#[rereads all 3 smash posts] I LOVE THESE!!!

[mikodrawnnarratives]

*cracks knuckles* @paper-lilypie

WEDDING BELLS YALL

and brainrot. I've been sketching these ideas out for like, a year. And done nothing with them until this point

this has been festering. in my mind.

*note: I didn't get around to drawing it, but I imagine Sun, Moon, and Y/n say their vows at the Bell place thingie that I need to reread in the fic. Y'know, the place Moon climbs up to, to get away from y/n. Yeh they declare their love up there and smoochies*

I should really reread that bit actually lol

Before moving forward, I'm gonna rant about outfits

this is the outfit that I base Sun and Moon's wedding look on because I just think it fits so well. I share this so you guys see the vision and forgive my inexperience with drawing these folds

Cool? cool.

Also, I went through several variations of what Y/n would wear before settling on this bc nothing that came up when I searched "gender neutral wedding gear" really fit

Wanted a mix between gown and suit and y'know this ended up being more suit but I like it a lot so we're going with that. It also came to me in a vision so that has to say something.

(Ok but I did envision Y/n having a dress similar to this one character's dress in Bad Guys but I couldn't draw it so I scrapped it)

(ok some details stayed but most of the concept had to go)

so like- you see it right?

Btw. All of them (including guests) have pockets. just. to ease your mind.

ok back to actually drawn wedding shenanigans

Because, there are many, wedding shenanigans

Y'know the trend of smashing wedding cake into the bride/groom/wedded partner's face right?

There's no way this wouldn't escalate and y/n wouldn't enlist their siblings in the chaos.

They'll get like- one or two good wedding pics before this.

the cake tasted good tho

Let me just say. I am so proud of how I did these hands I'm oogling my own art I did so good GHGHHHHHHFDS

I like??? Want to do more?????

cuties shenanigans below they are obnoxious and they know it

By the way by the way you may notice the flower dress

I WILL be getting around to Lily x DCA STUFF I WILL

Tho I got busy and had a really hard time drawing/finishing sketches when I did have time so. I chose to post what I have so far so it's out before November ends

CONSIDER THIS A PART 1

LILY YOU ARE NOT SAFE

well Ig u are safe

for nowwwww

Bouquet toss real

fun fact I initially wanted to draw Sun, Moon, and Copper y/n tossing the bouquet together

but their arm lengths would NOT make that work kjfdkljsdklj

so y/n tosses the bouquet bc they are the specialest

(Or they won the round of monopoly)

(who's to say)

(we don't talk about game night)

But all three of them are the criminal. masterminds. They planned this from the start. Holly and Chica HAD NO CHANCE after the role they played in getting Y/N AND SUN AND MOON together.

I think this video would also be something cute that I could see happening for their wedding lol

Y/n and the daycare attendants hand the bouquet to Holly and then she gets proposed to by Chica

Anyway I still have a whole list of wedding shenanigans I need to draw

Sarah and Yao being some because when I tried before I couldn't sketch them out to my liking.

And the more CCRT gets expanded on, the more I'm sure will be present in their wedding since there are only 3 chapters out so far and enough art for me to make my guesses dlkkldsf

I'm sure there are plenty of fun things that can be included into this wedding, or edited, once more is revealed of the characters and their relationships

and who would be wedding guests is a little more up in the air, for instance and... who'd be able to show up in the first place considering unknown state of... living

(*cough cough*-Glamrock Foxy-*cough cough*)

...and being on good terms! thats.. important too. y'know moon and foxy weren't really exes but it may still be a bit awkward if he got invited y'know yknow

[starlingflight]

Hiiii!

I just wanted to butt in and say how much I love your hinny fanfics especially the once’s set in hbp. (I’m not going to say how many times I have reread them, it’s too embarrassing 🙈) The way you write them, the banter and chemistry!! Honestly sometimes it feels like I’m eavesdropping on someone else conversation because you make them seem so real. I love the pinning. :)

It’s fun to read about how tortured harry is and how he feels ‘normal’ and not under so much pressure when Ginny is around! I have a suggestion if you don’t mind (ignore this otherwise and accept my apology <3). I would love to read something you about Harry pinning over Ginny while she is with Dean and see his thoughts. The monster in his chest! I love reading about the early stages of their relationship it’s so cute! Or something like that

I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope you know that your writing is spectacular!!

Hi anon!

First of all, thank you so, so, so much for this! It literally made my day! The idea that anyone re-reads my fics makes me so happy, I can't even explain 🥺🥺🥺

And now I fear I must disappoint you 😭 I've tried writing this prompt three different ways, and I can't make it work… I very rarely explore Ginny's relationship with Dean until they're broken up and there's a reason for that (I hope you're ready for some less than complimentary takes about my two faves): Both Harry and Ginny use Dean as a coping mechanism.

Ginny stays with Dean way longer than she should, to an extent it's almost out of character for her. Why? In my opinion, because if she breaks up with Dean, she has to deal with something that's increasingly staring her in the face, the fact that Harry likes her, and despite all the work she's done on herself, she still wants to drop everything to be with him. It's an uncomfortable realisation for someone as independent as Ginny.

The sheer force of her feelings for Harry is a lot for her to accept, and it's easier for her to just stay with Dean who, while nice, inspires no such depth of emotion. It's not fair to Dean, but it's a self-preservation tactic that Ginny appears to be subconsciously committed to throughout HBP.

Now, onto the reason I'm struggling to write your lovely (and appreciated) request. Harry James Potter, number 1 avoider of emotions, actually finds the Dean relationship very convenient tbh. Do you know who doesn't have to deal with their ever-increasing feelings for their best friend's little sister? The guy whose best friend's little sister has a boyfriend.

There's a large section of HBP after Harry sees the Dinny kiss (and the chest monster is born), where Ginny lingers at the back of Harry's mind (and in his dreams) but he never really consciously dwells on his feelings for Ginny. Harry isn't ready to face it, and he doesn't have to because Ginny has a boyfriend.

It's only when Ginny and Dean break up that Harry starts to panic, not that Ginny won't reciprocate his feelings, only that Ron will be mad. It's one of the reasons I love hinny as a couple… on some level they both know. Even when neither of them want to haha.

Harry never views Dean as an obstacle in canon, because really he's not (sorry Dean, I still love you). I think he probably had very fleeting moments of envy (I wrote about Harry not liking Ginny wearing Dean's West Ham jumper 😅), but I don't think Harry believes for a moment that Dean is competition (I did write him having a little crisis of confidence about Dean post sectumsempra incident in FAIY, but that's really just Harry looking for ways to make himself feel bad because of his guilt). Dean is just a convenient reason for Harry not to deal with a messy emotional situation.

Really, is it any wonder Dean smashes that glass?

Anyway, apologies for the essay, I do really appreciate being sent prompts and I wish I could fulfil this one to your satisfaction! I hope someone with a slightly different hinny interpretation than me might be inspired by it ❤️❤️❤️

[lu-lus-dicks]

Hi~

I made part 2!

I never wrote sex scenes before so it's probably pretty bad but I tried my best 😅

Alastor's tentacles tear both of his captives' clothes, neither of them has time to take a breather as his tentacles grip Lucifer's head and smash his mouth (still dirty with worm mush vomit) on Vox's dick.

The radio demon approaches the tvhead and uses a needle, given to him by a wild Nifty that jumped out of his trashcan, to make a hole in both of his nipples.

The tv lets out a static-y scream and tries to wriggle away as he put one worm in both of the newformed wounds.

Lucifer seems to not have received the memo so Alastor uses his tentacles to force his mouth open and shoves Vox's dick in it.

They wriggle, moan and keep a steady pace unsure if they're in pain, turned on or grossed out.

One of the tentacles chokes his majesty, forcing him to suck Vox harder to try and gasp for air feeling all the battery acid taste of his precum.

Suddenly the tentacles separates them and pull them up in a standing position, squishing their parts against each other's.

Out of the shadows Alastor pulls out a jar, like the ones where his grandma used to put jam, and it's so filled with worms that they barely have any space to wriggle.

He opens the lid and one of his tentacles shoves it on both of his captives' dicks, like a living and slimy fleshlight.

It brings it up and down in a faster and faster pace overstimulating the hell out of them.

"I-I...I'm cloOse!" says Vox gasping for air and bucking his hips against the King's.

"Ah ah ah, not so fast" says the radio demon removing the jar.

"You asked to be filled with more worms afterall, didn't you?" he says grinning maniacally.

"Y-yes?"

"Good boy"

Vox hasn't finished elaborating what his archenemy just said as he feels an awful pain in his lower regions and starts screaming.

He looks down and sees with horror two tendrils keeping his cockhole open as another one pushes a worm inside of it.

The Tv head is overstimulated and he doesn't even know in which way.

Once the worm's completely in, wriggling its way further inside, the tentacles bring back the jar where it was and pumps it faster and faster.

At some point Lucifer deems the pace not quick enough so he takes the matter in his own hands, literally, and pushes Vox on Alastor's chair while pumping the jar at a quicker pace.

They're arching their backs, biting each other to the bone and grinding faster and faster trying to reach satisfaction.

Vox's the first to reach it as he lets out a long and loud autotuned moan that could rilval Angeldust.

The King screams in pain as Vox's cum is literal sparks of electricity, it's as strong as a taser and yet this gives Lucifer the best orgasm of his life.

The both of them pass out.

They wake up hearing their own voices screaming and moaning.

Nifty's sitting on the ground, phone in hand watching again and again their sextape.

"Delete that! Delete that immediately!"

"Hell no, this will bring me the Diamond Play Button!"

"IT'S ON YOUTUBE?????"

"Yeah, and it already has thousands of views!"

"YOU LITTL-"

"Where's Alastor?"

"Oh, he went to take over Voxtec over an hour ago"

"HE WHAT????"

Vox pushes the King off of him and tries to sprint towards the door, he fails miserably and tumbles down the stairs

Btw, I made a sideblog.

Nothing is posted yet but it exists.

https://www.tumblr.com/notsafe4worms?source=share

Again, tagging the hoes @nunalastor

Secondly, followed. Notsafe4worms is so fuckin funny

I just woke up by the way. This is a treat to read. I love your twisted little mind <3 hot af, will reread this multiple times.

Also, you used vox cums in autotune and I am going to fucking orgasm on the spot rn. I love when people make shit for me like that

[acourtofladydeath]

"All Things End"

Presenting my updated fic with an immersive reading experience!

This fic holds a special piece of my soul, and I wrote it as a keyboard smash direct to post through a river of tears. I've reread it many times, but decided to step back and really revisit it.

With much help from @chunkypossum and @pippsmcgee this piece has been properly edited, updated, and even rewritten in spots. Much alcohol was consumed and many tears were shed in this process by all parties. I cannot thank them enough for their understanding of past tense, emotional stamina to relive this over and over, and never ending support as I obsessively messaged them with song ideas and editing updates. @pippsmcgee deserves incredibly special thanks for her editing services, which are, to quote her, "drunk enough to be clinical, but not so drunk I can't do subject verb agreement."

For the immersive component, I've created two playlists to go along with this fic. The "'All Things End Direct' Accompaniment" playlist has been formulated and tested to be listened to as you read the fic, with each song matching a specific scene or emotion you will encounter. The timing of the playlist should work out so that you only have to finish listening to the end of a song before proceeding to the next chapter. The first and last song are posted in the pre notes of each chapter in AO3.

The "'All Things End' Extended Playlist" includes all of the songs in the previous playlist as well as additional songs that did not match the timing of the read, but do match the emotions. This playlist is continually updated as I come across new songs that deserve a place here.

My wish is that this fic touches you, my readers, as much as it has touched me to write and curate the playlists. There is beauty and love to be found everywhere, even in death. Thank you for interacting and I sincerely hope you enjoy.

Please hydrate and get tissues before you start.

Below the cut you can find a full break down of each song per chapter, including explanations and authors notes.

Chapter 1: Inside Fading Out

"All Things End" by Hozier, the first four songs are all meant to be iterations of the emotions Azriel experiences as he learns and processes his mate's diagnosis and prognosis.

"Breathe (2AM)" by Anna Nalick

"Amen" by Amber Run

"The Call" by Regina Spektor

"Light" by Sleeping At Last, this song represents Azriel's will power to stand by his mate and take care of him no matter what.

"I'm Not Gonna Miss You" by Glenn Campbell, written during his own battle with Alzheimer's and meant to parallel Eris's own. On the extended playlist, you can find the song "Tell You About Her" by Ryan Nealon, which he wrote about his grandma and her struggle with dementia.

"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane, meant to accompany Azriel and Eris together in his last days, and represent how they still find each other.

"I Will Follow You into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie, to indicate the love these two have for each other, even in the darkness of disease and death.

Chapter 2: Broken Pieces

"Come Sweet Death" by Johann Sebastian Back, performed by Eugene Ormandy and the Philadelphia Orchestra

"Adagio for Strings, Op. 11" by Samuel Barber, performed by Leonard Bernstein and the New York Philharmonic

"Ghost" by Micky, the song that started this entire playlist and represents Azriel's emotions after losing his mate.

"Saturn" by Sleeping At Last and Tim Fain. This song inspired Linna's eulogy to Eris

Chapter 3: What Remains

"Hurts Like Hell" by Tommee Profitt and Lauren Strahm, performed by Fleurie and Tommee Profitt, this song reflects on Azriel's state of mind after his mate's funeral. This song was also one of the initial inspirations for this chapter. The second song that influenced this chapter "As The World Caves in by Matt Maltese covered by Sarah Cothran can be found on the extended playlist.

"Impassioned Lament" by Andrew Achilles DiMestico. The story of Patroclus and Achilles heavily inspired me while writing this fic and this song represents Azriel's flight to the Night Court. I wrote the entire fic to my Patroclus X Achilles playlist, also available on spotify.

"Breathe Me" by Sia, represents Azriel asking his Night Court family for help.

"Homeward Bound" sung by Peter Hollens, meant to reflect on Azriel realizing his home is in Autumn and leaving the Night Court for the last time.

"To Build A Home" by J. Swinscoe, Patrick Watson, & Phil France and performed by Patrick Watson, & The Cinematic Orchestra. This song is meant to reflect on Azriel and Eris's relationship with the tree and with each other. It accompanies Azriel's last day and him stepping through the veil with Eris.

Chapter 4: Outside Looking In

"Life and Death" by Michael Giacchino, performed by Michael Giacchino, The Hollywood Studio Symphony, and Tim Simonec. This is the death theme that plays in the show "Lost" and reflects on the pain of the moment.

"Brother" by Kodaline. Instead of sharing the meaning of this song, I'm going to share a line that carved out a bat boy sized piece of my soul.

Oh, brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos. Though we don't share the same blood you're my brother and I love you, that's the truth.

"On the Nature of Daylight" by Max Richter, performed by Chris Worsey, John Metcalfe, Louisa Fuller, Max Richter, Natalia Bonner, & Philip Sheppard. A bittersweet song that reflects on love and loss.

"Think Of Me Once In A While, Take Care" by Take Care

"Into the West" performed by Peter Hollens. This is meant to be the song that Azriel sings from the symphonia during the funeral, and a song he would sing to Linna when she had nightmares. Other songs on the symphonia can be found in the extended playlist: "Edge of Night" performed by Peter Hollens, "Lullaby" by Sleeping At Last, and “Dear Theodosia” from the Hamilton soundtrack written by Lin-Manuel Miranda and performed by Leslie Odom Jr and Lin-Manuel Miranda.

"Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole. This song represents the underlying theme of the fic. That even deep within his disease Eris still remembered his mate. The song was intended to tell the story of how love can surpass everything, even death, just as it does in this fic.

If you've made it this far down, thank you so much for taking the time to join me on this journey. It's truly been a labor of love and I'm so excited to finally be sharing it with you all.

[moonstruckme]

hi mae!! i hope youve been doing well!

school recently started up again for me and ive been absolutely SMASHED with rehearsal and homework and crap.. i JUST got done with stressing out over some choreography and then i saw that you'd posted a poly!wolfstar thingy and i internally squealed

i related so hard to the feeling of reader feeling like she was being put down by remus -- coaches/mentors always mean well (most of the time), and they push us because they know we can do great things and they know that we hesitate

it can be hard to come to terms with and im still kinda getting it myself, but i just wanted to tell you that im inlove with thawed out 🤭

have a lovely day!!

- 💡

(also i reread the sirius defending reader part so many times its insane. I LOVE HIM 🤭🤭)

Hey lovely!! I’ve been good, I’m sorry school starting hit you so hard! Hopefully it all calms down a bit as everyone gets into the rhythm of things, even if it’s just for a bit. Don’t be afraid to take time for yourself (I had soooo many coaches in middle and high school that acted like their extracurriculars were life-or-death, and trust me, after graduation it won’t feel so dire). I’m really thrilled you like thawing out too! Remus just needs to learn some communication skills, bless his heart the boy has been away too long. You have a lovely day as well gorgeous, and I hope things get easier at school <3

[midnightswaltz]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️

Oooh, hi! So, the thing is, I only have, like 6 fics posted anywhere and a couple of them need extensive rewrites (or I've kinda just written off because I'm not happy with it anymore & don't wanna rec, but haven't gotten around to deleting/orphaning). But here's what I've got.

1 - Recombined

Fandom: Mass Effect Andromeda. Relationship: Sis!Ryder/Jaal Ama Darav.

I'm very proud of this one, not least because it's one of the few things that actually got finished. It was unexpected because LJ was not a part of my "canon" Ryder's story (still isn't... well, not exactly) but I love her. I also find myself rereading this quite a bit especially when I need to remind myself that I can be a good writer.

2 - Vengeance and Saving the World

Fandom: Arrow (2012 TV show) + Pacific Rim. Relationship: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak

oof, this little guy is only like a week younger than my nephew. I'm not really even in the fandom anymore!

It's still weak in parts but, for a change, I don't actually care. I like the little jokes & nicknames. I'm proud of the bits of worldbuilding I got to add to the worlds I already smashed together. There was other stuff that I didn't eventually write like Tommy's dad was still alive with a kaiju egg and some nefarious plot or something. I do still get the odd kudos on this which I'm tickled by, but also, like, how the far in the weeds have you gone that you've found this almost 11 year old fella?

3 - Terra Incognita

Fandom: Mass Effect Andromeda Relationship: Sis!Ryder/Jaal Ama Darav

Major WIP.

I know I haven't updated this in... well, a while. I am working on it, because I really enjoy writing all the little ways in which my headcanon is different from the game story or how they can all play together. Like I'm currently obsessing on how the angara have the intelligence to know about what happened on Eos (this is briefly mentioned by Jaal during the first meeting with Evfra). Like, there's probably a very simple explanation, but I'm having more fun with *spoiler 😆* that one day I plan on letting other people read.

4 - In the Darkness You Will Reach

Fandom: Dragon Age Inquisition Relationship: F!Lavellen/Cullen Rutherford

Ravi Lavellan's story. Another major WIP.

132,828.

That's how many words I have written (& rewritten) on this fella without posting.

This is not actually posted anywhere, but I do have some bits n' pieces that I've shared over the years, which I linked the tag. In my scrivener file, it's mostly a whole bunch of almost finished scenes & half started side stories (like there's a couple assassination attempts in Skyhold, one of which has become it's own little story inside the larger story, but I'm not really sure how they work that one out yet...). I'm probably going to be sharing more on tumblr soon, because I'm not writing it in any particular order & am getting impatient about sharing the stuff I'm proud of.

This is another one of those things that I start rereading so I can start working on & then just get sucked back in until it's hours later & I'm like "wait...what was I doing again?"

Not 5, but honorable mention - Through the Dark Places

Fandom: Dragon Age Origins Relationship: Surana/Alistair

This is the beginning of my warden's story. I still want to finish this and was very proud of it when I started, but I really want to rewrite the beginning of this. I'm not unhappy with it, but I can make it better.

[sesshy380]

Do you have any fic recs you can pass along to us? :3

Oh, wow. This is kinda a hard one to answer, but it all depends on what kind of fic recs you're looking for? I'll warn you, a lot of my recs come with their own fair share of TW/CW.

I have a TONS of fics that I absolutely love! Most are from the same authors too! I'm going to start by sharing a list of the authors I have on sub. Virtually EVERYTHING by these authors are well worth the time to read.

atlas_x - If you like smut, look no further than Atlas lol. I am addicted to their smutfics. Their recent zombie apocalypse fic Infected only has 2 chapters atm (and not as smut focused...yet), but I am absolutely in love with it.

BladeofM - The first work I ever read from BladeofM was Eldritch Encounter. Not only did this fic then introduce me to the indescribable awesomeness that is @andr0nap's art, but I fell in love with BladeofM's writing style. All I need to see is the name and I knwo it'll be good.

QueenBastet - You would have to be living under a rock to have not read any of QueenBastet's work. I can't pick just one AU by this amazing author.

Resuri - This is one author I will read new stuff at the speed of inbox notif! Everything they write leaves me wanting to smash that main keyboard row! I seriously need some plushies for the Conspire group, because I just need to hug them bitches every time I finish reading a new chapter or fic.

Those are just my main subscribed authors. Next I have a few fave fics outside of everything those authors write. These are 'longfics' in a sense. I, personally, love getting invested in longfics.

The Cornered Collection by YadonushiRyou. This AU has an alternative 'bad' ending that ripped my heart out and made me cry...and that's my favorite ending for some reason. If you love your fics in the same genre that Ryou loves his movies, then this is for you.

Role Play AU by Ninjam117. I have always loved fantasy, and this AU hits the spot. Filled with everything a fantasy fic needs: Magic, a Unicorn, battles filled with action, romance/smut, you name it.

The Last Puzzle - by Tenderwulf. I originally binged this over on FFN, and was so inspired that I took the leap and began writing my own longfic. If you've read 'Homecoming' by Fiver over on FFN, you'll love The Last Puzzle.

Philosophy of a Knife by crushedmary. Not really a longfic atm, but it's getting there. Their writing style is so poetic. I absolutely love it!

Kill Shot by MMMOTH- Another AU that I absolutely love. I am such a fan of immortality and magic in a modern setting. And of course, there's smut. Gotta have that smut in there.

Chained to You by SaijSpellheart. A post-season Zero setting where Yugi never learned about the Spirit of the Puzzle. This is another of those longfics that I originally binged over on FFN, and now have bookmarked on AO3.

Okay, I could go on and on, but then I would be here all night lol. Asking me for fic recs without giving me something specific that you're looking for is like walking into a library and asking what the librarian recommends without specifying a genre. You get trapped in the library lol.

Before I end this, I'm going to throw two self-recs onto this list. These are two fics of my own that I absolutely love to reread, and have gotten great comments on both.

Returned - Gemshipping fic where TKB comes back to life and catches a cold.

White Lady - Small look into my longfic AU, but can be read stand-alone. TKB is an immortal elemental that finds himself in an odd predicament.

[ltleflrt]

what’re your favourite fics you’ve written and why?

You asked me this forever ago, and I had every intention of answering and then I kept forgetting because I opened it and the notification went away lol... Anyway, here's my favorite children:

Feels Like Home - a Mass Effect mShenko fic about a mechanic with PTSD and an ex-cop with addiction issues. I love it so much that I also wrote a Destiel version called Man in the Wilderness to share it with a new fandom. It’s so soft. All the conflict is external, and The Boys (pick your flavor lol) are supportive and loving and fall into each other so easily <3

There are things I like better for each versin. For FLH, Shepard is an OC, which I'm normally bad at creating, and I did such a good job with him. I love how insecure he is about his scars, and how he has tattoos of yellow flowers to remind him of his mom. For MitW I love how it still works for Dean and Cas even though I had to tweak quite a few things, and it also showcases how much my writing improved between the first and second version. It makes me really proud to see the progress I've made.

Dreaming in Digital - a cyberpunk Destiel fic where Castiel is a sentient sex bot, and Dean’s a huge fucking nerd about it. I consider this the coolest story I’ve ever written; it took me like 6 years of world building before I came up with a plot lol

Hunter’s Caress - a Western AU Destiel fic based on one of my favorite books when I was growing up. This is also one of my earliest ideas, but I put it off for many years because it required me to get better at writing before I could pull it off. Which seems like a weird thing to say about a story that I wrote while I had the original book open on the desk next to my keyboard, but seriously it took a lot of work to adapt! It just turned out so good though, and it gives me the ability to re-read a gay version of one of my favorite childhood stories, which is really fuckin' neat.

Satin and Sawdust - Destiel + panty kink, I mean…. what else could you ask for? Skilled men who love cats, that’s what. This is the first fic I wrote where I knew going in that it would be over 100k…the others were all surprises lol… but I took a bunch of prompts from those prompt posts that used to float around Tumblr all the time and smashed them together, and it turned out FANTASTIC. I just reread it last week, and I'm still so impressed with how it pulled together.

No Such Thing As Ghosts - a kid!Destiel fic with MCD. The idea made me cry, and I had to inflict it on everyone else. It makes my readers cry. Their tears taste like butterscotch.

[trans-queen-administrator]

oh i have been tagged in a thing. ty @yugonostalgia2019. time to overshare

3 ships: Hmmmm ok I gotta list Taylor x Lisa, their dynamic makes me go absolutely feral without fail. Honestly I don't even need them as a ship I just love how horrible and amazing they are for each other. I am limiting myself to one Worm ship here, despite how much it pains me, but I shall provide brief descriptions for the other ships for the people who don't know the non-worm stuff here. Marina x Pearl from Splatoon are so damn cute and I adore them. Nepotism baby punk soundcloud rapper x runaway genius former child soldier military engineer is honestly just 10/10, and they're just so good! I swear to god if the DLC doesn't have a 20 minute cutscene of lesbian cephalopod kissing I'll riot. Splatoon is my biggest fandom besides Worm which is kind of hilarious to me considering the sharp difference in tone. Third ship... hmmm, The Doctor x River Song. I just think it's genuinely such a sweet concept and wonderfully executed, two time travelers who are in love but keep meeting each other in the wrong order so their experiences and knowledge of the other don't match up is tragic and great and I nearly cried at their final episode. Honestly just been a River Song fan forever too, she's eternally my transition goals.

First ever ship: Ohhhhh gosh this one is lame. Back when I was a wee lass in middle school browsing FF.net endlessly, my main fandoms were Pokemon and Super Smash Bros. I flat out didn't realize that you could ship anything except a man and a woman because like, no one told me, and I kinda was just not a fan of romance because I thought it was always forced in stories (I was right about that tho). But then I read a Smash Bros fanfic that had Lucina and Palutena shipped and I was just like... damn, women can kiss? That sounds so cool. Shame I can never do that. And so I read the shockingly large number of fics shipping those two because it was the only wlw ship I knew existed.

Last song: I don't actually listen to music that much. Last song is uhhh... the Monster Sanctuary PVP Theme I guess due to playing Monster Sanctuary PVP. If we're talking actual music, I think my sister forced me to listen to some Taylor Swift song recently? Idk what it was but I think the album was called 1984.

Last movie: I also don't watch movies much! Uhhhhhhhhh I think it was Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No. Might have been a different one? The Sharknado movie that ends with them crashing down to Earth inside of a shark after fighting them off from a satellite and one of the characters gives birth while coming down inside the shark and the baby cuts its way out with a chainsaw before the mom gets crushed by falling debris. Sorry for spoiling, I know everyone was really looking forward to watching Sharknado 3.

Currently reading: Making my way through the Snapshots series of Splatoon fics which are so fucking good. For published stories though, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight for a class. Thinking about rereading Worm and posting about it but I gotta beat the Lakesbian copy allegations.

Currently watching: I'm don't really watch anything when I'm on my own, I prefer to read in almost all situations. When I go home though, I watch One Piece with my sister because it is nice to spend time with her and she's very passionate about the show.

Currently consuming: Nerds Gummy Clusters. I regret every bite but I bought this shitty bag of candy so I gotta finish it. Fuck these are terrible.

Currently craving: Mini Chewy Sweettarts. They're my favorite candy and I have a massive sweet tooth so I've been craving them, but I swear every single damn store in a mile radius stopped stocking them and is now selling "Sweettart gummies" or "Sweettart chewy fusions" or "Sweettart ropes" or "Sweettart rope bites" and that is not what I desire! Where is my delicious mouth hurting candy ;-;

[dropthedemiurge]

💫🎀🎈💌?

From the writer ask game - thank you for sending in questions!^^ 💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

It's definitely the 'OMG THIS IS MY FAVOURITE LINE (inserts quote) *followed by understandable or keyboard smashing reaction*' And the 'I related so much because...' together with 'I keep rereading your fic!' Because it's a truly unbelievable miracle for me, and even if I don't believe that, it's really heartwarming that I can make someone day better with my silly stories *__* 🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

Find another writer who cherishes bromances, best friends shenanigans (and falling in love a lil bit in the same time), platonic bdsm and rare but nice pairings as much as I do xD I feel like I'm a very niche author who writes for myself and because I cannot NOT write about something I suddenly find passion about but I always find people looking just for what I'm writing! And I'm very happy^^ Also I could mostly read english long fics for about 6 years and my writing was very wonky but last year I had to write 2-3k words a day for 3 months and I believe my writing has really improved so far! It's not what I'm capable of in my native language but I'm not annoyed by rereading my works anymore so that's great~

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

I've touched on it here but yep, it's very flexible and changing all the time, just like my art style xD

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Hmmm, do I have WIPs?.. I tend to just write in small chunks (1-3k) and immediately posting it cuz I'm impulsive and impatient xD But I do have things! Maybe even several things so 👀

a) something that won't be even released in the written form maybe but what I'm very excited about

Namo rolled their eyes, snarling with barely hidden annoyance. "I swear, if people keep try to punch me just because I tell them they are completely fucking dead and can't return to their life, one day I'm gonna quit my job."

Thua chuckled, politely nodding. Yeah. As if the Highest Grim Reaper can just quit their job.

b) and guess which fic it is and with what premise xD

[infiwrites]

3, 18, and 20 for the ao3 wrapped!

3. What work are you most proud of?

See, I was gonna say Getting The Point, but then I remembered that Crumbs of the Whole was posted this year and then I felt really fuckin tired bc damn. That really WAS done this year, huh? How time flies 😂

In GTPs case, it was a bit of an undertaking I didn't expect to be so wordy, but. Y'know. Meat on the bones and all that jazz. I think it's one of my more outstanding fics in terms of actually being cohesive and consistent! And it's a fun fic to read! Nagisa's bad at flirting! Saori has issues! Aoi's not paid enough for this! Tsubaki's not paid enough for this AND Aoi's clownery! Something something Nagisa cannonballs into a lake. Fun stuff.

In CotW, it was a fic that aaaaalso got away from me. But it's a fun fic where Nagisa commits dumbassery until she realizes Aoi is also commiting dumbassery and then there's Trauma. There's also pocky. It's the pocky fic! What's not to love, besides me smashing everyone's teeth in? :3

18. The character that gave you the most trouble this year?

Oh god, that's a hard one. Well, disqualifying my secret santa fic, it's probably still Chika. She is but a simple little Chika, and my god do I not understand the inner machinations of her mind. I'm too much of a pessimist and stoic, man! I do not wrap my mind around the bubbles that well!

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

Soup Doesn't Fix Everything (But It Helps). The soup fic. My beloved soup fic. My beloved Aoi angst. My beloved soup. It's definitely that one, but CotW is a pretty close second!

[jaydonsjam]

Man-Thing IX

Man-Thing #13-14

Man-Thing #13 - writer: Steve Gerber | penciler(s): John Buscema, Tom Sutton | inker: Tom Sutton

Man-Thing #14 - writer: Steve Gerber | penciler & inker: Alfred Alcala

Man-Thing fights pirates in the sky! I really enjoyed this arc because of how bonkers it was. It reminded me of some of Steve Gerber’s really strange and mystical Man-Thing stuff which I find myself enjoying more than the typical inter-personal stories Man-Thing gets involved with in the swamp. We meet a crew of people who are venturing into the Bermuda Triangle because a scientist wants to investigate the mystery of it. Man-Thing finds himself on the ship because he feels anger coming off of two crew members. Maura Spinner is the name of the scientist and she turns out to be a pirate queen who was granted immortality by a Satyr named Khordes. She had no memory of her previous life though. When Maura was a pirate queen, she and her crew including Captain Fate had found treasure in a tower but then Khordes appeared and offered them a choice between leaving Maura with him and they could take all of the treasure. Her crew jumps at the chance and leaves her in the tower. She curses them to endlessly sail forever which Khordes then makes happen. Although she stabs him. It’s better if you read it because I know it’s a lot of information and I think it’s interesting enough to check out. There’s a cool backstory here and I think the exposition does a good enough job to explain the pirates and the Satyr. There’s some cool moments of Man-Thing regenerating with the help of the magical tower from ooze to monster again. The action is your typical Man-Thing fighting where he’s just smacking, slapping and throwing fools left and right. This was just a fun horror adventure story.

Giant-Size Man-Thing #3

Giant-Size Man-Thing #3 - writer: Steve Gerber | penciler & inker: Alfred Alcala

Yes! Dakimh, Jennifer Kale and Korrek return in this Giant-Size issue! This was by far the best and my favorite giant size issue of Man-Thing that I’ve read so far. It felt like a continuation of my favorite arc of Man-Thing and it had a great ending. I was sad to see Dakimh die but since he’s a wizard maybe he’ll come back? I guess we’ll see. Alfred Alcala’s art was great although I wish it would’ve gone weirder since they were back to the castle in the sky and Korrek’s homeland. I loved how Man-Thing dispatched the evil wizard and the trope where he didn’t believe Jen that something was behind him. There was a lot of great action with sword fighting, magical spells and Man-Thing just smashing people. I hoped there’d be more of an interaction between Jen and Man-Thing but she was more focused with Dakimh and Korrek. I definitely want more Jen and Korrek so I hope they come back before the end of Gerber’s run. This was definitely the best of the batch of Man-Thing issues I read for this post.

Man-Thing #15

Man-Thing #15 - writer: Steve Gerber | penciler(s): Tony DeZuniga, Alfred Alcala, Rico Rival | inker(s): Alfred Alcala, Rico Rival

A candle gives off hallucinations to an old friend of Ted Sallis. This one was weird. I don’t know if what I read was the true account of Ted and Sainte-Cloud’s relationship or if it was mixed with false hallucinations. I gotta say this one was weird and unethical because when Sainte met Ted she was 17 and he had to have been in his mid to late twenties-thirties and even asked her to marry him. I just found the underage aspect of this story to difficult to enjoy or move past. I didn’t look up age of consent laws in the 60’s but maybe it was fine back then but it’s just gross and wrong in my eyes. This was probably one of my least favorite issues I’ve read of this comic and if I ever do a reread of Man-Thing, I’ll skip this one. I liked seeing the differences of thought and politics between Ted and Sainte but there wasn’t much here for me to enjoy. I will say it’s pretty scary when she sees Man-Thing come out of Ted’s bedroom and chase after her. That was excellently done but that’s about it. Next up is Werewolf By Night!

[sitpwgs]

Hi! I'm glad to hear you're doing better and listening to music you enjoy. The last dinner party is on my list and 23 but Jimmy Eat World is the best song ever. I hope you loved it! I will add the last album to my list too. I was listening to some Grammy nominees this week like Janelle Monae.

Oh that sounds so good. I hope I love it and will try not to compare it to The Night Circus so much lol. I'm sure I will love both! They seem pretty different to me so that makes sense. Maybe I will read part of it this month taking my time with it so that's cool. But idk how much time I will have this month again, but I think things will be settled by next month. There's also the if he had been with me sequel I think out this week! I have not done my reread yet unfortunately though. that was my plan for February and focusing on two books to finish each month but I always read parts of other ones too so we will see.

The musical on Broadway was kinda bad mostly or that's what most people thought. I heard the London cast and show was actually way better but I never watched or listened to it. But Christian Borle was def the best part and I'm not even sure what you were referring to lol. The only song I remember is it must be believed to be seen. I wish Schmicago didn't get cancelled and I would have liked seeing what season 3 ended up as. I just think the show was kinda fun and understood paying respects and parodying musical theater..not unlike what I saw of Crazy exgf. The show was for theater people but didn't have to be only for theater people either to enjoy it. I just read that Hazbin Hotel, the new show, was one of the most watched shows though and I am interested in the show and how it could be a musical lol. I will definitely check it out soon since all the episodes are out now and let you know! I honestly forgot what musical albums were nominated for the Grammys. What ended up winning?

I hope so too! Actually I think the Wiz is here until the end of the month before going to Broadway and unfortunately I won't be able to go. Then next is Mean Girls but I also already saw the movie so idk when I will see a show again! I hope you can see one soon though! I still wanna watch the Waitress proshot too.

I partly agree that Cardigan deserved it for sure but I also enjoy Antihero and thought it could win but it didn't. I am so happy about most of the Grammy wins. Paramore won every award they were nominated for and Billie won for What Was I Made For, but I was sad for Olivia and Noah. I didn't love Taylors dress honestly and preferred the Globes look, but that's not important. I can't believe she made history last night which was only one big shock of the night! Lol I will send all of my thoughts about the brand NEW album in another ask!

hi hi friend!! 🤍 i have to go back and finish listening to the rest of the grammy noms; i had every intention of doing so and then ... just never did. i hope things are more settled for you soon; you'll have to keep me posted on what you think of all the things!

i loved crazy ex-girlfriend when it was airing, but i very rarely find myself going back to relisten to their soundtracks — but i do go back and listen to SMASH's songs all the time! some like it hot ended up winning, which is fine with me — i don't know much about that show, but there was one show in particular i didn't really care for and didn't reallllly want to win haha! tickets for the company tour actually just went on presale here in seattle, and i'm trying to figure out if i want to go or not, which is crazy because i loveeee company and it was one of the only things i was looking forward to last season but now i'm like :/ i do not know if i care enough to go :/ for the prices they're selling tickets at. i might try my hand at lotto, but ...

i also didn't love taylor's look last night! i think her hair + the styling of it all was just ... a little odd. but i haven't really liked a lot of taylor's looks lately :( 🤍

[tellerluna-stories]

do you have any fav childe writers??

HOOOO BOYYYY sit tight nonnie bc this is gonna be a wild ride and I spent all afternoon and evening compiling this rec list. ENJOY HAHAHHAHA

surprisingly enough,,,, I don't really read fanfics that often, so I don't have too many authors that I can think of off the top of my head (´-﹏-`；) but I shall give you my faves, along with my personal favourites from the fics that they've written!!!!!

starting off strong with @sohyuki, a childe kisser extraordinaire (albeit one who's eternally in denial lol):

mint is a very, very eloquent writer and I simply adore the exquisite vocabulary that she uses to word her stories!!!!!! the way she portrays childe's volatile personality is so beautifully worded that i am forever left rattling my cage bars bc of it (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) my fave childe fic of hers definitely has to be this one, but do check out her other works!!!!! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT

next up is @xzho-writes, the sun to my moon!!!

there is something SO!!!!! ENTRANCING!!!!!!!! abt how ten writes childe. I simply cannot verbalise it. well I could but it'd be in keyboard smash and it wouldn't make sense to you so let's stick with verbal communication HAHAHAA. I literally cannot choose a favourite so here, have ten's whole masterlist for childe!!!! I wholeheartedly recommend every single fic in this post and I can and WILL reread these over and over DONT TEST ME

@byeol-ssi is another of my most heartfelt recommendations, as well as the stars to my moon and ten's sun <33

I was a byeol-ssi stan before we became friends and when I tell you there is such a lovely grace to the way she writes??? it's simply beautiful to read and I cannot stress how much I enjoy reading her work. my personal favourite childe fics are this one and this.

fun fact: I actually never cried while reading fanfics prior to stumbling across her work and ten's, but more often than not I end up sniffling or straight up bawling silently into my pillow when I read their childe fics. THEY'RE BOTH JUST THAT GOOD BRO

more writers who I wholeheartedly recommend for good childe writing but I'm too shy to personally tag them:

@.favoniuscodex: you literally can NEVER go wrong with a favoniuscodex fic. their characterisation of Childe is just TOP-TIER, NUFF SAID

@.withloveajaxx: a devout childe kisser who writes him so!!!! beautifully!!!! I'm pretty sure this was one of the og blogs that I followed on genshinblr when I was a tiny genshin player who had just newly discovered my love for said war criminal <3

@.tartagliaxx: if you love bingeing headcanons she is one of THE go-to writers imo. there are all sorts of scenarios and THEY'RE ALL SO GOOD?? like I'm normally a picky reader but I just sweep the whole masterlist when it comes to her writing bro it's just that good

@.monocaelia: I stumbled across their blog bc of their Pokémon AU and well.... combine two things I love, and you will probably have my undying loyalty as a fan. but if you don't play Pokémon, WORRY NOT, FOR THERE IS TONS OF OTHER STUFF TO READ AND ENJOY AS WELL

@.xiaowhore: ASCENDED level writing??? LOADS OF CONTENT FOR CHILDE???? need I say anything more??????? also she's one of the coolest writers I know on genshinblr SERIOUSLY

@.hvrbinqer: they have such a beautifully unique style of writing which just suits childe so well?? WHATS NOT TO LOVE pls I am just such a fan (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

this became really long HAHAHA SORRY I just really love the way all of these writers show off their natural talents and how they portray childe!!! if you want more recs then I have a bunch more on my fanfic rec sideblog @mouunchilde, even if I don't get to read too often these days <3

[jeonshookith]

I wanna share all of the jikook fics I have saved in my phone tabs (1/2)

if you see a reoccurring theme no you don’t

these are all so so good and a majority of them are chaptered or longer one shots since i don’t like reading shorter fics!!

99% of them are completed

these are in no particular order, just as they are opened in my tabs

i did not write any of these fics. i am not claiming ownership.

these are ALL ao3 links

Illuminate -incomplete as of 01/12/2021 but the author updates regularly-ish. (Its 54 chapters so far!)

The Gentle Centaur and The Sea Flower

Waiting on the One (Peace has decided to release this as a book! available on the Kindle App with Kindle Unlimited! u can search the title)

bone appétit

Rubies for A King

the prettiest prize.

heavenly bodies

you put a spell on me

Dazzle Me With Gold

Winter Song

i'm packing a bag of bad ideas (every time i'm thinking of you)

Chasing Broken Dreams

set my love on fire

why don’t you review me?

count your blessings

My Heart’s On Fire For Your Love

the nightbird and the kitten

Paper Planes

Smash or Pass?

Promise I’m Still With You

The One

Flowers in Hades

My Promise

The God of Fertility

Vanilla Baby -chef’s kiss 😘

Rain and Tangerines

Greece and Roses

Tender Peach

Park’s Anatomy

Nanny

Let's Tessellate ♡

In violence I found you -incomplete as on 01/12/2021. The author updated the title issuing hiatus. 2/3 chapters so far.

(Pick me up) - Playing With Fire

Wax, Wane

Strong eyes -update as of 08/27/21 :( i wanted to reread this and realized (i’m devastated) this is not finished. 12/? hasnt been updated since 03/2020

Black Rabbit -incomplete as of 01/12/2021. i’m not sure on this one since the author hasnt updated since 07/03/2020 so.. 31/?

Be My Eyes

Nemesis: Sex

Cutting the Braid -chef’s kiss 😘 i’ve read this like 8 times.

Hotter Than Hell -incomplete as of 01/12/2021. uhm the author hasn’t updated in almost a year but they have been writing this since 2018. its a good read though! 11/?

call it what you want

Favorite Clothes

until the spring comes again, until the flowers bloom again (stay here a little longer)

i have died every day waiting for you (but loved you for a thousand more)

The Dreaming of Escape

Never Judge a Book by its Cover

What Do You See?

A Guardian “Angel”

(my heart beats) for you

Listen Closely

longing: a yearning desire

warm me up (with your lips)

love, the shoreline where you and i meet

Be Not the Slave of Your Own Past

mi casa

to the end of this imagination, i’ll go

unwrap me (and see the present underneath)

Stolen Kisses Under the Sheets

we kiss like lovers (and laugh like best friends)

bndwboy

Chamomile and Honey

知己 (Ego)

Baptise in your Thighs (‘Till It Hurts)

at the edge of your touch

How Do You Say ‘Fuck Me’ In Swedish?

he smells like wolf, Jimin

You Don’t Need Your Airplane Mode

Cherry on the Cake

Hard to Get

false impressions

the seaweed is always greener

Dissonance -this is part of a WHOLE ASS series. these authors are amazing. this is just the jikook fic that belongs to the series.

Adoptions

The Dreaming of Escape

sun and moon

Blank Space -unfinished as of 01/12/2021. 3/4 chapter so far.

You’re Safe Now

love is a wild thing

3 nights

a bite that burns

Almond Dream

sweetener

Matcha Frappe, No Whip

stay a little longer

The Golden Flower

You had me feel the world

Your Song

jimin, I love you

Tangled Up In You

fuck the feral out of you

touch me more

from yesterday, for tomorrow

i wanna feel you in my bones

Talk Nerdy To Me

lets fall in love for the night (and forget in the morning)

Lemon Tree

Fold It Up Like Oragami

Peach in the Garden

laughs and kisses

I hit the 100 link per post limit 🙃 So I’ll do another one I guess? Part 2 posted here!

[copias-thrall]

How would Mary goore react to hurting someone he genuinely cares about? I absolutely Love your writing!💕

Hello, nonny! Thank you, I love this ask!

This was going to be  alist, but it got away from me! 😅 

Enjoy 😘 

It wasn’t anything big.

Just a few of Mary’s favorite beers (the craft kind—not the shitty beer he drank on his shoestring budget), some of that chronic shit you’d scored and have been saving for a special occasion, and a VHS box set of horror movie classics.

***

Mary comes in and out of your life at will, and that was something you accepted—knowing he was As Is or not at all. And honestly—no, really—you liked that. You had your own shit going on, and being Mary’s expected caregiver was NOT something you wanted to add to that list.

(If someone else wanted to try to tame him and pick up after him, well…kudos to them. Less work for you.)

Mary showed up on your pivotal days and he rubbed your feet and always invited you out to trivia. You'd held him when he was coming down from a bad trip and listened to his grievances and gave him a place to stay when he was persona non grata at his own. And in a way, that made you always feel like #1 in Mary’s world…and that was good enough for you.

***

A few months ago, Mary had been lying on your couch, picking the label off his beer bottle.

“I’m gonna be away for a bit,” he’d said.

“Oh?” you’d responded as you’d mashed the controls on your gaming controller.

“Yeah. I mean, I’ll be around…but I got some shit going on.”

You’d paused your game.

“Bad shit?”

He’d waved you off.

“Neg. Just tryna get myself out there. Signed up for open mics and shit.”

He’d shifted, his long legs receding from around you and folding under him.

“So, like…I got my job at the bowling alley…but nights and weekends are kinda shot.”

You’d tried not to let the disappointment show on your face. You supported Mary’s dreams, and that meant not making an issue that he was finally trying to do something about them.

This wasn’t against you. It was for him.

When you’d taken too long to respond, his face had scrunched.

“But if you want—”

“It’s fine, Mare,” you’d said as you’d made yourself smile. “This is important to you, so it’s important to me.”

You’d unpaused your game.

“Just don’t expect me to not beat this game without you.”

He’d grabbed the controller out of your hands with a snarl, causing you to cry out when you died.

“Fuck the game.” His hand had fisted your shirt. “Give me a night to remember.”

You had. Twice.

***

Mary had texted you occasionally over the next few weeks—a few memes, a few drunken key-smashes, a dick pic, and 2 grainy videos of his performances for critique—but such contact was sporadic, and you’d never seen him in real-time. 

He’d blown in one night, five weeks in, with a box of pizza just as you'd been heading out to meet your crew. When you’d told him you’d made plans, he’d looked so crestfallen that you’d caved and canceled on them.

While he’d been there, he’d given you a date in 3 weeks.

“That Saturday I have nowhere to be,” he’d said as he’d chewed. “I can spend the whole day with you.”

You’d been careful not to seem too eager.

“Oh yeah? Should I plan shit?”

He’d crammed the whole crust into his mouth and had given you a doughy grin.

“Why ’’ya think I told you?”

You didn’t know what you’d expected, but when he’d had to bounce 90min later, you were still surprised. (That was hardly enough time to digest!)

“Sorry,” he’d winced. “I gotta be on a bus in 45min.”

He’d left, and you’d been too embarrassed to join your friends who were only just going to the second bar.

Having fun with your man ;) ? one of your friends had texted.

What do you think? You’d texted back before changing into your pjs and turning on Netflix.

***

So maybe you were low-key excited about your day with Mary.

Perhaps you’d spent those 3 weeks figuring out the perfect date—something that said, “I missed you,” without saying “But in a clingy way.”

Beer and horror were two things the both of you were totally into, and you knew he’d be exhausted, so it seemed perfect. You’d bought the boxed set off of eBay and splurged for expedited shipping; you’d borrowed your brother’s old dual TV/VCR from his college days; and you’d forgone your weekly Chinese takeout for the craft beer funds. (And if things got steamy, well…even better.) 

***

A few days before The Date, you’d run into Mary on the bus. You were coming home from a shift, and he was going to his.

He’d brightened and waved you over—as if you weren’t already on your way—and you’d plopped down beside him with a tired grin. You’d told him of the latest entitled asshole, and he’d showed you another clip of him on guitar.

Before your stop had come up, you’d tentatively placed your hand over his.

“We still on for Saturday?”

He’d blinked at you a few moments before grinning.

“Yeah.”

“Should I plan a whole day for us, then?”

His arm had crept around your shoulders before pulling you into him to kiss your temple.

“Yeah, why not.”

***

That morning, you wake up happy. 

Mary will be over soon.

You roll over and grab your phone.

When should I expect you? :-* 

It takes him an hour to respond. You aren’t surprised—Mary isn’t known for being a morning person—so when your phone dings, you grab it up excitedly.

An excitement that dies when you read his text. And reread. And re-reread.

not 2day 

goin upste 2 show 

You blink.

What show? Didn’t we confirm? 

yeah. got me thinkin 

why no show? 

so i chked 

i missed one 

gotta do it 

Rage blooms hot, then cold behind your eyes and down your cheeks.

But you said we had the whole day. I made plans. 

save em 

ths is impt 2 me 

We’ve had this planned for weeks. 

i thot u suprted me 

on a bus cnt tlk 

You send a few more irate texts, but he doesn’t respond, and you toss your phone across the room with a shout of frustration. You scrub the hot tears from your eyes before they can fall.

And…on paper, Mary isn’t wrong. Nothing you had planned won’t keep: movies, beer, takeout.

But…

It gives you a stark look at what you mean to Mary. He gave you this date and confirmed it. He knew you were making plans.

How long was he going to wait to tell you he wasn’t even in the city anymore?

You fight the urge to kick the VHS tapes across the floor, but you open the fridge and grab a beer. If Queen Elizabeth could have beer for breakfast, then it was good enough for you.

Once you’ve downed all eight, you move on to the jug of vodka you keep for cleaning.

When you empty only liquid from your stomach into the toilet, you grab your frozen fries out of the freezer. You roll a handful of the cold ones in your mouth as you wait for the others to crisp in the oven, and once you’ve consumed the cooked ones, you go right back to the vodka.

***

Opening your eyes the next morning is a mistake, so you take a few deep breaths and go back to sleep.

When you wake again, your heart is fluttering, your stomach turns, and it feels like there’s an ice pick behind one eye. Shuffling slowly, you make your way out to your kitchen where you take some painkillers, drink some pickle juice, and eat two slices of plain bread.

The sense that you did something awful stays with you, but you’re in no condition to find your phone and see what you’ve done. Instead, you go back to bed. It takes more deep breathing to settle yourself, but once you do fall asleep, you’re out for hours.

You don’t feel amazing when you swim to consciousness again, but you feel at least like a human being. 

Your phone is dead when you find it under the sink, and waiting the 5 or so minutes for it to charge feels like waiting to face the executioner.

It’s both better and worse than you expected.

You breathe a sigh of relief to see that there are no vague social media posts, and you didn’t drunk dial any of your friends, but…

The texts to and from Mary are ugly.

Apparently, you’d managed not to send him angry texts until he’d sent you another clip of his performing. But then the floodgates had opened.

You’d started with telling him you didn’t give a shit about the show, how he was an inconsiderate ass, and then you'd devolved into incomprehensible, typo-ridden texts that accused him of using you, that you were only something to do when he didn’t have anything better to do, that he was an entitled man-child and if he didn’t apologize, you were done.

Mary’s texts in response range from him being angry at your disregard, to heated retorts you were blowing this out of proportion (and he didn’t appreciate your “ad hominem” attacks), to a cool detachment that this wasn’t working over text and he’d finish this in person.

You put your head in your hands but are too dehydrated to cry.

***

Mary doesn’t text you again during his self-imposed time frame.

You don’t text him either, but that’s more out of self-preservation than pride. There’s no point exacerbating the situation…and you’re pretty sure there’s no coming back from this, so why speed up the inevitable?

The horror tapes taunt you every time you walk by them, and you wonder if you can return them (you can’t). You give the TV back to your brother, and when he asks you how it went, you plaster a smile on your face and say, “Great!” with forced enthusiasm you hope comes across as genuine.

The primo weed goes over to your friend’s house, and the two of you wax poetic all night about existential claptrap as you devour two cheese pizzas and a bag of bbq chips. You talk about Mary without talking about Mary, and you get a heartfelt, “Sorry, dude.”

You beat the video game anyway, but it’s mostly because you needed something to occupy your mind and less out of spite (though that’s there as well).

***

Despite waiting on tenterhooks to hear anything from Mary, you truly don’t really expect to. You know you’d been atrocious, even if it had been prompted by his careless disregard, and you know Mary isn’t really the kind of guy that troubles himself with relationships that are hard.

Not that you’re in a relationship.

So when there’s a knock on your door a week later and Mary’s behind it, you’re genuinely surprised.

You gape through the peephole in shock.

“Fuck. If you’re there, just let me in, ok?”

Fumbling with the chain, you unlock the door and crack it open.

“Mary?”

“You gonna let me in?” he rasps.

You shrug and step away from the door, and he shuffles inside. He looks around like you’ve changed anything (you haven’t), before turning around to face you.

You close the door and stare back.

He folds his arms. “Breaking up with someone over text is tacky.”

What you think is, So you’ve come to do it in person, but what you say is, “Can’t break up if you’re not together.”

He winces and runs his fingers through his hair. 

“Yeah…apparently I’ve ‘taken advantage' of you.”

This…isn’t what you’re expecting.

“I…what?”

“Can we sit down?”

You nod, and Mary sits rigidly on the edge of your couch. You curl up in the chair on the opposite side.

He rubs his palms down his greasy jeans before he speaks.

“I mean…you pissed me off, ok?”

You nod.

“But, like—you weren’t wrong, ok? I kinda knew that deep down, but I’m a dumbass, you know?”

You don’t nod.

“And I kinda bitched about the whole thing…but the resounding response was that I was the asshole.”

He angles his body toward you.

“I guess I’ve kinda been treating you like my best friend that I fuck sometimes.”

Your entire face flushes—you’d always thought you’d maybe ranked a little higher than that—and you duck your head so he can’t see the tears that you blink back.

There’s a swish of fabric, and you startle hard when Mary’s hand is at your chin. He jerks back with a Sorry.

“Shit—that’s not what I…” he blows out a breath and puts his hands behind his head before looking back up at you.

“But you aren’t, and…fuck this is harder than I thought.”

So this is it.

Waiting for him to do the deed is clearly going to be excruciating, so you take charge of this whole shit-show.

“I understand,” you say flatly.

“You do?”

“It’s ok, Mare-Mary. It’s my own fault for reading too much into it. I just…I saw what I wanted to see, I guess. I know you don’t need…” you look down into your lap, “…my shit in your life.

He makes a noise low in his throat, and then he’s squatting in front of you, his hot hands planting on your knees.

“But I want your shit in my life.”

You squint your eyes at him.

“But what I said…”

He grasps your hands in his.

“Pissed me off, yeah…cuz I wasn’t fucking thinking, ok? You’re like one of the only people who gives a crap about what’s important to me. And all I could see was you suddenly…not.”

Anger wells up in you again, and you yank away your hands.

“Weeks, Mary…weeks of you all over the tri-state area, and you thought I didn’t care because of one night?! A night you promised to me?”

He sits back on his heels. “I know…fuck. Ok? At the time, it just felt…like the show couldn’t be rescheduled. Our night could.”

Because you’re what he does when he’s bored.

You curl in on yourself.

“Shit.” He leans forward again. “Fuck, I’m sorry, ok? I’m fucking on my knees here.”

You blink at him. 

What? 

“Please, please don’t break—say we’re done.”

“What?”

“Look, we can go into my shitty fucking psychological profile on why I fuck around later…but right now I need you to know that I knew it was you before I fucking knew it was you.”

You uncurl.

“That…’what’ was me?”

He knees forward and presses your hands to his face.

“The one I wanna spend my free time with. The one whose opinion means the most. The one who was the first person I wanted to share all my good shit with. You’re the one I missed, and—after that awful fucking night—everything felt pointless because I knew I couldn’t come over and jam about it.”

“Mare—what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m a fucking dumbass. I’m saying I thought I was pissed at you, but I was pissed at myself for fucking it up.” He sighs. “I’m saying no fucking one was on my side and they all told me to get my shit together.”

He looks up at you with wide eyes, and for the first time, you can see how they’re outlined in red, his subtle crow’s feet more pronounced.

“So, you’re not done with me? I’m not…too much trouble?”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “What? Shit, no. I’m asking you to not be done with me. I’ll give you all the nights you want. Fucking text me, and my ass’ll be here posthaste.” He shifts up, and his thumb ghosts over your lips. “Anything to get you to give me that secret smile again.”

“Secret smile?” you ask while trying to perform the action.

Mary actually blushes.

“Uh…yeah. You get this…” he makes a motion across his face, “…when you’re giving it back to me.” His fingers shove back through his hair as he casts his eyes down. “You don’t give it to anyone else.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’ve made a study of it.”

You’re a swirl of emotions. Mary’s apologized—has admitted he was wrong and has asked for…more—but you’re still hurt. And embarrassed.

But he’s looking up at you with wet, hopeful eyes.

“Do you…” you start carefully, “…do you know why I got so mad?”

That statement was clearly not what he was expecting, and he blinks at you a few times before nodding and looking down at the floor.

“I made a…uh, commitment…to you. And I treated it like it didn’t mean anything.”

He gives you a look like, Did I get it right? and that’s close enough—even if he’s missing some of the nuance.

You nod. “And I know I…wasn’t…the best.”

His face contorts, and your heart sinks.

“You…” he shakes his head. “You said some awful things…some hurtful shit—and it really got in my head.”

Mary gives you a complicated look.

“Shit that you’d been pissed about for a while.” He traces your knee. “Shit you could’ve said to me…but shit I should have noticed. Fuck.” He presses his forehead into your knees, and you can’t stop yourself from sinking your fingers into his hair.

He takes it as encouragement and presses into you before looking up again.

“I just kinda wanna put that whole night behind us. It feels like a fucking ouroboros of fault. And like maybe I created it. But let’s agree to like…not do that again.”

You look down at him, and his eyes search your face.

“Ok…but what does all this mean, Mare? I can’t…I need to be something to you, ok? More than just your friend.”

Mary nods emphatically, and he takes your hand and curls his into it.

“No more fuck-ups, and no one else…can we start there?”

He’s saying all the right words, but you’re still trepidatious—you know Mary, and he doesn’t like constraints.

“I…just…how can I believe you?”

He shakes his head like he can’t believe you even have to ask. He rises and awkwardly reaches out to touch your face before drawing his hand back.

“Cuz you’re important to me. I care about you, and I don’t want to lose you. Ever.”

And yeah. Ok.