#> i am cuddling him and i AM experiencing cuteness aggression so i will be squeezing extra hard ahhh

[waloeders]

WHY IS HE SO CUTE EEEE!!!

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

I love that everyone is coming to talk to you about fanfics, haha! Don't mind if I join in - tell us about your favourite style fanfic tropes. 😎

Fr lmaoooo idk where all this is coming from but I’m here for it!!!!

OH BOY DO I HAVE A LOT OF STYLE TROPES!!!

Okay so WEARING EACH OTHERS CLOTHES!!! God I eat that one up every time it’s so cute like I just KNOW growing up they had half their clothes at each other’s houses and constantly lost track of who owned what shirt and THEN!!! As they got older and weren’t the same size anymore (personally I’m a big boy Stan truther but it’s precious the other way too) and Kyle started absolutely SWIMMING in Stan’s baggy ass sweatshirts and Stan gets cuteness aggression lmao he’s just like awwww look how cute my super best boyfriend is in the peace love pine trees hoodie asjdjdkgfj

Calling each other “dude” romantically!!! Like other pet names come into play but dude stays bc it’s them

WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR OWN SECRET UNSPOKEN LANGUAGE like they’re always on the same wavelength totally in sync with each other!!! They understand each other like no one else, can read each other like a book, fully on the same side and will follow each other to the ends of the earth!!!

Okay okay we all know I STAY reading and writing style whump and PROTECTIVENESS!!! When they worry about each other constantly and get so freaked out when one of them isn’t okay I eat that shit UP every time I love them defending each other, physically or verbally, like no one fucks with Stan without experiencing Kyle Rage and vice versa!!! When Stan is the one to completely flip his lid and panic because Kyle’s hurt or in danger just AAAAA

On that note: TAKING CARE OF EACH OTHER!!! There’s a reason most of my stories have a “yep I injured the boys again” tag because I LIVE for the sweet sweet tender moments after an Incident where they’re patching up each other’s wounds all worried and Soft, talking each other through the pain and telling them that it’s gonna be okay bonus points if we get a tearful “I could’ve lost you” “you didn’t, I’m right here” GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE!!!

On THAT note (sorry I’m just fucking insane) STAN CARRYING KYLE!!!!!!!!! Once again I’m a short angy Kyle/ big boy Stan truther and I looovvvvveeee a little bridal style carrying moment holy shit (I’m surprised I didn’t put any of that in my style week stuff lmao) like I am fully guilty of putting my favorite redhead in Situations JUST so I can have that, like I gave OrangeJuiceVerse Kyle chronic knee pain, diabetes, an ed, and Stan carries him so much lmfao someone put me in Making Kyle Suffer Jail

Ok another one I love is Kyle as the Voice of Reason! Like when he’s the go to guy, savior complex mom friend who just wants to take care of everyone! And boy howdy does Stan not make it easy lmao between him and Kenny (the disaster duo) that man is Exasperated

THEM BEING EACH OTHERS RIGHT HAND MAN!!!!! Fighting side by side, Stan and Kyle against the world! When they can depend on each other more than anyone else and trust each other with their lives. Stan would follow Kyle into a burning building and Kyle would pull him out! That trope is why I’m so feral about stick of truth like they gotta be on the same side or they feel like somethings missing (codependent bastards)

Stan playing guitar for Kyle/ Kyle reading to Stan!!! The domesticity ugh I love it

Casual cuddling oh my godddddd like even before they got together they’re always touching each other in some way and Cartman’s like it’s fuckin gay to cuddle at sleepovers you guys are 15 and they’re like fym it’s not gay to cuddle the homies? (It so is) best friends to lovers on TOP!!!

Them generally being huge simps like PLEASE why y’all staring longingly also in the same vein them thinking the other is the most beautiful thing in the world those two are DOWN HORRENDOUS

I also reeeaaaaly like when they’re kissin… and it starts off all slow and sweet… and then it gets more passionate… and suddenly Stan’s hands are tangled in Kyle’s hair and Kyle’s pushing him against the wall and they’re practically falling into each other desperate to be closer and whispering “I love you” into each others mouths and nothing in the world exists other than the two of them and

Lmao that’s some of my favorite style tropes I’m super normal about them obviously

[diedbutterflies69]

Cars- Bang Chan imagine

Contains: explicit sexual contact, chan as hot rich hotel owner, car sex, slight degradation, blowjob, fingering, etc

Minors don't interct.

Working in one of the most expensive hotels in the country was something you never expected. You were just a normal student who was struggling to meet deadlines and pay for tuitions and so doing many part time jobs. A law student washing dishes in random restaurant and drooling over food, observing the way those chefs used to work with wok , deep fried food, the process fascinated you so much. Even though you were familiar with cooking since a young age it was rather more like responsibility, a chore. And that's how you learned cooking by slowly observing the chefs and utube videos, as changing the entire career dreams at the last year was little too wild and impossible. But struggles eventually leads to happiness, the owner of one of the restaurant you used to work at got surprisingly close with you ,her name lucy a single divorced hot milf she thaught you many skills and tricks with cooking. Your last straw before quitting the law school was getting failed . And just like that a blessing in disguise. She noticed how dishearted you were and then decided to give you the greatest opportunity in your life.

Working in God's menu was every chef's dream, and Lucy made your dream come true. The owner and main chef of God's menu Bang Chan was close with Lucy and just by that using some connections you got yourself inside that paradise, but Chan was a total boomer with you, he didn't wanted to give you job at the first place as you lacked experience and knowledge but he valued friendships way too much to deny Lucy.

Chan was always hard on you, constantly making you work with him, teaching the mystery behind flavours, making you memorize foreign cuisine recipes, you sweared you didn't even struggled that much in law school as there was no one lecture you and expect from you. He acted all tough just to make you perfect and eventually became close, you fell in the pit of one sided love the moment Chan agreed to hire you. What you adored most about Chan was how he always made sure to not make you panic while being near fire, never told you to hurry while cutting vegetables. His this small gestures meant so much too you. And in span of 7 months that baby was finally your boyfriend. Chan was someone who followed his heart and just like that, he confessed in the most cheesiest way possible. And here you are today a great chef with lot of knowledge and a handsome, caring and loving boyfriend. 3 years of loving relationship.

"baby~~ " you said while hugging your boyfriend from the back who was too invested in making a 4 tower cake for his best friend's wedding even though he wasn't much experienced with baking whatever he tried doing was no less than perfection.

"yes, baby? Need anything?", Chan asked you. Even though you have been listening to his sweet honey voice since years it never failed to make your heart flutter.

"stop working now, it's 2:30 am let's go home now", you whined slightly tipping on toes and kissing Chan's neck. Getting a small hum from your boyfriend.

"just few more minutes babe", Chan said turning back and softly giving pecking your forehead . You huffed in response being too tired of your boyfriend's night owl tendencies, you went back to the table and singing a good night in most extra way possible. Chan just smiled at his girlfriend, he too wanted to go home and just cuddle with you but work was trash .

Finally looking at clock it was 3 :15 something, his work finally done. After cleaning up every thing,washing the dishes and shoving the massive cake into refrigerator carefully, Chan happily made his way to you. He too saying baby~ in most extra way possible, he was an true night owl no matter how much he worked at nights without you being by his side he wasn't able to fall asleep. A habit he picked up 3 years ago.

"get up, it's 5 am", Chan whispered into your ear while aggressively moving you to make you leave your dreamland.

"aggh, good morning the love of my life", you said slowly leaving your subconscious world. Even in slight unconscious mind you were flirty and cheesy.

"good morning, it's 5 A.M ", Chan again told you a wrong time just messing up with you.

"what the fuck", you yelled being angry on your boyfriend's crazy work habits , you were glaring at him till he bought his his wrist infront of your face . His watch reading 3 : 08 , being confused and worried for your wrong vision you looked at the wall clock that to read 3:07 am.finally realising you have been scammed.

" you fucking lier", you yelled at Chan for pranking you, but you were glad that he finished the work soon.

"heheh", Chan laughed, he was too cute for you.

"let's just go home", you said trying to keep a poker face, packing your stuff then gripping Chan's hand and walking out of the space.

Going down through the elevator, Chan unleashing his 50 shades enthusiast.

"What is it about elevators?" Saying this and immediately pulling you into a deep kiss, he tasted like chocolate probably from the previous cake flavours, his tongue feeling so good while exploring your mouth, one hand at the back of your neck and the other interlocked with yours. His lips always felt like heaven.

He broke the kiss as the door opened, he adjusted your hair and outfit and locking his eyes with you giving you a warm smile, fully a contradiction to his previous action. This man's duality always suprised you.

"let's go baby~", Chan said getting out of elevator with you, hands interlocked moving back and forth, if someone saw you both they would probably think that you both are possessed, smiling and jumping like kids finally reached the car.

"let me open the door for you", Chan said with a smirk while opening the car door for you , there was not a single human present in the parking lot, creepy vibes but perfect for your both future activities. Chan entered the car and stared at you in the most innocent way possible.

"what?", You asked him giving him the same innocent eyes.

"babe, the kiss made me hard", Chan admitted almost shamelessly his eyes pointing at his pants , and yes it was a great hot site too notice.

"will you melt, till we reach home?", You asked Chan looking into his eyes hands slowly creeping to his thighs dangerously close to the not so safe zone.

"I would rather burst here than melt till we reach home", Chan said holding your hand bringing it straight over his memeber, you blushed deeply at his actions.

"Come on babe, we had done Car sex multiple times", Chan said making you blush and wet down there even more. You got a little too needy as the memories of Chan fucking you ruthlessly on the back site of the car came to your mind. Your hand still palming his cock through pants.

"hop on the backseat", you said almost breathlessly, Chan smirking at your needy , horny State. You both went on the backseat to make a great mess over there .

"aaah" , you moaned loudly as Chan slapped your left boob while sucking your neck. His teeth never failed at marking you all over, his touch was heaven especially whenever he squeezed the back of your neck or roughly groped those boobs. Detaching himself from your neck he gripped your neck in an erotically painful way and forcing you on your knees.

"Suck, use that mouth atleast one time for a good cause", Chan said , his degrading voice mixed with heavy lust. Nodding at his words , without wasting any time you bought your hands to undid his belt and zipper . Palming him through his boxers and finally releasing it from all restraints, you slowly put hs cock inside your mouth, he was really really hard. A fucking long and thick cock he had, you not being able to take him even half way as the position was slightly painful but nevertheless you started bopping your head up and down and palming the remaining with your hands. His loud groans and moans indicated that he was satisfied enough, you increased your speed, occassionally hollowing your cheeks to take him deeper every time. He gripped your head as he was close , he started to move your mouth as he pleased making you gag non stop, it hurted but you liked it so much. " You feel so fucking good, all mine", Chan said breathlessly after a final thrust and empting himself inside your mouth, his cum feeling your mouth in escasty. You sucked off every single drop not wasting anything.

Chan lifted you up from the car floor and made you sit on his lap. You looking fully fucked out, with clothes misplaced and mouth dripping with saliva and his liquid , black mascara tears running down.

"My precious slut", Chan said while making his way to your panties, your jeans were already removed a long ago.

"you want my fingers? Hmm?" Chan said as his fingers were slowly entering your pussy , his cold hands making you shiver .

"yes please sir" , you begged voice laced up with pure desperation and needily grinding on his fingers and thighs. Chan smirked again at you.

"what you want more, my fingers or my cock?" Chan made gave you 2 choices both of them heaven.

"your cock, sir please" You begged again. He finally smiles at you pure ill intention smile.

"Since you are too good girl, I should give you whatever you want", Chan said and finally bought his cock towards your tight leaking cunt slowly entering himself inside you.

"ride", Chan said and you felt like being on cloud nine. Slowly moving your hips up and down in decent speed . His cock fitted so well inside of you, it was pure bliss for you.

But without a warning Chan bought his hands towards your clit and pinching it making your whole body jolt in overstimulation.

" babe,you are too good, so deserve my fingers too", Chan said with a sadistic smile.

It's gonna be a long morning.

[creepypocky]

Greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you to much. May I please have a romantic matchup for creepypasta? Maybe a little nsfw if that’s chill. My pronouns are They/Them and I’m pansexual with a preference to masculinity. My Myers Briggs type is INFJ and Enneagram type is 4. My star sign is Taurus, moon sign is Gemini. Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m rather introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers and murder documentaries. I also like to visit abandoned hospitals and houses just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. A friend of mine even likes to call me "discount vomitboyx". I’ve also been called "doomer boy kinnie", and "Remake of Daria" before. I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start conversing, which may or may not come off as rude to people. When I finally become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. Most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. Lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. Especially with the types mentioned above. I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, reading and or listening to music ( My Chemical Romance, Arch Enemy, MurderDolls, Slipknot, Get Scared, sometimes Will Wood, Jazmin Bean or Mother Mother, etc. ), or even occasionally gaming on my switch or reading and talk about Greek mythology. I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I’m guilty of being very submissive, and I suffer from asperger syndrome, depression and anxiety. I have small tics, but they only flare when I’m stressed or mad. Along with stims where I bite the inside of my cheek, pull my hair, fidget with my fingers and tap my foot. I even hiss or squeal when I’m upset. I’ve also been developing a eating disorder. Now uh- kinks. I’ve always had a fantasy about rough love. I love when someone put a collar on me and ties me up. I really like being dominated over basically. Overstimulation is probably my biggest kink though. I’m really nervous about actually indulging. If you do get to this, thanks for your time. - coii

You don't bother me at all! I took a big break from writing and Tumblr but I am back now and I will get to this matchup! Thanks for requesting. :) I hope you're doing well.

|| I match you with: Jeff The Killer! ||

I feel like it's pretty obvious why I matched you with him, but I couldn't help myself, because it seems like the two of you would have so much chemistry it's crazy.

Now, Jeff CAN be pretty annoying, but if he sees that it's really bothering you he will stop. He would tease you about your height though, but he'd secretly think you're super cute and he just wants to protect you tbh. Would love to see you kick someones ass, though.

You like morbid? I'm surprised Jeff isn't the dictionary definition of morbid. He's basically your personal slasher documentary, except you're experiencing it with him in real life. You won't even need to watch any slasher movies with this man around, he gives you the experience up-front.

He would definitely take you with him to visit abandoned places, he knows a lot of places plus he uses those locations to kill dumb teenagers that wander over there to be cool. He doesn't think that of you though, he understands just finding those places cool and wanting to hang out there.

He understands feeling like you intimidate everyone, especially since he like, DOES intimidate almost everyone. Depending on his mood he can also have a hard time having conversations, but most of the time he doesn't have much of a problem with conversing, and as long as you're comfortable with it or you ask him to, he will help you have conversations too and help you get out of your shell.

If people intimidate you he will reassure you that he'll protect you from them because he doesn't want you to feel unsafe. He will also tell you who's more dangerous than others and who is more friendly than not so that you aren't completely oblivious. Despite his attitude he really cares about you. He doesn't find you rude, especially since he himself is pretty rude to people both on purpose and not on purpose. But he is very honest so if he thought you were being rude to him he would tell you.

Bruh don't worry, he also has humor that comes off as insulting and he's very sarcastic, so he wouldn't mind your sense of humor at all. He loves joking around and laughing with you more than almost anything. If he sees someone that has a problem with you he'd just tell them to fuck off because he just wants you to be yourself and if they don't like it then they can just leave. You shouldn't have to change for other people, especially if they don't want to just mind their business instead of having a problem with who you really are.

He loves animals too! In fact, he has a dog, the infamous smile dog. Will love to introduce you to him and he is completely open minded to letting you get other animals if you want to, because he shares your love for animals all the way. Jeff likes it when you're feisty, he thinks its very fun, but he doesn't mind when you're quiet because he also has quiet days and he enjoys moments where he can silently just, be with you. He would encourage you to express your opinions to him more often because he loves getting to know you. He also really likes the music you're into and will recommend other bands and songs for you to listen to. He'd steal all the plushies in the world for you to see you cuddling them at night. But he would of course cuddle you at night too, he's also very touch starved since he doesn't let just anyone touch him or get near him very much if at all, but he trusts you and will let you hold onto him at night. He himself also has several mental illnesses, and he really isn't the best at giving advice or calming people down verbally, but he's still there for you physically and will let you cling onto him as much as you want if it makes you feel any better at all.

NSFW:

Jeff is a biiig dommy boy. Loveeessssss dominating. He'd definitely tie you up and just, go down on you, in away way you'd like him to. Into overstimulation? Say no more, he can do this all night, as long as it's with you. If you're nervous, he'll reassure you when he can and make sure you're comfortable before doing anything to you. He never wants to make you feel like you HAVE to do this with him if you don't want to.

I hope this was good and I hope you liked it! I enjoyed writing this a lot, and I hope you're doing well, and having a good day/night.

[dannyboyzone]

Samuel and his BPD

Yo yo, it's BPD awareness month, as well as mental health awareness month! Since I headcanon Samuel as having bpd with actual factual reasons and since I have it as well, here is some headcanons related to it I have of him. I also would love to post this because I am sick of my friends with BPD being mistreated. Not everyone can love, even if they can not everyone can control their feelings. Stop being mean to my babies.

TW - This will have triggering topics, so please read only if you feel ready for it.

꒰ 🍨 ”♡ᵎ꒱ˀˀ ↷ ⋯ samuel and his bpd....

- I do think he is aware he has BPD, he just either forgot, or doesn't care.

- The reason why he doesn't go to a therapist is because it's a waste of time to try to fix something that was born broken. - His words, not mine. Though BPD is from childhood trauma mostly! -

- He also finds it incredibly embarrassing to open up to a random stranger. How dare they look inside his head and see his darkest secrets.

- The two most common things in BPD are either experiencing chronic emptiness everyday or experiencing chronic pain, the kind people feel when they loose a close loved one to death. Samuel is the kind to experience chronic emptiness everyday.

- Surprise! He has depression

- His sex drive is actually pretty low, if he ever has one night stands it's a form of impulsive decision making not because of attraction.

- He has a lot of intrusive thoughts. - Meaning unwanted thoughts that disgust him, yet he can't control. - One of them is just choking random people that are next to him, even if he doesn't have a problem with them.

- Another intrusive thought he has occurs when people that look similar to his mom stand next to him or are near him. It's them beating him or r%ping him. It triggers him to a point he can't have a conversation.

- He is incredibly clean and neat, however he doesn't always have the mental energy to clean so he probably hires someone to do it on some days.

- Samuel feels comfortable doing risky things that can cause his death because he doesn't care if he is alive or not.

- One of his triggers is interrupting and bad manners.

- He is a very patient man, but if you interrupt him while he focuses on something he will rather be passive aggressive.

- He only realises the heaviness of his actions once he had done them.

- Believe it or not, Samuel is able to be in love, he is just extremely picky and hates most people.

- I headcanon him as bisexual, but to be honest with you guys? I don't think Samuel gives a fuck about his own sexuality at all. He likes whatever he likes and that's fine with him.

- Also, did I mention? He never told anybody that his father is just some cheating loser, and not a gangster. A lot of people still think he is Jake's half brother simply because Samuel is too embarrassed to come forward and say 'I was wrong'.

- Sometimes he just lays in the bathtub and feels so comfortable he won't leave for hours. He looks at it as a waste of time, so he only baths weekly and sticks to showers.

- Samuel wants to be normal and healthy, yet be able to express himself. He never told anyone though, he is aware people look at him as a monster.

- One of his favourite things is to pull on the hair of the people he will beat up. Deadass, it gives him such a joy and a feeling of control.

- He has such an incredible strength because unlike other people, he doesn't care about the pain that comes with it, or just simply ignores it.

- Samuel was one very shy kid, but because he grew up to be chronically empty he just doesn't give a fuck anymore.

- I can't stress this enough, but Gun is his favourite person. No, that does not mean what some of you reading this might think it means. It means he wants to kill Gun and beat his ass, but also has a lack of self image without Gun's approval and his feelings towards him.

- Also, he doesn't get why killing useless people is bad. Everyone dies, so once someone becomes useless it's no use for them to live right?

- On that note, he doesn't smoke because he enjoys it, he does it because he is suicidal.

- He doesn't understand why first kisses or loosing your virginity is important. He values stories of first kills, running away from home or of people building their own safety net.

- Samuel has never been in love yet. He is looking forward to it though.

- He is awkward with babies and small kids, he absolutely hates teenagers but you know what? He loves kids that are aged like 10-15. He absolutely loves if they stand up for themselves and can fight. Cute funky little things.

- Animals aren't necessary something he loves, however snakes? They stand close to his heart. Loves cobras. Pythons too, but he would never be willing to own one.

- Sometimes he scares his own self with his behaviour and or thoughts.

- He loves to do dangerous things because of the adrenaline rush. Also absolutely loves to fight with someone that's a threat because he can finally fucking feel something.

- He also loves cats. Tiny little mean things that will eat you once you are dead, yet they want cuddles and affection. They are simply just interesting.

- Sometimes he has no energy to cut his finger nails, so he rather cleans them. Once he would get a s/o, that would change for reasons.

- He falls asleep to piano music so he isn't left alone with his thoughts.

Outro;

I could make this list have one million points, I love seeing into his mind. However I will stop here to not be overwhelming. Since it's mental health awareness month, I might make such a post of Johan (he has depression), Zack (boy has anxiety), Jiho and Olly (they are psychopaths) or maybe someone else! Goo could be interesting to look into as well. Thank you for your time!

[ariadneamare]

a playlist for you | levihan

word count: 1.9k

warnings: 18+ audience only, angst

a/n: so i'm not really good at writing nsfw so this is all i can do for now (?) let me know what u think! < about the story i mean and not the nsfw HAHAHA ok anyway here it is

Day 1 // Honne

"You'll always be my day one," she whispered at his sleeping form. The two met nine months ago at a party Hanji's friend held for the fourth of July. It took her hours to decide if she wanted to go. Between the thesis that had to be done and the tempting bottles of vodka on the picture Petra sent, she came to a conclusion. 

In that very moment, that very temptation lead her to a good outcome. A grumpy midget. 

They both decided to just be friends with benefits. For Hanji's part she did not know as to how it worked. Do they just fuck and fist bump after? 

The sex was insanely good, but the thing that came after? Feelings. Feelings were what came after. 

Everything hit different with Levi. Something about the way he dragged the tip of his cock along her opening as he whispered, "I love the way you scream my name," made her carve the features of his face on her mind. Something about that very gesture the first night they met stuck with her. 

"Day zero when I was no one," she continued. Taking her index finger, she traced his brows and moved to his lips. "I'm nothing by myself, you and no one else." 

Falling for someone was the last thing she intended to do on her last year of university. She had dreams and goals to achieve, Hanji could not afford to fuck up. But, maybe this mistake might not be so bad. Maybe, it would even be the one thing that'll make her happy. Make her whole. Make her warm. 

"What are you mumbling?" 

"Oh, Levi!" As soon as she heard the voice, Hanji withdrew her hand to her chest. She looked at him with wide eyes, her voice small as she added, "I was just talking to myself." 

"C'mere," Levi's voice is husky as he pulls her in. His hands tighten around her waist and he hardens, her boobs pressed up against his chest. "Go to sleep." 

Hanji closes her eyes and tries to focus on falling asleep instead of the voice in her head. Last time she checked, fuck buddies don't cuddle in bed. 

Everytime // Ariana Grande 

"For the last time, Hanji!" Nifa shouts frustratedly, picking up her clothes on the floor and stuffing them in a duffel bag. "He's not good for you. He fucked a quarter of the med students! Goes partying almost every night, and ends up sucking someone's face by the time the party disperses." 

One drunken night, Hanji spilled everything to Petra and Nifa. From how she's falling for him, to the idea that she's willing to do anything for Levi. Absurd really, but it was love. At least that's what she thinks. 

"What about it? And he doesn't fuck strangers anymore. He told me so, it's all me now." Hanji tries to argue, taking the bag from her friend and zipping it up. "People are capable of changing, if you're not aware." 

"No! Listen to me, for once! Please, listen to me." 

"You listen to me!" She pulls at her hair, dragging her palm down her face and settling them by her hips. "Just this, allow me to have this." 

"I want to, but I can't, okay?" Nifa approaches her, placing both hands on each shoulder. "I can't let you when I know what he is like." 

"I know what he's like, and it's nothing compared to how you picture him." 

Nifa looks down for a second before dragging her eyes to meet Hanji's, "I can't do anything to tell you otherwise?" 

"No, I'm sorry." Hanji breathes, cupping her left cheek. "I can handle myself, okay?" 

"Okay." 

Thirty minutes later, Hanji sat on her bed alone. Staring up at the ceiling before saying, "they keep telling me to let go but I don't really let go." She closes her eyes, looking back at their moments together. 

Until now, everything remained blurry. No label, no assurance, no confession. Just a bunch of afternoons spent fucking in her dorm or his car. 

Hanji knew she deserved so much better than casually fucking and making out. But something about him made her stay. It sounded like something every person says before getting cheated on, yet she still did not budge. 

"Why, oh why does god keep bringing me back to you?" She whispers, slapping her cheeks repeatedly. 

Last Night // Lucy Spraggan 

"Last night I told you I lo—" Hanji tries to explain and apologize but he cuts her off. Raising a hand and standing up from his position on the bed. 

They booked a hotel room last night after going out. The two drank more than what they could handle. It took Levi 24 shots and 16 for Hanji before they got wasted. And wasted they were. 

Their arms were intertwined to keep balance, noise erupted from each other's mouths. Giggles from Hanji's part and grunts from the man. One thing lead to the next, the two had crazy drunk sex. Even though she was drunk, a part of her was still aware. 

Aware of how everything he did became even more attractive. The way he unbuttoned his dress shirt made her insides twist and turn. 

Last night, she even got to see a side of him he rarely showed. Most times when they had sex, Levi took control. But everything was different last night. He squirmed under her and moaned loudly, his eyes rolling back as his legs started to shake. 

After three rounds, the two sat in bed side by side. They stared at the city from the window. Enjoying the peace and cold the night brought. Hanji enjoyed counting the cars that passed, while Levi stared at her. 

It was impulsive, but she did not regret it as much as she expected. The three words came out of her mouth smoothly, and if he did not listen closely then he would not notice how it seemed so rehearsed. 

"Hanji, I am not the person for you." 

It hurt, but it was true. He only spoke of the truth, yet Hanji hated him. Levi could have lied, he could have told her he loved her too. But he didn't. And she should be grateful, she should be. Anger bubbled up inside her, anger for both of the people in the room. 

At him for being so… so him. For being everything yet nothing at the same. 

At her for allowing this, for not keeping her walls up. For being a fool. 

Thinking of You // Katy Perry

Levi tried. At best, he tried. 

For months, he noticed the way Hanji looked at him. He did not mean to assume, it was just too noticeable because it was how his mom looked at him.

Like he was too precious for the world. Like he was special. Like he was loved. 

He knew any time she would say those words, but he did not think it would be so soon. Levi has not prepared himself for anything. He did not know what to say or do. He's never experienced anything so pure ever since his mom. Most people regarded him in ways he knew how to handle. 

Either in respect or simply lust. With respect, he just had to reciprocate it. And lust, give them a dick and it was all good. 

But love, it was like calculus for an elementary student. Too complex and, in some cases, too much. 

And because he did not want to think about Hanji or the way she said I love you with her wide eyes, he went out to party. 

There he met Erwin. A buff man in a crisp suit. Not too many words were uttered, but moans were echoing in the bathroom of the bar. The guy was handsome and built as hell, who was Levi to reject a blessing? 

As he was being rammed, his hands on the sink for balance and mouth agape in pleasure, a certain person kept popping up on his mind. Even though Erwin kept pushing in so hard from the back that Levi's hands kept slipping off the sink, he could not help but think if Hanji slept with another person too. With that thought, it riled him up. He pushed his ass backwards to meet with Erwin's aggressive thrusts and in five more the two came in sync, muttering curses underneath their breaths. 

As they fixed themselves up, Erwin passed him a business card before leaving. He did not even check the words written before throwing it in the bin. The condom he threw seconds ago sat beside it and he cringed at that. 

"When I'm with him, I am thinking of you." He stared at his own reflection and scowled. What did he get himself into. 

Do I Wanna Know // Arctic Monkeys 

"Hey," he breathed, voice deep and slurred. Two empty bottles of gin stood on his coffee table. 

"What are you doing?" Hanji tried her best not to let her walls break. She knows when too much heartache is enough. 

"Crawling back to you," Levi chuckled before continuing. "Ever thought of calling when you've had a few? 'Cause I always do." 

"Levi, I can't do this right now." It has been about a month, and Hanji has learned. Nifa and Petra did not let her off easily despite crying for days. They lectured her for a week straight, but did not leave her side. They brought food, reminded her about assignments and even took her out on dinner dates. "I have to go." 

Build Me Up Buttercup // The Foundations 

"Levi, you cannot just build me up just to let me down." She pushed him away as he tried to hold on either side of her arm. Hanji was on her way to the cafeteria when Levi pulled her and dragged her to a secluded corner, asking if they could talk. 

"I'm sorry," he blurts out and it makes her pause, his forehead creases as he looks at her with pleading eyes. "Help me, I do not know how to do this." 

Hanji's eyes widen in horror, "what do you mean? Are you okay?" 

"This whole thing, this lo-love." 

It took every nerve inside of Hanji's body for her not to laugh at him. She found it weirdly cute. Sure, he broke her heart, but the man was clearly trying. 

"Is Levi 'I am not the person for you' Ackerman asking for my help?" She brought one hand under her chin, feigning brainstorming. 

"Oh, so you want to think hard? How about I give you something else that's hard?" He pulls her, his bulge meeting with her crotch. "But honestly though, what a simp you are." 

"So you want me to give you a hard time and reject you now? Make you wait for a year?" She smacks his chest. 

"No, I'm fine with waiting but I want you now." He kisses her cheek a couple of times before pressing his lips on hers. 

"Look at you, suddenly a softie," she teases as their noses meet. 

"Have I not always been one?" 

"Yeah, I kept wondering if fuck buddies usually cuddle after sex. Or give the other lunches that they made on their own. Or cleaning the dor—" 

"Okay, you made your point already, four eyes." Levi raises one hand to cup her cheeks, making her look at him in the eye. "I can't promise you something perfect from the books, but I am willing to give you everything that I am." 

"Such a sweet talker!" 

"Oh, whatever." 

[sugar-petals]

What type of domme would baekhyun be most comfortable with? Does he want a mommy or a mistress? A punishment or a reward? I'm really curious as he seems to give off good little boi vibes but also fuck me hard and choke me good vibes

good one, time to expand a little from the ideal doms for super m imagine 👀 let’s talk about domming baekhyun.

so, i said an allrounder type of partner is the way to go. what i mean is: you’re probably dealing with a mistress of several schools. it’s the domme category that governs the far ends of several discipline. as adventurous as baekhyun is, this calls for experimentalism as well 🤔 man... it has to be someone experienced. you could be a beginner with mark lee and learn in sync (very cute), but this guy needs a steady hand that is absolutely confident. especially in moments when he is often not. so, it takes self-assurance that doesn’t crack — which is rarer in doms than you think — and knowing how to bring stability.

you can see how many roles you could eclipse. i can imagine him tied up with intricate rope harnesses (rigger), get pinned + slapped around and his mouth toyed with (sadist), have a thing for her size and height (goddess), get babied and cuddled and fed with pizza (mommy), be a good puppy (owner), or tease like crazy until he gets his attention and scolding (brat tamer). the list goes on. he’s a good boy and a naughty boy as a package deal. leaning toward the naughty side though, no illusions there 😉 so, more aggressive punishment than reward. 40% praise, 60% tough love cuz you know baekhyun likes being put in his place and being caught off guard.

the juicy thing is. we know baekhyun has strong kinetic memory (!) and learns by just watching as he does with choreography. he observes it, voilà, his body can do it. so imagine him watching any type of femdom porn. good lord. you get the idea. his domme needs a good grip on the basic craft, otherwise she can’t keep up. he can pull off many styles of bdsm which is what a lot of anons have been hinting at or wondering about, hence baekhyun can be so confusing. is it the switch in him, who knows. while i think he can adapt to the primary style of the partner, he’d also try to usher them to new things using indirect ways. so it’d be an advantage to be interested in many kinds of play in the first place is what i’m imagining. won’t get boring with him. baekhyun is a certified madman, and he has energy for days. that’s him at 4:15 AM:

the thought experiement here is either having a domme that’s more driven than he is or someone chill💡i think he’d follow someone rough and tough more easily. if someone is slow-moving, he immediately gets into teasing cheer-up puppy gear instead. so, to wear baekhyun out and make him slack off, you’d have to have more energy. being lax has the opposite effect, this guy can’t go to sleep if you go easy on him and let him whine. it’s why i think the mistress is such a good match, she loves creating a system of discipline. unlike say the sadist domme which might suit him well (cuz he wants to be reduced to a poor little thing) but she doesn’t enjoy as much structure. 

first and foremost, she needs that grit and know how to take charge of him so strictly. that he realizes uh-oh, it’s going down. if she’s serious on him, that unlocks a whole new level. the sleepier dommes head to yixing and yoongi and felix, the active ones are forged for baekhyun. if you really serve it to him ice cold and turn his brain upside down, we’re talking. that means harshness and pain to the point where he lets loose, gives up coherency, and all his standard reactions disintegrate. you know which point i’m talking about. the most exciting part of dominating baekhyun would be to overwhelm and break him. just to see what he’s like in that state, i’d really be something else. including subdrop baekhyun. 

you’re entirely correct that he just exudes destroy-me energy, it’s what all his cat-and-mouse games aim at. “testing the waters” is what i’d describe his personality as. you’d have to be such a patient domme and lean back in your armchair until you decide he’s at that point and deserves you lashing out. does he want to get beat up? just watch him bicker all day long to know the answer is yes. does he want to get ravaged and ruined? same answer. does he like a scary femme fatale he can lick his lips for and act a fool about? absolutely. but then again, the snuggly side in him is just as compelling and there’s a silent vulnerability and devotion that he might show in the most protected of moments. 

meanwhile i don’t think he frets excessively about who he’s comfortable with since he can arrange that by himself with the majority of people. he has that magical ability to make someone open up and weed out shady people. and, he finds his safe spot in a domme fast. instead, the priority and tricky bit concerns fun. i’m torn between saying he’d need 1) a domme who gives some good reactions when he entertains her and 2) a domme that is gonna hook him by making him desperate for feedback. hm... this had me thinking. maybe it takes someone able to do both. moodmaking is pretty important to baekhyun, he feels praised when someone adores him and genuinely laughs often.

bonus: if i had to pick a toy for him — anything to gag his mouth. because what’s baekhyun gonna do if he can’t talk? 😈 interesting experiment. he relies so heavily on his vocal chords so you could learn a lot about him as a sub if he can’t speak but just moan and use his body. stage two, something to tie those wiggly hands and feet with. the more restrained he is, the better. oh, things get fun from there. so i hope you got a good idea of how to dominate him now 😄

[slashersinmyprofile]

Slashers with S/O having a Panic Attack (HC)

Yo, don’t know if what I write may be a trigger some people, but be warned cause I do go in depth with on some of these 💖💖

(also I am basing this on the things I’ve experienced, so they may be radically different from your experiences)

Freddy

- Fred isn’t the most soft or understanding of the slashers, so honest to goodness he may not even KNOW. Hell he might egg it on a bit before realizing your intensely uncomfortable.

- Hes in your brain, hon, so naturally he hears some/most/all of your thoughts.

- He’s usually entertained by how utterly scared you are of other people (less room for jealousy), but he notices it’s a bit...too much for you one day.

- Youre out at a small gathering, loud music is playing, people are eating and talking and you’re shaking quietly in the corner. The music got to be a little too much, and you finally make your way into the hosts bathroom. You’re shaking, sweating, and on the verge of both crying and vomiting at once.

- You end up doing both and then unsteadily making your way home, telling the host goodbye on your way out. When you get home you pass out on your bed, right into the Dreamworld.

- “The Hell was that, doll face? Too many drinks?” He tries to joke, but you’re exhausted, sitting down on whatever surface available. You tell him it was nothing, “don’t worry about it”.

- He worries about it.

- He decides that leaving you to sleep peacefully is the best option as of now, cracking out a falsely aggravated goodbye. His powers are put to great use while you are asleep however, without pulling you into his realm with him, giving you calming and pleasant dreams of your favorite things.

- The next time he sees the signs of a panic attack, he’ll swiftly urge you to go home and rest, or to just get out of the room for a bit. (How does he speak to you while you’re awake? Hush, he just can 💖)

Bubba Sawyer (Leatherface)

- Poor man probably doesn’t even know why you’re so upset. Isn’t it always this loud at home always? Why’re you so upset now then?

- He doesn’t care what set you off though, all he cares about right now is calming you down and making sure you’re ok. He babbles at you in worried, low tones while you release your emotions.

- If you’re aggressive he’ll try to stay a bit distanced from you, since he knew from his brothers that no matter how small someone can be, they can still hurt you. (Not that he’d think you’d hurt him, of course.)

- If you’re more emotionally distressed, he’d honestly just pick you up (if you let him), put you in a quieter, more peaceful room and cry a little with you while trying to calm you.

- He can’t catch the signs all the time, but when he does he either pulls you somewhere nicer or tries to make you happier right there with some cute distractions.

Jason Voorhees

- Jason’s not too in tune with others emotions, but he’d be like a hawk when it comes to your health. Especially mental health.

- He probably won’t understand why you’re upset, or why you won’t respond to him, but Pamela would be quick to cover the bases for him.

- He’ll try his damndest to make you happy, but he’ll be the quickest to resort to hugs and cuddling. If you won’t let him, well, he’ll just coo from afar some soothing half words and sounds until you calm down.

- He’ll see the signs immediately after that encounter, mother or not helping him. He’ll try to get you out into the fresh air, take your mind off it by teaching you things about survival, or take you out to go swimming. (With supervision, of course)

Michael Myers

- He’s not going to know. Literally at all. However once you’re showing obvious signs he’ll be extremely worried. (Even If he doesn’t show it.)

- You’re going to be sat down with any number of comfort items with your say or not. Blankets are piled, pillows are puffed, stuffed animals (He has them, fight me) are given to hug.

- He May pat your head or stroke your hair if it’s particularly bad, as he knows that you may prefer physical comfort.

- He might be a little bit more vigilant next time, but he’ll throw you into a comfort hole no matter what. Even if he’s wrong about the situation.

✨ Don’t know if this is good or not, but it’s here! Feel free to give me criticism and feedback, I’m still a big noob! ✨

[ayakashiramblings]

ABC NSFW Headcanons: Aoi

In celebration of Aoi being released, here we are, coming for him! … Wait… no…   Also, I am going to age him up to 18 years old because again, that’s the legal age in Japan. Finally, ignore the ‘Location’ part. 

A - ‘Aftercare’ (What they’re like after sex)

Boys, meet your king and take some notes from the student, y’all. 

Wipes you down and helps you shower, keeps you hydrated and even wraps you up in a burrito of blankets. 

He does ask ‘How was it?’ because I have a feeling you are his first so he isn’t experienced but would let you set the pace.

B - ‘Body’ (Body Part of Yours he Loves)

Aoi is the kind to worship you.

But let’s be honest. You’re his first woman. 

He will HAVE to go for the boobs. 

It doesn’t help they are the only things stopping him from being completely consumed in your heart.

Tease him with them and he will lose it.

C - ‘Cum’ (How does his cum taste like/look like)

He is not even 20 yet but the poor boy is overworked. 

So when he gets a release, it will be in HUGE amounts, albeit not in a complete one-shot and in gradual intervals. 

The good news is that he probably cooks for himself so knows to eat his veggies. 

Moreover, he doesn’t consume alcohol which would have affected the taste/amount of the semen. 

He did indicate a slight interest in Ramune bottles though so I don’t think it’s going to be THE perfect taste. 

Definitely in the top 2 though; slightly sweet with a tangy after-taste.

D - ‘Dirty Secret’ (DUH)

Has always wanted to paint… on your body.

It could be of anything, some sensuous flower, fierce animal or your favourite quote from a good book, he just wants to mark you in every way possible.

So why not his own art?

E - ‘Experience’ (Does he know what he is doing?)

One word. 

Student. 

He’s probably blushing like mad even after trying to discreetly read the books he loaned from Ginnojo… 

Which lead to an awkward study-buddy kind of thing as they debated between themselves on how certain positions were even possible.

Both failed the theoretical but at least Aoi will get practical points later...

F - ‘Favorite Position’ (Again, duh)

He wouldn’t know much in the beginning but after a bit of experimentation, he settles for...

Coital Alignment Technique. 

That technically was only defined in 1988 BUT that is not the point.

The giver lies above the receiver, moving up until his erection is pointing “down,” the dorsal side of the penis pressing against the clitoris as he penetrates.

Essentially, it’s like the Missionary but adjusted so not only can he bring you closer to a good orgasm, he gets to see each and every one of your expressions and be exposed to the pulse near your collar bones.

G - ‘Goofy’ (Serious or humorous?)

I know some might think he is all for serious lovemaking due to his stringent nature but I disagree. 

He and MC seem more in-tune with each other than the rest of the team, and he is more empathetic and considers her needs and likes, without basing it on societal values or whatever norms.

If there is a funny moment or this is part of cheering MC up, he is more than willing to pull out a joke. 

Sure, he might be dying from sheer mortification if you laugh too hard but your smile is enough for him to forget about it and laugh along and learn from it.

H- ‘Hair under THERE’ (Pubic Hair Treatment, does the carpet match the shades?)

He’s a clean-freak, he’s good with his hands, what do you mean he doesn’t manscape??? 

Pry this thought out of my cold, roaming hands. 

And yes, it’s the same shade, if not slightly lighter.

I- ‘Intimacy’ (How they are doing the moment, romantic aspects)

This one depends on several factors honestly. 

If he actually overcomes his fear of peering into people’s emotions, he might want to feel the warm embrace of your heart (with your consent, of course). 

He does get embarrassed and may cover up any cute gestures with abrasive words but nothing will stop him from letting you know how much he appreciates you... even if you may or may not need a Tsundere-translator in the midst of it all.

At least he nails the whole atmosphere, making it nice and soft just to be in each other’s embrace.

J- ‘Jack Off’ (Masturbation)

Before MC? Hell no. 

Dude only works himself up to a frenzy over dirty dishes and broken paintbrushes. 

Meeting MC? Starts aggressively chopping anything in sight and taking out his frustrations in the cooking.

He then realizes the ingredients are getting more pounding moments than he has and starts to relieve himself when he is absolutely sure no one is around to stumble into his room.

Poor boy doesn’t know where to start though and it is only when he imagines his hands being yours does he get anywhere.

K- ‘Kink’ (One or two of his kinks)

I think I have said this before but unwrapping you like a present is a gift in itself.

Ribbons, ribbons, oh so pretty...

Look me in the eye and tell me that tugging on his long, luscious locks doesn’t get him off.

Consent. No, but seriously, him being constantly reassured that you want this as much as he does just encourages him to explore more.

L- ‘Location’ (Favourite places to do the do)

On Oji’s bed so that the old man can’t sleep anymore on that mattress.

Ok, but really, he would love it in either of your bedrooms so that HE can take care of cleaning up the mess and no one else. 

Anywhere is fine, the wall, the bed, the floor. Just let him have access to some cleaning supplies.

M- Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything about you being happy. 

Heck, you could be smiling over some random 2D dude getting his route released in a few hours in some manga and he would be hiding a raging boner.

Did I mention ribbons? If not, then ribbons.

N- ‘No.’ (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Whatever it is, no foodplay. How dare you waste food made from ingredients Oji-san FINALLY remembered?!

No threesomes either because he is always worried you might get Kuya involved...

O- ‘Oral’ (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He is a GREAT giver. 

Not only that, HE ACTUALLY KNOWS NOT TO JUST FLICK IT.

Ginnojo, does your bookshop have some hidden Sex Bible or something?

Firm, repetitive rolls before sucking on the engorged clit, all the while letting his one free hand grab onto some other erogenous zone of yours.

Initially, super reluctant to receive because “MC! It-it-it down there?!”

A bit self-conscious about the taste and if you can actually breathe. 

Until you start to let your tongue wander over the whole of his length.

Now, he likes to give and receive.

P- ‘Pace’ (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

He’s going for a marathon session whenever possible. 

He loves lengthy lovemaking where all his senses are aroused. 

That means sexy music and lots of foreplay to get a stimulating hour (or two).

Q- ‘Quickie’ (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He would LOVE it ONLY if you made a feisty quickie at work. 

Rip off his clothes, and go at it as soon as he walks through the door. 

That I-need-you-now approach boosts his confidence and his lust.

R- ‘Risk’ (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Honestly, only if you suggest it. 

And he has ensured that it will not jeopardize your safety. 

And that it is technically physically possible, he has all the equipment...

Essentially, as long as both of you are prepared, he is more than willing to.

S - ‘Stamina’ (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

The first few times is a soft ‘2’ because he doesn’t know his own reactions (yet). 

However, he quickly learns how to control yours and his release.

Suddenly, he wants to go at it like rabbits over long durations.

Seriously contemplates making a schedule.

T - ‘Toy’ (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

If you wanted to try one, he will... struggle to buy them. 

So he isn’t so keen on them.

Also because he prefers learning your body’s natural responses to his touches and not through some plastic equipment that is...

Wait, why is it rotating?

Is it another wand?

U - ‘Unfair’ (how much they like to tease)

In the initial stages? You are the Queen of teasing this poor fool.

But remember, he can get his revenge as a Seer. 

Basically, you are going to regret it MUCH, MUCH later.

... Provided he gets either drunk enough to say it or you two are like maybe, 1 month into the relationship.

V - ‘Volume’ (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He is more into heavy panting, and airy, hot breaths.

Because he wants to focus on your moans and is a bit self-conscious. 

But occasionally, rough grunts overlap with your sounds, especially the closer the two of you become.

W - ‘Wildcard’ (Random Headcanon)

You and his first time will make him extremely worried about hurting you, even if you aren’t a virgin.

Because one good/bad thing about his appearance is that sometimes girls randomly chat to ‘her’ about their lives… including very, very, very bad sex. 

Until you make him discover the joys of voyeur vision. 

Slowly undressing for him, and then starting to pleasure yourself. 

The sight had made him weak in the knees, and he had quickly joined in to learn the ropes.

Oh boy, he is a great student. :D

X - ‘X-ray’ (How is the package?)

Hidden in loose boxers (to hide any reaction to certain actions of yours)

I’m going to be honest, he is probably just average in terms of length. 

BUT GREAT GIRTH.

Even better that his glans is nearly the same size as his width. 

A bit curved towards the stomach, with some prominent veins.

Y - ‘Yearning’ (How high is his sex drive?’)

High. Super high.

This is going to be first and hopefully the only partner. 

He wants to ravish you at least 3 times a week.

A bit interesting it falls on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Z - ‘Zzzz…’ (How fast do they fall asleep?)

Initially, it takes him a good half-an-hour because he is so busy tending to you until you get him to relax with pillow talks.

Soon though, he likes to cuddle with you before hitting the hay.

[fcntasmas-archive]

SKAM | Even/Isak (TMTTS) | 780 words

Thank you so much to anonymous (“Everyone”, which is a really cute alias, btw) for tipping me on my Ko-Fi! Your support means the absolute world to me. The prompt is as follows:

“If you could write a tmtts cuddle scene that would be awesome [. . .]”

Your prompt is under the cut, and I thank you once again for your support. If you’d like a prompt written by me, consider sending a couple of bucks my way on ko-fi and/or commissioning me for longer works your heart may desire!

Isak’s used to this by now, after having experienced it so many times. The way they end up here. How it’s almost natural, even after everything, even when he denies it happens to himself, out of everyone.

Before it’s happening, while it’s happening, and after it’s happened — he pretends it it won’t, it’s not, it didn’t.

How is casual sex so easy for him, but when it comes to Even holding him close, fully clothed, staring at a television and watching a movie or a stupid show they’re never going to actually catch up with, he feels like it’s the actual end of the world? Like he’s never going to breathe this easily ever again, even though he’s dipping his toes into dangerous waters that are constantly threatening to take him under?

Even’s hand strokes Isak’s arm as his thoughts race past each other, fighting for the lead, and Isak feels Even’s gaze turn to him as he stares unblinkingly at the television, sure his eyes have glazed over by now.

“Do you need me to move?” Even asks, and all at once Isak’s thoughts cease, his gaze lifting to meet Even’s.

“What?”

“You look like you’re about to burst,” Even points out, and Isak believes him. “If you — you know we can just—”

Isak’s decision is instant and almost out of his control — he presses himself closer to Even’s side and shakes his head at the suggestion, the warmth of his body suddenly of great importance to Isak. It’s as if he’s suddenly incapable of separating himself, and he shakes his head uncomfortably against Even’s chest.

“It’s just my glasses,” he half-lies. “They’re pressing, like, really uncomfortably against me.”

Even huffs in amusement. “I always tell you to take them off—”

“How am I supposed to see what we’re watching, then, Even?” Isak challenges, but there’s a smile playing on his lips. “I’m sorry we don’t all have perfect vision like you—”

“Contacts exist—”

“I’ve told you they—”

“Dry your eyes, yeah,” Even finishes for him, before he reaches for the remote on his bed and points it towards the television, promptly turning it off. “Then we won’t watch anything,” he says, and Isak looks up at him incredulously.

“Then this is pointless.”

“Doesn’t have to be,” Even says, and he reaches gingerly with one hand up to Isak’s glasses, asking silent permission with his expression. Isak hesitates for a second, but then nods, allowing Even to remove his glasses gently, folding them closed and leaving them on the bedside table. He settles himself back to his original position, then, pulling Isak closer to him. Isak allows it.

“Now what?” Isak snorts. “Are we just supposed to lie here?”

“Hmm,” Even hums. “Don’t you know the joys of just laying here, Isak?”

He doesn’t. Usually, when he’s laying on a bed, it’s his own and he’s alone with his thoughts and — it’s not joyful, per se.

“This is weird,” Isak mumbles, and Even laughs quietly.

“Shh,” he says. “Talk to me about your day.”

“You mean the three hours I spent alone this morning before coming over?”

Even shrugs, far too easily for someone who’s in the position he’s in right now. “Why not?”

Isak sighs. “You’re fucking weird, Even.”

“And yet,” Even pauses. “You still happily suck my—”

Isak hits him as gently as he can in the chest before he can finish that thought, and Even huffs out a laugh.

“Alright, alright,” Even chuckles, rubbing at his chest. “No need to get aggressive.”

“Tell me a story,” Isak decides instead. “You have a lot of those.” It’s true. Even’s lived a lot more than Isak has, and has enjoyed more of those moments than Isak can even fathom doing so himself.

“Okay,” Even agrees to his terms without a single qualm, as he usually does. Isak settles in closer to Even, his glasses no longer pressing uncomfortably into the side of his face. “Once upon a time—”

Isak scowls. “I swear to God—”

“What God? You don’t believe in God.”

“Even.”

“Isak,” he mimics, grinning. “Could you please be patient? This is a good story.”

Isak closes his eyes, though he makes sure he still manages to make his expression look irritated. “Fine,” he grunts. “Fucking go on, I guess.”

Even does, and Isak settles in to listen to a fantastical story he’s almost sure Even is making up on the spot, but for the duration of it, his thoughts quiet and his fears settle — he’s no longer trapped in the depths of his mind, but instead he’s here, now, listening to Even’s voice, the only darkness he’s faced with is that of his closed eyelids, and he’s—

Okay.

He’s okay.

[hoodie-at-the-bar]

i’m aggressive

He was my Cabana Boy. We never made it off Tinder, in that we never texted or anything - our only lines of communication was on the Tinder messaging app. We just went back and forth with improv about how he would feed me grapes, and fan me with giant palm leaves, and give me messages. He was my cabana boy. 

His photos were all different, from very blurry to super blurry, to cute but a weird angle, to sunglasses. I had no idea what I was getting into, but he was jolly sounding, and flirtatious. Then he took it to a bit more real, from casual banter.

“How about tonight?” he asked. We talked about meeting up and engaging in this Cabana Boy fantasy. It was a Sunday night, past 10pm. Do I want to cash in this comedic performance for a one night stand, or put off hanging out to actually date this guy? Are those my only two options? I figured if he were to come over then we’d likely sleep together and not go on a date thereafter. However, if I put off meeting up, we’d have a better chance of getting to know each other and then maybe start dating. 

For 2019, I told myself I would have a better filter. In order to seriously consider a guy, he’d have to have (2 out of 3) of the following qualities: 

Great Banter: We can go back and forth and be engaging, I would look forward to his messages. Whether it’s organic conversations about our week, or childlike correspondence of “would you rather” type questions. Cabana Boy had this.

Attraction. As shameful and shallow as it may be, it is important. If I were to spend an hour or more with someone, part of that motivation would be physical attraction to the guy I’m talking to. With Cabana Boy, it was hard to say. Only one of his photos, a top angle where he’s sucking on a straw, did I find him attractive. He kind of reminded me of Seth Rogan, but after he lost the weight

Is there something, anything, about his profile that gets me excited? It could be writing style, photos of an activity he’s into - something that may showcase his personality whether explicitly or suggestive. Cabana Boy didn’t have that.

Well that settles it: I’m inviting him over just to see what happens. If it ends up being a one night stand, it’s my welcome back party to dating. If it ends up being more - that’s great. 

“Sure, here’s my address…”

I’m not frivolous - I’ve said it before, but my security system takes video clips of everyone who enters my home and I make sure to share that fun fact with any guy who comes over. In a way that sounds like I’m joking when I’m very much serious. Sometimes I even show them the clip… it's a reverse psycho killer.

Cabana Boy showed up less than an hour later. He actually was Seth Rogan, but original Seth Rogan. He had curly hair and wore a trucker hat backwards that said “Palm Springs”. He was wearing a flannel over a grey shirt that I'm pretty sure was sweaty. He smelled like he lived in a frat house and spent most of his evenings playing video games, next to an empty pizza box and a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew. I’m just guessing.

We hugged hello and went to the kitchen. I poured us each a glass of wine, but perhaps I should have just cracked open a couple of Rainiers. He smiled a lot and was super friendly. He was from Michigan, and had that Mid-western nice boy look to him. He wasn’t really sweaty, I just felt he would be.

“How is dating women in Seattle different than women from home?” was one of the questions I asked after some time.

“Well, Seattle women are aggressive  “ he leaned back and motioned his hands toward me.

“What??” he called me aggressive. Apparently my leaned in body language and interest in his life was aggressive. I jumped right in with questions about him and was engaged with my “leaning inness”. What can I say, I was a fan of Sheryl Sandberg. I mentioned a few times I felt I needed to be more hostess like beyond just wine.

“I’m sorry, I feel like I should cut up oranges and serve them to you like a proper Asian lady” - he chuckled, shook his head whispered stop and leaned in to kiss me. It felt like a night after study hall in college, where we pretend like we wanted to have a conversation but we were just waiting out the other person to make the first move. We were in the kitchen for a bit before moving upstairs. 

Time passes…. I’m not sure yet how detailed the blog will be - I’m more of a 12 shades of Grey type girl. I can kiss and tell, but am pretty tight lipped after. Needless to say, it wasn’t a date really.

We were both lying in bed with light conversation and then asked, “Sooo… what’s the plan? Do you want me to stay over?” 

I paused. I didn’t. I had a friend once say she expected the guy to stay over if they slept together, he practically owed it to her. If she sleeps with him, he will stay over and cuddle with her. For me, it was the opposite. The idea of a guy I barely knew staying the night, in my bed, cuddling me, was far too intimate and made me very uncomfortable. Don’t worry, I’m keeping a list of things to speak with my therapist at some point. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings though.

“I’m net neutral” I said stoically. I know. I got nothing but ridicule form my girlfriends. Apparently my nerd comes out even in the bedroom - but it was the nicer version of the truth.

“But what do you want?” he insisted.

“Hmmm, do you want the real answer?”

“Of course”

“Well if you go home, I’d be able to sleep comfortably and get ready for work and have a good night’s sleep. If you stayed over… I’d only say stay over so you don’t have to drive all the way back to West Seattle '' and I winced with a smile in shame. 

“Okaaaaay then….” and he started to get up. I didn’t stop him. I threw on my robe and just watched him put his clothes on.

It did cross my mind that I may have been hurtful, intentional or not. I think some may say, i was a “dick”. Only some.

The next day I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see the Cabana Boy again, during daylight - people can date after a one night stand, right? It was about two days after, on a Tuesday, I sent him a photo of his Trucker Hat that he left behind

I tried being somewhat flirtatious, but didn’t ask him right out to hang out, but he did at some point.

About two weeks later, he texted to hang out.

I was open to it, but the motivation sizzled out. I was not motivated to follow up, and apparently never had. Neither of us asked further questions to make the plan and experienced a mutual fizzle.

My dear, sweet Cabana Boy…. his messages weren’t too bad.

-April 14, 2019

Date # 1w/ Cabana Boy Suitors in 2019 YTD: 2 Dates in 2019 YTD: 2

[jiwontiddy]

100 Reasons to love Kim Hanbin (iKON B.I)

1. had a mental breakdown during mix&match and ran away to go to Busan but he didn't have enough money so he ended up at a park and stayed there until yg staff members picked him up (plus yunhyeong had a mental breakdown too and started crying because of him)

2. I just wanted to escape from all of this

3. did mix&match while doing smtm3

4. loves his little sister so much

5. he said when hanbyul was born every single day of my life was filled with happiness

6. made his mother a bouquet of flowers for parents' day and decorated it with money bills lmao

7. learned how to professionally arrange flowers (we love boyfriend hanbin oof)

8. 'iKONIC is my life' 🤧💞🤧💖🤧💘

9. crazy work ethic

10. works 24/7 never takes a break

11. producing music is a type of hobby for him he doesn't see it as work

12. his studio is basically his second home

13. he stays there sometimes over night and doesn't go to sleep

14. you'd think he'd have health problems because of his lack of sleep but he's perfectly healthy 🙏🏼

15. except for that one time when he collapsed at the airport after being at the studio w friends and not getting enough sleep even tho they had to catch a flight at 7 am

16. you need to sleep when you die - Kim Hanbin 2018

17. is really reckless tbh

18. but a great leader overall he really does lead the group well

19. chanwoo and mino etc. were really scared of him but now he's changed and is less intimidating

20. unless they're recording or at dance practice 💀💀💀

21. expects everyone to be on time for practice but is the last one to arrive because he's still asleep

22. "if the camera wasn't here you would've gotten hit" actual words that came out his wonderful mouth (lets pray for chanwoo)

23. [finishing their insta live] Yunhyeong, "we have to get back to practicing" Junhoe, "we have to get yelled at again by Hanbin"

24. a very determined bean

25. takes his job veryyy serious and doesn't take it for granted

26. he's basically in charge of producing/composing and writing all of iKON's songs 👍🏼

27. he's the mastermind behind Love Scenario

28. tbh he deserves award for best producer and composer

29. has never been in a relationship but still writes the best break up songs

30. love scenario, killing me and goodbye road are all break up songs which makes analyzing the lyrics so much more interesting since they all cope with a traumatic break up in a different way and it shows different stages of getting over someone

31. h i s l y r i c s g o d d a m n

32. We were in love, we met and became a memory that can’t be erased. It was a commendable melodrama, a pretty good ending. That’s all I need. I loved you.

33. Freedom and new relationships but behind that is an empty heart. On this dark night, I’m alone again. Her existence is such a big part of my world. I try but I can’t take her out of it. Once I did take her off, I broke down. But I can’t tell myself to be ready to die, it's killing me.

34. I've loved you to death, but at the end I did not die.

35. Just go, back to him. It was wrong from the beginning, only I became the fool. You were never once mine.

36. that one time when he saw a couple during a fansign and called them out hE WAS SO BITTER LMAO

37. double b......that's all

38. "Bobby oppa looks dangerously attractive without glasses...wow man"

39. he's such a sweet heart to kids omg

40. a die hard animal lover

41. he is SUCH A GOOD DANCER FRICK THAT MIX AND MATCH STAGE WHERE HE WORE THAT RED BARET IM STILL NOT OVER THAT

42. tho he said he doesn't like dancing

43. but he still choreographed amazing dances during their survival days like how can one be so talented??

44. he's dumb but at the same time really smart if that makes sense??

45. like he doesn't know who koreas first president is but he knows who the army general was that led the korean army to win the battle in incheon for the 38th parallel line ?????? WTFSJSHSHSH

46. a girl group enthusiast

47. but can't do the dances even if his life depended on it (except for heartshaker and recently red flavor)

48. he said he doesn't pick favorites but if he had to they'd be Seulgi and Dahyun

49. he writes poems when he feels emotional

50. he usually gets his inspiration to write songs from movies, dramas, books or poems

51. his muse is actress Kim Jiwon he's so whipped for her

52. his favorite scene from one of her dramas is Fight My Way ep. 7

53. it shook him so much that he wrote a whole song about it

54. he wrote like 10 songs inspired by her

55. his gf is gonna be the luckiest girl alive let me tell you that

56. he rarely cries but got emotional recently at one of their concerts :(((

57. he's super close with Jinhwan

58. he wrote songs with G-Dragon, Tablo and Psy

59. he co-wrote whistle by Blackpink and empty by Winner

60. he fell during his second round in smtm it was so cute but so funny

61. his song Be I was the first smtm song to go down in history by charting at #1 in melon

62. he could have passed easily in my opinion he had such an amazing crowd control like they were going crazy over him

63. also Swings didn't like him because he was an 'arrogant ass' but after he realized that Hanbin was kind of experiencing a crisis he felt sorry and said if he'd knew he had protected him from the start

64. had to censor his own fans at a concert

65. one and only fuckin one and only🚶🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️

66. he should be working on his solo album but instead he's out here releasing ikon's 3rd album

67. he has this habit of patting his left chest (above his heart) whenever he's nervous

68. never forget when he used a translator app to get closer to Japanese girls

69. whenever they have a comeback he usually turns off his phone for the next 24 hours so he doesn't see how the song charts

70. he and the boys actually don't care about charting at all

71. [NO SHADE I REALLY LIKE MOMOLAND] he could have produced a similar song to LS to use the hype around it like momoland did but instead he wrote Killing Me me which is more aggressive and totally the opposite of LS

72. he really likes rice soup uwu

73. he usually does vlives on channel+ since he's more comfortable there

74. one time he accidentally started a live on their regular channel and fans started pointing it out and he immediately went into panic mode LMAOOO

75. he is such a perv sometimes i can't

76. had a minor crisis when Bobby was in the US and had no one to cuddle

77. he's such a bean who deserves all the love in the world

78. got his ass whooped by Jinhwan for getting a tattoo (we love a rebel)

79. he suffers from rhinitis hence why yg gifted him an air purifier lol

80. has a producer team which consists of YG trainee Millennium (aka Raesung), Seung (and I guess One)

81. Seung is an artist, a composer, celebrity and a jobless guy (his words not mine)

82. Hanbin as a hyung and role model for Raesung: a concept

83. Chanwoo is more scared of Hanbin during recordings than he is from staying in a haunted house with a ghost let that sink in

84. 'ladies first' no matter what

85. cried during the final of win:who's next but was still able to crack a smile for Team A

86. the fact that Hanbin comforted Mino even though Mino was supposed to comfort Hanbin

87. got a turtle in japan and called him Michelangelo

88. forgets to eat sometimes

89. his name is B.I not BewhY

90. says he doesn't get scared easily but he does

91. king of spoilers

92. but hates it whenever the other members spoil something

93. fun fact: he made the guide for Love Scenario around May 2017

94. "Everything is in english, I can't speak english" also Hanbin "Turn that shit on" "so savage, so tight"

95. has a strict concept for his Instagram: black and white only

96. did a whole vlive with a dog filter on uWU 97. loves to hike

98. basically everything he does is so cute

99. but he can be so sexy at the same time

100. Kim Hanbin is one of the most talented and hardworking men in this industry and he's still getting slept on,, please support this bean

[kpoptionate]

skz ➾ boyfriend!hyunjin

stray kids masterlist // official masterlist

07.19.18

requested: anon + anon + anon

a/n: thank y’all for requesting <333 (anon #3 i’m writing this at midnight and i’m crying i love you) (also i’ll get the minho one up soon !!)

a/n2.0: this got really long dammit lmao i’m so in love with him

woojin // bangchan // minho // changbin // hyunjin // jisung // felix // seungmin // jeongin

h w a n g  h y u n j i n

y’all

this is my boyfriend right here mkay

but if he were yours

wOw do i wish i were you

he was at the park with his dog kkami one morning

and he was just chillin on the bench bc his dog is chill too

but then she (he ? idk someone inform me please) sprinted over to this girl on a nearby bench and started barkin at her (it’s you !)

hyunjin goes to collect his dog and apologizes and you tell him it’s fine, your dog does that too sometimes

and he doesn’t really know what to do so he just kinda apologizes again

you think he’s hella cute and adorable so you pat the bench beside you and motion for him to sit

he was lowkey hoping for you to do that bc he thinks you’re super cute

so y’all’s dogs run around and play while you and hyunjin talk and get to know each other

time flies by and the sun’s starting to set wow

kkami is asleep on your lap and to hyunjin that’s literally like the best thing ever

the prettiest boy/girl ever getting along with his dog, what else could a guy want am i right

he thinks you’re pretty cool and all so he gets your number as the two of you separate

y’all hang out a lotttt

definitely waits a few months to ask you out just to make sure

he eventually does when y’all have a picnic at the park late at night

he brought flowers and a necklace :’)

the first time he brings you over to the dorm to meet the guys they’re freaking out

like wow one of us actually managed to get a girlfriend

i mean everybody thought the first one would be hyunjin tho bc like

he’s hyunjin

he’s also kinda cliché but it’s so cute

your first official date as a couple he takes you to the amusement park

the rest of skz follows y’all but they make it so obvious

like dressed in all black and everything

he wins you a stuffed animal and gets you ice cream and goes on all the rides you wanna go on even if he's scared

when it's dark you he takes you on the ferris wheel

the guys def know what’s going on, cue them spaced out around the area with binoculars and walkie-talkies

when y’all get to the top

he takes his finger under your chin and makes you look at him

he gives a small smile with a little huff and

leans in

and

kisses you

sweetly

when he pulls back he’s got that grin™ on his face

the guys on the ground are screaming and cheering and hyunjin gets superr shy but doesn’t let you know they’re there

okay

so

y’all don’t argue a lot

he hates making you feel bad

boy has a little temper on him but he knows how to control it

until he gets jealous

he is one jealous boi™

around his members he might get jealous every once in a while but it’s not enough to bother him too much

with other people tho ?

watch out hun he’s coming for you

when he sees you talking to a friend and it’s going a little too far he’ll invite himself into the conversation

but the other person just doesn’t stop and you’re too naïve to notice they’re flirting with you

so he’ll pull the other party over to the side for a conversation with his hand tightly around their wrist

“look, i’m not trying to interrupt or anything but that’s exactly what i’m doing, keep that shit up or i swear to fucking god”

i’m not experienced with aggressive dialogue i’m sorry lmao

however, on the occassion you do argue he can get kinda out of hand

might accidentally yell something you’re self-conscious about in the heat of the moment

he’ll hate himself when you storm out crying

very stubborn, but not when it comes to you, no sir

he’ll give you two or three hours to rest and calm down

then he’ll show up at your door with flowers and snacks and little gifts to apologize

his eyes’ll be all red and puffy from crying

if you still close the door on him he’ll probably just burst into tears and not leave bc he just feels so bad and doesn’t want you to be mad and possibly leave him over something so trivial

always tries to make you smile

your laugh is literally like the best thing he’s ever heard

you guys goof around so much

he has so many pictures of you on his phone

he probably sets up a personal insta just so he can put up photos of the two of you together

they’re usually while you’re eating or sleeping (you asleep on his lap is his wallpaper)

or while y’all are on dates

expect lots of those btw

lots

if he’s feeling like the aesthetic boyfriend he is he’ll take you on small ones like the dog / amusement park or ice cream or to a little outdoor café or bike rides through seoul and stuff like that

but he also loves fun ones like laser tag or go-karting

if you guys haven’t seen each other in a while though he’ll take you to something a little more fancy

he always makes sure you look good he always thinks you do tho

like if y’all are going out and you look kinda dumb

he refuses to leave until you fix yourself

he does it in a playful and loving way though

if he can’t find anything for you to wear he’ll buy you something to

he definitely takes you shopping a lot

mostly for clothes

likes you wearing leather jackets and a tshirt

especially his leather jacket

or his sweatshirts

any of his clothes really

you just look so cute and soft and cuddly and fhsjfhjkds you bust all his uwus

it makes him want to cuddle and squeeze you to death

especially if you’re just in your underwear and one of his white shirts to bed

waking up with him is the best bc he’s all up against you with his face nuzzled in your neck

whines when you try to get up and he’ll grab your hand and pout and you just can’t resist bc who can say no to a pouty hyunjin

i feel like crying imagining it :’)

likes cooking with you

even if it doesn’t turn out so great

y’all are always just messing around in the kitchen

likes finding recipes so when you fall asleep or something he can have something for you to eat when you wake up

always makes sure you eat too

oh you just woke up ? i’ll get breakfast

you haven’t eaten since lunch and it’s been four hours ? let’s get a snack

jUst finished pizza ? you need more hun

you need to make sure he eats and rests enough too though

bc he practices a lottt and often forgets to grab lunch so please please please bring him something to eat

he absolutely loves when you do that

it makes him feel loved and cared for and important

likes to be babied, but also likes babying you

love love love loves showing you off

like he’s constantly talking about you to everyone

cool with pda only if you are

if you are then that’s gREAT

he likes to drape his arm around your shoulder when you guys walk

especially around people

loves hugging you from behind and resting his chin on your head

cuddling 24/7

cooking ? he’s back hugging you and waiting for you to feed him

dancing ? he’s changing the song so y’all can slow dance

watching netflix ? he’s all up on you, legs tangled in yours with your head on his chest and his fingers in your hair

really good at kissing

like have you seen them lips boiiii

does it all the time

especially little pecks on your lips

doesn’t care if there’s people around, he’s your boyfriend he can do what he wants

he doesn’t go past that when people are present

but when they’re not

bitchhhhh

okay so

he might be legal in america however he’s not in korea so i’m gonna keep it appropriate for his age, lmk if there’s a problem please

okay so everything usually starts with cuddling

which’ll lead to him giving you little kisses on your forehead or cheek

which moves to your lips

and he’ll peck you some times before giving you a longer kiss

he’ll gradually move from your lips to your jaw to your neck to your collarbones

leaving marks all the way down

then back up again

he’ll teasingly drag his tongue up and across your lips before finally locking his with yours

pulling you onto his lap with a hand at your jaw around your ear

his other on your waist

when it comes to kissing he’s definitely not rough at all with it, very slow and passionate

lotsss of open-mouthed kisses with tongue

probably groans a lot

especially if you bite his bottom lip oh lord

he loves it

also bites and pulls yours while looking at you with dark, hooded eyes

somebody stop me please this is too much for my heart

runs his hands up and down your body

like he’ll start from your neck and slowly travel down to your waist and thighs before going right back up

will also slip his hands under your shirt when he comes back

loves it when you roam your hands around his body too

especially his chest and collarbone area

however he also loves your body pressed all the way up against his to where y’all can feel each others heartbeats

probably won’t go farther than pushing your hips down against him

bc even tho he’s a confident boy he respects you and doesn’t want to do anything you don’t

even if he did i’m not writing past that dammit

#stopsexualizingminors2k18

so he’ll end it off by dragging his hands up to cup your face

and he’ll slow down the kissing until it gets to soft little pecks again

then he’ll kiss you all over your face and lay down facing each other with your legs tangled

smiling with red and swollen lips

facing each other with your legs tangled and your arms around his torso, his draped across your waist

bc he just loves looking at you

he’ll kiss you again bc he just can’t help himself

he loves the feeling of your lips on his

then he’ll pull away and settle his face in your neck and fall asleep

wow i’m in love :’)

overall someone who just loves you so so so so much and loves to take care of you

but you need to take care of him as well bc he’s busy and forgetful

you’re truthfully the best thing that’s ever happened to him, nothing makes him happier than being able to see and touch you

it’s not possible to love him more than he loves you

okay i’m soft

i’ll stop now goodbye

[artificialqueens]

And So This is Christmas, I Hope You Had Fun (Ravjila) - Sammy Indigo

A/N: Part 2 of the Ravjila Christmas fic from a week or so ago. I do hope everyone is having a safe December, and if you’re in an area with some severe weather, be careful. 

And thank you for all the kind words you have been giving me this month. I read them all. All the love xxx

Latrice hadn’t bothered to chastise the three of them on Christmas morning, when she knocked on Manila and Raven’s bedroom door at eight am and opened it to both girls, plus Raja, all cuddled together in Raven’s single bed. Usually when she caught all three of them in the same room after an impromptu sleepover, she gave them a brief lecture about getting to bed early and the safety of knowing where each of them were through the night. However, this Christmas morning, the woman had wished them “Merry Christmas, Babies”, and told them to be downstairs in ten minutes for breakfast.

By the time Manila had managed to drag the other two out of bed, Willam and Danny were already throwing balled up pieces of wrapping paper at each other from across the long dining room table. A particularly aggressive throw from Danny, and a strategic duck from Willam resulted in the wadded up paper hitting Tatiana in the back of the head. She whipped around with a pout and a frown on her face.

“Hey!” She shouted. “Stop it.”

“Sorry!” Danny laughed. “Sorry, Tati.”

Tatiana glared at him. “That’s twice you’ve hit me, now.”

“Then move outta the way.” Willam teased.

Raven smacked him over the head as she walked past to Tatiana. She made an effort to soften the blow slightly. It was Christmas, after all.

“Happy Christmas, kid.” Raven said, hugging Tatiana. “You get anything good?”

“Happy Christmas, Ravie.” Tatiana beamed, holding up a little make up set that Raven suspected was from Claire’s. “Look.” Tatiana said. She leaned into Raven’s side. “It’s got highlighter, and mascara, and even glitters!” She grinned broadly. “I asked for make up, and I got it! This is awesome. Thank you!”

Raven tugged her ponytail, fondly. “Don’t thank me, I didn’t get it for you. Thank the random stranger who feels guilty enough about their life choices to make themselves feel better by spending money on foster kids.”

“Raven.” Latrice warned. “It’s Christmas.”

“Sorry.” Raven kissed Tatiana’s cheek. “That’s so cool. I’m glad you got what you wanted.”

“Thank you.”

“Hey, Rave!” Manila called from the other side of the room.

Raven kissed Tatiana’s head and patted her shoulder, leaving her to fawn over her present. She wormed her way through the excitable kids, picking up a paper ball from the table and throwing it back to Danny. He caught it and gave her a thumbs up.

“I’d like to keep my nose intact, this year.” He said, brushing long hair out of his eyes.

“We’ll see.” Raven said with a smirk. He flipped her the bird and she laughed.

As Raven approached them, Raja handed her a cookie, and Manila held up a mug in question.

“Coffee?” She asked. “Or Latrice is doing hot chocolate?”

“Chocolate.” Raven said, taking a bite of the cookie and settling into Raja’s side. “Since it’s Christmas.”

Latrice passed her a mug from behind. “Since it’s Christmas, darling.” She said. “Mini marshmallows but no cream for Raven.” She handed a second mug to Raja. “And cream and sprinkles for my Raja.”

“How do you remember that?” Raven asked. “There’s like fifteen of us.”

“I always remember all of my babies. Don’t matter how old they are.” Latrice said. She nodded to the kids running around the rest of the room. “Don’t think you aren’t special just because you’re one of many. You,” She squeezed Raven’s shoulder. “And you two,” She put a hand on Raja’s arm and Manila’s shoulder, “are special. Are loved. Don’t matter if you leave, don’t matter if you come back, don’t matter if you grow up and forget all about me.” Latrice looked at each of them in turn. “You’re loved by me. Always.”

Manila stepped around Raven to hug Latrice. “I could never forget you. You’re unforgettable.”

“Well, thank you, baby.”

Raja beamed. “And we love you.”

“Thank you.” Raven said. She sipped her hot chocolate. “And I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Latrice asked, baffled as she kept an arm around Manila. “You’ve only been up for twenty minutes. What could you have possibly done? Danny isn’t bleeding yet, is he?”

“No, not today.” Raven said. “I’m just sorry, in general.” She felt Raja take her hand. “I know I’m not the, um, easiest, kid to have around. I just, want to say sorry. I’m sorry I cause so many problems.”

“You don’t cause problems, Raven.”

“I do. And I know that I do.” She shrugged. “That’s why I’m here, right? Troublemaker.” She laughed at herself. “Sorry.”

Latrice shook her head. “You’re here, all of you, because of circumstances beyond your control.” She gave them a small sad smile. “If you take nothing else away from me when you leave, take this, each and every one of you is not at fault for the atrocities you have been forced to live through.”

Raven opened her mouth to argue but Latrice held up her hand.

“Nope, she said. I don’t want to hear it. You’re good kids, and if you make the correct choices you’re going to be good adults.”

Willam screamed, and they all looked over to see Danny holding some dripping slime over his face as he pinned him to the ground.

Latrice rolled her eyes. “Even those two.”

Raja giggled. “Danny’s gonna get another bloody nose this year, if he’s not careful.”

Willam kicked out, narrowly missing Danny’s face, laughing like a seal the whole time.

“Oh, Lord.” Latrice shook her head. “Listen, enjoy your day, babies, have fun, make memories.” She gave Manila a squeeze. “I gotta go break this up. Hey! Danny, you leave him. And Willam, stop acting like an ass!”

………………….

Christmas dinner in a group home wasn’t the formal affair Raven had experienced as a young child when they had spent much of the day in Church, then even more of the day visiting relatives whose names she didn’t know. In the group home, she, Raja, and Manila remained in their pyjamas all day, retreating to their room with plates piled high with buffet food, and each with a similar gift bag claiming to be ‘From Santa Claus’.

The gifts were trash, mostly, and Raven felt guilty for even thinking that when she knew somewhere a person had seen Raven’s request for ‘curling tongs’, and unable to purchase them for the provided budget of fifteen dollars, had gone with the next best thing; a set containing a hairbrush, some scrunchies, and some wired foam rollers. It wasn’t the worst gift, Raven supposed.

“Could have been worse.” Raja voiced, long legs stretched over Raven’s lap on the bed, and head resting on Manila’s shoulder. “I mean, I know I asked for jewellery making stuff, and I really meant like pliers, and hoops, and chains, but I don’t mind this.” She held up an almost completed woven bracelet and dangled it by Raven’s face. “A shit ton of embroidery floss and some beads? I can work with that.”

“Yeah.” Manila said. “I think we did good. I got a cool notebook and pens this year. Even came with some coloured pencils.”

“Better than a lunch box.” Raven smirked.  “Although I don’t know why you insist on asking for school supplies every year.”

“Everything else is too vague.” She shrugged. “Plus, I like knowing I’ll have stuff for school for a while.”

“Mm.” Raja hummed. “Only thing worse than being the foster kid is being the foster kid who has to borrow pencils from the school.”

“Hey, ‘Nila?” Raven asked. “When I’m rich I’ll buy you all the school supplies you want. Erasers coming out of your fucking ass.”

Manila kicked her. “Shut up. Just ‘cause I like to be prepared.”

“Don’t tease her.” Raja said.

“Sorry. Love you.”

Manila blushed. “Love you, too. I told you Christmas was happy.”

“Yeah, you did.” Raven crawled over the bed until she was snuggled in between Raja and Manila.

Manila cuddled around her, wrapping an arm around her tummy and settling against her chest.

Raven stroked her hair. “Do you…?” She trailed off, closing her eyes. She felt Raja’s arm press into her side. “Do…” Raven exhaled. “Doesn’t matter.”

“No, what?” Raja murmured. “Tell us.”

She took a long breath in, allowing the familiar scent of Manila’s hair settle her. “I was just thinking.” Raven said. “I’m just being stupid. Christmas, you know?”

“Getting sentimental?” 

“Not exactly.” Raven said. On feeling Raja’s fingers on her wrist, she opened her eyes.

Raja looked up at her and smiled. “For you.” She tied the finished bracelet around her wrist. “Too tight?”

“S’fine.”

Manila snuggled further into Raven’s chest. “I picked the colours.”

“I love it.” She drew her hand up to her face to inspect the intricate knots. “Thank you. Does that mean I get to pick ‘Nila’s colours?”

“Sure.” Raja said, and then smirked at Raven.

“Yellow.” they both said simultaneously, and burst into peals of laughter.

Rolling her eyes, Manila spoke. “Okay, okay. We get it, I like the colour yellow.”

Raven kissed her, still huffing out puffs of laughter. “Sorry.” She kissed her again, this time a little more reverently. “I’m sorry, ‘Nils.”

Manila waved her off. “Nah, you guys are right, I do like yellow. Reminds me of the sun.”

“You’re so cute.”

She blushed and ducked her face into Raven’s chest. “Snuggle me.” She said, muffled in Raven’s shirt.

The three of them, tired, full of food, warm, and happy, cuddled together in the tiny single bed. Raja’s long limbs encompassed the other two, and Raven pressed her lips to the back on Manila’s ear. The bass from the music downstairs was soothing rather than irritating, and even when Raven heard Willam’s obnoxious laughter in the hall, she couldn’t find it in herself to be mad.

“Life,” Raja said, “it’s not too shitty, is it?”

“Not here.” Manila answered quickly. “With you.”

“Do,” Raven began, again, “um, do you guys…?”

“Ask us.” Raja said. She rubbed circles into the warm skin under Raven’s pyjama top.

“Do you guys ever think about before?”

Neither of them even had to ask what ‘before’ was. For foster kids, or for the three of them, at least, the ‘before’ was all the same. Before someone took them away, Raven used to say. But Raja had always said before someone saved her. Raven preferred that. It was truer.

Manila squeezed Raven’s hand, fingers rubbing the woven bracelet on her wrist. “I don’t think about it as much.” She said. “I used to think about them all the time.” Of the three of them, Manila had been the oldest when she had been removed from her family. She was also the only one of them who still had both of her parents out there, alive, in the world, and knew where they were. “I thought about them, today, though.” She said, quietly. “I can’t imagine Christmas in prison is very nice.”

“They don’t deserve a nice Christmas.” Raja said.

Manila didn’t reply. Raven kissed her neck.

Raja took a long breath, calming her tone. “I take it you’ve been thinking about your family, Rave?”

“A bit.” She said. “Not much. Just…” Raven sighed. “Just wondering, I guess.”

“Yeah.”

Raven hadn’t seen her dad since she was removed from his care, her mother had never, as far as Raven was aware, been in the picture. But she had brothers and sisters, she knew she did, could remember faces and names, and yet had no way of knowing exactly how they were, where they were. She was seven the last time she had seen any of them. There could be more kids, now, for all she knew. Maybe they were being dragged around by her father to visit relatives that they didn’t know the names of. Raven shivered.

Raja cuddled her closer.

“Do you think about your mom?” Raven asked her.

“No.” Raja said, and the brutal honesty in her tone made Raven want to cry for her. “Sometimes I dream about her. But no. I don’t think about her. At least not on purpose.”

“Good.” Manila muttered. “I hate it when you have nightmares.”

“I’m not letting her ruin my future. Now when she ruined my past.” Raja paused, and then chuckled. “I sound like my therapist.”

“And mine.” Raven said.

“And mine.” Manila added.

The three of them began to laugh. Raven giggled into the back of Manila’s shirt, wiping the tears she hadn’t noticed on her cheeks into the fabric.

“I’m so fucking glad I have you both.” She said.

“Who else would have you?” Raja said and Manila kicked her. “I’m kidding.” She put a hand on Raven’s chin to pull her face to hers, kissing her gently. “Don’t you ever fucking dare leave us. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Promise.” Manila said. “Please promise, Raven.”

“I promise.” She took a shuddering breath, and then coughed to cover it. “We got each other, ‘till the end, right?”

“Right.”

“Forever.” Manila said. “However long forever is.”

Raven grinned. “Here’s to another hundred Christmases with each other.”

Raja nodded. “Happy Christmases.”

Manila beamed. “Happy Christmas.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

[hannahscreativethoughts]

Mistake

This is something I experienced in my family, not this particular situation, but something similar. Just enjoy this story. 

Steve Rogers x Reader ; Avengers x Reader

Summary: You can learn from your mistakes, even when they are unforgivable. Life goes on and you need to move on. Forgive yourself and let people help you. There are people out there who will not judge you, not matter what you did. They will just come towards you with love and understanding. (Super corny, I know. ) 

Warnings: Alcohol, death, some small fluff, alcohol problem.

Word count: 2579

It was a rainy night. The wind was blowing and the rain whipped against the window. In the distant you could hear the rambling of a thunder. The lighting of the thunderstorm brightened the dark rooms of the compound. It was way past midnight and almost everybody was completely asleep. Along the way you could hear noises coming out of some rooms, maybe some people are still awake and watch some TV or does have chat. However it was very quite in the whole building. In a very particular room, almost at the end of the hallway, there was a couple laying in bed, cuddled up, peacefully asleep. Perhaps the woman wasn't really in a peaceful sleep, you could see in her face that she is going to have or maybe is already having a nightmare. 

“(Y/n), stay with me. Don’t close your eyes. Stay with me!“, a familiar male voice called after me and wanted me to stay awake. The injuries on my body were bad and I could feel myself giving up, but the beeping of the heart monitor from the other person held me alive. 

“Is he okay?“, was the only thing I could breath out. 

“We are losing him!“, another voice called and the guy who was with me spoke to me again, “Stay with us!“, his voice was slightly aggressive, but also worried at the same time. 

“Give her some morphine and prepare her for surgery.“, he said to someone else. 

Beep Beep Beep Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep. 

My eyes shot open and I could feel the sweat rushing down my face. I turned around, just to see Steve still sleeping in peace next to me. He laid on his back, with his hand on my shoulder, we always fell asleep cuddled up, but I move so often during the night that we would never stay in one position that long. Steve loves to know that I’m there, so his hand would always be somewhere near me, even when it is just my shoulder or the tip of my fingers. He just wanted to know that I am there. That was one thing I adored about him, just one thing, there are a lot of other things that made me fall in love with him madly. 

I raised myself up from the bed and looked out the window. I watched the rain for a moment. The water rushing down the glass and the growling of the thunder in the silence. 

“Are you okay?“, I heard Steve asking me with his sleepy voice. 

“Yeah, everything is alright.“, my view was still clued to the window. 

“I just need some water.“, I added and looked down at him with a smile. He returned a small sleepy smile, he turned around and continued sleeping. After a short moment of watching him sleep, I hear him snore again and a half sided smile appeared on my face. I swinged my legs over the edge of our shared bed and raised my body up. My feet touched the cold ground. The coldness of the floor hit me, but it felt good. It kind of felt refreshing. The walk in the direction of the kitchen was filled with silence. The last noises which filled the building fell silent, the only thing was the thunder grumbling and my feet hitting the floor. I entered the dark kitchen and my way was directly towards the cupboard. I picked out a glass, my favourite one, it had my name on it, a present from my mom. The fridge was placed right next to cupboard. I opened it and searched for the water bottle. The first thing my eyes caught wasn’t a water bottle. My eyes landed on a open bottle of wine. White wine. Back in the days, this was my favourite sort of wine. The feeling that came up in my stomach was weird and I felt it before. I couldn’t describe what feeling it was, but it was something I had before. This feeling brought memories back into my head and the dream I had before, popped up again. The feeling and dream sent a shiver down my spine. I stared at the bottle and just stood there for a couple of minutes, until the beeping of the fridge kicked me out of my staring contest with the bottle. I picked out the water bottle and closed the door of the cold cupboard. In the last few weeks I had a lot of these moments where I would just stare at bottles of alcohol and think of my past and if I should risk it and take a sip. Fortunately I could pull myself together and resist the desire. But from day to day it gets harder for me to resist, especially when it comes to these parties of Tony. 

Even when they are like my family, I couldn’t tell them about this particular chapter of my life. This chapter changed me in every way and I wanted to move on and close this chapter and start a new one. My plan was to shove it so deep down that it would never come up and that I never have to deal with it again. For the last 3 years it was successful, but for like 2 month it is one of the hardest things to do now. I couldn’t shove it down anymore, the question, “Why aren’t you drinking?“,kills me a little bit inside. 

I filled the glass with water and placed the bottle back in the fridge, avoiding the wine bottle, but I couldn't resist and looked at it a again, just for a short moment before I went back to bed. 

--------------------------

This night I didn’t found any sleep at all, I rolled around in bed, looked at Steve, thought about how he would react when I would tell him about my past. This thought stole my sleep and I was so happy when I heard the alarm clock going. Luckily it means that Steve would wake up any second. And he actually did, he turned around and looked directly into my open eyes. I was already smiling at him, shoving down again the fact that I didn’t get any sleep and that my past tickles my tongue. 

“Good morning, princess.“, his sleepy voice calmed me down a little bit and I rolled over towards him. He opened his arms, so I could cuddled up in his arms and in the moment he pulled the cover over the both of us, I heard his snoring again. His monotone snoring calmed me down and I could feel my body started to relax. A couple of minutes later I was in his arms and deep asleep. 

The good thing about that was, that I almost slept the whole day, the worst thing is I lost a whole day. But thats okay, I probably needed the sleep. 

When I woke up, Steve wasn’t there anymore. I glanced over at the clock on my nightstand and it showed 8 pm. Suddenly I woke up and I jumped out of the bed. In that moment Steve entered the room and smiled at me, “Good morning, sleepyhead. Someone was tired.“

“Why didn’t you wake me up?“, I rushed through the room, finding some pretty clothe to wear for the party. It was a small party, Tony wanted to announce something and just invited the usual team and some really close friends. 

“You looked cute and you were very deep asleep. I actually came to wake you up.“, he shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled at my rushing figure. 

“Okay. But now, hush hush, I need to get ready.“, I waved with my hands and motioned to him that he should leave the room and wait for me at the party. 

20 minutes, 20 outfits and 20 swearings later, I was finally ready and walked down the hallway and entered the living room with a smile on my face. 

“There she is.“, Tony smirked and stepped towards me. He embraced me in a hug, “Do you want anything to drink? Wine, Gin, Vodka, I don’t know. Anything you want.“, he let go of me and walked over to his bar. 

“No thank you, just some water or maybe a cola?“, I asked and walked over to the couch. 

“Good evening, my loved ones.“, I said with a huge smile one my face and earned cheering and good evening greetings from a bunch of happy people. I placed myself next to Steve and gave him a small kiss on the cheek, “Good evening, Captain.“

“Okay, a cola for you, sweetheart.“, Tony shrugged his shoulder and grabbed a cola bottle out of the small fridge under the bar. 

----------------

The evening went on and we had a lot of fun, talking about old times and some funny happenings. The announcement Tony had was just, that he wanted to have a beautiful night with his favourite people. The team started to get drunk and even Steve had a little bit of drunken talking going on. 

“Lets play a game!“, Sam said between laughters. 

“What game rushes through your mind, Birdman?“, Clint asked and took a sip of his beer. The whole time I watched everybody drinking and get drunk. The feeling from the night before kicked back in and I felt a little bit weird around them. 

“I don’t know. Never have I ever, maybe.“, Sam suggested and almost everybody started laughing. 

“We are not in High School anymore, Sam.“, I said through chuckles. 

“With you not drinking anything, it feels a little bit like High School.“, he joked, but his joke didn’t hit me like it hit the others. I didn’t found it funny or anything, my smile disappeared and I just stared at him. After a few seconds my eyes wandered from him towards my hands. They were shaking and my head started to spin a little bit. It was time to tell them, it was time to tell my family the truth about the darkest chapter in my life. 

“Babe, are you okay?“, Steve placed his hand on my shoulder and I raised my head and looked at him, my eyes started to get wet and I was about to cry, but I pulled myself together. 

“Yeah, sure everything is okay.“, I said it out loud and everybody glanced over at me. 

“Besides I’m sick of this question. No, I don’t drink, anymore. I will never touch a drink again in my life!“, my voice slightly raised, I actually didn’t wanted to yell and be that angry, but the whole time suppressing this and pretending that everything is okay, killed me. 

“I was an alcoholic, okay!“, my voice went low and the tears that I hold back the whole time finally rushed down my cheeks. Silence filled the room, the most of the team looked at me with pitiful faces. 

“I'm sorry (Y/n). I didn’t know-“, Sam apologised for his behaviour, but before he could finish I interrupted him.

“Its okay. How could you know, I never said a thing. I just shoved it down and hoped that I would never have to talk about it ever again.“, I looked down at my hands again, they were still shaking, Steve took them in his hands. “You could have told us. You know we would never judge you.“, he squeezed my hands.

“I know, but I was afraid.“, I glanced up at him and then at the rest of the team. All of them were looking at me, they waited for me to continue, they knew that I have more to tell. 

“Before I joined the team, I worked in a hospital as a doctor, okay I was still in training. I was an intern. The long shifts, all the losses and all the pain I have discovered, made me start to drink on a daily basis. I couldn’t stop. I went to work, drunk and I didn’t even noticed it anymore, that I was drunk.“, I breathed out a sad chuckle. 

“Is that the reason, why you lost your job at the hospital?“, Tony asked carful. I didn’t judged him or felt uncomfortable with this question, because it was legitimate to ask. 

“No, that wasn’t the reason. That was one point of my dismissal.“, I intertwined my hand with Steves, I needed his support and his strength to tell the real reason. Even when he is as unknown as the others, his eyes showed me that he would never judge me in any way. 

“After an 40 hour shift, I went into the bar opposite from the hospital I was working. And I did what I always did after work, I started drinking. To be honest, I already had some drinks rushing through my veins. I always carried a bottle with whiskey in it, around the hospital. I was horrible. I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stop. But the worst thing was about to happen. After I finished my 7th drink. I went out of the bar and into my car. I started to drive down the street, my head spinning from the alcohol and the fact that I haven’t slept in 2 days came over me. I didn’t really realised what was happening, everything went so fast. My car hit another car, I heard people scream and I felt pain everywhere in my body. It was a horrible accident. The last thing I remember from this accident is the monotone beeping of the heart monitor from the other person who was in the other car I hit.“, I inhaled deeply. The whole time I was speaking I didn’t realised that I was playing with Steve his hands. He didn’t complained, he just let me do it. He figured out that I needed this to calm myself down. 

“I killed a man that night. After that evening everything changed. I lost my job, I lost my reputation, my drivers license and my life.“, I finished my confession, I raised my head and looked at everybody and waited for them to say something. I hoped that someone would say something. For a good couple of minutes nobody said anything or did any movements, until Steve tightened the grip around my hand, I glanced over at him and he gave me a soft smile. 

“You know, you could have told us earlier? We would have never judged you.“, Tony stood up from where he sat and walked over to me. He sat down on the armrest next to me. “We all have done mistakes in our past. We’ve all killed people and maybe we could have saved them or could have prevent their death. But sometimes we cant do anything against it. You learned your lesson, you learned from your mistakes.“, he placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. 

“Don't be afraid of people judging you, don't be afraid of being honest, just don't be afraid. Mistakes have been made. Like I said we've all done some. We are all here for you and we will ever be here for you. You know why? Because we are a family.“, he finished his short speech and looked down at me with a calm smile on his face. I glanced over at the rest of the team and everybody smiled at me as well. They showed me that they support me and that they don’t judge me. They know that I did a mistake, but I learned from it and changed my life. I’m a better person now. 

I have a family who will support me in every situation of life, a boyfriend who will be there for me no matter what and friends who will stay with me even when I’m at my worst. 

--------------------

Later that night I stood in front of the window and watched the street lights. Steve appeared in the window behind me, he smiled at me through the window. I smiled back at him, but my view was still on the street lights. He hugged me from behind and placed his chin on my head. 

“I think I will go back to the Alcoholics Anonymous. I get weak again.“, I leaned in and enjoyed his touch. His cologne hit my nose and I inhaled his sense, I smiled.

“You know, I will support you and will be there for you, no matter what. Don’t be scared. You can tell me everything.“, he placed a sweet kiss to the top of my head. 

“I love you, Steve.“, my view was still out the window, but I could see him in the reflection if the window, he was smiling and his grip around me tightened.  

“I love you too, (Y/n).“

[montgomeryhelen95]

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