#<<<it's funny to look at my old attempts at tagging sometimes

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! I’m working on an original character project that I want to include a lot of casual representation in (“casual” meaning that the characters don’t need a justification for being disabled/fat/POC/etc, they just are because people can and do exist that way in reality!)

I was wondering if you had any suggestions for finding resources for drawing facial differences(and maybe other visible disabilities), especially in a cartoony style. I’ve looked through the Facial Equality Week tag but would like to see more examples, and since my art is so… goofy, for lack of a better word, I would love any help I can get in integrating differences without being offensive or upsetting.

Sorry if this is a bother, and thank you for all that you do!

Hi!

I'm not aware of any guides for drawing facial differences specifically (or at least, good ones. There's 1 billion tutorials telling you that scars are just a Singular Line, always, but that's not... correct), but perhaps someone in the notes could help out?

For my own advice, you could check out this old post I made. Because you mentioned your art being cartoony, I would specifically urge you to not overexaggerate facial differences the way they often are. Prime example would be how a lot of cartoons portray strabismus;

It's just a funny gag to them rather than, IDK, how some of us look like. Not to mention that one of these is also a mockery of intellectually/developmentally disabled people with "Derp" in the name, but that's beside the point here.

It's the whole "the character is crazy/stupid/wild/whatever and that's why they have it" that's the problem with how it's often shown. You can also see it in how characters who don't even normally have it will be shown with it for a scene where they're saying something nonsensical, etc.

Another example that's nowhere near as rampant is the like... split-face thing with various facial differences being used. Mostly vitiligo but sometimes also facial palsy. I'm talking about this weirdly perfectly halved face that looks extremely different on each side, often used to signal that a character is two-faced or that the author doesn't know how vitiligo looks like.

[note: vitiligo also shows up on lighter skin. I wanted to make sure it's visible here for tutorial clarity purposes.]

This one is just weird because it straight up doesn't look like that? I have no idea where it came from, but it should go back there. Facial palsy doesn't make someone look like the antique comedy/tragedy theater mask.

Unless I'm forgetting some other annoying cartoon trope, these would be the big ones that you should stay away from.

Outside of that, it's really on a case by case basis on how a specific FD should be drawn because they're so different! A birthmark can just be a differently colored patch of skin, but a craniofacial difference would require some more changes to be included. Alopecia is well, lack of hair, and can be done very easily but ectrodactyly can be more complicated to show properly because of the limitations of a cartoony artstyle when it comes to hands. And while I do think it would be great to see more of those facial differences that tend to not be included in art at all, there's nothing wrong with deciding to go for the things you can represent more faithfully, especially if you're just starting.

I will say that if you're making an honest attempt at being respectful and trying to get it right, most of us will still be excited to see your work. Even if it's not perfect or has some inaccuracies. I will take a "'yeah more or less' correct with a happy, human character" over a "Very Technically correct but tagged as #tw burns and with blood splattered on them" any day.

Lastly, I wanted to share some art featuring characters with facial differences (and other visible disabilities) that are done in a cartoony, or at least somewhat simplistic artstyles (I'm using both terms very widely here, but like. Not Realism) - maybe it will give you some ideas!

Man with Treacher Collins syndrome (also one of the first pieces online where I saw a character with an FD portrayed in such a lovely way! A fav of mine) Girl with Pfeiffer syndrome Too many characters to count! Woman with burns Woman with a limb difference Multiple characters again Animation featuring people with Down syndrome [youtube] Multiple characters, including a girl with neurofibromatosis, a burn survivor, a girl with a cleft lip and another with TCS! [twitter]

If you have a more specific art question ("how do I draw a person with XYZ facial difference?") you can send me an ask on @saszor! I prefer to stick to the writing theme on this blog but would still like to help if you need it:-)

Hope this helps!

mod Sasza

Edit: apologies for the lack of alt text on one of the images, it has been fixed!

[luna-lovegreat]

….. I wanna be kind more. Like I think back recently and I haven’t made as many attempts as I would like to be deliberately kind to people. Yall better watch out now it’s my goal to make at least five people on here smile in the next week.

[alittlebitofloveliness]

More Darry Curtis headcanons

-Goes to every single parent/teacher interview night or open house at Ponyboy’s school, even if he has to take off work. Part of it is because he’s determined to be a good guardian but part of it is because he just proud of Pony and likes hearing from teachers how great he is

-Speaking of how great Pony is, Darry brags about Pony SO much. Like his work crew and the gang never stop hearing about how great the kid is…except when the kid is present. Then you couldn’t get a compliment out of him if you pried his jaw open

-He and Sodapop both have a soft spot for soap operas and watch them together super late at night so no one else in the gang- Pony included- will find out. (Steve caught them once but he just sat down quietly, waving away their hasty attempts to explain themselves, muttering for them to shut up, and that he used to watch them with his mom when she was still around. The three of them finished the episode and went to bed without saying anything else.)

-Loves music of all kinds (I just know he’d be one of those guys that is SO into music history and makes it everyone else’s problem) “did you know this song was meant to be an apology to-“ “-to some random broad, we know Dar, now shut up would ya?”

-Is left handed

-He and Two-bit butt heads quite a bit but he’s also closer to Two than almost anyone else in the gang because they’re the closest in age. They have so many inside jokes that the rest of the gang gets confused because Two can sometimes get him to snicker from seemingly innocuous remarks that aren’t funny to anyone but Darry

-Has dragged Soda (and Steve by extension) away from Buck’s too many times to count and is pissed every time

-Worries the whole time when he goes on ski trips with his old buddies. He worries a lot anyway, but it’s always worse when he’s too far from home to get there immediately  if something happened. Both Soda and Pony know this so they’re actually better behaved when he’s gone than when he isn’t

-Speaking of the ski trips, he always comes back glowing, for once looking his age, so the gang encourages him to go as much as possible. They have to be subtle about it though, because he gets suspicious that they’re planning something if they make it too obvious they’re trying to get him to leave, and then there’s no way in hell he’ll go

-Loves rodeos but unlike Soda has never and never wanted to participate in one

-Mother's day and father's day are contentious days in the Curtis house ever since the accident, so Soda and Pony just designated a random day as 'Darry Day" and got him little gifts, and did all the housework because they really do appreciate everything he does for them. Darry was super touched and vehemently denies tearing up when he saw the card Pony made for him

-His bond with Tim Shepard is hard for the gang, Darry himself, and even Tim to figure out, but it’s very strong despite how little they actually interact

-Despite refusing to ever go to the hospital, he’s actually the absolute worst patient when he’s sick. It takes a lot for him to admit that he’s ill, but once he does he’s absolutely insufferable. Pony and Soda takes turns taking care of him because they’re both liable to lose their temper if they have to do it for too long without a break. (“Soda my head hurts” “I know Darry” “Soda I need a glass of water” “you have a glass of water” “but Soda it’s not cold” “I got you a new one five minutes ago” “but Soda it warmed up” “damnit! Pony tag in, you deal with him, I need a smoke” “Pony I’m dying” “you’re not dying Dar” “yes I am” "no you're not")

-He’s a super fast walker. Like, anyone shorter than him has to jog a lil to catch up

-He’s a cat person. Pony and Soda are both dog people, and it has caused more than one argument despite the fact they have no pets and couldn’t afford  one even if they could agree on what they wanted

-He and Soda definitely made a secret handshake when they were little, and he still remembers every single move of it even though they haven’t done it in years and he isn’t sure if Soda even remembers making it

[starstruckmoony]

Hello! May I request a muggle AU with Theodore, with this meet-cute prompt: "they're on opposite sides of a wedding party to the bride and groom" (prompt is from @/thewritersafterglow on Instagram). Thank you! I know this request is in good hands :)

aaaaaa thank you anon! <3 this is the first request i've got in a while (again tysm it made me very very happy <3<3) and i had lots of fun writing it so i hope it meets your expectations!

can't help falling in love.

masterlist , requests

pairing - theodore nott x reader

trope/tags - muggle!au, strangers to lovers-ish, fluff (side note - this isn't particularly realistic because i don't really know how weddings work in different parts of the world, so i kind of just went by how they function in my country and some bits and pieces i've managed to pick up from movies and such. i know it probably won't be accurate for everybody but i tried my best LMAO)

word count - 3k

warnings - language, drinking, smoking, cheesy at the end

when you recieved an envelope in your mail one fine morning in late may, you never would have expected it to be an invitation to your primary school classmate's wedding in the english countryside. you could still recall the wonderful memory of choking on your coffee and scaring the life out of your poor cat when you saw her name plastered in big letters in the center of the paper, right below a picture of her and her fiancé. it was a miracle how she remembered you existed. to be frank, you were kind of honoured, and you made sure to confirm your arrival almost immediately. hell yeah, you were coming. free food and alcohol? who in the right mind would pass on that?

so about three months later, sometime in mid-august, you found yourself inside of a crowded venue, sweating buckets in your silky green dress, without a fan, or anybody to keep you company. a few of your old classmates were there too, but not a single one of them bothered to offer you a greeting. what a bunch of arseholes.

you stood leaned against the wall in the very back where there were fewer people, attempting to cool yourself down by fanning the air around you with your hands as you waited for the godforsaken ceremony to finally start. to nobody's surprise, the bride was a little late, and the groom's family was in a mild state of disarray. it was kind of funny, but not as funny as it would have been if you weren't feeling so bloody hot. do they not have air conditioning in here? how do people get married in these conditions? and why does the best man look more terrified than the groom?

the loud sound of somebody's shoes scraping against the tiles right next to you shook you right out of your train of thought, and you placed your hand against your chest in horror, "jesus christ." you muttered under your breath, the unfamiliar man attempting to catch his breath scared the life out of you.

he glanced at you for a split second, appearing rather exhausted (aftermath of sleeping through five alarms and having to run to the venue because his friends were too lazy to wait for him), "sorry." he offered you an apology breathlessly, leaning back against the wall to steady himself. you thought that you were being overdramatic when it came to the heat and the current atmosphere of the wedding, but this man seemed to have surpassed you. he was rather handsome though, despite being drenched in sweat from what you assumed was running, also paired with the humid air inside. his eyes were strangely captivating, and he looked a little too good in that suit of his for it to be considereded legal. were you staring? you were probably staring. you trailed your eyes away, pretending to be entertained by the groom's father who was attempting to explain the situation to the guests. you cursed inwardly, realising that you'd be stuck in there for a long time.

you turned to the pretty guy again, deciding that you should, perhaps, talk to him, "you don't look like you wanna be here." fantastic start. those probably weren't the words he wished to hear in those circumstances, but your observations didn't seem to annoy him at all. he actually chuckled instead, "am i that transparent?"

"quite." you responded a little too nonchalantly than intended, taking a quick glance at the door in hopes that you'll see the bride come in. nope. you returned to your original position. how wonderful that was, more waiting.

"do you have any water in there?" the man spoke again, pointing at the purse you had tucked under your arm.

you took it in your hands and peeked inside, knowing that you most likely wouldn't have what he was asking for, "no," you shook your head, but continued rummaging through it, "i have this, though." you pulled out a tiny bottle of liquor and shrugged before shoving it into his face.

he didn't hesitate to grab it, he would have taken anything that was liquid enough. he drank it all, not that there was much, before handing the bottle back to you with a scowl. he coughed a little as the alcohol burned his throat, and you couldn't help but snort. 

"i don't know how smart that was." it wasn't, really, since it would only dehydrate him more, but it worked for the time being. he coughed again, falling back against the wall, finally able to breathe somewhat normally.

"you'll find out in a few hours," you didn't miss the smile that painted his features, and it encouraged you to carry on, "how do you know the bride... or the groom?" you questioned, wanting to keep the conversation going to kill at least some of the remaining time you had. you were bored out of your mind.

"the groom," he nodded briefly, "we went to college together, funny bloke, he invited me and my two other friends who are... somewhere in here," he stretched his neck as his eyes scanned the crowd for a short moment, "eh, whatever." he shrugged, and then reached into his pocket, but quickly retrieved his hand. it was still empty. you had assumed he reached for a cigarette before he was able to remember where he was.

"you won't go looking for them?" you queried, finding his neutrality over the whole situation slightly bemusing. it wasn't every day that a hot guy like him ditched his friends for you, and it was rather pleasant to think about. he was hoping he wasn't being so obvious about it, but you read him a little too easily.

"what, bored of me already?" he questioned, a hint of playfulness in his tone.

"i might be, now that you said that." you scowled in pretend disgust, drawing a breathless laugh from him. you shortly sunk into a not overly uncomfortable silence, both internally debating with yourselves about whether you should keep it going or not. you were kind of drawn to each other, after all. the consequence of attending a wedding without a date must have had an influence on it, you told yourself. he mustered a similar, lame explanation.

"i'm theodore, by the way." he decided to break the ice after a while, and you almost sighed in relief, "y/n." you shook his hand politely.

"nice wedding." he added, his face scrunching at the sight before him. the sarcasm in his tone was obvious.

"delightful, isn't it?" you offered the older lady that passed by you a forced smile, and then eyed her giant pink hat judgementally. you and theodore resembled a mean high school couple who had an opinion on absolutely anyone and everything, just standing there, laughing amongst yourselves and making fun of all the other guests and their stupid pastel outfits. it made sense why your classmates hadn't approached you, but you didn't let them occupy your mind any longer. you found yourself a like-minded companion for the night, one that was ten times funnier, and the prime example of eye-candy.

"imagine she never shows up." theodore said after you shamelessly fed one another with some interesting past gossip about the bride and the groom. judging by what he had told you, those two were a match made in heaven. and you could say that with your whole chest.

"god, don't plant that idea into my head. i spent my last three paychecks on this bloody dress." you snorted, dusting it off when you noticed that it had got a bit dirty.

"it looks perfect on you, though." theodore's little compliment took you off guard, and he must have noticed judging by the way he grinned.

"thanks." you felt yourself blush a little at his comment, and just as you were about to open your mouth to speak again, the bride's mother burst through the door, announcing that her daughter would be there shortly. you exchanged a relieved glance with theodore, fucking finally.

despite the long wait, the ceremony played out quite beautifully. the couple exchanged their vows, humourous and tear-jerking all at once. people laughed, people cried, somebody's baby did both. the best man hadn't forgotten to bring the rings, and the maid of honour looked happier for the bride than the bride. nobody backed out last moment, and nobody objected after the infamous "speak now or forever hold your peace". you left the venue with a smile on your face, pleasantly surprised.

theodore and his friends offered to give you a ride to an even larger venue where the reception was being held after you told them that you had arrived with a cab, and you happily accepted their offer. the two idiots he came with were just as unserious as he was, and you had soon found out that they all attended the wedding with the same intentions as you. eat food, get drunk (and then sleep in the car because mattheo wants to get wasted but doesn't want to run them off the road and kill somebody in the process).

the reception, thankfully, moved a lot faster than the ceremony. by some sheer dumb luck, you had been instructed to sit at the same table as theodore, lorenzo and mattheo. your shitty classmates were there too, so you assumed that the table was designed specifically for that - old friends from school that the newly weds didn't talk to very much, but still liked them enough to invite them.

so, after the grand entrance, loud clapping and cheering, a cute speech from the bride, more clapping and cheering, the best dinner you had had in a while, a few more emotional speeches, and even more clapping and cheering (hollering this time, too), the dj finally showed up. it was the part of the night you had been the most excited for. the first dance was absolutely beautiful and even brought a few tears to your eyes, but god, the moment you heard an onset of lower-than-nightclub-quality music blast from the speakers, your hopes had all gone down the drain.

the dance floor filled up in a matter of seconds, and you had never been more appreciative of the existence of wine. not a single song that was played in the span of fourty-five minutes was your cup of tea. and as different people's requests kept incoming, it only got worse.

theodore seemed to be having the same problem. mattheo too, considering he had about five shots in less than half an hour. lorenzo wasn't doing much better either. he was entertaining himself by making paper planes out of tissue paper and leaving them on the table like a strange art project.

"this music is terrible." theodore's voice was completely drowned out by the godawful sounds coming from the speakers, you couldn't hear a thing he was saying.

"what?!" you shifted a bit closer to him, covering one of your ears with your palm to subdue at least some of the noise.

"i said that this music was terrible!" he tried not to shout, but it would have been impossible for you to comprehend whatever he had said if he hadn't done so. yes, it was fucking awful. many people would disagree, considering how many of them were still on the dance floor, either fully wasted already or slowly getting there. at least the newly weds were having a good time, both slightly tipsy too.

"tell me about it!" you yelled back, rolling your eyes. you considered asking him to accompany you outside, for a smoke or something, though you didn't really need an excuse. anywhere would have been better than in there. but you chickened out before you were able to speak, continuing to sip on your wine in silence. silence, that was funny, mostly because of how unbearably bloody loud the music was.

lorenzo suddenly stood up, and he yelled something into mattheo's ear. the other stared at him in confusion, and then burst out laughing into his face. he turned to you instead, and you saw his lips move, but didn't understand a thing he was saying.

"huh?!" you and theo yelled out in unison, and lorenzo waved his hands dismissively at you, defeated. he pushed his way through the crowd on the dance floor and shuffled over to the dj. he threw an arm around the man, probably trying to make some friendly conversation. they seemed to be getting along.

perfect. you reached for the wine bottle, refilling your glass and taking large gulp. you were hoping that lorenzo had enough charm to sway the dj into playing something else. it took about twenty minutes of insignficant chit-chat for the man to finally nod and give him a thumbs up, and that's then the beginning of dancing queen blessed your tortured ears.

you gasped in shock, immediately getting up onto your feet and latching onto theodore's arm. he didn't really protest when you tugged at his sleeve and pulled him to the dance floor which got even more crowded than it was before. mattheo managed to fall out of his chair, but he followed the two of you and joined you in the mass of people.

"thank me later!" lorenzo yelled your way before a pretty girl grabbed his attention. the night got so much better from then on. the dj appeared to have whipped up a large playlist of abba's work, since the songs were playing one after another, each one bringing your mood up. you had completely blocked out anything that had happened before you heard the tune of the first song, and you had only returned to the table with theodore to refill your glasses before running back to the dance floor.

you couldn't recall the last time you had that much fun, singing your heart out, jumping up and down, showing off some ridiculous moves, letting theodore hold your hand and spin you around. the dj stuck to the same genre for a while, playing old pop songs, keeping everybody on their feet. some of them you didn't know, but you weren't about to sit back down after doing so for almost two hours, so you danced to them too nevertheless.

that is, until your legs started hurting a little too much for it to be tolerable and your throat had got a bit sore from belting several songs with the bride. your head was spinning too, courtesy of having so much wine. theodore took the opportunity to ask you to accompany him outside (because he really needed a cigarette) after some slow tune neither of you were familiar with had been put on.

you nodded your head took a hold of his hand as he led you out the door. you clumsily made your way down the stairs, laughing as you did so. the effects of alcohol were beginning to show themselves.

as fun as it was, getting out of there for a short while was a need. you slumped down onto one of the stone benches placed outside the venue, sighing comfortably as the chilly breeze of the night cooled you down.

you immersed yourself into another casual discussion, not a very significant one, as neither of you could even stand properly for too long without stumbling, but it was nice breather from the wild atmosphere inside. you liked talking to theodore, and even with your clouded thoughts, you knew you'd want to see him again after this. there wasn't a doubt in your mind.

"i thought i'd have to leave early." theodore laughed to himself as he took the last drag from his cigarette, and then tossed the burnt out stub onto the concrete.

"and make me stay here all alone?" you teased, although you probably would have left too if it wasn't for lorenzo and his skillful flirtation tactics or whatever the hell that was.

"who said i wouldn't bring you along?" his response made heat rush to your cheeks, and you put your head down with a breathless chuckle. you were quiet for a moment, trying to recollect your thoughts.

"you know, this might sound a little weird, but," you chewed on the inside of your cheek, not really able to think straight. you were tipsy, after all, "i'm glad i met you today," you tilted your head to the side, drunkenly observing him, "you're nicer than i anticipated." as backhanded as it sounded, that was the best you could do.

it was theodore's turn to blush after you said the words, and it didn't manage to go past you, despite him trying his hardest to hide it.

"yeah, i mean no– it's not weird, i'm uh," he trailed off, contemplating whatever it was that he wanted to say next. honestly speaking, he didn't know how to put it into words, "i'm glad we met too, you're–"

one thing that theodore hated was tripping over his words and not being able to be blunt with somebody he took a liking to, which is why he was so, very grateful to hear elvis' can't help falling in love coming from the inside of the venue.

you looked up at him when you realised which song it was, waiting to see if he'll ask you to dance. and he did, but he didn't lead you back in through the door like you thought he might. you stayed outside in the light wind, slowly swaying to the music, his hands on your waist and your arms around his neck.

you liked it better that way, just the two of you in your own little world with nobody else to disrupt you. you let your head rest on his shoulder, and his grip on your waist tightened just a little bit, like he was making sure you won't leave him. you smiled to yourself, god, that was the last thing you were planning on doing.

[the1975attheirverybest]

Being Funny In A Foreign Language

Chapter 8- Sorry Bout The Bomb Thing….

A/N: okay so wax play will be in the next chapter cuz plot reasons. Two more chapters to go!

Warnings: kinky smut.

———

Matty’s ears rung with a persistent pressure and the faint echoes of last night’s live show. He could still hear the crowds cheering, calling out his name; remnants of Waugh’s saxophone honking, muffled, as though filled with water, played in the background of his mind. This was a soundscape that Matty had grown accustomed to– welcomed, even– but in the solitary confinement of his hotel bedroom, he found it unnerving. Trapped him in a liminal space between the stage and reality.

He poured himself a cup of coffee, sitting down at the dining table to resume his idle scrolling.

Not Matty Healy trying to justify his white savior complex with a rant onstage…Lmao, homie didn’t even make sense half the time.

Matty Healy playing the victim talking about almost getting imprisoned in Malaysia. What else do you expect when you disrespect their culture? A colonizer thank you card?

MH just tryna cover up the fact that Malaysia was a temper tantrum over TS

Matty felt the bile in his stomach rise back up; his chest tightening; his vision blurring. He couldn’t bring himself to click on the ‘news’ articles that he was tagged in– their titles containing his name– and find out what industry professionals had to say about this whole thing, so he changed to his messages instead.

Matty:

hey

in town for msg soon

you around?

Lilly

Yeah! For a couple days anyway… wanna come over for a drink sometime?

Matty

Are you free right now?

****

Matty watched, proudly, as Lilly’s legs twitched around his arm. Judging by the fact that he’d rendered her breathless, he was pretty satisfied that he’d done his job right. He pulled his fingers out of her and brought them to his lips for a taste, sucking wetly. She reached out, lazily grabbing at his shirt in an effort to pull him closer.

“Your turn now.” she whispered, before pulling him in by the collar of his shirt to kiss him.

Though Matty had been receptive to her touch, responding to the kiss with eager lips, his mind raced with panic. He couldn’t feel anything. And not just below the belt, he just wasn’t excited at all. Why wasn’t he excited? Is there something wrong with his body? Is he physically ill? Is he gradually losing all of his drive?

Lily unbuttoned his jeans and Matty wondered how he’d found himself in this same situation with two different women. His body stiffened, he attempted to reach for her hands, but it was too late.

“Oh.” Lily looked down at his lap then back at him. “I- sorry. I didn’t realize that…you didn’t wanna- ummm. I’d just assumed you wanted to have sex. Cuz, you asked to come over and-“

“I did! I do! I want to….i just might- need a minute?” His eyes darted around the room as he spoke.

Lily smiled, “oh, alright. I can help you relax.”

Her hands roamed his body, running her fingers down his chest, sensually, before deciding to undress him. Matty closed his eyes, laying down and attempting to focus on the present moment. Despite his (and lily’s) best efforts, though, he couldn’t get out of his own head.

“Still nothing, huh?” Lily had asked when she’d finally kissed her way down his body. Something, she’d assumed, would’ve given him enough time to get into the right mood.

“I mean, hey, if you’re not in the mood, it’s no problem, really! We could just watch tv-“

“No! No, no. I am in the mood. Erm, but could I ask you to do something- I mean…can we try something different?”

“What’d you have in mind?”

Matty pointed to his discarded jeans. “Do you see my belt over there?”

***

“Are you sure it won’t be a problem? You’re already pretty bruised.”

Matty flipped over onto his back, briefly, to assure her one last time. “Those bruises are old now. They look more dramatic than they feel, I promise.”

She shrugged. “If you say so…alright. Ready?”

Matty closed his eyes, burying his face into the bedding as pain rained down on him. He tried to conjure up memories of the last time that someone had whipped him bloody, thinking back to Amelia. His hand reached between his body and the duvet, grabbing himself and trying not to call out another woman’s name in Lily’s presence.

***

Matty stared up at the ceiling fan as it rotated, on low mode, and tried to catch his breath. Out of the corner of his eye, he could tell that Lily had approached him with a glass of water, but he hadn’t yet regain full control of his body again. He couldn’t will himself to move. She didn’t seem to mind, though. Happy to accommodate him, she sat on the bed next to him, arranging a wall of pillows to prop him on. “Can you sit up for me?”

The question, surprisingly, made him nervous. He snapped out of his ceiling-fan-induced hypnosis and quickly jolted, sitting up before she could lend him a hand.

“Yeah, yeah….thanks.” He accepted the glass of water, gulping it down. “Sorry.” He mumbled, leaning over her to set the now empty glass down onto the nightstand.

“What for?”

He shrugged. “Don’ know.”

“What’s going on with you?” Lily placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and it took everything in him not to brush it off.

“Nothin’s goin’ on. Just…tired. And- I— think I need a cig. And a glass of wine or something.”

She laughed, shaking her head and shuffling off the bed once more. “Coming right up. And then you’ll tell me what’s really going on cuz that wasn’t what I was asking about.”

***

“So…” Lily exhaled the smoke out of her lungs, putting the end of her cigarette out in the ashtray between them. “Let me get this straight…you’re in love with her, but she’s with someone else?”

Matty blushed, fiddling with the stem of his wine glass.

“She offered to break up with the guy. But you made friends with him. And now you like him too much. So you gave up your guitar — which was like the equivalent of half your soul— just so he can surprise her and take credit for the surprise?”

Matty took a large sip of his drink just to have something else to focus on.

“Oh, and also you guys are sleeping together because one time your dick didn’t work and you cried about it in front of her. Am I getting this right?”

Matty’s eyes evaded her, smiling in embarrassment, “that’s…the gist of it, yeah.”

“Okay, I’m glad I got it right cuz,” she picked up a pillow, throwing it at his face, narrowly missing her target, “what the fuck is wrong with you, dude?!!! Why are you even here? In my bed instead of hers??”

“Oh, so you want me to leave, then? Fine, I’ll leave.” Matty attempted to move but she instantly grabbed his arm.

“You’re not going anywhere….and what do your friends think about your genius behavior?”

“Who? the boys? Well…..they’ve all given different versions of, like, ‘you either tell her how you feel or you move on’ sort of.”

“And you’ve done neither.”

Matty nodded.

“Instead, you guys are sleeping together.”

Lily fell silent. She refilled her glass first, then she topped off Matty’s as well.

“I can see that you’re dying to say something.” He looked her straight in the eyes. “Out with it!”

“You’re just so dumb.” Lily smiled. “Men are so dumb. Speaking of men…..have you seen a doctor about your….’bedroom issues’ ?”

“Mhm”

“And?”

“Well, I haven’t called about test results. So, I don’t know.”

“Matty-“

“I know, I know….”

Matty’s heart raced, his face felt warm; he blamed it on the wine. Spoke again before he could stop himself. “It’s just….i think I know what they’re gonna say.”

“The results?”

“It’s all in my head. It’s…it’s stress or psychological or whatever the fuck.” He sighed. “I mean, not to be that guy, but look at me. I’m the picture of health. I got that shit under control for tour and stuff-“

“I have noticed the, shall we say, ‘fitness level’ ?”

“Lily, are you flirting with m-“

“No. Don’t- change the subject!”

Matty chuckled. “Not changin’ anything. I’m just- I know that it’s my state of mind. I haven’t been….well- I haven’t been myself.”

Lily snatched the wine glass out of his hand, setting both of their drinks, and the bottle, aside to get his full attention. “And what’re you gonna do about it?”

“I-“

“Besides ignoring it completely, I mean.”

Matty shrugged.

“Have you been to therapy? Have you….seen a psychiatrist?” She watched the look on his face. “Don’t! Don’t you roll your eyes at me. Don’t do that. That’s what guys do. It’s so childish!”

Matty had been determined to ignore her remarks until he heard the word ‘childish.’ Now, he was invested. “What the fuck do you mean ‘childish’? Just cuz I don’t need everything that’s ever made me an individual to be pathologized and medicated, doesn’t mean I’m being childish.”

Lily had had this conversation too many times before. She’d lost count of how many men get offended by their own flaws. She was over doing the gentle thing, holding their hand, and walking them through the thought process to help them come to the realization on their own. “Has it ever occurred to you that, oh- I don’t know- that maybe .your new show, your repressed love, all of the self punishment, and all that is just because you’d rather be dramatic and theatrical and do a huge arena tour than say how you feel?”

“You underestimate me, Lillian.”

“My name is Elizabeth.” She giggled.

“What?” Matty’s eyebrows shot up. “No fuckin way. ‘Lily’ is short for Elizabeth?”

“Yeah it’s mostly that I think ‘Elizabeth’makes me sound like a 76 year old widow.”

***

Amelia bit her lower lip smiling at Matty from across the room. He knew what that sly look meant.

“Come with me.” Giggling as she led them towards the storage room in the back of the venue.

Matty liked giving her complete control, doing as she says, being a mess at her feet. He relished in the opportunity.

“Whe-where would you like me this time?”

“Just stay standing.” Amelia surveyed the cramped room full of boxes for a moment, “you can lean against the wall if you need it this time.”

Reminding him of the last time that she’d sucked him off in the party bathroom, causing him to fall to his knees.

“Thank you.” He squeaked. He was already slipping into submission. Already pliant and malleable for her.

“Lose the clothes.” She demanded.

“A-all the way?”

“Yes. And hurry. Tobias will probably be looking for us soon.”

Matty stumbled as he kicked off his shoes, and rushed to peel his jeans off, aware of her eyes on him.

“Matty? Turn around for me, would you?”

His heart sank, dreading what was about to happen. Reluctantly, he did as she’d asked and turned all the way in a circle.

“These marks….they look fresh. What- when-“

“I- have to tell you something.” He pulled his pants back up, wincing as the fabric brushed his bum. “I- erm, I broke one of the rules.”

Amelia already knew where this was going. “Which one?”

“I- I had an orgasm- without your permission.” Matty looked down at the floor as he spoke. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, his mouth felt dry.

Amelia’s face remained unreadable. “When?”

“La- last night.” He wished the earth under his feet could split and swallow him whole.

“Is that what those marks are from?”

He nodded slowly.

“They look pretty bad, have you looked after yourself? Disinfected the places with deeper cuts and-“

“No. I… I sort of, erm, stayed the night at her place and then came straight here. Haven’t had a chance to do anything.”

“She did this to you and then left you there? No aftercare?”

“No, no! Don’t say that! She’s not like that! She tried- but, erm, I wouldn’t let her.”

Amelia didn’t like the tightening in her chest that she felt as she listened to Matty defend another woman. She couldn’t quite figure out what she felt, but she had bigger, more important concerns at this moment.

“There’s a first aid kit in the tour bus bathroom, right?” Her face and tone unchanged, withholding.

Matty nodded.

“Let’s go then.”

***

Amelia gathered her supplies and set them on the bed in Matty’s tour bus bedroom. “Right then. Drop your pants and turn around.”

“I can do this myself, you know.”

“I didn’t ask. Turn around, Matty, c’mon.”

Not wanting to defy her any more than he already has, Matty complied. Amelia used her most delicate touch throughout. Slow and gentle, careful not to cause him any unnecessary pain, and pausing multiple times when she felt her hand falter. Matty pressed his lips together tightly, swallowing any and all whimpers or expressions of pain. He didn’t want her to feel bad. Not when she’s going out of her way to take care of him.

“Who is she?” Amelia heard herself ask.

“Just- ah! Shit…” he let out a groan as the antiseptic touched an open wound. “Just a friend I see whenever I’m in New York.”

“Do I know her?”

“N-no. She, erm….you two have never met.”

Amelia l withdrew for a moment as a sharp sting of jealousy washed over her. She didn’t know what she was most upset by, the fact that he slept with another woman, the fact that he’d let another woman hurt him — given her control

Over his body, trusting her to do what he needed— or the fact that she’d made him cum and got to see his beautiful, vulnerable body experiencing pleasure. Amelia was well aware that she had no right to be upset here. After all, she has a boyfriend. It wouldn’t be fair to expect Matty not to date or see anyone else while she carried on with her life. Still, she felt an unsettling ownership over him. And, she was now learning that she did not like to share.

She resumed her disinfecting, accidentally heavy-handedly, and saw Matty’s whole body flinch, a whimper of pain escaped him despite his best efforts to remain quiet.

“S-sorry.” He mumbled.

To his surprise, Amelia ran a gentle hand down his leg, attempting to comfort him.

“I know it hurts. It’s okay. Promise we’re almost done, alright?”

“Thank you.”

She smiled “let me know if you need me to stop, yeah? We can take a little break if you need it.”

Her words brought tears to his eyes.

“You’re mad at me.” Matty simply stated. “You’re mad at me. I broke the rules and you’re upset with me.”

He heard her unpack the bandages in silence.

“I’m gonna be punished for this, right?” He asked when she wouldn’t speak.

“I don’t know yet.” She pulled his clothes back on for him, delicately, making sure the waistband doesn’t come into contact with any of his sensitive injuries along the way.

“Amelia, I’m so sorry. I- I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Done what? Sleep with someone else? Why not? I do it!” She turned away from him, contemplating leaving the bus.

“Should’ve at least told you. Or asked you for permission. I- I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

She couldn’t bring herself to walk out on him. She sighed, turning back around. “I don’t wanna talk about this right now. Let me decide on my own. Now, since you didn’t get any aftercare, are you feeling okay? Do you need anything? If you’re experiencing any sub-“

“I’m okay. I promise. I’m perfectly fine. And I’m so sorry.”

Amelia stood there, frustrated, her head spinning, not quite knowing how to feel, or how she should feel.

“Would it - be okay if I hugged you?” Matty asked, his eyes pleading with her.

He took the small smile on her face as a yes and rushed to cling to her.

“You’re just so…” she felt speechless, wrapping her arms around him.

“I know, I know. I’m the fuckin worst.”

***

Several days, and tour stops, went by without Matty and Amelia crossing paths. She still attended every show, watching him come to life onstage every night to perform for his audience. Often getting caught in a moment with someone in the crowd, crying or laughing with them. Always, without fail, having the boys behind him. Even on his worst days, Matty always gave his job everything that he could. That much was guaranteed. It was off-stage Matty that troubled her. And troubled him. So, while they both did their jobs, attended meetings, carried on with business as usual, she hadn’t found herself knocking at his door late at night in quite some time.

Matty laid in bed late at night, still waiting, hoping tonight would be the night that she’d come back to him. As more and more nights went by with his hopes still unfulfilled, he would fall asleep thinking about Lily’s suggestion —or accusation, really — that he wasn’t channeling or processing his feelings with work, but repressing them. He wondered if his night with Lily fell into the same category. He wondered why he’d even gone over there at all. He would give anything to undo it. To have Amelia back in his bed.

Struggling to fall asleep, he decided to go down to the hotel lobby, get a drink, and if his brain was still functioning, perhaps do some work. He grabbed his leather jacket out of the closet on his way out, patting his pockets to check that he had his room card and cigarettes before leaving. When Matty opened the door, he found Amelia, standing there, looking up at him.

“Amelia!” He could burst with joy. “You’re here!”

She looked behind her, to make sure nobody could see them, then rushed into his room.

“Amelia, I- I have wanted to apologize, but I just can’t find the words to-“

She placed a finger to his lips, silencing him.

“I didn’t come here to talk, I came here so you’d get me off, so shut up and get on your knees.”

Matty wasn’t sure if that meant that she’d forgiven him or not, but he wasted no time in doing as he told. Eager to please her, and to show, if not tell, her how sorry he is.

***

A content Amelia reached between her thighs, grabbing Matty by the roots of his hair and pulling his head back, away from her cunt. She was still slightly out of breath from the orgasm that his mouth had given her and she enjoyed seeing his lips and chin glisten too.

“Look at me.” She commanded.

Matty’s eyes instantly met hers, his gaze unsure, humble.

“There’s my good whore.” She smiled, “it’s what you are, isn’t it? A whore? That’s what they call someone who’s happy to be spanked with his own built by just about anybody. Isn’t that right?”

Matty panicked, his thoughts racing. No! That’s not right! It’s much more complicated than that. Besides, it’s not like it was all the same to him. What he feels with her is different. Much more intimate. With Lilly, it was just sex. An attempt to prove to himself and his body that he could still feel it with other people. He learned the opposite of what he’d hoped to learn from sleeping with someone else. But he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to defend himself. Besides, she said she wasn’t interested in discussing this, and he didn’t want to risk her leaving again.

“Y-yeah. I am a whore.” It pained him to say. “Your whore.”

She let go of his hair, but he stayed in place.

“Oh don’t play that game with me, Matty.” She scuffed. “I bet you say that to all the women who force you to submit to them.”

Briefly, he considered prostrating himself on the floor and begging her to believe him. To accept his apology. But before he could throw himself on the floor, she’d reached into his underwear and pulled out his half-hardened cock.

He gasped, feeling her wrap her hand around his length, and squeeze, ever so slightly. His eyes fluttered shut, his jaw slack.

Amelia leaned forward and spat, using her own saliva as lube, she quickened her pace, pleased to see his arousal grow.

“Tell me something, Matty.” She spoke, still stroking him. “Did she jerk you off too? Hmm?”

“Wha-what?” His eyes shot open.

“The girl you slept with. You let her take control; what else did you give her? Did she suck you off? Did she fuck you? Did you fuck her?”

Matty struggled to remain focused, his self control was all dedicated to not cuming before she allowed him to. “What- no, no. I - promise- none of that….fuck, Amelia, you’re gonna make me— I didn’t— she didn’t. No fucking… nothing happened… ah, darling, please believe me- fuckkk I’m so close!”

“Somehow, I find that hard to believe.”

“I- promise… Amelia. Please, Angel, may I come?”

“No.”

“I- promise. No matter what. No- ohhh shit- matter…who I’m with or not….you call and I’ll come runnin.’ You’ve got me. You- please!!!- can have me whenever you want.”

“You wanna cum?”

“So, so bad. Please darling may I?”

“Go for it.” Amelia instantly took her hand away, leaving him with a ruined orgasm.

She left him to writhe on the floor, listening to him cry out and beg, as she got dressed. “That’s for cumming without my permission.”

Barely coherent, Matty nodded. “Thank- you, for my punishment.” His legs still twitching.

“Oh, you think that was the end of your punishment? Sweet boy; I’ve barely started.”

As she made her way out of his room, Amelia wondered if what she’d done crossed a line. Was she hurting him with malice? Laying hands on him in anger? He always told her that was the basic rule of dominance and submission. You never do it out of aggression. She wasn’t entirely sure if what she’d put him through was for his sake or out of jealousy. Deep down, a piece of her was still upset with him for sleeping with someone else. She hated that.

***

Amelia pushed him into the supply closet, wasting no time in crashing her lips against his.

“You heard back from the doctors yet?”

He shook his head.

“Cuz you’re already hard for me. You’re an anomaly.”

Matty chuckled. “fuckin tell me about it.”

His eyes shot wide open, his lips stifling a gasp as he felt her hand wrap around the base of his cock. “Remind me again what we’re doing?”

“Puh- pun- punishment. For me.” He managed between pants.

“And why is that?” She changed up the rhythm, grinning when the surprise made him jolt.

“Cuz- I- didn’t- i broke the rules. Let myself have an orgasm without your permission.”

Matty felt his knees begin to buckle. He pushed his head back, leaning against the wall for support. Amelia thought the look of his throat slightly bobbing as he swallowed harshly was the most mesmerizing thing she’d ever seen.

“That’s right.” She snapped out of her hypnotic state “you get edged. Everyday. And you have no idea when I’m going to let you cum. All you can do is beg. While you take it.”

“Please, darling, I- may I cum?” His droopy eyes struggled to remain fixed on her, but he tried his best, he wanted her to see the need in his eyes and to know that he was being genuine when he said that he really, really needed it.

Amelia’s free hand tugged on his balls, slightly, the sudden sensation making him moan and lurch forward. “Fuuuckk!!”

Matty’s knees buckled, he crumbled to the floor, but, rather than give him a break, Amelia simply crouched down in front of him, continuing to edge him. She circled his pre-cum covered tip, admiring the way that his hips bucked desperately.

“Please- please, please, my love. I- need it, Amelia- I’m so, so close…”

She smiled to herself. She knew he was desperate, but enough to pull out ‘my love?’ He was so adorable when he relinquished control.

“You better hold it. You understand?” She changed up her rhythm.

“Ahhh! Fuck!” He cried out. “I- I will, I’m trying.”

“Hush! You’re being too loud. We’re gonna get caught.” She wrapped her hand around his neck, tightening her grip in an attempt to silence him, it was the last push that Matty needed to get him over the edge.

He panicked, trying desperately to warn her, but his voice only a mere squeal as she choked him, he thrashed helplessly, using every ounce of self restraint left in his exhausted and overstimulated body to keep from cumming. Luckily, Amelia had learned his body’s cues well enough by now. She knew he’d reached his peak and she let go before he could lose control loosening her hold on his throat as well.

His rock- hard cock twitched against his stomach, the blood rushing through his veins, his entire body felt sensitive, from head to toe, the pain of a ruined orgasm almost unbearable. He mewled softly, his naked thighs trembling, tears welling his eyes.

“Awww, Matty.” Amelia couldn’t fight the urge to comfort him, feeling a bit too guilty for denying him yet another release. Her hand cupped his face. She was a bit worried when he flinched.

“I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Matty nodded. Unable to speak. Still fighting for breath.

She settled next to him on the floor. Pulling him into her side, her arm wrapped around his shoulders.

“You good?” She asked once his breathing had finally evened out.

“Yeah.” He smiled, tiredly.

“Was that….too much?”

Matty shook his head.

“I didn’t wanna go too hard on you. Cuz we’ve got to get back to work soon. We can’t have you being a mess right now…but, your eyes- you look a bit gone.”

Matty’s body shook against hers as he laughed silently. “It’s just what human eyes look like at arousal. I’m fine.”

“Let’s get you dressed.” She mumbled, reaching for his clothes and helping to button up his shirt over his chest.

Matty’s clammy hands struggled with the waistband of his briefs.

“I’ve got it, it’s okay. I’ll hold it for you.” She lent him a hand. “Got your shoes? Good. Let’s go.”

“Think I just need a minute. You go. I’ll be right behind you in a bit.” He smiled up at her hugging his knees.

“What? No. I’ll wait with you.”

“I’m okay, Amelia. I promise. I just need a minute to come down and collect myself.”

“Well.” She sat back down by his side. “Take your time. I’ll just keep you company.” He took his hand in hers, squeezing it and laying it in her lap.

“You’re a menace, you know that?” He kissed her cheek.

They sat in silence for a moment. Matty soon felt impatient and pulled out his phone.

“Memes already?” Amelia shook her head, “you’re the most unserious man I’ve ever met.”

“I- just- need something to distract me while I come down from all of this” he gestured, loosely, towards the marks she’d left all over his body. “You know I can’t sit still.”

She smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. His skin was hot, red, and he was still shaky.

“Wanna see some funny stuff?” He moved the screen to be in between them.

“Okay, but no minions. Only YOU find those funny.”

As they scrolled through, alternating between Twitter and Instagram, and giggling, they slowly found themselves stumbling over the wrong side of the internet. First, it was,

Matty Healy is ugly, racist, sexist, oh and did I mention ugly?

Then,

Matty Healy needs to stop speaking over marginalized people with his white guy “trying to help” energy. It’s giving colonialism.

Amelia rolled her eyes, interfering to scroll past, when Matty had paused to check the reply thread. But, soon enough, they stumbled upon,

The drugs that mh used to be on must have melted his brain cuz wtf is this?

“I suppose that’s enough screen time.” Matty chuckled, setting the phone down in his lap.

“Matty…”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You’re not. And that’s okay-“

“I don’t care. Whatever.”

Amelia looked down at his lap, the phone screen getting progressively dimmer. She grinned when a thought crossed her mind and picked up his phone.

“Amelia?”

Matty watched her thumbs move as she tapped the keyboard, seemingly typing something.

Matty Healy is ugly, racist, sexist, oh and did I mention ugly?

I’d make like your receding hairline and back away if I were you. You’re in no position to speak.

She smiled, satisfied, and scrolled on.

Matty Healy needs to stop speaking over marginalized people with his white you trying to help energy. It’s giving colonialism.

At least he’s helping. What’re YOU doing? Besides being an idiot on the internet, I mean.

“Jesus Christ, Amelia!” Matty attempted to claw the phone out of her grip, but she simply scooted away. “Amelia; stop!”

“What? This is a burner account right?”

“Yeah, but that’s not the point!”

She wasn’t paying attention long enough for him to make his point, she’d gone back to typing.

Here, I’ve linked the definition of colonialism for you. Maybe your Twitter brain rot will actually teach you a new word today!

The drugs that mh used to be on must have melted his brain cuz wtf is this?

Using someone’s addiction against them? Not very woke activist progressive brave of you, is it? He could outsmart you in his sleep, btw. Don’t worry about his brain. Worry about yours.

“Alright that’s enough clapping back for you, give me that phone.”

“But I’m having fun!”

It occurred to Matty that he’s much stronger, and larger, than she is. So he hovered over her, doing his best to appear intimidating. But looking into her eyes always made him weak.

“Give me that phone, Amelia.”

“Make me.”

“Alright, but you’re gonna be sorry you asked for it.”

***

Their rendezvous continued for a few more weeks. They found themselves fallen into a routine. One suggestive look, or nod, was enough to signal that it’s time to surreptitiously leave, and meet someplace private. There wasn’t a position of surface that Amelia hadn’t tried to bend Matty over, or prop him on. He was never allowed to touch. Neither himself nor her as she worked him up, bringing him to the brink of an orgasm, only to pull away when he most needed her. She’d sucked him off on her knees, taken to riding him to get herself off, and on one occasion, even tried a vibrator on the tip of his cock to keep him stimulated while tied up.

It seemed to work. At least as long as she watched him cry and beg for her, she felt certain that she had a hold on him. That she could prove it to herself. Not only that, but Matty was making progress on most days. He still had his setbacks and moments of frustration. And he would get punished for those, firmly. But he did his best to remain on track. Getting back to his routines and even attempting to eat properly. So, for all intents and purposes, this system of theirs, seemed to serve its purpose. That is, until, backstage in his dressing room, Amelia had accidentally pushed him too far.

Matty looked down at his own lap, pent up frustration bubbling within his chest. He felt his eyes sting with tears, his hazy brain, already struggling to find its bearings, began to spin. He sat back down on the couch that he and Amelia had just been lying on, his warm, naked body sticking to the leather.

“I- made a mess.” He announced, his voice filled with emotion. “I- swear I didn’t feel good. Really! But I- I couldn’t stop fast enough” He felt ridiculous for tearing up. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

Amelia turned around, concerned, not so much by what he said, but by how he’d sounded when he said it.

“Oh.” Amelia smiled, at the sight of cum dripping down his stiff dick. “Did you spill over a little bit.” She giggled.

Matty nodded, frowning.

“It’s alright. We’ll get you cleaned up. There’s a shower at the end of the hall, yeah?”

Matty didn’t seem to be listening. “I- promise I felt nothing. It didn’t feel good or anything- I still hurt. I promise. Really. Honest!”

To demonstrate how obvious it was, Amelia swiped her finger over his tip, watching him wince and shudder . “Yeah, I see that.”

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Matty. It was an accident. And it doesn’t count as a real orgasm, you didn’t get any pleasure or release out of it, so.”

When she glanced at him and saw his face, her attitude changed. “Oh, babe. You’re really upset about this, aren’t you?”

“Sorry. It’s really dumb. I just- I wanna be good. I wanna do as you tell me to.”

“You are, Matty! You’re so good. You take your punishment really well. It’s been - well, weeks. I mean, when’s the last time that you were edged like that without an orgasm at all?”

“N-never.”

“Exactly. Frankly, I’m impressed you’ve lasted this long. I haven’t exactly made it easy on you. You get what I’m saying?” She smiled at him but she could tell that he wasn’t persuaded. “Okay, why dont we wait a bit. You’ll take some deep breaths. calm down. Then we’ll go take a shower, yeah?”

Though Amelia had done and said everything to comfort him, Matty still had a nagging feeling in the back of his head that he’d fucked up. He’d nearly lost control, a difference of seconds could’ve made him a failure. His entire body felt out of control. He couldn’t get a grip all day. And it was obvious. To Amelia, at least. He wasn’t his usual, adrenalin-fueled ball of energy when working, he wasn’t making as many jokes or engaged in conversation. He moved slower, stumbled over his words more, and seemed anxious and afraid of everything.

Doing her best not to draw any attention to this change in his demeanor, Amelia tried all the subtle ways that she could think of comforting him. She remained close by, throughout the day, sitting next to him whenever possible, resting a hand on his back, bringing him food and water to make sure he wasn’t skipping any meals. She wasn’t sure if Matty had registered her attempts or understood that they were meant to reassure him, but she did it as much for her own peace of mind as for his. She hated knowing that he was disoriented and struggling. She hated knowing that it was because of something she had done to him. She couldn’t stand the fact that she’s unable to give him a hug or hold his hand right then and there without it being a major concern to everyone in the room.

So, if she couldn’t wrap her arms around him protectively and kiss all over his face, whisper reassurances into his ear, and let him know that he’s alright, she was going to settle for checking in with him throughout the day, bringing him food, refilling his water, placing a gentle hand over his arm whenever she noticed him retreating into his own head. Nobody seemed to notice the shift in her behavior, or if they did, nobody made it known. Except for Joshua.

“Is Matty okay?” He’d asked as soon as they were alone.

“What? Yeah…he’s- he’s fine. Just going through some stuff.”

Joshua made a vague humming sound that acknowledged her response as his eyebrows crossed. “He’s a good guy. Hope he feels better soon.” He held the door open for Amelia to walk through.

“Yeah…”

“Anyway, there’s a restaurant that Jamie told me about. Think we should try it while we’re in town. Wanna go out for dinner tonight?”

Amelia hated herself for what she was about to say. She hated doing this. But how could she not? “I- uhhh…can’t tonight. I think I’m gonna spend the night across the hall at Matty’s-“

“Again?!”

“I’m sorry! I know. We’ve hardly had alone time this week. But…I’m worried about him. I don’t think he should be alone right now.”

Joshua’s face dropped. “Can’t one of the boys hang out with him for a few hours?”

“I promised him that I would.” She lied.

“Right….” Joshua nodded. He took a long moment to accept his fate. “Alright then. Some other time maybe.”

Amelia felt awful letting him down. But she’d found herself in a position where she would inevitably let someone down, no matter who she chose. She reached for his hand. “I’m so sorry, Joshua. Maybe you could still go? Like with someone else?”

Joshua thought about it for a moment. “George mentioned being interested.”

“Great! I’m sure he’d love to go with you!”

He forced himself to soften and put on a smile, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah George is a cool dude. It’d be a good time.”

“Great, so, you’ll go?”

“I’ll go. With George.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

Watching him walk away, Amelia felt a knot in her stomach. What had she done?

***

“Are you going to punish me?” Matty asked, as soon as they sat on the bed.

“Punish you ? What for?”

He shifted in his place. “Well- earlier- I…”

“You didn’t break any rules, Matty. It was an accident. You get that, right?”

He nodded but rather than looking relieved, he seemed disappointed.

“Matty, look at me. What is it? What’re you thinking right now?”

“It’s just- I know it was an accident. But…it wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t perfect. And….this whole thing is supposed to be punishment for- when I fucked up and slept with someone else.”

Amelia reached an arm out, “come here for a second. Listen, remember what we said about rewards and punishments? How they’re meant to motivate you to steer away from certain things and towards others?”

He nodded

“Well, in addition to just being fun.” She winked, jokingly. “That’s why these rules only apply to things and behaviors that you can control. An accident is unintentional. You didn’t mean to. And you couldn’t have stopped it. Your body reacted reflexively. What would be the point of punishing you for that?”

Matty smiled, as a few stray tears rolled down his eyes. “Fuck. This is so silly. Why am I crying?” He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“It’s not silly. It’s okay.” Amelia held his face in her hand, pulling him to her chest. “Matty, I think…I mean, I have to ask if these aren’t subdrop symptoms? You’ve been a bit off all day.”

Matty shrugged. “Don’t know. Maybe. Could be.”

She kissed his head, slowly separating between their bodies so she could get off the bed. “Well, then, you stay there and relax. Let me take care of you.”

“You’ve been taking care of me all day-“

“So? I’ll do it all night, too.”

Her smile melted his heart. If he was being real, in one form or another, Amelia has been taking care of him for weeks. And the effort wasn’t lost on him. His gratitude was impossible to put into words. He really wanted to get better. If not for himself, then for her. So she didn’t have to feel like her support was in vain.

When Amelia jumped back on the bed, she’d brought her box of recently purchased sex toys with her, and matty felt a shiver run down his spine at the realization. What on earth was she planning to do to him tonight? The look in his eyes made her giggle. They both knew they were in for a ride.

“Gonna undress you now, okay?”

“More than okay.” He grinned.

***

“Matty?” Amelia called out his name when she felt that he was zoning out. “Have you had enough? It’s been a while. We can stop if you’re done.”

Matty shook his head. “No, no. I’m okay. Sorry I’ve gone quiet. I’m alright, though.”

She looked down at the hickeys and love bites that she’d left all over him, surveying her handiwork.

“For this next bit, you won’t be quiet, I promise you.” Her smile was almost menacing. “But first, open your mouth for me.”

Matty obeyed instantly.

“You know what to do,” she stuck her fingers into his open mouth. “Suck. Like your life depends on it. Cuz that’s the only lube you’ll be getting.”

Matty’s eyes widened as he fervently sucked on her fingers, hollowing his cheeks, gagging, tears running down his throat, and drool down his chin.

“Alright that’s it. Good enough.”

Amelia paused, admiring how beautiful he looked with his face flushed, his lips wet and pink, panting for breath.

“You did good, Matty.” She said.

Matty smiled, shyly looking away. But she could tell that he reveled in her compliment. It was kind of odd but extremely endearing to her that she could say the filthiest things to him and he wouldn’t bat an eye, but a simple word of praise flustered him endlessly. He always seemed surprised to find out that she was happy with him. It almost broke her heart.

“Ready?”

He nodded.

“You can tap out at any time, you know that, right?”

“Mhm. I- I do. Can you…erm, hold my hand? Please?”

she never knew why that was so important to him, something he asks for frequently, and often did with her even when he was the one in control. But she never questioned it. “Yeah, sure.”

She used her wet fingers to tease his hole, listening to him gasp and moan as he made a deliberate effort to stay relaxed. His hand squeezed hers when he felt her first finger slowly push its tip into him.

“Ohh fuck!” He cried out. His eyes falling shut.

“Feel okay?”

“Mhm, yeah, yeah.” He nodded enthusiastically. “Just…tight. It’s been a minute.” Blushing at his own words.

“I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

Matty seemed to grow more comfortable as she went on, slowly and cautiously pushing deeper into it him.

“Never done this on my- ohh Christ!- on my back. Before- fuckin hellll.” He whined. “F- feels- uhh…intense.”

“You wanna change positions?”

He was tempted to say yes, eager to hide his face away or get on all fours. But feeling vulnerable and exposed like this was new. He wanted to challenge himself. To take this step with her. “No, I- think I’m okay.”

“Sounds like you’re ready for a second finger.”

Matty whimpered, feeling his stiff cock twitch, his words getting caught in his throat, chest growing tight. “Oh, A- Amelia…that-“

“I love when you say my name like that.”

“I love- you- r name.”

She giggled. “Matty, honey, I don’t think you know what you’re saying at this point.”

Once satisfied that his body had adjusted,she abruptly pulled her fingers out of his asshole.

“N-no! That’s - I- why?” He complained.

“You’re so greedy, gosh.” She swatted at his chest lightly. “Because I’ve got this,” reaching over into the box and pulling out. Strap-on.

“Oh fuck.” Matty simply let out.

“As much as I would relish seeing you suck dick, I’m kind of excited to rail you until you break. So, maybe next time.” She squirted a generous glop of lube onto the toy, coating it evenly.

Matty was quickly rendered a crying, moaning, mess. Not that Amelia was bothered by it. She’d momentarily lost herself, admiring the way that he clenched around the artificial cock, the way that the you stretched him out, the way that his entire body responded to that pressure, his legs shaking, his cock bubbling with pre-cum. She slid in and out of him, listening for the beautiful sounds that came from his lips every time.

She knelt down, placing a soft kiss to his hip tattoo before holding on to both of his hips for more control and speeding up her pace.

Matty cried louder, his moans, and attempted thanks punctuated by her thrusts.

“Look at me, baby.” Amelia chuckled. He couldn’t hear her over his own voice. “Eyes on me, sweet boy.” Despite her attempts, matty seemed completely unaware of her commands. She just wanted to make sure he wasn’t too overwhelmed but she let him be.

She began to thrust harder, watching as a fresh wave of tears ran down his face. She had no idea that side of her existed, but now that it was out there, she was having a lot of fun. “Go ahead and touch yourself, Matty.” She said once his voice had disappeared from screaming.

“Really?” He attempted to speak, his throat hoarse.

“Yeah. No waiting; no pain tonight. Just pleasure.”

“You really mean that?”

She laughed. “You deserve to feel good, Matty. Go on, darling.”

Amelia watched his hand shake and slip a few times as she pushed into him forcefully. “You want me to get you off?” She offered.

“Y- yes please? Your hand feels better.”

“Flatterer.”

It didn’t take much to get him over the edge. After all, he’d been there all week.

“I can cum? Right now?”

“Cum for me.”

She watched his eyes roll to the back of his head, his entire body trembling harshly as he let go, his release strong and all-consuming. He’d attempted to thank her, but his words soon slurred, and all she heard, was a long, guttural moan.

She slowly pulled out of him, his still-quivering body ached. She heard him wince.

“Matty, love, could you turn on your side for me?”

She helped him lay on his right side before surprising him by thrusting back in. He hadn’t yet recovered from his orgasm, but he held his breath as she slid in.

“M-more?”

“Yeah. Think I’ll keep going. If you can take more.”

“I- I’ll - take whatever you want to do to me.”

“That’s sweet, baby. You’re being so good. But I’m trying to ask if you wanna stop.”

“Want whatever you want.”

She took his hand in hers, bringing it to her lips to kiss his knuckles. “You’re so beautiful.” She smiled gently. “anyway, the reason that I had you flip on your side is because I wanted to see if I could get this angle right. Let me try something.” She adjusted her hips, thrusting hard. A primal scream echoed from him. She’d found the right spot.

“Oh my godddd. Please don’t stop. Yeah, yeah, that’s it. Please, please, please…”

“What’re you begging for, baby?”

“Ohhh….i- I don’t knowww….”

She pushed the phallic toy all the way into his hole, and watched his body spasm around it.

“Sooo. Fuckin. Deep. Ohhhh. Fuckkkk.”

Matty’s toes curled.

“Wanna cum again?”

“Yeah. Yeah please can I?”

“Yeah, let go. Do it.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank youuuu.”

Matty writhed against the bed once more, his neck straining as his back arched off the mattress. He panted and strangled his own screams, but Amelia pounded harder into him, not letting up.

“Gonna go for a third.” She simply stated.

No longer able to speak, let alone protest, Matty simply nodded, before closing his eyes.

“Stay with me, Matty. You’re slipping.”

When he didn’t respond, she slapped his face lightly. “Matty, c’mon. Open those beautiful eyes, let me see you.”

He blinked up at her, slowly, and she knew he was barely present. His head too full of pleasure to process anything.

“Ride me. Go ahead and move your body. Cmon.”

after a longer response time than usual, matty mumbled “can’t. Too tired.”

“Do it, Matty. Cmon.”unwilling to deny her anything, he moved his hips slowly, with considerable difficulty. “Can’t. Too sore.”

“It’s okay, honey. It’s okay.” Was the last thing he heard her say before he blacked out. He felt her push his knees into his chest, allowing her to thrust deeper, his entire body shook as she hit him exactly where he needed most. He attempted a half-hearted beg, but she understood anyway, and gave him permission to cum. The pleasure so good, so strong, that his mind went blank, his body acting on pure instinct. Not a thought in his mind, not a word on his lips, he laid there, shaking, heavy limbed, tears down his cheeks.

Amelia spoke softly, despite the fact that she was certain he wasn’t listening. She talked him through her movements like he so often did with her. “Gonna pull out now.” And when he whimpered in discomfort, she rubbed his legs. “I know, sorry, my love.”

Moments later, she sat next to him. “Gonna just…wipe you clean, okay? Just for now. We’ll get you in the shower soon, yeah?” She moved his body around in various ways to clean him up, and he made no effort to intervene or stop her. It was eerie, a bit concerning, and she would’ve assumed that he was unconscious, if it weren’t for the way that his weak hands attempted to hold hers when she brought a blanket over to cover him with. He was wordlessly asking for a cuddle. And who is she to deny him?

Amelia laid down behind Matty, wrapping her arms around him and pushing their bodies together so his back was right against her chest. Her hands resting on his bare stomach, she would occasionally stroke that skin, or gently scratch it, trying to make sure he feels something physical to ground him.

“Matty, are you with me?”

She felt his hand squeeze hers.

“Good. You’re good, baby. Did so well. I’m glad we did this.” After a moments pause, she spoke again. “Did you feel good?”

He squeezed her hand again.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes. My love, I know that you must be so out of it right now, but I need you to rally, okay? We gotta feed you and maybe take a shower.”

Despite her preemptive words, they remained in bed for a long time. Matty’s tears kept pouring out of him, Amelia held him tighter. He didn’t seem to be able to speak, or perhaps he had nothing to say, so she tried to do the talking for him. Out of helplessness, not knowing how best to comfort him, and out of worry, that she might have hurt him in some way.

“Tonight was a lot, yeah? Three orgasms after being pent up for so long? That had to have been overwhelming.” She whispered. “But you took it so well. Know it must have been difficult. Thank you for putting yourself through that. For me. You were so good. ” She paused, her hand moved to stroke the length of his arm. “You like giving up control, don’t you? But you struggle to do it. It’s cuz you’re in your head all the time.” She kissed his shoulder. “I get it. It’s what makes you so special. But it must be exhausting. You gotta give yourself a break sometimes. And I appreciate that you do that with me. Really. I do. Don’t think that I take this lightly. I don’t. Means a lot to me.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “Just hate that this is the only way you allow yourself some release. I wish you’d be nicer to yourself.”

She felt him wriggle in her arms, slowly, and clumsily, he turned around to face her, resting his head on her chest. He mumbled a broken, hardly audible, “thank you.” With a strained voice.

“Gosh you’re making it so difficult to get up. We can’t fall asleep…”

Matty did, of course, fall asleep. He couldn’t help it. His body was drained, all out of energy, his mind had slowed to a complete halt for the first time since tour had started, he couldn’t feel his legs and he had no voice to speak. Amelia held on to him for a while, still playing with his hair, watching him sleep soundly, feeling his chest rise and fall as he breathed. It was the most peaceful he’d looked in a long time. But she had to get them both up eventually.

She peeled herself away from him, rummaging through the suite to sort all the necessities. Once she was satisfied that everything was prepared for them, she crawled back into bed next to him, kissing him awake.

“Matty, darling, wake up.” She kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry, baby, I know this is not what you want right now, but you’re gonna have a really hard time tomorrow if we don’t do this now. Don’t want you to drop and struggle all day, yeah?”

Matty’s eyes fluttered slowly, opening slightly. “Yeah.” He smiled.

She helped him sit up then handed him a glass of water and a bottle of his protein shakes that he always had on hand. “Need you to work on those okay?”

“What about you, Amelia?”

The fact that he was asking about her meant that he was slowly coming back into himself.

“I- I’m…I’ll eat later. Don’t worry about me right now.”

“We’ll share?” He offered. The gesture made her feel warm and fuzzy.

***

Steaming hot water ran down his back like a waterfall. Amelia had decided that he was too out of it to wash his own hair, so she’d hopped in the shower with him, running her fingers through his hair and lathering it with shampoo. Matty could hardly stop giggling and smiling the whole time. Especially whenever she took small breaks from washing him to leave small kisses all over his head and body.

Matty turned around, kissing her lips as steam filled their lungs and fogged up the bathroom around them.

“Thank you.” He whispered into her mouth any time that they broke, briefly, for some air.

“What do you keep thanking me for?” She laughed.

“For….just being you.”

***

Amelia placed a gentle kiss to his forehead as he slept, before tiptoeing out of the room the next morning. Even as she made her way back to her own room, she was already daydreaming about what they would do tonight, once she could come by his room again, after their long day of work.

At the other end of the hall, her boyfriend awaited. “Hi Joshua-“

“When were you going to tell me that you and Matty have slept together?” He asked, sprinting to his feet as soon as she walked in.

Amelia felt the blood run cold in her face. How did he find out? Had he seen them together somehow? They’ve been very careful. Made sure he was nowhere near them whenever they would sneak off. Perhaps not as careful as she’d thought.

“W- wha-what?” She babbled.

“I mean, I know it was before we met but I befriended the guy! Don’t you think I had a right to know?”

Amelia snapped out of her terrified daze. He doesn’t know. They have been careful. Everything’s fine. “Who told you?”

“George did. At dinner.”

“Damn you George Daniel!”

“No, no. Don’t be mad at him. He thought I already knew. He wasn’t telling on you.”

Amelia smiled, nervously, looking into his kind eyes. “Well, I- I’m sorry, Joshua. I didn’t know how to bring it up, and….you seemed to like Matty and I didn’t want to ruin that- didn’t want you to think about me and him….any time that you spoke to him.” She sighed, realizing that she’d run out of breath.

Joshua said nothing. He looked down at his girlfriend, who’d walked to sit on the end of the bed, her head held down in shame.

“Are you mad?” She asked when he wouldn’t speak.

“I- don’t know- I mean, you lied to me, Amelia. I asked you if you guys ever dated….you said almost.”

“No! No, I didn’t lie! We’ve never dated, I promise. It was just sex…I know that sounds a bit weird, but we have never been like ‘in a relationship.’”

Joshua hummed, taking in her words, studying her face. She looked genuine, she looked sorry. Like she was telling the truth.

“I guess…in a way….maybe I’m glad I just found out. Cuz, you’re right. I like Matty and…I probably wouldn’t have if you’d let me know from the start.” He forced a deliberate smile, attempting to dissolve the tension.

“So- you’re…not upset?”

“I mean…a bit disappointed but-“

“I’m so sorry!!”

“But not upset, no.”

“Do you…like…do you wanna know anything? I mean, there’s not much to know. Like I said…we weren’t dating or anything….mostly fucking.”

“ I think the less I know about that the better. For all involved.”

“So- we’re done talking about this?”

“Mhm. Unless you wanna say something?”

****

Amelia pushed the breakfast around her plate as her thoughts spun and weaved. Why did she feel a strange sense of freedom, for a small moment, when she thought Joshua had found out about her and Matty, when she pictured breaking up with him, she felt relieved. Was she a terrible person for feeling that way? Should she lean into it? Surely Joshua deserves to be with someone who doesn’t feel freed by the potential of losing him?

With considerable effort, she lifted her gaze up towards Joshua, looking him in the eyes. “Umm…Joshua?”

“Yeah?”

“I have to tell you something. There’s- we need to talk….”

He sighed, loudly, setting down his fork. “We’re breaking up aren’t we?”

***

Matty looked through the peephole to see Amelia waiting to be let in. He unlocked the door quickly, delighted by her early visit. Amelia, on the other hand, was too angry for pleasantries.

“Can I ask you something?” She tapped her foot, crossing her arms over her chest.

“‘Course.” Matty frowned, unsure of what he was about to face.

“What happened to your Fender Mustang?”

[purrplegyuu]

Cold | Choi Beomgyu

Index

Chapter four

Warnings: softie beomgyu, angst, mentions of sex, signs of abuse.

Word count: 1.3k

Taglist: @arianap23e, @haatohwa

OKOKOKOK I know you don't really like soft chapters because oc this is not a soft story, however, I think it was necessary because of the last one being soft and also because of whet do I want to show. Anyways, I promise the next chapter is not gonna be that soft. (I also wanted to say that I didn't like the beggining of this chapter T.T, but I think it gets better like at the middle?)

Let me know if you find any kind of mistake, i'm not a native speaker and this helps me so so so much ^_^

Also let me know if you want to be added to the tag list, if you want to suggest an event to happen on next chapters or if you have any question about any detail. Luv yaa (●'◡'●)

(Reblogs will be appreciated)

The boat glided smoothly over the calm surface of the lake, the rhythmic hum of the engine creating a soothing backdrop to the conversation between dad and Gaeum. As Luna landed on the other side of the lake, I noticed I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

He knows a lot about me, he knows my fears, he knows my blues, he knows at least a bit of my past, but I don’t know anything about him. And everything I think I do know, is just what I think of him, which makes me wonder if I will ever get the opportunity to listen to him talking about his own life.

We all get out of Luna easily, except for Gaeum, who seems to struggle a lot due to her height. Dad takes her hand, helping her, and even lifts her slim body when she acts scared of falling to the lake. 

I see Beomgyu’s hand tensing, his face almost annoyed at his own mother’s acting. He sits on the wood chair my dad and I did eight years ago, and I sit right beside him. 

While dad takes out of Luna all the food they packed, Gaeum fakes many attempts to try to help him, which makes him kiss her sweetly, telling her he can do it by himself. That’s her personality when dad’s around; the princess in distress.

I look at my phone for a few minutes, until all the meat and the vegetables are cooking on the grill. Everything seems so old, however −even though I haven’t come here since seven years ago−, dad kept paying someone to take care of everything, so it’s still clean and in fine fettle.

Dad sits on one of the chairs, talking about how his week went. He makes some jokes, and sometimes, some details from his story makes Gaeum and me laugh highly. He is so funny without even trying to be. 

“Why don't you like him?” I ask Beomgyu low. He turns around to face me, looking back at the grill fastly. I notice he’s ignoring my question, so I talk once again. “I don’t want you to treat him the way you always do” It’s like he's in a good mood today, which just gives me the confidence to talk firmly to him. “I don’t like your mother, and I’m not mean to her”

“I don’t like her either” His voice sounding so deep it sends shivers down my spine. I swallow hardly, turning around to see my dad looking at me.

“Are you eating, honey?”

“I’m not hungry”

When we are finally going on our way back home, I look at dad, wondering if this is a good moment to tell him about my phobia of darkness. I look at the lake in front of me, while the small waves of the water get lost where the lights of Luna ends. 

Dad starts driving Luna like he knows what’s the direction we are supposed to go, and I’d like to think he knows, because this is going to make me feel a bit less scared. 

I feel Beomgyu’s hand taking mine, giving me a comforting look. As I said Before, he knows me, he knows my fears.

Once we are at home, I can feel the anxiety decreasing on my body, finally walking on the stable land. I don’t wait for anyone to get out of Luna as well, I almost run to the house, turning on the most lights I can. It’s nine thirty p. m., and we are in the middle of nowhere—it’s obviously dark as hell, and I know if I look through the window, my fear will increase a lot, so I do not. 

I run upstairs and close my bedroom door, looking for my pyjamas in my bag, finding it fastly and putting it on. That weird but pleasurable feeling of the warm and comfortable fabric against my cold skin making me almost jump to my bed, ready to sleep. 

I always sleep before eight thirty p. m.

I take my phone, answering the messages Jiwoo sent me on the day. Nothing interesting, actually—she’s asking if I’m excited for the school trip we’re going to have next week. She says it’s special for me since it's my first one, however, it’s already getting boring to her since they always go to the same places. 

Someone knocks on my bedroom door, and I go open, thinking it’s dad telling me what time are we leaving tomorrow. However, Beomgyu’s in front of my door, wearing his emo-like pyjama, messy hair and the same weird soft and angsty aura he has since some hours ago. 

He looks at me silently, not asking before entering my room, closing the door, holding my hand and taking me to my bed.

I wait for him to kiss me, touch me, make any move before he makes me know we are going to have sex once again. Instead, he lays on my bed beside me, and rests his head on my chest, closing his eyes and falling asleep quickly. He likes to sleep at eight thirty too. 

When I feel him trembling some minutes after that, my hand goes to his head, caressing his soft hair sweetly until he’s sleeping calmly again.

This kind of softness makes me wonder why can’t we be this way always, why can’t he be this kind always, why can’t I feel like that always. 

My door suddenly opens. I see Gaeum on my door. She looks at me coldly, and I almost can feel her anger. Does it make us look guilty? We have been hiding what we have for so many time, which makes me think we are not that obvious. But our position now… I can always say we are just close enough to be friends and have sleepovers, right?...

However, I can’t even attempt to justify our position as she closes the door so strongly I startle. The silence after that just makes my anxiety increase. Until I fall asleep.

I wake up at two a. m. when Beomgyu’s phone starts ringing. He wakes up also, and I pretend to sleep, not wanting this soft moment to end. The name of his mother on his screen letting me know who is this about. He takes his phone answering the call. 

He listens to her. Then, he answers. “I don’t want to” The call ends. He looks frustrated as he looks at me one more time before getting out of his room, closing the door and walking out quietly.

The next morning, we are all in the car once again. Gaeum looked at me once in a weird way that make me feel a bit awkward. I look at Beomgyu, noticing a purple circle on his arm. Did she hurt him?

I can’t talk to him quietly like many times before because she is looking at me like she is waiting for me to do something. However, I don’t do anything. After some time travelling, she looks at me through the mirror.

“Jeongseo, do you have a boyfriend?” I frown awkwardly, turning to see Beomgyu, who looks at her weirdly. I almost feel like he would yell at her, and tell her to shut up if he wasn’t… scared?

“Am… no?” I answer. My dad looks at Gaeum like she’s doing something kind or something.

“Aw love, are you trying to get along with Jeongseo? That’s so nice!” But I notice this is definitely not her purpose. “I’m sure you’re going to be like real mother and daughter soon” I look Beomgyu one more time, but everything I see now is coldness.

[yeowangies]

Blood Stains

CHAPTER I: You swim in that?

❧

PAIRING: Raditz/Reader RATING: Mature CONTENTS: Attempt at Humor, Canon Divergence AU, POV Alternating, Slow Burn. WARNINGS: None. WORDCOUNT: 2689

Summary:

His line of thought gets interrupted when Raditz notices the human female walking out of the house. You’re just wearing a swimsuit after all, and he can’t help but stare for a solid minute, taking in your entire body wearing such flimsy clothes. You seem just as taken aback as he is, clearly more puzzled by his presence though. 

He feels his face get hot, he knows he must be blushing. 

Raditz understands now what Kakarot has been doing all this time on this goddamn planet.

Notes:

This fic started with the funny premise on the summary and it grew long arms and long legs and it's now an incredibly long fic, with more or less 10 chapters. I also wrote this to be a contrast to my other fic Close Encounter, hence the slow burn tag.

I already wrote this up to chapter 8 or so, so I still have some things left to write, but I'm gonna update this regularly.

The contents and warnings will change for each chapter so look out for those!

“Is Goku coming then?” You ask, stepping down from Bulma’s hover car as you walk over to Kame House. 

“Master Roshi invited him so I’m guessing he is…” Bulma says, walking in front of you to get to the door.

“It’s been such a while since we last saw him…” You murmur to yourself.

Five years since the last Tournament and since Goku took off with his new bride. Sometimes it’s still hard to comprehend he got engaged so fast, you couldn’t wait to ask him about marriage life; he tied the knot so young, he was probably surprised by the experience.

You greet Krillin and Master Roshi after not seeing either one of them for years (and Roshi gets bonked in the head, courtesy of Bulma, because of an inappropriate joke). It’s easy to fall into the dynamic you always had; Bulma keeps complaining about Yamcha, like she always does, making you roll your eyes (the poor guy doesn’t deserve it), and Krillin silently judges her for being so dramatic, which makes you laugh. 

A sunny day is expected, and so far it has been like that, so you quickly excuse yourself to get changed into your pink swimsuit, wanting to take advantage of the weather and sunbathe a little.

Goku arrives immediately afterwards, and your mouth drops open when he brings his four year old son along with him.

*

Raditz could not believe the state of this planet. Kakarot was supposed to eliminate its population, wasn’t he?

If it wasn’t for his scouter signaling some high power levels around, he would have thought his brother was annihilated by these weaklings. But that couldn’t be it. He’s a Saiyan, even as a child, it should have been enough power for him to get rid of this plague in a month or so. He has already encountered that green man earlier, he doesn’t want to assume that such a weak bug would have eliminated him.

What happened then?!

“Fuck you, Kakarot, you had one simple mission…” He grumbles, flying at high speed towards the location his scouter is pointing him to.

The high power is moving rapidly, and Raditz smirks when it suddenly stops. Kakarot is going to get an earful and a beating too, for good measure, and he speeds up to get to his destination so he can finally know what’s happening. 

He lands roughly on a beach of a small island with a pink house. And there he is, his own brother, easy to recognize because he looks so much like their father, surrounded by three humans. Kakarot looks bewildered, staring at him with his mouth hanging open. Raditz frowns, extremely annoyed. He is willingly hanging out with this species?

“Kakarot! What’s with the condition of this planet?!” He practically yells, exasperated when Kakarot looks even more confused by his every word. “Your mission was to exterminate this species! What game have you been-”

His line of thought gets interrupted when Raditz notices the human female walking out of the house. You’re just wearing a swimsuit after all, and he can’t help but stare for a solid minute, taking in your entire body wearing such flimsy clothes. You seem just as taken aback as he is, clearly more puzzled by his presence though. 

He feels his face get hot, he knows he must be blushing. 

Raditz understands now what Kakarot has been doing all this time on this goddamn planet.

“What’s going on?” You ask, looking at Kakarot and the other humans. They seem just as intrigued by your presence and his reaction at your appearance, with the way they keep glancing back and forth. “Who’s that?”

“I would like to know that too!” Kakarot spits, still in a defensive stance.

But Raditz isn’t paying him any mind. He keeps staring at you, perplexed and stunned. Do all human females wear those clothes?! He hasn’t noticed it on his way here, and even the other woman on the island isn’t wearing anything that revealing. 

It isn’t just the attire, however. The clothes are distracting enough, but you are attractive. Enough to make him forget about why he’s there in the first place.

You blink a couple of times, clueless, before turning your eyes towards the other humans beside you.

“Can someone tell me what on Earth is happening?”

Raditz snaps out of his own head at your question, shaking his head slightly, just in time when the little bald Earthling approaches him. He has to focus, he’s there for a reason; to get Kakarot back so he joins their group. Distractions are not allowed; he can’t fail a mission this simple, it’s literally a piece of cake, and no female will distract him from it, no matter how alluring they are. 

*

It has been a shock to find out that Goku has a brother, but it’s even more startling that he’s an alien. It makes sense in retrospect, but it’s not like a lot of people would have gotten to that conclusion with certainty. 

Raditz stared at you the moment he saw you, and you figured it had a lot to do with the swimsuit you were wearing. Which was hilarious, but you were too concerned about Gohan being kidnapped and Goku going after him to laugh about it at that time. Only Bulma cracked a joke, and you rolled your eyes, blushing a bit but brushing off her comment. You did notice he’s attractive, but the fact that he was violent and threatening Goku and this planet preoccupied your mind. 

Now, however, you’re looking at his face as he lays unconscious on a very high-tech hospital bed at Bulma’s house, in one of its many rooms, connected by cables to computers and monitors. Goku insisted before dying that his brother stays alive, and no one refused him (Piccolo did try to talk him out of it, but it was futile). And if you were honest, you didn’t want him to die either, for reasons probably just as selfish as Goku’s. You’re glad everyone complied; Bulma knew you well enough to let you monitor him on your own without questions, so you got to see him everyday. Unconscious, but you count your blessings. You got to stare at his handsome face and even his toned chest too, even though most of his torso was covered in bandages; but now you want to hear him talk, even if he goes back to threatening the Earth or something. 

It has been a week since Raditz has been like that, he did lost a lot of blood after all. But even you know he’s healing abnormally fast. Any human could have died from that injury, but he hadn’t. And his superficial wounds are long gone. A Saiyan, that’s what Goku and Raditz were. You still can’t wrap your head around it.

You’re on the verge of dozing off one day when you hear the sheets shuffle slightly. You practically jump from your seat to approach his bed, staring at him to see if he wakes up. Raditz does wake up, sitting up abruptly as soon as he opens his eyes, making you yelp loudly. 

“You scared me!” You practically yell at him, clutching your chest.

He stares at you with wide eyes, panting, as he calms himself down slowly. You hope he remembers meeting you before, because he certainly seemed intrigued back then, and you hope that’s enough reason for him not to attack you. You’re just a human after all, even in his state, he could harm you if he wanted to.

“You’re that girl with the skimpy clothes…” He finally says, eyeing you up and down slowly.

“Huh?” You gape at him momentarily before you understand what he means. “Oh, my swimsuit you mean?”

“Your swimsuit? You swim in that?”

“Yes, that’s what it’s made-”

“Is all your species this indecent?”

“Woah, hey! You’re alive because of us, you know?”

Raditz groans, obviously in pain, and you immediately shut your mouth. 

“Are you in pain? You should lay back down.”

“Where am I?” He asks, ignoring your words.

“This is my friend’s house. We-”

“Why am I here?”

“I-”

“And what are you doing here?”

“Maybe you should let me speak?” You ask, a little annoyed at this point. He stares at you, and you take his silence as a signal to go on. “You were bleeding pretty badly after your fight with Goku and Piccolo, so we brought you here. We did our best to help you heal, but it’s going to take a while until you’re better. I’ve been checking in on you every day, you’ve been passed out for a week.”

He doesn’t look pleased at all, but he doesn’t look like he’s going to strangle you either, so you take it as a win. He frowns deeply, inspecting all the bandages in his body, wincing when he twists his body in certain ways.

“Raditz, that’s your name, right?” 

You remember it perfectly, but maybe asking him about it would mellow him out a bit. He doesn’t reply, so you take the opportunity to introduce yourself. He only looks at you curiously, clearly in a defensive stance (or as defensive as he can be in his state). 

“You should rest. Are you hungry? I can have food brought in.”

“Aren’t you my brother’s ally?”

“Yeah, I am, why?”

“I could kill you right now.”

“Ok? Why are you telling me that?” You frown.

“Why are you helping me?” He practically growls. He does look menacing due to how big he is, but he also looks in pain. 

“Why not?” You shrug. “You don’t remember what happened before you passed out?”

Raditz doesn’t reply, but he continues to glare at you. He must not remember; it would make sense since he was bleeding a lot before he fainted. He wouldn’t remember that Goku asked you to keep him alive because he didn’t want to kill him. 

*

When Raditz woke up in that bed in what looked like some kind of hospital room and you were right in front of him, he didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse. You were distracting enough, he didn’t have time to entertain himself with an earthling.

The second thing he felt once awake was pain. His entire torso ached, and that’s when he noticed the bandages. You told him that he was bleeding profoundly, but he barely remembers that. 

Why are you even helping him? He’s your enemy after all. He knows he’s weak in his current state, and without the healing tanks, he’s going to take a little longer to heal, but Saiyans still recover pretty fast compared to other species. He could wait a week, or even a month, and kill you then. Why are you taking the risk?

Raditz doesn’t remember what happened with that green guy and his brother. Is Kakarot dead? It would be safe to assume that he is, he does remember almost being hit directly by that powerful beam, but his brother did get hit. But even if he’s dead, he can’t deal with his companion in his current state. 

Which leads him again to the question of why he’s even alive. The memories of the last couple of minutes in that last fight are fuzzy. Surely that guy wouldn’t have let him go that easily, he is a threat to this planet after all. 

Raditz groans loudly, rubbing his temples. He might have to ask you about it, but he’s not sure he can trust you yet. As captivating as you are. 

“Are you in pain?” You ask him when you enter the room the next morning after he wakes up. “Since you’re not human, I’m not sure how many painkillers we can give you.”

“Tell me what happened before I passed out.” 

He ignores every word you said, and that seems to bother you by the twitch in your eyebrow and the slight pout on your lips. Which is rather cute, he has to admit. 

“Ask nicely and maybe I’ll tell you.”

“Do I have to remind you again that I can kill you?”

“Yeah well, do it then.”

Arching an eyebrow, Raditz scoffs. 

Threatening to kill you is a bad idea, simply because he knows he doesn’t want to. But since you’re daring him to do so… he should do it, right? Why would he care if you live or die, this planet is doomed anyway.

You smile at him, like you know he won’t lift a finger to touch you, and it pisses him off a little. A part of him, however, likes your attitude. He won’t ever say it out loud, though. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not withholding information from you on purpose. I just want you to be nice to me, that’s all.”

“I’m not nice.”

“I can tell.” You roll your eyes playfully. “But you can try. After all, I've been taking care of you from the beginning.”

“God knows why you’re stupid enough to do that.”

His words do make you angry this time, your face twisting in a way he hasn’t seen yet, and he smirks proudly. His provocation worked this time.

“We’re not all homicidal maniac aliens, okay?! I was hoping you’d wake up from your coma soon, but I didn’t think you’d be this rude!”

“You were hoping I’d wake up?” Raditz snorts loudly, not even containing his laughter. “Are you insane, girl?”

“Yes, I’m crazy enough to want to talk to you!” 

“Why?”

“Because I think you’re handsome, dumbass!”

Raditz balks, taken aback by your words, and he soon feels his face heat up. Just like that first time he saw you. You still stare at him with ire in your eyes, your first turned into balls by your sides. He’s not even sure what to say, but making you angry had been a terrible idea; not only did you confess to finding him attractive, but you also look incredibly more appealing than usual now that anger is adorning your features. And he doesn’t know what to do in this situation. 

“So I think the best thing you can do is be nice to me.” Luckily for him, you go on speaking after a beat, still clearly annoyed, but a little calmer. 

At a loss for words, Raditz looks elsewhere so you won’t notice the blush on his cheeks. When you turn to ask for breakfast through the phone, he briefly looks your way, and notices how red the tip of your ears are. At least he’s not the only one who's embarrassed. You usually hang around the room with him, even if he’s not necessarily a conversational wonder, but this situation must have made you feel embarrassed because you leave the room shortly after requesting for food. 

He dwells on your words now that he’s alone. You thought he was handsome, now what? He does find you attractive, it must have been obvious by the way he stared at you the moment you met, as embarrassing as it was. He never had to chase after a woman before, so he’s not sure what to do. What are Earth courting customs anyway? For what he vaguely remembers about his own people, courtship usually involved offering a trophy, like an animal hunted for solely that purpose. But that was a mating proposal. This isn’t mating. He just wants to fuck you.

The first thing he should do is get used to standing on his feet without twisting in pain before considering doing any other kind of straining activity. Saiyans heal fast, but getting to that point is going to take a while. 

Raditz grunts, sinking into the bed. How stupid is he? He shouldn’t even consider any of this. Nappa and Vegeta are coming to Earth. He remembers them sharing that information with him through his scouter…

Fuck, what even happened to his scouter? He’s going to have to ask you about it. 

For some reason, he remembers feeling intense fury before passing out, when Nappa and Vegeta were talking to him. But he doesn’t exactly remember the reason.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. Hi there was a fic where wy gets his old body back.

Juniors (sizhui and jingyi i think) finds lwj and wy(in his old body, not mxy body) being lovey dovey, and thinks lwj is cheating on wy.

Then jiang cheng comes and shouts "wei wuxian" and the juniors look n see a stranger (old body wy)

In the end the misunderstandings clear up.

Help me find this please?

#1 on the latest fic finder, thanks but 'saw my life in a stranger's face' is not the fic i was looking for. The fic I'm looking for is lighthearted and funny. It also has the juniors' POV

(I feel like I've read this, did JC show up after the misunderstanding is cleared up because JL wrote him a letter as a back up plan and didn't have time to send another? - Mod C)

NOT FOUND! Saw My Life in a Stranger's Face by timetoboldlygo (T, 27k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Married Life, Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, wwx's face changes post-canon to look like his original face, Slight Panic Attack, because lwj doesn't recognize his husband, the mortifying ordeal of not knowing your own body, the terrifying inevitability of change, taller!wwx theory)

FOUND! voyeurs make the worst spies by BeStillMySlashyHeart (T, 1k, WangXian, POV Outsider, Reunions, Body Swap, does not contain cheating just the perception of it) (this wasn't the fic I was originally thinking of but I think it might fit better? - Mod C)

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2. Hi I'm looking for a fic where it's modern au setting. I think it's lan zhan's birthday and wei ying tries to bake him a cake but it's a disaster. So lan zhan helps him and it's like some hot hands on baking lesson with extra whipped cream?!

I saw a post about it on Tumblr and now I've lost it! It was sweet and sexy and damn I wish I had it saved.

FOUND! A Piece Of Cake by NinjaKK (M, 4k, WangXian, Modern AU, Married Couple, Married Life, Traditions, LWJ's BirthdayBad Cooking, Baking, Birthday Cake, Cooking Lessons, Soft WangXian, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Bliss, Birthday Party, Suffering LQR, LQR Is So Done, Whipped Cream, Fluff, Established Relationship, Attempt at Humor)

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3. Hello I'm looking for a fic: I think it was a thread fic for Dark LZ Weekend. It had postcanon WY waking up to a dark LZ who'd travelled from a parallel universe (I think). He traps the real LZ in his original timeline, and tries to take over his life. WY ofc realises immediately but doesn't want to hurt him because it is revealed that the dark Lan Zhan has time travelled from the 13 year period of WY's death. He had just been punished with the whip strikes and the grief of losing WY had turned him desperate.

Your blog is simply amazing btw. Thank You for all the effort 🥺 @shenmiao98

FOUND? This Twitter thread by sweetlolixo

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4. hi! this is for the next fic finder! wwx lives in a cottage by himself and lwj moves next door! at first lwj is upset because he moved there to be alone! they plant and go get water together. sometimes lwj drives into the city but wwx always stays on the cottage. theres this cat that was abandoned and wwx adopted them. lwj moved to the cottage because lxc was kidnapped once and lwj never recovered from that. wwx was in a car acident with jyl and things happened and he moved to live by himself

FOUND? tessellate by mellowflicker (T, 18k, wangxian, modern, cottagecorem hurt/comfort, domesticity, touch-starved, happy ending)

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5. Hey, I’m not sure if this is correct but I’ve been googling and trying to find this fic I once read with all kinds of tag combinations on AO3 so hopefully you’ll be willing to help me. I’m looking for this fic where something with Wei Wuxian’s summoning goes wrong (and maybe it happens a bit earlier?) and he goes to his brother like “help I’m (re)dying” and they decide that while figuring it out disguising him as a woman (and accidentally making everyone think they’re betrothed) is the best plan of action.

FOUND? ❤️ By Any Other Name by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 31k, Wangxian, Canon Divergence, Crossdressing, Misunderstandings, Identity Porn, Identity reveal, [PODFIC] By Any Other Name by sakizar)

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6. Looking for a fic here! I honestly can't remember much but there was one scene where wwx was outside a banquet hall with the juniors and he was teaching them how to dance and then lwj swoops in and they dance together, I remember it having art too! Sorry if it's not much to go on but that particular scene really cemented itself in my mind and I can't find it anymore T.T Thank you so much!

FOUND! plant a little happiness (let the roots run deep) by fleurdeliser (E, 47k, WangXian, Modern AU, Car Accidents, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Non-Explicit References to Injuries and Death, References to Addiction, Doctors & Physicians, these tags imply a much more serious story, than this actually is, Falling In Love, soft romance, background 3zun)

not FOUND Unstrictly Ballroom by Ariaste (T, 47k, WangXian, SongXiao, Modern AU, Everyone's alive, the gang defeats systemic heteronormativity, Stripper AU, competitive ballroom dance AU, really stupid misunderstandings, Yearning, Mutual Pining, the wrist grab, lwj makes a friend (who isn't wwx!), modern au but it's still set in Fantasy China (Gusu/Yiling/Lanling) rather than Real China, LWJ's pov, Erotic Handholding)

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7. Hello!! I've been trying to find a fanfic I want to read again for quite some time now, but still couldn't find it. It's a time travel fanfic in which Lwj time travels to the past. I don't remember many details, but I remember that Lwj tells him everything about the future, and at the end Wwx goes to Bssr' mountain (he was supposed to go with Lwj, but sneaked out and went alone) to destroy the stygian tiger amulet. He comes back years latter, and at the time there was a banquet being hosted by the Jiang, and Mxy was there. He sees Lwj interact with Mxy and thinks that, by going away, he lost his chance with Lwj and that Lwj rather stay with Mxy, since Mxy's body was the one Wwx was with when they married on the erased time-line. I fainty remember something about Wwx falling inside a pond after that and Lwj fishing him out.

FOUND? You, me, us. It's not a dream by vermilliondust (M, 37k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Incense Burner, Anxious LWJ, Protective LXC, Protective JYL, Hurt/Comfort, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, Bottom LWJ, mostly, Crying During Sex, bed sharing, Cuddling & Snuggling)

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8. hi, so im looking for a post canon fic where out in the middle of no where wwx hears a baby animal crying (i think from an abandoned building) and goes to help it, and only after cleaning it up realizes it's an itty bitty puppy (like almost new born?) and he FREAKS. but it's also helpless and he doesn't want to leave it to die. thus ensues him trying to raise puppy without touching puppy. it later becomes only good dog. and he has angst over parallels to his childhood & no wanting to b like yzy

FOUND? Imprints by Lisa_Telramor (G, 47k, wangxian, post-canon, humor, panic attacks, phobia recovery, poor life choices, JC & WWX reconciliation, dogs)

FOUND? Rabbit Heart by Suaine (M, 56k, WangXian, Family Issues, Sexual Content)

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9. Hello I’m looking for a fic I read and can’t find, it started something like, wei ying is drink wine looking out the second story window of the shop/inn and watching the people when he see a Lan walking by and when he get closer he realizes it’s Lan zhan. I don’t remember how but LWJ ends up in the room with him and WXX drunkenly accidentally tells about his core/burial mounds(I think it’s both ) Lan zhan tells him he will help him, that he loves him, and holds him while WXX breaks down crying

FOUND? Talking is Better than Silence by KuroiWrites (blackcatkuroi) (T, 264k, WangXian, Communication, Fluff and Angst, What-If, Canon Divergence, Resentful Energy is a Thing, Musical Cultivation gets Center Stage, Honesty, Myth Making in Action, Soulmates, Cultivation Healing is Expanded)

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10. Hello, i'm trying to find a fic where mdzs characters is famous people in modern era. Lwj, who is drunk, tweet something that implies he likes someone for years. His fans then trying to find who is the person that Lwj love. The candidate is Nhs, Wwx, and Wn. Nhs, who is a shit stirrer, drop some hint. Wwx believe the person that Lwj loves is Nhs. Yhere is a talk between Nhs and Wwx a day before Lwj and Wwx date. I think there was a wedding at the end of the story? I'm not sure about that part. Thank you!!! (Can't remember the name but I remember the tweet started with something like "some of you haven't -something something- and it shows" right? - Mod C)

FOUND! Some of You by tangerinechar (M, 60k, wangxian, modern, social media, actor au, pining, fluff, love confessions, matchmaking, light angst)

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11. Hii!! I'm looking for a fic where lan Wangji time travels to future or some modern universe where wei Ying has been...?! There is a dialogue lwj used like...."where am I " Yeah I don't know the full summary of the fic please find the fic for me !!!!! @certainsoulcoffee

FOUND? take me back to a time by DizziDreams (T, 143k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Modern with Magic, Time Travel, Sharing a Bed, Fish out of Water, Man Out of Time, Angst with a Happy Ending, Student!WWX, Time-Traveling Wizard!LWJ, Slow Burn, reference to abuse, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Abuse, Canon!LWJ, Mutual Pining, Chronic Illness, Not A Fix-It, Transmigration, America)

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12. Hi, I was looking for a Wangxian fic to reread on AO3, but I can´t find it anymore. It´s about Wei Wuxian trying to attend a celebration at Koi Tower (probably Jin Ling´s One Month celebration) and dressing up as a Lady to do it. He uses the name Ying, Yingying or Ning. On the way in he meets Lan Wangji who agrees to help and pretends Wei Wuxian is his wheelchair-bound wife. The Jiang siblings are there too (obviously). It´s not in your great pretenders list (although it would fit)... If you could help me find it again I would be very gratefull.

FOUND! My Leaves Reach Ever for the Sun by nonplussed (T, 26k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fix-It, Crossdressing, Idiots in Love, Sharing a Bed, Happy Ending, Mutual Pining)

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13. Hi! ❤️ I’m looking for a fic where Lan Zhan is in seclusion in the CR. Wei Ying visits periodically but always leaves. Lan Zhan slowly turns all the bodies of his clan into puppets. Wei Ying comes back and runs into Lan Zhan’s puppet mother and wants to leave again. Lan Zhans mom tells him about it and he turns Wei Ying into a puppet. The fic ends with JC coming looking for Wei Ying but Lan Zhan doesn’t let him in. Thank you so much!! It’s a great fic but I just can’t find it again.

FOUND? this twisted blood red thread of fate by HeavenlySkyfarer (E, 11k, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, obsession, unhealthy relationships, body horror, dark LWJ, dollification, marionettes, musical cultivation, DL:DR)

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14. Hey can you find a fic were wei wuxian finds himself in a modern cultivation world and meets lan zhan grandson. Said grandson goes on to rant about his grandpa being with a twink on the internt. Thanks!

FOUND? YEYE NONCONNED A TWINK?!?!?! (How Lan Wangji's Vent Account Became Twitter Famous) by Pancho (M, 7k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, post-first siege of burial mounds, violence, blood, dub con, implied/referenced character death, crack treated seriously, PTSD, happy ending)

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15. Hello! I am looking for the wangxian fic where Jin Ling wants to formally court Lan Sizhui. He asks wei wuxian and then asks for his help to talk to lan zhan. I know I’m the fic wei wuxian wears gusu robes during a conference and acts like the best version of a lan wife. Thank you in advance!!

Hi! I am number 15 on today’s list. The Fic listed wasn’t the fic I was looking for, but I really enjoyed reading it.

NOT FOUND! A Civil Combpaign by Ariaste (T, 19k, JL/LSZ, wangxian, arranged marriage, courting, teenage drama, humor)

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16. hello! i can't stop thinking about these (a bit vague) scenes from wangxian fics. could you help me find a fic where A) wei ying falls asleep as he waits for lan zhan outside the jingshi. i think it specified that he fell asleep on the porch? B) a fic where wei ying stays in the jingshi to recover his wounds, lan zhan braids his hair. lan xichen visits and cautions lan zhan or wei ying to be careful of his brother's heart. i am not sure if these scenes are found in the same fic. thank you!

16A)

FOUND? Far Away You Are by cqlorphan (E, 17k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Misunderstandings, cleared up by juniors ensemble, Explicit Consent, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, but i'm sure they switch about it, Multiple Orgasms, Fluff and Smut, with a little angst. as a treat) happens at the end of chapter 2

16B)

FOUND! This Tornado Loves You by etymologyplayground (T, 8k, WangXian, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, Canon Divergence, Family, Humor) sounds like, although it's hair brushing, not braiding. i think 16(1) is a different fic that i've read but i can't find it. if it helps, i think in that one sizhui is the one to wake wwx up bc wwx notices someone standing over him?

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17. Hi! I’m hoping someone can help me find a fic I read on AO3. At some point in it, Wei Wuxian is ambushed on the way to Jin Ling’s first month celebration but he has A-Yuan with him. He tosses A-Yuan in the air and he’s engulfed in a cloud of resentful energy which transports him to safety. He ends up in Koi Tower falling into Lan Xichen’s arms and tells everyone what’s going on… @animeobbsessed​

FOUND? Even If It Breaks Time by WhiteSoul (T, 178k, wangxian, LXC/JC, angst w/ happy ending, time travel fix-it, reconciliation, hurt WWX, OP WWX, fighting against time, blood & injury)

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18. Hiii i need help in finding a fanfic

So i remeber that the fic starts with the author telling us that wei ying and lan zhan are happy after everything that happened and wei ying is trying to cultivate his golden core but wei yings core is not strong enough so that he can cultivate to imortality. Lan zhan decides that he does not want to live eternaly and he ages with wei ying. Lan zhan is sharing his spiritual energy with wei ying and this way he ie sustaining the both of them until he finally runs out of it and one day they lay in bed and they die together in the jingshi. Next thing you know they wake up in the past and i think this fic is a time travel fix it or just a time travel one i cant remeber anything else. I know i read it on AO3. Please help. @dacika98

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19. I'm looking for a modern au where Xichen finds Wei Wuxian sleeping on top of Wangji because Madame Yu kicked him out. I think that Wei Ying moves in with them. Yanli was called at one point. Thank you so much. @jezabelisnotawhore

FOUND? Found Family by fyredancer (T, 10k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fluff, Getting Together, POV Outsider, Dysfunctional Family, Coming Out, Bad Parenting, Protective Older Brothers, Protective Siblings)

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20. hello! can this be in the next fic finder? lwj is a college professor know to be cold and very sexy. I think we and wwx are T.A.s from another department. wwx and lwj met online and have a lot of sex online too, but they don't know each others identity! but lwj finds out when wwx goes to lwjs department to print some documents @yourefinallysafefromshialabeouf

FOUND? Take All of Me by Anna-domini (Memoryboard) (E, 22k, WangXian, Modern AU, Modern: No Powers, Porn With Plot, Identity Reveal, Sexting, Phone Sex, Nude Photos, Dirty Talking LWJ, mentioned and vaguely implied WWX/others and LWJ/others, Praise Kink, Dom/sub Undertones, Butt Plugs, Getting Together, Fluff and Smut, Exhibitionism, Professors, Anal Sex, Online Relationship, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Multiple Orgasms)

~*~

[dumbassdep]

WIP Whenever and Picrew

I was tagged to do this picrew by @inafieldofdaisies and in WIP Wednesday by @cassietrn and I've squished them together by throwing in little unreleased lore snippets instead of a real WIP cause I can't concentrate for more than 100 words of actual writing 😂

I'm tagging @deputyash @strangefable @chazz-anova and you if you'd like it. I feel like I'm forgetting someone off the usual tag list I'm having a very faded brain day I'm sorry 😭

Melody pre and post joining Eden's gate. Miserable Junior Deputy version to denied of her hair dye but happier version!

Melody's little lore dump is that the bandage I include in her Eden's Gate versions is from an assassination attempt at her "hey look the Deputy is ours now!" cult reveal. A whitetail milita member who'd been undercover took it upon themselves to try to cut her throat as revenge for Eli but fortunately murder isn't an easy thing to do for most people and hesitation kept them from cutting deep enough.

Once Melody recovers she's outraged over it, she feels like the whole time she was with the resistance she tried her hardest to be honourable and give her adversaries the chance to walk away so assassination??? That's dirty and rude and it makes her more sure she's made the right choice defecting.

Delusional girlie moment. 🥰

Birdie, my darling! Usual face and also in disguise cause it's funny to me.

Her lore is sometimes a bit nebulous because I'm just daydreaming but the one thing she does have is that she's a conman. Trelawney takes her under his wing after finding her badly pulling her own little scams. He introduces her to the Van Der Linde gang and they're mostly on friendly terms but she doesn't permanently run with them.

Also! Second Birdie fact cause I don't get to talk about her much. The scar on her face happened during a bar brawl just before she turned 17. She'd been at the bar with a ranch-hand/cowboy she was teenage girl obsessed with, and he was an actual adult who just thought of her as a little sister. 😂 He tried to pull her out when the fight started but she got slashed with a broken bottle. Scarred her up quite badly but it does help with making stinky old men take her a little more seriously, makes her look mean. Sort of.

[pumpumdemsugah]

I remember what you said about more young people falling for scams and I feel like a lot of people on here uncritically reblog or 'signal boost' scam posts with no thought at all, especially when it's disguised as mutual aid, but are still shady (reposted images, blog only a few days old, and such). And if you say anything about it, they get really defensive or accuse you of being classist or phobic and trying to stifle mutual aid. Just for trying to warn people on what to look out for.

A while ago a friend randomly sent me screenshots about a gofundme she thought was a scam and wanted my input. The funny thing about it was this blog had managed to get a lot of notes but they were only every active to reblog the most random fanart then silently boost their fundraising attempt

The tell tells for a scammy post:

New blog with a couple of posts

New blog with a couple of posts from the most random fandoms and it's typically fanart that are tagged generically enough that you'd find it without knowing the name of the show

Weird wording that's somehow knowledgeable of all the buzzwords and common phrases you see on signal boost posts but with really oddly worded English

Reblogs from other brand new blogs so it looks legitimate. Lots of people come on here to reblog pics then dip but usually their blog isn't 2 months old

No connection to any other Tumblrs that will now and again make personal posts

Sometimes people will make a Tumblr cause they lost their old one and want to start posting again but usually they will have personal posts or make comments under reblogs because it's an actual person

Also no updates under the post about how much was raised or ' yeah I got a job' just reblogs and some canned response

Lack of information

Any combo of these

The strangest thing is when I do see people reblog obvious scams and they tag that they think it's one. You can pretend you don't see it if it really makes you feel bad lol

I'm saying this as someone that has signed up to charity appeals from people that ask in the street because I'm very sappy and hate hearing about suffering. I get feeling bad but you can feel bad and close your eyes and scroll right past lol

[invisiblegarters]

Hidden Agenda Ep 3

Time for real dating that Joke badly disguises as fake dating shenanigans! I am here for it.

Is it just me, or are a lot of GMM boys lefties? I started noticing it in Enchante and now my head just won't stop noting all the left handed writers (although I guess in Enchante it could have just been for the "mystery").

Ah, posture training. I remember that not so fondly. Although I will say I am grateful for it. I may not sit with the best posture anymore (I tend to pretzel), but I do walk well. And thankfully the person who taught me wasn't whacking me with a giant stick.

Shopping date!

"Fashion isn't about price tags; it's about taste." True, actually, but also. Sometimes your taste exceeds your means.

Aw Joke full on lost his breath for a second there. I don't think Zo looks particularly gorgeous in this outfit but who am I to judge, really? I'm not the one with the giant crush.

I also feel like comfort does have something to do with it. I am making no claims to being the arbiter of taste, but I do feel like if someone feels self-conscious in a thing it will detract from how good they look because they will keep doing things like tugging at their clothes, etc.

Well look at that handsome dude. I love how both of his friends' jaws drop like "who is this person and what have you done with the old one?" But it's a good look on him.

And yes, Pat totally knows about Joke's crush. No way he'd be reacting that way if he didn't. He knows and he's rooting for Joke, for whatever reason. I wonder if we'll get more background on that later.

Fine tune the details indeed. This is totally a date that Joke is going to pretend isn't a date.

Yep this is a date. Zo is not going to cotton on to the fact that it's a date, but it's a date.

The restaurant is pretty. The date advice isn't bad but also, it's still good to think about what she might like. I think that it was sweet that he tried to think of somewhere Nita would be interested in going, but one thing that neither of them are considering is that he could always ask where she wants to eat.

This poor smitten boy. He's so far gone he keeps losing his breath and Zo's just here like "you okay, friend?"

"All due respect to Aphrodite, but she was stupid. I would never leave someone I loved alone like that."

Is that not what he said?

THE PINKIE THING I CAN'T. It's so good. Look, I adore the longing looks and the stares and the way that Joke keeps trying to be cool and failing utterly, but the pinkie thing is so deliciously subtle and just rocked Zo's world completely off of its axis. It basically drop kicked him out of his all too comfortable oblivion and straight into awareness. That there's been something between him and Joke this whole time I think is obvious, but now he's finally aware of it, at least on his side. And Joke is so obvious I doubt it will take Zo long to pick up what he's putting down, now that he is primed to look for it. Primed to want to look for it. Plus there's just something about a soft touch that speaks of repressed longing that does it for me.

Laughing forever at Zo's attempt to try to recreate the atmosphere he had with Joke with Nita, and her reaction. My kind of girl, honestly. Nita is not the hopeless romantic that you think, Zo. That one is a little closer to home.

"All this random reading is fine and all but uh, aren't we here to do an assignment?" NITA. I love her.

Okay Joke is such a liar about not feeling fluttery feelings when he has a crush. But his attempts to comfort Zo are actually really sweet. His offended little look when Zo shoves his hand off of his shoulder is funny.

Now they're going on another date. I am pretty sure Joke has decided to drop subtlety completely at this point.

Part of me does have to wonder, though. The whole thing is about hidden agendas, and as much fun as it's been to watch Joke completely fail to keep his interest in Zo a secret, I can't help but think that maybe we haven't gotten everything.

Then again, maybe we have. Who even knows, really. It could just be pure fluff. I would not be upset about it at this point (although it will make me wish harder than ever that this were airing alongside a more dramatic offering from GMM, since the fact that I seem to be in the mood for it means that it would be the perfect thing to cut the angst I expect from stuff like Dangerous Romance or Only Friends. I love angst but even I need a palate cleanser on occasion), but I do wonder,

[apoptoses]

Where I’m Bound

Lestat/Armand 4.3k Explicit pure fluff/moving in together/theater kids in love/questionable uses of the blood/really really sappy/do not enter if you don’t want your teeth to rot

Also on Ao3

“Absolutely not,” Armand said.

Lestat sat sprawled in an electric yellow armchair, patting his lap shamelessly in attempt to get Armand to join him. Going to the IKEA outside Paris was his idea, of course. They’d signed the final paperwork on their apartment earlier that week, and the moment the keys had been sent over to Auvergne he’d packed Armand into the car and demanded they go shopping.

An idea that was all well and good in theory. Armand just hadn’t counted on being taken to a labyrinth of a big box store; a place filled with the kind of Scandinavian minimalism his old world tastes were entirely at odds with. Like the chair. It was eye-searing, at best. Between the glare of the fluorescent lights and the contrast of Lestat’s unnaturally pale hands on the arm rests, the yellow fabric practically glowed.

Armand put his hands in the pockets of the leather jacket he wore- Lestat’s jacket, he’d been rushed out the door so quickly he hadn’t had a chance to go up to his rooms and get his own- and arched his brow. “Lestat, we are in public,” he said.

Not that he’d ever shrunken from public displays of affection before. Daniel would attest to that fact. It was just that he so very much enjoyed making Lestat bicker with him first.

“And? We’re head over heels and shopping for our first home together, like all the rest of the couples here,” Lestat insisted. “Live a little, chéri. Don’t make me beg.”

Nearby a couple sat down on a bed together. Hands joined, they fell back among the pillows and laughed.

They were thinking about how the bed would look in their home, about a petty fight they’d had that morning. The young woman wondered if it would make up for shouting at her lover if she compromised and agreed to purchase the blanket she disliked. It wouldn’t match anything they owned but the smile she would get for it…

They weren’t so different from them at all, Armand supposed. Sometimes the centuries weighed upon him so much that he forgot how young he and Lestat really were.

But then they’d hardly gotten to be adolescents, not really. They’d had their earliest relationships swept out from under them, and then the centuries had taken their toll on them both. When was the last time Armand had lightened up and acted his mortal age? Surely it had been decades.

Well. It was better late than never, he supposed.

Unable to give up their game of push and pull that easily, Armand gave a put upon sigh as he dropped down onto Lestat’s thighs. “I’ll have you beg but not here,” he said and linked his hands at the back of Lestat’s neck. “It’s a terribly narrow chair, isn’t it? There’s hardly room for us both.”

Lestat’s grin was smug. He wrapped his arms around Armand’s waist and tugged him closer, so that he was tucked up against his chest. Funny how that made a thing like Armand blush. Under the bright lights of the store there was nowhere to hide his flushed cheeks, though he glanced down at his lap like a child who believed that not being able to see Lestat’s face meant Lestat couldn’t see his.

“All the better reason to hold you then, my darling,” Lestat said and squeezed his hip. “We should get it. Just because we can. And when you get sick of looking at it we’ll pack it off to the guest room and let our friends suffer it instead.”

Armand pursed his lips, pretended he had to think about it. It made Lestat give him such a sweetly petulant look.

“Fine. But not the yellow,” Armand said. “The green velvet.”

Lestat kissed his cheek. “I knew you’d come around. Now I need a pen to write down the name of it, quaint that they all have names-”

Armand listened to Lestat ramble as he let himself be lifted off his lap and onto his feet. He was about to simply take a photo of the tag on the chair when Lestat snatched his wrist. Before Armand could protest he’d pushed up his jacket sleeve and scrawled the item information right onto his skin.

“There were papers for that right by the pen,” Armand said, frowning at his handwriting. Lestat’s hand could never keep up with his brain and his scribble showed it. It might have been endearing, had it been something sweet and not the name of an armchair. “You hardly needed to use me as your notepad.”

“Give you a paper you can conveniently ‘lose’ so we walk out of here with nothing? Please,” Lestat said with a laugh. “I was hardly born yesterday.”

He took a couple quick steps to catch up with Lestat, who had moved on to a bedroom display. It reminded Armand of a motel room he and Daniel had once stayed in with its avocado green sheets. This time when Lestat sat down he needed no prompting. Armand leaned back against the pillows beside him, close enough their shoulders touched.

Armand elbowed him. “I wouldn’t lose it. You would set it down somewhere and then blame me for your mistake.”

Lestat peered at him over his sunglasses. He had that sort of expression like he was trying to weigh the pros and cons of turning their bickering into a full out fight. Armand felt a sharp and immediate stab of regret. Perhaps he had needled at him too hard. He would have to correct this. There were tried and true ways of distracting Lestat that he’d only picked up of late. A compliment, a kiss. A juvenile act, like-

Armand looked at the throw pillow beside him. He picked it up and hit Lestat with it. Lestat barked out a laugh.

“Oh, is this how life with you is going to be? You think you can make a sharp remark and then rough me up to get out of fighting about it?” Lestat asked and tried to grab for the pillow, aiming to hit him back. He pushed himself up onto his elbow and reached for it, but Armand was too quick.

He looked delightfully ridiculous, hovering above Armand like this. The pillow had knocked his sunglasses sideways, and a wisp of blonde hair stood up on the top of his head. But he was smiling, and that sent warmth blooming in Armand’s chest.

“Yes,” Armand said and reached out to smooth out his hair, and fix his sunglasses for him. When he took the sunglasses by their thin metal arms Lestat closed his eyes and waited patiently until Armand had set him to rights.

“You’re an absolute terror. I don’t know why I adore you.” Lestat said and stood, extending his hand to help Armand up. “Come, we have kitchenware to argue over.”

And so it went.

In the kitchens and dining rooms they bickered over plates they would never eat off.

(“Fine china is a traditional wedding gift. Had you made me an honest man before moving in with me we would hardly need to fight over which plates to get.”

“We’ve only just gotten our house keys and now you want a wedding, how quickly you move,” Lestat said, like the hypocrite he could be.)

In the desks and bookshelves, Armand picked out a truly awful desk chair and allowed Lestat to write the item information on his arm.

(“Surely Marius deserves a fine chair to sit in, should he ever drop by and need to catch up on his ministerial work,” Armand said, all faux-seriousness.)

In the bathrooms Lestat found an enormous bath towel on display and demanded they find at least five of them when they got to the stockroom.

(“Look, it’s so big you could use it as a blanket, mon petit chéri!” he exclaimed, and got soundly pinched for it.)

By the time they actually found themselves in the stock room Lestat declared himself exhausted. Armand was all too happy to push him around in the basket like an overgrown child, careening around a corner and nearly taking out a display of cheap vases.

(“It would have been a mercy had I knocked them over, no one should suffer such an ugly thing in their home,” Armand said even as Lestat put one in the cart for them to buy.)

At the check out the lady running the register remarked on what a lovely young couple they were, and asked how long they’d known each other. She laughed at Lestat’s answer of “oh, centuries! Only just now have the fates aligned for us both”, utterly charmed by him.

Armand couldn’t help but be charmed himself.

He watched from their pile of bags as Lestat took care of the particulars of furniture delivery. Lestat’s coat was draped over his arm, giving Armand a view of his broad shoulders flexing beneath his t-shirt as he signed off on the delivery paperwork. With his hair loose and bracelets jingling on his wrist he looked every inch the former rock star.

But beneath that was the same young man Armand had been captivated by centuries ago. If he unfocused his gaze he could see Lestat standing there, clad in the silk breeches and embroidered coat he’d worn when he stepped down into the catacombs of Les Innocents and upended Armand’s entire existence.

Lestat glanced back over his shoulder at Armand and smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners. Armand wiggled his fingers in a little wave, and got blown a kiss for it that gave him butterflies, the likes of which he hadn’t felt since he’d developed his first crush at 16. He held his hand up to his forehead and pretended to faint as his cheeks glowed pink.

Yes, finally, the fates had aligned for them both.

“They’ll deliver it all tomorrow evening,” Lestat said as he picked up their bags, putting the handles up on his shoulder so that he could hold out his hand to Armand. Armand took it and let himself be led out into the snow. “In the meantime we’ll make do with what’s already there.”

—

What was already there, as it turned out, was practically nothing.

Inside the apartment was frigid from disuse. The electric was on but Lestat didn’t bother to turn on the light in the living room, just followed Armand in and dropped their bags to the floor. Boxes were scattered in the room but nothing was opened. They’d begun sourcing and sending over things the moment they’d chosen the place, but by this point Armand wasn’t sure he remembered what some of them even were.

The emptiness of the place was just as overwhelming as it was full of potential. Armand was struck by the reminder that to have a life here they would have to build it together.

“We’ll deal with all of this tomorrow, no reason to get everything out and in the way when more things are still due to arrive. Go make the bed and I’ll bring everything else in,” Lestat said and then hesitated. “Unless you’d rather we spend the night in your other house you have in the city?”

Armand considered it. His other home was warm and well furnished. They’d sleep well under satin sheets there and leave all the hard work to the delivery crew. With a little extra payment they’d come home to a finished apartment.

But then he prodded into Lestat’s thoughts.

Nicholas. The thrill of that first rickety room, with its crumbling plaster walls. The way it had felt to throw their straw-stuffed mattress onto the floor and drag Nicki down onto it, to have something that was all their own. How they’d huddled together beneath the covers with only each other to keep warm.

Armand looked down the hall, to the mattress in the empty bedroom. “We’ll make this a home tonight one way or another,” he said.

Lestat said nothing. The way he cradled Armand’s face in his hands and kissed his forehead before he went back out to the car was thanks enough.

Armand went into the bedroom with one of their bags. He stretched the fitted sheet over the mattress and unfolded the blankets. At the store Lestat had told him a story about choosing bed linens with Louis that had them both in tears of laughter, and in their hysterics they hadn’t noticed that none of the blankets they’d picked matched. Armand shook his head and slipped a pillow into a pillowcase that clashed terribly with the comforter.

At the bottom of the bag was a set of candles. He needed nothing to light them but then again, Daniel’s lighter was in his pants pocket. He took it out and flicked the switch. Let them continue this game of pretend, of being mortal for one night. Armand lit the candles, set them on the floor, and stood back to see his work.

Suddenly it all felt so important. Soon he and Lestat would climb between the mismatched sheets and spend their first night completely alone together, after nearly three hundred years of struggling to find what they could be to one another.

He was curled up in bed when Lestat finally brought the rest of their things in and joined him. Arms wrapped around his pillow, he watched Lestat get out of his clothes. There was a birthmark near the base of his spine, the faintest of scars on his shoulder from the wolf attack. Armand longed to kiss them both. In the sparse candlelight he looked so very mortal.

“Did you see something you like?” Lestat asked as he pulled back the covers and climbed in beside him.

Armand let him settle before he pulled the floral comforter up high around them, so that only their faces were exposed.

“I was only wondering how a man with such good taste talked me into buying a blanket as awful as this,” he teased.

Lestat grinned. “It is horrible, isn’t it? I had a waistcoat made of similar fabric, once. I used to wear it to get a rise out of Louis, he always complained it drew too much attention to us when we went out.”

“As if you’ve ever needed any special clothing to draw attention to you,” Armand said. “Is that why you chose it? You wished to get a rise out of me?”

Lestat hesitated. There was a witty response on the tip of his tongue, Armand could feel it. But there was something else, a thought that made his eyes go soft, as if he’d just realized the enormity of what they were doing too.

“No,” Lestat said softly. He settled his hand on the pillow, so close to Armand's that their little fingers touched. “I was hardly thinking when I picked it up. I only wanted to get back here with you.”

Armand shifted over, so close they were sharing breathing space. The tip of Lestat’s nose was cold against his but he nuzzled at it anyways, stealing a childish bit of affection as they laid there in silence together.

He closed his eyes when Lestat reached out to touch his face. He could feel him tracing between the freckles on his cheeks, connecting them with his fingertips. When his fingers brushed near Armand’s mouth he turned his face and kissed them, catching his hand in his so he could press his mouth to them one by one. Beneath his lips he could feel Lestat’s pulse. It was pounding just as hard as his own.

There were a million things Armand could have said, about love and want and regret. He didn’t say any of them. He just curled his fingers in Lestat’s hair and closed the distance between them to kiss him.

I want you, Lestat said silently.

Lestat’s hands were so warm, and when he spread his fingers they nearly spanned the width of Armand’s back. Armand arched up into his touch, sighing softly at the way Lestat so gently felt his way over his shoulder blades. Traveled down the length of his spine until his palm settled on his lower back and with barely a touch dragged him closer.

Chest to chest, legs tangled together, there was hardly an inch of them that wasn’t touching. Lestat nicked his tongue on Armand fang and let the blood fill his mouth. It burned all the way down to his fingertips, made him curl them tight against the nape of Lestat’s neck.

You have me, Armand said back.

He was no virgin but he might as well have been with the way his heart drummed beneath his ribs when Lestat pressed him onto his back. Armand’s legs came up to wrap around his waist, heels pressing into the backs of Lestat’s thighs as he clung to him. Out of some old mortal instinct he rocked his hips up, rubbing against Lestat as he tried to get closer, but nothing was close enough.

There was no real purpose to what Armand was considering asking for. Immortal beings as they were, they had no biological impetus for sex. And yet he wanted it anyway, the intimacy of it. To feel Lestat’s pulse from within himself, close as the two of them could ever be.

 You’d want that?

Oh. Armand hadn’t realized he’d opened up his mind.

The golden curtain of Lestat’s hair made it impossible not to meet his gaze. Grey eyes, so wide and full of want. As silence stretched between them Lestat began to worry at his lower lip. Armand leaned up to catch it between his teeth, hands cradling Lestat’s face.

He meant to answer him aloud but one kiss turned into two, and before Armand knew it he was gasping as Lestat brushed his mouth down the length of his artery. He curled his fingers tight in his hair. Began to speak and then Lestat buried his face in the curve of his shoulder, breathed him in and groaned with it, knocking all the words but one from Armand’s head.

Please.

“Of course, chéri. Anything you like,” Lestat murmured. Shifted over and brought his fingers to Armand’s kiss swollen lips. “Get them good and wet for me.”

With a shuddering breath Armand parted his lips. Lestat’s fingertips throbbed with his pulse as he pressed him down against Armand’s tongue. He was aware of how sinful he looked when he did this. Lestat’s blown pupils and low gasp when Armand hollowed his cheeks and let his lashes flutter were proof enough of that.

But it wasn’t all an act. There was pleasure in it too, in the salty taste of Lestat’s skin and the thirst that made heat spread through every inch of him. Armand chased his fingers when Lestat withdrew them, tried to take them back into his mouth when he smelled the sharp and sweet scent of blood.

Lestat had intentionally nicked his fingertips on his fangs. The blood ran hot and thick down the length of them, pooled in his palm. Armand opened his mouth to try to catch a stray drop and got shoved back against the pillows for it.

“You terrible minx,” Lestat murmured. “I’ll let you have that soon enough.”

Lestat’s fingers were long, his knuckles thick. Without the blood this was a clinical experience. With it the pleasure lit up his nerves, sent fire racing beneath Armand’s skin until his toes curled and he gasped with it. Lestat went slow, so slow he had to feel every inch until the heel of his palm rested firm against his perineum; until Armand curled toward him and his hands scrambled desperately against his chest.

“Your heart is pounding,” Lestat said against the top of his head.

Armand could only give a broken groan and rock down against his hand.

It seemed to go on for ages. Lestat stretched him open, gentle as could be until Armand had let down his guard and fallen apart in his arms. He rested his forehead against Lestat’s chest and practically whined when he withdrew his fingers to cut them open again. No wonder Daniel had dragged him into bed so often, if the blood alone inside him was this overwhelming. Armand clutched at Lestat when he worked a third finger into him.

Full. He felt so full. His face was tingling with the blood and-

Why are you stopping? Armand asked silently when Lestat pushed at his hip to roll him over onto his other side.

 Open your eyes, my darling.

Armand’s fingers twisted in the sheets when he looked out to see his own reflection, glassy eyed and staring back in the mirror affixed to the back of a door.

Lestat threw back the blankets. He was so tall he could peer over the top of Armand’s head, hold his gaze as he shifted into place and aligned their hips. Lestat brought his hand to his mouth, let the blood pooled in it cover his palm before he reached down and-

Armand arched his back, mouth dropping open in a silent moan. The pressure of Lestat slipping into him was enormous. It ached in the best way, reducing all of his senses down to that one point of contact, and Armand held his gaze via their reflections until their hips met. As Lestat laced his bloody fingers with his and held their joined hands to Armand’s stomach he could do nothing but squeeze his eyes shut and let out a wet gasp.

It was so good. Good because of the pleasure of it. Good because it was Lestat who held him in warm, protective arms.

Lestat’s heart drummed a steady tattoo against his back. He was soaked in blood sweat, they both were, and the thirst from it made Armand’s mouth burn as they rocked against one another. He couldn’t help himself, he lifted Lestat’s bloody hand to his lips and watched his eyes go wide when Armand licked the drying blood from his fingertips.

This is how I should have had you ages ago. Lestat’s teeth nipped at the shell of his ear. Should have you every night from now forward.

Armand twisted his neck around, caught Lestat in a messy kiss. Watched the slide of their lips together in the mirror and moaned with the obscenity of it.

“Tell me when you need me most,” Lestat said, breathless, as he kissed his way over his cheek. “Tell me and then I’ll let you have my wrist.”

How could Armand do that, when he always needed Lestat the most? He rolled his hips down and felt Lestat’s pulse pick up from within him, a delicious reminder of how Lestat needed him too.

As immortals there was no orgasm to chase. Only the desire for intimacy and the steady build up of the thirst dictated how long they stayed locked in their unnatural embrace. Armand would have watched Lestat fuck him all night if the thirst wasn’t so overwhelming he was trembling with it.

Now. Please. Now.

There was a second when it seemed Lestat might hold out and tease him. Armand was prepared to overpower him and put him on his back. He was trying to throw his leg back and twist around when he noticed Lestat was only brushing his hair aside so he could get at his neck.

“Impatient, are we?” Lestat murmured, grinning at Armand in the mirror.

Armand opened his mouth to complain. But then Lestat rocked his hips up hard and pressed his wrist to Armand’s lips and cut him off entirely.

Images passed through his mind. The first time Lestat saw him, dusty and wan in the Notre Dame. Armand in silk and lace, leaning up to kiss him at the ball. In a park getting his hair ruffled as he looked up at Lestat with warm brown eyes. Armand asleep in his arms. All of their firsts, played right back at him in stunning relief as the blood set him alight from the inside.

Armand squeezed his wrist tight and sent Lestat the same back as he swallowed deep droughts of him. Images of every time he’d looked at Lestat and felt something crack in his closed off heart.

Lestat’s hips stuttered. Once, twice and then he went still against Armand’s back, releasing his throat and gasping into his shoulder. He rubbed his face against the nape of Armand’s neck, and Armand reached back with a trembling hand to pet his hair.

Lestat withdrew from him but they stayed like that for some time, Armand wrapped in his arms as they looked at each other through the mirror. Lestat’s hair was a mess and blood stained his cheek but he’d never looked lovelier.

The candles beside the bed flickered. Armand rubbed his feet against Lestat’s shins and smiled when he kissed his back.

“I love you,” Lestat said softly. Armand turned in his arms so he could see his face properly. “I mean that. Not because of what we just did. It’s only that I should have said it long ago, and I can’t not say it now.”

Armand’s fingers curled against his chest. He’d been uncertain as to whether Lestat would ever say that to him, but here he was, as honest as Armand had ever seen him.

“I love you as well. So terribly much,” Armand murmured and brushed his lips against Lestat’s.

Outside the snow lashed at the windows. A ribbon of pink was spreading across the sky.

Eventually Lestat would have to pull himself away, lock the shutters and close the curtains. They would fall asleep like this, on this messy little mattress on the floor, tangled together with nothing else to do but hold one another. When they woke Armand would slip on one of Lestat’s tshirts and let himself be waltzed around the empty kitchen until the delivery crew arrived.

They would do all of that soon, and more. But for now Armand just kissed Lestat’s brow and let himself lie there, content with the knowledge that the two of them were home.

[distort-opia]

social media encourages not engaging with the primary source. fandom spaces, in our want to change the canon, pushed it to the point where it is not even important anymore to read the text you keep on referencing.

how many fans today have not even watched the show, read the book, the article, and are still writing " literary analysis" based on second hand fandom interpretations given in the form of a viral funny post, fan art, fan fiction, tumblr tags and comments.

this goes hand in hand with wanting to fit in. it doesn't matter whether you read what you are talking about or not, as long as you share a popular belief.

once upon a time altering canon and fitting in our own social ideas was done because of lack of representation. it still, sadly, had and has bad consequences. because if you've ever been on any booktube, book twitter, film twitter tags... my god... your average reader doesn't know how to look for universal themes, how to analyse a character as a narrative device and by their type, refuses to understand there are genre conventions, parrots what they already heard without giving their own examples... it is as if we are living through the dark ages of literary criticism based only on second hand first impression.

not to mention disrespect to the actual writers. sure, DC writers fuck up, and sometimes they fuck up BAD. but why are you dismissing their capabilities and putting them all in the same box just because you hate a character.

and this doesn't even matter in the grand scheme of things. what matters is these same ways of " reading" when it comes to the news, to political and social studies, to the propaganda. some called this the era of anti intellectualism and i do think the wording can be a bit harsh. we are all looking for escapism, and i get that. problem is when you claim your personal feelings as some objective statement, call it an analysis, try and hunt other fans for your version of a media that you didn't even explore yourself.

This is an excellent analysis of this phenomenon in fandom spaces, especially in recent times. I barely have anything else to add. The rapid pace of consuming "content" in social media platforms like Tiktok, Instagram or Twitter has done a lot of harm; people seem to quickly cycle from one show to another, from one book to another, have this sense of "what's the next trend? what's the next popular thing?" and this obviously doesn't allow for slower analysis or a genuine attempt at understanding the material. This sentiment of "I gotta watch/read/listen to this now because it's popular" or genuinely seeing people apologize when they talk about something old and saying "I know this is from years ago, but..." is disheartening.

[sigh] It's just a saddening thing to see, even if we understand the factors leading to it.

[evernkillian]

HP Fanfiction Recs | One- Shot Edition; Part 1

Standard Rec Lists Disclaimers Apply: Please for the love of God read the tags and Author's Note/s, This is NOT the ultimate rec lists or whatever, the fics below are my cup of tea.

Also, I tried my best to make the Quotes I included spoiler free but if you think it is just tell me!

(also, I have more fic recs! Here)

🍄🍄🍄

1. r/AITA by Seagate

G | 2k Words | Hermione / Draco

Summary: A budding relationship seen through the eyes of Reddit posts

Hermione POV. Well, Reddit Post Style. Hermione's a good friend 🥹🥹🥹 Actually, most of her posts are about Harry, seeking advice on how could she make sure that he won't get hurt/make sure that he's in good hands. ALSO ALSO they keep interacting in the comments so READ THEIR USERNAMES IT'S FUNNIER IF U KNEW WHO IT IS. To this day whenever I remember Voldemort's comment I laugh. I love Hermione's characterization- she's loyal, and she takes no shit. I laugh a lot reading this because Hermione sounds so serious but it's funny. Also my favorite quote:

I don't buy it for a second. The kicked puppy look, the lost baby blue eyes, and pouty lips? I was there when he perfected it. When he used the fake remorse to get out of trouble with the professors. 

I slammed the door in his face. I'd rather get murdered, thanks.

2. Do Not Collect 200 Dollars by KittySmith

T | 11k Words

Summary: It isn't Voldemort who is reverted to baby form from the Final Super Spell - but why is Harry still alive?

Is Voldemort... cooing?

Crack fic. Like, really crack. I reread this fic when I need a laugh. Voldemort's mind is a beautiful place it's so funny. I love how oblivious Voldemort is with Snape's kidnapping attempts LAUGHING CRYING SOBBING the interactions of these 3 are my favorite parts because of its peak comedy. Voldemort as the most bizarre doting parent ever. Oh, yeah, it's a Voldemort Wins AU. He's just taking care of Harry and researching. What an icon. ALSO MY FAVORITE QUOTE:

He examined the banana he had left consideringly, checking its heft before he threw it directly into Severus’ terrified face with a flat, “Bitch.”

3. Heartbreaking Confession by LiquidLuckandStuff (@liquidluckandstuff )

M | 1k Words | Harry / Tom|Voldemort

Summary: After the war, Harry visits Voldemort's grave after a bad day with a Mind Healer.

He confesses something he is too scared to tell even his closest friends.

Just Harry having a bad day and talking to Voldemort's grave. About Almosts, what ifs, what could've beens. This fic shows that Voldemort and Harry understood each other very much. The ways they've shown it while they're enemies, while one of them is dead. Also my favorite quote!!! It's longer than this, 3 paragraphs but i think that would be too spoiler-y so here it is!

Quietly, Harry whispered a terrible secret. “Sometimes, I want to crawl in there with you."

4. Breaking More Taboos by Destiny_Of_A_Dragon

M | 3k Words | Harry / Voldemort

Summary: The first time Harry broke the taboo, he’d been beyond starving, with little to no choice. The second and third times were much the same.

But the fourth?

That’s when everything changed.

HOLY MOLY THIS FIC!!!! MAKES ME FERAL!!! It's so unique and I've reread it lots of times!!! Can't say more because spoilers but!!! If you've read this scream about it with me. Sadly I can't put my favorite quote here since I don't wanna ruin the surprise factor but!!! Just know I have a lot of them!!!

5. Lightning Heart by Clarisse (transnymphtaire)

G | 1k Words | Harry / Tom

Summary: The first time you touch, a matching symbol is left behind where skin met skin.

ROLE REVERSAL AU!!! DARK LORD HARRY GRRRRRRRR. ALSO GRYFFINDOR TOM. Also Luna's part is brief here but she's a badass I love her. And!!! Harry giving tom gifts for courting. And they're soulmates! Favorite quote:

"Did you know that Gryffindor was my old house?” Harry ask conversationally, as if they’re not under the school, with a mirror hiding the Philosopher’s stone.

“It’s why I chose it over Slytherin.” Tom answers.

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[arctic-oceans]

7 snippers, 7 people

Thanks for the tag @jay-avian, her post can be found here!

Sadly I didn't really understand what the rules are, so maybe I'll post seven snippets on seven characters that have been found in wgw.

This was a funny moment for me since I am not very far into my wip yet and I had to think... Have I introduced seven characters? No, no I haven't.

Juno Braudshaw

The seconds before the lightning stroke, there was silence. As blinding light tore the sky in two, the water subdued for a moment and the static in Juno’s mind quieted down. Juno couldn’t remember when was the last time they bowed their head down and cried, but the ugly sobs rose up their throat as they sucked in desperate breaths– they’d rather let their lungs burst open full of oxygen, not by the lack of it. Hot tears chased each other down their face in streams, dripping into the Ocean and ragged tremors shook their frame violently. There was no part of their body that didn’t hurt, but something about the way their throat throbbed made them wonder; it was as if someone had dug their nails deep in the sensitive skin of their neck and scratched it raw. 

Ioh Park

Juno had been broken long ago, and there was no hiding it from Ioh. On nights when it seemed like the dawn would never break, Juno and Ioh spread their beddings in front of the oven, and perched by the ashes. Only then would Ioh speak of the Second Level, in a voice softer than the feeble fire flickering in the half burnt coals. He spoke about the Ocean, and how when the sun set, the waves would turn to the colour of ripe wine and sometimes, the words stuck to his throat and he would choke on them as he reminisced the ship’s prow and the Ocean air.

Aston Metcalf

Indeed, the Stairs were visible from the train window- it hadn’t taken long before they had protruded from the summit of the Poppy Hill, although they were still blurry in the distance. Aston wasn’t sure he could have missed them even if he wanted to; he had been looking for them ever since they had boarded the vehicle- his eyes transfixed to the filthy looking glass and desperate to catch ahold of them. His heart slammed against his rib– pounding, each pulse the beat of a drum as they got closer and closer to their destination. Maybe he wouldn’t be so consumed by the idea of it had it been any other ride; but it wouldn’t leave his mind, like a feral animal trapped in a cage, ceaselessly circling the corners.

Sadly, these are the only three who have been mostly mentioned so far that are worth showing some snippets of. But here are some more:

It was even more crucial that their mathematician was worth the price they had paid for. Aston got five delhias for a day’s worth of work in the fields– sometimes, during the Summer months he might have even gotten one menha had that year’s crops been fruitful. The scholar got six hundred menhas for the calculations. A wage of a hundred days for Aston. If the estimations were incorrect even by a fraction, he might as well have killed them all before they attempted the ascent.

What once was restlessness turned into a drinking problem. Aston would snatch old bottles of aged wine from the cellar and run away at night. He’d race through the wheat fields for hours until he was panting for air, and his limbs heavy with exhaustion, and once he decided he was lost enough he’d drink himself to oblivion. He’d do anything to help him forget. He preferred the little world in his head anyway.

It wasn’t possible to climb anymore– the Stairs were too slippery. Juno’s arms were trembling with exhaustion as they desperately hung on, but they refused to loosen the death grip they had on the ladder’s metal pole; despite their bloodied palms which were scraped raw by the sea salt and the agonising pain that had almost overcome their consciousness, they couldn’t let go. As long as they were alive, they had to keep trying; they owed him at least that much.

When Seihen left, he took Ioh with him. He returned the boy to the Reformatory two days later, with a missing shirt and his back covered in inflamed cuts oozing pus made from a whip with a nasty anger. Ioh didn’t make the same mistake twice after that. Akin to the way the wind once shattered windows and doors in its passage, while now it only whistled softly through the empty rooms of a house, Ioh stilled. When there is no one in the building  to mourn what has been destructed, no matter how hard the wind blows, its spite will never be nothing more than an airy breeze passing by.

Soft tagging @imaginativemind29new @withlovelunette @obviousknife @wolfsong02 @albatris @tabswrites @cream-and-tea @cherrybombfangirlwrites @captain-kraken @faelanvance @bardic-tales @ladyazulina

[somebodystoleme]

once you left// e.j + reader + j.k, act 1.1

masterlist + request info

song of the chapter: yours, conan gray

word count: 1039

warnings/tags: angst, y/n is kind of crazy, arson, highschool au, cursing, rivals to lovers, best friends to lovers, lemme know if i missed any!

author’s stage: im so excited! this was one of my old fics that i got pretty far into just lost motivation. but im super happy to get back into it! my requests are open btw :)

The night I burned down my cousin's barn, there was no moon at all. The stars looked as if they had burnt out. The smoke suffocated my lungs, my hair waving in the wind. The fire was bright and beautiful. It wasn't right that I had done this.

I stayed in the shadows of the woods watching the firefighters attempt to clean up the fire. But it was no use, it was gone. I tried to suppress my laughter, how does it feel? After you took everyone from me. All the screaming and crying, how does it feel?

I would hate to admit that this all started because of a guy. A guy who was obviously mine. But some people like to touch what's not theirs. I remember the day before this all started....

My pink low heels clicked on the tiles of my rusted school. As expected people turned to look at me. I'm not beautiful or anything, I'm quite average. But it's the way I dress and act. You don't see people like me in small towns. My friends were already stuck inside our homeroom class. I swung the door open and made eye contact with Jean. He winked at me. I could feel the butterflies, ugh already?

On queue, Eren started whispering a little too loud to his loser friends, "Look who finally showed up. It's the primadonna of the school." My eyes locked on him and I scowled. "Eren. It's the first day stop talking." I said. As I started walking to my desk; I could feel Eren's eyes on me. I grew up. He didn't obviously.

Homeroom went by quickly. Mainly cause I spent the whole time talking to Jean. We're best friends if you couldn't tell. Sometimes Eren would look back scowling at both of us. I winked back. When the bell finally rang, I grabbed my bag and turned my head to look at Marco and Historia. Historia smiled brightly at me, which means she and Ymir are still together. Marco was wearing his signature look, bright khakis, and a hawaiian shirt. It's not funny I don't know why he does it.

Soon, after going through grueling high school class we made it to lunch. We sit right in the shade, the senior spot. We sit in a circle. Marco, Jean, me, Historia, Ymir, (if she and Historia are dating that day) Connie, and Sasha. It's always been this way. I slip into my spot with my lunch box in hand. "Y/n.... can I have your macaron?" Jean asked as he put his head on my shoulder. I could feel the blush take shape on my face. "Fine. We can split it." I split the macaroon and handed it to Jean. Jean quickly looks around the table making sure no one looking at us. "Well.. Y/n I was wondering if you would like to-"

"Hey, Y/n how was the part-time job this summer? You didn't tell me about it!" My eyes flash to Marco. Who is sitting there completely dumbfounded by the fact Jean was talking to me. "Ah, it went well thanks, Marco. Someone on the other hand didn't even ask." I rolled my eyes and smirked at Jean. "Shut up. I was busy eating your beautiful macaron."

My AP biology teacher creaked open the door to the lab, and all the students waited for the teacher. Typical. "Today students because this is AP biology and I love making people's life suck. You will be taking an entrance exam. It's pretty quick, 30 questions. Let's see who will actually be passing my class." Dr. Ackerman scanned over the crowd and chuckled a little bit. He quickly made his way to his desk and grabbed that stack of papers. I felt like I was going to die.

After 45 minutes of taking a stupid test about stuff, I learned when I was at least a freshman. Around 10 minutes later, he started passing them back. I scanned over my test, 48%. I got a 48?! My wrinkled test is crumpled in my hands. I stride over to the trash can to throw my test in, until an arm snakes around my shoulders.

"Yo. Y/n. What did you get on the test?" I can feel him smirking, it's burning into my skin. It's testing my patience. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I sigh stuffing my test into my pocket as I unhook his arm from me and walk back to my seat.

"Why did you even walk to the trash can if you're not going to throw anything away?" Eren's eyes meet mine and he chuckles, "Come on Y/n. I know you better than that-" Eren is cut off by the entrance to the classroom slamming open as well as the bell ringing.  Both of our heads turn to see who just made such an entrance. It's Jean. His brown eyes find my eyes immediately. His stare quickly turns to a warm smile.

"Move over Eren. I gotta talk to Y/n." Jean says as he walks over to my desk with his hands in his pockets. Eren obeys but it's almost like hesitating as he looks back over at me. Then he walks over to someone else's desk probably bragging about his grade. "Let me take you out to dinner. Just like the good ol’ days.”

"W-what???" I let out a cough. We've been to dinner so many times together. But I've been dying for Jean to ask me out, is this even a date? "Uhm. Sure, just pick me up." I finally let out. "Good. I'll let you know." He winks at me and backs away from my desk to the exit. I might die of happiness.