#[three episodes later] ''I Am Unwell''

[waitineedaname]

im five episodes into the untamed and this is my impression of wei wuxian so far

[thegeminisage]

wow it is star trek update time. last night we watched ds9's "blood oath" and tng's "journey's end," which is one of the strongest quality ricochets we've had yet.

blood oath (ds9):

okay, so the summary said "three klingon legends" but what i didn't realize is that they were all REAL KLINGONS FROM THE ORIGINAL SERIES

i have to pain this picture for you, whoever is reading this. the three klingons in this episode appeared in "errand or mercy" "the trouble with tribbles" and "day of the dove." like, they really came back to reprise their roles almost 30 years later. i'm going to paste a picture but uhtw 60s blackface

now, if you're a tos viewer, you may recognize that fella in the middle as also having played the titular squire of gothos in. "squire of gothos." now, as an episode, i find "squire of gothos" to be pretty mid, but there is one specific scene that really did something for me. to me? it did something TO me. what it did to me was send me off the fucking deep end, i wish i could convey the depths of my madness with human words

(still screenshot grabbed from this infinitely more amazing gifset, give it up for @maulthots for enabling me, no literally please go through her gif tag and reblog her gifs)

anyway, before my good and wonderful friend so kindly made this gifset for me, i did maybe sit in front of my pc and replay the clip upwards of [mumble] times a day because i was very, very unwell. when i watched this scene for the very first time what happened to me in that single instant was the bone-deep realization that james t kirk (tos and aos) ate fascists on tarsus iv, probably, and he'd fucking do it again because nobody tastes better than a fascist! i wrote an entire fanfic about it, sorry for the spoilers.

what does squire of gothos and tarsus iv have to do with ds9? well first of all every star trek episode is secretly about tarsus iv so jot that down

but secondly, i've watched this clip so many times i have to hide my face when this man shows up in trouble with tribbles. now, i'm not so good with faces, but i KNOW THAT VOICE. but i know him AS the squire of gothos. i frequently forget entirely that he also plays a klingon, so i didn't recognize his name. so when i heard the squire of gothos's voice come out of a random klingon's mouth in ds9 my immediate kneejerk reaction was "no i am hearing things that can't be--" BUT IT WAS. i PAUSED the episode so i could look iy up, realized that the guy in the drunk tank was kor or "do you have a tongue you will be taught to use it" fame, and then to my eternal glee, kang shows up next

i remembered reading once that kang came back later and i was like ??? no one comes back later on tos BUT HE DID! I JUST HAD TO WAIT FOR IT!!!!! mystery finally solved...........

once i recognized them this episode was a blast. absolutely loving these 100 year old klingons getting ready for a rip roaring rampage of supercentenarian revenge. i was VERY sad that they died at the end but at least presumably they all died together (didnt see the last one go down but im just assuming he lived long enough to eat the albino's heart and then die)

(the albino is a really funny concept by the way like he's not even albino he's just a white klingon)

other notable things about this episode: firstly, quark hiding behind odo at the beginning. classic. secondly, dax actually being a good fighter ?!?!?! and finally, a true passing of the bechdel test where dax asked kira some alarming and upsetting questions about killing people and kira immediately took her aside and MADE her talk. i love. Women. and also women who murder people. i support womens wrongs.

i even love that the ONE time sisko doesn't back up one of his people it's for a good reason (doesn't want the 27yo reincarnation of his father figure to die on a klingon suicide mission)

10000/10, absolutely stellar ep, zero complaints

journey's end (tng):

oh boy.

just about the coldest bucket of fucking water...

you know, we tried to give this episode the benefit of the doubt actually. we were like "maybe this was progressive in 1994. i mean they ARE saying that moving these guys forcibly would be bad" and i mean like what would we know about what was progressive in 94? we were 5. so we checked and um i don't think anybody liked it in 1994 either

devastating that THIS has to be a wesley episode bc i wanted a better sendoff for my boy. "i had a vision and now i'm leaving starfleet" and yes they said the word vision in the most derogatory way possible. jesus christ

TRAVELER ALIEN RACEFAKING? HE PRETENDED TO BE NATIVE AMERICAN TO GIVE WESLEY THE VISION? and then he was like haha don't you know all that stuff is fake. (picard earlier in this episode "i am sooo respectful of your beliefs")

furthermore when picard was like "oh yeah this guy blames me for the crimes of my colonizer ancestor" girl at no point did he say that. idk if white people should go around accusing other white people of white guilt so i don't say this lightly but jesus christ captain picard can you tone it the fuck down buddy

i came across a gifset today of picard from season 5 (idr the episode) going "starfleet doesn't want officers who blindly follow orders sayign you're just following orders has been used to justify too many tragedies in our history" and then smash cut to this episode where he's like "well i tried but yeah i'm gonna have to move you sowwy :/" like good lord.

anyway it's a bummer these last few eps of tng have been less than great bc ik tng is capable of good episodes and i was hoping this series would go out on a high note. but it's going to end the same way it began with us waiting for something good to happen and throwing popcorn at picard

TONIGHT: ds9's "the maquis part i" and tng's "firstborn." i am Braced. for trouble.

[iguessitsjustme]

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna Ep 3 & 4 Thoughts

It has been a week and an entire half. I wanted to watch this earlier this week but there was just no way that was gonna happen. Not only was my tendonitis acting up but dear god. I’ve been going through it. Anyway now I finally have time and it is time for me to resume my liveblog for this wonderful and glorious show. Let’s goooooooooooooo. As always, under the cut.

You guys will never believe it. But right as I was about to watch my mom called. So I need to pause before even starting to discuss Pit Babe with my mother who has just finished it.

Okay. I’m not done talking to my mom but my aunt called and my mom needed to take her call. I was just in the middle of my rant which I can finish later. So my liveblog will probably get interrupted again. Which means nothing to you guys reading it except for when it interrupts my commentary. But this way we both get interrupted…I digress. Let me actually start watching now. Also my finger is currently bleeding so I’m not sure how much I’m going to type because of the…ya know…blood. And I’m too lazy to go get a bandaid.

I love how cute this opening song is. It’s perfect. Adorable. Cute even.

Hey bastard. Do not EVER comment on what someone else is eating. Especially a stranger. It’s not okay with friends, it’s not okay with family, it is not okay NOW. Keep your big mouth shut and mind your business.

I fucking love her. I’m sad she drank that beer but I love that she shut him up. He was such an ass.

Awwww they’re comparing how they wrapped their gyoza but they are so sweet about it. No judgement. Just different. I love them.

Awwwwwwwwww she specifically picked up the beer. She put down her chopsticks to pick up the beer. Oh I am unwell about this.

Anyway who is gonna come visit me to have gyoza rice and beer? I like two of those three things but now I feel like I gotta try them all together. And I need someone to do it with me. Any takers? No? No one? Yeah I get it. I’m too far away from y’all aren’t I? (makes note to tell my mom to get certain ingredients for when I’m there for the 4th)

Ope and look at that my mom called back.

I just word vomited all about that Wandee Goodday episode today to her so everyone thoughts and prayers for my mother for having to deal with me and my incessant chatter. If you think I don't shut up on twitter, you will not believe what I'm like irl.

SHE LAUGHED. Did I rewind it just to watch it again? You bet your ass I did. How wonderful.

Good advice. Direct communication. Just ask.

Awwwwww she gave her food when she didn’t even know how much she needed it….I’m really gonna need to learn their names. But I am so, so bad at it. Someone help me actually.

No YOU’RE crying

Alright time for episode 4. I can only do two episodes today alas. But I am loving this show.

Me, about all of the QLs that are currently airing

Yes, yes she is.

I did not have a lot to say during episode 4. I was too busy smiling at my screen. I enjoyed it immensely. These two. I’m….fine. I’m fine. I swear.

[clownhonkbonk]

to any interested here are my reactions i remembered to write down for the magnus archives in it's entirety :3 it's not too many bUt this is what you get

the episode numbers are written with them!!

ft me trying to understand the story with a great deal of pain writing on my phone in my notes app mostly at 1 am

REACTIONS 👀

56 sub statment thinf w martin

avtually got tears in my eyes. i love you martin. i love you jon. im so happy he just went " avtually, im rather relieved " or whatever bc hell yes girl u are so unwell.

this show is so addicting.

57

OMG 28 DAYS LATER MENTION!!!! THE END IS EXTREMLY FUCJING NEIGH!!! not the reference but excited

spooky.

WAY too attached to them

58

only just skipped the add and " episode Fifty-Eight. Trail Rations" And immediately went " oh NO !! cannibalism :( " and the read the description like LMAOO everytime there's anything relating to food in this podcast i just go " oh no it's cannibalisim "

holy shit it's a woman cannibal, diversity WIN

WHAT THE FUCK I REALISED WHATS HAPPENING WHEN THEY'RE BOTH DEAD

benjamin wtf homie this is NOT good bedroom foreplay

ouuugg auch good writing.

i understand the possible cannibalisim thing now

YES JON OFC THEY R WORRIED ABT YOU YOU DUNBASS IM CRYING PLS

at lwast he doesn't think it's martin as much anymore ❓❓❓❓

i NEEEED to stop going through s1 animatics but QOW this fanvase is awesome i love all the designs.. i used to think martin and tim were the same person for a few episodes

65

honestly hell yeah tim. shout at jon for being weird. but also sike you can't leave.

66

insane.

81

ok im like halfway through this but like so for the deities / entities that r silly

we got

eyes, spider, diseases / insects ( though they maybe different ) and meat maybe???? maybe there's just three..

83

oh oh the guys r all core fears / most common fears, one extra is THE STRANGER OOOOoooOooooO

84

i love you martin for filling in n trying to take over for jon ur such a cutie

idk how much i believe that elias did it but like all evidence does point to that

86

actually love their lil dynamic. cuties.

103

OUUUGH JON WHAT THE FUCK DID U USE UR BRAIN POWERS ON HIM WTFFFFF

104

martin is getting spaceyyyyy uh oh.... be careful bb..

107

jon have you been DRUGGED?!?! (8:00)

jon bb mayb take a break you seem to be like having iron deficiency LMAOO

111

ok we got 14 whores of the universe

1 end - death

2 eyes

3 vertigo

4 the stranger

5 the spiral - madness

6 isolation - fear of being alone / seperated form ppl

7 burning/fire

8 the desolation

9 the slaughter violence

10 the web - also being manipulated

11 the vast

12 filth disease insexts

13 claustrophobia

14 darkness

the meat ❓❓❓

124

OUUUGH HE LITERALLY DITCHED THE RECORDING JUST TO RUN AFTER MARTIN the gays r getting to me

126

WHAT HTEH FUCKKK !>??!?!?!? !??

bro this is NOT therapy. bro ham lukas peter you dickwad what the fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

ISOLATION??????????????????????? WHY IS THE ISOLATION GOD POKING AT MARTIN ?!?!?!?!?!?!??! DICKWAD??!?!?! ?criyng asobbign why

i actually low key love lukas " dynamic duo " is sO funny sjkdjk

martin i miss u come back it;s not woRTH ITTTTTT

fuck i draw jon like trent crimm if he was a twig and gayer and green

131

i physically recalled at the start they've IMPROOOVED their aUDIO... fucking crazy.

also bitches be bitching ( jon AND melane )

honestly fuck yeah helen girl

133

girl is dealing wth SOOO much trauma poor girl........... jeez.

cannot stop thinkin about martin :(

i miss tim.

134

WOOOO MARTIN

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HE LEFT THE TAPES FOR JON WTF

the buried / cave

the end

the corruption / filth

the dark

the desolation

the eye

the flesh

the hunt

the lonely

the slaughter

the spiral

the stranger

the vast

the web

135

feeks like they're reading together but w a wall in the way which is sad

142

MARTIN PLEASADEEE

also jon what the fuck please don't be a dick this lovely lade lost her job and gained so much trauma.

143

jon stop using ur thing constantly on people it makes me worried for you and insanely pushes you to not being human.

jon i know she tried to hurt you both but ur being so mean, im WORRIED.

hell YES hellen

144

martin im still upset at you for going " why does no one tell me anything !!!! " while literally avoiding them and asking yhem not to talk to you!!! wtf broham.

anyway loving this story

145

gertrude what a girl holy cow<3

146

IM SO WORRIED ABT MARTIN AND JON GUUUUUUH WHAT THE FUCK.

150

jon u r so self destructive...

151

holy ahit simon fairchild..

154

what the fuck im sobbing what is this good omens bullshit i love it but im crying not really but like heartbreaking????

171

i don't know if jons gonna survive if he doesn't stop getting weird and weirder.

also adorable "is he your boyfriend?!"

" yes actually "

jon what the fuck w u n these flesh flowers

ok hi!! thst was the last one.:3

i didn't write down reactions for further episodes but if we can bring our attention to me writing at some point ( in early season 5 ) in my sketch book " 10 bets jon or martin dies at the end "

[pink-bird-30]

Titans 4x07

Spoilers Ahead

Read at your own Risk!!!

Welcome back Titans, lets dive into this weeks episodes! 

I have a very strong feeling Mother Mayhem is doing all of this work to get to Trigon, she has absolutely no care for Sebastian but as a means to an end.  And I think that will blow up big time for her once Sebastian realizes what she is doing and turns against her.

When she tell Sebastian “Your Power Will have No Equal” I rolled my eyes so hard.  How can he not see through her bullshit?  Even long before we learn that Kori has the power to defeat him, Sebastian should have an understanding that Mother Mayhem is using him, he can't be that dumb.

What I do like about this episode is the setup for Trigon to comeback.  A real full circle moment to end the show, and hopefully the fight we deserved since season 1 and season 2.  

Moving on,

I’m assuming that since they changed the order of episodes, we don’t get to see how the Titans managed to survive Sebastians blast???  I just find it weird that they all disappear and then they are just there again?  Weird.

Also, Lex Luther leaving a gift for Dick?  Why after everything Lex has caused, he knew he would die and would need to leave the journal to Dick? and what are his plans for Connor?  Leave my little super baby alone you creep.  Even in death he manages to blind the poor boy!

Also, Lex’s journal also portraying Kori’s dead body really had me reeling.  Dick is soooooo over these prophecies.

Are we all agreeing that Jinx is dead dead?  What Raven did for her was beautiful, but before Jinx died she said “Not again,” so does this mean she’ll be back? (I still have not watched the new promo for 4x09)

I also don’t like how calm everyone was after disappearing?  I would be panicking!

ROBERTA

I always love how Dick knows so many different people and how they can help in so many different situations.

I love how she was questioning if Kori was a real Tamaranean and then that big WHIFF Roberta took of Kori, If you look close enough, you can see Brenton trying so hard not to laugh.  I was dying.  

Roberta mentioning Kori didn’t have orange light was really interesting and a piece of info I’m filing away for later…

“Another day another Prophecy”  Richard John Grayson, as a detective himself, you think he would notice a pattern when it literally throws itself at him everyday!  This man is so deep in denial that I will cry when he realizes he’s been ignoring the obvious and it will be too late.

I love when Tim has his genius moments, they’re always so random but super helpful.  Especially in this instance where they need to find the horn before Sebastian does. 

Somedays, I really miss golden retriever Connor.  This season he is definitely in his anti-hero era, but I really do miss the old him.  I really hope he get a redemption arc by the last episode, I don’t think I could be satisfied if Connor ends this show as a Lex wannabe.

Bernard.

This man is such a cutie pie and I am not surprised he drives this little cute blue car.  I do find it a little annoying they play into the genius and awkward trope, like why can’t Bernard be a confident nerd?

Now to the meat of the episode: Caul’s Folly

The second the RV went through that weird barrier of magic, I knew whatever happened there was no going to go well.

The whole Diner scene had me on edge, I knew there was something off with the people but to the extent of their brainwashing is insane.

When Kori brings Dick to the barrier and doesn’t believer her at first, boy, the amount of shit we have all seen these last three seasons and he’s questioning being trapped in a small town?!

But boy oh boy, the way Dick reacted when Kori started to show signs that she was unwell, *chefs kiss, He straight up went into over protective mode and just wrapped her up into his side and walked her to the RV.  I- There were moments over the years where I wished for them to have that level of care and intimacy with one another and it finally finally happened!

To my surprise, I am not shocked that I would run across actors from other shows I’ve watched.  But seeing Valentine Morganstern on Titans was not what I was expecting.  Alan Van Sprang has always been a great villain and I’m glad he was a part of this crazy episode.  Him being the “gatekeeper” to this town and helping Mother Mayhem to capture Dick, Kori, and Rachel was great.

Titans always seems to keep the same formula that has run through the last 3 seasons, and seeing how they always end up splitting up from one another is so common, but I’m glad in this instance.  Bernard and Tim really needed to talk and I kinda like how their scene in the motel reflected Dick and Kori’s from season 1.  I thought it was sweet.

To round out this episode, why am I not surprised Dick going off on his own would be a bad idea?  Has this man not realized he cannot do things by himself anymore, that he needs his team?

 Overall, this was an ok start to the second half of the season.  Felt like a filler episode, but I’m not surprised since we usually don’t have split seasons.

I'll post my feelings on 4x08 next! Stay Tuned!

[soildmud]

yalllll my gf just bought me bg3 today and i was so excited because its been on my wishlist for like ever and stuff so as soon as it allowed me to i started installing/downloading it—IT TOOK THREE FUCKING HOURS!!!!!! BECAUSE I’M POOR AND CAN’T GET SHIT TO OPTIMISE DOWNLOAD TIMES!!!!!!

but the worst part of it all….IT WON’T OPEN. it stopped responding every time i tried to open it up (i’m a mac user so i am already at a disadvantage) so i desperately look online as to what i have to do and according to steam i have to Verify File Integrity which i thought they were supposed to do after everything downloads, hence why it took 3 hours, because it took an extra hour to verify everything—but apparently there might be a file corruption or something idk i’m just a girl i know nothing about these things. BUT GET THIS: THE FILE VERIFICATION IS GOING TAKE OVER 24 HOURS TO COMPLETE. oh my god. why did i choose to quit my job and not save for a Real computer. why did i not ask for that for christmas. (no one had the money to buy one, that’s why—which is fine, i have never asked for anything expensive for christmas) WHY DID I HAVE TO GET ATTACHED TO BIG HUMONGOUS FUCKING GAMES THAT KILL MY LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!

i am usually a patient person yknow. i have willingly gone on 3 day nonstop car rides with my family of mentally unwell and untreated people. i have gone through almost 12 years of american public education without ever asking for accommodations to my crippling mental illnesses or deteriorating health. i have done hour long layovers while sick from anxiety and stress in airports full of stressful stimuli. i have gone thru a lot. but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back i think. as soon as i saw the number fluctuate between 22 to 1D 8hrs i just about cried. i felt defeated. i nearly threw a tantrum like a toddler because of this. i wanted to start pulling my hair out of my head and furiously scratch my skin until it bled out of pure and unbridled rage and frustration. (i am probably autistic and i think someone told me this could be a meltdown???) but i only merely grabbed my hair very harshly and started hyperventilating for a couple minutes before i sat down on my bed and started doing eye makeup. why??? idk.

all this is to say i am not happy with BG3 right now, even though the issue is not all with the game, but the fact that i am attempting to play it on a heavily aged macbook air that definitely was not made for playing anything above coolmathgames.com. my spring break is nearly over. i have like three days left. i just want to enjoy my freedom a little longer by making my little OC in this game and then putting them through The Horrors. i will update you all later, it is now 4:08AM and i have not slept for almost 24 hours. i feel sick to my stomach and my head hurts, but i think it’s because i made the foolish mistake of drinking about 20oz of coffee (which didn’t even taste good btw, because i had to make the coffee with a creamer that Wasnt my beloved oat milk creamer—i cannot enjoy my coffee if it is not made with the oat milk creamer. nothing else will suffice.) and then proceeded to make four different rainbow loom bracelets (i just bought the monstertail loom after debating whether or not i should) in rapid succession without breaks. i also watched eight episodes (maybe more) of the watcher podcast, because the coffee gave me extreme anxiety to the point where i had to carry scissors with me every time i left my bedroom because i was convinced there was someone in my apartment (but what would scissors have done??? i am incredibly out of shape and have never even fought another human being physically since i was under the age of 10) and the scissors were the only thing that would make me feel safer. and my phone in case i could hide and call 911.

sorry for the brain dump i am just incredibly sleep deprived and am waiting for my wife’s return from work—which should be soon! which means i’ll be okay and no longer anxious or stressed. SEE YOU LATER GUYS MIGHT DELETE THIS BUT IDK !!!!! SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON MY DOWNWARD SPIRAL!!!!!!!

[8mynemesis]

I know I have like 0 followers and no one cares but I require a good void screaming.

I have cyclical vomiting syndrome and been having a rough year with it. I’m physically busier than I’ve ever been in my life and it’s too much. Three years later and I’m still struggling adjusting to a new lifestyle in a new country. It’s been weeks and weeks of on/off vomiting episodes. I manage to abort most of the vomiting with my medicine but the nausea etc. is more stubborn. I haven’t been to work in like a month.

Because my immune is so shot, I’ve developed a bacterial infection which has resulted in painful cysts. I’m on antibiotics for it (and subsequently probiotics to combat their effect on my already dangerously low immunity). I’ve been so desperate for relief that I’ve been eating CBD gummies. I think they help? It’s difficult to tell when I’m asleep whenever I’m not in intense pain or on a short upswing. When I am in pain, I’m hardly lucid.

My husband is on a business trip abroad. He managed to contract covid from a coworker two or three days before he left. His symptoms only started once he was already at his conference. I couldn’t go to my assigned appointment for my 5th vaccine dose because I was too unwell so I can only hope my spring booster is enough that I don’t come down with that as well.

Because of my immigration status, I can’t receive disability and the like. (“No public funds” is in bold on my biometric residence permit.) The American work culture ingrained in me is constantly whispering to me that my job is in danger even though I have just had an occupational health report stating I am legally disabled. I’m in a constant state of anxiety about being broken and useless to society.

To top it off, I’ve been struggling with infertility for years now. I can’t access further fertility treatment unless I lose a huge amount of weight. My PCOS is more stubborn than a tired toddler. I’ve tried everything and the most I lose is about half a pound a month. Even with barely eating because I can’t keep food down, I haven’t lost a damn thing the past few months. My inner child who was never listened to is worried that if I go back to work still fat, they won’t understand how much pain I’ve been in and will think I’ve been lying because I’m lazy. I know that’s insane which causing further distress about being broken.

TL;DR: I’ve got a rare condition called garbage body.

[hoediaz]

so what is your thought on people saying the writers are being homophobic because buck and lucy parallel Buddie in this episode and they kiss 5 minutes later. Like calling it hetero buddie. But wasn't it Eddie the one that ultimately saved the day. So it wasn't anywhere close to Buck and Lucy defusing the bomb, Eddie is the one that did it proving that he still has buck's back.

exactly, it wasn't the same (and i actually think the differences are kinda buddie proof??? but i'm not awake enough or smart enough rn to explain it), but even if it was an exact replica of the buddie scene from 2x01 it still. wouldn't be hetero buddie. bc lucy is NOT eddie! if everything about eddie was the exact same in 2x01 except he was a woman, he still would not have kissed buck! he was married! eddie has NEVER been someone who kisses people he's just met (i am not convinced he ever kissed his long term gf). if everything was the same but eddie was a woman his wife still would have died at the end of season 2, he still would have been deeply unwell and in no place for a relationship in s3, buddie would STILL be a slow burn we just wouldn't be having this meltdown every three days . but yeah, long answer short: it's not homophobic. buck lucy is NOT buddie. lucy is NOT eddie. leave eddie out of the buck lucy discourse he is going through enough please

[caddyheron]

Shoes Upon The Table

Everything gets a little too much for Alison, the move to Button House, the demands of the ghosts, and she has a panic attack.

TW: panic attacks, very brief ment. of feeling unwell

(Title is from "Shoes Upon The Table" from the musical Blood Brothers.)

(This is also on my A03 - letalloursingingfollowhim)

- 2951 words

Alison hadn’t struggled with her mental health in a long time; the last panic attack she had had was exactly a week after she had gotten married to Mike. The stress of the wedding, the fear of the future… it had all gotten too much for her. By that point, she had been in therapy since Year 12, and on medication for anxiety since not long after. Mike had been a great help to Alison once they met at her sixth form college. Sixth form had been one of the lowest points in Alison’s life, but Mike had helped her through it and so, she’d gotten to where she no longer really had many symptoms, almost completely off her medication and the most content she had been with life in years.

Then, Alison questioned as she woke up to the blaring of her alarm, why did she feel so awful. Coming round from sleep, Alison immediately recognised the characteristic brain fog and heaviness in her chest, the same shakiness and terror that came with episodes. Mike was still fast asleep beside her (as he often was - Alison had her own alarm and Mike had his, half an hour later than Alison’s) and she didn’t want to bother him, so Alison chose to ignore how she was feeling. It had been years since it had felt so wrong, so Alison chose to believe this would be a passing feeling.

The clock shone ten past eight in the morning as Alison finally roused herself out of bed - the feat wasn’t usually difficult and she was, in general, quite a morning person, but today, the energy needed to leave her bed was almost more than she could muster. Alison pushed through how her mind and body were screaming at her to stay in bed, she had more important things to attend to. She had to time the Captain at nine o’clock, for example, turn Kitty’s pages in her book, show Robin the morning newspaper’s crossword section and - Alison felt her chest constrict as she listed the rest of the tasks to herself.

Ignoring, again, the way she felt, Alison made her way to the kitchen. Perhaps she was tired or hungry. A nice cup of coffee and some scotch pancakes would surely help cure how she felt. Pressing down on the button to turn the kettle on and waiting for a click, Alison grabbed the pancakes and the toaster, laying everything out. Then she sat down, much to her detriment.

“Alison! Alison!” Kitty bounded into the kitchen, the optimistic ring of her voice startling Alison who had now been staring at the kitchen wall for three minutes and twenty four seconds instead of making breakfast.

“Morning Kitty,” Alison smiled the best she could.

“It’s almost half past eight, and I am very curious as to what happens next within the novel!” Kitty beamed, beating around the question of directly asking Alison to just turn the page for her because there must have been a reason she had forgotten and she didn’t want Alison to dislike her.

The novel… The novel!

“Ah, I’m sorry for forgetting, Kitty. I’ll come do that now.”

“Don’t worry!” Kitty smiled, about to walk from the kitchen, hoping Alison would follow her.

It was strange just how much she felt lead, how moving felt like wading through thick swamps of mud. Alison’s hands lightly trembled as she braced herself against the side of the kitchen table, willing to make herself just keep going. It wasn’t even eight thirty yet, she couldn’t just stop the day before it had begun.

Abandoning her coffee and pancakes, Alison followed Kitty.

“There we are - let me know when you’d like it moved again,” Alison spoke, trying to not let her tone drop too flat, there was no point in worrying anybody if she didn’t seem like her usual self.

“Thank you!” Kitty smiled, eagerly sitting on the stool in front of the book.

After Kitty, Alison had Captain to attend to, and Thomas, Robin, and Fanny… Alison couldn’t help the spike of white hot anxiety that shot through her again at the thoughts of everything else she had to do that day. However, before any other residents of Button House could appear, from her bedroom, Alison heard the blasting of Mike’s alarm.

“Good morning,” she paced back to her room, gently getting back into bed and pressing her lips against Mike’s cheek to wake him up.

“Morning,” he spoke, groggily.

“Do you want pancakes?”

“Mmm,” Mike hummed in the affirmative.

Alison forced a grin. “They just need toasted. I’ll go do that now, I’ll see you soon.”

Alison left the room again, making her way back to the kitchen where the kettle had long since already been boiled and the water was now lukewarm. Once again clicking on the plastic switch, the kettle began to boil as Alison, this time, grabbed two cups and two plates from the wooden cupboard and began to carefully spoon a few heaps of coffee into each mug. Food didn’t seem very appealing to her at the moment, but she had to. For Mike.

Once the kettle had pinged, Alison placed two pancakes into the toaster and began to pour the boiling water into each cup. Shakily, Alison missed her cup, splashing the hot liquid directly onto the back of her hand. In any other circumstance, she would have yelped, pulling her hand away and running it immediately under cold water. Today, however, she barely felt it.

Once the pancakes had popped up from the toaster, she smeared a little butter onto each and placed them onto plates, not bothering to slice them, while Mike walked in. She didn’t have to do this. Alison knew she didn’t have to put on a brave face for Mike; if she needed to, Alison knew he’d be more than happy to spend all day in bed together, holding each other. But there was too much to be done.

“Is your hand okay?” Mike asked, sitting down, taking a plate and mug from the side bench.

“Hm?” Alison asked, looking down to the hand she’d spilt hot water on to, noticing how, now, it had gone rather red and there was clear indicator it could blister. “Oh.”

Without a direct reply from Alison, Mike cocked his head to the side a little and squinted. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah… yeah. I’m fine, I just didn’t sleep very well.”

“Do you want to go back to sleep for a bit? I can do whatever needs to be done here today.”

Alison shook her head, taking a bite of the pancake. Usually these pancakes were Alison’s favourite breakfast, melted butter on top adding to the deliciousness of them. But today, like many things, they tasted wrong. They felt wrong. To Alison, it was as if she was taking a bite of cardboard that felt like a rock in her throat as she swallowed. The one bite made her feel ill.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes, it’s almost nine. I’ve got to do Captain’s running ghost war thing,” Alison spoke suddenly, pushing her plate off to the side. “ You can finish that if you want. I’m not hungry.”

“Alison! Alison!” Captain had been yelling her name for the past three minutes and he was starting to get distressed. There was a routine to Button House in the mornings and Alison wasn’t following protocol. The longer Alison took, the faster he tapped his swagger stick against his leg and cleared his throat - Pat watched from the window, calling down to him.

“I’m sure she’ll be here any minute, mate!”

“Would you just go look for her?”

“I’m here. I’m here!” Alison said, now walking into the room where Pat stood.

“There you are! What the bally hell do you think you’re playing at?” Captain was angry and unhappy with the delayed start and that couldn’t help but seep in through his tone.

Alison swallowed. “Sorry.”

“Right, well. We can begin now.”

Alison grabbed the timer, pressing start as Captain ran. Alison was always very vigilant with the time, for the off chance Captain would get anything other than two minutes and thirty seconds, however, she couldn’t stop the fogginess that took hold of her mind as she stared out to the courtyard of Button House. Alison’s eyes couldn’t quite seem to keep themselves focused, she wasn’t intending to blur them, but they blurred anyway, making her surroundings blend into an array of greens and browns and greys. This also meant, however, Alison didn’t recall when Captain finished his run, not stopping the timer until at least three minutes.

“Are you okay?” Pat asked Alison who had barely snapped out of her daze.

“Yeah,” she chewed on her lip when she looked down to see the time was much different than usual and she was sure Captain was going to ask. Without saying much, Alison left the room, leaving Pat alone and confused, she’d explain the time to Captain later.

“Alison!” she heard from every angle as she stepped out of the room. The Button House residents had emerged. She was so late to the routine, all the routines, there were many different things she should have already done before nine in the morning and it seemed to have upset more than just Captain.

“I’m sorry- '' Alison weakly offered, now all too aware of the fast pounding in her chest, replacing the emptiness she had awoken with. Alison didn’t enjoy the change in routine much either, but it was the distress of the others and the time management that was now out of place that really got to her. She enjoyed spontaneity. But the kind of spontaneity which occurred whenever everyone was happy with it.

“What ‘bout the sounds?” Mary asked.

“Crosswords!” Robin was next.

“My music! A poet may not be deprived of his muse!” Thomas gasped with as much drama as he could find within himself.

“I’m sorry,” Alison choked out, repeating herself. It was ten past nine, she was shaking.

Without warning, the dizziness set in, her breathing remained even for the moment, but a sudden disconnect hit, paired with waves upon waves of a dizziness which meant she had to hold onto the table in the corridor to steady herself.

“Alison?” Pat’s voice. “Alison, mate, are you sure you’re alright?”

Alison, despite her best efforts to smile and agree, grimaced. Either this was all going to pass and she was going to be stuck in some sort of dissociated state the entire day and maybe she could tell Mike what was wrong and they would cuddle and order take out, or, she was going to have a panic attack.

“Where is Alison?” Captain asked, appearing from the stairs. “I must know my time.”

The option her body went with was panic attack.

Alison wanted to get Mike before it got bad, before she started to hyperventilate so badly she was unable to think or see straight. But it got too bad too quickly. For the moment, Alison remained standing, her chest heaving in and out and with every fast breath, she attempted to make a slow and deep breath. She had the techniques mapped out in her mind. She knew the square breathing and the 5 things you can see, Alison could rhyme off any of these to anyone else, but she knew they didn’t help her.

It wasn’t long before she could no longer remain standing, her hands and neck and legs tingling as she squeezed her hands together and willed everything to just stop. Alison wasn’t sure as to how the ghosts were reacting - her hearing often stopped working the way it should, as did her eyesight, whenever these occurred. She could feel her whole body tremble and heave and then the tears started.

Welling up and relentlessly falling, tears pooled on the edge of her pyjamas, a repurposed t-shirt from when she was younger. The tears made it harder to breathe, she was fighting to make them stop as she scrubbed and scrubbed at her eyes, teeth digging so hard into her bottom lip she could taste blood.

“Please…” Alison whispered to herself through hyperventilation. The self-talk she had been taught never worked, and, granted, neither did the self-talk she used, but still, she begged to nothing to make it stop. In the moment, she didn’t care that there were definitely ghosts watching her and, probably, trying to help. When a panic attack consumed Alison, there was never much else she could focus on.

Relentless. The two or so years it had been since something like this had happened felt like they were all crashing down upon her, like the two years were the buildup for something awful. She wanted Mike. Alison wanted Mike but there was no strength left within her to trail herself back down the stairs, and she certainly didn’t trust her voice to shout for him.

Then, Alison heard a crash that made her shudder, her breath drawing in sharply. And then… she felt arms around her, wrapping her up in a hug that, years ago, they’d discussed that helped.

“Just listen to my voice, yeah?” It was Mike.

“Mm.” Alison couldn’t reply.

“Okay…” Mike pondered for just a moment. “I know all the traditional panic attack stuff doesn’t work on you, so I want you to feel me first. Feel my hug, hold my hands, whatever feels comfortable for you.”

Alison nodded, leaning into his touch.

“Now… let’s imagine. We’re at a beach, alright? The waves gently crash against the sand and we can feel the water, it’s cold, right?”

“Mmm.”

“There are seagulls too, they’re making bird noises and are brilliant white colours. Other people are eating fish and chips and the seagulls want the fish and the chips.”

Alison nodded again, tears were still flowing down her face and it seemed as if she was clutching onto Mike for dear life, but her breathing was slowing down a little, evening out.

“We have ice cream. What ice cream would you buy?”

“Strawberry,” Alison whispered.

“What’s the temperature like? On the beach.”

“Hot. Ice cream… is cold,” Alison struggled the words out, although her breathing was almost even again, she was still left breathless.

Mike smiled. “I’m proud of you,” he kissed Alison gently across the cheek, not moving. “Do you want me to keep talking?”

Alison shook her head, so they both sat in silence for a further few minutes. The tears had stopped running and Alison was breathing fine again, there was still a heaviness and dissociation that always came after panic attacks, but she no longer felt as dizzy as she had. There was also a characteristic nausea that had settled in her stomach, although she knew she’d feel worlds better with some water, food and rest.

“I knew something was off this morning,” Mike spoke first.

“Huh? Did you?”

“Yeah… you didn’t seem yourself. It’s been ages since that’s happened though, hasn’t it?”

Alison nodded. “Everything got a bit too much today.”

“We’ve been doing work on the house nonstop for months - let’s take a rest day today.”

A sigh of relief escaped Alison’s lips - she wouldn’t have suggested it herself, but if Mike did, then she’d be able to go along with it.

Mike stood up from the floor first, helping Alison up, knowing she was always a little woozy after panic attacks. The ghosts had dispersed from the corridor - she wasn’t sure how long they’d been gone for, but she almost certainly knew where they were. Alison clasped onto Mike’s hand as they both walked down the stairs and into the living room, the ghosts exactly where Alison presumed they’d be.

“I’ve got… ghost things I need to do for a minute.”

“I’ll make us some tea,” Mike smiled, walking into the kitchen.

“Alison! Oh, Alison! Are you alright?” Kitty asked, she seemed as if she’d been upset herself.

Alison nodded slowly. “It was a panic attack. I don’t get them very often anymore, but I used to have them a lot when I was younger.”

“What’s a panic attack?” Kitty asked.

“Well…” Alison took a deep breath and began slowly. “You get scared, right? Anxious? Fearful? Panic attacks are a bit like that. But they’re very intense, it sort of takes over everything you can feel and in my case, it makes my hearing and breathing go funny. They’re different for everyone, though.”

“Oh!” Pat spoke knowingly. “I had a scout once, bad anxiety, I think. He had similar things happen too, we never knew what to call them.”

“I’m sorry if I caused you any distress, Alison.” Captain cleared his throat.

“It’s alright, really. Everything just got on top of me today - it happens.”

“Well, I hope you’re feeling alright now,” Captain finished as the others nodded in agreement.

“You can tells us to be quiet if you wants to,” Mary spoke up. “I know it gets very loud in here sometimes.”

“Thank you, Mary,” Alison huffed a smile.

It wasn’t long before Mike came back, two steaming mugs of tea in his hands and Alison directed him to the free seat beside her before picking up the remote and heading to Netflix.

“I wanted to come find you before it got bad, but I couldn’t get up. How did you know?” Alison asked.

“I heard a crash from upstairs and wanted to find out what it was - you were more important.” Mike replied.

A crash. Alison glanced at Julian and mouthed “thank you”; Julian nodded back to Alison.

“Thank you. I couldn’t ask for anyone better.”

“Let’s do nothing today, we deserve it.”

“We do.”

[darlington-v]

on the matter of chekhov’s gun

“what does chekov’s gun have to do with ranboo’s lack of panic towards his inability to speak about dream and his misdeeds?”

this was something asked in one of the replies to my essays, which made me feel the need to make this post instead of just a simple reply because i have a lot of thoughts on the matter.

first, let’s talk about chekov’s gun.

chekov’s gun is not just wilbur’s old crossbow, nor just something funny he would reference but it is a writing principle.

now, whether or not you follow that principle is up to you, but most good writers and writing will follow that principle which is: everything in writing has to have a purpose. even small details. 

they may not necessarily have huge plot relevance, but when you are writing you have to ask yourself, ‘why is this necessary for me to write this in?’ chekhov’s gun helps you maintain a cohesiveness within your story and writing as all of it will serve a purpose.

in writing anything, whether it is: character details, character arcs, plots of any degree (be it a small character arc or a main storyline point), setting details and the setting itself, you have to ask yourself, what purpose does this serve in the narrative? what does this establish?

let’s use a fine character detail for example. say your main character notices their companion sewing with a peculiar stitch that is not often used in their self proclaimed home country. what was the purpose of pointing that out? a good writer, utilizing the principle of chekhov’s gun, would have it be relevant to the story later. you could write their companion was lying about where they came from, which will later affect the mission they’re on, which will later come up due to the affects it has. or, perhaps, the companion was raised by parents who are refugees, which will then establish a personal connection with perhaps a political conflict at the core of this hypothetical story.

regardless, these give meaning to the fine detail you established in chapters, or episodes, or in the dream smp’s case, streams, earlier. which is what the principle of chekhov’s gun is. everything should be done with a purpose.

why is chekhov’s gun important?

the importance of using the principle of chekhov’s gun is in maintaining cohesiveness within your story. no one likes a dissatisfying story. we want to walk away from a narrative feeling a sense of wholeness and satisfaction. whether it has a sad ending, happy ending, or bittersweet ending, you want to walk away feeling satisfied. like it all had a purpose. a good story ends with good closure.

you get closure when your worries or questions or understanding of something are calmed, or answered, or explained to you. this is why chekhov’s gun is important. in making sure every element in your story serves a purpose, you make sure that any questions being asked are getting answered. in asking yourself “why does this happen” and then applying that answer to the story, whether it is immediately or later, you are making sure your loose threads are getting tied. you’re making sure that you will always be able to provide your reader closure.

and closure is satisfying! we all want closure. we all would like our lives and conflicts to have pretty answers wrapped up in a bow, but... the issue with reality, rather than fiction, is that we don’t always get it.

which is why it’s so important in fiction.

no one wants to use their time reading, or watching, or just consuming something in general, that leaves us unsatisfied. which is why we don’t have to, nor should we, necessarily use the way events unfold in real life as a skeleton for the way they unfold in fiction. like i said before, reality doesn’t always provide closure, but fiction can. in making sure your narrative has all of its loose ends tied up, you’re optimizing the amount of satisfaction received at the end of your story.

so, while chekhov’s gun is a principle, it’s a damned good one. it helps maintain a cohesive story which just naturally makes the story more enjoyable and satisfying.

what does this have to do with ranboo, or the dream smp for that matter?

well, you should apply this to any media you watch and think about critically, but it has to do with noticing small details and wondering what their importance is. 

i made an essay posing the question “why wasn’t ranboo shocked that he physically couldn’t speak about dream and the misdeeds they committed together” which talked about how ranboo didn’t really seemed shocked on the matter.

the point of the essay was really to point out that the behavior was peculiar and to ask what it may mean, because it was such an odd thing that stuck out to me. i wanted to perhaps go into depth about why he regards the circumstance with a tone of irritated understanding, and why he may understand whats going on. i don’t really have any solid ideas, but i wanted to start discussion on it.

now, why is chekhov’s gun relevant to this? because the lack of response sticks out, and it doesn’t have a clear answer yet. it subverts your natural expectations of how someone would react to their ability to speak being stripped from them. you would expect a bit more shock, and yet we don’t get that. at the very least it’s peculiar and it is a question to be asked. there’s a question created in the action.

as for the answer? i don’t really have one myself, it’s why i was posing the question.

i understand that ranboo was sufficiently shocked and panicked, but he wasn’t at a threshold to which he would have passed out. we clearly see him process the situation at hand. it’s not that he was numb to it, there is a pause where he processes the fact that he cannot speak. if he was numb to the shock, he wouldn’t have still been panicking over the prison, because he would have been shutting down all of the shock. that’s typically how shock and trauma works.

but even if his lack of response to the inability to speak was being numb or too mentally distraught, you have to ask yourself: why? 

what purpose does him being numb to that situation serve? what does that establish? if you say it establishes his character is mentally unwell or it’s a testament to ranboo’s mentality and his mental wellness, the issue is that we already knew that.

we already know ranboo isn’t okay. that’s been proven not only in the stream in question, but multiple other streams. there is no purpose in adding a new behavior or new element only for it to establish something that has been established before.

that is what chekhov’s gun and its principle has to do with my essay and questions raised. i am posing the question ‘what purpose is being served here’ because of the idea that every element to a story must serve a purpose.

as for why this is important to the dream smp as a whole, it’s very clear that there are at least three writers who likely use the principle of chekhov’s gun.

one is wilbur, he mentioned it and used the principle for season 1 of the dream smp. he shows the audience the tnt room and even like clearly references chekhov’s gun. 

another is dream! dream spoke on ranboo’s stream that he enjoys red herrings and leading the audience astray, with the conclusion being something unexpected but still understandable. i definitely recommend you watch the portion of that stream where ranboo and dream spoke about lore and writing because it was really insightful and just... enjoyable overall.

lastly, and most relevant to my essay is ranboo! similarly to dream, he likes red herrings. he’s stated multiple times on stream he loves to mislead the audience with small details only to have the reveal like... blow our minds later. the importance of chekhov’s gun and red herrings are that if you’re using the principle, your reveal is going to be SUPER satisfying because the red herrings will still serve purpose, just a different one than that which the audience expected.

and, in my opinion, their writing so far has been really enjoyable. i love ranboo’s lore streams and i love what direction lore goes when these characters and therefore ccs are involved. so... i trust them to write well, whether it is with the understanding of the principle being titled chekhov’s gun or the logical thought process which is... good writing has good closures. and in giving everything a purpose, you’re giving yourself a skeleton for good closure.

i definitely didn’t know the idea that “all elements to a story should serve a purpose” was called chekhov’s gun. and honestly, the name doesn’t matter. 

it’s just a damn good principle.

TLDR;

chekhov’s gun is the writing principle that every story element serves a purpose, which is why you should ask yourself “what does that mean and what purpose does it serve” whenever an event or element in a story jumps out at you, for whatever reason that may be.

if you need more info on chekhov’s gun here are some articles! they explain it much better than i probably ever will haha!

[sleepywinchester]

Fool For You Pt. 7

Summary:  You are back in your hometown Freeridge to take care of your sister Jasmine and your father after being away for six years. You left Freeridge looking for a better life but in that process you had to let go of someone you loved. But you’re back and things are not the same but they sure feel like it.

Words: 2K+

Warnings: N/A

A/N: Hola!!!! Hope everyone is safe at home! This continues the story as a some sort of a series re-write. It won’t be something of all the episodes but the main ones of where Spooky appears. Hope you guys like this and always feel free to leave some feedback is so appreciated it. 

 | MESSAGE BOX | HAPPY READING!!!

(english is not my first language, might be some typos around)

Title: every day and every night.

Chapters: Uno - Dos - Tres - Cuatro - Cinco - Seis

Your nerves grew with every second that went by, all the scenarios of how Oscar and Cesar were in trouble or dead traveled your mind. It was 11:50am and you could feel how slow every second went by. It was like the clock stayed still and it was killing you softly. The news channel was on, reporting how Santos territory kept expanding. You had it on just in case something caught the news before the gang could know, before anyone could tell you the horrible news.

“Madre de misericordia, Maestra del sacrificio escondido y silencioso, a ti, que sales al encuentro de nosotros,” you stopped praying for a second when the name Santos was spoken on the TV once again. Your eyes went back to the front door after the reporter continued with non important details about the tags. “los pecadores, te consagramos en este día todos nuestro ser y todo nuestro amor. Te consagramos también nuestra vida, nuestros trabajos, nuestras alegrías, nuestras enfermedades y nuestros dolores” 

At this moment in time praying was the only thing you could do that brought you peace and serenity. Asking for a higher force was giving you hope that Oscar and Cesar were going to walk from that front door at any moment. 

Your body stood up the second the door squeaked, revealing Oscar’s tired yet victorious aura. It was like you could breathe again knowing he was okay and untouched from his enemies. Leaving the rosary on the couch, you jumped on his arms, thighs wrapped around his waist. He hold you tight to his body. 

“You’re alive,” you sighed with relief, “I thought-”

“-hey,” he smirked, “I’m good.” Oscar put you down on your feet, looking next to him was Cesar giving you a small smile. “Estamos bien.”

He knew how hard it must have been for you to wait here until he came back. This could have turned very badly but it didn’t and you guys were thankful for that.

You brushed your fingers through your hair, pushing it backwards and breathing heavily yet smiling at both of them. “I am so happy you guys are back. Estaba preocupada.” 

Oscar kissed your forehead before walking into the hallway and disappearing inside the bathroom. You looked at Cesar who was holding his backpack, his eyes roaming around the house. It was obvious that he instantly saw how different it looked yet how familiar still felt. 

“Like what I’ve done with the place?” You asked him with a smirk. 

Cesar nodded, “Looks different but feels the same.”

With a chuckle you shrugged and grabbed your rosary from the sofa, “I didn’t want to change too much, this is your home but it definitely needed some woman’s touch. I just cleaned it up a little bit and added things that needed to be added. I hope that’s ok?”

“It is,” he replied, “thanks for everything.”

You caressed his cheek, “Anytime, kid. Now go, take a nap on your bed.”

“It’s been a while,” he murmured to himself.

“I know,” you said before leaving him to be and going in Oscar’s room.

Once inside you watched him how he was taking off his flannel and throwing it over the chair. He looked exhausted yet relieved to have his brother home.

“Can you promise me something?” You told him to close the door. His eyes met yours, he was curious about what you were going to ask him. You reached him, gazing at his hazel with green eyes. “If something ever goes sideways or….” 

Oscar’s eyebrows furrowed full of worry, “Y/N-.”

“You are in a gang, Oscar,” you didn’t let him finish. “Anything can happen at any giving time. I know you are smarter than that but anything can happen and I-,” your voice broke, he caressed your chin, “I would hate to not be able to say goodbye.”

“Where is this coming from?”

“Today… I couldn’t keep my eyes off the front door. I thought in all the ways you could have died. All the ways your homies or the cops would tell me you’re dead. And all I wanted to do is to be able to speak to you… even if it was one last time.” You hugged him, his chin rested on top of your head. “I don’t want to feel like that… ever again but I know with your life I just have to deal with how to cope with this feeling every time you have to handle business but just- find a way… ¿Por favor?

When both eyes met, you noticed how soft and worried his look was. He wasn’t a man of much words but those eyes spoke a thousand words if you really knew how to listen. 

“I promise,” he said kissing your lips. 

/ / /

Later that day once Cesar got settled, Oscar decided to cook Ceviche for his brother's friends as a thank you for helping out with his brother. They were eager to know how they made the plan against the Prophet$ work. Jamal and Ruby were extremely surprised when Oscar’s plan worked, leaving Cesar safe and able to be back home. 

“You gave our money away!” Jamal shouted.

Your eyes rolled out of habit as you took a sip from your beer. These kids were loyal and brave but those qualities didn’t take the big amount of annoying out of them. 

“No, I gave them the marked ones from the Freeridge savings robbery.” Oscar told him. 

Jamal sighed with relief, “Oh thank God for a second I thought you gave our money away.”

Oscar laughed with him as he squeezed a fresh lemon on top of the ceviche bowl. “No… I didn’t give your money away, you gave your money away and now it is mine.”

Both of the teenagers' relief turned into realization of what they have done. Monse was on the facetime call at the moment demanding to be moved around the table to speak with Oscar. You felt Jamal’s stare at you and you reciprocated the stare.

“What?” You cocked an eyebrow.

His eyes were wide open, “You are not going to say nothing? Aren’t you supposed to be on our side? Teacher’s pledge?”

You scoffed with amusement, “I am not your teacher anymore and you two messed up by giving your money in the first place. It was brave and loyal but shit, that was dumb now live with that consecuence. Besides what are you going to tell your parents if they see that kind of money around?”

“Lottery,” both of them spoke in unison. 

Shaking your head you took another sip of the beer not believing these kids. Jamal once again began to bicker about the money and you could see how Oscar temperament was wearing thin. Everytime he began to get more and more mad his jaw would clench and shoulders began to look extremely tense. You gave him a smirk when your eyes met his, the kids were annoying but they were funny when they got pissed after realizing what a stupid move they made. 

They continued to yell and complain until Jamal had it and stormed out of the house dragging Ruby with him. You couldn’t help but laugh at the over dramatic scene. 

“Who wants more beer?’ you stood up and listened to how the two brothers called for one.

You grabbed two and turned to the table, looking at Cesar with your ‘mom’ eyes. “Just because we are celebrating but don’t get used to it, kid.”

Cesar gave you a smile holding the beer kind of liking how motherly you were towards him. He hasn’t had that in a while and it was nice to have someone that would treat him this way. Oscar observed how you treated his brother and smirked also liking your motherhood side. 

“Thanks, mom,” he joked, making you and Oscar laugh.

This was the closest thing the three of you had to a family dinner in years. It was a feeling you haven’t felt since you left after High School thinking of looking for a better life. You missed this feeling on Christmas, New Years and all the holidays no matter how small they were. At this moment your boyfriend wasn’t in a gang, his little brother wasn’t thrown out for not killing someone and you weren’t part of anything. This felt like a family.

After lunch Oscar and you did the dishes letting Cesar get settled back. As you cleaned the dishes you kept your silence, you had something to say but you didn’t know how to say it. The last couple weeks have been extremely good, you liked living with him but now it was different. Cesar was back and you didn’t know if leaving or even if staying was an option. 

“So,” you and Oscar said at the same time and chuckled afterwards.

“You first,” he said leaning against the counter and crossing his arms onto his chest giving you his full attention. 

“I- I’m happy Cesar is back home where he belongs.” Oscar nodded not saying he was glad but you saw it in the spark coming from his eyes. “Now that he is back... I’m moving back to my place.”

His eyes went from happy to confused in a matter of seconds. “Why?” He asked.

“It was only temporary…” you said, “We talked about this, I was just making sure Cesar had a place to stay for a little while now he is back and-,”

“-you want to leave, again,” Oscar words made you unwell. “Why do you always leave?”

Standing in front of him you tried to decipher his eyes but this was something you couldn’t just figure out by not sharing words. “What do you mean? I’m leaving because I think you would want me gone now that your brother is back.”

“Well I don’t,” he said without flinching, “I want you here, every day and every night.”

This man was never a gracious talker but he always went straight to the point and that is why you loved him. Oscar's tone was sure and steady there was no doubt of what he wanted. 

“I still need to make sure I am taking care of my dad and sister,” you told him.

Oscar grabbed the band of your jeans pulling you closer, “Somos vecinos for fucks sake. They’ll be alright, I promise.” 

When you were about to kiss him the high noise of rap coming from Cesar bedroom startled you. “Goodbye quietness,” you told him.

“We can still go to your place from time to time,” Oscar smirked, kissing your lips. 

You chuckled against his plump lips, “Hell yes.” 

NEXT CHAPTER

tags are open: just comment or send me a message ;)

@flamingweasley @dolanackles @lcandothisallday @mmelissarenee @donnaintx @blckgrl-sunflower @jayankles​

[chaoticallysapphic]

the great divide part one

summary:  Who knew that eight words would be your undoing. If you had known then what you know now you wouldn’t have signed up for Suyin’s dance troupe, you probably would have left Zaofu just to be safe. But you didn’t and fate had branded you with a path that chained you to someone who would break your heart. 

a/n: so uh just a few things to note, I came up with this idea before watching the last three episodes of lok (which I feel like really show who Kuvira truly is) and it’s not a healthy relationship. Please note that no one should treat you like this, and if so either ditch them or go to therapy with them (altho I’d advise you ditch them). Also a massive thanks to @medeliadracon​ the first chapter was rough because I wrote it at like 3 am and they helped me work out the kinks by being my beta reader.

word count: 4k

“Would you mind helping me memorize the routine?” You ask one of the dancers that Suyin had pointed you to. You recently joined and unfortunately, they were already in the middle of rehearsing a routine they’d been perfecting for weeks. Usually, Suyin would help you after class but with Avatar Korra visiting she was too busy. Thankfully she had pointed out one of your fellow dancers, a woman named Kuvira. “Suyin usually helps me but she said you would probably be happy to take her place." 

Kuvira stands in shock as she stares you down, you’d just said those eight magical words that she used to dream about when she was little and you seemed to have no clue what you’d just done. You’re staring at her expectantly and as time lapses on you start to look a little nervous under her gaze. 

“It would bring me great pleasure” Kuvira replies and takes a step closer, your eyes widen in shock, a flush dusting your cheeks as she replies with your six magic words. Kuvira toys with a strand of your hair as she looks deep into your eyes. Her voice is deep and traps you like honey. “We should begin.” 

After that day, Kuvira always volunteered to help teach you after class, neither of you spoke about the elephant in the room as she’d place her hands on your body to correct your position and brush herself against you any chance she got. You’d leave every session a flustered mess who’d go home to flop onto your bed with a massive grin on your face 

In the last session before the big performance, you were dancing in sync with one another. You were each on a metal flower petal directly across from the other and were meant to be the final act. With the class, you had performed the whole thing and aced it but alone you could only practice half the routine as the ending needed other metal benders to move the petals for you. 

So instead you and Kuvira practiced the aerial portion of the routine that would take place directly before the petals would move. With just the two of you instead of the whole class, you spun closer together and once you were within reach Kuvira grabbed your waist with her free hand and pulled you in close so she could lock you in a passionate kiss. 

You widen your eyes in shock, staying still for a moment as you process this overwhelming moment before pressing your lips against hers in return. You both gently land on the floor but Kuvira doesn’t let you go, instead, her other hand grabs the back of your neck to steady you as she hungrily kisses you like you might just disappear any moment and it takes your breath away. 

Slowly, Kuvira pulls away from your lips but keeps you pulled close to her body, she stares deeply into your eyes as if searching for something, maybe disapproval? She won’t find any though because you want to stay here in her arms forever. 

Her hand that was originally holding the back of your neck pulls away and bends the petals of the flowers upwards so they surround you both and offer cover from the outside world. “Do you want to stop?” She leans down to nibble on your earlobe and whispers those words to you. Her hand that was on your waist and traveling up your body, skimming the underside of your breasts as she waits for your answers. “Well?” 

“N-No, Kuvira please” you beg, something inside her is unleashed at your words and she pulls you back into a crushing kiss while she slides a hand under your shirt to feel your bare skin. 

“Lay down,” she says in a commanding tone that leaves no room for argument, you happily oblige and immediately pull away from her. The chill of the metal against your warm skin sends goosebumps down your arms and the look Kuvira is giving you from above makes you feel even hotter. 

She straddles your hips and slides both of her hands underneath your waist, running them up to your sides and under your breasts before pulling them away to pull your shirt off, you lean up off the metal to make it easier for her and she flings somewhere behind her. Kuvira puts both her hands on your shoulders and gently pushes you back down so your bareback and shoulders are against the cold metal. 

She threads her fingers through your hair and scratches at your scalp as she leans back down to kiss you once more. You moan at the blissful feeling of her warm body against your own and her nails on your scalp, giving her perfect access to your open mouth. You’ve never felt anything like this before, you’d decided to wait for your soulmate to share your first kiss, your first time and the wait was entirely worth it. 

You give yourself to each other in the dance studio that night, whilst Kuvira doesn’t coddle you she does gently guide you and give you praise when you do something right. You feel so in tune with her now as you curl your naked body against her own. She wraps an arm around your waist to tug you closer as you both try to catch your breath from the mind-blowing activity you just partook in. 

You’re about to tell her how much you like her, how excited you are to discover more about her when she beats you to the punch, “I think we should keep this to ourselves for now.” You sharply pull away from her, your brows pinched together in confusion. Your heart feels the first pinprick of heartache Kuvira will give you. “What? But we’re soulmates, why should we keep this a secret?” 

Kuvira rolls her eyes and sits up to face you. “I just want us to be able to cherish this thing between us as it grows. If we tell everyone suddenly we’ll be bombarded with questions that will only stress us out.” 

Your shoulders sag as you think about it, you don’t want to keep this a secret. All your life you dreamed of the day you’d meet your soulmate, the day you could have someone to hold hands with in public and go on dates with, maybe even kiss in the botanical gardens. 

“I guess…” you gulp, “if it’s only for a while then I guess it can remain a secret.” 

Oh, how you wish you could take that back after everything that is about to happen.

———————————————————————————————————–

A few weeks later is the grand opening (which had to be postponed whilst Suyin and her army were gone to help Avatar Korra) of the dance troupes performance, you feel like you might vomit and suddenly the last thing you want to do is go up there just so you can mess it up. Especially since you and Kuvira are the final act, twisting your legs together in the air as you each balance on your other foot so the flower can unfold around you. 

That flower has caused you so much trouble since that night with Kuvira, throughout the dress rehearsal the night before you kept messing up anytime you so much as touched the metal because your thoughts became consumed by her and what you both had done. 

You hadn’t had many moments alone since but in the locker room after the dress rehearsal, Kuvira had let her hand brush against your naked back as you changed into clean clothes after your shower and suddenly you were set alight with that same fire she ignited the other night. 

You must look like you’re unwell because Suyin comes into view and she places her hands on your shoulders to give them a reassuring squeeze. “You can do this y/n, I believe you,” she says in an encouraging tone. 

“I wish you didn’t, what if I mess up?” 

“People mess up sometimes, all you have to do is pick yourself back up and try again. You can’t be too hard on yourself y/n, I’ve seen how you’ve really changed these last few practices. Those private lessons with Kuvira must have helped” she drops her hands from your shoulders and gives you a bright smile before rushing off, claiming she has to check on the lights. 

You flush at her words, Kuvira’s lessons did help… sort of. One of the stagehands calls out that it’s time and you walk over to the stage entrance. On the other side of the stage stands Kuvira with half of the dancers behind her. She simply holds your gaze for a minute before the curtain draws and the dance must begin. You force down any thoughts you get of that night as you perform the routine and it’s going so well, when it gets to the part where the flower closes around you guys you suddenly feel too exposed and scandalized. Despite your thoughts Kuvira still hooks her foot with your own, she sends a small smile your way that calms you just a bit as the flower begins to bloom once more. 

The crowd erupts into applause and whistles as flowers are thrown onto the stage, you and Kuvira unhook your feet and bow with the rest of the troupe before exiting the stage for the next talent to take the stage, it was some new instrument a student had metal bent, something called a harp.  

Everyone begins to hug one another and congratulate them, Suyin pulls you into a quick side hug and softly says “I told you that you could do it.” It feels good to have her say that, to know that she’s right and despite being new to this you did well enough to not humiliate yourself. Other people begin to crowd the backstage as dancers’ family members and friends come to congratulate them and offer them bouquets. 

Your parents rush up to pull you into a tight hug that knocks the wind out of you, they shower you in praises and your mom kisses the top of your head before pulling away. “You did amazing, y/n. We’re both so proud of you” your dad says as he hands you a bouquet of lotuses. You’re about to call over Kuvira to introduce her as a friend and to tell your parents about how much she helped you but the sight in front of you kills the words that were on the tip of your tongue. 

Baatar Jr. has his arm wrapped around Kuvira’s waist as he offers her a bouquet and gives her this wide smile. “Junior, why didn’t you tell us?” You hear Suyin say in a betrayed tone. Baatar Sr. has a hand on Suyin’s shoulder as he looks disapprovingly at the couple in front of him. 

“I knew you guys would overreact! Kuvira and I are in love. I hope you both realize how important she is to me.” Baatar Jr. spits out, Kuvira places a hand on his chest to settle him down and flashes the two parents a smile. 

“I was hoping you both would approve of us.” You can’t stand there and watch anymore as she flaunts her relationship in front of you like you don’t matter. 

“I’m a bit tired from the performance, I think I’m gonna head home,” you tell your parents, trying not to let them know how badly you’re hurting.  

“Oh well, we wanted to take you out to dinne-” 

“Maybe tomorrow, I think I just wanna take a shower and go to sleep,” you say before walking off. Your parents share a look of concern as they watch your retreating figure. In a matter of seconds, your once overjoyed demeanor turned to something melancholic. 

Once out of the building you walk to the botanical gardens knowing that at this time of night no one is there, your parents will probably return home soon and you don’t want to worry them with your crying. You find a spot tucked away from sight behind a bunch of sunflowers and lean your back against the tree. 

You’re so confused, she’s your soulmate and yet she’s with someone else. Baatar Jr. said they were in love which must mean they’ve been together for some time. She never mentioned him to you. Suddenly the desire to keep your relationship a secret makes sense and you feel stupid for playing along. 

At least an hour passes as you cry out all your emotions until you’re just sitting there numbly trying to figure out what to do next. A crunch of a leaf can be heard from in front of you and your head snaps up and away from your lap. Kuvira is standing there, she’s changed out of her dancing clothes and is in a casual outfit now, you look away from her, unable to look at her first without crying again. 

“He wasn’t meant to tell them tonight,” she confesses and you scoff. Is that supposed to make you feel better?

“What are you doing Kuvira? W-We’re soulmates and yet you’re with this guy despite telling me I had to keep us a secret.” You stand from your spot and your muscles ache from sitting in that uncomfortable position for so long, you try to ignore her as you go to walk away but she grabs your forearm as you go to pass her. 

“I don’t love him,” she admits “but I need him for something and the only way he’ll do it is if he thinks I do.” You rear your head back in shock, what in the world is going on. 

“What could you possibly want from him? A seat at the Beifong family table!?” You shout and Kuvira aggressively shushes you. You rip your arm out of her grasp but stay still as you wait to hear what she’ll say next. 

“After the earth queen’s death the earth kingdom is in disarray and Suyin won’t step up to help those who are suffering. Junior has inventions that can help us rebuild these impoverished towns and cities so we can bring them back to their former glory.” Kuvira sighs, her palm going to rub at her forehead “he won’t go against his mother unless we’re together, I can’t let those people have their homes ransacked by raiders and be left to starve when we can make a difference.” 

“So you’re… manipulating him” you murmur, Kuvira’s eyes narrow a bit at your words and she takes a step closer to you, you stumble back until your back hits the tree behind you and Kuvira keeps walking until she’s against you. Her hands go to rest above your head as she looks into your eyes. 

“I’m pushing him in the right direction. I want to leave soon to start and I want you to come with,” she moves one of her hands to grasp your chin when you try to look away from her and says “we all have to make sacrifices for this cause, y/n. Mine is playing pretend with him and yours is having to keep us a secret.” 

Your eyes water at the idea, you don’t want to leave Zaofu behind. Your parents are here and you think you might want to pursue a career in dancing. Kuvira grips your chin just a fraction tighter and brings her lips to yours. It’s a deep, slow kiss and suddenly you’re consumed with her just like the other day in the dance studio. You moan as she lightly tugs at your bottom lip as she pulls away from you, she lets go of it and you can feel it swell a bit from her actions. You slowly open your eyes back up and she’s giving you this intense look that has your knees weak. 

“Please, I want you there with me,” she says in a husky tone that has you nodding in agreement, she grins before pulling you back into a kiss, this one is far more heated than the last.

You wish you’d said no. 

———————————————————————————————————–

 “I think we should keep this to ourselves for now.” 

For now turned into a year, once the train tracks were built Bolin along with Varrick and Zhu Li joined your cause. In front of everyone, Kuvira played the role of not only being the compassionate leader but also the love of Baatar’s life. Yeah, he no longer went by Baatar Jr. Kuvira convinced him to drop the honorific. 

Behind closed doors, late at night when everyone was asleep Kuvira would come and visit you, most times you guys would passionately make love as she took charge but sometimes, and these times were your favorite, she’d lay in bed beside you and talk about all you guys would do once your mission was over. “We could get married,” you whispered one night and Kuvira pulled you in a slow, sweet kiss before murmuring against your lips “you’d look good in white.” 

Right now those sweet moments are far from your mind though as Baatar hands Kuvira a file in the main cabin of the train where meetings are held, he places a hand on her waist and you look away as you try to push down the anger bubbling within you. You were about to stop in a rather large town that had fallen on hard times, as all had. And if all goes well you might need to take a moment for yourself. This train was starting to feel suffocating and you were this close to metal bending the roof open.

The train lurches to a stop, sending Bolin almost off the couch opposite you, he grips the back of it to keep from falling flat on his face and you grab the armrest to your right. As always, Kuvira is the only one who seems to remain unaffected, she stumbles back two steps before regaining her balance and squaring her shoulders. 

“We’re here,” she says in her normal calm voice before heading to the door to step outside. The town is surrounded by lush greenery and towering trees. The buildings tower to three stories and market stalls are lining the streets. It looks like it was once a hub, maybe a stopping point for travelers, but now there are holes in some of the buildings from raiders and the market stalls have been torn apart. All of the citizens are waiting for them at the entrance of the city and you note how tired and thin they look. 

“Woah, looks like we are definitely needed here” Bolin mutters beside you. As Kuvira talks to the mayor in private, you all begin to load up carts and trucks with crates of food, they always give into her eventually so there wasn’t much point in waiting. The meeting between the two takes an hour and a half, when the mayor walks off the train he wears a look of defeat and Kuvira saunters out with that same air of confidence that makes you wonder if she was born with it. 

She walks over to you and signals for the men beside you to start giving out the crates of food and supplies. “Another small victory,” she mutters. 

“If anything I’d say it’s a big one, this is a large province and this town is the only one in it. Not only that but it’s a hub for trading and travelers, having this under our belt is helpful.” You look into her eyes and notice that same dissatisfied look she gets any time someone praises her. “This is good, Vira.” 

“I told you not to call me that in public,” her tone is scolding and she looks away so she doesn’t have to see the disappointment in your eyes. Whilst everyone thought you two were close friends she was still worried about someone figuring it out and telling Baatar. He was too oblivious to figure it out himself but quite a few times she caught Zhu Li looking between the two of you when you’re deep in conversation. “Besides, I won’t be happy until we’ve united the entire earth kingdom. “ 

You bite your lip as another one of those oh too familiar aches in your heart. It feels like someone has gotten a needle and aggressively stabbed at the center of it. “I’m going to go help,” you say before walking away, she doesn’t call after you or even say goodbye 

Later, once all the supplies are given out, the townspeople decide to celebrate in the main square, live music is being played as everyone dances and laughs. Kuvira usually makes a short appearance to things like this just to make everyone happy before heading back to the train. Usually, you trail behind her along with Baatar while Bolin and Varrick tend to stay for an extra hour or two. Most of the time they stumble in drunk and loudly shush one another. 

“C’mon y/n, just stay a while longer!” Bolin shouts over the music, he gives you another cup of alcohol, a part of you doesn’t want to. You’ve never stayed behind to celebrate after Kuvira heads back and you wonder if that means she won’t show up in your room as per usual. But it’s just one extra hour… 

You take the cup from Bolin’s hand and down it, causing him to cheer. The alcohol burns down your throat and you cough from taking it all at once. Varrick saddles up beside him and slaps his hand on the young earth bender’s shoulder. “What are we getting excited about?” 

“Y/n’s actually gonna stay and party!” Bolin shouts, you fill the cup back up and take a sip. You haven’t been drunk since Zaofu, you deserve this break. “Wait, you’re telling me y/n isn’t a stick in the mud? Well, that’s the shock of the century!” Varrick replies you roll your eyes at his comment, trying to not let it bother you. You could be fun, you were fun before everything happened. 

“Let’s dance!” You shout and finish up your drink before setting it on the table to head to the designated area for dancing. You thought of the studio back in Zaofu, how freeing it felt, and how you had felt like you’d finally found your calling. Bolin cheers you on as he dances beside you and Varrick keeps making ridiculous comments about the parties he used to throw back in republic city. You make out the words platypus bear and skiing at one point but decide to not ask him to explain what the hell he’s talking about. 

An hour passes, maybe two, before the three of you are stumbling back to the train. You haven’t had this much fun in so long and your cheeks hurt from laughing. You’re warm from the alcohol despite the cool breeze brushing up against your skin and at some point, you took your jacket off to keep from sweating. You weren’t meant to be out of uniform when out of your room but it was late at night and you didn’t think much of it. 

When you guys climbed up the steps to the train and entered the main compartment Bolin began to loudly talk about how much he missed his soulmate, Opal. Suddenly your bright mood dimmed at the fact that you couldn’t talk about your soulmate to anyone, but your mood was truly ruined when Bolin said, “y’know one-day y/n, you’re gonna meet your soulmate and it’s gonna feel amazing just you wait!” 

You forced out a chuckle before softly bidding them goodnight and walking off to your room, you heard Bolin ask Varrick if he said something wrong but you were too far away to hear his reply. When you opened your door a part of you hoped Kuvira would be inside, but she wasn’t. Your shoulders slumped as you kicked off your boots before falling into bed. You didn’t bother with undoing your updo or changing into proper sleeping clothes. 

When you wake up you are alone, usually, Kuvira would wake up before the sun rose and leave but not before kissing your forehead and whispering that she loved you. It was always a great way to start your day but today you were alone. You got dressed and fixed your mess of hair before exiting your room to head down towards the dining cart.

 Your room was right beside Kuvira’s which was beside Zhu Li’s and then it was Baatars, Bolin’s was on the other side of your room. Thankfully the walls were thick though so you didn’t have to worry about him hearing you and Kuvira late at night.

The door to Baatar’s room opens, but instead of the young engineer walking out, Kuvira does, she’s in her uniform from yesterday which you can tell because there’s a few wrinkles and her hair is down. She makes eye contact with you before heading to her room and without thinking you follow after her. Technically you aren’t allowed in her room for appearance reasons but your heart is racing and you need her to reassure you that what you just saw wasn’t what you thought it was. 

You close the door after you, trying not to slam it but you desperately want to. “What were you doing in there?” you ask and part of you internally cringes at how you sound. It’s obvious in your tone how hurt you are, how confused. Kuvira simply begins to undress from her old clothes and takes her time formulating a reply.

“He was getting suspicious of my lack of affection for him,” is her reply. You back up until your knees hit the edge of her bed and fall into a sitting position. “So you…” you gulp, “slept with him?” 

“I did what needed to be done. Besides, you weren’t here last night,” she spits out. By now she’s in her underwear which would usually cause you to flush but right now your vision is blurring from tears and you feel bile rising from your throat but it’s not due to last night. “So what, it was some kind of way to get back at me for letting loose for once?!” 

Kuvira whirls around to glare at you, she has a pair of pants on now and she stalks over to you like you’re her prey until she’s between your legs. She roughly grabs your chin to make sure you keep eye contact with her and she says “so me fucking you senseless isn’t enough to alleviate the stress from the day before?” 

Your heart races, “Vira…” You aren’t sure if you like this part of her, in a fucked up way it’s kind of hot but it’s also terrifying and you feel so small. “If you disobey me or humiliate me again you’ll be punished the same way you were last night. If you are to one day become my wife you’ll need to start working on your image and getting drunk in public isn’t a good look.” 

She lets go of your chin and swiftly walks back over to her closet to finish getting dressed. “You may leave.” Her tone doesn’t leave any room for argument so you blink away the tears threatening to spill from your eyes before promptly leaving your lover’s room. Suddenly you’ve lost your appetite so you head back to your room where you plan on spending the rest of your day, As you go to open your door, Bolin sluggishly opens his own and walks into the bright hallway with a groan. 

You look away from him but not in time as he notices your red eyes and the tears threatening to spill, he steps forward, a look of concern taking over his features but you quickly enter your room and slam the door shut behind you. 

You miss home. 

[longitudinalwaveme]

Longitudinalwaveme Reviews Some More Old Comics (and One New One), Part 2

Batman #321, “Dreadful Birthday, Dear Joker...!” 

The story opens with Commissioner Gordon receiving an invitation to the Joker’s birthday party. “Black tie optional, funny hats mandatory”. A few seconds later, everyone in police headquarters doubles over laughing, the victims of Joker’s, well, Joker gas. 

Batman is on the scene only a few seconds later, and starts punching out Joker’s goons. Unfortunately, by the time he’s finished doing this, both Joker and Commissioner Gordon have disappeared. 

Eminently Quotable Joker: “Ah---the Batman! What an expected surprise! And what a waste of a perfectly good window! Couldn’t you have used the door?” 

As Joker leaves in his Jokermobile, the police officers tell Batman that the Joker also captured Robin earlier that day (by pretending to be a woman with car problems!) 

Meanwhile, Selina Kyle, Lucius Fox, and Alfred are talking when the Joker bursts in and kidnaps them as well. Notably, Selina mentions that she’s been having terrible headaches. 

Selina Kyle wakes up in a room with Batman; the other kidnapees wake up in the Joker’s “Ha-Hacienda” on his “victim-go-round”. 

Eminently Quotable Joker: “Tomorrow is my birthday, and by way of celebration, I intend to eliminate all you who’ve crossed me, while all of Gotham watches! It’s not exactly the catcher’s mitt I really wanted...but it’s a pretty fair second place! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” 

Hawkman stars in a Hostess cupcake ad! 

The Joker murders one of his own henchman with his “BANG!” flag gun for not laughing at his joke. 

Eminently Quotable Joker (in response to Robin saying “You’re out of your mind!”): “Gloriously so! Isn’t it wonderful?” 

In order to get his audience, the Joker put an ad in the newspaper that states that the “Harlequin Baking Company” will be inviting all of Gotham to  sample its wares at the Seaside Coliseum. AND IT WORKS, because everyone in Gotham has the IQ of turnips. A bazillion people come to the Coliseum to get free food. 

Joker dramatically reveals himself to everyone and explains that he’s going to blow up all the people he hates with a giant cake bomb. Then Batman arrives and offers himself in exchange for the other hostages. This goes exactly how you’d expect it to go, but Batman manages Batman his way out of the trap, saving both himself and all of his friends. 

Joker runs away and jumps into a boat. Batman follows him, they fight for a bit, and then the Joker apparently blows himself up. But he’s not dead, because nothing can kill the Joker. Batman even says so. 

This would’ve made a great episode of B:TAS. 

Batman #322, “Chaos--Coming and Going!” 

And now for something completely different! 

Catwoman looks at a bunch of old newspaper clippings of herself, as the comic hints fairly subtly that she might be unwell (just as her headaches last issue did). 

Meanwhile, a van is delivering issues of the tabloid The Gotham Guardian...when a thrown bundle of newspapers is intercepted by a boomerang! Captain Boomerang is in Gotham City! 

The two men in the van react by promptly trying to run Digger over....only for him to slice their van in half with a boomerang!

Digger yells at them to tell their boss that this was only a warning: the mysterious boss owes him a million dollars, and he wants it in 24 hours or else. 

Then Batman shows up out of nowhere and he and Boomerang get into a fight. Digger distracts Batman by using his exploding boomerang to damage a nearby building. This causes some rubble to fall on one of the drivers. Batman goes to rescue him, and Digger vanishes. 

Green Arrow stars in a Hostess fruit pie ad! 

Batman talks to Alfred about Captain Boomerang, telling him to ask Lucius Fox to find out who owns the Guardian, since he’s probably Boomerang’s next target. He also refuses to call the Flash in for help. “The night I can’t handle a punk like Boomerang is the night I hang up my cowl!” 

Catwoman goes to a doctor and it’s confirmed that she is, in fact, dying. She has less than a month to live and the only cure is some Egyptian herbs that have been lost to time. 

Meanwhile, Captain Boomerang lets us know that he hates Gotham. “Lor’, but I hate this cronky town! I never would’ve come her from Central City if it wasn’t for my million quid!” 

Apparently, Captain Boomerang set up a retirment fund for himself and is ticked off that has money was subsequently stolen. 

“It’s really rum--downright ironic! The one time I play the game by their rules--and it’s me who gets taken for a sucker! Well, nobody crosses “Digger” Harkness--and gets away with it intact!” That’s our Digger! 

Also, he has a giant boomerang hidden under a tarp. 

Catwoman goes to the museum to see a display about cats...and conveniently, some ancient Egyptian medicinal herbs are there. Catwoman determines to take them so she can save herself. 

Batman asks the most Irish Irishman to ever walk the pages of the comic book about where he might be able to find Captain Boomerang, but he hasn’t heard anything. Then Alfred calls Batman and tells him that Lucius has discovered that the Gotham Guardian is owned by a corporation which serves as a front for a guy named Gregorian Falstaff. 

The man in question is eating dinner at a hotel when he is rudely interrupted by Captain Boomerang, who knocks out Falstaff’s bodyguard and demands his money. Falstaff plays dumb, claiming that the whole thing was an unfortunate accident and offering to write him a check. Boomerang insists that it’s cash or nothing (since he doesn’t trust Falstaff). Then Batman shows up, and Digger throws a smoke bomb boomerang that distracts Batman long enough for him to knock him out with another boomerang. 

“You gave it a fair dinkum try, cobber-but fair ain’t enough when  you’re dealin’ with the likes of me!’” Didgeridoo! Crikey! Steve Irwin! Can you tell I’m Australian yet? 

Selina Kyle tries to call Bruce but can’t get ahold of him, so she decides to take matters into her own hands and pulls out her Catwoman costume. 

When Batman comes to, he’s been tied to the giant boomerang. 

“Nothin’ permanent, mate--you’re simply tied to my giant rocket-powered boomerang! Only Flash’s super-speed saved him from the original--and without super-powers you’ll never escape this improved version!” So...which one of the giant boomerangs you used to launch the Flash into space are we talking about here, Digger? Because there’ve been at least four at this point. 

Boomerang launches the boomerang into the air and it explodes. Digger is naturally convinced that he’s killed Batman, only for Batman to promptly prove him wrong by showing up alive and well. “Nobody could possibly survive a flight on my Doomerang!” Oh, Digger...

Batman explains that he survived by “maneuvering my bonds toward the Doomerang’s rocket-jets--and the ignition-flames freed me! Then I simply slipped away under the cover of all that smoke before the Doomerang took off!” I love that Batman also calls the thing a Doomerang (with a totally straight face, mind you.) 

Then Digger throws a boomerang at Batman at the same time Batman throws a Batarang at him. But because Batman is Batman, he wins the boomerang duel and knocks Digger out. Way to take away Digger’s only accomplishment there, Batman. It’s like if Superman won any of his races against the Flash. 

Batman decides to investigate Falstaff. 

Meanwhile, at the museum, someone who looks like Catwoman is stealing one of the exhibits....

Flash #286, “The Color Schemes of the Rainbow Raider”

This issue introduces the greatest villain of all time...the dreaded Rainbow Raider! 

After a long day at work, Barry Allen is heading home...only for an alarm to go off at the Centrex Art Museum! Barry has to promptly go into action as the Flash as Barry thinks about how tired he is. Apparently, his new police chief, Darryl Frye, has made him work overtime three times in one week alone. 

Suddenly, a rainbow appears, bewildering Barry, as it hasn’t rained for the past week. Barry runs inside the museum to find the guards crying inexplicably. Barry deduces that the thief has been altering their emotions and realizes that this is probably not one of his established Rogues. 

Sure enough, he soon comes face-to-face with the Rainbow Raider!

“Welcome, Flash! I didn’t think you and I would be meeting so soon...but sooner or later we were bound to clash! Allow me to introduce myself! I am the Rainbow Raider---the most colorful criminal this city’s ever seen!” Oh, Roy. You’re so amazingly silly, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Roy shoots a beam of blue light at Barry, who somehow deduces that this was what enabled him to mess with the emotions of the guards. Barry dodges the blast of blue light, but it hit and knocked out by a blast of black light. 

The police are suitably baffled by the Rainbow Raider, who, incidentally, signed his crime scene with “The Rainbow Raider was here!” That’s amazing. 

Meanwhile, the Flash runs home, for the Rainbow Raider has...uh....sucked all of the color out of his body! Somehow! Wha? 

Meanwhile, in a mobile trailer, Roy is gloating to himself. “Now I know I’m ready for the big leagues--on a par with seasoned criminals like Captain Cold and Mirror Master!” Uh...sure, Roy. 

Batman and Catman star in a Hostess cupcake ad! 

“Roy G. Bivolo is compelled by higher motivations--like art appreciation!” 

Roy reveals that he suffers from achromotopsia, a rare form of colorblindness that means he sees the world entirely in greyscale. This fact apparently scuppered his burgeoning artistic career, because the art critics of Central City have never heard of black-and-white artwork even though it totally exists. 

Also, Roy’s dad was apparently a, quote, “leading world-renowned optometrist”, and he tried to create goggles that would allow Roy to see color. He passed away shortly after Roy turned 21; having finished the googles just days before. 

When Roy tested them a few weeks later, he found that they hadn’t cured his colorblindness...but that they could shoot out “bands of multi-colored solid light particles that I could literally “ride” through the sky”. Roy then uses his father’s notes to unlock even more abilities with his goggles. Eventually, his mother also passed away, and Roy decided to turn to crime. 

“Since I was robbed of a brilliant art career as a painter--I think it’s only fitting that I rob others....rob them of the pleasure they’ve derived all these years from priceless works of art I myself have never been able to enjoy! If I can’t see them in all their glory---then neither will anyone else!” Roy...that’s insane. 

Barry Allen fails in his attempt to flirt with Fiona Webb, then exposits about pseudoscience. “The color black appears black because it absorbs the light waves of all other colors...without reflecting them! Those black beams the Rainbow Raider enveloped me with must’ve had a similar effect--saturating my body with radiation that prevents me from reflecting any and all light-waves...leaving me totally colorless!” SCIENCE! 

Barry uses makeup and hair day to make himself look normal. As a result, he’s 20 minutes late to work and gets chewed out by his boss. 

Also: “The unnatural inner-vibrations from this color drain are steadily sapping more and more energy from my molecules by the minute!” More SCIENCE! 

Barry is about to get to work when he hears about the opening of the Skytop Art Gallery. Assuming that this would be an ideal target for the Rainbow Raider, he goes into action as the Flash. 

Roy has created a distraction by using his emotional manipulation powers to get all of the art patrons to fight each other while he escapes. Barry runs up a building and onto Rainbow Raider’s rainbow...whereupon Raider shoots a blinding light at him, causin him to slip off the rainbow and almost fall to his doom. Luckily, his ability to vibrate through anything saves his life, as he manages to vibrate through a green car he was about to land on. 

Barry then finds that he’s turned totally green. ‘I must’ve been vibrating on the precise wavelength of the color green when I passed through this heap--somehow allowing me to regain my capacity to absorb green light-waves!” SCIENCE! He then starts running through vehicles of other colors to regain his capacity to absorb those light-waves, too. Since Raider is colorblind, he can’t figure out what the Flash is up to. 

When Raider takes one last blast at the Flash, the effects restore him to normal, and Flash is able to make quick work of the Rainbow Raider. 

I love the Rainbow Raider so much.

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to the working week! Although, for those of you in the NHS, welcome to just another day!

The weekend did not get off to a bright start! Friday was a total write-off! A lost day! Following my booster jab on Thursday, I was wiped out! Flu-like symptoms: I felt cold, I struggled to warm-up, my bones ached, I had no energy! I was meant to cover Ronnie’s show on Friday but I had to bail out, and I don’t like letting people down. I woke up on Friday morning, posted my status and went back to sleep; wrapped up tight under a warm blanket in my favourite armchair in the front room. I was incapable of much more and just sat, like a satisfied zombie, mindlessly consuming episodes of ‘Young Sheldon’. On Friday night, I actually wore pyjamas; a clear indication that I was unwell.

On Sunday, The Marble Arch Mound closed. Never heard of it? Well, you paid for it! £6m of tax-payer money was used to create a ‘tourist attraction’ that was not just an embarrassment to the good name of London but NOT what was needed in this pandemic! Wonder where that money went? The top architect on the project, Elad Eisenstein, was given a staggering £220,000 a year by Westminster City Council for the project.

Does it stop there? No. Dominic Raab’s department wasted a staggering £238m on an array of botched projects last year. Electronic tagging systems that were never used and software so bad it is causing industrial disputes are among sources of waste at the Ministry of Justice. I don’t mind paying taxes, I just hate the way government waste my money!

Over the weekend, I also became aware of something called Molly-Mae Hague. What a repulsive creature!

More than 150,000 people have now died within 28 days of a positive Covid test in the UK since the pandemic began. Quite a milestone! World War Two only saw around 70,000 civilian deaths! Remember when Fool Boy confidently predicted that ‘herd immunity’ would occur. In other words, he really didn’t mind if a few working class people died because, eventually, our bodies would get used to the virus. The biggest miscalculation of all time! 150,000 deaths later, I am STILL wearing a mask and our social lives are still severely restricted. To think, people actually voted for this idiot because they thought Jeremy Corbyn was going to destroy our society and our economy. Check your weekly grocery bill (or fuel bill); see how badly screwed the economy is!

Three very sad pieces of news this weekend. Naturally, the death of actor Sidney Poitier, aged 94. If you get the chance, check out the movies ‘In The Heat Of The Night’ and ‘Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?’ Both iconic pieces of cinema. Also, an amazing lyricist named Marilyn Bergman passed away, aged 93. This is the woman that wrote the lyrics to ‘The Way We Were’ amongst many other songs. And, also, Ronnie Herel’s dad, Fitzroy, passed away, also 94. Rest in peace, legends all.

Have a marvellous and momentous Monday. I love you all.

[tealin]

Cape Crozier: The Outward Journey

As always, please visit the original blog for proper formatting. Sigh, Tumblr.

I am telling this as the last of my field trips, because it was without doubt the climax of my Antarctic adventures.  In actual fact, this happened the day after the previous climax, which was when I flew over the Beardmore Glacier. If time was invented so everything didn't happen at once, and space was invented so it didn't happen to you, then Time and Space were apparently out on a girls' weekend in late November 2019.

There was one major journey yet to undertake, in my visits to sites of historical importance.  It was the location of a minor side-quest in the story of the Scott Expedition – one could, theoretically, leave it out of a retelling with no narrative consequences – but it's the central episode and emotional fulcrum of The Worst Journey in the World, and gave the book its title.  In June and July 1911, the dead of Antarctic winter, three men set off from Cape Evans to reach the Emperor penguin colony at Cape Crozier, on the other side of Ross Island, to fetch some eggs when the embryos were at the right stage of development to yield potential clues to the evolution of birds.  The adventure ended up being more of a test of human endurance than avian ancestry, and the results got from the few specimens they did collect did not advance the theory they were hoped to prove (though scientists would remind us that negative results are still results).  However, it is an amazing story of what people are willing to undertake for the sake of intellectual progress, and in this instance, of how cast-iron character can make the unimaginably awful endurable, and as such, it very much warrants the retelling.

Unlike Cape Evans, Cape Crozier is hard to get to, hostile, and not very well documented.  There was no way I could ever visit it at midwinter, but, having almost no clue what the place was like beyond the written word, it was vitally important to me to stand there myself and get a sense of the geography, so that I could draw figures groping around it in moonlight and blizzard when the time came.  Luckily the NSF agreed that it was important I go, because it was the most complex and expensive trip to arrange.  It would necessitate a helicopter ride; helicopters cost so much to fly, and are so necessary for shuttling people and stuff around any part of Antarctica that is inaccessible by plane (which is most of Antarctica), that their use is very strictly rationed.  I had exactly enough helicopter time allocated to get me to Cape Crozier and back.  Therefore, we had to fly on a day when it was absolutely certain we would not have to turn around, because an aborted trip would mean I didn't have enough flight hours left to try again.  Antarctic weather is unpredictable and Cape Crozier has a reputation for turning very nasty very fast, so this needed to be a careful judgement call.

The first day it was posited I fly, it didn't happen – I forget why; I think there was a backup in other jobs, and mine, being of low importance, got dropped to make room.  The second time, I was slotted for 3:45pm, though with one eye on the weather and the other on resources, the right was reserved to cancel at any time.  A little after 2:30 my coordinator called to say we were, as far as anyone could tell, good to go, so to meet at Helo Ops at 3 for the safety briefing and helmet fitting.

Accompanying me to the far reaches of Ross Island would be my coordinator, who had been a few times before; the pilot, who was one of the best in the biz and had flown for pretty much any Antarctic documentary you care to name; and a biologist, who was required to go because Cape Crozier hosted a rare and fragile species of Antarctic lichen, which we must be careful not to step on or disturb in any way.  The biologist who usually went on these trips was feeling unwell, so she sent a replacement, who was very happy to have the opportunity as he had never been to Cape Crozier before.  Of course, this meant he didn't know what the lichen looked like, but we would doubtless find out when we got there.

Team assembled and briefing done, we had only to wait for the flight to be activated.  The last possible moment came and went without cancellation, so we were on.

The latest weather report from the station at Cape Crozier was that it was 30% cloudy with winds at 7 knots.  Keeping an eye on the wind was important for obvious safety reasons; the cloud conditions, though, were important for less obvious reasons.  The helicopter pilot needs shadows and detail to be able to tell how far away the ground is, either to stay in the air or to make an emergency landing.  When clouds diffuse sunlight, a snow-covered surface looks perfectly blank, and no details show up to give a sense of scale or distance, so it's unsafe to fly.  

We were supposed to have flown along the south coast of Ross Island, following the route that Wilson, Bowers, and Cherry-Garrard sledged at great cost in 1911.  That side of the island was cloudy, however, so we were redirected to fly around the other side.  From a historical perspective this was a bit of a disappointment, but from an artistic one, the north side of the island was absolutely stunning, and I very quickly came to see why people with money to burn choose to travel by helicopter.

Plus, it meant we started out journey by flying over Cape Evans.

All of Ross Island is volcanic, and near Cape Royds is a small parasitic cone which was explored by the expedition's geologists, who were also the first to climb Mt. Erebus.  I thought it was named Mt. Sis, after someone's sister, but in fact it is Mt. Cis, after one of their dogs.  Our pilot had been this way before and had something special to show us:

On top of Mt. Cis is a pickaxe.  I don't believe there's any historical record of anyone leaving it there, but the Nimrod Expedition is not my speciality.  It has been checked out, and the pickaxe is a model that was in use in the early 20th century, so either an early explorer stuck it there and didn't bother writing it down, or a later explorer found an old pickaxe and stuck it there to give the impression an early explorer had done so.  Anyway, it's been there as long as anyone can remember, and doesn't seem to have suffered much, so will probably continue to be there for some time to come.

From there, onwards up the east coast to cross over the shoulder between Mt Erebus and Cape Bird, then over the snowy slopes of Terror, and the dissipating sea ice, to reach our destination.

Our first sight of Cape Crozier was the Adélie penguin rookery.  This is one of the largest in the world, where upwards of 250,000 penguins congregate to make the next generation of penguins every year.  I had not seen a penguin yet, and though my eyeballs were pointed directly at them, I was too far up to see any now, but their presence is evident in the vast, vast amount of light brown penguin poo.

On this side of Ross Island, the ice shelf is unimpeded by smaller islands or awkward quirks of geology as it is around McMurdo.  As it grinds around the corner, here, it crinkles, and then as it straightens out again, the crinkles break, and the ice lets in long fingers of sea, which freezes during the winter.  It is on these frozen fingers, sheltered from the worst of the blizzards by the taller segments of Ice Shelf, that the Emperor penguins incubate their eggs through the Antarctic winter.

It was these finger bays that our intrepid explorers were trying to reach, but they needed to establish their base camp somewhere a little more secure, on the solid rock of Cape Crozier.  We were on our way to do the same.

The hill coming up was incredibly exciting to see, perhaps even more exciting than Observation Hill.  When the Terra Nova first arrived at Ross Island, it was not on the McMurdo side of it, but rather here, because Cape Crozier was posited to be the most sensible site for Expedition headquarters. It had been explored on the Discovery Expedition, so they knew there was permanent access to the ice shelf, and thus the road south, unlike Hut Point or Cape Royds which would be cut off by miles of open sea for half the year.  It had reliable fresh water nearby, and the Emperor penguins would be right next door.  On the day the Terra Nova arrived, though, the swell on the sea was too high to permit a landing, and when they sent out a scouting party on one of the whaleboats, they discovered no suitable landing place. So they had no choice but to make for the old familiar haunts on the other side of the island.

Now, this is so much historical trivia, except that as part of exploring my desired artistic style and putting together my grant proposal for this trip, I had drawn that scouting journey, and prominent in the scene is this very hill, with its orca eye-spot of snow.  The early explorers called it The Knoll.

This was based on a photograph taken on that day, which clearly shows The Knoll, and also that in January 1911 the ice front was a very long way back from where it is now.

As you can see, what is open water in 1911 is thick and pressured ice in my own photo from 2019.

Now, before you jump on this as proof that climate change is a lie, you may like to hear about my conversation with a scientist who has been studying the Cape Crozier Emperors for over forty years.  He said that, while usually the leading edge of the ice shelf crumbles into small icebergs, occasionally enormous chunks drift off in one go.  When they do, they take a whole generation of Emperor chicks with them, long before they are ready to swim, and that generation is lost.  There is another Emperor colony at Beaufort Island, off the north coast of Ross Island, and following a catastrophe at Cape Crozier, a lot of breeding pairs move to Beaufort, and vice versa. 

When the Crozier party arrived at the Emperor rookery in July 1911, Wilson was expecting the two thousand birds he'd seen when he visited with the Discovery, but there were only a hundred.  Therefore it is plausible that, sometime between 1903 and 1911, a very large chunk of ice had pulled away from Cape Crozier, pushing the shoreline back and scaring off the penguins.

Back to the present, now, or at least last November.  We had just passed The Knoll and were on our way to our landing site, a short walk away from the site of our penguin hunters' stone igloo.  The place they chose to call home is the thin little ridge sticking out into the mist at the left of this photo:

Here we come …

And there we are.

When the Crozier party set off on their science trip in 1911, the three men hauled two sledges for two and a half weeks, through deep soft snow and temperatures that broke known records – down to -77°F one night, according to the thermometer slung under the sledge.  The transcendent misery of marching in frozen clothes, not being able to get proper sleep for the shivering, and burning their precious fuel through the night just to survive, is carved deep in Cherry's writing of the experience.  To say it was hellish is no exaggeration: Cherry points out that Dante put the circle of ice below the circles of fire in his Inferno, and thought it was apropos.  The greatest challenge of our own journey out was landing the helicopter: given the sensitive environment and the fragile lichens, there was a specific landing site that was supposed to be marked out with stones.  Our pilot circled once to find it, and came back around because he couldn't spot it the first time, then finally landed right on the GPS waymark because there was no visible clue where the actual site was supposed to be.  As difficulties go, it hardly bears mention.  Whether we'd earned it or not, however, we were there.

[gloochie]

here’s a fuckin rant about how in love i am with sunny’s portrayal of realistic anorexia // ed tw obviously

doesn’t take up the character’s entire personality

yeah there’s tons of shows with characters that have eating disorders, but usually that is the only purpose of the character, so their entire personality is just the eating disorder. yes that is how it can feel for the individual in real life, that they are nothing without their eating disorder, but that isn’t how other people see them. their friends see a regular person and often don’t even see the eating disorder at all.

dennis is orthorexic and anorexic, that’s obvious, but that isn’t all that either the other characters or the audience see. as he’s primarily known as a ‘psychopathic narcissistic serial killer / golden god’, especially by ‘dudebros’. the other characters obviously think this as well, as the word ‘eating disorder’ and ‘dennis’ have yet to coexist in a sentence, and only on one or maybe two occasions have the other characters seemed to show any sort of concern for his habits.

the other characters don’t care or lack knowledge [ highlighting male eating disorder / mental illness awareness ]

from memory there are three occasions where the other characters seem to recognise his unhealthy behaviour. [ although there are many references to his ed in various other episodes ]

the first example is in ‘the gang exploits a miracle’ which is also the first and most major portrayal of his eating disorder in the show. dee had told him that his face looked fat, so he proceeded to not eat for three days. when frank discovered he was fasting, he said ‘why the hell are you fasting’ and sounded annoyed. and when he noticed him spacing out, he told him that he should eat but said nothing else. then when dennis faints at the end , he merely says ‘that’s what you get for not eating’. so the entire time, frank found his behaviour irritating rather than worrying. when dee discovers that she caused dennis to fast for three days, she expresses faux concern before informing him that he’s a terrible person. despite finally revealing to him that his face doesn’t look fat, she doesn’t hesitate to continue to put him down. [ mac and charlie seem to have absolutely no significant interaction with him in this episode, so their opinions at this point don’t exist ]

the next episode is ‘franks pretty woman’ dennis takes mac to the doctor to get a physical / blood test to try and show him that he’s unhealthy. dennis is then shocked to discover that both of them are unhealthy - albeit on different sides of the scale -, as it is revealed that dennis has anemia, dehydration, low blood pressure, and multiple vitamin deficiencies. these are all side affects from a restrictive diet. he also explains to mac in detail the other steps he takes, including skipping meals, and excessively exercising. mac does not seem too phased besides from exclaiming ‘that’s sounds miserable’. when dennis almost faints and informs mac he hadn’t eaten yet that day, mac reacts by saying he’s going to get him something to eat, which he does. the two end up eating chimichangas. mac says [ paraphrasing ] ‘see? i told you they’re good.’

the final time dennis’ eating habits are really noticed by the gang is in ‘the gang chokes’ in which he claims to have an ‘allergy’ to gluten, sugar, and dairy. this is obviously false as in previous episodes he’s eaten cheese, pizza, and other such things. despite mac forgetting, he tries to help dennis stick to his ‘dietary requirements’. later on in the episode, dennis claims to have ‘depleted his electrolytes’ and had fallen ill due to the pollen in the air, although he was acting similar to ‘exploits a miracle’ which may point to him fasting. mac is quick to help, he picks him up and carries him bridal style all the way home [ despite dropping him twice ]. finally, dennis grows sick from drinking the pizza and soda shakes that mac has been giving him, and mac claims it ‘wrecks havoc on his system’ which is why he’s sick, although the real reason is rarther ambiguous [ actually intolerance, mild refeeding syndrome, generally unwell? ]

dennis does not look anorexic.

this is possibly my favourite part of their portrayal. in movies and tv that are made to raise awareness about anorexia, the character in question is almost always deathly pale, extremely underweight. however, dennis isn’t like that at all. in seasons 9 and 10 he looks to be a very healthy weight, and in previous seasons he was still relatively healthy.

this is amazing to see because not all cases of anorexia are anorexia nervosa, not all patients meet the weight requirement for the nervosa diagnoses. so portraying someone with disordered eating but a non disordered body is great representation and often more realistic.

[ despite this, there’s obvious proof that glenn howerton has begun slimming down for his role as of at least season 14, dennis is starting to physically show signs of anorexia. ]

fatphobia projection

dennis is extremely fatphobic. in ‘aluminium monster vs fatty magoo’ he calls the slim models ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’, to the point where he takes their place [ while wearing a corset ]. he is also shown to find mac disgusting when he gains weight, he finds it so distressing that he obtains illegal medication and drugs mac so he will lose weight.

this is all a very common thing with anorexia and other restrictive eating disorders, the ‘ed voice’ that tells you that you’re fat says that others are fat as well, and your illness makes you internally fatphobic.

he isn’t just insecure about his weight.

there are many different reasons that one gets an eating disorder, whether due to trauma, preexisting mental illness, from stress, parental abuse etc. however one main reason is to gain a feeling of ‘control’ over ones body, to be able to shape it to your will and make it as ‘perfect’ as you can.

in dennis’ case, he claims to see himself as a ‘golden god’, sculpted by the gods, and just all round flawless. this is extremely obviously false, as the second a flaw is pointed out to him he takes extreme measures to rectify such a thing:

‘the gang exploits a miracle’ - he starves himself for three days after dee says his face is fat

‘how mac got fat’ - he dyes his hair and gets a chemical peel after feeling pressured to keep up his ‘reputation’ as the attractive one in the group

‘the high school reunion’ - he wishes to make a good impression at the reunion, and it’s pointed out that he was wearing a girdle to ‘seem thin for the occasion’, he was also wearing makeup but it’s not clear exactly when dennis started wearing makeup on a daily basis so i’m unsure if that was normal or not.

‘dee day’ - he’s extremely insecure and withdrawn without his makeup, he’s unable to hit on the council woman. when he later returns to the bar with his makeup back on, he denies wearing any and claims he was merely tired. this insinuates he wants the gang to believe his looks are natural and not fabricated

there’s also the fact that they’re representing male eating disorders! i don’t think i’ve ever seen a piece of mainstream media that portrays a male with an eating disorder. it’s fucking amazing of them to do it, not to mention do it as well as they have done.

in conclusion, RCG is portraying the most realistic and accurate disordered person i’ve ever seen in media.