#[ - plays stand off badly on kazoo - ]

[sweatandwoe]

Copia terzo body swap 😈

Copia is quite certain he did not go to bed with another person last night. Yet, he awakens with another set of limbs over his body. One leg hooked over his hips. After blinking the sleep from his eyes, he can glance down to see a Sibling of sin laying over him.

And they're naked.

The other thing he notices too, is that he is also naked. And that his tattoo is missing.

How is his tattoo missing?

The answer comes when the door swings open, to reveal; himself. Except his eyes are wild, confusion and rage pouring through his own face. "Copia?" His own voice asks, but the tone is off.

He stares at the figure of himself, just in his pajamas still. Standing with one hand on his hips, face twisted into an annoyed expression that wouldn't look out of place on-

"Terzo?" He asks, slowly sitting up. The sibling easily removes themself, still asleep and gathering the blankets around them. They're quickly over to the other side of the bed, snoring softly, enough that Copia can creep out of bed. His hands go down to cover himself, but the other man only scoffs.

"That's my junk, remember." Terzo twists his mouth when he speaks. "How do you speak with this fucking caterpillar on your lip? You should shave it."

Copia stares at him, then after holding his, or Terzo's, junk for a moment, frowns. "Don't you dare touch my mustache." Then he pauses, removing his hand. "Why do your balls itch so fucking badly?"

"Because I have to put lotion on them every morning. The skin is sensitive down there." His arms cross, and he raises a brow. "I noticed you don't shave."

"I trim!" Why is he defending his own private choices about his body? It was none of Terzo's business. Nonetheless, he can feel the warmth rising in his face, blooming onto his cheeks, or Terzo's cheeks. "How did this happen?"

Terzo shuffles, moving to close the door. "I may have... done a ritual by accident last night."

Copia blinks at him, as the other man goes to grab his pants from his own closet. "You - what?"

"It was an accident. Me and them," he gestures to the person sleeping in his bed, "We may have... been inciting Him in our pleasure last night." Copia can only stare at Terzo, lips parted at how he managed to do that. But the other man only shrugs, twisting Copia's lips into a feral grin. "It was pretty hot."

"Oh, Lucifer." He brings both of his hands to his head, "How do we get back?"

"Probably the spell will last for the day and then we return back to our bodies when we sleep tonight. If it lasts longer, we'll have to get Secondo cause I don't know shit about what we said last night."

Copia lifts his hands from his face, to stare at himself, who is looking sheepish and smiling. And then he realizes, he is well and truly fucked. He groans back into his hands, and the other man walks over to pat his shoulder.

"It'll be alright, Copia. I just have a kazoo practice today... And paperwork."

The panic is sinking in, to the point he can only let out a sob, nearing a wail if not for the sibling he is still aware is in the room. "I don't know how to play the kazoo!"

Now Terzo groans, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "You just blow air into it!" Copia still sniffs and the other man sighs. "I'll go ask Secondo after breakfast. Go change, and we'll be okay, si? I can make an excuse to get you out of practice too."

Regardless of what will happen during this day, as Copia takes the pants Terzo hands him, he's quite certain it's going to be a long day.

[thespineoftherighteous]

the girls 100% have that kind of relationship where they have thousands of videos of them doing just completely random or stupid shit together

like Allison and Renee are in front of the mirror in the locker room after practice and Renee starts recording a video and Allison is puckering her lips at herself in the mirror in the back and when she finally notices the video she like kicks up her leg and slams it on the counter to do a really dramatic pose.

or they're grocery shopping and Allison is a drama queen tired so she climbs into the cart and Dan (who's pushing the cart) takes a video of Renee just casually plopping their stuff on top of Allison and right before the video cuts you can hear Dan mutter something about how they're running out of space cause of Allison's "giraffe ass legs" right before Allison flips her off

or it's just a regular night in the dorm and they're in their living room and the video is just them hyperventilating cause they're laughing so hard and you can't understand a damn thing or get why they're laughing and Dan's hand is shaking so bad and Renee is bent over and Allison is rolling on the ground. and then their door opens and Matt is standing there like "guys...?" and Dan zooms in on the concerned look on his face and in the back you can hear Allison scream with laughter

or like. you know that video of three girls and one of them is like "i just met my husband earlier" and the other is like crashing into the wall and going "i just had the best french fries of my life"? yeah that's their vibe

one is a compilation Renee compiled of clips of Allison strutting into the lounge before practice and it's slightly comical because she always has sunglasses on, a drink in her right hand and her keys in her left hand and she does a *pushes up her sunglasses* gesture the same exact way every time and if it wasn't for her different outfits it'd seem like the same clip over and over. also, it's basically one long fit check

one is just a minute and a half long video of Renee slowly picking the onions out of her rice with a fork and setting them aside with occasional shots to Allison who looks so very upset and disappointed with the complete lack of taste. video ends with Renee dumping them all into Allison's plate who just shakes her head

one is a two part video from one of their sleepovers with Katelyn and they're playing charades and the first part is team 1, Renee and Dan, who are absolutely smashing it and their teamwork is just seamless, it's like they're one working entity, 25 points in one minute easy. the next part is of Allison and Katelyn's team which is just...a hot, excitable mess. there's screaming, there's "what the hell is THAT??", there's swearing, there's head scratching, there's "murph..MURPH" "murph?!! what the hell kind of animal goes murph?!!!!" "MMMUUUURRRPPHHHH!!!!" (*timer goes off*)

one video is them at the table eating dinner and Dan and Allison are bitching about the guys and they somehow exude the vibes of both older sisters and grandmothers. every so often they'll hit on a point and Renee (who's recording) will turn the camera around at an awful angle and just nod in agreement

one is just Dan playing my heart will go on (badly) on a kazoo while Allison and Renee do the jack and rose pose

one video starts with Renee (from behind the camera) giving Dan (who's grinning mischievously) a thumbs up. Dan then presses play on the tv remote and there's the first three seconds of "sk8er boi" and then you hear a crash and Allison skids into the room and the rest of the video is her and Dan giving a very entertaining performance of the song

there are loads and loads that are just them picking up a phone and going "[dan/renee/allison] look!" and said person glances up and rolls their eyes or smiles exaggeratedly or flips off the camera or pushes it away.

also, very many of them doing that to the other foxes with no explanation. like the foxes are all waiting in a room together and Allison and Dan are sat on the couch fiddling with a phone and at one point they're like "NEIL. come here babe" and Neil, used to their tricks, approaches very warily and they go "smile" and he just sighs and bends down with a very pained look

one night they're just hanging out and Dan and Allison are drinking and somehow Dan starts with impressions and she struts around (wobbling) going "iiiiim Allison Reynolds. i drive a sUpEr CuTe pink convertible and I'm going to catch pneumonia one day because i wear shorts in the middle of winter for fAsHiOn" *Allison clobbers to her feet* "well I'm Danielle Wilds. all of my best outfits come out of my boyfriend's closet. and I secretly love Allison's super. cute. pink convertible and wish I had one of my own but, alas, i failed my driver's test three times." *offended Dan Wilds gasping noises*

[hitsuackerman]

Serenade (Hawks x Reader)

Prompt: It��s almost 3am and Hawks has a special surprise for his lovely girlfriend.

Warnings: Fluff

Masterlist for all my fics :) here

It was late in the night and there you were. Suffering the consequences of your procrastination.

Typing furiously in your laptop, you wracked your brain for every single word you could think useful for your report. Your boss had given you this assignment one week ago and because of a particular someone, you had kept brushing the work aside.

Not that you minded though. He was much more entertaining compared to a report about the current status of the company’s stocks.

Glancing at the time, you stopped typing and groaned. It was now 2:37am. Work tomorrow would start at 9am so this would mean a double shot of espresso once more. Not the best for your palpitating heart.

Stretching your hands, you gathered your hair and put it on a messy bun. Adjusting your blue-light filter glasses, you continued working. Time to time, you would read and skim through articles and files to input onto the report. You could feel yourself slowly going back to your rhythm.

Hearing your phone buzz, you blindly reached for it while your eyes remained glued to a particular folder. Your mind had registered that it was a call and without looking you answered it.

“This is (Y/N). How may I help you?” It had become a habit of yours to answer the phone as businesslike as you could when you chose not to see who the caller was.

“You workin overdrive, (Y/N)?” His voice broke your concentration. The familiar sound of wind rushing through the speakers and that cocky tone. Hearing you sigh, he adjusted his body and flew even faster toward his destination.

“Not now, Hawks.” By now, you were massaging your temple. In hopes it would rid of your headache. Still, the corners of your mouth turned upwards. Your heart fluttered knowing he knew full well you would be working and decided to check up on you.

“It’s always the time.” He replied back. “Get some sleep, (Y/N). Espresso won’t do you good.”

“Says the person who loves sweets.”

“And you’re something sweet.” If he were beside you, a finger gun would have been present. “I’m almost done with my patrol, you know.”

“And so what if you're almost done with your patrol?” He was winning you over. He could definitely feel you smiling over the phone.

“Not implying anything.” He took something out of his pocket and landed smoothly. Removing his visors and headphones. “Besides, I’m too far from you right now.”

Standing outside your window, he saw just how much of a mess you made on your bed. Files and folders were opened and scattered. Looking over at your bedside table, 2 mugs were resting. He was sure one had coffee and the other had tea. The look on your face only told him you were expecting him to drop by.

“Oh…” Your fingertips were now lazily brushing the keyboard. A small pout forming on your mouth when you realized that he wouldn’t be dropping by. “Then I guess I follow your advice. I am tired tho.”

It felt like an awkward answer but you didn’t know how to continue the topic. Balancing the phone between your ear and shoulder, you began to organize the files and stacked them in a pile.

“You sad, baby?” He was now leaning on your window. His eyes wandered to your oversized shirt. It was the one he gave you when you two first made love.  “I’ll make it up to you.”

“It’s okay~ I understand.” You did. He was a pro and that came with the package. Hawks had always encouraged you to join his agency knowing your quirk was pretty powerful. Respecting that you wanted a lowkey life. “I just miss you, though.”

“I miss you too, love nugget.” He prepared his little surprise. “Well, I gotta do a final sweep. Get some sleep, okay?”

“Yes sir.” You replied as you placed your laptop on your desk. At least everything was now out of the way and you could finally sleep.

“I love you, my precious nugget.” Seeing you blush made him a little too excited.

“I love you too, oversized chicken man.” 

With that he ended the call. His eyes follow you. Just when you were wrapped up in your blanket he positioned his little instrument in his mouth. Inhaling he began to serenade you.

“BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZZZ BZZZZ~!” Hawks began to use his plastic kazoo.

You sat up from your comfortable bed. Eyes wide with the sudden noise. It seemed to be coming from your window. The sound did seem to have a melody into it, it just wasn’t clear. Standing up, you listened to the annoying kazoo being played.

Squinting your eyes, you tried to identify what song it was. You facepalmed at the realization that the song being badly played was none other than True by Spandau Ballet. Heading towards your window, you grinned like a small child. That chicken man always loved surprising you. When you opened your window, a bunch of his small feathers came raining down on you. 

“Makeshift rose petals, I presume?”

Now that your windows were open, the kazoo sound was even louder than before.

“BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ” Hawks proceeded to play. This time, he walked towards your window. Never in your life did you think a person playing a kazoo would look that sexy.

“This is new, even coming from you.” You commented while laughing. Your shoulders shaking at the scenery of your boyfriend serenading you at 3am.

Taking the instrument out of his mouth, he placed it back into his pocket. A smirk replacing it.

“Surprise~” Floating towards you, he held both your cheeks and kissed your lips deeply. Both of you smiling as your lips touch. “Did that impress you?”

Moving a bit, he pulled his wings together and entered your room. Stretching them out once more when he was finally inside. He opened his legs and you sat in between them. Hugging his waist as his wings enveloped your body.

“It woke me up, I’ll give you that.” You nuzzled your head on his stomach. His gloved hands running through your hair. Bending a little, he kissed the crown of your head.

“You don’t mind me crashing your place?” He lifted your chin with his index and thumb. His golden eyes glowed with the dim light of your room.

“You’re most welcome to crash.” You happily replied. Letting go of his waist, you stood up and went towards your closet and took some clothes for him to wear as he made his way towards the washroom to bathe. Having left the door open, you placed the clothes on the counter and went back to your bed.

By the time he was finished, you welcomed him with open arms as he crawled to the open space left for him. Positioning his wings in a comfortable manner, he hugged you tightly and used his wing as a blanket. Feeling you nuzzle on his neck made him feel relaxed after the rather long patrol.

“Shall we make some fried chicken tomorrow?” He asked. His voice soft and nothing more than a whisper.

“You know I have work tomorrow, Keigo.” You tightened your hold on him. Knowing it might be  awhile before you could feel his body again.

“Well… I managed to ask your boss a favor and because he’s a fan, he extended your deadline.” Your head jerked up and you stared into his eyes. They were tired but he was fighting the urge to sleep.

“Are you serious?”

“You’re all mine tomorrow, baby~” He leaned in to kiss your cheek. “I’ll help, don't worry.”

Resting your head back on his chest, you let out a sigh of relief. This was indeed one of the advantages of having a pro hero as a boyfriend. A huge weight had definitely been taken off your shoulders.

“You’re my hero.”

“I know.” He teased back followed by a soft snore.

[reginaofdoctorwho]

info for non musician writers

any fic writers who decide to do a musician au or band au or fuck, even high school band au or a character who plays an instrument even if it’s not important to the plot:

depending on the instrument, they will not have soft fingertips. if they do, they will get blisters from their instruments. this is mostly a string thing, but i’ve heard of it for people who play piano. musicians get fucking calluses, they have rough fingertips, and if they play a string instrument or even piano, they probably cannot have long nails. they might use fake nails if they don’t have to play for a while (days or weeks usually, good for break)

drummers who are good practice counting and rhythm for songs. they will not just “feel it” unless it’s jazz or they have been playing that song for a long time. even then they probably count along. actually, this goes for most musicians, but most of us are lazy if u have a solo or something you can get away with (or are encouraged) to just feel it out.

string players like violin, viola, cello, and bass have to use rosin with a bow. rosin’s made from tree sap, a bow is made from horse hair. some people are allergic to rosin, and get synthetic rosin, which u can actually get in different fun colors. rosin can also come in different shapes but will get worn down. also, rosin fucking shatters if u drop it. my stand partner bumped into our music stand while my rosin was resting on it, it fell, i got stuck using a chunk for weeks. ALSO, you can buy violins off Amazon, but they’re usually shit and crack almost instantly despite being $190. they do have pretty designs though. also, yes, we can play rock, and there are electric cellos, violas, violins, etc. they look pretty fucking cool. a string quartet is 2 violins, a cello, and a viola, no bass.

band is broken up into groups even in instruments. in an orchestra all violas play the same part, cellos, etc. the different one is violin, which will be 2 or sometimes 3 sections. with even a large band, almost every section will have people only doubling up on a part. ideal number for french horn is 4 people, idk for the rest of the instruments. also, everyone makes dirty jokes. with the whole blowing, tonguing, and fingering it’d be hard not to. Also, there are different types of tonguing. flutter tonguing is only possible if they can roll their r’s, but u can fake it and it’s hilarious. make something go wrong with percussionists. during one concert the person supposed to create the crash noise for the torpedo hitting the submarine panicked and forgot, the guy at triangle or whatever slammed it so there’d be something. it was fucking hilarious

if temperature/pressure/humidity changes, your instrument WILL go out of tune. badly. also if u drop it. if it’s metal that can also dent it. sometimes on brass instruments the soldering will have something go fucking wrong and it’ll produce a buzzing noise. that’s bad. bows also break if u don’t take care of them properly (loosening before putting away, dumb shit like bow fights that WILL happen) and don’t really work unless u tighten them before playing

on mouthpiece having instruments (you play them with ur mouth haha) u blow harder and faster to get higher notes. on string instruments there are different positions according to where the first finger is supposed to be, including half, first, second, etc. i’ve had to play up to seventh before.

with string instruments sometimes the string will “pop” when you tune it. which can mean it snaps and hits you in the face and gives you a welt or just goes very very loose. either way u have to replace the string. to tune a string instrument for ORCHESTRA u have pegs and fine tuners. fine tuners are for a little bit, pegs are for a lot and very easy to fuck up.

in band it really depends what instrument. some have u unscrew the mouthpiece or some shit, for some instruments u pull out valves. playing just the mouthpiece is practiced sometimes. on a brass instrument mouthpiece it sounds like an expensive kazoo

speaking of mouthpieces, u can get them in metal, plastic, or glass. metals include silver, nickel, and gold. not pure gold because it would fuck up because gold’s soft and your mouth is warm and pressing up against it and will misshape it. some instruments use wood.

some clarinet players stick orange peels in their cases to regulate it or some shit. i don’t remember, all i remember was being handed an orange every once in a while because i could peel it in one piece. i don’t play clarinet. i don’t know why this was.

i am so willing to tell more

[the-soupiest-artist]

3, 28 and 35 for the three of them! :^3c

HELLO!! IT YOU!! Omg ty so much for submitting an ask!! :0

Separated by character to make reading a bit easier UwU💖

A/N: Again based on Castillion/Ersailles in the cannon Arcanaverse (making an acception for question #28) (Also Ray and Seb aren’t as developed as Lyra is, I have rped with her the most, so answers might not be a refined as you hoped?? If you have any further questions or inquiries feel free to dm me!!💝)

3 has been answered already here for all three!!

Raymond 🎼

28. If your character was in today’s world, what social media platforms would they avoid? Or be prominent on?

Wattpad is #1 on Raymond’s list for places to avoid due to the fact that during research for a school project he accidentally stumbled upon some smut of Beethoven x Mozart and Raymond was horrified. Not at the smut, but just how badly written it was. Raymond would probably post original sample songs on TicTok a lot. He would even help other musicians on the platform develop their skills in playing all kinds of instruments. (Including the kazoo). He has Facebook and Instagram for family and business things.

More under the cut 💝

35. What attracts your character to another person? What kind of person do they do for?

Raymond is a very kind and complimenting person. He’s so genuinely nice, that he’ll accidentally lead people on without even meaning too. He easily tells his friends that he loves them dearly, he even does this to acquaintances. It’s not until a “love triangle dispute” breaks out that Raymond has to hold up his hands and tell the group (yes GROUP, it’s mostly groups of people who confront him) that he thinks their all wonderful people but he’s not interested in courting. Raymond first of all isn’t a fan of love at first sight. He really wants to befriend a person he’s interested in before letting the lovey dovey feelings take over. Music is a sure gateway into his heart hands down. If someone hes interested in simply even mentions the fact that they will sing/perform for him he will fall in love 10000000 times quicker. When Raymond does find someone attractive and starts feeling things he won’t hesitate in his plans to woo them. He looks for the little details of a person as well, like how someone will scrunch up their nose when their thinking, or hum a certain way when they do dishes, it’s little unique things like that Raymond loves and appreciates in his partners. And you bet your ass he will comment on them just to see them stop and think, especially if it’s something his S/O hasn’t noticed about themself before. (He is However occasionally oblivious to receiving attention from whomever he does have feelings for). He’ll write poetry, songs, operas, hec even a full on concert just based on how wonderful he thinks a certain suitor is. (Raymond is also a switch)

Sébastien ;)

28. If your character was in today’s world, what social media platforms would they avoid? Or be prominent on?

Sèbastien’s job in some modern!AUs is centered around fashion blogging. So straying away from pretty much any kind of social media is something he wouldn’t do. However I think he would be most active on Instagram. That is where his following would mostly flock from.

35. What attracts your character to another person? What kind of person do they do for?

Sèbastien is a hoe. He sees anyone he remotely likes and he will make a move. It could by by a simple comment, or even the way they look. If Sèbastien’s head says “this person is wonderful I must bed them.” Then he will make every effort too, but he won’t cross any lines ever if the person truly isn’t interested. However Sèbastien catches feelings quick and easily. Which scares 90% of his LIs off because they’re just wanting one night stands, and those that do want to stay with him end up getting scared by how clingy he is, and by all of the gift giving he’s prone to do. It is the people who choose to stay, that really makes the difference in Sèbastien. Those are the lovers he treasures. He is absolutely more of an “act now think later” kind of person when it comes to love in general. When there is someone Sèbastien is interested in, and he his making a conscious choice to be a gentleman, it’s not based on his own selfish wants to get sex out of them, but it’s because he respects the person he wants to/or currently is courting. He knows relationships are give and take. Sèbastien will put in the work of dating, he’s a master at romance. (Like a true hoe, Sèbastien is a switch)

Lyra *~.

28. If your character was in today’s world, what social media platforms would they avoid? Or be prominent on?

Lyra isn’t really all that much of a fan of social media, or even her own phone for that matter. She’d much rather enjoy moments as they come in the real world rather than scroll through social media. She pretty much only has Instagram for her dance career (and also because Sèbastien set her up with one).

35. What attracts your character to another person? What kind of person do they do for?

Lyra believes herself to be a hopeless romantic. She is totally convinced that she will die alone and she is perfectly fine with it. Physical attraction comes after knowing the character and contents of the person’s mind, and what makes them...well...them. Lyra will always end up falling in love with the friends she had made that is a fact. (I’ve done a lot of rps with Lyra with so many diverse Ocs, most of whom belong to dear friends.So it’s hard to say what exactly she looks for in a partner, but here are some things that seem to work well in the rps I’ve done in the past.) She tends to fall for the friends who appreciate her talents/hobbies and value her as a person. For some reason as well, (I honestly don’t know why) Lyra also tends to fall for people with troubled pasts. Lyra wants to help them find healing, and it is often through that journey that Lyra catches the feelies. When Lyra does start to have the feely feelies, she will deny it to herself. Giving her a million and one reasons as to why someone as amazing as the person she’s simping after would never want to be with a girl like her. However her mind will wander if she’s spending time with the person and she’s having a quiet moment with them. She’ll watch the way they laugh, or simply how they just exist. She’ll think on all the things she loves about them, and then she’ll snap herself out of her staring and her pale face will bloom into a red blush. (Also any physical actions made towards her by that person will be met with a blush fest and possibly some nervous stuttering, which is something said person had never seen prior to the feelings getting caught) (Lyra is a submissive babe...and I love her TvT)

Thank you oh so much for the ask I really do appreciate it!! (This is your daily reminder that I love your ocs 😳💝)

[hugging-jjba-characters]

Giorno

The hotel room the entire gang found themselves in was rather snug for the bunch of you, but you paid no mind.

You sat on the chair next to the window, staring out at the landscape as Narancia and Fugo argued about math at the hotel’s kitchen table.

Mista was out getting some snacks somewhere and Abbacchio was taking a nap on one of the queen beds, his eyes covered with an eye mask as he snored.

You noticed Bucciarati was sketching something on the hotel’s complementary notepad, but didn’t care to ask.

Giorno was sitting on the vacant queen bed, his eyes scanning through the hotel pamphlet.

You went to close your eyes, planning on following Abbacchio’s lead, when Bucciarati spoke up. “Are you busy?”

You looked towards him. “No, do you need me for something?”

He nodded. “You too, Giorno.”

Giorno set the pamphlet next to him, hopping off the bed. “Yeah?”

Bucciarati stood up, grasping your hands as he positioned you to lean against the window sill. He moved Giorno next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

Bucciarati took your hands once more, placing them around Giorno’s neck.

“Now stay there. I’d like to practice sketching while we have free-time.”

Your cheeks went red. You were staring directly into Giorno’s eyes, the turquoise within them keeping your gaze.

You said nothing, though you heard Narancia snickering in the background. Fugo shut him up with a smack across the head.

‘What the hell is happening?’ you thought. Bucciarati hadn’t shown any interest in the arts before, but now he’s suddenly in need of two models?

Deciding not to question the leader of your gang of misfit orphans, you remained still, your heart beat escalating the longer you stood.

Giorno cut the silence. “What’s happening,” he whispered to you, the sound making you shiver. 

‘He’s so close to me,’ you thought. 

“I don’t know,” you responded. “I’m sorry.”

He lightly squeezed your waist. “For what?”

“Being in this situation with me.”

He shot you a soft smile. “I wouldn’t want anyone else.” He looked shocked at his own words. “I mean-- What I meant--”

You hushed him. “No, I understand.”

With that, you two remained quiet for the next hour. During that time, Mista barged in loaded with sugary drinks and treats, though a glare from Abbacchio from behind his lifted up mask silenced any comments.

When Bucciarati finally announced he was done, the two of you slowly broke the embrace, you stepping back to sit back down in your chair. Giorno remained standing.

“Can we see?” you prompted.

Bucciarati nodded, flipping the notepad around. Two badly drawn forms were sketched out, obviously made to look awful on purpose. He flashed both of you a soft smile, though mischief sparkled in his eyes. “How’d I do?”

“I, uhh,” Giorno started, but you cut him off.

“What was the point of that? I’m now stiff from standing and all you wanted to do was draw whatever the hell that is?”

You went to approach him, but Giorno threw an arm out, stopping you. 

Bucciarati set the notepad down, standing from his seat. “I will be back. I’m going to get some more pens to sketch with.” He walked out the door, closing it behind him.

As soon as he left, Narancia piped up. “Ha! He played you two like a kazoo!”

“Shut up and answer the math problem,” berated Fugo.

Mista, who had been sitting on the floor and stuffing his and his stands’ faces with food, spoke. “I think he sensed the tension between you two and wanted to do something about it.”

You huffed, crossing your arms. “I don’t care what his goal was. I’m never doing that again.” You caught the falling of Giorno’s expression. “I mean, I’m not doing that if he says to, but, umm…”

You trailed off, unsure of where to go.

“Will you two shut up and cut the tension,” grumbled Abbacchio. “I’m sick of it.”

Giorno sat back on the bed and picked up the pamphlet once more. You caught his eye and he gestured ever-so-slightly next to him.

You examined the room, making sure nobody was watching, then slowly creeped over to sit next to him. 

You glanced over at what he was reading, but didn’t really care enough to read it.

“I care about you,” he suddenly spoke, catching you off guard. “I think Bucciarati was just trying to help me say that.”

“I care about you too, Giogio,” you replied, leaning your head against his shoulders. ”I just didn’t want to make it awkward.”

He didn’t respond, but his arm went around your shoulder, pulling you closer. You let out a soft sigh.

‘Thanks, Bucciarati,’ you thought. ‘Even though your drawing still sucked ass.’ 

[violetwolfraven]

Plumber

I have noticed that there is a chronic shortage of newsbians in this fandom and also a shortage of appreciation for Katherine or Sarah in general, so here goes nothing with some newsbians angst that nobody asked for. Modern AU if that wasn’t obvious.

...

Sarah Jacobs considered herself to be a pretty smart person. After all, not just everyone could pull off memorizing all her lines for the school play within the first week, all AP classes, and out-debate her twin brother (who happened to be a genius) on a daily basis.

Which was why it was so significant that she was going 15 mph over the speed limit just after midnight on fucking Halloween night.

Because Sarah was smart, and doing that was dumb, and normally, she would not be one to do dumb things.

All she really knew was that Jack had called Davey, told him to put him on speaker phone, and then said something in a 100% serious voice, which, for Jack Kelly, was rare. Jack nearly always joked around and smiled even if he didn’t actually feel like joking around or smiling, so if he wasn’t, that meant that something was bad. As in, ‘someone is dead or seriously hurt bad.’

“Sarah’s there, right? Good. You both need to get to my house right now. It’s Katherine.”

They’d gotten in their shared car right away and started driving. Davey had texted their mom when they were already halfway out of their neighborhood.

Sarah was trying to focus on the road and think of what she knew.

Kath wasn’t dead. If she was, Jack would have been crying.

Kath wasn’t too badly hurt. If she was, Jack would have told them to meet him at the hospital.

That was all she really knew. And that left a lot of possibilities that Sarah really didn’t need to think about.

Jack’s house was normally 20 minutes away. Thanks to Sarah’s manic driving, the Jacobs twins got there in just under 15.

Race, one of Jack’s three younger adoptive brothers, was waiting on the porch, uncharacteristically serious.

Sarah wanted to ask, but it was like her voice was stuck in her throat.

“Talk to us, Racer,” Davey said immediately, “How bad is it?”

“It’s bad,” Race said grimly, “Have you ever seen Kath cry? Ever?”

“No,” Davey muttered. Sarah could only shake her head.

Katherine Pulitzer was one of the strongest people she knew. It was one of the things that had made Sarah fall in love with her.

“Yeah, I’s known her since 6th grade and I haven’t, either. But she’s cryin’, now. A lot.”

“What happened?” Sarah asked, finally finding her voice, “Is she alright?”

Race sighed, “That depends on your definition of ‘alright,’ but physically, she’s fine.”

Sarah and Davey exhaled in relief. It was probably not the best time to run off on random trains of thought, but it was when they did things like this that made Sarah note how much body language they really shared.

“Her parents kicked her out.”

“What?!” Sarah exclaimed.

“They found out about you and her and kicked her out. She’s—“

Sarah wasn’t listening anymore. She was just moving past Race, opening the door to the Larkin house and running down the hallway where—

Where Katherine was sitting on the couch, crying on Jack’s shoulder as he tried in vain to comfort her.

Jack looked up and saw her, “Saz, thank God! Kath, look, it’s Sarah.”

Sarah fought the urge to vault over the back of the couch, walking around it instead to put her arms around her girlfriend, “Shh, Kitty, it’s...”

Only Sarah was allowed to call Katherine ‘Kitty.’

And she really wished she could say it was okay, but it wasn’t. This was a circumstance that every gay kid had nightmares of.

Damn. Sarah hadn’t thought it would happen to anyone in their friend group.

“Oh, you’re both here, already. Good.”

Sarah tried to pay attention to what Medda was saying while simultaneously comforting her girlfriend.

“I’ve already got Crutchie, Racetrack, and Romeo helping me clean out our guest room,” she said, “And Katherine, kiddo, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want. Sarah, I can see you’re needed here, so Davey, why don’t you make a grocery list? You’re the only boy who lives with a girl.”

Jack moved to stand up, “Should I help—“

Kath grabbed his arm, pulling him down next to her again and he stopped.

While Sarah was her girlfriend, Jack was probably her oldest friend. He was kind of the dad friend of the group, the one who always took care of everyone. Sarah didn’t blame her for wanting to keep him close.

“Okay,” he said quietly, sitting back down, “I’ll stay.”

“What do you... already have?” Davey asked hesitantly, but Kath was still crying too hard to answer.

“She didn’t get to bring more than a couple outfits and a toothbrush,” Medda said.

Though her tone was fairly calm, Sarah could read anger in her as clear as day; the rage of a mother who couldn’t understand disowning your child for something they couldn’t control.

Sarah was angry, too, and she let her arms around Kath tighten a bit.

Davey nodded, “Okay. It’s gonna be okay, Kath. I think I know what you should need.”

He sat down at the table to start on the grocery list as Medda went to go back to cleaning out the guest room.

Sarah had to admit, she didn’t have much experience in comforting crying people. She knew that her good friend, Spot, often came to her with issues, (and she came to him with her own in return) but he wasn’t the crying type.

She hated how Jack and Davey were the ones doing most of the comforting, since she didn’t know how, as the former sat beside her and the latter crouched in front of her, both talking in calming tones as Sarah just hugged her girlfriend and tried to think of something to say.

Kath was calming down, but only marginally. It might be okay to try to distract her at this point.

“Do you want to just let it all out?” she asked quietly, “Or should I put on a movie or something?”

Kath didn’t respond for a second.

“Kitty, I need you to tell me what you want.”

Kath took a shaky breath and managed to half-sob out an answer, “A movie sounds good.”

“Okay,” Jack said, “How ‘bout I put one in, and Saz can stay here with you, okay?”

Katherine nodded, still shaking a little.

Jack got off the couch and started up the DVD player.

“You need to join the 21st Century and get a streaming service or two, Kelly,” Sarah teased, figuring normalcy would probably be good.

“Fuck you, Jacobs. DVD players were our childhood.”

“Yeah. Were. And now they’re becoming obsolete.”

“Should we watch the Greatest Showman or Moana?”

“The fact that you’re changing the subject tells me I won.”

“Sarah,” Davey said reproachfully as he settled on the couch, leaving space for his boyfriend, “Jack. I love you both, but please shut the fuck up and pick a damn movie. They’re terrible, aren’t they, Kath? Why do we even keep them around?”

Kath shrugged, laughing a laugh that was still halfway crying.

“Fine,” Sarah said, “The Greatest Showman. It’s a great musical and I think we all need those kinds of vibes right now.”

“I can get behind that,” Jack said, putting the DVD in.

Katherine wasn’t crying anymore, just cuddling into Sarah’s side, by the end of A Million Dreams.

“Guest room is all cleaned out when you’re ready, Katherine,” Medda said, coming in, “And I’m going to make this clear right now that you’re welcome to stay as long as you want, either until your parents get their heads out of their butts or for forever. I’ve actually been thinking about taking in another kid, given that my boys are all big enough not to need so much attention anymore, and I’m more than happy to make that kid you if you’d be alright with that.”

Kath blinked, startled, “Th... thank you.”

“I’m gonna go to bed, unless you need me, sweetie..?”

“No thanks, Medda. I’m okay.”

“Boys?”

“We’re good, Mama,” Jack said with a tired smile.

“Okay, then. Try to get some sleep tonight.”

“We will, Mama.”

“Our mom said we can stay the night, so I’ll make sure they do,” Davey said.

“Of course you will, Davey. Good night, kids.”

Crutchie and Race came in as Medda left.

“Race and I are gonna run to the store,” Crutchie said, “Davey, got that grocery list?”

“Isn’t it like 1:00 AM?” Kath pointed out.

Race shrugged, “I knows places that should be open. We can probably find most of everythin’ on the list tonight.”

“We probably ain’t gonna sleep tonight, anyway, so might as well be productive about it,” Crutchie agreed.

“Grocery list is on the counter,” Davey called from where he was cuddling with Jack on the opposite end of the couch from Kath and Sarah. Romeo came and cuddled into Jack’s other side, though the youngest Larkin brother looked half-asleep.

“Great,” Crutchie said, glancing at the list as he grabbed the keys to Jack’s car, “Jack, we’re borrowin’ your car.”

Race saluted over his shoulder, putting that godforsaken kazoo he always seemed to have in his mouth as he and his big brother left.

From there, Sarah tried to just focus on cuddling with her girlfriend and watching the movie, but the next time she looked over to check on the boys, all three were asleep.

So much for Davey making sure we all get some sleep.

Katherine followed her gaze, seeing them curled up together, Jack’s head on Davey’s shoulder with Romeo sprawled across their laps.

Sarah saw her smile a bit at how cute they were.

Oh, well. She was relatively stable, now. It was as good a time as any ever would be.

“Do you want to talk?” Sarah asked softly, trying not to wake the boys.

Zac Efron and Zendaya finished up their duet on the tv before Kath responded.

She sighed, “I saw it coming. I knew it would happen if they ever... when they found out.”

“You never told me.”

“I didn’t want to worry you. You’ve got enough on your plate as it is.”

Sarah groaned, still trying to stay quiet, “Not this again.”

Katherine had a tendency not to share her problems with anyone. She had an issue with thinking that just because she was privileged, her feelings didn’t matter.

And yeah, Kath had never had to deal with physical abuse. She was white and wasn’t especially obvious in being a lesbian, and her family was well enough off that she’d never had to worry about money. Growing up, she’d had pretty much anything she wanted.

But she’d been walking on eggshells with her parents for years. Her crushes weren’t the only things she’d had to keep secret. They had never supported her as a writer or in anything.

And it wasn’t like mental illness gave a damn how many advantages you had in life, anyway.

“They called me slurs tonight,” Kath said softly, “I think my mom looked up lesbian slurs specifically to use today. That’s why I didn’t pack everything I needed. I couldn’t stay in that house any longer. I just stuffed what I could in my backpack and got in my car and drove.”

“They don’t deserve you,” Sarah said forcefully, “Fuck your parents, Kitty.”

A smile flickered across Katherine’s face, “Thanks, I guess.”

Sarah sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m just... angry. I... I can’t even imagine. I was scared when Davey and I decided to come out, but I can’t imagine what I would have done if our parents hadn’t been supportive.”

“I can,” Kath said, quietly but confidently, “The Jacobs twins would’ve joined forces to verbally obliterate them, then came here, like I did.”

“So, you verbally obliterated your parents?”

Kath’s smile dropped, “No. I... I couldn’t. I’ve never been good at pulling arguments out of thin air. I need to write them down first, and... well, Mom and Dad didn’t give me a chance to.”

“That’s okay. Write an article on unsupportive parents and put it in the school paper.”

“Ah, yes. That’ll solve all my problems.”

Sarah sighed. She knew it couldn’t. No article could make Katherine’s parents stop being pieces of shit. They’d made their choice, and nothing could fix this.

“Should I have come to your house?”

Sarah thought about it, then slowly shook her head, “No. We don’t have a guest room and our couch isn’t big enough. My parents wouldn’t trust you to sleep in the same room as me, so they’d probably have you bunk with Davey. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

At that, Kath laughed quietly, and Sarah wished she could take away the pain hiding behind that smile.

When it faded, she could see that she wanted to say something, but was gathering strength to get her point across.

“I’m going to change my name.”

“Okay... that seems like a decision for tomorrow morning.”

“I’ve thought about it before, Saz. I think I would have done it when I moved out, even if this didn’t happen. My father is a terrible person and my mother is complacent. If I keep their name, I’m always going to be saddled with their legacy.”

“Okay,” Sarah nodded, “Yeah.”

“Do you think it’s crazy?”

“No. I still think you should think critically about it after a night of sleep, but if you don’t want that name, you should get rid of it. What would you change it to?”

Katherine shrugged, “Probably a bit early to change it to Jacobs.”

Sarah froze.

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry. That was inappropriate. Saz, I—“

“Katherine, you smooth motherfucker.”

At that, they both had to try to keep their laughter quiet so as not to wake the boys.

“Seriously, though, what’ll you change it to?” Sarah asked, “I mean, I’m sure you could go with Larkin, if you wanted to. Medda seems pretty ready to adopt you.”

Katherine shook her head, “No. I mean, Medda has done a lot for me, even before this—being the mother of four of my best friends and really the only supportive adult in my life—but I don’t see her as my mom.”

“Kelly, then? Jack and Davey have practically adopted everyone else in our friend group who needed parenting.”

Kath laughed, “Katherine Kelly? No. Alliteration looks bad on paper.”

“It literally does not, but okay, I guess.”

“It does to me.”

“You’re a writer, Kitty. You know how good of a literary device alliteration is.”

Katherine shrugged, “I still don’t particularly feel like using it in my name. But... how does Katherine Plumber sound?”

“It sounds fine,” Sarah said, “Why Plumber, though?”

Katherine shrugged, “It’s close enough that I won’t forget to answer to it. Is that a dumb reason to choose a name?”

“You should give it some more thought in the morning,” Sarah admitted, “But no. You came up with it. That makes it yours, and...”

Sarah leaned in a little closer, smiling a bit at how Kath didn’t pull away.

“I love you no matter what your name is, Katherine Plumber.”

“I love you, too, Sarah Jacobs.”

The kiss they shared was quick but soft, and when they were done, Kath cuddled a little more into Sarah’s side so they could finish the movie.

Maybe they fell asleep before it ended. But that was okay.

[mothers-little-pistols]

Incorrect Quote Dump (1/?)

Warning, this post is so fucking long.

Thrill, writing in his diary: February twenty-eighth, 2020. Today I watched a crewmate fall and eat shit.

[][][][][]

Widow: GO TO BED! Kit: NO! Widow: JUST GO TO BED! IT'S TWO AM AND YOU CAN'T BE AWAKE THIS LATE IN THE ZONES! Kit: WATCH ME!

[][][][][]

Ghoul: So you all fucked up pretty badly. Good luck finding new tires for this thing. Kit: *scoff* I think the ones we have are fine for at least another fourty miles. Ghoul: *pointing to the blown-out tires that have all but shredded off the rims* You fucking fubar'd the tires on this and you think it can go for another fourty miles!? Toxin: *cackles* Kit: You both shut up.

[][][][][]

Jet: Wait a minute. Jet: Share...skill... Jet: *inhales* AA-

[][][][][]

Poison: So what exactly do you and your little band of assholes do? Kit: *looking at the chaos that is the Pistols* Tss...ooh...hard question...auh...?

[][][][][]

*after they find the Zone Four motel* Kit: *enjoying a cold shower for the first time in a while* Poison: *opens the door and walks in* Kit: Who the fuck's there? Poison: It's me, I have to piss. Kit: Ok, you do that. Try anything and I'll shoot you though. Poison: Whatever. *silence* Kit: Flush that toilet and I'll shoot you. *silence* *toilet flushes* Kit: *is sprayed with boiling hot water* POISON-

[][][][][]

Thrill: I am your God now! Bring me your virgins! Ghoul: What virgins? We're all sluts here. Jet: Who's 'we'? Ghoul: *points at Poison* Poison: Hey!

[][][][][]

Kobra: So what are we doing out here exactly? Poison: Kit wanted us to find something called the... Poison: *takes off glove and looks at smudged writing on hand* Poison: ‘ Hellements of Armony’.

[][][][][]

Toxin: *scurrying through The Zones* Squeedly-dee, stay out of the desert!

[][][][][]

Widow: So, ok, I go over to Poison's room. Here I was expecting their PC to have burned down because of all the decomposing moth carcasses in their CPU fan. But no. I was not that lucky.

[][][][][]

Kit: *drunk and draping herself into Kobra's arms* Oh doctor! What's the diagnosis? Kobra: *sighing and playing along* You're horny for Poison... Kit: Oh my! Horny for Poison, you say? Well, do you have a cure? Kobra: *dropping her and walking away* Yeah, leaving me the fuck out of this.

[][][][][]

Poison: *obviously drunk* BATTERY CITY! CAN SUCK! MY! D- Kobra: *slaps his hand over their mouth* And that's enough tequila for you. Poison: *muffled* LET ME SPEAK!

[][][][][]

Widow: Thots on Val Velocity? Poison: So Val has thots now. Kit: Crawling all over him like weevils. Jet: I think they're the Ultra Vs, actually.

[][][][][]

Widow: Why don't you listen to Cherri Cola's Poetry Corner and maybe you'll calm down.

[][][][][]

Poison: *is fucking dead* Thrill: Thrill: Wake up, piss boy.

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Toxin: Are you fucking stupid? Kit: How long have you been friends with me? Toxin: Three years? Kit: Am I stupid, Tox? Toxin: Maybe a little bit. Kit: It's ok, you can call me an idiot. Toxin: Yeah, you're a fucking dumbass.

[][][][][]

Widow: *after settling an argument* Court dismissed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

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Poison: Hold on. Poison: *leaves the motel and stands outside* Poison: *SCREAMS* Kit: Kit: I'm fucking that.

[][][][][]

Poison: FOR THE LAST TIME! Poison: STOP CALLING ME 'PISS JACKET'! Ghoul: IT SMELLS LIKE PISS! Poison: IT'S COLOGNE! Jet: Are you sure though? Poison: Ghoul: Jet: Poison: Fuck yourself.

[][][][][]

Kobra: Hey, Poison, check this out. Poison: *fiddling with their raygun* Hang on, I'm busy. Kobra: Hey, look at me. Poison: Give me a second. Kobra: I'm more important, give me attention. Poison: I said give me a God damn second. Kobra: I'm getting very upset. Poison: I don't give a fuck how upset you are. I said give me a second. Poison: *puts their raygun down* Hello, what is it? Kobra: *points to his helmet upside down on top of his head* I can balance a helmet on my head.

[][][][][]

Poison: *standing in Kit's doorway* I'm sad, can I lay on your floor for a sec?

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Jet: *standing outside* Don't you come in this room, Korse, I will dust your ass.

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Thrill: Party Piss Jacket Peepee Pants Penishead Poison, will you please come here? Poison: *>:(*

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Widow: Can I ask you something? Kit: What's good? Widow: Why are you such a whore? Kit: Drive sidestreet and get dusted.

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Kit: *yelling into the other room* Jet! Jet Star! Jet: *doesn't respond*  Kit: Destroya damnit. Thrill: JETTY! Jet: *looks up* What? Kit: You wanna get food? Jet: Huh? Kit: Do you wanna obtain edible substances? Jet: What? Thrill: YOU WANT FOOD!? Jet: Oh, yeah, I do! Kit: Then come outside, there's an angel cake in the next Zone over! Jet: Make me. Thrill: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET FOOD! Jet: Alright.

[][][][][]

Thrill: *flipping Kit off with both hands* Kit: Thanks, Thrill! *:D* Thrill: Fuck you! *:D*

[][][][][]

Ghoul: They broke it, they blew up the school, they own a trenchcoat, they have a gun- Poison: This started about Diamond accidentally stepping on my headphones.

[][][][][]

Kobra: I overheard Poison yelling at Toxin about banana bread and something about 'I've made a shitload of banana bread, don't you dare put that much sugar in it, it'll be grainy as shit-' Thrill: I think we should regulate humans...with guns...

[][][][][]

Toxin: Skibidefuck!

[][][][][]

Kobra: *takes off his helmet* Toxin: He looks like a baby. He looks like a literal infant. I wanna caress his cheek and put him in a crib and sing him lullabies. FF and MLP: Toxin, what the f u c k?

[][][][][]

Kobra: No one here is gonna make fun of you. Except he might. Ghoul: Yeah, I might.

[][][][][]

Pony: *tries to create a sense of calm by lighting incense only to discover that the sticks were sparklers* Widow: That's painfully on-brand, actually.

[][][][][]

The Girl: *whispering into walkie talkie* Poison, the Pistols are drinking beer, I need you to come pick me up-

[][][][][]

Ghoul: Hey Poison, do you think I can get this egg into that jar without it cracking? Poison: No. Ghoul: *throws it at Kobra* Guess you were right.

[][][][][]

Toxin: Dude, I thought you could do a kickflip. Ghoul: I can! I can! I did one this morning!

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Val: Hey Vaya, do you have any gum? Vaya: *spits their gum out at him* Val: *blinks* Ok then- Vamos, do you have any gum? Vamos: *spits their gum out at him*

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Kit: *walking into Ghoul's room* Hey Toxin, Ghoul- Oh, you guys are doing dress rehearsal. Shiny. Auh, I'm gonna go to Tommy Chow Mein's shop real quick, you guys need anything? Hair dye, Power Pup?

[][][][][]

Widow: *holding up a jack-o-lantern* I made a goblin, what'd you guys make? Toxin: *holding her pumpkin turned into a bong* I made a kick-ass bong. Widow: ...creative! Diamond: *cutting a hole in theirs* I'm gonna fuck this pumpkin.

[][][][][]

Ghoul: *looking through a telescope* I love this Zone! Widow and Kit: *play wrestling in the dirt* Poison: Lemme see- *looks through telescope in the other direction* Kobra and Toxin: *fucking on the hood of the M240* Poison: Gorgeous.

[][][][][]

Diamond: *has been staring at the same ray gun for the past thirty minutes* Tommy Chow Mein: Buy something or fuck off.

[][][][][]

Val: Hey guys. Good alternative recycling; when you're done with a glass bottle, eat it. Fucking eat the bottle.

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Kobra: *reading sign outside the shower* No shoes, no shirt, no pants, no socks, no underwear. Kobra: Ok, I think I'm good. *gets in*

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Widow: Look at the buns on that guy. Jet: *laying on the ground covered in burger buns* Korse: This is the comedy police, the joke's too funny! Widow: *holding her ray gun* I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THE ICEBOX-

[][][][][]

Jet: *while he's in tears* It's a mental break down... Jet: *plays kazoo to the tune of Final Countdown*

[][][][][]

Dr. Death Defying: What'cha doing on the roof, Tommy? Tommy Chow Mein: *on the roof of his shop* I lost a frisbee. Dr. Death Defying: Are you smoking battery acid up there? Tommy Chow Mein: ...yeah.

[][][][][]

Pony: Keep drinking, Val, don't be boring! God! Pony: *to Diamond* I want him to fucking pass out so someone finally notices me.

[][][][][]

Poison: *wearing the Mousekat head while they’re standing in the empty hotel pool* Thrill: What the fuck? There's a furry in the pool. Poison: *raises their ray gun* Thrill: AA-

[][][][][]

Ghoul: *sliding into the trans-AM* What's up, pussy? Poison: How do you know what I ate yesterday? Ghoul: Poison: Ghoul: Yeah, you right. Poison: *starts the car* Mhm.

[][][][][]

Poison: *driving* Diamond: *in the backseat* POISON! Poison: Yep-? Yeah-?? Diamond: *pointing out the back window* LOOK! *there's a car full of Draculoids on their tail* Poison: OH! OH FUCK! floors it NO, NO, NO, NO! NO-

[][][][][]

Val: *lays on the floor* Ooh, I'm exhausted. Thrill: Yeah, you're really sweaty. Val: You should've seen the other guy- Girl- Your mom- What? Thrill: What? Val: What?

[][][][][]

Dr. Death Defying: *coming in at three AM over the radio* Stop it. Get some help.

[][][][][]

Jet: I'm gonna tell you what I don't do. I don't know shit, I don't get stuff, and I don't understand things.

[][][][][]

Thrill: So you'll do it? Kit: Yeah, man, I'll dust him. Thrill: For how much? Kit: How about thirty? Thrill: Thirty thousand carbons? Kit: *spits out drink*

[][][][][]

Widow: Can you sing the song? Dr. Death Defying: *singing* Shut the fuck and go to sleep- Widow: Thanks *:>*

[][][][][]

Toxin: *wielding a water gun* Put the carbons in the bag, right now- Tommy Chow Mein: That's a water gun. Toxin: *throws it at him* Tommy Chow Mein: Ow! Fine, asshole, just take it-

[][][][][]

Val: *walking out of the V's hideout* Last one out is a stupid idiot! The V's: *have been standing outside for the past hour*

[][][][][]

*before they got with the Pistols* Tommy Chow Mein: *over the loudspeaker* Would the owner of the lime green Honda please come to the front desk. Diamond: *walking over* Are my lights on? Tommy Chow Mein: No, I just wanted to see what you looked like. Your car's fucking ugly.

[][][][][]

Poison: You ready for the best night ever? Widow: You mean sleepy time tea and a good night's sleep? Poison: ...we're going to a Mad Gear concert. Widow: ...I already made the tea.

[][][][][]

Dr. Death Defying: *over the loudspeaker* Attention shoppers, our store closes in ten fucking minutes. Get your shit and let's fucking go. Tommy Chow Mein: *distantly* Hey, you don't fucking work here-

[][][][][]

Diamond: Pony is so annoying. Pony: *outside the window of their room* I heard you were talking shit about me- Diamond: WE ARE ON THE THIRD FLOOR-

[][][][][]

Toxin: 'Tommy Chow Mein' is short for 'Thomas Chowder Mainstreet'. Tommy Chow Mein: Get the fuck out.

[][][][][]

Diamond: *a sand pup* What up? I'm Diamond, I'm nineteen, and I never fuckin' learned how to read.

[][][][][]

Ghoul: *looms over Diamond* Diamond: *looks up from writing in a notebook* Ghoul: Diamond: Ghoul: Diamond: Diamond: I'm writing porn, what the fuck do you want? Ghoul: *loses it and fucks off*

[][][][][]

*at dinner* Jet: Short-ass. Poison: Cuck. Jet: Fuck you. Poison: No, fuck you. Jet: Eat shit and live. Poison: You look like you bite deodorant sticks. Jet: *holds up bowl* I will cut your hair to look like this. Poison: GHOUL, HE THREATENED ME-

[][][][][]

Val: *wild cackling* I GOT ANOTHER HEADSHOT! *cackling continues*

[][][][][]

Toxin: Oh Destroya. You don't think- Ghoul: By the way it's looking, Tox, I'd say Val's a dirty... Toxin: Oh Destroya- Ghoul: Collectivizing... Toxin: No- Ghoul: Gemini. Toxin: GEMINI! GEMINI! Ghoul: Yeah, go get him, Toxin! Toxin: REEEE- *runs in Val's direction* *screaming*

[][][][][]

Toxin: *holding her pet possum* Yeah, and spray him down with that shit in the bottle there. Kobra: *reading the label* For fleas and ticks, huh? Ghoul: *starts laughing in the distance* I'm sorry, for a sec I thought you said 'fleas and piss'! *laughter continues*  Thrill: We could get some of that for Poison then! *laughs* Toxin: *quietly* Party 'Piss Jacket' Poison.

[][][][][]

Diamond: *walking down to the kitchen* Fuck it, I'm hungry enough that I'll eat the stale cereal. Jet: It's five AM, also that cereal is beyond fucking stale. Diamond: *disappearing into the kitchen* I'll probably hate myself afterwards but, eh, am hungy.

[][][][][]

Widow: Kit, I think your dress rehearsal partner is gonna slap me. Kit: ...I'm sorry? I can't really stop 'em. Poison: *raises hand* Widow: AA-

[][][][][]

Kobra: It's almost six in the morning. What the fuck? Jet: Hi, almost six in the morning. I'm dead. Kobra: *-_-* Kobra: *0_0*

[][][][][]

*in the Nest* Val: *sits down with a can of Power Pup* Toxin: You happy? Val: Mhm. Toxin: Good. Your happiness distracts from the fact that I poisoned that Power Pup. Val: Good. I don't like my foods unpoisoned.

[][][][][]

Vaya: *eating a piece of bread* This bread is, like, on the precipice of being stale. Vamos: That sucks. Vaya: Yeah. Vamos: I wouldn't be too happy. Vaya: Yeah, it's the worst snack I've had the misfortune of eating. Vamos: Then stop? Vaya: No, I hate myself and therefore I'm gonna finish it. Also Val would kick my ass if I wasted food. Val: *from the next room* I would! Vaya: See? Vamos: Fine, finish your fuckin' bread.

[][][][][]

Thrill: You- You've been- Been- You've been- You've been hit with a distraction spell. Thrill: *punches Val in the thigh* Val: OW, YOU FUCKER- Thrill: *gets up and runs*

[][][][][]

Val: *opens pack of fruit snacks with teeth* Poison: *intense stare* Val: ...what? Poison: *points at fruit snacks* Val: No. Mine. Poison: I will fucking dismember you, give them to me.

[][][][][]

Ghoul: I don't see how you can sleep with that fucking blanket. I tried to once and it was so fucking hot. It also weighs more than me, probably. Poison: *curled up in a blanket* It's not my fault you're cold-blooded. Ghoul: *hisses* Jet: What'd you say about the cold-blooded? Poison: I was talking about Ghoul. Jet: Ah. Ghoul: Yeah, Jetty, you're friends with a reptilian. Kobra: *quietly* You're not Leafy. *the other three lose it*

[][][][][]

Poison: *slaps Kit's ass* Night! Poison: *goes to their room*

[][][][][]

Kobra: *walking up to his room* Widow: Why is it that whenever he walks on stairs, it sounds like the stairs are trying to eat him? Kobra: *turns around and squints*

[][][][][]

Diamond: Eugh, this off-brand ramen tastes like ass. Widow: Yeah, it really does. Diamond: If it's not Better Living brand, it's not ramen. Widow: That's what I told Thrill. Of course, I was ignored. Kit: Thrill has small pea brain.

[][][][][]

Val: Fight me. Ghoul: No. Val: Fight me. Ghoul: Diamond already tried to fight me in the kitchen, I don't wanna fight anybody else. Val: Beat my ass. Ghoul: I cannot. Val: Why? Ghoul: Ghoul: I'm small.

[][][][][]

Toxin: Hey, I said Kobra was cute, I didn't say he was smart. Kit: That...applies to me... Kit: Why does that apply to me??

[][][][][]

Toxin: *licks Kobra's cheek* Diamond: Don't lick that, you don't know where it's been! Kobra: *>:(*

[][][][][]

Poison: I'm too sober to be having this conversation! Toxin: No, we're having this conversation! What the fuck do you mean!?

[][][][][]

Val: I suck? I suck?? You died! You died! You just died and you’re saying I suck???

[bionicdragonguardian1]

Ranma 2/4

Part  Two: Chapter 13 - 25

Unless someone comes up with a better name I’m sticking with this one

HOW tf is the principal crazier than before?!

Yup, spreading out the Kuno-Principal thing

Is Sasuke seriously an anime-only?!?

Like I said Ryoga needs to chill a little first

Main reason I don’t like Ukyo That scene where she blatantly states she’s fine with turning Ranma into something he’s not rather than helping him

(Ignoring the near constant amount of undermining his abilities)

“I’m gonna cheer him up” as she holds a sword! Why?!

 Ranma you dummy, hug Akane!

I hate this demon/ghost cat

Shampoo, you manipulative bitch

Akane learns to swim like a normal person

The lifeguard in me can’t do it

 The principal is background shenanigans

Totally forgot about the kid who wants to play video games and is “weak” bc of it

Definitely need to find a different reason tho

 Lazy little shits are a pain

Also his mom is crap

 Akane… why you be dumb?

 Weird Happosai is Santa plot…

What is with the Excalibur meets lucky 1000 meets fairy godmother?

Good news is, with what I’ve done to Kuno’s understanding of Ranma’s curse Ranma knows Kuno wouldn’t give him that wish and calls it quits sooner

Someone just needs to explain Ranma’s really confusing sense of morality to me

 Cuz it’s either on 110% or it’s nonexistent, now normally nonexistent is for Kuno but still

 Look Ranma’s got ego problems but he ain’t stupid

No betting the Tendo Dojo at five!

 On what planet is that a legal document?!?

Some1 tell me why Shampoo using Ranma as a stop ramp bugs me so bad

That mo when you can’t remember if the Hot Spring Challenge is when Ukyo met Shampoo in the anime…

I don’t think so…

Akane you made me need to google a word

That like never happens Ranma you idiot

So close but so far

So much more logic, thanks

I mean more insanity, but it explains why Ranma swapped clothes

Finally! Ranma apologizes

Jesus Christ someone would think I won the goddamn lotto with how loud I cheered when this happened

600% approve of this over what happened in the anime

Oof poor Ranma

Hahahaha in your face Shampoo, but I also think I know why Ranma chose it

Poor Ryoga

I KNEW this guy was coming I still hate it

YEET you can’t PAY ME to  do this arc

Look, is it the fact that I had etiquette and dance classes as a child and everyone assumed this is what it was like? Probably.

It wasn’t so I won’t.

Any1 else notice how Nabiki is one of the few ppl that uses she/her when Ranma is in his cursed form no matter what?

Why does this bug me?

Akane, stop beating Ranma up, honestly

This is closer to abuse rather than teasing

*sighs*

 Gotta work that out of the narrative, intentional or not

Every1 sayin she’s violent isn’t helping

Like I said really fucking morally GREY Nabiki

How grey can you go before you get black? 

 Let’s find out together

Can everyone PLEASE stop treating Ranma like an object?!

 I literally can’t tell if Nabiki is fucking Aro or not…

STRESS

Why is this so hard?!

I hate seeing Akane cry

I know she’s playing Ranma like a kazoo, but the point still stands

WHY ARE YOU TWO SO DUMB?!

Nope, nevermind it’s just Ranma that’s a fuckin idiot I blame Genma

No, I’m not kidding

*sighs* I don’t condone Nabiki doing this in any way just for the record THAT’S not an apology Ranma!

This mess is totally your fault Nabiki

STRESS

am I intentionally pointing out where this work of fiction is stressing me out since I’m now online schooling and suffering for it? Yes, fuck off.

 Actually, don’t.

But Fuck Covid19

Aww his hat’s back!

Why do I love his hat so much?

No, seriously Akane’s so cute!

Oooww tree

y’know the sec she realized what Ranma was doing Nabiki should’ve TOLD him!

Congrats Ranma ya got the wrong sis- I mean the right- but wrong- dammit y’know what I mean

Some1 give me a logical explanation for why Ranma goes on a date with a panda doodle, PLEASE

I do appreciate the epic battle background fight for the anime

Further proof that Happosai sucks

Manga name’s somehow less believable I think it’s the use of “snowman” rather than “yeti”

Did Soun just find out that Pchan is Ryoga, and say nothing?

Ooo, Imma commit arson

Remember when I said obey Physics and Medical, I meant it

Arson is wrong and I know this but “transgender bitch” crosses the line

I will do it

Shampoo is a fucking yandere psycho

Just sayin “we’ll see who can get him first” 

honestly, any other group and I’d be annoyed, but these four can’t work together for shit I

’m still pissed at Taro, but he can kill Happosai, please

I can’t tell if Shampoo, Mousse and Ryoga are being purposefully obtuse or not

I just reread their names I know the answer to at least two of them

Idk how I feel about Kuno-amnesia we’ll see

yep, Kuno gives me the creeps w or w/out his memories

kinda wish this was anime

jesus christ, poor Ranma

press f to pay respects for Ranma’s stomach

InstaRegret

 Also Ukyo’s assumption that some1 can make Ranma doing anythin he doesn’t want to is crap

Like HELLO! Wake up moron!

Nabiki, I mean this in the nicest way possible, shut the fuck up

You’re making it worse

Also TALK to each other you ding dongs!

OH RIGHT! I almost forgot about the biggest fucking insult that Ukyo said of her own freewill!

It also proves that she doesn’t know Ranma as a person AT ALL!

It’s not a pick one or the other kind of thing

The fact that she thinks Ranma would accept that is insulting

The fact that she thinks that is insulting and makes me hate the patriarchy

Again, treating him like a prize than a person

*tries not scream, sighs*

Nabiki, you’re the cause of at least 30% of the stress I get from this

You having feelings ain’t the fucking problem here Ukyo, you not acknowledging Ranma’s is

 I hate fake criers, anyone who does this I hate you

Always let others in on your plans, kids

When’s every1 gonna realize Ranma’s “wishy-washy” cuz no one’s ever committed to HIM before?

This episode confused me, I’m prepared to be MORE confused

Less confused, I’m surprised

 Gonsunkugi, you creep

There is SO much wrong with this

*shudders*

WHAT?!

Y’know I didn’t think Gosunkugi could surprise me, I was wrong

Happosai still sucks unfortunately for all of us he’s now weird on top of it

I love how much Ranma needs to be kicked in the teeth to get any character development out of him

Ryoga is my #1 choice for it, always

Ranma… why are you like this?

Genma, emotional range of a goddamn wall

I am jealous of Ranma’s brain

I could be SO mean with the Shishihokodan

Also, are they implying that Ryoga has depression?

Gimme Ranma’s brain

I won’t ask for his confidence cuz that’s impossible but I want his brain

In Akane’s defense, given what she knows she couldn’t’ve known how badly that would affect Ryoga

 I ain’t gonna say “leave Shampoo” cuz that’s cruel

I like the “turn into a Cat” rather than the “Can’t Cross” & the use of New Year’s rather than random but this still brings around the fact that she doesn’t LISTEN to him

Mousse you’re NOT helping in fact you’re actively making it worse did you miss when he said blatantly “I don’t wanna”

oh, sure, NOW you’re ok with it

ugh Mousse, you have a brain, I’ve SEEN you use it. Do so now.

This entire episode weirded me out

IDK if it’s the age-dff or the fact that he was makin it up and somehow everyone thought this was okay … 

I won’t YEET it but MASSIVELY change

heheheh

Light bulb

NOPE I’m keeping this surprise to myself

it was a rather sweet end tho

Oh, this episode is a mess and a half, honestly

Also Nabiki, congrats you’ve literally enabled a stalker S

o many laws are broken here

okay, so Kodachi not being in on Ranma’s secret after so long makes sense purely because she doesn’t go to their school

however, with what i’ve done to make Kuno marginally less dumb it makes a little bit less sense…

I literally hate Kuno with what I’ve done to his logic of Ranma’s transformation, but that’s the point Kodachi… how do I handle you… oh, duh!

Ok, so Kodachi is now also terrible

 I’m trying to figure out where this is in the plot since there is ZERO

Ok, there’s a LINE, Nabiki

This one would be touching, if it didn’t end the way it does

TALK gentlemen! 

It won’t kill you

Fuck a parent that says they’re not your parent for no reason, EVER

I am going to make this hurt

 Also gonna take out Genma’s fail at stealth

 Remember I said Akane’s going to learn to cook

heheheh

sorry, I just love this idea

Oh this is SO against the rules it’s not even funny

 tiny adjustment so they actually have quasi-competent referees

Crazy wants crazy?I won’t stop ‘em

I reiterate: CHEATING!

I am aware that the “ending” apparently sets them back to the start in terms of their relationship but I swear to God if they pretend shit like this didn’t happen I will scream

 Someone ships something other than Akane x Ranma PLEASE explain why/how

don’t ship bash but I would insight when you explain 

STICK TO CANON

please trust me, I’m a multi/poly/crack shipper

(for frame of reference to a bnha I ship DabiHawks)

I understand the appeal of Fanon

however, I would like to stick to Canon here

so no Fanon

Canon Only

Fully love that high kick

Genma shows Ranma’s secret here, but they already know… so… I shall find out

Ooo, you’re not getting out of this Ranma

Do you know how tempting it is for Akane to at least tell Ranma she’s a girl- oh wait gendered sports… right…

Ranma… 

if you didn’t realize it was Akane when she hit you for calling her klutzy I can’t help you

I want to commit arson at some of the comments…

but can confirm that these are HS boys

 Doesn’t mean I gotta like it

I was wondering how long I was going to have to wait before tearing into Nodoka

FINALLY

Took me WAY too long to remember that Nodoka calling Ranko tomboyish is due to how he speaks in Japanese

I’ll need to figure that out since… English

Can I explode on Genma’s choice to take Ranma at TWO?!

Can I further explode on both of them for making a TWO YEAR OLD “sign” a Seppuku Pledge?!

I hate both of them, honest

ALSO communication! 

Genma! Just fucking TELL HIM!

Making her transphobic is SO tempting

I don’t mean in a “i hate you” way I mean in a “I sheltered my whole life” way

 It’s still bad, and painful, but she can easily learn from that

Or be worse, this could go 2 ways

I feel so bad for Akane for this entire conversation

Also poor Ranma like ouch… 

 Awkward

I’m going to make this hurt something fierce

Slight change since I’m hoping Ranma isn’t as “peak fight or flight” by this point

Genma don’t be an asshole for FIVE MINUTES

Please, that’s all I want

If she doesn’t learn the truth before the end I will make a bad decision

Really, I will

Don’t kill Genma, you can’t

 Akane, don’t say like you wouldn’t… honestly

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, honestly, just look the other way Ranma

*sigh* 

Ranma…

See, this kind of crap here is why I really don’t like Cologne

any other day Akane’d be right

oof, that means he self aware that girls flock to him

I’m quite frustrated by that if I’m honest

Ranma is clueless about all the wrong things

I love him but God I wanna punch him sometimes

Why is there a swing from the ceiling?!

I had a jolt from the way they set that panel up, thanks

Are you trying to kill me?!

Thank you Cologne, now fuck off

Oh thank God, at least he learned

This is nonanime stuff so I have no clue what’s happening but anything to make Happosai miserable

I’m enjoying this immensely

 ugh, “think of it as a compliment” ghost

Eat me

 okay, yeah, as much as I want him dead, that’s worse

I’m glad he’s not a one-and-done character

I will forever ONLY call him Taro when it is NonDialogue

Wait Saffron as in big-bad Saffron?

I literally only know pieces of the end so I’m just pulling from what I know

Lol, wait… was that soldier Anime only too?

I almost liked you there for a sec Taro

Now I’m pissed again

bravo

Oh, YIKES

… if Ranma falls into the Spring of Drowned Twins would he split?

 I’m not going to DO IT, obviously!

I’m just curious okay… 

that answers that… and kills anyone other than Ranma’s plan to turn back to normal I hope everyone is aware of that

oof

Since when is there a castle on an island in Japan

tis just a scratch, I’ll admit that was funny

Ranma… your stomach gets you in so many problems

ok, that was wholesome

I approve

Okay, so my understanding is that Mrs. Tendo got sick, so I can understand the reactions to Kasumi

BUT I still find it odd because… well… anyone in my house gets sick and you mostly can’t even tell I mean, minus a worse attitude and a mask, other than that though, nope we keep ‘er movin’

 I’m moving this section sooner EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!

I like her mom’s cookbook tho

I could make a Ranma x Ryoga joke here, but I won’t

I also won’t make a Ranma x Ryoga joke chapter cuz I’m nice like that

Actually I might have no choice

I’m FINE just dying

 Help

my multishipper heart is dying here

 I love this

InstaRegret for THREE people

If nothing else, I’m impressed

(well three once Ranma’s back to normal)

I need help

Fangirling/Fanboying/Fanpeopling is dangerous folks, remember that

Poor Ryoga

Though I too feel that right now like where do I look because everything coming in at mach 6

I’m changing that one scene tho cuz I can’t justify the aftermath without it

This… is… weird to say the least

I feel like I should just expect anything with Gosunkugi remotely involved to be weird at this point

okay, not as weird as I expected

glad it was short tho

I think I am officially out of anime terf

YAY, new content!

This is why I ask about any ship that isn’t Ranma x Akane

Also, names?

That- that- that can’t... 

I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW THAT!

EWWW

gross

WHY?!?!!

also, biology, that’s not how that works!!

You two ARE idiots

Ryoga you die I’ll kill you

Well… that hurt to see so quick…

Ranma, get up!

I officially hate this Herb guy

ok, so if you put HOT water in the ladle do you stay that way forever?

Alright! Way to go Ryoga!

I need to stop shipping Rivals it’s bad for my health

fucking eat it you dick!

 Poor Akane

nevermind, Ranma you idiot

awwwww

ok, so that whole no more Anime-content… I was wrong, and I admit that, but still

I’m just thinking of my bff when they realize she’s an adult cuz, yeah, she’s like that too

 except like physically an adult unlike tiny-Hinako

 oh MY GOD Ukyo you’re driving me up the goddamn wall I swear!

THANK YOU AKANE!

 “You’re all Ranma’s fiancées” when only one of them actually is 

GIANT SIGH OF ANNOYANCE

Ranma, learn to communicate, PLEASE!

Okay… so is this where they figured it out or are some ppl still in the dark?

TIMELINE!!

Honestly, mood Ranma, mood

This entire plot line confuses me if I’m being totally honest

I mean I live for the Akane focus, but there are so many better ways to do this

[general-mahamatra]

Oops

So I am the DM of what was initially a joke and is now a seriously fun AU that is

Newsies in an Infinite IKEA.

I felt like sharing them with y’all, but I’ll go ahead and toss everything under the line to keep this from being much clutter. But first, here are the characters (and their play-by!)

<Characters>

Davey: Cleric -- @musicals-and-zazz​ Race: Thief (Rogue) -- @alltherays​ Smalls: Bard -- @albert-eats-cookie-cake​ Specs: Cleric -- @snakeyboimusical​ Spot: Barbarian -- @sweeps-of-london​

<NPCS>

Jed: Guard ?????: ?? ???????: ??

<Trust Levels>

?????: 65% (Medium) ???????: 32% (Low)

<Session One>

Welcome to the Infinite Ikea. As everyone knows, Ikea is massive and full of insane furniture and items with such weird names that if you tried to pronounce them, you’d summon a demon. But sometimes… sometimes it’s a bit too big. On the outside, it’s not that bad. It’s the size of a normal Ikea but with some exceptions. It is surrounded by a massive chain link fence and there is only one entrance: the main entrance. There are no garages for deliveries or side entrances for emergencies. There is only the massive door in the front of the building. Two men clad in black and holding guns stand on either side of the doors. You are huddled in the bushes outside of the fence. What will you do?

Spot, Smalls, and Specs try to enter IKEA through the front gate.

Spot and Specs insist upon needing to use the bathroom

Race is hella annoyed

Spot gets shot and killed by a guard

Return to the Beginning

Spot, Smalls, and Specs try to enter IKEA through the front gate

Smalls is on Spot’s shoulders it’s kinda cute

Spot asks if IKEA is open

Jed says “No”

They keep pressing that it’s open and Jed keeps saying no

With Jed distracted, Race climbs the fence and manages to sneak around behind the guards

Of course, Race was extra when he climbed the fence and flipped off of it. Style points.

Spot puts down Smalls and tries to go pee in a bush but he just kinda... he doesn’t pee

Race sneaks up behind Guard 2 and elbows him in the back of the head

Guard 2 falls pretty hard and hits his head on the cement, knocking him out

Race tries to do it again to Jed but just ends up tapping him on the back

Jed turns around and stares at Race, asking "How the fuck did you get in here?", trailing off when he sees his unconscious buddy. When he notices, he takes the defensive and swings his gun, hitting Race in the head. 

Race took 5 damage

Race tries to lie and say he works at the IKEA

Smalls tries to play their kazoo to distract Jed

The kazoo distracts Jed and he doesn’t notice Spot climbing over the fence

Specs tries to climb the fence as well but gets caught on the chain link. His shirt starts to rip but he pulls himself free and gets over

Spot tries to go after Jed and take him out

Spot barely missed Jed, his attack just swiping by the guard

Smalls keeps trying to distract the guard

Jed is still pretty distracted but is just aware enough to swing at Spot. Only Jed fails miserably and ends up shooting himself in the leg

Race gets back to his feet but is whining like a little bitch in pain. He swings for Jed, as does Spot

Neither land hits and Jed swings for Spot again but his attempt was feeble and he missed by at least two feet

Smalls pulls out their Otamatone to distract Jed even more

It works and Jed gains disadvantage

Specs swings for Jed and lands a hit

Jed took 2 damage

Spot tries to disarm Jed and take his gun

Jed, some how holy mother of God, dodges out of the was of Spot and keeps his gun

it’s really important to me that i just share this with you guys. these were the two rolls for jed with disadvantage in order to keep his gun. (spot rolled an 18)

okay let’s continue

Race tries to swing at Jed with a knife

Race fuckin’ missed like RIP dude

Specs tries to disarm Jed since Spot failed

Specs is successful and the gun goes flying

Race tries to punch Jed in the head but misses like the little bitch he is

Specs also tries to punch Jed in the head but his punch misses so badly and it had so much force behind it that it sent Specs flying with his own momentum

Smalls tries to politely ask to get through to avoid the violence: "can i please go through pretty please with a cherry on top of a banana sundae" 

Jed says “No, you cannot”

Spot tries to put Jed in a chokehold and it works

Specs tries to kick Jed in the gut and the hit lands

Jed took 3 damage

Smalls politely asks to get through again: "if you let me through you will be the literal best-"

It works perfectly. "I mean, sure, why not. It's not going to be my fault when you guys die."

The group questions why they would die, Jed simply says "No one comes back out. Go before I change my mind."

Spot grabs the discarded gun (AK - 103) and somehow puts it in his backpack. Magic backpack

The group enters the IKEA

When the group goes inside, they are greeted by a pitch black IKEA. The only light source they have is the doors behind them casting the bright LED light onto the cash registers before them. Everything was completely empty and eerie.

The group tries to find a light switch but do not find one

Smalls lights a piece of paper on fire and they are able to see a little bit more

Specs does a cartwheel for no reason and falls halfway through, hitting his head on the floor

Specs took 2 damage

The group bickers while Spot tries to search for useful stuff

Spot finds half a roll of one-ply toilet paper and an IKEA hat

Specs follows suit and does the same

Specs finds half a roll of one-ply toilet paper and a little party hat

Race is a bit more suspicious but explores as well

Race finds a children's book titled ‘Good Night Moon’ and a pile of small bones

Race questions the group on who they are, they start to bicker some more

Race is recognized as a popular TikTok creator by Specs and Smalls. Davey and Spot have no idea who he is

They all introduce themselves

Davey takes the lead so the group can explore

When the group begins to wander away from the front door, the IKEA seems to grow darker. Soon enough the light source fades away and all they have is the quickly dwindling flame from Smalls. Spot gets the urge to try and go back.

Spot tries to go back and find an exit despite the protests of the group (Smalls is back on Spot’s shoulders by this time)

When Spot rounds the corner they just came from, instead of finding the front doors he comes face to face with more pitch black. But, because he had Smalls with him, he could see it was just isles of pots and pans. The front doors were gone.

Davey joins the two

Spot panics because the front entrance is now gone

Specs tries to stay behind but gets yelled at by Race and joins them

The group bickers about where the exit is supposed to be and how Spot must’ve taken a wrong turn

Everyone hears the faint voice of someone though they can't understand what they're saying. Davey, though, hears something along the lines of "The store -- exit  -- building"

Everyone stops to listen to the faint voices 

Race asks what it said and Davey repeats the chopped up dialogue

Spot shouts at the voice for it to speak up

"The store -- exit  -- building" It was a bit louder this time.

The group starts to be iffy, commenting about how they’re being stalked

"The store -- closed, please exit  -- building"

Race gets angry and shouts back at the voice

"The store -- closed, please exit  -- building"

Specs comments about it possibly being a labyrinth

Checkpoint 1

The group agrees to try and find and exit

Spot thinks the voice is friendly

Race hears a voice that tells him to “Run” and he grows anxious, insisting that the group needs to run

The voice keeps repeating itself over and over, growing louder as the group stands around and argues about what to do. Some want to run while others want to stay.

Race’s panic and insistence on running starts to freak out the other group members

"The store is currently closed, please exit the building"

Davey yells at it to shut up

Davey hears the voice that Race did telling him to “Shut up, it hears you”

Davey is now freaked out and tries to silence the other group members

Race keeps trying to convince the rest of the group to run because he’s a scared little bitch

"The store is currently closed, please exit the building" The voice is much closer now, almost as if it's around the corner.

Davey keeps telling people to shut up because goddamn, Spot doesn’t know how to be quiet

Race hears the voice telling him to run again he screams and books it into the darkness

Davey and Spot chase after Race (after Spot set Smalls down)

Spot tells Davey to stay with Smalls

Davey goes back

Race is terrified and insists that they need to leave and Spot just kinda picks him up

Oh yeah they basically switched heights in this lol

"The store is currently closed, please exit the building"

The rest of the group joins Spot and Race

"The store is currently closed, please exit the building"  "Please exit the building, we are now closed." There's two voices now.

Spot sets Race down but Race panics more and grabs Spot

"The store is currently closed, please exit the building" "Please exit the building, we are now closed."

Everyone books it

When the group takes off, two figures round the corner, the voices coming directly from them. One was tall...at least, its torso was. It had to be seven feet tall, its hands stretching all the way down to its knees. Of all of its height, his legs were only two feet. Its hands were the size of melons and its skin was white. And its face? There was nothing. It was flat and voice of all features. The other one was just as tall but more legs than torso. It looked vaguely more human than the other but with hands just as big and a bit wider. Both of them were dressed like IKEA workers. "The store is currently closed, please exit the building" "Please exit the building, we are now closed."

The group stops running and Race continues to panic like wtf he’s such scaredy cat. Smalls is literally just playing on Spot’s switch right now in Specs’ arms while everything is happening.

The voice Davey and Race could hear is loud enough for everyone to hear now. It whisper-yells, "RUN!"

The group listens and runs again

The humanoid figures faded behind the corner but one of them snapped their head in the direction of the group. "The store is currently closed, please exit the building" "Please exit the building, we are now closed."

Davey tells everyone to shut up again as if that’s gonna be any help

Race runs into a shelf

Specs makes fun of him

Davey forces Race to keep moving

The sounds of pounding footsteps came up behind them: the humanoids were running.

Spot stops running and instead charges at the humanoid workers, screaming at the top of his lungs with a frying pan. Who knows where he got it cause I don’t 

Race screams so much he's literally like a little girl but he manages to muffle it and grabs onto Davey for dear life

Specs grabs a castiron skillet

Another large figure jumped down from one of the shelves, landing squarely on the mostly torso humanoid on all fours. No one could make out what creature it was, but one of the humanoids were down. The other kept charging the group. "Please exit the building, we are now closed."

Spot and Davey each try to attack the IKEAN but miss

The IKEAN misses its attack on Spot as well

Specs and Race both try to attack as well, both of them missing

Spot was close with his next attack but the IKEAN dodged out of the way just in time

Davey misses

The IKEAN misses Spot again

Specs aims for the IKEAN’s head with his skillet

Specs hits

IKEAN took 1 damage

Race misses

Spot misses

Davey finds a pan lying around and tries to hit the IKEAN with the pan

Davey hits

IKEAN took 3 damage

The IKEAN turns on Davey and swings at him

It hits

Davey took 4 damage

Specs lands another hit with a different pan

IKEAN took 3 damage

Race tries to swipe at the humanoid’s throat with his knife

Race completely misses and the humanoid actually swats him away, sending him sailing back towards where the creature is tearing into the other humanoid

Spot attacks the IKEAN again

Spot hits

IKEAN took 5 damage

Davey lands another hit

IKEAN took 6 damage

Specs successfully hits the IKEAN again

IKEAN took 3 damage

Spot missed again, just barely missing the humanoid

Davey missed again

The IKEAN misses Spot again

Whatever was mauling the other humanoid seemed to be barely paying attention. In fact, it barely registered that one of the humanoids arms got flung at Race who was now only a couple feet away.

Race is SHOOK TM and stares at the creature

The creature looked up, green, cat-like eyes somehow barely reflecting the light from Smalls' fire. When it made eye contact with Race, it darted away, disappearing in the dark and leaving the dead humanoid.

Race tries to communicate with the creature but it’s gone by the time he talks

Spot is running around the IKEAN making it dizzy and look stupid

The voice comes back to Race. It says: “Run. Run while you can.”

The voice is then with Spot. “Aim for the neck.”

Spot gains advantage for the rest of the battle

Spot honestly just sucks and still can’t hit the IKEAN

Race is about to run

A pair of hands press against Race’s back and whispers to him, “Not yet.”

Spot jumps on the IKEAN’s back

Spot grabs it by the collar of it's shirt, riding it like a beautiful fucking horse, and hitting it with reckless abandon

Spot is basically just playing the drums though and the IKEAN throws him off

Davey throws another pan and it hits

IKEAN took 1 damage

From somewhere in the shelves, an arrow comes flying and lodges itself directly in the skull of the humanoid. It stops flailing around and stops talking in that kind voice before falling to the ground with a thud.

Checkpoint 2

Spot is on the ground just dying like damn son

Davey is running around asking if anyone needs healing

No, there is no Genji

Spot makes some clever comments and breaks the fourth wall

Race is all “What the fuck is that thing?” About the dead IKEAN

The arrow appears to be made out of some sort of stainless steel attached to some sort of wooden dowel. The feathers on the end weren't even feathers, instead crude pieces of paper somehow attached to the wood. It was clear through the thing's head.

Davey take the arrow

A weird goopy residue covers the entire arrow. It's also sticky and white have fun.

Spot kicks the IKEAN’s body

Race begins to wonder if it means someone is on their side. “But this means someone else is on our side, right?”

Davey questions who else could possibly be there. "Who would come in this hellhole? Other than us, because you're all idiots."

An arrow thunked into a box on a shelf right next to Smalls who probably didn't react.

Spot immediately grabs Smalls and protects them

Davey and Race are really suspicious about the arrows

As Race glanced towards the arrow, the same set of green cat eyes appears behind Smalls.

Spot pulls Smalls away and stares at the eyes

The eyes turn towards Spot, staring for a few seconds before closing and disappearing.

Davey and Race try to figure out what to do when the voice returns and says “Hide.”

Davey suggests they climb and they do

First, Spot tries to grab the arrow and follow the eyes but the arrow is gone and the eyes too

The group brushes it off and climbs higher into the shelves

Race is short and gets a boost from Davey and Spot pulls him up

Another arrow lands near them, this time nearly hitting Spot and jamming into another box.

Davey grabs the arrow and examines it

In the metal arrow tip, there was an engraving: J.K.

They make it to the top and sit around using the small flame for a light as well as Spot’s switch

Davey brings this to the attention of the group

Spot thinks it’s J.K. Rowling

It’s not

Davey hands Race the arrow

The eyes appear behind Race, almost as if looking at the arrow.

The group reacts quickly, Spot grabbing Race, Race squeaking and panicking, and Davey being confused because he’s blind or something

They talk to the eyes, learning that the voice belongs to them

The group learns that whoever the eyes belong to knows one of the members 

Davey tries to ask for its name but gets no straight answer

“You don’t know me.” It was a statement of fact, not a question. “You never did.”

Davey asks if it knows who J.K. is

“A friend.”

Davey questions if the eyes want the arrow. It does.

Davey: "I don't mean to be rude, but why are you talking to us? We're not exactly useful."

The eyes narrowed but no more questions came. A hand reached out from behind Race to grab the arrow but they missed because Race happened to move it. It didn't answer Davey.

The group notices and Race squeaks like a little mouse again

The very human-like hand quickly pulled back, retreating into the darkness.

Spot is weirdly entranced in the cat eyes it’s pretty funny

Race asks what the eyes want and they reply with “Nothing.”

Davey figures out it’s lying

The eyes don’t tell the truth

Race: “We were being shot at ten seconds ago! I think we deserve some answers!” 

Another arrow landed in the box next to Race, all while the eyes stared at him. It had the same carving as the arrow Davey had.

Davey tries to make a deal with the eyes where they keep one arrow and give the other to the eyes

It fails

The eyes need them both

They come up with another deal

The two arrows for help and trust

The eyes ask how old everyone is and quickly starts to grow confused

Davey is 19

Race is 16 (Lied about being 18 but the eyes knew it was a lie)

Specs is 19

Smalls and Spot don’t answer

The eyes glanced around at the group, narrowing slightly. The voice seemed to have soften, a more human voice with confusion poking through. “That can’t be right.”

The group was confused

“You should be younger...” The hand took the arrow from Race without any hesitation and then the arrow from Davey.

Davey asks for the voice’s pronouns. They eyes don’t care.

The eyes disappeared

The group bickers some more

Spot tries to climb back down into the store

A hand grabs spot by the back of the shirt, reaching out from the darkness. “Don’t go down.”

Spot complains and asks why

“Be quiet and listen.” If they're quiet, the members can hear another faint voice of a worker.

The group goes quiet and listens and Race is a whiny little child and wants to go home

The slow thud of heavy footsteps passed below them. If they looked, they would see another white humanoid in an IKEA uniform.

The group is :o

The hand let go of Spot once the humanoid was gone. “Never go down in the dark.”

The group learns about the day and night cycle

"You stop telling time when you've been here this long."

Specs: "Is there anything we can use to tell how much time has passed, like if those things walk by on an hourly basis?"

"There is no rhyme or reason."

A small cat darts into the light illuminating the group. Green eyes gaze up at Davey. “You.” Yes, its mouth moved.

Davey: "Me?"

"What is your name."

Davey tells the cat his name.

The cat turned towards Race, its tail flicking. Its ginger fur seemed to stand out in the light of the flickering flame; an orange tabby. “And you?”

The cat makes its way around the group, its large green eyes illuminated by the light, just as piercing as the ones that followed the group around.

When the cat gets to Spot, Spot has a counter

Spot refuses to tell the cat his name unless he gets a name from the cat

The cat slithered back into the darkness, returning to a pair of eyes that were definitely far to high up to be right. “Why should I tell you?”

Spot: "Well, if you want my name so bad, I'd only be fair if I knew yours."  

The voice went silent for a bit before finally saying, “Talon.”

<End of Session One>

[rkshion]

i wasn’t able to tell you but i liked you  —

                                                 #rkhdtalent — 2x speed girl group dancing by PARK JIHOON                                                                          september 30th, 2017: LIVE PERFORMANCE                                                            +                         signal by TWICE (0:04-0:14+0:17-0:28)                                                            +                        boombayah by BLACKPINK (1:02-1:27)                                                            +                                      rough by GFRIEND (0:43-1:00)                                                            +     dumb dumb by RED VELVET (0:29-0:59+1:01-1:03)                                                            +                              five by SHE’Z (6:39-6:52+8:32-8:34)                                                                                                                                     outfit: ( ✩ )

the first thing that came to mind when he thought of his talents was dancing. his entire life revolved around it and it was definitely something he wouldn’t be scared to showcase. in second place came soccer, though jihoon wasn’t sure if he could do something with that for the talent show. and that was it. it wasn’t like he could knit a sweater up on the stage or badly play the kazoo, so his talent options turned out to be way more limited than he had originally expected. he couldn’t just dance, though. too many people would do that.

jihoon knew he had to stand out somehow and just dancing along to a good choreography he found online wasn’t going to cut it. memories from his recent project gave him ideas. why not take the extra step and make it girl group dancing? his mind immediately shut off any thoughts about wearing dresses, and the boy couldn’t help but agree. he wouldn’t only use a single song but multiple. a medley! it’d not only show his dancing abilities but also confidence and maybe even future variety skills.

without a worry the boy gathered song ideas, organizing them in a way the music would flow nicely. it took him an entire afternoon choosing dances that he both knew and that he didn’t, trying to make it perfect. he smiled proudly at his finished work before picking up his phone. woojin was his best friend and part-time rival, so checking on his progress was a must.

〔 ✉  ⇒  까마귀여운 〕

↪ wow i think i’m done choosing my hd talent!! ↪ what are you going to do?? ↪ i picked nice girl group songs to dance to ↪ medley style

the reply wasn’t what he wanted. so woojin would be doing the same thing?

jihoon gently sat his phone beside him, staring at the list that had taken him hours to arrange, only to imagine other people doing just the same. of course - it was no fresh idea; people did dance medleys all the time.

his hands felt no shame in deleting his hard work. he’d have to think of something better and there would be no point in dwelling on the past. so the boy kept searching the internet for any better ideas, too stuck on girl group dancing to navigate away. with one click she’z showed up on his screen. they were in a variety show after their latest comeback and a challenge came upon them - perhaps one that he could use.

two times the speed. he finished his list faster than before - two times the speed. no one would be doing that! the fact the songs were all sped up also allowed him to add more music to the mix. in no time there it was: the perfect performance. he reached for his phone once again with a smirk to type a message he truly meant.

〔 ✉  ⇒  까마귀여운 〕

↪ good luck to you then!! ↪ shall the best one win!!

+++

there’s an actual crowd and he busied himself with making sure his clothing was in place. it’d be his turn soon and he wanted to sure he was looking his best. after another contestant moved away his eyes kept focused on the MC while he talked to the camera as if he could see the people inside of it. professional. jihoon would rather pretend there was no one watching so it wouldn’t affect his head.

“so let’s hear from our next contestant!” the boy nervously took a step forward and then proceed with his approach after receiving a sign from lee jonghyuk himself. his eyes kept staring at the older male, not wanting to stare at the thousands of people who were probably looking right at him instead. “so why don’t you tell us your name?” jihoon quickly nodded before bowing to the camera with a smile. “hello! my name is park jihoon!”

after the introduction was quickly done he returned his eyes to jonghyuk, keeping the smile on his face. “what talent will you be showing us today?” the boy dropped his head to one side, releasing as much charm as he could towards the camera. “well, if i told you it’d ruin the surprise.”

+++

he walked onto the stage and people clapped for his entrance even if they had no idea who he was or what he was going to do. there was a marking on the floor to show where the center was and there was where he stood. it took him a second to observe the view from up there and take everything in. could that be the first stage of many?

with lungs filled with air he gave them a smile. “hello!” a bow, then a straight back. “my name is park jihoon and i am an eighteen-year-old high school student.” he tapped his handheld microphone twice before continuing. “today i’ll be doing a girl group relay dance, but…” he let the silence sit for a second, allowing whoever was paying attention to wonder. “with a twist! please enjoy it!”

after receiving a nod from one of the judges jihoon turned off his microphone and placed it a few steps ahead so it wouldn’t bother him. once he was back on the marking he took two steps back, knowing the choreography would force him to move forward. his starting position had him with his back to the public, hands in the shape of a heart against his back. people could already guess what he was about to perform - but not exactly how.

the song already started two times faster, his body bouncing up and down as he had practiced doing. once he turned around he tried focusing on the space between the judges, not wanting to look at anyone and maybe end up ruining what he had practiced hard for. jihoon had spent a lot of time checking when would be the best time to catch a breath, and one thing he had learned was that smiling really took a lot of energy.

whenever he could relax his cheeks he would, which normally happened in between songs, or when he had to look down and turn around. even so, he had prepared almost two full minutes of fast dancing, and jihoon was unsure if there was a human out there who could actually survive all of it without any problem. by the last song he was already hunting for air - but thanks to its calmer choreography it let him catch up with his breathing.

after the deed had been done he gave the public a bow and started jogging to the exit. a staff member frenetically pointed at the microphone he had forgotten on stage, forcing him to return to it before being allowed backstage. thankfully they had napkins at their disposal. he should have worn fewer layers of clothing.