#{vcs: certifiably-i

[fishermcn]

@schattenmagier // x

He doesn't rise to the bait she's laying out for him with her usual sharp wit and snark, flinty eyes fixated still on where the copper piece still lies within her shadow. Nothing so much as a twitch from it, nor a reaction from the charm hanging against his off-kilter heart from beneath his shirt. Could it have been a mistake? Too many nights now spent in the other rogue's company and too many lantern lights casting tricks on his already wary nerves?

"Always somethin' on m'mind," Soot mutters, though he still doesn't avert his gaze lest something make itself plain in the instant his focus wavers. He worries at the inside of his cheek for another moment, soot-stained fingers tap-tap-tapping an uncertain beat against his thigh, before he lets a breath hiss from between his teeth and gestures for Lilli to follow him. "C'mon. There's somethin' ya oughtta know. Ain't keen on havin' us overheard."

From the main thoroughfare of the town, perched as they'd been at the corner eyeing up prospective marks be they too drunk off their gourd or too caught up in their own finery to notice prying fingers in their pockets, it's a simple matter to slip off into the shadowed alleyways. Soot himself slips in-between the stacked crates and piling rubbish that dot the backways as if he's lived here his whole life, only slowing to a stop in an alcove tucked away near the downtrodden tavern their lot usual gather in the evenings.

Soot waits just long enough for Lilli to come to stop before speaking, and even that only occurs once he's trotted around the little place on the off chance they were followed.

"Gotta stowaway on ya." For perhaps the first time since they've met, Soot looks... unnerved. His grey gaze shifts from Lilli down to where her shadow lies, cast by the glow of a dimming lantern over the neighboring building's door. "How long that shadow o'yours been acting up?"

[inctumbls]

I miss my kids

[la-yla]

"This is probably stupid but-" my sibling in christ i am in love with you. Every new thing i learn about you is a gift

[demonwebs-a]

@harpershigh

I’m seriously questioning so many things about Jaheira right now lol

sitting sluttily on a rock . ❝ i'm hanging this on my tent , you know ? ❞ and doesn't he look just cheeky . ❝ don't worry - i've gotten many five stars reviews saying i look just dashing on a collar . ❞

[assorted-androids]

"Was I not clear when I mentioned I would make sure you got home safely?" Miles asked. It wouldn't do for Gavin to simply pass out in the taxi or collapse on his way into his apartment. "Besides, Captain Fowler already allowed me leave for the rest of the day to ensure that you were taken care of."

He simply huffed in response, keeping enough distance between himself and the android....why was the damn thing standing out here with him anyway? He glanced over to see Miles holding his key out for him....yeah, he would need that to get inside. Reaching out to grab the key, he noted how sluggish he was starting to feel, his arm feeling like he had weights attached to it.

Honestly he was glad to see that taxi pull up, it was a chance for him to sit for a few moments. Slowly he climbed in, stopping to input his address before finally sitting down, a small bit tired sigh escaping him before it turned into an irritated growl.

"And just what do you think you're doing in here, plastic prick?" The android wasn't serious about making sure he got home, right? Before he could even fight about it, the 900 was already in the taxi and they were moving.

[daily-memory-of-touch]

Sorry i never played this game and don't intend on to but. Could you explain what's the meaning of this scene in fortnite terms (no more seriously actually wondering about the context or whatever. If you don't mind spoiling this random anon. Ty)

Okay so leading up to this scene is Siffrin (hat + cloak fella, uses he/they) reliving the same Fortnite game over and over because he's in a time loop. He and his squad mates (Mirabelle, she/her; Isabeau, he/him; Odile, she/her; Bonnie, they/them) are the last ones alive aside from a few other players. There's a griefer on the server named the King (he/him) that they gotta defeat and the party has rallied the entire server against him. Not everyone has the best gear for the job so that's why it's up to the party to defeat him. The King is making the storm disconnect you from the server if you in it for too long

So Siffrin has been in this loop of playing Fortnite for a while now. The King has placed himself in a big structure and set up traps to try and catch the party off-guard, and every time the party (or just Siffrin) dies and can't be revived time loops back. With the help of Loop (they/them), a knowledgeable gamer who's aware of the loops, the two of them have been in a separate VC figuring out how to handle all of this (Loop gives advice and Siffrin does their best)

At this point Siffrin is pretty sick of the time loop. They actually have beaten the King a few times, but even if the party gets their 1# Victory Royale time still loops back. Every morning the party actually meets in-person to grab lunch before heading back to game. Siffrin and Isabeau have been pining over each other for a while now and the time loop makes Siffrin's yearning worse and worse, especially since Isabeau (and the rest of the party as well) think that Siffrin is touch-adverse when in reality he just gets surprised by sudden touch and is just touch-starved

So before everyone else gets to the shop they all eat together at it's just Isabeau and Siffrin. The two of them are having a convo they have every loop, which in the middle of it includes Isabeau going to put a hand on Siffrin's shoulder but then pulling back when he remembers that he should respect their space. This has been bothering Siffrin the entire time loop, and on this loop he has certified had it and doesn't want to feel stuck anymore. So, without wanting he grabs Isabeau by the collar and kisses him. Isabeau immediately pushes Siffrin away, but his actual reaction is unclear because Siffrin then loops back to right before he made that impulsive choice and the convo goes on like normal. It's unknown if Isabeau reacted like that out of surprise or disgust or any other emotion. Siffrin and Loop later talk about this during this loop and Loop isn't happy with them

Not relevant to the rest of the post but Siffrin and Loop tend to meet up for breakfast separately from the rest of the party, but if they don't meet up Siffrin just makes something at home to eat. Sometimes they'll grab a quick coffee together if they talk mid-day before the Fortnite gaming session. It's not important but the detail matters to me as to how those two have irl talks

[hedefect]

nremt mimicking a tiktok vc : it's official!! you are now one of my elite employees!!

i don't actually usually participate in mundays and NOBODY better think NOTHING about my eyebrows. oh or try and stalk me. anyway it's official i passed the nationals i'm nationally certified wahooo!!! now if i give any of you medical advice you can legally sue me for acting beyond my scope of practice hehe 🤭

[meadowaxcap]

hey y'all, i made a science discord server! Biodiverse is a wonderful LGBT+ centered community to hang out and connect with other science lovers about our interests! anyone is welcome regardless of experience, whether you're a casual enjoyer of any field or a certified professional, we'd love to have you!

the server is mainly focused on natural sciences; there's channels for discussing a wide variety of topics, from zoology to astronomy and more. we have a "living thing of the day" segment which features interesting info about plants, animals, and fungi! trivia questions are also frequently hosted. we plan to host server events soon like streaming documentaries and vc study sessions!

below is the discord invite link for anyone interested. stop by and say hello! hope to see you there!

[doctordiscocalling]

New Helluva Boss episode thoughts from a Certified Stolitz Hater!!!

SPOILERS BELOW !!!!

Yeah it was pretty good.

Ill probably watch some review and realize i have more problems with this episode than i noticed or realized, but for now i think it was just. Good. Not mid, but not excellent either.

Vassago (thats his name, right?? Idk how to spell it, oh well) is probably now OFFICIALLY my fav minor character. His design is bright and pleasant to look at, his VC was killing it, and i believe hes meant to be Brazilian? Which.. dude. I LOVE the representation of languages and implied races of characters like Valentino in the show, and it never feels forced. Props to the Helluva team for that one.

Now. Ignoring all of what Stolas has done to Blitzø already - eliminating the context of their relationship thus far… Stolas sacrificing himself is actually very sweet. He gives up his status, power, and protection to save the one he loves. Im not exactly thrilled that hes given up his daughter in favor of Blitzø AGAIN however. Give my girl a break, dude.

And how she was FULLY READY TO RUN OUT THE DOOR TO GO HELP HIM OR SEE HIM if it wasnt for Stella manipulating her - that just makes me even more mad. Stolas might SAY he cares about people like Octavia and Blitzø, but his actions just about never convey the same thing.

Now… WITH the context of Stolas’ continued mistakes, manipulation, selfishness, and pushy creepiness in his relationship with Blitzø throughout the series… fuck off, man. Actually leave me alone forever.

I felt like Stolas sacrificing himself for Blitzø is now erasing every awful thing hes done to him throughout the series. Its a trope i think ive observed before - “you treated me like shit before, and we had all kinda of hard problems that i shouldve moved on from, and become a better person without you around, but you saved my life!! Lets get married and pretend none of that ever happened because of a new toxic ‘romantic’ concept - a life debt!!!”

And dont get me wrong - life debts can be done VERY well. But you need a skilled enough writer who can easily enough cut through tropes to do it right. No offense, as the writing in this show is amazing, but the Helluva writers. Well. They cant exactly subvert expectations, especially when it comes to tropes.

However, im not going to judge and throw around Stolas for being depressed at the end of the episode. Hes lost the only life hes ever known, and cant see his daughter for Lucifer knows how long. Hes allowed to soak in the bathtub for a while.

BUT!! Seeing how gentle Blitzø was with Stolas at the end of the episode - helping him bathe off the rotten food, kissing his cheek when he falls asleep, just generally being so romantic and physically affectionate with him - it made my stomach churn. This ship can’t work UNLESS you ignore everything that’s happened before in the series, which is exactly where i think the Helluva writers are taking it, unfortunately.

Call me pessimistic, but i just really stopped liking the show as much when the OG concept was put on the back burner in favor of some genuinely toxic 2015 top and bottom stereotype ship. Like. If i showed you the first two episodes of this show, and then i told you the shit-fetish cheating owl bird and the shithead lovable scamp IMP boss very genuinely and seriously got together, you would be concerned at least.

Anyway, fuck Stolas, Blitzø should illegally adopt Octavia so her and Loona can be honorary sisters, and they blow the owl up and frolic through the daisies and get their happy ending and Millie and Moxxie get double married and everyone except most of the Goectia (idk how to spell that shit) get shot by Striker.

Have a lovely day, and thank you for reading this far :]

[under0-0s]

@stark-industries

Alright, people, gather around. I don’t do introductions often (mostly because everyone already knows who I am), but when I do, it’s because someone actually deserves the spotlight. And trust me, this one’s worth paying attention to.

Meet Victor Garcia. CEO of Vanguard V. Prestige, the reigning Varsity Chief of Barton Shaw University, a certified menace on two wheels, and now—wait for it—the very first Culmination Collaborator. ( @ctrl-vc )

What does that mean? It means this kid is a cut above the rest. He’s got the brains to build an empire, the nerve to live fast, and the charisma to make it all look effortless. A little reckless? Sure. Reminds me of a certain genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist in his younger days (minus the playboy part... or maybe not—I don’t judge). But more importantly, he’s a visionary. He sees the future, and instead of waiting for it, he’s creating it.

Now, if you know me, you know I don’t hand out opportunities on a silver platter. Victor earned this. Vanguard V. is already making waves in innovation, and Culmination is where the best of the best come to push the limits of what’s possible. Together, we’re merging cutting-edge tech with raw, untamed ambition.

So, get ready, world. Because when Stark Industries and Vanguard V. join forces, the game doesn’t just change—it gets rewritten.

Eleanor Minari Wayne. You’ve heard the name—fashion prodigy, business genius, the woman who made minimalism a power move, and the only Wayne who knows how to make a three-piece suit look like a weapon. I’m not saying I’m impressed (because that would mean admitting someone other than myself is impressive), but let’s just say… I’m paying attention. And so should you. ( @official-eleanor-rigby )

Which brings me to why we’re here as well. Stark Industries and Seraphine & Noire—two names that don’t just play the game, they rewrite it. The future of fashion isn’t just looking good—it’s smart, innovative, and way ahead of its time. And with Eleanor’s vision and my… well, everything, we’re about to launch something that changes the way you think about luxury, technology, and the sheer power of a damn good suit.

I won’t spoil all the surprises just yet, but here’s what you need to know: this isn’t just fabric. This is engineering, precision, and the kind of craftsmanship that makes you wonder if you’ve been wearing the wrong thing your entire life. It’s tech-meets-tailoring, elegance-meets-efficiency, and a reminder that true power doesn’t need to shout—it just walks into the room and owns it.

So, consider this your warning. Whatever you thought fashion was? It’s about to evolve. Eleanor and I are making sure of that. Stay tuned. You’ll want to see this."*

Welcome to Culmination, kids. Try not to wreck too many of my cars.

#Culmination #StarkIndustries #VanguardVP #Seraphine&NoireCouture #TheNextGen #GameChanger

_________________________________

_________________________________

[spoke9]

Debridement

By Michael S. Harper

Debridement

Black men are oaks cut down. Congressional Medal of Honor Society United States of America chartered by Congress, August 14, 1958; this certifies that STAC John Henry Louis is a member of this society. “Don’t ask me anything about the medal. I don’t even know how I won it.” Debridement: The cutting away of dead or contaminated tissue from a wound to prevent infection. America: love it or give it back.

Corktown

Groceries ring

in my intestines:

grits aint groceries

eggs aint poultry

Mona Lisa was a man:

waltzing in sawdust

I dream my cards

has five holes in it,

up to twenty holes;

five shots out of seven

beneath the counter;

surrounded by detectives

pale ribbons of valor

my necklace of bullets

powdering the operating table.

Five impaled men loop their ribbons

’round my neck

listening to whispers of valor:

“Honey, what you cryin’ ’bout?

You made it back.”

Caves

Four M-48 tank platoons ambushed

near Dak To, two destroyed:

the Ho Chi Minh Trail boils,

half my platoon rockets

into stars near Cambodia,

foot soldiers dance from highland woods

taxing our burning half:

there were no caves for them to hide.

We saw no action,

eleven months twenty-two days

in our old tank

burning sixty feet away:

I watch them burn inside out:

hoisting through heavy crossfire,

hoisting over turret hatches,

hoisting my last burning man

alive to the ground,

our tank artillery shells explode

killing all inside:

hoisting blown burned squad

in tank’s bladder,

plug leaks with cave blood:

there were no caves for them to hide—

In the Projects

Slung basketballs at Jeffries

House with some welfare kids

weaving in their figure eight hunger.

Mama asked if I was taking anything?

I rolled up my sleeves:

no tracks, mama:

“black-medal-man ain’t street-poisoned,”

militants called:

“he’s an electronic nigger!”

“Better keep electronic nigger 'way.”

Electronic Nigger?

Mama, unplug me, please.

A White Friend Flies In from the Coast

Burned—black by birth,

burned—armed with .45,

burned—submachine gun,

burned—STAC hunted VC,

burned—killing 5-20,

burned—nobody know for sure;

burned—out of ammo,

burned—killed one with gun-stock,

burned—VC AK-47 jammed,

burned—killed faceless VC,

burned—over and over,

burned—STAC subdued by three men,

burned—three shots: morphine,

burned—tried killing prisoners,

burned—taken to Pleiku,

burned—held down, straitjacket,

burned—whites owe him, hear?

burned—I owe him, here.

Mama’s Report

“Don’t fight, honey,

don’t let ’em catch you.”

Tour over, gear packed,

hospital over, no job.

“Aw man, nothin' happened,”

explorer, altar boy—

Maybe it’s ’cause they killed people

and don’t know why they did?

My boy had color slides of dead people,

stacks of dead Vietnamese.

MP’s asked if he’d been arrested

since discharge, what he’d been doin’:

“Lookin’ at slides,

looking’ at stacks of slides, mostly.”

Fifteen minutes later a colonel called

from the Defense Department, said he’d won the medal;

could he be in Washington with his family,

maybe he’d get a job now; he qualified.

The Democrats had lost, the president said;

there were signs of movement in Paris:

Fixing Certificates:   Dog Tags:   Letters Home

Our heliteam had mid-air blowout

dropping flares—5 burned alive.

The children carry hand

grenades to and from piss tubes.

Staring at tracer bullets

rice is the focal point of war.

On amphibious raid, our heliteam

found dead VC with maps of our compound.

On morning sick call you unzip;

before you piss you get a smear.

“VC reamed that mustang a new asshole”—

even at movies: “no round-eye pussy no more”—

Tympanic membrane damage: high gone—

20-40 db loss mid-frequencies.

Scrub-typhus, malaria, dengue fever, cholera;

rotting buffalo, maggoted dog, decapped children.

Bangkok: amber dust, watches, C-rations,

elephanthide billfolds, cameras, smack.

Sand&tinroof bunkers, 81/120 mm:

“Health record terminated this date by reason of death.”

Vaculoated amoeba, bacillary dysentery, hookworm;

thorazine, tetracycline, darvon for diarrhea.

'Conitus’: I wanna go home to mama;

Brown’s mixture, ETH with codeine, cortisone skin-creams.

Written on helipad fantail 600 bed Repose;

“no purple heart, hit by ’nother marine.”

“Vascular repair, dissection, debridement”:

sharp bone edges, mushy muscle, shrapnel: stainless bucket.

Bodies in polyethylene bag: transport:

'Tan San Nhat Mortuary’

Blood, endotracheal tube, prep

abdomen, mid-chest to scrotum—

“While you’re fixin' me doc,

can you fix them ingrown hairs on my face?”

“They didn’t get my balls, did they?”

50 mg thorazine—“Yes they did, marine!”

Street-Poisoned

Swans loom on the playground

swooning in the basket air,

the nod of their bills

in open flight, open formation.

Street-poisoned, a gray mallard

skims into our courtyard with a bag:

And he poisons them—

And he poisons them—

Electronic-nigger-recruiter,

my pass is a blade

near the sternum

cutting in:

you can make this a career.

Patches itch on my chest and shoulders—

I powder them with phisohex

solution from an aerosol can:

you can make this a career.

Pickets of insulin dab the cloudy

hallways in a spray.

Circuits of change

march to an honor guard—

I am prancing:

I am prancing:

you can make this a career.

Makin’ Jump Shots

He waltzes into the lane

’cross the free-throw line,

fakes a drive, pivots,

floats from the asphalt turf

in an arc of black light,

and sinks two into the chains.

One on one he fakes

down the main, passes

into the free lane

and hits the chains.

A sniff in the fallen air—

he stuffs it through the chains

riding high:

“traveling” someone calls—

and he laughs, stepping

to a silent beat, gliding

as he sinks two into the chains.

Debridement:   Operation Harvest Moon:   On Repose

The sestina traces a circle in language and body.

Stab incision below nipple,

left side; insert large chest tube;

sew to skin, right side;

catch blood from tube

in gallon drain bottle.

Wash abdomen with phisohex;

shave; spray brown iodine prep.

Stab incision below sternum

to symphis pubis

catch blood left side;

sever reddish brown spleen

cut in half; tie off blood supply;

check retroperitoneal,

kidney, renal artery bleeding.

Dissect lateral wall

abdominal cavity; locate kidney;

pack colon, small intestine;

cut kidney; suture closely;

inch by inch check bladder,

liver, abdominal wall, stomach:

25 units blood, pressure down.

Venous pressure: 8; lumbar

musculature, lower spinal column

pulverized; ligate blood vessels,

right forearm; trim meat, bone ends;

tourniquet above fracture, left arm;

urine, negative: 4 hours; pressure

unstable; remove shrapnel flecks.

Roll on stomach; 35 units blood;

pressure zero; insert plastic blood

containers, pressure cuffs; pump chest

drainage tube; wash wounds sterile

saline; dress six-inch ace wraps;

wrap both legs, toe to groin; left arm

plaster, finger to shoulder: 40 units blood.

Pressure, pulse, respiration up;

remove bloody gowns; scrub; redrape;

5 cc vitamin K; thorazine: sixth

laparotomy; check hyperventilation;

stab right side incision below nipple;

insert large chest tube; catch blood drain bottle ...

The Family of Debridement

Theory: Inconvenienced subject will return to hospital

if loaned Thunderbird

Withdrawn. Hope: Subject returns,

Treatment:

Foreclosure for nine months unpaid mortgage;

wife tells subject hospital wants deposit,

Diseased cyst removal:

'Ain’t you gonna give me a little kiss good-bye’

Subject-wife: To return with robe and curlers—

Subject tells friend he’ll pay $15 to F’s stepfather

if he’ll drive him to pick up money owed him.

“This guy lives down the street,

I don’t want him to see me coming.”

“It looked odd for a car filled with blacks

to be parked in the dark in a white neighborhood,

so we pulled the car out under a streetlight

so everybody could see us.”

Store manager: “I first hit him with two bullets

so I pulled the trigger until my gun was empty.”

“I’m going to kill you, you white MF,” store manager

told police. Police took cardload, F and F’s parents for

further questioning. Subject died on operating table: 5 hrs:

Subject buried on grass slope, 200 yards

east of Kennedy Memorial,

overlooking Potomac and Pentagon,

to the south,

Arlington National Cemetery.

Army honor guard

in dress blues,

carried out assignment

with precision:

[justalildumpling]

can you describe ur relationship with ur moots using different kpop idol ship dynamics?

(hopefully that makes sense!!😣)

wait i actually love this prompt HELLO??? also, i only chose the mutuals i talk to on a regular basis and feel like i know well enough for this so im so sorry if i didn't mention you😭

@sungbeam ⎯ nct mark & haechan (aka soulmates)

if we haven’t advertised about this enough already, beam and i are certified soulmates like😐 like mahyuck we literally tease each other about our side hoes (*COUGH ch*ngm*n) but we will never hesitate tell each other how much we mean to each other. idk if mark had ever exclusively mentioned this about haechan but i truly believe beam and i were cosmic coincidences (soulmates) like i feel at home with her, she is my safe space

@polarisjisung ⎯ nct mark & yuta (24/7 flirting)

idek how to tell y’all, its literally playful flirts back and forth😭 and like yuta, hua wins most of the time…. literally bf who? but literally i would say our friendship is so wholesome tho, like if we were to meet irl i can imagine us like that one yuta and mark date at the restaurant

@wuahae ⎯ tbz sunwoo & changmin (menaces to society)

it just works. if u guys see our messages to each other it’s literally keyboard smashes and screaming about some random topic😭 we both take turns insulting each other tbh but 🥰lovingly🥰 but also like.... i don't think we can mentally and emotionally go without talking to each other everyday like idk what to tell u we literally are stuck together. ok but jokes aside, i feel like sunwoo clicked with changmin really well and have a deep trust in him just like i feel towards cat

@jaeminvore ⎯ nct haechan & johnny (the enablers)

we’re like… enablers of the inner chaos of each other. literally i could have the most feral thought and nics would be the first to be like yes😁👍👍 just like johnny constantly defending haechan HAHAHHAH

@winterchimez ⎯ tbz jacob & sunwoo (gentle mother with her chaotic ass child)

can i just say how much i adore ally like😭 she is so big sister energy but also like mother energy at the same time!! i feel like with jacob and sunwoo, ally is both very concerned.... towards my chaotic ass irl actions but also like entertained at the same time OAFOEF LOOK- she is my mum (in the non weirdest way possible) period.

@zzoguri ⎯ tba sunwoo & new (tom and jerry)

admittedly... i like teasing moni. why? well,,,, i love them that's why😁 ok. but, like chanhee and sunwoo's relationship i feel like our relationship is the perfect balance of very fun but also very deep at the same time. like we could literally be swearing at each other when playing game pigeon💀 but then could be venting about personal things the next second. i feel like sunwoo can really rely on chanhee for advice or hardships which reminded me of moni💗

@from-izzy ⎯ tbz sunwoo & eric (sibling energy)

i contemplated putting jaemin and jeno down but i feel like izzy and i give off more sibling energy then old married couple JBEWOFOWF i always have fun talking to izzy on vc like i miss her presence if we haven't spoken in a while even tho we might not outright say it

@invuwrld ⎯ tbz younghoon & new (the biggest cheerleaders)

can i just say mona is literally the biggest hypewoman? like. post a pic on deoboyznet and i can bet ur ass mona will be the first one to reply and it will literally make my day LIKE HEAISNPI?!?!?! and i would literally not hesitate to do the same for her. hoon and chanhee seem to hype each other up all the time and their interactions were always so cute to me just like ours hehe

@jaehunnyy ⎯ riize shotaro & sungchan (pair of besties)

IF CHIP ISNT THE IRL VER OF SHOTARO IDK WHO IS because girl. she is literally the sweetest human being ever and just like shotaro, she took me into her arms the day we met and i have never left since

@mosviqu ⎯ svt hoshi & shinee taemin

i always looked up to bar when it came to writing and still do, like i have such high respect for her and still fangirling that we're moots OIUBQOEUFBOW but like hoshi and taemin, i would like to say that we're getting closer hehe

bonus:

@/wuahae @/zzoguri ⎯ tbz new, q & sunwoo

istg there's just chaos when we're together like idek what to tell you. HEAVY EMPHASIS on when we play crazy 8 SKSJSJSJSJ like last time, cat and i literally ganged up on moni😭 like we all love each other but we will literally bicker all the time OIHFOIGHWE (not to mention the fact that we genuinely have attachment issues.......) LITERALLY SOULMATES!!!! (the pattern confirmed everyone)

[murfpersonalblog]

I'm dumping my Omegaverse AU headcanons about The Vampire Armand here, as they don't really fit in my storyboard itself.

Cuz here's the thing about Armand.

Every frikkin adaptation's done him radically different. (We don't talk about QotD's Armand in this house! 😤)

Book Armand? Esp. from TVA? That whiny spoiled bratty out-of-control know-it-all easily impressionable jailbait with 1000 boy(man)friends in 1000 different taverns, wet-behind-the-ears I think I'm big & bad enough to hack down Marius' door with an effing battle axe and swordfight my ex boytoy cuz I'm a maneater just tryna make my undead lover/father-figure jealous enough to BITE me, balls-haven't-even-dropped-yet but I'm humping Beta Bianca one second cuz I'm Grown(TM) and hiding under her bed from Alpha Marius' scolding the next? Chile, that's an Omega.

If LDPDL thought he was hot stuff posing as a Beta, well Amadeo had already patented the Conflicted Dynamics Syndrome formula centuries ago, thinking he could act like an Alpha and get away with it, meanwhile living under the roof & rule of THE ALPHAMUS MAXIMUS, Marius de Romanus. 😂 .

Overcompensation is a thing, which is why he went buck wild as the coven leader of the Children of Darkness/Satan, ruling with a titanium fist because he's short and baby-faced and pretty and his voice will permanently crack since he's stuck as a frikkin 16/17 yr old for the rest of forever and he doesn't have an Alpha Voice he can use on anyone, just a mean streak a mile wide and a effton of uber-powerful vampire blood 1-degree of separation from Akasha herself backing him up (not that he knew that, ofc).

(If you can't tell, Armand's my favorite character in the VC books. 😅)

Like, of course he lost his mind panting after Marius in TVA, and then panting after Lestat in TVL, and then panting after Louis in IWTV, and then panting after Daniel in QotD, and then panting after Marius again in BC. Messy boots! In the end, I think the healthiest relationship he ever had was with his kids (by Marius), Benji & Sybelle. Some people just need to stay single till they're truly ready to mingle. (I've already said I don't like Devil's Minion--Daniel was the literal antithesis of "healthy"--Sybelle had more sense in her head than Daniel at some points.)

Movie Armand? That sexy BAMF slow-walking up that stage like a KING, whose face launched at least 5 seasons of the funniest vampire show I've ever seen on TV? That's an Alpha, baby. 😎 Yeah, he just sat there and let Santiago run roughshod all over Louis, acting like everything was out of his hands and big bad Santiago was in charge, I didn't know~!  🥺👉👈 But he also just sat there and let Louis run roughshod all over the entire frikkin theatre, flambé style, so he could start a new coven with his new boo-thang Louis. GOAT. 

AMC!Armand? Who the eff knows. 😅

Back when all we had was S1, I was pretty firm in my belief that Armand was a Beta. Even without the "Rashid" ruse, he's just so chill & zen & unbothered, never flying into extreme bouts of emotion like Alpha Daniel & Omega Louis. He balances them out and knows how to neutralize situations whereas the other two just snipe at each other, out for blood. That's certified Beta behavior, to be the only one in the room with working braincells.

But JFC, these S2 crumbs have had me feeling a type of waaaay~! 👀

And this is why I get so reticent about talking about Loumand, and Devil's Minion, and Lesmand, cuz half the time I think AMC's cooking up to have Armand be Satan incarnate, just manipulating EVERYONE; and other times I'm like watch they give this dude the most tragic backstory and paint him as the ultimate cinnamon roll.

So yeah, at the end of the day, Armand can run the entire GAMUT--he's the most complex character in TVC, IMO.

Which is probably why I love him so much, but am also SO SCARED to see what AMC does with him, cuz they really have the space & opportunity to really commit to how AR initially portrayed him, as THE big bad boogeyman of the vampires (until Akasha & Rhosh, ofc).

[prodigiousvisions]

Akaza vc; I'm not your babygirl (for Douma)

semi unprompted ~ always accepting! | @ofsavior

"Akaza-dono! Oh, how you wound me so! What better bliss is there than to be branded a certified babygirl?" Jovial jokes of mirth drip from the timbre of his voice, pooling and dissipating with the underlying disinterest that lies behind rainbow hues. Douma plays the part of a fan dancer too well, for each toothy grin he bares is yet another practiced mannerism to stroke his own boredom. Despite this, he waves his hand dismissively, leaning forward to instigate his opposite further. "You must seek true elation somewhere. Does being called babygirl not please you? Or is it because it's me calling you that? And here I thought words of affirmation were your love language." His voice dips low, eyes narrowing before returning to his normal disposition. "Oh well! Back to the chalkboard it is."

[womanlives]

❔ c:

my god your writing and muses are so gorgeous there's just so many i'm going to cap at neverafter at first so i don't write 10 novels but i have more i -

SNOW WHITE & ELODY. spoilers for dimension20's series neverafter to follow. ok, is this one of my fav d20 series? yes. will i roleplay litchrally anyone from it? yes. i would love to explore the dynamic of elody, abandoned by gerard, being approached by these princesses and their plot to 'retake their lives,' in a sense. i think snow white uniquely would be interesting to run up against her in parallels of abandonment, both perceived and actual. bulletpoint plot/thread ideas below:

the initial recruitment as a thread plotline; this could serve as a great opener to introduce our characters to one another, as well as establish a precursor for how it all happened. would love to explore elody's reaction to the first 'story' in which the tpk happened unravelling as well.

battle threads with the faeries, please.

the fallout from meeting gerard & co., especially considering the lore bomb gerard dropped on elody's head before peacing out into the snow with the rest of them. her hair is eevryWHERE ~~

post-neverafter resolutions. what do their lives look like? how did they rewrite their stories? is it everything they end up dreaming about?

YLFA & GERARD. spoilers for dimension20's series neverafter to follow. let's explore the (unwilling) transformation of two people into animals and the long-lasting effects that has on them. bonus points for contrasts of their reactions and/or levels of acceptance. bonus bonus points for the spicy underlying theme of humanity and pieces of themselves slipping away. bulletpoint plot/thread ideas below:

please let them have the classic late-night keeping-watch private chat where they discuss how it felt to die.

ylfa subconsciously encouraging gerard to dissect his marriage because she's got a crush on 'nocchi and asks gerard, a certified Wife Man(tm), relationship advice. and where his went wrong. HEE HEE.

gerard teaches ylfa sword forms. they go horribly wrong.

goes without saying, but post-neverafter resolutions pt2. i'd also love to explore an AU where things DON'T get the happily-ever-after written ending and they're more or less 'doomed' to stay as ''''animals''' forever. i'd love to see how they react to that.

'QT PLAYS DEALER'S CHOICE NEVERAFTER CHARACTER HERE' & GERARD/ELODY. no but literally this is just a free space where if there's someone i haven't listed (pib, nocchi, minor characters, villains, the faeries) that you'd love to see against gerard or elody, i GOTCHU FAM

BONUS ROUND FEAT. SPUR OF THE MOMENT THREAD IDEAS:

meera reed confronts theon greyjoy for the deaths of two innocent boys following her return to winterfell (obviously would fall into the grey space between book & show canon).

an exploration into how rue and wuvvy came to be: their partnership, their devotion, just love em. LOVE EM.

red makes a bargain with drisella, in an almost direct juxtaposition to cinderella and her faerie godmother. [red vc] i aint work for Free

how to con henri out of his immense wealth while also not dying hideously in the process feat. mercy

send ❔ and i’ll list a couple muses that i’d like to throw at yours (feat: plot bunnies) for @ateliaers.

[tumblesdownhill]

Just got told by someone in vc that they don't think I am capable of finding a man without help and its legitimately fucking me up right now like honestly I brushed it off but that was a certified asshole move and I hope they see this post and feel bad about it