#{ most def worth the wait LOL }

[vixeneptune]

2024 : MANIFESTED ALL MY DESIRES IN ONE YEAR

Part 2

Love life :

I'm having the best relationship this year! It's literally the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, its even beyond what I imagined! I literally met my perfect match our compatibility is off the chartsss we're so perfect together. He's def my soulmate we get eachother so well without even speaking. It's amazing how much fun we have together , it's so lighthearted yet deep , it's transparent and beautiful and pure. Ugh our love is so powerful! He treats me so well he spoils me all the time like I'm his princess all I do is just exist and he's like "omg goddess I'm obsessed with you". Not to mention he's so loyal, honest, generous, kind, masculine, secure, handsome, rich, he provides for me endlessly, he makes me laugh, I feel so comfortable and safe, our dynamic is the best I feel so grateful and he feels the same. This is literally one of the biggest highlights for me this year 😍 a love so powerful, passionate yet peaceful and uplifting. Marriage is def around the corner!

Social Life :

My popularity increased so much this year! Everyone seems to wanna be either my lover or my friend! Ig bc I've been focusing on myself and my life everyone is so magnetically attracted to me! I made some really amazing solid friendships this year ♡ I feel so blessed to have such good genuine friends who share my interests! It's amazing how much my social circle expanded this year I've def been getting out of my comfort zone and feeling much more extroverted, outgoing and confident socialising and connecting easily with others! I'm so charming and pretty and smart that people fall in love with me easily, I'm so easy to love, I lost count of how many love confessions I got this year! So many men interested in me and pursuing me, I'm literally everyone crush this year! I'm such a people magnet, my aura is so attractive and magnetic people find me so interesting and fascinating! Im not only pretty but i have a great personality, the best energy, and a beautiful rich mind and soul, that's why everyone is so drawn to me. I'm so good at relationships , I'm consistent, secure, open to give and receive. It's easy for me to maintain relationships and allow them to grow and flourish naturally and beautifully! I feel so blessed to be surrounded by supportive loving trustworthy people who understand me and want the best for me, they truly care about me. I love how comfortable I am meeting new people and forming genuine deep connections, it's so natural for me. Everyone is so sweet and kind to me, they treat me so well, they buy me gifts ,they constantly spoil me with love and attention ,they see my worth and value.

Extras :

I'm such a money magnet! I'm making sooo much money this year it's crazy it's like money is obsessed with me lol. A high value expensive woman like me deserves the best and attracts the best always ♡ I'm treated like VIP everywhere I go. My energy is so powerful it shakes every room I enter, I'm easily the center of attention cuz w my charismatic presence, everyone's eyes are hooked on me they're so infatuated w my beauty. My aura radiates abundance , security and confidence, I'm so calm and secure which makes me naturally the most confident girl in the room. My confidence, my charm, my popularity and my charisma increased dramatically this year! I'm fully tapped in my inner siren inner goddess energy this year and it SHOWS. My sex appeal and my beauty is beyond compare. I'm known as the it girl and everyone is inspired by me and thinks of me constantly, they're waiting on my every move bc im so iconic and such a trendsetter. I put myself out there and I succeed everytime without a doubt. I'm born to be seen I'm such a star girl ☆

For my 2024 subliminal visit my YouTube channel kali777

[andkisses]

♡ futon | enha ♡

ot7!enha headcanon: there’s something brewing between the two of you… if only he knew what to do about it

♡ ot7 x gn!reader | wc. 1.8 ♡ genres/tropes: uhhh angst ? yeah def a lot. you aren’t dating but u def should be lol; lots of they’re best friends but they won’t confess. ♡ mentions of/warnings: some jealousy what can i say ♡ a/n: little something for every member <3 jungwon’s first and the rest below the cut ^^ each part is inspired by lyrics from futon by ūla <3

♡ masterlist ♡

✧･ﾟ: * jungwon - “no dissing her, but you should be with me”

he’s almost certain this isn’t the way he should be going about this, but jungwon is also almost certain he’s out of options. he feels like he couldn’t be more clear about his intentions–his affections and romance and advances. he could hire a plane to fly a banner over you declaring his interest but you’d still be oblivious. maybe, he ponders before hitting send, it has to do with the friendship between you, and how long that version of the two of you has been a thing. maybe, he bites his lip as he types out his message, it’s because he’s seen you talking and for sure being flirty with other people. the five words at the end of his already short text feel the most potent: you should be with me. jungwon tries to keep his features still and serious as he watches you read the text from across him. maybe, outright confessing during a study session that’s worth nearly half your grade isn’t his wisest decision. but, again, he’s nearly out of options. at least texting you keeps it quiet–the cafe around the two of you none the wiser when your head shoots up, eyes wide, and cheeks red after reading. whatever your answer, jungwon knows it will be between just the two of you. and when he reaches out, placing his hand on top of your free one, he feels like everything is upside down waiting for your answer.

✧･ﾟ: * heeseung - “we could be together for like so long”

some would say he’s delirious, or delusion, but heeseung is convinced that if he somehow managed to catch your eye like that, you would be the best couple, a power couple to be contended with. at first, his cheeks would flush hot read when he realized he was staring at you–his best friend–so endearingly, somewhere beyond the ‘we’re just friends’ line every relationship like this has. now, he hopes maybe you’ll turn your head, catch him staring, and just ask. he’d pour his soul out for you, word by delicate word, if you asked. just so he could say how much he loves you, try to get you to see. your head snaps up from where you’d been resting it on a closed fist in the corner of the couch. heeseung’s own books flutters shut in his hands from where he sits in a nearby club chair. the blood rushing in heeseung’s ears–because, oh god, he realizes, he just said it outloud–makes it hard for him to discern, exactly what you say in response, but he knows what’d you say. plus, he can clearly see the confusion on your face, the gears turning in your head about how he said it, and what way did he mean it. heeseung places his book on the side table, quickly crossing the room to kneel beside you. he’s already said it, and maybe you asked when he couldn’t hear, so he might as well pour out his soul, word by delicate word. he hopes for the best.

✧･ﾟ: * jay - “sleeping in your sweater on my futon”

it’s been like this forever, he knows that. you go to his place, or he comes to yours, and you hunker down and try to watch as many movies or episodes of a tv series at once. ultimately, the night will always end with you slumped against each other, breaths matching. you’d wake up, necks sore from sitting upright and sleeping crooked on each other’s shoulders. it was so… innocent. delightful. now, as jay watches you from across the room–you, in his sweater you took without asking because you were cold, and he let you without question–he wonders when it changed. the way he saw you. one day you, you were his friend–his best friend since as long as he could remember. then, one day, or maybe gradually like how the night fades into the dawn, jay saw you different. an exciting, terrifying different. suddenly, it was the sparks he felt with your hands brushed, or how his heart swelled like whenever you would rest your head on his shoulder. oh, if only he had the bravery, the courage, the guts to say everything he thought. the way he wants to hold you, and spoil you, and do everything he could for you. sometimes he’s convinced you feel the same way, the way you laugh with him or reach out to touch him, his shoulder or hand or cheek. other days, he’s not so sure. so for now, he’s stucking, watching you sleep on his futon, wondering when he would ever find the words to speak to you.

✧･ﾟ: * jake - “i can make it better if you hold on”

he never thought it would get to the point, where the something between the two of you was finally something almost tangible. yes, jake probably should have felt bad for you when you called, heartbroken and crying that your boyfriend–well, now your ex–had dumped you. it should have torn him up inside, seeing you like that. and it did, really. that unique feeling you get in your chest when someone you love seems like they’re falling apart. he wished he could have said something to your ex, but ultimately you were more important. you always are. however, this event also sparked a unique joy–one that brought everything he’d tamped down back to the surface. jake thought he would need to keep these feelings under wrapped and near-forgotten forever. but now? his chance, his luck. whatever you wanted to call it, jake was going to do his best to make it happen. he’d either finally be able to be with you, or you’d finally reject him outright. either way, he’d be rid of the current problem plaguing his heart. the after effects? what could befall the friendship between you two, the one that had grown from strangers to acquaintances to the closest of friends? the ones who get mistaken for lovers all the time? quite frankly. not his problem right now. right now, he had to muster enough courage and time to tell you first.

✧･ﾟ: * sunghoon - “you should just forget her and we'll move on”

sunghoon was used to you dating–you were “particular” about your dates, you always said. they needed to have a certain something, not that you would ever elaborate on it. it used to be cute, something endearing sunghoon found in you, his friend. but then something changed. maybe the earth titled too far on its axis one day, or maybe sunghoon just hit his head so hard he forgot. but now, when he sees you, it’s somewhere beyond his best friend. you exist in his mind in the grey area past the line of “oh we’re just friends.” you exist so close to the line that, if you cross it, sunghoon gets to call you his, call you mine, all the time. he gets to brag on you, show you off. give you everything. but here he is instead–sitting across from you on his couch as you are talking about this one date you had months ago. again. maybe it’s the fact you only ever cycle through the same mundane talking points. the way you just haven’t moved on. maybe it’s the weather, your talking about this again, or the futures he envisions where he’s waking up next to you or you’re falling asleep together in each other’s arms. sunghoon didn’t mean to say those words–and definitely not with so much sincerity and spite. he feels his ears blush and burn as your words fall away, eyes wide, jaw slightly agape. now’s the time to find out which line you’ll end up crossing. at least you’ll be out of that grey area.

✧･ﾟ: * sunoo - “noticing you, are you noticing me?”

he’s gotten used to being the one who watches, who notices. sunoo feels like he knows everything about you at this point. the way you walk when you’re mad, or how you take your time to do your makeup before a big exam or something important. how you always use that word with him—friend. at first, it didn’t hurt. you were just a friend to him too. then, somewhere along the way, like all the love songs and all the cliches, you became different. or maybe the difference happened with sunoo. he would know–you still did everything the same, so uniquely wonderful and you. sunoo, spiraling in this realization, began to question everything–every interaction, every tine you were close or laughed with him or touched his arm or fell asleep next to him on the couch after a long day and a particularly boring movie. he’s thought of it all, to the point he began acting slightly off around you. he isn’t sure if he could handle your unknowing proximity anymore. surely, you didn’t act like this with everyone? surely, this was special and just for him? yes, sunoo watches and notices you, but it’s you. nothing else. curiosity, hope, and perhaps a good helping of dispair pull the question from sunoo’s lips one evening when you’ve done it again–laughed into his chest, hand on his arm. you look up at his serious expression, something new and inviting in your eyes. now, sunoo knows, you’re noticing him.

✧･ﾟ: * niki - “do i even matter? will you call my bluff?”

he thought he’d held his guard up well enough. niki couldn’t remember when his crush on you began, but he’s certain it’s called a crush because of the massive weight that now exists on his shoulder, on his mind. gone are the carefree adventures with you, and in are these mind-crushing emotions niki isn’t sure how to handle. they’ve always said you’ll know–is this what they mean? the panic he experiences when you’re so close to him he catches your perfume in the air? see the faint freckles on your cheeks? maybe he’s not as good at hiding his feelings as he thought,, because now here the two of you are, out on the sidewalk, stuck in place. the wind rustles through your hair, and niki does his best to keep his expression neutral, no matter how angelic you look. he watches as your eyes scan his face–great, now he’s got to live through this kind of scrutiny, too? maybe he should just tell you, right here as the sun sets and everything has been tinted blue. you’re smart, clever. you’ll figure him out eventually. he can’t keep this act up. maybe he doesn’t matter to you like that. maybe, you’ll decipher what all his actions mean and call him out. could niki handle you telling him to get over it? to move on? worse, could he handle the potential of never knowing how you feel? the world where two people are too afraid, too comfortable to express what they’re feeling. as you step closer, niki swallows, mind racing. maybe this is it–the moment where something happens, and he’s relieved or the crushing either gets infinitely worse.

[choccy-milky]

1. your fic is absolutely amazing. Have been bingeing it and I’m literally obsessed. The way you write just itches my brain in such a good way, literally cannot contain my love and appreciation for your work👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 cheers to you!!! Can’t wait to keep reading

2. As I was reading I found out you also deadass drawing the art to go w/ the fic?? Literally you’re living my dream 😭 plus your art is so so so well done!!!!! It’s added so much joy to my reading experience

Cannot wait to see what else you have in store!!’ Hope you have an amazing, AMAZING day, week, year, etc.!!!! 💞🙌🏻🫶🏻

OMG IM GONNA CRY 😭😭 BAHAHA U SENT THIS AT SUCH A CRAZY MOMENT cuz i just checked my ao3 comments and was down about a rude comment i got, and then i come to tumblr and like, a few mins later/literally AS i was venting about it, u send this BAHAHA your choccy senses were tingling. IM SO GLAD U LIKE IT THO AND THAT YOURE ENJOYING IT (and my drawings, even if youve defs seen spoilers by now BAHHA) hope u have a good day too, u defs brightened mine!! THANK UUUU💖💖💖

@kaviary-blog this looks so funny bc i censored u just to keep it (mostly) spoiler free BUT AW THANK U DAMN IM HONOURED THAT MY FANFIC WAS THE ONE TO MAKE YOU CRY?? IM SO HAPPY HOW INVESTED YOU ARE 😭😭💖💖 im also super happy with that chap and its so satisfying like you said to finally be able to tie of all those threads so IM GLAD IT WAS WORTH IT💖

@lovesicklovermia ONE DAY???? OMG. FIRST TWO DAYS NOW ONE?? ITS JUST GETTING SHORTER AND SHORTER. next thing i know someones gonna be like yeah so i took some highly experimental drug that lets me read at 1000% the pace of a normal person, and i finished ur fic in 2 hours 😍omg loved it!!!😍😍 BAHAHAHA but omg i totally see what u mean, they do HAHA. AND THANK U💖💖 IM GLAD UR LIKING IT💖

YEAH so in my fic fifth years are 16, and by the time things get....explicit....clora and seb are 17. im not against consuming media with teenagers depicted in sexual situations like euphoria or riverdale or w.e else bc i get that its fiction and these are just real things that happen so its fine to write about them, but their canonical ages of 15 was still too young for me and i wanted them to be 17 before it got the E rating (which is why clora and sebs birthdays end up being so close, bc i was RUSHING for them to turn 17 BAHAHHAA)

BAHAHA clora and seb secretly being together is like the most poorly kept secret in my fic, like im sure her parents technically KNOW, but due to old fashioned traditions and whatnot (and it being 1891) seb wants to be able to propose properly and with a proper ring, bc clive is intimidating and he doesnt wanna just be like "yeah so im dating your daughter and weve already fucked and i plan to marry her" LOOL he wants to do things properly and be with her with her dads permission(even tho its a bit late for that HAHA) BUT WE CAN JUST PRETEND. tldr its basically just out of some sense of chivalry on sebs side, a fear of her dad, and wanting to do things right LOL

ALSO WAIT OMG STOPPPPP I WAS LITERALLY JUST ABOUT TO POST THIS BUTI HAVE TO INCLUDE THIS NOW

YOU SAW MY POST AND IMMEDIATELY DREW THIS AS A RESPONSE WHILE IN CLASS?? BAHAHAHA IM ACTUALLY SO TOUCHED RN IM TEARING UP WTF THATS SO SWEET OF YOU WTFFFFFFFFF THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭💖💖 (NOW PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS!!🤬🤬)

[sharonisthebettercarter]

billy butcher and addiction--

felt there's a need for a good and proper analysis for this fucker (as well as i can manage, maybe throw in a bit of a rant on poor fandom etiquette, 'three laws of fandom' are an oldie but a goodie lol) so here we go i guess--

i wanna start by saying this is a full scope character deep dive (sortaish?? best i can do take it or leave it--lol i might go further in depth on specific scenes or whatnot later, i'm longwinded but i'm tryin' to condense as best i can for this, aaaaaaaaaaand long long post ahead--) that def includes elements solidly confirmed in dear becky and probably leans more on comics billy overall, but def does intertwine and interlock with show billy (as they are essentially the same, garth ennis' own words went something like 'he's a perfect billy butcher' lol)

i'll try to avoid spoilers (??) for the most part like dear becky, but there are some things that may need more context (there is quite a bit of in the show that works well enough to represent anyway but i guess we'll see how this goes, i may end up talking more about the show elements and how they parallel with comics billy anyway)

i also think it's worth mentioning that there's a lot to billy (especially in the comic) i feel fandom either ignores, dismisses or doesn't want to acknowledge, or just doesn't notice.

whether from personal bias/prejudice, desire (fitting billy into that 'alpha's alpha' toxic masculinity 'dom top' fever dream 'mold' so to speak, probably--no, definitely the *worst* way to interpret and easiest way bungle up his character, it completely misses the fact that billy has built *that* 'daddy approved' version of himself as a *facade* to *hide* his own shame and insecurity, and he is *so* much more complex than that nonsense (and genuinely uncomfortable and unhappy being that way-beyond the subtle guilt of a constant high). can we talk about the ways in which fandoms promote and perpetuate toxic masculinity--what, no time we'll be here all week?? oh, okay. jesus fucking christ that is exactly as bad if not worse than the maga chud interpretation and unironic worship of homelander--), lack of personal experience/familiarity, understanding--fuck it, even lack of education in media analysis or reading comprehension (if not both), and *especially* being pro-censorship/americentric/*stuck* with purity culture blinders (or even some part of them lingering)

all of those can def make media (and characters like billy) that isn't 'cookie cutter america-approved' fairly difficult to understand or accept (i guess??)

i've seen so much listed to hell and back in attempts to describe comics billy. 'he's a piece of shit' *YES*. 'he's just wish fulfillment for the author's hatred of superheroes' *no*??? let me not get into the complete hypocrisy of someone who writes or enjoys fanfic--the epitome of *wish fulfilment*--unironically complaining about other authors doing this and thinking it's a legit complaint. how does *anyone* read the entire story and come to *that* conclusion???

did you even bother reading the comic? no, i don't mean glossing over it with a completely closed mind while actively ignoring and dismissing everything important put in front of you and designed to make you think because the blood and guts or other is too distracting apparently, i mean *actually* reading it thoroughly and making an effort to think about what's being presented and why, waiting for the drop *instead* of jumping to judge (as is the american way)

and to some degree, i get it. i wouldn't say this comic is the easiest to digest (especially if completely unfamiliar with many of the themes presented, even the show has sparked some ass takes and interpretations) there's also plenty of common misconceptions, one in particular about garth ennis 'hating' superheroes. this is actually not true, what he hates is how the superhero *genre* has bottlenecked the comics industry and what is more likely to see success in it (and as a fellow creative, i completely understand how frustrating that would be, his main interest is actually war stories)

it's def one thing to say, 'nah, i don't vibe with the style' or 'it's not really for me/my taste but it's fine if others like it', i get that, satire and horror aren't for everyone. honest critique is fair even.

but it is a whole 'nother thing entirely to pretend your own personal tastes are *the only 'correct' creative law* and then *vehemently* oppose or hate something an artist created and denounce, harass, or fuck--dehumanize the people who enjoy it, if not the artists who work(ed) on it.

i'm sorry, this is a tangent cause it's def not limited to the hate the boys comics or ennis gets *at all*, it's especially prevalent in *literal* kids media like teen titans go where the thing in question is simply put--*NOT MADE FOR THE SHITHEADS NONSTOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT* when they can literally, *LITERALLY* just *accept* that they weren't the *target audience* and move the fuck on with their day, happy as can be. *instead* of shitting on something *or the people who like it* to make literal *children* or other people feel bad about liking it.

it's one thing to try and educate people or have discourse and discussion, it is another entirely to *bully* them over something so *stupid* as *fiction*.

i especially have a problem with this shit when i have *several* artists tell me that they don't feel *safe* or *welcome* being themselves, liking or creating what *they* want to make in a fandom *because* of the fandom attitude and normalization of *hate* within that fandom.

i *thought* fandoms were supposed to be about *love* so what the fuck is this human tribalist false dichotomy bullshit??

and of course, that's not always the case. there is also an unbelievable level of respect that is given to fanartists and fanfiction writers, and that is *beautiful*. 'don't like, don't read'. *PERFECT*. curate your own content, complain or rant in your own spaces--you're entitled to an opinion, but *accept* that it still has a right to exist and other people still have a right to love it (and aren't wrong for that, opinions cannot be objective), *even if you don't like it*. just don't engage then, it's that simple.

now extend that level of courtesy to the people, artists and writers in the industry.

no, i'm not trying to shut down criticism of media, proper critique is how we learn and grow and understand better and in turn *create* better. yes, they can fumble the fucking bag too, especially when adapting something from a source material and--like *some* fanfic writers out there--think they can do it 'way better'.

but the people in the industry? who bend over backwards, going on strike in some cases, breaking their necks to work on and create the things that we *love* and latch onto?

they're people too. and whether the thing they make goes *exactly* how we want or not, however you feel about the money in the entertainment industry (which they see barely a dime of if those fucking strikes and constant mistreatment are any indication), they don't deserve to be treated like scabs.

that mentality of 'not my personal taste = universally bad' and 'anyone who disagrees with my opinion is wrong' is fucking gross and *extremely elitist*, just straight up announcing how pretentious, obtuse, willfully arrogant and ignorant, and *lacking in self awareness*--the number one easiest way to be the *shittiest* kind of artist/writer/critic--you are. it is *exactly* like cishet white men complaining about something being 'bad' because it's 'woke' or has anything *besides* a cishet white man for the protagonist.

*god forbid something isn't tailor made specifically for them.*

swear to gawd, i got a list of different bullshit and circle jerking i've seen all across different fandoms for different reasons. no i'm not mad at any one person in particular, just a little salty from recurring problems and gatekeeping (ghoulfucking-GHOULFUCKING OF ALL THINGS I--I CANNOT) if not straight up bullying (does it really make a bitch feel *so* much better to try and hurt other people for liking what they, and let's be honest, are not willing to give the time of day?) in fandoms. (the complete audacity of people to complain about a media being 'childish' or 'bad' because 'insert nonsensical trivial bullshit here that holds no weight because it's personal taste if not flat out wrong and not actual critique' and then turn around and throw the biggest fucking tantrums about it--let me not get into the whole sharon carter debacle jesus christ--)

same shit. different pile.

also, fuck me. i keep *forgetting* that genuinely valid critique (*not* personal taste/opinion, proper critique pertains to things like techniques used, composition, narrative consistency and plot holes, goals of the artist/writer, accomplishments of those goals, etc.) is something that needs proper education and understanding all on its own which not a whole ton of people get or even know, which just goes to show--i'm a dumbass too. (but i won't deny that plenty of 'critics' are full of shit and *know* this but use their 'personal taste' as 'critique' *anyway* because... they enjoy being complete assholes and discouraging other artists i guess.)

y'all, take a class or two in art critique and literature analysis. you'll learn all the cool lingo (to later forget if you're like me~), and maybe (hopefully) walk out with a bit more of an open mind wanting to encourage more art in the world, even if you don't personally like it. take a moment to *listen* to differing opinions in their *entirety* and you might even gain a new perspective.

*no one* should be ashamed to ask questions or admit they don't know or understand something and fuck the people that would make you feel that way. *we can and should help each other.*

but stagnant or hostile fandoms with no self awareness and perpetuated elitism circle jerks? *really* fucking shameful, regardless of the form or where they are.

ANYWHO--

ugh, fuck. okay. i think i'm done with that tangent, back on topic--

BILLY BEAN~<3

and i want to reiterate that *again*, dear becky *does* confirm pretty much everything i'm going to discuss here tho technically speaking, nothing is spoiled here as it's just reiterating what is implicit (if not stated outright) throughout the series.

as far as dear becky goes, it's a good final gut-wrenching piece to the series and i loved it, but it definitely leaned on more of 'tell' instead of 'show, don't tell' (no duh in context, but probably because the rest of the comic did the 'show'--very well imo but it still flew over peoples' heads and made them misplace their brains--i'm sorry, i've just lost so much patience for the lack of reading comprehension and media literacy, but honestly? ennis is genuinely too good at knowing how to spark a strong emotional reaction in readers. and can we talk about the dense mofos that *make* authors have to 'tell' just to confirm something that is heavily implied--what, no time? oh, fuck, fine.)

OKAY--

addiction.

what about it, and why am i mentioning it. well. because if it's not clear by now, william butcher is an addict.

and it is one of, if not the core element that drives him to do what he does.

not becky or becca. not justice.

addiction.

and i don't mean traditional substance abuse (though he admits there has been as much in his life, especially with alcohol, his drug of choice is a bit more complex and maybe not so easy to spot on the surface for those unfamiliar with addiction).

in the show, we even see him mention that he's 'done 'em all' and there's *nothing* like temp v--and it's because temp v *amplifies* his *addiction* to the highest level it could exist on.

something else to note, there's a ton of stigma and widespread (ableist) misconception surrounding addiction still (which may be part of why people may not want to recognize it in billy), but it is absolutely a clinical mental disorder and people who suffer from it should be treated as *medical patients*, not reduced to violent criminals and scumbags. (fuck you drug war and prohibition, you are the root of organized crime and you're racist as shit.) it's also possible to become addicted to *anything*. and i mean *anything*.

if you can repeat a behavior and your brain no longer cares whether or not that behavior is causing you harm because there is a *compulsive* urge for that *repetition* or a specific result from it? that is addiction. money, anger, pain, violence, self harm, attention, love...

you'd think the last one might be okay, but it's not. it's an easy way to get caught in the infinite loop of an abusive relationship, just with promise of it. no delivery necessary.

but it doesn't have to be drugs that cause addiction. hell, gambling addiction is a thing all it's own that can get *incredibly* severe.

and listen, too much of *anything* can be horrible for you. fucking coconut will give you the runs if you eat too much that shit is *not* fun pun intended--

i digress.

in billy's case? he's actually addicted to two i just listed.

violence. and self harm.

i mentioned before that what drives billy has next to nothing to do with what happened to becky or becca.

there's a common misconception that, at the end of the day, billy does have some level of good intent behind his actions, and to a degree this is true in the *complete reverse* of what people often assume, and this is proven repeatedly in both the show (with just what we have seen) and comic (where its laid out too heavily to ignore).

setting aside the fact that there's *never* a good 'rEaSoN' to commit or even attempt *genocide* (EVER. i have ZERO patience for the constant apologism of this bullshit, SWEAR TO GAWD FANDUMB--) and billy's genocidal tendencies on their own, the idea that 'he goes after homelander for becca' or 'justice' has been completely debunked.

'justice is not vengeance'

something to always keep in mind.

but... in the first season? hughie called him out on this.

butcher calls him a 'disgrace to robin's memory', and hughie--bless his little heart, responds with 'i think i'm doing this *for* her.'

it's an interesting response, because hughie is essentially saying--

'you'll *die* for this woman, but that's not what she would have wanted. i'm going to *live* for robin, and for *annie*, because *that's* what she would have wanted.'

and he's absolutely right. billy loved becca, would have died for her. but he refuses to listen and *live* for her.

the group therapist too even before hughie. she literally laid it all out, front and center in the clearest way possible, 'it's a defense mechanism', and then butcher had his little meltdown just before telling hughie about becca, everything he can, including *using* other peoples tragedies and his own *specifically* to manipulate hughie and try and make sure *starlight* can't *save* him from what butcher is trying to turn him into.

*so that hughie stays stuck on his reason to die, instead of finding one to live.*

in the second season, *becca* herself calls him out on this, multiple times.

'you put me on this pedestal but i never knew how to save you'.

'--i didn't come to you, i went to vought--.'

and that's just it, becca (and becky in the comic) is *intimately* familiar with billy's *addiction* and the underlying mental health issues he *wouldn't address*. she didn't tell him what happened even after the shock of it because she *knew* that it would just become a reason for billy to *give in* and be his worst self to a degree where she would *lose him* regardless of what she felt or asked for from him.

she felt she had to *suffer in silence* to *protect him* from *himself*, something that ends up *destroying* her.

becca wanted to *save* billy, but more importantly, she wanted *him* to *save himself* because she *believed in him*, *so much*.

'i never wanted that for you.'

she doesn't want billy to drown and suffer or cause harm in his own hatred and addictions. she *loved* him so much so, that she was willing to *drown herself* if it meant she could save *him*. she loved him *too much*.

billy's mum too, even tries to help in her own way. (she is much less aware of billy's activity in the comic, but we'll come back to her. for the show, this was likely in response to seeing the news about *stillwell*, something his dad fucking *praised* him for)

'--that he wouldn't have this hold on you--'

billy's actions are almost entirely driven by the *addiction* his father forced on him. on doing the things that would make his 'daddy' *proud*. and the thing is, he's *fully aware* of this.

he constantly *says* that *becca* is his 'reason', that she was his *cure*, but she's the *excuse*. his *new addiction* and *self medication* (also billy, you fucking cunt you *know* what you do and have no leg to stand on when it comes to self medicating--)

both in the worst of what he does and his rejection of addressing his own traumas, and she is *unwilling* in this endeavor. she never wanted this hate to consume him, she never wanted all of this death with her name as the signature, *she never wanted billy to be his father*, much less be something much worse.

he even admits as much in the third season when he hallucinates lenny who tells him his actions would 'break becca's heart'

billy responds something along the lines of 'becca's dead, it doesn't matter what she thinks'. (a line presented in the comic even more harshly, but it drives the point home perfectly.)

when he sees lenny again in his nightmare--

'i'm not that bastard--.'

'come off it billy, you always have been. cause anyone who's ever loved you, you end up gettin' 'em killed, don't ya--.'

'--the last person on god's green earth tryin' to stop you from bein' a monster, and what do you do? drag him down to your level... when he dies... and he will... then no can stop you.'

OOF OUCH OWIE--. the lenny stuff hits so damn hard but it represents *perfectly* what butcher's own *internalized beliefs* are.

mallory calls him out on it literally every season.

'--but billy! not the others!'

'it's like asking a cockroach to not be a cockroach--'

'--because it wouldn't stop with just homelander--'

'this was never about ryan or becca, it was always selfish. the hate inside that you want to let loose on the world.'

'--i was wrong... you are your father, always have been...'

and then there's billy's subsequent impulsive reaction to push ryan away, and *be his father*.

but hell, even in gen v when mallory is speaking to shetty.

and truthfully, billy was even showing *withdrawal* symptoms at the beginning of the third season.

billy himself, even *self punishes*, picking fights he knows he *won't* win as a way to counterbalance *and* satisfy his own addiction, infinite loop. vicious cycle.. (ooh i will def be coming back to the big one here--), and we see this in one *HUGE* way, and in many many smaller ways, but even in the more literal sense of going to bars, starting trouble, and laughing or smiling when he's getting beat the fuck up or *losing*.

it's even highlighted in the show, billy *seeking out violence* and conflict whether he should or not, *especially* when unnecessary. getting his own face busted up and smiling because of it is something that happens multiple times in the comic (even on accident in one instance), and is def given a place in the show. it's easy to pass off as billy simply being a masochist (which is def true lmao he does admit as much), but there's also more to it than that and it goes hand in hand with his *addiction* and--

what he thinks he deserves.

billy *hates himself* so *severely* that he actually *does not believe* that he is capable of the *good* that others, such as lenny, becca, his mum, and hughie are willing to *see* in him. he *completely* believes it when others say that 'he is his father' (internalizes it, struggles with it, and frequently acts on it).

he puts on a show. bravado, posture, and 'confidence'. and he's so good at putting on that front, that he can fool himself, even for a moment. and those that believe it will even *enable* him. and the people he feels *nothing* for? again, he maintains the front. he lives his life *masking*, *faking it*--so fucking hard. homelander could never--

and it's not even necessarily the result of toxic masculinity. don't get me wrong, he def has some issues with that lingering (y'all, if you have *say* you're an 'alpha' and posture out your sweet little ass off 24/7, you're def *not* an 'alpha' lmfao), but it's more so his own *trauma* that forces him to *cling* to that.

but when he *loves*, and he loves *deeply*, he completely rolls over and shows his belly like a kitten<3... when he was with becky, he was happy and comfortable, and all of that *ridiculousness* just melted away completely... he didn't feel any need for it because he felt *safe*, because this constant *insecurity* and feeling of being *threatened* all the damn time looming overhead had suddenly cleared up with becky there.

it's not even so much that billy doesn't feel fear. he might not traditionally (at all if his amygdala is damaged), but considering the fight or flight response, billy's *default* setting literally *is* that *fight* response. he's the way he is because he is *always* afraid and he's been conditioned for it to manifest itself as *rage*.

we see bits of his love come through in a few moments he has with people he has genuine care for. (the way he loves his mum and she instantly calms him down is genuinely so sweet.)

but it's always gonna come back down to 'daddy dearest'.

because of him, *billy is afraid of living*.

and--

his father. *is proud of him*.

billy is *just like him* or *everything he wanted to be* as a *man*, or at least is compelled to *project* this on the surface. and everything in *billy* that *is* his father, *just like him*, is *everything* that billy *hates*. so it manifests into an *intense* self loathing and spiraled addiction that magnifies the worst of what his father *forced* on him.

he *doesn't want* to be *his father*, but he feels, and fully believes that *he already is*. his self hatred is another form of *hating his father*, because *he is that man's legacy*.

so *billy* doesn't *believe* that he deserves love or goodness or care from other people (a parallel we see in homelander, presented a bit differently.) so he 'doesn't care'. makes excuses to not care (about people in general, if not just the very *prominent* antisocial tendencies), or leave, or push them away, lashing out to give *them* the excuse to leave him, because he is *afraid* and in his own mind, *unworthy*.

he's *afraid* of being loved, of *losing* that love, of *hurting* those he loves. he is *afraid* of being his own father.

but it's all he's ever known, all he's ever been *conditioned* to be. intoxicated, ever present, it's this terrible thing that destroys him but he *can't* stop. *addiction*.

and what better way to protect those he loves than to keep himself as *far* away from them as possible? than to *make* them hate him. than to do the *wrong* thing, to *disappoint* them. self sabotage. self punishment.

he can't stop himself. he deserves it.

lather, rinse, repeat.

so what does that mean for homelander, or even the reason he goes after homelander? the *real* reason.

'there must be *some* good in him because homelander 'must be' this 'ultimate evil that *must* be stopped', right?

not really. he's a symptom of a much greater evil, but he was never the root of it. if billy really wanted to solve the problems at hand and get *justice*, he'd go after *vought*, NOT homelander.

homelander is not even the real villain in *billy's* mind, in all actuality.

what homelander *is*?

temptation.

he is... the *ultimate* final high for billy. in terms of addiction to both *violence* and *self punishment*.

he doesn't actually go after homelander because he wants to 'stop him' or even kill him. not really. there are times billy starts a fight *expecting* to *lose*, *wanting* it. homelander *is* one of those times to the most intense degree that billy could find. and he even senses this when they first meet--unnecessarily, privately insulting the man because why?

because he feels *threatened*. because he feels *insecure*. because if homelander is *truly good*, even with *all that power*--

then billy has no fucking excuse--

it is, in essence, the same exact reaction that lex luthor has to superman. forcing himself to *challenge* him because of a *constant* sense of *fear*. (except lex *is* afraid of dying, so 1000% a huge coward lmao--)

but~, when he finds out homelander is *bad*?

homelander is billy's *failsafe*

to stop the person he feels is the most terrible evil of all *and* to set the world on fire in the process. a way for billy to kill two birds with one stone. compelled by his addiction to *chase* this ideation relentlessly.

homelander is to billy--his ultimate end, self punishment, a death wish, a *suicide attempt*.

and a way to *unleash his hatred onto the rest of the world*, *to make it burn*, even after his death. (this would be why despite many many MANY warnings to *not* push homelander *because of the catastrophe this will ultimately instigate and the loss of life this is bound to result in*--billy does not give a shit about the potential consequences. he welcomes them--)

if homelander were a *nuke*, billy would want to *launch* him. right now, homie is more like the *demon core*, incredibly dangerous and in some instances lethal, but not *yet* explosive.

billy *wants* the *warhead*.

it was why he got *so excited* at the *chance* of homelander offering him 'scorched earth'.

the man read billy like an open fucking book, and set the bait--

y'all, in other words, homie straight up went to billy's house and offered *crack* to the *crack addict*--fuck yeah he's gonna take that offer!

homelander never actually perceives billy as a real threat *at all* (safe to say, this is the main reason he doesn't kill him. there's a bit of personal complex combined with the deals/blackmail/request involved, but this would also be why he doesn't *hesitate* to 'kill' billy at herogasm. he genuinely gives no fucks about this poor man or his many anal complexes and daddy issues beyond the mild entertainment he gets from him and just how *easy* it is to read billy or rile him up. maybe a *dash* of novelty being found in billy's obsession with him. i'll go into the homie side of things in depth maybe someday soon lol but for now--)

and here's the thing, homelander isn't the *only* failsafe. he is simply the *ultimate failsafe*

included in all the possible bad habits billy has is pawning off his *responsibility* and personal accountability, even his *will to do good* onto others.

i mentioned before that becca (becky) was like a new addiction for him. and she was. in a sense, billy was using her to self medicate. she loved him, gave him love and made him feel good, no pain, no shame--but also no pause to think about that pain, self hatred and self doubt and actively address it. she was a way to not worry about his own *goodness* because she was an *easy* reason for him to *want* to be good.

and something important to note?

billy feels that he has *cheated* on becca/becky *since* the day she left/died. (there's a whole ass deliciously intricate story there but i'm trying to avoid the spoilers lmao. kind of a freebie hint i guess.)

lenny and hughie similarly make an effort to *hold butcher back* and reach out to him. (everyone does honestly, but not everyone is so successful with it). and butcher lets them, but *also* removes the agency of his own choice in the matter.

he doesn't just *let them* make him *good*, he doesn't believe he's capable of stopping himself on his own--but he believes in *them* because they *are* good, *truly good*.

hughie all on his own is *another kind of failsafe* and lo and behold, even calls butcher out on this by the end of the third season (theme is prevalent in the comic a lil different but again spoilers lol):

'i don't think you want to do this. i think you want me to stop you.'

*ding*ding*ding*!

nail on the head, hughie... butcher does not believe he can stop himself. so he sets up *failsafes* to do as much.

and let me just say, it is *unbelievably* shitty of him to do that, to pawn off the responsibility of his own behavior, whether good or pure evil onto other people. but i get it. and it fucking breaks my heart for him.

because *that* is addiction. it feels like mind control. aggressive compulsion. you feel ashamed, and hate yourself, and don't care if you hurt yourself or even others. but you keep *hoping*, *wishing*, *leaving a breadcrumb trail* so that *someone*, *anyone*, will come along and--

*save you. from you.*

and when you stop believing in yourself, in your own willpower to fight against this *thing* that just completely *destroys* you from the inside out... without *anyone* on your side, what else is left to do but to numb the pain?

i was able to recognize billy's addiction right off the bat because i've *been* to a lot of the places he has been. including the addiction. and he makes me so *fucking* mad because it's like seeing a version of myself *still stuck*, *still lost*, *still trapped* by my own issues and self loathing, and all of the abuse i've gone through--

and the biggest fuck up, the biggest *abuser* is me.

i can't *escape* me. *no one* can escape *themself*.

that fucker breaks my heart to pieces because *i have been there*, and i know just how fucking hard it is to *be* there, just how much harder it is to *get out* and start to *learn*--*who is it you really wanna be? who are you without this drug?*

and something he even says in the comics on a few occasions is--

'i'm not really here, i'm somewhere else watching this happen'

asserting that he *truly* believes that he has *no control* over *what* he is. (in contrast with homelander, who feels the weight of something similar but more literally in some regard, and in relation to so many other aspects in his life with the world around him.)

billy butcher *is* the *true villain* of *his own story*

of his own making.

he's not after homelander or even vought. he doesn't blame society or even his father at this point. he blames himself. and he's *given up* entirely on fighting himself. he's looking for his *overdose*.

*that's homelander*

ain't that a kick in the head...

it's part of what makes their relationship and dynamic so incredibly electric and titillating. it's got nothing to do with becca or becky.

butcher sees homelander as an easy way out. as a way to control the narrative, *maintain his own*, and *stop the bad guy* without bringing someone *good*, like *hughie*, down to his level.

he *sees* the parallels, a kindred spirit. he *knows* the potential. and he wants to be the *spark* to light all that *gasoline*.

because then it won't be his fault anymore. his *guilt*. he'll have passed on his *curse*.

likewise, he actually goes after supes in general for a similar enough reason, and it ties in with why he *doesn't* go after vought directly.

billy actually *likes* the status quo. to a degree, *needs* it, *needs vought*

because *vought* is the *creator* of his *supply*, feeding this addiction. and we hear billy say this in both the comic and show--

'with great power comes the absolute certainty that you'll turn into a right cunt.'

and billy actually believes this--about himself.

when he says it about other supes and even his intense hatred of them, it is a *projection* of his own issues and what he believes to be true for himself (that he would do the absolute worst thing imaginable given the opportunity). and in a way, going after them is in some ways a metaphor for stopping and destroying himself, hating himself, as much as it is a way to maintain his addiction.

and--

maintain the narrative he has built--that he is the true villain.

and if that's the case, well... it takes a *hero* to stop a *villain*, right?

but also--y'all remember that scene in the suicide squad where polkadot man imagines everyone as his mum? how he imagines starro as his mum?

yeah, that.

that's basically billy. every fucking supe, including starlight, and kimiko, and let's *really* not talk about what this means about him sleeping with maeve in context with his 'supe=daddy' issues, but even the person he sees in the mirror. *all of them* are *his father*.

listen, i'm not kidding. billy's daddy issues are seriously severe, so fucking bad, i--

his actions aren't for becca or becky or ryan or justice. even he *knows* that's bullshit and admits as much (which just makes fandom denying it that much more fucked). but they're not even *just because* or because he's genocidal, antisocial, or anything else. he *does* want someone to stop him. he's sane enough to recognize his actions for what they truly are *behind* the mask.

billy's actions are a volatile and violent *cry for help*, because he never learned how to *ask*, or even how to *believe in himself*.

he never truly learned that *he never had to be his father*, and he didn't *need* becky or becca, lenny or hughie to *be good*.

i actually think billy's greatest magic trick is convincing even the audience and readers that he is a *total*, complete piece of shit. and don't get me wrong, he is *def* a huge, massive, incredibly rank and ripe piece of shit--.

and y'all, i'm sorry if you believed him and got played like a damn fiddle, him and homie def throwin' in some hard balls--

but he's also still human. he also still needs just as much if, honestly? maybe even more, fucking *help* than homelander. which kind of draws back into their parallels. the tomfoolery of fandom might have you believe that billy is less complex or more put together than homelander, but their situations go hand in hand and the evidence suggests (if not confirms) something quite different.

billy's plight and even goal in some sense is *convincing the rest of his world that he is a monster*. driven by the addiction his father gave him. enabled by the world around him.

homelander's? it's actually the complete opposite. his struggle is with *his world convincing him that he is a monster*, and in turn, against his own instincts, *growing* into that role. when in reality, he never got the chance to decide for himself, it was decided *for* him a long long time ago.

'i think, therefore i am.'

'i can, therefore i must.'

however, *our actions cannot define who we are, because we can choose our actions*. good or bad are not something you inherently *are*, they are something you *choose to do*.

it paints what in turn becomes quite the brutal and tragic picture when these two forces meet. homelander and billy are both of the mindset that they *don't have a choice*.

and this bit is a bit more of a personal thought, but regarding billy's mum, she was *becky*. she was sweet, and kind, and cared for her family more than anything. *it didn't matter what she suffered, she was willing to drown if it meant saving the people she loved*.

as much as i adore how cute becca and billy were, i don't think she would have saved him.

i think the implication is that she would have either 'drowned' trying and become his mum, history repeating itself in a vicious cycle as billy spread his disease to any child they could have.

or that she would have lost her mind. and in turn *become* the person billy spread his disease to, if not another enabler for him. if not billy's choice of drug, maybe she would have taken up something else and eventually overdosed. i would even say the show implies this outcome with both becca and hughie, as the more butcher pushes--the more worn down they get.

if you put enough pressure on someone--they break.

becca was *good* for him. but billy was so, so fucking *bad* for her.

it begs the question of whether or not billy *is* right, if he really is this monster, *fated* to become his father in the worse of ways. of whether or not it's too late for him.

he's certainly not 'normal' or 'right' or 'good' or even an 'anti-hero'. at best, you could maybe call him an 'anti-villain', he is meant to be the deuterantagonist.

it def doesn't help that every time he has the *chance* to do the right thing, *someone* goes and enables him, gives him a reason to do the *wrong* thing.

fucking maeve in that last episode of the third season. but she's def not the only one, and def not the only time. (and yes, if it wasn't clear enough, being completely fucking indifferent to killing *thousands* of people to go after *one* fucking guy is in fact, the *wrong* thing to do.)

butt.

rewatching the scenes with lenny and billy's reaction, and even the final fight, showed something of a *possible* silver lining.

billy *enjoys* rejecting his father. actually pretty fucking greatly if we're being honest. generally speaking, it's when he *rejects* his father and everything that man represents that billy is at his *happiest* (lmao the epitome of an unfulfilled submissive sweetheart and bratty bossy bottom~<3<3<3)

there's a moment, where soldier boy says something along the lines of--

'--fuck you. you're weaker than he is.'

in regards to homelander. it's sort of glossed over, but this is billy's reaction to essentially being called a 'disgrace' so to speak by a toxic 'alpha male'.

y'all see that? it's a smile. lmao a smirk.

this is a moment where billy is protecting *ryan* and keeping his promise to becca. it's a moment where billy is *doing the right thing*, all on *his own* (mostly lol i'm sure there's a roundabout way to justify it in his head). and i think that's key.

it's not just a moment he's proud of himself and has a legitimate fucking reason to be proud of himself, (oh btw, we shoulda *all* been proud of billy in this moment), it's a moment he's *breaking through what his father made him* and his own *addiction*.

and he's doing it *selflessly* and--*without setting that responsibility on another person*.

so we *know* he has it in him, he always has. even becky *in the comic* kept trying to convince billy that *he is capable of good without her*. and again, we actually saw this in the second season when becca and ryan were reunited and billy *changed* his plans, *for becca*, instead of doing the selfish thing and selling ryan back to vought.

but if billy doesn't believe it himself...

i don't think billy is right about himself. but it is very *very* difficult for someone to *correct course* so to speak, once they have their *core beliefs*, lay out their own destiny and start along a *self fulfilling prophecy*, something him and homelander *both* do.

enter ryan.

and suddenly (lol probably in part due to reading dear becky lol), there was a bit of... not so much new, as *confirmed* perspective in play after that rewatch, something to *look* for and ponder in regards to *why* ryan may have been added for this story, a question in mind--

'would it be wrong of *ryan* to want to save his father?'

was it wrong of becca or becky, hughie or lenny, even his mum, to want to save billy?

how would *billy* even begin to answer such questions?

a different answer for the two would be a clear hypocritical bias (which lol i would not put past billy, but i also wouldn't be surprised if he maintained consistent thinking by answering *yes* to both)

. . .

y'all...

i still can't say i'm particularly optimistic about things turning out alright for either gent or ryan, butt~<3

garth ennis literally made the saddest, most pathetic, deliciously sweet, perfectly precious, extra emo tsun tsun baby boi ever, and put him right under our noses.

some a y'all fucking sneezing all over him, straight up sleepin' on all his *best* bits. how are we not utilizing billy butcher *properly~<3<3<3*????

;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[clowningaroundmars]

damnit i thought about Separated At Birth morales twins too hard and now i went and wrote this whole thing about it 😔

pls forgive me.

but also. uh. enjoy lol

- normie au (no powers)

- milo is aaron's adopted child, and he lives with aaron and his gf in their apartment. aaron didn't adopt milo with her tho, milo's actual adopted mom died when he was young unfortunately

- miles is still rio and jeff's son and neither boys know their bio parents. jeff and rio know a bit tho (they still have the adoption agency papers but havent looked thru them in a while). aaron lost the papers and info in a house fire

- jeff and aaron are not brothers in this au. i... havent decided whose last name is whose but yeah

- aaron does sketchy stuff to provide for milo, he does. milo doesn't get involved whatsoever tho, aaron's p overprotective in like a chill way and would never endanger his kid like that. milo doesn't even really know the details. he just knows his dad stays out late working often, and then when he comes home he brings enough moolah back to buy his son an expensive silver wristwatch :)

- the twins do not know that the other exists. like at all. they've always felt like there was smthn missing in their lives tho... like an incomplete puzzle waiting to be finished

- the parents... know? that their kid has a sibling somewhere out there? but the details were left vague when they finally picked up their child and they all kinda assumed the other was just like lost to the World Out There. aaron most def did not concern himself with trying to look for the other child, one was plenty enough for him lol

- the twins discover each other when miles wins the lottery to study at visions and milo is just enrolled str8 up (thank you aaron's money!) but they dont even find each other for the first time at their school. they actually see each other in the windows of passing trains that they're taking in nyc one random day. its a weird dream-like moment for both of them

- milo, once he gets home: hey aaron do i uh have a secret twin somewhere out there or what (half-joking) (but not really) (ahaha) (👁)

- THEN they find out they're both enrolled in visions academy. milo was already p well adjusted by the end of the 1st day but became curious abt this weird nerdy kid everyone seemed to avoid anyhow. when he found out it was the kid with his face at the train station, they both flip out in the hallways!

- (insert spiderman x2 pointing at each other meme here)

they circle each other a couple of times like dogs meeting in a park, sizing each other up with squinted eyes and knitted brows. miles' mouth was hanging open.

after a bit, they stopped and met eyes, green against brown.

"you... you have got to be kiddin' me," miles breathed. "you look exactly like me!"

milo's eyes are still roaming, pupils bouncing around and scrutinizing his mirror-self standing right in front of him.

after a beat, he spoke slowly, sounding like he was trying to choose his words carefully. "... yeah. yeah, that is weird. you're like me, huh."

miles sucked in a breath. "i-i mean yeah? i guess?"

the bell rang suddenly, cutting the hazy dream-like atmosphere in half like a knife. the boys startled.

"gimme your number," milo demanded quickly, stepping to prop himself up against a wall and move out of the way of the incoming crowd.

miles swallowed and dug around into his pocket hastily, fumbling his phone a bit as he pulled it out.

milo laughed, and it was-- so weird!-- to hear miles' own laugh coming out of another boy that sounded quite a bit like him to begin with. is this what the uncanny valley felt like?

"what?" miles balked self-consciously, swiping over to his contact info.

"you don't already have your own number memorized, dawg?" milo says this with all the confidence in the world, a simple crooked grin and tilt of his head just overflowing with self-assuredness. as if his own self worth really came from within.

miles bit the inside of his cheek and swallowed down the feeling of envy bubbling up into his lungs. "uhhh, no? i literally just got a phone plan like, yesterday." it was hard to keep the judgemental tone out of his voice when he already felt like he had to be on the defensive.

milo's eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

"oh," was all he said.

"oh?"

"lemme just give you mine," milo steps closer, eyes constantly roaming and watching the students currently walking around them, like river water being parted by a big stone in the middle of roaring rapids.

he shot off a series of numbers and miles dutifully plugged it into his contacts list. the second that miles tried to save it was when he realized: shit, he did not know this mystery boy's name!

"oh, h-hey, i didn't get your n--" but once he looked up, the kid had already disappeared into a passing wave of students rushing to get to their next classes before the bell rang again.

miles blinked, looking back down at his screen. the phone number that was punched in was the only solid proof that this mysterious interaction even happened at all.

my god. this wasn't a dream...

miles hastily tapped in "twin???" for the contact name and hit "save".

- ganke is the first to hear abt miles having a long-lost sibling, and he gets his ear talked off abt the possibility of that sibling being an identical TWIN!!!!

- milo does not dorm up at visions. miles suggests they move in together the next year but milo's slightly spoiled ass is not very excited abt sleeping in a room the size of his closet. plus, he hates bunk beds

- aaron's kinda loaded so milo's always got the hookup. he always has the flyest fits, latest shoes and coolest equipment. miles is highkey p jealous when he finds out. milo is... actually not very spoiled despite all of this tho! probs bc he's always training in mma, and aaron drills the importance of self-reliance into him often

- aaron and jeff do not like each other At All. for the kids' sakes, jeff doesnt mention that he's actually slapped cuffs on aaron for a small offense before, but yeah. they have beef. aaron is already anti-cop anyways-- probs sitting at a 9 out of 10 on the hater meter-- but after meeting jeff, he's bumped that up to a cool 15

- the twins meeting: YOU!! 😲😳🤯😄

the Dads meeting: YOU. 😠😠😠

- kid swaps are always just the twins going: YEAAAH!! SLEEPOVER!!! :D

meanwhile

jeff: aaron.

aaron: officer davis.

*forced smiles and tense eye contact as they visibly seethe while the twins chatter happily in the bg*

- milo and miles live almost opposite lives, and they're very different. but where they truly connect is with COMICS!! and other assorted nerdy stuff. they watch anime together and swap comics n manga regularly. eventually, miles gets invited along to go to comic con with milo and aaron

- milo usually keeps a cool and collected front around ppl (just like his dad!) but he is most def himself with miles. he devolves into goofy silly shenanigans when they link up

- miles meeting aaron: 🤩 wow milo your dad is so COOOOL!

milo meeting jeff: wow miles. 😬 your dad is a cop. hm.

- jeff and milo eventually learn to get along but milo feels weird abt jeff being not only a cop but also making captain soon since he's been raised on lupe fiasco, NWA and KRS one songs since infancy. milo's household is #ACAB or bust lol

- they both bring up random injuries they had in their lives and try testing the "twin connection" theory. milo randomly hurts himself to see if miles will bring it up (like purposefully giving himself a papercut or smthn). they both p much develop a spider-sense for when their twin gets in trouble too

milo suddenly perks up at the dinner table, homework sheets spread out before him in every direction. he's trying to solve a problem using an equation of motion when he gasps and sits straight up, nearly dropping his pencil.

aaron is still prepping dinner at the counter not 5 feet away. he glances at his son curiously.

"dad," milo says with all the seriousness of a supreme court judge, "miles might be in trouble."

"... huh?" aaron's brow is raised.

not a second later, aaron's cell phone is buzzing where it's propped up on the microwave, pausing the music that was playing on a nearby bluetooth speaker.

MILES flashed across the screen.

aaron wiped his hands on a kitchen rag, gave his son another sidelong glance, and hit "answer".

"u-ugh. aaron?"

this was strange. miles never called him, they usually just exchange quick and courteous texts whenever it was necessary, but never more than that. aaron joked it was a "youngblood" thing, kids these days could never just make a quick and easy phone call.

so he knew it had to be serious if miles was even bothering to not only put in a call, but put in a call to him.

"miles? wassup?" aaron replied, grimacing at the strained tone and small gasps coming in on the other end.

"u-uhm..." miles stalled.

"kid," aaron started, as serious as a heart attack, "is something wrong? you sound like you're hurt."

behind him, milo stands up quickly, homework completely forgotten about.

"... y-you have to promise not to tell my parents first, heh. they'd probably-- ngh-- a ha! they'd probably kill us both if you did."

geez. even when he sounds like he's hurt, miles still manages to get a quip out as casually as he can manage.

aaron is moving towards the coat rack now, and milo's already went ahead to his room to put his shoes on without another word.

aaron's answer is careful. "... we'll talk about that when we get to you. where ya at?"

miles sucks in a breath that hisses through his teeth and from the background aaron thinks he can hear dogs barking in the distance.

"okay, so don't freak out but i might be like... near an abandoned building. i-i think they used to be apartments..."

aaron mentally projects a map of the brooklyn-manhattan area that he knows in his head as he switches to speakerphone. but nothing really comes to mind as he racks his brain for any abandoned apartments that he knew of.

"just send me your location, kid. we'll be there in no time."

miles chuckles gratefully. "th-thanks, aaron..."

- milo and miles are actually p jealous of each other, even tho they'd never admit it out loud (altho miles is awful at hiding his envy lol)

milo is jealous of miles' parents, and how involved and loving they are. not that aaron isn't involved in milo's life, but it's just that his work often gets in the way of actually spending quality time with his son as often, so milo is left alone a lot. they also moved around a lot as well, so he didn't get the chance to become as popular and well-loved on his block like miles did. he doesn't have very many friends.

miles is jealous of milo's freedom and independence, and his seemingly dazzling life. he gets that milo can be p lonely and introverted at times, but he'd kill just to spend a day in his twin's expensive shoes! if only his well-meaning but annoying parents would just hop off his ass about things, maybe then he'd be able to just... spread his wings and fly

- rio and jeff suggest a DNA test to see if milo and miles really are brothers. they scoff at the idea at first ("i mean c'mon, we literally have the same face," milo points out.) but aaron agrees. better to be safe and 100% sure than to have even a hint of a doubt, plus it would be great to have physical proof that they were indeed twins after all.

so they took the test and waited nervously for the results. miles lamented the possibility of them not really actually being the long-lost-sibling they both had. milo would try to reassure him anyways; even if they weren't biologically related, they could just lie and say they were since they looked so similar anyways.

but they got their results in the mail and it was confirmed: they were 100% related!! miles cried. milo cheered with joy and they immediately facetimed each other.

when miles accepted milo's facetime call, his entire screen was suddenly taken up by milo's grinning face unnervingly close to the camera.

laughing and wiping his tears, miles propped his phone up on his desk. "man, you're being weird. back up!"

"oh, am i? am i being weird, bro? brother of mine? brother dearest? broski? boy who is genetically related to me?"

"ahaha! man, quit it. anyways, yeah i got my results too obviously. milo, when i tell you i ran so damn fast after going to the store-- i never ran back home that fast in my life."

"'cause i texted you, right?! your welcoooome!" milo practically hollered right into the phone.

"chill, chill, chill." miles rolled his eyes, still sniffling a bit but grinning just as wide.

sounds of items being pushed off of milo's own drafting table filled the background, and all miles could see for a second was the logo on his brother's hoodie before the camera was finally positioned correctly.

"... okay. okay, hopefully it doesn't fall. okay, cool. so!"

milo then bounces up from his chair and shoots off to go somewhere off-camera. miles can hear papers rummaging for a second before his excitable brother comes and throws himself back on his chair again.

"so, let's read this damn thing together 'cause this is just-- hold up." milo pauses, putting the letter down and squinting at his screen. "are you... were you crying?"

miles sits straight up, hastily swiping at his face. "uh! maybe? so what about it?"

milo laughs, throwing his head back. "aaron!!" he yells, at the top of his lungs.

miles cringes. "bro! what the hell!!" he shouts back.

"miles cried!! he's cryin' just like i said he would! you owe me 30 bucks!" then, milo turns back to his phone, smirking. "anyways!"

miles is shaking his head. "y'all are placing bets on me now? that is foul."

"ahhh well. y'know! nothing against you or anything, nothing personal!" milo has a cheesy, apologetic grin plastered on his face, and then he suddenly gets serious.

"but anyways, miles. c'mon, we gotta read it together, it makes it more real."

"what is this, a whole ritual you had planned or somethin'?"

"dude, humor me. this is a big deal!"

miles bobs his head and laughs. "yes. okay! fine, you start. you can read one paragraph and then i'll do the next,"

and together, they read off the results again, placing emphasis on the final result: a 99.995% likelihood of a full sibling relationship!

"99.995% yooooo!!" milo crowed, pumping a fist in the air.

"so yeah, that's all she wrote," miles sighed contentedly, folding up his piece of paper. "mamí already said she's buying a frame for this so i'm putting this somewhere safe."

then, they sat there together and smiled at each other.

"you know what this means, right?" milo asked suddenly.

"... no. what?"

"we always talked about, like..." milo sighed and leaned back in his chair, screwing his face up in thought. "like. that feeling? y'know, like something or someone was missing in our lives, right?"

miles chuckled. "uhyup, like that one time when i was on a field trip years ago and i randomly reached to hold someone's hand but he wasn't there? before we got all partnered up, obviously."

"and that other time when aaron recorded me when i was like a damn toddler talkin' about 'i need another toy for my friend' at the store once. he insisted it was an imaginary friend that i made up just to get more stuff. but looking back now, i didn't have no imaginary friend... no, i was looking out for you back when i didn't know you even existed..."

"yeah. that's... that is pretty weird."

"well yeah, but now it's not. 'cause we were right. turns out we were right the whole time! and we got scientific proof to prove it!" milo jumped up and ran a quick victory lap around his room, throwing punches into the air as if he were taunting his opponent in the ring.

"ooh, now i see what you mean. these results mean the two pieces are finally put back together, like officially. no more weird empty feelings anymore..."

miles leans back in his own chair, fingers clasped together on his stomach as he thought back to all those times where that strange, tugging feeling kept cropping up in small moments of his life. on field trips, on the playground, at school, on daytime trips with his parents.

and then he thought back to how that aching feeling just vanished after meeting milo. in all of the excitement of meeting a long-lost twin, he didn't even really notice how that longing simply just... went away. he couldn't even remember the last time he felt that specific feeling now.

"exactly, exactly!" milo whooped, before crashing back down into his chair again and jostling his drafting table. his phone fell in the process and he cursed loudly when it clattered onto the floor.

"milo, cool it!" miles cackles, but he feels the same swooping triumphant joy filling his chest nonetheless.

[captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship]

SJM ask game

I saw this ask game started by @milswrites and I absolutely love it!

1) What’s your favourite SJM book?

It is a tie between ACOMAF, QOS, and CC1. Those are my top 3 and they rotate on a daily basis on which is my favorite.

2) Which is your favourite series (tog, acotar or cc)

TOG is def my favorite of the three. The story is so beautifully bookended, each book can stand by itself, the characters are amazing and they go through so much growth. I love ACOTAR because I love the relationships that are built there and the world building is so interesting. I also read ACOTAR at a very dark point in my life and reading about Feyre digging herself out of the darkness helped me do the same. I love Ruhn Dannan. Daynight is life. Enough said.

3) Who is your favourite character? (And why?)

I have to have a favorite character from each series. For ACOTAR, gwyn has whittled her way into my heart as my favorite character. Her bravery, her selflessness, her determination. We see her interact with characters who are previously shown to be extremely unaproachable and she treats them like normal people. She is healing and is in the process of building a life that is worth living. I cannot wait to read more of her journey in the next book. For TOG, my favorite characters are Aelin, Manon, and Lysandra. Aelin is forced to be so strong from such a young age, and the shit that she is put through just makes my heart ache. KOA broke my heart so many times because she felt so broken and I feel like we never got a true conclusion to it. Manon is such a prime example of Nature vs Nurture. She was Nurtured to be a heartless killer, but once she started seeing the world for what it was and seeing the injustices her people were committing, she and the 13 stood up for what was right and went up against their sister Ironteeth in battle in order to fight for a better world. Lysandra has been a favorite of mine since the first time I read her on the page. She was taken advantage of and was forced into a role outside of her command. The way she takes her own life in her hands, she puts the needs of others before her own, and was a friend to Aelin when she truly needed one will solidify her as one of my favorites. It is no surprise that Lydia is my favorite CC character. I loved her in CC2, but she CARRIED CC3. She is like the perfect mix of Rhys and Aelin and her ancestors would be proud of her and what she has done.

4) Do you have a favourite quote from one of the books?

I have a million favorite quotes. One of the ones I wouldn't mind getting a tattoo of is "Don't let the Hard days win" it is simple but so impactful and some days I need the reminder. I cannot stop crying when I read Lehabah's last conversation with Bryce. Also, I definately Bawl everytime Aelin hallucinates about her parents and her mom says, "Why do you cry, Fireheart?"

5) Favourite ship?

In no particular order: Gwynriel, Feysand, DayNight, Rowaelin, Lysaedion, Nestaq.

6) E/riel or Gwynriel? Or neither?

I think my username speaks for itself

7) Who’s the most underrated SJM character?

NESRYN MF EMPRESSES FALIQ. I love her. I know she isn't on my list of favorites but she is 100% a favorite. Her and Sartaq are just *Chef's Kiss*

8) Which character do you wish to learn more about?

Oooooh. Azriel, Gwyn, Jessiba, Lydia, VAUGHN, Lucien.

9) Are there any characters you don’t like?

Besides the bad guys? I don't care for Ithan but its not that I don't like him. He just reads like a washed up frat boy but I was impressed with his growth in CC3. It's not like I HATE him, he just isn't a favorite of mine.

10) Favourite bat boy?

It should come as ZERO surprise that Azriel is my favorite bat boy. However, if I had to choose ANY of the SJM Males to be my mate, it would be Dorian :) I would die fighting Manon for him but worth it lol

11) Favourite court?/ Which one would you most like to live in?

I most definately fit into the Night Court. Anyone who knows me knows I am a night owl and I would sleep all day and be awake at night if I could. If Eris was high lord, my second choice would be Autumn.

12) Favourite SJM villain?

I think we can all agree that Maeve is the most flushed out villian that SJM has written to date. I love to hate her.

13) If you could change one thing in any of the books what would it be?

I would get rid of all the "crumbs" for E/riel and I would make Mor more open about her sexuality with the IC from the beginning. I am fixing both in FM2M.

14) Favourite SJM theory?

Gwynriel are mates. There is way too much canonical evidence to prove otherwise.

15) Favourite Archeron sister?

Feyre.

16) A character you feel is over-hated/ underrated

Aedion. Leave my boy alone. Was he a dumbass? Yes. HOWEVER, think about his trauma and the BS Lysandra and Aelin pulled on him. He has had the weight of his kingdom on his shoulders for 10 years. He has been playing the game longer than he can remember, was taken advantage of by older men in the army as he worked his way up the ranks. His father's identity needed to be kept a secret to the detriment of his mother and he resents Gavriel for it. They were going to turn him into the same absentee father that he hated, and they threw his trauma in his face. He would have just been a breeding stud and would never be able to recognize his own children. It was a stab right to his heart and he was betrayed by the two people who meant the most to him in the world. Give the boy some grace.

17) Aelin, Bryce, or Feyre?

I think Aelin is the most fleshed out and goes through the most character growth. However, Bryce and Feyre have my heart. I will not choose.

18) If you wrote an acotar book what would you call it?

A Court of Scars and Shadows. Thanks @thebelladonnamoon for coming up with the perfect ACOTAR 6 title.

20) Who is your favourite acotar blogger?

Here on Tumblr, I love @acourtofthought @gwynrieldefenseatty but there are so many that I love :) And, as always, @yazthebookish

21)What fics would you recommend to people who love the series?

OH GOD. Off the top of my head for ACOTAR: ACoFD by @the-lonelybarricade (or ANYTHING by her and @separatist-apologist) ACOSAS by @thebelladonnamoon, Call Me Home by @propagandaprincess, There You Are by @sweethvilliandarlinggod

You can see my bookmarked favorite fics here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_of_the_Gwynriel_Ship

TOG Favorite fics: High Infidelity by @heirofflowers, Bad Intentions by @starseternalnighttriumphant, Illicit Affairs is my ALL TIME FAVORITE by @rowanaelinn, remanents by @the_dormouse, and The Inclining of Stars by @Slytherindemigod18

CC Favorites: I havent read too many, but you can always count on Verzavar Haz by @hlizr50 to break down your soul.

Questions for writers

22) Easiest character to write for?

Probably Feyre or Gwyn. I just feel like I can get in their heads the easiest.

23) Hardest character to write for?

Rhys (so far). It is why he hasn't had a POV yet in FM2M but there will be one in a couple chapters.

24) What’s a character you’d like to write for but haven’t yet? Ooh. Some of the TOG characters. I haven't ventured outside of ACOTAR yet but one day maybe.

25) What’s a court you’d like to write about more?

Autumn wink wink. And Hybern (I know it isn't a court but still).

26) What’s a character you won’t write for and why?

I don't know if there is a character I won't write for. I think it just depends. Probably Elorcan as a couple because as much as I like them, I couldn't really write them.

27) If you could only write for one character ever again, who would you pick?

Gwyn. Easy.

28) Whats your favourite trope to write about when it comes to Azriel?

Oh gods where to start. Friends to lovers, priestess/sinner, trainer/trainee, Acceptance and Longing, Soulmates, Forced Proximity. I could go on.

29) What do you think is the best/favourite acotar fic you’ve written?

I mean definitely FM2M, but I loved writing Up Against the Wall and coming up with the idea for The Great Escape.

30) Who are your favourite friendships to write about?

Right now, the valkyrie and Mor and Feyre, Cassian and Feyre, and Lucien and Feyre.

31) For first time readers to your blog, which three fics would you recommend they read?

Obviously FM2M, you can read some of my other one shots or short fics or check out some of my favorite fics above!

This was super fun and a way to distract me from such a boring work day haha

[noblechaton]

gonna ramble a bit about the ml art style change bc ig I have more thoughts about it than I knew. tagging this as leaks but no like story stuff is gonna be mentioned bc I don't really know any lol

so going off what little we've seen of it (and in arguably the lowest possible quality at that) I think it's gonna make the show very visually pretty which isn't to say it couldn't be or wasn't in the older style(s) but that was def more inconsistent between studios and such so if this new style is the standard then like. yeah it's gonna look great

buuuuuuuut I also think it looks kinda. generic? like what's happened to a lotta brand logos that used to have personality but now all look super flat and simplified. like the Pepsi logo or whatever. it's a similar situation to the movie (I'll get into this in a bit) where like yes it looks pretty but it doesn't really look like Miraculous to me? like ik the style kinda varied somewhat between the studios but it was largely consistent enough and felt much more unique. like I could see a screencap from any timestamp of any episode and place it as Miraculous just bc of the visual style

now tho it looks less unique to me and more....like a mobile game ad? some kinda un-marketed direct to streaming movie? not trying to sound mean or anything but it just doesn't strike that same feeling the old style did for me as of yet. it feels more like an attempt to ape off a generic Pixar/Disney sorta style which the movie's style did too - and that ig is a good excuse for me to kinda dive into my thoughts there bc like. it looks way more like that movie now right? the y'know completely non-canon movie that to my knowledge wasn't received too terribly well lmao. I feel like this is on some level purposeful tho

I made a post the other day about how someone (especially the youngins) might go into season 6 thinking it's actually more of a season 1 only to presumably find that very much isn't the case pretty quick lmao - but that's still a new viewer, which makes number go up, which is a Good Thing. that s6 looks to be something of a fresh start given the whole Gabe in da Ground situation makes me believe this more since I'm pretty sure he got got in the movie too (<- does not remember the movie she saw twice) albeit in a different way. very real chance they view s6 as something of a soft launch pad with the hope of ppl who only saw the movie just jumping in without looking first. I also have an even more insane conspiracy theory that they're using movie assets at lower res for the sake of cost management but again. nutso hunch

regardless I'm kinda surprised they're changing it so drastically this deep into the series and I have no idea how the quality of animation is gonna hold up from episode to episode, season to season. presumably this is part'a why we haven't had s6 drop yet, that they've been working on it thoroughly, but it's been a good minute since s5 ended and I feel like the drought in content isn't really worth it?

like it's been so long that to me sometimes it's felt like the show straight up ended and while I don't mind a wait like this, the show then coming back looking entirely different to how it used to is gonna be jarring. I'm giving it a chance bc we haven't really seen it yet and that footage is very likely a wip of some sort but all the same I'm not terribly impressed? the emotions seem more stilted and flat, there's a few sorta redesigns that look....off (namely Adrichat, imo), and it feels too much like an attempt at cashing in on whatever success the movie might have had by bringing the look of the show more in line with it

think what gets me the most is that the style and animation of the show was one of the biggest things that drew me in beyond the bugcat of it all. it was the first CG animated show I'd seen where I felt as if the animation really worked; the world felt alive and vibrant, the city lived in and populated, but it didn't feel uncanny or like realistic in any sense, and there were plenty of gaffs and flaws throughout but I feel that only endeared the look of the show to me more - it had its own style that stood out for better or worse and I think that played more a role in the show's success than most have given credit for, and now that it's being entirely dropped in favor of a style that feels much more like some generic CG animation style I can't help but feel a bit disheartened and even nervous about the future of the series tbh

want to say that I'm not looking to hate it - I'm gonna give it a chance, and again I think it does visually look pretty, but I feel like it loses a lot of what made the show stand out to me and changes things I don't think really needed changed. time will tell but as of now I'm really not sold on it

also think having a special (or two? maybe?) in the old style just to drop us into the newer one presumably shortly after is kinda weird. wonder what happened there. bad timing? tbh using a special to introduce it mighta helped a bit but idk for sure

[fuckentoastybitch]

My VN List!

I'm listing them according to ones I've played and ones I plan to play (as well as brief notes about either my opinion on the game or why I'm interested in them, formatted like this.)

This is for my own personal collection tbh, I just need to put them all in one place.

A. Have played:

The Arcana. Played since I was 16, all time favourite and Julian is my husband. This game shaped my interest for fantasy settings and magic. BUT! As a long time fan I must warn new players that trying to get the full experience for this game is difficult because of its coin system. The only reason I manage to keep playing for years is because I literally take a year's worth of breaks in between routes and logged in every. Single. Day. to collect coins and keys. It's literally been 6 years and I still haven't 100% the game yet cause I simply didn't have that kind of energy and time to do that anymore, but I still love the characters very deeply till now.

Blooming Panic. Second all time fave. Fell for Quest first, fell for Toasty hardest, for some reason is obsessed with xyx. I've revolved my entire personality around BP since 2023.

ERROR 143. Fun! Micah is technically not my type but I really like the general aesthetic and humor of the game. Iirc there are still more content to come to the game so I am very excitedly and patiently waiting.

3 Seasons. This was short and sweet. I think what I liked the most about this was the unique character designs, especially Rye and Briar's. I heard the dev's are working on more content on the current LI's + Briar's route, I'm really excited for those.

Our Life: Beginning & Always. Our life was INCREDIBLE, to put it simply. The entire game and story was very well thought out that it even made me reflect on my own life at each phase along the game. It gave me a really strong sense of nostalgia and reminded me of my own feelings during every change I had experienced. I actually wanted to make a whole post about OLBA but I got busy and already forgot everything I wanted to say, ehe. I still have to play the DLC and get the remaining locked CGs though.

Assignment Due: Project Blue. THIS GAME IS ADORABLE. I already made a blog post about what I like about it and I will again emphasis on how this game felt like it was made specifically for me. I love Asher so much aaaaa. I heard rei, the dev is working on another game for Eden, I'm looking forward for that, too.

Coffee Talk. Coffee talk was so so good! I need to play more non-romance VNs too cause this was so enjoyable in terms of its storytelling, setting, gameplay and design. Every character had such a nice story that tied up nicely, even the MC who's supposed to be just an observer throughout the entire thing. Also the cozy vibes and music is a 10/10 would recommend.

A Date with Death. This one's so cute too! I played only one route last year and just picked it up again recently. I have only one route left to finish and the new DLC!. Anyways yes the Grim Reaper is very babygirl I can attest to it.

seekL. THIS IS SO GOOD. SO SO GOOD. If you didn't see the one week phase where I basically went insanely obsessed with seekL, you missed out. Hacker man save me.. save me.. hackerman..

B. Want to play:

Lost in Limbo. Really pretty art and interesting concept. The theme seems very fantasy/magic centric which really pulls me in. But this game is still a WIP iirc

When The Night Comes. Technically I'm currently playing this one, but only the intro and hadn't touched the game in months cause I've been busy. Again, the fantasy setting caught my interest aaand I just met Ezra but I already love him. Will continue this as soon as I can!

Infinite Blue. I've played the demo! Very mysmes reminiscent lol. The game looked very cute so far and Brooklyn reminded me that I'll never run away from my old man liker allegations. It's already out so I def gotta play it soon.

Coffee Talk Episode 2. Don't really need an explanation for this one except that the new characters I've seen so far looks really cool.

Tavern Talk. D&D inspired Coffee Talk! If it's not obvious already, I LOVE fantasy settings so even though I've never played D&D, it is right up my alley and I wish I could play it someday. I've been eyeing the production of this game for a while so I'm really excited that it's finally out!

Obscura. This one looks really REALLY cool but I haven't actually read into what it's actually about. The art alone looks good enough to get my attention. Really curious about it, I hope I'll play it soon.

Intertwine. Just from looking at the 2023 Otome Jam entries overall I thought this one looked most visually appealing to me. I love the color scheme, and the aesthetic reminds of the string of fate myth (that probably is the theme)

DATA BR<3ACH. I'm usually not a fan of cyberpunk setting but this one seemed pretty intriguing to me visually!

Innerlog. By Jenny V Pham! I enjoyed Error 143 so I have no doubt I'll enjoy this one too.

Andromeda Six. My impression of this one is "space D&D" lol. I can't believe I haven't played this one yet.

TOUCHSTARVED. I can NOT believe only the demo is out cause the quality looks like it should've been a long existing popular franchise. One thing I'm a little hesitant about playing this game is because it's goth themed and in case you haven't noticed, a lot of the media I like have a softer, more pastel aesthetic. lol. But that's a personal preference and yet I definitely need to play it sometime soon.

Cupid's Chatroom. There's really not much to say. Pink aesthetic? Mysterious chatsim that appeared out of nowhere? My cup of tea 100%

Na Daoine Maithe. I've played the demo of this one and it is sooo interesting. I like myths but I've never really read into Gaelic ones. The art is so pretty and the story so far is very intriguing. I can't wait for the full game.

Swiped!: Double Shots of Love. FINALLY AN INDIE VN WITH OLDER MALE LOVE INTERESTS DFKJFDSJKD I played the demo, it was really really cute! The professor LI was made to call me out lol

Wake Me Up If You Need Me. A game made by rice! Someone who I've seen around in the fandom and who's really talented at making songs and audios. I had no idea they made a game but I just found it recently and I have to play it.

Keyframes. It looks really good but I'm interested mostly cause I found out Charlatean (Toasty's VA) is in this kjsdhfgkjd

Rekindle. I follow the lovely artist that's creating it and the DEMO IS OUT!. I saw one (1) art of Jules and he is EXACTLY my type so I'm already looking forward to this game.

Our Life: Now & Forever. Baxter's OL game! I already loved Cove's so I'm really really interested in this version of the game. Plus, I actually really like the autumn aesthetic compared to Cove's beachy style.

Hummingbird's Crown. Has a very interesting premise: a time loop mystery. I'm definitely interested in this one for its story potential rather than the romance, I love me a good mystery.

Aaand that's it. Thankfully "( – ⌓ – )

There's actually a few more that I added in my twitter bookmarks but those are relatively new and I haven't decided if I really want to play them yet. I'm following the devs though so that interest might grow over time. These lists are long enough as they are already, haha.

[infinite-orangepeel]

Shit. Fuck. I’m hit with the feels for your Therapist!Eddie trying to be all professional and understanding and then a distressed Steve calls him after hours one night so he can maybe come and talk Tommy down and get him to stop yelling at him and when Eddie gets there and takes in the broken plates and the fear in Steve’s eyes, he just goes for that fucker’s throat.

YES YES YES THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IM IMAGINING !! like is it professional ?? no. does eddie willingly risk losing his license ?? totally. is it worth it ?? you bet your ass it is—by eddie’s standards lol. i’m very much looking forward to writing this one eventually ! and def can’t wait to fully indulge in the filthiest/most chaotic of my protective!eddie fantasies. hopefully you’ll enjoy it, too !! <33

[hismercytomyjustice]

AHHHHH!!!!!

I need to edit this week’s BG3 chapter but I don’t wanna because it’s giving me too many feels that it’s almost over!!!!! ( ༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ)

Writing this fic has just been so wildly cathartic and wonderful for me and I am just so, so sad it’s coming to a close.

I will never get over how many amazing people I’ve met while writing it!!! And just how kind and supportive everyone has been through this little journey!!!!!

Ah, I’m gonna be STRUGGLING next week. I didn’t think I’d be this emotional over it all, BUT HERE I AM! Lol good thing I have therapy on Wednesdays because I can roll up and tell my therapist “YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!” /s

Just gotta remind myself that the ending and the closure it brings will be worth it! Even if it makes me wanna cry and run away and never finish it, lol.

And def not ruling out the potential for more Bloodweave in the future! I’m still deep into this writing kick and ideas have been percolating! It just won’t be for a while, sadly, because if I do go down that path, I prefer to get most of a story written before posting to prevent myself from fic orphaning. Lol like waiting to start posting this one until I hit the 60k mark after writing it for 2-3 months…

But if there is future Bloodweave to come, I’ll def post about it on here!!! Along with wailing and gnashing my teeth as the characters fight me lol…

[i-miss-summertime]

I'm so in love with how you write and how you analyse, you captured so much of what I was thinking with Let Me Drown but explained and spoke about it in such a beautiful and better explained way. Thank you for sharing and I appreciate the time and work that went into it, it was so worth the wait!!

I don't think I can explain it properly but I love the vibes you have about romantic relationships and friendships. You understand and acknowledge that friendships can be just as deep and meaningful as a romantic relationship and they can fuck you up just as much which is honestly quite rare to find in a person and I love how that comes across in your analyses about Ian and Anthony

You captured the perfect moments/thoughts/feelings to go with each lyric and you made Let Me Drown even more emotional, at some points I could imagine the moment with the song playing in the backround and I really wish I could edit so I could make an edit with all the imagery that came to mind reading your analysis and listening to the song

If you want to share more Ianthony song analyses I'd absolutely love to read them!! Any artist, any genre as well, whatever gets you most excited!!

Literally so sweet! I'm so flattered you enjoyed the song analysis and my ramblings don't just get lost into mush lol.

I love writing about love, romantic or platonic, but I think the friendship ones really get me cuz my most impactful relationships I feel are platonic relationships opposed to any romantic ones I've had. I think they're so nuanced and require the same amount of care as any other but so neglected especially in an individualistic, western culture.

BTW, if you ever want to come off anon and just chat, please feel free! I need more fandom friends fr, it's always so fun!

But I think with the content shifting and it feeling like a very divided time among people who follow Smosh (some people who are really happy about Bit City, people who are sad Ian and Anthony have less dedicated content, some people who are neither or both, etc). I think we can do with a bit of reminder that we can also create content and positive fandom content ourselves! It should be fun, not a burden.

I'm glad you're enjoying them cuz I certainly enjoyed writing them! I love listening to music and analyzing lyrics so I'll def do more for Ianthony <3

[seokjinsonlyone]

if one of the members hit u up on social media somehow n y’all get serious, would u drop everything and move to korea to be with them?

without a moment of hesitation as soon as they say "do u want -" i'm already 6 hours into the plane ride like for any member the answer is yes i'm madly in love wit da whole crew but now i wanna play this scenario out

also i'm doing this under the assumption that this is post enlistment like i'm not moving to korea just for my man to be gone for 2 years 😭 like i'd wait for them no DOUBT but i'll wait in america with my family in the comfort of my own home 😌

okay so for jk i'd move but we could NOT live together like we got to learn to love each other in person bc lemme tell u he'd piss me off and i'd annoy him so bad if we lived together off the jump like i have a morning job so being up at 1-5 in the morning singing and cooking and is not the move and then look i'm a fan of ambience i am but a bad bith got depression i got to have the lights on or else i'd never do anything skskksdk so since i'd be living alone i'd def need to have a job so idk what energy i'd have left for him LOL like it'd require a lot of adjustments on both our parts bc we is both weird and oddly particular all in all either he'd have to love me a whole lot to make us work or i think the sex would keep us together for a good 3-4 months before he realizes it's not worth it but i would stay in korea for at least a year like i could nOt show my face back in america any sooner than that. (side note: i think if i let him provide for me we'd be super compatible tbh but then we'd be more like besties instead of bf gf) approximate success rate: 46%

oh lawd wit tae i'd have to battle with the dog like i think we could live together but me and tannie would be mortal enemies he’d be my sworn nemesis like straight up dr doofenshmirtz and perry the platypus the way we’d be at each other’s throats bc all he gotta do is turn his neck backwards and hit me wit dat judgmental glare one time and i’m ready to square up but tae seems like the type fall in love very hard so if he’s asking me to move to korea for him he’s willing to make it work and frfr all i gotta do is take yeontan out on a walk one good time he gon get tired bout halfway through and then look for me to hold him and that'll settle most of our differences we may not be best friends but we'll have come to an understanding then all that's left to do is work on tae like get him to get the dog off his mouth off the table and out the kitchen and it's smooth sailing fr i feel like he'd alternate between being super clingy and kinda distant which would be a little frustrating a little irritating but we could cope like if we could just get through that adjustment period it'd be fine. approximate success rate: 72%

if i was with joonie i think the most source of contention would be over decoration like y'all know me and u know them ugly little couch pillows would have to be the first thing to go LOL but after that like okay i wouldn't try to take over but i would just need a space for me that feels like my own that i belong there not just be amongst one of his hyperfixations y'know? like he just has so much art in his place we would need to edit it down so i wouldn't feel like i'm constantly living in an exhibition paint the walls get some more plants bring some life into the place but other than that i think me and joonie would get along really well like we would probably nag at each other about little habits that irritate us but i can't foresee anything being too serious approximate success rate: 84%

hobi's another one i feel like i couldn't live with immediately LOL like i would 100% irk his nerves jfslsls he'd be nagging me to put my clothes in the hamper, put them away, stop leaving stuff around, etc. bc like i'm soooo good at keeping common areas clean not a problem but my room? i'm just always in such a mad dash to get to the bed that i just be leaving stuff anywhere be rushing like my bed gon get up and run away if i'm not in it within 30 seconds of entering the room so it do be junky and also i'm a go with the flow person and imma be ready to take a nap and hobi gonna pop up with some furniture polish and a swiffer talking about it's dusting day and imma lose it like we just need some time before we take that step sklfksd but other than that our relationship would be perfect?? like he's end game for sure we would eventually move in together and live happily after approximate success rate: 87%

my precious baby seokjin lawd i love and miss him so much need him expeditiously oh god missing seokjin hours just hit bc i'm thinking about how perfect he would be for me 😭 like moving in general is a lot but moving to a whole nother country is something else entirely and i think he'd just be so kind and thoughtful about the whole thing like i feel like he'd already have me a room in his place cleared out??? and would just give me a whole lot of space to just exist like helping me unpack and decorate however i like however long it takes not crowding around me when i'm overwhelmed letting me invade his space when i'm feeling clingy cooking me meals like he just seems like he'd try his very very best to make sure i'm comfortable and having fun the entire time like i'm sorry this is just my man and we're meant to be <333 approximate success rate: 95%

jimin is so caring and so sweet and i love that about him but that might be the thing that drive me up the wall like his care might just be a little overbearing for me and like i’d be his girl he tryna make sure i’m straight but if i say i’m good i’m good even if i’m not like imma need a minute and he not gonna wanna give it to me gonna wanna talk about everything all the time but imma need time to process everything before talking about anything and he might not get that at first so there would be some tension but after we’re able to align my introversion with his extroversion everything would be great and i think he’d accept my mess and i’d accept his and then we would get tired of being messy and push each other to be better i also can see a lot of cuddling and watching youtube on tv approximate success rate: 78%

finally there’s yoongi my twin flame <333 with him we'd probably already have a discussion about living together simply bc it's more convenient and economical to do so but the relationship...... it's like we might as well have not met online LOL like it'll be soooo awkward at first like it's gon take 3-4 weeks to really warm up to each other in person like he'll cook me breakfast and then when i sit down to eat with him he just not gonna look me in the eyes and i'll just be trying my best to be quiet and out of the way trying not to be seen or heard so he won't throw me away and then literally just one day it'll click we'll be like what are we doing and why and then all of a sudden we kissing cuddling he's taking me to his studio arm wrapped around my waist like we gonna go from being acquaintances to having old married couple vibes overnight and honestly i'm here for that comfort and familiarity the only thing i can see being a problem is that ion like to initiate conflict like if u start it imma finish but i ain't throwing the first punch but he seems to be more mature than me in that aspect so as long as he helps me to keep a line of communication open i can't see a reason why we would ever break up approximate success rate: 93%

sorry for using ur question as a catalyst for my delusion

[taegularities]

omg rid i read entertainer on the go and i didnt realize it was split into two parts... I FEEL SO STUPID!!! but pls disregard my last two asks and answer this one!! FIRST OF ALL OF MY GOD I STILL WANT TO SAY THAT I WANT TO BE OC 🙏 she was so well-written and the smut is still top-notch 😭 also the full jk pov is so smart looking back at all the plot twists bc oh my god NOT BEING IN OC'S HEAD MADE EVERYTHING 10X MORE SHOCKING

i was originally not gonna share my notes bc i felt like they werent as thought out since i read it while commuting, but AFTER THE SECOND HALF I GOTTA SHARE MY REACTIONS

i also want to reiterate that i feel so embarrassed not realizing this was split into two parts bc i am def not down bad for jk - he is a piece of shit (too bad he was hot 😔 what a waste)

the wait was WELL WORTH IT 🙏

LMAO E., i will never get over the fact that you didn't see the rest of the fic 🤣 which is ok, it happened to a couple ppl!! but the fact that you loved it even then is crazy :')

also yesss – smart, sexy, composed??? i'd wanna be oc, too :') the smut did take me out, too haha i'm not one to brag, but rereading it i was like what am i on 😭 TOTALLY. not being in her head was an absolute deliberate choice or we would've known the ending when the fic started already.

"too bad he was hot 😔 what a waste" REAL LMAOOOO

you being excited over reading something from me was the cutest fkn thing ever. and ty for liking the banner!!! it's the fastest and most basic one i've made so far, but there's something about it hahaha :') the way your thoughts changed as you read is so interesting to me, that's exactly what i wanted to hear from my readers. from liking jk and finding him funny to absolutely despising him lol. also you can be her or be WITH her, i'm sure she'd love to get to know you 👀 idk what possessed me during the smut but i want that demon to come back the next time, too 😭

YOU MAKE HIM A POET WAS SO FUNNY TO ME TOO LMAOOO THANK YOU. hehehe honestly, i love your feedbacks to death, and i cannot wait for the next when cmi12 drops bc ugh, i have so many thoughts on that, even though there aren't as many plot twists or angsty bits hehe :') ily ily ilyyyy thank you for being here, my baby <33333

[ddeongies]

(Is it softer? The skin of Yeji’s palm was so soft on her cheek, the rest of her must be soft too).

- YES SOFT YABS SOFT EVERYTHING U GET ME

Going straight from having worryingly horny thoughts about Hwang Yeji to her favorite professor all but begging her to join her seminar wasn’t what she’d expected of her day when she rolled out of bed that morning.

- damn the universe is siding with ryujin that day huh

“Yeah. Besides, I haven’t really been looking for anything serious since,” she offers, eyes glued to Yeji’s face. 

- that meme where it's like "WE'RE SO BACK" 📈 "it's over" 📉 "WE'RE BACK" 📈 yeah that's literally me bc how do u mess this up

“C’mere.” Her voice is low.

- holy shit i am on my knees.

“I’d really like to kiss you right now.”

- FUCKING FINALLY 😭😭😭😭😭😭🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

“Wait,” she gasps, “I can’t.”

- again that 📉📈📉📈 meme 😓

gosh the slowburn is burning!!!!! and they are burning me alive. it's nice to see how rj is INTO yj in her pov. like yes girl idk how u managed to not thirst /this openly/ (at least in her mind) over yeji. and that she deliberately planned the movie night as well with a motive in mind. they're both so down, your honor!!! i can say they both have a different approach in achieving their goals. like yeji wants to take it slow, calculating things, and that might be bc she got a headstart in realizing the depth of her attraction for ryujin. and ryujin might realized her attraction for yeji at a later time but once she did, she's kinda straightforward with it.

i might say this every chapter but how do i get myself a hwang yeji. seriously. i will never get tired of how perfect but humanly she is.

the rollercoaster ride this chapter put me through. miscommunication 📉 oh wow they cleared that up so fast 📈 goddamn it ryujin why would u say that now yeji might think you're only in it for casual 📉 OH BUT YES KISS SO HOT 📈 oh no they stopped i hope yeji doesn't think ryujin thinks it was a mistake 📉

oh well it was worth the ride and i will eat up every chapter. what i love the most about ur writing is the right balance between dialogue and introspection as well as crafting the setting so that i'm taken along for the college life again. i'm excited for the winter break and the second semester (most especially that karaoke scene bc they put it again in the itzzz behinds again) have a great weekend ahead!!! happy ryeji day 🥳 [also is it professor son chaeyoung or son seungwan] - 🌼

YES SOFT YEJI ALWAYS SHE IS SO SOFT I GET U AND U GET ME 🙌🏽

you know what they say.... ryujin always wins

that meme is the best description of this chapter LMAO like ryu please..... please you were so close she wants you so bad and you want her so bad??? please?

low voice yeji 🧎🏽🧎🏽🧎🏽

fucking finally indeed LMAO just took 40k!!

ryeji really said 📉📈📉📈

yes i'd say the feelings are incredibly mutual at this point LOL. our girl yeji has been simping hard since chapter 1, but ryu is finally meeting her right where she is it just took a lil bit :P

they def go about it differently! (and similarly in a way, they both seem to think making a plan is the best way to get with someone lol) but yeah i think the ways they're approaching it are impacted both by how they are as people and by what they assume the other wants when maybe they should try meeting in the middle! idk!

i know i'm writing her, but i'm seriously obsessed with nmau yeji... she's just a good egg i love her

would you believe me if i said the next couple of chapters are kinda 📈📈📈??

aaah thank you!!! i really actively try to strike that balance between dialogue, setting, action, and introspection! i read through and edit my chapters like 10+ times and i'm always adding and tweaking and trying to make it all nice and smooth so yay glad it's working :) honestly writing this has been very fun and nostalgic! i'm basing SoCo off of my time at a small liberal arts college if that wasn't very clear, and it's honestly been a blast writing about that! (you don't know how excited i am to write that karaoke scene

[mydollsaregay]

collection time!

this post has everything except the dolls and their meet accessories (which I already talked about in another post), the pets (which are cute but basic, and pricey as usual at $34), and the obligatory gigantic, super expensive playset (which is just never going to be for me, on top of being $175).

the beds are very simple, but they’re cute, and super accurate to what a lot of kids had (I think I had basically this exact bed frame). $150 is extremely pricey for these, especially because they are so simple, but that’s true about most ag furniture lol

Isabel’s bedroom accessories are cute enough, but I LOVE the bubble chair in nicki’s. these are also pricey at $50 but they have quite a bit more detail than the beds. Isabel’s doesn’t seem worth it to me - the only thing you couldn’t make yourself or buy way cheaper is the tamagotchi, which isn’t worth the price tag to me. However, I’m def gonna get nicki’s bedroom accessories at some point, even if I don’t get her. That said, I might wait a year or so until they start getting incorporated into sales, as $50 is still a lot of money.

I really love the desk and computer! it’s $145, which is a lot, but there’s a ton of details, so it feels way more justified to me than the beds. if I didn’t recently acquire the old AG Mac computer to go into my eventual 90s room, this might make my “save up some money and stick around to wait for a sale” list. however, I find the implication on the website that the girls, in ‘99, would have a computer in their own room a little outlandish, but hey, maybe I’m just a pleb.

the pjs are. fine. there’s so many secondhand doll pjs out there from the actual 90s that are cuter in my opinion, though. At $34 and $28, I’ll be looking elsewhere for pjs.

The tennis outfit is cute - I like that they’re leaning into the preppy style here. It very much reminds me of an ag tennis/golf outfit I have from my childhood collection. I actually LOVE nickis skateboarding outfit. I think it’s probably my favorite outfit in the collection so far. The only problem? It doesn’t actually come with the helmet, knee pads, or elbow pads. Those are exclusive to the giant playset. That’s a weird stance to take on safety equipment, ag, but ok. Both sports outfits are $40, which is quite pricey, but consistent with similar ag outfits with accessories like these.

the pizza set isn’t for me; it’s meant to tap into nostalgia that I don’t have. However, it’s a hit with those who are nostalgic for this time period, from what I’ve seen. It’s a bit pricey, however, at $32.

And that’s it! Overall, I like it a lot. Quite a few cute pieces, quite a few overpriced pieces, the usual grab bag. I will say though that this is a really nicely well-rounded starting collection. since ag clearly isn’t going back to the six outfits format, I think that having a meet outfit, one activity outfit, and pjs at launch is pretty good! I’m also super relieved that ag isn’t doing more mix and match pieces with the historical outfits, even if they could get away with it with the more modern girls.

My only real disappointment here is that there’s nothing here or in the meet outfits of either girl that references their faith (at least that I can see). I’m sure that ag will come out with something Hanukkah themed for them this winter, but Judaism doesn’t revolve around Hanukkah (it’s not even a major holiday). I would have loved to see one of the girls with the classic star of David necklace (or a charm bracelet with that as one of the charms), some Hebrew school homework, or even just some cultural touchstones like specific foods. Like. Anything. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[bright-and-burning]

top 5 drivers you'd most like to do an interview with while on a mousetrap rollercoaster ride

i had to google this (i am a cedar point purist and roller coaster FIEND tho) and i’m assuming this is the texas coaster that used to be called the zyklon?

1. oscar. thé contrast of his normal vibe w the energy of a roller coaster. chef’s kiss. if he manages to maintain that vibe it’ll be great bc of the contrast, and if he struggles to maintain that vibe it’ll be great bc it’s so different, ykwim?

2. lando . it would be SO fun i feel like??? he would scream higher pitched than i would and that comparison alone would be worth it. i think he’d roll with it really well and that the result would be fun to do for him AND me andddd fun to watch (assuming this is . a legit interview video thing. idk why i assumed that actually lol)

3. lance. for kind of similar reasons to oscar honestly? i need to see his hair in the wind LOL just WOOSH.

4. alex. keeping him off kilter n on his toes via roller coaster would make for a fun time asking questions.

5. pierre. i want him to front for the cameras like he’s all big man and then scream the entire time. also i’ve def said this before but personal hobby is doing insane shit and then calling the men around me whimps (with love) and i think he would respond well to the “don’t be a bitch” vibes for a video interview

like tbf idk that any of them would feel the “need” to scream the way us mere mortals do but like . who knows. coasterpedia doesn’t have info on how fast mousetrap goes. one of my fave coasters (millennium force <3) goes 150km/h and has a 300ft drop at the start which is i imagine different enough from the Feelings of F1 to give you a little fear factor anyways. or like, my other faves have a 95° angle drop (maverick <3). wait actually lol gatekeeper has a g-force of 4 that’s crazy. ANYWAYS. make these men scream . while i ask them silly questions

(put top 5 anything in my ask)