's incorrigible behavior.

"Kyojuro... I'm relieved to see you in good shape," you said with an amused tone, as much as your rusty vocal cords allowed.

"Hmm! Kocho's rehabilitation therapy is as effective as ever. You'll be back on your feet soon too, Kanoko! Right, Kanzaki?"

He turned his attention to your nurse, seeking her confirmation, but Aoi's countenance took on a somber and sorrowful complexion. She tightly gripped the hem of her apron, nervously fidgeting with it.

"Um... yes! My master has already prepared customized treatments for both of you. You'll regain your strength quickly, Nagase-san."

Your gaze shifted between Kyojuro, whose expression had subtly closed off although he maintained a reassuring smile, and the remorseful young girl before you. You decided to address the aspiring doctor directly.

"What do I need to know, Kanzaki? I was aware of the risks every time I used my Blood Demon Art. What's the final diagnosis?"

Aoi's countenance deepened into a new shade of sadness, but she responded, "Well... according to Shinobu-senpai's analyses, it appears that the Time Backlash has caused irreversible damage to your body, Nagase-san... especially the last two instances during your transition back to your human form. While most of your battle injuries have left minor scars, many of your organs seem to have weakened, as if they've prematurely aged. I'm truly sorry to have to deliver this news like this, but... in this state, it's unlikely that you will live past thirty."

The absence of surprise in Kyojuro's darkened expression, who was no longer smiling, indicated that he had already been informed of the situation. He inspected your reaction with concern, raising his eyebrows when he noticed you softly laughing.

"In the context of a demon hunter's lifespan, thirty years equates to old age. An early end is a small price to pay for the miracles granted by my Blood Demon Art, and it would be in poor taste to complain when Marked individuals have even less time ahead of them." A menacing anguish stirred within you as you thought of the fate awaiting most of the remaining Pillars and Tanjiro... but you pushed it aside for now. Kyojuro held your hand tighter; you managed to continue, "I have no regrets. Thank you for informing me about all this, Kanzaki."

"Don't thank me... you have every right to be angry or sad, you know. What's happening to you is unfair. The rest of us stayed behind, which is why we are alive and in good health. On the other hand, you fought valiantly, and..."

She burst into tears, unable to finish her sentence.

"...And we were rewarded with a magnificent victory," Kyojuro continued, completing her thought and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "The end of a thousand-year-old war. That is worth all the sacrifices. We did it precisely because we didn’t want others to go through the same hardships as we did. Unlike many fallen comrades, we even have the chance to witness the dawn of a world without demons, where the new generations can live without fearing the night. Don't be sad, Kanzaki. Let's cherish the time we have left together, in honor of those who departed this world too soon. And who knows, miracles may happen!"

Aoi continued to cry while nodding vigorously. "I promise we'll do our best to keep you healthy for as long as possible! We'll defy the odds!"

"I have no doubt that you all will do an extraordinary job, thank you!" Kyojuro exclaimed enthusiastically, his gentle pat turning into an encouraging slap on her shoulder.

"Whatever happens, we'll forever be grateful for your care," you added with a sincere smile.

Aoi threw herself into your arms, and both you and Kyojuro chuckled at her outpouring of emotion. It was rare to see the young girl in this state, as she typically wore a mask of severity and discontent. You returned her embrace warmly, gently rubbing top of her head.

The butterfly nurse eventually left the room, and you quickly drifted back to sleep after the meal, your body still recovering. Kyojuro remained steadfast by your side throughout the night, despite the staff's insistence that he should lie in the neighboring bed. You didn't try to persuade him otherwise, fully aware of his stubbornness and relishing the comfort of having him close.

Dawn broke, and you awoke again, a habit perhaps formed during your last year as a demon desperately avoiding daylight. Sensing your restlessness, Kyojuro opened his valid eye as well.

"What's wrong, Kanoko? Is there something you need?"

"The sunrise..." you whispered, your voice strained from fatigue.

Initially, Kyojuro assumed you were still half asleep and was about to reassure you that the sun couldn't harm you anymore. However, he soon realized that fear was not the cause of your reaction. With an understanding gleam in his eye, he gently lifted you into his arms, cradling you as if you weighed nothing. He swiftly wrapped a blanket around you then carefully carried you outside. Once again, you noticed something different in his gait and the sound of his footsteps, but your thoughts were swept away when he executed a leap that brought you both to the rooftop. A tile broke beneath him after his slightly ungraceful landing, and he muttered to himself about Kocho going to kill him later for that mishap.

You chuckled softly, abruptly halting as you felt the first rays of light on your skin. Your gaze wandered toward the horizon, where the lush tropical forest and the mountains gradually came to life under the gentle morning glow. The colors of spring blossomed before you, vibrant and more captivating than ever, while the melodious symphony of birds celebrated the dawning of a new era. As you observed the daystar emerging from the dew-kissed landscape, you couldn't help but be reminded of Kyojuro's warmth. The soothing rays caressed your skin, which had grown pale after a year of darkness. You closed your eyes, basking in the embrace of the sunshine, a tear of joy tracing a path down your cheek. The Flame Hashira watched you in profound silence as you savored your first peaceful sunrise.

"My time as a demon has been a challenge for both of us, but I want to thank you for being my guiding light through this long and painful night," you whispered serenely.

You couldn't see it, but a myriad of emotions danced across Kyojuro's features. You felt him draw nearer, and he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple, his touch welcome, though you could sense it was tinged with a hint of restraint. You opened your eyes, meeting the blazing sea of his gaze. You couldn't help but get lost momentarily in the contemplation of his captivating beauty, his radiance accentuated by the blessing of the morning sun.

"In truth, Kanoko, it's the opposite," he murmured. "Thank you for all the times you saved me, despite knowing the consequences it would have on our relationship and your own well-being. Without your unwavering dedication and sacrifices, I don't know if we would have won, and for sure I would have never experienced the joy of witnessing the dawn of a demon-free world with you."

His words brought a lump to your throat, and you lifted your head to capture his lips in a kiss filled with profound emotions. You perceived a fleeting hesitation and a hint of tension on his side, causing you to pull back slightly, searching his eye with a questioning expression. He averted his gaze uncomfortably.

"I didn't want us to have this discussion right away, but... it seems necessary now. I love you with all my heart, Kanoko. My deepest desire is to cherish the years we have left together and make the most of it. However, given our potentially limited time, I would understand if you felt the need to seek someone with a better chance of living a full life, a man who could watch your future children grow if you decide to have any," he spoke slowly, each word carefully chosen.

You could sense the load of his speech, the difficult contemplation he had undertaken while you were in your coma. The recent events must have weighed heavily on him, and it was clear that he had grappled with this resolution to give up on you. It struck you that your positions had reversed from a previous conversation you'd had, right before he embarked on his mission aboard the Mugen Train.

"What about you, Kyojuro?" you asked, your gaze fixed on him. "Do you desire to find a healthy partner who might have a better chance of raising your future children?"

The former Flame Pillar shook his head firmly, his gentle smile unwavering as he looked deep into your eyes.

"No, I don't. I want no one but you in my life, and I believe I'd rather be alone than seek another solely for the sake of normalcy. However, I would like you to take some time to seriously consider it, now that we are free from our duties and can meditate on these matters. I wouldn't want to deprive you selfishly of a better future; I could never forgive myself if I did."

You rolled your eyes, hoping to convey that he was worrying needlessly.

"Kyojuro… Do you truly believe I would give up on you after all we've been through to hold onto each other? I don't want anyone else in my life either."

Despite your reassurances, you could tell that he had something more to say.

"Even if I'm not… the same as before?" he whispered uncertainly.

The vulnerability in his voice left you momentarily speechless. Sensing your confusion, Kyojuro lifted the folds of his hakama, revealing his left leg—or rather, the absence of it. In place of his limb was a prosthesis, primarily composed of wood and lightweight metal, stopping just short of the knee. You didn't recall that your companion had lost his leg during the battle, but he had been seriously injured and poisoned in that area. Perhaps Shinobu had deemed amputation necessary afterward due to complications.

Kyojuro expected a horrified or more saddened reaction, but you didn't show much surprise; instead, your irises lit up with understanding. The strange noises when he walked and his 'clumsiness' on the rooftop now made sense. Your expression softened, and you gently caressed the prosthesis. Was he afraid you would love him less because of his wounds or perceived weakness? You knew that the loss of his half his eyesight had affected him more than he had let on already. But to you, he was more than just raw strength, bravery, or swordsmanship. He was the person closest to your heart, and he was the most beautiful man in the world to you, with or without any scars or disabilities. You could only hope to help him see that.

"Really, Kyojuro... is this the best you can do to try to convince me that there's a worthier match for me? Because that's not working very well." you replied with a teasing smile.

He looked at you in surprise, not expecting your lighthearted response, before letting out an amused breath. He knew you well enough to realize that he wouldn't change your mind anytime soon. So he gave in to his desires and leaned closer to you, placing his lips on yours and adding his warmth to the daylight.

The following morning, your first recovery training exercises began. They weren't harsh, but given your condition, even standing proved to be a challenge. You could feel just how weakened your body had become, and something inside you told you that, apart from your life expectancy, you might never fully regain your pre-demonization strength and vitality. However, mastering total concentration breathing allowed you to get back on your feet relatively quickly, and after a few days, you could walk without support. It was at this point that Kyojuro proposed taking a stroll through the Kisatsutai cemetery, a suggestion to which you readily agreed. Although you had only briefly been a part of this army and had known only a fraction of its members, you still wanted to pay your respects to your fallen comrades. The idea of informing these brave warriors that their fight was over and they could finally rest in peace felt like an important step in allowing both of you to move forward.

As you strolled through the graves, placing a flower at each tombstone, you quickly ran out of chrysanthemums. You had left some baskets behind, thinking you might not have the energy for an extended walk, but since you were feeling fine, Kyojuro offered to go back to fetch them. He took a shortcut across the woods, perhaps pushing his prosthesis a little too hard, but he couldn't help testing his limits. You let out an exasperated sigh as you watched him jump from a tree branch to another playfully, despite Shinobu's warnings not to engage in unnecessary risks. However, you knew better than to judge him harshly; after all, you were not much different and recently had your share of scoldings for the same reasons. Old habits died hard, it seems.

After waiting for a few minutes, you felt the approach of two individuals along the path, likely some former members of the Corps or relatives of the deceased.

"Anehue! You're back to normal!"

You turned just in time to intercept Senjuro, who had sprinted toward you from a distance and launched himself into your arms. Wide-eyed, you held him tightly, a lump forming in your throat. Kyojuro had promised that you would visit his family after you had regained enough stamina to make the journey back to Komazawa, so you didn't expect to see his littler brother so soon, but you welcomed the chance nonetheless. It had been almost a year since you had last met; he had grown so much, and the tips of his spiky bangs now brushed against your nose. His familiar scent enveloped you along with the warmth of his embrace, and you noticed he had become stronger, although he remained a relatively ordinary young boy in that regard.

"Senjuro... I missed you so much..."

That was all you managed to say without breaking into tears. The teenager was crying freely in your arms, and you hugged him even tighter. After a few moments, you finally released him and took a step back, looking into his eyes for the first time after such a long time. The resemblance between the Rengokus was still as striking as ever, and Senjuro's puberty only emphasized his connection with his brother and father.

"Me too, Anehue... I'm so happy to see you again." His bass voice had deepened somewhere between his thirteenth and fourteenth spring. "Now that you're back to your human form and awake, we can see each other like we used to, right?"

You were about to respond affirmatively but froze as you remembered sensing another presence approaching earlier, now standing behind Senjuro. With a sinking feeling in your stomach, you slowly raised your eyes to the third party, already knowing who it was: Rengoku Shinjuro. He must have witnessed the entire exchange. How would he react to learning the truth about you?

Contrary to your expectations, the gruff man appeared surprisingly relaxed. He stood with his arms crossed, adopting a pose that bore a resemblance to his eldest son's signature one, albeit more casually. His expression held a hint of exasperation and weariness, as he addressed you.

"Don't make that face, Nagase. Senjuro confessed everything to me weeks ago. I had suspected a while back that you had become a demon, which is why my sons avoided talking about you, and you stopped coming to the estate. If you had died, they would have eventually told me. But I must admit I didn't imagine you were fighting in that condition for the Kisatsutai, or that you had saved Kyojuro with your powers, and had been in a coma because of your Blood Demon Art.”

Lowering your gaze, you remained silent, still holding Senjuro's hand. Your beloved reappeared at that moment with new baskets of flowers, arriving through the path this time. His customary radiant smile suddenly turned vigilant upon noticing his father. While he greeted him respectfully, he subtly positioned himself slightly between the two of you in a protective gesture.

"It's been a while, Father. I'm glad to see you're in good health," he said sincerely, but with a touch of caution in his voice.

Indeed, the patriarch appeared to be sober and stable, displaying a composure that was unusual for him. In fact, you couldn't recall ever seeing him leave his home for anything other than sake runs. You wondered how long this change had been occurring. Senjuro's timid but relaxed smile seemed to indicate that it had been a while.

"Humph. It would be better if you came back more often and stayed longer, like I'd expect from my eldest son," his father chided without any real bite in his voice. "You took so long to send news and return that I had to come get you myself with your little brother. And what do I find once I arrive to the Butterfly Manor? That you're leisurely strolling nearby with Nagase without a care. Tssk, I should have known better than to worry for nothing."

Despite his exasperated speech, there was a hint of amusement and relief in his tone. It was rare to hear this man, who had been so distant, stern, and violent until recently, express his feelings. Not giving you a break to get used to this new behavior, Shinjuro looked around with a tinge of regret.

"It's been a while since I last came to this place. I have many comrades resting here too. I suppose it's time I pay my respects properly. Let's continue together."

After exchanging a glance with your partner, you shrugged your shoulders, having no reason to refuse. The visit to the graves proceeded in a respectful and contemplative silence. You placed a flower at each tomb, mostly without saying anything. Occasionally, Shinjuro or Kyojuro would introduce a Slayer they had known, sharing one or two memories about them, their expressions filled with sorrow. It was hard not to have tears in your eyes and a heavy heart while listening to their stories, even if you didn't personally know the deceased. Fortunately, the grief was softened by the idea that no more victims would be buried here in the line of duty, and you conveyed the wonderful news through your prayers to each of these valiant warriors.

"Shall we have some tea?" Senjuro finally suggested when the last flower was offered. "I brought some... it's probably lukewarm now, but this tea is good cold too, and the weather is nice. I also made some mochis."

You found a charming spot under a sakura tree. The four of you enjoying leisure time together was a new experience and felt a little awkward. You weren't used to anything other than hunting demons or training for that purpose, making you feel a bit restless, as if you were wasting precious time you no longer had to spare. Additionally, it was challenging to feel comfortable around Shinjuro, given his behavior in recent years. Senjuro appeared to be the most content among you, probably because he lived with his father daily and knew him the best. He was also the only one who hadn't faced demons directly, so maybe the new reality didn't hit him as hard as the rest of you. In any case, his relaxed demeanor slowly put you all more at ease.

After some time, perhaps encouraged by the emotions stirred by the memories of his fallen comrades, Shinjuro spoke in a calm voice:

"I must admit... I find it hard to believe that you managed to defeat Kibutsuji Muzan. Nagase, your ancestors hadn't falsely earned their reputation as excellent warriors that Rengoku Genjuro used to boast about in his boring writings. I owe you and Kyojuro an apology and my thanks. You kids did a great job."

Turning on his knees to face both of you, the head of the Rengoku family and former Flame Pillar bowed to the ground before your widened eyes. You had sworn before the gods that you would make this man eat his derogatory words about you and your clan, but over the years, it had lost its significance, especially after your transformation into a demon. Nonetheless, Shinjuro's apologies and congratulations struck a chord within you.

Both you and Kyojuro quickly bowed back. "We were just doing our duty!" your childhood friend hurriedly brushed away, distinctly flustered by his father's behavior.

Shinjuro straightened up slowly and placed his hands on your shoulders for you both to do the same. The gesture was affectionate but somewhat awkward, as the family patriarch had lost the habit of displaying tenderness.

"You can give yourselves more credit. That’s not all I wanted to say, though…" he hesitated, gathering courage. "If you wish to marry each other one day... you have my blessing," he uttered, clearing his throat and gazing to the side, a little embarrassed.

Your mouth opened in surprise at the declaration, and you bowed again, deeper this time. "Thank you, Rengoku-san."

As you straightened, you stole a glance toward Kyojuro, whose eye was shining brighter than before, his usual disciplined façade cracking under the weight of his emotions. He seemed much younger when he showed vulnerability like this. "Thank you, Father," he replied softly, his throat tight.

Shinjuro gazed at him regretfully, as if he was looking back at the harshness and unfairness with which he had treated his sons. Suddenly, he moved closer to Kyojuro and pulled him into a rough and uncontrolled embrace, filled with all the love and remorse he couldn’t express properly with words.

Initially stunned by surprise, Kyojuro froze. It had been about a decade since his father had shown him any attention, let alone affection. Now that he was an adult, a hug wasn't the kind of paternal gesture he thought he desired. But as he was receiving it, he realized how much he had secretly longed for his dad's warmth, who had once been so loving and passionate. He slowly returned the hug, his expression a complex mix of disbelief, hesitation, and boyish joy.

After a few moments of emotionally charged embrace, Shinjuro pulled back to look at both of you.

"I've asked the butterfly girls to send some Kakushi at our Estate to supervise your rehabilitation there, which they've accepted. Shall we head back together?"

To say you were surprised by the proposition was an understatement. Was the Rengoku patriarch inviting you to stay at their house for a while? His sharp eyes lingered on you as he waited for your reply. The two brothers also turned their expectant gazes toward you, their faces beaming with excitement.

An immense wave of happiness washed over you, and you nodded, grinning wildly.

"Hmm, let's go home!"

Taisho secret:

Kyojuro had informed Senjuro about your coma but hadn't extended an invitation for his brother to visit you. As suggested in the conversation, he had also avoided a proper discussion with his father regarding your previous demonic state. At that time, he felt ill-prepared to address the topic, as you were unconscious, and he was adapting to life with his prosthetic limb.

After you woke up, he still didn't give updates to his family, though he couldn't pinpoint the exact reason. Perhaps he wanted to savor some privacy with you after a long period without contact. It's also possible he wanted to give you more time to reflect on the conversation you had and, quite possibly, he feared his father's reaction upon learning the truth about you.

Fortunately, Senjuro stepped in to bridge the gap. He could sense that their father had found a better emotional place, especially after hearing about the defeat of Kibutsuji Muzan. Also, he understand that Kyojuro was not in his best state of mind and doesn't resent him for momentarily shutting himself. (What a golden child <3)

Next chapter: "Home"

[little-paper-man]

Also if anyone wants to know just how much Last has taken the wheel from me in tmbm... (and consider this a very tardy tmbm fun fact friday lol)

The first arc was supposed to be 11 chapters long, each with the aim of 2,000-4,000ish words; Ch. 1-4 for basic set up of the main plot, then 5 - 10 each ending with the group going through a statue/spirit and 11 to be the mountain trek and the end of the first arc.

Last has effectively stretched the whole arc by 8 WHOLE Chapters - 2 of which passed 7,000 words and with several others passing the 4,000 word mark! And chapter 19 is going to be another wholeass 7,000-8,000 words! Maybe even more since i'm not even sure if I'm even past halfway done with Ch. 19 even with it's current 4,000-ish words!

I haven't even gotten to the other 2/3rds of the cast yet ;u;

[itsalwayswellattheworldsend]

Woah, We're Halfway There!

I did the math from several angles (page count, word count, minute count) and by all measures, we're past the halfway point!

I did the math like a month ago so I might be slightly off, but I knew that by even the most conservative reckoning, the mid-point was near the beginning of this chapter.

To reiterate something: I know the first chapters very well, and probably up through the early part of Ralph's eastward journey, but I don't remember what's ahead of us with any real specificity, only the major points.

We've only got a few chapters left in Book 2, and I'm super excited for Book 3!

I started this project last year when I went on vacation for July 4th, and it wasn't until a few days ago that I realized that I was hitting the halfway mark after exactly a year! What a weird coincidence, and one that I couldn't have orchestrated if I tried lol—my pace has been super inconsistent, but I'm hoping to do the rest of it a little faster than I did the first half.

This also seems like a good time to do some things I've been meaning to do, like making an index post (for quickly finding specific chapters), which may serve as the new pinned post.

Also at some point I'm going to update Chapter 1 to match my later standards (since originally I was intending to do more summarizing and less "translating"), and add note numbers to early chapters so you don't have to guess what I'm commenting on, or read all the way to the end to get clarification or explanations.

Let's see... was there anything else? Oh at some point I should share pics of my super-cool 1970s, two-volume hard copy (which as far as I can tell is the last time it was in print other than being cheaply copy-pasted and sold because it's public domain).

So yeah, hopefully I'll get my routine fixed and get back to consistent updates. A big contributor to my working on this is how easy it is for me to pick it up and work on it whenever I have time/energy, so computer problems (and changing browsers, which I did recently) tends to really interrupt things.

Thanks for sticking with me this long, and I'll hopefully have another post soon!

[reinedeslys-central]

my writing directory

I know, I know, it's very audacious of me to create a writing directory when I'm not one of those stellar writers with a gazillion fics. But! I figured this is a much better way to keep track of any writing posts I make here. That way (since my tumblr fics aren't in linear scene-by-scene progression atm) anyone can just see the other parts of the fic in one spot, and I get to have one spot to know exactly what I've posted!!

scroll past the ** for writing directory.

WRITING STATS:

Fandoms I will prob write for at some point or another:

PJO / Riordanverse

Doom At Your Service

Stranger Things

Naruto

KOTLC (maybe idk)

MDZS/CQL

Love O2O/A Smile Is Beautiful

no i don't do rpf but I could be persuaded to do a cinematic universe fic

Fics currently on the go:

could die without you knowing, though - stranger things, platonic stobin dealing with tommy hagan dying (friendship weirdness), future fic (I'm talking like, they're full-on senior citizens), chrissy and eddie are alive. Tumblr & AO3

small mercies (your hands in my hair) - cisswap wangxian and gang are graduating highschool and it's their last summer in the same city. fireworks and love confessions and family feels. AO3

the currently unnamed obligatory three-days-in-the-infirmary fic - nico-centric, kinda character study, solangelo figuring things out post-BOO, kinda canon non-compliant bc idk the timeline between BOO and the other books, angst, grief, found family, softness. Tumblr only atm (the scenes are NOT in order of chronology lol)

like snakes in the grass - projected to be a JYL-centric time travel fix-it so massive I still haven't finished plotting it out lol. My OG huge fic I wanted to write. Will try posting little scenes. 'wind, peace, power;' on AO3 is supposed to be my practice run at the prologue. I will be rewriting that tho it's not my best work.

oh, haven't you heard? - a MDZS ficlet series starring gossip and rumours that are describing different canon divergences. ex. 1: oh, haven't you heard? NHS ran away to be with his lover in the burial mounds? no, you're crazy. Clearly the YLLZ abducted him. Not posted yet.

Snake In The Garden - meng yao character study.

burning like a glowing star - valgrace senior year, first meeting to kinda-lovers, right person wrong time. Tumblr

Fics that are FINISHED:

as the clouds roll in - pjo/riordanverse minor characters-centric college AU. part one of a three-part story about bianca di angelo taking care of her brother, figuring her life out, and making friends (+ Drew the unintentional major character). Anyone who can pick up on the clues (pretty easy ig) and figure out the setting, etc gets a cookie /j ! based on the vibes of 'On The Ride Home' by KC Katalbas bc I just love that song so much. AO3

********************************************************************

WRITING DIRECTORY

my ao3 which has some stuff on it if anyone wants to see that - it has all the fics that have the AO3 note on them. Should have said that lol

Every scene for the same fic will be listed in the order it's written/posted. If I end up finishing a story I'll reformat and dump the whole thing in plot-order on ao3. Cheers!

PJO / Riordanverse:

the as-of-yet unnamed obligatory three-days-in-the-infirmary fic: scene 0 - prologue-ish scene 1 - the library of social awkwardness or here (or in my heart, 'kidney function is a privilege, not a right') scene 2 - sleeping easy (also a current contender for epilogue or halfway mark in the story)

assorted scenes: good days and bad days (solangelo) too much (grover and percy and insecurities)

on the ride home-verse:

burning like a glowing star: scene 1 - I See Stars scene 2 - I can show you the world

Stranger Things:

could die without you knowing though part 0 - summary first chapter (robin gets the dreaded phone call)

MDZS/CQL:

Anyway, have a nice day y'all. <3

[vvatchword]

I may have reached my natural end with Only Man's current draft. Drawer period feels close. That said, I've already said this six or seven times, so who knows. I'm still deeply fascinated with it and can't stop thinking about it.

This isn't like Saya, where I only had one viewpoint and one direction. In Only Man, there are seven POV characters. If anyone ever gets too boring, I can just jump to a different character and fool around with them. If I get bored with Only Man, I can straight-up leave and go write about Jack Wynand or Mark Meltzer or whatever. Whallah, boredom cured. I don't have to drop any of my threads.

I have basically composed the cure to my particular kind of writer's block: have as much going on as possible simultaneously.

Also, I put off the Horny Gay Man section to work on the ADAM-Addicted Religious Nutcase section, which is not even halfway as interesting to me at the moment. I haven't finished their story, either, but again: they depend on the Dr. Lamb section, so although I can fill out some of their story, the junction where everything goes sideways depends on me writing for all the generals. And to make everything even more awkward, I have to make sure no one section is too similar to another, that every character stands out on their own and is interesting on their own, and that the chapters are worth existing to begin with.

I will say that my capabilities for tying disparate pieces together has... uh. Oozed.

Not sure how to describe that.

I'm worn out, that's the long and short of it.

If I were very honest, I'd say my problem-solving capabilities are really going down the drain and need a recharge. There's so much to study and read. The last few months have been brutal, so I'm physically and mentally not great, and on top of all that, there is so goddamn much I do not know. I need a break. I need to study. I need to touch grass.

Also. I had wanted to reach some kind of ending for Only Man, even if that ending was awkward. Despite adding 45,000 words, I'm barely past the first act with the Dr. Lamb segment. And that makes sense: I basically introduced three characters and they each require an Act 2, which means further development, which means about 4-6 chapters each, and I still haven't introduced Gilbert Alexander yet. Unlike the others, he's featured in future chapters and I have a stronger idea of what to do with him than I do with Simon Wales, but he hasn't been the subject of his own chapter yet, and that means Challenge.

Also, I want to figure out a way to make the prose more custom to each character instead of being that bland third-person style narration that everyone does all the time.

I feel like I've been 75% done with this story for the last 6 months. Very fucking frustrating.

When I get up tomorrow, I'll write up a list like my friend suggested and figure out how to tackle my problems.

I JUST WANT TO POST THIS ALREADY OKAY, it's just nowhere near done enough :(

[ryehouses]

It might be too early to ask this, given the fic isn't finished being published yet, but I'd love to pick your brain about how it was for you to write such a long fic.

I also wrote one that grew a life of its own around the halfway mark lol. What have you learned from writing it? Anything that was super difficult at first but got easier over time? What advise would you give to Past You when they wrote the first sentence? Anything you'd do differently?

lol i apologize i opened the floodgates and all of these words fell out!

THIS IS A GREAT ASK, SO THANK YOU.

in order:

i learned SO MUCH during this process (seriously, i am eagerly waiting for star wars trivia night to come back to our local bar, because i'm pretty sure that i'd win this year). odd bits of star wars lore! a whole bunch about food! what the inside of my eyeballs look like 8 or 9 hours into an intensive revision session! but from a technical standpoint, i think what i learned that will help me the most going forward in writing projects is the benefit of outlining a project and referencing the outline as i go through the project. this probably won't come as a surprise, but projects often mutate and grow on me in the middle -- or the beginning -- or the second middle -- or the very end when i should be done but definitely have to pursue another errant thought -- and if i don't have the major plot points already charted out, i can pretty easily lose the thread of the plot and therefore the motivation to keep going. with ast, the initial outline has been a godsend, even though the plot has grown and shifted as the fic has gone on. the major points i wanted to hit were already written down, so it was a lot easier to maintain focus on this project than on some others.

boba's voice was actually super fucking difficult for me to get and present consistently, especially early on in the fic when din is trying to get a read on him! i had a really hard time deciding how i wanted boba to sound and talk and think and act -- at the point of most of my worldbuilding and outlining, there really wasn't a ton of boba in canon and legends/the eu can be a mess and also wildly inconsistent, so i didn't have much to go on. i think i probably have five or six drafts of the first couple of chapters from boba's pov in the depths of my ast folder, trying to build a consistent tone. (also, not pursuing every scrap of detail that was interesting to me was very difficult, and is part of the reason why ast includes probably 50-75k alone in, like, descriptions of food or tusken culture or random asides about din's childhood with paz and annika.)

honestly, i would tell Past Me to unclench and try not to worry so much about making it perfect. a lot of delays in the revision process have come from Obsessively Reworking Things in order to make up for pouring so much of my internal mess (didn't know i had that much religious trauma, to be honest!) into the fic, and i probably didn't need to stress myself out that much.

oof okay. this is really tough. part of me says "yes, absolutely," because i feel like i really did go haring off down some avenues that i probably shouldn't have, for the sake of condensing the plot. i could and maybe should have pared down some of the tusken and ahra stuff to focus more tightly on the mandalore stuff. the other part of me says "no, absolutely not," because i have had an enormous amount of fun working on this project!! i have learned so much and really ignited my passion for learning things again -- i have actually read nonfiction books that aren't about fish this year, which is huge for me -- and i've rekindled some of my affection for writing (which is good, considering... how much writing has gone into this thing) and also my love for star wars, which is HUGE. i was a very small fry in the star wars fandom circa 2008-2010, around the time that the clone wars was coming out and the fandom was... being itself... and i was really excited to come back in 2015, but around that time i felt like there wasn't much room in the fandom for me between the ship wars and the everything else, so i stayed out. it has been really, really nice to come back, lol, and to settle into a niche that so far has been pretty chill, so. no, i think, i'm good with the way things shook out for ast! not much i'd change at this point, except maybe somehow making ao3 count one word for every two?

[johnsamericano]

𝔖𝔲𝔤𝔞𝔯 ℜ𝔲𝔰𝔥 𝔧.𝔧.𝔥

Hi everyone! As promised, here’s one of the two most voted fic continuations. There will be more chapters to this story though I'm not sure how many yet. Thank you for reading!

warnings: sugar daddy jae, mentions of injuries and hospitals, language.

taglist: @thoreeo @trustmahluv

Sugar rush m.list.

The machine monitoring your father’s heartbeat was the only sound filling the quiet hospital room, where your once healthy father laid unconscious, his perfect, chiseled cheeks adorned with cuts and bruises. Would they leave a mark?

The machine monitoring your father’s heartbeat was the only sound filling the quiet hospital room, where your once healthy father laid unconscious, his perfect, chiseled cheeks adorned with cuts and bruises. Would they leave a mark?

The machine monitoring your father’s heartbeat was the only sound filling the quiet hospital room, where your once healthy father laid unconscious, his perfect, chiseled cheeks adorned with cuts and bruises. Would they leave a mark?

The machine monitoring your father’s heartbeat was the only sound filling the hospital room, where your once healthy father laid unconscious, his perfect, chiseled cheeks adorned with cuts and bruises. Would they leave a mark?

The machine monitoring your father’s heartbeat was the only sound filling the hospital room, where your once healthy father laid unconscious, his perfect, chiseled cheeks adorned with cuts and bruises. Would they leave a mark?

Where did everything go wrong?

Your string of thoughts was cut off by a call from your aunt.

Your string of thoughts was cut off by a call from your aunt.

“Hello?” Your voice was raspy from not using it. There was no one to talk to in the quiet, hospital room but the nurses, who weren't especially keen on chatting.

“How’s your dad, sweetie?”

“They let him out of ICU, but he doesn't look good to me.” Your fingers traced the cuts in his chiseled cheeks that would soon turn into scars, ruining his perfect skin. Your eyes then diverted to his head, thoroughly covered in bandages to protect his damaged skull.

“Honey, I've got bad news...”

“They rejected the case, didn't they?”

“Not precisely.” She deeply inhaled before continuing. “It’s a tough case, almost impossible to win, nonetheless, they're willing to take it. But their fee is a little...”

“Expensive.”

“Yes.”

As expected from the best firm in town, they wouldn't take less than $8,000. Your bank account didn't have enough money to even cover half of it, and with your job at the convenience store, you'd only earn so much to cover your expenses.

“We can take the lawyer that the government provides us with, it would be free.”

“But then I'm sure we’d lose.” You groaned in frustration, using your free hand to rub your forehead. “Don’t worry, I'll find a way to get the money.”

“Why don't we just accept the compensation they're offering? It could pay for the hospital bills and you'd still have some left to pay for your tuition.”

“That would be like putting a price on my father's life. I don't want their money, I want them to make themselves responsible for what they've caused.” The sound of wheels approached the door of your father's room, signaling the nurse was outside with his meds. “It’s okay, Auntie, I'll take care of everything. You can go back home, I know my uncle isn't doing so well.”

“Are you sure, darling?” It was undeniable that she wanted to head back to her little ranch fat away from the hectic city life to take care of her sick husband, but still, her brother was laying down on a hospital bed, fighting for his life.

“Yes, I'm an adult, I'll find a way.”

“Take care of yourself, and don't hesitate to call me if you're having any difficulties. I'll be there in the blink of an eye.” She said before sending a kiss into the speaker, proceeding to hang up.

You sighed. It was never usual for you to ask for help, as you were an extremely prideful and independent person, and you doubted this time would be different.

“Don’t worry, dad. Everything will be alright.”

Three failed job interviews and one more to go. Your feet were killing you, the high heels covering them already worn out from walking to avoid taking the bus. Every penny counted, and as long as your legs worked, you weren't spending any more money than what was necessary.

You sat down in the waiting room of the company, massaging your neck to relieve some tension. College was becoming a burden. Maybe you'd take a semester off to focus on working, that is if someone wanted to hire an inexperienced student.

“Y/n, Y/l/n?”

“Here.” You darted up, gathering your belongings to enter the room on which your life almost literally depended.

You gave all the right answers, earning a polite ‘we’ll contact you’ in return. But you could see that they weren't convinced with your lack of experience, no company in their right mind would be.

As soon as you arrived at your apartment, you slid out of the uncomfortable pencil skirt, tucking yourself under the covers with your phone screen almost hitting your nose.

To take your mind off things, you decided to watch some videos. Halfway in, an ad popped up, interrupting the interior deco video you were watching.

A picture of a girl about your age hugging an older man was right in the middle of your screen. Written with fancy letters, the words ‘make your life simpler’ could be read, followed by what you guessed was the title of the app. Sugar rush.

Out of pure curiosity, your finger tapped at the small icon that led to the app store, absentmindedly clicking the download button. A few seconds later, an icon with the letters ‘SR’ was added to your home screen.

“Log in?” You murmured out loud, squinting your eyes to adjust your eyes to the bright, white homepage.

Just as you were about to click out, the phrase from the ad reappeared, stopping your finger from moving any further.

You could always delete your account if something went wrong, right? Nonetheless, you decided to use a false name, and that's how Melanie Kim’s profile was created. You left the circle of your profile picture empty for now, only filling the spaces that asked about your likes, dislikes, age, and all that stuff that people care about so much.

You knew what the app was for, but that didn't stop you from being surprised when a list of men and women of different ages greeted you. Right then, a small rectangle obstructed your sight, two buttons offering opposite things.

‘Pick the role you'd like to develop.’

Sugar daddy/mommy / Sugar baby.

Clearly, you didn’t have nor the money or the years to be the first, so you clicked the opposite button without giving it more thought.

‘Welcome. You've been registered as a sugar baby at Sugar rush. Meet thousands of men and women willing to finance you for free!’

You hummed.

‘As we're always looking to make our users’ experience better, we've developed Sugar Rush premium, a membership to meet the richest and hottest people in your surroundings. Get the premium version for only $5.95 a month. Click here to get Sugar Rush premium.’

Your finger pad was dangerously close to the blue button, almost grazing the screen of the phone. It was then when you were pulled out of your trance, blinking as if just then you'd realized what you were doing.

“I must be crazy.” You turned off your phone, not bothering to turn on an alarm for the next day. You had no interviews left. You had nowhere to go.

Waking up was getting harder with every passing day. Not being able to call your dad to go out for breakfast or even sending a simple good morning message hurt you deeply. You missed him. But seeing him laying down on a hospital bed, unable to do anything by himself, was even worse.

Ding

A notification filled the silence in your room.

‘Come back, you haven't finished setting up your account yet!’

You scoffed at your past self. What were you even thinking when you downloaded the app?

You simply turned off the phone before standing up to take a relaxing shower. As the water soaked up your tense body, your mind started wandering off back to the app. A million what-ifs filled your head, nonetheless, there was one that remained the most persistent.

‘What if this can pay for a lawyer?’

Your part-time job surely couldn't, and you had no one to assist you financially speaking. The whole idea of paying that ridiculous membership seemed more tempting as your fingers started getting wrinkly under the showerhead.

You decided to take some time to consider it, after all, you still had a week to give the lawyers an answer.

Hot soup seemed like a good option to comfort you, and thankfully, there was a store right in front of your place that claimed to sell the best soups in town.

It wasn't bad, but not nearly as good as the one your dad cooked when you were a kid. You sighed, wondering if you'd ever be able to eat it again. Just then, a woman about your age came into the shop, carrying a couple of bags where names of popular brands could be read. A pinch of jealousy made your heart stir as you glanced at yourself through the reflection in the glass at your side. You looked devastated, your skin pale and your cheekbones slightly sunken, a sign of the lack of rest and food you'd been getting.

Out of pure impulse, you pulled out your phone, clicked on the app you'd recently downloaded, and finally accepted the charges for a premium membership.

‘Welcome, new member of our wide community, click ok to get started!’

Well, no turning back now.

Right after pressing the blue letters with your thumb, you were presented with a list of potential prospects, some of them including pictures, some of them only including name and a brief description of what they were looking for. The minority included their ages, but most left the space blank.

A bunch of old men looking for a youthful, pretty woman to be by their sides, some of them even went as far as writing the weight and height their ideal partner should have. Of course, there were also some women in the look for young meat, but the number of men overpassed them.

About to exit the app in defeat, a profile caught your eye. His pale pink hair was parted, allowing his thick eyebrows to stand out. His high cheekbones made him look like a statue, the details in his face almost too perfect for a mere human. He must be the incarnation of a Greek God, you thought.

‘Jung Yoonoh. 41 years old. Owner of N & C.’

“Should I...?” You asked yourself in a voice lower than a whisper.

He has probably gotten hundreds of messages, so what would be the point of sending one yourself? Your eyes scanned the picture over and over again as the remains of your soup started getting cold.

He was probably the only acceptable man in the whole app, so why not give it a try?

You already spent five whole dollars on it, might as well make it worth the money.

‘Hi.’ Sent.

“Holy crap.” You breathed out, regretting every single action that led you to take such a stupid decision. “Ah!” You squeaked as three small dots appeared beside his profile picture, signaling he was writing a reply.

What if he rejected you right from the beginning? God, that would be so humiliating. His message stopped your train of thought.

‘Hi!’

Followed by:

‘How are you?’

Sweating like a pig, thank you for asking.

‘Fine. You?’ Read.

‘Thrilled. No one had messaged me since I created my account two weeks ago.’

‘How is that possible?’ You imprinted your thoughts on a message.

‘It’s hard to trust people nowadays. I guess people might think either my picture is photoshopped or I'm lying about my job.’

‘Their loss, ig.’ Read.

He was taking some time to answer. Had you said something inappropriate?

‘Hahaha.’

The conversation stopped there, as you didn't know how exactly to answer his message. But a few minutes later, another text from him popped up at your chat.

‘If you're okay with it, we can start talking about a possible arrangement.’

Already? You've known each other for like five minutes. But then again, arrangements were the whole purpose of the app.

‘Sure.’

‘May I ask your reasons for joining the app?’

‘I need urgent money, but my job doesn't pay nearly enough.’ You omitted the part of your agonizing father, he didn't need to know that. ‘And you?’

‘I need someone to be my partner at public spaces.’

‘Alright.’ Read.

‘Do you happen to have some free time tomorrow at lunchtime? I think it’d be better to meet first before making any decisions.’

‘Yeah, I'm free.’

‘Great, I’ll send you the address.’

You thought a day would be enough to prepare yourself, but time passed by quicker than usual, and soon enough, it was time to get ready for your meeting with Mr. Jung. He was only a few years younger than your father, and calling him by his first name wouldn't feel right.

Unsure if you should wear something formal, you threw on a beige (the color you'd agreed on wearing so it’d be easier to recognize each other) summer dress, pairing it with the gold hoops you'd inherited from your grandma to make it look more elegant.

The hardest part of your routine was makeup. Your sunken cheeks couldn't be covered, and only after a few layers of blush and highlighter, you could bring your skin back to life.

On your way to the cafe, you went through the things you'd say when you met him. It was your chance to get your father what he needed.

You stood at the entrance with wide, scared eyes, shyly scanning through the place to look for your date.

“Melanie?” A hand on your shoulder had you jolting. “I’m Jung Yoonoh, nice to meet you.”

What you saw after turning around was breathtaking. A handsome, healthy man, with the most beautiful pair of dimples.

“Nice to meet you.” You managed to blurt out without stuttering, extending your hand to make the greeting more formal. The fake name didn’t seem necessary anymore. “It’s actually y/n, I didn't want to use my real name.”

“I understand. Let’s take a seat.” He offered with a kind smile.

He left you seating at the terrace while he made your order, a latte, and a chocolate cookie. Your fingers played with your hoops anxiously, trying to regulate your breath.

“They’ll bring our food in just a sec.” He offered a warm smile. “Your dress is pretty.” Yoonoh said out of nowhere.

“Thank you.”

“I see you're not a chatty person.” You were about to object, but he started speaking again. “It's not a bad thing! I usually talk a lot, so it’s a nice way to balance things.”

You nodded, seemingly uncomfortable with the man sitting in front of you.

“So, uhm, this is my first time doing this, so I'm not really sure where to begin.” He pulled out a folded paper from the front pocket of his dressing pants. “It’s a bit creased, but I can always print another one. I brought it so you could take a look and let me know if you wanted to change anything. I don't mean to pressure you, but you said it was urgent, so...”

You read the paper under his attentive gaze, making sure not to miss a single word. Everything seemed correct, except...

“Six months?”

“Is that too much?” A small wrinkle formed between his eyebrows, a sign of deep concentration. “Okay, so let's do this instead.”

He took back the contract, pulling out a pen from the pocket in his dressing shirt to correct the original stipulations.

“Four months, and if by the end of them you don't absolutely hate me, we can extend the time. Deal?”

“Just one more thing.”

You cleared your throat, conscious that your following words might jeopardize the whole arrangement.

“Are you sure you want to make it official already?” You had to stop for a moment as the waiter left your orders on top of the wooden table. “I mean, it's not that I have a problem with it, but it's your money and maybe you'd like to give it a better thought.” You resumed.

“The fact that you're concerned about me proves I'm making the right choice. Now, tell me, how much would you like to receive as a weekly allowance?”

Would it be too reckless to ask him straight up for the $8,000?

“H-how much are you willing to give me?” You felt dirty, accepting a stranger’s money like that.

“Whatever you need.” His hand suddenly reached forward to yours, causing every ounce of blood in your body to rush to your face. “There’s no need to be embarrassed, I'm here to help you.” His voice tone dropped, acquiring an almost soothing feeling.

“I need eight thousand by Thursday, next week.” His eyes were wide open, mouth having difficulties remaining closed. “I-I know it's too much, but...”

“I can find a way to give you that money, but I'd like to know the reason why you need it. Just to make sure it's nothing illegal.”

You puffed your cheeks, trying to find an excuse good enough to justify the amount of money you were asking for.

“It isn’t illegal, is it?”

“No!” You retrieved your hand from below his, now embarrassed at the possibility of him having a bad image of you. “I need it for my father.”

“I suppose you don't want to talk about it.” He started at his palm, lips pressed in a thin life. “But when it comes to arrangements like this, we need to trust each other, alright?” You barely knew each other, yet, he demanded to know a very personal detail of your life. Not that he didn't have a good reason for wanting to know, it wasn't a particularly small amount of money.

“He had an accident at work...” You started, fearful of looking up to find pity in his eyes. “I need a lawyer to make his company legally responsible. They intend to throw it under the rug and pay a somewhat decent amount of money to make it go away. The firm I intend to hire is supposedly the best in town, probably my only chance of getting justice.”

“And why don't you just accept it? There's no guarantee that your lawyer will win the case.” You fisted the delicate fabric of your dress, eyes watering as you tried to hold back your anger.

“My father’s life is priceless, and if you think what I'm doing is a waste of money, then fine, we can both look for someone else to help us.” It sounded more aggressive than you'd first intended, but you meant every word that came out of your mouth.

Before you could even stand up, his slim fingers had already wrapped themselves around your wrist.

“I never said that.” He whispered with an almost sad tone. “Come on, sit down.”

He tugged at your arm the slightest, showing off his charming dimples once again.

“I’ll give you the money on one condition...” He raised one of his thick eyebrows. “I’ll go with you to see the lawyer.”

“Why...?”

“That’s my condition, take it or leave it.”

“Okay.”

The days before your meeting with your potential lawyer were nerve-wracking. You'd seen Yoonoh another time to sign the contract, which finally made your arrangement official.

You’d visit your father every day, always hoping he'd be sitting with his arms wide open, ready to hug you. But nothing had changed ever since he first came into that room.

“I’m here to see Mr. Kim.” The secretary's gaze lingered on Jaehyun a few seconds before he finally snapped out of it. “Y/n Y/l/n.”

“Just a second.” He opened his agenda and quickly found your appointment. With a warm smile, he guided you through the corridors of the building, all the way to the elevator. “It’s the only office on the last floor, I'll be at my desk if you need anything.”

Once again, he shot Jae an uneasy glance before the metal doors slid close.

“What was all that?” To be honest, you couldn't care less. But a small chat might calm your nerves and prevent you from throwing up all over the place.

“What do you mean?” He grinned, pressing the button to the top floor.

“You know what I mean.” You scoffed, annoyed at his evasive behavior.

“We just happen to know each other, nothing special.” Before the conversation could continue, a loud ding resonated through the metal cubicle. “Let’s go.” His hand found its place at the small of your back, pushing you towards the glass door. Through it, you could see a black-haired man reading a pile of documents, occasionally raising a photo to examine it with his gold-rimmed glasses supported at the bridge of his elegant nose.

Jaehyun extended his arm over your shoulder to knock on the door, earning an almost annoyed ‘come in’ from the man inside.

“Let’s go.” Once again invading your personal space, he reached for the doorknob with you trapped between his arms.

As soon as the door opened, the man raised his eyes from the documents he was checking.

“What are you doing here, Jung?”

“I knew something was off...” You murmured, loud enough for the man at your side to chuckle.

“I brought you a client, you should be happy.”

“Miss y/n, I suppose. Have a seat.” His demeanor completely changed while speaking directly to you. “I spoke with your aunt last week, she explained the details of the lawsuit, but I must say, it isn't an easy case.”

“I know that, but I've been told you're the best firm in town, I know I'll have more possibilities of winning if you're my lawyer.”

“Best firm in town my ass.”

“Be silent or I’ll kick you out of the building.”

That was enough for Yoonoh to zip his mouth. For a while at least.

“I suppose she also told you about our fee.” He pushed his glasses up using his thumb. “We’d also keep 25% of the lawsuit money assuming we win the case, is that okay with you?”

“Yes-”

“Okay, stop.”

“I’ll call security, Jung.”

“Look at me, y/n.” He squeezed your arms. “This clown is trying to scam you...” He pointed his finger at the lawyer without breaking eye contact. “You’d be spending loads of money for someone who isn't even confident in his abilities. It isn't worth it.”

“And I suppose you'd do better than me, then.” The black-haired man scoffed. “If that's the case, then you can both leave. I'm quite busy at the moment.” With a turn of his wrist, he signaled you to leave the room.

You were fuming, stomping out of the building with Jaehyun right behind you.

“I found a great restaurant nearby, we can go there and-”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Calm down-”

“Don’t tell me to calm down when you just fucked up my only chance to give those bastards what they deserve.” The sun was starting to set, yellow light casting shadows over his tender cheeks.

“Can you listen to me for a second?”

“Are you laughing right now?” You bit your lip, hard, trying to hold back the tsunami of tears threatening to come out of your eyes. “Asshole.”

“Ouch.” He furrowed his eyebrows mockingly. Oh, how close you were to punch that pretty face of his. “Can I explain now?”

You remained silent, staring at the ground with the smallest frown between your eyebrows.

“How do you think I know Kim Doyoung?” Before even giving you a chance to answer, he continued. “That son of a bitch has been stealing my clients for ages.”

“Your clients...?”

“He isn't even that good of a lawyer compared to me.” He scoffed with fake arrogance.

“You're a lawyer?!” You slammed your palms into your face, whining at the newly acquired information. “Why didn't you tell me from the beginning?”

“Just wanted to swing by and annoy him a bit. Don't worry, I wasn't gonna let you accept his deal.” He winked playfully.

The sun was now hidden, the sky darkening as the moon rose to take its shift.

“Though I gotta say, I'm kinda offended I wasn't even an option. I'm a pretty great lawyer, you know?”

“Sorry.”

“I’ll forgive you if you join me for dinner. What do you say?”

As you walked into the darkness of the streets, his shoulder occasionally bumping yours, you wondered if meeting him was a casualty. Maybe the world was finally smiling at you.