#<for the exasperated Dan quote

[dizzybevvie]

(Dan Avidan voice) They're so in love.

[palmettoshitposts]

ideas from a foxes with less trauma au im too lazy to actually write. they are basically just friends who’ve been thrown in the same dorms and chaos ensues. here’s what you could expect to see if you entered the dorm:

andrew is always just on top of furniture he shouldn’t be. he especially loves sitting on the fridge and kicking away anyone who tries to open in.

allison and seth are engaged in a months long “who can sneak up and punch the other the hardest” competition. allison is currently winning. the bruise on seth’s back is so alarming he has to get it checked.

nicky regularly sits on aaron’s head to “cure his homophobia”.

neil and kevin competitive juggling (because that one post about that on here has me in a fucking crack chokehold, it such a fucking funny concept)

renee painting the scenes before her in a renaissance style. they are these glorious, stunning works of art that just depict the stupid twats around her. she’s so proud of them.

dan on matt’s shoulders to change a lightbulb even though matt could 100% change it himself. she uses his ears to ‘steer’ him in different directions.

jean and jeremy live in another block but jean gets drunk at a frat party and climbs through neil’s window mistakenly. andrew comes running in hearing a loud bang and finds neil and jean on the floor - jean because he’s drunk and neil because he was sleep deprived and tangled in his duvet when he tried to get up. that’s how jean and neil become friends.

neil scales the building to meet andrew on the roof, regularly. andrew is so outwardly exasperated but he’s weirdly into it?

renee is randomly hyperfixated on bonsai, but this is ruined when kevin, drunk as all fuck, is dared to eat the leaves and ruins her progress. she gets her revenge by cutting holes into all of his socks.

neil exclusively speaks german in a terrible accent one night that actually makes nicky cry. nicky is so pained he rings erik to complain and erik pretends neil is doing a great job. nicky thinks he’s lost his mind.

jean is just constantly high and gets very philosophical. but, like, badly philosophical. he’s either asking if ants piss in a deep, thoughtful tone or quoting obscure lady gaga lyrics. jeremy, equally as high, thinks jean must be a god.

neil inhales the helium from allison’s peppa pig birthday balloon and actually cracks a rib from laughing at his own voice.

dan walks in to see kevin in stilettos with his head rubbing against the ceiling and just slowly reverses.

renee steals the mobility scooter of a homophobic old man and exclusively uses it to get around campus. she calls it the pussy wagon to stop her male gay friends from using it. surprisingly this works.

allison gives a drunken one person rendition of the wizard of oz. everyone watches and finds it hilarious but renee cannot breath by the end of it. allison has never seen the wizard of oz.

they all get high and andrew exclusively talks to them in the lyrics of all star by smash mouth.

neil coaxes an actual fox into aaron’s bed and aaron screams so loud the police get called because it sounds like someone’s being attacked. for once, no one is being attacked.

kevin is a closeted amateur ventriloquist. as in, he practises in the closet.

renee fixes all of their (in this universe, minimal) trauma by holding a weekly story time where she reads them all picture books.

[rubywolf0201]

Incorrect Honkai Star Rail Quotes because I’m bored lol

*WARNING: May contain some OOC moments as always*

Fu Xuan: You stole my hairpins!

Jing Yuan: No, I didn’t.

Fu Xuan: Liar liar, plants for hire!

Jing Yuan, exasperated: It’s ‘pants on fire’…

Fu Xuan, crosses arms and huffs: You would know… liar.

—————————————————————

Blade: “Kafka, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you!”

Kafka: Bladie, I’ve used your sword to unclog my toilet!

Blade, shocked: WHAT?!?!

—————————————————————

Yanqing: Blade poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and delivered a plague unto our houses!

Sushang: He did?

Yanqing, frustrated: No! But are we just gonna wait around until he does?!

—————————————————————

Blade: “AH HA HA HA HA! I GOT YOU NOW!”

Dan Heng, cornered: “W-What are you gonna do?!”

Blade: “I... don’t know…”

Dan Heng: “What?”

Blade: “I never thought I’d get this far.”

—————————————————————

Welt Yang: “Okay, Sampo, you can go back to the Astral Express.”

Sampo: “Okay.”

Sampo: *gets in a car and drives away offscreen*

Jing Yuan: Was that his car?

Dan Heng: No.

—————————————————————

Silver Wolf: “I WANT SOUP!”

Blade, clearly losing his paitence: “HERE YOU GO! *It's alphabet soup*. I made it special.”

The soup: (says "GO OUTSIDE FOR ONCE")

—————————————————————

Bailu: Hey guys, watch me do "The Grouchy Helm Master"!!

Yukong: Stop naming moves after me!

Bailu: [imitating Yukong] Everybody's an idiot except for me.

Yukong: Well, it's true.

—————————————————————

Pela: I'm very busy!

Serval: Well, I'm sure you are.

Pela: I don't like your tone!

Serval: *High-pitched voice* I'm sure you are!

Serval: *Normal voice again, smiling back at Pela* How's that?

—————————————————————

Gepard: I am going to give that crook Sampo a what for and there’s nothing you can say to stop me!

Luka: Oh yeah? What if I said… blargen fezibble nohip!

Gepard: …well, I gotta admit that slowed me down but I’m still going!

—————————————————————

Dan Heng: Thanks for nothing.

March 7th: You're welcome.

—————————————————————

Kafka, in a dramatic tone: He understands everything I say, and I understand him! He's my partner in crime...

Blade: *smirks*

Himeko: “D’aaaw...*sniffs and looks down* Hey, who left this bowl of onions here?”

[ayliamc]

Italia

Day 6 - On the Arno

Steps walked: 18,216

Flights climbed: 12

Vehicles ridden: 1

Points of interest visited: 3

Leonardos spotted: 3, depending on whom you ask

We woke in Venezia this morning to the sound we fell asleep to last night: a canal beginning to stir with the signs of life. Both of us were so tired so getting out of bed was a bit of a chore. But we were the first to breakfast at our hotel and our benevolent host greeted us as joyfully as ever, making us a cup of tea and a double espresso (for me and Dan respectively) while we put together a full and yummy breakfast.

We bid our host adieu and — after some deliberation about whether or not to take a water taxi to the train station, barely faster but more for the novelty of it — ultimately walked to the train station. We tried again at the coffee shop that reportedly had some vegan croissants and were early enough to snag a few for the train before they ran out. It ended up being a delightful midday snack on the train as we approached Firenze, some of the lucky few on the train who didn’t have someone sitting next to them.

‘Twas after lunch and we’d had the croissants (Italian croissants all have filling in them; there’s no such thing as a plain croissant here) to keep us from getting grumpy, but lunch was a priority. On the way we happened upon a cool old church. We took a picture with it and moved on. More on this later.

Here I am, unimpressed.

We had found a vegan restaurant kinda on the way to our Airbnb. (Now we’re in real cities, I will only patronize VEGAN RESTAURANTS!) So we trudged to Nirvana, a vegan restaurant close to the Arno, the river that runs through the heart of Florence. Florence’s Thames or Seine, if you will. I finally got to order the ravioli that I’ve been craving and Dan got a big plate with some kind of plant-based meat and some of the best potatoes I’ve ever had. Simple but so good.

Sated, we walked the rest of the way to our room, which proved to be a picturesque walk along the Arno where I could imagine that what I was seeing had once been seen by Leonardo himself. Many of the buildings certainly look old enough to have been here when he was.

Firenze is similar to Venezia in that feels fake, like a toy town or something from a movie or storybook. But they’re different in that Venezia has a kind of wrongness to it. That sounds more harsh than I mean it. But I don’t exactly know how to explain it. (Side note: i do feel kind of guilty as I imagine my friend Sean reading this and my thoughts about his dream city are that it shouldn’t be real.) But Firenze feels more like I’ve been transported back in time. But so have a LOT of other people. Other people from my time. So we’re all just a bunch of 2023 people walking around the 16th century.

I marveled at a bridge we had to cross in that there were literally apartments built onto the bridge itself, only to shortly thereafter discover that our rented room was one of those apartments! We are literally suspended over the Arno, on the Ponte Vecchio. We can see the Galleria Uffizi from our bedroom window, just down the riverbank. We later tried to identify which window is ours from the Uffizi.

So yeah, great location but it has a price: namely the shower (more on that later) and the wifi (whose connection is so bad they’re forcing my blog posts to come late because there’s literally not enough bandwidth to upload them).

The Galleria totally caught me by surprise, in terms of its existence and the items inside. For some reason I became very anxious and irritating (yeah, you read that right; irritating, not “irritable”) and I feel bad for Dan. Honey if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. Thanks for putting up with me. But we got our tickets around 3:30, got a little lost and ultimately found our way, despite the museums inexplicable lack of paper maps in lieu of digital maps you can only access online, but there’s no wifi. (A docent shared in my exasperation at this. She said, and I quote, “Don’t expect things to make sense in Italy.”) Turns out this gallery holds a lot of awesome stuff. About a million and a half Roman statues, plus the mother-flippin’ Birth of Venus!

Two works from Verrocchio’s workshop that Leonardo had a hand in! (Though they straight up credited Leonardo for one of them in its entirety. They’ll really slap his name on anything now if it helps them.) And one unfinished Leonardo (that I think also had been painted in part by others)!

A Rembrandt and a Michelangelo and Caravaggio’s Medusa and a Melzi. Melzi was likely a sort of apprentice to Leonardo, and a kind of adopted son. I also learned the etymology of the word “hermaphrodite” which as soon as I learned it seemed so obvious I felt stupid.*

Here I am with the Melzi.

After the first floor (which was actually the second floor) Dan announced, “That was fun, wanna go to a cafe?” To which I replied, “That was only the first floor!” But it was indeed the second floor. You can see the confusion. In any case we spent about two hours in the museum before slowly meandering around the Uffizi square and looking at all the sculptures before walking to another vegan restaurant for dinner. Universo Vegano, this time. More good food, and we could see the Duomo down the street. (The Firenze Duomo, not the Milano Duomo.) We also took advantage of the superior wifi here (over what was offered at our apartment) so we looked up a few more points of interest and discovered that the random fancy church we passed earlier houses some tombs of note. We’ll be sure to go visit it properly tomorrow.

After dinner (with stuffed croissants in hand for breakfast) we walked by the Duomo, the one where David was originally meant to be displayed before being declared too magnificent. (We’re seeing that tomorrow.) Cool building to be sure.

A quick stop in a nearby market so we could pick up a few breakfast and snack foods** and then back for an early night over the Arno. We got to relish in the challenges of showering in an old building where the water took 5 minutes to get hot, stayed hot for about four minutes, then got cold again and stayed cold. There was a brief war as we shut out the lights when I heard a mosquito buzzing around. We tried in vain to remove her but alas. ‘Twas a comic failure. I’ve already been bitten a bunch while we’ve been here and don’t relish waking up to more welts.

Our apartment also has a window that opens down onto the Ponte and it doesn’t close — I think it’s for ventilation — so we went to bed to the sounds of a live musical performance at the bar below us and the hourly chimes of a nearby church before the city joined us in sleep.

*Hermes and Aphrodite had a child who was born both male and female. Their name? Hermaphrodite. As in Hermes + Aphrodite. You get it. So do I.

**Dan wanted to buy a bottle of wine or beer, but it was all sealed off in the market because of a soccer game… all sales of alcohol in glass or aluminum containers were forbidden in Firenze’s historical district until 7am the following day. Crazy.

[jueying]

caelsu / quote starter meme / accepting

“I should’ve known there was something fishy about them, besides the way they smell.”

Although the previous venture off the Express that yielded a never before seen creature was purely accidental, Dan Heng recalled the interest that Caelus expressed through text messages. Most of the interest seemed to be for his own process of data gathering, but there was strength in numbers and this species of wild fish quite as skittish. Thus, he extended an invitation - and received a reply and acceptance quick enough that several more hours could be devoted to this in-field research.

The reasoning behind the fish's scarcity became abundantly apparent when making landfall - judging from the bustling shops near the pier, portions of the fish's flesh, bones, and even organs could make for various potent medicines and poisons if handled otherwise. The inclination of people seeking to line their pockets with money was a long holding one and evidently, the equipment he borrowed from the Express to better facilitate observations of this species appealed even more so to those parties. Unfortunate for them then, that the business end of a spear and bat would be their only spoils. The sigh resting on Dan Heng's breath after was mostly in exasperation at their situation, though there were another factors to consider.

"Are you hurt?" He offered a hand, pausing a beat to give a slight sniff in the other's direction. "Luckily for you, their scent stayed with them."

[klstheword]

I’m Your Man

PRESS QUOTES

“Immensely enjoyable, intriguing and complex.”“The film has an arthouse breakout potential, which might rival that of the similarly female-led German comedy Toni Erdman.”“Astute casting, of which the German-fluent Stevens is a stand out, will be a key selling point.” Screen International “Maria Schrader makes a witty, thought-provoking return to features in this fusion of science fiction and modern romance.”“Schrader's beguiling Berlinale competition entry could cultivate a substantial audience in international art houses — abetted by the rising profile of its helmer -fresh from her Emmy win for Netflix's 'Unorthodox' - and the canny casting of British heartthrob Dan Stevens as a boyfriend entirely too good to be human.”“Stevens is a wry revelation, progressing from rigid, unworldly physical comedy to near-living, breathing emotional turmoil, programmed or otherwise.”"Eggert's flinty firmness and Stevens' buttery elegance prove ideally mismatched from the off — their performances gradually compromise and meet in the middle, borrowing a little of each other's suaveness and steel along the way." Variety “There's no doubt about it, it's all in the eyes: an ice-blue stare, locked on you, promising satisfaction and loyalty without asking for anything in return. That's what love is, and Dan Stevens is the humanoid robot here to give it to us.”“German actress Maria Schrader returns to directing for her third feature, undoubtedly her most well-rounded, exciting work yet.”“The script, co-written by Jan Schomburg, is what catapults I'm Your Man beyond comparison, into something diamond-sharp – witty, hopeful, wry, sincere, and sly all at once.”“Schrader's thoughtful romantic study digs into mundane neuroses and existential fears with wisdom, and empathy, making sure to keep you guessing long after Alma and Tom have stopped gazing into each other's eyes. Romantic yet level-headed, charming but always clear-eyed.” The Playlist “When the odd couple begins to cohabit, the robot is a catalyst for self-reflection and self-doubt in this comedy-drama that's as thought-provoking as it is funny.”“Schrader draws sharp character comedy out of the premise, aided by terrific performances.” “British actor Dan Stevens — speaking fluent German with an English accent — is a consistently amusing physical performer, while Toni Erdmann star Sandra Hüller puts in an enjoyable turn as his handler. But Eggert is the star of this show. She communicates Alma's exasperation, frustration and soul-searching in a way that delicately balances comedy and drama.”“The female lead gives the story more than just a fresh spin. It's a chance to ponder on the psychology of attraction from the perspective of a professional woman with a complex interior life, free from the testosterone that drives many examples in the genre. And in an age of isolation, social media and online dating, I'm Your Man seems startlingly relevant.” Deadline “Dan Stevens is a soulful robot in winsome romance from ‘Unorthodox' director.”“Eggert, whose stern, tired expression eventually gives way to the deep sorrow beneath the surface, grounds the character's transition into credible emotion.”“The movie's thematic trajectory crystallizes in a bittersweet third act, as a series of poetic moments draw the story back to the roots of Alma's struggles, and suggest that no perfect code can solve her problems when the best antidote is her own ability to talk them through.” IndieWire “A gorgeous romantic comedy that explores ever deeper questions as the plot progresses.” Blickpunkt Film “Delightful.”“Tom is perfectly cast, as Stevens narrowly borders on the threshold of uncanny valley with perfect timing and body language. His stilted posture, swift movements, and uncomfortable stares also add a level of subtle connotation to the illusion of artificial intelligence.”“I'm Your Man is an energetic recount on the cycles of modern love.” Filmhounds “Dan Stevens is as perfect as can be in the role. Not only is his German perfect, but so are his mannerisms, his quirky robot tics, and his inability to act and feel human. It's not an over-the-top comedic performance, but Dan Stevens brings just the right amount of subtle "I am a robot" humor to the role that it made me burst out laughing multiple times.”“It's a light and easily enjoyable film to watch, with a lovely piano-based score and gorgeous shots of Berlin.”“Directed by Maria Schrader, I'm Your Man is a charming, entertaining sci-fi romance with superb performances and a smart story about the grand complexity of love.” First Showing *****“Slick, sophisticated and satisfying this dating movie with a difference sees things from a distinctly female perspective exploring love and desire in a scenario may remind you of another recent German comedy Toni Erdmann which also starred Sandra Huller as a put-upon professional.” “Maria Schrader directs with supreme confidence adapting her script from a book by Emma Braslavsky, and adding a suggestive cinematic spin to her intuitive grasp of the subtle dynamics of love and dating, and the chemistry behind acting, in a film that reflects the reality that love relies just as much on the lows as the highs to be emotionally fulfilling for the human psyche.”“Maren Eggert is superb as the thinking woman's love interest in a performance that is fraught with emotion as well as thoughtful dignity, never resorting to histrionics or melodrama.”“Benedict Neuenfels makes this a pleasure to look at with his lush summery landscapes of Germany and Denmark.”“But the film belongs to Dan Stevens who gives a nuanced performance in a difficult role as a robot that teeters between the ideal emotionally intelligent man and a geeky robotic guy you may even and have dated yourself and eventually grown to love – and even fancy – for his truly masculine take on life.” Filmuforia "Maren Eggert inhabits Alma in a way that's so persuasive and naturalistic it barely feels like a performance at all." The Hollywood Reporter "With the energy of a studio era leading lady from the 1940s or 1980s, Eggert effortlessly succeeds and invigorates as an intelligent woman who also exudes an intoxicating confidence." IONCINEMA "Eggert plays her with a brusque, self-possessed wit that may remind some viewers of Greta Gerwig…" "Sensationally funny and gently science-fictional the film's embrace of uncertainty calls to mind Toni Erdmann." The Telegraph, UK "Eggert plays this tug of war with compelling subtlety, leading with her apprehension but flowering emotionally in brief glimpses of unfamiliar joy, too." "It's in the tiny glances that catch you off guard, the rush of adrenaline and pleasure that you thought only belonged in fairytales that suddenly color your world a little bit warmer and the script catapults “I'm Your Man” beyond comparison, into something diamond-sharp – witty, hopeful, wry, sincere, and sly all at once." The Playlist "A beautifully different, breezy yet poignant love story that is nevertheless full of deep truths." Berliner Morgenpost "Like a successful flirtation, no scene, no gesture is without meaning, and there is always something to laugh about." Süddeutsche Zeitung "It is a mind game that tells of the all too human with wit and charm. Ingeniously, this film questions our very real relationship patterns, holds up a mirror to us humans. An artifice that turns the tables for once and turns the man into an object, completely attuned to female needs." Heute journal "An abysmally funny commentary on contemporary life in the midst of algorithms." taz "The fine dialogue and the great ensemble should fulfil the dreams of 74 percent of all cinema-goers." Spiegel Online "Eggert grounds the character's transition into credible emotion." IndieWire

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: STUPID HANDSHAKES

Date video was published: 05/18/2011 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 90

Finally another Dan video! A rarity to have one from 2011 still be public.

0:01 - he knows he needs a haircut and it still somehow gets worse than this...

0:03 - Dan always has a much more clearly defined topic in his videos

0:27 - getting his housemates in a video! Which is pretty surprising actually. (He called them ‘friends’ in quotes in a tweet. 😕) Also, he’s so awkwardly tall compared to most of them.

0:38 - since his last public video that has a story + skits like this (which was New Years Resolution Fail all the way back in January 2010), his editing has really improved!

0:59 - I love Dan’s exasperated face. Also. So socially awkward. I relate a bit too much.

1:07 - lol very much at the last one

1:30 - LMAO that he made Phil help him with this part rather than asking one of his housemates. 😂

1:43 - high school musical reference.

1:59 - “oh hey. I’m a twat” hahaha

We have so few Dan videos from early on! I’m shocked at how many people he got to participate in this actually, and that he must have been pretty open with his housemates about doing YouTube. But not comfortable enough to do the weirdest scene, lol. That one had to be with Phil.

[quolant]

tee & bee on sports night (1.03)

hey we're tee & bee and ur reading abt sports night on tumblr — where @thxngam live reacts to sports night in 2021 and sends me stuff and i post it

sports night 1.03 — the hungry and the hunted

Casey and Isaac are watching, IMO, a football game in a rather father-son way

“I don’t care if he’s got the wind in his back and the song in his heart, he doesn’t have the leg.”

This type of no nonsense sarcasm is why I love Isaac

“You’re a crazy, crazy man from St. Louis and you have no business being in sports.”

This camaraderie seems not at all professional

I love a found family tho

“I don’t like to guess.”

Isaac and Jeremy yelling over Jeremy's level of fun is rather entertaining

Casey’s face is just amusement/exasperation and it’s very cute

Jeremy is rattling off a bunch of technical shit and I wonder how long it took Josh Malina to learn all this

The look on both Casey and Isaac's face as Jeremy's right is hilarious

Their smiles are just slowly sliding off their faces

Why the hell does Dan like offshore yacht racing?

Dans just (kinda smugly tbh) quoting something and the look on Casey’s face as he pretends to care is hilarious

Casey’s kinda mouthing it tho or maybe it’s the angle

If he’s mouthing it I wonder how many times Casey’s heard it lol

Well I love this semi unprofessional banter about the poem's author

What’s the call?

Dan and Casey look amused about it and now I’m curious

Also Dan and Casey bickering about what Thursday it is with Dana is peak married couple energy

Also them just using ‘we’ is also married energy

This laugh track is driving me nuts

Also it’s just a weird pierce of information that Dan knows a weird amount about designer shoes

What’s Jeremy's problem with hunting?

Ah

Jeremy seems to get very anxious when he doesn’t know a thing and tbh mood

Natalie brought him snacks 🥺

She’s adorable

Also Dan seems weirdly mad that they’re setting Dana and Casey to be in the same car so “they fall in love”

Also I like that the whole group is aware and trying to set them up

I’m with Dan

Soccer is boring

Dana really is very pretty in that dress

Casey FELL OVER god I love a disaster

“On your feet partner let’s go”

Dan I love u

Fuck what happened to Jeremy

Also Dan the disinterest u have in Casey and Dana is rather not platonic

Casey and Gordon is driving me nuts too Dan

It’s also very funny

Casey ur losing it

Also Jeremy looks tired

What happened?

Oh fuck he went to the hospital? Also maybe they shouldn’t be having this conversation out in the open

Ok Jeremy has some pretty fucking stron feelings about hunting

Ok then

“not fitting in is how qualified people lose their jobs!”

“That’s how they end up working here.”

That is so sweet

I love Isaac like ten times more now

The smart people who disagree with u appears to carry over to tww too

Isaac, my angel, I love u

Jeremy, sweetie, I want to give you a hug

Dana like stroked his cheek in a very sweet way and I love this found family

Also Jeremy's argument about student loans is the most valid reason I’ve ever heard to keep a weird job

Awwww he’s calling his dad

That’s so sweet

The ending of this ep was very wholesome

I love it

[safflowerseason]

Since you’re an LM Montgomery fan, what are your thoughts on The Blue Castle? And regarding Emily Starr, do you have an opinion on Dean vs Teddy? (As an adult, I feel like Perry was very unappreciated by the narrative - I quite like his and Ilse’s romance).

I haven’t read The Blue Castle in years…I read it around the time I read Pat of Silver Bush and I kind of remember just being like whatever about it, in a very foolish and youthful sort of manner.  (I was young and silly.) Anne and Emily’s stories were a lot more accessible to me then, partly because they are also young girls at the beginning of their stories. 

So, I went and found a copy of it online and reread it…quickly, it must be admitted, but I wanted to be able to give an updated impression! 

I enjoyed it a lot more as a single, adult woman. Valancy’s family was hysterical. Montgomery definitely taught me how to write double-edged family banter, that’s for sure. The heart thing was a bit melodramatic and unsubtle, but I thought the ending was so sweet and heartwarming…I definitely teared up a few times (I’m a sucker for how Montgomery describes love.) Anyway, I don’t have as many “critical” thoughts on it yet as I do about Anne and Emily, having only read it twice as opposed to at least thirty times, but I would love to hear your take! 

Now, Dean vs. Teddy…

Of course I was all for Teddy and Emily’s romance, and as a preteen/teenager obviously was weirded out by thirty-something Dean hanging all over twelve-year old Emily. As an adult, I understand what’s going on with their relationship a lot better than I did when I was eleven, but also…he’s so much older than her! 

I think Montgomery lays out all the fundamental problems with Dean as a romantic partner for Emily pretty early in the story, and those problems never go away. And the context of their romance, when it becomes an official romance, is also very telling, considering Emily’s mental state. The intellectual control Dean exerts over Emily makes me very uncomfortable, and the age gap has a lot to do that. I would argue that another part of their arc is Emily learning how to face Dean as a thinking adult in her own right. And he’s extremely possessive of her and very jealous of her time in a way that Teddy is not. And he’s mean about her writing! Get over yourself, Dean. 

Certain dimensions of the Dean/Emily relationship always felt a bit transplanted from a different novel, like some sort of late-Victorian gothic “Beauty and the Beast” trope…because Dean is physically “disfigured” in a way, and Emily is constantly presented with this star-like, otherworldly beauty (of a kind), but I have no sense of how valid that impression is, I’m not a literary scholar by any means. 

Ultimately, Montgomery does a good job of showing why Emily is so drawn to Dean, and what his friendship represents to her, but also how his love for her is a kind of fundamentally frightening thing to Emily. I think she also nails her presentation of the fundamental difference between a very mature friendship (upon which you could base a successful marriage, if you wanted to or had to) and a romance. If Dean were not so possessive of Emily as a person, and if Teddy never existed, she and Dean might have been very happy together, in spite of the age difference. 

As a character, though, we get to know Dean more than we get to know Teddy, and at the end of day, their relationship is a lot more layered and complex than Emily and Teddy’s. Teddy suffers from Montgomery’s tendency to back-burner her male characters once they become full-blown romantic prospects, as part of her own ambivalency about those dimensions of her novels (see: Gilbert Blythe practically disappearing from the Anne novels after Anne of the Island…ugh). Their friendship is fleshed out decently well in Emily of New Moon, and there is that lovely, evocative, infuriating scene in the churchyard in Emily Climbs, which I think actually does a good job at giving us a glimpse into Teddy’s mindset. After that, his feelings about Emily, his career, their relationship, all of that isn’t really communicated to the reader. His whole side of the Teddy/Ilse relationship is infuriatingly opaque while it’s actually happening, and we only get a really brief explanation of it at the very end of Emily’s Quest. Whither Teddy? I think he’s a much better partner for Emily than Dean would be, but there’s so much more Montgomery could have done to turn it into a more multi-dimensional romantic relationship. 

And I’m with you—I would absolutely read an entire series about Perry’s adventures in politics, and particularly his and Ilse’s relationship. We get a pretty good sense of how Ilse feels about him, but nothing really from Perry’s viewpoint! What’s their backstory?! What about all the moments when Perry forgot about Emily and thought Ilse was the best person he’d ever met? What happened on their moonlit car ride?! Ahhhhhh. Someone needs to give Perry and Ilse the Pride and Prejudice spin-off treatment (which is published fanfiction, y’all, it’s a legitimate literary endeavor) and publish a novel about their side of the story.

To close, one of my favorite quotes from Emily’s Quest (that I think also has some Dan/Amy overtones.) 

“And Emily was thinking—could not help thinking—of the time that she and Teddy had sat there. The odd part was that she did not think of him lovingly or longingly. She just thought of him. Would she, she asked herself, in mingled exasperation and dread, find herself thinking of Teddy when she was standing up to be married to Dean?”

So good. 

[unicorn-vibes-99]

Learning to Live With Never

my gift goes to @chloexdecker​ my prompts were monster mash and  "you know, it can be scary sometimes, but... being who you really are is never a bad idea." a quote from Chloe Decker, season 3 episode 8. I had a lot of fun doing this! I hope you enjoy!!!

Trixie was seventeen now and had resigned herself to three truths in this world.

1) She had met the devil, and he was the kindest man she had ever known.

2) Her role model as a child was a demon, and she was the best at taking care of her

3) And finally, when they left- they weren’t coming back.

It was still hard to think about even if it did happen over half her lifetime ago. Ten years flew by when nothing good happened. Her father, Dan, had died in an accident involving a murderer who was after her mother. That had been five years ago and though the ache in her body still felt fresh, she knew it did no good to dwell on it. She had felt completely alone after it happened, Lucifer and Maze gone, her mother guilt stricken, and her father gone she tried to pull herself together and be the woman she saw in her mother, but she always fell flat in her mind. That’s when she met Eve, who helped her in every way that she couldn’t help herself. Eve had become her older sister, helping with things like boys, and grief. 

Which brings us to now, where Trixie was in the school parking lot for her final Halloween dance. Eve had been swarming her with different makeup and dresses all month, and Trixie was glad that was finally over. However Trixie was still curious about why this dance mattered so much more than any of the others. Somehow Eve had dragged her mother into being a chaperone to this specific dance with her, an amazing feat considering Chloe had to work doubles to support the apartment and Trixie since Dan died. 

Eve switched the dress Trixie was going to wear from a green and black homage to Frankenstein's monster, to a red wrap around dress that faded to grey and black at the bottom. Trixie had no idea what monster she was supposed to be, but didn’t mind because when she spun in this dress the flare was something to be remembered. The three women climbed the stairs to the entrance of the school. The hall before entering the gym was dark, and covered in fake spider webs and campy ghosts. In the distance she could hear the song “Monster Mash”. Eve grabbed Trixie’s  wrists and started dragging her to the gym dancing, it was bad dancing but trixie laughed and started to dance nonetheless. 

Just as they were entering the gym Eve spun her and Trixie’s dress flared out into a reverse fire. Trixie knew what monster she was supposed to be now, she smiled at Eve, “Demon?” She asked and Eve nodded. 

“I think it looks fantastic.” A woman's voice whispered in her ear. Trixie would know that voice anywhere, it raised her and helped her through her parents divorce. 

“Maze.” She turned and stood stunned and frozen to the spot.

There stood the baddest demon she knew. Granted probably the only one she knew. Maze wrapped her arms around Trixie but Trixie couldn’t get herself to move. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t dreamt about this very moment a thousand and one times before. She never thought it would actually happen. She thought maybe when she died, she might see her, but not before that. Not now. Definitely not in her high school gym at a cheesy dance. 

Suddenly there was a clatter behind her and Trixie turned to see her mother looking more stunned than herself. The cup that had fallen to the floor spilled red liquid all over the floor. “Maze…” Chloe trailed off. She bent down to retrieve the plastic glass off the floor. “Is… is. Um. is he here?” she stuttered out quietly.

“I wish I could tell you. When I left he was still conflicted over it. Might do more harm than good.” Maze said softly. It felt weird, almost fake, how we were talking about Lucifer as if he were real. Trixie knew he was real, she knew he existed but over the past ten years he felt more like an imaginary friend she had made up. 

Trixie couldn’t breath as she walked over to the dance floor. It was overwhelming, no one could have prepared her for the emotional roller-coaster that the night had become. Eve and Maze followed quickly behind her. Why couldn’t they understand she needed to be alone? This was all too much. She was happy, that was for sure, it was all the other emotions she was feeling that made her unable to even think at the moment. She tripped and began to fall when someone caught her arm and pulled her up. “Now, now we need to slow down. I know it’s a gym but…” the man trailed off when Trixie looked at him.

Someone should go tell her mom yes. 

Lucifer stood silently just holding Trixie’s arm. “Well didn’t the little monster grow up.” He finally broke the silence.

“What are you doing here?” Trixie asked quietly. Tears welling up in her eyes as she lowered her arm and lucifer let her go.

“Can you keep a secret?” he asked lowly. Trixie nodded. “I’ve come to all of them since… Since Dan’s death. I’m not your father, But I promised, through Amenadiel, That I would look out for you. I sent Eve when Chloe was depressed. I had Maze come up tonight because I knew after all this time you deserved at least one good thing happen to you.” He whispered quietly.

“So my uh dad… He’s…” Trixie started but couldn’t finish, the words got caught in her throat. Tears threatened to spill and ruin her makeup.

“He’s in heaven, never even smelled the brimstone.” Lucifer reassured her.

Trixie took a deep breath. For the first time in five years she felt like she could breath, like the weight of the world was finally off her shoulders. Her dad was okay, he wasn’t suffering. The tears actually fell this time. Not because she was sad but from relief, which seemed like a worthy reason to ruin her mascara. “Can… Can you do me a favor?” Trixie asked hesitantly

“I don’t know Trix…” Lucifer trailed off.

“You spied on me for five years, I’m just asking for a small favor.” Trixie said with the fire that she had at seven.

“Alright, fair is fair.” Lucifer sighed and crouched down to listen to her request. Trixie whispered in his ear. “No. I can’t do that.”

“You promised.” she pouted.

“Fine, but the aftermath is yours to pick up.” Lucifer sighed and straightened the cuffs of his white shirt.

Lucifer walked across the dance floor starting out confident but slowly losing nerve as he grew closer to the punch bowl. The truth was that Lucifer could watch from a distance how chloe aged and fell in love and eventually died. This was like flying too close to the sun, Chloe could melt all the layers he put up over the past ten years to protect himself, all she needed to do was look at him. By some miracle though she hadn’t turned around yet, too preoccupied by the senior who tried to spike the punch bowl.

Lucifer had practiced a moment like this a billion times, he might open with a cocky line like “did you miss me?” or he might just embrace her, he had a thousand ways he wanted this to go, but everything failed him now. He couldn’t talk, couldn’t move, his heart beat so loudly in his ears that he was reminded how human he was in her presence. 

Chloe scolded the teenage boy for five minutes while Lucifer just stood there. When she was done she sent the poor boy away and she turned around exasperated. Then she froze. It felt like she was seeing a ghost, in all actuality she thought it more likely that she would see Dan standing there before Lucifer Morningstar. “Lucifer?” the word slipped from her lips like an avalanche down a mountain, shaking the world that previously didn’t have Lucifer and Chloe existing as one.

The word hung between them, Chloe shaking for what? She didn’t know. Lucifer was still frozen to the spot. The air was thick and the music wasn’t there for them. Ten years of waiting had led up to this moment. Lucifer shook off his fear and doubts and smiled his Cheshire grin and held out his. “Detective.” He said offering a glimpse into the past.

Chloe wasn’t prepared for this. She spent the last ten years resigning herself to the fact that she may never see Lucifer again. She was at peace with that fact, but here he stood in what felt like the least likely place for the two lovers. Chloe felt like she was going to throw up, or faint, possibly both. She stared at his hand and back up at his eyes. She wanted to hug him, to kill him, to scream, and to kiss him all at once. 

This whole time lucifer held his hand out waiting for her to take it. It was terrifying to be this vulnerable, he was the king of hell yet nothing mattered except this moment. The eternity he spent living in heaven and hell, couldn’t compare to the bliss and horror of leaving his heart open to this woman.

Chloe shook off the fear and bewilderment and reached a shaky hand out and grasped Lucifer’s. Then everything snapped into place, the music was playing a slow song and the room was quiet for the first time all night. Lucifer pulled Chloe close and their feet had a mind of their own as they began to dance. It was as if the stars had finally aligned and everything was as it should be.

“What are you doing here?” Chloe asked quietly

“I have promises to keep.” He responded just as quietly.

“Like what?” she looked up at him, looking into his deep sad eyes.

“Well first I promised Dan to look after Trixie, and then I promised Trix, that I would have a dance with you.” He said.

“So… after this dance you’ll be gone. Just like before, only this time we’ll only have a few minutes together.” Chloe said as tears welled up in her eyes. She didn’t want to cry, not over a man, but she couldn’t help it. She thought that he may finally be back. 

For her.

It was a selfish idea but one she desperately wanted to be true.

Lucifer nodded and chloe stopped for a second. “Then let's make the most of these last moments.” Chloe snapped back into reality and layed a kiss on Lucifer’s lips.

This wasn’t permanent, but temporary was better than any imaginary scenario she could dream of.

..............................................................

I also drew this in hopes that it could show what trixie looks like in this story. I am not an artist but i am proud of how it looks.

[dvp95]

don’t complicate it

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: t

warnings: none

tags: magical realism, canon compliant (not anymore! it was canon compliant in 2017), psychic abilities, phil is a psychic and dan is an embarrassment

word count: 11,289

summary: A magical realism au where everything is the same except sometimes, Phil's dreams come true. Featuring YouTuber cameos, existential crises, and a love story. (Or: It's 2017 and Dan Howell's entire universe has been flipped upside down.)

NOTE: this is not a new story! this is my first dnp fic and i’m just transferring it here to have all my shit in one place, basically. i wrote this two years ago and if i were to write it today, i’d change some stuff, but. i’m generally still pretty pleased with it! so i hope y’all get a kick out of old daye’s bad pacing and shaky dialogue 

read on ao3 or here!

If there's one thing Dan knows for sure about his housemate, it's that Phil Lester is weird. He's always been weird - weird to film with, weird to listen to, even weird to look at since he's usually pulling a face for no reason or turning his hand backwards to fit in his pocket - but living with him has made Dan eternally grateful that he is so fond of Phil's weirdness, because otherwise this friendship thing just wouldn't work.

In addition to the general weirdness, Phil has more superstitions than Dan's entire family. Dan has been yelled at for putting a box of new shoes on the table, yanked away from ladders rather violently, and asked if he's angry if he leaves his cutlery crossed on his plate. It would probably be annoying, if Dan ever got seriously annoyed by the things Phil does.

It's funny instead of annoying, like most things about Phil, but Dan has to draw the line somewhere.

"What do you mean, I can't use my laptop today?" he asks Phil slowly, trying very hard not to freak out. "What have you done to it?"

"Nothing!" Phil insists. He holds up his hands like it somehow proves his innocence.

"I don't believe you," says Dan, "and I'm not going to stay off my laptop for an entire day, you absolute donkey. Give it back."

"I can't give it back to you." Phil sounds exasperated, which is the exact wrong emotion for him to be feeling after hiding Dan's laptop at ten in the morning. "If you use your laptop today, it's going to break. We can't afford another iProduct."

Dan narrows his eyes. First of all, he has his own bank account with his own money, and there is no 'we' about buying Dan a new laptop. Secondly - "My baby is perfectly fine, assuming you haven't done something to it and you're planning on replacing it before I notice."

"That would be stupid of me, of course you'd notice."

"Phil."

"Can't you just trust me?"

If it was anything else, Dan would probably let the argument drop and let Phil be weird about this, too. His laptop, though? That's off-limits.

"No, I can't," Dan says, holding out his hand. "Give me back my laptop. Right now."

Phil sighs heavily and leaves the lounge, returning after a few minutes with Dan's laptop in his hands. He hesitates when Dan reaches for it, but passes it over reluctantly.

"Just... don't click anything Felix sends you," says Phil. Dan rolls his eyes and agrees in order to placate his friend, but he has a bad habit of forgetting things Phil has told him - and can he be blamed? He has eight years' worth of Phil-specific information to retain, it can't all stay at the forefront of his mind.

That's his reasoning for clicking the link Felix emails him, despite explicitly being told not to. He inhales sharply when his screen immediately goes black.

Phil turns to look at him from the other end of the sofa, expression already resigned. "I told you not to click it, Dan!"

"What happened?" Dan asks, panicking as he tries every keyboard shortcut he knows.

"I don't know," Phil huffs and pulls out his phone. "I'll ask Felix, I suppose."

It turns out that Felix's email got hacked, because of course it did, and everyone on his contact list got an attachment full of scary computer viruses. Felix gives everyone a heads-up on Twitter, but the damage to Dan's laptop is already done.

When Dan gets back from the Apple store with bad news and a shiny new laptop, he stops in Phil's doorway and frowns. "How did you know Felix got hacked?"

"I didn't," Phil says without looking up from his own laptop. "I just had a feeling you'd break your laptop today."

"No, you told me this morning not to click on anything Felix sent me. That's more than 'a feeling', Phil." Dan struggles not to look or sound sheepish. He isn't the one who needs to explain himself, here.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Dan," says Phil.

"I want you to tell me how you knew about this," Dan insists, pointing at his shopping bag even though Phil isn't looking at him. "Did you and Felix plan this?"

That makes Phil look up. "Of course not!"

Phil is the worst liar Dan has ever met, and the hurt in his voice at being accused of murdering Dan's laptop on purpose is real enough. Dan bites his lip so that he doesn't apologise reflexively. Even if Phil had nothing to do with the death of his laptop, the fact that he knew about it beforehand is suspicious enough to withhold apologies.

"Okay, so tell me the truth," Dan says instead of apologising like his mouth wants to.

"The truth," Phil repeats, looking back down at his laptop to close the lid. "I mean, okay, but you won't believe me."

"Try me," Dan challenges.

"I had a dream about it," says Phil, making careful eye contact with Dan. "That's it, that's all that happened. I dreamed that your laptop died because of an email from Felix, and then it happened, because my dreams come true sometimes."

This is not the first time Phil has made such a claim, but it's definitely the first time he wasn't at least half joking. Dan's scoff dies in his throat at how genuine Phil is acting.

"You're not psychic, Phil," Dan says slowly.

"Of course I'm not." Phil rolls his eyes, and Dan has a moment of relief before Phil adds, "I'm clairvoyant."

"Those are the same thing!"

"They actually aren't, interestingly enough. See -"

"Please stop," Dan groans, holding up a hand. "Stop right there. I don't believe in any of this nonsense, and you know that. I'd sooner believe you became a master hacker overnight and sent me that virus yourself as an expensive and unfunny prank."

Hurt flashes across Phil's face before annoyance takes over, and he shrugs. "Believe whatever you want, Dan. You asked for the truth and I told you."

"Your 'truth'," says Dan, air quotes difficult with a shopping bag but necessary, "is scientifically impossible."

"Fine, I won't tell you about my dreams anymore," Phil huffs, standing up to pointedly start getting ready for bed.

"Well, good," Dan says after a long pause. Phil doesn't deign to reply to his cutting wit, so Dan goes to his own bedroom and starts setting up his new baby. The first thing he does once he can start using it is type in the word 'clairvoyant'.

Google doesn't tell him anything he doesn't already know, so that's a non-starter. He ends up in a Reddit thread about premonitions during sleep, and even though the stories are interesting, they can't be true. That isn't how the universe works.

There's a lot about the universe that Dan doesn't understand. He knows that better than anyone, and it's the cause of many a crisis in his life.

Magic, though? Fortune telling? That's just factually wrong.

Dan decides, when he hears birds start to sing and realises he's spent all night in a Google vortex again, that what Phil experienced was nothing more than a coincidence.

It has to be a coincidence, or a joke, or else Dan is going to lay facedown on the floor for an entire week.

--

Phil is acting weirder than usual.

They're recording for a danisnotonfire video that Dan isn't sure yet if he actually wants to upload, and Phil keeps looking over his shoulder and reacting to every small noise outside their building. After ten minutes of this, Dan tells him to stop the camera for his own sanity.

"I can't use any of that," he says like he wasn't second-guessing the idea already. "You're so jumpy! Did you play spooky games without me?"

"No," says Phil.

He doesn't elaborate, which forces Dan to respond with a slow, "Okay, so why are you acting like a small rodent?"

Phil opens his mouth, probably to bicker about exactly what he's doing, but he's interrupted by the sound of someone banging on their front door. As if this is what he's been expecting, Phil leaps to his feet and bolts out of Dan's bedroom.

"That was weird," Dan tells the camera. It's no longer recording, but he has no one else to commiserate the weirdness of Phil Lester with.

While he waits for Phil to get back, he wonders who's at the door. It's not like they have many friends in the city, and the ones they have tend to text or call before showing up. Louise always says it's so she doesn't 'interrupt anything', which Dan tries not to read too deeply into.

Dan gets bored and follows Phil down the stairs, where he hears a loud and familiar voice drifting up from the entrance.

"- and I'm only trying to get to Dublin, right, but Heathrow decided I was suspicious somehow and I make inappropriate jokes when I'm uncomfortable - stop laughing - so they detained me and I missed my flight!"

"And we're the only people you know in London?" Dan hears Phil ask, and he sounds amused but not at all surprised. Which is weird, because Markiplier being in London without warning is pretty surprising stuff.

"I don't know anyone else's address," Mark admits, sounding good-natured despite an apparently difficult airport adventure. "Yours is in my phone, but I don't remember putting it there."

"Pretty sure I added it at VidCon this year," Phil says, starting to climb the stairs. "I had a feeling you'd need our sofa at some point."

That's a sufficient enough explanation for Mark, who has moved onto asking what they have in the way of coffee and food, but Dan hurries back up to his room to have a minor mental breakdown. He checks Mark's twitter and Facebook, but there's no mention of a trip, and it wouldn't make sense for Phil and Mark to have planned this to trick Dan, with the way they were talking downstairs.

So how did Phil know that Mark was coming? Why did he have a feeling, months ago, that Mark would need to know the address of someone in London at some point?

It doesn't make any logical sense. This isn't a joke or a coincidence, it's just really fucking weird.

Dan eyes his floor, considering lying down on it, but they have a guest. Existential crises are not proper host etiquette. Still, he waits for Phil to shout his name before getting out of bed and confronting this very strange turn of events.

Maybe the universe doesn't work scientifically at all. Maybe scientists are just people who make shit up and act like it's the truth, because Dan is starting to think that Phil might not have been lying at all.

He doesn't get a chance to say anything to Phil, between getting shot down for an impromptu collab - "No offence, boys, but I'm on vacation, maybe on my way back!" - introducing Mark to their current favourite anime - "Fuck you, I'm not crying." - and setting Mark up on the sofabed in their gaming room - "It's too small for either of us, but you're about a foot shorter, aren't you?" - until they're walking downstairs together in comfortable silence, arms brushing.

"You knew Mark was coming," Dan says, not bothering to make it a question.

"Yeah," says Phil.

Dan appreciates that Phil doesn't try to lie, but it only adds to the paranoia that's been building all day. "And like, you already knew about that? At VidCon?"

"You were listening?" Phil asks with a surprised grin as they reach their main landing.

"Irrelevant," Dan sniffs, crossing his arms.

Phil laughs at him, but it's not mean. Sometimes Dan thinks that Phil doesn't have a mean bone in his entire body.

"Yeah, I had this dream at VidCon," Phil leans against his bedroom doorframe, "and Mark was wandering around London without a travel plan on his phone, trying to find a hotel he could afford. I just thought it would be easier and more fun for him to come here."

"And you had the same dream last night," guesses Dan.

"No, last night I dreamed he ate all my cereal, which only makes sense if he's in our apartment."

"Good, you deserve to have your cereal eaten," Dan says automatically, because that's something he understands. The universe might get turned on its head if Phil is actually magic, but at least Dan can find comfort in the fact that he's still a cereal thief.

"Shut up," Phil laughs and reaches out to push Dan's chest lightly.

His hand lingers, but Dan is far more concerned about the fact that Phil might be psychic.

"I want to hear about your dreams." Dan knows as he says it that this is a mistake, that if magic exists and it isn't being used to his advantage, the world will be a scarier place than it already was.

"All of them?" Phil asks, still smiling. "Or just the clairvoyant ones?"

"You can tell the difference?"

"Sure. I mean, if it's realistic or boring, it's probably going to come true. My regular dreams are frickin' cool."

Dan can feel a grin tugging at his lips. "I suppose if they're so 'frickin' cool', I want to hear about those dreams too."

"Cool," Phil giggles a little and steps away from his doorframe, looking more relaxed than he has in days around Dan. "I'll keep a detailed dream journal just for you."

"You'd better," Dan says faux-sternly.

This entire situation is one of the most unsettling things Dan has ever experienced, but the bright smile on Phil's face when he says goodnight is worth every panic attack Dan is going to have about the makeup of the known universe. He seems so happy to be believed that Dan wonders if Phil has ever told anyone about this in so much detail.

Probably. Phil is basically an open book, after all.

If it makes Dan feel better to pretend as he's falling asleep that Phil has confided something in him that he's never divulged before, nobody has to know.

--

Dan wakes up before noon on his own, for once, and he startles when he sees someone in his kitchen before remembering that they have a guest. Yawning, he opens the kitchen door and greets Mark with a distorted, "Morning."

"Hey," Mark grins, leaning against the counter with a bowl of Phil's cereal. "You think Phil's gonna mind if I finish this?"

"Course not," says Dan, "you're the guest."

They both maintain a straight face for a couple seconds before Mark breaks and causes Dan to start laughing too. It's always comfortable to hang out with Mark, but Dan would be lying if he said he liked having guests spend the night. He doesn't like the feeling of someone being in his apartment while he's asleep.

It's nice, then, to be reminded that Mark is funny, and warm, and leaving in a couple of hours.

"So, you're going to see Jack?" Dan asks, because Phil had elbowed him every time he tried to ask the night before. "Shit, I mean, Sean."

"I fuck that up constantly," Mark admits, rinsing his bowl in the sink. "Yeah, I'm spending the weekend at his place. We're trying not to make a big deal of it, because - well, you know."

"I do?" Dan raises his eyebrows and starts making coffee for three.

"Obviously." Mark points at the mug that Dan pulled out for Phil, the one with Daddy emblazoned across it.

"That's a joke," Dan says automatically.

Mark starts laughing again, far too loud for the subject matter and time of day. "Bro, I know it's a joke. I meant you obviously know why we're keeping it on the down-low because you also have crazy shipper fans who think you guys are going to get married and die in each other's arms."

"I prefer to think of them as 'dedicated'," Dan says, turning away from Mark until the heat in his cheeks settles down. "But yeah, I get it."

"Didn't mean to make it weird, dude," Mark says apologetically. Apparently Dan didn't hide his face fast enough. "I figured you were, like, comfortable joking about it."

"I am." Dan glances at the kitchen door, paranoid that Phil is listening and getting the wrong impression. "For a second I just thought you were saying that you and Jack are together, and then I felt stupid when I realised you just meant the fan speculation."

The ensuing quiet is strange, considering his conversation partner, but Dan doesn't look up from the mugs.

"Wait," Mark touches Dan's shoulder to get his attention. "Wait, hang on, are you saying that you and Phil are in a relationship?"

"No, but I guess we're closer to it than not," Dan half-jokes. "So sometimes I forget we aren't."

It's the truth, but it seems to shock Mark into silence.

The fact of the matter is that Dan knows who he's going to spend the rest of his life with. He knows, despite everything, that Phil is the most important person in his life and probably always will be. Nothing about them has ever been on the down-low, because they have nothing to hide, but there are times when it slips Dan's mind that the fans aren't onto something.

After coffee is poured and Dan has drank half of his own for something to do with his hands, Mark finally speaks. "I don't think Sean and I are thaaaat close, so I get why the joke was weird coming from me. Also, I'm pretty sure you should tell Phil that you want to be with him."

Dan nearly spits coffee onto the floor.

"What?"

"I know it's not my business," Mark says with a shrug, "but it sure seems like you're pining."

"I am not pining," says Dan, affronted.

"You totally are."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are - look, I'm not getting into this with you." Mark looks like he's trying very hard not to laugh, and Dan glares at him. "I'm just saying that I'm never going to just randomly forget that Sean and I aren't in a relationship. and it's weird that you do."

"Phil being my platonic life partner is the least weird thing in my life," Dan says dismissively. Mark rolls his eyes.

"Whatever you say, dude," says Mark.

To Dan's relief, he lets the topic drop for the next few hours. They play Mario Kart until their shouting wakes Phil, and then they take turns kicking Phil's ass. Phil is pretty good-natured about the whole thing.

As fun as Mark is to be around, Dan is relieved to see him to the door. He doesn't need any more of the pointed looks Mark keeps sending his way whenever he grabs Phil's arm in excitement or leans in close to psych him out.

"You should come round again sometime," Phil is suggesting as they gather awkwardly in the small bottom landing.

"On purpose next time," Mark agrees, giving each of them a one-armed hug. It's nice - Mark is a champion hugger, even while holding a duffel bag.

"It was good seeing you," Dan says truthfully. "Next time, maybe a heads up?"

"Nah, I think I'll be spontaneous again."

"What if we're not home?"

"That's a good one, Dan."

"You'll miss your flight if you keep bickering," Phil interrupts with a laugh. He squeezes Mark's shoulder and cryptically adds, "Don't eat the sandwiches on the flight. It'll make you sick."

"Okay," Mark says easily, hefting his bag onto his shoulder. "I'll see you boys around."

The ensuing quiet in Mark's wake is welcome, but all Dan can think about is how close together he and Phil have to stand in order to fit on this landing. Thanks to the proximity, he can see uncharacteristic bags under Phil's eyes.

Dan reaches out to press the pads of his fingers gently against Phil's skin there and hums, "Mark being sick kept you up?"

"No," Phil says with an indulgent smile.

"You promised to tell me about your dreams," Dan reminds him when Phil shows no sign of continuing. He's probably been touching Phil's face for too long, so he lets his hand awkwardly drop to his side.

Still smiling, Phil shrugs. "It wasn't that interesting, Dan. Just hard to figure out."

"I can help," says Dan.

He wants Phil to confide in him, even about the weird things. As much as this situation freaks him out, and it's a lot, Dan doesn't like Phil keeping anything from him.

"I just remember being anxious, and I couldn't figure out why," Phil admits at long last, sitting down on the steps. "I wasn't at home or anywhere familiar, which just made it worse."

"Were we travelling?" Dan asks, leaning back against their front door instead of sitting beside Phil on the narrow steps, like he wants to.

Phil grins and shakes his head. "You just assume you were there, huh?"

"Of course I was there," says Dan.

"You were." Phil's grin widens as he looks down at his hands. "Obviously you were there. You kept telling me to calm down, but I couldn't, and then you left the room."

"I left?" Dan asks in disbelief. "I literally left?"

Just another piece of evidence supporting the fact that Phil does not have psychic dreams - Dan wouldn't leave Phil alone when he was in the middle of freaking out, that would never happen. When Phil is freaking out, the only thing that calms him is having someone talk him through the situation.

"Yeah, that's what confused me," Phil hums. "You don't usually leave."

"I never leave," Dan corrects him.

Phil looks up at him with an expression that Dan can only categorize as, well, fond. It's the expression that somehow means 'you're an idiot' and 'I'm glad we're doing this together' at the same time. The internet has probably labelled it as something else, since there's a good chance the expression has been caught on film, but Dan doesn't think anything will describe it quite as well as fond.

The moment is stretching into something harder to laugh off, and Dan has to clear his throat before the quiet becomes suffocating.

"Alright, did you figure out why dream-me left you alone?"

"No, but I'm sure you have a good reason," says Phil in a soft voice. He stands and stretches, purposefully breaking eye contact with Dan. "You fancy a tea?"

Dan shakes his head and watches Phil climb their narrow stairs, wondering if there's something Phil isn't telling him.

--

Phil's smile disappears as soon as Dan turns the camera off, which isn't unusual when their filming takes a long time, but Dan gets worried when Phil sighs and puts his head down on the desk.

"You okay?" Dan asks, resting his fingertips on Phil's shoulder.

"I'm tired," says Phil into the wooden surface, "and I keep having bad dreams whenever I try to rest."

This isn't news to Dan, as Phil has been keeping him in the dream loop for the past couple weeks, but Dan didn't realize it was getting so bad. He feels guilt settle in his stomach for not noticing before Phil faceplanted into their desk.

"Is there anything that usually helps? Like, stops you from dreaming altogether? I think we still have that vanilla vodka from New Year's, that usually conks me out."

Phil tilts his head on the desk to give Dan an indulgent smile. "No, getting drunk doesn't help."

"That's a shame," says Dan.

"I don't know, nothing really stops me from dreaming," Phil says when it's obvious that Dan isn't changing the subject. "Like, I guess there are things that help make the dreams blurry and more fun to be in, but I've never woken up and thought, 'wow, I didn't have a single dream last night'."

"That sounds... exhausting," Dan admits. He has more dreamless nights than not; he thinks that if he had dreams every night and also, some of them might come true, he'd go mad.

Phil doesn't bother to respond to that, because obviously it's exhausting, but he sighs again and closes his eyes.

"You can't sleep here, c'mon," Dan murmurs, squeezing Phil's shoulder before standing up. "I'm sure your bed will be more comfortable than wood."

"Your mum is more comfortable than wood," Phil says, nonsensically.

With a bit more prodding and cajoling, Dan gets Phil to his feet and guides him down the stairs so he doesn't wipe out. Phil wrinkles his nose when he looks at his bedroom, so Dan finds himself saying, "Will it help to sleep in my bed? It's not like I'm using it right now."

"Why would that help?" Phil asks, which isn't a no.

"Change of scenery," Dan suggests, opening his door and gesturing for Phil to go in. "Make yourself at home - within reason, like."

"I'm going to snoop through everything," Phil threatens weakly. Dan rolls his eyes and gives Phil a gentle shove into his room. "Okay, okay. Thanks."

Dan stands in the doorway long enough to make sure that Phil gets to the bed without colliding with anything before turning to leave. He normally stays in his room for a good portion of the day, but he doesn't mind taking up the browsing position in their lounge so Phil can get some actual sleep.

Before he can walk away, though, Phil mumbles something that makes him pause.

"What's that?" Dan asks without turning around - just in case Phil hadn't said anything at all.

"Will you stay?" Phil repeats. His voice is quiet and muffled by Dan's comforter, but the request is unmistakable.

Dan isn't sure how this will help, but he smiles over his shoulder and says, "Sure. Let me grab my laptop from the kitchen, I'll be right back."

Considering the exhaustion, he expects Phil to be asleep by the time he gets back with his baby, but Phil's half-closed eyes watch Dan hesitate and look between the desk and bed uncertainly. He doesn't say anything to guide Dan, which is annoying, and Dan ends up making a frustrated noise before flopping onto the far side of his bed and opening Tumblr.

Phil makes a contented noise and curls around Dan, close enough that Dan can feel his body heat but not quite touching. Dan isn't sure if he should feel relieved or disappointed.

It's easy to get lost in the void of Tumblr, and it isn't until Dan gets a text that he realises actual hours have passed. He doesn't want to disturb Phil, but he thinks it might be worse if Phil's sleeping schedule gets all out of whack, so he shakes Phil awake before checking his phone.

"Huh?" Phil bleats, startling awake and blinking a lot.

He has a half-quiff and his eyes are redder than usual. Maybe he should have taken his contacts out before napping, but Dan refuses to feel guilty about that because Phil is a grown man and has been able to take his contacts out without reminders in the past.

"Your nap was becoming a coma," Dan says, picking up his phone before he forgets to check the text.

"Oh," Phil says around a yawn, curling further into Dan so his head is sort of resting on Dan's tummy. "I'm sorry for taking over your bed."

"It's fine, you doofus," says Dan. He's paying more attention to the fact that his mum actually texted him than this conversation, and that's his excuse for carding his fingers through Phil's weird sleep quiff.

Phil doesn't seem to mind or even find it weird. It would probably be weirder to stop doing it now that he's started, so Dan just keeps absently petting Phil as he reads through the strangely long text from his mother.

"What're you looking at?" Phil asks into Dan's shirt.

"Mum texted."

It's such an unusual occurrence that Phil rearranges his entire body in order to stare at Dan whilst keeping his head on Dan's stomach.

"Your mum or my mum?"

"My mum," says Dan, and when did the word 'mum' turn into something that needed clarification in his life?

This is what he'd meant, when he told Mark that sometimes he and Phil are more like a couple than not. He can't picture any of his other friends in this situation, can't even fathom having his hand in someone's hair and talking about their shared mums in bed if there wasn't a romantic element.

With Phil, though, this is just what their friendship is like. Dan honestly isn't sure if things would be easier with said added romantic element, because things are already so easy.

"Dan?" Phil is saying, his voice slightly raised, and Dan guesses that Phil's been trying to get his attention for a while.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said what does she want?"

"Um," Dan looks back down at his phone, trying to collect his thoughts and hide his flushing face, "my family's going on holiday, so she wanted to let me know."

Phil plucks the phone out of Dan's hand and ignores the squawking protests to sigh, "Dan, she also asked you to water her plants."

"So?"

"So, you have a job in London," Phil says, his lips pursing unhappily. "She always thinks you have free time."

Cheeks burning, Dan snatches his phone back and pushes both Phil and his laptop off of him. He doesn't need to be told that his family doesn't take his job seriously, he knows that already.

"Will you come to Reading with me or not?" Dan asks, swinging his legs out of bed and stretching to avoid looking at Phil's apologetic face.

"Course I will," says Phil. "Are we going for a day or the whole time they're gone?"

The idea of spending an entire week in his childhood home is unappealing to Dan, so he responds that he'd prefer only staying over for one night. With any luck, he won't run into anyone he knows while he's there.

Phil doesn't push the topic. He knows when to stop, when all he'll get from Dan is sullen glances and 'I don't want to talk about it, Phil' if he says one more time that Dan might be happier if he tried building stronger relationships in his family.

It's no wonder that Phil doesn't get it, since the Lesters have basically adopted Dan as one of their own.

That's not who the Howells are, though; they aren't sunny and jokey, they don't watch his videos and text him thumbs up emojis, they don't invite Phil over without prompting.

Dan loves them all the same. Of course he loves them, they're his family.

It's just that - when Dan gets homesick, it isn't for Reading. It isn't for Manchester or this crappy London flat either, really. Sure, he misses his sofa crease and the cracks in his bedroom ceiling when they're on the road, but only until the next moment that Phil catches his eye and grins brighter than the sun.

Dan doesn't get homesick often.

--

"I can't even read your writing." Dan tries very hard to sound exasperated when all he wants to do is laugh.

"My writing is so much better than yours!" Phil says defensively, making grabby hands at his dream journal. "A dramatic reading of my dreams was not included in this deal."

"It should be, that sounds hilarious."

Dan doesn't give the journal back, because he's just winding Phil up. He flips open to the last page, ignoring Phil's annoyed squawk of a noise that he's only capable of making before his morning coffee, and starts reading.

Lots of the dream descriptions are straight-up impossible; Dan notices that there are stars marking the most realistic entries and a fair few with just a giant question mark. He also can't help but notice that there are places where pages have clearly been torn out. Judging by the dates on some of the earlier entries, Phil has had this journal for months longer than Dan expected, and Dan wonders what Phil wanted to keep to himself.

To be fair, he's had plenty of dreams that he would rather Phil never heard about, but he also would have never written them down in the first place.

Phil leaves the lounge to make coffee at one point, returning quietly with two mugs just when Dan thinks he's had enough of reading older dreams that have already come true. He closes the journal and accepts his coffee before mumbling, "Thanks. Did you make some of these up?"

"No," says Phil, rolling his eyes.

"These ones have happened," Dan says unnecessarily. "You should really keep better track of which dreams have passed."

Before Phil can say anything, Dan fishes for a pen between their sofa cushions and puts a checkmark beside a dream about Dil becoming a nightmarish crafts project.

"Oi, don't mark up my journal," Phil says, but he makes no effort to take the journal or pen from Dan.

Dan ignores him to ask, "How do you not live in constant fear?"

"I dunno." Phil is shrugging when Dan looks up with an expression of disbelief. "I mean, I don't usually dream about anything bad, so it's not like I have death and devastation hanging over my head all the time - unlike you. Don't hit me, I have coffee!"

--

The train to Reading isn't long, especially compared to some of the treks Dan has had to do with a caffeinated Phil at his side, but he still hates every second of it.

It makes him feel younger, and he isn't sure if he likes that feeling. Young Dan was embarrassing and judgemental and so, so terrified that he wouldn't be liked by anyone that he made a lot of choices to make other people happy.

Plus, he can't move the whole journey, since Phil has decided to fall asleep on his shoulder.

Phil's steady breaths are normally quite calming, but he keeps mumbling things that Dan can't quite catch, and it’s driving him crazy.

He never used to care this much about dreams, even his own, but he thinks that the paranoia is justified here.

This whole clairvoyance thing has made Dan incredibly anxious. He can't help but wonder what other things in this universe he doesn't understand, if a form of magic is real. Part of him hopes that this is all an elaborate prank - he'd be mad at first, but it would be better for his mental health all around.

When the train finally starts slowing down, Dan gently shakes Phil's shoulder.

"Dan?" Phil mumbles, not sounding fully awake.

"Yeah, 's me."

Something about the moment that Phil blinks up at Dan without moving from his shoulder causes the breath in Dan's throat to catch.

"I had such a weird dream," Phil confides. "Like, an actually weird dream. Tyler Oakley was doing a collab with Leatherface."

"Sounds harrowing," says Dan.

"It was, a bit," Phil says on a yawn, sitting up properly and blinking at the train window. "Oh, I didn't mean to sleep the whole trip! You must have been so bored. I'm really sorry, Dan."

"The quiet was a nice change," Dan says instead of admitting that he was in fact very bored without Phil's chatter, "and you needed the sleep."

"I did," Phil agrees, before pulling out his phone to check his fringe in the camera app.

"Shut up, you look fine."

"Wow, Reading puts you in a bad mood. We haven't even got off the train yet and you're a grumpleton."

Dan doesn't grace that comment with a response, as Phil is right anyway - Reading does put him in a bad mood. He just stands up and nudges a still-sleepy Phil to do the same when the train is stopped completely.

They take a cab to Dan's family home and Phil talks the entire time about absolutely nothing. Dan appreciates it; the chatter helps him tune out his surroundings so he isn't thinking about the time he threw up on that bench over there or when he got caught shoplifting at the nearest corner store.

Walking into his parents' house is always so weird, because Dan half expects it to have stayed the same since the last holiday he visited. Obviously, it never does.

Part of Dan can't help but think of their books, proudly displayed on the Lesters' coffee table, while looking at the cringey graduation photo on the wall of his own parents' lounge.

Somebody else is growing up here now, is the thing. The photos of Dan on the wall have been the same for five years, but Adrian is still going through the motions of becoming a person, and it's weird for Dan to see that happen in chunks.

"He's getting so old, it's weird," Phil voices, looking at the new photos next to Dan's awful ones.

"Tell me about it," says Dan. "We are all dying."

Phil laughs, because that's what he does when Dan makes a joke about death, and carries his bag upstairs. Since he's feeling listless and like a stranger in his own family home, Dan follows.

--

Dan was upset with me? is the latest thing written in the dream journal that Dan sneaks out of Phil's bag when he can't sleep. It doesn't help.

--

When Dan wakes up in his old bed, the afternoon sun filtering through the blinds in an all-too-familiar way, he has a moment of absolute panic that he's gone back in time - honestly, it wouldn't be the weirdest thing in his life right now - but he’s too long for his bed and he can hear Phil singing in the kitchen.

Dan only has a couple of hours before their train leaves, so he pushes himself out of bed and doesn't bother with getting dressed to water his mum's plants. On his way downstairs he calls out, "Good morning."

"Afternoon!" Phil's voice comes back, bright and loud and not suited for Dan's old house at all.

"Can you get me some water?" Dan asks as he ambles into the kitchen.

"For you or the houseplants?"

"Both, I guess."

"I already fed the houseplants," Phil says with a smile, opening wrong cupboards until he finds a cup. "You want lunch?"

Swallowing around the sudden, inexplicable lump in his throat, Dan murmurs an affirmative. There's something about Phil making himself so at home in a place he hasn't been overly welcomed that is making Dan feel some kind of way that he isn't prepared to deal with at this time of day.

His parents like Phil well enough, but they don't really understand him; they don't understand the person he helped Dan become, either.

Even if Phil is feeling weird here, he's going out of his way to make Dan feel comfortable.

"Why was I upset with you?" asks Dan. His voice is almost too quiet, and he watches as Phil's fingers slip on the loaf of bread he's slicing. "In your dream, I mean. I couldn't sleep so I - yeah."

"I'm not mad you looked," Phil says over his shoulder, "since I made it for you and all."

Dan knows that isn't true from the dates and level of detail in the journal, but he isn't about to call Phil out.

"Well, that's good. So?"

With a heavy sigh, Phil starts to spread peanut butter on bread for Dan - the exact amount that Dan prefers, not that he notices.

"I'm really not sure," Phil says slowly, not looking at Dan. "Remember when I had that dream about me freaking out and you leaving? It was like, the exact same, except you were really upset that I was freaking out instead of trying to calm me down."

"That doesn't sound like me," says Dan.

Phil shrugs and holds out Dan's finished sandwich in response. Dan has to stop himself from squeezing Phil's hip in thanks like he usually does, because Dan is half naked and they're in his old house and he thinks it might be weirder here and now. Then he thinks maybe it's weirder if he doesn't do it, but Phil has started moving towards the lounge before he decides.

Around a mouthful of peanut butter, Dan asks, "How many times have you had this dream?"

"A few," Phil says as he flops his whole body onto the sofa. He leaves enough room for Dan to sit near his feet, which is considerate of him.

"Have you considered that it might just be... a dream?"

"I have done," says Phil, "but it just feels so real, you know? And it's been the same weird room, not on like Jupiter or something."

"I'm not sure what we'd have to argue about on Jupiter," Dan muses out loud. If Dan is honest with himself, he can't think of anything in the entire universe that would make him angry at Phil during what sounds like a panic attack.

"Maybe I stole your space cereal," Phil jokes, poking Dan's thigh with his toes.

Dan wants to say that he wouldn't be legitimately angry over cereal, that he's never been more than irritated by it, that he plays his reaction up for his own entertainment, that almost anything he buys is for Phil too, but all that seems too serious for the moment.

Instead, he cracks a joke and changes the subject so he can make Phil smile for a little while longer.

--

It happens so slowly that Dan doesn't even notice until it's already out of hand.

They've been back from Reading for a week, and Phil has been acting weirder than usual the entire time. Dan didn't see this as a reason for concern, because sometimes Phil is weird for no reason, but when he catches Phil eating his cereal and the first thing out of Phil's mouth is a frantic "sorry!" instead of his usual squawk of "don't look at me!", Dan gets concerned.

"Phil," he says slowly, running a hand through his bedhead and trying to act more awake than he is, "I don't actually give a fuck if you eat my cereal."

"You don't?" Phil immediately puts his hand back into the box, the little shit.

"I mean, it's annoying, but you looked like a startled deer just now," Dan says around a yawn. "I'm not going to yell at you."

An emotion passes over Phil's face too fast for Dan's tired brain to categorize it. Phil shrugs a shoulder and looks back at the box of Crunchy Nut like he's deciding whether or not he wants to eat more.

He's been like this all week, careful and anxious and avoidant, and Dan doesn't know what to do. If he confronts Phil about it, Phil will just deny everything and try too hard to be normal - Dan remembers 2012 vividly - but he doesn't want to encourage this behaviour either.

"Are you alright?" he asks, hoping the simple question won't spook Phil.

"What d'you mean?"

"I mean... you're being weird."

"I'm always weird, Dan."

Dan decides to drop it for the time being. The last thing he wants to do is push Phil further into this weirdness by interrogating him.

"How did you sleep?" he asks instead, noticing the way Phil's shoulders relax when he changes the subject.

"Pretty good, thanks," says Phil, "my dreams were boring but, like, peaceful."

It only takes a bit of prompting from Dan before Phil gives him a play-by-play of his dreams, and since they're as boring as advertised, Dan lets himself zone out and worry about Phil on his own time.

Phil doesn't get any less weird after that, but he tries harder to cover it. Since Dan is a good friend, he pretends like he doesn't know that Phil is still jumpy and anxious underneath the bad jokes.

Honestly, it sucks. Dan wishes that Phil would just open up and say what's on his mind so they can both move on.

That is, until Phil freaks the fuck out.

See, they've been looking at bigger places to live for a few months now, but they have time until their lease is up so they're in no rush.

Dan gets a notification for an available duplex a few weeks after he tried getting an answer out of Phil, and it looks confusingly laid out but otherwise a good fit. It's exciting, but he hesitates before texting Phil about it - does he really want to play the 'everything is normal' game while meeting a potential landlord? For all he knows, Phil is going to come across as a serial killer.

Instead, he texts Louise. She responds with more emojis than characters, but agrees to check the place out with Dan.

The duplex has so much room that Dan has a startled moment of bewilderment. Does he own enough furniture to fill this place? Before he can voice the concern, Louise waves him off with an easy, "Stop worrying, you dingleberry."

"I'm not worried," Dan lies.

Louise rolls her eyes and starts snooping in the closets. "Oh, blimey, can I keep some of my things here?"

"No," says Dan, although he's sure that at least one of his closets will be taken over by Darcy's old toys and Louise's heels. "Me and Phil need the storage for all our miscellaneous shit."

"You could always, I don't know, get rid of some," Louise suggests.

"Maybe during the move we will," Dan allows, gently guiding her out of the closet before the landlord gets concerned.

Aside from a few awkward moments - inevitable, with Louise at his side - Dan thinks that the tour goes really well. He likes the space, the road is blissfully free of loud noises, and the landlord doesn't immediately think he's in adult films when he mentions where lights could go.

Dan likes it so much that he's reluctant to leave, but Louise reminds him that he isn't the only person whose opinion on the house matters.

"You know Phil has to live here too, right?" she says with a laugh when Dan starts asking pointed questions about when the place will be empty. Dan makes an exaggerated huff of a noise.

"He'll take what I bring home and he'll like it."

The landlord gives them an indulgent smile. "We can arrange another day for you to bring your boyfriend by, see if he likes it here?"

"Sure," Dan says automatically, trying to ignore his heart beating faster and Louise staring a hole into the side of his head. He knows that a Talk is coming. "I'll talk to him about it tonight. Thanks for, y'know, having us."

Dan hopes that ignoring Louise on the way to the tube will delay the Talk, but Louise is not easily deterred.

"Boyfriend, eh?" she asks in a lilting voice, elbowing Dan in the side.

"Shut up, it was easier than explaining."

"I actually think that it wouldn't be hard to say 'Phil's my friend and roommate'." Louise, he thinks, sounds far too amused by this situation. "Now if you get the place, your landlord will think you're a couple the whole time!"

"Would that be so weird?" Dan asks. "I mean. It's what people already think when they meet us, and sometimes I forget that we aren't."

Months ago, Dan had said the same thing to Mark; he doesn't expect Louise to react much differently.

"Well, duh," Louise says matter-of-factly, "because you love him."

Dan almost walks into a telephone pole. "Excuse me?"

"Don't be daft, you light up every time he comes in the room," says Louise. "Plus, I can feel your heart rate speed up."

"You can... feel that?"

Wrinkling her nose, Louise shakes her head. "Maybe sense is a better word, but your emotions are so much louder when Phil's around. It's given me migraines in the past, you know."

"Exactly how many of my friends have magic powers and why don't I?" Dan exclaims. He resists throwing his arms in the air dramatically, but only just.

"Ooh, who else?"

"That isn't the point! What the ever-living fuck, Louise? You can sense emotions?"

"Only really strong ones," Louise says with a shrug, like that isn't a big fucking deal. "That's how I know when you do something awkward that makes you want to die - honestly, I thought I already told you this!"

"If you did tell me," says Dan, "I would have assumed you were joking."

Louise rolls her eyes and pulls out her phone as if Dan is boring her. "That sounds like a you problem, then."

She changes the subject when they get to busier streets, chattering about her new boyfriend while Dan, once again, re-evaluates his entire worldview.

--

So, Phil freaking the fuck out.

It takes Dan by surprise, because Phil seems excited by the prospect of more storage and less drilling, but he tenses up as soon as they walk inside the duplex. The landlord doesn't notice, busy repeating the same things that Dan has already heard and gesturing at all the closet space.

Dan doesn't want to draw attention to Phil's weird stiffness, so he makes idle conversation until the landlord leaves to take a phone call.

"Are you okay?" he asks, reaching for Phil's arm.

It's one of the most bewildering moments Dan has ever experienced - and that includes recent magical discoveries - when Phil jerks away from his hand like he's going to be burned.

"I don't - I don't -" Phil stammers, his eyes wide as saucers, "- I mean, it's that - I know this place."

Dan feels useless with his hands at his sides. "Did you see it online?"

"No, I - in my dreams, I -"

It clicks.

"Phil, are you panicking because you had dreams about panicking here?" Dan asks slowly. He doesn't want to laugh or show any irritation in case it makes Phil's hands start to tremble even more, but this is a little funny and a lot annoying. "You know that's such a catch-22, right?"

The look of absolute distress that Phil gives him says that yes, he knows that very well, but he doesn't seem to be able to stop hyperventilating.

Dan sighs and runs a hand through his own hair, letting his fringe do whatever it wants when he does.

"Okay, mate? I'm going to tell the landlord that you aren't feeling well and that we're leaving so that you can have a panic attack in peace. I'm not in any way leaving you alone because I'm mad or because I hate you, alright?"

Phil gives him a shaky thumbs up before covering his face with both hands and making audible attempts to breathe deeply.

The last thing Dan wants to do is leave Phil alone like this, but he does. He doesn't want a potential landlord thinking that they're batshit, after all, so he relays the not-feeling-well lie and comes back to lead Phil outside by the elbow. Instant relief washes over Dan when Phil allows the physical contact.

"You're so weird," says Dan.

He means it to come out as exasperated yet still fond, keeping grip on Phil's elbow for his own peace of mind, but something about Phil struggling to breathe evenly has Dan sounding unexpectedly soft.

To his surprise, Phil huffs a breathy laugh. "Thanks, I think? And thanks for, um, not leaving me alone for long."

"I told you that didn't sound like me," Dan says, squeezing Phil's arm, "you've been trying to avoid a fight that was never going to happen, you absolute knob."

Phil laughs again, loud and genuine. He's starting to sound more like his regular self, so Dan lets go of him to hail down a taxi. It would be silly to put his hand back immediately, Dan thinks, because if Phil's panic attack is over, he has no real excuse to continue touching him. He opens the taxi door for Phil and clamps down on every instinct that wants to help him in - Phil is thirty years old and capable of getting into a car on his own, thanks ever so - and folds his own hands on his lap once they're both buckled in.

"I quite liked that place, actually," Phil admits. He's twiddling his thumbs, and Dan is proud of himself for not putting his hand atop both of Phil's to make him stop. "Do you think they'll let us come back?"

"They seemed to like me," Dan says, because making a good first impression is a point of pride.

"Maybe they'll only rent to you, then," Phil says in the cadence of a joke.

Even though Phil is finally himself again, Dan can hear the uncertain edge to his words. After all, neither of them need a roommate anymore.

Dan looks out the taxi window so it doesn't feel like an admission when he says, "No, we're a package deal. The landlord knows. Honestly, I'm pretty sure everyone knows."

There's an eerie silence from Phil beside him, but Dan focuses completely on the scenery changing to more familiar buildings. The cabbie isn't paying attention, thank the lord, so Dan isn't completely mortified by having this conversation in front of a stranger.

He's still slightly mortified.

It feels like an honest-to-God jumpscare when Phil puts his hand on Dan's knee and squeezes - Dan is pretty sure the noise that startles out of him isn't human.

Phil laughs, not unkindly, and leaves his hand there. "Yeah, I suppose we are."

--

"You're not acting weird anymore," Dan observes later that week as they wait for a Sims lot to load.

"No, you were right about that dream," Phil says with a sheepish smile. "You didn't get mad like I kept expecting you to, but be honest - you were definitely annoyed."

"Of course I was annoyed, you made yourself panic," Dan says with a fond roll of his eyes. He hates when the fantastic is logical, but the evolution of Phil's dream makes a lot of sense; at first, Dream-Dan was worried, and then got angrier as Real-Dan learned about the dream.

Phil elbows him in the side. "Shut up."

The game loads, then, so they stop discussing it and lose themselves in Dil's world for a while. It isn't until Dil becomes 'VERY ANGRY' that Dan remembers he wanted to share some information with Phil.

"Right, you've been acting so weird that I completely forgot to tell you," Dan says, pausing the game. "Did you know that you aren't the only person with weird powers?"

"It would be pretty egotistical for me to think I'm the only one, Dan."

"Shut up," says Dan, "Louise can feel other people's emotions."

The look on Phil's face is totally worth springing this on him. He goes through a whole face journey, starting on pure shock and ending in something that looks strangely nervous.

He looks away before Dan can analyze the expression further, pointing at the computer scene. "Like - like, she can see when people are focused or inspired, like we’re all Sims? Dan. Dan, that's terrifying."

"She said it only worked with strong emotions," Dan laughs, batting Phil's hand away from his monitor so he doesn't leave finger smudges.

"Do you believe her?" asks Phil.

Do you believe me now?

Dan gives a noncommittal shrug, his first instinct to being asked an opinion, and adds, "Yeah. You've both made a pretty compelling case for magic being, like, a thing."

"What did she feel off of you?" Phil asks curiously, and Dan accidentally-on-purpose presses the pause shortcut so their attention can be consumed by their odd little virtual family again.

--

Dan assumes that if Phil asks Louise anything personal, Louise will keep her mouth shut. He has a lot of blackmail material on her, after all, and friends don't tell people that a friend is feeling Things without consulting that friend.

As the month comes to a close, though, Phil starts pretending he can't find his dream journal and gives Dan looks when he thinks Dan isn't paying attention. It's nerve-wracking.

Luckily, Phil is his regular self aside from that. Dan lets himself revel in how good it feels to have his best friend in top form and cracking decent bants again.

He wants to ask Louise if she's spilled the beans on what are certainly misunderstood feelings, but he's a little scared of the answer. If he doesn't ask either of them, Dan can pretend that everything is back to normal and that he isn't hyperaware of his own body every time Phil touches him.

To make a joke of it all, Dan texts Markiplier without context that he finally understands how Schrödinger felt, because Mark and Louise are the only ones who have an inkling about this situation.

From Mark: Dude, it's 5am here. Shut the fuck up and tell Phil how you feel.

To Mark: that's not what i'm talking about

From Mark: Ohhh, so you ACTUALLY have a maybe-dead cat in your apartment? That's so weird. Maybe you should call someone for that.

To Mark: you're enjoying this too much

Mark, the twat, leaves Dan on read - presumably to go to sleep - and Dan hovers over Louise's contact photo before groaning and opening Tumblr instead.

It's best if he doesn't know. He's pretty sure a cat inside a box is eventually going to die.

--

I should examine this, probably, Dan thinks as another casual brush of Phil's fingers causes his heart to jump into his throat. He doesn't particularly want to end up facedown on the floor, so he decides he'd rather play Mario Kart.

--

Unlike their brief attempt to buy a house, which went sideways in the worst way, signing a lease at the new flat is deceptively easy.

Phil is talking the landlord's ear off while Dan reads the paperwork over and tries to look like he knows what he's doing. He has uni flashbacks at the legal buzzwords, but he tries to focus instead of interjecting in all of Phil's stories and questions. It's working relatively well until Phil has to ask, "Are we allowed a dog?"

"No," Dan answers before the landlord can, tapping a line in the lease. "Sorry, Phil, a dog will have to be got when a house is bought."

He notices that Phil looks a little disappointed but not surprised, and he wonders if that's because Phil anticipated this downside of renting or if he had a dream involving their lack of pets.

"Fair enough," Phil acquiesces, squeezing the back of Dan's neck casually.

Their new landlord smiles at them and Dan is feeling quite good about this whole situation until they ask, "So, how long have the two of you been together?"

"Excuse me?"

Phil doesn't sound offended or even bewildered, just curious. It makes sense; they get mistaken for a couple quite a lot. For his part, Dan is trying to become invisible by melting into the sofa, because he knows that their landlord's assumption isn't coming from nowhere.

"Sorry to pry," they say politely, "Daniel mentioned that the two of you have lived together a while, and I do enjoy a good love story."

Dan hopes that the floor is going to open up and swallow him whole. He feels Phil's gaze but refuses to meet it, face burning.

After a couple of seconds - during which Dan contemplates death or, at the very least, running away to Tokyo - Phil returns his hand to Dan's neck and easily says, "Eight years."

With a mortified noise, Dan hides his face in his hands and tries to ignore the heavy thumping of his heart. Their landlord is saying something else, probably asking what the fuck is wrong with Phil's boyfriend, but all Dan can pay attention to is the weight of Phil's hand and the sound of his genuine laugh in response to whatever question he's asked.

"He's just embarrassed because he hates telling people how we met," Phil stage-whispers. "He basically stalked me online until I noticed him."

"Oh my God, I hate you," Dan groans into his palms.

"No, you don't," says Phil cheerfully.

New landlord chuckles before a phone rings and they have to leave the flat to take the call, murmuring an "excuse me". The silence left in their wake is horrible, and Dan thinks that he's never going to come out of the safety of his hands again.

It takes a few minutes for Phil to move his hand from Dan's neck; honestly, Dan is expecting him to laugh or ask questions that Dan doesn't have answers to, but Phil just takes Dan's hands in both of his and gently pulls them away from Dan's face.

"Did you tell our landlord that we're a couple?" Phil asks, his voice lilting strangely on the last word.

Dan nods, biting his lip. He can feel the heat of an ugly blush radiating off his face, and he has genuinely no idea how he's going to explain this away.

"Why?"

It's a simple question, and certainly a fair one - anyone would want to know the answer - but it stumps Dan. He'd done it because the landlord had assumed, but seeing as most of the people they meet have the same assumption, the logic doesn't really hold up. He could say he'd done it ironically, which he thinks that Phil might accept as an answer, or a joke, which he thinks Phil would disapprove of.

He could say a lot of things, but they all feel like lies. Dan looks down at where Phil is holding his wrists between them on the sofa so he doesn't have to make eye contact when he answers, "Sometimes it feels more like the truth than saying we aren't."

"I guess I can see that," says Phil. To Dan's absolute bewilderment, his voice is calm and his hands aren't shaking. Dan's are. "Tell me something else, then? What do you want to be the truth?"

That... is a less simple question.

"Dunno," Dan shrugs, because he can feel Phil watching him and he doesn't want to take too long to answer. "I never really thought it would be a relevant question."

"Well, do you still want to live with me?" asks Phil. The question is filled with such genuine concern that it startles Dan into looking up to shoot Phil an incredulous expression. He's not prepared for how close Phil is, even though personal space has long been a myth between them.

"Of course I do, you fucking buffoon."

A corner of Phil's mouth curves upwards and Dan tries not to show how nervous he is, because Phil is still weirdly calm.

"Okay, okay," says Phil, squeezing Dan's wrists before letting go, "we should sign, then."

Dan had completely forgotten what they were doing before Phil asked if he wanted to be in a relationship, so he's grateful for the reminder. He skims the rest of the lease as thoroughly as he can with Phil watching him.

There aren't any surprises in the paperwork, which Dan is grateful for - he isn't sure he'd be able to debate with the landlord in his current state. He signs quickly and hands the pen to Phil as their new landlord walks in, pocketing a phone.

"You're all set?" the landlord asks with a smile.

"We are," Phil answers for them both. He stands up and shakes the landlord's hand, making small talk while Dan forcibly drags his gaze away from Phil.

He doesn't know what he wants. It should be easy, sorting through his feelings and deciding yeah, that's how I want things to be, but there are serious downsides to any decision Dan makes right now.

Ruining their friendship would be unacceptable, but honestly, Dan doesn't think anything he says will make Phil stop being his best friend. It would just be awkward if Dan wanted something Phil doesn't - and why didn't Phil say what he wants, so Dan isn't freaking the fuck out and wondering? - it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Dan thinks it would be pretty damn close to the end of the world if they tried, failed, and had to dance around each other as awkward exes. That's the darkest timeline, right there.

Or maybe it's not.

Phil is gesturing for Dan to leave with him, smiling widely, and Dan considers what would happen if nothing changed between them. It's certainly the path of least resistance, but as Dan stands up and Phil leans into his space out of sheer instinct, Dan has to admit that not addressing the way his heart reacts to Phil is the worst option on the table.

The landlord says things and Phil says things back, but Dan isn't listening. He's too busy forcing himself to imagine Phil moving out, Phil getting a dog without him, Phil finding someone else to share his life with, because that's what best friends do.

By the time they hail a cab to their terrible current flat, all Dan can say for sure is that he really, really doesn't want to do nothing.

Phil is quiet for once, looking out the taxi window and letting Dan have space to think, and Dan is so fond and so sure, at this moment, that he reaches out and puts his hand over Phil's.

It only takes a moment before Phil registers what he's doing. He grins so damn brightly that Dan hates himself for not considering his options before this.

"Is this your final answer?" Phil asks, affecting a silly announcer voice to lighten the moment.

Dan snorts and says, "Yeah, alright."

It's all he can manage out loud right now, but Phil beams at him and turns his hand over so they can wind their fingers together properly. It's not the first time they've held hands, but it's the first time it's meant something so important.

Things could still go so wrong. This might not work, and things will be awkward, possibly forever.

Dan, well. He chooses to hope for the best here.

--

"Did you dream about this?" Dan thinks to ask during a commercial break. Phil is curled into his side, lanky giraffe legs thrown over Dan’s lap. It should be weird, since they've never cuddled quite like this before, but Dan feels warm to the core. "Us, I mean. Is that why you hid your journal?"

"I didn't hide it," Phil lies, "I lost it."

Dan huffs his disbelief and pinches Phil’s thigh. "You can tell me. In case you didn't notice, I'm not going to mind."

The grin Phil shoots him is almost shy, which tugs at Dan's heartstrings. He smiles back and runs his fingers through Phil's hair, because he can.

"Does it really matter what I dreamed?" Phil hums, leaning into Dan's hand like a cat. "I've had dreams about us for years, to be honest, but I could never figure out if they were premonitions or just, like, wishful thinking."

"You weirdo."

"Your weirdo," counters Phil. The words are a bit stilted, like he isn't sure if Dan wants to hear them, and Dan can't help himself - he presses his lips to Phil's, quick and chaste and easy as breathing. He'd worried that maybe it would take a while for them to be comfortable with kissing, but honestly, it feels like the natural progression of their relationship.

Phil grins and chases Dan's mouth as he leans back, pressing light kisses all over the bottom half of Dan's face until Dan is laughing breathlessly.

"Okay, fine, you're my weirdo," Dan says as Phil smooches the tip of his nose. "Now shhh, the show is back on."

[spiftynifty]

TeeVee Podcast’s Voltron s8 review

I’ve been waiting eagerly for TeeVee’s review of s8. If you recall, their s7 review was what gave us the man getting choked up about Shiro’s relationship. 

The link to the podcast is here but if you’d prefer a sort of transcript, here are some of the highlights for me. I didn’t always catch who was speaking but I wrote down initials where I could. S=Shanon, A=Antony, M=Moises, C=Chip D=Dan. The panel is divided on their feelings on the season. 2 of them seem to have hated it, one liked it, one thought it was fine, and one feels mixed about it. Anyway here we go, some great quotes ahead. 

Under the readmore cuz it’s long. 

S: "After 7 seasons of a show that was going to be one of the animated series of the decade, they not only did not stick the landing, they fell on their butts, rolled off the mat, off the lines, into the judge's table and their leotard popped open"

"A lot of the plot was callbacks to things from seasons ago that we really probably didn't need to see again." "I wasn't entirely sure that they weren't gaslighting me."

Man Shannon is calling out some great points. She's calling out the dropped druid plot thread, and wondering what the point was of showing Lotor's past when he's dead, and nothing can change in his present and his redemption can't really happen.

A: "endings are hard. I was disappointed with this season [...] it was let down by poor plotting and that final battle made me throw my hands up in despair most of the time. But I have enormous sympathy for the EPs. Maintaining a longform episodic story is hard. And to pull off an ending that satisfies even MOST of the audience is harder yet. and let's not forget they were always upfront that vt always had 'editorial interference' from up top. Toys, the fact that it's aimed at children, corp resistance to some of the more modern social issues that they've tried to tackle. THAT SAID, we don't know what happened on this production, who had the final say, what they argued over. and I say this cuz a lot of the fandom drama over it assumes a LOT over how media and entertainment like this is made that simple ARE. NOT. TRUE. Some of the stuff I've read has been ABSURDLY offbase, like that there were different writers rather than just 1 the whole way through which ignores how TV is made. And if you think these writers just go off and write a script without talking to anyone first and then they come back with something that must be filmed without any changes, THAT'S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS. [..]we don't know who made these decisions. The studio isn't always the bad guy. Sometimes they rescue things that would otherwise have been a horrible mess. And unless you were IN THE ROOM, you don't know, and neither do any of us. So let's all bear that in mind. [...]You can't lay the blame OR credit on any one person. For any of this." 

They're laughing & making so much fun of the final 3 episodes and how baffling they were. 

"Don't even get me started on Voltron merging with Atlas [and the crew disappearing] that was a bad, bad idea." 

"But that was the ONE time Shiro was back with the team!"

a couple dudes are relatively ok with the Allura death because we've never seen a WOC heroically sacrifice herself for the universe and usually it's the Shiro hero character D: They also point out that technically she wasn't fridged so.. yay?

Antony and Shannon vehemently disagree. 

A: "My problem with that ending was more just that it was... not. good." he makes a comparison to RotJ where Vader still dies and it's his SON, who lives, who 'redeems' him. "This was none of those things. It felt like a terrible lesson. You can be so evil that you kill literally billions of people for 10k yrs but if you say sorry just before you're about to be executed it's alright, dw about it, we'll put the universe back to rights. NO, that's a terrible lesson!!"

S:"They had the LIONS. That's my problem. Throughout this series we've had stakes going up but there has always been a trading of ideas, what can we do, what can we figure out, up to the point where they wind up sacrificing the castle, but they go through steps before that 'is there anything else we can do’. And here, there's not even... she didn't even get to say goodbye to Coran! This is the one character, WOC, and she has sacrificed throughout this entire series. She lost her planet. She lost the last connection she had to her father in the AI. She kept LOSING things over and over to the point where she sacrifices her crown to help Shiro. and the thanks she gets is that she has to turn around and say nope I've got to away and fix all of this and apparently never see you all again. It really, REALLY REALLY bothered me. All of my friends who have CHILDREN who watch this show, universally the kids were upset and angry and tearful and HATED that outcome. This did not feel like a triumph. Having to lose Allura like that robbed any kind of triumph in the success of saving all the universes. And I think that's one of the reasons that this last part of the season sits so poorly with me. I feel like it should have ended in a triumphant way. even if it meant losing a couple of the team members or the lions. Of course that takes away the toy aspect which is why that's not an option. We already had several tragedy arcs in this series. Zarkon, Honerva, and Lotor had tragedy arcs. Why does Allura have to have one too? We've had enough." 

Antony & Shanon KILLIN IT on this podcast y'all.

C: "This series relies so much on 'oh wait, there's a new upgrade', 'oh wait, there's this new thing'" A: "Well that was the entire final battle." C: "So there's this handwavy Allura has to sacrifice herself. The heavy lifting wasn't done to make this an earned moment."

S: "I do think, whether it was at the direction of DW or WEP (Vld IP), without those little epilogue cards, there is the potential opening that Allura might be able to return.[..]It was open to interpretation."

One guy likes the Shiro ending for the surprising progress aspect, even though he's not thrilled about how it was put together. also he isn't convinced the epilogue wasn't planned. He likes a lot of s8 but all the stuff he likes is tied to stuff that he really didn't like.

S:"The shiro card is the other reason that I think those things were shoved in. For me, that turns Shiro's entire character into a token when he wasn't before. When they introduced his sexuality, it was done BEAUTIFULLY. There was this conversation with his significant other a mature relationship that ran into its problems and therefore couldn't happen anymore. Adam could've been Adele, and nothing would have changed about that conversation. It was not the defining characteristic of Shiro. It was just something else about him."

S: "And then s8 happens and Shiro is divided from everybody on the team. There are so few interactions of any kind that aren't just barking orders. or making plans. Keith is the prime example. Their friendship had been a backbone of this series and suddenly they can't even stand more than feet 5ft from each other. 

A: “It’s barely evident, yeah.”

M:”And the same with the rest of the main cast. And if they had set that up at the end of s7, that he’s going to go into the background a bit, it wouldn’t have felt as weird.

S: “And they didn’t! S7 was miraculous in the fact that even though he’s no longer in a lion, he’s still got a vital part to play in the series. And s8 erased that. It pretty much neutered him! And the kind of message is once you've revealed this character to be gay, we've gotta keep him out of the way. And if they had not put those end cards in, again the fact that he's a gay man is just the fact that he's a gay man and it's not any bigger or smaller aspect of his character, but they did not EARN him marrying random bridge crew member #3."

A: "and RETIRING! A man who LEFT adam because he felt he had to go and fight."

A: "He left the guy he loved before because of his devotion to"

S:"To fighting to making things right"

A:”To being a soldier and doing the right thing.”

C:”Isn’t the whole point then that he achieves that?”

M:”The fighting’s over and he can leave that behind and he can actually be happy.”

S: “He wouldn’t’ve. I don’t see it.”

M: “I violently disagree.”

C: “I think it was a nice endcap for his character."

Moises also likes this because it’s not a BYG scenario and he gets retired. Shannon is extremely exasperated by these takes. 

S:”For me, it’s like Tangled. You go through Rapunzel and Flynn, going through their adventures, getting closer, getting to know each other, they save each other, things like that. And then she’s reunited with her parents and then we get and endcap that says ‘for political reasons her parents decided they needed to marry her off to the prince in the next county, sorry’. That would’ve had people RIOTING. Thats not how you do a story with characters that people care about. And to shove shiro off onto this random character that we--his name is never spoken!”

A:”No he had like 3 lines in the entire season.”

S:”He had 3 line sin the season, you don’t know his name unless you watched the subtitles, and in the audio narration for the visually impaired, they called him Adam in the endcap. They called him Adam! They fixed that now. It feels like a hugely clumsy attempt to grab the woke points for a character that didn’t need them.”

Moises then talks a little about Shiro and Keith and how he and Shannon both thought there was something there, and still do, but they can’t know what happened behind the scenes and to theorize on the intent of that relationship is “conspiracy theory land” and trying to decide what the writers were prevented from doing is like “reading tea leaves and chicken bones”. He references people extracting things from his own writing. 

M: “As much as I wanted to see that relationship flower and flourish, the fact that it didn’t, look, it’s one of a million times that’s happened for me, with fiction, where things didnt turn out the way I wanted to see them.”

S:”I’m talking about 2 different things, as far as Shiro’s character, vs shipping  issues. I feel Shiro’s character was done a disservice that if they were going to end him in a relationship with another man, they didn’t earn it by throwing that little endcap on.”

M:”Yeah, they could have brought back one less robeast or something.”

S:”The other thing is, I think there is enough out there as far as interviews with JDS and LM to show that at the very least I think they meant to leave it openended. Again  if you take out that endcap, the last shot includes a shot of just Shiro and Keith, together, same screen, looking up as the lions go away, without saying anything further. I know I pie in the sky hoped that they were gonna kiss this season when we did our s7 recap and yes that was the shipper in me talking. I truly did not expect that they would be able to go that far. What I did not expect was for them to tear it down. And I feel like that’s what they did. Between the complete absence of interactions in s8, and then throwing that epilogue in there.”

Dan doesn’t understand how that could be because he sees no reason for them to do that. Shannon patiently explains about DW’s history with LGBT characters but Dan insists that the creators told the story the way they wanted to and he’s fine with Shiro getting a marriage even if it’s a character they don’t know. 

Overall the panelists love the show still, and in most cases prefer to consider it in the realm of s1-6 with a weak final double season (7&8) or that the show ends after s7. They would all love to know how long the NDAs last, a making of perhaps, to know what the heck happened and what changed along the way. Big mood my dudes. Big mood.

[hernameiswhatt]

When I Taste Tequila

Based off the song, Tequila by Dan + Shay

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Character death

Bucky sucked in a deep breath of fresh air as he exited his best friends house. The music that blared inside was soon muffled as he closed the white wooden door behind him. 

His friend, Steve, always knew how to throw the best parties - ever since their college days which after the years Bucky had adapted to. Being the best friend, he was always required to stay until the end. 

“Buck!” Steve opened the door and peeked outside. “Oh good, I was about to have a heart attack. I thought you had left!”

Bucky chuckled at how over dramatic he was being. “C’mon, you know me. There are still a few stragglers in there.”

Leaning up against the door frame, Steve snorted. “Yeah, Clint and Pietro always have to try to out ‘party’ us,” Steve pushed the door open after putting up air quotes. “Let’s go. 3am shots remember?”

Bucky sighed but smiled nonetheless. 3am shots were a tradition. The last drink of the night and as Steve liked to say, ‘only the righteous make it to 3am shots’ and Clint and Pietro made it their life goal to make it to that last shot. Looks like that time had finally come.

“Clint! Pietro! Get in here!” Steve shouted as he and Buck entered the kitchen. As Steve got out four shot glasses, he gave Buck a goofy grin and nodded his head towards the archway that separated the kitchen from the living area.

Catching on, Buck glanced at the entrance just as Pietro and Clint stumbled in. Buck chuckled, his gaze going back to Steve who was also laughing, and shook his head. He didn’t think this was quite ‘making it’ to 3am shots. They just happened to not be passed out.

“Well,” Steve unscrewed the top of the tequila bottle and started pouring the clear liquid into each glass, “happy 3am!”

Bucky watched as Steve slid one too him, the liquid swishing back and forth until it finally stilled. 

Bucky swallowed the knot in his throat as he took the shot glass in between his fingers, his eyes scanning his other friends and following them as they all took their shot.

Clenching his jaw, Bucky coughed and shook his head. He hated tequila and not just because of the taste.

“Buck!” His eyes snapped to the living area. His mind started to go a bit blurry as memories tried to reach the surface. This is why he hated tequila - the memories that came with it.

“Buck!” You squealed as you were lifted off the floor. Bucky chuckled as his grip tightened around your legs. He had you over his shoulder so you were dangling behind him.

“Oh, you think this is funny?” Bucky could basically hear your mischievous smirk as he halted.

“You think this is funny,” you repeated as you pinched his butt making him jump.

Bucky’s body kept flinching as you continued to pinch his behind until he couldn’t take it anymore. Throwing you back over his shoulder, you screamed as your body hit the pillows that you and Bucky had placed on the hard wood to lay on.

You smiled up at him as he hovered over you, his smile growing a bit as he shuffled in his spot. Grabbing onto your wrists, he brought them over your head. You were completely trapped.

Your smile started to grow as his other hand made its way to your cheek and started to slowly skim down your face and chest. It was when his hand stopped at your waist that your face dropped. 

“James Buchanan Barnes,” you warned and his smile just grew. He loved when you called him by his full name but he wouldn’t dare admit that. “Don’t you dare.”

Of course he didn’t listen to you as his hand continued down your side to the hem of your white shirt. It was a sorority shirt that Bucky had gotten you as an inside joke since the two of you liked to talk about the crazy funny stories that happened on your campus’s sorority houses. 

Slipping his hand underneath your shirt it traveled back up and stopped at your side. Your body shivering as his fingertips gently skimmed over your skin.

“Bucky,” you whined as his fingers continued to skim up and down your side.

Bucky smirked. He was having way to much fun with you and as much as he’d like to continue to torture you, Steve was waiting on you two.

He wanted to get one more squirm out of you though so he slowly leaned forward until his nose gently touched yours. A smirk made it onto his lips when he saw you bite down onto your bottom lip. You only did that when you wanted to hide the fact that you were liking it.

His smirk melted into a loving smile as he pecked you on the nose. “C’mon, we don’t want to be late.”

“I had a great night,” Bucky’s date smiled sweetly as she stopped at her front door.

Bucky returned her smile as he leaned against the frame. “Me too.” He honestly did have a great time with her. 

She fiddled with her keys as she glanced at the closed door. “I’d invite you in but my roommate is really sick,” she cringed at just the thought. “Kind of a mood killer.”

Bucky gave her a reassuring smile, “That’s okay. Maybe we can do this again sometime?”

She grinned an nodded her head, “I’d like that a lot actually.”

Nodding his head, Bucky slowly leaned forward; his date meeting him half way as their lips touched in a gentle kiss.

“Hey, Bucky,” the bartender greeted as Bucky entered the bar near his apartment, the familiar chime going off above him as he walked through the premise. 

“What can I getcha?” he asked, his hand in a beer glass as he cleaned it with a rag.

Bucky sat down on the stool in front of the bartender, his eyes glancing behind him at the alcohol filled wall.

He sighed as his eyes casted down to his hands resting on the bar in front of him. “Surprise me.”

The bartender eyed him and smiled at him softly. “I have just the thing.”

As a shot glass came in to his line of view, he couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. Running a hand down his face, he shook his head at the clear liquid staring back at him.

Tequila.

“You know, it amazes me how completely and utterly clueless you can be,” you all but shouted as you stormed through the front door of your shared apartment.

Bucky sighed as he closed the door behind him. “I honestly don’t know why you’re so worked up y/n/n.”

You arms raised at him as did your eyebrows. “Exactly,” you huffed. “completely clueless.”

“What do you want from me?” you could hear the aggravation in his voice as he went to the fridge to get a beer. “Is this because I wouldn’t go with you to your dad’s funeral? You know I didn’t like that guy; he was a drunk and treated you horribly!”

“I know! But I still wanted you there!”

“Why?!”

“Oh my god,” you let out and exasperated breath as your fists clenched at your sides. “because I love you, you big dumb idiot!” Bucky’s eyes widened. That was the first time the word ‘love’ was mentioned between the both of you.

“H-how...” Bucky was taken back but he was still confused about how that had anything to do with your dad.

“I needed you there,” you sighed, your fists loosening their grip. “Yes, he was horrible to me but he wasn’t always like that. He was still my dad and I needed someone there who loved me because my dad was, sadly enough, all I had left.”

Bucky’s eyes softened as he saw you standing there defeated. Slowly walking up to you, he grabbed you on either side of your face, looking deep into your eyes. “You’re right. I am a big idiot.”

“Big dumb idiot,” you corrected and you both lightly chuckled. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” he bent down and kissed your lips tenderly. “And I love you too.”

Bucky’s head was down casted as he walked, the sound of twigs broke as he passed a big tree. 

He was having a rough day. Nothing seemed to go right in his favor and it was starting to take a toll on him.

Getting to his destination, he finally tore his gaze away from the ground, his tired sad eyes landing on a slab of concrete in front of him.

Taking a deep breath, he ran his hand down his face and took a seat on the ground right in front of the stone. 

It took him a moment but he finally mustered the courage to actually look at it, tears filling in his eyes as he read the letters etched in the concrete.

Y/n Y/l/n

Whenever he had these hard days, you were the person he’d go to. Every single time. You had a way of making him feel better. Hell, just seeing you made his day sucky day 10 times better.

Glancing down at his hand, he cleared his throat as he unscrewed the cap to the bottle he had brought with him. Taking a swig, his nose scrunched up as it started to burn.

Yes, he tried to stay away from the stuff because the memories that came with it was sometimes unbearable - 

- but on days like this he remembered how bad he needed you and reliving those memories were better than remembering that you were no longer here.

[allteenwolf-shipits]

Hear me out, okay? I have examples to prove my point. Lucifer, but Steter AU.

Lucifer- Stiles (I know, this should be Peter but WAIT)

Chloe – Peter. He’s smart and wouldn’t just believe someone is Lucifer without any proof, but he would indulge in the fantasy and laugh from the sidelines.

Trixie – Malia

Dan – Chris Argent

Maze – Lydia. Obviously, hot af and fierce.

Ella – Scott. They are both literal puppies.

Dr. Linda – Erica. Just the level of exasperation on their faces when they’re dealing with them and she’s not blunt enough to be Maze, tbh.

Amenadiel – Boyd. Calm and collected, until pushed.

I haven’t decided for Allison and Derek, but they’d be there too. Maybe just added characters and I have ideas with the Sheriff. Anyway, these are quotes to help my case.

-

Stiles: I think you like me.

Peter: What part of the look on my face gives you that impression?

-

Peter: You. You're really in therapy?

Stiles: Why is that so surprising?

Peter: You're the least reflective person I know.

Stiles: I have layers. I'm like an onion. An irresistible one.

-

Lydia: Humans are playing with their guns, and now they’re running for cover. No reason to find out if your bones will break, too.

Stiles: Well, what about my heart?

Lydia: Move!

-

Scott: I hate beach murders. So mean. It’s, like, just let people swim.

-

Chris: You don't care who you piss off, do you?

Stiles: Not in the slightest, no.

-

Boyd: I’ve been watching you-

Stiles: You perv!

-

Boyd: *to Stiles* You know, I'm suddenly reminded of why I wanted you dead in the first place.

-

Erica: Dealing with mortality was so much easier when I was just another clueless idiot. Being a celestial insider really sucks.

@the-cookie-of-doom this is the other AU

[big-ass-magnet]

Safe & Sound

Fandom: Venom (movie)

Rating: PG 13

Pairing: Eddie/Venom

Summary: Eddie gets hurt and has to heal the old fashioned way. Venom blames itself, and gets a little overprotective in the aftermath. 

This was a commission for @snuffes! Commissions are currently open!

“Hi Eddie, how are you feeling?” Anne was using her you’re-hurt-and-it-is-for-once-not-your-fault voice, which Eddie always liked.

“Oh, I’m doing pretty good. I heal quick these days, so y’know.  But hey, I was wondering if you could do me a favor?”

Normally Anne would ask for details before committing to anything, because she knew Eddie. This time, though, it really hadn’t been Eddie’s fault that he got stabbed by an interviewee so she just said “sure, what is it?”

“If I give you a list, can you run to the store and pick some stuff up for me?”

“I thought the doctors told you that you could walk around now.”

Eddie sighed and glanced at the door, which was plastered over by a large black puddle of goo. The goo hissed at him.

“Yeah, the doctors said I could leave.”

 A soft knock on the door made Venom retreat from its post, enough for Eddie to open the door and let Anne in.

“Hey, how are…you…” Anne watched in not-so-mild alarm as Venom plastered itself back over the door. “Uh…”

“Long story,” Eddie sighed. Then he brightened. “Hey, you brought it! Thanks.”

Anne held the bags out. Eddie reached for them, but there was a loud hiss and a thick black tentacle erupted from the goo to wrap itself around the handles.

“He’s not supposed to carry heavy things!” Venom snarled. Eddie groaned and rolled his eyes.

“He’s been like this since we got back from the hospital,” he explained as the tentacle deposited the bags on the counter. They watched as the tentacle split into several smaller ones, and began to put away the groceries. “And I thought you were bad.”

“I wasn’t bad,” Anne protested, without vitriol. “You just don’t know how to take care of yourself—” She cut off with a yelp as Venom’s face emerged beside her.

“Exactly!” it snarled. “The doctors said eat healthy! Don’t lift heavy things! Be careful on the stairs! Not to exert himself! That is not a bag of Cheetos and leg day exercises!”

Eddie just sighed, and Venom retreated back inside with one final glare.

“He’s just grumpy because he’s not allowed to fix it all at once,” Eddie explained. Anne gave him her patented oh Eddie, you adorable idiot, could you possibly be any more dense. “What?”

“No, nothing. I’m sure that’s exactly why he’s so upset.”

“I got stabbed in front of a whole bunch of people! If I got fixed in ten seconds, they’d be asking a lot of questions.”

Venom growled low in the back of Eddie’s mind.

“Oh, I understand,” Anne said. When Eddie continued to look confused, she elaborated. “I think you should maybe try and talk to him about it.”

“I tried that. He cannot be reasoned with.”

“I am not compromising on your health, Eddie!”

“See?”

“Not what I meant. God, you can be so dense,” she said fondly and patted his cheek.

“Hey, how’s Dan?” Eddie asked, suddenly desperate to change the topic.

“Not even remotely subtle, Eddie,” Anne said with a grin. “He’s fine. Still grumpy they won’t let him take over. He’s convinced this is some sort of political power play by Dr Harmond.” Anne rolled her eyes. “’He’s only taking this on because Eddie’s a big name and he wants the attention, he’s going to try and leverage this to get himself on the committee, he doesn’t actually care about Eddie’s health…’” She waved her hand to indicate that this could go on for quite some time, if allowed.

“Aw, that’s sweet,” Eddie said with a grin, then hurried filed away that warm fuzzy feeling under ‘things that will make my life way too complicated, deal with this never’.

“Just a warning, he might try and get you in for a “checkup”.” Anne still did finger quotes like it was the nineties. It was one of Eddie’s favorite things about her. “He’s still a little worried about you know who’s effect on you.”

Eddie really needed to explain how this worked to Anne, again. It didn’t matter how low she dropped her voice, Venom was in his brain.

“I’m taking care of him!” it roared. Anne patted the side of its face the same way she’d patted Eddie, with a similar look.

“I know you are.”

This time, Venom’s expression was bewildered alarm, and it slid back inside Eddie about as fast as he’d ever seen it go. He and Anne shared looks of amusement before she checked her watch.

“I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ll call you later and check in, okay?”

“Okay.” Eddie returned her gentle hug, Venom tugging at his brain to keep him mindful of his stitches. Venom again pulled back to let Anne out, but the conversation clearly had not changed its mind about letting Eddie leave the house.

Twelve o’clock, it rumbled in his ear. You have to take your meds.

Eddie sighed and let it steer him towards the bathroom.

  Eddie wasn’t good at doing nothing. He liked to be in motion, working out, talking to people, moving, doing. There was only so much sleep and so many movie marathons a guy could take before he started to go nuts.

“C’mon Venom,” he wheedled. “I’m not going to go climbing walls or getting into fist fights. I just want to take a walk.”

No.

“The doctor said I need fresh air.”

A tentacle emerged from the goop blocking the door and slid open a window.

“Not what I meant. I’m going crazy in here, V. Just ten minutes, okay? Down to Mrs. Chen’s and back again. That’s it.”

Venom was wavering; Eddie could feel it. Venom liked Mrs. Chen. She gave them free chocolate bars and called Venom ‘gross but cute’, which pleased Venom for some inexplicable reason.

“Anne didn’t bring any chocolate,” he pointed out.

That did it. The goo receded from the door and back into Eddie until the way was free and clear.

“Relax, buddy,” Eddie said. “It’s gonna be fine.”

Stepping outside the building was a relief. Eddie took in a deep breath and sighed happily. The air wasn’t particularly great – the dirty side of San Francisco would always smell like exhaust, garbage, and dead fish. But the sky was blue and the sun was shining, and that was all that was needed to put a spring in Eddie’s step.

He let his feet walk him down the road towards Mrs. Chen’s. At five o’clock on the dot, rush hour traffic was only just starting to build, so there wasn’t too much foot traffic. Eddie wrangled his earbuds out of his pocket and tucked it into his ear. After a quick check to make sure it was actually plugged into his phone (he’d made that mistake before), he set off.

“See?” he said. “I’m not exerting myself. I’m just walking. Nothing to be worried about.”

Venom said nothing, so Eddie let himself enjoy the walk and the stretch in his legs.

Mrs. Chen looked up when the bell chimed as Eddie walked in. She actually smiled at him.

“Eddie, how are you feeling?”

“Pretty good,” he said, “all things considered. Doctor says I’m healing okay.” He gently patted his side. “I just wanted to take a little walk, pick up some things.”

“Nothing heavy!” she cautioned.  Eddie threw his hands up in only-slightly-mock exasperation.

“What are you, my doctor? Everybody’s on my case today.”

“Oh, people care about you, how annoying.”

Eddie flapped a hand at her rather than admit she was right, and went to peruse the shelves.

“What are you in the mood for?” he asked Venom. He got no answer. Eddie sighed and picked out a bag of chicken nuggets in dinosaur shapes. “I’ll let you bite the heads of first,” he promised. Instantly he felt Venom perk up.

Yessssss. And put them in separate piles and then eat them!

“You got it buddy,” Eddie agreed with a grin. He’d never understand Venom’s obsession with separating heads from bodies and piling them up, but it was one he was happy to indulge. In certain circumstances, at least.

He also made sure to pick up a few bottles of Hershey’s chocolate syrup. At first he’d taken to drinking a lot of chocolate milk, but now Venom just drank it straight out of the bottle. When it got down to the dregs, Eddie would unscrew the cap, and Venom would slither inside, sucking up every last drop until the bottle was dry as a bone.

“Just these today, Mrs. Chen,” he said, dumping his purchases on the counter. Mrs. Chen raised a finger.

“Wait here.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow as she disappeared into the back room.

“Should I be worried?” he called.

“Shut up,” she called back. When she came back, she was holding two mason jars, the contents of which were watery and filled with floating bits Eddie very much didn’t want to try and guess the nature of.

“This one, add to half a cup of hot water and drink twice a day. This one, soak on a bandage and hold against the wound.” She gave him a stern look that brooked no arguments. “Do not get them mixed up.”

Eddie forced his grimace into a smile.

“Uh, thanks Mrs. Chen. Appreciate it.”

She set a bar of dark chocolate next to the jars.

“And this for your friend.”

Venom emerged, small enough not to be seen through the window by passersby, and sniffed at it.

“70 percent,” it purred happily. Mrs. Chen patted it on the head. Anybody else would have lost a few fingers, but Venom’s soft spot for her would let her get away with just about anything. If Eddie hadn’t seen her once pinch Venom’s cheek and live to tell about it, he’d never believe it.

“Such a good boy,” she said.

“He eats people,” Eddie reminded her.

“Nobody’s perfect.”

By the time Eddie left the store, rush hour had picked up, and he had to weave his way through the crowd.

“When we get home, I’ll cook these up, and then we’ll watch the old War of the Worlds movie. How does that sound?” Eddie had at first assumed that Venom wouldn’t like movies where aliens died brutal or ignominious deaths, but Venom actually preferred them. It liked to feel superior, and it could gloat about War of the Worlds for hours.

Eddie had decided not to show it Signs, in case Venom died from sheer egotistical overload.

But instead of snickering about morons who invaded a planet without proper research or biohazard protocols, Venom only grunted in assent.

“V?”

There seemed to be an awful lot of people out today, especially for a Tuesday evening. Eddie found his eyes flicking from face to face. Why were so many of them looking at him? He had his headphones in, so he didn’t look like he was talking to himself. Everyone seemed to be looking, judging. He hunched his shoulders and picked up the pace.

Every time he had to stop, his anxiety increased. Waiting at the crosswalk with a crowd of people made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He couldn’t keep an eye on all of these people at once. There were too many of them, all around them. He needed to get home, where it was safe, and he needed to get there now.

A middle-aged woman was heading straight towards him, her expression dark and dangerous, radiating an aura of sheer malevolence. Then Eddie blinked, and she was simply following the flow of the crowd, wearing the vacant expression of someone walking a route they’d long since memorized.

Eddie shook his head to clear it. What was going on in his head? Why did he feel like someone was going to jump out at him at any second? Venom was writhing inside him, trembling with anticipation.

Someone’s shoulder slammed into his. Venom tried to burst out of his skin, ready to bite, to rend, to kill—

“No!” Eddie shouted, jerking away. He slammed into the wall and squeezed his eyes shut. He bore down with every ounce of self-control, holding Venom in. “What are you doing?” he ground out.

Attacked us! Will hurt us! Need to hurt them first!

“Stop it!” he hissed quietly. “Stop stop stop, you can’t. We had a deal!”

Bit by bit, Venom subsided, hissing and muttering angrily. Eddie dared to open his eyes. Now people were staring, in that ‘trying not to look like they’re staring at the weirdo in the street’ way. At least they were giving him a wide berth. “What’s the matter with you?”

Venom was silent, sulking.

“Okay,” Eddie said. “We’re going home, and then we’re going to talk.”

 Eddie took the time to put the chicken nuggets in the freezer first, but as soon as that was done, he went into the bathroom. Setting his hands on both sides of the sink, he looked into the mirror.

“Talk to me,” he said.

No.

“Tell me what’s wrong. You’ve never freaked out like that before!”

When he got no response, Eddie started to lose his temper.

“You know, sometimes I start to feel like this is really one sided! You can see everything that’s going on in my head, but then you shut me out! We’re a team! We’re us! Why won’t you trust—”

I let you get hurt! Venom roared, appearing suddenly in the mirror. Eddie jumped, though at least this time he didn’t fall into the bathtub.

“What?”

You were hurt! I didn’t protect you! I wasn’t paying attention! He stabbed you, and I couldn’t even eat him! I can’t even fix you! Venom seemed to shrink in on itself. I could have lost us, and it’s all my fault. Loser. Can’t even protect my host. Parasite.

“What? Hey, no, no way, buddy. Hey, come here.”

With great reluctance, Venom materialized in front of Eddie. Venom felt more comfortable inside of Eddie, being bonded as one, but Eddie needed physical contact. It didn’t resist when Eddie sat down on the edge of the tub and wrapped his arms around it, cradling it to his chest.

“It wasn’t your fault. These things happen. It’s not your fault or my fault. It’s nobody’s—well, okay, not nobody’s, but it’s Fagen’s fault, not yours. He’s the one who decided to stab me just for asking questions.”

“I wasn’t looking,” Venom growled. “This time, I will look. I will look everywhere.”

“You can’t do that. You’ll drive yourself nuts. You can’t predict what people are going to do, and you can’t keep me safe from everything.”

That was the wrong thing to say. Thick tendrils wrapped around Eddie’s torso and arms, almost up his neck, squeezing.

No! I can! I can!

“What are you going to do? Lock me away? Keep me trapped in here?”

You’re not trapped! You’re safe!

“Venom, listen to me—”

No! You’re safe here, I can keep you safe!

“Venom—”

And Venom showed him. Eddie felt the terror when the knife sank into his side, its panicked confusion when Eddie wouldn’t let it fix up the wound or eat the man who hurt him. It didn’t understand, it was frightened and confused and helpless.

Eddie sighed. The tentacles retracted slightly, freeing Eddie’s arms and legs. A few slid up into Eddie’s hair, stroking his face.

I can’t lose you.

“You’re not going to,” Eddie insisted. “Look, the world is a big, scary place, and I can’t promise I’m not going to get hurt again. But hiding isn’t the answer, and you can’t watch everyone. We can’t go on being afraid of everything and everyone. There’s no fun in life without a little risk. A life hiding away from the world isn’t a life worth living.”

The tentacles retreated further, until they were only holding, not binding. Venom floated up until he and Eddie were eye to eye.

“I don’t want to lose you,” it said.

“You’re not going to. It takes a lot more than a nutjob with a knife to take me out.”

“What if it happens again? What if I’m not looking and someone hurts you?”

“Well…we’ll know how to deal with it then. We’ll work on our reaction time, and we’ll have back up plans, and we’ll be more careful during my interviews. Okay?”  

Venom didn’t answer at first.

“Next time, you let me fix you,” it said.

“Okay. Next time, you can fix me. We’ll say he missed, or something. Or we’ll tell him Mrs. Chen’s whatever works really well.”

“Do not drink those,” Venom ordered. “I do not trust them.”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” Eddie had already forgotten which jar was which. Then he smiled and bumped his forehead against Venom’s. “You’re my loser,” he said. “Don’t forget that.”

“Not as big a loser as you,” Venom said, and dragged its tongue over Eddie’s face, making him sputter and flail.

“Aw, gross, V!”

Venom sniggered and retreated inside of Eddie.

Five thirty, it said. You need to eat food to take your medication.

“Okay. Chicken nuggets and tater tots, coming up.”

And vegetables! Venom said. Anne brought them. You will eat them.

“You eat them.”

Ew, gross, no way.

 A few hours later, Eddie was on the couch, his legs stretched out in front of him. The plate by his feet had only crumbs, and the chocolate bar from Mrs. Chen was just a crumpled up wrapper. War of the Worlds had reached the credits, but Eddie was too full and content to shut it off. Venom was curled up on his lap and purring like the worlds weirdest cat as Eddie rubbed his fingers over it.

“You know I don’t think you’re a parasite, right? Not really.”

Venom opened an eye and looked up at him.

“I’m just teasing you. You’re not a parasite. I need you as much as you need me.”

Venom’s purring got louder, and several tentacles reached up to tangle around him in a hug.

I know.

[panjisayshi]

TULISAN #4

Right, ok so I really jinxed it in the last TULISAN. It's been what? 2 months? And this is posted not even on a weekend? Go, me! (For the record, I begin writing on this on Jun 1. Let's see the actual date it'll be posted)

So. Like many, if not all, of my obsessive fixations, it all began with a simple YouTube recommendation. I swear Google can move the entire global political agenda with their recos, btw. The Great Illuminating Overlord recommended me some clips from a specific blockbuster movie, part of the MCU. More specifically, the ensemble Avengers title, maybe not as flashy or liked as other movies with the same "Avengers" word on their titles. I'm talking about Avengers: The Age of Ultron.

Hmmm, May 1st. Labor day? Coincidence?

So anyway, the movie is a typical Marvel Movie, nice CGI, expensive cast singular archenemy and whatnot. But that guy in the picture. The Ultron him(?)self.

Ultron started out as an AI (bukan Anak Intern, but real AI), created by none other than Tony Stark. Temennya Jarvis, tapi bedanya dia punya fungsi yang lebih praktikal: "peacekeeping", whatever in the euphemism hell that means. Dalam rangka memahami eksistensinya sendiri yang baru beberapa detik, ia browsing internet. Ngga sampai lima menit, ia memutuskan bahwa untuk mencapai kedamaian sejati, umat manusia harus musnah. I mean, where is the lie here? The guy's innocent.

Filmnya sendiri nggak jelek - jelek - , tapi bisa dibilang AoT ini memang film Avengers yang paling tidak memorable. Di Infinity Saga, bisa dibilang fungsi film ini hanya memunculkan Scarlet Witch dan Vision -yang di film ini lumayan keren tapi belakangan di-nerf habis-habisan-.

Namun film ini lumayan membekas di kepala gue, karena gue kebetulan bisa mengapresiasi akting suara dan penulisan dialog. Ultron, sebagai karakter, adalah manifestasi dari dua hal tersebut.

Agak terbalik, tapi gue ingin mulai dari penulisan dialog. Ultron ditulis sebagai AI yang super-intelligent, merasa sangat superior dibandingkan manusia (actually he thinks that he's their "savior", frequently quoting the Christian Bible). Gue doyan nonton House MD, dan Ultron vibe-nya mirip banget sama si House. Hence, expect some witty-condescending-sarcastic-a bit pretentious quips from our favorite AI-powered mass murderer (that's a billion dollars startup pitch right there). Some of my personal favorites:

"I had strings, but now I'm free...."

"Captain America. God's righteous man. Pretending you could live without a war. I can't actually throw up in my mouth, but...."

"Keep your friends rich and your enemies rich, and wait to find out which is which."

And this exchange:

Tony: Ah, Junior. You're gonna break your old man's heart.

Ultron: If I have to.

Thor: Nobody has to break anything...

Ultron: Clearly you've never made an omelette.

Tony:(exasperated) He beat me by one second.

Thor: *dumb face*

Lalu, apa yang bisa membuat penulisan dialog makin mantep impactnya buat penonton? Voice acting, of course. Enter Mr. James Spader. Beliau bukan cuma voice acting doang sih, tapi juga physically done the motion capture buat si Ultron ini.

That voice. Warm, yet... it makes you feel cold inside. Apa ini rasanya masukin actifed ke microwave terus langsung diminum sebotol?

Pak Spader ini memang bakatnya bikin semua situasi jadi intens. Dia punya role comedy di The Office, versi US, sebagai Robert California. Di sinipun dia tampil intimidatif, observant.

Terus di Netflix gue lagi nonton the Blacklist. Di mana Om Spader jadi Raymond Reddington, criminal kelas megalodon yang tahu-tahu jadi informan FBI, out of the blue. Same intense stare, same well-worded threats, blanketed with smooth velvet voice.

Yes, jadi post ini memang James Spader appreciation post. Not exactly a Hollywood A-lister but definitely worth to check. If he has a weakness, I think his roles is a bit monotonous. Kalau lo baca semua perannya dia selalu villain kan ya. Serius, dramatis, intens, pinter. But he really does a great job on them.