#[ a chance in life is something we all need

[mundanemiseries]

updated tag dump

[ General tags ]

[ the light will falter and we'll fade | self ] [ these city lights are drowning me out | ic ] [ love needs an encore | ship aes ] [ stars above that we can't see | ooc ] [ while we fell asleep | queue ] [ a chance in life is something that we all need | promo ] [ these songs of love and death | music ] [ calling out for | open starter ] [ carry the weight of who we hoped to be | about ] [ underneath a light that's truer now than it was then | aesthetic ] [ created precious memories | saved ] [ and when the ice breaks | self promo ] [ this laundry list of things | dash games ] [ do you think we could find our way home? | asks ] [ this winter hasn't been so rough | musings ] [ we swore we'd take it to the grave | drabble ] [ words stuck in my throat | dash comm ] [ where should i start | memes ] [ for a moment that summer | catalus cantus / noise form ]

[ Verse Tags ]

v | followin' familiar patterns | main v | stare at the sky and drown | early reaper v | unwind these tangled thoughts | post neo v | we'd rather crash on our best friends' couches | pokemon v | let the rust set in our bones | pre death v | i wish i could burn out the sky | composer

[ Character Tags ]

|| a piece of my heart belongs to you | Sho / the grim heaper || || trying not to let you get in my head | Hazuki / pureposer || || take these eyes and show them life untamed | Sanae / strawberry barista || || these mechanical wings cannot be broken | Hope / hopeful hugz

[ other ]

[ do you wanna waste your life with me? | Sho / Joel ]

[its-time-to-write]

masterlist

i figured it was time to make one. it's in order based on when i wrote it. please, please let me know if a link is broken/mislabeled!!

*81 fics*

All of these are Jamie Tartt x reader

dress

Jamie and Keeley buy you a dress for the benefit gala

three times 'cause i've waited my whole life

secret relationship to engagement

you're losing me

first kid

don't make this any harder

Jamie wants to take you to Brazil, you’re both idiots

would hit him in a heartbeat now

Your ex boyfriend is a footballer and also a douche

silent sleepers

Jamie contemplates your relationship on the team bus

what it is

Jamie is sick ft. Roy

don't go wasting your emotion

Secret relationship + you own a bookshop! Ft. Roy and Keeley

you know, you'll always know me

You’re a famous singer! Congrats!

i don't know how you keep smiling/i'm just choking almost constantly

Jamie’s dad is a douche

i'll still be right next to you my dear

Jamie is a dad

can't really say i'm enjoying it now

Yikes it’s a breakup fic, but happy endings only in this house

mine of you with me

Reader and Jamie go semi-public with their relationship

today's a day like any other

The Tartt family thru the years

there's orange juice in the kitchen

Oof ouch period cramps

i can't breathe without you

Nate kisses you w/o consent

damned if i do give a damn what people say

You’re a theater actress! How exciting!

island made of faith

People think Jamie’s dumb, and he’s not

take your time while you're mine

You’re Roy’s other sister ft. all the Kents

honey, i'll give you all my time

Vienna. Enough said.

feeling fragile can't you tell

Jamie gets hurt

wrote all your lines in the script in my mind

Oh no! Some girl kissed Jamie and it wasn’t you! + Colin as the bff

stick together like glitter

Babysitting Phoebe + angst

your mind is not your friend

Angst + comfort after you have a bad hookup

chasing shadows in a grocery line

You’re pretty sure you have a hot stalker

don’t go yet

Tee hee protective Jamie at a club

kicking myself to keep from crying

The morning after your mind is not your friend

i think we could do it if we tried

High school sweethearts reunited after 6 years🥺

i’m glad you exist

You and Jamie go to a wedding

send for me

BREAKING: shit day at work made better by local boyfriend

tell me where to put my love

day off = food + snuggles

bored

The longest angst I’ve ever written. Def not the best angst I’ve ever written.

would it be enough if i never gave you peace

you’ve got baby fever and your pretty sure it’s going to kill your brother

wishing on every one

You own a flower shop. It’s adorable.

lyrical eyes, indigo smile

Bea meets the team for the first time!

something to rely on

You storm the pitch and smooch your bf

flipped the script

Enemies to lovers slow burn (or maybe fast burn, idk)

i fancy you

London Boy by ms. T. Swift

you don’t want to know me

Jamie shows up at your door after s.1 Man City

you’re in the kitchen humming

Post-Mom City

family that i chose

For the child-free girlies!

never wanted you to hate me

Pt. 2 of you don’t want to know me

wonderstruck

BFF Keeley tells you to give her awful ex a chance

in love with an idea

idk it’s like a confession of love? kinda cute

sinking into your worn-out mattress

Touch-deprived therapist! reader

you’re a mansion with a view

just two footballers doing an England promo, nothing to see here

i know what i’m doing

Post-Roy/Jamie locker room hug after Man City

wonder what it’d be like

Jamie tries to win you back

if only love were true

You’re a single mom in dire need of a plus-one

i know now it’ll pass

It’s hard to love someone when you’ve been told you don’t deserve it

the way it goes

The Greyhounds are protective of Jamie

how to love being alive

Idk this one’s like whatever and also supes long

there is happiness

GEORGIE GEORGIE GEORGIE

it’s just wanderlust

Relationship soft launch

glitter on the floor

You like to knit. You also think you’re a comedian.

maybe tomorrow you’ll know

The “he’s a prick to everyone but her” trope

hustling for the good life

I swear this is my last chaptered fic

let’s fall in love for the night

Kent!reader is having a baby

soft hands hit the jagged ground

friends w/benefits

for you, there’ll be no more crying

anxiety at work + bf jamie

smile at me

there was only one bed!!!!

slow motion double vision in rose blush

happy b-day Jamie Tartt

half-moon eyes

it’s just a question!

can’t hear my thoughts (i cannot hear my thoughts)

I’m allowed to write what i want, ok???

here in my arms

more Kent!reader + a baby named George

coffee at midnight

prick coach wakes you up bc of your prick boyfriend

healing me fine

Just a lil engagement fic for ya

i don’t know anything

if you’re interested in Bea

right words at the right time

It’s a wedding fic

move fast and keep quiet

boxer!reader + smitten Jamie

not saying you’re in love with me

You meet over Bantr!!!

we could be so good

Jamie comforts you after a bad date

i hold it like a grudge

i don’t even know how to describe this one but u might cry

there for you

sick fic

before you go

physio!reader

you’ll probably date her

chronic illness + childhood friends. gotta love it

feel it burn

Gym anxiety

play it back

Old movies of bb Jamie

ours

Thanksgivinggggg

light in the hallway

MORE Kent!reader

stuck by you

Bad family + good Jamie = fic

[fromxxthexxashes]

In 3x08, Bobby and Eddie have their first serious conversation in the firehouse loft. This was about Eddie’s fighting, or more specifically why he turned to fighting. He’d been holding all his grief, anger, guilt, and sadness in, and fighting was a way to control all that, to have an outlet. Unfortunately, it ended up being a mode of self-destruction. This conversation was about his fighting, but underneath that, it was about Shannon and about Eddie’s perpetual struggle to differentiate between obligation and want. This conversation was about his relationship with Shannon and all the complexities of it. It was about Eddie not allowing himself to feel anything.

In 4x06, they have a conversation that is pretty similar to 3x08 in the firehouse loft. It’s even on the same table, except it’s on the opposite side. In 3x08, Eddie was at the head, the beginning, of his grief, because he couldn’t allow himself to feel any of the complex emotions that came with grieving Shannon. In this, he’s at a new place of his, the opposite side, where he’s allowed himself to grieve, but he hasn’t let himself even entertain the idea of moving on. Which, I think, is again because of what he feels he is obligated to do. This conversation was also about Shannon, and it was about Eddie letting himself move on without feeling like he was doing a disservice to Shannon, and more particularly Christopher. Eddie thought this was a conversation about Ana Flores, which is probably why he went into that relationship, but really, this was just Bobby trying to tell Eddie he didn’t need to be stuck on Shannon’s death for the rest of his life.

This still is from 7x05 (I believe). Obviously, we have no idea what this conversation entails, but given the pattern of the conversations between Bobby and Eddie in the firehouse loft, I have a feeling this is going to be about Marisol and probably Shannon. Bobby is probably going to tell Eddie not follow his gut (which will probably back fire given how wrong Eddie’s gut is when it comes to women). The synopsis for 7x05 backs this up. Given that Bobby says “I can’t tell you how to feel about this job” in the earlier promos, I thought Eddie might be considering a new job opportunity. Given what we know so far from season 7, I know that’s not it. There is a weird pitching of Bobby’s voice in those promos, though, so I think it’s likely he’s listing things and it’s been edited. He might say something along the lines of, “I can’t tell you how to feel about this job, I can’t tell you how to feel about Marisol…”.

If I go along with my theory that the placement in the loft is significant, then Bobby being at a different table means that Shanon isn’t the main issue anymore, but something in the background, something behind him now. Eddie is at a new place in his life, and he’s not so affected by the death of Shannon. However, Eddie is back to needing advice from Bobby about his life in regard to his relationships. It’s possible Eddie seeks out Bobby, but considering Bobby has cornered Eddie in every one of these conversations, I think that is more likely. This conversation is going to be about Marisol on the surface, but underneath, once again, it’s gonna be about Eddie needing to think for himself, and not let other people tell him what he should want.

Then we have this. I’m guessing this takes place after the talk with Bobby. Given the ladder truck in the back, it’s at least in the same shift. Buck is in his civies, so I’d wager this is at the end of the shift, and Eddie’s working out to think and maybe delay going back to deal with whatever relationship issues he has with Marisol. There’s a good chance Buck’s planning on coming out to Eddie here, but he pivots when he sees how troubled Eddie looks.

This conversation looks a lot like the one Buck and Eddie scene in 5x02, in which Buck called Eddie out for sticking it out in a relationship he didn’t want to be in. Following that conversation, Eddie broke up with Ana. So, with that in mind, I’d say these stills, and the subsequent scene, is a pretty bad omen for Eddie and Marisol. I feel like this conversation is going to come back to Eddie needing to do things because he wants to, and not because he feels like it’s his responsibility as a man and as a father. Eddie doesn’t know what he wants, not really, but I feel like his struggle between want and obligation is still prominent in his character and something I think we’ll see in this next episode.

[hauntedhokage]

PART 10: Patching Up

WORD COUNT: Thread by thread you're coming to accept that Bakugou really doesn't hate you.

SUMMARY:  1.5k

[series masterlist] | {ao3} | [tumblr masterlist] | {ko-fi} | [spotify playlist]

“We haven’t had a true date night in a while.” 

The comment from Eijirou has you pausing in your apple slicing, and he doesn’t miss the chance to pull a slice from the cutting board to snack on while you’re distracted. “I’m not complaining, though. It’s something Bakugou brought up and wanted to make sure we were okay without that time.”

Of course it was something Bakugou had brought up. But that made you wonder if he was getting that time he needed with his boyfriend as well. Was bringing it up a hint or were you reading too much into it? Probably a yes to the latter, since Bakugou wasn’t the type to tip-toe around a topic when he was talking to Eijirou, but you can’t help but be a bit nervous when the blonde was making observations about your relationship. Things were better, but they still weren’t perfect.

“I hadn’t really thought about it, being honest.” You finally state after a moment of consideration, setting down the knife beside your half sliced apple so you could properly turn to look at your boyfriend. “I feel like we’re still getting that time, are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, I’m not upset about it by any means. I also hadn’t really noticed until he brought it up.”

It was interesting to you that Bakugou would bring it up at all. Not surprising that he’d notice by any means, since the blonde paid attention to everything, but he wouldn’t necessarily comment. Especially where your relationship with Eijirou was concerned. Now you were thinking the worst, and can’t stop yourself from voicing the first thought that came to mind.

“He’s not sick of us being here all the time, is he?”

“No, baby, that’s not it at all.”

“Are you and him getting the time you need? Like, I’m not-”

“You’re not intruding, not taking anything from him. He’s not upset, take a deep breath and relax.” And you do, letting him take your hands in his and holding them to his chest as he takes a deep breath. On the second breath you follow the action, smiling up at your boyfriend as he grins down at you. “Do you wanna go out on a date tonight?”

“Dinner and the arcade?”

“What about the mini golf place?”

“That new one? Nah, let the hype die down first. Last time we went somewhere new people thought I was doing a promo piece on it.”

“We got in for free though,” he reminds, and you roll your eyes as you pull away so you can go back to slicing your apple. “Arcade is good too. Scores on the strength meter reset last week so I gotta reclaim my throne anyway.”

“The only other people who try that thing are like twelve, babe.”

“I'm an inspiration to grow up and get big and strong.”

“More like overly competitive,” you counter, smacking his hand to keep him from taking another apple slice. “If you wanted me to slice an apple for you, you should’ve asked.”

“Is it too late to ask?”

“Considering you already ate half of my apple, yes.” 

You elect to ignore the pathetic whine that leaves him, instead moving what was left of your apple onto the small plate before taking the cutting board to the sink to deal with after you’d finished your snack. You had work to do anyway, he could fend for himself for a couple hours. He doesn’t join you at the kitchen table, instead turning right where you had turned left while saying that he was going to pick out your date night outfit to leave you one less thing to worry about today, and that gives you the moment of freedom from his concerned gaze at how concerned you still were about Bakugou and how the blonde potentially felt about you. 

You hated that you couldn’t just let things happen. He’d told you that he’d never hated you, he’d saved your life, he’d bought you a massive palm that was staring back at you - the palm that only ever brought a smile to your face whenever you looked at it. He was trying and trying so hard, why was it so hard for you to accept that he was okay with you being around? Why was your first instinct to assume that he had a problem whenever he was brought up? That wasn’t fair to him in any way. 

Maybe Bakugou and I need our own date night? You ponder, clicking your pen idly as you consider it. Technically you were going to that community center opening together, but did that count as a date? You didn’t see why it couldn’t, but you also felt that he maybe needed something a bit more private to be comfortable calling it a date. You’d ask Eijirou for his thoughts when he came back from raiding his closet and dresser for a suitable outfit.

“How come you haven’t worn this shirt in a while?” The question comes fifteen minutes later and has you looking up over your laptop to see Eijirou holding up one of your blouses, the black one with the white and orange flowers. The one you’d worn the day you yelled at Bakugou at the news station, the one you’d been staring at every time you saw it neatly folded on the shelf above their washing machine over the last couple of months. The one that reminded you that Bakugou had tried to extend an olive branch and you’d snapped it in two without thinking twice, extending the suffering for the both of you. “It’s one of my favorites and I miss seeing you in it.”

“The button came off,” you explain simply, choosing to leave out the rest of the history that shirt held for the sake of avoiding a conversation about how bad you felt about that day. “I’ve been meaning to take it to the dry cleaner to have them fix it since I can’t but I keep forgetting. The last few weeks have been a bit much.”

“Yeah, fair. Which button was it?”

“The top one. Not really one I use, but I don’t want to lose the button either.”

“You sure you’re not thinking of a different shirt?” He asks, earning a raised brow from you as you lean back in your seat.  “Because the button is attached?”

“No, it was that one because that’s the-” you catch yourself, standing from your chair so you can cross the flat to get to where he’s standing with your shirt in hand. He hands it over easily, concern obvious on his features as he watches you closely inspect the button. “I swear it was this one. This is the shirt I was wearing when I yelled at Bakugou at the station, he had offered to- oh my god.”

“What?”

“He fixed it.” You whisper, looking closely at the threads that held the imitation pearl button in place before comparing it to a button that you knew wasn’t damaged. Sure enough, the threads on the fixed button were brighter than the worn threads of the others - meaning that they were newer. “Katsuki fixed the button.”

It was something that was so small in the grand scheme of things, but in this moment with the history that you had with the blonde it meant everything. He had taken the time to locate your shirt and reattach the button and patch the small tear, even though he had nothing to do with the damage to your shirt. He’d only been there when it happened, that’s all. 

“I’m not good at this shit, but I don’t hate you. Never have.”

He said that to you at the hospital, and you can only laugh to yourself at the fact that he was terrible at this shit. But, clearly, so were you if you’d resigned yourself to never wearing a shirt until you remembered to take it to the dry cleaners when you knew the blonde was capable of fixing it and you just didn’t want to ask. 

“God, I suck,” you whisper, lowering the fabric to see Eijirou watching you with a concerned frown. “I suck so much, Eiji.”

“Not right now, baby. You did then, but how you both were then isn’t how you are now,” he reasons, gently pulling the blouse from you and draping it over his shoulder. “Then, yeah, you both sucked a lot but I think it’s safe to say you’ve both grown out of it and are a lot better now.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts, and no more living in the past.” His tone is very final as he gently squeezes your hands, and you can only nod while biting your bottom lip. “Stop worrying, or I’ll kiss that frown off your face.”

“That’s the opposite of a threat, Eijirou,” you tease, finally smiling as he pulls you in for a kiss. “He’s out all night?”

“Yeah, why?” You only look up at him, eyebrow raised as your fingers play with the hair at the base of his neck. “Oh! You don’t want to go out anymore?”

“I’d rather have you kiss the frown off of my face, Eiji.”

[stusbunker]

Spotless: Eco

Chapter Eleven

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean/Bela

Other characters: Bobby, Bela, Dick Roman and Kobe Bryant mentioned (look, he wasn't supposed to be here but I did my research and well, he had to be), Anael, faceless paps

Word Count: 1683 with pictures

Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, tour planning, brunch and shopping with Bela, unbeta'd

Series Masterlist

“Okay, well the official schedule from the touring company arrived, so I have maybe a week to set up the promo interviews before they announce it publicly,” you said over the phone.

“Yeah, with Crowley it’s probably gonna be sooner. Annie’s gotta find someone to step in for the whole year with this so she’s already interviewing. Let me know if you need anything, because I’m just sitting on my hands until we’re actually rolling out,” Bobby replied solemnly.

The give me something to do, please, was implied.

“Check with Benny and his boys, I know the label is supplying some guys too, but I trust you to secure the crew and security schedules,” you said as you made another note on your ever increasing list of to do’s.

Two months may have seemed like a long time, but it was the shortest turn around you’d had for a tour since taking over as publicist for Phantom Traveler and you’d be damned if you fucked it up.

“With the holidays coming up, we’ll be in a pinch to get everything nailed down. But all the commotion with Bela and everything, people will be chomping at the bit to get actual news,” you added, staring unfocused at your computer monitor.

“And he’s got that interview coming up you said, just Dean for that one?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “I really hope Meg doesn’t eat him alive. But it’s his chance to give his side of things and for people to see where his head is at now.”

“The sassy little brunette, right?”

“The very one.”

“Is it going to be a tit-for-tat thing? Is Cas gonna be next for a tell-all?”

“Bobby, I don’t think Cas would do an interview and talk bad about Dean even if they paid him. He’s moved on.”

“If you say so, Dean didn’t exactly play nice.”

“He must have had hundreds of offers for the dirt since leaving the band. And everything I hear about him now is just about the kid he’s working with and how they’re creating something unique.”

“I just know how that reporter liked him— the last time.”

“I’m sure she’s going in with the bias against Dean here. Time will tell if she can be swayed,” you admitted. “Plus, Dean won't be alone. We made sure there'll be a few of us there to make it easier.”

“To keep him from making a damned fool of himself you mean.”

“Basically.”

Bobby sat on the other end of the line with his gruff silence before continuing, “you going home for Christmas?”

“Yeah, got the usual stuff with my folks for Christmas Eve then I’m helping Ellen on Christmas day. I’m flying so I won’t be gone more than a few days. Probably end up spending half of it at airports with my luck.”

“Okay, just checkin’.”

“You guys have any plans?”

“Just service on the night before and maybe something with Annie’s cousins. Might just be a train of open houses.”

“Wow, I’m impressed.”

“Hey, I didn’t say I’d enjoy myself.”

You laughed and wrapped it up with a promise to touch base before you left town. The next two days were a whirlwind of emails and phone calls. You put off confirming brunch with Bela for Sunday, but relented from guilt, as she now had regular visits from paparazzi outside her townhouse due to her and Dean’s night club-hopping. You finished up your Saturday errands and plopped yourself onto your stationary bike in a last ditch effort to fend off your restlessness until it was a reasonable enough time to crash.

God, your life was so exciting.

Bela poured you another glass from the endless pitcher of mimosas. “Anyway, I guess Dean got us tickets to the Lakers’ game tomorrow night, like I actually care about baseball.”

“Basketball,” you corrected, taking a sip.

“Exactly,” Bela smirked.

“How good are the tickets? He doesn’t really follow it either,” you continued, worried they’d be in an embarrassing section.

“I think he said something about getting the label’s box for the game?” She tried to play innocent.

You almost spit out your drink. “The entire box?”

“It’s not floor seats’ exposure, but it will be worth it at least. I think he said he called in a favor with Dick?”

“Dick Roman is giving Dean access to his exclusive luxury box at the Staples Center?” You were floored, you opened your phone and googled who they were playing. “Holy fuck, they’re retiring Kobe’s number tomorrow. It’s going to be insane. There’s no way that box isn’t gonna be packed, but at least you can bump elbows with the uppity ups.”

“Kobe Bryant, yeah? He was quite prolific,” Bela seemed pleased. 

“Uh, yeah, played his whole career here,” you added, but put your phone away. Unwilling to text Dean a ‘wtf’ text while you still had another hour of drinks and foodstuffs to get through. “What are you going to wear?”

Bela slid her most compelling face on. “I was hoping we could find something together. It’s been ages since we drunk shopped. Plus, it’s the holidays so I will need to be a bit tipsy if I want to deal with the crowds.”

You had literally nothing left to buy for Christmas, but drunk shopping was a time-honored tradition between the two of you. Plus, it was fun watching Bela work her magic and pull a stunning outfit together out of seemingly discordant pieces.

“Three stores and I’m getting my own ride home, missy,” you warned with a firm pointer finger.

“Of course!” Bela chuckled and tucked into her eggs, eyes flitting back to you with conspiratorial delight.

You finished off your mimosa and finally saw to your french toast.

Bela’s driver took you to all of her favorite haunts and naturally she weaseled her way in to see the best stylists, at least those who were actually on hand on the Sunday afternoon before Christmas. At Sister Jo’s boutique, the owner herself greeted Bela with a double cheek kiss and hug. 

“What are you doing here? Wait, don’t tell me, you need an outfit asap because your little rocker boy toy needs arm candy,” the woman, who was actually named Anael, teased.

“You know me too well,” Bela replied. “This is my dear friend, Y/N, and we’re a bit on the tilt from brunch, but I simply had to come see you. I need something casual and sexy. It’s for a basketball game.”

You waved as she nodded in your direction, not wanting to break the momentum.

Anael frowned and looked Bela over, with much consideration. Then she hummed before asking, “how do you feel about hats?”

Nearly two hours and a top off on champagne later (to keep your buzzes going), you and Bela walked out of the shop with a bag each and a receipt ensuring Bela would be back in the morning for the alterations on the remaining garments.  

“Well, I’d say that was a successful outing,” Bela said with pride, the pink in her cheeks the only hint of her lingering inebriation.

“I’d say,” you agreed, opening the back door of her pre-ordered ride. “I still can’t believe they had something that would work for me for New Year’s.”

Bela waited on the curb until she could slide in the other side, but continued your trail of thought. “Anael is good people, if she likes something, she carries it. Doesn’t matter the size or price, she is all about how an outfit makes you feel,” Bela explained.

“Well, it worked, because I just spent more on myself than I have the entire year because of how good it felt on, so I get it,” you said, patting the bag at your feet.

Bela confirmed your address with the driver and then hers, thanking them for going out of their way in a way that she wasn’t actually apologizing for being a burden.

“You got eyes on you lady,” the driver warned, pointing towards the corner where a camera lens was trained on the car.

“Ignore them, they’ll find someone else before they follow us very far,” Bela promised and you could see her almost glaring at the rearview mirror for the driver to get the lead out.

You sat on the couch in your robe and sleep pants, hair still wet and wrapped on top of your head. You had crashed for a late afternoon nap after shopping and had rebounded with a blissfully long shower and skincare treatment. Now you watched mind numbing television and plotted out your schedule for the coming week. Even though it was cut short with holiday travels, it was full-to-bursting with things to get done.

You sighed and dragged out your suitcase from under your bed, dropped it on the couch and unzipped it to start packing. At least you could watch something while you organized. 

Just after ten your phone buzzed with a text message. You ignored it for a minute until you could find the remote beneath your pile of socks and paused your Lord of the Rings rewatch.

You stared at the conversation with the movie still paused, dumbfounded. One, that Dean sent you a goodnight text of all things and secondly that he was going to willingly give Bela his phone to post on social media about them. Because it’s not official until they’re both posting each other, or so they say. This was going to be big for the fan girls. You already knew Becky would be emailing you the second she saw it. But as far as fanclub presidents went, she wasn’t the worst. Then again, she would be more than a little bitter if Sam and Madison were the ones flaunting their relationship.

You put a reminder in your calendar to cover an extra sweep of SM while you were waiting out Dean’s interview Tuesday morning and then you tossed your phone back amongst your clothes. You were done for the night and so you shoved your half-packed suitcase on the floor and restarted the movie.

Tagging:

@deans-spinster-witch

@mrswhozeewhatsis

@cosicas-cuquis

@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@suckitands33

@ladysparkles78

@deans-baby-momma

@stoneyggirl2

@sassy-pelican

@leigh70

@globetrotter28

@winharry

@lastactiontricia

@rockhoochie

Chapter Twelve: Hook

[queerbuckleys]

INSPIRATION SATURDAY//SEVEN SENTENCE SUNDAY tagged by @hippolotamus and @honestlydarkprincess i dont have any visual inspo this week, just promo for 7x05 and my own queer journey :) i am still messing around with this, right now this is before the date but it might be moved and rewritten a teensy bit but for the most part beats wise it'll stay the same.

“Okay kid, ready?” he asks Jee now that all the mugs are filled.  And then he stops, frozen with the tray of mugs in his hand and Jee taking off toward the living room. And he just stops and watches. His family. And something in his gut tightens. And it becomes too real that there is something, that there is a fundamental truth to his being that they don’t know. It’s not that he thinks they will think less of him. It’s that there’s this thing that wants to burst out of his chest and he doesn’t know how to say it.  He shakes himself out of it and finally joins them, placing the tray on one of the end tables next to Hen who passes the mugs out. He settles into the chair.  “So, when is this little munchkin arriving?” Maddie asks over her coffee. “She’s with another family for the weekend, but we get to pick her up on Monday.” Karen replies, her fingers running over the hem of a little pale green onesie with ducks all over it. She’s smiling and glowing, and looking at Hen.  Buck listens and puts the puzzle pieces together, he’s witnessing another pure joy. Something that he knows the both of them have wanted for so long.  “You guys are having a baby?” he asks softly, grinning like an idiot. He doesn’t need to hear the answer. He wants to wrap them both up in the biggest hug. He was always going to be ecstatic when this day came for them, he always believed they would have their chance. But now, now, he wants to weep with joy. There is a whole new thread pulling at his heartstrings. He wants to say I think I’m like you and I'm excited to find out more.  But he just sits and watches, his eyes bright.  “--Buck?”  “Huh” “How is single life treating you?” Karen asks “Well, I uhh, have a date on Saturday.” his leg bounces rapidly.  “Oh how fun! What’s her name?”  He swallows and nearly chokes on his coffee.  “Uh, Tommy,” he says casually. He doesn’t even know how it came out of his mouth if he’s completely honest.  “Oh, I love subverting gendered names. We should consider that!” Karen says tapping Hen on the shoulder with a smile.  Buck actually chokes on his coffee this time.

idk who to tag my brain is mush for some reason

[sageistrii]

pjms has to be careful with the criticisms they make because then it comes back double for jimin.

we do hope that jimin doesn't work with 🛵 but they've seen the gigantic potential of jimin on his own without their help, especially in the us...

so be careful when criticizing everything involving rm at the moment because if something happens on jimin's future album they'll make his life hell, showing the hypocrisy of pjms 😬

I understand what you mean I truly do. I mean it's pretty obvious that Hybe has made sure anyone who plans to get radioplay in the us goes through scooter which means Jimin has to go through him if he wants it too, so now we have to think of what happens if he does go through scooter. So yes I understand you but at the same time I'm confused...

This whole conversation seems to be based on the fact that we have concluded that Jimin is for sure going to be linked to him because rm is. I get it but 2 other members released music this year and there was no scooter in sight, so we are focused on the possibility of Jimin working with scooter all because rm did?

So we believe that working with scooter is something that Jimin doesn't mind doing or scooter has now decided he wants a piece of the Jimin pie that he's now made himself a part of pjm2?

It's all the same to me.

Two members released before rm and scooter had nothing to do with it. The only difference between hobi and joons promo so far is radioplay. I just think If we did not have this discussion of "what if?" When everyone was writing Their essays about jk, hybe and scooter then why does it matter now? If rm hadn't gotten radioplay there was still always a slight chance that scooter could be involved with jimins next project after everything that happened last year, it was always a possibility joon getting radioplay or not. So if we didn't care about our words coming back to bite us in the ass back then, why do we care now? Because it's namjoon?

It was ok when the discussion was about jk but no one should say anything about rm? I mean scooter working with Jimin was always a possibility even then so why the sudden change now? There was always a huge chance that it would happen and jjks would drag Jimin and call pjms out on their "hypocrisy" as you say so why does it matter if one more member is added to the mix?

Also this constant need to muzzle people, picking and choosing what we say depending on if y'all like the member or not is annoying. If you can talk about scooter when the conversation was about jk, then there's no point in backtracking now. Jimin would get dragged regardless.

What difference would it make of pjms kept quiet now? They already said more than enough about scooter before now anyways.

In my opinion I'm really not seeing what scooter has done for rm so I'm not going to give him heat, but what pjms are saying now isn't even coming from a place of "oh some members are sellouts and Jimin will never work with scooter". Those tweets are being made because namjoon stans also joined in on the Jimin hate train during face era, they were liking and making tweets calling him all sorts of disgusting names. Any heat he's getting from pjms is just their way of getting his stans to eat their words, just like how pjms would not have cared too much about jk and scooter if jk stans hadn't led the hate train during face era. I'm sure they would have talked about the favoritism regardless but they would not have cared this much if Jimin hadn't been affected by it directly and jjks weren't accusing Jimin of fraud all of face era.

Some of y'all just love to talk without actually thinking or even trying look back to the origin of everything that has happened.

I think it's stupid to worry about people hating on him if scooter does have anything to do with his next work when this whole conversation only started because the stans of other BTS members almost ruined jimins debut. He would get hated on regardless so who gives a fuck?

The question you should be asking yourselves right now is how YOU as a fan would feel about scooter having anything to do with pjm2's promotion rather than caring about Jimin experiencing something that he will experience regardless of what happens.

Me personally, I would rather jimins career progression be left up to fate if working with that man is his only option and honestly if whatever is being given to rm right now is what he would be getting then there's no point to it, just let us carry on like we were because honestly the radioplay is the only good thing I've seen so far. But then again I can't complain after wanting him to make a move. I'm not faulting any member for taking it if this is their only option at any Kind of promo but at the same time I'm not going to try and stop anyone from getting their licks in with hyung line stans.

Pjms are always the ones who have to worry about the consequences of their actions affecting Jimin, the other akgaes have never cared about repercussions when they say the vilest things about him. We'll all live I think, lol.

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: "Jedi Night"

Right, just going to go ahead and pass around the boxes of tissues.

Live reaction version.

And here we are at last. The entire latter half of the season had already began shifting at "Rebel Assault", but here the shift becomes permanent.

From the promos and synopsis put out before this episode, the genre-savvy among us could kind of already tell what was coming. But it was still devastating.

All right, enough stalling, let's get into it.

Aww man, this is the same spot Ezra sits in the finale isn't it?

Dammit we're barely ten seconds in and I'm already sad.

The Loth-wolf theme is heavy over this scene as Kanan is bombarded with an audio portent and foreshadowing of things to come in the WBW.

"You want a ride?" "The Jedi Temple is in danger." "Kanan, you haven't gotten me a present since we met." "You can learn what it truly means to be a Jedi." "You didn't prepare me for this, Kanan." "There's something I need to tell you." "I know I can always count on you."

Kanan hears mostly himself, and the two most important people in his life--Hera and Ezra. He hears Ezra's despair at losing him, and his resolve in entrusting his life and mission to Sabine. He knows the Jedi Temple is in danger. He's connected deeply with the wolves at this point, and either knows or at least suspects what he and Ezra will be asked to do.

This is probably where those extra episodes explaining Kanan's backstory and connection to Lothal would have come in handy. As it is we get the mysterious voiceover dump and have to piece things together after the fact.

What I think makes the most sense is that the Loth-wolves stopped Kanan from going to rescue Hera last episode precisely because--connected deeply as they are in the Force, associated with the WBW--they could see ahead to the potential futures of that course of action and knew that if he went after her, he would die. No matter what he did, no matter which way he moved, one way or another, it would happen. So they warned him. They showed him why lay ahead.

If you do this, we cannot save you, they told him.

And that's why he spends so much of this episode trying to mentally prepare the others, especially Ezra, for his absence.

Because the wolves still a Jedi to save the Temple from Palpatine's evil intentions.

Kanan is resolved in his purpose: He's going to save Hera. He's resigned to his fate: He will trade his life for the chance. And he's determined in his resilience: "Then I will make it count." He won't just make his death a meaningless sacrifice. He will ensure the completion of her mission, honor her by fulfilling the end goal of her failed attack. He will save Lothal by destroying the fuel pods and bringing the factories to a halt. He will give his life for Hera's dream.

Kanan proves in the end that he understands how to love without attachment. (Also why he makes Ezra formulate the plan, because he knows his feelings are compromised when it comes to Hera.) He will not cling selfishly to her. He will free her and then let her go and then let his own life pass away. He will take his place in Hades, and then teach Ezra how to grieve. Because Ezra won't be able to save him.

Because you can't go back down into Hades to retrieve the ones you lose.

“In mythology, if you go to Hades to get them back you’re not doing it for them, you’re doing it for yourself. You’re doing it because you don’t want to give them up. You’re afraid to be without them. The key to the dark side is fear. You must be clean of fear, and fear of loss is the greatest fear. If you’re set up for fear of loss, you will do anything to keep that loss from happening, and you’re going to end up in the dark side. That’s the basic premise of Star Wars and the Jedi, and how it works."

George Lucas, Mellody Hobson George Lucas - Virtual Speaker Interview, 2021

I love this shot, Ezra entering lightsaber-first, a visual emphasis on the fact that they are Jedi, and the Force requires much of them. Much sacrifice, much compassion, much selflessness. To whom much is given, much is required. With great power comes great responsibility.

All that jazz.

Kanan is preparing Ezra for the greatest responsibility he's going to have, to be asked to do what is right regardless of what it will personally cost him. And he's about to become a very painful object lesson.

He also talks like he's been given multiple visions of the future and is arranging things specifically so that they'll fall out in a specific way. It mirrors how Ezra speaks in the finale--If Thrawn shows up too soon, then this path, if he doesn't, then this one.

Some very painful paralleling that you don't realize the first time through.

Ezra's a bit uncertain at first, but honors Kanan's request, and gets started formulating a plan to get them into the Capital.

OH HEY WOULD YOU LIKE TO DESPISE PRYCE A BIT MORE?

Conducting the interrogation personally in her own office is quite the flex.

Once again paralleling to the Season One finale, another character comes in to start the questioning, and gets awfully personal with the digs, bringing up the interrogated party's painful past and history. In this case, Thrawn has brought Hera's kalikori down from its pedastel in his office on the Chimaera--that "place of honor" he promised her--in order to rub it in how he's deciphered the cultural meaning behind it.

Really leaning in hard on those icky cultural appropriation vibes aren't we, writers? Let's be clear, it's not that Thrawn was curious about Twi'lek culture and researched what meant what on a kalikori that's so gross, it's that he did so in order to learn more about Hera specifically so that he could hurt her more personally, namely by taunting her about her dead brother. It's the context, not the curiosity.

Thrawn is an Imperial warlord and only comes into contact with these cultural relics because he's a member of the tyrannical force currently oppressing those cultures. If he really respected or cared about them as items important to the people the Empire was conquering, he should leave them in their damn place. OR, if destruction of the relics at the hand of the Empire was inevitable, he should save them from that destruction and then be finding a way to give them back to the people they belong to or the closest equivalent. Instead he hoards them in his own art gallery to dissect and study to glean more insight into the cultures, so that the Empire might better defeat them.

Yeah no, the staging parallels to the Grand Inquisitor are super 100% on purpose and deliberate.

Also! Because I like ruining people's days, would you like some more Fridge Horror that you may or may not already have seen if you've been following me?

IT-O droids monitor prisoner vitals. Heartrate, blood pressure, adrenaline, other hormones and physiological markers. Hera's already pregnant at this point. Possibly far enough along that the IT-O was able to detect it.

Thrawn and Pryce might knowingly have tortured a pregnant woman.

~You're weeeeeeeeeelcooooooooome.~

Love Sabine whacking Zeb and shushing him to not interrupt Ezra as he's meditating and sensing out.

Also this look. <3

And also the soft conspiratorial smiles between Ezra and Sabine as they vibe on the same wavelength in regards to this plan.

The Kiners go all out on the music this next scene, as we montage building the gliders and Kanan preparing to shave and cut his hair, fully reclaiming his identity as Caleb Dume, The Last Padawan, again.

Kanan's theme plays, in bright flute, with bouncy string accompaniment. It's ritualistic how he moves. Like a samurai slicing off his topknot. Luke's Theme crossfades in through his to mark the heroism of the moment, as the preparations are finished.

And thus begins a long series of hidden goodbyes.

"This is one of those times I'm glad the Force is with you." Zeb says, about how crazy the plan is, and Kanan just silently puts a hand on his shoulder, the last time the two men would ever speak.

(The animators also go all hell out, making this episode one of the most gorgeous yet put to print.)

Cut to our favorite blue asshole. And he's been summoned to Coruscant for a meeting of heads of state to quibble about budgetary proportions lol. Of all things to yank Thrawn away from Lothal, it's politics and bureaucracy, par the course. Thrawn seems offended and claims Palpatine assured him he supports the Defenders.

And while I'm sure Palpatine has paid a bit of lip service to Thrawn's face... yeah no sorry honey, Palpatine was always going to go with the Death Star thing, it's been in the works since before the Clone War broke out. The only issue is that it's sucking all the funding and resources of everything else dry because of the constant delays and problems (Krennic is apparently mismanaging to hell) so now they are considering ganking money from other various projects to feed it.

And that's just... SO like the government lol.

So exit Thrawn, straight into the Thrawn: Treason novel. And I am still SORELY disappointed that Zahn did not take full advantage of the fact that Treason was basically a Rebels tie-in in order to have Thrawn sloooooooowly losing his mind and patience over things dissolving on Lothal while he's not there so that by the time we get him back in the finale, his irritation and annoyance is peak comedy and perfect characterization follow-through.

"I was gone for ONE HOUR and you blew up my project???!??"

The gliders are telegraphed to us with a very slight sound effect, and the rigid wings. So it's amazingly effective at fooling the Troopers lol. Rukh on the other hand has probably picked up a whiff of Zeb lingering on the others so he's alert.

Aaaaaand hidden goodbye number two, frick my heart this one hurts. There's so much Kanan can't tell Ezra, lest the fear of loss cripple him and make him unable to act, drive him towards the Dark Side. Kanan needs Ezra to be able to function for this mission, so he just praises Ezra for being a good listener--a veiled admonition for him to continue listening to the will of the Force, to his instincts, to the wisdom of others, to the wolves--and tells him and Sabine, "May the Force be with you."

He entrusts their safety to the Force, and tells them to trust in it in turn.

"Ezra and Sabine have each other, they'll find their way home."

Oh boy, on this edition of "Terrible Rebels takes that make zero sense except to the perpetually offended", there were actually multiple people who complained about Hera's confession coming about as a result of the truth serum, and they were mad that her loopy state because of the truth serum was played for laughs.

To which all I will say is, shut up, Hera drunk on truth serum is hilarious. Maybe quit having such a stick up your butt about bad things happening to female characters and let them get in on the jokes and slapstick occasionally.

Heroic Main Theme here as Kanan makes his entrance.

About 90% certain the thing Hera wanted to tell Kanan here was that she was pregnant. I refuse to accept that time on the fuel pod as the first time she told Kanan she loved him. Does not make sense, rejected.

Not gonna comment much on the Kanan/Hera scenes, they're adorable and sweet and heartwarming and heartbreaking in hindsight but I will say this soft romantic cue that accompanies them is very lovely.

Pryce sounds more than a bit pissy that Hera got rescued right from under her nose. This leads directly into her recklessness later with the fuel pods.

Love Ezra and Sabine casually commandeering a gunship. "I'm the backup pilot, so I'm in the back." And the Troopers just accept that logic lol.

And the "something" Kanan needs to tell Hera is either that he knows she's pregnant (but maybe doesn't know she knows?) OR about his upcoming expiration. Too bad Rukh interferes.

Oh hey, another sad parallel, neither Jedi have their lightsaber for their moment of ultimate sacrifice.

Hgngnh watching all the pieces move into place for what I already know is coming is awful.

Still cannot get over just how polluted the streets are, look at that rust colored smog.

Lol Ezra's little fist pump, completely forgetting where he is a moment. He's so cute I love him.

Their teamwork in taking out the other Imperials is great too.

*watches the kiss, sighs with sadness*

You did not have to dig so hard into the mood whiplash guys. You really didn't.

All right, let's just... pull off the bandaid.

The animation, the music full of mournful male chorus and high siren wail, the muted soundtrack, the emphasis on Hera and Ezra, that Kanan is so deeply utterly in tune with the Force that his blindness doesn't even matter (which is what his eyes clearing up was, clumsily, attempting to convey) he can see them...

And then he's gone.

And how awful it was for Ezra, who literally just felt his bond with Kanan snap inside his head, to have to be the competent leader and shout at Sabine to, "Go! Go!". For him to have to be the one thinking clearly, because Hera is completely numb and in shock.

Sabine wiping her eyes as she flies them out of there, somehow still able to see through her tears.

And then a stark white and gray titlecard as ashen dust flickers down around the text.

:((((((((

Frick man it still hits hard. Looking back though, it was inevitable. The death flags were all there, the pieces all set up and in place. This wasn't done on a whim, this was meticulously thought out, to devastating effect.

I was never quite as emotionally attached to Kanan as a lot of other people in the fandom, and I'm also a grown adult, so Kanan's death, while incredibly saddening, was not nearly as emotionally devastating to me as it was to quite a few younger viewers. For a lot of fandom this was their first time experiencing a fictitious loss like that, of having a character, a person they had as a staple in their lives, suddenly leaving it. Leaving behind an empty hole.

And that's one of the reasons I have to respect the writers for doing it. They had a story they needed to tell--about loss, about dealing with grief, about how to pick yourself back up and continue doing the right thing, as a Jedi specifically for Ezra, and as a person for everyone else--and they knew they needed to give it the weight and gravitas it merited.

You can't cling to things forever. It's one of the core staple lessons of Star Wars, the "point of the prequels" to borrow a common if oft-misused phrase.

Loss will happen. Death will happen. Do not give into fear about it. Do not let your fear of loss drive you into darkness.

Give yourself time to process the loss. Let yourself grieve.

And then let go.

So I appreciate that the next few episodes are spent almost as if in a funk, the cloud of grief hanging over us as we process through our loss with the characters and then pick ourselves back up and return to the mission. Because the war isn't won yet, and there are still things left to do.

It is darkest before the dawn.

[lesvegas]

My Beginner/Newbie Guide to Neopets

Never used the site before in your life but wanna check it out? Just logged into your old account and wanna get back into it? Saw my promo and wanna take advantage of it? Wanna make loads of neopoints? As someone with about 20mil in the bank I can't guarantee following my advice will make you MEGA rich but I can get you pretty close with pretty minimal effort.

TL;DR do your dailies and invest in stocks (it's way easier than it sounds, idk shit about real life stocks)

(And before I hear any "isnt neopets run by scientologists" the answer is no, it never was, neopets.com once fell into a company that was run by a scientologist for about a year back in the early 2000s)

Guide below the cut!

THE MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE TO TAKE FROM THIS GUIDE:

Spin Trudy's Surprise wheel every day (link here)

Invest in stocks (guide here)

Do whatever dailies you want (link here)

Use Jellyneo's item database to search/price anything (link here)

This guide assumes you've already made an account, a pet, and have about 2000np (given to every new account) to spend, and that you're currently logged in (you'll need to be for most of these links).

Confused by the site layout? No idea where to go? No worries, I'll link just about everything you need here.

DISCLAIMER: There's a lot of stuff I DON'T do, but if there's something that interests you, go ahead and try it!! I just do the bare minimum when it comes to dailies lol

~~Dailies~~

If you clicked on this link, you're probably already overwhelmed by the sheer number of dailies your expected to do. The good news is, I don't do at least half of these. Most of these aren't worth your time or points and I only really do easy 1-click dailies that net me free shit. I'll show you exactly which ones those are.

Let's start with the Classics-

I've already gone ahead and erased the ones a new account will never have to worry about.

These are the priority freebie dailies you should be doing each day when you can. Lemme explain what each one does:

Soup Kitchen: Until you have 3000np, you can feed your pets here for free!

Free Jelly: One free jelly (worth 2 meals) each day

Giant Omelette: One free omelette (worth 3 meals) each day

Interest @ Bank: You can collect interest on your bank account each day (you need a bank account, I'll explain later)

Money Tree: Free stuff people throw away, guide further down

Trudy's Surprise: Free neopoints daily

Monthly Freebies: Once a month, not daily, free 2000np and food

Obsidian Quarry: One free piece of obsidian daily. I just sell them for 1np a piece to get people coming to my shop

Apple Bobbing: Free item daily (small chance to lose an item or nps)

Anchor Management: Free item daily

Mysterious Negg Cave: Solve a puzzle for a free item (solver here)

Grave Danger: Petpet required. Send it down into the catacombs daily to find items.

These are all the easiest of the dailies. Next up we have

The Wheels-

Yes, just these wheels, because none of the scratchcards are worth trying to me. I've never won anything good from them. These wheels are all relatively low-cost, but if you only wanted to pick ONE, do the Wheel of Mediocrity. I've found it has the highest return for the cost.

Also, the Wheel of Monotony can go for literal hours. I tend to let it go in a muted tab and do other stuff in the meantime. Anyway, next is

Win NPs, Items, Stats-

I've erased anything that takes too much time, doesn't work cause flash, can only be accessed at certain times, or isn't newbie accessible. I'll elaborate on the rest;

Tombola: Draw a ticket and win a prize (free)

Deserted Tomb: Go into a tomb and potentially find treasure (may hurt your neopet)

Fruit Machine: One free spin per day for fruit

Coltzan's Shrine: One of the best dailies. Potentially increases stats, gives NP or items

Kreludor Meteor: Free items when it works

TDMBGPOP: Free items (usually plushies) or NPs

Underwater Fishing: Free fish or fishing-related items

Forgotten Shore: Requires treasure map (guide here)

Healing Springs: Heals your pets or gives you an item. Can be done every 30mins. I recommend coming here last to heal pets after some dangerous dailies. You can also come here every 30mins if your pet is sick until they're cured.

These are also good, easy freebies I recommend doing daily. Personally I also use the Battledome but that's because I've actually trained one of my pets to fight. Now for the

Pay NPs and Win-

No, really, that's it.

Okay, I also personally do Cheeseroller, and I used to do more carnival games when they worked, but these are the only ones you really need to worry about in this section.

Faerie Caverns, Test Your Strength, and Pick Your Own are simple games where you can win NPs and items.

Garage Sale is a shop where most items are sold below market value. Great for reselling.

Bargain stocks are cheaper than regular stocks and are only for poor/new users.

And what about

Other Neopets Stuff To Do-

A lot less intimidating now, huh?

Most things in this section are just... things to do. Things that aren't all that profitable. These four are the only ones you should bother with if your priority is getting NPs.

Symol Hole requires a PetPet. You can win items, but this is rare.

Stock Portfolio... I'll get into that soon. But this is important.

Trading Post is where you go to offload tons of junk, get tons of junk, buy/sell anything worth more than 999999np, and find good deals

Employment Agency is where you take jobs that involve finding and buying a certain number of a particular item in a certain timeframe. I only recommend this if you've become familiar with Jellyneo's item data base and the Shop Wizard.

Now what about the next sections, Quests, Competitions, and Games?

Don't worry about 'em.

When you're financially better off, you can try doing some daily Faerie quests if you want, but I don't recommend getting into them right away. Contests are cool and all, but not my thing personally, so I can't tell you much about them. As for games... most of them are still broken.

But the game Fashion Fever is an easy free 900np a day. Just wait 10 seconds before finishing the game, then send score.

Wait, how does the Stock Market work?

Great question!

The stock market is the easiest way to rack up neopoints. I can't comment on bargain stocks because I haven't done them, but I can tell you all about the regular stock market.

(You could also uh, watch this 5 minute guide here, which is how I originally learned how the stock market works)

Conceptually, you buy stocks while they're cheap, then wait until their value goes up and sell them at a high price. You can easily turn 15000np into 45000np by simply waiting.

Also, I really recommend you have 15000np before buying any stocks. Do other dailies until you have that much at least.

Your stock portfolio is here. Read the scrolling stocks at the top of the page:

Until you find a stock valued at 15np (circled above). Once you have the stock name (this one is SWNC), go to 'Buy' (right under the scrolling stocks in blue),

And buy them! Buy 1000 at a time.

15np is the LOWEST a stock can go before it's unbuyable, and you can only buy a total of 1000np per day.

Now, we just have to wait for the value to go up.

I only sell stocks once the value is +300%. SWNC is currently at 0.00% because it's worth the value I originally bought it at (15np).

Check your portfolio daily, buy new stocks when you can, sell when they're high, and sooner or later you'll be raking in hundreds of thousands of neopoints per sale!

Does Trudy's Surprise really guarantee thousands of free NPs?

Yes. No, seriously, yes.

The first time you spin the wheel, you'll probably only get about 1000np. Come back the next day, spin it again, maybe you'll get 2000np. By the end of the first week, probably 6000np.

And on day 25? 100000np. Guaranteed. Then the cycle resets to day 1, and it's back to about 1000np.

With Trudy's Surprise, you can very easily obtain around 200000np a month.

BUT. You need to spin the wheel once EVERY DAY or the counter resets and you're back to day 1 again.

There are days where I really don't feel like doing my dailies at all, but I always try to make sure I get this one in. It's absolutely worth logging it.

You mentioned a Bank Account?

If you haven't opened a bank account (for neopoints, not actual money), do so now!!

A bank will hold onto your neopoints for you so you don't lose them during random events, and you can collect interest every day. There's a cost to open and upgrade an account, but no fees besides that. The more nps in your account, the more interest you can collect! I collect about 6000np a day just from my nps sitting in my account.

Okay, I did my dailies and now I have all this stuff sitting in my inventory. Now what?

Well, you have a few options:

Use them. Food feeds your pet, books educate them, toys entertain them... before doing anything else with some items, consider if you want to use them on your pet.

Donate them. If you're completely at a loss or don't want to bother selling them, you can always donate or discard them to free up space.

Store them in your Safety Deposit Box. Got items that you think you'll use later that are currently taking up space? Store them in your SDB or Closet for now.

Trade them. Go to the trading post, browse new trades, and use these items as fodder for getting good deals. Alternatively, put them up for trade and see what people offer.

Sell them. If you haven't opened a shop yet, I highly recommend you do so. You can put items in the shop, but they won't be displayed until you've set a price. Don't know what to charge? Search the item in the Jellyneo item database to find out how much it's worth!

Why even do any of this?

Honestly, that's up to you to decide.

Neopets is a weird site. People came for the pets, but the only ones that stayed have remained for the economy. You either find it fun or you don't, and I know it's harder when you're a beginner.

What really got me into neopets again was finding a goal. If you want to get rich, that's the one thing you need most: a goal. It could be a static number, a dream pet, a dream gallery, w/e. My first main goal was a gold paintbrush for a pet I don't even have anymore, and my current goal is 25mil in my account. After that, I think my next goal will be to access the lab ray.

If you're just starting out and don't know what you want your goal to be, I'd suggest finding that old dream pet or picking a new one here: This site shows every pet in every colour. Find one that speaks to you, find out how much the paintbrush or morphing potion or whatever method costs, and work for that.

I'm still confused/have questions.

Please feel free to DM me!! I love neopets and am trying to get more people (especially my friends) into it. I don't know everything but the least I can do is point you to a guide that can help. Don't hesitate to reach out to me!

You can also neomail me if you want <3

[charles-leclerc-official]

Did you see the drama that went down with Lizzie the f1 tiktoker and how she called out ferrari fan behavior? Personally I think she’s right and those against it are part of the problem.

I have seen the things about fan behavior(regarding filming drivers without consent and making excuses for that behavior) I am not on tiktok so I am unfamiliar with this specific creator and their statement. But I have seen the discussions being had on twitter.

On this page I have always stuck to my personal rules of only posting race weekend footage from official outlets, and official promo or posts from a driver themselves. Anything that is fan photos or paparazzi isn't something I want to share. A good rule of thumb is that if a photo or video cannot be traced back to an official source it's probably best not to spread it. Even a fan selfie that Charles posed for and agreed to, that's great for him and the fan who met him, but it doesn't need to be spread around. I don't need/want to see every single photo ever taken of the man.

I am only really concerned with a driver if they are doing the whole driving the car thing. I want to see Charles in the SF-24 on track, and maybe some pics of him and his puppy if he wants to post some on insta to share with us. But I am really here to see the drivers doing their job. I hope they have nice lives outside of the sport but it's none of my business.

I think that anyone who feels the need to see what any driver/celebrity is doing at any given moment and feels the entitlement to film/photograph their daily lives and private moments is a creep and you should reflect on why you want to see those moments. (royal you used here I know it isn't you anon <3)

I think it says a lot about a person who feels entitled to viewing a celebrity's private life without their consent.

Additionally do not crowd or harass drivers for photos or signatures. They have very demanding schedules and they should be able to arrive places without being mobbed. I do not care if it is "your one chance to meet him" leave him be and give him personal space. I really don't understand why it's hard to treat drivers with human decency, but here we are. I really wish Ferrari (and other teams) would get better security for their drivers so there aren't dangerous crowding issues.

Enjoy them driving the car. That is what we all should be here for.

That's my stance on the issues.

[a-wholelotta-love]

For the one who loves the most! A Lee rang appreciation post ❤🥺- Ep 7 (totnt 1938)

My baby Rang 🦊

Gosh, so I know I do thoughts after every episode. But after today's episode, I only want to talk about the one person that I watch this show for and how he is one of the most devoted, loving little brother ever. I don't think I can love him any more than this. He makes my heart hurt with love. So, let's talk about how lovely he is-

I knew, with the string that he handed over to yeon last episode, that he won't let go no matter what if that's Yeon's only way back but to see it happen. Oh god, my boy would legit die before he lets Yeon lose his way back. And well, we all knew this from the last season, coz he actually did die for him but to see that same devotion even in the Rang from 1938 who is still pretending to be mad at him. He makes me cry 🥺. I am not even kidding.

The flashback where he is thinking about how Yeon saved him that day. It breaks my heart to know that That Moment was the first time someone showed care and affection to my boy and from that moment onwards, Yeon has had his loyalty and his love ❤. No matter what Yeon would do going forward, Rang would forever remember that one moment. And no matter what, he would always love him.

" I won't let go. Try all you want. I won't ever, ever let go. " This is my new cry fest.

Bro, even, I won't ever let go of my love for this babyy boy.

3. The fact that I knew last episode itself that he was looking at Cheon moo young with distrust in his eyes. The fact that he had a plan ready to go and get Yeon back himself. Man, Yeon, how did you mess up with this little brother. Like how. My boy legit said that Moo young will have to kill him first, if he intends to kill Yeon. My heart ❤💔 oh god, my heart. He is already so hurt and he still fights to protect his brother 🥺

Just kill me first, with all the feels 🥺

4. And man, I knew what Moo young told him even before they showed it. But the words, the freaking words Moo young used.

Is it wrong if I agree with Moo young here. My boy deserved so much better last season. He deserves so much better than being abandoned, being treated as second best, being made to be the villain that situations pushed him to be. I will fight for this boy and how much he deserves to be loved forever 🥺❤

Yeon, you really have the best brother ever and it's time that you do something to give him the life that he deserves. ❤

5. And well, the bonus freaking scene with Yeo-hee. And I am not just talking about the kiss here. He will protect her even when he is hurt but she is someone who will always put him first, love him and protect him. The promo of next episode where he mentions how he, too wanted to live 🥺.Gosh, I believe to some extent it's because he thinks he has something to live for now. And I am glad if she makes him feel that way. I want this boy to want to live and to get a chance to live 🥺 Please writers, please don't take that away from him, I don't know how but I need them to reverse the shit from season 1 somehow, I need my boy to live and be loved by his brother and his girl the way he deserves. Please. ❤

The way he looks at her ❤🥺.

I need him to be happy the way I need air to breathe guys. I will fly to Korea and kill the writers if they do him dirty this season. I sure will 🥺🪓

[atruththatyoudeny]

Happy 28th! Here are all the fics I read and loved this month:

Remember Me Before You | kingsofeverything | [293k] Desperate to find a new place to live after he comes home to find his boyfriend cheating, Harry moves into a loft with three strangers. A New Girl AU.

Eyes on the Horizon | yeah_alright | [12k] Freshly dumped, recently fired, and about to turn 40, Harry's friends insist on taking him skydiving to cheer him up. His younger and extremely fit instructor Louis makes him even more nervous than the idea of jumping out of a plane, but both may be exactly what he needs to turn his life around.

Late Night Talking | kingsofeverything | [54k] Louis Tomlinson has a new album coming out and a second world tour on the horizon. Promo season gets underway with a stop at Late Night Talking, the late night show hosted by Harry Styles, and Harry Styles just happens to be the man who blew a chance to date Louis a decade ago.

Unholy | wickedarcher_08 | [12k] When Harry Styles started acting different after his 26th birthday, Father Louis Tomlinson is the only one that may be able to save his soul. He has successfully performed exorcisms before. This should be easy. Until it isn't. Harry is more than he seems. The battle of wills test every bit of faith Louis has. And Harry? Well, he's just getting started. "Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."- Matthew 26:41.

Secrets, Santa? | indiaalphawhiskey | [20k] Right, okay, so Harry had confessed his deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets to a stranger who turned out to be his boss. No big deal. This was probably just the beginning of Harry’s own hilariously heartwarming, wildly romantic Hallmark Christmas movie, come to life, right? …Right?

Moonlit Renault | softfonds | [38k] It's the early 20th century, and Louis Tomlinson learns just how much he is willing to do for a love that is considered wrong, but feels so right. A Maurice AU.

It's Thursday. Let's Get (un)Dressed. | bananaheathen | [9k] When Louis is peer-pressured into downloading TikTok over the holidays, he fully expects to hate it. And he does hate it. All of it. Well... except for aspiring OOTD influencer, @harrystyles.

Warm Chilling | Larry_you_know | [8k] Louis moves into a cosy cottage in the English countryside with his dog Clifford to look after his great-aunt's animals. His next door neighbour, Harry, is an eccentric young man who swims in the pond every morning, owns cats and chickens, grows his own vegetables and wears, according to Louis, grand-dad clothes. He's the opposite of Louis, who is a true city man and has tiny little troubles adjusting to life in the countryside. It's only a matter of time before Louis falls madly in love with his endearing neighbour.

baby, you're the end of june | disgruntledkittenface | [16k] “Up for it, Harold? We can go over the rundown when we get back. If you’re not busy then.” “Yeah, sounds good,” Harry says, closing his laptop and setting it on Louis’ desk. “It’s just Harry, though.” “You look like a Harold,” Louis says, standing up and brushing some brownie crumbs off his t-shirt. Harry briefly wonders how he’s still hungry for lunch after demolishing half the plate of brownies as he stands and moves into the hallway. “It’s the cardigan, I think.” “You guys can flirt on the way,” Niall says over his shoulder, beckoning for them to follow him as he strides down the row of cubicles. “Come on, I’m starving.” Harry looks at Louis, but he just laughs as they follow Niall. Oh. He thought he’d been picking up a vibe while they hung out, but apparently not. Well, it’s better to know how Louis feels now, so he can nip his growing crush in the bud. Louis is a great guy, at least they can be friends as well as coworkers. In which Harry courts Louis. Entirely by accident.

Something Blue & Someone New | littleroverlouis | [6k] Single Alpha Louis moves into a new apartment building and doesn't realize he misses courting someone until meeting his next door neighbor, a charming Omega named Harry. Louis is working up the nerve to officially ask him to court, but what if Harry secretly beats him to the punch?

These High Walls | LarryAlways28 | [69k] Harry Styles should have the world at his feet. Born to one of Seattle's wealthiest families, Harry was raised exactly as a Styles heir should be: sharp as a tack, witty, charming, and powerful. He was the ideal son - until he presented as an Omega. Now, barely a year after his old man dropped dead and running the family company, if he makes a mistake with the Tomlinson and Sons merger and acquisition, it's game over. ___ Louis Tomlinson is in over his head. After the tragic death of his older brother, Louis has no choice but to put his music career on hold and head back home to handle the family affairs. The family business is drowning and Louis doesn't know what to do. So... when the older, and wildly attractive Harry Styles offers him a deal in exchange for saving his family's legacy- how could Louis ever refuse that? But what happens when emotions get tangled and a good business deal turns into something much more powerful?

bitter ends turn sweet in time | me_her_themoon | [24k] “Are you…” Louis looks back down at the paper, voice almost getting caught in his throat, “Harry Styles?” Oh, fuck. Harry Styles.

Chicago | HelloLovers13 | [3k] They hadn't seen each other in four years, why was Louis still writing songs about Harry? Larry take on the song Chicago

I'm Weaker Without You | The_Halcyonic_Lachesist | [20k] Alpha Lord Louis Tomlinson is a rake who refuses to settle down. Will he settle down for the Society's most talked about Omega? What about the enticing scent that belongs to the Beta? How will he react to said Beta pursuing the Omega too?

Behind closed doors | bluegreenish | [10k] “You should ask that whoever he’s currently fucking.” Liam’s eyes grow wide. “No.” His tone is unbelieving, just like Louis’ would’ve been if you had told him what turn today would take. “Yes.” “How do you know?” Louis’ room mate’s eyes barely leave him as he tries to untie his shoes without looking. “Went to his dorm earlier, found a sock on his door handle. He’s such an arsehole.” or, the one where omega Louis finds a sock on alpha Harry's door handle that causes a big misunderstanding but is also the beginning of something new.

lost in the sirens | akatomlinson | [53k] abo fic where alphas and omegas can’t cohabitate as friends and harry ‘supposed-to-be-a-beta’ styles presents a few weeks before he and louis ‘hot/spicy-omega-bestie’ tomlinson are set to move into their new uni flat. featuring sephora louis, a world run by abo stereotypes, and harry who just wants to know what it means to be an alpha

[theflyindutchwoman]

I honestly hate the Lucy UC storyline now. 1) she’s been in THREE Documentaries, one specifically about her going UC so it makes no sense (also not to mention Isabel outting her as a cop to that guy’s daughter, so maybe that’s were the storyline will go, he’ll try to get revenge on her for being a cop) and 2) she was upset about them not seeing each other much if she moved to a different station yet they wanted us to believe that she would have no problem going on a UC for 6 mths to a year and not seeing Tim (or Tamara)?!?! Like come on 🙄

For what's it worth, you're definitely not the only one feeling this way. I personally don't hate it, but I get it. This has been a bone of contention since s3, even more so lately. My biggest gripe at the moment is that, this storyline has been stagnant for so long, it's time to either commit, or give Lucy other opportunities. I wasn't sure if you were merely venting your frustrations or if you wanted me to answer : in case it's the latter, I'm gonna address your points but by no means am I trying to invalidate your feelings here. I'm just sharing my perspective on the matter.

Let's start with the documentaries. Honestly, at this point, I think we should simply take them for what they are : an opportunity for the writers to develop ridiculous plots and have fun, even though they don't make much sense… The last one was so over the top that I loved it - but I can understand that it's a bit hard to suspend your disbelief here… especially regarding the UC arc. I didn't mind Lucy being in them at first - or Nyla for that matter. Not to stereotype here, but I'm not sure the criminals she goes after watch these type of documentaries. And even if they were, they would still have to remember her specifically and there wasn't any particular reason to do so back then. I mean, so far, only one person in-universe has ever referenced these documentaries… and that lady was a director herself (5.06). That last one, on the other hand… Let's just say that outing Lucy as an undercover cop was definitely a choice… I almost feel bad for the criminals who went out of their way to be creative so they could get their hands on those UC lists, when really, all they needed to do was sit and watch true crime episodes. No respect for the craft! But more seriously : when the promo aired, I thought for sure that this issue was going to be addressed. I even wondered if I had missed a conversation or something after watching the episode. I guess, we're just supposed to pretend that it doesn't matter since not one single person raised the issue of Lucy being in the spotlight when she should be in the shadows. Then again, the LAPD doesn't see a problem with advertising a whole conference about covert operations… We clearly have a very different definition of secrecy. That said, maybe this will come back later and someone will recognise her. That's always a possibility - though it would seriously make the whole department look incompetent for not considering that ahead of time…

Another option would be to reopen the Teska plotline, as you suggested. The writers did leave the door wide open with all the loose threads, starting with how abruptly Lucy ended the op. Or how Isabel outed them as cop to the daughter, that's true. I have to say, I'm not completely convinced he would want to get revenge on Lucy. Sure, she lied to him about who she was. At the same time, she saved his kid's life, pushed him to make amends and get another chance with her and let him go free. She technically could have had him arrested : between the possession of a firearm and the conspiracy to commit murder, she had more than enough. I'm not saying the guy would become bestie with Lucy but out of all the people she's met while undercover, he's not the one with the biggest motive. Actually, I feel like Isabel would be a bigger target : after all, she's the one who infiltrated his gang and sent him to jail in the first place. Not to mention that his daughter knows how to contact her. But yes, he could always come back to wreak havoc. And as I mentioned earlier, he's not the only one. There's the female gang that might hold a grudge against Lucy. There are a couple of cartels that were crippled thanks to her. Any of her missions could come back to haunt her. But, and this is only my opinion, after spending three seasons filled with various vendettas from La Fiera, Elijah, Rosalind and whatnot, another plot like this would get old real fast. I don't think we need any more of these. Especially since Elijah is not fully over yet and we still have the ramifications from the finale to deal with. I'd rather Lucy just gives up on UC because she realises this is not for her. At least, it would be something different, you know what I mean?

And that leads me to your last point… Here's the thing : as upset as Lucy was at the idea of spending less time with Tim, she was still ready to move to another station, she still helped him get a new position that is notorious for their killer hours and she was still studying for the detective's exam. This didn't deter her at all. Obviously, this is different than being away for months on end, but she has been consistent in that regard. I understand the confusion and how illogical it sounds… But just because she was distressed about seeing Tim less, doesn't automatically mean she won't be able to handle being away. And just because she could handle it, doesn't mean she will want to do it. Speaking from personal experience here, it's a bit more nuanced - and complicated - than that I'm afraid. I only wish we would hear her perspective on all of this.

I also don't think that the narrative, or Lucy herself, was implying she would have no problem whatsoever with not seeing Tim (or Tamara) for a long period of time. I'm assuming you're referring to that last scene in 5.20, when she was worried about Tim not handling long term UC. As I see it, it was more about her trying to finally have an honest conversation with him about undercover, so they could hash everything out. This was introduced in 5.16, with Noah opening the can of worms, but they didn't get to the bottom of it since they had another conflict to take care of. Undercover is a bit of a sore point for Tim - for good reasons - and she knows it. She was there for the end of his marriage, she remembers his knee-jerk reaction when he found out she wanted to pursue undercover… He may fully be supportive now but she wants to gauge how he is truly faring with all of this. And after the events of the day (Isabel's return, their mini UC op…), it gave her the perfect opportunity to try to address this. She can guess he has been soldiering on for her and she doesn't want that. A place of honesty, remember. That's why she starts their conversation with : "Can I share something vulnerable with you?". She's putting herself in a vulnerable position by confessing how much she loves doing this job. She's trying to bring up the underlying issue in a way that wouldn't make him defensive. But a part of her has to also be afraid of his reaction. This isn't an easy situation. When she answers him "No. Um… I'm worried that you won't", it's because in that moment, her concerns are about him. Let's be honest, out of the two, he's the one more likely to have issues with this due to his past. She doesn't have the same baggage as him. And she's right to ask the question : how many of us have asked it? Apart from when she was his rookie or when he pushed her to go to the Academy, they've never talked about it. Only it's an important conversation to have if they want to spend their lives together. And they finally had it after her last mission. Another reason is that, in her case, she has something to counterbalance the hardship of not seeing Tim : doing something she loves. He, on the other hand, doesn't really have anything to outweigh this downside when she's away. However, he knew all of this from the start and still decided to start a relationship with her : simply being with her eclipses this drawback. This is what matters to him. But I can see why she would want to check with him if long-term undercover is something he can handle beforehand. It doesn't mean she doesn't have her own fair share of doubts. Now whether she can truly handle it… For the moment she thinks she can - and so far, she has. Maybe she's underestimating how hard it would be… and to be fair, it's not like she really has a frame of reference here. Listening to other people's experiences can only go so far…

If it helps though, I doubt Lucy will do too many long-terms undercover mission - if any - so all of this might end up being moot anyway. But I still believe the whole point of that conversation was to try to address the elephant in the room… They started opening up to each other, after several attempts, so maybe next season they will take a step further in that direction and explore Lucy's side of this, share some light on whether she has any doubts or worries. And hopefully, this storyline won't be in limbo for much longer. But again, this is just my perspective :)

[sebbyisland]

not to sound insane but I think Mizi will switch roles of their "lowest" point with Ivan in the semifinals in that she can find the fuel to keep going/rebel against the system through her love, but her love will never join her, while Ivan will be forced to watch Till die despite neither trying to win or lose.

Till dying "in front of" Ivan rather than "because of" Ivan, similar to Round 1, would be an interesting arc for both of the characters. 1)It would parallel the moment where Till runs back to life in Anakt Garden when Ivan offered him a chance at freedom. Once again, Ivan would be unable to save him. Once again, Till would suffer despite only having the purest intentions. 2) From what we've seen, Ivan is neither the vengeful nor sacrificial type, so trying to beat Till or lose on purpose seems unlikely. Ivan clings very tightly to self-control, which is why Till is so appealing to him and also could be read as a coping mechanism following his childhood trauma, in which he had no control of his fate. Many people are interpreting Ivan’s cold stare at the end of ep3 and ep2 as a form of resentment, but I think it’s more like a bitter surrender to his reality. Ivan does not care to escape Alien Stage without Till. At the same time, he values putting up a bravado of control and elegance even while fighting to survive. Trying to harmonize with Till allows him to neither appear submissive nor disregard his own feelings during the semi-final round. By singing WITH Till, not against or over Till, he can feel the most alive. Furthermore, wouldn't his love be that much more profound if he spent his last moments with Till during the one time he can monopolize all of his attention on him, instead of Mizi? Till is not in LOVE with Ivan but he does still care about him more than Background Character from Round 2, and at the very least knows that Ivan is a capable singer. They acknowledge each other in their own way, which was further teased by this promo art by Vivinos. It's not that far off to think they might have a genuine rivalry or friendship going on that might play into how their round goes.

My final thoughts on why I think Till will Lose and Ivan will go against Mizi in the FINAL round is thematic reasons. If we assume Mizi will last until the final round since she's kinda the "main" character, then we need to think about what would be the most intense and meaningful matchup for her at that point in the story. Unless something happens that totally messes up the competition, Luka and Hyuna can only show up within the same bracket as Mizi. THis means Mizi will have to face off either Till or Ivan in the final round.

Mizi vs Till: While Alien Stage focuses more on drama than the competition itself (right now), it's very likely that by the time the story is in it's final stages, the scope of the competition will be beyond just Alien Stage but more about the ongoing Alien-Human hierarchy. A Mizi vs Till fight would just be about the their love triangle drama, and there wouldn't be enough room for an overarching plot. Also, while Till would be devastated if Mizi died, the stakes would be much lower for Mizi. It wouldn't truly be a finale for their character arcs.

Mizi vs Ivan: This. THIS. Is the drama I'm looking for. Mizi and Ivan have their own philosophy on navigating a world where their love, their universe, is gone, and this battle would be their confrontation. Mizi speaks from the heart, Ivan hides his emotions and relies on self control. However, they are also both deeply hurt by Alien Stage, so I can see them potentially working together to destroy it. Ivan would want to do so in honor of Till's death. Mizi would want to do so in honor of Sua's death, but only after interactions with Luka and/or Hyuna help her break out of her shock to find a purpose for herself.

Alternatively, after Till's death Ivan could be resentful/hateful of Mizi, and this would prevent them from working together. However, their fight would still be full of so much passion and I would to see maybe Mizi and Ivan show a bit of their true feelings to each other in such a high-stakes situation. It just feels like there’s more potential for a Mizi vs Ivan scenario than Mizi vs Till.

Now, I could be proven so totally wrong by next episode but like. i feel very strongly about this. #wlw/mlm solidarity for the win LOL

[vivilove-jonsa]

rlly thrilled to hear both of you are doing well with ur books. if u don't mind me asking: is it financially viable? Could u do something like that and support urself or is it more like pocket money? are there startup costs? (feel free to ignore this ask if this is something you don't want to talk about)

Hey Anon,

I don't know if you're the same anon but I'll post the link to the ask that sparked this question for any who are curious here.

The answer to all your questions can be yes (helpful, right?)

Details below the cut...

Is it financially viable?

In my opinion, yes but you and I may be at very different stages in our lives. Are you a student? A parent with young children? Are you struggling to pay the light bill? Do you have time and energy to throw into writing daily or nightly around real life? These things matter.

Could I live off what I'm earning since I started self-publishing nearly a year ago? Hell no. I have a very good full-time job with benefits and an excellent retirement package. My husband and I have both agreed I can't walk away from that for anything less than six-figure earnings but I can say our mortgage has been covered by my writing for the past six months. That's meaningful to us and worth my time and effort.

Does success happen? It does but I won't sugarcoat it. For every Lucy Score, Cora Reilly and T.L. Swan, self-published romance authors who are millionaires, there are thousands out there who are making much, much less. From $20 to $10,000 in a month, it varies widely! But there are things you can to do increase your chances of hitting it big.

Also, I should mention that Amy and I are Amazon exclusive, part of their Kindle Unlimited subscription service. The good part about that? We earn 70% of our sales versus 30% if we were classified as Wide authors (people who can publish elsewhere like Smashwords, etc). The not so good part, you're very dependent on Amazon. For now, it's worth it for us and the (very different) niches we chose do well in KU.

Startup costs -

KEEP IT MINIMAL! I would not throw tons of money into fancy formatting software or professional editing if you're looking to self-publish your first novel. Do the work yourself, take advantage of free resources, sites and tools and see a profit (hopefully). I published my first book May 31st last year and I had made up my initial startup costs by the time my second book was released in late July.

What you actually need..

Royalty free images to make covers - $40 and up, up, up

Catch deals from Deposit Photos. Twice a year they do a deal through appsumo where you can get 100 images for $40. It's a steal of a deal. GIMP is free software you can download to make covers. Find YouTube videos to show you how. It's all out there and free. But it takes effort. Sorry, no shortcuts there :)

Reader Services - $10/month

Many, many self-published authors use bonus stories or free stories as Reader Magnets to draw readers and future fans to their newsletters. You need a system to funnel those readers and collect emails. Bookfunnel is who I use. Some of their services are free but you pretty much need that $10/month to make use of the good stuff. They also offer author swaps and newsletter building promos if you want to grow your list of followers. StoryOrigin is an alternative site some people use.

Newsletter - $0

I use Mailerlite which is free up to 1k subscribers. There's also Mailchimp. You can have freebie landing sites from Mailerlite. I haven't bothered with a paid website domain yet but I know this is something I'll need to look into soon.

ARCs - $10 to $20/month

Booksprout is the one I use. There are probably others. I think it's about $10/month for the beginner subscription to get those reviewers. I'm using a mid-list author plan now ~ $190/year. Some niches make use of SM more for this.

Advertising - $0 to thousands

Don't bother until you've got a book or two out there (come ask me if you get to that point). I'd say the only advertising you should focus on to start with is your passive marketing - your blurb, your cover and the keywords you enter on Amazon that make your book discoverable. Beyond that, paid advertising can wait.

However, you can use Tiktok to get your book noticed. Amy is learning the ropes of this and we've both seen people whose sales have skyrocketed thanks to one or two good Tiktoks to draw readers. One person made $10k in a month off of ONE good Tiktok. Other SMs have their successes, too. This is not an area I excel at though. I'd need one of my kids to teach me more... lmao.

Finally, I'll say, I didn't go into this thinking it would make me rich and famous. I wrote 3 million words of Jonsa out of love over the course of five years. I've written 350k words of original fiction the past year and it's paying the mortgage. Thankfully, I love what I'm writing and I've set myself a five-year plan for my 'side hustle' to see how I feel in 2027. We'll see where I am then. Fingers crossed I can claim I'm a six-figure author!

But what you can achieve in self-publishing can be phenomenal if you're writing to market (giving romance readers those tropes they love and hitting the expected story beats) in a genre and niche that has hungry readers. Our discord has verified tiers so people who say they're making 50k in thirty days aren't just blowing smoke. They've proven it. Imagine making money like that and then, if you're at a point in your life where you want to try, GO FOR IT.

[wordynerdygurl]

Someone to Watch Over Me

Part 1:  “Love is Blind”

Author’s Note:  Do you think the Duffer’s realized what they were doing when they brought Eddie Munson to life on paper?  I don’t think so.  Because it’s been, what, nine or so months now, and I’m still all in on my favorite ne’er do well metal head.

This is my first time with an Original Character standing in for “reader”.  Just like with my reader insert fics, our OC is female and plus size. Pairing:  Eddie Munson x Plus Size OC Amanda Patterson Summary:  It’s love at first sound, pitch perfect and fated, everything in harmony.  If only life were a love song.  

Amanda and Eddie meet by chance but their connection is real.  Some night music and milkshakes maybe all it takes to show that Hawkins’ resident bad boy is worthy of love.  The kind of love a misfit like Amanda is ready to give to the right guy.  Have they each found the right someone to watch out for them? Warnings:  This is a slower burn than my usual, but I think it’ll be worth it.  There will be SMUT in additional chapters, but for now, there’s making out, eating a lot of junk food, some size shaming and self doubt.  Oh, and a character gets slapped.

“There’s a saying old, says that love is blind”

1990

“So, Eddie, how’s the tour been going?”

Pulling a long strand of dark hair over his cheek, a nervous habit he couldn’t seem to break, Eddie raised his dark eyes to the reporter asking the questions, ignoring the video camera and boom mic hovering overhead.  It took everything in him to keep the sarcastic edge in his tone to a minimum, “Well, Chuck, it’s been a helluva time.  Me and the boys, we’re just taking what comes.  It’s been fuckin’ amazing to see so many cities and of course, our fans.” “Oopsie!  Can’t curse like that, Eddie.  Can we cut around that?”  Chuck was asking some producer, talking over Eddie’s head, ignoring him all in the name of being appropriate for television.  Already he was over this whole experience.  What Eddie really wanted was to get back to the green room, have a beer or a smoke- scratch that.  And a smoke, before having to play tonight’s show.

The conversation around editing was still happening, Eddie’s interview on pause.  It gave him a minute to evaluate the man asking the questions.  Smarmy, yea, that’s the word Eddie would use for a guy like Chuck.  Hair slicked back and suit a little too colorful to be classy, the guy was cheesy as hell, but he was going to film a piece about the band.  Something for MTV to use in promos or some shit.  Eddie didn’t really care to know.  There were people for that now.  The same people who kept assuring him that there was no such thing as bad publicity.  Not when there was a nationwide tour that needed to sell tickets and t-shirts and records, so he bit his tongue and smiled sheepishly, waiting for the next question. “We rolling?  Great.  Ok, ready Eddie?” Nodding in answer, Eddie gave him the green light.  The interviewer tapped his finger against the skinny microphone in his hand, picking up seamlessly from where they had stopped earlier, “That’s good to hear.  Now, Corroded Coffin plays specifically metal but who has influenced your musical journey?  Which artists do you listen to?” Blowing out an exhale, his lips parting, Eddie thought for a minute.  “Ya know, all the greats Chuck.  I mean, I cut my teeth on Led Zeppelin.  Heart, Black Sabbath, obviously-” he rolled his eyes for emphasis, “-Iron Maiden and Metallica.  You play metal music and I’m there, man.” Chuck nodded along, agreeing with everything coming out of Eddie’s mouth, trying way too hard to seem interested.  He seemed more like a Madonna kinda guy, too caught up in the look of something to worry about its substance.  It grated on Eddie’s nerves, set his teeth on edge. “Gotcha.  So, the people want to know-” Chuck drug out the question, clearly enjoying the way he baited his interviewee, “-What is Eddie Munson’s favorite song?” Toffee colored eyes widened.  Despite the movement around him, the roadies hauling in speakers and gear, the conversations between stage crew and security guards, the clicking of boot heels on parquet flooring, Eddie could hear it.  His favorite song.  Clear and distinct, the memory a perfectly preserved bubble of sight and sound.  From over his shoulder someone coughed, bringing Eddie back to the here and now.  “Uh, sorry.  Didn’t mean to zone out there.” “Don’t worry, we’ll edit it out.”  Chuck’s hand made a motion urging him to continue. Eddie’s ring laden right hand rubbed across the skin on the back of his neck, internally debating just how real to be with his response.  In the end, Eddie told the whole truth.  He spilled one of his deeply held secrets to a douche bag with gelled back hair and a smile that was too much teeth. Looking directly into the bubbled lens of the video camera, Eddie offered up a reluctant, almost embarrassed smile, “My favorite song?  That’s a great question, man.  And, uh, ya know, I wanna say something hard rocking and fast.  But honestly?  Someone to Watch Over Me by the Gershwin brothers.” Eddie’s voice was practically a whisper at his admission.  He was ready for a ribbing.  A hard rocker like him, known for bad boy behavior and leaving a lady behind in every city?  No way Eddie Munson could possibly be a romantic at heart, right? Fully expecting a laugh from smarmy Chuck, some jab about the softness of his choice, or a comment on it being a standard, something old fashioned or behind the times.  But Eddie only heard the insipid agreement of the interviewer, “Great song.  A classic.” “Yea.  It is.”

—

1987

It had always come naturally to Amanda.  She opened her mouth and the sound just came out, warm and round, with the right amount of inflection and sweetness of tone.  Singing was what she did.  From the time she could talk, Amanda was making music, using her body as the instrument. Church choir taught her how to sight read sheet music, her voice moving up and down the scale in time with the half and quarter notes.  Learning how to let her high Soprano melt in with the other members of the chorus so that no individual could be heard over another.  Discovering the power of dynamics; an effective hushed line that built into a climaxing crescendo, the rush of belting out a powerful note with all of the choir members doing the same.  Amanda continued to discover the best ways to utilize her voice, really only ever happy when she was humming or whistling or belting out a tune. One Christmas there was a tawny wooden guitar under the tree.  She carried it with her everywhere she could.  Teaching herself the chords from a beginner’s guide until she could play “Frosty the Snowman” without stopping.  And her unquestionable love of music grew with every new song she memorized until the entire book had faded from overuse. There were high school musicals, of course.  Grease, Annie, Guys and Dolls, Anything Goes.  And even if she was always the sidekick with no solo, hanging around in the back of the chorus lines, she loved performing.  Being on a stage, with the lights and excitement, the tension of anxiety turning into the power needed to propel her through the show.  Amanda lived for the thrill of it.  Something could go wrong or things could go incredibly right.  In either case, you could never truly know which way it would play out until it was happening.  Then, the curtain would fall and there would be bows and applause. Amanda loved the spotlight, absolutely and unequivocally.  Only, the spotlight didn’t love her back. Her round, full cheeks wouldn’t do to play Sandy.  The curvy, womanly figure she’d grown into wouldn’t work for Annie or Pepper or even Mrs. Hannigan.  Despite the lovely, lyrical quality to her voice, it wasn’t enough to outweigh her looks. So Amanda sang out loud and long from the back row of the chorus, her robe tight across her ample chest.  She learned the simple choreography for musical numbers and was told, “you’re so light on your feet” as if it was shocking to see.  Every year was a new chance to gain that place in the middle of the stage, singing for all she was worth for everyone to hear, but never making it due to a healthy appetite which made her soft in the places where people would rather she be firm. It was the bitterest of pills, but she swallowed it, happy just to be involved.  Pleased to have her name printed in the program as a participant even if she was living off of the scraps of lesser performers who just so happened to look prettier under the hot stage lamps.  She accepted hugs from the pretty boys who tried on singing and dancing as a way to meet girls, but wouldn’t give her a second glance.  The boys who saw her as the funny, talented friend of the group.  Always happy to drive everyone home, listen to everyone’s troubles, offering sage advice and asking for nothing in return.  That was Amanda.

All too soon, school was ending.  Over.  And college loomed in front of her, full of promise and secret worries.

She knew what she wanted, what she had always wanted.  It had never changed despite the wacky directors who hid her behind scaffolding or pushed her to the dim corners of the stage.  Amanda was on the earth to do one thing only: make beautiful music. It was, after all, her favorite thing to do. Unfortunately, it was also incredibly difficult to make a career out of, something her parents constantly felt the need to remind her about.  They only wanted what was best for her, that’s what they said anyways.  And what was best, in the opinion of Mr. and Mrs. Patterson, was a steady job as a hairdresser or nurse or preschool teacher.  Anything really to fill the gap until she met “the one”, got married and started having their grandchildren. Too bad Amanda loved the music so much more.  It had taken a lot of work, hours and hours of debating and shouting but somehow she had convinced them to let her go to school for music.  The catch?  She’d also study education.  It was a compromise Amanda was willing to make, just to get her foot in the door.  Worst case?  She’d wind up a music department chair at some high school or another, a great back up plan to her real dream: musical super stardom like Linda Rondstadt or Carol King. Only, school was expensive, especially when you were trying to make music your career.  And her parents did as much as they could, which she was incredibly grateful for, but everything cost so damn much.  So, almost broke and entirely desperate, Amanda searched around until finding a part time position at The Music Shop.  She started selling sheet music and drum sticks, auto tuners and guitar straps from a squat building painted an obnoxious shade of ocean blue that could be seen for miles in any direction. Occasionally there’d be a student in need of some musical mentoring and she’d drag out her acoustic guitar, the tawny one she kept in its cardboard case after all these years.  Showing them where to hold their fingers and how to press against the tough strings in order to get a pretty sound out of the instrument brought her a lot of joy.  It was still making music and that was enough for her between class work and socializing and generally trying to be a good person. The college classes related to music and music theory were fascinating.  Her collection of records and tapes had grown significantly.  It seemed as though every new person she talked to had a list of bands she “just had to listen to” and Amanda did. How could she ever thank her roommate’s boyfriend for turning her on to Lou Reed?  Did she live before knowing all the words to Pirates of Penzance?  How did Whitney Houston sound so incredible all of the time?

Writing a paper on the importance of Tom Petty’s ability to pen pretty lyrics, Amanda found herself surrounded by like minded musical folks.  She was invited to parties where everyone sang along to the radio, getting rowdy in the tame way theater kids everywhere are prone to do.  Drinking beers was fun.  Smoking cigarettes killed her throat through and Amanda refused to damage her instrument with nicotine like that.  Besides, she couldn’t afford them anyway. When she wasn’t studying or singing or stocking, Amanda did gig out.  Sometime during her first semester she had been approached by Jim, a cellist, Mark, a drummer and Carly, a pianist.  Having met the threesome at someone or other’s pre-Thanksgiving break bash, Amanda hadn’t realized it right away but she was casually auditioning for their band.  Not once did her size come up.  All the three seemed to care about was how quickly they could get her into a rehearsal.  They had a jazz trio and wanted someone to vocalize for them, someone with a soft tone, an easy timber that could get them playing in front of bigger crowds.  That she blended in with their group dynamic made it an easy fit and soon, the four of them were playing shows together all over the area and regularly too. Now, well into her third year at school, Amanda had a good idea of what her life was going to look like.  She would work the store, teaching a couple of private students the ways of the guitar, and sing out with the band on the weekends.  If they happened to get a wee bit drunk after a show, who could blame them?  After all, they were barely twenty and the world still had so much left to show them. At the music shop, one late September Saturday, Amanda took a minute to hang up the flier for Hawkins’ Autumn Concert Series.  Their quartet had been asked to entertain, practicing for weeks now getting the set list perfect for their biggest concert yet.  Smiling happily to herself, she gently forced the pushpin into the cork board where the typical announcements of used instruments for sale, lessons for keyboard or piano, and imploring alerts for new band members all co-existed in a colorful, clashing collage. Stepping backwards, Amanda wasn’t entirely paying attention, her mind already drifting to the highlight of the performance.  What she was going to wear, how she’d do her hair, all the little details that she liked to get right in an effort to make sure that the show went off without a hitch.  That’s how she missed the fellow who was crouched down behind her, ringed hands reaching for the Iron Maiden song book that was propped up on the bottom shelf. Her booted foot hit something solid, something that shouldn’t be in the aisle, and she turned quickly.  A blur of black leather and curls flew upwards fast.  The joint of her ankle rolled and Amanda reached out blindly, connecting with a solid wall of a person, holding on with a death grip to keep on her feet. Holy shit, did this chick have pretty eyes.  It was his first thought and boy, was it a doozy.  Eddie could see the shock clearing as worry crept in, crowding around the wide irises, her lips parted in a panicked “o”.  Clipped nails clawed into the denim vest he always wore, holding herself upright against the unfair tug of gravity, her forearms pressed tightly to his chest.  Bringing a steadying hand to her wrist, he shook his head, shyly smiling, “You alright there?  Took a bit of a tumble, didn’t ya?” Inhaling shakily, Amanda nodded dumbly, her heart still thrumming.  Still standing much too close to a stranger.  She had been certain of falling but having this, this guy break that fall, was disconcerting in an entirely different way.  “Oh, I am so sorry!  I didn’t see you, and-” “Hey, it’s ok.  No harm done, so long as you’re ok.  You are ok, right?”  There was a brief flash of concern that crossed his face, but it faded when Amanda bobbed her head at his question. She hadn’t moved.  Eddie was still looking down at her upturned face, the way her hair fell softly against her cheeks and the sweet sweep of her nose making her look about as precious as he had ever had the pleasure to see.  Eddie didn’t want to look away. For another beat they stood there, together, surrounded by score books and tutorial materials while an instrumental version of “Don’t Stop Believing” played through the store speakers.  Shifting in his Reeboks, Eddie swayed to the melody and Amanda let herself be carried along with him.  In another second, Amanda was certain that she would wrap his arms around her waist and call it a day.  Already, Eddie’s free hand was sliding towards her shoulder, another point of contact with this unknown, but very cute, man. “Yo!  Amanda?  Are you-”  Kyle’s voice cut through the force field around the pair.  At the sound of her manager’s shout she panic jumped back far enough to thud against the very cork board which held her proudly hung announcement, knocking the air out of her lungs with a grunted, “Oof!” “Jesus!  What are you doing?”  

Amanda’s eyes went wide at Kyle’s intrusion, and she pressed a hand to her chest to stop her startled heart from bursting free from the unused adrenaline, “Me?  Kyle, you scared the crap out of me!” Eddie’s head had snapped towards the interruption before pivoting back to the pretty lady he now knew was called Amanda.  His hand reached for hers reflexively, to help steady her, the same shy grin tugging at his lips.  That she took it and held it like a lifeline sent a zig-zag of energy from his fingertips straight to the muscles of his tummy which tightened at the contact. One of Kyle’s eyebrows shot skyward, his face skeptical, “What’s going on over here, anyway?”  He asked as if he already knew the answer, questioning eyes full of judgment. Amanda’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly.  What was going on back here?  She didn’t know, really. Luckily, Eddie did.  “Uh, your beautiful sales associate was just helping me find this-” holding up the song book with Iron Maiden’s logo splashed across the cover, he continued, “-and uh, then you came around the corner and, ya know, scared her half to death.” “Were you dancing?” Sneaking a quick glance her way, Eddie chuckled, “Dancing?  While she’s supposed to be working?  Naw man.  Like I said, she was helping me out.” His arms crossed over his chest, Kyle stared directly at Amanda, all but demanding her side of the story.  Running a palm up her neck, leaning into her hand, she exhaled loudly, “He’s- he’s right, Kyle.  I was just giving him, ya know, a hand.” Narrowing his eyes, not believing either of them, Kyle groaned in frustration, “Fine.  Whatever.  Just, I had a question for you.  Ya know, when you’re free?” Nodding, “Sure.  Yea, of course.  Just um-” she gestured towards Eddie, “-Give me a minute, ok?” “Yea.  Ok.”  Snorting, Kyle moved back towards the register, leaving Eddie and Amanda alone once more. Blinking those amazing eyes his way, Amanda locked her hands together to keep from touching the broad boy in front of her anymore, “So, thank you.  I’m not entirely sure what was going on, but I’m glad I don’t have to explain it to my boss.” “Right.  Well, I’m sorry for tripping you up.  Covering for you seemed like the least I could do.” Amanda heard the store’s music shift, something by Annie Lennox filling the space, and she took a tentative step away from Eddie causing him to lean forward, “Wait-” “Yea?”  Her hair swung over her shoulder, that’s how fast she spun around to face him, her stare open and curious. Nervously, Eddie bit his bottom lip as he rocked on the worn down heels of his sneakers.  For the first time in as long as he could remember he was almost unsure of what to say, “Uh, can I see you again?” Amanda didn’t laugh in his face and she didn’t shy away, both reactions he fully expected if he was honest about it.  Instead, and to his utter amazement, she reached behind her, yanking down the flier she’d only just hung up, “Absolutely.”  And she pushed the paper into his hand before scurrying toward Kyle. Shit.  He was in trouble already. Waiting just another couple of minutes, Eddie made his way to the cashier, patiently standing behind a flustered mom and her teenage son.  That the kid kept trying to get her to look at the cherry red electric guitar and amp set, already staged for Christmas, wasn’t lost on Eddie.  It’s exactly the type of gear he’d lusted after when he was young and eager, before he’d gotten his Sweetheart, and never looked back. Mind wandering, he didn’t hear her at first, “I can help you over here, sir.” Tilting his head towards her voice, Eddie took a shuffling step toward her register, “Ah, thank you, miss.” “No problem.”  But it most definitely was a problem, because Amanda couldn’t lift her gaze his way.  Not when her body rolled over hot at the memory of his chest under her fingers, his brown eyes peering down at her with sweet desire in their burnt caramel depths. Amanda punched in the code numbers, reading the price sticker and busying herself with recording the sale correctly.  “Amanda?  What’s the price for the Fender capo?” “Twelve fifty!”  It’s automatic and Eddie was astonished at how she kept focused on his sale while answering her colleague from memory. Finally, she raised her face to find Eddie’s smiling one already looking in her direction, and struggling to keep the flush of her embarrassment in control managed to ask, “Is uh, is there anything else today?” “Naw, Amanda.  I think this’ll do it.”  Giggling, a bit more timid now that she was safe behind the counter, Amanda bagged up the book and relayed the total.  Eddie pulled the bills out of his wallet, his chains clinking together musically, as Amanda made change for him quickly and precisely.  When he grabbed for the package, his fingers rested over her own for just a heartbeat, “I’ll see you soon then.  And uh, thanks for the dance, Amanda.” Stunned, all she could do was stand there, confused at the Dio patched metal head who pushed through the doorway and onto the street.  Under her breath, Amanda swore, “Fuck.  He knows my name.” —

Eddie didn’t know what he was supposed to wear to an outdoor concert in Hawkins Memorial Park at the beginning of October.  Was it a jacket and tie sort of situation?  Were jeans enough?  Was he going to stick out like a sore thumb if he was wearing a Metallica t-shirt? All of these questions and more burned through the bong ripped brain of Eddie Munson.  Pacing in front of his mirror, he fluffed his hair with his fingers, fidgety and fussing.  “Dude.  You’re fine.  What’s the big deal anyway?” Fixing Dustin with a stare that would wither lesser beings, Eddie folded down the collar of his red checkered flannel shirt, “The big deal?  I’ll tell you, Henderson.  The big deal is-” grabbing for his well used bottle of Aqua Velva and splashing a few shakes into his hands, “-I don’t wanna look like a jerk.  I want to blend in.  Just uh, enjoy some new music, and a nice night.” “Psst.  Bullshit.  Who’s the chick?” His eyes widened.  How could the little butthead know?  Eddie hadn’t said a word about the music store beauty and still, somehow, the pipsqueak was calling him out. “What chick?  Who said chick?  There’s no chick.” “Me thinks thou doth protest too much.” Pausing while he fiddled with the buttons on the sleeves of his shirt, confusion filling his face, Eddie blinked, “Wha?” “It’s Shakespeare.  You protest too much ‘cause, ya know, you’re covering up.”  Frustrated, Dustin shook his head, closing his eyes as he exhaled heavily, “Nevermind.  You’re clearly lying.  Tell me about her.  Who is she?” Looking over at his youthful friend, Eddie thought about it for a long second.  Tell Dustin about Amanda?  What was there to tell?  Shrugging safely into his shirt, Eddie bought himself some time fiddling with the buttons.  “Uh, well.  I don’t really know her all that well.  We, literally, bumped into each other at the music shop when I was picking up my new bible.”  He was now entirely focused on his hair which had decided to go fluffy.  Disgusted at what he saw, looking more pampered poodle than suave rocker, Eddie continued to run his hands through the curls as he chatted with his sidekick, “She’s uh-” “Pretty?” Dropping his gaze to the top of his dresser, Eddie’s cheeks colored at the word, “Yea.  So cute.  And, she seems smart.  Funny, ya know?” Nodding, Dustin came up behind his friend, plucking a stray hair from his shoulder, “Sounds pretty damn perfect, man.” “I’m sure there’s a catch.  There always is when it comes to women.”  Eddie couldn’t help trying to keep his excitement in check.  It was better to set his expectations low.  Less likely to hurt so bad when someone disappointed him and people always seemed to be disappointing Eddie Munson. Catching his older friend’s eye in the mirror, Dustin offered up a toothless smile, “I don’t know, man.  Maybe she’ll surprise you?” —

People were scattered around the park.  Some hovered near benches, others sat on blankets and a lucky few used their lawn chairs, dragged from home, all to get a good view of the small stage where the quartet would be performing tonight.  It was exciting. Amanda had unpacked her mic and cord, scatting a bit so that the guys could get a level on her voice and ensure a balanced sound through their mixing board.  She didn’t really understand all the technicalities, but in the end it helped make sure that they all sounded as good as possible, so Amanda played along.  “Testing one, two, three- testing one, two, three.  Can y’all hear us out there?” A smattering of claps and one enthusiastic “Woo hoo!” met her question.  Carly’s electric piano came next, banging out a couple of chords, before Jim slid his bow across the strings of his bass.  Not to be excluded, Mark took a couple of rim shots, making them all laugh. Now all that was left was waiting for the start of the show.  Seven o’clock and one of the town’s cultural council staff members used her microphone to blab about why they were hosting this event and to welcome Amanda and the band.  The lawn had filled in a bit, more people milling around which was always a good sign, so Amanda took a deep breath before greeting everyone, “Good evening everyone!  We’re the Indiana Four and we’re going to play for you tonight.  If you like what you hear, there’s a tambourine-” jingling the instrument to get everyone's attention, Amanda added, “-and I’ll leave it right here, in case you wanna put a little something in it!”

It was still too early for a full on sun set, but the sky didn’t know it.  Painted in bold streaks of orange that melted into petal pink due to the rays of the sinking sun, it created a warm glow which outlined everything around them with a gilded golden edge.  The moon was already a ghostly crescent barely visible in the rainbow tinted ether when Amanda let her voice rise into the oncoming night.  Mark counted them in with a broad smile in her direction and Carly’s piano joined the swell of music.  The deeper bass notes of Jim’s cello grounded the opening strains of their first song.  Amanda gently shut her eyes, letting her body feel every word of the song she was singing, just like she would do at home in her shower or behind the wheel of her tiny car.  Unaware of herself and completely at ease, letting her instrument, her voice, blend into the melody the four of them created together. Eddie was never going to get over the sound of her voice.  Sweet and soaring, she seemed to change the quality of its tone depending on the song, always leaving him guessing.  Which version of this lady was going to sing next?  A sultry vixen, heart broken and mournful?  The shy ingenue, new to love?  A plaintive bard, looking for answers?  Or some new character created to enchant him with only the power of her voice? In between songs, Amanda smiled brightly, joking with the people gathered and teasing her band mates playfully.  It made the entire concert feel comfortable- easy.  Like the folks who came down to see them were in on the funniest joke.  All one big, happy family who simply wanted to share music on a random October evening in the middle of Indiana. “Ok everyone, you’ve heard us sing a little of this and a little of that-” wrapping her hands around the microphone, Amanda pulled the silver stick closer, “-but now we’re going to do a favorite of mine, if that’s alright.” At the opening strains from the piano, a couple, older with matching graying hair, stood in front of their chairs and started swaying together, wrapped in each other’s arms.  Amanda’s lips spread in a wide smile pointed in their direction as she started, “There’s a saying old, says that love is blind. Still we’re often told, seek and ye will find. So, I’m gonna seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind.” Moving from the lamp post he had been leaning against, no longer content to watch from the shadows, Eddie stepped directly into Amanda’s line of sight.  She saw him.  How could she miss the leather wrapped, long haired guy who was peering straight into her soul?  And she wanted to look away, give someone, anyone else in the assembled listeners, her attention, but Amanda found that she couldn’t.

Had she expected him to be there?  Shaking her head for the crowd to see answered her own thoughts.  No, Amanda had no idea that the metal loving smooth talker would actually come to seek her out.  But, she had thought about it in the small moments between guitar lessons or while driving to her classes in the morning.

So, no.  Seeing Eddie stand there, bold as brass with his wide eyed stare and his hands in his pockets was not what Amanda had been expecting.  Hoped for, maybe.  Wished for, absolutely.  Reality though was better than anything her mind might have considered. “Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet He’s the big affair I cannot forget, Only man I ever think of with regret.” Eddie swallowed hard.  The words she was singing wrapped around him on the night’s breeze and held on tight.  It was as if they were having a conversation that no one else could decipher, a conversation for only two. “I’d like to add his initials to my monogram, Tell me, where’s the shepherd for this lost lamb?” And she sounded lost.  Abandoned.  Alone.  Exactly like the type of person that Eddie was collecting for Hellfire or the band.  A person who needed someone like him to shield them from the big bads in life.  A guy who could protect her from the sort of wolves that a shepherd like him knew about all too well. “There’s a somebody I’m longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be Someone to watch over me.”

She was singing just to him.  Only Eddie.  There was no one else to look at, no one else who could understand or appreciate what the lyrics demanded.  “I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could always be good To one who'll watch over me”

Eddie felt his smile slide into place.  It wasn’t the wide, dimpled, open grin that showed off his teeth and let you know he was happiest.  No, this smile was small, secret.  It drew his pretty pink tongue over the plush swell of his lips, something Amanda could see from a distance.  Then, just to be coy, his pearly top teeth bit into the pillow cushion of his bottom lip, teasing her from her position on the small stage. Even from this far away, Amanda could see that he had made an effort.  A shirt with a collar was buttoned across his chest, all red and black squares that looked soft and broken in.  Sure, it was still under his leather jacket, but the denim vest must have been left somewhere safe, because he wasn’t sporting the pins and patches that she remembered from their first encounter.  Jeans, dark blue or was it black?  She couldn’t really tell, but it didn’t entirely matter.  Either way, they fit snugly around his thighs and only sported a single torn knee.  The threads stretched across his joint, frayed and begging to be played with. His hair was wild.  It fell in waves of dark tendrils, looking to all the world like no care had been taken in its shaping and styling.  Amanda stretched the fingers of her right hand, the one not holding her mic, imagining how Eddie’s curls would feel wrapped around her fingers. He saw it all.  The way her hand fisted at her side before trailing up the chord of her microphone, tangling the slack in her fingers.  How Amanda let every note have its own moment before the next one rose to join it. “Although he may not be the man some girls think of as handsome, To my heart, he carries the key”

Eyes fluttering shut, Amanda took a breathy inhalation as the melody shifted, daring to break the spell by denying herself the sight of Eddie in the crowd.  Her heart thumped in time with Mark’s gentle drumming, thick hips swaying without her conscious approval, the crowd around her all but forgotten.  Sliding back to the original cadence, the song swelled up and out of Amanda, nearing the end. “Won't you tell him please, to put on some speed, Follow my lead, oh, how I need, Someone to watch over me”

Eddie was transfixed.  There was only him and Amanda and her voice and the falling sun burnishing everything rose golden in the fading light.  He caught the way her skirt curled happily at her ankles with every shift of her feet.  The way her mouth formed around the lyrics.  How her chest rose and fell with each expressive stanza. The words repeated: “Won't you tell him please, to put on some speed Follow my lead, oh, how I need Someone to watch over me”

Amanda let her eyes flutter open.  Closer now, unavoidable and un-ignorable, Eddie was standing directly in front of her.  The final note, held until her lungs burned from want of air, faded into the ether and she winked at him.  She couldn’t help it, really. Not when she had somehow managed to carry on as if the most handsome guy Amanda had ever bumped into wasn’t staring straight into her soul as she sang.  Not when every note was rich and ripe and reverberated across the people packed plaza even if, presently, she sang solely for an audience of one. Applause.  Clapping and whistling came from every corner of the park, jostling Eddie’s attention.  From the stage, Amanda giggled at his reaction, but smoothly covered her response, “We are just so grateful that you all came to see us tonight.  So-” tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, a shy smile pointed in Eddie’s direction, she continued, “-we’re going to do one more song before we say goodnight.” She didn’t look at Eddie at all this time.  Amanda wasn’t even sure she could, not after the intensity of singing, to him, for him.  But she could tell he was there all the same, with his elbows bending outward like leather wrapped wings, nervous energy causing him to bounce on his toes in time with the music.

The new melody started and Amanda let it take her away too.  This number is lively, the rhythm more rock than jazz, and she gave herself permission to have a little fun, show off a little bit.  Still, she actively ignored the one set of eyes that didn’t seem to stray from her own through their final song. Soon enough, it was all over and the Indiana Four began breaking down.  A few friendly folks from the audience came up and said kind words.  Luckily there were a few dollars in the tambourine and Amanda happily handed the take to Carly, “Not so bad.” “Not bad at all-” But her friend stopped mid sentence, a voice familiar and still foreign cutting through the conversation, “Um, excuse me?  Amanda?” Turning around, Amanda was surprised to find Eddie so close that the toes of her boots brushed against his Reeboks.  She looked up at him through the curtain of her mascara, “How can I help you?” Now her voice was breathy.  Husky.  And it made Eddie’s skin prickle hotly.  “Uh, I just wanted to tell you- all, tell you all just how much I enjoyed your set.” Only, Eddie never looked past Amanda’s face.  Couldn’t really.  Not when her wide eyes were staring into his own, their long lashes accentuating her curious gaze, her head tilted in a way that showed sincerity.

His calloused palm rubbed against the back of his neck, nerves getting the better of him the longer that Eddie stood there.  It felt like hours.  Long, silence filled hours where no one spoke and he dangled from a weak branch of his own social awkwardness. In reality it was only seconds before Amanda giggled like a crushing school girl, dropping her gaze to break the spell she had unwittingly cast, “Well, that’s awfully kind of you…?” Clearly she was prompting him.  It was unfair that she was at the disadvantage of not knowing his name when he had learned hers through the forced politeness of the customer service industry.  Behind her, Carly snorted as they watched Eddie extend a heavy ringed hand, taking Amanda’s in his own.  Raising it high enough to press a chaste kiss to the back, adding a saucy wink for good measure as he answered, “Eddie.  I’m Eddie.” “Eddie.”  Amanda wasn’t aware that she’d whispered it out loud until her friend was reaching past her, extending her own hand Eddie’s way for a greeting, using her flirty voice to try and charm the very handsome, very out of place guy, “Carly.  That’s me.  And-” dropping her hand when Eddie failed to take it, Carly laughed ruefully, “-you don’t care.” Carly was absolutely right.  Neither one of them paid her any attention because the world as Amanda knew it no longer existed.  Not anymore. There was a new sun, a new sky.  One with raven curls and plump, pink lips.  A center of the galaxy that smelled like Aqua Velva and cinnamon gum and something mossy green.  The world had shifted off its axis, tipping her right into the arms of Eddie Munson. For Eddie, well, he had been gone from the second Amanda had tangled herself around him so tightly that she’d almost fallen.  But it was amazing to recognize that these feelings he was having were mutual.  He got shy then, toeing at the patch of grass in front of her, hands in his pockets while he played at casual, “Wanna get outta here?” Nodding wordlessly, Amanda agreed, only to realize her unspoken intention.  “Yea!  Uh, yes.  Yes.  That would be nice.” When Eddie cocked his chin up, the smile on his face was dazzling, “Excellent.”

— She was sure that she told the band where she was going and who she was leaving with, but Amanda couldn’t be certain.  It felt like so long ago.  An age had passed since she had been standing on the simple stage, singing for all of Hawkins to hear.  Since then, the long ago days of the early evening, so much had happened. Eddie had held her hand as he walked her to his van, holding open the door and ensuring that Amanda was tucked safely inside.  Boys didn’t do that- not for Amanda Patterson.  Not for the chubby girl who still had her baby weight to lose. When he caught her nibbling worriedly at her bottom lip, Eddie asked pointedly, “Everything alright?” “Uh, yea, I just-” “Afraid I’m trying to kidnap you, huh?  I get it.  Vans do have a-” he waggled his eyebrows suggestively while pressing the tip of his tongue to the center of his top lip, “-certain reputation.  But I promise you, Amanda.  No funny business.”  With one hand over his heart, Eddie extended the other, holding his pinky finger out. She recognized the gesture.  Every school aged kid would.  “Is that- are you making a pinky promise?”

His cheeks split into a solar powered smile as he nodded, “Oh, yes.  Absolutely.  And it’s ironclad, since, ya know, we link our little fingers.” Chuckling with her whole body, her shoulders lifted as Amanda agreed by reaching out her own pinky, “Ok, ok.  No funny business.”

They wrapped their littlest fingers around the other, huffing out laughs like naughty children.  And it did comfort any nagging fears that might have flooded Amanda’s mind because it was so silly.  So unexpected.  It was also entirely sincere. Roaring to life like a beast roused from slumber, the van started and Eddie shifted into gear, “Are you, by any chance, hungry?”

He was hoping against hope that she was because Eddie wasn’t ready to say goodnight.  Not now when he finally had this beautiful songbird buckled into the passenger’s seat, looking at him with those electric eyes.  Eyes that kept pulling him in anytime he dared glance Amanda’s way, now fully focused on him and beaming. Normally a question like that would be fully loaded for a young woman very aware of her size and stature, but for the first time and without any hesitation, Amanda answered without reservation, “Starved.”

Exhaling through a grin, Eddie shook his hair off his shoulders, “Then let’s go!” The drive to the diner was filled with chatter.  He offered kind words about the band, the concert and her vocals.  “You, you’re just incredible.  Never heard someone sing like that before.” “Thanks, but truthfully, Carly and Mark and Jim, they make me sound better.”  Amanda did that thing where she deflected the words, the attention, to anyone else in order to minimize herself.  What she didn’t count on?  Eddie’s ability to see right through her. Blowing his bangs off his face, Eddie swiveled to face Amanda, his tone finally serious, “Uh uh.  Nope.  No way.  You’re gonna have to accept that you’re the star of the show, sweetheart.”  Then, he leaned over the center console, right into Amanda’s personal space to bump her shoulder with his own, “Please, take the compliment.” Her jaw snapped shut, hands in her lap where Amanda fooled around her with fingernails, fidgeting.  She swallowed thickly and bobbed her head, her voice gaining strength.  “You’re right.  I, uh, I appreciate you saying that.” “No problem at all, hun.  I’m only telling the truth.”  That’s when she noticed his little finger wiggling her way, “Pinky promise.” — Normally Amanda would frown at the idea of a booth.  They tended to be a tight squeeze, embarrassingly so when she’d have to slide across the bench, her supple thighs sticking to the tacky pleather. She desperately did not want to be embarrassed in front of the forthright dude in front of her. But Amanda didn’t need to worry.  Eddie, lacing her hand in his, tugged her to the back table, “My usual spot- out of the way and the most comfortable one in the place.” Deep and roomy, the color of jellied cranberry sauce from a can, the cushion was accommodating because of its indeterminate age.  She plopped onto the seat with room to spare, more than a little relieved, “Oh yea?” “Yea.  I’ve been breaking it in for years.” Cocking her head in a way that made Eddie’s breath hitch, a clever half teasing smile curling one corner of her mouth higher than the other, Amanda joked, “So you bring all your women here, then?” The deep barking laugh that came straight from Eddie’s chest made an elderly gentleman sitting at the countertop turn around with a scowl.  “All my women?  You make me sound like a lothario.” “Mr. Goodbar?  Is that you?”  She squinted her eyes, leaning into the bit. “Oh, Mandy, honey.  I am nowhere near that good with the ladies.” “I don’t know.  You’re doing pretty good with me, so far.”  And it was out of her mouth like a runaway rocket.  There was no way to pull it back, no way to reign it in.  It was there- out in the ether, like a comet bound to crash through the atmosphere. Amanda froze because now she’d done it.  She had pointed out her interest, revealed herself as wanting, knowing that any other time she had dared to give voice to her attraction it had always been met with let down and heart ache.  The embarrassment boiled through her. God, she had wanted so badly to play it cool.  To ensure that Eddie was really into her before making any kind of declaration that couldn’t be passed off as a joke.  Stewing, Amanda waited for the inevitable rejection from the man far prettier and sexier than she should ever hope to have for her own. But instead of a dismissive shrug or, worse, a comment about liking her as a ‘just friend’, Amanda got to watch as Eddie’s eyes lit up joyfully.  He couldn’t hide it either, apparently, since his smile widened enough to show off a pair of precious dimples, “Yea?  Ya think so?  That’s- uh, that’s good to hear.” Something about his own reckless enthusiasm caused the flood of worry to ebb away, leaving Amanda filled with a warm, gooey sensation that was not as familiar.  Could it be?  Was this what mutual attraction felt like?  Was this what love songs had been selling for generations and greeting card companies were always trying to find new ways to describe?  Was this… love? “Hey lovebirds, what can I get ya?”  It is a universal law that wait staff appear at the table when it is least convenient and this interruption by Cheryl ensured that all was right with the cosmos, her tiny pencil poised and ready to write. They had spent no time reading the menu, but Eddie had it memorized cover to cover.  Looking at Amanda, he nodded, “So, uh, do you trust me?” Again, her head tilted, appraising this nearly perfect stranger with the gorgeous grin and shaggy hair.  “Uh huh, yea.  I trust you.  Why do you ask?” Licking over his lips, he turned all of his unfiltered attention to their waitress, dialing the charm up to eleven, “Hiya Cheryl!” “Hi yourself, Eddie.  What’s it gonna be?”  There was a familiarity there that spoke of too many late night coffee cups and slices of pie.  It wasn’t friendly, really, but it was warm enough and Eddie’s puppy dog eyes moved the conversation into safer waters. “Hmm… patty melts.  Two please, with the curly fries, ok?” A curt nod answered his request, “Yea, and to drink?” He looked at Amanda, that impish twinkle shining bright in his cinnamon dark eyes, “Milkshakes?” “Oh!  Yes!  Vanilla for me, please.”  She beamed at Eddie, excitement at the consideration evident in Amanda’s face. “And I suppose you want chocolate, right Eddie?” Cheryl lifted her gaze from the scribble filled notepad to stare down at Amanda’s dinner companion. Placing his ring covered hand over his chest, Eddie batted his eyes, “You know the way to my heart, Cheryl.” Snorting approvingly at his antics, she jotted down Eddie’s preferred flavor, “All right kids, be right up.” And she wasn’t kidding because before either of them could let the silence grow, two tall and frosty milkshake glasses were being slid across the glittering formica, each topped with a mound of whipped cream and a luscious, over sweet cherry as a crown.  A pair of straws were tossed down without much thought and Amanda greedily grabbed one, eager to taste the delectable treat in front of her. “So, tell me about you.  What do you- like, what do you do for fun?”  Eddie was toying with his straw’s paper wrapper, making small talk and working hard at looking effortless.  He hadn’t been out like this, with a girl he was so into, in ages.  Maybe ever, really, and he was rusty, more than a little out of practice. Amanda swirled her own straw through the thick vanilla shake in front of her, biting into her bottom lip before replying, “Well, I work.  A lot.”  “At the Music Shop?” She shrugged, “Yup.  But it’s not all restocking sheet music and replacing guitar strings.  I teach-” “Like guitar?”  Something about the prospect was so exciting.  A fellow musician to noodle around with and she just happened to have the voice of an angel?  Was this paradise found, or what? Amanda nodded at his eager response, “Yea.  Also some keyboard, like, really beginner piano, ya know?” Eddie slurped at his chocolate shake, brain going a mile a minute.  Shaking his long hair off his shoulders, nearly gawking, he clicked his tongue before sighing deeply, “It’s not really fair.” Worry filled Amanda’s features.  Had she done something wrong?  It had all been going so well, maybe too well?  “What’s not fair?” Rapping his ringed knuckles against the tabletop before pointing her way, “You.  You’re like, too good to be true.” Shy now, Amanda turned away from his kindness, his honeyed praises, and fiddled nervously with the pendant of her necklace.  It wasn’t something she had a ton of experience with; flirting and compliments and genuine appreciation.  If she was on a stage, under a white hot spotlight, Amanda would know exactly what to say, what to do, but here on the worn out bench seat of a small town diner, Amanda found herself unmoored by all the attention Eddie was sending her way. “Oh, that’s like- I mean, I’m not-” she let her voice trail off, suddenly transfixed by something outside of the plate window. “Hey-” Eddie laid his hand, palm up, on the worn down table, his voice dropping to a whisper.  He’d said something to upset Amanda because she had taken those brilliant peepers away and that felt wrong on a primal level. “-Amanda?  Did I- uh, shit.  Did I do something, ya know, wrong?  Shit.” There was something in the defeated sound of Eddie’s expletive that brought her around.  She saw his open hand, still laying on the table and cautiously linked her fingers with his.  But she still could not meet his questioning look.  Twirling one of those big, heavy rings around his large and frankly, distracting fingers, Amanda finally huffed out a lungful of air. “I guess I should like, be honest here and tell you that I’ve never really done this.”  She motioned between the pair of them with her unoccupied hand as if that alone would explain her behavior. Eddie squeezed her fingers for a second, a trace of teasing in his tone when he asked, “Had dinner in a shitty diner?” Rolling her eyes skyward, she snorted out a small laugh, “No.  Well, kinda?  I mean, I haven’t really had a-” she let her eyes lock onto Eddie’s maple brown ones, holding him still, “-a date.  I, uh, never really had anyone, ya know, wanna take me out.  So, this is new.  For me, anyway.” Eddie could see what the admission cost her.  The once pleased smile now turned just a little pouty as her bottom lip puckered from the effort of opening herself up.  Her chest rose and fell rapidly as if she couldn’t keep the air inside her for too long, but perhaps the most telling was the way that Amanda’s hand clung tightly to Eddie’s. For a long second neither one of them said anything.  The kitchen crew could be heard, banging around pots and plates.  Another couple in a nearby booth was laughing loudly.  The radio was tuned to the oldies station so everyone could listen to Sam Cooke singing about Cupid. And when Amanda realized that Eddie wasn’t going to respond, she sat up, stiffer than before, readying to take her hand with her.  But Eddie closed his fist around her fingers, keeping his hold on her and tugging her gently forward, a pained pinch obvious in his voice, “Me either.” “What?” He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly, “I don’t date.  Uh, that often.”  Popping one eye open, just to see if Amanda was still with him, Eddie continued, “Um, I’ve got a bit of a, well, a reputation.  And for some reason, the ladies around here aren’t into that.” Shooting for levity, Eddie hoped to lighten the mood.  Moments like this, where he was on display emotionally, where he was open and vulnerable, made him nervous.  Anxious.  Twitchy.  It was fucking scary to be sitting here with this pretty bird and tell her how much of a disaster he really was with no bravado to use as armor.  And if Amanda wasn’t already heading for the hills, there was no way he would be able to stop her now. “It’s the van, isn’t it?  All the people you’ve attempted to kidnap, right?”  At her gentle jest, both of Eddie’s eyes popped open.  She was still there, sitting sweetly behind her melting shake, a tentative twist of her lips making it impossible for Eddie to stop imagining what kissing her would be like and he felt himself nodding with a hoarse giggle, relieved, “Yea.  That’s, uh, that’s it.  I’m just a creepy metal head with a super creepy van.” “You probably have candy too and uh, puppies?  For the luring of innocents?” “Of course.  What’s a kidnapper without his bait?”  “A weird guy with an empty van?”  And that absolutely shitty punchline was enough to send them both into a giggle fit, shattering any lingering tension created by being a touch too honest in the moment.  There would be a better time to talk about deep dark secrets and the reasons why two lonely people could find comfort in each other, but this wasn’t it. When Amanda pulled her hand back this time, Eddie let it go.  She used her napkin to dab under her eyes, clearing away the tears that laughing together had created.  Then she was dipping down to slurp at her creamy concoction, grinning, “This is so good!” “Right?  But, I gotta say, vanilla is-” “What?  What’s wrong with vanilla?”  Shaking his head with a laugh, Eddie raised his eyebrows, “Vanilla is kinda boring.” “It is not!”  Scalded by his choice of words, Amanda leaned over their shared table at the diner, motioning him closer.  When she was near enough for her now vanilla scented breath to skate across Eddie’s mouth, Amanda husked, “Vanilla is smoky.  Sweet.  It’s hard to grow, super hard to harvest and while there are many imitators out there.  Real vanilla.  The good stuff?  Well, that shit would rock your world.” Amanda, feeling bolder, pushed in tighter despite the formica between them, continuing in a hushed tone.  “And Eddie-” her voice dropped even lower, forcing him to concentrate on every word leaving her tenderly parted lips, lips that smelled like bourbon and sugar and cream.  Lips that Eddie wanted to taste so badly that he was sure he was going to go mad, right here in the goddamned diner, before their burgers ever made it to the table.  Lips that begged to be kissed stupid, carried on, unaware of his rising desire, “-never forget this: chocolate needs vanilla to taste so damn good!”  Sitting back, pleased as punch now that her point was made, Amanda slurped down another sip of her vanilla shake.  Eddie needed a minute.  Or seven.  He was still almost lying chest down on the booth’s table, having to cock his head up to look at the vanilla loving vixen gloating over him.  Spreading his broad hands over the tabletop, Eddie dramatically pushed himself back into his seat, eyeing Amanda warily, acting contrary for the fun of it.  “It’s a good story, kid.  But I’m still not convinced about vanilla’s superiority.  Maybe-”  He was pushing his luck, he knew it.  God, but he knew it only too well.  She’d admitted to being new to all this, inexperienced, but still, fortune favors the bold, isn’t that what some famous person had said once?  Amanda, unknowingly, waited for his follow-up, her mouth wrapped around the striped straw, her cheeks round and smiling, “Maybe?” Leaning onto one leather wrapped elbow, Eddie reclaimed the space at the center of their table, “Maybe I need to taste it again?” She’s confused.  Yea, definitely, confused.  So Amanda moved, ready to slide her icy half filled glass his way.  But Eddie shook his head slowly and waved her forward until their foreheads were almost pressed together.  That’s when he cupped her cheek, gently, softly and Amanda, powerless to stop her body, nuzzled into the warmth there. It felt natural.  Right.  Easy.  And there was no way that Amanda was going to deny herself this little bit of pleasure being offered so openly. If what Eddie had admitted was true, and the way his eyes had scrunched gave her a pretty good idea that it was, then he was in uncharted waters himself.  Something about that idea, that they were both in this raging waterfall of connection together made it safer somehow.  It made it easier to shut her own eyes and enjoy the calloused caresses of Eddie. Eddie slid his thumb over her plush bottom lip which parted without question, “Wanna taste you.  That alright, Mandy?” God, did she like being called Mandy.  She bobbed her head ‘yes’, her eyes shut from the want, already anticipating Eddie’s movements.  But he surprised her again, asking- no, telling, “Open your eyes, baby.  Please?” And only when Eddie could spy the blown open pupils of his dinner companion did he allow his mouth to surge forward.  His slightly chapped lips separated enough for his tongue to sweep across Amanda’s own and he was rewarded with a sultry sigh.  It made Eddie braver.  Bolder.  

Now he was intrepid in his search for the flavor of vanilla, teasing and taking a taste of every muggy corner of her mouth.  His tongue brushed against her own, the fresh flavor of vanilla sweetness everywhere.  Heady and exotic and exciting.  Amanda tipped her chin downward, ready to deepen this first kiss that arched over forgotten milkshakes and the paper napkins wrapping up their silverware, tentatively running the tip of her tongue over Eddie’s teeth.  Traces of chocolate and the syrupy sweet cherry from the top of his treat lingered on Eddie’s lips making Amanda hum harmonically.  Her fingers fisted into the collar of his flannel shirt, ensuring that Eddie couldn’t escape, at least, not without effort. But she wasn’t worried.  When his second hand molded to the curve of her other cheek, Amanda couldn’t avoid smiling, knowing that Eddie was as into this as she was.  As far as first kisses went, this one was ranking pretty high on the list of all time greats and both were reluctant to pull away first. “Ahem!  AHEM!  I have your order.” Two heads turned toward the intruding voice of the bored and bordering on disgusted server Doris but Eddie and Amanda didn’t jump apart like a couple of randy teens might have.  Oh no, Amanda leaned further into the cup of Eddie’s palm, offering their put upon server a small smile, dazed and almost drunkenly, “Hmm, thank you so much.” Eddie would have rather died than forfeit the pleasure of her trusting touch.  With his free left hand he reached for one of the two plates, “Here, lemme have that.” “Whatever.”  Without any further ceremony, Doris, because that’s what her name tag read, plopped both heavy ceramic dishes to the table, “Need anything else lovebirds?” Amanda lifted her head slowly, licking over her bee stung lips and nodded towards the pink cheeked shaggy headed boy still draped across their booth, “Uh, yea.  Could we have another vanilla shake, please?  It’s his favorite flavor.” Chuckling, Eddie let his broad thumb with the bitten down nail graze over the apple of her cheek, speaking to Doris but only looking at Amanda, “Two cherries, huh, Doris?” Rolling her elderly eyes, the waitress shook her head, “Right away.” Steam rolled off the two cheeseburger melts and stacks of seasoned french fries but they remained huddled as close at the table between them would allow.  Cocking his eyebrow, Eddie couldn’t help the teasing, “My favorite, huh?” “Oh yea.  You’re a convert now.” Settling back reluctantly, Eddie smirked your way, “Ever think that you’re my favorite flavor?” He was rewarded with a small kiss pressed to the inside of his wrist and what he realized was a trademark tilt of her head, “I told you that everything tastes better with vanilla, Eddie.” “Yea, you sure did.”  Biting into his burger, Eddie grinned through the grease on his face, sure he had never been happier in his short life.  And if the triumphant smirk Amanda flashed his way proved anything, she felt the exact same way.

— The second their empty plates had been cleared away, Eddie’s hand naturally kind of reached for Amanda’s, needy and greedy for the reassurance of touch.  Just as natural, Amanda slotted her fingers between his, “I gotta say, Eddie, that was a pretty amazing burger.” Pleased at the recognition, Eddie squeezed her digits for a second, “Thanks for trusting me.”  And then he seemed to realize the full implication of his statement.  Thanks for trusting him on the drive over.  Thanks for trusting his judgment about the restaurant and not just his menu choices.  Thanks for trusting his intentions. Her eyes rounded at the sentiment, giving Eddie a flash of sympathy before leaning into a flirty smile, “I had to.  You did pinky promise me that there would be no funny business and that’s ironclad.  At least, that’s what I’ve been led to believe.” “God, you remember everything, huh?”  But he sounded impressed.  Happy that she hadn’t lingered on his more revealing comment. Nodding, Amanda agreed, “Yea, I mean, I kinda have an ear and it’s always been easy for me to memorize stuff.  Lyrics, melodies, lines from movies-” Leaning forward again, engaged and interested, Eddie licked over his bottom lip, “No shit?” “No shit!” Eddie couldn’t help it.  He let his eyes roam over the pretty face in front of him, etching all of the details into his own memory, vowing never to forget the greasy sweet shine of her lips around the red striped straw or how she folded her disposable napkin up primly before laying it across her dinner plate.  The way Amanda’s hand felt so right in his and how her mouth tasted like vanilla ice cream with a trace amount of menthol throat drop lingering along her teeth. Eddie needed to remember it all for later.  For tonight when he went back to his trailer, like a gentleman.  For tomorrow or the day after or the day after that.  For all the days that would spread between this time together and the next time Eddie would be able to see her.  He was going to live off the sound of Amanda’s begrudging laugh when he made a joke that was funnier than it had any real right to be.  He planned to survive on the nourishment of her sugared sighs when those perfect, plump and pouty lips had welcomed Eddie’s own.  It was food for his soul.  Essential for life like oxygen or water. “Uh, Eddie?”  Amanda’s quiet question yanked him out of his own head and back into the present moment. He tugged the forward chunk of his hair between his long fingers, embarrassed at being caught, “Hmm?”  “You’re, uh, staring.” “Yea.  Sorry about that.  It’s just-” “Do I have something on my face?”  Panicked, Amanda patted at her cheeks to find the non-existent stain. And how could he help himself?  “Oh, yup.  A little higher.  No, lower- uh, nope, other side.  It’s right there-” he directed her wildly, pointing at the corner of his mouth to watch Amanda lick the same spot of her own, “-almost.  How do you keep missing it?” “You little shit!”  It was suddenly crystal clear that Eddie was full on fucking with her.  There never had been anything on her face. “What?  You got it.  Just now.”  Eddie’s impish grin made it impossible for Amanda to be truly mad so she settled for shooting him a playfully spiteful glare, “Uh huh.  Yea, sure.” His thumb rubbed along the side of her pointer finger, the gentle drag a grounding reminder of Eddie’s unwavering presence.  Amanda rested her chin against the flat of her right palm before sighing deeply, “What am I gonna do with you, Eddie?” Reflexively, re-actively, he answered, “Whatever you want, baby.” It was Amanda’s turn to stare.  There was an open honesty in the hot coffee color of Eddie’s eyes that hooked her right through the heart and tugged like a caught fish on a rusty lure.  He was being serious, there was no denying it. Around them the air shifted.  It was no longer funny.  It was no longer polite. The world narrowed once more, big enough for only the two of them and the dingy diner booth where they sat as everything else fell away. Her throat tightened and a lick of heated flame unfurled through her belly.  Words flooded her thoughts but Amanda couldn’t seem to settle on the ones that would say what she wanted desperately to express.  Eddie’s seemingly simple declaration had untethered her. Because it was too soon to speak with such clarity of purpose.  Too early for the implication of more to be made.  And yet, for the first time, Amanda saw the ghostly shape of possibility in the earnest expression Eddie wore. There was a promise there, stronger than one created when two little fingers linked, and something about that was spooky.  Scary.  Only, Amanda didn’t feel frightened like she thought she should, shrugging smoothly, “I- I wanna stay with you.” That was her truth, in the singular sparkling now.  Leaving Eddie, even for the comfort of home, was a thought so daunting, so disruptive, that she was actively moving against it.  Everything in Amanda Patterson said ‘stay’.  Eddie’s head bobbed in understanding.  He had no intention of letting the night end so early and without any plan in place for a follow-up rendezvous.  At Amanda’s declaration, he’d changed the grip of her hand, turning it so that their palms touched, textured heat melding together.  

He’d be lying if he denied the libidinous way his blood shot south at the whispered want in Amanda’s voice.  He was a young and virile guy, after all.  But Eddie wasn’t thinking with his dick when he said, “I don’t wanna let you go, Mandy.”

“Am I-” pausing to catch her breath, Amanda started again, “-are we crazy?” “I uh, I don’t think so.”  Conspiratorially, Amanda huffed, “Then what do we do now, Eddie?” His free hand brushed through his curls roughly before landing on the back of his neck, “Let me take you home?” It was a question born of chivalry and Amanda agreed with a thin, “Yes, please.” Eddie stood up first, somehow managing to keep her hand in his as he slipped out of the booth smoothly.  Once he was on his feet, he tugged lightly, bringing Amanda to the edge of the bench before offering his arm.  She watched as Eddie threw some loose bills on the table and then he was leading her outside of the bacon scented diner and onto the sidewalk. She floated at his side, the swaying of her skirt brushing against the stiff denim of Eddie’s jeans.  What had been an appropriate outfit for the early evening was now a bit too thin and he saw her shiver under the bright and clear Indiana sky.  Popping open the van’s door, he saw her settled inside and as she buckled her seatbelt, Eddie shrugged off his leather jacket, “Here.  Snuggle up under this, yea?” Gripping the body warm coat with greedy fingers, Amanda clutched it to her chest, humming her thanks.  He watched as she spread it over herself, nudging the collar with her nose, “Oh man, it smells like you!” “Cigarettes and bad decisions?” “Nope.”  Inhaling deeply, she thought for a minute, “Cologne?  Aqua Velva, like my granddad wears and uh, Green Apple shampoo?”  She couldn’t hide the surprised way her eyes widened or the knowing little smirk her mouth made at this discovery. “What?  I think it smells good.”  Lingering in the space between inside the van with Amanda and outside on the sidewalk, Eddie’s arms leaned into the rusted metal frame, effectively caging her in the seat. Not that she minded when every time he stretched his flannel shirt rode up just enough for an alabaster white slice of belly to peek over the waistband of his jeans.  She had already noticed splashes of black ink over each hip but couldn’t be sure of its shape.  His forearms were on display, the strong veins of his wrists visible under the artfully stained skin, and Amanda let her mind wander at the idea of what Eddie looked like under all that cotton and cloth. Amanda swallowed thickly.  She was very aware of the protective bubble Eddie had built around her, here in the cab of his vehicle.  The scent of him.  The sight.  It was a feast for the senses. And now all she wanted was to taste the plush and pillowy softness of his lips.  Lips that were moving, saying something but her mind had gone over into staticy silver.  She couldn’t help it.  Not when he was standing with his trim waist nearly at eye level, the belt of his jeans drawing them low on his hips.  “Huh?” That grin.  Broad and toothy, spread smugly over his face, “Uh, did I lose you for a second?” “Hmm, yea.  Kinda.  Sorry, what were you saying?” “I was saying, I don’t want to say goodnight, at least-” he raised a hand to her cheek, brushing the calloused pad of his thumb across her smooth skin, “-not so soon.” Having already melted into his touch, hoarse and throaty, she agreed, “Yea, no, me either.” “Yea?  So, if you’re up for a little adventure, I may have an idea.” Amanda lifted an eyebrow, questioning the boy before her with a sarcastic thread to her words,  “An adventure?” “Don’t worry, babe.  I'll make sure to get you there and back again.”  His pinkie finger was wiggling, just waiting for Amanda to link them together in a silent show of trust. —

Thanks for reading!  Part 2 is coming soon!

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