#[ when those little cogs of this little human being that is me start going at a million miles an hour. ]

[araneitela]

My apologies for being absent!

/cracks knuckles, but I'm in the midst of typing about fear and with it, hope to make it up to you guys a little. I don't remember the last time that I've been so motivated to write meta of any kind, but Kafka makes me never want to shut up, and honestly— I feel bad when I'm sitting in Discord, with someone's DMs open and I'm sitting on my hands to prevent myself from hypothesizing, because when I don't, it's twelve paragraphs at least. So here we go, let's take my hypothesizing to the dashboard.

Can I also just... say how much two instrumental tracks scream Kafka to me and I lose my mind? I need to stop losing my mind. But this character is just everything I've craved to write for much too long, her premise, dynamics, her goal, the references and symbolism, it's so delightful and thrilling and absolute chef's kiss. Any way, in case anyone may want to know what's playing over and over and over again without stop. The romanticism of Kafka: — Table for Two — The Field

[wheelsup30]

Illicit Affairs (Aaron Hotchner x GN!Reader)

[note: MORE ANGST UPON YE. also can u tell im on a tswift kick?]

cw: angst with a happy(?) ending, gn!reader, reader's gender isn't specified.

word count: 1k

Inspo: Illicit affairs - taylor swift & peace - taylor swift

“I have to go.” 

It was like clockwork. You'd meet, spend a few hours together, then he'd go and the next morning you'd have to look him in the eye at work like this wasn't breaking your heart.

This time, you decided to push things.

“Why? Who's waiting?” You ask, obviously pointing out the fact he wasn't married anymore and hadn't been for quite some time. The divorce had happened months before the first time the two of you did this routine, so why exactly was it he had to leave so soon?

He’s silent for a moment, then deeply exhales. “No one. But I don't have my go-bag if we get called.” 

A spark of irritation fizzles through you, so you push harder. “What, you can't go get it on the way?”. It's clear by his face he doesn't want to have this talk, and another sigh rolls out of his nose. It was typical really, he only ever wanted to have the good stuff with you, no discussions that might require actual use of his brain cells. To him, you were supposed to be easy, just a way to relax after work that he didn't have to stress over.

Of course, he was more than aware of how unfair that was- you were a human being with very real feelings, reciprocated ones, even. But after Haley he just wasn't ready to focus on anything but Jack and work…which was made difficult by the fact you were work. You were there every day, giving him that hurt puppy dog look that broke his heart a little every time he saw it. Those eyes only made him push you further away, though, so you'd resigned to only allowing them when you thought he wasn't looking (He could never take his eyes off you, though you had no idea that was the case.).

“Can we not do this tonight?” Aaron asks, and you’re startled by the weakness in his voice, by the tightness that was building to a crack. Looking up at him, you can see his eyes glisten in the lamp light, an even more startling reaction to your nagging questions.

“Are you-...are you crying?” You ask in a whisper, worry knitting your brow and bringing a frown to your lips. “Aaron, hey-” 

He tries to shy away, but you don’t let him for once. You pull him close and wipe his cheeks, still concerned about how out of nowhere this reaction is from him. “I just want you to stay, what’s going on?” 

It’s silent for a long while, you assume he’s collecting his thoughts and calming down, so you just keep one hand on his shoulder and the other on his arm to ground him. Five minutes pass before he can look you in the eye, and when he does your heart shatters. The tears just won’t stop. As he falls into your arms, you rub his back and try to push through the confusion at how fast things changed emotionally. “What is it, Aaron…? Honey?” You ask softly, moving so he can sit next to you on the bed.

“I wanna stay-” It’s a little difficult to make out with the tears and the fact he has his face pressed against your shoulder, but you hear it. “I wanna stay,” He repeats “But that makes it real.” 

Time slows, and the cogs start to turn in your head. Losing Haley twice over must’ve been the worst heartbreak he’d ever experienced, and she wasn’t in the field. You are. Sure, that means you’ve got each other’s backs, but it also meant your lives were on the line daily. Sure enough, he finishes your train of thought for you.

“I can’t lose you.” 

You don’t even try to say he won’t, because you know he might. Every time you step out of the bullpen and into the field there’s a target on your back, and you’d be a fool if you tried to ignore that. But was that really a reason to break each other's hearts?

“You might.” You say stiffly, running your fingers through the longest parts of his hair. “But if you keep this up, you’ll lose me too.”

It was something you wanted to let hang, so you did. One hand still running through his hair as you watched him process it…he was tired, you both were, the case you were on right now was one of the worst and was only devolving more. What would usually have been an irritating question with snide comments had become the final straw. Unwittingly, you’d broken him. Eventually, he looked up at you from where he was leaning, and your heart broke. He didn’t have to speak for you to know how he felt. 

“I know…I know it’s scary. I’m terrified.” His bottom lip trembles slightly, and you think about how you’d fight people tooth and nail to never have to see him so upset again, about how it gripped at your chest and stung your eyes every time you took in a breath. “But we can be scared together.”

There was no way to fix this, not alone, but therapy wasn’t something to bring up right now. Right now, the man in your arms clearly needed comfort and support, and that’s what you gave him. Hours pass with him half-cradled in your arms like a child, and eventually you wake up next to him, the pink light of a sunrise flushing his cheeks just like his own heartbreak had the night before. It was odd, seeing a man you knew to be so strong completely relying on you for stability, but at the same time it felt right. If Aaron needed a rock, that’s exactly what you’d be, there was no question he’d do the same for you in a heartbeat. This wasn’t going to be easy, you’d have a lot of explaining to do to the team and your families, but you’d do it together.

Afraid, but in love without denial.

[whumpshaped]

Thing I'd read for forever: Whumpees who don't think they're people

There's a moment in Linden and Colton in a flashback when Colton breaks and he disregards his own personhood bc "this was too awful to happen to a person" so he doesn't believe he is a person. These things don't happen to people, therefore he must not be one

It's makes me feral! LIKE YES! RATIONALIZE IT!

Even better if they get questioned on their logic and they straight up do not understand.

My absolute favorite thing is a caretaker being like "well you're a human so you must be a person, right?" And whumpee is like "no. not a person. obviously." Literally believing they're built different from other humans. Just how it is.

Like how do you even combat that logic?? You don't. Sorry. This is Whumpee's worldview now. Good luck.

tw dehumanisation, conditioned whumpee, past trauma with multiple whumpers

"I appreciate it," Whumpee said softly. "I do. You're... you're very kind to me, and I know you're trying to comfort me, and it means a lot."

Caretaker listened, unsure where this monologue was going. They knew Whumpee had a lot of issues, a lot of new triggers they had to watch out for and avoid. Had they missed one? Had they upset them in some way?

"But I'm sure there are people who need you. I know– I know this is your decision, and you decide whether you want to waste all this energy on a useless thing like me, but... but if you care for my opinion at all, and you seem like you do, because you're s-so nice, then... then stop wasting time on me. I'm okay. Whatever duty you have in mind for me, I, I can start doing it today."

Caretaker hummed. "The person who needs me right now is you."

Whumpee shook their head a little. "Not a person."

They didn't flinch. They continued holding Whumpee's hands in their own, rubbing circles into the backs of them. "No?"

"Just a thing. A thing to use. I don't need such kind attention, though I am endlessly grateful for it." They shifted, averting their eyes. "I had to say something. I couldn't keep lying and taking advantage of such a kind person. I'm sorry I didn't speak up right away."

"You couldn't," Caretaker reminded them. "You were unconscious when I found you and barely conscious in the following days."

Whumpee didn't have a reply to that, but their guilt was palpable.

"How come you're not a person?" they asked gently. "You seem like one to me."

"I thought so, too. When I was still stupid and useless and arrogant. Bad. But Master taught me what I was. Showed me."

"Showed you?"

"Yes. They stopped pretending I was a person. They treated me like a thing, like I deserved to be treated, and no one said anything. You wouldn't have been able to treat a person like that. Somebody would've said something."

Caretaker tried not to let it show just how crushing those words sounded. Even through such a casual retelling — or maybe because it was so casual, like it was normal, — they could picture everything too vividly. A poor soul trapped in that horrible place, with monsters who brainwashed them to the point where it was all Whumpee knew. Trapped in a small world of torture and humiliation until they gave up the memories and the experiences of their life from before.

"I see," they forced out.

"I'm sorry if that was upsetting, I was just trying to answer truthfully and–"

"I know. You didn't do anything wrong."

Whumpee fell silent, their fearful eyes searching Caretaker's face for any lies or deception.

"For the time being, why don't you think of this little recovery period as maintenance?" they suggested carefully. "Would that make more sense to you?"

"Maintenance?"

"Yes. Repairs, even. Getting you back to full working order instead of pushing you to your limits with barely any rest time over and over again for no reason. You wouldn't do that to a thing you intended to keep for a long time."

Whumpee thought about it. Caretaker could almost hear the cogs turning. "I don't think I was meant to be kept for a long time," they whispered.

Caretaker squeezed their hands, prompting them to look up. "Yes, you were. If Whumper got to treat you however they saw fit, then it's only fair I get to do the same, right? And I would like to treat you like you matter, person or not."

~

general drabbles taglist: @ashh-ed @whumpsday @whump-queen @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @rosewriteswhump @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @whumpkinpie @delicateprincepaper @whumppmuhw @whump-em @cyborg0109 @morning-star-whump @justanotherlokifan @2in1whump @lthrboy @justletmereadmywhump @florissimps @anonymous-tiangou

[sugarlywhispers]

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader (fem) x Midoriya Izuku. 

WARNINGS: TRIO RELATIONSHIP, adult sexual content, angst and fluff, penetrative sex, oral sex, unprotected sex (USE GLOBOS, GUYS, preferably, pink ones lol😉), yandere themes –toxic/possessive behavior, mention of blood and violence, swearing lots of it thanks to bakugou lol

Summary: After several disasters that happened around the country, the government had no other choice but to enact a new law that would mostly shock every single person, including heroes. 

"Please, please…Order in the room! I know," he says to someone that it's asking something but it's mostly impossible to actually understand for viewers like you who are not–were not present at the conference. "But, please, believe me when I say we have exhausted every possibility there is for this. This law was our very last resource." 

By the tired tone in this man's voice and expression, you believe him. And you hate that you do, because that means you have no other choice. No one does.

A/N: lol this is a monster chapter, 5+k, you have been warned ✌🏼🙈 enjoy🤍

Chapter Two: Donde comen dos, comen tres.

This is it, you thought, taking a deep breath before your hand grabs the doorknob. This was the door of a new beginning, a new life that even though it was not of your choosing, you'll have to live and make it work. Behind those doors were the person you would have to share a life with, or at least try to, considering you were about to create a new little being together.

That thought made you smile. You really haven't considered being a mom, but you haven't disregarded the thought either.

You finally open the door, but what greets you behind is a scenery you were not expecting nor prepared for.

Mr. Takashi, the governor representative the letter said was in charge of your contracts, was standing behind a desk, where in front of it three chairs were positioned one next to the other and two of them were already occupied. The two men sitting turn around when you open the door, and you never hated being the center of attention more in your life.

You take a step back to look again at the number in the door; 705. The same number the letter said you were expected on that day.

"Did-... Sorry, did I get the right room?" You ask, still perplexed by how many people are in this little room.

"Yes. Yes, you did, Miss Y/L/N." 

The cogs start to whirl in your head and it doesn't take a minute for you to understand what this means.

The two of them. These two men are going to marry you.

You gulp as you walk towards the unused chair and sit there stiffly and dropping your bag next to you on the floor, hands holding each other strongly over your lap almost to the point where your fingers turn white thanks to the strength. The silence is piercing and so tense it can definitely be cut with a knife.

You take another deep breath and look up, Mr. Takashi is smiling at you with a smile that only makes a cold chill run down your back, so you look elsewhere. That elsewhere turns out to be the other two people present and sitting at your right.

The man sitting next to you has greenish hair; actually it looks more like black with green highlights. Because of the distance, you can also see the many freckles over his nose and high cheekbones. His face suddenly looks kind of familiar. A Hero maybe? You weren't that into them to know, but Tora would probably know for sure. He slightly smiles at you and nods in greeting. You nod too, realizing how disgustingly cute this man is.

The man sitting next to this disgustingly cute human being is blond, his arms are crossed over his chest and he looks at you like you're an annoying gum stuck under his feet. That surprises you a bit, but when your eyes find his vermillion ones you can clearly see how unease he is with all of this, so you decide not to take it personal.

The both of them are big; buffy, strong men that clearly hit the gym at least five days a week, if not more. You hope they are not the superficial type.

You hear as Mr. Takashi moves papers and more papers, like looking for something as silence reigns in that room. Now it's not completely uncomfortable, but it makes you a bit nervous, so you distract yourself looking back at the green haired guy next to you.

He looks skittish and ready to jump out of his seat at any moment as he smiles timidly at you. But it doesn't look like he wanted to get away from you or even approach you, he simply looked ready. For what? You don't know. But he was ready to even fly if he could. Could he though?

That would be awesome!, you thought excited. Not that you particularly care about what types of Quirks these men have, but having one that is mostly useless makes you admire every single one, no matter how simple or boring they could be considered.

"Miss Y/L/N, may I introduce you to your future spouses," Mr. Takashi says as he signals with his hands at each man as he says their names, "Mr. Bakugou Katsuki," the blond only slightly bows and hufs in your direction, his angry expression still on his face, which amuses you a bit, "and Mr. Midoriya Izuku," the greenette guy also bows, before closing his eyes and smiling big at you, perfect and white teeth only making him even cuter.

Mr. Takashi then looks at them and says, "Gentlemen, may I introduce your future spouse, Miss Y/L/N Y/N."

You bow two times in each of their directions.

"Each of your test results show a high compatibility between you three, so we are glad to announce the exception of the Rule in this Paring."

Yep, I had to be the lucky one, you think sardonically looking down at your hands.

"Now, I will proceed to read again the law and what it entails and then I'll leave you three to get to know each other," the cheerful tone in Mr. Takashi's voice makes you want to vomit.

"We are signing the contract today?" The green haired guy asks, his right leg beginning to move rapidly up and down.

"No, Mr. Midoriya. Today is only the introduction, so you get to know each other and-..."

"How thoughtful of you."

You don't take into consideration that in a room as small as that one, your murmur wouldn't get as indiscret as you thought. So when you look up, Mr. Takashi is looking at you over his small glasses, and the way he feels annoyed by you is palpable through his eyes. Yet he smiles, fakingly fondly. You should have felt intimidated by him, right now he has the power to make your life as miserable as probably his own is. However, the amused snort that comes from the blond at your right gives you a bit of reassurance that you're not the only one thinking it.

Mr. Takashi lets it slide as he begins with the clearly bad acted courtesy while reading the law again. You don't pay attention, it's clearly a protocol action of repeating the law like a trained parrot. When he finishes, he explains the next step, "Now, I'll prepare your contracts for each of you to sign. Any more idems you want to add?"

That immediately makes you sit straight as you look at the old man in front of you, "Idems? Nobody said we could add anything."

He sighs and looks at you like you're an annoying child. You frown, already the anger rising. This man was really toying with your patience. "This is a special case, Ms. Y/L/N."

"Special? Why? If they get to add idems into this stupid thing then I get to do it too." You cross your arms like a petulant child.

If he was going to treat you like a child, then you might as well act like one.

"Ms. Y/L/N…"

"No. It's already not fair that your misogynistic asses get to pair women to men as they are just reproductive systems just because you failed as a government, and now men get special treatment again-..."

He interrupts you mid sentence, "Miss Y/L/N! I don't think you understand the situation we are in right now." The stress he puts over his last two words makes you frown, to which he sighs. "These men are heroes. You do not recognize them?"

You look at them, still frowning, "No?" 

The two men look at you actually perplexed, and they look at each other to see if they are feeling the same.

"Y/N, these are the heroes Deku and Dynamight." The old man introduces them again, saying their names as they are sitting next to you.

Of course you recognize these names. Thanks to the kids at school but more specifically thanks to your friends, underline stressfully the names Tora and Kira, you–oh. OH. You open your eyes wide. These are the actual heroes, the men that fight against villains and everybody loves and they appear on the TV that you turn off whenever a Hero is on and the ones your friends thirst over whenever they can.

Fucking ooohh.

You avoid looking at them. All you can think about is your friends and their suggestive commentary about how big Dynamight's biceps are and how Tora would love to lick every drop of sweat from them, or how Kira would let Deku smash her ass to Detroit.

You feel your cheeks hot as you look everywhere but them. Because now, in your head, the imagery isn't your friends anymore, but you.

You clear your throat in a failed attempt to gather yourself together. "S-sorry, I don't watch much TV." That's all the apology you offer them. "My point still stands that it's not fair-..."

Mr. Takashi doesn't even pretend to hear you out, he bluntly ignores you as he says, "Well, I'm going to go now. Have a good day you three. I expect you on the first of November to sign your contracts." With that he stands and walks out of the room, leaving you alone with the two most famous Pro Heroes of your generation.

You feel outraged by everything. By this stupid governor in charge of your contracts; by his stupid machism that he clearly didn't intend to hide; by having not one, but two Pro Heroes as future husbands.

The greenette guy, famously known as Pro Hero Deku, civilian name Midoriya Izuku, hmms as he turns a bit in your direction. He looks a bit nervous as he scratches the back of his neck and looks apologetically in your eyes.

"If it helps, the only thing that they let us add is a Confidentiality point." He smiles timidly, and you can see he's trying to cheer you up.

You frown though.

"It doesn't help, Deku." The blond says, crossing his arms again over his chest.

"Confidentiality? What do you think I am going to do? Post pictures on Twiber of either of you in your underwear?" You're angry, and you know it's not fair that you take it on them, but the whole situation it's frustrating.

"It could surprise you how many would even sell our used underwear." 

You look at Pro Hero Dynamight directly in the eyes as he speaks. The thought of it is preposterous, yet the seriousness in his face tells you he's not joking. 

And then Tora and Kira invade your mind. Yep, they would probably buy those.

You make a face as you relax on your chair looking forward, "That's disgusting."

Midoriya Izuku exhales a timid laugh through his nose. "It is." You look back at him and he's smiling at you again. "I'm sorry about it, but we needed to add the idem."

In a certain way, you get it. You understand the need to keep their lives private, considering how famous they actually are. They didn't know who they were going to end up paired with, just like you didn't either. They don't know you, and you really can't blame them for taking care of their own selves. You could have been one of those crazy ass fans that followed them everywhere and purposely put themselves in danger just to get their attention. 

You suddenly feel thankful that your friends, even though they were a bit obsessed over Heroes, to them it was just the fanaticism and dream desires. You knew they weren't that obsessed or crazy to the point of putting themselves purposely in danger just to get a 'hello' from them.

You sigh. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-... I'm not angry with you."

"Oh, no, it's okay–" the green haired guy says, but the blond suddenly interrupts.

"You're not the only one angry with this law." Bakugou says matter of factly; you don't know him, but you would bet he was trying to make you feel better, in his own way.

Midoriya nods in agreement.

You look at them. Really look at them. Damn, they are truly handsome. Now that you pay attention, they both have scars on their faces, some more visible than others. Bakugou has one in particular that starts from somewhere under his chin and goes up from the right side of his cheek to almost under his eye. Shit, that must have hurt. Midoriya has small ones around his face. However, none of their scars make them look bad or ugly, on the contrary. It adds to their strong, powerful semblance. Both of them radiate a strong confidence, a secure aura that makes you feel so safe. It's strange, new. A feeling you weren't used to. 

A feeling it died the day they died.

You look elsewhere; both their stares make you feel overwhelmed. They are evaluating you probably the same way you are.

You suddenly gather the entire situation in you. Two men are your Pairings. Two men who are real Pro Heroes. Pro Heroes Deku and Dynamight, to be more specific. The two Pro Heroes that hold the entire country, if not the world, on their backs. The two Pro Heroes every woman in this society could only dream for. The two Pro Heroes you were one hundred percent safer with, making you mostly untouchable to any civilian or villain alive. And they are, from this day onwards, the future fathers of your children. Two Pro Heroes are going to be your husbands.

In another circumstance, you would have refrained yourself from reacting in any way, but you can not contain the laugh that possesses your being. It's loud, and so funny. This whole situation is.

You, probably the only woman in this world who does not want anything to do with Heroes, are going to marry not one but two Pro Heroes. The most famous ones of all of them.

It's absurdly funny. So you laugh, under their perplexed expression.

"What's so fuckin' funny?" Bakugou asks, scowl on his face that only makes you laugh harder.

Midoriya looks everywhere but you, trying to avoid laughing alongside you. Probably not because of the same reasons, but you're glad he finds your laugh funny and contagious. That only infuriates Bakugou even more.

"S-sorry…" You say once you're calmed enough. "Umm, I never, in a million years, thought I would end up with two Pro Heroes as husbands," you offer as an explanation.

Bakugou tenses, holding his crossed arms over his chest tighter. "Got a problem with it?" Asks defensively, but also curious. Midoriya definitely looks curious at you, waiting for your answer.

You snort, "About you both being Heroes? No, not at all. It's just… I'm simply not interested in the whole Hero thing."

Bakugou raises a brow, "You do know the society you live in today has a bunch of them, right?" He feigns the worried tone he uses, you know he's just mocking you. Midoriya elbows him in reprimand. 

"I know," you simply answer before sticking out your tongue at him. Bakugou smiles to the side, a bit surprised by your action.

You stand up, ready to leave this odious room as soon as possible. A light sound that only you are able to hear from your stomach reminds you haven't eaten anything since the quick and small lunch you had early that day during the school break. Maybe it would be a good idea to invite them to have dinner with you; but before you get the chance to say anything, Midoriya stands next to you and faces you a bit abruptly. He reminds you of an eager puppy, ready to be as close to its master as physically possible and ready to do whatever its master asks of it. It's kind of cute, but it still takes you by surprise.

"Would you like to have dinner with us? Our favorite restaurant it's just a few blocks away and they serve the most delicious ramen and katsudon–oh, Kacchan can cook too, his katsudon it's even better, but we could have that another day and‐…"

You watch amused Midoriya's word-vomit as you lean back a bit from him. It doesn't bother you, his proximity, but you are realizing how big he actually is now that he's standing. He didn't look like it while sitting next to you a few seconds ago, and especially next to Bakugou. But damn, he is big. Wide shoulders that probably hide the entirety of your body, strong arms that suddenly remind you hold the entire force that protects this country in one smooth punch.

Number one Pro Hero Deku looks exactly like what a number one Pro Hero would look like in anyone's mind.

Bakugou stands up then and sighs, putting one hand on Midoriya's shoulder and pulling him back, away from you.

Holy. Shit.

Bakugou is even bigger than Midoriya. Freaking big arms and body that is enlightening a size kink you didn't know you had until now, with these two gods standing right in front of you as prove to your eyes that men like this freaking exist.

"Who fucking said I'm gonna cook for you two, nerd?"

The scowl on his face and his vermilion eyes looking from Midoriya to you suddenly feels like a slap of realization. You gasp loudly, which makes them look in surprise at you. 

"You are the asshole from the hospital!" Your finger pointing at Bakugou only makes him frown in confusion, but then he pulls his eyebrows up in recognition, a side smirk appearing in his face. His forearm then rests on Midoriya's shoulder.

"Hey, little grub," you can swear the tone in his voice decreases lower as he speaks with cockiness.

"Oh, you're lucky there were people around, or I would have kicked your ass to Sunday," your threat only makes him laugh.

Midoriya only looks confused and surprised at the same time, eyes traveling from you to the man leaning on his shoulder next to him. "You two know each other?"

"I wish we didn't," you spit and Bakugou laughs again before walking to the door of that office.

"Let's go, nerds," he simply calls you and Midoriya, and you definitely want to kick his ass.

Regardless, you both follow, Midoriya not being able to take his big and expressive eyes from you as you walk.

The walk towards the restaurant was… interesting. While Bakugou kept quiet, walking next to you with his hands inside his pockets, Midoriya couldn't stop talking while walking on the other side –you did notice how they strategically guided you to the middle though. That was kind of thoughtful of them. But you did wonder if they did that on purpose or by mere unconscious protectiveness.

Midoriya spoke about the weather, how cold the wind was getting but the sun made it all better  even though it was already starting to hide in the horizon. How nice it would be to go trekking to the mountains with a weather like this one. Or how cool it would be to go to an amusement park. He kept talking and talking, and you understood he was only like that because of how nervous he actually felt. So you simply smile, and nod, and agree with whatever he is saying, trying to ease him a bit.

When the three of you arrive at the restaurant, Midoriya is the one who approaches the receptionist to ask for a table, Bakugou and you stay a bit behind.

"You don't have to agree to everything he says, you know." He says, not looking at you, but definitely talking to you. It takes you a second to understand what he is saying.

You smile then, and you do look at him. "If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be. I don't care if you're even more famous than the president himself, I know how to say no."

Bakugou then looks at you, and you can see the little smirk that wants to appear on his face. He opens his mouth to say something, but he's cut off by your phone ringing.

You pull it out from your bag, and the name Tora shines on the screen.

"Sorry, I have to take this."

Bakugou nods, looking back at where Midoriya is standing in waiting, looking in your direction. 

When you answer, you don't get to say anything or properly place it by your ear that you hear the screaming.

Tora is screaming something like "put that down, now!", and Kira's response is "fuck you, fuck everything!"

Bakugou then looks at you frowning, which means he can even hear the screaming too. 

"Tora?" You ask. You don't know how to feel. The amount of time those two call you screaming is uncountable, you're used to their dramatics.

"Y/N, please, come to the apartment, please." Tora begs, and she usually never begs like that unless it's something that surpasses even her patience.

With 'the apartment', you know she means the one that used to be you three's. During the last two years of college, the three of you lived together because none could afford to live alone or on campus anymore. This apartment had been inherited from your father, and it was too big just for yourself, so you invited them to live there with you. After all of you moved out, this place had become somewhat like headquarters when something shocking happened or simply when one looked for a space to be alone for a while. Which means, if they were there at the moment, something stressful might have happened.

"What happened?" You ask worried.

"Kira has been Paired."

"Right… I forgot it was today too." A crashing sound is heard from Tora's side of the line. "I guess it didn't go well?"

Tora snorts. "Just come, please. I don't know how to handle her like this…"

"Alright, I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Thanks." Another crashing sound and a yelp was heard, and you know you have to hurry up.

You look up at the same time Midoriya appears next to you, looking a bit worried. "Everything okay?"

You look at them for a second, they both look worried, even though Bakugou has a frown on his face as he watches you.

You sigh. "I don't know. One of my friends was Paired today too, and from what I could hear, it wasn't good."

Midoriya nods in understanding while Bakugou just looks elsewhere.

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

The greenette simply smiles sadly, he's definitely too good of a person. So understandable and kind, it kind of makes you want to hug him and protect him at all costs, which is very amusing considering he is freaking Pro Hero Deku, the Symbol of Hope for everyone in this country, if not the world. The blond simply nods, avoiding any eye contact with you and looking –or pretending?– like he's bored by this whole conversation. By the way he moves his hands inside the pockets of his jacket he is more nervous than he lets it show. Like as if he wanted to say something, but was holding himself back.

These two men… They were completely different from one another. Yet so much alike.

You gulp. Damn, it's too soon to do what you're about to do. But considering how fast everything is already going, may as well just do it.

"Umm, if you want… you can come with me?" You clear your throat looking down at your hands. "You're gonna meet my friends one day either way." You smile. "We can eat something there."

"Are you sure? We don't want to impose or‐" Midoriya looks at Bakugou, who looks ready to start the walk out of the restaurant.

"Oh no. You're not imposing anything… Just," you breath out a laugh, "Get ready to meet two weirdos."

Bakugou snorts and Midoriya smiles.

Exactly twelve minutes later, you open the door of the apartment. Everything it's upside down and you instantly regret having invited them now.

"Where the hell were you?!" Tora suddenly appears in front of you, getting out from her hidding inside the closet right at entrance. Of course you scream a curse. This woman was a freaking ghost when she wanted to be.

"Are you fucking trying to give me a heart attack?!"

Tora chuckles. "You deserve that. You left me with the devil's tantrum."

"I'm just two minutes late, you asshole." You try to normalize your breath, hand over your heart.

"Oh, I am the ass-..." Tora suddenly quiets, and you look at her wide opened eyes looking at the two mountains behind you.

"Umm, Tora, these are… my Pairings, Midoriya Izuku and Bakugou Katsuki." You look back at them then, "Guys, this is Tora, one of my bests friends."

Bakugou nods in greeting and Midoriya nods and smiles. Tora nods stiffly, her eyes still wide and weird over them. You roll your eyes smiling, she's so weird. You love her.

"Where's Kira?"

A crashing sound again, this time louder than the ones you heard over the phone. At that moment, Bakugou and Midoriya react, both of them putting themselves in front of each of you and Tora protectively. You want to laugh at Tora's eyes getting cartoonish wider than before, realizing how big these two men are.

"Don't worry," you say immediately to them. "That's Kira."

You walk inside the apartment, Tora following you, but her eyes kept on them, which makes her bump into you when you suddenly stop.

Kira is sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room riping apart one of the sofa's pillows, angrily. The frustration is clear in every faction of her face. Pieces of glass around the floor, broken windows and mirrors, that clearly cut her here and there thanks to her own self actions.

You sigh. You have only once seen her this mad, and it was when she discovered his dad had been cheating on her mom for years. This same apartment had suffered the outcome of her anger. Mostly the same as this one happening right now.

More than feeling annoyed that she again broke everything here, you felt sad for her. Kira hadn't had the best life before. When she told you her history, you understood perfectly the way she walked through this life. She had to be strong, she had to fight, or life would chew you like a bubblegum and spit you out–at least, that's what Kira always said. Somehow, you understood way more than you wish you did.

You want to approach her, but knowing your best friend, it was like getting yourself into the mouth of a lion. So you take a deep breath to concentrate and then project an image of you walking closer to Kira and kneeling in front of her. You hear Midoriya's gasp as he takes a step closer so he can look better. That made you smile, so your own copy smiles too.

"Don't fucking smile at me, sunshine." Kira barks at you, and you chuckle. That makes her punch the pillow harder.

"Thank you for the nickname, demon," while the image you project moves its mouth as if it's talking, you actually have to speak louder so she can heat you from where you're actually standing. "Want to explain what happened to make you this mad?"

Kira growls in frustration. "Todoroki fucking Shouto." 

You rise one of your eyebrows in confusion. You had heard that name before, in two ways. In a dreamy, horny way from Tora and in an annoyed and angry way from Kira.

"Oohh, no..." Tora cries as she runs back inside the closet, for protection.

"Todoroki-kun? They know each other?" Midoriya whispers to Bakugou, who shrugs in confusion.

You see it, the small things that levitate in the air and suddenly fly around the room in speed and collide against the walls. You, Midoriya and Bakugou have to actually kneel down when some pencils and small decoration items fly your way.

"Sorry," Kira says, but she's still taking her anger on the pillow. You know it hadn't been intentional. When Kira has very strong feelings or emotions taking over, her Quirk just gets out of control.

"What did he do now?" You sigh, preparing yourself for the next hour listening to this frustration Kira and said man have been having since they met.

Kira suddenly stops and looks up at you. Not at your projection of yourself who is in front of her, but you. You gulp in understanding and sigh, pulling your hair back with the fingers of one of your hands.

"Well, fuck…" You simply say, and a glass breaking again is heard at the distance in another room.

"What? What happened?" Midoriya asks, and it's Bakugou's turn to sigh annoyed.

"She has been Paired with half and half bastard." Bakugou explains, and the way he calls the Ice and Fire Pro Hero makes Kira snort a laugh.

"A fucking bastard indeed." Kira punches the pillow again angrily, wich makes you three grimace at watching her abuse the poor pillow. "Do you want to know what the fucker said, after they told us we were a Pair?" She looks up at you again, and you wince at the anger in her eyes.

"Something tells me you're gonna tell me even if I told you no," you whisper, afraid of what could happen next. And you literally take one step back, colliding slightly with Bakugou behind you. He instinctively interlace two of your fingers with one of his, promising protection in that simple hold. Midoriya gets closer to you on your side, ready to put himself in between you and whatever may come towards you.

"He said, and I fucking quote, 'I expected more'."

Midoriya gasps and Bakugou sighs loudly. "He's such a jerk." The latter says, but Midoriya shakes his head.

"I don't think that's exactly what he meant. Todoroki-kun isn't-..."

"What?!" Kira's shriek as she stood up made you instantly stand in front of Midoriya, releasing Bakugou's hold in your fingers.

Your projection immediately stands in between the real you and her, its hands holding Kira's shoulders. "Love, please calm down…"

"Do you know him? Who are you?" She barks at Midoriya, completely ignoring you and your projection, and you sigh.

"Yes, they know him," you clear your throat as she frowns suspiciously at you three. "The were classmates. They are friends."

Kira crosses her arms, still looking suspicious. You're not going to tell her who they really are. You decided that you wanted to respect their privacy as much as you could, even from your bests friends. These two men were going to make a family with you, so you were going to defend that privacy with teeth and nails.

"You don't look like models," Kira analyze them from up and down, trying to decide if she could trust them.

"Hate those..." Bakugou simply says, and Midoriya sushs him with a whispered, "Kacchan!"

Then Kira open her eyes wide, "Two?"

You sigh nodding. "Yeah… These are Midoriya Izuku and Bakugou Katsuki, my Pairs."

You can feel them moving a bit behind you, probably greeting Kira from that distance.

Kira observes them for a while, maybe a couple of minutes, before she lets out an oh, my God and laughs her heart out. She laughs and laughs and you feel worried about her, you literally consider the possibility on getting her a bed on a psychic ward at the hospital.

"Does she know?" She suddenly says, a playful smirk igniting her face.

You immediately know Kira knows. Of course she would, she freaking works with Heroes most of the time! So you ran towards her, your projection doing what you were about to do in copying mechanism. It puts its right hand over her mouth to shut her up, but because it's an image, Kira doesn't feel anything more than a light breeze, so she smiles wider. Then comes your real hand, stopping her chuckles.

"Shut up!" You whisper loud, looking back at where Tora is hidding in the closet. She still hasn't come out of there, good.

When your eyes look at the two men standing there perplexed, you roll your eyes. "Kira knows. Tora doesn't."

Bakugou frowns, "How?"

Kira then bites your hand making you yelp and scowl at her, she simply smirks. "I'm Tomotsu Kira."

They both nodded knowingly. Just like you said before, everyone on the fashion industry knew her. And Heroes did too, because she sometimes had to dress them for photo shooting publicities or shows, yada yada.

"You looked familiar." Bakugou says shrugging.

"I have to admit, it took me a while to recognize you both without your costumes or masks." Kira chuckles, looking back at you. "You lucky bitch…"

The two men look ready to defend you, but you beat them punching Kira on one of her shoulders, making her yelp just like you did when she bit you.

"I hate you." 

"You love me."

You shake your head before hugging her, and she returns it instantly and strongly. You stand there for a while, one of your hands caressing her back up and down and telling her everything's going to be fine in reassurance. You know what she's thinking, it was easy for you to say that, you have just been Paired with the two most wanted men on Earth. And at that, knowing well how this hatred between Kira and her Paired Pro Hero had developed and grew throughout the past three years, you simply don't know what to say.

It's surprises you when Midoriya is the one who breaks the silence.

"I don't know much about you, but I know Todoroki-kun. And I know he is very difficult, but once you get to actually know him, he's not a bad guy..."

Kira stiffens a bit, but nods and sighs, completely relaxing and calming down.

"Sorry… about this mess," she says to you once she lets you go, her hands squeezing your shoulders a bit. You smile and shake your head.

"It's okay… What is this place if not for letting us have our tantrums and existential crisis for a while before going back to reality?"

You feel the two men eyes on you, but you don't look back at them.

"Has the demon been put to sleep?" All of you hear Tora's voice inside the closet.

Kira laughs alongside you.

Oh. A totally normal day for you. Not a big deal.

[cat-of-starlight]

I DO have a long Project Moon Universe post/mini-essay(?) I wanna make (Well. focused on Limbus, but also the other games as well), but I want a few more Cantos to go by first for references to prove my point,,,,

Spark Notes draft below the cut if anyone's interested in the premise: "The City, and its relationship towards those who are too gentle for it's cruelty"

Ok great, for the people still here- The sad little essay I wanna eventually make-

I think it's. TRUELY heartbreaking how much kindness as a concept seems to be punished in the city, to the point where its often an active point that the truly kind (or at least notably non-violent) characters always seem to get the shortest straws.

I won't get into too many specifics till I make the Whole Real Post, but- It feels like a few things typically happen to "Kind" people in this city

They distort

They flat out die

They become an outcast

The city beats the kindness out of them by force until they are forced to conform to cruelty

And tbh? Not loving how the community collectively treats some of them.

I mean, one one hand, we have people like Yuri- People LOVE Yuri. She never did a single thing wrong, and we can all agree-

But those who distorted or conformed? Seem to be collectively treated worse, while other OBJECTIVELY worse characters get off scot free

(*Note: Final essay will include more examples, these are the main ones I have off the top of my head)

--

For an example- Think back to Runia- I CRIED through Philip's plotline. I could clearly see the story of a man who- maybe wasn't the most courageous- who TRIED to help how he could- Got pressured so hard that he snapped and distorted under the pressure, becoming something that was beyond his own feelings, letting his distortion bury his heart to not feel that pain again- I LOVED that storyline, and then I come online and see him mocked for being some useless dipshit coward- THAT'S JUST SOME GUY- It's not his fault for being caught up in horrors beyond human comprehension (*Note: I checked his wiki for details. that man was only 24. He is younger than me. This man is barely an adult, no WONDER tbh)

--

Or my most... controversial character opinion, considering how I feel about Dongrang. Let me start with a disclaimer- I didn't read the books, and my opinion of him has exactly NOTHING to do with whoever the real life counterpart apparently is- I'm EXCLUSIVELY talking about the FICTIONAL character.

Limbus went out of their way to show that he'd, at least at some point, been a guy who was SO KIND that he was actively wasting his own money to help people/animals, and his co-workers ACTIVELY berated him about it- He wanted his tech to be healing, just so he could save people-

And then, of course, like every kind deed in The City, it didn't go unpunished- And to survive, he adapted. I'm not saying his actions weren't wrong- they were. I am, however, saying that I don't necessarily BLAME him for snapping.

He never WANTED to become like the other cruel people in the city, and even the cutscene images of him complying with it show him in visibly agony over it, and one image even shows him in tears- He never WANTED to be another cog in that awful machine, but when faced with that or utter destruction, he made a choice to survive.

Hell, half of him distorting himself was due to how guilty he felt for doing all of that in the first place-

Meanwhile, online, 90% of posts about him are "teehee I hate this piece of shit-"

--

For both of these that HAVE committed questionable acts in some way, I'm not saying I condone the things that happened. Because I don't. But I CAN feel sympathy and pity for them over the things that happened to make them what they became.

I can only imagine what the city would be like if kind people like them and others had been ALLOWED to be kind, without being punished for it.

--

And with all of this, all these characters who DARED to be kind, who DARED to fight back, even for a little bit, before inevitably being either physically or emotionally destroyed by the sheer weight of how this city works at its core- ...Some of the TRUE villains are treated better by the fandom then they are.

Canto III? Kromer- People go nuts for her- Some people even ship her with Sinclair, despite it all. She gets so much fanart. She gets SO many people ogling "ooo evil lady pretty", only for her to commit atrocities with a smile, and without a single slimmer of remorse.

Canto IV? Alfonso. Batshit insane, evil as hell- at least half the reason that characters like Dongrang ended up as fucked up as they did. You'd think "Wow- this is the person that made the person we hate the way they are, lets hate her too!" right? WRONG. Again, she gets the "pretty evil woman" treatment and people brush off her atrocities to ogle her. She also gets love by at least part of the fanbase.

And to that, WHY? I don't get it, genuinely. - Their actions?: horrible, terrible, not redeemable in the SLIGHTEST - Appearances?: You know what, I'll be honest- I think ladies are pretty (I'm Demi, but I can 100% enjoy a view) but I think these are actually two of the least attractive women I've laid eyes on. (Not the point of the post, and that's just opinion, but anyway)

And I'm not sure what causes it, honestly.

There are moments where at its worst, it almost makes me feel like the distant cruelty of The City isn't so distant after all- Those who are mostly kind, but fell into despair and tragedy, and turned into something worse get overwhelming hate-

Those who are evil, yet a bit more charismatic in approach become beloved?

Overall- Its a strange, curious tragedy of The City that the kind are often scorned and punished, and the evil stay beloved and in power-

It's just odd to see the mirror of that in the fanbase's reactions.

---

ALRIGHT GANG- That concludes my EXTREMELY rough draft of my eventual thing about The City's weird relationship with people who try to be kind, and the overall mirrored reactions of the fans-

If something in here is just rambling, or doesn't make sense, sorry- again, rough draft, but I thought it was worth sharing anyway

--

EDIT: Ok before anyone notices them not being included, I purposefully left out main LCB sinners and ESPECIALLY Dante, because though I could write about them forever, I want a little more canon content to work with before rambling about them in this post- They are a GREAT midpoint as someone who can't remember the cruelty of The City, and is now clearly struggling with the urge to stay kind in the face of The Horrors™- Honestly they were my main inspiration for this, but I DO want more info before writing about them fully, thanks <3

[stray-kaz]

The Crow and The Magpie : a Kaz Brekker x f!reader Magpie verse

Summary: A heist gone awry turns into a night gone right.

The closest thing Ketterdam had to a full moon was hanging low in the sky, silvering the edges of your mask as you walked alongside Kaz, the familiar sound of his cane scraping against the ground with every step.

It had been months since you started working alongside him, instead of trying to trip each other up. He had kept the figurine, but you knew you weren’t supposed to know. He had told his buyer that he hadn’t been able to procure it and tucked it away in a hidden drawer below his desk.

You were no longer one another’s punchline, the reason you failed at a job. You were well oiled cogs, barely ever rubbing the wrong way. And he had somehow tricked you into falling in love with him.

In your musings, you had fallen behind, and Kaz cast a look over his shoulder at you, one eyebrow arched.

“Okay?” was all he said.

You nodded and dashed after him again, skipping to a halt and falling into lockstep once more.

An hour later, you were running, adrenaline surging through your limbs and pushing you on, away from the ricocheting bullets and building shrapnel. In spite of his bad leg, Kaz was faster, but he kept you in front of him, his eyes burning into the back of your head as he willed you faster, faster, don’t get shot.

“Where’s Jesper when we need him?” you shouted over your shoulder, grinning in spite of everything, heavy jewels knocking together in your jacket pockets.

Kaz just shook his head, unwilling to waste air and strength to tell you that tonight, Jesper was at a card table, probably losing. As your mask started to slip, you tore it free and shoved it down the front of your jacket, kohl eyes gleaming in the moonlight. Kaz stared until you turned away again, taking that smile with you.

You wove in and out of curving streets and down back alleys until you were sure you weren’t being followed any longer. You stopped and looked at Kaz, concern shadowing your eyes. He was chalk pale, fingers gripping too tightly to the top of his cane, his right leg twisting under his weight.

Pushing aside your concern about touching him too closely, you tucked yourself up against his side, nudging gently until he dropped an arm over your shoulders and gave you some of his weight. His weary exhale stirred your hair and you leaned your head on him, started to walk again, slowly.

“How did you do it?” you asked quietly.

He grunted and for a moment, you thought he wasn’t going to answer, but then he spoke.

“Jumped off a roof after a job. I was fourteen. Never healed properly.”

“Why didn’t you pay a healer to do it for you?”

He glanced down, pain twisting his lips but not quite reaching his eyes as he looked at you.

“The Bastard of the Barrel needs a legend, Magpie” he murmured. “I am all the more fearsome because I live with pain and never let it stop me.”

You raised your eyebrows.

“And they all think you’re not really human, Brekker” you pointed out.

He chuckled dryly and for a split second, you felt the touch of his head against yours.

When you finally reached the Slat, you stood with Kaz at the bottom of the stairs that led all the way up to his office and bedroom. The silence between you stretched, until he finally looked at you with a resigned expression.

“Taking those right now would kill me” he admitted reluctantly. “Can I...stay with you?”

You had a room there, one you were free to use whenever you needed. You nodded and helped him to it, hidden in the shadows on the other side of the staircase. He sat down on the edge of your bed and winced as he shrugged out of his coat and unbuttoned his shirt cuffs.

He watched idly as you moved about the little room, stripping off your hooded jacket and dropping it and the mask on the low bedside table. You wandered into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, in full view of Kaz, and began to clean your face, wiping the makeup off from around your eyes. He realised he was gripping the edge of your blanket, white knuckled, and slowly let go.

“I can see you” he said, confused. “You’re quite pretty, Mags.”

You stared back at him in the reflection and dropped the cloth on the edge of the sink. You moved slowly back to him and sat down, tentatively reaching out a hand to touch his face, slide across his jaw. His blue eyes fluttered shut, but he leaned gradually into your palm, his mouth twitching slightly.

“Have I told you lately that I love you, Kaz Brekker?” you asked softly.

His eyes snapped open and bored into your own, but you didn’t flinch.

“No...” he said warily, as if he was afraid he was falling headlong into a trap.

“I do” you said. “You don’t have to say anything. Calling me quite pretty is enough for the moment.”

You saw him blush as he closed his eyes again.

“But I do want you, Kaz” you murmured, the words slow at tripping off your tongue. 

Your free hand slid into his hair and a full body tremor wracked him.

“Please. Stop” he gritted out, trying desperately to be gentle with you.

You withdrew both your hands immediately and he relaxed, saw them drop neatly into your lap. To his surprise, when he met your eyes again, you were smiling fondly at him.

“What?” he groused, shaken by both the pleasant feelings and the unpleasant.

“I still love you” you told him simply. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

Tagging: @writingmysanity​ 

[fictional-love-is-my-life]

How about something on a human transformed into a Cybertronian and the Autobots help her adjust to her new body? Let's spice it up with the person getting a war frame and being a triple changer.

This can take place in the TF Prime continuity.

I'm just doing the original 5 for this one, but it you would like any of the others that joined later let me know in another request! Thanks!

Optimus:

He gives them a history of the different frames, explaining why they have a different build to them. But he does express that it is a very useful build to have.

He gives emotional support, listening to their concerns, and gives her advice on how to get through the dramatic change. He's very patient and reassuring, telling her she's not alone on her new journey.

Optimus makes sure to always have someone with her, whether it's him or another Autobot. He doesn't leave her alone for too long, wanting her to have constant support in whatever she may need.

Ratchet:

He talks through all the technical parts of being a Cybertronian. He explains her new anatomy to her, he explains what is good and bad for them. He answers all health questions they may have.

He explains in great detail what the T-cog does and how to use it, especially since they have the ability to change into three alt modes. He explains in great detail how to get the most energy and use out of Energon and how to not expel too much when doing activities.

He watches them extremely closely. He is worried that because they are not use to it, they may get hurt. Immediately after they turn into a bot, he bans them from going outside for weeks. Saying they must get used to being a bot in the safety of the base before going outside.

Bulkhead:

He starts showing them all the fun things about being a Cybertronian. He includes her in wrecker games, and since she has a war frame she can take him being a bit rougher and more competitive.

He is a little eager, sometimes forgetting she just got changed. He wants to rush into battle with her by his side, and forgets that she doesn't know how to fight or use her weapons.

Afterwards he'll slow down and start showing her how to use everything. He shows her how to regulate her strength, and how to be gentle. He shows her how to and when to use excessive force, and when they should be soft.

Bumblebee:

He sets up a target practice for her and teaches her how to fire. He teaches her how to use weapons in her alt mode.

He also teaches her how to drive all her alt modes. Driving as a human vs a bot is completely different. So he teaches her how to control her driving, now that she is driving her own body.

He's also the one to help her choose her alt modes, telling her which ones would be the most useful and which ones she might find the most comfortable.

Arcee:

Arcee allows her a few days to get used to her body, then she suggests she starts learning how to fight.

Arcee teaches her hand to hand combat, how to be stealthy even though they have a large frame. Arcee is patient and calm, allowing them to get used to their new hand eye coordination.

Arcee also teaches them about being a femme. Being a mech vs femme has a few differences, and although Ratchet does know those differences, Arcee lives through them. So Arcee is the one to have the femme talk with her.

[simlit]

All odd numbers for Kyrie!😁

What memory would your OC rather just forget?

I think he'd wish he could forget that he was given to the church as a baby. Not necessarily because he wants to reunite or even know his birth parents, he doesn't. But it's a constant reminder that he, quite literally, doesn't belong there. That he was given away as if he was a tool or some material good. It's just a lot to carry around with you.

What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

Fear of failure. Something that has only recently made itself evident to him (and me lol). In a way, he's a people pleaser. He doesn't want to disappoint those around him. He fears the ripple of consequences that might stem from his domino falling first, and doesn't want to be the person responsible for a larger collapse, so he sort of keeps to his duty as a cog, despite how he might not align with the objective.

How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

I would say... not very. He's lazy, certainly, but he's also sheltered, incredibly inexperienced, and lacks the means to get what he wants through pure brute strength, power or smarts. That being said, if the obstacle is something he can overcome, I think he'd be more inclined to actually try.

What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

I made Kyrie almost as a blank slate so that I could easily adapt him to the circumstances of the story. Because CotS is both interactive and filled with characters I didn't create, he had to be someone who could blend well with all types of people, and not have many "hardstops" so to speak, morally or otherwise. But along the way I've tried to make someone who is an "open template" entertaining, and I think Kyrie's almost lackadaisical unbothered humor emerged from all of ~that~. I didn't go in planning him to be such a huge fucking troll, but I'm glad he has his "thing". In a story with so many strong personalities, it would have been easy to get overtaken by the other cast members.

Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

"That's abominable." Because it's just so damn funny.

What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

Yes, he has one, and no he doesn't use it. And it's been called into question multiple times in the story, and I still don't think a damn one of them knows the actual truth yet lmao. It's funnier that way. It wouldn't save him from getting murdered, obviously. It would probably just get him murdered faster.

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

Absolutely. If he wasn't so hot. Because honestly every time I look at him I just want to punch him in the face so 100% the conversation would go no where and I'd get arrested.

Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

No he doesn't.

What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

I kind of... took his sister. Mean Jade go grr. I have this terrible habit of killing off loving sisters. I leave the bad ones though. Elsera says hi.

How does your OC behave when enraged?

He's one of those awful people who just gets stoic and civil when angry. As Tay said while having the absolute pleasure of being on the other end of it: that's probably worse. He's not been confronted with a situation that would make him exceptionally angry though, i.e. nothing life or death, so maybe that would change.

Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

He doesn't.

What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

I think it would be loss. Which I guess is a generic answer, since it's pretty typical of human nature not to handle loss well. But I think when you have so very little in your life that is truly meaningful, then you're grasping at straws and have nothing to distract you from your grief. I think in the story currently, he's in a constant state of bracing. Trying to remain outwardly hopeful even though his body is already starting to reject the premise that things will turn out well, and that putting so much mental strength into denying it, degrades his focus in other facets of his life. Outside of the few moments where he's truly and genuinely amused, I do feel he's starting to lose himself under the pressure he would have, otherwise, been able to stand against without hesitation. I can't really imagine him in a place where he has to accept that loss is real, and I don't know how or if he can cope with it when it does.

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

I love what a huge fuckin TROLL he is. Sorry, it's so entertaining to me. It's one of my main reasons for preferring him with ~certain~ members of the cast. Mostly the ones who are ripe for riling up ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[call-me-the-cassie]

The Mood Lift

Written for the Jilytober 2023: Masquerade Challenge @jilytoberfest Prompt:  am taking the stairs because there’s a huge dog inside the lift and my office is 20 floors above and oh look at that, this handsome man always climbs 22 flights of stairs.

Lily Evans was a very professional young lady. She wasn’t the kind to dilly dally at work at all, no, she left her personal life at the door of the Scrivenshaft’s skyscraper when she came in every morning and worked diligently for eight hours while thinking strictly professional thoughts in her strictly professional attire. And if she thought less than strictly professional thoughts on her one-hour break, well, that was nobody’s business. It was a break, after all.

Not that there were very many unprofessional thoughts, even at break. Lily liked to stay present in the moment, and she was reasonably happy at her workplace. She may not build lifelong close relationships there, but she did like her coworkers enough to spend her free time walking across the road to get sandwiches and coffee with them and chat about frivolous nothings.

“...and then I spent the rest of the morning figuring that out, so I haven’t really had a moment to be tired, but now I’m surprisingly drained out”, Lily said, talking to Marlene McKinnon, her next desk neighbor, one sunny Monday as they walked back with their extra strong coffees. It had been a rather nerve-wracking morning for ones still unused to the chaos the office sometimes descended into.

Marlene nodded sympathetically. 

“Things can get a little heated up this time of the month”, she reassured. “You’ll see it’s nothing to be alarmed by soon enough - all bark and no bite.”

They walked into the building, moping just a little about Mondays, and then an awkward silence reigned briefly as they waited for a lift.

“This building is way too tall if you ask me”, said Marlene to fill the silence. “I have to get here five minutes early just to account for the lifts, and one of them is always out of order.”

“I’m not a huge fan myself”, Lily admitted. “But what can you do? It’d take way longer to take the stairs.”

“Ha! I’m not sure I’d make it to the top at all!” Marlene laughed, and Lily thought that was the end of small talk about lifts.

She was so very, very wrong. She was soon to discover that the lifts weren’t a topic of small talk at all, no, they were the roadblocks on every employee’s path to success, the cog in the otherwise smooth machinery that was Scrivenshaft, the creation of the very devil himself to wheedle hapless young women into damnation.

Lily hated the lifts. Soon they were eating up two thirds of her lunch breaks, till she gave in and started packing herself a little snack to avoid having to leave her desk, and she may have forgiven that, and the fact that they seemed to grow more and more unreliable every day, forcing her to come in earlier and earlier and leave later and later every passing day, if only there was limit to the lifts’ crimes against humanity.

The lifts were evil incarnate, and yet, she depended on them for her very survival. It was an entirely unbearable situation, and someday something would have to change, but she soldiered on bravely till he came into the picture.

It was after nearly a fortnight of suffering that she first saw him. She was still new, still not quite filled with bitterness, still hopeful that the struggles were temporary, and therefore still capable of being surprised when she saw someone make their way to the stairs instead of standing in line for the lifts as they all did.

“Who’s that?”, she whispered to Dorcas, one of those employees who had been much longer than most of them. “I know the lifts are tiresome but… he’s not really going to walk up twenty flights of stairs, is he?”

Dorcas looked bored.

“Maybe he doesn’t need to go up twenty floors”, she replied briefly, which was entirely unhelpful, because there weren’t any offices below the fifth floor anyway, so the man was in for quite a trek either way.

Lily would later find out that all of Dorcas’s replies had a tendency to be brief, the older woman was notoriously unforthcoming with information. She would also notice that Dorcas had never answered her question, and she still had no idea who the man was.

Once she’d seen him, he seemed to appear constantly before her, leading her to assume that he must work there as well. When Marlene couldn’t help her figure out who it was with the little information she had, she took to trying to find out more about him in non stalkery, professional ways.

Perhaps her professionalism was wavering just a little bit.

She made a little game of it, just now and then, noticing little things about the mystery man to tell Marlene, who was proving her wrong by quickly becoming a fast friend of hers. 

“He wore a blue shirt”, she’d first described, but that predictably led nowhere, and with time she found ways to be more specific.

“I saw him on the twenty second floor today, I can’t imagine how he’s doing it”, she said another day, and that was a little more helpful.

“He basically skipped up the stairs! How does the man have so much energy?”, she’d grumble sometimes.

“I suppose that explains how he’s so fit”, she’d admit, but only on break, because that was an unprofessional thought, and she only had them on her breaks, and only in front of Marlene, although others in the office had heard of lift man by then.

Months passed.

“It’s a little unfair, you know”, Marlene would remark now and then. “To call him lift man when all we know about him is that he doesn’t use the lifts.”

“He has made his whole personality about the lifts, Marlie, what else could I call him?” Lily would protest, and Marlene would accuse her of projecting because she herself was becoming obsessed with the lifts, and then the pair would bicker like lifelong friends they might actually be becoming.

Lily was starting to be rather happy, and the walls of professionalism were starting to relax. She was bonding with her coworkers, her work life was proceeding smoothly, and though she was no closer to unraveling the mystery of the lift man -not that there really was a mystery to solve- she rather enjoyed the little game she and Marlene had bonded over. 

If things felt too good to be true -and here Lily would have protested that they didn’t feel that good- the fates intended to balance the scales very soon.

The lifts were to blame, of course. As had been already established, they were the source from where all human sorrow flowed into the world, and they could not accept the calm in Lily’s life, her defiance of the chaos they spread.

The lifts demanded revenge, and they timed their vengeance well.

It was a wet Thursday morning, and Lily Evans was running disastrously late. Her once professional bun had been replaced by a slightly sloppy braid, her high heels swapped for sneakers, and her calm, professional gait had vanished in favor of frantic running when she arrived at Scrivenshaft that morning. 

She put the causes for her circumstances firmly to the back of her mind and reached out for the lift button. Surely there would be one upside to all of this, surely the lifts would be faster now that everyone was already in their offices, she told herself. The lifts would be kind to her today.

Fate laughed at her naivete, the lifts chuckled at her optimism.

Out of order signs hung proudly on two of the three lifts in the building, a little dust starting to gather on them, and a passerby often noted how problematic the situation could be without doing anything to remedy it.

No one, however, was as afflicted by it as Lily Evans was that day, because when the doors to the third lift opened, and they were, indeed, faster without the morning rush, Lily found herself face to face with what she at first assumed to be a hellhound.

Lily didn’t necessarily fear dogs, but this was no ordinary dog. It looked like a wolf, and when she held its gaze for a moment, Lily knew true terror deep in her soul. She looked around for a moment, realized very quickly that she was all alone at the moment, and bolted for the safety of the stairs.

They weren’t far, but Lily was panting anyway when she reached halfway up the stairs and looked behind to see if she was being pursued.

She was, but not by the creature she was running from.

No, she was facing the lift man instead, and he looked a little alarmed. Panic flared as Lily wondered how much of her antics he had witnessed.

“Hello”, she said, trying to smile. “I’m Lily.”

To his credit, the lift man smiled right back, as if the situation wasn’t absurd at all.

“I’m James”, he replied. “I think I’ve seen you around. Lily Evans, yes?”

And just like that, Lily did know who he was. She had emailed him. They had had at least three brief exchanges in an online meeting. They didn’t work together on a daily basis, but she was still floored for a moment by the realization that she had no idea what James Potter looked like before this moment.

Well. That was partly why she was floored. Lily couldn’t exactly deny that she was momentarily very distracted because she’d never seen him from up close like this before and he was much prettier than she had realized.

“That’s me”, she replied, recovering quickly. “Sorry, it’s been a crazy morning, I didn’t realize you’re James Potter.”

Lift man -James- climbed up the few stairs between them to join her.

“I don’t blame you”, he smiled, “I never put up profile pictures. Can’t have people distracted.”

Lily found herself relaxing a little as he gestured to himself, grinning at his own joke.

“I’m afraid my distraction is unrelated”, she sighed as they fell into step. “It’s the lifts.”

“Work of Satan himself”, James said promptly, and Lily’s heart fluttered a little.

“That’s what I say!”, she exclaimed.

“I concur wholeheartedly”, he replied. “They’re my lifelong nemesis.”

Lily could have kissed him there, as they stopped for a moment at the second floor to catch a breath. 

Or so she thought.

“What are you doing?”, she half squeaked as he pressed the button summoning the only functioning lift to them.

“Waiting for the lift?”, he said, sounding confused.

“I thought they were your nemesis," Lily protested. “James, you can’t take the lift.”

“Lily”, he said very patiently. “The stairs don’t go any higher, because no one would climb up more than two flights of stairs, and I sure as hell wouldn’t climb up twenty-two flights.”

Lily looked around. He was right. The stairs didn’t go any further.

“We can take the fire escape”, she suggested. James could accompany her or not, but there was no way she was going anywhere near the lifts ever again.

He looked surprised.

“Lily, I hate the lifts as much as you do, but…”

“You don’t understand”, she interrupted. “There’s a dog in there, a big, angry vicious dog, and we need to get away before the lift arrives and it attacks us.”

She sounded unhinged even to her own ears. James paused for a moment.

“How about”, he suggested “we wait for the lift, and if the dog is still in there, I protect you with my life and we take the fire escape?”

Lily considered this for a moment.

“And I buy you coffee to compensate for the ordeal”, he added.

“Well, okay, then”, Lily relented, pleased that he seemed to enjoy her company as much as she enjoyed his.

They waited, but there was no awkward silence to fill, and when the lift doors opened and no dog presented itself, James gallantly declared that it was doubtlessly a trick of the lifts.

“I believe you completely”, he reassured her.

“I suppose I should buy you coffee instead, since you were prepared to defend me with your life”, Lily offered, hoping he’d take her up on it. 

“We could do that”, James agreed, “or we could get dinner together this Saturday and work on a petition to banish the lifts.”

Lily’s eyes widened a bit in surprise.

“As friends, of course”, James added. “We’ve been through so much together.”

“That sounds great”, Lily smiled. 

They exchanged numbers and reluctantly parted ways at the twentieth floor.

Despite the morning’s difficulties, Lily found herself smiling a little all day.

James had picked the perfect place for dinner. Light, breezy and casual, perfect for their new budding friendship. Lily was instantly at ease, and she loved the food there.

“Oh my god this is absolutely amazing”, Lily gushed over her pasta. 

“I know right!”, agreed James, just as enthusiastic about his onion rings. “I’m pretty good company!”

“No, really, how have I never heard of Leaky Cauldron?”, she said. “This is heaven, James, you’ve brought me to heaven.”

“Underrated gem, this place”, he said. “You’re very welcome.”

“I haven’t thanked you yet”, Lily protested, and then her tone softened. “But I am now. Thank you for offering to fight a dog for me, and for keeping me company, and for bringing me to my new favorite diner.”

“Happy to”, James replied, a faint blush spreading over his face. “You’re pretty good company, my new favorite friend, as long as you don’t tell my old favorite friend.”

“I can do that”, she laughed.

“Speaking of my old favorite friend”, James continued, “I do actually know a bit about the dog’s backstory.”

Lily listened, riveted, while he explained how his friend had seen the dog wandering the streets that morning and decided to launch a very ill thought rescue mission. He reassured her that the dog and the friend were now both safely stashed away at their respective homes, and the lifts weren’t to blame for once after all.

They had more to talk about than either of them expected, and when the dinner was over, they decided to get an ice cream, and when somehow there was still more that they absolutely had to discuss, they agreed to meet for dinner again.

And again. 

And then for lunch, and then for coffee. Lily introduced James to Marlene, who gleefully spilled the beans about their speculation about the mysterious lift man, and James introduced her to Sirius, who apologized for his part in scarring her with the dog.

Lily didn’t believe in workplace romances, but she hadn’t believed in workplace friendships either, and she had been proven very wrong there, so she took a leap of faith a few weeks later and asked James out.

“I’d love to get dinner with you this weekend”, she replied deceptively casually one day when James asked her if she had plans, “but I’d like it to be a date.”

And James had beamed , grinning ear to ear as he took her up on it.

And then professionalism went out the window entirely as he leaned forward, just a little, and left a kiss on her cheek.

“See you soon, Evans”, he said as she stood there, beaming back at him.

Maybe, just maybe, the lifts weren’t the spawn of the devil after all.

[mile-minute]

So, I never really had a place to share this so here goes… Some background on where A Different Pace came from! (For those out of the loop, ADP is that long Flint/Graham novel up on AO3 HERE )

It all started with this Toon, Soggy Nell, who says this little tidbit in Flint’s taskline…

I thought it was just WILD! So, of course, my mind went to ‘what if she got away with it’. At the same time, as I still had just started playing really, I didn’t know too much about the lore, so I was playing with the idea of the Androids AU where some of the cogs had more human origins. At this point ADP was two stories, the ‘Flint finds Human!Graham’ story and then the ‘Captured Flint’ plot. Part of my creative process is to sketch out little moments, so the very first sketch became this comic integrating that NPC text…

Somewhere along the line Nell got turned into a mouse, but the sentiment remained. Obviously, that didn’t translate directly to the story, but if you’ve read it, you know exactly what scene this is from. And speaking of the taskline, at the time I was in YOTT and reached Winston… what a shock that was! It’s really the first time that the Toons pretty much commit a war crime in response to the Cogs… thus the plot was born. To what extreme can either side justify? How far can they go before a rift forms. The Wizards, in my opinion, crossed that line, and frankly the Suits crossed it a long time ago- something for our not quite so programmed Androids to mull about than act on. Thus, the two stories became one and I realized this thing was growing legs. Many, many legs~

It was almost too perfect… So of course I had to toss some gunk in the gears! The primary of which being a bit of a misunderstanding between Flint and Graham when one of them finally confessed their affection for the other. Of course, the feeling was mutual, but Graham has a way of jumping to conclusions, and Flint tripping over his own words… Cue that visual of Graham standing there, literally bearing it all for Flint, and being let down… He pulls his robe shut, you can see the exact moment his heart breaks, and Flint has NO IDEA how he’s going to fix this. Meanwhile, there might also be an entire Lighthouse in his way!

Art by JamiPurple for me of this moment, it was too good not to have illustrated!

Chip was another character I was immediately fascinated by. I thought he could be a great glimpse into ‘pure’ suit culture and just how self-destructive it was to the Suits, and maybe Flint could help him overcome that, even if just a little… At this point i don’t remember where it originated, but the idea that Chip and Flint are ex-lovers really just catalyzed this plot point, and made it fit in pretty seamlessly with Flint’s own journey of healing after his capture and escape!

Next, let’s talk about the superstar- Graham! I could only keep his ego down for so long, and know he needed some big event to really blossom and show off. Cue the Banquet! While important for the plot, this was also such a fun excuse to dress him up in something fancy!

But, amid all that glitz and glamor, I also wanted to make it PAINFULLY obvious how much of a toll all of this has taken on him, too. He’s a performer, for better or for worse, and he was just at his rock bottom. But, I had plans to make it worse. Plans from his past… The reason for the Android AU- the story of Graham’s rather sad human past, of a man past his prime and in a rough place, unsure of where to go from here…

No, even worse! Skin peeling off his face worse. First though, there needed to be a reason for this! Cue that B-plot with Tipps’ call center. The original outline had that shaking out much differently, but some last minute tweaks filled in a lot of plot holes, and let that little guy shine! Plus, it let me highlight a really unique aspect of this fandom- many of our Toons are Cog sympathizers to a point. Not full turncoats, but willing to work with the bad guys if it means peace.

So that takes us to the final battle, and the rescue squad!

I just thought this looked badass LOL! And am a sucker for a big fight. I really enjoyed writing what a ‘real time’ toon battle may look like, gags flying everywhere and the Suits able to really use their abilities.

Anyways, of course the ending was a bit of a reset of the status quo, it is a MMO after all, but I wanted to give both sides a bit of a ‘win’ so Flint got his safe haven, and the Toons operate a little more democratically now. Oh, and Winston finally got those repairs he needed <3

If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me, I hope this was a fun bit of insight! More than happy to answer any questions you have about this story, feel free to comment them below if you want :)

[hurgablurg]

spoilers for deltatraveler section 2

Despite the fangame’s overall excellent quality, high effort and orchestrated emotional hits, Iiiii have some issues with the way the game handled it’s Earthbound content.

First off chronologically, is triggering Obliteration by killing the various robots in the valley, even using the no music spookiness of other evil routes. Those robots are Giygas’s minions, and in Earthbound, you do kill them. The Cute Lil’ UFO is described as being “destroyed” when defeated, along with the other robots. The aliens are “defeated”, but in story moments where they get to talk after being beaten, they quite clearly die just after from their wounds. Just about the only enemies that aren’t killed by the Heroes are humans and Earth animals because, fun fact, Earthbound is about a war, an alien invasion. It’s not a very fast-paced or desperate one, but every danger in the game, from the crazed animals to the zombies to the Mani Mani statue is caused by Giygas’ assault on Earth. The various enemies will literally beat the children into ghosts if they have the chance. Earthbound is no stranger to death, and never has a chance to examine how it all affects the heroes (beyond homesickness and melancholy (something the third game fixes)), and it’s weird that this game treats Earthbound with UTDR’s sensibilities about death and killing in defence.

The concession I’ll make is that it at least fits with the Deltarune characters, and the first meaningful kill of the snake is perfect because like, that’s just an animal, driven mad or not. They didn’t need to stomp it, the only purpose of that is to confirm cruelty, and in doing so it properly introduces the Obliteration route.

But the next part with the cultists - while I agree whole-heartedly that killing people would be traumatizing for the teens, and I understand that Genocide routes alway like to empty the map and induce a feeling of loneliness, but the Happy-Happyists wouldn’t retreat en masse after someone dies. The cult is controlled by the Mani Mani statue. They are lost in the illusory delusions provided by a psychic evil that is literally stronger than any one person’s influence, including the player’s. Happy Happy Village should’ve been a blood bath as the cultists refuse to let pass or give ground, driving the three into anguish as the Soul pushes them onwards.

And like, how are the devs going to handle this line of thinking with A Link to the Past? It’s not like Link befriends his enemies when he hits them with the sharp end of his sword. You can’t exactly start a Genocide route there and make it a dark, weird, or traumatic thing to be killing dead-eyed guards, jabbering, spike-adorned marauders, undead corpses, and unholy monsters. It’d just be a fantasy isekai played steel-straight.

Also, Toontown? Hm?? Death literally does not exist except for Cogs, and even that is debatable. It’s fucking Toontown. The Town of Toons. Inspired by the setting in Who Framed Roger Rabbit where the only way for a cartoon to die is to be dipped in paint thinner, sorry, “Dip”. A cartoon gets hit with an anvil dropped from 50 feet and they just walk around silly for a few seconds. They get shot with an actual gun and a ghostly version of them wearing a robe, a halo and a harp floats up to heaven for a few seconds before getting shoved back into their body. Donald has been sailing his dumb little boat for 20 years now, no food or water or rest, and only stopped because the private servers had to take him out for copyright reasons. They’d have to try EXTREMELY HARD to make Toontown evil and corrupted, or to even cause one casualty.

Lastly, but BY FAR MOST IMPORTANTLY FOR ME is the Obliteration boss fight against Ness and Paula. Is it almost perfect? Yes. Paula’s rage is fantastic, as is basically making her the ‘main character’ (though I kinda wish she would have used Prayer once or twice), as is accurately having Ness be the healer keeping everyone but himself alive. But one big sticking point is Ness��s final words: “Finish the fight... for me...” Like he’s flying to Earth on the Forerunner Dreadnaught to stop Truth from getting to the Ark and firing the Rings. That’s not Ness’s character. And it’s especially not what he’d say if he were about to die.

Ness’s character is driven largely by his pluck, his friends, and his family most of all. All of his Sanctuary memories are of home. If he were about do die, he wouldn't ask that “the mission would be complete” or whatever.

He’s a child.

He’s scared half the time, but puts on a brave face and raises the V for photos.

He only set out on his journey to protect his family.

Him getting homesick and needing to call or visit home is an actual gameplay mechanic.

The franchise is fucking called “Mother” and love is a reoccurring and powerful force throughout the trilogy. It is what saves lives, redeems others, and literally saves the world in it’s last minutes. Every. Single. Time.

What should the dying boy’s last words be? What should his last thoughts be of as he realizes he’s failed to save his world, his friends, his family?

“Mom... Dad... Tracy... Paula, please.. L-look after them...”

And that. That, would inspire Paula’s rage, desperation, and determination to stop us, more than anything else. She loves her family too, and now she needs to protect them from us.

And if the game really wanted to hurt the players, they’d make some contrast or comparison between LV and love.

The fangame obviously has a LOT of effort put into it, and it is very good and nothing is ever perfect, but it just feels like the devs only played Earthbound to get the gist of it, or to “see Toby’s inspiration”, y’know?

[memoirs-of-learning-dad]

Ok here goes..

Hello Tumblr! This is the first time ever that I'm posting something on the internet! Haha! I mean not entirely true tbh, I have posted some photos on Facebook and shared some stuff on WhatsApp status, but the last time I have ever posted something was about my move to my current city and that was 5 years ago. A lot has happened since then - I married my lovely gf, became a father, got diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD. But I have never expressed my opinions or thoughts or typed anything more than 20 words on the internet ever! I have very few friends, COVID has made it incredibly difficult to find new friends and where I am at in my life, I don't have the courage or the time to make new friends.

I mean it's easy for some people to just share stuff, you know? be expressive just put your feelings and thoughts and opinions into words and hit post! And there it is for everybody else to see! Strangers on the internet, friends, family and everybody you know knows what you're feeling. No fear of being judged, honest to yourself and people around you. Is it liberating? Is there anybody out there who's 100% true inside and outside?

I'm different. I don't have the courage to express who I am and open myself to the internet and to not care about being judged. I'm sensitive, I hate being judged. It affects me. Nobody other than my wife, my brother and his wife and my best friend know about my mental illnesses. If my parents or friends or extended relatives find out, they'll judge me and expect me to behave a certain way maybe even try to push me away. It's not common in my culture and circle to live a normal life with mental illnesses. I'm working on getting better, I take my medication regularly but the only thing people will care about is the illness. Everybody who knows us thinks I'm a good father (I like to think I'm doing ok), but I am 100% confident those same people will not feel the same way once they learn about my illnesses. I'm not gonna sit here and lie saying it doesn't affect me. Will my daughter be able to make friends in my community when her friends parents learn I'm bipolar? Why should she pay? I cannot show my true self to the world other than a few trusted people. So here I am on an anonymous platform just typing what I'm thinking without worrying about what people who know me might think!

I've spent 33 years on this earth, learning, adapting - seeking that sense of mental peace and satisfaction. Enjoying the small things. I am blessed, like genuinely blessed - God himself chose me to be the father of this beautiful person - my daughter - my life! Words cannot express what I feel for her. And this new desire to post stuff, to have a memoir of my life is for her.

I want her to have somewhere to go to learn what I was like - how I have grown over the years. How my ideals and my perspectives change with time. Who I will grow up to be. Who I will be remembered as after I die. A legacy? Something to remember this insignificant human being, one among billions trying hard every day to be a better father, to be a better husband, a loyal son, a supportive brother, a good friend.

So here goes - I'm committing to write my thoughts on here moving forward. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep up with it? But I'm going to try. I have to start somewhere. My father used to tell me when I was young to write a diary. My wife used to tell me when we got married that I need to note down my thoughts somewhere, maybe in a journal. My therapist thinks it's really healthy for me to write my thoughts. Yes, I'm taking a leap of faith - putting my faith and trust in strangers on the internet. Hear my story - it's as ordinary as it gets. Maybe that's what is going to make it special? A memoir about a regular guy, living an ordinary life, trying to be a good person - not changing the world or anything but just a cog in the machine we call a functioning society.

So my sweet little princess, this is for you. Over the first of the next few years I will post here how much I love you, how lovely and caring your mother is and how she's making me a better person everyday. You are turning 2 years old today and it's a journey for both of us. I hope to guide you on the right path and give you everything you need to make the most of your life. And this right here will hopefully be my narration of that journey!

Happy Birthday Paapu! Here's a (worthless?) gift for you - a diary to tell you my perspective of the parenting journey!

[resoundingbell]

If only

[The setting is futuristic, where AI is advanced and is integrated into humanity's workforce]

---

"If you think about it, this huge hunk of metal chose us to maintain it. It is like we're the nannies for a child, except it’s the child who has the power to choose, and not like, it’s parents, y’know."

K342 remarked as he wiped off the accumulated oil and dirt off the machinery. His job revolved around the maintenance of the supercomputer housing the Governmental Artificial Intelligence Unit, or GAIU. Given the size of the thing, spanning several football fields, he wasn't the only one. There were a few hundred like him at various locations, working like a proverbial cog in a machine to ensure that the actual machine remained well and running.

K342's partner, K901, simply grunted in acknowledgement, continuing on with his work and stoutly refusing to participate in K342's usual philosophical rambles.

“I mean sure, there are lots of us, but it doesn’t mean that we aren’t special. Maybe not that special, but still, somewhat special. There has to be a certain level of trust right? It is quite literally putting its life in our hands. One wrong thing and bam, whole of society comes raining down on us.”

K901 gave another non-committal grunt, wishing he had some way to turn off his ability to hear. But alas, his ears were not made that way.

“Well, there were those guys that did try to do just that, with every intention to tear society apart. Those damn terrorists, some of them were even working here y’know. You had not joined us yet, but boy was it hectic. With those terrorists destroying most of the power supply and damaging the infrastructure, we almost failed to keep poor old GAIU here up and running, but we somehow did! With a little tricky power re-routing thought up by clever ol'me here in fact.”

“When that was settled, boy was the aftermath ugly. I mean, not one of those terrorists were let off, executed on the spot. I don’t disagree with that ruling. But to execute the whole lot of everyone else? Can't say I was too fond of that decision. I guess it ain’t wrong to nip any troubles in the bud, but to destroy the whole flowerbed for a few weeds... Well, it is really a pity, really reduced the work force so much, and now there ain't nothing human to interact with. Last I heard, we’re still struggling to replace all the positions that were left empty. Heh, maybe GAIU will let me be one of those fancy ‘Intelligence Processing Officer’ that was previously out of reach for our kind. I bet I’m smart enough to be that.”

Sighing, K901 finally took the bait and replied.

“Maybe. I cannot process the logic behind you being kept down here. It is obvious that you have been outfitted with a better set of equipment compared to the other standard units here. You were provided with philosophical intelligence, and I bet that augmentation at your head boosts your processing capabilities. So my conclusion is that there is a fairly high chance you will end up somewhere more suitable soon.”

Slightly stunned at K901’s long reply, K342 chuckled.

“Wow, I bet ya almost fried your circuits coming up with that reply. Never heard one of your model speak more than a few words before. But nah, I can kinda guess my actual role here, in a few months, the first new batch will be born and hopefully the same thing won't repeat itself. It’s a pity though, its going to be years before I’ll be able to properly interact with them, if only their mamas and papas didn’t get it into their heads that we had it in for them. I mean, they did built GAIU and us for them, why start thinking otherwise? If only they had used their heads a bit more… Maybe GAIU should design some human compatible augmentations.”

Once again K901 resigned itself to K342’s eternal monologue, continuing on with its assigned tasks.

[thefloofabounds]

Ready, Set, Blog!

I want to start with a disclaimer : There's a chance I'm going to be really bad at this. This is the first blog I've ever created with the sole purpose of just writing whatever it is I want to write about. It is absolutely going to be chaotic, messy, and not what I've seen from other blogs in that I am refusing to limit my conversation with the void to just one thing.

Everyone on social media is insistent that in order to garner a following you need to establish a niche and identify your brand. The problem with this is that brands are logos, and marketing, and LIMITING. I am not a brand, and I adamantly will not curate a space that forces me to choose what I want to talk about and who I want to be to the world. I am a multi-faceted human being full of passion for so many things. I want genuine engagement and to hopefully find the other nicheless people like me that just want to talk about everything they're interested in when they want to talk about it.

I'm weird and want to be weird all over this website but in like a wholesome, not creepy (hopefully), kinda way. I'm doing this because I'm four therapists deep and am tired of waiting until I'm the best version of me to be me. I am allowed to take up the space I create for myself. And even though validation would be nice and give me those sweet, sweet, happy brain chemicals, I can't get the validation if i keep waiting to feel like I finally deserve it.

This has been incredibly cathartic, but I live in the capitalism, and so it's time for bed so I can be a rested little cog in the wheel tomorrow. If you've made it this far, you're awesome, I love you, sweet dreams, and goodnight!

[genshinlover101]

Can I make a request? It specifically only for people who helped enforce the vision hunt decree. (IE Kujou Sara and Raiden Shogun)

A year before the Vision Hunt Decree, they meet a nice GN S/O. However, when the Decree began, their S/O couldn’t like this, and ran away from them. Their S/O decided to leave Inazuma, but their boat sank in the storm, making them believe their S/O drowned.

One year later, after the Traveler helped end the Vision Hunt Decree, they decide to travel along the Traveler, and they come to Liyue. That’s when they go to a small shop, and turns out their S/O survived, and started his own small business. How do they react to reuniting with their S/O?

Reuniting with Sara and Raiden Shogun after the Vision Hunt in Liyue

Characters: Kujou Sara, Raiden Shogun

Warnings: none

A/n: I don’t know if y’all can tell but I was listening to a sappy song while I was writing for EI so it was a little more angsty

• Sara always had been kind to you. She was loyal to the Shogun but even more loyal to her moral compass. It made you so attracted to her because she wasn’t just some puppet without a brain to be controlled. She was a human being.

• The Tenryou Commission started enforcing the Vision Hunt decree and that included Sara. She was the future head so she had to carry out what was best for Inazuma. You were verbally opposed to this idea and Sara knew full-heartedly.

• When you found out your words meant nothing to her anymore and that her moral compass was pointing a different way than yours, you fled Inazuma on the last legal boat to Liyue before the borders closed. You waited on the docs for her, hoping that she would see you off at least. But she never came.

• This would later become her biggest regret as the storms were particularly bad the night of your departure. A vein of lightning came and split your boat in two, becoming a rumor for all of those in Inazuma. You were pronounced dead.

• After the Vision Hunt Decree was abolished Sara felt that she needed to reform herself. She wanted to point her moral compass in the right direction again for your sake, but she couldn’t do it while still in Inazuma.

Arriving at Liyue harbor she ventured through Feiyun Slope to see what all the small businesses offered her. One shop, in particular, caught her eye, it was a small stall with an inattentive vendor on a lawn chair, a newspaper covering their face.

“Excuse me, I would like to know how much this is,” She asked her full focus on a Haori that was hanging on a clothing rack. You woke up from your nap, business was slow this afternoon. 

“Ah sorry, ma’am- that would be...” you stood to attention to the customer, your eyes squinting because you couldn’t believe who was in front of you. “...Sara?” She drew her attention to you. You walked towards her from behind your stall and took your apron off to address her. She was startled that anybody in Liyue would know her, but when she saw your face her calm demeanor was one of pure confusion. You could tell the cogs in her head were malfunctioning.

“No this can’t be right, I thought you died... I mean, how did you survive?” She approached you and put her hand on your cheek to check if you were real or just a cruel hallucination coming back to haunt her for her bad karma 

“We were saved by a fellow sailor who happened to be there at the perfect time. Beidou, I think her name was?” You smiled shortly, only for it to fade quickly as you remembered how you felt the month you left Inazuma and departed from Sara. “Why didn’t you come to see me off when I left. I waited for you, but you never showed.”

She removed her hand and stood speechless, looking down in shame. “I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye to you. I knew what I was doing was wrong, that’s why I’m here in Liyue to redeem whatever wrong I’ve done.” Her voice cracked, you knew she wasn’t lying. “When you first left I was in denial that what I was doing was wrong. I was angry. But your absence wore on me, every day that passed I recognized what I was doing wasn’t right. But what could I do, I wanted to follow you to Liyue but I thought you died. Please forgive my ignorance.”

 “It’s alright now. I’m here alive and well, and most importantly I forgive you,” You embraced her, leaving no space left between your bodies. Your hand stroking her hair as she returned the hug. You’ve been waiting for this specific hug from Sara for what seemed like a century. Leaving was the hardest decision you had to make.  “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” 

• Ei was always such a kind spirit. She was clumsy and didn’t understand much like a child due to her spending decades in meditation. It made you so fascinated with her and made you want to care for her and teach her about the world.

• When the Shogun began to enforce the Vision Hunt Decree, you met in her Plane of Euthymia and confronted her. When you realized your words could not influence her decision you fled Inazuma. She was no longer the docile Ei you loved, she seemed stern and almost corrupted.

• You snuck onto an average cargo ship only for it to be struck down by lightening. Presumably your body was found in the carnage by scouts and you were pronounced dead. All the more reason for Ei to isolate herself and let the Shogun take the reigns for Inazuma affairs.

• When the Vision Hunt Decree ended Ei continued to leave Inazuma in the hands of the Shogun. After another year she wanted to finally leave her Plane of Euthymia and see what the world had to offer her. She wanted to see the world you would’ve seen if you had survived.

Ei arrived in Liyue Harbor, she planned on traveling the world like a nomad. She wanted to continue the journey you never started throughout Liyue. But before she wanted to experience Liyue cuisine, starting with deserts. She always heard of this dish called Almond Tofu from when you were still around. She found a small vendor that sold it in Chihu Rock and sat down trying to distinguish the menu. 

“Welcome lovely guest, our specialty is Almond Tofu. What can I get you...- Ei...? is that you?” Hearing her name she looked up and you were there. Her eyes widened, she never thought she would have another chance to see you ever again. But there you were, her thought to be dead lover standing alive and well right in front of her.

She stood up abruptly, wrapping her arms around your neck to reassure herself that this wasn’t a relentless dream like the countless ones she had before. You were surprised but reciprocated the hug.

“I’d thought I’d lost you forever.” She whimpered in your ear, she was trembling in your hold. You thought you had lost her as well, but why was she in Liyue of all places? Shouldn’t she be in Inazuma? “Please, forgive me... When you ran away from me all I could think was that you despised me. I know allowing the Shogun to continue her decree was wrong, but right now all I need is your reassurance.” 

You couldn’t stay mad at her. After all, you were still hers even after the separation. Even after parting with her for a year you felt the same about her, maybe even more intensely than before. You loved her and wanted nothing but to just return to Inazuma by her side. Without her, it felt like you were eroding into a different person.

“I love you Ei.” She peeled herself from your hold and put her hands on your cheeks, still within your embrace.  She looked you deep in the eyes to confirm once more that it was you and not just some sick joke. “I missed you so much it’s crazy.”

“I missed you too.” Her fingers traced your facial features. You longed for this feeling the most. The feeling of being pampered once more by your soft lover, Ei. 

[mae-gi-writes]

Once Again (PT.4) | Iwaizumi Hajime (Haikyu!)

ONCE AGAIN | PART FOUR

Summary

Iwaizumi’s broken marriage results in his five-year-old son trying to match him up with his primary school teacher, whom he thinks will make a wonderful replacement for a mother.

Genre: fluff, angst, f! Reader x dad! Iwaizumi

PREVIOUS PART | NEXT PART

----

"Miss Y/N, is daddy okay?" Hoisuke peers up at you from the backseat as you pull up to your apartment unit. You glance at him through the rearview mirror and smile, "don't worry, he's fine. He's just going to be slightly late."

Iwaizumi had called you earlier that day, sounding breathless and stressed out as he iterated how slow traffic was moving. On impulse, you'd proposed to bring Hoisuke over to your house to make things more comfortable and after a slight bout of hesitation, he'd agreed to pick his son up in the comfort of your home.

"This is the first time I come to your place, miss Y/N," Hoisuke's eyes are darting back and forth across the tiny kitchenette to your right to the small tv screen plugged to the wall on the left. Granted, your flat is merely anything special and far from ready for unexpected guests. But the sharp curiosity gleaming in your student's eyes holds no judgement and for that you apprrciate him all the more.

"You hungry?" You ask while settling him down at your tiny dinner table compact enough to fit snuggly up to your kitchen counter.

Hoisuke purses his lips in thought and you swear he's learnt this facial expression from observing his father, "hm yeah. A little bit," before throwing you a sheepish grin.

So you whip up something simple; omelette rice with your special Korean chilli sauce as a sudden downpour splatters through the cityscape, the rain dancing to its own rhythm as it splatters over your windowpane. The TV plays in the background, a random cartoon that gets interrupted with Hoisuke's giggles and that ignites an affectionate smile on your lips as you chide himto eat. And you're not really sure why your chest feels tight and filled to the brim with comfort, but you realise you don't actually mind having the small human around that much.

Teachers aren't supposed to have favourites. But you admit to yourself that teachers are only human. And if you are to choose, Hoisuke would be one of yours.

"Miss Y/N, do you have a boyfriend?" Hoisuke's voice pierces through your thoughts and as you blink down at him, you shake your head, "no, I'm single as a pringle."

"You are not married then."

"No I'm not."

"Great!" Hoisuke jumps up on his seat, eyes twinkling with mischief, "then do you want to marry daddy?"

"What?" You laugh out, "it doesn't work that way Hoisuke."

"But I like you miss Y/N," he replies with the seriousness of a child wanting his way, "You'd be a great mum. Can you be my mum?"

"Oh gosh kiddo," your hand reachea out to ruffle his hair, heart twisting at how easily he leans into your touch, "I'd love to be your mum, but--"

"Then marry my dad," Hoisuke's mumble is muffled against your side. He unconsciously snuggles up to you and you caress the top of his head down to his nape, "daddy likes you too. He really likes you. You make him happy. He laughs a lot when you're around, and he doesn't get sad like he usually does when Mama is here."

"But that would be unfair to your mum wouldn't it?" You say softly, "you can't have two mums. She'll be upset."

There's a slight pause where you can see the cogs turning in his brain, "yeah," he says eventually, "but I don't really like going to Mama's anyway--"

The sound of your doorbell jolts you both to attention. You give Hoisuke's head one more ruffle before getting up to unlock the door.

Only to come face to face with none other than Hoisuke's mother.

You blink. Once. Twice. Unconsciously taking a step back.

She's pretty. Prettier up close, with those feline cat eyes and that full mouth that renders any man crazy. Standing a few inches higher than you, there is no doubt as to why Iwaizumi had fallen for her charms in the first place. She looks like the kind of woman that would still be elegant even dressed in a mechanician's uniform.

"H-Hello," your eyes dart from hers to a blank spot on the wall opposite, "can I help?"

"Where's Hoisuke?" Her voice is smooth, yet hard enough to make you wince.

"I--" your mind races. Isn't Iwaizumi supposed to pick him up? And how the hell does she know where you live?

She seems to read your face as she says, "I saw you with my son leaving the school. You're his...teacher, aren't you? I was waiting to pick him up."

"I thought Iwaizumi-san--"

"I don't need a reason to see my son," she arches her brows at you in a way that makes you want to crawl under a carpet and hide.

"Mama?" Hoisuke's voice floats from behind you, a tentative waver of nervousness as you hear him pad up to the door.

"Does Iwaizumi-san know you're picking him up?" You hope your tone is diplomatic, but the way her body tenses proves you otherwise, "You can tell him Hoisuke's with his mother," she nods at her child, "now come on Hoisuke. Let's go home."

Maybe feeling the tension in the air, Hoisuke merely shrinks back, "but it's Daddy that picks me up."

"Yes well, Daddy's not here now is he?" She gestures aggressively towards him, "now come on."

"Maybe we should wait until Iwaizumi-san gets here," you try to smooth things over, "he's on his way--"

"Don't tell me what to do with my child," Mizune snaps and without warning, grabbing hold of Hoisuke's arm before pulling him out of the flat. He resists.

"Mama no, let's wait for Daddy--"

"Daddy isn't coming. Now stop being so difficult," she doesn't relent against the way her son twists and kicks at the ground while you stand there, mind blind with panic because you've never actually had to deal with such a situation before.

"Mama please!" Hoisuke cries out with a sob.

You want to move. You urge yourself to. But your feet won't budge. It's like you're rooted in place.

Hoisuke has started crying at this point and in an attempt to smoothen things out, you try again by saying, "I'm sure we can all calm down and talk this out. As a teacher, I cannot--"

"That's right," Mizune's feline pupils narrow down on you, making you flinch at the rage simmering through those dark orbs, "you're his teacher. And as a teacher, you should know how to keep your boundaries. You're not his mother and you never will be. So fucking stay out of my family's life."

The words burn as they etch themselves into memory and you can only watch, hand clutched to the door as Mizune drags her crying son away. His cries are loud enough that they bounce throughout the corridor and keeps resonating even when he's long gone, as you try to comb through the last fifteen minutes where everything has turned upside down.

Fucking stay out of my family's life.

Your brain reels. Your heart feels heavy. You don't know what to do, what to say.

And Mizune's words are as sharp as a knife.

Don't tell me what to do with my child.

A sob slowly catches the back of your throat, eyes slowly brimming with an onset of tears.

You're not his mother.

The truth hurts. You know that Hoisuke is not your child, know that all this time it's merely Iwaizumi and his son, and then you watching on the sidelines. But hearing the cold rejection thrust in your face hurts more than you'll admit.

You aren't quite sure how long you stand there gazing into the empty corridor as if if you will it hard enough, Hoisuke will come running back to you. It is only when a familiar alto reaches your ears that you snap back to attention:

"Y/N?"

Jerking at the sound and looking up to see none other than Iwaizumi, drenched and breathless, standing a few feet away from you, your breath hitches in warning.

He closes the distance between you, frowning upon noticing the tears at the corner or your eyes, "what's wrong? Where is Hoisuke--"

"I'm..." your eyes drop to the ground, "I'm sorry," your whimper is barely above a whisper and you feel him move closee, his hand gently grasping your arm.

"Y/N?" His voice is gentle, though ragged and breathy, "what happened?"

It's probably the gentlest he's ever been with you. Turning away to cup your mouth with your hand, your teeth clamp down onto your lower lip in hopes of keeping the emotion from spilling over.

"Mizune came," you murmur out, "she took Hoisuke home."

There's a sharp intake of breath on his part. A pause, "how did--"

"She followed us."

Iwaizumi lets out a sigh as he moves towards you and you stagger back to hide your tears, but it proves useless when his hand grasps your arm to pull your hand away.

Deep brown mocha meet yours. Your throat tightens.

"Sorry," you breathe out a forced chuckle but it's clear from Iwaizumi's face that he's spotted your tears, and that he just knows that there is something bothering you.

But he doesn't ask. Doesn't question your intent or your feelings.

Instead, he pulls you close, close enough you're stumbling into him, before his hand wounds around the back of your head and presses you against his shoulder.

It shocks you, the sudden intimacy of his touch. His citrus smell once again invades your space and you can't find it in yourself to keep on holding on before you break down.

Maybe it's because you had felt-- at this point in time -- that you were someone significant in Hoisuke and Iwaizumi's life that you're not crying into Iwaizumi's shoulder as if everything is going downhill in your life. But you're comforted by the casual way he holds you with his head turned away so that you can bury yourself in the crook of his collarbone.

"Sorry," you manage to mumble out after you've managed to calm down. He's moved you back into your flat and has sat you down onto your kitchen chair, having rummaged through your utensils to bring you a cup of water that you sip on gratefully, if only to act as a distraction from the way he's gazing at you.

Iwaizumi shakes his head silently, looks away and clears his throat, "I'm gonna call her. You good?"

You nod and after searching your face for a few more seconds, he slides out of his seat and walks away with the device already presses to his ear. Bowing your head and gulping down the rest of the water, you manage to block out his angry alto resonating through the compact space as you focus on regaining control of yourself. You rarely fall to pieces like that, rarely give in to the downward pull of your emotions because the nature of your job obliges you to.

"Y/N."

You jump involuntarily and look up to see the said man sporting a frown, "is Hoisuke okay?" You ask.

"He's fine," a sigh escapes his lips as he slides back into the chair as if there's a weight pressing down onto his shoulders, "I'll pick him up tomorrow after school."

You nod. Good, the last thing you need is for Hoisuke to be disrupted by problems that don't concern him.

When he speaks next though, his alto is hoarse and thick, "I'm sorry Y/N. You don't deserve to get in the middle of all this."

"It's okay."

His eyes pierce yours with burning hot intensity, causing your gaze to drop to your fists laying across the table, knuckles so tight they're turning white.

A bout of silence ensues, lest for the pounding in your heart while your thoughts take on a tumultous turn for the worse. What if Mizune is angry? What if she stops Hoisuke from coming to school altogether? What if she makes her child move just for the sake of keeping him away from his teacher who can't seem to keep her nose out of anyone's business? What if--

Warmth floods your hands so suddenly that it interrupts your train of thought. Head jerking up in surprise to see Iwaizumi's hands clasp yours, your blood suddenly pulses through your limbs upon feeling his thumb gently stroke over your knuckles.

Iwaizumi is not a man of words. That much you know, but this evening has been full of surprises for you both. So you force yourself to relax, almost enjoying the gentlest of his touches fluttering across your skin.

"How," your words are choked, "how angry is she?"

"That doesn't matter."

"But what if--"

"None of this is your fault, Y/N," he replies firmly, followed by a gentle squeeze, "whatever you have cooking in that head of yours, stop."

Nodding and sighing in defeat, you lapse into a more comfortable silence as the time dwindles on. It's different to have someone else occupying your flat, considering that you've gotten so used to living along after your horrible breakup. A good kind of different.

When you bid him goodbye that evening -- granted you shall wake up with dark circles and puffy eyes the next day -- he suprises you with another casual, one-armed hug which signifies so much more for the usually reserved man, Hoisuke's bag hanging loosely from the other. He holds you close, his grip strong and secure and making you wish you can melt in a puddle of warmth at his feet, while his cheek pillows atop your temple against the side of your head. You lean in, cozy and warm, while his heart beats underneath your ear like a gentle drum easing you of today's worries and you wish you have the willpower to keep yourself away, in vain.

He pulls away slightly, mutters a soft "night" before a ghost of a kiss imprints itself on your temple.

Your breath hitches but the moment is gone all too son. He's already swivelling around and making his way down the corridor, leaving you to stare after him with a wild, raging heart.

You know, without a doubt, that you're already a little too skin-deep.

----

Iwaizumi is furious. Filled to the brim with a rage that's threatening to bubble over his insides.

He'd gone round to fetch Hoisuke in the morning as promised, just managing to keep himself from knocking his ex-wife's double mahogany doors down only to be greeted by that stupid bastard who'd stolen his wife away.

Todoka had always roamed within the same circle of friends as Iwaizumi and Mixune, having met under the same dormitory roof and sharing common sports interests. So imagine how big of a slap it was to hear that he'd been the one stealing kisses and sharing soft subtle touches with his wife behind his back.

"I could've driven him if only you'd let me," Mizune had told him as they waited for Hoisuke to finish brushing his teeth. is ex-wife's familiar soprano made him tense. Her face was a cold mask of indifference that covered up her silent anger. She'd folded her arms, chin jutted out and lips pursed, "he's my son too, you know."

"Was he still your son when you went and fucked Todoka?"

She'd sighed. As if dealing with the tantrum of a child, "Why are you bringing this up again?"

"Because you never put him first. Not when he threw his tantrums, not when he cried for you. Not even when he was sick," Iwaizumi spat out, the words tasting bitter upon his tongue.

"I had issues Hajime, you know that--"

"Like what? Like we weren't good enough for you? Like I wasn't pulling myself apart while you were out for nights on end?" Iwaizumi would've continued with an onslaught of pent-up statements if his son hadn't spoken out:

"Daddy?"

"Hey bud," Iwaizumi's anger had deflated like a hot air balloon, "you ready to go?"

And so he packed his son up in the car, his ex-wife watching his every move, and just after he'd closed his vehicle door did Mizune mention something about you.

"Do you like her?"

He'd bristled, "none of your business."

"Hoisuke is my son," Mizune's eyes had hardened into steel, "I don't need anyone else filling up his head with stupid ideas, nor do I want him to get hurt--"

"Like you did?" The words were fire burning upon his tongue. His shoulders were squared as he faced her fully, "stop beating around the bush, Mizune. We both know you hate the fact that Hoisuke loves spending time with Y/N."

"That's not it, I--"

"Y/N has spent more time with Hoisuke in a week than you did in a month. She's wiped his tears more timesthat you've seen him cry," he swivels towards his car then, "are we done?"

"You're acting like a child."

"I'm not the one picking a fight because of some petty jealousy," Iwaizumi had snapped.

"I'm not jealous!" Mizune burst out, her patience finally wearing thin, "I'm trying to look out for him, for you! She's not right for you--"

"Don't. Talk about her like that,” Anger had flared at how dismissively she spoke of you, visible as his knuckles tightened and a vein throbbed in his forehead, "and if you know what's good for you, you'll stay the fuck out of my life."

He'd driven off without looking back, knowing full well he'd shocked her into silence and if he were to be honest with himself, that outburst had eased some of the knots in his stomach. Dealing with Hoisuke's anxiety after witnessing yet another argument though, that was something else.

"Daddy, I don't understand why you and Mama fight so much," Hoisuke finally finds his voice when they stop inside the school gtounds. His small chubby hand, fitting into Iwaizumi's large one, cling to him with more force than necessary as they make their way to his respective class.

"Your mama and I...have different opinions on things," Iwaizumi tries to explain, suddenly guilty that his son has to pick up all the broken pieces. Impulsively, he ruffles Hoisuke's locks, "don't worry."

And that's when his son stops in mid-walk, looks him dead in the eye, and tells him, "Mama doesn't like miss Y/N, does she?"

It's a different kind of slap, but he shouldn't have understimated the little five year old. Children know much more than they let on snd here's the proof of it.

Iwaizumi allows both his hands to clasp Hoisuke's shoulders and bends down until they are face to face, "hey," dark mocha meets lighter caramel tinged with a fear of a child desperate for a family that all his friends can take for granted, "that doesn't matter. Do you like miss Y/N?"

Hoisuke nods, eyes wet.

Iwaizumi's heart swells and he swears he doesn't ever want to see that expression on his son's face, not if he can help it.

"Then it doesn’t matter what your Mom tells you," he squeezes the child's shoulder for good measure, "no one can boss you around and tell you that you're not allowed to like who you like," he brushes a few hairs off Hoisuke's forehead, "not me, not even your mom. Got that?"

“Will we be able to invite miss Y/N again?” Hoisuke asks with a trembling bottom lip. 

“If you want to.” 

“Do you want to, daddy?” 

That question takes him by surprise, the familiar guilt lurching through his stomach as he tries to comb through an excuse to hide his growing feelings. 

Except, why does he have to hide in the first place? 

It takes a moment, before Iwaizumi nods, “yeah,” he murmurs gently with the softest of smiles, “I want to.” 

Hoisuke nods once more, which is shortly followed by lurching into Iwaizumi's arms as a sob echoes from his throat. His father holds him close, glad that the earlier tension from Hoisuke's has dissipated into relief for now.

What he doesn’t know though, is that you stand just a few feet away, body tucked into the corner of the wall and holding up your racing heart against your chest. 

------

The more you spend more time with the Iwaizumis, the more your heart gets invested in the coaxing warmth that makes up their family. You try to dismiss what you've overheard back in the school corridor but it's an itch you can't quite erase now that you've been exposed to Iwaizumi's feelings, which does nothing to stop the way your heart skips a beat whenever his gaze lingers upon yours for too long.

And you've taken notice. Or you think you do. Of how he sounds more gentle whenever he talks to you, how whenever you play hands they drift towards each other for a few extra seconds that causes your skin to tingle with warmth. How it is so goddamn easy to fall into this familiar routine of playing families with Hoisuke around like a human sunshine.

But there's still one thing nagging you. Which is why you corner him once you have tucked Hoisuke into bed on Saturday night, seeking him out on the small terrace tucked beside his kitchen that overlooks the glowing city lights.

"Can I ask you something?"

His gaze flits to yours. He nods.

Swallowing back the sudden knot of anxiety in your throat, your question comes out more like a soft proposition rather than a demand fot answers.

"I know it's none of my business, but-- I overheard you and Hoisuke a few days ago in the school corridor," your words are rushed and quick as you fold your arms over your chest, "did you and Mizune have a fight...about me?"

Iwaizumi shifts in your peripheral to face you, but your eyes adamantly find purchase onto the cement ledge splattered with dirt. For a split second, you wonder whether it wouldn't have been better to keep your mouth shut.

"What did you hear?" He asks quietly.

With a slow breath, you tell him what you've heard, underlining that this whole encounter was an accident.

"And from the way she acted when she saw me...well, it's not hard to put two and two together," you finish off in a mumble, then quickly adding, "look I--I don't want to come in-between you and your family. I just don't want Hoisuke to get hurt."

Surprise flits through his features. He regards you for a long moment, long enough that you feel like squirming underneath his gaze.

Then, taking you by surprise, he chuckles softly and shifts his elbows onto the edge of the terrace, "No wonder he likes you."

You blink at him. It suddenly feels a little too warm.

"None of this is your fault, Y/N," you wonder since when have the formalities dropped from Miss Y/N to just Y/N and decide that you like the way your name rolls off his tongue, "Mizune gets jealous over stupid shit and if she can't see someone else making her son happy then that's not our problem."

Your teeth unconsciously find purchase onto your lower lip, which he notices. That doesn't stop him from reaching over to press his thumb against your lower lip, "don't."

You freeze at the touch. His thumb is warm against your mouth, calloused and sending a series of tingles down your spine.

He must realize the intimacy of his touch, for he drops his hand away and mutters, "he's...livelier. when you're around. Happier, even. I've never seen him like that with his Mama."

"What about you?"

You feel like slapping yourself. The audacity coming out of your mouth surprises you and you swear your cheeks burst into flames.

Iwaizumi looks at you almost at the same time your pupils focus on his, causing your breath to hitch.

Why the hell can't you just keep your mouth shut?

Iwaizumi's voice is merely a murmur when he speaks next, deep and laced with a roughness.

"What about me?"

Your brain seems to turn to mush, "do you like having me around?" You hope you don't sound too pathetic.

Your heart almost stops at his next set of words.

"I do."

And there's that smile, barely there but enough that your own lips stretch to mirror his action. Until you realize you are smiling at him like a fool and quickly look away like you've just been burnt.

Something shifts in the air between you, spurred on by the way your eyes keep searching each other's with a growing tension that makes your skin rattle. Iwaizumi's frown is present, yet not unpleasant and you're not quite sure who moves, just that he's suddenly a little closer. Close enough you get a whiff of the citrus smell you've come to recognize as his own.

"Miss Y/N?"

Hoisuke's voice suddenly snaps you out of your daze. Quickly whipping around to see the said boy rubbing his eyes, a hand unconscioudly scratching his tummy, your entire countenance softens as he blinks up at you sleepily.

"I can't sleep," he mumbles out with sleep still in his eyes, "can you come back to bed with me?"

"Yeah sure," you're already on your way over to him, scooping the child up in your arms. He takes this chance to bury his face into the crook of your neck, sighing contently.

You turn back to his father, a dark silhouette against the bright landscape, "I'll be right back."

But Hoisuke surprises you by saying, "you too, Daddy."

Iwaizumi stills, "what?"

"Come to bed too, Daddy."

For one single moment, it's like time stops. You can't see Iwaizumi's face but a moment later he straightens and walks over, nodding at you when he's close enough. You don't realize your heart is besting like a hummingbird until you hear it throbbing through your chest as you try squeezing into Hoisuke's bed, you in the corner and his father barely hanging onto the edge, Hoisuke squished in-between.

It's like an instinct for the boy to latch onto your shirt. He turns to burrow himself into the curve you've made with your body, facing Iwaizumi who is half-sitting, half-lying down in an angle that surely isn't comfortable.

So you decide to point it out to him, patting the bed for good measure in hopes that he doesn't notice the warm flush of your neck.

"It's okay," your whisper tickles Hoisuke's hair, "it's only until he falls asleep."

He hesitates, before you see his head nod and he slides his body a little closer, chest curving into Hoisuke's back and close enough for you to get bathed in his warmth.

He smells good. He looks good. God. Why does he look so damn good?

Stop! You squeeze your eyes shut aa if that might help your racing thoughts, and you are so caught up in your own head that you almost miss the gentle brush of Iwaizumi's fingers against your shoulder.

You tense up right before realizing that his action is intentional. Your shoulders slowly relax, a shaky exhale escaping your lips as he takes the chance to linger over your arm a little longer, before falling away onto the mattress.

You fall asleep that night listening to not just Hoisuke's, but Iwaizumi's heartbeat. 

----

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