#<-desperately trying to redeem themself

[jellyfish-grave]

MORE PUMICE :333

[qrovidcore]

nobody on this bitch of an earth understands me about ketheric thorm

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

AU where literally all it takes for a sinner to get redeemed is for them to sacrifice themself for someone they care about, that one act of true selflessness is enough, and one of the Vees ends up sacrificing themself to save the other two(because they all cARE ABOUT EACHOTHER I DONT C A R E). Except whichever one ended up dying actually really fucking hates it in Heaven and is constantly trying to get back to Hell in order to be reunited with their evil polycule and continue exploiting the masses for fun and profit. Then there's also some weird political drama in the background where everybody's realizing how truly SCREWED Heaven's system is because of how little it takes for you to go to Heaven OR Hell and Sera is trying desperately to hold everything together while the afterlife descends into chaos, but that isn't really the focus. The focus is on the evil fucked up polycule that just wants to be reunited </3(and also be evil capitalists but that's not important)

[cloudninetonine]

Alright hear me out okay

Player, right? But make them a redeemed/rejected Villain

I personally am imagining the coven/belos when I think of this due to the magic but anything works

Imagine Player being the right hand man to their worlds version of Ganon, being a part of an organization (I'm calling it The Order bc it sounds cool) who's goal is to overthrow the kingdom and free the people. Player being a genuine threat who could take down entire armies and have freed (taken control over) countless villages. Player doing so genuinely believing that they were doing the right thing, that people would be happier if the monarchy is gone. Player realizing that they were being used for the leader's own gain, and that the people they 'freed', were either under control of the order, imprisoned, or (for particularly strong magic users) killed.

Player essentially running from The Order, and having a hit placed on them due to them being too powerful and knowing too much to be freed.

(if player's world is in LoZ) Player trying desperately to find their Link in order to take down Ganon, only to not find him, or find out that their Link was way too young--and have to face Ganon alone with no triforce or mastersword. (If this is in LoZ Player would absolutely have dark magic due to them being avab (assigned villain at birth) and black magic against black magic doesn't do much)

(off topic, but what if Player was quite literally the person who invented/discovered dark magic, and gave it to demise(or Ganon, I'm not talking plot holes rn) as a weapon against Hylia. I say this because the thought of player literally ripping the dark magic out of his body fills me with girlboss energy (is girlboss gn?? badass.) Of course it's not a permanent solution, and Ganon/demise gets it back after player dies, but it would explain why Zelda wasn't needed.)

Imagine after taking down an entire corporation by themself and thus saving the world, the people still don't trust player (rightfully so, they were the face of The Order and the main one doing dirty work). Meaning that player is essentially ostracized, living alone and rarely going into towns, opting instead to grow their own foods and raise cattle. Still though, that doesn't stop player from trying to do good, trying to do anything to make up for the evil they placed upon the world.

I imagine that's why they guided the chain. They wanted to do good for someone else without any strings attached. (LoZ)Why not help the heroes with a job that they already did, (it's their fault he is the way he is anyways)

Anyways, I write this because I really like the idea of Player then befriending Ghirahim. They know what it's like to be used as nothing more than a pawn, only to be tossed away without a care once they proved to not be as useful. Ghirahim is SS not taking their words to heart until he ends up broken and abandoned. When player finally sees him again his world is turned upside down once again when player, instead of gloating about how they were right and killing him where he stood in a weaker state, they instead offer him a hand, offer him kindness that a villain doesn't deserve.

"I decided one day that I was more than what the goddesses designed me to be, that I was my own person and that I deserved to have body autonomy, that I deserved to have my own voice and that I deserved to be heard."

"Instead of having blood underneath my fingertips, I decided I much prefer dirt. Instead of hearing the deaths of hundreds, I prefer the sound of laughter. Instead of inflicting pain I'd much rather bring joy to the people around me, and I think you'd enjoy that too, Ghirahim."

"I don't expect you to change who you are, but I ask that you consider your own wants in this entire ordeal. Who are you as a being separate from the people who used you? What do you want? What makes you happy?"

Ghirahim isn't going to make a full redemption, that's not who he is--but, maybe he can make the first leap so long as you're there to hold his hand guide him.

---

Okay but if this player is in the LoZ timeline (it would have to be before/during First), would that mean they would have been in Hyrule Warriors? Imagine their reaction to Cia "he is not that hot c'mon".

Speaking of timeline, since this is Player. Imagine the reason why Time/Legend has such a screwed moral compass (besides the trauma) is because Player is relatively early on in their post-redemption how-do-I-be-a-better-person arc and was just like "you can have a little murder :) as a treat" no player you cannot murder in the name of good. By the time Warriors came around, they start to have a solid clue on morality and they both have to be petty while working around the rules and decorum of a knight.

Chef: "What do you want"

player: The souls of the damned

Wars: A bagel

Player: No

Wars: Two bagels

IMAGINE FOUR SWORD

Player trying to encourage Shadow to join the heros but either they don't have a connection, or Shadow will not listen to them (which is in character, seeing as Shadow doesn't trust most people because he's been stabbed in the back).

Spoilers!!!!

Player cheering as Shadow brings up taking down Ganon, only to immediately pipe back down when he mentions it's in order to take over all of Hyrule.

Player nearly crying when Princess Zelda tells shadow that he's just as much of a hero as the other colors, because player never had that encouragement when they first switched sides, only bounties and exilation. Player sees Shadow as an extension of themself, esp if this player made dark magic (because that is player, it's like their shadow child (shadow will kill them)) and fully believes that Shadow can do good before it's too late, that he can still be loved and accepted by the people around him if they just talk.

Actually Crying when Shadow is the one to break the mirror and help save Hyrule. Especially so when Shadow essentially died and returns to a shadow form.

--

I originally made this with Ghirahim in mind, but much like the entire internet when Sonic 2 came out, my heart went "SHADOW!!" and I rambled on for like 2 extra paragraphs. Take it I'm tired. 📦

Okay but always love a reformed villain

And the idea of Player being the one to give the Demise and ripping it from his body is just 10/10

[lesbianwriter]

Siren Song Part 7

All parts can be found near the bottom of my master list. (I had so much writers block trying to figure out how I wanted this part to go so sorry it took awhile.😭)

“What are you up to?” Hero asked. Villain looked too content with her cloying smile as sticky as candyfloss. However, the siren chose to feign innocence under Hero’s unwinding gaze. She held up a bottle.

“I have a gift.” She said. The sun beamed down from above, but she could see the skeptical way Hero lifted an eyebrow. The pirate tipped down her hat, blocking the sun from her eyes, and continued to stare down with suspicion written in the arch of her eyebrows and the look in her dark eyes.

“Does this ‘gift’ end in my untimely demise?” Hero crossed her arms over her chest. Her crew mates were staring. They feasted on the sight with wonder, staring with eyes blown wide as if it was shocking that somebody on the crew didn’t let themself be willing fish-bait because of a pretty face and a mellifluous voice. 

She made a face at one and turned back to Villain, her hand on the pistol tucked in her belt.

“No~” Villain shook her head. She glanced back down at the bottle in her hand. When the ship was done with it’s repairs, Hero left, and much to Villain’s disdain, she had a lot of time to kill. She had to kill something since her perfect victim wasn’t around to fill that void.

Instead, she has found that deep under the port was a grotto where sirens traded items like the previously colorful and whimsical stalls and wares that humans would peddle above. Under a stall with a faded star patterned tapestry, Villain had seen a bottle that interested her. It was a tiny thing, and if it wasn’t for the label it didn’t have anything of merit, but the label redeemed it. The label told that it was a love potion.

Hero may be able to resist Villain’s song like no humans had before, but all humans were useless to the way a love potion forced their desires to the surface. 

Pirates lived off of debauchery and the pursuit of their own pleasures, so it made no logical sense that a mere human woman could simply…ignore Villain’s song that nobody has ignored before and outsmart her every time, but she did; and Villain wasn’t going to lose this time…she hoped. Hero was how she truly proved herself. She was the key to door that had been locked to her before.

It didn’t matter how many drunken, lustful sailors she had killed. They weren’t significant. Not to any other siren.

Sirens were meant to kill important pirate kings and rich merchants and heads of the navy. To kill someone important—someone elegant—that took more skill, it took a real siren, and for once Villain wanted to be able to look Friend in the eye and say they were equals.

“Toss it up.” Hero leaned over on the tips of her boots. She caught the bottle in her hand and looked it over. A label had been ripped off who knows how long ago. It was a small thing with a murky green color. 

She uncorked it and sniffed it.

She laughed. She recognized it as a love potion, but with the audience burning holes into her back with intensity harsher than the sun on her neck, she didn’t announce what it was. But she knew. Oh, Villain was desperate, and it was priceless. No coffers full of treasure would amount to the look on Villain’s face. Giggling, she put the cork back on and tossed it back into Villain’s still-held-out hands. 

“That isn’t very nice.”

“It isn’t very nice to be unbeatable!” Villain snapped, frowning down at her reflection. She should’ve expected her enemy to know about elven magic. If she knew about the elderflower wine and it’s capabilities then she was educated in elven magic to some degree. She was elegant—a rose aboard a ship full of weeds. 

—

—

“Are you here to try again?” Hero asked, peeling a clementine. She found her knife and sliced it in half, setting the other half on the wooden planks without another word.

Villain sat huddled at the edge of the railing, but she took the half of clementine. It was still her favorite human food. “Why can’t I kill you? Am I not pretty enough?”

Hero nearly choked on her fruit. “What?”

“You’re the only human to ever resist me—I don’t get it! You’re perfect, Hero, and I have to kill you, but I can’t do it! No matter how hard I try!” Villain whined, her eyes cast low. She watched the edge of her fin flick over the empty space below. Slowly, she was becoming more used to the cold air beneath her tail as she climbed up the rope. But the longer she stared at her tail, the more she thought about how ugly it was compared to everybody else’s.

Hero turned around and grabbed Villain’s cheeks in one of her hands, forcing her eyes to be planted on her own. “You are the most beautiful creature I know.”

“B—“

“No.” Hero pressed a finger to the siren’s lips. “You make me smile and you make me laugh so much that my stomach hurts and there are tears in my eyes. Everyday, you visit me, of course to try and kill me, but you’re dedicated and ambitious and passionate. I love to see your eyes light up when you’re planning another scheme. I love to be around you, and you are nothing other than beautiful.”

“What about pretty?”

“Fine. That too.”

“Lovely?” 

“Synonyms for beautiful apply.” Hero amended, a smile ghosting a curve on her lips. “The love potion didn’t work, but there’s many more days in the year and much more time to try. Okay?”

“You’ll let me try?”

“I pinky promised.” 

“How did you know it was a love potion?” Villain’s lips parted. Hero pulled away a fraction, but she didn’t move from her spot on the edge of the railing. 

She could easily fall into the water…

“I—I knew an elf…Supervillain.” Hero hesitated. Supervillain was an elf. After being around him, she knew plenty about dark magic. She knew exactly how dark a heart could get, and she learned why people thirsted for revenge like ravenous, depraved strays. 

“How?” Villain gasped. Everybody knew about him. He was an infamous siren hunter.

“They weren’t friendly terms. If he knew where I was…” Hero broke off with a hiss. Despite it all, she languidly leaned back with her arms folded behind her head. She tilted her head to the side to peer at her favorite siren in the entire ocean. 

“I’ll kill him for you!” Villain declared. “I can kill him for you if you want!”

“Really? You’d kill for me?” Hero smiled.

“Yes!” Villain nodded vehemently. “If he’s going to be in the way of me killing you, then he needs to go!”

“Thanks, Villain.”

@watercolorfreckles @pickleking8

[flock-of-cassowaries]

I’m having a deep think right now about the overlaps and the differences between the appeal of fascism, and that of libertarianism.

On one level, this is because I am writing a Sucession fanfic, and trying to get into Roman’s head.

But on another level only reason I’m even writing Succession fanfiction is that I identify with Roman, and that is in large part because he is a queer person who is philosophically in the thrall of his terrifying conservative father, whose love he desperately craves.

And once upon a time, that used to be me. And I feel deep and abiding shame about that.

(Not the sexy kind of shame. The devastating kind.)

But as I delve into philosophical discussions of fascism and conservatism (and honestly, I have not yet delved the deeply), I’m starting to realize that maybe I have less in common with Roman, and more with Connor (if we leave out his weird S3 white-nationalism dog whistles about the evils of onanism).

I’m basing a lot of this on the first chapter – which is all I have read so far - of “The Reactionary Mind” by Corey Robin; which I came upon via the source list for the linked YouTube video.

[link to “Endnote 2: White Fascism” by Innuendo Studios, on YouTube.]

Robin (if I’m understanding him correctly) posits that the end goal of conservatism is fundamentally Fishstick fascistic, and that the real animus driving political conservative movements is always the desire of the privileged to remain above those the existing social order oppresses.

I have certainly voted for, and carried water for, conservatives (a fact of which I am, again, deeply ashamed), but I don’t think that was ever the real appeal for me.

I’m not saying I didn’t internalize beliefs that were (I now realize) racist, classist, ableist, and elitist; but I don’t think that was ever the main draw, so much as a side effect of reading the goddamn National Post every fucking day

But for me, I think the main appeal of conservatism was the illusory promise of total self-sufficiency, and of being impossible to further hurt. It was the libertarian lie, bound up in the same nihilistic appeal as the Nine Inch Nails song whose hook is “Nothing can stop me now, cause I don’t care anymore.” (‘Piggy’ is the song.)

In this respect, I think I had more in common with Connor; I was also the discarded child who grew up to think of themself as “a flower that grows on rocks and feeds on the insect that land inside of it.”

Honestly, that soliloquy (from S4E2) could’ve been me at thirteen.

I felt rejected and shunned by the world, but I was also rapidly becoming aware that I could use my looks and intelligence as currency (just a Connor uses his literal currency as currency).

It was only when I was 21, and ended a long relationship, and found myself with no one to turn to, and no idea who I was, that my father swooped in to be my new best friend; and that’s when I became more Roman-like in my fawning attempts to appeal to him.

But I think Roman truly believes that his father is better than him, whereas a much more significant part of me always knew my own dad was a false prophet.

I think the world reaffirmed this belief in Roman, because his father has been so successful, and I think his father, concerned with legacy, has been much more active in fostering this mythology than my own father was.

(My dad would tend to just willfully ignore that l existed for several years at a stretch, if I was acting too cringe [i.e. not stereotypically conservative-lady feminine enough] for his conservative sensibilities; something I am assuming that Shiv could probably relate to.

The scene where Logan tells her he wants her back in the fold was very similar to what my father did with me when I was 21, and I glowed just the same way she did.)

But yeah, I think an internalized belief on Roman’s part that his father truly is better than him, and a desire to “be as good” as his father in order to redeem himself and overcome this inadequacy in his person, really feeds into Roman’s affinity for fascism / conservatism.

And I think that belief structure is with him in that bathroom with Mencken, unacknowledged and subconscious, and even more insidious than his conscious priorities of wanting to win points with Logan, and maaaaaybe wanting to be pushed to his knees and have a fascist phallus (a fascllus? I’m going to hell) thrust upon him.

Anyway, if anyone ever reads this, feel free to suggest some books / essays / videos to my reading list.

So far, in addition to the above-mentioned Cory Robbins tome, I am planning to actually finish “The Ur-Fascist” by Umberto Ecco, and to at least dip into “The Dialectic of Enlightenment” by Horkheimer and Adorno, and “The Authoritarian Personality” by Adorno.

[valleyfthdolls]

🟠 🟢 🎱 For the first oc that you can think of that is NOT Amaya Izumi :)

AW MAN :(

Orange- What is a trait your OC hides about themself from others? Do they refuse to acknowledge it or begrudgingly accept it?

Virgil hides his face from others. He refuses to acknowledge that he's hiding it at all, or that he really even has one. He has a bit of facial dysmorphia because he thinks his face (and he has a pretty face, but it's not super notable) makes him like, disgustingly, unlovably boring and uselessly human. Of course, the people around him know he has a face, and they know he's a human, but that level of disconnect shields both him and others from it.

Green- What is considered a weakness in your OC that is actually a strength? What is a strength in your character that can be twisted into a weakness?

Virgil's emotional disconnect and lack of empathy. You would think it's a strength in a killing game, but it just means he can be driven to do horrible things without realizing how awful they are until it's too late to turn back.

8 Ball- What situation was your OC lucky to escape from or get out of? What or who helped them unexpectedly?

Virgil has made this mistake in both killing games I've written him in. He tries to set up a complex murder, framing someone else to ensure the class votes wrong and he gets out alive at their expense, but someone intervenes because they want to save the person he kills and ends up a blackened themself. (For example, in Hope's Reprisal, Amaya triggered Sayren's bomb collar so she'd protect everyone else in death, but since Sayren wasn't dead yet, that killed her and Amaya was the blackened, and in DR Stagefright he tricks someone else into thinking they're the blackened and that person gets thrown down the stairs during investigation.)

In this way, it's always the people he hurt who help him most- those who take the fall for him give him the chance to realize how cruel he is, and finally break that emotional disconnect that lets him act so jaded. If not for those people, A, he'd be dead, B, he'd be incapable of ever redeeming himself because it is so unbelievably painful to face the kind of shit that he's disconnected himself from (dysmorphia, low self esteem, suicidality, parental abandonment, people pleasing tendencies, a desperation to be worthy, OCD, PTSD, the consequences of his actions, the fact that he was the one doing those things, his identity, trying to integrate it all into who he is, moving past his trauma he doesn't acknowledge he has, etc.)

[witcher-and-his-bard-archive]

Drown In My Desire

also on ao3

written for the Monster March prompt list prompt: siren pls see ao3 for the full list of tags, this is... something edit: some formatting got fucked up and I had to make some adjustments, sorry if there are any wonky bits now 😅

Geralt is barely off the boat back from Skellige when he hears about the contract. There's a lone Siren causing trouble along one of the trading routes; drawing the ships closer until they wreck on the jagged rocks of the bay. The fishermen complain loudly about it as he disembarks and as soon as his feet hit dry land, Geralt makes straight for them. It's basic Siren behaviour, likely to be an easy job and then back on his way.

The men are offloading barrels and Geralt keeps out of the way as he approaches the one giving orders.

"Heard you've got a Siren problem," he says and the man straightens up to look him over.

"Aye, we do. You're a Witcher, right? You'll take care of it for us?"

"What are you offering?"

"Godsdamn anything at this point. Things wrecked six shops, we've lost 11 good men, countless hours of labour... Name your price, Witcher, we'll pay it."

"Five hundred," Geralt suggests.

"Fine by me. Bring back proof of the kill and you'll get your coin."

"Agreed." Normally, Geralt would request half in advance, but he's dealt with Novigradian merchants before and they're reputable and trustworthy most of the time. Plus, this is a simple contract, probably not even worth the 500 he asked for.

He stays to get the rest of the details from the merchant, then heads into town to rent a room at the Kingfisher. He won't be in town long, but he may as well have somewhere comfortable to sleep when he inevitably comes back cold and wet.

Geralt bribes a local fisherman to take him out to the bay or as close to it as possible - no one will go right in any longer. They moor on the far side and Geralt disembarks, thanking the man and paying him a generous fee for his service. He didn't have to bring him out here, and many other men wouldn't dare go this far.

He hears the song immediately and it makes him pause. Geralt has heard the Siren song before, has even fallen under its spell in the past, and this is not it. This is a Siren, for sure, and he is singing, but his song is... sad. Geralt frowns as he makes his way over the swell of the hill, the beach sprawling out before him in a wide arc.

It's sandy, devoid of rocks and debris but the tide is down and large, jagged rocks break the surface of the water. Waves roll up gently onto the shore and Geralt scans the shoreline, looking for any sign of the Siren. The song is coming from the far side of the small bay, but he sees nothing.

Readjusting the belts across his chest, he makes his way down to the beach and across the sand.

He spots him shortly, tucked under a shelf of rock out of the sun, curled around himself. Geralt thinks at first, that he may be injured, hence the despair in his song, but as he approaches he recognizes a sense of desperation in the tune. Approaching further, he catches the creature's interest and he looks up at him, his confusion a mixture of desperation and fear and resignation. Geralt looks him over as he approaches, not trusting the Siren not to jump out and attack. He knows well enough they're crafty and wouldn't stop short of setting a trap in dire situations.

But when Geralt is within a few feet, the Siren still makes no sign of wanting to hurt him. If anything, he looks miserable to have been discovered and Geralt does a quick once-over for injuries. There are none visible, but as the Siren unfurls himself, stretching out to his full length, Geralt pauses.

He doesn't know a lot about Siren anatomy past what a sorcerer will pay for what, but he's seen enough pricks in his life to know one when he sees it.

Jaskier whines internally and shuts up as soon as he sees the figure approaching. He was trying to attract... well, not him. Not a Witcher. He needs someone to solve his problem, not to be killed as the solution to someone else’s. But maybe that would be better than going through this every five years out here alone. Maybe the Witcher will be kind and put him out of his misery and then- well, at least he wouldn't be stuck here on his own like this.

But the man approaches and doesn't do anything. He just looks, walking closer until Jaskier could nearly reach out and touch him. Slowly, as non-threateningly as he can, he uncoils himself to prove he's not a threat. His cock aches and he's reminded of the fact that it's very blatantly on display, but that's the least of his problems now.

"You're the one who's been wrecking ships?" the Witcher asks and well, yes, Jaskier assumes that's his fault.

He's seen the wreckage washing up on shore, seen the men floating lifeless amongst the waves. He tries to help, but in this state, it's impossible to do much before the burning need overtakes him again and he's rendered useless.

"I didn't-" he starts, but he doesn't think a Witcher will care whether he meant to or not. He just wants a companion, wants someone to help ease this ache as his own attempts aren't helping any longer, he didn't mean for the humans to get in the way.

"Didn't what?"

"Didn't mean for them to get hurt." Jaskier doesn't look at him, but the Witcher is quiet for some time and then,

"It’s... a mating song?" he guesses and something in Jaskier’s stomach twists uncomfortably that he could figure it out so quickly. Jaskier avoids his eyes looking instead at the way the sand coats the toes of his boots.

"Why don't you tell me what happened?"

Jaskier's head snaps up at that and he looks the Witcher dead in the eye. He's never heard of a monster being given a chance to tell their side of the story, to redeem themself. The Witcher drops to the sand, crossing his legs and resting his elbows on his thighs.

"I-" Jaskier starts, unsure if this is some sort of twisted game. "I just- I was hoping someone might be nearby to hear-" he feels pathetic, his only consolation the fact that the Witcher doesn't know that he came here willingly, he left his family willingly to go out and explore the vast oceans and now he’s miserable.

"How long have you been here?" the Witcher asks, "you've never caused problems before now."

"Before now I wasn't-" he rolls his eyes in frustration at himself, slapping his tail against the sand. "Sirens," he starts again, "go through cycles. I'm in heat and I'm alone and every attempt I've made to reach out has only ended in ruin." Jaskier scowls at his own confession.

"I tried to help," he adds solemnly, "I just... I can't focus, I don't have the strength to pull them to the surface- I tried," he persists, "but I'm not much use like this." His cock aches and he groans at the timing. "I hardly think that deserves a death sentence." He wraps his tail protectively around himself, hiding the evidence of his situation.

"Not here to hurt you," the Witcher explains, "just here to keep people from dying. I could... help?"

Jaskier starts at the offer, his wings snapping tight against his back. "What do you mean, help?"

The Witcher huffs a light laugh and Jaskier tries not to be too hopeful. He's never strayed beyond his race, though he knows many who have and if he were to, well, the Witcher isn't awful to look at. In fact, Jaskier thinks, taking in his shining golden eyes and shock-white hair tied back in a loose bun, he’s quite lovely.

"Now, I know you're not stupid," the Witcher says, almost sounding amused. "The offer’s there. I'll help if you stop with the singing."

Maybe it's the need coursing through him, or maybe it's the fact that no one has ever been so kind to him before, or maybe there's just something about this man's smile that makes him weak. Jaskier agrees.

"Not here," he says. "Can you swim?" The Witcher cocks an eyebrow at him. "I'd prefer not to have to do this out in the open where anyone could just wander upon us. I do have some sense of decorum."

"Where are we going?"

"Home," Jaskier says simply. "It's not far." He shifts in the sand, sitting up and gesturing out toward the sea. "A human could make the swim, surely a Witcher can as well."

"Fair enough. I'm Geralt, by the way. And I can swim."

"Jaskier."

He squirms in the sand, trying to force his cock to withdraw, but it's no use. Geralt rises, kicking off his boots and removing his gear, tucking it away into a crevice in the rock. He bends down, scooping Jaskier into his arms. It's a shock and Jaskier is helpless to do anything but wind his arms around Geralt's neck and hold on, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the way his cock juts out obscenely, betraying him.

Geralt walks into the waves, releasing Jaskier as soon as the water is up to his waist. He holds his breath, lets Jaskier take his hand, and follows him down beneath the surf. Jaskier feels marginally better out of the sun and sand, in the cool water, but not much. He swims quickly, eager to return home and get on with... whatever Geralt has in mind to help.

He ducks into the narrow tunnel, dropping Geralt's hand and gesturing for him to follow behind. He does, and Jaskier leads the way back to an underwater cave. Glowing coral grows near the ledge of rock, where the water gives way to open air again. It gives off a little light, but Jaskier can see perfectly well and he knows Witchers have night vision.

He slips up onto the stony cave floor and offers a webbed hand to Geralt as he breaks the surface. To Geralt's credit, he only seems a little out of breath as he's hauled up out of the water.

Jaskier flops back on his side, watching the way Geralt rises to his feet, tugging his soaked shirt off and wringing the water from it. His trousers remain in place and Jaskier finds himself disappointed, curious to see what's hidden beneath. But this isn't a fun romp for the sake of it; this is an agreement, Geralt is simply doing him a favour.

When he seems pleased with the state of his shirt, Geralt lays it out and lies down next to him, lining his body up with Jaskier's. He's... stunning up close and it takes more of his effort than it should not to simply reach out and touch him just for the sake of it. He remembers fucking other Sirens, the touching, the press of bodies - he misses it, and he finds himself wishing this was something more than a simple favour. But that's selfish; Geralt is already offering him so much, for so little in return and nothing, even, for himself.

"You'll have to walk me through it," Geralt says with a smile, "I've never fucked a Siren before."

"Oh. You can just... touch me?" Jaskier says and Geralt reaches out tentatively, slipping a hand over the swell of his hip.

"Like this?"

Jaskier nods. It's not exactly what he wants, but it does feel nice and he's not about to try and direct. Geralt's hesitation is short-lived and he slides his hand up Jaskier's chest, brushing his thumb over a nipple and Jaskier's breath catches. He watches the movement of Geralt's hand as his fingers press into his skin, warm, despite the swim through cool water.

He shifts slightly, leaning up on one arm and pressing back down, over the swell of Jaskier's hip and he tugs him forward before abruptly before dragging his fingers up the length of Jaskier's swollen cock. He's slow, but delicate like he's learning his way around, but it feels incredible and it's hard for Jaskier not to just thrust up into the touch and take the pleasure from his hands.

Geralt's fingers slip over the ridge at the base of him, curling around him beneath it and squeezing as he pulls up over it.

"What is this?" he asks. He sounds intrigued, curious, and Jaskier can't help but indulge him.

"'S hard to fuck underwater," he hums, moaning as Geralt's fingers reach the tip of his cock. One dips into the slit, pressing against it, and Jaskier whimpers. "Keeps me from... slipping out." The noise Geralt makes in response is hard to determine, but it sounds interested. He moves his hand back down to squeeze around the ring.

His fingers slip over the swell of skin, pressing against it and running his thumb along the edge. He likes it, Jaskier realizes. It prods at something inside him and he presses his hips forward encouragingly.

"Does that feel good?" Geralt asks and Jaskier nods, pressing his forehead against his arm to keep from moaning out loud. He wants to show his appreciation, wants Geralt to know he can do as he pleases with him, but he doesn't want to push too hard.

Geralt’s light touches grow bolder, pressing more firmly, jerking him quickly and firmly and as Jaskier whines and squirms beneath him, Geralt grows more confident. His fingers slip down, pressing between the folds of his sheath, pressing right down to the base of his cock and within. No one has touched him like this before, the sharp jab of a Siren's claws not conducive to pressing inside.

Something warm spreads through his chest and he finds himself pulling away, embarrassed by how vulnerable he suddenly feels letting a stranger touch him this way, a Witcher no less. Immediately, Geralt withdraws his hands and the look on his face implies worry.

"Sorry," he blurts, then softer, "tell me if it's too much."

"No, I just. No one's ever-"

"I'll stop."

"No," Jaskier says again, a little too abruptly. "No, it was good, it just... caught me off guard." Geralt doesn't wait to be told twice, but his fingers move more slowly as they slip back into place at the base of his cock. Jaskier gives a little thrust on encouragement and Geralt presses his palm against him, giving him something to rut against while he explores.

Jaskier rocks against him, burying his face in his arm as the need takes over. Given an inch, he's no longer able to control himself, so needy for it that he's invited a perfect stranger into his home to fuck him. But Geralt doesn't seem to mind his desperation, doesn't mention it. He picks up quickly on Jaskier's most sensitive spots, going back to rub over them, pressing his thumb beneath the swollen ring and Jaskier's mind goes blank with the pleasure of it.

He's never noticed how sensitive it is there; the use of hands in Siren coupling is rare and limited to squeezing and jerking, not prodding and rubbing like Geralt does so easily. It's hardly Jaskier's fault that he can't contain himself in the face of this new, wonderful sensation.

The swell of his climax creeps up on him slowly, his mind too preoccupied with where Geralt's fingers are and what they're doing. It's not until Geralt wraps around the base of him, pushing as far into his sheath as his fingers with reach, that Jaskier realizes how close he is. His hips jerk hard and Geralt's other hand shoots out to steady him, holding him close as Jaskier writhes against him.

There's not much else he can do like this, just squirm and try to press as much of his cock against Geralt's palm as he can. Otherwise, he's under Geralt's control, letting him do what he wants, take him apart as he will. Geralt's thumb presses along the underside of his cock, pressing up toward the tip and Jaskier jerks hard as his orgasm washes over him, spilling over Geralt's hand and up his arm.

His hips twitch, cocking slipping easily against Geralt's arm with his own spend to slick the way. He'd be embarrassed, coming so quickly with so little stimulation to anything but his cock, but Geralt hums, sounding very pleased.

He continues touching him, fingers slipping through his spend and using it as slick, rubbing down the full length of him and rubbing against the slit at the tip.

"Good?" he asks and Jaskier can only nod and whimper, still struggling to catch his breath.

Geralt leans in, pressing his nose into Jaskier's neck abruptly and Jaskier shifts onto his back to allow him better access. He likes the warmth of Geralt's breath on his neck, the soft press of his lips and the occasional flick of his tongue against his skin. Geralt says nothing as his kisses become firmer, pressing down the column of his throat and down his chest.

His hand remains on Jaskier's cock, stroking slowly as he kisses down the length of his body, not even pausing as pale skin gives way to shimmering scales. He seems unbothered by it and Jaskier likes the feeling of his lips on his tail. Geralt doesn't release his cock until he's moved fully down the length of Jaskier's body, straddling the end of his tail.

Geralt kisses around the base of his cock, not touching it but for the barest brush of his cheek as he passes. Jaskier holds his breath in anticipation, arching off the bed with each kiss that gets closer to where he wants it. When Geralt's lips finally press against him, he lets out a strangled groan and arches off the ground, hands immediately and automatically groping for Geralt's shoulder.

Geralt kisses up the length of him, teasing the tip with his tongue before moving back down again. Jaskier wants his mouth, wants to feel that wet heat around him, so different than the cool touch of one of his own kind. It wouldn't be the first time he's had a mouth around his cock, but he's used to sharp teeth, to slow and cautious strokes. When Geralt gets his mouth around him, he's anything but.

The moment Geralt's lips wrap around him, quick and eager, sliding his tongue over him and pressing his lips in close, holding him tight as he sinks right to the base. His tongue presses in where his fingers had been and Jaskier knows now that he likes exploring, likes discovering what makes Jaskier squirm and taking advantage of it. And he's incredibly good at it.

His fingers that had, up until now, been happily settled on his hips, push up to brush against his skin. One hand remains, seeking out the smallest part of his waist and settling in the dip as the other moves down again. Jaskier's foggy mind suggests that he intends to wrap around the base of his cock, but Geralt gets distracted somewhere between. His fingers pass over Jaskier’s slit and he pauses. Slowly, Gerlt lifts his head, licking up the length of Jaskier's cock and looking at the opening beneath his fingers.

"Can I?" he asks and Jaskier nods.

This is... new. He knows for women it can be pleasurable to be touched this way, but he's never had anyone do it to him. As a child, they told stories about men who fucked each other like this, the way they fuck women, but Jaskier had been young and naive and passed them off as nothing but stories. He'd never found anyone who wanted to touch him that way and had assumed, like most things children talk about, it was a rumour.

But Geralt's fingers tease the opening and sparks rush over his skin. Jaskier's cock throbs and he pushes himself up to watch. Geralt catches his eyes for a brief moment, before dropping back to his work and pushing inside.

"Oh," he breathes, "you're wet." Jaskier squirms, as his body gives way to Geralt's finger, quickly joined by a second.

As with everything, he moves slowly at first, pushing deep and rubbing into him. It feels good, much better than Jaskier could have expected and then Geralt bumps against something inside him and Jaskier cries out, digging his claws into Geralt's shoulder.

When he realizes what he's done, he releases him quickly, but Geralt seems unfazed and he's smiling when he meets Jaskier's eyes again.

"You like that?" he asks and Jaskier lets out a breathy, yes. Geralt grins at him and ducks down to wrap his lips around the tip of Jaskier's cock.

Geralt's fingers work in time with his mouth, picking up speed as Jaskier's groans become more frequent, less controlled. It doesn't take him long like this, with his cock slipping down Geralt's throat and Geralt's fingers constantly pressing against whatever that is inside him that feels so fucking good.

He comes with a gasp as Geralt thrusts up into him again and Geralt makes no attempt to keep him from pushing his cock deeper into his throat. If anything, he seems glad for it, and when Jaskier slumps back against the ground again, Geralt pulls off his cock with slow precision, careful to wrap his lips tightly around the head. Jaskier's eyes drop shut and his chest heaves, but he's aware of Geraly lying back down next to him.

"That felt... good."

"No one has ever touched you like this?" Geralt asks lightly. Jaskier waves a clawed hand at him in response. "Mmm, understandable. But you liked it?" Jaskier huffs a tired laugh and turns to face him.

"Very much."

"Can I?" Geralt asks, already sliding slick fingers along his waist.

"Please."

Geralt rises to his knees, straddling Jaskier's hips for a moment before dropping to the ground on the other side of him. He presses right up against him, slipping an arm under his neck and holding him close as his other hand presses flat against Jaskier's stomach, sliding downward. He crooks two fingers, pushing inside him and seeking out that same spot again.

He finds it with ease and when Jaskier jerks hard, Geralt pulls him in against his chest. He drops his forehead to Jaskier's, breathing hard against him and Jaskier shuts his eyes, letting the pleasure wash over him. Geralt thrusts into him, quick and precise, then slows to tease at the opening, fingers slipping slowly in and out, and Jaskier can't decide which he likes more.

When he's quick, it punches the breath out of him, leaves him mindless and aching for more, but then he slows, gently caresses and rubs into him and it's like a slow fire burning within him, gradually burning brighter. His mind goes blank, foggy with lust, and he wraps himself around Geralt's shoulders, drawing him close. Even with Jaskier wrapped around him, he never falters and before long Jaskier is writhing again, his tail slapping hard against the floor as pleasure courses through him.

He's overwhelmed, so entirely encompassed by pleasure that he can't do more than cling to Geralt and whimper until, at last, he comes, his cock untouched where it spurts over his hip.

Slick drips from his slit, mixing with his come and Geralt pulls out slowly, swiping his fingers through it and sliding them around Jaskier's cock. He cries out at the first touch, oversensitive from multiple consecutive orgasms, but it still feels good underneath the sensitivity and he can't bring himself to tell Geralt to stop.

When Geralt finally lets him go, Jaskier flops onto his back and stares up at him. Geralt is watching him, his eyes dark but bright, and he smiles. Unthinking, Jaskier reaches up, wrapping one hand around Geralt's cheek and tugging him down toward him. At the last second, he realizes what he's doing and hesitates, but Geralt closes the distance, pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss.

It doesn't last long and Jaskier has to keep himself from nipping at his lips when they part. Geralt presses up close and for the first time, he feels the hard line of Geralt's cock beneath his trousers and it makes his breath catch. For a moment, he just stares at him, enthralled by the idea that Geralt is turned on by this.

"You're... aroused?" he asks and Geralt huffs a soft laugh.

"I'm fine."

"Could I touch you?"

"Mmm, if you like."

Jaskier grins, shifting onto his side and pushes Geralt over. He laughs and goes easily, watching as Jaskier spreads a hand over his chest. He maps out the planes of his chest, pushing clawed fingers through soft chest hair before dragging them lightly down toward the hem of his trousers.

He rakes his eyes over the jut of Geralt's cock, but doesn't touch, afraid of pushing too far. A favour, he reminds himself, Geralt is doing him a favour here. So he slips his hand back up to his stomach, mimicking the way Geralt touched him at first, exploring the little dips and rises in his skin, careful not to catch his claws.

And when he looks up to him again, Geralt is watching him. Something in the way he looks at him makes Jaskier's chest tight and he dips down again, catching Geralt's lips in a kiss. Geralt kisses back with enthusiasm, wrapping an arm around so he can pull Jaskier on top of him.

Both hands move down, cupping the swell of Jaskier's tail and rocking him slowly forward. Jaskier's cock, still sensitive, presses against Geralt's through the rough fabric of his trousers. He hisses at the drag, but Geralt moans at the friction and the sound goes straight through him. This time, Jaskier does it on purpose.

They find an easy rhythm between the two of them and even with Geralt's trousers in the way, the sensitivity soon gives way to pleasure and Jaskier ruts against him, kissing him hard despite the lingering fear that he'll bite too hard. Geralt however, seems unconcerned. He's got one hand buried in Jaskier's hair, the other pressing between them, fumbling with the buttons on his trousers. It takes him a moment, but he gets them undone, finally pulling his cock free and Jaskier groans as he ruts against him.

Geralt is hot, his cock even more so, and Jaskier basks in the warmth, pressing himself closer, even with Geralt’s hand still between them. He's sure he could come just like this, happy to rut against him, but then Geralt's fingers are pressing against his slit again. His fingers come away slick and he winds his hand around Jaskier's cock, stroking him slowly.

"What do you need?" he asks and Jaskier whimpers.

"What you did before," he breathes, "could you... do that again?" In an instant, Geralt flips him onto his back again, dragging his fingers up to his slit, but Jaskier stops him. "Could you... with your cock?"

"Oh. Fuck, yeah."

Geralt shifts, pushing his trousers down and kicking them off before pressing up close again. He pulls Jaskier into a deep kiss, his hand sliding away to bring his hips closer. He ruts against him, pushing through the slick and come and when he catches on Jaskier's slit, Jaskier lets out a little gasp and grasps at Geralt's shoulders.

Geralt pushes forward pressing into him and Jaskier holds his breath as he stretches open on his cock. Geralt's eyelids flutter as he settles and then he rocks forward, slowly at first, just short little thrusts that leave Jaskier aching, pushing himself onto him, wanting more.

And Geralt gives it to him. He sinks deep, hooking a knee over Jaskier's hip to hold him close as he ruts, his cock pressed firmly against that spot that makes him wild. Jaskier bucks and whines, his own cock slipping against Geralt's with every thrust. He delights in the feeling of Gerslt inside him, of his warmth and the stretch of his cock, sliding into him and filling him wholly.

He's surprised to find Geralt as breathless as he is when he looks up at him and he can't help but tip forward and nip at his lower lip. Geralt groans and kisses him hard. He pushes him onto his back so he's straddling his hips and when he sits back, Jaskier's cock presses between his cheeks.

He rocks his hips, suddenly overwhelmed by the heat around his cock and Geralt shudders as he pushes back against him. His eyes flick up to Jaskier's and he licks his lips.

"Can I try something?" he asks and Jask nods enthusiastically.

Geralt withdraws immediately, pressing his fingers into Jaskier's slit. When he withdraws, he reaches behind himself, and Jaskier burns to know what he's doing, but the slick fingers wrap around his cock, and Geralt sits back on him. Jaskier groans low as Geralt's body engulfs him, heat seeping into every inch where they touch and he reaches out, fingers digging into his thighs, so careful not to leave scratches.

Geralt rocks back onto him, taking the full length of Jaskier's cock and grinding back against him. He rolls his hips and squeezes around him, pulling right up to the tip before dropping back down the length on him. Jaskier is breathless, helpless to do anything but squeeze Geralt's thighs and bite his own lip.

Tentatively, he wraps one hand around Geralt's cock, slipping webbed fingers over the head of his cock. Geralt moans softly, sliding one hand over Jaskier's and guiding it down. Jaskier nearly stops breathing as the head of Geralt's cock nudges against his slit and then he's sliding in again, filling him up even as he squeezes around Jaskier's cock.

It's so much. Jaskier's body sings with the twin pleasures of being filled so wholly and sinking into Geralt himself as he shifts his hips up.

"Fuck" he groans and Geralt drapes himself over his chest, kissing the moan from his lips.

He finds a rhythm, a careful balance that keeps them joined in both places and Jaskier has never felt such overwhelming pleasure in his life. He meets Geralt's thrusts, thrusting in deep as Geralt sinks into him and it's hardly surprising when he finds himself creeping close to the edge. Geralt's thighs shake around him and he wants to hold out, to make Geralt comes first, but Geralt reaches up, nipping at the sensitive skin over his throat and the pleasure that zips through him is too much.

His hips snap up hard and Geralt kisses him through it, deep and hard, his whole body arching against him. He follows shortly, burying himself deep in Jaskier's body and rutting into him urgently. The moans and pleas that drop from his lips do nothing to ease Jaskier's persistent erection, but as Geralt slumps against him, Jaskier feels the exhaustion creeping in.

Geralt, too, seems tired and Jaskier withdraws reluctantly, mourning the loss of Geralt's body around him. His cock remains stubbornly hard, still unsheathed, but the aching desperation wore off some time ago and he flings himself into the water, quickly rubbing himself down to prevent waking up sticky and uncomfortable. A moment later there's a splash as Geralt rolls off the ledge next to him.

He swims closer enough for Jaskier to reach him and he makes a point of wiping Geralt down first before wrapping a hand around his cock and sliding slowly. Geralt's eyes drop shut and he winds his arms around Jaskier's neck with a soft, shuddering moan.

"How long does this usually last?" he asks and Jaskier shrugs.

"Anywhere from a week to six."

Geralt gawks at him. "Six weeks?"

"On and off," Jaskier huffs, amused. "I don't swim around with an exposed prick for six weeks. And besides. It's usually two, though it is much more in much more... concentrated bursts."

"Meaning I should stick around?"

Jaskier's heart thuds heavily at the suggestion which is, realistically, ridiculous. He's known Geralt for all of a few hours and under normal circumstances, the man would have just killed him. But the idea of keeping him close spreads warmth through his chest.

"You don't have to," he says anyway. "You kept up your end of the deal. I'll be quiet."

"Mmm," Geralt agrees, nosing at his neck, "but it'll get bad again. What would you do with no one here to get you through it."

"Are you..." Jaskier starts, hesitant. "Are you saying you want to stay?"

"Maybe not exactly here," Geralt shrugs, "I'd appreciate being warm and dry part of the time. But I don't intend to go far. Maybe I'll camp out on the beach."

"Will you stay for now?" Jaskier asks hopefully.

"Yes."

Jaskier doesn’t acknowledge the way his heart clenches a little. He shouldn’t want Geralt to stay, shouldn’t care what he does with himself now that he’s fulfilled his end of the bargain, but as they finish cleaning up, he seems happy to be there.

Once they're both clean and Geralt has managed to pull another orgasm from him, they settle on the ground, Jaskier curled up around him. His cock rests perfectly against the cleft of Geralt's ass and he has to be careful not to move too much, lest he work himself up again. He spreads one wing out over Geralt, using it as well as he can to keep him warm.

“You should go back,” Geralt says quietly and if Jaskier didn’t know better, he’d say he sounded almost disappointed, “leave here and find more of your kind so you don’t have to suffer alone next time.”

“I’ve thought about it,” Jaskier admits, “but I like it here.”

“Mm,” Geralt hums sleepily, “guess I’ll just have to come back then, hm?”

Five years later…

The need returns, just as it always does, creeping up slowly and then hitting him all at once, but this time it's worse. This time he has the memory of his Witcher, soft and sweet touching him and kissing him and working him through it. And the memory only serves to make the need stronger.

But he made a promise.

So Jaskier holes himself up in his cave and deals with it as well as he can on his own and when that quits working on the first day, Jaskier swims to the surface in the hopes of coming across some other passer-by who might be willing to risk their life to fuck a Siren.

But when he breaches the surface of the water, there's a figure on the beach, moving oddly. He keeps low in the water, just his head breaking the surface and when he gets closer he realizes it's a man taking off his boots. It takes a couple of seconds to register as the man strips completely naked, but as he gets closer, as Jaskier swims further, he recognizes him. There's a swell of something warm and pleasant that settles in his chest and his heart beats just a fraction too quickly.

Geralt came back for him.

[the-punforgiven]

New D&D character concept: A wandering guilt-ridden warrior-type trying desperately to redeem themself from a long and bloody history of violence and war, wholly unaware that they've never actually killed anyone and are just under the effects of some dickhead casting a very powerful Modify Memory spell

[creacherkeeper]

erley, 6 & 7, 16, 23, 43 😈

6. what quality do they like the most about themselves?

i think they like that they're loyal but would like to learn who is worth being loyal to because they dont have the Best judgement about that (besties found out some new stuff about my god today <3 its bad <3)

7. what quality do they like the least about themselves?

oh what a list <3 probably that they see themself as a coward. they never stood up to their dad, they didnt choose to leave the earthmakers even though they hated being with them, they ran away from the cowboys as soon as they caught feelings, they avoid raging because theyre scared of not controlling it, they stop people from getting close to them because theyre afraid of rejection, they try to pass blame because theyre afraid of being punished for messing up. erley is a VERY fear based character and i think they KNOW that about themself and DONT like it because thats not who they're "supposed" to be

16. which member of their family are they the most fond of, if any?

biological family, their grandmother. she was always patient with them and didnt mind their softness or young gnc tendencies. but they havent seen her since they were a little kid because she stayed back in their home country during the war. of people they currently consider to be family ,,, i mean i wouldnt say theyre FOND of xander but he's the one theyre most like. hopeful could potentially be redeemable. out of like. anything from their childhood. where theyre at on their like, trauma healing journey (spoiler alert: not very far), they really need SOMETHING from their childhood to have been worth something and theyre DESPERATELY latching onto that thing being xander. as like, a fellow kid their father completely fucked up

23. when do they feel the most beautiful?

INTERESTING question. honestly i think theyre so self conscious and like. werent really allowed to embrace their gender nonconformity or explore identity or expression that they probably havent felt like that since they were really little? probably since before the war started. i dont think theyve felt like theyve been able to be themself since. even the cowboy get up is like. a defensive thing

43. is your character known to be the one that causes problems for the party (wether it be intentional or not)? how do they feel about that? if not, how do they feel about the person who does tend to be the one causing problems?

literally evil for these question choices rowan. you fully know what youre doing. OKAY LISTEN YEAH ERLEY CAUSES A LOT OF PROBLEMS. THEY ARE NOT DOING ANY OF THEM ON PURPOSE. IN FACT THEY ARE TRYING VERY VERY HARD TO BE GOOD AND ALSO BEATING THEMSELF UP VERY VERY HARD FOR MAKING MISTAKES. its also very funny on like, a meta level, that every time i plan a nice scene or a good interaction with erley and another pc, either i get the WORST rolls of all time or something goes HORRIBLY wrong before the scene can happen. like this happens. constantly. a few games ago erley embroidered a little scene with the druid's dog and some flowers and left it outside her room and then we IMMEDIATELY WENT INTO A TRIPLE HOMICIDE SCENE so they never talked about it. a while ago they were going to try to apologize to seir and make up with her and then the morning they were going to do it she got framed for murder kind of because of them. this has happened like 8 times. the gods simply hate erley

[bookwyrminspiration]

thoughts on cassius?

oh the little bitch boy, nonsie

looking at Cassius as a character, he’s not very interesting I gotta be honest. What’s his motivation? What does he want? Does he exist outside of providing negative experiences for character related purposes for his son?

I noticed the same thing with Grady (not saying they’re similar, just wait I’ll explain). They’re both meant to fill a role that affects the main characters, they don’t need to be deep as long as they serve their purpose. Cassius exists to provide negative experiences. Every single time we see him, we come away with a negative interaction and/or a negative memory brought up. Has he ever been on page and it not related to whatever the main characters are doing? Not that I remember. He exists to further their story.

We see that in how shallow he is, how self-centered. Every major trait he’s given is about his relationship to Keefe and how it affects him. He has a huge ego—something he imposed on Keefe and compared him too/holds him too. He likes having a good reputation—he’s always disappointed in Keefe misbehaving. He’s controlling—he’s always trying to control Keefe and turn him into a mini version of himself.

It makes for a boring character, in my opinion. I want him to have personal interests and goals outside of his relationship to the main characters. I do not mean I want him to have interesting traits so he can be redeemed. His treatment of Keefe is inexcusable. I do mean that he’s boring, and I want even the antagonists to be interesting. Because this is a middle grade series there’s more of an expectation to make sure your antagonists are really bad, with no good traits to truly cement that their actions are bad, as the children reading the story may not be able to make the distinction for themself yet. (Which is totally fine).

Were we in a position where he could be given “positive” traits to make his more complex, I think I’d want him to have a personal, secret goal of some kind. A motivation fueling him. Maybe he wants to become a councillor because he thinks his way of doing things is the best way and he hates to see people stray off what he thinks is the best path. It could be more of a secret because since he has a kid and a former wife (idk what their official deal is anymore) he can’t serve. But he’s desperate to fix other people and thinks power will help him help others. Something like that. Is it misguided? Yea. Is he wrong? Most likely? But is it more interesting? To me it is.

I often find myself looking to the villains to see myself in a story, because the communities I fit into are often villainized or inaccurately represented in the main cast, so I hold them (the villains) to higher standards. So I want Cassius to have more depth. To exist outside of hurting Keefe. I don’t think that will ever happen, but i like to think about it.

TL;DR: Cassius’s only purpose in the story is to be a painful/sad backstory for Keefe, which makes him kinda boring as a character. I want individuality from him.

[qwertyfingers]

we know that bobby only watched ds9 and dean watched the tos movies for sure which implies he's seen tos as well (plus he calls jack spock). so what do you think everyone's favorite trek is? sam is without a doubt a tng fan first and foremost. i think out of all tos movies cas prefers the wrath of khan because he Feels Things when kirk and spock do the ta'al through the glass. charlie has definitely seen some trek (we've seen her llap), do you think she's into tos first and foremost? anyway let's talk about star trek nights in the bunker.

OKAY SO I HAVE. MANY MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS. SORRY THIS IS SO LONG.

like. like of COURSE bobby only likes ds9 of course he does i could have told you this without the show becuase like. bobby is That Bitch. i think rufus will have watched TOS at least because leonard nimoy worked hard on linking jewish faith and practices into the vulcan lore and i think that would mean something to him. bobby will catch rufus smiling at him sometimes while they’re watching ds9 and ask him what all gruffly and rufus will smirk at him and say something about sisko with jake and bobby with dean and bobby will just cough and take a swig of whiskey and rufus will raise his eyebrows but let it slide. rufus definitely makes a comment once about dean&cas being like jake&nog that totally flies over dean’s head but bobby is all knowing eyebrow raise about.

i think cas and jack would really like discovery. while it has some issues with inconsistency, pacing, being a little dark, it also does better than the other TV treks at utilising the nature of film as a medium to instill a sense of wonder, at space and the world, and that’s something they’d really appreciate. i have my own issues with disco, but an obol for charon is as close to the central core of trek that disco ever gets. cas and jack also like that one in particular because they like listening to all the different languages being spoken. they all love michael (everyone loves michael). cas’ faves are stamets and reno because they’re mean and gay, jack’s fave is tilly because she’s excitable and bright and he latches onto that. dean likes reno because she’s got spunk. sam’s fave is airiam and he will never forgive them for killing her off. sam, cas and dean all feel an uncomfortable kinship with both ash and culber - they’ve both been the one with monster teeming under the surface, controleld by something not themself, but they’ve also all spent that time in hell/purgatory, separated from everyone they love.

thinking about episodes that would really get to them all, darmok is. THE ONE. i have a whole unfinished essay about darmok as the platonic ideal of star trek; the perfect distillation of everything trek is SUPPOSED to be about. it doens’t always get there but by god it tries! that speech michael gives in the disco s2 finale - “There's a whole galaxy of people out there who will reach for you. You have to let them. Find that person who seems farthest from you and reach for them.” - that’s what darmok is about!!! it’s all about a situation where real communication seems impossible, where everything we know about talking and learning has broken down. and picard says, okay, i will find another way. i can’t relate to you, you can’t relate to me, but by god i’m going to try. we all meet people we have trouble communicating with in our lives, and often, those people will not care about changing their own ways to accommodate us. for people with autism, adhd, psychosis, the list goes on, this is a very common occurrence. it’s exhausting and frustrating and alienating. darmok is all about crossing that barrier. about reaching for someone through a world of difficulty and learning how to talk. learning how to share something with someone who seems out of our reach. it’s beautiful, it’s heartwrenching, it means more to me than i can easily put into words! 

anyway i think the bunker fam would experience a lot of emotions watching it together. there’s defintiely a lot of hugging eachother, sam cries a lot and won’t look at anyone until after the episode ends. jack just asks a lot of questions and talks about his progress learning sign language with cas. dean snakes his hand into cas’ halfway through and doesn’t let go. doesn’t show the emotion on his face, but he clutches harder at the emotional beats. cas runs his fingers through jack’s hair and thinks a lot, and decides not to say anything unless dean talks first. its just a Lot for everyone. 

dean def makes them marathon all the TOS and TNG movies. it’s an experience everyone needs at least once. i think you’re right about cas and TWOK with the ta’al through the glass, but also ‘this simple feeling’ and the hand hold would make him feel crazy. bones being the one that spock entrusts with his katra DEF makes dean feel some type of way because as much as destiel is kirkspock-coded, dean IS bones, and seeing spock trust bones so completely despite how at odds they were when they first knew eachother would dig deep into dean’s psyche and make him more than a little bit nutso. the movies are way too long for jack so he mostly sits and plays animal crossing while they watch and looks at the screen when everyone else gasps or when something exciting is happening that holds his attention for a while. sam’s fave is nemesis precisely because it’s terrible and he loves how camp it is.

dean has definitely seen all of trek. i refuse to believe someone who watches as much tv and films as dean wouldn’t sit and watch the whole shebang. i think he’s probably seen TOS and the TOS movies more than the others because its easier than sitting through 7 seasons, but i think rather than that being his favourite he’d just have really strong opinions about the best episodes of each one? like if you asked him what his favourite is he’d say you can’t answer that because they’re all so different from eachother

VOY - bride of chaotica, non seqitur, macrocosm for the favourite episodes. seven, janeway and tuvok would be his favourite characters. he think toms a bit of a knob but also feels a kinship with him for the similar brand of bab dad-ism but he wouldn’t be able to put that into words. he’s also a fierce defender of threshold being a good episode (he’s right for that)

DS9 - our man bashir it’s our man bashir. he doesn’t dislike ds9 but its very plot heavy and he didn’t care for it when he was younger. rewatching it after living through multiple supernatural wars he’d probably appreciate it more. i know for a fact he cries every time there’s an episode about sisko being a good dad. jadzia and garak are his faves

TNG - he LOVES q. he also absolutely will not be caught dead referencing how much loves q after cas comes into his life because sam will do the little brotherly knowing eyebrow raise at him and he will die of embarrassment. he regularly references ‘there are four lights’ because he’s a fucking nerd. he has made cas watch elementary my dear data and fistful of datas a half dozen times each at LEAST. cas KNEW how dean was going to be about the cowboy hat he’s defintiely got into full cowboy getup at home just for watching movies and in cas’ head star trek is fully to blame.

TOS - oh there are so many good TOS eps to choose from. obv he loves most of the series becuase TOS has MANY banger eps, his favourites are probably like. mirror mirror, amok time (baby dean defintiely had some kind of crisis watching it for the first time; i know the rituals are intricate). i know deep in my bones that dean watched the conscience of the king (introduction of the tarsus iv massacre) once and then spent his entire teenage years writing fic about that in his head, whether he posted it or not. dean related too much to those experiences of shared hunger. city on the edge of forever is one of everyone’s faves for a reason (and i’m STILL mad we never got a closer take on that episode in spn it could have been so fun). 

ENT - he definitely thinks enterprise is stupid and he’s not wrong but he has also definitely watched it and been very repressed about the whole thing. mans was like oh i feel a kinship with malcolm reed the obviously repressed queer man. i will never examine this feeling ever again thank you <3 he also makes fun of archer for being obsessed with, of all sports, water polo. shran is his favourite character because he’s a little shit and makes him laugh, and t’pol, because t’pol is a badass and he’d appreciate that. i can’t remember the title of a single episode off the top of my head though lol.

i can see what you’re saying about sam being a TNG stan. i’m conflicted though, I feel like TNG’s generally the favourite of 1) obnoxious nerds who think knowing trivia facts makes them smart, 2) men desperately trying to seem masculine and 3) people who’ve watched it three times and have extremely complex thoughts on the personhood and rights of robots. i could see sam fitting into the third group, but people who are in it for the robot feelings are a coin flip between voyager and tng being the fave, and i just have a feeling that voyager would be his favourite. i know kid sam is getting gender envy watching voyager in shitty motels while dad and dean are out, trying to find the words for it. his first semester at stanford he talks a friend into giving him the janeway haircut and rides that high for months. sam’s favourite characters are seven and EMH. 

sam and dean have definitely had dozens of long drawn out debates about philosophical topics in star trek. do the holograms deserve rights and if so which ones. are the romulans and vulcans still meaningfully the same people. was spock right for trying to foment reunification by going undercover on romulus. can the borg be redeemed. etc etc.

i haven’t seen any of picard at all so i can’t comment. i also think sam and dean probably read a lot of the trek books? they’re pretty common to find in secondhand bookstores and cheap, would have been even cheaper back in the day. sam probably doesn’t care for them much, dean has a few solid faves though. i’ve only read the disco books so i can’t comment anything specifically (besides the fact that i think dean read dead endless and cried like a baby), but some of the TOS and DS9 books are gay as hell and i know dean was eyes emoji-ing that shit. 

[gone-series-orchid]

I thought about this earlier today (what a year already) if Orc HAD done something during THAT scene in Coates. My gosh how would Astrid had coped with that? How would that affected her relationship with Sam? Would she still have gone into exile? How would she have handled even the thought of Orc? How would that affected Orc? The one person who saw you as a human is now like treating you like a monster? Would he have ended things? Like man I hate to say it but I kinda almost wish MG had played it out a little bit....

(just as a warning, dear audience, this post contains explicit discussion of rape/sexual assault.)

hi, emily! always nice to hear an ask from you!

oof, what a dark train of thought. if orc had tried something at coates, i think astrid wouldn’t have coped with it well at all, given she’s already at the end of her rope mentally. she already recognizes that orc may be a (implicitly sexual) threat, but, interestingly, doesn’t think he’s old enough:

“she wondered whether orc was old enough for her to worry about in that way. she thought not. but it was a frightening possibility” (p. 345).

this is despite the fact that he’s only a year younger than her—he’s 14, the same age that astrid was when she got together with sam! the fact that she’s heavily implied to be wrong would affect her greatly if something were to actually happen.

sadly, i can see astrid potentially blaming herself, even subconsciously, for not taking him seriously as a potential threat before it was too late. she’d be castigating herself for trusting orc when she knew that he was emotionally unstable and drunk; maybe she’d even be angry at herself for trusting orc at all. she thought he respected her, that he had a soft spot for her, maybe even loved her in his own way—only for him to treat her so monstrously. i think it would fundamentally break whatever trust she had in him.

astrid’s such a good person that I don’t think she’d have it in her to not care if he did end up offing himself (more on that later!), but I think she’d mourn the person he could have become instead of the person he was at the time of his death—and even that she’d do with intense bitterness, confusion, and anger.

I think it would *definitely* affect her relationship with sam, which was already on the rocks. post-ambiguous assault (whatever that might consist of), i’d imagine she’d be even more resistant to the idea of having sex with him. would she be able to tell him why? i personally don’t think so—i think she’d want to keep it to herself and try to forget it ever happened. i think she still would go into exile, definitely, not only for the typical little pete reasons, but because she’d want to emotionally process what happened and she’d think withdrawing from everyone could do that.

i think she’d think of orc as little as possible after that. she’d be completely done with him. any thought of him would probably bring up a lot of anguish, especially because, depending on how sexually-tinged the assault was (again, the ambiguity of it is kind of a big factor here, but it’s probable that it was at least somewhat sexually charged, given the context of earlier coates segments with orc staring at her and his conversation with drake—more on that later), it would be one of astrid’s first sexual experiences, even if it’s of the quasi- sort. :(

as to how this would have affected orc...ooh boy. first, i’ll kind of reiterate what i interpret his motivation to be in attacking astrid in the first place, starting with this quote:

“[orc] had no clear thought for what he would do when he found [astrid]. she was just the only one who had ever helped him. she was the only one who had ever seen him as charles merriman and not just orc. she should feel his pain [...] someone had to feel the pain” (p. 436).

this isn’t just a case of just straightforward violence for orc, sexual or otherwise. this is fundamentally a frustrated, warped attempt to communicate his pain to someone he trusts deeply, someone he feels will understand because she saw him as a human being and not a monster. it’s also implied to be an equally warped expression of sexual desire, though i think orc doesn’t recognize it consciously...or, if he does, it’s in a purposely obfuscatory way. while this is orc’s “let me be evil” moment, it’s also a “let me be evil but with psychological plausible deniability” moment; he recognizes what he’s doing is sexually charged and unwanted, but the thought of his actions as meriting the label of sexual assault would never cross his mind; cognitive dissonance all the way.  it would be too psychologically painful for him to reconcile those two things.

anyway, i think orc’s desire to attack astrid would also be seen as a violence-tinged version of the “sex for solace” trope (in which a character has sex with another as a way to comfort themself after a tragedy). similar to how sam longs to have sex with astrid (and kisses taylor) to cope with his ever-growing bevy of traumas, orc longs to have sex with astrid to cope with his self-loathing and suicidality. with sex usually comes love and acceptance (which, of course, is what he wants the most from her). it also means physical intimacy, which he’s been deprived of due to his mutation. orc wants to be close to her physically and emotionally because he thinks love (and thus sex) redeems. if astrid can love him, then that makes him good. and he thinks, in his drunken, heavily depressed state, that he can only get that approval through violence (ironically negating the fact that it’s supposed to be redemptive)—hence, this:

“[drake] peered closer at orc as if looking inside him. ‘nah, orc, the only way you ever get astrid is the same way i get her. and that’s what you were thinking, isn’t it?’” (p. 444)

notice that drake is peering as if looking inside orc at this point, implying that what he says has some merit/truth to it. orc has been thinking about “getting” astrid through violence (again, whatever that really means...more on that later).

anyway, so it’s a complicated mix of emotions that would inspire that sort of act, is basically what i’m saying. that doesn’t absolve orc of doing anything wrong at all, of course, but it is a thing to consider.

so, to answer your question, i think orc would be absolutely devastated once he released what he’s done. he’d think he entirely deserved astrid’s scorn/fear and would basically be even more self-loathing and drunk than he already is. i think he’d think that by violating astrid’s trust this way, he’d proved himself to be an irredeemable monster in full. i don’t know if howard would be able to help, either. he might try to approach astrid to apologize at some point, but i don’t think she would listen to him.

his suicide attempts would probably increase, but i don’t think he’s actually able to die (i think i read this on the wiki at some point but there was a fan theory at some point i believe that posited that orc’s mutation is actually a form of long-term regeneration; his stone skin “filled in” the parts on his body the coyotes tore apart and healed them until, by the time of his death in light, he’s got his original skin back beneath the gravel...so maybe his liver keeps regenerating and that’s why he can’t drink himself to death). he might long for his apology to be accepted by astrid, but i don’t know if she could find it in her heart to forgive him, and i don’t think she’d be wrong in doing that.

so, here’s the Big Question: what does orc do when he finds astrid?

i’m not sure. i think he’d be flustered and angry when he actually finds her, but unsure of how to channel his rage. it’s one thing to think yeah i’m angry and i want astrid to feel my pain but what does that result in? i can’t imagine him pummeling astrid with his fists, or hitting her straight out. i can imagine him picking her up, or maybe backing her into a corner...maybe he’d attempt to kiss her in a sort of rough desperation, or feel her up, or tear off her clothing, maybe hit her when she inevitably resists in a sort of mix of panic and anger. i’m not sure if he could actually force intercourse on her, but it appears that despite his mutation his genitals still function (after all, he can still pee), so maybe? but then again, he is stinking drunk, and that tends to impair sexual functioning anyway….

oof, that made me feel dirty. 😬

but i do really understand the inclination to wonder what would happen if mg had made it so astrid was present! i’m just not sure. curse you, mg and all your ambiguity!

but thank you very much for the question, emily!!! feel free to send more!!

[cosmic-affinities]

Under the Guise of Seclusion

Summary: The Symbol of Peace as a title died years ago, Yagi Toshinori has already caught up. No one was ready, no one ever will be. All anyone can do is take the first step to move forward.

Our story started on Dagoba Beach, it's only fitting that's where this one ends.

AO3 Link

Fair warning it's a bit cheesy but it deals with a heavy subject. I finally had to bite the bullet and write the BNHA obligatory All Might dies fic, this is what happened. I hope you enjoy it!

A secluded beach is what everyone else saw.

To Izuku, it was the first place he felt strong. The one place he could always go back to if he needed to ground himself.

Now, all it would ever be was a gut-wrenching reminder of what was lost.

But he wasn’t alone, never really was if he is honest with himself. It wasn’t just after ground beta, he guessed that you never realize something has always been there until you have someone point it out to you.

That thought brought a new wave of sadness over him, the one who reminded him would never see how much he truly needed the reminder.

The three hardest days of his life had come and gone in a succession much too quick for Izuku’s liking.

The first was a month ago, All Might was hospitalized, a week since they put him on a slowly ticking down clock, and three days since- well, it was a thought Izuku couldn’t even bring himself to think.

If he let himself think it, he would start to remember that, no matter how indirectly, he was the one that started the ticking down clock.

Now here he stood, at a funeral, he never could have imagined going to, let alone choosing where it was.

Izuku was surrounded by everyone that touched All Might, he knew All Might wouldn’t want anyone to be left out. Everyone from the entirety of the current Class 3-A to pro heroes, to Izuku’s own mother.

But most importantly to Izuku, Katsuki Bakugou stood, hand never leaving Izuku’s no matter the amount of nitroglycerin between them. If anyone thought the pair was inseparable before they now looked like fools, they underestimated how well the two supported each other and just how willing they were to drop everything for the other.

In three days, the longest they had been apart was to shower, even then they took them at the same time so they didn’t have to wait twice.

When asked down the line why they couldn’t let go of each other they always said the same thing, they didn’t even realize until someone pointed it out. They both had a theory as to why but it was one answer they had learned to live without.

Maybe it was because they were apart when it happened, maybe it was the only thing holding them together, or maybe it was just a small comfort that they needed.

Three days ago Izuku sat with his mother in his childhood home, making small talk, nothing more substantial than pleasantries, leaving the hospital that day had been particularly rough. Katsuki figured they would need their time alone and decided to pay his folks a quick visit to kill time.

Within the hour they were reunited, each with the news that their earlier moments were their last with the now fallen hero. Their mothers clung to each other with no hesitation, both had tears and cries for miles, they had to get away.

With nothing more than a simple look and a nod, they made their silent way, hand in hand, to the children’s park they used to play at together. Neither of them shed a tear that first day, they didn’t let themselves under the guise of wanting to be there for the other. They would later realize they were always there for each other and holding themselves back for even a moment was all for themselves, a reassurance that they could, they needed some faith in themselves.

They made their way back to Izuku’s house, guiding the pile they once identified as their mothers, inside with them. Their mothers stayed together, finding comfort in the warmth of their best friend that they could find nearly nowhere else. Inko knew she couldn’t be alone and Mitsuki wouldn’t dare leave so they found themselves asleep next to each other, a result of their collective emotional exhaustion.

Izuku and Katsuki would have been in a state not too far from that of their mothers if they had not been on a couch. Again neither of them had to speak to know that Izuku’s room, not updated since middle school, was no place for them to be at the moment. Instead, they curled around each other, both so thankful they could do this, no longer angry because they couldn’t.

They wished to be back there, warm and comforted by the familiar smell and feel. Truly, they wished to be anywhere other than a secluded beach under a beating sun that felt no remorse for their loss.

They had listened to prayers and condolences, even gone as far as to accept them as kindly as they could, now they waited for the first person to make their own personal remarks.

Everyone was hesitant to make the first remark, some of the older pro heroes remembered how during even the most somber of moments All Might would make the first move and start the rigorous journey of lifting spirits. When asked why he never hesitated to be the first to speak he always said that the first step is the hardest to take, he would personally take as many as he needed to if he knew he was helping.

Izuku thought he could try to do the same but, unlike times where his body moved seemingly without permission, it was now frozen. Stuck. Waiting for another to take that first step, waiting for the person who would never take the first step again.

It was finally an uncharacteristically slow Gran Torino who stepped up first, he told the story of how Yagi Toshinori, once a frail young boy, was able to bear the weight of a room full of mourners and allow everyone to start becoming better. He admitted to that being the only reason he stepped forward, thinking of Yagi at his lowest made him realize that if he could do it then there must be some redeeming quality to it.

Next was Aizawa, he told the story of how he managed to corral one of the big three into helping him get over his own fears, eventually leading directly to his now-husband and indirectly to everything else in his life. Only a few were surprised at the sentimentality, everyone else knew these things were not taken lightly and this was the best moment to show everyone else how much All Might knew he meant to them.

All of the pro heroes made their way to the front, each giving away a piece of themself along with All Might. Everyone shuffled their way to the front, whether it was to say a sentence or to tell a story, they made as much peace as they could for the time being.

Eventually, only Class A was left, Katsuki broke the ice and made his way to the front with a squeeze of Izuku’s hand, it almost felt wrong as they split.

“All Might meant a lot to everyone, it's not fair to try and say he meant more to me because he always put all of himself into everything he did, including any connection he made. Whether he was saving you from a crumbling building or, in my case, from yourself, he made sure to make you feel as if you were invincible. I wanted to be angry, I really did, but he was the one who knocked it into my thick skull, that anger was a tiring front to keep up. He has been my hero since I was a snotty little brat, I have the holographic collectible cards to prove it, but in the past few years, he put an entirely different definition on the word hero. A hero isn’t just someone who defeats villains, it’s also someone who stops them from becoming villains in the first place, even someone who does nothing but save others is a great hero, a lesson I could have desperately used a long time ago. That being said, he taught me how to be a traditional hero, which in itself is a heroic act. He will have a permanent place in the hearts of everyone who has ever even so much as heard of him, we can all only hope to have a fraction of the impact he has had.”

Katsuki finished with no further conclusion, opting to head straight back to his place next to Izuku. Once their hands were linked, each held a bit tighter.

The rest of Class A went up, the girls went together in a small group, and everyone else went in pairs or by themselves, Izuku never moved. Finally, as Koda finished saying more words strung together than anyone there had ever heard him say, Izuku looked at Katsuki. It was the understanding in the ruby eyes that finally unstuck Izuku’s feet from the floor. He got the message of ‘it’s ok if you can’t go up there’ and knew he had to.

He walked up slowly, he was one of the only people to know every single person in the room personally, this led to him feeling as if every eye was watching him, he squared his shoulders and cleared his throat.

“I almost didn’t come up here. This entire time I had been trying to will my feet to move forward, take a step, and then another but they wouldn’t budge. That was until it hit me that even though All Might is- ahem, even though he is no longer with us he will never truly be gone. Whether you notice the influence he had on heroes or a simple look from someone, that reminds you of his never-ending compassion.

Every single person here knows how much All Might means to me, I am almost positive everyone has been subjected to at least one of my rambling sessions about him. Knowing that gives a glimpse into what he means to others, before he was my mentor he was another hero on a pedestal, and yet, as unattainable as he seemed, he touched every single person on this planet who believes in what's right and has seen him in action. A long time ago some lunatic said All Might was a true hero and, although I would like to reiterate that he was a lunatic, he was somehow right. All Might was able to give even more than himself if he needed to, he set his limits to smash them and set new ones.

Once his limits were finally set he still didn’t stop there, from there he guided others on their journeys of breaking down their own limits, unknowingly talking All Might’s down with them, he cultivated so much joy from seeing others succeed and so it was enough.

He continued to say that everyone was just enough, there is nothing more you need to add or take away, everything someone is has always been there, they just figured out how to mold it in the best possible way. I'm just glad that he saw what he needed to, in me.

Where we are all standing is not quite as random as many might think. Yes, it is a secluded beach that won’t be disturbed by anyone other than those allowed in here today, but it is also the start of the rest of All Might’s honor. This is where he trained me nearly four years ago, this is where he gave me the best thing I could ask for: a legacy to grow into. Although it wasn’t just for me.”

Izuku took a longer pause than normal, asking Katsuki to join him up front with nothing more than a look. Soon the duo was standing next to each other, linked by their hands.

“Many people have talked about everything All Might has given them, and all of the best things in my life can somehow be attributed back to him. That means that now All Might is permanently within all of us, we all know his phrase of ‘I am here’ and that ‘I’ now has to become all of us.

It won’t be today, it might not be for a while, but I can say with the utmost confidence that everything will be alright.

Why?

Because we are here.”

I wrote this in May of last year and only recently decided to brush it off and post it. It felt unfinished for a while. A friend pointed out to me that it is going to always feel unfinished because that's how the grieving process is. There is no neat bow on the end of a loss. All there will ever be is something that feels unfinished. I wrote it the night before my first birthday after a hard loss so this was lowkey a bit of therapy lmao.

Thank you for making it to the end of this fic! I respond to every comment so if you want to make my entire existence all you have to do is leave something below!

[eriisaam]

Something something Tarot Card Project something.

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Context under the cut, in order of appearance:

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Kyo - The Fool (  Hear me out.)

Symbolizing new beginning, adventure, opportunities, pleasure, etc. It reflects how when Lifonse and Kamui first met him (from his perspective), he suddenly took a drastic turn in his life with opening new opportunities (becoming a summoner, stabilizing his power to go from a ditto to a ditto-mew, getting his first legendary in Zacian and encountering others, finding his ex and making amends to be on surprisingly good terms with him, having lovers who immediately love him, etc), of which his stinkiness nearly self-sabotaged in his apprehension, his guardedness, and (more sympathetically) him managing his past experiences and traumas, of which had Lifonse and Kamui not been so patient, supportive and loving as they had, there were so many opportunities he could've ruined for himself. This incarnation of him even gained more lovers than his past self (in Eclair and then Kaze), and in a moment of humbling himself and realizing in full of the weight of his failings and foolishness, it had a profound effect in Zacian for her to knight him, proclaiming herself as his to officially train.

For the reverse, this also winds up heavily symbolizing his past-self, who became present-Kyo's fallen alt, who did wind up self-sabotaging things by causing a lot of trauma that lingered in Kamui and Lifonse, who went a completely different direction in life from the present Kyo, and was woefully apathetic and uncaring to Lifonse and Kamui as a whole compared to present-Kyo not only opening up and genuinely loving them more, but making strides to change himself for the better for their sake, too. There were many scars he left behind in Lifonse and Kamui that negatively impacted even present-Kyo’s relationship with them, and the only moment he had a saving grace was just before his death, and ruined just as quickly when Hel claimed him as one of her new cohorts. Worth also noting that unlike the present Kyo, whose power stabilized his ditto genes to be mew-like, past-Kyo didn’t develop nearly as pronounced a bond to do the same, and thus, lacked their connection to a mew.

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Ephrel - The Chariot

In reverse, the feeling of defeat, being vanquished, lost, etc. Were all feelings that reflected how Ephrel was in the eyes of Sparrow's Order of Heroes prior to Sparrow's official status as summoner (of which Chrom's was unofficial before her). They were completely forgotten to the point they didn't even have a name attached other than "former summoner/previous summoner", the circumstances of why they were gone were almost entirely unheard of or guesswork, and there seemed far too much haste to try to forget them as much as possible in favor of moving on with Sparrow, satisfied to keep their fate unknown with very few to give a fuck otherwise (like Chrom, then Sparrow based on Chrom's own unwavering hope to find out what happened once learning Ephrel had a life after their robinsona).

The process of finding Spectabilis, then deciding to redeem them rather than kill them (which would be far easier and inconsequential), was what flips The Chariot upright: Reflecting the long, rocky road Chrom persevered to press forward to, and meet up to free Ephrel from a fate of stagnancy, rather than just leave it at accepting his replacement Robins and moving on without them like everyone else. This action was what allowed Ephrel's live to continue forward, and to reveal more of themself they didn't flesh out even in their robinsona days.

Initially, I debated on whether or not Chrom and Ephrel fit to be literally riding something, but I find it even more fitting that Chrom himself served as “the chariot”, having carried the toils and burdens from the point he lost Ephrel, to the long, exhausting journey to retrieve them again. 

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Erin - The Hanged Man

As her supports (but especially Lif, Ryoma, and to some degree Camilla from the start) knew too well (and Hrid eventually caught up on and was rightfully horrified of and clingy afterwards about), Erin came from a very harsh life prior to being a summoner, where she was suffocated, controlled, manipulated, and worked to the ground, to the point she nearly made a very costly, risky mistake of her own self prior to her Breidablik summoning her (of which I'll remain brief and vague here as it's not the biggest point this time). The damage was still done, as she still was left a broken shell, fully welcoming anyone to pull her strings as she was heavily conditioned to expect, all with a weak will, self-worth and agency. All of which line up with the reversed Hang Man's meaning of useless sacrifice, unwillingness to change, and knowingly heading on to bad decision after bad outcome. The arms of her past try greedily to drag her back to the life she had once escaped from.

The upright version of this reflected readjustment, improvement, and rebirth: All of which carried the same elements to how her supports could see she was a completely different person underneath the broken mess she was initially left as, and needed support, love, and gentle coaxing to come out in her own accord. This then led to a very massive shift to what she later turned into presently from where she started off before: As someone bold, brash, more willing to show herself, and more engaged as her own self with her own decisions. Even in free-fall, she gained her freedom, and more, thanks to her supports, gained her wings figuratively and literally (as a manakete) to take flight by her own will.

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Teru - Death

In reverse, Teru had indeed followed a lot of relationships that couldn't fully serve him or be as realized as he needed them to be at the time he needed it most (Kyo, before The Incident nearly ruined even their friendship, and definitely ruined their relationship. Then Ryoma, before Garon took that away from him as well.). His Order of Heroes failed him, his initial Askr was doomed, and he had to be a pillar of strength and protection to his pokemon and them in a time he himself desperately needed someone to rely on and protect him instead in his ailing strength and health. In the form he took prior to decimating his former connected World of Fates, one prominent feature in the missingno form he took at the time was carrying the fragmented headgear of his fallen past lover.

Upright, even in the point where Teru changed his life for the better, it took massive sacrifices and struggles on his part to get there. He has a chronic illness that can make him incredibly godly in power in the best of times, but also worryingly and critically frail and weak in most other times, all through his missingno powers he's still not able to entirely control. He had done the impossible in cheating death so many times from being a missingno, to surviving Conquest, to taking the Heart's Rite head on and living to tell the tale, but such bragging rights rang hallow for the sacrifices he made and the unspeakable levels of agony and pain he endured while subjected to them. He cheated death, yet at what cost? But even when he reached his lowest, his life did start anew as he grew past his traumas just enough to learn to grow and feel again, and for the better. After all, "third time's the charm".

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Sparrow - The Star

Where she started, she was homeless, abandoned by the world, and left to die. Forgotten. Uncared for. Unconcerned. Just another number and another sad life wasted. Like the reverse, she started in a point she was made acutely aware how little her skills mattered (it certainly didn't spare her the life of poverty), how bad her luck was (despite her best efforts, she still failed), and her only future was one that was coming to an end (crushed dreams unrealized in favor of being left to starve to death to the harsh elements outdoors). In her hands were the concept of a Crest of Fate bestowed to her, marking her as a digidestined. But even this “blessing” was in actuality a fake crest of the Grimeal, and what led to long-term damage to her and her digimon when the ruse was up.

It was Chrom who summoned her, and it was because of his patience to help save her and get her on her feet again did her hopes turn around, and her card meaning with it. Upright, she had a second chance in a new life, a new environment, and with opportunities she only barely touched the surface of that were fully realized in looking to it again in Askr (her digimon, who she didn't physically interact with until Chrom upset her digimon partners upon realizing why Sparrow didn't check up on them (of which she downplayed her life cuz, well, she thought it was a game), revealing themselves in full). She found love, she found insight, and she found a new power she learned to harness to make a better use of her skills when she thought a more direct approach was lacking (a healer, when she wasn't physically strong enough to take up another weapon yet). She stayed calm, positive, hopeful, and tried to extend the same hope Chrom shared to her to others she found along the way, which led to Robin, Lyon, and then Ephrel finding their own hopes as well. In her hands was a digi-egg of Destiny (sometimes alternatively known as the digimental of fate), which manifested itself when Breidablik resonated with both Sparrow and Ephrel. As a united force, they finally gained the hard-earned role of digidestined as a duo legendary-mythic unit.

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Eclair - Judgement

A lot of Eclair's point of major growth in power and character all fell back on Thorr's most powerful ability: Judgement. This power was the power that could completely and utterly decimate entire countries with the single swing of her hammer, and she isn't afraid to flex, and in ways Eclair saw for himself are fickle and self-righteous (particularly as she and Teru declared war on one another for the sake of protecting Nohr or wiping it off the face of Fates, but did nothing to interfere with the Nohr Teru himself destroyed in his own world). This fickle nature, this self-serving attitude and logic path Thorr decides when to enact her judgement or not, struck the biggest fear in Eclair and caused untold amounts of stress, worries, and panic attacks of being his greatest failure of seeing everyone wiped away from his life (like the fate he himself escaped as a forma) if he couldn't successfully stop his own mother. All of which are fears of the reverse Judgement. Even when she left her mark in other timelines and what-could’ve-beens, she struck fear in Eclair’s supports making such outcomes prominently known for them to stew on. Including an alternative outcome of her taking hold of some manner of Alfonse and overloading him into a temporal threat.

But upright, it also reflects awakening, renewal, a better health and mind fully realized. The point Eclair began fearing his mother and aunt most was also the point his powers started manifesting the most when his family, friends and supports made their own will clear of wanting to protect him. It was also the point he fully realized that form of will that comes from love and the power it held that heavily contrasted the will Thorr took interest in that comes from despair. This eventually was fully realized in his fully powered form, Magni, and his power as the Divine Shield to completely cancel out Thorr's Judgement attack, and thus, force her to bring herself down to the same even footing as the mortals when she can't simply delete them off the earth with a swing anymore. This resolve is also what resonated with why Zamazenta similarly trusts him, and thus, fully established Eclair's mythic alt.

[thedicepaladin]

I feel like people don't do the ask things often enough anymore, and Sapphire's cute, so any question with a 4 for Sapphire (4,14,24,34,40-49,54,64)

(I agree, I love when people send me asks/messages but I tend to not get a lot)  Holy moly, well alrighty then! Looks like I have a lot to tell about my girl. I already answered 42 tho, so I’ll skip that one!

4. if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?

Ah, I think she would love to learn Message. It’s a very useful spell, especially with the way the story is going in our campaign. She has a lot of info to get to people but not the methods to do it. Also... she has some people she’d love to reach out to.

14. what is something they love about themself?

Hmm... That’s a really tough one, since a huge chunk of her character journey is most likely gonna be about this sort of thing. I think she loves that she tries her best to be kind, despite a lot of things that have happened to her. She doesn’t try to inflict that pain onto others, and I think that’s something she appreciates about herself.

24. which of the four elements speaks to them the most?

Very interesting! I don’t know if she would put much thought into this stuff regularly, but most definitely air! Color scheme wise, I’m sure people would think water, but I think air/the sky make a lot of sense for her.

34. Which party member do they go to in a crisis?

I think it depends on the crisis. It depends on a lot, but she’s probably the most inclined to go to Ka, our Kobold Sorcerer or Mink, our Elven Sorcerer. Again, it depends on a lot. She’s most likely to go to absolutely no one if something bad happens, at this point in her journey.

40. Do they enjoy poetry?

I mean, she certainly loves reading. I think poetry would grab her interest a bit, even if she can’t write it very well. She’s... not great with words lol

41. What are they attracted to in other people?

In terms of like, just generally liking people, I think she’s drawn to kindness and protectiveness. I don’t think she really knows what she like likes about anyone yet, but probably someone who would bring her out of her shell and make her laugh. People who are a source of warmth, y’know?

43. Why do they fight?

Well, in her eyes it’s all she’s ever been good at. She has nothing else she can do. It’s also, for a large portion of her life, all she’s ever known. She also has to rescue a lady that got kidnapped on her mission, so... yeah. She’s got work to do :/

44. What do they need to learn?

HOW TO LET HERSELF BE LOVED FOR GOD’S SAKE. How to fricking trust other people and not shut everyone out? Thanks Sapphire, you’re cagey and you make it hard to roleplay but it’s my fault!!

45. How do they hug people?

Well... from moments in game... either very awkwardly or very desperately. Usually the second, because she’s not one to go in for hugs unless it’s drastic.

46. What do they deprive themself of?

HUMAN INTERACTION AND CONNECTION??? (I know it’s my fault, again, but god-) Having fun? She thinks a lot of that kind of stuff is unnecessary and a waste of time, so she tends to not even let herself consider them. Also, just having wants/needs in general?? lol

47. When they meet someone, what is the first thing they notice?

Their stance/posture or their expression. Like, not their eyes themselves but the emotion behind them. She tries to gauge if someone is trustworthy or threatening off the bat-

48. What do they see in their future?

HOOO BOY THAT IS A ROUGH ONE. Right now she is solely convinced that she’s either going to die on her mission or that she’s going to be executed by the Empire for initially failing her mission in the first place. (I can say that because it’s not spoilers at this point) So, unfortunately, she doesn’t see much? lol

49. What makes them smile?

So far, just really simple, goofy moments with her party when she is finally convinced to let go for just a second. A lot of stuff involving Opal (her cat familiar) and Selune. Also, some stuff from her backstory that I can’t get into because my party doesn’t know yet.

54. What was their education like?

She kind of had one! She was raised in a temple, so it was a lot of religion-focused scriptures and the likes, alongside some other basic knowledge that most people would be taught. But like, she didn’t have private tutors or anyone to continue her education past that.

64. Do they value mercy or justice more?

I think that really depends. If she sees someone as redeemable, mercy and kindness is the best route to take. However, if someone has wronged and hurt too many people to possibly be considered for redemption, she thinks it’s only right to restore balance in the world by taking that person out in the name of justice. She’s an Oath of Vengeance Paladin, after all.

WHEW THAT WAS A LOT THANK YOU ANON!

The list is here, for anyone who wants to do any of the other questions~!