#:') we've been friends for years but things like this is why i don't trust them very deeply | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

Note

Look, This is gonna be one of those things that sounds bad until you read the whole story. Please don't read the title and go to 'yta' without reading.

AITA for yelling at our friend that my brother isn't trans?

Look, My brother ISNT trans. He likes to wear kilts and sew, Which is what kind of started all of this. My brother is NOT trans, He loves being a boy (trust me, I can hear him enjoying being a boy in his room all the time. Theres no way he'd wanna chop it off(I mean this as a joke I don't actually know how the surgery works), He's told me multiple times that being told by others what he likes is 'feminine' and 'girly' upsets him because he's proud of being a boy and doesn't like being called a girl. Its not because he hates girls or thinks less of them, He just does not like being called the wrong gender which I'm sure you want to be called the correct gender too.)

Anyways lets begin. I (16F) am my little brothers (15M) best friend, Basically. We grew up together and do everything together, Including sewing. I liked it when I was younger, And eventually convinced him to try it as well. He loved it, And we love just sitting together and making random crap we usually end up selling at our yearly garage sale. (Our mom makes us sell all our unneeded crap every year, But we aren't complaining when we make like $100 for it, Mom and dad even help us figure out what we actually wanna keep (we sometimes see old things and go 'Oh I could never get rid of this' and then throw it away))

Sorry for the rambling, But you'll see why some of this is important to know.

Basically, We were getting our shit together for the garage sale, And invited over a mutual friend of ours, Who I'll call uhhh Ley (16F). Shes kind of obsessed with the LGBTQ and loves to help people 'realize' they're gay or trans or non-binary. By this I mean she'll literally bully people she 'knows' is gay or trans by always telling them they are and spreading rumors about them saying they are. The way she 'knows' these things are from gut feelings. I thought maybe she needed friends who would be honest with her and tell her gently that it needed to stop. She stopped being so bad with it and we even convinced her to admit to the rumors she started being fake. We've known her for around 3 years now, And she's stopped doing it as aggressively for 2 of those years. She still makes jabs and 'jokes' saying things like "Oh thats so girly, Are you sure you're not trans?" and "Oh thats such a boy thing to do, Are you a lesbian?", Both quotes she's said to me and my brother less than a week ago. I am straight and cis, So is my brother. We have nothing against the lgbt, We just aren't apart of it. We support the lgbtq as much as possible (with my part time job I like to donate some of my paycheck towards point of pride so people who need the surgeries or binders can get them), And are very open about supporting them.

While we were cleaning out my brothers room and finding stuff to throw into the 'sell' box (we like to do precleaning before our parents help us, It makes everything faster and less work on the people trying to help), And Ley found my brothers kilt. She did a long exaggerated gasp, Looking at my brother.

"So, How long have you been trans? Why didn't you tell me?? I knew it the whole time!"

My brother tried to explain that it was a kilt for men, And he wasn't trans, But she kept interrupting him saying crap like 'you don't have to lie I know now' and 'Its nothing to be embarrassed about, I knew ever since you started to sew'. The last straw for me was when she continued not listening to him and started to ask about how he was gonna come out as school. I yelled at her to get out, That neither of us were gay, Neither of us are trans, And neither of us are apart of any of the lgbtq. We are allies and nothing more. She tried to argue that he had a 'skirt' which OBVIOUSLY meant he was trans, I basically screamed at her that she was a stupid know it all who made everyone who wasn't apart of the lgbtq's life hell because she made sure everyone knew them as someone they arent (I know, I shouldn't of brought up 2 years in the past) and that I was tired of her trying to force everyone to be in the LGBTQ when its just not realistic. Not everyone is gay or trans, Some people are cis and straight. She started crying and left, We haven't spoken in a few days but I think I'm justified. I'm tired of living my life being told I'm something I'm not, I'm tired of seeing it happen to my brother too.

My brother later thanked me for standing up for him, Telling me it made him really upset when she said those things. To cheer him up we watched his favorite movies and I made him his favorite dinner (mom and dad both work day jobs so we both make lunch and dinner)

And for those who are gonna say that allies are apart of the LGBTQ I strongly believe the A is for aro/ace. Being an ally isn't a gender or sexuality

(unless people identify using ally/allyself of course or whatever it is, I'm not quite sure how neos work or whatever but I love to see how creative people get with it and am happy it gives people who don't identify with any of the normalized(? Idk the correct term but yknow the man woman and nb) genders a chance to be who they actually are)

Extra info on why I think I could be the asshole: I feel like we might've been able to explain it if we got her to shut up for a minute, But she kept talking over us. I feel like I went too far by insulting her, And I feel like I might be TA because she's also autistic (so is my brother though, And I have ADHD).

Why I think I'm NTA: My brother is really quiet and doesn't really defend himself often. He doesn't really know how to stand up for himself and is 'easy' to talk over (soft spoken, Quiet talking voice and nonconfrontational) which is why I believe I had to step in in his place, And I don't believe I did anything wrong defending my brother and making her stop calling him what hes not.

Anyways. AITA for yelling at our friend that my brother isn't trans?

To see later: PINK PANTHER

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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writtenbymisunderstoodnerds · 4 months

Text

Falling in love again (Christen Press x Reader)

Writers block is being a pain at the moment so sorry it's been a while since I posted. I'll be back to trying to write my list of requests in a few weeks when I'm back from holiday. This wasn't requested, just a random idea and probably not very good but I hope you like it!

Warnings: Death of a partner, grief. If you find anything else let me know and I'll add it!

Words: 4.3K

---

Almost two years had passed since I lost my person. The person I thought I would spend my life with, the person I loved more than I thought it was possible to love someone. Life was cruel like that, giving you a person who understood you, who loved you so deeply, only to rip it away in the worst way possible. The day the phone call came, telling me Talia had been in an accident that claimed her life was a blur. Honestly, at times it still felt like a dream. The overwhelming grief, disbelief and fear I felt that day still ever present if I thought back to it.

I had almost quit soccer for good after that, but I knew she wouldn't want me too. Talia loved watching me play, she knew how much I loved it, always encouraging me and supporting me in everything I did. So I kept going, every game I played, I played for her. The grief had faded since then. It was always there, it always would be, some days were worse than others, but it was bearable. It didn't consume me like it once had.

One of the things Talia used to love was colouring in my tattoos. Not that I would have admitted it to her, but once we started dating, my new tattoos were purely designed so she could colour them. Our spare time was often spent with her colouring them while I drew or did random stuff. It was something I found myself doing often, especially when I was missing her.

Someone sat down next to me as I slowly coloured in one of the many tattoos scattered over my body. I didn't pay them much attention, continuing colouring, "What are you doing?"

I shrugged, not looking up at Emily, "Colouring."

"Is she colouring in her tattoos again?" Kelley asked sitting across from us.

"Yup, we really need to get her paper or a colouring book."

"Have you ever noticed even when there's paper around she still does it? Look at how comfortable and peaceful she looks. It's like a built in stress relief." I fought the urge to chuckle at how they talked as if I wasn't there. To be fair I was only half listening.

"Why do you colour in your tattoos?"

I sighed, putting down the pen. The team had been bugging me for months now about it. These were some of the people I trusted most in the world, there was no reason to keep hiding it from them. "It reminds me of my wife. She would sit there for hours colouring in my tattoos while I drew. It became sort of a routine."

"You're married? You don't wear a ring."

I pulled the chain around my neck that held a simple black band and a silver band with a line of diamonds. "Mine and hers," I took a deep breath trying to control my emotions, "She died almost 2 years ago, I only take it off for games."

"God Y/n, I'm so sorry," Ali said, pulling me in for a quick hug.

Alex was the next to pull me into a tight hug, "How come we never knew? We've known you longer then two years?"

"No one knew except our close friends and family. At the time we weren't as close as we are now and I guess I couldn't bring myself to mention it after. We never specifically hid it, just didn't put it out there. She never wanted to the world to know who she was. Never wanted who she was with to impact her kids."

"She had kids?"

"She was a teacher at a school for kids with disabilities. They meant the world to her, she would do anything for them. It was always a worry that her suddenly being known would affect her job in some way."

"It sounds like she was an amazing person. I'm sad we never got to meet her."

"You did, you just never knew who she was to me."

"Talia? I remember you mentioning that she passed away and that's why you took that break," Alyssa asked.

"Yup, we had been married 4 years the day you met her."

"That's why you completely disappeared that day then wouldn't tell us why."

A small smile appeared on my face remembering that day. We had booked a hotel room, ordered way to much room service, gave each other massages, then had a bath and watched movies. It was simple, but one of my favourite nights besides the day we got married, "She had flown in that weekend just so we could celebrate our anniversary. We never spent one apart."

---

Christen sat down on her bed, staring up at me for a second before speaking, "That's why you turn everyone down when they ask you out? Including me."

There had been many people over the years that had asked me on dates, all being turned down for obvious reasons. Christen had been one of them though, about a year after Talia passed. Besides Talia, Christen was the only person I could actually see myself with if I ever got to a point where I felt ready. That wasn't now, but part of me hoped it would happen soon. Despite the guilt and grief that was there, I wanted the chance to be happy again with someone. We had talked about it a few times and neither of us wanted the other to hold on for too long. Talia would want me to be happy, to move on and one day, when the time was right, I would.

I sighed sitting down next to Christen. Sitting or lying on the others bed was a pretty common occurrence when we roomed together. "You know I know she would want me to be happy, but every time I even think about starting to date again, it feels like I'm betraying her. Like if I start something, I'll forget her."

"You'll never forget her. No matter what you're doing or who you're with, she will always be in your heart. She'll always be your person, but you can love someone else while still loving her just as much as you always have. It's not one or the other and if the next person doesn't understand that then they aren't worth the time. There's no rush to move on."

"Thanks Chris. Out of all the people that have asked me out, you're the only one I thought about saying yes to. I'm sorry I wasn't ready."

Christen placed her hand on my knee, squeezing gently. Something that always seemed to make me feel peace. "Don't be. I always knew there was a slim chance of you saying yes and I accepted that. I was just happy that it didn't change our friendship."

"Would you still be open to that date? Not right now, but sometime in the near future."

"Of course I would. There's no rush or pressure though Y/n/n, whenever you're ready, I'm ready. And if you're never ready that's okay too."

--- Today was two years since Talia was taken. Of course it was game day. When I realised the date it was like a weight was sitting on my chest. Christen was still asleep so I slipped quietly into the bathroom to shower and let the tears out. I had originally been thinking about pulling out of the game, but after my shower I was actually feeling okay to play. I was determined to win for her.

The final whistle blew as I clung onto whoever was closest, my knees trying to give out on me. The rush of emotions I felt was not what I expected. Happiness, relief, grief all rushing through me as I tried to hold it together in front of everyone. Letting my emotions show in front of friends or family was hard enough, I didn't need that happening in front of the fans.

I managed to hold it together enough to greet the fans before we made our way to the locker room. As I put the necklace back on, I broke. Tears silently streaming down my cheeks before a sob forced it's way out. Instantly, Ali's arms wrapped around me tightly as I sobbed into her shoulder. I didn't like crying in front of people, but there was no stopping it. So for once, I just let it out with the comfort of the people I trusted most.

Once I had calmed down, Ali finally spoke up, "What's going on Y/n/n?"

"I-it's been 2 years sin-since- I'm sorry."

Ali's arms tightened as another hand squeezed mine, "Never apologise for feeling how you feel. You can always feel how you feel with us. We've got you always."

We spent longer in the locker room than we normally would as the girls took turns comforting me and making sure I was okay before we left. After dinner, most of the team ended up in one of the rooms for team bonding. There were quite a few questions about Talia, normally I didn't talk about her much because of the emotions it brings up, but everyone seemed genuinely interested in her. Also, talking about her was actually quite therapeutic.

Even though it was therapeutic, talking about Talia still brought up emotions so I had found myself cuddled up with Ali for comfort. I had almost went to Christen for comfort, but the guilt had started to creep in again making me decide against it.

"How old were you when you got married? It must have been quite young," Tierna asked.

"We were. We started dating at 19, married at 23. Possibly too young in some peoples opinions, but at the time we just got the idea in our heads and went with it. I proposed and 2 months later we were married. My time with Talia was incredible, it was fun and low maintenance. We met in college when we both didn't have a lot of money, most of our dates in our first few years were picnics, walks or movie nights.

I mean our first anniversary, we made each other homemade cards. Talia got me marshmallows because I was obsessed with them at the time and I got her chocolate and gummy bears. We ended up at the beach, making smores before going back to my apartment and making pasta for dinner. To this day that was probably one one of my favourites. Talia never cared about fancy or expensive things, that never changed the further I got in my professional career or as our money situation changed. She was just happy if we were together."

I knew I was rambling, but I couldn't help myself. Talking about Talia before I lost her was one of my favourite things. The girls didn't seem to mind though as everyone's attention seemed to be completely on me. "She sounds like she was an incredible person."

"She was. I think she would have gotten along with all of you. Especially Emily and Kelley. Talia loved pranks and just being annoying. She wrapped up a carrot and gave it to me more than once, she would pull little pranks all the time or poke and prod at me constantly."

Later that night, Christen got my attention as I slipped into my bed, "Hey, you doing okay? I know today was hard."

"It was, but I'm feeling okay right now. I think talking about her helped. I've never really let myself because of the emotions it brings up. Turns out it's quite freeing to talk about her."

"The team would agree, it was nice to hear about her. I can see how much you love her."

"It's uh not weird for you is it?"

"No. Y/n, she was your wife, you love her, you always will. I know that. If we were to eventually get to a point past friendship, I would never expect anything else. You can talk to me about her whenever you want and I don't want you to feel bad about it."

"Thank you Chris. I don't want you to think I'm leading you on or anything. I have every intention of asking you on a date, I just need a bit of time."

"Hey, I don't think that at all. Like I said, there is no rush, there's no expectations."

---

It had been about six months since mine and Christen's initial conversation. I was finally feeling like I was ready to try dating again, all I had to do was ask. It had taken longer than I thought it would and a part of me was thinking that Christen would have lost interest by now or just didn't want to deal with my past. A part of me was tempted to not ask, to save myself from rejection, but I also knew there was no way to know unless I asked.

"So."

"So?"

I took a deep breath, trying to clear some of the nerves that had been building. I had never asked one out let alone dated anyone else besides Talia. Christen sent me a small smile, the nerves melting away when I saw the adoration in her eyes. "Will you go on a date with me Chris?"

"You're ready for that?"

"I think so, I've been thinking about it a lot recently. It's just this is something I haven't done with anyone besides Talia so I might not be perfect or even close to it, but I'll try."

"I would love to Y/n. Just tell me if we go on this date and you realise you're not ready. I'll understand. You also don't have to be perfect, we'll figure this out as we go okay?"

"Thank you Chris. I'll pick you up at 6?"

"We're sharing a room."

"I'm going to get ready in Ali and Alex's room, that way I can pick you up."

"And they say chivalry is dead."

---

Trying to plan a date was so far out of my comfort zone that I didn't even know where to start. Of course I had been on many dates with Talia, but that was different. It had been 10 or so years since my first and only first date. I knew Talia like the back of my hand, I knew what she liked, where she liked to go. Christen on the other hand, I knew her, but to a far lesser extent which was making me overthink. What if she didn't like what I planned? What if I did too much or not enough?

Before I could continue to spiral, I decided to enlist the help of Tobin. Normally I would go to Ali, but Tobin was Christens bestfriend.

"You okay Y/n?"

"No. Well yes but also no. Christen and I are going on a date tonight and I'm freaking out. I cannot for the life of me decide what to do. Every time something comes to mind, I convince myself that it's not enough. Chris will be the second person I've ever taken on a date, it needs to be perfect."

Tobin led me to sit on the bed as I had started to pace across the room. "Don't tell her I told you, but Chris doesn't care what you do, she's just happy to go out with you. Tell me your ideas?"

"I know she likes parks or gardens, beaches, picnics, museums, that sort of thing. There's not a beach around otherwise I would take her there and it'll be too late to take her to the museum but I found a nice park the other day. It has a lake and there were heaps of like lights and stuff. Was thinking picking up some takeaway and other bits to have a picnic at the park, but it doesn't seem like enough."

"Y/n, that is perfect. I know this is pretty much completely new to you, but you just need to try relax a little bit. You know Chris, she's your friend, you know what she likes. She's going to love a picnic in the park, maybe a walk around after."

"Thank you Tobs."

"Hey Y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"Chris is going into this knowing there's a chance you realise you're not ready and she'll understand that, everyone will. There'll be no hard feelings or anything. Just if that happens, please tell her sooner rather than later. I know you won't do it on purpose, but I don't want her to get her hopes up."

"I will. This wasn't a decision I made lightly, I feel ready and I'm really hoping I am. I admit, it does feel a bit weird, but I really like her Tobin. The last thing I want to do is hurt her."

Tobin smiled slightly, pulling me into a quick hug, "I know and so does Chris. Just take it one step at a time, you don't need to rush anything or do anything that doesn't feel right."

After one last hug I made my way to the door, "Thanks Tobs, I should go get ready before I make myself late."

Before heading back to my room, I ran down to the shop to get a few things. Picking out what to buy took longer than it should have. Everything I thought about buying, I ended up second guessing if Christen actually liked it. Time was running out though so I ended up picking out some wine I thought she liked and some other picnic type things.

Despite almost making myself late, I knocked on the door at exactly 6 pm, trying my best to push down the nerves. Tobin was right, Christen was my friend, I knew she didn't expect or even really like some fancy date. There was no real reason to be this nervous. Part of it was probably because of how new it was, part of me was second guessing if I was truly ready for this, but I think that was due to nerves and not wanting to hurt Christen. Another part was because it was Christen. Gorgeous, kind, thoughtful Christen. Anyone in their right mind would be nervous to be going on a date with her.

"Hi Y/n/n."

"Hi."

Christen smiled, kissing my cheek softly, "You okay?"

"A bit nervous, but I'm okay. You ready to go?"

We made our way out of the hotel, stopping to pick up takeaway before starting the ten minute walk to the park. Christen didn't ask about what we were doing, instead making random conversation. Knowing I was nervous, I had a feeling she was doing it on purpose to try calm me down. It was definitely working, my nerves were fading away the longer we talked and I wasn't thinking so much about if it was enough. Instead, I was letting myself be excited about it.

When we got to the park, Christens eyes lit up as she looked around. I found a nice spot by the lake, spreading everything out on the blanket as Christen got comfortable. "How'd you find this place? It's beautiful."

"I stumbled upon it when I went for a walk the other night."

"You went for a walk, alone at night?"

"Maybe not my best idea, but I needed to clear my head away from our room, away from the hotel."

Concern covered Christens face as she straightened slightly, "Away from our room? Was I doing something wrong?"

"No, no you didn't do anything. I was trying to figure out if I asked you out or not. I guess I was worried that I had left it too long and maybe you weren't interested anymore. I also felt a bit guilty, making you wait so long. It seems unfair to you. Got in my head about it I guess. If you can't tell, I'm a bit of an overthinker sometimes."

"Well I'm glad you did. This wasn't unfair to me, I promise. You were honest about everything Y/n, you didn't give me false hope or lie to me. That was all I could ask of you. Are you feeling okay about this?"

"I am. Honestly, it feels a little bit weird which maybe you don't want to hear, but I'm really having a good time."

Christen smiled, taking my hand gently, "Look, I don't get how it feels, but I will never dismiss anything you're feeling. You can always talk to me about it. It's okay for it to feel weird because it probably is for you, I don't take offence to that."

"Thank you. Now lets eat before it gets cold."

We spent the next couple of hours talking about anything we could think of. There had never been anyone but Talia that I could talk to so comfortably without running out of things to talk about. That was until Christen came along. Long before there were any feelings, there had always been something about her that made me feel comfortable talking to her about things. Now I craved the conversations I could have with her. I wanted to get to know her more, from the mundane to the personal.

Conversation continued as we walked around the park hand in hand then back to the hotel when it started to get late. The nerves had long faded by now, instead being replaced by giddiness and maybe butterflies. Going on a date with Christen felt right. Despite the lingering guilt, I knew Talia would approve. I knew that out of anyone to move on with she would have chosen Christen for me. That in itself brought a sense of peace.

---

Christen slipped under the blankets on her bed, pulling me down with her. I laughed as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, mumbling something about wanting cuddles. Pulling her closer, I left a soft kiss against her forehead before speaking. "You want me to sleep in your bed tonight?"

Christen just nodded. We had just got back from our fifth date in two weeks. They could have been spaced out since we lived in the same city, but I felt like a smitten teenager again. Instead of the nerves that plagued me for our first date, I was excited about the dates. Maybe to some it was too many too quick, but I didn't care and Christen didn't seem to either.

Despite the amount of dates we had been on, we were planning on taking things slow. It was my idea to take it slow as this was something I hadn't done in a long time. We had kissed for the first time at the end of the last one, but even though we were rooming together, we hadn't slept in the same bed yet.

"That can be arranged, but I need to get changed and brush my teeth." She groaned dramatically, but let me go with a pout. After completing my nightly routine, I took my necklace off, putting it next to the bed. It felt unfair to Christen to be sleeping in the same bed as her while still wearing my wife's ring.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking it off."

"Because you want to or because you feel you have to?" I just shrugged, Christen stood up, grabbing the necklace and putting it back around my neck before her arms wrapped around my waist from behind. "I will never make you take this off. I never want you to feel like you have to for me okay? You will always love her and that's okay. It doesn't mean you can't have that love for someone else as well."

I nodded leaning back into her. One of my biggest fears with dating someone new was that they wouldn't understand or get mad at the fact that I will always be in love with someone else. That person just happened to not be here anymore. It was scary that I already felt myself falling for Christen, she was just such a beautiful person, inside and out. I don't think I could stop myself from falling even if I wanted to.

---

Christen and I were lying on my bed as the movie credits started to play. We were supposed to go out, but I wasn't feeling up to it. Talia's birthday was in a few days and I had been thinking about her a lot. No matter how much time passed, I still missed her just as much. I was feeling somewhat guilty about the new realisation that I was in love with Christen, like I was being unfaithful to Talia. I felt guilty a lot when Christen and I first started dating. It had mostly faded over the 6 months we had been together, though it always got worse near dates to do with Talia. I just had to keep reminding myself that there was nothing to feel guilty about and that she would be happy for me.

"I hope she's proud of me," I stated quietly, mostly to myself.

Christen turned her head slightly, "Maybe I didn't know her very well, but I know she is. You've come so far in your life and career. You are an amazing person, anyone would be proud of you."

"Sometimes I wish I could have one last conversation with her. See what she thinks of my life, where I am, who I'm with. I still talk to her sometimes, almost expecting a response, but of course it'll never come."

Her fingers laced with mine, squeezing slightly, "I'm sure she's listening and she's happy that you're living the life you want. That's what the people who love us should want for us."

I rolled over so I could look at her properly, brushing a piece of hair out of her face, "Have I ever thanked you? For letting me talk about her, for understanding that me loving her doesn't take away from what I feel for you, for always being there for me on days like our anniversary, or her birthday or the anniversary of her death. It's something I am forever grateful for Chris."

"I will always do all of those things, you don't ever need to thank me. I love you Y/n, I'll always be there for you no matter what."

"Y-you love me?"

"I do. You don't have to say it back, I just wanted you to know."

I kissed her softly, trying to show everything I was feeling, "I love you Chris."

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #woso imagines #woso x reader #christen press x reader #christen press imagine

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bloggingboutburgers · 6 days

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I think everyone will benefit from properly tagging posts. xreader fics abd ship fics ONLY include the relevent _x_ tags but none of the character's name on its own, allowing all the usual fanart, theories and such to stay on the main name tag and not be crowded out by horny fanfiction (I say this as someone who very much enjoys very horny, very smutty xreader fanfictions. I want to be able to search the fics I want directly without having to trawl through headcanon posts, fanart, unrelated ship posts, etc.).

No one really has a tailored experience on the internet (I'm glad tumblr is at least a little more user dictated than advertiser algorithm based), but I do get the frustration and discomfort that comes from the abundant hornyposting feeling inescapable.

It's tempting to take offence to persistent cries against xreader stuff. I like special POV episodes of shows for the same reason I like xreader fics. My favourite characters WERE the company I kept, my only real form of companionship (albeit simulated) for many many years. Not because I am allo, basically. I sought something to meet my social needs growing up where I was unable to find community or companionship in real life.

Unfortunately, because they are usually sexual in nature I just came to associate a need for human connection with sex (so am I allo or just conditioned to blend sexual, platonic and romantic feelings and actions together?). I was just happy to feel like I had someone to hang out with. I knew they weren't real and that I needed to find real people to connect with (not for lack of trying, kids are just cruel. Finally made friends as an adult, yay).

Didn't intend for any of that to be so sad or pathetic, but hopefully it gives context for the prevalence of xreader fics. Alongside the varied reasons people write / read them (no just blind allo horniness), especially in light of the widespread loneliness epidemic over the past decade.

It's still more than ok to not want anything to do with them either (be it due to being aroace or not - I know plenty of allos who find xreader fics cringe).

Something I need to clarify here – we get it. Well, we don't fundamentally get it, but trust me, we've been told time and time again why people would write/draw/be into xreader content (it's all part of the package of "aroaces MUST put themselves in allo people's shoes at all times"), and we know they're perfectly legitimate reasons, and we don't find it sad or pathetic, or cringe. At the very least I don't at all. That's not what it's about. It's not something as surface-level at that.

The thing is... The same kind of understanding effort is VERY rarely put forward in return for us. And the fact that we're perceived as naysayers is symptomatic of this. We're not crying against xreader content. People are free to do whatever they want. We just want it to be tagged to keep ourselves safe, and so we can appreciate some variety and find fandom content we can properly connect with with the identity we have.

The issue isn't that there is xreader content, or heck, that there's lots of it. It's that, as @kaoruko-han put it, "everyone is assumed to be into this", and that you can't express something as simple as "I'd rather read something else" without being finger-pointed as a villain.

Yeah, no one has a tailored experience online, but there's still a very clear lack of balance on what is acceptable to tailor to or not (and for us, that includes tumblr). And trying to find fan-content while being sex-repulsed? Bruh, you'd better pray on your lucky stars and be ready to trudge through an ocean of stuff that's loaded with the very thing that makes you scared, uncomfortable or downright triggers a feeling of sickness in you, because a lot of it ain't tagged. An alarming amount of people don't bother, because why would people like you exist, right? There's only ever them, and puritan bigots. It's that black and white in a lot of people's heads.

Here's the difference though: we, too, want people to be able to vibe to whatever fan content they want. We just wish "people" included us properly in this case. As it stands now, trying to find fan content that won't give you an uncomfortable feeling as a sex-repulsed person feels kinda like this (I'll try to illustrate that to the best of my ability as a vague comparison, please no one take that as a clear parallel, I'm literally just trying to explain how it feels in a way people who have no idea how it feels might understand): you're not into gore at all, you don't wanna look at it, but your streaming platform keeps recommending you those series that are loaded with gore. You try to filter it out, but no matter where you go, you keep being recommended those series. And no one ever gets your discomfort and you're being branded as nothing but a wet blanket for not wanting to see gore. It's kinda like that.

At this point I admire sex-repulsed or romance-repulsed people who still TRY to find anything at all in fandom spaces. I've stopped reading fanfic altogether and I've largely stopped engaging with the large majority of fandom spaces for those reasons. And that wasn't an easy choice, or one that I find fun because it feels incredibly lonely, but it's the result of years of exhaustion and strain on my mental health trying to navigate something that's so hostile to me at its core, even if it's unintentional.

So... Yeah. We know the reasons, just like the content itself, they're kinda impossible to ignore. But we are largely being ignored in this, and it's not just something at an "ick" or "picky" level ; for a sex-repulsed person, being spammed with sex entails much more than that. It's not even frustration anymore at this point, it's downright despair a lot of the time. So... Yeah, like you said, everyone would benefit from stuff being more properly tagged. For us it'd be so huge to know our safety is taken into account – that we're taken into account at all. Thing is, we're not, and we're so invisible in this and most other things that at this point, I don't have much hope. Sex-related controversies allo people can understand would sooner create a change than anything done for our sake.

#vilevexedvixen #asexual #sex repulsed #fandom culture #inclusion #sorry i ended up ranting a while on this it's just a lot of it seems to be misunderstood at a core level #and i wanna emphasize the reality of it #definitely bracing for more “yeah but” from all around though that's how it goes #“we exist we experience this” “yeah but”#...aaaaanyway *sigh*

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heyhihellosworld · 1 year

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𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞

Charles Leclerc x reader

Word count: 2.7k

Summary: Sending your boyfriend alone with his friends to Ibiza shouldn't be a problem, right?

Warnings: Angst, mentions of cheating, slightly toxic relationship (or maybe a lot)

Notes: Angst is all I can write right now so here is some for you all. I just wanted to clear everything up with the pictures as well. I did not intent to include the girls in the story. The girls mentioned in the story is made up people but since it's so much easier to find pictures with them and Charles I chose to have the pictures. This is a bit messy but I tried

Summer break was made for relaxation, made to spend time with family and friends, made for rest. It was suposed to be a break from the hectic reality, a break from all the different surroundings and traveling. A break from formula one.

However summer break didn't feel like any of those things for you. No it was nothing that at all. All it was was hurt, stress and heartbreak. Anger and betrayal, no time to rest and no relaxation.

A fucking mess was what it was.

Charle's eyes were wide blown, like he were a kid caught doing something he shouldn't and it was pretty accurate, he had been caught

"Don't look at me like that" you spat at him, feeling anger brewing in your veins after you'd found him stood on your doorstep, begging you to talk, fucking talk

You didn't need to talk you needed to scream, punch or at least kick something. Your anger needed to get an outlap from your body, trapped in your clenched fists.

His adorably sad face made your frustrations hit the roof.

You stood far away as he stepped into your condo, only in your pj's as it was too fucking early in the morning.

Your whole body hurt as he did those small things he always did at your house, like taking off his shoes and neatly putting them to the right of your door and changing the date on the small date-decoration you had on the hallwaybench. Something so domestic didn't feel right anymore, he had betrayed the right.

You had been with him for a year by now, a year of exciting travels, experiences, love and adoration. He had been your closest person for a long time, having had you under his wing and you genuienly thought he would be the one to the end. The one you'd end up marry and have a family with, the one to the end.

But oh how things can turn

"You're really about to let him go with his friends to Ibiza just like that?"

You shrugged at Carmen who stood over you on the sofa, her hands on her hips looking like a scolding parent. Her face was showed suprise, eyebrows raised and mouth in tight line.

"I don't know what I can do about it, he wants to go, I can't" you simplified, met with her shaking of the head. Letting you know she didn't think this was a good idea, didn't approve of it.

"What? You don't trust him?" you asked, looking her in the eyes, a rush of concern errupting in your body. "Do you?" she countered seriously

You sat up, shrugging your shoulders again, an unsettling feeling in your body "I don't know, I mean I really should, we've been together for a year"

"That's not a yes sweetie"

You groaned, throwing you head back "Ugh I don't know, I still can't get Ana out of my head you know"

"I know and I can't either, that's why I'm sceptical" "Well fine but that was a a year ago, straight in the start in our relationship, I wanna think he wouldn't do anything like it again" you spoke

"Okay, okay, it's your relationship" Carmen nodded, finally sitting down next to you in the sofa. "I don't wanna worry you y/n, all is that I care about you and that I want you to be happy and he just.. he screwed up once so I can't trust him"

The sigh that left your mouth was heavy, you knew she was right but you didn't want to admit it. You had been together for long, trying to push the warning signals to the ground, maybe it was time to see them for real.

"Well what to do, let's hope he dosen't screw this up" you sighed, dusting the dirt of your pants before standing up, looking at your friend who stroppily looked back at you "Again" she snarled

Wagsgossip

Liked by 573 783

Wagsgossip Charles Leclerc seen with multiply different women, women who is clearly not his girlfriend Y/n.

Charles Leclerc reportedly left to Ibiza with some friends and co-drivers on the grid this monday. Leclercs girlfriend Y/n, who he has been dating for around a year was not with the group to Ibiza despite the fact that many of the other guys have their missus with them. Rumours about the pair has been spread over the course of the last few weeks regarding a possible break up but nothing has been official if that's the case.

Pictures have been spread all over internet of Leclerc now cozying up to multitude different girls, wonder how this will reach Y/n

What do you think of this?

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f1lovees OMG what is he DOING?!

justanInchident No Leclec, no

charcharles finally

f1111 He fumbled

chacha Please tell me this isn't true

Carmen was at the door before you even had the time to gather your head around the articles that traveled all over the internet. You'd felt it coming, felt it since he took the step onto that fucking plane, you knew this was it. You should have known better, he was who he was, like he was, he was an ass.

Charles were sweet and loving, soft and calm. He was fun to be around and when things were good between you he was someone you could picture forever with. The only thing was that when he fumbled, he fumbled hard.

The first weeks into your relationship one of those situations had accured, he had seen this girl, behind your back a bit into your relationship. You should have put the breaks in then, but you hadn't. Forgiven and forgotten you'd said.

Now you regretted that.

You should have ended it before it even started after that fuck-up but you didn't, too smitten by his adorable smile and light mood. You got to pay the price.

And you did because now you stood here like an idiot.

Carmen stormed into your apartment, steam practically brewing from her ears as she let out a shout of frustration. "I told you! I told you you couldn't trust the fucker!"

You huffed, not knowing what to say or do, it wasn't rage, not sadness, no all you felt were emptiness, maybe a tad of embarrassment.

"He is such an idiot! I can't believe him!"

"Carmen calm down, it's fine. I guess"

"It's not fucking fine! Come on Y/n! He cheated on you! He made a complete fool out of you!" she spoke, her eyes so wide you worried they were gonna pop out of her skull.

Like on cue George stormed into your small condo, seemingly out of breath and clutching his stomach. "Shit, I'm so sorry Y/n, I tried to make her give you some space but she ran... fast"

You couldn't help but let out a small giggle at your friends. It felt weird in your body, not knowing what was going on, knowing your relationship would end. You didn't know how to react.

George sat down next to you in the sofa, taking your computer who sat next to you with the articles open. "I can't actually believe it" George muttered to himself as he scrolled to the hundred different articles and pictures that was circling around.

"I'm sorry but why aren't you more upset?!" Carmen spoke harshly, George shooting her a disaproving look "I mean, I am upset but it just feels like... I knew I had it coming"

"What?" Geogre echeod Carmen "I don't know, it just feels like our whole relationship is built on false hope, on false trust. Like since our rocky beginning I knew deep down something like this would get the best of us. I knew he would fuck up again and since the idea of Ibiza came up I don't know... I just felt it coming"

"Are you not mad at all?" George asked shocked but you laughed coldly at his question

"Of course I'm fucking pissed. Lets face it, the man tricked me into false hopes and false trust. He made me feel loved and comfortable only to go and jump the closest girl the second I'm not there. He made me look like a fucking fool in front of the media, not once, not twice but for all this year. Fucking hell, I can't believe I've actually been this blind, stupid love eyes" you grumbled, facinated by your own realization

"Finally" carmen sighed out, looking at you with a soft smile.

"So, what are you gonna do about it? Has he even contacted you about it?" George asked, propping his elbows on his knees, leant forward in the sofa. "No, he hasn't. He's probably to gushed with some chick down in Ibiza to even see all the notifications and articles. But when he do, well then he's gonna hear it all" Just as on cue your phone started ringing, the tone making you flinch up from the sofa. You didn't touch it, just stared at the phone which showed you Charles contact.

The ringing stopped, replaced by a never ending buzz as he sent you message after message and Carmen sighed

"Do you want us to stay?"

You shook your head "No, it's fine, thank you though, for coming so soon" you smiled, hugging both of them before walking them out the door.

When the door locked it felt like someone poured a bucket with ice-cold water over your head. Fuck.

This was the reality, this was actually happening. A sick feeling settled to your stomach, how could he do this? Why would he do this? Everything had been great, hadn't it?

You swallowed thickly before walking back to the sofa, settling in it, your knees to your chest as you put on the tv, hoping the sounds would distractract your wandering mind.

Soon enough you couldn't ignore your phone anymore, the never ending buzzing and ringinging on boardeline to drive you crazy.

"Yes Charles?" You spat down the phone, drowned by a hundred words at once. He shouted down everything he could down the phone and you could only make out certain words from the blur.

"We are not talking about this on the phone" you cut him off firmly. "Fuck, okay but I'm not home in another few hours, please stay there, I can explain"

"Just stop talking until you're here" you muttered, clicking him off and throwing your phone to the other end of the sofa.

The night was chilly, cold and lonely. Despite your gut feeling, despite his fuck-ups you loved the guy and had done for a long while so to sit here facing the truth that he apparently didn't, or at least didn't care enough to treat you with respect was though, harsh and heartbreaking. To think of everything you'd done for him, all the travels and extra work to get school done whilst supporting him. All the sacrafices and this was how he treated you. It was unfair.

Charles were on your step the first thing the morning after, not reading the situation at all because you were tired. Hadn't slept a wink and not in the mood for an altercation before coffee and breakfast.

But Charles were Charles after all. Storming into your condo and sitting firmly in your sofa like he was protesting before you could.

- "Well then, say what you need to say and then get the fuck out" you spat, the early morning not helping your hurt feelings as you opted to sit in the armchair, far away from him, arms folded over your chest.

He looked nervous as hell but he should be, he fucked up after all and this time it was all on him.

"Well... I just.. I'm really sorry, I-I didn't mean to-to"

"To fucking what Charles? You didn't mean to fuck her or you didn't mean to hurt me?"

"Well, both"

"Ah, how classic, is that all you have to say? You didn't mean too?"

Charles took a deep breath, swallowing all the words, accepting his fate because you were right, he'd fucked up big time, so big this was unfixable regardless of how much he wanted it to be fixable.

"Come on then, defend yourself, say what you needed to say so badly.

Charles bit his bottom lip, something you found annoying at the moment, but used to find so hot. His eyes fleeted around the floor, not daring to meet yours.

"I don't know what to say... I fucked up, okay! I did and I don't know what to say about it, It was a mistake but it happened!" You saw red at his raised voice, his voice accusing like you were the one causing problems, like it was your fault because you didn't forgive him and it made you furious.

"Lower your fucking voice" you growled at him, pinning him with your eyes as you spoke slowly but firmly. "You did fuck up, so bad, to the point were there are no return. I said that, but still you wanted to talk to me and explain. I'm giving you the opportuinty to talk so explain, nicely or leave me the fuck alone"

Another sigh left his mouth as he lowered his gaze again, having the heart to atleast look sheepish. He knew you, he loved you, knew you would never forgive him for this, loved you for that, for having that respect for yourself.

"I just wanna know why, Charles. Why did you cheat? What am I lacking? What needed to change? Was it me? Us? Or are you just an selfish fucking bastard, have you been using me this whole time? Talking me into this. Fuck I should have listened to my gut with Ana"

Charles shook his head quickly, his eyes so big he could be misstaken for an alien. "No, no I haven't used you! I just... I don't know, okay! I can't explain it, you weren't there and my mind didn't work right and it happened. I love you, I really do and I haven't lied-" "Don't fucking say you love me!" you spat at him, standing up, over this conversation since he clearly had nothing of value to say.

"But I do! I really do!" he promsied "Fuck off Charles! If you loved me you wouldn't have treated me like this, you wouldn't have held me in this relationship, built my hopes nor let me make the sacrifices I have done for you, for us! You wouldn't have talked to the media about me like I was worth nothing and you for sure wouldn't have cheated on me, multiply times!" you close to shouted, arms out from your sides in defeat.

"I don't know what you thought to achieve coming here today Charles, talk me into another chance? I don't know, I don't care but this is over" Charles met your glossy eyes, his own glazing over as his head dropped. "I am sorry" he whispered, standing up from the couch and walking towards you. If you had the energy you would move away but you felt drained, drained from all energy and all emotions.

His lips met your temple, forehead resting against the side of your head for a moment before he whispered "I'm sorry" and leaving.

Leaving you and your relationship behind.

yourusename

Liked by maxverstappen1, carmenmundt and 78 893 others

yourusername Life lately 😋

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Y/nstaan You go girl

F1worlds Y/n in her revenge era 😮‍💨

waags Love her sm, she deserves better

carmenmundt Lovee it!

georgerussell63 Y/nnnn

pierregasly 😮‍💨😮‍💨

#f1 imagine #f1 imagines #f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 fanfiction #ferrari #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc fanfiction #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc angst #charles leclerc oneshot #f1 oneshot #scuderia ferrari

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livesworthlivingau · 3 months

Text

Lives Worth Living Chapter 14

ISAT Spoilers below the break!

"It seems I must have finally taught you how to properly steep tea over those decades." (Odile comments with a smirk, watching you carefully pour from the kettle into each of your teacups.)

"It only took me 5 of those years to make a decent cup~."

"... The fact I can't tell if that's a joke or not is more concerning than anything else..." (You let out a heavy chuckle at her somewhat worried look. You stick your tongue out a give an exaggerated wink.)

"And it still doesn't count as a wink if you only have one eye Siffrin..."

"You've been telling me that for 30 years Odile, it never sticks~." (She just rolls her eyes as she adds a bit of honey and milk to her tea.)

"Speaking of… How are you doing Siffrin, truly?"

"… I think you already know the answer to that question, Madame" (You tease with the lightest chuckle, though it's bittersweet.)

"I suppose I do, though it would still be nice to hear you say it properly." (You pause for a second, before letting out a sigh.)

"… I don't really know anymore… I guess I'm better than I was the first time around at this point, the first few weeks were really rough for me… It's nice to make some better memories to replace it… But those bad times were still important too…" (You start to explain, your hand wrapping around your covered forearm, as if for emphasis.)

"Those moments helped get you to where you are now… It may have been a painful journey but it was just as important as the destination." (Odile finishes the thought for you, her arms crossed as she gets lost in her own thoughts.)

"… Yeah… I know you don't want me to apologize again for what I said on that last day… So I'll just say thanks Odile, for trusting me with your oh so sacred backstory~." (You laugh. Your eye starts to blur from the tears welling up in it before you wipe them away. Odile just smirks a bit at your comment before rolling her eyes.)

"Yes yes, that and my fake research. I'm simply too generous for my own good." (She remarks sarcastically.)

"Now let's discuss something else, I'm tired of all these emotions."

"Heh, I couldn't agree more."

----------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, Odile?" (You ask over your shoulder, fiddling with some thingamajig you found on the shelf. The both of you going on one of your famous 'secret missions' at a little random shop in the town you were passing through.)

"Yes, Siffrin?" (She responded over her shoulder as well, glancing through the various books they had for sale.)

"... There's... I can't stop thinking about something... from, uhh... before." (You begin, trying to dance around the topic without explicitly stating it. She pauses, perking up and waiting, as if telling you to continue.)

"... We all kinda went separate ways eventually, we were still a family of course but... we all had someone else at least... everyone but you Odile..."

"... What is it you're trying to say?"

"I-I'm saying... I don't know if you were happy... It felt like all that you cared about was work, when none of us were left around... You never got a partner, you never talked about friends you made, you..."

"Why are you bringing this up now, Siffrin?"

"... Probably because I never got the chance to before, and I didn't want to let that happen again..."

"I'm not sure how much use there is in talking about something that happens decades from now. What are you proposing anyways?"

"I... I don't know, just... I want you to be happy, I don't want you to be alone..."

"So, what do you intend then? Should I move in with you and Isabeau and stay on the couch forever?" (She asks with a smirk. Your lip curls a bit in response, but quickly falls again.)

"I mean it, Odile..." (She pauses at that, sighing out as she realizes how serious you were.)

"... Very well, Siffrin, I promise I'll keep this in mind... We've got a long road ahead of us until that but maybe things will be different this time around. That's what you're hoping for, yes?"

"In some ways I guess... I mean, these loops have to be for something, right?..."

"Maybe we should be focusing on that right now instead."

"Yeah... I guess you're right." (She suddenly walks over and lifts your hat off, ruffling your hair heavily.)

"You might have some years on me now, but you still overthink just the same." (The both of you laugh the seriousness of the conversation off, finishing up your little trip.)

#lives worth living au #lwlau #isat au #isat fanfic #isat spoilers #isat #in stars and time fanfic #two hat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #isat two hats

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midnightlizard · 6 months

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Christmas help

Kate Bishop x gn!reader

Summary: basically the plot of Hawkeye, but with reader as Kate's partner

Warnings: Hawkeye spoilers, angst with a happy ending, some curse words

Word count: 5256

"okay I know it may sound crazy, but you have to believe me"

"why wouldn't I believe you?"

"well, because this is really crazy"

"Kate honey, we've been together for a while, I think I’m used to your level of craziness." You shrugged your shoulders.

"no-ugh" She removed one hand from her pocket to grab your wrist and pull you into a less crowded street, which was hard considering it was Christmas time. "this time, it was crazy for me too. I met...an avenger"

At this you widened your eyes. A thing that not many people knew, your girlfriend being one of them, is that you were the newest avenger, fighting crimes for almost five years now, but the other avengers agreed that with you still being a student it was safer to hide your identity. You trusted them not to tell random people who you were, but the thought did cross your mind.

"excuse me, you met who? Who did you meet?" You might already knew the answer by the excitement on her face, but you still wanted a confirmation.

"I met Hawkeye" she whisper-yelled "you could say we're partners now"

"partners...with Clint?"

"yea I figured he's not the most social person in the world but we, wait" she suddenly stops, confusion on her face "how do you know his name?"

...

Shit

"you remember the whole ultron thing? all the avengers' informations got leaked, i read his name" You shrugged. Thank god for those drama classes and quick thinking. "how did you meet him?" you changed the subject, and she seemed to fall into your trap.

"do you remember that charity thing my mom hosted right? turns out there was a big illegal auction and, you know Ronin? yea his suit was there and the tracksuit mafia wanted to buy it but I stole it before they could, I didn't want it I didn't know it was there, I was there just because my mom forced me to go, you know I don't like the parties my mom throws-"

"Kate" you stopped her messy rant, repeating your question. "how did you meet Clint?"

She nodded, collecting her thoughts before speaking again. "Clint knows Ronin wants his suit back, but we first have to take down these people, and it's better if we do it before Christmas because he made a promise to his family to be celebrate it with them."

You sighed, that was typical of Clint, he wouldn't leave if he knew a civilian was in danger. You never heard of this tracksuit mafia, but if it wanted Ronin, it's not something to joke about.

"that's why you have those cuts on you face?"

"yea we got into -a kind of- a fight, after we...got kidnapped, well he did. I just followed him." she responded hesitantly.

"Kate!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I had to help him. And yes I should have told you but that's why I called you. I wanted to spend a little time with you while I grabbed something to eat." she raised the bag she was holding.

"let's go home, you need to take care of those wounds" you said, knowing she doesn't know how to do that.

"wait let's go to my aunt's place, I told Clint I would bring some food."

- - - -

"Clint? I'm back!" Kate called, closing the door after letting you in "oh right he can't hear" she continued once she didn't get a response.

Said man raised his head from the newspaper he was holding when he saw movement. Once your eyes locked, his seemed to widen. With you being behind Kate, you were able to shake your hand and put a finger on your lips, hoping he would catch the signal.

"Kate why did you bring a friend? You know this is dangerous, they need to go home." Thank god he caught it.

"no no listen, I mean-" she took a notebook from the table and started writing on it 'they're my partner, (Y/N), I trust them completely and they can handle themselves'

Clint stared at the words for a moment, before rolling his eyes while nodding.

"woah..okay thanks, I thought it would have taken more convincing..." The brunette muttered under her breath. Well...he's better at doing his job than being an actor.

While she went to put the groceries in the kitchen, you signed to Clint 'I'll explain later'

He didn't have time to reply when his phone started ringing. Kate re-entered the room to help him, but you were already by the man's side, signing what Nathaniel was saying.

"uh yeah it's...tonight is movie marathon night, that's right, um I really wish I could be there with you" You and Kate exchanged looks, you could see a glimpse of guilt and worry in her eyes before he continued.

"I think I'll be back in the next day or so in time for our ugly Christmas sweater party. I'll be there buddy"

There was silence on both ends after that, before Nathaniel spoke again, "I love you dad"

You started signing but Clint beat you to it and responded with 'I love you more'.

When the call ended he nodded as a thanks and went into another room. Kate turned to look at you "I didn't know you knew sign language"

You put your hands in your pockets, a light nervousness clear in your voice "well, yeah because I never told you, I was mute for almost five years when I was a kid. Selective mutism to be exact."

She forrowed her eyebrows "I didn't know that either- why didn't I know that?"

You sighed, shaking your head "it's just a small part of my past, one I would prefer not to remember, that's all" before she could respond, you interrupted. "let me mend those wounds."

- - - -

"you want to go to your mother's house? And you want me to come along?" after taking care of kate, you repaired Clint's hearing device, Tony taught you how to, since you and him often had missions together. And now the adult archer was able to listen to your conversation.

"yes, (Y/N). Clint knows what we're looking for and I know all the passwords, we need you to alert us if my mom comes back before the time, entertain her until we are done."

"I don't know Kate...your mom doesn't like me. With what excuse am I into her house? 'oh hi miss Bishop I was just waiting for your daughter and instead of knocking I decided to just break into your house, but oh! would you like a cup of tea? a long cup of tea?' you don't even live there" you tried to explain your point, hoping she would see it.

"they're right Kate, we can't bring them into our mess, it's already bad enough that you are. I can't protect both of you." she was about to rebut but eventually closed her mouth, nodding her head.

"I'll let you two to your mission then." you announced, rising from your spot on the couch. Kate raised too, accompanying you to the door.

Once you arrived, you took her hands in yours, raising you voice just a bit so that clint could hear what you were about to say but not enough to let the girl in front of you notice "call me if you need anything, okay? I'll be ready"

"God I hope I won't need any more help" she mutterd making the both of you chuckle.

"I'll se you soon. Don't be too reckless, follow Clint's orders, please" and to prevent one of her stubborn comebacks, you put your lips on hers, kissing her softly.

"bye kid." shouted the man from the other room after a few minutes, effectively scaring the two of you.

"uh yea, bye Mr. Clint! bye Kate" you got out of the apartment. "I'll text you later, promise" she made a kissy face before shutting the door.

- - - -

You don't know how much time has passed since you last saw your girlfriend, trusting Clint to take care of her you decided to catch up on sleep all day. But it was now nighttime and you were doing a report of your last mission to give Fury as soon as it was completed.

Truth be told, it was more of a distraction, you were worried for the two of them but at the same time you knew how distracting and dangerous a sudden phone call could be. So you just had to wait and hope for the best.

A few minutes later you finished your report, your phone started ringing, '<my archer3' on the screen. Needless to say, you instantly responded. "Kate? oh my God, are you okay? Clint-"

"(Y/N)-" a word was all that it took to make you stop. Her voice...cracked. Her voice never cracks, always so confident and steady. "can I, can I come over? Please" if you weren't so on alert you wouldn't have heard her last word.

"of course you can baby, where are you? You want me to pick you up?"

"no, there's no need, I'm almost there" you internally took note of her now slightly relaxed tone.

"okay, I'll wait for you"

- - - -

As soon as you opened the door she entered the house, throwing the bow on the couch. While she was pacing around, fidgeting with her hands you took in her appearance. Her clothes were dirty and she looked sweaty, but most of all exhausted.

You stepped in her personal space, taking her cheeks in your hands to make her look at you. "Kate, how about you take a shower, there are some clothes on the sink, and then you can tell me what's going on, how does that sound?"

Her gaze shifted between your eyes, before sniffing and softly nodding her head.

- - - -

Once she got out of the bathroom, wearing her pants and your sweater, she found you sitting on the couch and her now clean bow was on the armchair. Sensing her presence you raised your head from your phone, smiling.

"Hey, take a slice of pizza, I ordered it today, I can heat it up if you want"

The archer ignored the food on the coffee table, instead taking the phone from your hands, putting it in her pocket. She sat beside you on the couch, putting one of your arms around her shoulder, while she laid her head in the crook of you neck, sighing.

Combining your free hand through her damp hair, you remained quiet, waiting for her to talk.

"me and Clint fought, well kind of-" she took a deep breath before recollecting her thoughts. She told you everything that happened, from the fight on the roof to the meeting with the masked assassin in her apartment.

"wait, Natasha's sister? are you sure?" she took her head off her shoulder to look at you, nodding. Natasha rarely talked about Yelena and they were mostly just little comments, but still, a desire to kill her sister's best friend was not something you expected from the blonde.

"I tried to contact Clint multiple times to inform him but he never answered, I guess we really are not partners anymore" she began looking at her hands, but she raised her head again once she felt a kiss to her forehead.

"it's okay, we'll figure something out, he may look like a grumpy man tired of his job, but he wouldn't let a teenager in danger, knowing he could be of help."

You tried to reassure her, and it seemed like it worked, judging by the chuckle that escaped her mouth. "when you talk like that it seems like you personally know him."

"I'm...good at reading people, I guess" after a few seconds of silence you focused on her breathing, noticing how regular it was, lowering you head you confirmed your suspicions, she fell asleep.

Being as careful as possible you picked her up bridal style and brought her to you bedroom. When you laid her on the bed she unconsciously wrapped her arms around your neck, as to keep you there.

"I wasn't planning on leaving you here, anyway" you laid next to her, taking her back in your hold, now with her head on your chest. "goodnight, love" you softly kissed her hair and waited for an eventual sign. Receiving back none, you cautiously took you phone from her back pocket to contact the blonde avenger.

'I'm not takings sides'

'but you saw how helpful she can be'

'I can look after her while you do your thing'

You thought for a few seconds about your next words.

'just tell me if you need my help, please'

You sighed, putting your phone on the nightstand you closed your eyes, and thanks to Kate's light snores you were soon able to fall asleep.

- - - -

The next morning Kate decided to go to her mom's house to reassure her, and you were still in your house, since you didn't have any information on the situation there wasn't really much you could do, you found yourself waiting for your girlfriend's messages.

From Clint, nothing. But recently he read the texts you sent him, that'll do for now.

- - - -

It's been two days now and you were once again sitting on the couch watching a movie in complete silence. That was until someone knocked, no, literally broke into your apartment.

You jumped from your spot ready to attack the intruder but your favorite scent and two arms around your shoulders stopped you.

"I talked to him! I talked to him! We're good"

You grabbed her waist to tear yourself away from the jumping girl in front of you, bright smile on her lips.

"Kate, oh my- how-what- it's been two days, mind texting me sometimes?" she opened and closed her mouth before pouting.

"I texted you, they were just a random letter, but-but I did" she tried, ending the hug with her hands on you shoulders.

- - - -

"So, what's the next step?" the dark haired girl shook her head, putting her glass on the coffee table, picking up a slice of pizza instead.

"I can't tell you that, it's reserved." she responded with a professional exterior. You open your mouth in amusement and unbelief which made her throw her head back laughing. "I admit I shouldn't have told you anything at all, but you're my partner and I always want to tell you what happens in my life" she ended on a shy note, looking at the food.

You took a bite from her pizza before she could "come on, what could I do? call the bad guys and tell them your plan?"

"(Y/N) stop, I can't tell you, Clint told me not not to"

You furrowed your brows "he did?"

"...yea"

She surrendered with just a look.

"okay he didn't exactly say not to tell you, but it's better if you don't know. I want to keep you safe and- and stop eating my pizza" she put the palm of her hand on your forehead, pushing you away with a fake annoyed face.

Once she finished eating she rose from her seat. "I'll take a shower and we'll go to bed?"

"yes please, you really stink" you got a punch on the arm as a response.

"shut up, says the one who hugged me all night" she grabbed your cheeks, kissing you quickly, before exiting the room.

While you were putting away the pizza box you heard the ring coming from your phone. You took it from your pocket to read the message.

'eventually, are you free tomorrow night?'

You smirked.

'hello to you too, Barton'

'eventually yes, I am free tomorrow night'

- - - -

"Clint the tracksuit are here" Kate stated through her earpiece. She just got down the building thanks to the rope, trying to chase Yelena.

The avenger exposed himself to the window, looking around and muttered angrily "(Y/N) where the fuck are you?-"

"right here, what do I do?" you responded energetically, barely missing the arrow that was aimed at your face.

"woah! you should really recognize the voice, before randomly shooting, you know?" you took the arrow stuck on the wall, handing it to the man.

"you're late."

"technically you didn't give me a time so I can't be late, you just said tonight"

"(Y/N)." and his stern tone made you drop the jokes.

"right, okay. What do I do?" you repeated your question.

"I need you to help Kate, and if you take down the enemies on your way it would be appreciated." he didn't wait for an answer and marched out of the room.

You shook your head, making little jumps to accommodate the adrenaline in your body. You got down from the window, landing without a problem thanks to your powers.

You scanned the area, finding your girlfriend talking to Jack. Running towards her you landed a flying kick in the ribs to a man behind Kate, probably planning on hitting her with his metal bat.

You suddenly kneeled on the ground to avoid the bow, once again, aimed at your face. "I'm on your side, not need to attack me" you pointed a finger to her face. There was no need to change your voice, since the mask already did it for you.

"what are you doing here?"

You tried making up an excuse "uh well, Hawkeye called, said he needed my help."

She furrowed her brows, probably because he didn't tell her anything. "is that guy on our side? I saw you talking to him" you pointed in Jack's gerenal direction, even tho he was not there anymore.

"it's hard to explain, but yea he's with us" she got the words out after a short minute. You both got into action.

- - - -

After half an hour of fighting you find yourself on the ground, a man's hands on your neck, making it impossible for you to breathe.

You used you knee to hit him in the stomach, causing him to growl out in pain, giving you the opportunity to throw him on his back.

As you straddled him and gave him a punch to the side of his head, you heard Kate screaming, and instantly after, you felt a metal bat colliding with your head.

"oh my God!" the archer exclaimed running to you, after defeating your aggressor. The blow only brought you a sense of disorientation thanks to the mask's protection, but what you didn't know was that the voice changer mechanism was now broken.

"are you, are you okay?" she kneeled beside you, using one of her hands to support your shoulders.

"yeah, go back to the fight, I'll be fine in less than a minute." Kate's concern stopped for a second to let confusion settle in upon hearing your voice.

"your voice" even tho it was just a whisper, you were able to hear her, making you jump on your feet and far from the girl.

"see? All better now, let's go back" you said in an horrible fake voice, turning your back to distance yourself.

But Kate obviously didn't fall for your trick. So she called after you. "(Y/N)? Come back here, (Y/N)."

You slowly did as she said, suddenly hoping for a group of enemies to find you, but it seemed like they were on a coffee break.

The brunette took a few steps forward, until your bodies were only centimeters apart. Knowing it was useless to try and defend yourself, you let her put her hand on the base of your neck, to pull your mask off, revealing your face.

“You’re a superhero?”

"well, 'superhero' is a term used in comic books or movies, we don't really use that word in real life" seeing the roll of her eyes and her clenched jaw made you stop. You sighed. "yes."

"why didn't you tell me? You don't trust me enough?" you immediately shook your head, putting your hands in front of you. "of course not, love. It's not a matter of trust-"

"then what is it?" she looked away and sniffed, like she was about to cry. "and don't tell me it's because you wanted to protect me, or maybe it is? Maybe you think I'm so weak that I can't even protect myself?"

You closed your eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of your nose. She was just putting words in your mouth, making you snap.

“Here? You want to do this here?” you opened your arms wide as if to remind her of the situation you both were in.

She sniffed again, soflty nodding her head. "yeah, you're right, let's not talk about it anymore mh? Let's not talk about anything, anymore."

"come on, Kate you know that's not-" you tried grabbing her arm but she was already out of reach. You let out a loud puff, throwing your mask on the ground in frustration.

After a couple of minutes you hear steps behind you and you quickly grabbed your mask from the floor putting it back on, only to realize that the steps belonged to Clint.

"how is it going here, why is not Kate with you?" he was trying to avoid showing it but the worry on his voice was evident.

As much evident as your own trembling voice when you turned to look at him. "I don't know, she left. She found out and she just left. I couldn't get her to calm down and let me explain."

The man put a hand on your shoulder, trying to calm you down. "(Y/N) stop. You're an avenger. You must put the safety of the civilians before your personal business." it was a stern thing to say, but he knew you needed an emotional slap to get back on track. He continued after seeing you nod. "when did she separate?"

You shrugged your shoulders "three to four minutes ago. Three minutes and twenty-five seconds." Clint smiled lightly seeing your somewhat normal behavior.

"Go help her kid. I'm rooting for you." you raised your eyebrows with a smile, even though he couldn't see your face.

"you are rooting for me? I'm must be fucked then." he jokingly pushed your shoulder with a muttered 'shut up'

- - - -

As you left Clint on his own, not knowing that soon after he met Yelena, you went to look for your girlfriend and heard her screaming from the other side of the road.

She was standing on the ground, with a really big man in front of her. He was leaning to give her another punch but your voice stopped him. "hey. You want to fight someone so bad? Fight me you coward"

Your courage flew out the window when he turned around, showing you his face. Kingpin. Clint told you something about him but seeing him in front of you was even worse.

"oh? Look who we have here to join us." he started with a smile full of malice "Listen kid, I'm not interested in you-" he stopped again, felling something touching his back.

What touched him was actually one of Kate's arrows.

She suddenly looked at you, with both fear and determination strong in her gaze. With a quick look at the arrows lying around in the shop, you knew her plan.

As soon as Kingpin turned to face the girl you jumped on his back, with your arms around his neck and your hands covering his eyes, Kate sprung into action and put the arrows down following her scheme.

Kingpin though, had no problem in grabbing you by the jacked and throwing you across the room, your back hit the wall and then your face met the floor making you growl out in pain.

This continued for some time, with you taking his hits, and Kate arranging her arrows on the floor. Running to hide behind some boxes, she called after you. "watch out!"

With the last breath of air you had left, you gave him a punch under his jaw, effectively causing him to release your neck. You used the time he spent looking at all the arrows laying around to get out of the building, but close enough to be able to look after Kate.

Then, there was a big glowy blue light and the man was the center of it. After a few minutes of silence you thought it was over, Kate thought it too, but you suddenly saw him coming at you.

You gulped, preparing to use your powers but before you could, a car hit Kingpin against the wall of the shop. You relaxed your arms, seeing Kate's mother exiting the vehicle.

You stayed on the side while they talked but you could hear what they were saying.

"is that what heros do? Arrest their mother on chirstmas." Those were the last words Eleanor spoke before a police agent took her away.

You looked to your side, suddenly noticing that kingpin was not there anymore. You wanted to go look for him but you averted your gaze when the archer marched towards you.

"go back to your house and mend those cuts I know you rarely do...god I should have known" she closed her eyes in realization "and all the little information you let slip out about Clint, you even repaired his hearing device for fuck's sake" she threw her hands in the air, shaking her head.

"Kate, I'm sorry. I-" you stopped when she held one finger up. "stop, I don't wanna hear it, I don't want to hear anything from you, I can't even look at you anymore."

She turned her head but you noticed the tears that begged to be let out, and you felt even worse than you already did. You tried to grab her arm but she took a step back.

" don't. I've had enough of being betrayed." that's all she said, before going away a second time, probably to look for Clint.

You sighed taking your phone and opened the chat with the avenger.

'she's coming to you'

'take care of her cuts please'

'merry Christmas'

You shook your head, blinking away the tears, going back to your house.

- - - -

It was now 4 a.m. in the morning and you didn't sleep, too busy replaying the events of the night in your head. You should have told her sooner, you trust her with you whole heart and you know she can protect herself, the worry just seemed to always win.

Suddenly you hear three knocks on your door.

"it's becoming a habit" you murmured as you went to see who it was.

"hi" there she stood with a timid smile on her lips.

"hey, come in" you closed the door after letting her in.

You were not going to lie, the other side of you was kinda angry at the archer, you just wanted her to let you explain. You crossed your arms.

She took a deep breath "okay. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted that way, it's just been a stressful week, you didn't tell me about you being mute and-"

"I said it's something I don't want to talk about."

"I know I know, and I completely understand, I'm just saying that so many things came together and-"

You sighed, you both said sorry and you both explained yourselves so there was no need to keep going. "I forgive you"

"Clint told me how important it is for some heros to keep their identity secret"

"Kate I said it's okay"

"and normally I wouldn't mind because I understand but-"

With her hands in yours you shut her up, with the help of a kiss "I said I forgive you". You pull away from her, chuckling. "God it is so hard to get you to listen."

“I still hate you, ya know?”

You playfully rolled your eyes. "and for what?" you knew from the look in her eyes it was not going to be anything serious, and you almost wanted to laugh at her attempt to keep her frown. "well you are an avenger, every time I talked about Clint or about a theory you always listened to me without saying anything."

You burst out laughing and it only got worse when your girlfriend slapped your chest, keeping her hand there as a barrier when you brought you lips centimeters away from hers.

"don't, don't kiss me you don't deserve it" she whispered with her eyes almost closed.

But once you put your mouth on hers she couldn't help but smile, humming. One of her hands cupped your cheek, the other on the back of your neck, while your hands held her waist. She detached when she needed to breathe. The pout now was completely gone as she looked in your eyes.

"am I forgiven now?"

"mh, almost" she teased, brushing her lips with yours, hinting at another kiss.

But you were planning something else. "I got a proposition for you then" she furrowed her brows in response, slightly upset you didn't give her what she wanted.

“Wanna help me make a new super suit?”

This was even better then a kiss, she put her hands on your shoulders, squeezing them, clearly excited. "wait, really? Can I really do it? Oh I have a lot of ideas if I can"

You looked between her eyes, smiling. "of course you do, you make sure to share every possible design you can think of"

"and now you can use them!" she said matter-of-factly. "but we better get to sleep now, we have places to be."

"where do we have to go?" instead of answering, she kissed you again, pulling you to your bed.

- - - -

"dad! dad you're here!" an excited Nathaniel screamed, running to jump into his father's arms, followed by Lila and Cooper. Laura was a few feet away, enjoying the scene with her arms crossed.

"merry Christmas buddy, all of you" he whispered, kissing every kid's head. Then he raised his own to look at his wife.

"I hope you don't mind, I brought three strays." "uhm, excuse me" you entered the house with a fake hurt, and loud, tone. "I am not a-"

"(Y/N)!" Nathaniel interrupted you, moving away from the avenger only to hug you. You picked him up, and he wrapped his legs and arms around you. "hey little boy, merry Christmas" he chuckled in response "merry Christmas (Y/N)" depositing a sloppy kiss on your cheek.

A bark distracted the happy scenario, making everyone but you and Clint turn to the door. "sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, I guess pizza dog is hungry." she stood still with a shy smile. You playfully rolled your eyes, taking her hand with your free one.

"come in, you idiot, only you are missing"

- - - -

After that rather clumsy and shy enter, she met everyone, already seeming to get along with Lila. You played some family games, with joyful bickering between the different teams. Once it was time to prepare lunch, Laura instantly scolded you when you went into the kitchen to help, playfully shoving you away and demanding that you needed to rest.

So you were now in the living room while the baby of the house slept on your lap. You felt the couch dip and a little weight on your shoulder. "how are you feeling?" you asked, seeing her yawning and nuzzling her head deeper into your neck.

"mh, tired" she murmured.

Your lips turned into a smile, leaving a kiss to her temple "merry Christmas, my love"

Kate Bishop Masterlist - MCU Masterlist

General Masterlist

#mcu x reader #mcu #kate bishop x reader #kate bishop #hawkeye x reader #hawkeye #x reader #marvel x reader

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loycspotting · 1 month

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Leaving Tumblr

Last night, my account was terminated. I don't know why. I was in the middle of using the site when suddenly I was locked out. No warnings. No announcements. Nothing. I was an absolute wreck. I couldn't eat or sleep. There was no word from Tumblr's management team. I could only explain what happened and sit on my hands. I felt utterly helpless waiting and hoping for a miracle. I had a home here. I had friends who became family. People that I love. Fandom that was my absolute joy and honor to participate in. It was all ripped away for no reason at the drop of a hat. My work. My mutuals. My home. Gone. Just like that. I couldn't say goodbye. I didn't know if or how I'd be able to find my moots again. I was able to create a second account called @loycspotting-thee2 and wracked my brain trying to remember my friends' usernames while terrified that that account would disappear too. I couldn't focus on anything. I was completely distraught. Thankfully, a miracle did happen and my account was magically reactivated. Again, no warning. No one reached out and explained what happened. One moment it was here, gone the next, then here again. In all my years of being on social media, I've never feared that a platform would kick me off like that until last night. I stayed up reading story after story of people who have used Tumblr, some of them holding accounts for YEARS with thousands of followers, logging on just to find it wiped from existence on any random day. This is a serious and repetitive issue, but not apparently to Tumblr. I may not have been a Tumblr user for long, but this incident has irrevocably broken my trust. No amount of saving and cataloging and backing up my account will protect me from being a victim of this website's carelessness. I would always have to worry if I'd be the unlucky user of the day that got their account deleted with no guarantee that it would be reactivated. I cannot and will not live in fear that everything I've created and the home I've found will be taken from me again against my will. Therefore, I have decided that the best option for me is to deactivate my account and say goodbye on my own terms. I am absolutely heartbroken to come to this decision. This has been the most unreal online space. I loved it here! It was everything I've been looking for and I only regret not signing up the first time I heard about it all those years ago. I love being in the Ewan McGregor fandom! Where it's not just a fandom. It's a fanhome 😁. I found my voice here, as well as people who heard me. People who understood me. This was my absolute favorite place to be, bar NONE. I felt fulfilled writing and reviewing. There were so many more things I wanted to do and experience with you guys. It was you who encouraged me. You listened, reblogged, commented, and messaged. You accepted me. From the bottom of my heart I love my mutuals. Even if we don't follow each other, if we've talked or interacted with each other's posts I love you too. I love the passion and creativity flowing through this site. I don't know what will happen with the Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage project. I'm not ready to quit just yet. Maybe I'll start a Reddit or letterboxd account. Of course, for the writing, I can consider joining Ao3. If you want to keep in touch, then I implore you to message me so we can work something out. The friendships I made here are paramount to everything else. I'm going to leave this up for 9 days (or until I'm terminated again 🙄) to give myself time to get things in order. On September 1st, I will say goodbye.

#ewan mcgregor movie review #emsp #ewan mcgregor screentime percentage

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the-badger-mole · 4 months

Text

Swept Away

Katara took a deep breath. In through her nose. Out through her mouth. She wasn't nervous. Not really. Not in the sense that other people mean when they say they're nervous. She wasn't scared. She was eager. In a few short minutes, she would be a wife. She would be Zuko's wife. He was going to be her husband.

"Are you sure about this?" Suki asked for the thousandth time. "Really sure?"

"I am." Katara opened her eyes and turned to her sister-in-law. She couldn't fight the smile that spread over her face. "I'm more sure of this than anything in my life. Zuko's it. He's the one."

"Katara," Suki sighed. "Look, I get it. Zuko's incredibly hot. He's smart. He...seems really nice, but-"

"Suki," Katara started to say, but she didn't get a chance to complete her thought.

"Katara, you've known him three months!" Suki burst out. "You've only been dating for eight weeks! You are the most straight laced person I've ever met. Why are you doing something this...impulsive? You're not impulsive!"

"What are you talking about?" Katara turned from the mirror to face Suki directly. "I'm exactly this impulsive. Don't you remember Jang Hui? My protest about gender equality for STEM fields at the North Pole? The time I started a rally for prison reform?"

"Okay, fine," Suki relented, rolling her eyes. "When it comes to social justice, you are very impulsive. But, this? Katara, you're getting married! Without your dad here. Without your GranGran! I know how much they mean to you."

"They mean the world to me," Katara agreed. "But you know I've never cared about a huge wedding. I love Zuko. I love him. I don't see why I should have to wait to make him my husband just because it would take too long for Dad to fly over to see us get married. We'll have a big party...a huge one later. And everyone we love will get to meet and celebrate. But this feels right!"

"Right?" Suki snorted. "It feels right to get married without telling anyone but me and your brother?"

"Yeah," Katara said. A wistful smile tugged at her lips. "I know it sounds crazy, but...I can't wait to marry him. I literally cannot wait. I've never felt this way about anyone. You know! I know you do. Sokka told me you and he started talking about marriage two months in." Suki rolled her eyes skyward and groaned.

"Yeah, talking about it!" Suki repeated it. "We didn't actually get engaged until a year in! We got married on our second anniversary!"

"Zuko and I don't want to wait that long," Katara laughed. "So we've on a faster timeline. So what?"

"What if there are things you don't like about him?" Suki pressed. "What if he's....I don't know...super anal about the way you put toilet paper on the roll? What if he doesn't wash his feet in the shower? What if he...he hates cats?"

"Did you know Sokka's every annoying habit when you married him?" Katara challenged. Suki made a face at her and sucked her teeth.

"No," she admitted. "But I knew a few of them! I knew enough to know that I could deal with the biggest ones."

"So do I," Katara said. "I know that Zuko likes his food unreasonably spicy. I know that when he's angry, he shuts down and needs a day or two before he can talk about it calmly. I know he thinks rom-coms are a wasted of a perfectly good evening. But I also know that he already values my opinion and will make decisions with me. I know he's put in so much work unlearning toxic traits he was taught as a child, way before he and I met. I know he has the softest heart underneath the hard layers. In three months, he's become one of my closest friends. I trust him, and he trusts me. I love him, Suki. I want to marry him now.

"Um..." Suki swiped at her eyes with her knuckles, and blinked rapidly against more tears. "I get that. I do! I just don't want you to regret doing it this way. I don't want you to regret not having Dad here to walk you down the aisle. Or not having Gran Gran help you into your gown. Don't you want a first dance with Zuko?

Katara turned back to the mirror and considered her reflection. As a girl, she had pictured her wedding. Her dressed in silk and looking the best she's ever looked, and her father walking with her to meet her husband. It was exactly as Suki said, with her dancing with her new husband while people took pictures and tossed confetti. Her extended family together and celebrating.

"I don't need it," she told Suki. "Did you know that the only family that Zuko has is his uncle? His mother is dead. His father is a monster. His sister won't speak to him. He wouldn't be alone- he has friends- but, it wouldn't be the same. Plus crowds make him anxious.

"So he asked for this?" Suki frowned. "He wanted to get married at City Hall?

"No, this was my idea," Katara assured her best friend. "He said he was fine with whatever I wanted. But Zuko's an introvert, and a little agoraphobic. The only buffer he would have would be me and his uncle. He wouldn't enjoy himself. Not as much as I would want. There will be plenty of time later to celebrate with the people we love. But not all at once.

"Dad won't like it," Suki warned. Katara shrugged.

"He'll get over it once I explain it to him," she said. "And he'll love Zuko. They have a lot in common."

Suki stared at Katara for a long while, wracking her brains for something, anything to say to her sister-in-law. She came up frustratingly empty. She should have more objections to her best friend and sister marrying someone she's only known a few months. Katara was convincing. She was very convincing when she wanted to be. Finally, Suki threw her hands up in surrender. If Katara was making a mistake, then the next best thing Suki and Sokka could do was make sure they were at least close enough to help her if she needed it.

"Sokka's not thrilled," she told Katara. "I promised him I'd talk sense into you before it was too late."

"It's been too late for a while," Katara chuckled. Suki nodded and laughed with her.

"I see that now," she said. "Sokka's going to be so disappointed."

"I hope that won't cause any issues with you guys," Katara's brow drew down in worry. Suki just waved her off, though.

"Nah," she said. "I'll just tell him I'm pregnant if he gets too riled up." Katara gasped and leapt up from her seat.

"Are you joking?" she squealed. Suki grinned and shook her head.

"I just found out a couple of days ago," she said. "I was going to take him out to the game this weekend and have it announced on the jumbotron, but I'll use it to distract him from your questionable decision making if I need to."

"I'm so happy for you!" Katara said pulling Suki in for a hug. Suki hugged her back tightly.

"I'm happy for you, too." And to her surprise, Suki realized she meant it.

#atla #zutara #katara and suki #surprise! we got married!#hakoda took it better than anyone expected #katara was right #after she explained why they did what they did he was cool with it #iroh is surprisingly more upset #but it doesn't last that long #he gets over it in a week

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talaok · 1 year

Note

idk if you’re still taking spencer reid requests but i was thinking about him and reader ending a long term relationship but they just keep going back to each other and a whole bunch of smutty angst ensues hehe

alright alright alright I don't know if I did exactly what you had in mind but I hope I got close enough (btw this is obv later seasons Spence)

Made for me

"I'm sorry I can't do this anymore," you said "No, actually, you know what, I'm not sorry, it's you who should be apologizing"

"for what? having to work?"

"you know what I mean"

"Seriously?" he sighed "You wanna do this again?"

"Maybe I do, alright"

"y/n, I've already told you thousands of times this is just how my job works, it's not that I want to be gone for weeks on end, it's that I have to"

"yeah sure," you mumbled, shaking your head

"What? you don't believe me?" he took a step towards you, and you took a step back, hitting the kitchen counter, "you think I like being gone?"

"All I'm saying is maybe you don't hate it as much as you say you do"

He shot you a look, and you didn't give a fuck. You were tired of him and of his coming home late every night.

"You get to get away from me with all your little friends who I'm sure wouldn't snitch on you even if held at gunpoint" You cocked an eyebrow.

"snitch on me...?" he said, sounding confused before he realized, "You think I cheat on you? Is that it?"

"Are you saying you never thought about it?"

He scoffed "Y/n I go away to solve fucking murders," he said like he was one breath away from exploding

"That's not what I asked"

His knuckles turned white as he tightened his fists by his side

"but I guess it's as good as an answer" You shrugged, looking at him steadily "This isn't working anymore Spencer," you said, "I think we should take a break"

"a break?" He scoffed "Y/n we've been together for five years"

"yeah, five years too long"

You saw his eyes turn black as a faint hint of hurt traveled behind them.

"you don't mean that"

"Trust me, I do," you said "I'm tired of this Spencer, I'm tired of you"

His jaw twitched "You're tired of me?" he mocked "What about me? Do you think I'm not tired of you? Of your constant complaining and moaning and blabbing on and on about how much I suck?" he grabbed your wrist

"Well then a break is exactly what we need"

"I don't think so"

"Why? That way you can go back to all the special friends I'm sure you've made over the years"

"again with this fucking thing" he muttered, annoyed

"oh don't beat yourself up, It's not like I haven't thought about it myself" you smirked, "I just never acted on it, unlike you"

His eyes zeroed in on you, a flame sparking beneath them.

"What did you just say?" he pulled you closer

"you heard what I said"

"you thought about other men touching you?" his other hand moved to your waist

"Maybe I did"

"Who?"

A quiet smirk tugged at your lips "Why do you care?"

"Because you're mine y/n"

"Not anymore, remember?" you said "We're taking a break"

"I never agreed to that" Sometimes after you spoke he had gotten closer, and his breath was now fanning over your mouth.

"And I doubt you really want that either"

"well you're wrong"

"I'm not" he whispered just moments before his lips met yours.

The hand on your wrist went to grab your face, bringing you impossibly closer to him as his other hand traveled down to your ass.

You involuntarily whimpered into his mouth and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue moving into your mouth painfully nicely.

You felt your feet lift from the ground and moments later you found yourself seated on the counter, Spencer's body pressed against you from between your legs

"you're saying you wouldn't miss this?" he asked, starting a slow trail of kisses down your neck " miss me?" he taunted, his hands caressing your thighs

you could only breathe loudly, as all your brain's capability was taken over by his presence.

"because the wet patch on your panties is saying something much different baby" he smirked, his fingers grazing the damp cotton between your legs.

"shut up" you moaned

"I'm just saying sweetheart" He kissed you again, " I think you're all talk" His teeth grazed your bottom lip "You like to tell me just how bad I am as a boyfriend when you know you're made for me" he breathed

"fuck off Spencer" you spat "I'm not"

"oh aren't you?" he mocked, his fingers infiltrating under the waistband of your panties and passing through your slick folds "Then tell me, sweetheart..." He held your gaze as his fingers entered your hole and you had to force down a moan "Who else can make you come like I do?"

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid criminal minds #dr spencer reid #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader smut #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fic #matthew gray gubler

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lady-shadow-and-darkness · 30 days

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Why not leave?

I find it interesting how almost all the higher ups in the mafia don't really wish to be there, but despite having more than enough power and resources to leave, they don't.

Kouyou has been an executive since 15 (at least), and throughout those seven years I find it impossible to believe that she never thought about leaving. In fact, this is even addressed in this manga by Mori himself, to which she just responds with something lighthearted. Her earlier escape attempt was a fail, yes, but surely she understands that things are much different this time?

It is not her capability which is preventing her, but rather her mindset. And while this also ties into her responsibility, it is also important to note that she may very well believe that she can never truly be rid of the mafia and its teachings. It took an immense amount of reassurance for her to trust Kyouka in the hands of the agency, and even then, very reluctantly.

To Kouyou, I don't think that's a demonstration to her that she can leave, but rather a reminder of what she couldn't achieve in the past. And now, she most likely thinks that the mafia's influence on her is too deep to be shed off. She says as much herself to Kyouka, who has barely been in the mafia for 2 years at that point. Imagine what she thinks of herself. I do think that her duty to the mafia also makes her stay, she acknowledges that she's an important piece in their operations and jokes that it would fall apart without her. She has accepted her role in the mafia, and knows thinks it's too late to get out.

Mori, the leader himself, despite being...well, the leader, simply views his role in the mafia as necessary. He doesn't want to be the PM boss, his life in BEAST is clearly indicative of what he actually wants (you can't tell me an 'inherently evil person' ends up taking care of an orphanage in some universe), but he knows that he is the person best equipped to handle this role. His strategy of the "optimal solution", speaks to his neutrality and general capability of remaining apathetic towards necessary events which would most likely break someone else emotionally and mentally.

This isn't to say that he doesn't have any emotions, the man has a lot of them, it's just that he's incredibly adept at putting them aside and dealing with a situation completely unbiased. Fukuzawa acknowledges in canon that despite their great differences, a common motive that they share is the well-being of their city. In fact, Mori's making a HUGE sacrifice in his life just to maintain the workings of Yokohama. That's something you have to respect.

Chuuya is more of a complicated case. A lot of people in the fandom seem to disagree over whether he wants to stay or leave, but the answer is a bit more complex than the black and white ones we've been looking at. I'll be addressing this separately later, but for now, about Chuuya : I personally think that it is both, and he has conflicting feelings on this situation.

To start with, unlike Kouyou, we actually know when Chuuya came to be affiliated with the mafia. And that in itself isn't the most ideal set of circumstances, he had just been betrayed by his friends (who essentially raised him) because of a situation clearly orchestrated by the mafia (specifically Dazai, the one person he was coming to trust and resonate with), and more or less forced to be a new recruit. From stormbringer, we know that Chuuya's incentive for not leaving came from his need to protect his friends (who had already betrayed and backstabbed him at this point) from the mafia.

Any sane person would assume that Chuuya absolutely abhors the mafia at this point, but this isn't the case. Despite having his friends' lives hung over his head, he was still able to respect Mori and what he was working for (especially since he considered his own period of 'leadership' to be a failure). He was still able to care about the lives of his comrades and underlings who were also a part of the mafia (depicted in the dragon head incident). And he was still able to remain loyal to the mafia despite the several hardships and burns he faced for it.

Aside from his respect (and possible admiration) for Mori and the mafia itself, Chuuya's a person who's really attached to his relationships with people. He doesn't just respect the mafia, he also views it as his family. He has formed bonds with Kouyou, Mori, Dazai (shhh I don't want to hear anything), Akutagawa, Hirotsu...and even Gin, Tachihara and Higuchi. I mean, is there any known character in the mafia who this man doesn't know? He probably even knew Kyouka before she left. The only exception to this is Kyuusaku, and even that is because of his attachment to people (he's mad because Q, directly or indirectly, caused the death of his subordinates). He talks about burying his subordinates personally and contacting their families, if that isn't care, I don't know what is.

I think his arc with the mafia supporting him unanimously in stormbringer helped strengthen his attachment to it, which is why we've got the epilogue of him seeing his biological parents and declaring that the mafia is his true family in that LN. It's safe to say that he appreciates what he has right now a lot. But does that really mean he doesn't want to leave? In the very same light novel, it is ALSO implied that Chuuya longs for a life outside of the mafia. Hell, we literally have a character who was dedicated to bringing him to the light. And now, there is no risk associated with it either. But he chooses to stay. Or maybe the choice was never his.

With all of that said, I think it's incredible how BSD manages to portray what it's like for someone to lead a life of crime in the dark somewhat realistically in terms of feelings. It isn't some "badass mafia person" aesthetic (even though some people interpret it that way), it actually depicts the complexities that come with being associated with a criminal organisation in a fictional setting (to the best of its ability). Literally nobody in the mafia wants to be there, they just have to be. Sure, it offers them resources and opportunities which is why they choose to stay, but as an ability user, if they don't have the choice of living a normal life with the opportunities offered to an average person, do they really have a choice about being in the mafia at all?

#we have a whole character whose arc is dedicated to leaving the mafia #don't you dare tell me any character 'belongs there' when the one character who was described to 'belong there'#said fuck it and ran away like a stray in the night.#bungou stray dogs #port mafia #mori ougai #ozaki kouyou #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #Don't know whether to tag this as thoughts or analyses #bsd analysis

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pantiesandpamperssissypart2 · 6 months

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"Okay, I know I said I'd heard of guys who were into diapers, but, like, seeing it? That's different. Okay, just give me a sec. I'm sorry! I'm sorry for laughing but, come on.

No, no, it is sweet that you trusted me with this, um, secret of yours. I mean, we've known each other for so long and, um, wow.

Okay. Let me take it in. So, you special order these, you said? Like pink adult diapers are a thing companies make? Because you're a...sissy? That's what you said in the email to me? Got it. Sissy in diapers. Oh god you're blushing for real. That's soooo sweet.

Now, you said you use the diapers too, right? For, like, everything? EVERYTHING? Peeing and...pooping? Okay, that's kind of gross, but, okay, I suppose if you're wearing diapers you need to use them. Otherwise it'd be a waste.

Um. So, the bonnet and pacifier. Is that what you always like to dress up in and suck on? Yes? Okay. I get it. Probably gives you comfort.

All right. So when you wrote that email to me you said you'd had a crush on me forever and even though we've been friends since junior high and we're now in college you wanted to take it a step farther and to do that you thought I should know everything about you and you hoped I would maybe want to be your girlfriend. Or even a mommy? A mommy, right?

You wrote that, remember? Right? Okay, that took A LOT of guts to write. But sweetie, come on. Look at you, right now? You're wearing Pampers, a bonnet and sucking on a pacifier. You told me you like to mess your diapers. Like you think I want to be a mommy to a 22-year-old? Like that's what I'd want, just because I've always been friends with you? I'm sorry but what were you thinking? I want a man. A man. Not a diaper-pooping faggot? I'm sorry! Sorry for using that word, I know, we shouldn't use that. But that's what I see. Really.

Oh, no you're crying now? It's okay. Hold on, just let me get my camera out because our friends are NOT going to believe this. Neither is your sister, I bet. Don't look so scared, sweetie. You seem so proud of yourself so why wouldn't you want everyone to know what you are? There. Picture taken. And...picture sent. Now everyone gets to see my little diaperboy friend. Fun, huh?"

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sweetcarrotsandroses97 · 1 year

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Before You Go | MYG

Pairing: producer! best friend! yoongi x best friend! fem! reader

Summary: Life is taken for granted. People like to kill time not knowing it is time who is killing them. Love is not always a medicine, fate is always cruel. Or in which Yoongi realised his mistakes too late and was sentenced to live with an empty soul. There are times in which you can't always be there. He knew he was too late.

Warnings: ANGST, so much angst guys, medical terms, terminal sickness, argument, fainting, character death, more angst, feelings of guilt and desperation. (Let me know if I missed anything!)

A/N: Soooo, this was originally planned to be a drabble but it escalated so, hehe here it is! Also, I'm still working on the next part of Four Seasons. It'll be a long chapter so please bear with me.

Please let me know what you thought of this in the comments! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.

Word Count: 5.1k

"Three months at the most."

Said the doctor. You looked at him. No emotion marked your beautiful features. You blinked. A second passed. Then another and another. The world continued on its normal course while your sentence was already dictated. It almost seemed comical.

"There is, of course, a surgery we could perform on your brain. But I'm afraid it will only allow you to live for a year, year and a half if we are lucky. But it'd be dangerous. Even performing a biopsy is risky in your condition, Miss Lee."

You took a deep breath, your hand clutched your purse as it rested in your lap. The tickling of the clock was driving you insane, you wanted to leave your doctor's office, you wanted to run, to scream, to cry but your body was frozen in place.

A soft smile plastered on your face, the only reaction you could fathom at the moment.

"Thank you, Doctor Kim. I'll... I'll think about it."

He stood up, towering over you as he said with a nod. His hand extended to shake yours.

"Please, do so. Come in a few weeks if you start having headaches."

You nodded, shaking his hand as you also stood up.

"I will. Have a good day, Doctor Kim."

Your hand left his and you turned around to leave. Your feet carrying you out of the room that suddenly felt too small. You only wanted to go back to your flat and curl on your bed.

In a monotonous way you paid for the appointment at the reception of the hospital. Your eyes didn't focus on anything in particular while also noticing everything at the same time.

You walked slowly through the busy streets, the evening sun kissing your skin. The steps you took were automatic, you allowed your legs to take you home while in your mind there was only space for the doctor's words.

"Three months at the most."

That phrase repeated itself over and over again in your head. How you wished to just be home right now however, you decided to not take a cab, you wanted to enjoy the walk. Admire nature as you pass by the park and feel the sun in your skin.

Rarely did you ever pay attention to all those little things. Details that gave colour to your life. Details you were never able to forget. Not until it would happen and you'd leave this place. But you still had some time. Three months was too much.

Or that was what you thought.

~ 73 days later.

"You are hiding something from me!"

Yoongi exclaimed. Your heart clenched at the words coming out of your best friend's mouth. It hurt. It hurt to not tell him. For you to leave him in the dark. For him to think you weren't being honest with him.

You both had been friends for so long you couldn't count the days any longer.

"I'm not! Don't you trust me? We've been friends for so long, Yoongi!"

He sighed, wetting his lips as he tried to form words with his muddy thoughts swirling all over his head. He wasn't stupid. You'd been acting weird as of lately. You often gave him excuses of why you didn't want to leave your flat and when you both would go out he'd notice things.

He'd always notice when something was bothering you, when you were in pain, when too many thoughts were going on through your head. He knew you. Probably better than he knew himself.

All those little suspicions, the strange headaches you'd have only for later to vanish into thin air. The way you looked paler than usual, how you were overly tired.

He had noticed.

Yoongi would be a fool to not acknowledge the signs happening in front of his eyes. Yet his mind couldn't get a conclusion. Instead he was blinded by worry over you. Worry expressed as anger. As desperation. As frustration.

"It is you who is not trusting me, (y/n)! I know something's going on. And I will figure it out whether you like it or not."

"I do trust you."

Your voice sounded so hurt and small with those four words whispered out. Tears clouded your vision but you didn't fight back the moisture in your eyes. You kept looking at him in desperation.

Couldn't he just let it pass?

Apparently not. Yoongi was a stubborn man. If he wanted something, he got it. One way or another. But how would you tell him you were dying? How would you tell your best friend you didn't have much time to live? He had planned on taking you on vacation together after he had signed a good contract with a singer.

He promised to treat you to ice cream next Sunday. You promised that you'd be with him forever. You had been with him forever. In everything he had ever accomplished you had been there. You had been there to dry his tears and smile with him. to celebrate his victories and advise him during hard times.

You had always been there. Always by his side. Always in his life.

Did you have the right to take that away from him?

You were a coward. Yes. You knew that yourself. A part of you didn't want to acknowledge the fact that you were dying. And it hurt so much when Yoongi couldn't see further than his own assumptions. He didn't see you as someone he could trust anymore. He thought you were hiding something from him. Which, technically, you were.

Never in your life had you ever hidden something from him. That was why it hurt him so much when he realised there was something going on in your life that was taking a toll on you and he didn't know.

Yoongi ran a hand through his dark hair, his gaze softened slightly at the sound of your delicate voice. So vulnerable. So hurt. It wasn't like you to talk like that.

But despite his heart clenching at the sight of your tears, his next words cut you deeper than any knife could ever harm you. Not even the doctor's words three months ago had hurt as much as Yoongi's words.

"It doesn't seem like it. But if you don't want to tell me, fine. Take your secrets to your grave, I don't care."

Take your secrets to your grave.

If only he knew you were already standing above it. If only he had known those words had made your heart shatter in such a way you couldn't even fathom to say something, if only he knew there was more that met his sight.

If only he knew.

You didn't say anything. Silent tears were running down your cheeks. This was it. The tread you feared would ever break. He had broken it when you were already so sick, when your days were numbered. He had broken a friendship of years with a single sentence.

You were to blame too. If you hadn't been so scared, this argument would have never happened. This gap wouldn't exist. You are to blame too. You are at fault too. You ruined his trust, played with his emotions, wasted his time. All for what? So that you could keep a secret that would eventually come out?

But now it was too late.

Yoongi didn't want to hear anything else. You opened your mouth to say something. Anything at all. But the words died in your throat, shot down by his disappointed declaration instead.

"I'm leaving. I need some space to think."

Your hands trembled as they hung next to you limply. You were losing him. Yoongi, who was your closest friend, your best friend. The closest thing you ever had of a family. The man who owned your heart in more ways than he thought.

You lost him.

He wasn't going to intrude where he wasn't welcome. He wasn't going to push you. If you weren't going to trust him, there was no point in him staying in a place he no longer felt welcomed.

Yoongi turned around and left, not allowing you to say a single word. He wished you had stopped him. He wished you had walked over to him and grabbed his wrist, pleading him to listen. For you to tell him whatever was happening that made you hide it.

He wanted to know.

He needed to know.

Because his heart screamed a name he didn't want to recognise. His soul yearned for the touch of a woman he was yet to take into account. His mind was busy with thoughts of you. Memories of you. Plans with you.

But he didn't know what it meant. He didn't know what he so deeply desired. Needed. So he left.

Yoongi left you to yourself, your front door shut and you were alone. Alone for good. Left behind. Abandoned. Everyone has a limit and Yoongi has gotten to that limit.

He said he needed space to think. Space to be on his own. Time to think if your friendship was worthy of keeping or if he had to let it go. Despite the pain his soul would suffer and the wrecked heart he'd have to endure.

Sometimes it's better to just let go.

But he didn't know what he was letting go. He didn't know anything. Yoongi left without answers and you stayed with a broken heart.

It's been a week since that argument. There had been no calls or texts from Yoongi. And you weren't going to get in contact first either. He wanted space, you'd give him that. He wanted time, you'd give him what you had left.

You sat in front of your desk, soft rain pattered over the glass. It was calming. Soothing in a way. A pen rested in your hand as words were being scribbled down on a sheet of paper addressed to him. To Yoongi.

You were giving him all the time you had for him to come back. But just in case you ran out of it, you wanted to explain everything to him. He deserved to know. You realised that now. He had deserved to know since the very beginning.

But you were scared. You had been selfish. You chose to live in a fantasy when reality clawed its way through you, tearing you apart in your little safe world that you wish would come true. But wishes never come true. There are no happy endings for liars. There is no mercy to change your fate.

You put the letter on an envelope with Yoongi's name written on the front. It was a letter only for his eyes to read and his mind to comprehend. It was for his mind to keep and his heart to treasure. Only for him. Always for him.

You stood up, the destination of your bedroom in mind as you were feeling tired. It wasn't unusual these days. The naps you took were getting longer and longer. You knew one day you might as well not wake up again.

But fate wasn't that merciful. You took a step, a single step forward only to have a piercing ache in your head that made you hiss. You shut your eyes, trying to get it to pass but it didn't work. If only it only got stronger with each passing second.

Your hands clasped at your scalp, fingers pulling your hair in a desperate need of relief.

The realisation hit you stronger than a train. You needed help. And you needed it fast. You stumbled towards the coffee table, the only goal in your mind was to get your phone and call for help. Something was wrong. Very wrong. You knew it. You felt it. You couldn't ignore it anymore.

With a shaking hang you reached for your phone, you didn't even bother to unlock it as you pressed the emergency call button. It rang and rang and rang, the pain continued to increase, your vision blurred.

You prayed to the skies that the person on the other line would answer. It was your only chance. The last straw to life you clawed at desperately. But it rang again and again and again and you couldn't help thinking that perhaps this was it.

Yoongi came back from the bathroom in his studio, he had been working on some new beats he wanted to try out in the near future. He had been keeping himself busy with work so as to not think about the fight he had with you a week ago.

A part of him wished you'd call him or text him but he knew you too well. If he had asked for space you were going to give him that. This was probably the worst fight you two had ever had throughout your years of friendship

He sat back down in front of the large computer screen, putting on his headphones. Yoongi continued with his work.

It wasn't until out of the corner of his eyes he saw the phone's screen lighten up. He didn't have to look at it to know someone was calling him. He sighed, taking the headphones off and saving the file with his music before he blindly picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

But there was silence. No-one answered back and for a moment, Yoongi thought it was one of those scam calls he always blocked. But before he could hang up, his name reached his ear in your whispered voice.

"Yoongi..."

He knew something was wrong the moment the first syllable reached him. He frowned, leaning forward in his chair as he tried to listen to your voice.

"(y/n)? What's wrong? Are you alright?"

The fight he had with you vanished from his thoughts as they were clouded with worry for you. He was getting scared, never in your life had you called him in such a state that it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up with nerves.

You whimpered, pressing the phone close to your ear. The pain in your head was getting stronger and stronger that you couldn't speak.

"(y/n)?"

Your best friend's voice came from the other side of the phone, if you hadn't been so blinded by the white pain pressing on your skull you would have noticed the concern in his deep voice.

"(y/n), you are scaring me, what's going on?"

Yoongi stood up from his chair, grabbing his car keys in a hurry.

"H-help me."

When you dialled your emergency contact you didn't remember you had saved Yoongi's number there.

Those two words were enough to have him bolting out of the door. The destination of your place carved in his mind as he left the building.

He kept his phone pressed to his ear as he ran through the studio. His heart was beating so fast in his chest he thought it would leave his body. Adrenaline pumped in his veins. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

The fact itself scared him, because that something had to do with you. He felt as if the building was larger than normal. Like in those nightmares as he tried to reach the exit but it got further and further away. This had to be a nightmare, right?

He heard your gasp through the phone unaware of the fact that you had fallen to your knees in your apartment, your other hand clutching your head in a vice grip.

"(y/n/n) talk to me. I need you to say something. Please."

Yoongi reached the door and pulled on the handle with more force than was needed. He stepped outside, inhaling the humid air as the soft drizzle tapped against his form.

"I'm sorry."

He yanked the car door open and got inside, one hand was on the steering wheel while the other still held his phone against the side of his face.

"It's alright, (y/n). I'm on my way, okay? Just hold on, I'll be there in a second."

But you didn't hear those words from him. There was a ringing in your ears that took hold of your senses, the phone slipped from your grasp as you fell to the ground over the soft carpet with a dry sound. You closed your eyes, allowing the pain to take you in its claws of darkness as you surrendered yourself to it.

You had been fighting for so long. A little nap wouldn't harm you. You slipped into unconsciousness with the last thought in your mind being: Yoongi.

The man who you were previously speaking to fell into a frenzy when he heard the sound of the phone colliding with your carpeted floor. The hand on the wheel tightened to the point where his knuckles turned white.

"Darling, answer me please! Say something."

But he could only hear your laboured breaths from the other line. He ended the call and threw his phone on the passenger's seat. A curse leaving his lips. If the circumstances had been different, he would have blushed when the nickname escaped his lips but he couldn't fight it in a moment like this. He couldn't help the fear, the anxiety, the stress, the guilt from controlling his mind.

From making him act the way he was. He pressed on the gas and accelerated into the street. Not caring if he got a ticket for the speed limit, not caring if he drenched the bypassers with his car, not caring for anything else other than getting to you.

Tears of desperation began forming in his dark eyes but he blinked them back. It was not the time to cry. Not now. Not when you needed him. Not when you were in danger. Not when you had called him to help you. Not when his heart yearned to have you, feel you, touch you.

Not now.

Yoongi arrived at your flat in record time. With his heart thumping in his chest and his hands trembling, he stepped out of the car. He didn't even bother to lock it behind him as he was already running up the stairs that led to your apartment.

He used his spare key, one he was immensely grateful you had given him. Not bothering to knock or to take his shoes off he barged into the place like a desperate man. He was a desperate man.

Desperate to see you fine, to find you healthy, for you to be alright.

But his world came crumbling down like a paper plane when he saw you laying over the grey carpet, your phone by your side. You weren't moving.

For a moment he couldn't move. The patterning of the rain against the window drowned him in an ocean of tears he was keeping inside his soul. The quietness of your flat wasn't normal, you were always humming to yourself, playing some music. Doing something.

But as he saw you laying there, limp and cold, Yoongi's heart shattered into a million pieces.

He was brought out of his trance by some miracle, he found himself at your side the next second. His hands wouldn't stop shaking as he pulled your shoulder to lay you flat against the floor.

"(y/n)?"

But you didn't react. It almost seemed as if you were sleeping. The rise and fall from your chest was the only indication to Yoongi that you had only fainted. The circumstances as to why were still unknown to him.

His hand cradled your cheek, trying to get a reaction out of you. Something. Anything at all. But you were long gone in the world of darkness.

In a mere second, he was able to recall your call with him. You sounded in pain. Hurt. There was something that had led to your current state. Something that needed medical attention.

His hands slipped under your body and he stood up; an arm beneath your shoulders and the other supporting the back of your knees. Yoongi walked towards his car in long and hurried steps. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. His stomach churned with nerves.

If you hadn't called him, how much time would have passed until someone eventually found you? He couldn't think of that possibility. He decided to focus on the now, on the fact that he had you in his arms, that he had found you, that you were going to be okay. You had to be. For his sanity.

The soft rain wasn't enough to drench you or him as he made his way towards his parked car. With as much care as he could muster and with some tricky manoeuvre he managed to sit you in the passenger's seat and strap you to it.

Your head lulled to the side and his hand, once more, found home against the side of your face. In any other situation Yoongi would have thought that you were merely sleeping. To a point you were.

Have you always been this beautiful?

He thought to himself before he shook himself out of those thoughts and walked around the car, getting into the driver's seat and speeding off to the hospital.

One hand was on the steering wheel while the other one clasped yours tightly. It was a way to ground himself. To ground his thoughts and remember that you were there, that you'd be fine. That you were with him.

If someone had asked Yoongi before today when he had been the most patient he'd have answered when he had to download one of his large files.

But now, now as he sat in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for news about you was the time when his patience got tested.

How he wished to just enter into the room where the doctor was checking you. He needed to know what was going on. What had happened to you.

He needed to know that everything was going to be fine.

In his desperation, he called one of his friends, Hoseok and explained the situation with a lump forming at the back of his throat.

"She'll be fine, Yoongi. She's a tough girl. I'm sure it's nothing serious but I'll be there in thirty minutes in case you need anything."

That was what Hoseok had said over the line. He had met you on a few occasions, more than a few to be honest. The sweet man came to know that you were a beautiful woman with a kind heart and he respected too much the friendship Yoongi had with you.

"Is anyone here for Lee (y/n)?"

A doctor said with a clipboard in his hands. Yoongi immediately got up. His legs carrying him to the man dressed in a white coat, his eyes were red with unshed tears.

"I brought her here. Please, is she alright?"

The doctor let out a sigh that made alarm bells ring in his head.

"You better come with me."

Yoongi swallowed yet the lump in his throat only got bigger and bigger with each passing second, with each step he took behind the doctor. He stopped in front of a door, presumably your room before he spoke, his tone professional with a hint of sorrow for the broken man in front of him.

"(y/n)'s condition worsened too much in the last week. I'm surprised how quickly it deteriorated. The tumour in her brain got to the amygdala, that was what caused her immense pain resulting in her to lose consciousness."

The tumour in her brain...

...what?

"What... what do you mean with "the tumour in her brain"? She... Is she-"

So many thoughts were racing through his mind too quickly he began to feel nauseous. You were sick? All this time you had been sick? Is this what you had been hiding? The doctor sighed yet again as he spoke once more, his voice sombre this time.

"I believe she never told you."

Yoongi shook his head. Too in shock to utter a word. He felt as if someone had stabbed him in the heart. He'd bet that a stab wound would hurt less than this. The sole thought of losing you was heartbreaking enough but he couldn't help but feel like shit when the argument he had on your flat repeated itself in his mind over and over and over again.

Like a broken record player.

In a mocking manner.

With sadistic intentions.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Mr. Min."

A tear rolled down Yoongi's cheek slowly.

"Will she be alright?"

The world might as well end now because the younger man couldn't fathom the idea of existing. Not after the doctor's next words.

"I'm sorry. She was never a candidate for surgery, we detected the tumour too late. She isn't conscious right now but you might as well go in. I don't think she'd be able to hold on for much longer."

He hadn't expected that. He was supposed to be told you hadn't been taking your meals or you were dehydrated to the point in which you fainted. You weren't supposed to be dying. And what was worse was that he had never known.

For how long have you known of your condition?

Why did you hide it from him?

Why didn't you let him support you?

Yoongi entered your room without another word leaving his lip. He nearly collapsed at the sight of you. Pale and weak lying in a hospital bed. An IV tube was attached to your hand. Your eyes were closed.

He sat on the chair next to your bed. His trembling hands reached out for your smaller one. Why wouldn't his hands stop shaking?

"Why didn't you tell me, (y/n)?"

Those whispered words were meant for your ears only but they never reached you. You couldn't react to his stimuli even if you wanted to. your limp hand in his made tears cloud his vision and this time, he didn't hold them back.

"This was it, wasn't it? This was what you were hiding from me, right?"

He wished you'd just move, he wished you would open your eyes and gaze at him like all those times before. He wished he could hear your voice. At least one last time.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry for shouting at you that day. Y-you didn't deserve that."

If he could turn back time he'd make everything different.

"Please, (y/n/n). Please open your eyes."

If only he had been more observant.

"You cannot leave me now. Not now. Not like this."

If only he hadn't been so selfish and distanced himself from you.

"I cannot live without you, (y/n)."

If only he had been there.

"Please."

If only he had been a better friend. The best friend you deserved. The best friend you needed.

"Please don't leave me."

If only he had said the words when you could hear them. If only he hadn't taken your time for granted.

"I beg you, darling. Please don't go. Please."

Hoseok ran through the halls, the number of the room you were at was engraved in his mind for he knew Yoongi was by your side. His hand grabbed the door handle and he twisted it.

What Hoseok saw after opening that door was never going to leave his memories. A sight for his eyes to never forget.

Yoongi was grasping your hand so tightly his knuckles were white. His eyes were red and puffy as tears leaked from his dark orbs, like endless rivers of absolute and utter pain. The sound of his sobs reached Hoseok's ears. A flat line in the background.

"S-she's... she's gone. She's g-gone, Hobi."

Hoseok could only watch in horror. Never in his life had he seen Min Yoongi look so broken. So empty. Never had he cried in such a way. The sight was painful enough that tears made their way to his own eyes.

Yoongi's sobs were like poisonous arrows dripping with the blood of his wounded heart. An irreparable wound. Shattered pieces of his very own soul.

Hoseok took slow steps toward his friend until he was able to rest a hand over his shoulder.

"She didn't suffer, Yoongi. You were by her side, you allowed her to go in peace."

But those words did little to console him. He couldn't stop thinking about the "what if's". He couldn't stop the blame to gnaw at his already broken heart.

"I-I never told her, Hobi. I was a coward and I... I never fucking told her."

Hoseok's heart clenched at the pain laced in his friend's words. His pale hand grabbed yours with more strength, if that was even possible. As if he could prevent you from leaving him when you were already gone.

"I never told her that I loved her!"

Hi Yoongs, I hope you are alright.

How's life going on for you?

If you are reading this letter it probably means I am no longer with you and I'm so sorry that I had to leave you behind but as you may already know, I had no choice.

This was what I had been hiding from you. I am sick. Terminal apparently. There's nothing to be done and I don't want any kind of painful treatment. I decided to let go and enjoy what I had of time.

Please don't blame yourself. I chose not to tell you so that I could experience my life as it was. Normally and by your side.

I may not be there physically but know that I live through your memories. Please don't give up on your dreams because of me and go and do all the things you talked to me about. Fulfil our wishes. Be happy.

I wish you the best.

Thank you for being my best friend. And it is probably the worst way of saying this but I want you to know that I love you. I love you in that way. As in more than a friend. You were the best person that ever crossed paths with me, I didn't want to ruin that friendship.

I now realise that was probably a mistake. I loved you deeply. With all my heart and being. That was why telling you about my condition was more painful than it should have been. Because just as your happiness is my happiness; your pain is also my pain.

I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to say things out of pity. I didn't want that. I wanted to leave in the most normal way I possibly could.

Please know that I love you and I wish you the best in life. I won't be your friend all your life, let alone your lover. I won't live that long. But I will treasure your friendship and love you all my life.

I am part of your life but you are my whole life.

~(y/n).

July/30/2023

~Masterlist

Likes, Comments and Reblogs are really appreciated!!!

**☕Caffeinate me so I can keep on writing! ☕

#yoongi x reader #min yoongi #sweetcarrotsandroses97 #min yoongi x y/n #min yoongi x reader #bts fanfic #yoongi #yoongi x reader angst #best friend yoongi #min yoongi x reader angst #love #bts fic #yoongi oneshot #bts #bts angst #bts suga #suga bts #min yoongi x you

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starzioo · 7 months

Text

𝐁.𝐙 ❦ 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒?

This is pt.1 of my 4pt series. The next part will be posted a few mins after this!! I need need to quickly edit some things! This is a pretty long one and it took me AGES. Sorry if the plot carries on for too long, I rlly tried here. :,)

No warnings just fluff!

==========

You're a 6th year Ravenclaw dating Draco Malfoy. You aren't the stereotypical Ravenclaw, although you are academically smart, you were extremely street smart. You and Blaise have been friends since your 2nd year at Hogwarts. You two are close, but you grew apart after you started dating Draco.

THIRD PERSON:

Blaise, Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle are all sitting in the Slytherin common room. "Pansy is so fine...I think i'm gonna try to get with her..." Draco says as he sits on the couch. "Don't you have a girlfriend?" Goyle says laughing. Blaise sits on the chair across from Draco, glaring. "I mean...who said I can't have two girlfriends?" Draco says smugly. "I don't know man, that seems kinda wrong, and plus aren't Y/n and Pansy friends?" Crabbe says eating a muffin. "Well, I thought Ravenclaws were supposed to be smart...and if she can't figure out what i'm doing then maybe that's just a personal problem for Y/n." Draco says shrugging. "You know that she will find out eventually? I've known her since 2nd year trust me...when she finds out, you'll be sorry." Blaise says with a dead tone to his voice. "Well..I'm gonna go to sleep see you guys tomorrow..." Blaise says as he walks to his dorm. "What's his problem?" Draco asks scoffing. "Well they have been friends for a while now, I mean i wouldn't be surprised if he told Y/n..." Goyle says shrugging. "Let's just hope he knows better." Draco says dead tones.

TIME SKIP : 2 WEEKS LATER IN YOUR DORM

You and Cho share a dorm.

-------------------

"Cho...I got a question." You say as you roll to lay on your stomach. "Hm?" she says looking up from her sketch pad. "Do you think Draco actually likes me? I mean...like I know we've been dating for 7 months now but these last couple of weeks it's been different. I mean he doesn't even sit by me in charms anymore." You say resting your head on your hand. "Well...I know for sure when you guys first started dating that he liked you. I mean you two were inseparable...he was even trying to find a way into our common room." she laughs "but I just feel like he'a losing feelings..." you say flipping through pictures of you and Draco. "I don't wanna hurt your feelings Y/n..." Cho says turning around in her desk chair. "It's okay...I kinda already know your answer anyways." You say lightly smiling. "He's a player...he's known for liking a girl for a couple months then getting bored of them. I wouldn't be surprised if he's already found another girl. He just isn't a good person or boyfriend. I don't see what you see in him. You're such a sweet girl and if I was you I would be with someone whose not as vile and repulsive as him....but that's just me." Cho says closing her sketchbook. "I'm gonna go to sleep now and just let you think about what I said." she says getting tucked into her blue silk comforter. "Ok...thank you for everything Cho...goodnight." you says giving her a warm smile. "Goodnight Y/n, sleep well..." Cho says as she turns over.

You couldn't go to sleep that night. Cho's words stuck in your head. All night all you could think about was the fact that the boy you loved could be cheating on you. Everything you done for the past 7 months had been for Draco. All of it, your entire life, was Draco. You changed so many things about yourself just to fit his needs. You quite quidditch so you could go to his games. You spent your spring break with Draco in France, instead of visiting your mom in Spain. You even cut off Blaise...your best friend since 2nd year. A man that understood your emotions and thoughts. The only person who knows why you love astronomy, the only person who knows why you cover your face when you laugh, the only person who really knows why you love hugs so much. Blaise was the only person you had told such personal things to. Stuff about you that's so sentimental you didn't even tell Draco. You had never realized how much of your life was revolved around his happiness. You were giving your all into a boy that was giving you nothing in return.

THE NEXT DAY

===================

"Y/n! Y/n! Wake up! Its 8:45! You're gonna be late for charms class!" Cho says shaking you awake. "OH SHIT!" you say springing up from your bed. "Thank you so much for waking me up Cho!" You say as you frantically run to your vanity. Then you look down at your wrist watch.

𝟞:𝟛𝟘♥AM

"Ha.Ha. Very funny Cho." You say turning around in your chair sarcastically clapping your hands. "Did you really think I wouldn't wake you on time?" She says lightly laughing. "Thank youu, you know that I appreciate it." you say as you start taking your hair out of its curlers. "Perfecto~" you say when you see the first curl in your hair. "Cho you know what that means...perfect hair day equals a perfect day over all!" "Yeah yeah well last time I heard that phrase you fell in a puddle" Cho says giggling. "Yeah, but after I fell in that puddle I cast a perfect Patronus charm." You remarked as you continued getting ready for the day by doing you're skin care and makeup. Then putting on your gold earrings and necklace. "Hey Y/n, I think we should head out now if we wanna make it to breakfast in time to eat?" Cho questioned. "Yeah, ok, just give me a second I gotta get my charm bracelet on." As you are putting on your bracelet you remember that Blaise was the one who bought you it, in your 4th year.

FLASH BACK

=============

That day Blaise had asked you if you wanted to go to Diagon alley with him to go shopping. You and him had wandered around the alley going into every shop looking at brooms, sweaters, shoes, but most importantly you both went into a jewelry boutique. You and Blaise looked around until you came across a gold charm bracelet that had a dark blue diamond butterfly charm. "Ouuu, Blaise look at this bracelet!" you said as he wandered back over to you. You looked at the bracelet in awe;while as Blaise looked at you in awe of your beauty. "Uhm excuse me? How much is this charm bracelet?" You asked the worker who stood behind the counter. "I don't think you kids would be interested in that one...It's 80 galleons." The worker says looking at you two with pity. "Hey Blaise I think we should get back to Hogwarts...it's getting late anyways." you said bummed out. "Yeah...you can head back without me there's a couple of things I still have to take care of down here." Blaise said softly. "Okayyy, be safe though on your way back okay?" You said as you walked out of the store. When you were about to walk back into the common room you heard Blaise yell "Y/N! Wait!" You turn around to see Blaise running up to you. "Shhhh! You're gonna get us in trouble!" you whisper yell at him. "Okay okay! But I got you something..." He says as he pulls the gold charm bracelet out of his back pocket. You gasp "BLAISE! REALLY?! AHHH YOU DIDNTT" "Shhhhh!" he says covering your mouth with his hand. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" you exclaim ingulfing him in a hug. "You're welcome, now go to sleep. You should've already been in bed." Blaise said smiling. You went to sleep that night thinking that Blaise bought the bracelet. Blaise went to sleep that night knowing he stole it. But it just so happens that, that day was a good hair day.

END OF FLASH BACK

=================

"Y/n!" Cho says waving her hand in front of your face. You finally snap out of your thoughts. "Geez you zoned out for like 30 seconds!" Cho says mildly worried. "Heheh, sorry I didn't realize" you say finishing putting on your bracelet.

TIME SKIP TO CHARMS CLASS

============

As you walk into charms class, you sit in your regular seat. You see Draco walk in, he looks at you, then walks to sit on the other side of the classroom. Although there was no actual assigned seats in Charms Class Draco had sat by you in every class you've had up until now. Instead of sitting by his girlfriend he decides to sit by Pansy? You were on your final straw with the way Draco had been treating you. All you can feel is your throat starting to burn. All you could do was stare at him conversating with Pansy. You wanted to get up and slap him across the face but for some reason your body stayed in the same place; you couldn't bring yourself to do it. As you continue to get lost in your thoughts, you feel a hand on your shoulder. A familiar aroma surrounds you - the smell of red wine, a almost musky scent - "Are you okay?" a low voice asks you. You look up to see Blaise. You take a moment to fully realize it's him. "Yeah...sorry I guess I just zoned out for a second.." you say slightly embarrassed. "I noticed" he says lightly laughing; he sits down next to you. You and Blaise sit in a comfortable silence and Professor Flitwick teaches the class how to cast a Auguamenti charm; the spell to make water. Everyone was working in partners. While Blaise was working on casting the charm, you couldn't help but stare at Draco trying to flirt with Pansy. "Y/n, it's your turn to try casting the charm." Blaise says monotonously; he takes the bowl and places it in-front of you. With a flick of your hand you cast the charm nearly perfect. "Wow! Miss. Y/L/N , perfect! Nothing less than what I would expect from my star student!" Professor Flitwick says happily. "You and your partner may have the rest of class off!" He says making a arm jester to the door. As you're heading out of the classroom you feel Draco's eyes staring at you. "Hey... wanna go chill in the court yard or something?" Blaise says nodding his head in the direction of the court yard. "Mmmm, Sure..." you say smiling lightly. When you and Blaise sit down on one of the stone benches he turns to you like he has something to say, "Can I talk to you about something real quick?" Blaise says with a unsure look in his eyes. "Mhm, of course" you say curiously. "I feel like we've uhm grown apart I guess...we used to be best friends but now I feel like we don't even talk to each other, you know? I don't know...we've just been friends for so long and I uhm.... i just don't wanna lose you...I guess what i'm trying to say is that I miss you, I miss talking to you, I miss sneaking around the castle late at night, I miss going to Hogsmeade with you, I just miss everything about our friendship." Blaise says avoiding eye contact with you. "Blaise i'm so sorry" you say feeling a tight burning sensation in the bottom of your throat, you feel the tears building up in your eyes. It was rare for Blaise to open up like that; he has a habit of keeping his feelings tucked away. You hug Blaise, your arms around his neck; with your head tucked into the crook of his neck. He hugs you back. "I'm so sorry Blaise...Draco said he didn't feel comfortable with me being around you so much...I should've never let it go this far..." You say with tears rolling down your face. "It's okay. I figured it was something along those lines." He says un wrapping his arms from you. He wipes a tear off your cheek with his thumb. You smile and rest your head on his shoulder. "Hey Y/N there's one more thing I need to tell you." Blaise says. "Hm?" You say keeping your head on his shoulder. He pauses. "Draco...he's cheating on you...or atleast he's trying to. About two weeks ago he was saying some dumb shit about how he's gonna go after Pansy." He says dead toned. "I know..."

=========

I reached the max character limit oml. T.T

#blaise zabini x reader #blaise zabini #slytherin fanfiction #harry potter #hogwarts #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #fanfic #oneshot #slytherin boys #blaise zabini x you #y/n #fluff

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