#| so no one told you life was gonna be this way

[f1letters]

midnights (3am edition) - masterlist

A collection of stories inspired by lyrics of the one and only, miss Taylor Swift.

note: regarding the stories, some of them are not inspired by the entirety of the song but only by some loose verses (due to their content) PLEASE check the warnings before reading (as there are stories with some tw)

lavender haze | mv1 (2.8k)

"I been under scrutiny, you handle it beautifully"

summary: after winning his second championship in another controversial way, max needed her by his side more than ever as the media tried to tear him apart

maroon | cs55 (4.3k)

"how the hell did we lose sight of us again? sobbing with your head in your hands, ain't that the way shit always ends?"

summary: they both knew their relationship would ruin them both, but they couldn't stop themselves from running back to each other every goddamn time

anti-hero | cl16 (3.6k)

"I wake up screaming from dreaming, one day, I'll watch as you leaving"

summary: no matter how many times charles told her she was more than enough, this misogynistic world kept giving her reasons to run away (driver!reader)

snow on the beach | ls18 (3.2k)

"you wanting me tonight feels impossible, but it's coming down"

summary: nothing would ever compare to the feeling of simultaneously falling in love with each other

you're on your own, kid | pg10 (4.1k)

"I wait patiently, he's gonna notice me. it's okay, we're the best of friends"

summary: after what she thought was the best night of her life, she came to the realization that she was nothing but one more girl on his list

midnight rain | gr63 (3.1k)

"chasing that fame, he stayed the same, all of me changed like midnight"

summary: what happens when he decides his career will always be more important than their relationship?

question…? | ls18 (3.4k)

"did you wish you'd put up more of a fight when she said it was too much?"

summary: she was just planning a fun night out with her best friends, but an unexpected reunion changes everything

vigilante shit | pg10 x cl16 (3.4k)

"you did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them"

summary: revenge is served cold and it tastes especially sweet when it involves his best friend

bejeweled | ln4 (2.7k)

"and I miss you, but I miss sparkling"

summary: after a triple-header where they couldn't see each other, things got even stranger when her boyfriend seemed totally uninterested in spending time with her. so, she took matters into her own hands

labyrinth | aa23 (3.9k)

"uh-oh, I'm falling in love. oh no, I'm falling in love again"

summary: it's safe to say she wasn't expecting to fall in love so quickly after just ending a five-year relationship, but alex albon was just everything she needed without even realizing it (russell!reader)

karma | lh44 (3.6k)

"karma is the guy on the screen coming straight home to me"

summary: seeing her toxic ex was never fun, but maybe it was less fun for him when he realized she was currently dating the GP winner on the screen, who happened to be his favourite driver

sweet nothing | sv5 (3.0k)

"all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing"

summary: after years of battling infertility, seb was still by her side. he didn't need anything else but her... but maybe their lives were about to get a little more crowded

mastermind | cs55 (3.8k)

"what if I told you none of it was accidental?"

summary: it all started when she saw him across the room and she knew right away she wouldn't give up until he was hers

the great war | dr3 (3.9k)

"my hand was the one you reached for all throughtout the Great War"

summary: after the media was filled with cheating rumours involving her husband, she faced hard times trying to rebuild what was left of their relationship

bigger than the whole sky | ms47 (2.9k)

"i'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, what should've been you"

summary: guilt consumed her alive when she lost the baby she initially didn't plan on having... maybe the outcome could've been better if she did something different, she thought

paris | eo31 (3.2k)

"romance is not dead if you keep it just yours"

summary: maybe their family and friends didn't understand all the secrecy of their relationship, but why risk ruining what they had when they lived happier than ever inside of their own bubble?

high infidelity | mv1 x ln4

"do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?"

summary: she knew it was a mistake getting involved with her boyfriend's best friend from the beginning, but she only realized how wrong it really was when she got confronted by the one person she should've been faithful to

glitch | ms47

"we were supposed to be just friends"

summary: they were supposed to be just friends with benefits, but things started to feel real when they found themselves travelling to each other constantly... behind her brother's back (vettel!reader)

would've, could've, should've | dr3

"and I damn sure never would've danced with the devil"

summary: when daniel thought his career was about to skyrocket in mclaren, he chose not to have anything to do with her anymore. two years later, regretting everything, he looked for her, only to find out she was a single mom to a beautiful curly-haired girl

dear reader | cl16 (2.8k)

"to a house, not a home, all alone cause nobody's there"

summary: when two strangers meet by fate in the same bar with the same goal - to drink their feelings - maybe they discover that they are actually two halves that fit together perfectly

[jo-harrington]

Best Spring Break Ever (Eddie Munson)

Summary: Spring Break 1986, the way it should have gone.

Word Count: 3.2k

Characters: Eddie Munson, Corroded Coffin (Jeff, Gareth, Dave - Unnamed Freak), Dustin Henderson, Mike Wheeler, Lucas Sinclair, Will Byers, Wayne Munson

Themes/Warnings: No Upside-Down AU, Road Trip, Lighthearted, Boys Will Be Boys in the purest way possible, Nerd, Pop Culture References, one or two sneaky little references to Store Manager Verse (I had to)

Note: So a LONG TIME AGO I dropped a fun head canon that got lost to the cutthroat nature of the tags. It's not necessarily coming back to life per se but and now that I've promised @br0ck-eddie and @somnambulic-thing that I would do more Gen fics, I'm sort of giving it some more juice.

Gonna also use this for @munson-blurbs and @corroded-hellfire and their Flip Flopped Summer Writing event. (I cheated on the length, sue me.)

Enjoy!

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

---

When one thought of words to describe Edward J. Munson, there were plenty to choose from.

Daring, dashing, brilliant, handsome--

"Douchebag," Gareth muttered under his breath.

"Can it, asshole," Eddie snapped from the driver's seat of the van, angling the rearview mirror so he could pin the younger boy with a scathing look. "Or I'll leave you behind."

"He's got a point though," Dave offered. The rearview mirror shifted again, revealing dark brown eyes that narrowed angrily.

"Sorry," Dave sunk in his seat.

--adventurous, non-conformist, a music legend...

But carpool mom had never been a contender.

Until now.

For Eddie, Spring Breaks were never exciting.

A lot of families in Hawkins took the days off school to go out of town. Vacation to someplace interesting or warm, trips up to the beach, or to a distant grandparent's house for a visit.

Eddie always stayed home. He enjoyed the silence of the town and the freedom to go anywhere and do anything he'd like. Wayne picked up some overtime while some of his coworkers were away, so there were a handful of extra hours for Eddie to play his music as loudly as he wanted, and some extra cash to splurge on a few nights of takeout.

This year was different though.

This year, Eddie had the misfortune of being friend, older brother figure, and role model to Dustin Henderson and his band of merry nerds.

The four of whom decided to enter into the All-State Science Fair in May with a project so ambitious and convoluted, they were either going to crash and burn, or get some kind of scholarship long before they needed to think of college.

And of course, when the time came to gather supplies for such an...extensive endeavor, the lowly freshman came to their good pal Eddie to help them procure some interesting items.

That was the thing with Eddie, though. He was sort of known for being the guy that could find things. Yeah, weed and other drugs from Reefer Rick, sure. But the phrases "I know a guy" and "I can try and cash in a favor" and "you owe me one" often passed through his lips, followed by a glint in his eye and a quirk of his lips.

For weeks he got the little idiots various items for their project, but when things on the list began to seem impossible to find--Rick had practically thrown him out when he had asked where to get liquid nitrogen--things started to get a little tricky.

Eddie, not one to let his friends down, complained about the whole ordeal to a friend he had unexpectedly made working at StarCourt over the past Summer--the Claire's store manager--and she had an interesting suggestion.

"Why don't you just go to the Science Surplus store in Chicago?" Eddie looked at her like she'd grown a second head. "What? Don't let the Cool Mall Girl facade fool you. I'd been known to dabble in science fairs and stuff when I was still in school."

"Nerd," he snorted before he waved for her to continue.

She told him about lab coats and machine parts and mystery boxes.

"It might be fun for you and your friends to drive up there and see it."

Thus, the Great Spring Break Roadtrip of '86 was born.

---

Well, more accurately, it was the Great Secret Spring Break Roadtrip of '86.

Because what parent--specifically Claudia Henderson--was going to let their kid spend a few days with no parental supervision? Where the only adult, technically, was Eddie.

She liked him, of course. Shit, most of the kids' parents liked him. But trust him to drive their kids hundreds of miles in a van that looked like it probably wasn't gonna make it 10 miles up the road?

That was another story.

But he was a schmoozer, a sweet-talker, a charmer, and in the end he got them all to agree to a few days up at the Dunes hiking and swimming and grilling hot dogs over an open fire.

If only the parents had been his harshest critics.

"When was the last time you had your brakes checked?"

"And your oil changed?"

"I heard some squeaking when you drove us home from Hellfire. I think there's something going on with your suspension."

"When did you become my pit crew?" Eddie snapped as he leaned against the front of the van and smoked the last cigarette he would have until they stopped for gas along the way.

Dustin, Mike, Will, and Lucas all froze in place. The older members of Hellfire Club leaned their heads out of the van to watch the interaction like the relentless busybodies that they were. Eddie flicked the butt of his cigarette to the ground before approaching the kids with his hands on his hips.

"We just wanna make sure it's safe," Mike was the first to speak up.

"It's safe," Eddie insisted. "I checked everything myself; Wayne wouldn't let me cross state lines if I hadn't."

Mike considered it for a second, then jumped into the van.

Dustin hummed doubtfully and kicked at one of the rear tires.

"Do you have a spare tire?" he questioned. "Just in case?"

Eddie nodded and even offered how to show everyone how to change a tire if the need ever rose.

"Gotta earn your keep somehow."

He mashed his hand on the top of Dustin's head as he passed.

Lucas and Will were last; they had their backs to him, heads leant together as they whispered conspiratorially. Eddie wondered for a moment if they even wanted to go--it was ok if they were scared--until they pivoted on their heels and began a barrage of questions about handling and off-roading and how prepared he was for any emergencies.

He was about to snap at them, tell them to shut up, when he saw a rolled up copy of Car and Driver in Lucas' hand and his brief annoyance faded.

He took a deep breath and stared up into the clear blue sky, begging whatever gods or devils there were to give him the patience to survive this trip.

"Listen," he huffed, "you either trust me and we go, or you don't and we stay. Even if I didn't have a stocked first aid kit--which, I don't, by the way...best you're gonna get are some crumpled band-aids in my glove box--it's not like we have all the time in the world to put one together.

"I promise. Everything will be fine. You trust me right?"

Lucas and Will turned away from him and whispered furiously once more. Before they stood up straight, looked him dead in the eye, and asked something that made Eddie let out a bark of laughter,

"What about Second Breakfast?"

---

They stopped for gas an hour in.

What should have been a ten minute stop turned into an hour. Bathroom breaks all around and then debates over which snacks to get.

"Don't waste all your money," Eddie fussed over them, pulling bags of candies and chips from their hands and stuffing them back onto shelves. "You're not gonna eat it all for one thing. And I'm not gonna clean puke out of my van if you try and end up making yourselves sick."

Suddenly the four freshman were all talking over each other with "mom never lets me have funyuns" and "what if we get the smaller bag?" Jeff, Gareth, and Dave all snickered and watched from afar as Eddie taught them The Art of Gas Station Snacks.

By hour two, the radio stations became unfamiliar, Eddie's mix tapes got boring, and slug bug was impossible. That's when everyone began fighting over the road map to play navigator, even though Eddie insisted that it was Jeff's job, since he called shotgun. But no one cared, especially not when--

"Hey I know our cover is camping at the beach," Mike piped up from the back. "But we're actually going to pass the Dunes. Can we go?"

Some of the others started to agree, mentioning how their moms packed their swim trunks.

"Hey!" Eddie snapped at them and then reached back to jam a finger into the map. "We passed the exit already. Better luck next time."

"But how about on the way back?" Dave suggested. "It's getting too crowded in here. A little fresh air would be nice."

And Eddie would have fought them, the thing was...he kind of agreed with Dave.

The members of Corroded Coffin were used to just the four of them and their band equipment. Now there were seven of them, on top of all their backpacks and sleeping bags, Eddie's guitar, and a cooler full of snacks and drinks. There was too much noise, too much arguing. One absolutely rancid fart had been tooted without admittance, which led to everyone just ripping one without a care in the world.

On the other hand, did he really want to have to clean sand out of the van once this trip was over?

"Alright," he finally shouted over the others, causing them to quiet down. "If everyone behaves the rest of the way, we'll see about making a stop at the Dunes on the way back."

---

Their accommodations that first night were less than ideal.

Rick had mentioned something once about forest preserves and camp sites once when he'd driven up to Chicago to meet up with some fishing buddies. So Eddie figured renting a campsite would be fun, not to mention cheaper than a motel. They'd sleep under the stars, just like he'd promised all of their parents, grill some hot dogs and roast marshmallows for s'mores.

It would be great.

But building a campfire was harder than it looked--especially when you had six sets of eyes on you--the ground was hard to sleep on, and then at some point in the night, a storm rolled in and they all had to pile into the van to stay dry.

Chalk it up to Murphy's Law.

"Should have sprung for a cabin instead," Jeff joked as they all struggled to fit in the back of the van after they all sought shelter inside.

Come morning, they were all tired and sore and grumpy, and Eddie drove through McDonalds for steaming hot hash browns and egg mcmuffins to shut them all up.

Then they finally reached their true destination.

The American Science and Surplus Center was an unassuming building in a busy suburb north of the city. Busier than Hawkins, at least. Eddie had to drive around the block several times before he realized the entrance was in the back of the building, gravel parking lot and all.

As soon as they set foot inside, it was a sensory overload, but it felt like home.

Colorful signs everywhere, aisles filled with bins of bottles and beakers and corks and machine parts. There was a man who looked like he stepped out of Doctor Who by the cash register, and about a dozen lab skeletons situated around the perimeter of the store dressed to look like famous scientists.

All of the boys scattered once they picked their jaws up off the floor and they, quite literally, spent hours scouring the store finding one amazing thing after another.

Dave and Jeff went to the back corner where there was a display of army surplus. Garerth found an entire aisle dedicated to models and kits. Eddie walked around picking up things at random. Things that just seemed interesting and weird, his imagination putting different bits and bobs together to create mini figures for mechanical foes for the next--and maybe last--campaign he created as the DM for Hellfire.

It was a bittersweet moment for him.

And the kids? Well, they were either the worst customers in the world or the best. They were running around, throwing things into baskets, trying to figure out how much of this or that they needed for their project.

This was a once in a lifetime trip so they were determined to get everything they needed now.

Of course, that ended up causing a problem. Because there was only one of a certain item on their shopping list and Dustin wasn't the only person to grab it.

Eddie heard the commotion before he saw it.

"I need this."

"So do I."

"I touched it first."

"Well I saw it first. Finders keepers."

The other freshman were quick to jump into the verbal tousle, disrupting everyone in the store, and Eddie was quick to abandon his own shopping to go and see what was wrong.

Only to find the dweebiest tug of war on the planet: His four little sheepies versus three equally dorky-looking boys. It was a flurry of gangly limbs, sweaty hands, mom-provided haircuts, and pressed khakis as they argued over the one thing all of the kids seemed to need for their respective projects.

Eddie figured it was better to intervene before someone got a nosebleed from stress.

"Hey guys, cut it out, what are we arguing for?"

"Who's this?" the apparent leader of the other kids snapped. "The barber shop is down the street if you need a haircut Bon Jovi."

"Alright Revenge of the Nerds, calm down," Eddie snapped. "Just trying to make sure this doesn't end in a bloodbath. What's going on here?"

"We need that air pump," Dustin nodded down to the box he was holding onto for dear life.

"Well so do we. And we saw it first."

The kids started talking over each other again until Eddie whistled sharply.

"How about," he suggested and dug into one of his pockets and pulled out a shiny quarter, "we flip a coin?"

"No way!"

"No chance!"

"This air pump is ours," the rival nerd scoffed.

"What if we just beat you up and took it?" came a voice the next aisle over. Eddie glanced over his shoulder and shot daggers at his nosy friends.

"Not helping Jeff!" he hissed and turned back to the kids. "It's either a coin toss or nothing."

Eventually, both groups agreed, and Dustin was even gracious enough to let the other kids call it. Eddie flicked the coin into the air, the nerd called heads, and then time seemed to slow.

Eddie's thoughts raced through all of the possibilities. He really couldn't give a shit about these other nerds but...damn they deserved a fair shot at it. And his friends...he didn't want them to come all this way just for disappointment.

There was a clink as the coin hit the ground and bounced.

Then another clink.

Then a clatter as it landed.

Tails.

---

Another hour passed victoriously in the science surplus store and everyone's mood went up exponentially.

Eddie spent a little extra cash to get a soldering iron that he found in a clearance bin. Dustin and Lucas got to explain their whole project to the wannabe timelord, who was excited at the prospect of flash freezing ice cream. Not to mention Dave, who flirted with the evening manager as she came in for her shift; he even got her number, the lucky schmuck.

The sun was setting by the time they made it back outside, chattering happily about their finds, but they stopped in their tracks as they found the rival nerd standing near the van with a tall, polished boy in a letterman jacket beside him.

"This them?" the jock asked the younger boy.

"Yeah," he glared at them all and then pointed at Mike. "And that's the one who flipped me off."

Eddie could feel Mike tensing beside him--obviously regretting what he had done in the throes of victory--and he took a step forward, hands held in front of him to show he meant no harm.

"Hey guys listen," he started. "What are we doing here? What's fair is fair. We flipped a coin."

"My brother said it was rigged," the jock accused.

Eddie snorted, "how could I possibly rig a coin toss? Here I'll even show you the quarter."

The jock, curious, took a step forward, despite his brother whining for him to "just beat them up already."

Eddie shoved a hand in the pocket of his jacket and rooted around for a moment, before swiping his sneakered foot across the ground, sending gravel and sand and whatever else made up the parking lot into the two boys' faces.

"Go, go, get in the van," he hollered to his friends, who immediately crossed the lot and piled into the vehicle.

Once the doors were locked and the key was in the ignition, they all hollered in triumph, Gareth even yelling for Dave to "hit 'em with the pressed ham" as they pulled out of the parking lot.

And Eddie wondered if it was cowardly for them to have done what they did. For him to have done that.

He didn't want to be known as the guy who ran from trouble.

But hearing his friends' laughter, knowing their safety was ensured, he figured that sometimes running away was ok.

---

Dinner was reminiscent of something out of a heroic legend.

The IHOP off Route 64 had become a mead hall with drinks sloshing over the edges of cups and laughter and cheers in abundance as they regaled each other with more fantastical versions of the non-existent battle they'd just survived.

As though Eddie had been Beowulf and his foe the dastardly Grendel.

"He had to be 7 feet tall," Lucas awed. "And like...400 pounds."

"I'm never worrying about Jason Carver beating me up again if we survived that guy," Mike agreed.

"You're gonna have to fail again this year so you can stick around and protect us Ed. At least until I graduate," Gareth told Eddie, who protested that he didn't even do anything.

Then everyone erupted into a good-hearted merriment again.

Eddie felt a little bad for the waitress who would clean up after them, but he couldn't do anything to stop his friends joy and excitement.

Instead, he left a very generous tip once they left.

Their second night of camping was much more successful than the first. There were no attempts at a fire and no s'mores to be had, but Eddie broke out his guitar and strummed some familiar songs that had everyone asleep in no time.

Almost everyone.

He stayed up for a little longer though, smoking and staring up at the sky through the canopy of the trees. There was something special being out here, and he wondered if all of the heroes in his favorite stories felt like that, seeing all of their companions safe and asleep under their watch and the watch of the stars above.

There was a rustle of a sleeping bag and Dustin looked over at Eddie with bleary eyes.

"Why're you still up?" he asked. "Gotta take a dump or something?"

Eddie snorted and crushed the butt of his cigarette underfoot.

"Just thinking," he waved a hand dismissively. "Get back to sleep. Gotta drive back in the morning, and we need to hit the road early if you guys still wanna go to the beach."

He was about to take his own advice and settle into his sleeping bag when Dustin called his name again.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"I dunno," there was another rustle as Dustin shrugged. "For driving us out here, for getting all of the stuff we've been asking you to get, for protecting us...for being our friend."

"Don't mention it Henderson," Eddie smiled warmly. "What else was I gonna do? Let you guys lose the science fair."

"It's more than that."

"I'm sure that Harrington would've helped you if I hadn't."

"Steve's a cool guy but seriously," Dustin insisted. "He wouldn't have done all of this for us."

Eddie didn't know how to answer that, so he just hummed and closed his eyes.

The last thing he heard before he fell asleep, to dreams of guitar solos and bats and epic adventures...

"Best Spring Break Ever."

[obxologies]

𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘖𝘯 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘖𝘸𝘯, 𝘒𝘪𝘥  𝘑𝘑 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘬

warnings: angst, unrequited love

requested?: no

author's note: this based mostly on like the first verse of the song. hope you guys enjoy this, been in a bit of a slump with writing lately. also i didn't know how to stop it so sorry it's so awkward at the end lmao

JJ Maybank may not have seemed perfect to most of the people around him, but to y/n he was everything she had ever wanted.

JJ was y/n's first friend. None of the other kids had bothered to talk to her, but the energetic blonde boy ran right up to her and asked her to join him and his friends soccer game so the teams would be even, and from that day on he would never let her sit alone.

It was almost inevitable that y/n would soon grow feelings for the boy. y/n had been alone for just about her whole life. Her parents rarely payed much attention to her, and no one bothered to make friends with the quiet girl, so JJ's kindness was special to her and she didn't want to lose him. She kept her mouth shut about her crush. It wasn't worth losing him over, but it still hurt to watch him fall in love with someone else. That someone else being their friend, Kiara.

y/n knew the moment JJ started to have a crush on Kiara. She knew him better than anyone and that boy was infatuated with the kook turned pogue. It crushed her the first time she figured it out and it hurts just as much two years later which is why the acceptance letter in her hand that stated she would get the chance to study abroad her senior year of high school felt like a breath of fresh air. Until JJ found out.

"You're leaving?" JJ asked making y/n look up from her phone over to JJ who stood by the desk on the other side of her room. He held up acceptance letter with a confused look on his face. "What the hell is this?"

"It's nothing, J. Don't worry about it." y/n said standing up from her bed walking over to him. She reached out for the piece of paper, but he moved it out of her reach.

"You're moving away." JJ said eyeing the paper again. "In a couple months." He looked back up at her. "Were you going to tell anyone?"

"Of course I was, J." y/n said. "I just got the letter yesterday."

"Where are you going?" JJ asked.

"London. They have a really good program and it would be a great opportunity for me, y'know?" y/n smiled softly.

"Yeah, that's great for you." JJ nodded. "Just leave us all behind and go start a new life." He said annoyed.

"JJ, it's not like that." y/n shook her head. "I'd come back before graduation, and I'll keep in touch with you guys-"

"Until you won't." JJ interrupted her.

"What?" y/n questioned.

"C'mon, y/n. Don't act stupid." JJ said making her frown. "You'd keep in touch with us until you find new friends and then you'll forget all about us while you're living it up in London."

"JJ, that's not true. You guys are my friends. You are my best friend. I'd never just abandon you guys." y/n insisted.

"Well, it kind seems like that's what you're doing." JJ scoffed. "Why did you even apply for this? Why didn't you tell anyone, huh?"

"I didn't even know if I'd be accepted." y/n said. "I just needed to," She paused.

"Needed to what?" JJ raised a brow. He rolled his eyes when she looked away from him. "Yeah, whatever. Have fun in London." He said spitefully. He crumbled the paper tossing it at her before storming out of her room.

Maybe it was for the better that he hated her, she thought to herself. This way it wouldn't be as hard to leave.

JJ hadn't spoken to y/n in three days. He was avoiding her like the plague. It didn't help that he had told all the pogues. Fortunately, they were more supportive and understanding than he was.

"He'll come around, y/n/n." Pope patted her back.

"Yeah, hopefully." y/n gave him a small thankful smile. Her eyes trailed over to JJ who stood with Kiara running the keg. "I think I'm gonna head home for the night though." She said finishing the rest of her beer before tossing it in the trash bag.

"Okay, see ya later." Pope waved her off which she returned.

y/n glanced at JJ one last time before heading up the beach. She sighed to herself, shoving her hands into her pockets grabbing her phone out of her pocket to check the time seeing she had only been at the party for an hour. She stopped with a huff trying to decide if should go home.

"y/n!" She heard his all too familiar voice call from behind her. She turned around seeing the blonde boy jogging towards her.

"Hey." She said walking a few steps closer.

"Are you leaving?" JJ asked stopping in front of her.

"I think so." y/n nodded looking around avoiding his eyes. "Do you need something?"

"No." JJ shook his head.

"Okay." y/n trailed off. She slowly turned to leave, but JJ spoke again.

"Did I do something?" JJ asked. "To make you leave. I, I just wanna know why you didn't tell me about anything." He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"It's really complicated, JJ. I don't wanna make things worse." y/n said.

"I don't think it matters right now." JJ stated making her frown.

"Look, JJ. I don't have anything here for me, and I just want a fresh start. I wanna go somewhere where I'm more than just a kid from the cut." y/n explained.

"You have us." JJ scoffed. "Unless we don't mean anything to you."

"You guys mean more to me than anything else in the world, JJ. You mean more to me than anyone or anything." y/n paused staring at him sadly. "I'm in love you, JJ. I know you don't feel the same, okay? And that's fine. I know you and Kie like each other and that's fine because all I care about is that you're happy."

"You're leaving because of me?" JJ frowned.

"I'm leaving because of me." y/n said. "Because I need to get out of this stupid town or nothing good is going to happen for me. So please don't make me leave on bad terms with you, J." She said as tears started to fall down her cheeks.

"You're in love with me?" JJ furrowed his brows.

"I always have been, JJ." y/n gave him a small smile.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know." JJ looked away.

"It's not your fault, J." y/n shook her head. "You've always been the best friend I could ask for."

tags: @thejuleshypothesis @jjmaybankswifes-blog

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕀 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦- ℕ𝕆 𝕎𝔸𝕀𝕋 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @nenes-numberonefan request: HELLOOO

ima request the same thing i requested @/mizu-nights but i’m a silly goose and i wanna see everyone’s style of writing

basically can i request rui, nene and tsukasa x reader (separate) and they have a platonic relationship with our beloved y/n but then they accidentally confess their love to the reader, sort of like the verse “the time is right your perfume fills my head the stars are red and oh the nights so blue, and then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you ❤️” from the song something stupid. thank youuu xxxxxx love youuuuuu 😍😍😍🥶😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍(very hyper rn)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ HIIII!! Yeah absolutely! I don't tho songfics normally tho, so I just based on your description and hopefully that's gonna be good enough!

But omg, the moment I saw this, I wanted to run to mizu-nights and read it because I apparently missed this fic- but NOPE I didn't wanted to accidentally write the same thing sooo I held myself back ^^

I totally did not copy lines from event for Tsukasa part-

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

Affiliation with @virtualbookstore

You've agreed to help Tsukasa with practicing for his upcoming performance, Romeo&Julia. He got the role of Romeo while his other friend from troupe got Julia. He just wanted someone to help him get that feeling of saying it right to soemone's face and... maybe he had planned something more too?

"O Juliet! Sun of my life! I beg of you, allow me your fair hand in marriage!!"

He was now on his one knee, holding your hand like pure gentleman with his left hand. This made you both happy and regretful for agreeing to help him... it's obviously very sweet to see him like this but it's also not helping your feelings for him... and you could swear you're blushing...

"Sweet Y/N...!"

But then he said your name... and you finally looked at him just to see him clearly in state of daydreaming, not stopping reciting next lines, so you had to stop him before he gives more hints than you can handle!

"Wait, wait... wasn't the second main character's name Juliet? Why did you say my name...?"

His face immidietly gained red hue and his hand didn't stop holding your gently. His eyes still looked focused on yours as if he haven't woke up from his dreamland, but his words told you his state was something completely else than you imagined...

"Y-Yes I know..."

You could only stare at him in slight shock... you didn't knew what to say and so did he. He was barely holding himself from turning it into a play someway... but he repeated one sentence in his head, "go big or go home", if he blurted it out, might as well go along?

"O Y/N, sun of my life, I beg of you, allow me to take you on a date!"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @akitosheart @bad-the-an-enjoyer @yulikesminori @alicewinterway18 @nenes-numberonefan - come get your future star!

You and Nene were hanging out on a rooftop at Kamiyama. Even if you're from Miyamasuzaka, let's say Emu teached you a trick or two~ So either way, you can enjoy your time with your dear friend!

You leaned in, wanting to see what she's playing and for once, instead of seeing shooting or rhythm game, you found her playing some... visual novel? Or was it otome game?

"Hey Nene? Are you playing... otome game?"

"Mhm, yeah."

She responded, clearly way into the game to process what she's saying. But that never was a problem for you since she still responded and was honest if anything when she was in this state.

"Look, you can even name your love interest~"

You looked at the screen with even more interest and saw 2 names... "Nene" and "Y/N". You get why her name would be here but yours? Were you... no way, right?

"Is... is Y/N the name of your... ingame love interest?"

"Yeah, real love interest too."

She finally looked up from her phone right at you with this soft and charming smile, when she saw your blush she was even confused for a second! Untill she realized... she just blurted it out, didn't she?

"Oh- uh- I mean... not like... Like..."

Now it was her blushing like crazy not knowing what to say... she was clearly between 2 thoguhts and had no idea which to choose... oh did you know it was all about if she should tell you the truth or a lie...

"Am I actually~?"

You couldn't help but encourage her a bit, hoping to hear the truth. If she actually saw YOU as the love interest, the real one! Or... if it's just a misunderstanding...

And luckily, you didn't had to wait for long because right after your question, she gave you a little nod, easy to miss if you blinked... but her blushing face and the way she looked away would tell you it either way~

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @akitosheart @bl4cktourmaline @nenes-numberonefan - come get your shy gamer~

Rui has texted you he forgot his coat from his house. And you as good friend, agreed to bring it to Pheonix Wonderland. He made sure you get a free ticket after all! So how could you say no to free fun at amusement park AND helping out your dear friend?

When you finally arrived at the Wonder Stage, you saw him tinkering with the robot, untill he heard someone's footsteps... his mood immidietly lighting up once he saw it's you!

"You're finally here! And I see you got my coat with you~ I can't express how glad I am for your help~"

"Don't mention it! You offered me a free ticket for that so how could I've said now?!"

He chuckled and finally came over to get his coat back, which you gave him back. And in another second, he had it on!

"But still, you're a great person for bringing it to me at THIS HOUR."

"Awh~ Don't you melt here or I'm gonna melt too!"

You couldn't brush off how sweet it was and opened your arms for quick friendly hug, since you clearly had a bit of appreciation moment going on.

"No, I mean it... you're such a sweetheart... I really couldn't avoid falling for you~"

"Huh-? What?"

After your questioning, he finally got a hang of himself pulling away with faint blush, clearly not knowing what to do. But his first reflex was to lie...

"I-I mean..."

But he seemed to stop himself... he realized lying would only make it last longer... so he decided to pull himself together, take big breath in and take the risk.

"Yes... I'm really sorry. I'm aware this is probably gonna break our friendship but... I indeed did fell for you..."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @akitosheart @yulikesminori @toyaswif3y @bl4cktourmaline @r4wrclwz @superstar-ethereal - come get your crazy inventor~

[ohmaillegode]

Thanks for your post about Laudna and Imogen. I love how supportive they are of each other and it always felt a little strange that so many defined it as unhealthy.

Just curious though since I'm not well versed with the terminology, could you enlighten me on what codependency actually is or what it's defined as? I feel like the term gets thrown around and misused a lot.

Sure I can! And thanks for asking :) Keep in mind please that French is my first language and that I struggle to explain concept in another language.

I felt the same way, and as a therapist, I find it hard to see people misuse concepts and pathologize behaviors based on false information.

Codependency is when a person has a hard time being themselves in a relationship (friendship, romantic relationship, professional relationship, etc.) and has a tendency to completely disregard their own needs, wants and sometimes personality to meet the other person's needs and expectations. They usually have low self-esteem, and usually feel worthless except when they meet the other person's needs. Most of the time, only one person in the dyad is "erasing" themselves to please and tend to the other person.

I was in a relationship like that 10 years ago (and it lasted for 7 years). It was a bit violent too. I could never express any anger, sadness or discomfort 'cause I was met with rejection, gaslighting and more anger. I had to ask for anything I wanted to do outside the relationship. I felt like I had no power, but I loved them so much and I wanted to "save" them from themselves. I loved being their favorite person, and I loved it when I made them laugh, made them happy. When it ended (they ended it), I felt like I would never find someone else 'cause nobody would love me. I though that all our mutual friends would choose them and leave me. Two months after the break-up, I just bloomed.

Based on what we know and see of Laudna and Imogen, this is not their dynamic. Both are themselves, have moderately good self-esteem (don't start me about how Laudna doesn't have a good self-esteem 'cause it's not true), are able to express their needs, are making choices for themselves and are able to compromise together. TOGETHER is a very important word here. Usually, in a codependent relationship, one person feels like a victim or a martyr, which is so not what we are seeing here. They are both taker and giver in the relationship.

They are both able to give the other support, validation, agency, praise, and honesty. Are they perfect? No. The rock incidentTM is a good example of that. Imogen became passive-aggressive (common with people pleasers) and Laudna felt guilty for something that Delilah did (common for someone in a violent relationship). But in the end, both were able to express regret and apologized.

Both are also able to see their own worth. Laudna embraces her weird, and knows that she is a good caregiver. She has never questioned the love that Imogen has for her, she accepts it fully, and even sees herself as Imogen's better half. She feels loved. She told Imogen about Delilah being back 'cause she knew that Imogen wouldn't blame her and wouldn't stop loving her. She knew Imogen would be the one to help her regulate her own emotions, and feel like a good person again.

Same goes for Imogen. She is aware that Laudna is gonna love her no matter what she choses, and no matter if Laudna doesn't approve herself. She knows that she's powerfull and capable, she doesn't need Laudna to tell her that, but she loves it anyway.

Everyone has or wants a "tether", someone who helps you being grounded on what's important in life. It's not unhealthy to be able to count on someone, on their love and their adoration. They just love each other, that's it.

[jessnotfoundd]

𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞!

Telling you're loved ones that you both are becoming parents.

Dad!verse masterlist!

Masterlist here!

Dream

He wanted to wait a few weeks, just to be entirely sure, and find the best way to tell everyone from his family to all his friends and people on social media. Even though it was public that you were pregnant, he wanted to keep a low profile with it.

Sapnap

He didn't even think twice, after a few minutes you gave him the big news, he was already calling his and dream mom, he then proceeded to just highly feel emotional with all the greetings from all and cleaned his half-formed tears.

George

He went in shock for a few minutes, sitting there on the couch, he was so confident when you both rushed to get a pregnancy test and while you were doing it that you just laugh, he was serious there.

-You okay?- you sit beside him and just smile, and he nods.

-I have to tell my mom right now.- He smiles, leaving a kiss on your cheek. After his mom, none of you could stop calling friends to tell them.

Karl

He just decided to join a discord channel and call everyone to tell them all at the same time.

Boy was just super nervous, he wanted to already have the baby in his hands to show him off so bad, he spent the whole call with friends telling all the things he would do with the baby, from Disney to Mrs beast videos.

Quackity

He is so secretive, but this, this is the most important thing, this would completely change his life and yours for good and for the rest of their lives, AND you can't just go "yeah, my baby was born last month dude" dsakfhak he just would blurt out with Karl and the dream team, and then all would just start to get the news.

Punz

This man would just take one of those mirror pictures with the ultrasound and a hand on your belly, the post blow out. Everyone screaming and crying and just absolutely loving the idea of Punz having a baby. (He would also say on stream that when both of you decided to show him in the public eye, he would dress him as a baby bee)

Foolish

Listen here, he would just show up one day on the stream with a baby and said "it's mine, we made him" and just laugh because no one would have known that. Tina would just freak out, she was the more excited, and the boys would all start to spoil the baby as a welcome to this world hahaha.

Wilbur

This is the thing, you told all your family but, you wanted to just keep it to yourself for a few more months before the belly shows up and have to tell chat what is going on, but then, he would do a wine stream with big Q and totally forget about the previous talk and not tell chat about it. He wouldn't even try.

-And now that I'm becoming a dad, big q, things are gonna change a lot, right?- he was already tipsy and forgot he was streaming.

-Am, i guess.- he didn't know what to say because chat is now freaking out, and he knew you wanted to wait.

-Oh no, t/n is gonna kill me.- he realizes and starts to freak out.

You didn't kill him because he didn't mean it and because he looked cute when he realized he fucked up.

[matchamoomoo2]

Part 1 The West

Military / Omega verse au

Overview: In this world, omegas are so little of the population. With the East and West Lands at war, women, ether omegas or betas are taken against their will for whatever purpose.

TW: Misogyny, Selling and taking of women, Mentions of death/killing, Sexual references, Loss of family members, implied female reader, War, HUGE AGE GAP reader is 15.

Characters in this part: Sakuna, Yuta

You were lucky. That’s what your mom and dad had told you your whole life. You lived in a nice estate, with your family having nice ties to the king. And most of all, you were a beautiful omega. It definitely came with its consqeunces but it made you more special than betas and pretty much guaranteed a nice life with an aplha.

Unfortunately, thoses words were spoken to you long ago, before the war had an outbreak. The war between the East (your homelands) and West lands had been brewing since you were 10, but became serious at age 12. It had been three years since then, with you now being 15. As far as why the wars started, it was the west wanting more and more materials. They were quite violent and had a more strict dictatorship. The rule that affected you the most was their little to no rights for women. Now the East lands still didn’t have a ton of women’s rights, but it was better than in the West, which is why most of the women fled to the East, leaving a shortage of omegas in the West lands. With omegas already being such a small precentage of the population, it made the West upset that the East just welcomed them. Trying to scale back the Wests anger, the east decides to a deal where they will kidnap gather and transport some women to the west, most are just betas but it helps ethier way. However, the west stills takes some of their own measures and forcibily takes the women of the east.

This is a valid reason for why your parents are scared for you to go into town square, wanting you to keep a low profile. You see a woman being taken? Don’t do anything. Don’t say anything. Luckily, scent blockers are available for you to mask your omega scent. Yours, are sadly fading, but it should be fine for today. Besides, west soliders are rarely in town. Just some light shopping for a hair accessoire you’ll be on your way. After buying your accessory, you and your maid head back to the estate, what you don’t notice is a pink haired man staring you down, wearing a vest with a small W in the corner.

——————————————

5 days later you had been in the family room, obviously with your family. And a friend of sorts, well maybe more than a friend. Sweet Yuta. Your parents were reluctant to this relationship, seeing as he was beta but none the less, they wanted what was best for you, and the sooner you were married the less chance to be taken.

After drinking your tea, you and Yuta went on the terrance. Just as you were about to kiss you both heard gun shots and yelling. Three men came up to you and order you to get on the ground. It was all a rush, confusion spreading through you both. With you both on the ground, hands begin your backs. The guys started talking to each other. “Get the rope, we need to tie thier writs.” “Even the guy? Even though we’re gonna kill him?” At this, you and Yuta turn to each other fear in your eyes. The 3rd guy finally speaks up, “Guys we’re not supposed to talk about that stuff in front of the women. You know they get hysterical when they hear of stuff like that.” What a ridiculous statement. You didn’t need to look up to know these guys were western soldiers. The first guy that spoke scoffed and grabbed the rope. “Whatever let’s just tie their hands.” As one went for Yuta and the other went for you, getting close then he stopped. And then smiled. “I found the omega. I hope Sakuna gives me the raise for this.” The other two gasp in shock as the three keep talking while he ties your wrists. “What! no way that girl is the omega. I don’t smell a scent.” The other chimes in, “Oh she must be wearing a scent blocker. Should we take it out?” The guy tying your wrists backs up after he’s done and shakes his head. “We don’t want to risk leaving a bruise. Besides, Sakuna said untouched.” Who was this sakuna guy? You didn’t know, and you didn’t wanna find out.

——————————

All four of you were gathered in your foyer, all of your wrists tied and all on the ground on your knees. sitting uncomfortably, all the western soldiers gathered around, at a good distance, but still you could see them watching you. Watching them whisper to each other, and seeing their dicks getting hard. You decide to refocus the man who came in and was standing in front of the four of you.

He didn’t even say anything before going down the line and saying something ing about everyone. Your dad was first and the statement made out fear in your heart. “Usually I would say kill him, but he could be a good captive seeing as his relation to the king.” Next to your mother, “Hmm, certainly on the older side. Could probaly push two more out. Save both of them.” Your mom could not push two more out. She was 36, no way. Moving to Yuta, he laughed in his face. Catching his breath he spoke, “My apologies. It’s just, you guys were planning to let a nobody beta, marry a royal blooded omega. You guys have terrible tastes.” Maybe he was talking to you, maybe to your parents. You didn’t know nor care. The last one of the line, you. He squatted down for this and forced you to meet his gaze, putting his hand under your chin pushing up. “And of course, the omega. “ he pushed your head side to side checking your features. “Quite beautiful one at that. Big doe eyes, you know what that makes men imagine right?” You shutter at the comment. you did know. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he spoke. “Im so mad the higher ranks get to have first picks on the omegas, nobody who finds them. Just a reason to work my way up i Suppose.” *His voice trails off when he suddenly speaks again. “Oh before I forget.. how old are you.” Hesitantly you speak. “15.” “have you bled yet?” *You nod your head yes to get rid of his presence in your face. “No problems then.” Getting up he speaks to the rest of the team. “Alright, gather the women to the back, men to the front.” You didn’t get a minute to say bye to your father or Yuta. This was the final time you saw ethier of them.

Outside, you and your mother waited, sitting in the steps. This would be your last time here, that’s what your mother told you. But you didn’t wanna belive it. One day, you would come back here. You were sure of it. Your mother’s name got called so you got up with her, only to get pushed down on the shoulders. “Uh uh. Not yet. I have some questions for you.” It was that damn Guard. “But-but my mom.” At this your mom turned around, to say bye and she went over to the guards. That would also be the last time you saw her.

—————————————

The guard came to sit in front of you, tears in your eyes. “I didn’t introduce my self properly earlier. I’m sakuna, a core group leader from the North.” I say nothing and looked down. At this a hard slap was delivered on my cheek. “One thing we don’t tolerant in the West is women acting bold enough to ignore the men so nicely adresses them. Now answer me.” You gulp back your tears, “My name is y/n.” “Good,Good alright-“ At this a guard yells Sakunas name. “Ah well, it seems our time is cut short. Maybe i’ll see you in the future, y/n. oh and before I forget.” a burning pain cut through your arm, he had just ripped your scent blocker out of your arm. “Enjoy that feeling. You won’t be wearing one again.” At this the gaurds escorted you to the bus with other women inside and chained you the metal above. You looked at your estate. This would be the last time you saw this place, at least for a while. The doors shut and you and these random women were on the way to the West.

[placeinthisworld]

ttpdta review part one 🤠

let me preface this by stating that i am a swiftie first and person second in this situation. i have grown up with taylor and feel as if shes my big sister- yes i can make fun of her but if i see anyone else do it i will get fiercely protective. i do understand her music is not only art but also her form of therapy. that being said, throughout these nonsense notes i am constantly mentioning that taylor should go to therapy. i am aware of what she has said about therapy (and why she doesn’t go) but i would beg to differ with her…especially after this album release lol.

taylor is an extraordinary storyteller and song writer. i believe this album is full of evidence of that, but it also has some faults that prevent from being as good as i felt like it could have been. overall the album feels rushed.

i also feel like it’s important to recognize the elephant in the room. i know we probably all expected this to be a joe breakup album, so the fact that it turned out to be a “fuck you matty healy” album shook us all a little bit. i know matty had a controversial history, im not gonna sit here and defend him. i don’t know much about him other than what is forced against my will. i do however know that he struggles with mental health issues/ substance abuse/ addiction. i’m not gonna comment much about his personal issues, i don’t feel like that’s right and taylor’s constant references to drugs throughout ttpd definitely rubs me the wrong way. i should also mention i grew up with an active addict and do view things from that perspective, so i feel slightly triggered by the topic and my feelings about that may just be personal but i do mention that in my notes when it’s relevant.

lastly, i am not a music production girlie idk shit lol. i only know i am a aaron dessner stan so any song with his name im already biased towards and i am aware, if u don’t like that idk what to tell u lol. i just know what i feel like is “good” or “bad” but music is subjective🫶🏻

1. Fortnight:

Hate the functional alcoholic part. Like the beat, the chorus is catchy. One thing i love about a taylor swift song is that theres always a story and its always visual. I like the metaphor of the “good neighbors” of like having this teasing/ longing feeling for someone that you could have had a life with. “Your wife waters flowers/ i want to kill her + my husbands cheating/ i want to kill him” feeling like you were robbed of her life, feeling “all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february” reminiscing about the short period of time where you were together and convinced it would last forever (only for it to end before it even started). I do not listen to much post malone but i enjoyed his verse!! So many florida references we get it everything bad happens in florida.

i have not seen the video yet oooopsies

2. Ttpd:

i thought this was the opening of Hey Stephen (the remix) or something at first. gotta say i absolutely love the way she sings “you left your typewriter at my apartment/ straight from the tortured poets department” i enjoyed the vibe of this song, and lyrics up until the “you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate (OKAY SOOOOOOO ME CODED NGL I LAUGHED at this point i could let this lyric slide- bit then she had to mention the charlie puth and golden retriever thing and ngl it almost ruins the song entirely for me. Tbh when i first listened to the leak i thought this was a fake AI song and that i was sending around a fake leak bc these lyrics started to get a little weird to me. ‘Sometimes i wonder if youre gonna screw this up with me/ but you told lucy you’d kill yourself if i ever leave” …………girl i am begging you to see a therapist (side note did anyone else have a friend in hs whos bf would say that shit a lot?? I remember straight up fighting with a friend who refused to break up w her bf bc he would threaten to end his own life is she did and he was like 16? If an adult is saying that same shit i would be Very concerned not gossiping about it???) “i chose this cyclone with you” my first reaction was: ride the cyclone the musical? Overall i liked the first half but you lost me at charlie puth (hes the one with eyebrow right? I think i get him and miles teller mixed up) (i dont know who either of these men are)

3. My boy only breaks his favorite things:

Okay tbh i thought this was gonna be one of my least favorites, but the total opposite happened. I think this is one of my top 5 favorites on this album. I do think that there is a difference between a poem and a song and that they are not always interchangeable. I feel like if this was edited into a poem it would be KILLER. The visuals, the the story, the vocabulary, the sadness in it. “Im queen of sandcastles he destroys/ There was danger in the heat of my touch/ once i fix me/ hes gonna miss me/ i felt more when we played pretend then with all the kens / cause he took me out of my box” i feel like ever since folklore, taylors been trying to push these big fancy words and sometimes it feels awkward and forced, but this is one of the rare songs that doesn't suffer from that.

4. Down bad:

meh. Chorus is catchy. I dont love the narrative “fuck it if i cant have him/ i might just it would make no difference” but i also have never once experienced that over a person before lmao……….taylor go to therapy. Nothing really stands out about this to me otherwise. No offense, but it sounds like a generic jack antonoff song lol. Like maybe if another artist released this, i would enjoy it more but idk i wouldnt expect it from taylor i guess. Just kinda feels boring to me sorry if u enjoy it <3

5. So long, london:

oh man were done with british men now for real for real. “ two graves one gun. I'll find someone” its over for joe and matty (but thats fine if all she has to say about joe is what i think she said on this album i am happy i think We Get It…) Aaron dessner i love u (remember when he reposted me on his ig ahh).”i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/ pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” + “I stopped trying to make him laugh/ stopped trying to drill the safe/ i didnt opt in to be our odd man out/ im pissed off you let me give you all of that youth for free” oof i FELT that one a LITTLE too hard. I think this is both a song about matty and joe- i think she had a life and an attachment to london just in general through both relationships, “im just mad as hell because i loved this place” and so reflecting back on how both are over and how all those plans with either are done. “You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days” OKAY kinda hate this phrase bc it feels like shes placing blame on whomever’s mental health/ depression, like as if they made the conscious decision to sacrifice the relationship solely. This very much feels like “how much sadness did you think i could take before i got bored???” overall top favorite songs bc it doesnt have too many cringey or odd lyrics and the production is 10/10 thank u aaron dessner ilysm king

6. But daddy i love him:

tbh when i got the leak this was the first song i listened to bc i thought it was gonna be the worst one and i wanted to get it over with (i was RIGHT until she dropped that second half……..) and i DIDNT have the lyrics obviously so i couldnt for the life of me figure out if she really said “im having his baby…..NO IM NOT!” until the VERY end of the song and bro…….the cringe. The cringe. The cringe. This is also when i started to question if this was real or if i was passing out a fake leak, lol. I dont understand how she could be saying this shit about matty. And like we all know it lol. “Sometimes growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all” …….but like does it??? I feel like thats kinda an oxymoron or something like i understand what shes trying to say and MOST of the time her metaphors and comparisons make sense to me but like this one doesnt. Growing up precocious means to grow up more advanced in maturity, how would that also mean not growing up at all? Is it just me getting stoned and overthinking things? “Ill tell you something about my good name/ its mine alone to disgrace” true that bestie ur doin a great job by being so politically quiet over the past couple of yeats after making a whole asss documentary about wanting to be on the right side of history. But I digress i am just one of those bitches performing soliloquies you'll never see. Overall this song is very weird and cringey imo and i wish it stayed in whatever vault it was sitting in lol.

7.Fresh out of the slammer: “In the shade of how he was feeling” -_- dont like this narrative already. I could honestly go on a rant about why i dont like this song but im going to spare for the sake of my sanity in this review of thirty one fucking songs but its along these lines “to the one who says im the girl of his american dreams” oh brother. otherwise i dont care for many of the lyrics, the chorus/ melody/vibe is mid i guess. It sounds like another jack song (i was right)

8. Florida!!!: “all my friends smell like weed or little babies” okay i know what she was trying to say but im SORRY you cant tell me she couldnt think of ANY other way to say her friends are either parents partiers lmao. Deserves jail for that but luckily the vibe and the chorus of the song are really catchy and florence’s voice is beautiful in it. “Well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time/ yes im haunted but im feeling just fine” CHILLS i loved it. I didnt think i would like this song but (maybe as much as i like no body, no crime which is meh) but no i lowkey love this song and think its really fun. Once again the drug references start to get heavy here in the album and like i mentioned i do get slightly triggered by drug mentions.

9. Guilty as sin?:

okay taylor we get it you masterbate. Another strong jack song and it’s pretty similar to others on the album so nothing besides the sexual lyrics stand out.

10. Whos afraid of little old me?:

“if you wanted me dead you should have just said/ nothing makes me feel more alive” ooooooooooh i love that. I feel like a live or an acoustic version of this song would give me CHILLS. “Is it a wonder i broke / lets hear one more joke/ then we can all laugh until i cry” honestly so relatable, “i was tame, i was gentle til the circus life made me mean” oh :( that hurt bc it just reminds me of the vibe shift during midnights era/ eras tour where it *feels* like she started to pull back from being taylor swift and started to become Taylor Swift (™) and the way her fans/ media has treated her made her mean or cold or something and that just makes me feel sad. “Whos afraid of little old me? You caged me and then you called me crazy! I am what i am cause you trained me! SO. WHOS. AFRAID. OF ME? Again the narcotics line kinda makes me feel icky but thats bc i have that thing about drugs and just dont LOVE all the references to them. Like i know its not that serious but theres a reason why i dont seek out artists that typically talk or write about that stuff ya know so its weird. Overall i think the production is one of the most unique ones on this part of the album.

11. I can fix him (no really i can):

i hate it all around i think. I hate the narrative of “i can fix him!! I can handle a dangerous man!!! No really i can!!!” there is a reason why this song is barely 3 mins long lol it should have been cut but i think taylor wanted to Be Edgy. i dont care for the productions or the lyrics, its very forgetful imo.

12. Loml:

okay i really thought this was gonna be a joe song (rip) so i was thinking it was gonna be really deep and sad and like it IS but with the context of it being the pt 2 fling with matty it doesnt seem like it now. Anyone who thinks this is not about matty please look at the lyrics and be so serious “whos gonna stop us from waltzing back into reklndled flames/ if we know the steps anyway” I think matty just said too much shit to taylor during their fling and taylor WAS truly convinced this her invisible string and he promised her a lot that he couldnt upkeep and ghosted her and she took it SUPER hard, i mean two breakups in one year is a lot (me, whos never been through a single breakup once). I just dont understand how she feels like matty is the greatest loss of her life. One of my favorite tracks on the album, “our field of dreams engulfed in fire/ your arsons match your somber eyes” a LOT of these lyrics are actually really good imo. I think im the only one that didnt find the “mr. steal your girl and make her cry” line idk i thought it was actually kinda neat, the phrasing of it, kinda contradicts the title “love of my life” because he was never that serious or respectful of her and only use her from the beginning. This is another song that i think would make KILLER poem over song. Overall i think the piano is haunting and a live version of this will make me die, thank u again aaron dessner 10/10

13. I can do it with a broken heart:

ngl i thought this was the opening to mastermind for a hot second- also gave me a scare on whether or not this was a fake leak lol. Catchy ass chorus but very YOYOK. “Breaking down i hit the floor/ All the pieces of me shattered/ as the crowd was shouting “more!” ooffffffff seeeeee that is exactly WHAT i was afraid she was feeling durning the eras tour after the joe breakup/ matty situation and all these stupid twitter and tik tok swiffers were out here overanalyzing EVERYTHING and demanding rep tv like every other day. “Im so depressed i act like its my birthday” …….okay taylor. Like a lot of people have said, i think she interchanges “depressed” for “sad” a lot and the two are not the same. I think taylor wrote this song (but specifically the “i cry a lot time but i am so productive” and was like “yup this part is gonna go viral on tik tok,” initially i wrote “feels like taylor saw that depression barbie commercial in barbie 2023 and wrote a song based on that” lol which i still agree with. Overall the production of this screams midnights reject lol, very jack antonoff. Over time this song has grown on me a lot. Originally i didnt care for it but now its kind of a bop but i think its bc its so similar to YOYOK. “Try and come for my job” @taylorswift deadass you couldn’t think of anything else to say instead. cmon. I was mostly on board until that very last part, just seemed very cheesy lol like its not a big deal but i thought it delivered well without it.

14. The smallest man who ever lived:

(aaron thank u for saving me and this entire album) “they just ghosted you/ now you know what it feels like” OUCH. “i dont even want you back i just want you to know/ if rusting my sparkling was the goal/ and i dont miss what we had but can someone give/ a message to the smallest man who ever lived” oh this was somber af. I am obsessed with the phrasing of the chorus. I also LOVE taylors deeper voice its def giving me the same feelings MTR gave me from folklore, that made me CRY and this was very similar. This is another classic taylor song that i could EASILY write like a ten page essay about if someone put a gun to my head. I know that its about a *romantic* relationship, but it feels general enough to be able to relate to anyone who is close to someone with an addiction or struggles with substances. A lot of addicts dont understand the impact of their addiction or their behaviors that they display while struggling. To meeeeee, this feels very much like “you were self centered and betrayed my trust, was any of this true? Real? Am i paranoid or is this that deep?” “it wasnt sexy once it wasnt forbidden” has me thinking lots of things. I think that describes taylors “type”if that makes sense? Like i said i would need to literally break this song down line by line like its ridiculous i have too many thoughts about this song i have listened to it on repeat six times by the time im typing this. “In public showed me off/ then sank in stoned oblivion” FUCK. “you treat her like an also-ran” honestly i have never heard of that phrase/word thank u dr. swift. “Were you sent by someone who wanted me DEAD/ did you sleep with a GUN underneath OUR BED/ were you writing a BOOK?/ were you a sleeper cell SPY? IN 5O YEARS WILL THIS BE ALL DECLASSIFIED?/ AND YOU’LL CONFESS WHY YOU DID IT!/ AND ILL SAY GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” tears were formed besties. Also love the gracie abrams reference. “And you deserve prison but you wont get time” i feel like is very metaphorical like you DESERVE to be punished for what you did to me but you won’t admit to the guilt, you wont admit your wrongdoings, you wont admit that i would have done anything for you and you have no problem replacing me. “You said normal girls were boring/ but you were gone by the morning” first of all red flag girlie, nonetheless heartbreaking. “And in plain sight you hid/ but you are what you did” i say this with all the love in my heart, someone take taylor swift to a really good really private therapist. I could say more but i think i need to move on because i am now on my eighth cyle of listening to this song.

15. The alchemy:

already kinda hate it. “What if i told you im back/ the hospital was a drag/ worst sleep i ever had” do you think taylor swift has ever been admitted to a real hospital in this context. Feels very out of place and like i said earlier i dont love the psych ward visuals/ references she keeps inserting in this album. “He jokes its heroin but this time with an e” thanks! I fucking hate that line so much. Feels very icky, not funny. I get what shes going for but it falls so flat for me. The football references (yall know my opinion on meathead!!!!!!!! I will not engage!!!) are fucking dumb. Production is kinda lame and uninterested. Will only listen to this song if by force and will not repeat it ive head enough lets move on.

i have Lots Of Thoughts. i don’t think anyone cares about what i have to say though so i don’t think i’ll bother posting the rest lol but i did do a lot of work so ill post just a bit to make myself feel better.

[willbyersenthusiast]

since i won’t shut up about Found Heaven, here’s a list of songs i think are very byler coded:

Found Heaven (the title track)

Alley Rose

The Final Fight

Miss You

Forever With Me

Eye Of The Night (kind of)

Winner (kind of)

and yk what while i’m here im gonna explain the reasons i think so;

Found Heaven:

i already explained this in a previous post (idk how to link them so have fun scrolling) but i will give a brief explanation; the song is about internalized homophobia and it’s basically conan telling his younger self it’s okay, or at least that’s how i perceive it, so i see this as a mike wheeler song. it can be will too but will is more out of the closet than mike tbf.

Alley Rose:

this one is kind of more about yearning and wanting but not before the relationship, it’s after it. they’re also kind of nervous around each other (especially mike) in season 4. the line “i waited all year at your feet like maybe you’d love me” is so them because they both waited for the other to reach out when Will moved to Lenora.

for the bridge, will is so worried about his best friend hating him because he’s gay and in love with him. “i thought if you’d ever leave me that i’d be the reason why.” and will again for the last little bit of the bridge saying “i swore hands were made for fighting, i swore eyes were made to cry, but you’re the first person that i’ve seen whose proven that might be a lie.” it’s kind of self explanatory in a way because will grew up in an abusive household. and for “don’t leave me hanging alone again.” i feel it fits both of them but also mike, because mike told will he felt like he was losing him and he wanted to be best friends again in s4

The Final Fight:

i feel like this one says how will wants to tell mike how much mike hurt him, and how he really upset him. he probably wants himself to get over mike and thinks this will help him (but it’ll just make mike confess😏 [hopefully].

Miss You:

this one makes me think of Mike telling Will how he misses him and how he felt like he “lost you or something.” and how “it’s not hawkins without you.” in season 4. and he knows he’s been a douche a little asshat (you can tell i’m a little upset with this mike lmao) but he wants “to be friends again. Best friends”

Forever With Me:

holy fucking shit this one. this song. i see this as Will yearning for Mike and wanting to be with him forever. “I ain’t sorry, though i should probably be. I think i’m gonna love you. You’re forever with me.” THIS SCREAMS WILL BYERS. “you are the reason i learned to love. Also the reason i cry” holy fucking SHIIIITTTT

Eye Of The Night:

i perceive this song as “this person haunts me. i see them everywhere and i can’t escape them” so it kind of reminds me of how they like always come back to each other? idk this one just kinda makes me think of them 💀

Winner:

this song (mainly just the pre-chorus and the chorus) makes me think of the rain fight. Will’s pov to be specific. i see it as Will saying “yeah you won you made me feel like shit, are you happy??” ykwim? OH AND THE SECOND VERSE “yet you have the nerve to miss me. how do i somehow feel guilty when you’re the one who let it get this bad” HOLY SHIT THATS LITERALLY THEIR FIGHT AT RINK-O-MANIA. like mike blaming will for not reaching out in the heat of the moment and therefore will blames himself too.

anyways that’s my little rant done GO STREAM FOUND HEAVEN ITS AMAZING AND IT HAS SUCH A DAZZLING 80S VIBE ITS MY FAVORITE THING RN GO LISTEN TO IT PLEASE ITS LIFE CHANGING

[nebwashere]

The Garden and Desertduo

My friend has encouraged me to be more insane about life series on main so like I'm finally posting one of my essays aka analysing crane wives songs as life series and usually desertduo

This is all from my dms with them so if it looks like texting that's cause it is lmao

I should post my older ones but for now I'll post the newest one because I'm going insane about the garden by tcw

I almost just said the garden by desertduo is crane wives coded

Anyways the garden by tcw is desertduo coded

I'm just thinking of what certain symbols in the song would be in relation to desertduo

Probably gonna analyse this in a weird order cause I'm gonna figure out the ideas after but anyways

"I need you to bury this beneath my bed" could be last life when grian says everything from last season is null and void?? He's trying to leave 3rd life behind

But also this is him asking for them to count it as a double victory - no matter the result of the fight he wants to leave it behind them and bury it

"The crows in the garden are laughing at my expense" this could have 2 meanings: 1 it's the ghosts at the end of 3rd life wanting a fight and an ending or 2 it's the watchers with how in martyns lore they feed off of negative emotions in the life series

"Drowning out all the lies that I might have told instead" throughout the series grian claims his loyalty is conditional but by this point (post betrayal/during or before cactus ring) both the ghosts left and desertduo can see how strong his loyalty actually was and how far its taken him and that's emotionally vunerable, he can't pretend it was just convenience or rationality anymore because he had a chance to kill him and take the win scar HANDED him a chance to win and he refused he couldn't kill him

OHHH IVE HAD REVELATIONS

The first verse is grian speaking (everything I've talked abt so far)

Second verse is scar

"My stone, my shield, my steady hand" throughout 3rd life grian protects scar and has to carry out everything scar tells him to do therefore being his hand (interestingly this has a parallel to treebark with martyn being ren's Hand, typical foilduo behaviour right here)

"Hold your light to the darkness in my head" scar has called grian "the light of the server"/"the light of my life" SEVERAL TIMES also grian has a lot of sun symbolism in terms of his 3rd life win

"Put your ear to my heart or set your teeth against my throat" first thought here is the first part is post cactus ring when Scar is already dead and the second part is during the cactus ring OR this is during the post betrayal scene when Scar tells grian "you can kill me" and "for everything you've done to me to keep me alive this long you may slay me and take the enchanter", Scar leaves the choice to grian about whether to kill him or leave him alive (at least for a bit)

"Give me something pretty to wear beneath my blood-stained clothes" they care about each other but also on the exterior they are in a literal death game, it fucked them up but also it gave them something pretty (their relationship)???? Not sure how to express my thoughts on this one but they very much exist

Maybe that grian gave him someone to care about apart from the violence and destruction of 3rd life as well as the violence and destruction he causes

Also the way that grian hides himself genuinely caring about Scar under excuses of the game like the opposite of how people who show their emotions freely "wear their heart on their sleeve"

3rd and 4th verse is both of them, 3rd uses a lot more we/us, it's more after they decide to do the cactus fight, while in the earlier verses they have conflicting interests (Scar wanting grian to kill him, grian wanting to kill Scar and then not wanting to) at this point they've made up their minds also it could reflect how at this point they've agreed on a double victory

"Lay me down, pour the dirt into our bed" when they go into that cactus ring they both know they're going to die there but with this line despite their imminent deaths there's still this tenderness?? Despite the violent ends they're forced to have they still try to make it easier for each other and still try to make it fair despite everything

Also the change from "my bed" to "our", originally scar was going to give Grian the win leaving grian to deal with the consequences and trauma of winning but now they've agreed on a double victory

"Tell the crows they can have their pound of flesh" again the 2 interpretations 1 them giving the ghosts a fight and killing each other in a fair fight despite not wanting to and 2 giving in to giving the watchers their entertainment

Not too sure for the last verse yet tbh but I'll go with some of the stuff from the official annotations

"Get on your knees and dig up the garden" I think this could be later after 3rd life ended back in hermitcraft, they're digging that trauma and guilt back up after they buried it inside them because they needed to survive

"Won't you throw down that spade and // Dig up the garden, darling?" (Okay now I'm getting ideas) throwing down the spade could represent emotional vulnerability like throwing down weapons

"Won't you cut down that apple tree for me?" Idk abt the symbol of the apple tree (technically its religious symbolism but idk what it would symbolise for 3rd life) overall the last verse is about how they need to bring that trauma back up and process it and be emotionally vunerable with each other to be able to leave it in the past and put it behind them and heal

Overall the first verse is grian in the post betrayal scene/cactus ring fight, second verse is scar in the same scenes, 3rd verse is both of them pre/during the cactus ring fight, 4th verse is them post 3rd life trying to deal with the effects its had on them

[itzynabi]

together

summary: in which someone talks to eve

set: 3 nov 2018

word count: 3.1k

warnings: talks of depression & mental health, mention of food. pls tell me if i missed anything

an: the gif is mine. if im being honest, this was a very self indulgent scenario of things i wish i was told, but it was surprisingly hard to write bcs i had no idea how i wanted to be comforted. anyways, i hope you like it! words im bold are english. feedback and reblogs are much appreciated 💐

eve’s masterlist

A plate of food was placed in front of Eve. “How are you feeling?”

She looked up at her brother as he sat down opposite her at the table. “...I’m not sure.” She could tell he wasn’t satisfied with her answer, but he didn’t push it. Thankfully.

Following her breakdown five days ago, Kibum became very involved in her life. Every morning and night, he would ask her how she was feeling; she had to write in a journal — she didn’t have to show him anything she wrote, though; they went on walks together with his dogs. He wanted to help her.

“I’m going to meet up with Taeyeon today. You’re going to training, right?”

Eve shook her head. “The trainers are still sorting out whatever the problem is. But I’m gonna go to a dance class with Chaeryeong and Ryujin. Then we’ll get lunch and they have to do homework, so we’ll go our separate ways.”

“Okay.” Kibum nodded. “On your way back, can you pick the dogs up from the day care centre? I’ll send you the address.”

“Okie dokie,” she agreed. “Can we eat now?”

“Yes. Yes, we can.”

Ryujin groaned as Eve massaged her shoulders. “Everything hurts.”

The three girls had finished their dance class at a studio. It was their first time going to that studio, so they didn’t know what to expect, and they quickly realised how under prepared they were. The two hour class started and ended with thirty minutes of cardio to ‘help with their stamina.’ Or so they were told.

Chaeryeong returned to their booth with a tray full of their food. “My legs felt like jelly when I was fetching the tray,” she told her friends.

“It’s only my back that’s sore,” Eve said. She stopped massaging Ryujin — causing the girl to groan louder — and turned to face their food.

Chaeryeong slid into the booth, groaning in relief when her legs stopped paining. “You’re lucky, unnie.”

“How isn’t everything sore for you?” Ryujin asked, taking her soda.

Eve answered as she sorted through all of their food, giving each girl their meal, “I did this type of stuff in strength and conditioning for ballet. It wasn’t really cardio focused, but everything would get worked out and exercised.”

Chaeryeong slumped against the booth. “I should’ve gone to your school. Then I would’ve been so strong.”

“Even the teacher said she has good muscle,” Ryujin commented, dipping one of her chips into tomato sauce.

Eve picked up a slice of her potato and bacon pizza. “I’m only strong because I actually work out,” she said before taking a bite.

“We also work out!” Chaeryeong argued, sitting up so she could start eating her cheeseburger.

“But unnie works out every week,” Ryujin pointed out as she took the gherkins out of her hamburger, putting them on the side of her plate, “we work out once a month. Sometimes once every two months.”

Chaeryeong nodded in agreement. “True. She could be a national athlete with how much she works out,” she joked with a giggle.

Ryujin nodded, also giggling. “She should do women’s footb–”

She stopped speaking as the intro to La Vie en Rose started playing from the restaurant speakers. Both her and Chaeryeong glanced at Eve, who was too busy enjoying her pizza to notice. She looked up from her plate when she noticed the silence at the table.

“What’s going on?” She asked, putting her pizza back on her plate. She looked around the restaurant in confusion before hearing Eunbi’s part of the verse playing. “Oh.” She simply said, returning to her pizza with an indifferent shrug.

She hadn’t told anyone about her mental breakdown, but she knew her friends knew that something was up with her. Eve tried to conceal the way her hand trembled slightly by using two hands to eat her pizza.

“You don’t have to, like, act weird around me,” she said when she noticed how Ryujin and Chaeryeong were trying — and failing — to pretend they weren’t watching her.

Chaeryeong chuckled awkwardly, fussing with her hair. “We’re not acting weird.”

Eve rolled her eyes dramatically with a groan as she put down her pizza. “I flopped my way out of debuting in IZ*ONE. It’s not the end of the world. I’m okay. You can talk about the group, or the song, or anything — I won’t freak out. It’s not a big deal.” Even to her own ears, it sounded like she was trying to convince herself of what she was saying.

“Well, yeah, it’s just… I mean, you really wanted to debut, Nabi unnie. And we were all voting for you and everything and… It’s just a bit awkward because you don’t seem sad but you also do?” Ryujin said, scrunching her face more and more as she spoke. “You haven’t said anything, but we can tell that something’s upsetting you.”

Eve sighed. “It’s just the normal disappointment that comes with not getting something you wanted. You guys know what it’s like, you both didn’t get to debut through the survival shows you were on. I’m dealing with it in my own way, but I’m fine. Besides, I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be proud of your sister,” she told Chaeryeong. “I didn’t debut, but she did. That’s great!”

Ryujin nodded slowly. “Acting like this must make it harder to get over it, right?”

“Yep,” Eve said, popping the last P. “It’s almost suffocating.” She stole a chip from her friends’ plates, trying to lighten the mood again. She knew she succeeded when Ryujin took one of the cubes of potato off of her pizza and Chaeryeong took a sip of her soda.

The three girls finished eating their food as they talked some more. Within another ten minutes, they had finished their food and had left the restaurant. They stood outside the building, watching as cars drove by.

“Well, it was nice hanging with you guys,” Eve said, knowing that Ryujin and Chaeryeong were going to do their homework. “Enjoy doing your essays.”

Ryujin and Chaeryeong shared a look before the former girl stepped closer to Eve. “Unnie, we’re not going to do homework. We’re… We’re going to the company.”

Eve blinked repeatedly, shaking her head. “What do you mean? There isn’t any training. There hasn’t been for a while.”

”It’s because we’re not training, we’re debuting,” Chaeryeong said. “That’s why there hasn’t been any training. Just like when TWICE sunbaenim and STRAY KIDS sunbaenim were preparing for their debuts.”

“Oh,” Eve said, not knowing how to react. She felt a bunch of conflicting emotions. “Um… I’m happy for you!” She weakly cheered. “You guys are… gonna do so well. Um, I have to go fetch Commes Des and Garçon now, but… Wow! Congratulations! Really. Bye.”

She turned around and walked away, not waiting to listen if her friends were going to say anything. She quickly went to fetch her brother’s dogs and returned home. She put some dog food and water in their bowls, still thinking about what Chaeryeong and Ryujin told her.

Eve truly didn’t know how to feel about it. She obviously was happy for them — who wouldn’t be? But she was also… jealous. She worked insanely hard to be good at her craft, but it wasn’t enough. Jinyoung wasn’t kidding when he said that her performance in Produce 48 would affect whether or not she would debut in the new girl group.

Kibum entered the passcode to his apartment, walking in. “Thanks for coming, noona,” he said as Taeyeon walked in behind him.

“It’s okay,” Taeyeon waved him off, “don’t mention it. By the way, where are Commes Des and Garçon?” She asked, noticing how the dogs didn’t rush to greet them and how they weren’t in the living room.

Kibum frowned as he looked around the room. “I don’t know. Nabi said she’d fetch them. Maybe they’re on a walk?” He poked his head into his room, not noticing how Taeyeon went to open Eve’s bedroom door.

“I found them,” she whisper-shouted. She heard Kibum walk towards her until he was standing behind her, staring at the sight in front of the both of them: Eve curled up in bed with both of the dogs in her arms as she slept. Garçon wasn’t facing them, and therefore hadn’t seen them, but Commes Des was staring right at them. Both dogs were awake, watching over Eve as she slept.

“Was she crying?” Taeyeon asked, noticing dried tear streaks on Eve’s face. She started walking forward, but was stopped by Commes Des growling.

Kibum groaned, “Why are you growling? What’s the problem?”

Commes Des squirmed his way out of Eve’s hold, standing just in front of her as Garçon turned around to face the two idols. Eve stirred softly as Commes Des kept growling.

“Bro, chill,” she mumbled, raising her right arm to gently stroke his back. “Relax.”

“He was about to attack me,” Taeyeon joked, nodding her head slowly and squinting her eyes in the way she usually did.

Eve sat up slowly, still holding onto Garçon. She yawned as she fully woke up and rubbed her eyes. “What’re you doing here, ahjumma?”

“Kibum-ah asked me to talk to you,” she answered, pointing at the man.

Eve simply blinked. “Are you my therapist?”

Taeyeon chuckled, walking fully into the room and sitting down next to Eve. “I’m not your therapist, no. I’m just… here to talk. About whatever you want.”

“I’ll be next door,” Kibum said, turning around to walk away. Garçon and Commes Des followed him out of the room, probably so they could force him to play with them.

“Do you want me to close the door?” Taeyeon asked, pointing at it. Eve hesitated before nodding and Taeyeon got up to close it before returning to sit next to her. “So…”

“So…” Eve echoed. “What did ahjussi tell you?”

Taeyeon sharply inhaled. “That you broke down–”

“True.”

“–, that your depression is worse–”

“Yep.”

“–, and that he’s worried about you and doesn’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Yeah…”

“Oh! Also that you wrote a song.”

Eve nodded. “Oh, yeah. I did. Would you like to hear it? Or read the lyrics? I didn’t actually record it, so…”

Taeyeon nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okie dokie.” Eve stood up and walked to her desk. She ruffled among the many papers lying all over the desk, letting out a soft ‘Ah-ha!’ when she found the exam pad she wrote the song on. “I wrote it in English, but I wrote a Korean version of it,” she told Taeyeon as she walked back to the older girl and handed her the exam pad.

The room was quiet as Taeyeon read over the lyrics, only the sound of her flipping the page to fill the room. Eve used the time to observe Taeyeon. She knew that Taeyeon also had depression — she sang about it. It was through talking with her and Jonghyun that she realised she might have depression. She went to a psychologist to get diagnosed, but didn’t see the point of going to therapy because she felt it wasn’t serious enough for therapy.

When Taeyeon was done reading, she closed the exam pad and put it down next to her. “Well, that’s… Well, it’s sad. Do you want to talk about it?”

“There’s not much to talk about really,” Eve said with a shrug. “I mean, it’s all clear.”

“Okay. Then can you tell me why you were crying?” Taeyeon asked, gesturing at Eve’s face.

Eve visibly hesitated. “Um, my friends are debuting. That’s why there hasn’t been any training. The company stops training when a group is preparing for debut to stop the chances of the song or choreography being leaked. I found out today when we were eating lunch. It was just… PD- nim told me he wanted to debut a new group. He told me that my performance in Produce 48 would affect whether or not I debut in the group and… I didn’t make it into the group so… Yeah.”

Taeyeon’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m sorry, Nabi.”

“You don’t have to apologise for anything. It’s not your fault. I should’ve done a better job on Produce 48, it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” Taeyeon told her.

“Yes, it is. I was the one competing, I was the one that performed, I was the one that didn’t do her best. I’m the one that’s at fault,” she said, feeling herself get emotional again. “I’m happy for my friends, but I feel like…”

“Like that should be you?” Taeyeon finished for her, Eve nodding.

“I’m not saying they don’t deserve it, I just want it for myself,” she explained. “I’ve been a trainee for so long, I’ll never debut at this point. I should just switch to becoming a full-time ballerina. I can audition for the national ballet and–”

“Woah, woah, woah.” Taeyeon waved her arms around. “Nabi, you’re going to debut. You just need to keep going.”

Eve scoffed. “Unnie, I’m not debuting. It’s been six years, okay. I’ve showcased everything that I possibly could — I have nothing left. The company’s probably going to cut their losses and just tell me to end my contract. I wouldn’t fault them or anything. I pretty much embarrassed them. So, I’ll just reinvent myself and do bal–”

“Why are you so adamant on giving up?”

“Because I’m tired!” She exclaimed. “I’m tired of everything. I just want to stop.”

Taeyeon wrapped her arm around Eve, squeezing the younger girl’s shoulder. “Agi-yah, I know it’s hard right now, but it’ll get better soon. Unnie promises. I’m here, Key’s here, everyone’s here. And we’re going to support you, okay? Just hold on a little longer.”

They were silent for some time as Eve calmed herself down. From outside her room, they could hear Kibum trying to bargain with the dogs to get them to let him rest. “I don’t know what’s wrong, it’s… Something is broken,” Eve said. “I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken,” Taeyeon comforted. “I know it feels that way — I know that’s what your brain is telling you —, but trust me, Nabi-yah. You’re not broken. All you need is to get help — professional help.”

“Oppa said the same thing. We’re in the process of looking for a therapist that won’t tell me it’s all in my head.”

‘I mean, technically, it is all in your head,'' Taeyeon joked, trying to get Eve to smile. “It’s a mental illness. In your mi–”

“I get it, oh my goodness.”

Taeyeon chuckled. “You know I’m here for you if you need anything? We’re in this together, okay? I don’t call you Kim Maknae for nothing, so come to me whenever. I know what you’re going through — I’ve been there. I won’t leave you to go through this alone. We’ll take it step by step by step by step. You’re doing so well and I can see your hard work.”

Eve nodded. “Thank you, ahjumma. It means a lot.”

She squeezed Eve’s shoulder. “It’s no problem. And you do realise that when you go to therapy, you’ll have to talk about your feelings, right?”

Eve groaned, throwing her head back as Taeyeon cackled. “I’m not looking forward to it.”

“Just pretend your therapist is me and you’ll be fine.”

“But,” Eve started, her voice slightly more uncertain, “I’ve, like… Like, I’ve…”

“Yeah,” Taeyeon encouraged.

Eve sighed frustratedly. “I don’t know, it’s… I’ve basically, like, found a way to mould my life around my depression. It isn’t constantly bad or anything like that, but it’s there. And I know how to go through life while being depressed, you know? And… I guess, I’m just… Who am I without depression?” She asked, not actually expecting Taeyeon to answer. “When I went to that psychologist, he told me that I most likely started feeling depressed when I was twelve and subconsciously found a way to, like, ignore it, or whatever, but he could see the effects it had on me. He said the reason it was getting more apparent than before was because I was feeling more and more stressed and he gave me ways to manage them. And I follow the tips, and I do the stretches and meditations, and I’ve, like, reworked my personality around this depression thing, and… I don’t know who I am,” she finished, panting lightly.

“I relate to that,” Taeyeon said after a minute of silence. “You spend so long being depressed that you can’t remember who you were before you were depressed. Or, you do remember who you were, but it’s so similar to who you are now that you start to wonder if you’re actually depressed. So then the question becomes, ‘Is it that I’ve been depressed for longer than I realised?’ Or it’s, ‘Am I even depressed enough to warrant seeking help?’ Or, it’s ‘Am I even depressed at all?’ And honestly, Nabi, I don’t know what it is. I so badly wish I could tell you the answer, but the truth is, I’m also figuring that out. Like I said, we’re doing this together. So, if you find out the answer to that question first, tell me,” she joked.

Eve nodded with a chuckle. “Okay, okay. I have no more questions to ask now,” she said.

“Yeah? I find that hard to believe, but I’ll take it.” She stood up, removing her arm from Eve’s shoulder. “Let’s go out there. We bought you a cake. And, hey. If you’re not added to that debut in JYP by the end of the year, I’ll use my connections to have you debut solo. Or I’ll add you to Red Velvet.”

Eve rolled her eyes as she stood up. “Why would you add me to a group that’s been active for four years? I appreciate the sentiment, but seriously?”

Taeyeon scoffed, opening the door. “It’s the thought that counts,” she whined as they walked into the living room.

Kibum looked up as he threw a toy for Garçon to chase after. “Are you done?”

Taeyeon nodded. “We talked and talked.”

He shifted his gaze to his sister. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, actually,” Eve said with a deep exhale. “Ahjumma said things that I needed to hear. Thanks for arranging this.”

“Of course, you don’t have to mention it,” he said, sighing as Garçon put the toy back in his hands. They all watched as Commes Des stalked over to Taeyeon, the idol picking the dog up.

“I heard there’s cake.”

an: i dont go to jype so idk they actually stop training when a group is preparing for debut, but i thought it would be a cool thing to add/write about

tagging: @seolboba // @ateezivy // @ateezjuliet // @cafemilk-tea // @smh-anon // @alixnsuperstxr // @cosmicwintr // @girlzwfun // @txt-yaomi // @moongrlz

©️ kim nabi

[baziutawrites]

Greens and greys

Xavier Thorpe x Female OC

Beginnings part 1

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8]

Other smut fics through my Masterlist.

WARNING! There is a smutty part towards the end of this piece. Proceed with caution if you are under 18 yrs old.

Xavier Thorpe always thought he was attracted to the unconventional. Being an artist and all, it supposedly came with a peculiar taste in beauty, aesthetics and also something as ordinary as past-time activities he picked up during his stay at the school, like fencing or archery.

Even when surrounded by outcasts at the Nevermore Academy, he still looked for something different, something uncommon, something - someone - unusual. That's why he completely could not understand why this one person kept invading his mind. It's not that she wasn't pretty or anything - but she was, to put it simply, regular.

"Earth to Xavier! Do you copy?"

Ajax's voice shook him out of his musings. He looked at him, blinking stupidly as if he has just been woken up.

"Man, you're acting weird af. Staring off and shit since the year've started." Ajax waved his arms around, a tiny paper bag in one of his hands. Faint smell of weed lingered in the air. "I asked you if you wanted to chill before 'the meeting' and you do this… this thing instead."

He moved to sit next to Xavier, handing him the paper bag. He took it, feeling the contents inside.

"You're creeping me out, dude. What's wrong?"

"It's… nothing. Just– weird dreams, that's all." Xavier rubbed his eyes with his fingers and leaned back on the bench, his head resting on the wall behind them. "No, really, it's prolly nothin'."

He added, seeing the unconvinced expression on his friend's face. Even the snakes peeked from underneath his beanie, almost as if they too were doubting his words. Before Ajax could speak however, Xavier slapped his knee and stood up swiftly, shaking the contents of the bag slightly.

"Now, wanna get some Lemon or what?"

***

Valerye sat beside her new roommate, Yoko Tanaka, still in awe of the entirety of her new shared dorm room. It was quite elegant, gothic in styling and details with two big stained-glass windows overlooking the main courtyard in the middle of the Academy. They even had a balcony, although not as big as her roommate's friend - Enid, who had the most luck, having the topmost room entirely for herself.

Val however wasn't about to complain. Yoko seemed to be relatively laid back and chill when it came to the dorm rules and the past few days since starting the year were overall less stressful thanks to her. It wasn't easy being thrown into an entirely new, unknown environment all by herself. She never had a dorm room or a roommate up to this point. Not to mention, she wasn't well versed into the social life laws that were clearly set up in between the social cliques at Nevermore. She was lucky to become a roommate with someone who already was a part of a quite prominent one - it earned her an easy way in.

Thing is, it wouldn't be enough. She would still have to prove herself, show her worth in order to be accepted.

"What did you say you were calling yourselves again?" Val peered into the mirror Yoko held in front of her face, laser focused on the tiny eyeliner brush on her eyelid.

"Wha- oh. The Nightshades." She chuckled, eyeing Val's tense expression. "Don't worry, no one's gonna give you a pop quiz before entering."

When she didn't look convinced, she added.

"Just be yourself. I'm sure they are gonna like you. I mean, I already told them everything about you and they all agreed to bring you in, wanna finally see you. This doesn't happen often, so don't fret. You've already got yourself some leverage, honey."

"Yeah, no pressure at all..."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to bring some gifts." Yoko glanced at the bag on Val's bed. A few bottle necks were peeking out from underneath the semi closed zipper. "But I see you've already thought of that. Good."

***

The corridors were eerily quiet, only their two pair of steps echoed between the stone walls. Val followed closely behind Yoko, cursing under her breath quietly as she felt goosebumps erupting on the exposed skin of her arms and shoulders. It wasn't supposed to be this cold this soon, so she left the sweater back on her bed and went with a sleeveless black turtleneck only. At least she listened to her roommate and opted out of the skirt.

"Too preppy." She simply stated and threw her a pair of high wasted pants.

They came to a halt in front of a statue so suddenly, Val almost walked into Yoko and gave an apologetic smile when the bottles inside her bag clinked loudly. Great, her causing them to get caught this late outside of their dorms with bags full of alcohol surely wasn't a great way to make a good first impression. Yoko however, unfazed, lifted her hand up and snapped her fingers twice, loudly.

The statue of what turned out to be Edgar Allan Poe moved and slid back, exposing a hidden entrance leading down the stairs into a circular room with a high ceiling and walls covered in bookshelves. There were people down there already but they didn't notice them yet. Val squared her shoulders and took a deep breath as went down after her roommate.

"This is Valerye, say 'hi' everybody, be nice, cuz she brought gifts."

Loud cheers erupted around the room and Val could not help but smile.

***

Xavier could not help but stare at the newcomer more and more bluntly as the drinks, expertly mixed by Yoko, kept coming in and the little relax sesh he had with Ajax right before they came down there surely didn't help. He couldn't shake off this weird feeling he got since he laid eyes on the new girl. It's almost as if he saw her already - somewhere, someday - but from what he gathered, it was impossible.

From what Yoko told them before the meeting, she just moved from quite far away and for the past few days she wasn't attending classes due to some supposed paperwork she and her family had to do. She also came from a very prominent and old family name from over the ocean, one that made Principal Weems give the new girl some leeway when it came to the strict rules about attendance. So, he didn't see her in class and didn't see her in the corridors and surely he didn't see her out and about anywhere at any point in his life. So why in the hell his eyes seemed to gravitate towards her and why did he had this strange feeling in his chest every time she locked her eyes with him?

She wasn't extraordinary by any means. Well, Xavier did think she was quite pretty - but nothing out of the ordinary, like Bianca or Yoko. And yet, he kept staring so bad, his friends finally took notice when he ignored a question directed towards him for a third time in a row.

"Well, someone's got his mind elsewhere." Rowan teased as the rest of the boys laughed. It brought Xavier's attention back to the group and he was met with knowing smirks. He could feel the heat creeping up his face as he realised they noticed his weirdo behaviour.

"What? No. I wasn't staring."

"Noone said you were, bud." Kent laughed and patted him on the shoulder. "Think we should go and introduce ourselves properly, what you think, Ajax?"

"Ye, we should, shouldn't we, Rowan?"

Rowan snorted into his drink he was taking a sip from, just as he was swept alongside Xavier by the other two boys. The latter's weak protests were completely ignored, lost in between the sounds of tipsy laughter.

***

Val quickly felt at home within the girls' part of the Nightshades. Yoko seemed to loosen up a bit more, Divina was an absolute sweetheart with a sharp mind, yet quite an introverted demeanour at first, and Bianca was radiating confidence and open mindedness, although she seemed to be quite stubborn in her ways when challenged nonetheless. The drinks were quite helpful when it came to loosening their tongues and soon, the girls swept her into a whirlwind of the newest and most important gossip of the Nevermore Academy.

She noticed, however, a one particular member who acted quite odd. The tall one with long hair kept stealing glances at her more and more blatantly as the time and drinks went on. He had a weird name, she didn't quite catch it over the blasting music. She caught his big, mesmerising green eyes burning holes in her head several times so far and smiled when she noticed him act surprised every time he got caught, his cheeks a bit pink either from embarrassment or alcohol, or maybe both, she didn't know but it made her quite flattered.

When the boys joined them again, he stood on the opposite side of the circle as he now seemed hellbent on getting drunk, swinging one cup after another instead of joining in with the questions the group now asked about her previous endeavours. That's why she didn't expect his voice behind her, when they all turned to Yoko, arguing about what drink she should make next.

"Do we know each other?" The guy's voice surprisingly not slurred considering how much he just drank. Great, very creative pick up line, she thought as she turned around to face him. It took her by surprise how close he was now, she had to crane her neck to look him up in the face.

Xavier's breath hitched in his throat as he finally took in her features. He could almost feel her breath, as he realised he was very close to her now. A bit too close in fact for a first conversation. He didn't have a well adjusted judgement of distance when drunk, he had just realised. And when she cocked her eyebrow at him, he quickly added.

"I mean, I'm sure we've met already."

"I think so too." She gave him a side smile and traced her fingernail along the hem of his button up. It made his loins tingle. "In fact, I'm sure of it."

"Oh? Remember when? Because I'm sure I wouldn't forget a face like yours." He breathed, his lips curling into his signature smirk, as he leaned in. Two could play that game and the alcohol finally rushing to his head made him lose his wariness.

"Yea. Here. Two hours ago to be exact."

His smile faltered a bit and his cheeks reddened a little when she laughed. His eyes glided over her neck as she threw her head back a bit and he was sure he saw her like this up close before.

"Uh, I-ah, I meant, earlier than that." He fumbled with his words, not expecting her to shoot him down like this.

"Well, I don't remember you, so... maybe I was in your dreams then?" She winked at him and turned around, her hair brushing his arm as she went towards Yoko to get her cup refilled, leaving tingles in it's wake. She didn't notice the stupefied look on Xavier's face.

His visions.

***

The night after the meeting Xavier did not dream of the girl that invaded his dreams quite often for the past few months. She didn't show up even in the following week. Then almost a month went by, and he cursed himself for not paying more attention towards the details in his hazy dream visions. He had no other way of checking if Val was truly the one in his dreams.

The one thing he noticed and remembered from the dreams however, were those odd flashes of green that sometimes seemed to spark in the girl's hair when she moved. He could swear he could catch glimpses of it now in real life, just right out of the corner of his eyes. But whenever he turned around to catch the person behind it, they were already gone.

***

The next Nightshades meeting took place after a month since the last one. Xavier would lie if he said he wasn't excited to have a reason talk to Val again. He didn't really spoke to her much since the last meeting. She seemed so preoccupied with everything, she always slipped away before he could muster up the courage to ask her anything more than how she's doing and how was her day. He felt this weird pull towards her he couldn't explain, his eyes seemed to act on their own, gluing his gaze onto her when she wasn't paying attention to him. The drawing of her profile was now safely hidden in his sketchbook, yet it didn't seem to help at all.

And now he was almost running towards the Allan Poe statue. He was late because of his indecisiveness about his clothes - today, out of all the days before this one, he decided to be picky about his looks.

Val's eyes followed Xavier's lanky figure as he descended down the stairs and smiled apologeticly, mumbling some sort of apology towards Bianca, who wasn't happy about his late appearance. Her heart seemed to stutter a bit at the sight of it, as she smiled at him when his eyes landed on her.

"What's his name?" She whispered in Divina's ear.

"Xavier Thorpe. Why? You like him?" She gave her a playful nudge. "He's single from what I know, you know?"

Val just laughed. Well, she did think the boy was kinda handsome with his overall tortured artist vibe going on but she barely knew him from the short conversations they had in passing.

"Thanks, gonna remember that."

***

The two plastic cups crinkled under his fingers as he set his mind on finally talking to her. He could not shake off the feeling that lingered in his chest since the last party. It was driving him crazy. Why did his visions suddenly stop? Did it have anything to do with her or was it just pure coincidence? Maybe talking to her would bring him some answers. Also, he found himself longing for her presence as he watched Kent repeatedly making her laugh.

And there it was. This teeny tiny flash of green at the edge of his vision, just as he lowered his gaze to the side. His head snapped back up so suddenly he winced, feeling his mind swim at the movement. Once again, he could not figure where it came from and he cursed under his breath. He was going insane.

He watched Val put down her empty cup and Kent finally excusing himself. This was his chance. Now or never.

"Tryin' to get me drunk, Thorpe?" She laughed at him but took the cup from his extended hand. He bit his lip, stifling a chuckle. Thankfully it was quite dark, he hoped she did not notice his pink cheeks.

"If you can get drunk on water, I'm gonna be seriously concerned for your wellbeing." He leaned against the pillar, eyeing her surprised expression with a small smile.

"How considerate of you." Her face softened a bit. "Thank you."

"So, how do you find your stay here so far?"

***

He could not believe how easy it was to talk to her - it felt as if they were there for hours. He also found himself focusing on how she laughed at his playful jabs, or how her grey eyes trained on his lips whenever he took a sip from his cup. But just when he was about to comment on it, the dimmed lights turned a bit brighter and he noticed the green again. It seemed to glimmer for a second where the light bounced off of her hair and he choked on his water so hard he went into a coughing fit.

"Xavier, are you okay?" Val's concerned voice reached his ears as she patted his back. "What happened?"

"Forgot... how... to swallow." He panted, feeling himself go red in the face, fully aware of her hand still on his back. His teary eyes bore into her hair and even now with the blurry vision, he could tell her hair was light brown, without any green undertones. How on earth could it happen then? He wanted to touch it, to feel it under his fingertips. To bring it closer, to see if it glimmered under the different angles, to make sure it would do that again. To make sure it was as soft as he imagined it to be.

"Do you dye your hair?" He blurted out instead.

"No... never had. Why do you ask?"

"Good." He answered absentmindedly, his mind racing. His mind was playing tricks on him, that was for sure. How else would he explain it?

***

He found out he wasn't going mad some time after that first incident, however the way he did it made his mind even more dazed than it was before.

He caught himself drawing her more and more often. Thinking back about the conversations they had that day, smiling to himself as he laid in bed at night, Rowan long gone into the slumber. He reminded himself of every time he made her laugh, how she touched his hands during the newly implemented class, Foreign Beings and Legends, because she noticed his hands were stained with charcoal powder. He started to purposfuly hold a piece of charcoal right before that class so she could notice it when he pulled out the chair for her to sit next to him.

That day, the Nightshades agreed upon the Lake Party as a tribute to the last warm days of the year. Xavier, drained after the archery practice he had in the morning, fell asleep right after his head hit the pillow in his then empty room.

The dream vision was blurry, as it always was, however the girl in it seemed to be a bit more defined. She was laying down on her back on what seemed to be his bed, as he looked at her from above. She moved, but not in a sleepy manner. She was writhing, hands seemed to be gripping the sheets in feverish manner. Her hair, despite not quite focused, was sporadically glinting with that god forsaken green he told himself was a figment of his imagination.

And then he felt himself being pulled down towards her and he noticed she was naked underneath him. He could almost feel her breath on his face for a second and he realised she was moaning, her head thrown back, facing away from him the second he tried to focus on her features. He felt himself moving and looked down his body only to see that he also wasn't wearing clothes. But the part that hit him the hardest, was the fact his cock was slowly sliding in and out of the girls pussy, lewd sounds following every roll of his hips. His mouth fell open at the blurry sight before his eyes, as he watched himself slowly fuck her, almost feeling her heat around him.

His skin tingled and he heared a familiar voice call out his name.

"Oh, Xavier, yes."

He looked up only to meet the familiar grey eyes for a brief moment, before they rolled up and he actually somewhat felt her pussy clench around his dick while she moaned sweet nothings in his ear. It threw him over the edge instantly and he felt he was cumming himself.

His eyes snapped back open and it took him a moment to realise he was alone in the dorm room. The blurry vision of the grey eyes inching away from his mind. That's when he felt wetness in his pants and cursed, loudly. He was gonna be late again.

***

The bonfire they managed to get going was casting a warm glow over their bodies, as they drunkenly decided to go for an almost naked swim in the lake. Their laughter echoed between the trees and splashes of water soon disrupted the calm, moonlit surface of the water.

Xavier stumbled out of his pants, almost falling into the person next to him and swung his arm around their shoulders for support. His wide grin was met with a loud laugh from Val, as she held her hands against his chest to prevent him from falling further and onto the ground. She shook her head and looked him in the eye and said something he wasn't able to hear at that point. His smile faltered, as he stared into her eyes.

Grey. Her eyes were grey.

[foxes-that-run]

Only Angel

Only Angel has similarities to Meet me in the Hallway, they 2 of the 10 Haylor songs with Hallways. To me, it is related to So it Goes... which refers to when Taylor performed in the 2014 Victoria's Secret show. Harry performed Only Angel at the 2017 VS show. I have always heard this song to be an assurance to Taylor that she is his 'only angel', like in As it was, she cannot be replaced with girls that 'look just like her' in MMIH Possibly because he was seen with Nadine Leopold soon after the 2014 VS show. It also references Van Morrison's Tupelo Honey which Harry included on his mix tape.

At 2 minutes into this Nashville performance Harry sings "Told her Little Brother" (2.09), further confirmation it is Haylor, with Austin Swift being younger than Taylor unlike Kendall's brother.

Only Angel was last played live in November 2021. It wasn’t at Coachella or after Harry’s House.

Original Lyrics

On 7 December 2023 the demo was leaked with different lyrics. Studio version is like a simplified, shortened and cleaned up radio edit. In the original, the muse has more agency (they knock), Harry has considered proposing 1000 times but it hasn't worked out and it's more explicit. The song also ends, then comes back like their relationship.

Close your eyes, shut your mouth and see That I'm still the only one who's been in love with me I'm just happy getting you stuck in between my teeth And hoping you don't shout about it Now I know a bunch of people who would waste your time But I wouldn't let it happen to a friend of mine We can write ourselves a story without doing lines 'Cause believe me, we can live without it, She's an angel[...] Broke a finger knocking on my bedroom door I got splinters in my knuckles crawling on the floor Could never take you home because your skirt's too short And my mother would be mad about it I must admit I married you a thousand times Had to change my tune when I found out what it’d be like But I meet you in the hallway almost anytime And we won't have to talk about it, yeah, She's an angel[...] She wants to be an angel just you wait and see. But it turns out she’s a devil in between the sheets and believe me I am all about it. Huh. Painted on you on your back, I knew we’d get along. But I caught you staring in the mirror way too long. I could love her if I didn’t think I’d do it wrong. I’m gonna have to take you home, She's an angel[...]

Lyrics

I saw this angel I really saw an angel Open up your eyes, shut your mouth and see That I'm still the only one who's been in love with me I'm just happy getting you stuck in between my teeth And there's nothing I can do about it

The first verse, Harry is so drawn to his muse he can’t help winding up with her. They liken their connection to an addiction in MMIH, Clean and Grapejuice.

The “only one in love with me” is Harry calling himself a narcissist and I think refers to Fool’s Gold where he said “Yeah I know your love's not real / That's not the way it feels /That's not the way you feel”

But, like in Fools Gold and Stockholm Syndrome he can’t help himself, he desperately wants to be with this muse

Broke a finger knocking on your bedroom door I got splinters in my knuckles crawling across the floor Couldn't you take home to mother in a skirt that short But I think that's what I like about it

This verse starts with 2 references that are in other quite sad songs, but set to a dance beat. Something Harry later did so well in As it was:

Taylor also referred to Harry knocking on her door in Suburban Legends but very sadly “You don't knock anymore and my whole life's ruined”

Harry also referred again to being on the floor in Fine Line “And I don't wanna sleep in the dirt”

The short skirt is a reference to Style “And I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt”

She's an angel Only angel She's an angel My only angel

This line to me is a response to Is it over now? “Your new girl is my clone”. To me, Harry was saying he only has one angel, as in Victoria’s Secret model, Taylor having performed in 2 VS shows in 2013 and 2014.

After 1989 was released and they broke up they both spent a lot of time with a lot of models. Read into that what you will, to me the role the VS after party plays in So it goes and IDWLF, and the clone line has me noodling on if they were both seeking each other rather than the models.

I must admit I thought I'd like to make you mine As I went about my business through the warning signs End up meeting in the hallway every single time And there's nothing we can do about it

I love ‘went about my business and want to make you mine’ to me it encapsulates what I imagine wasted Harry’s chill attitude at that time.

Ending up in hallways links this to MMIH and the 10 other mentions of hallways in their respective songs.

Told it to her brother and she told it to me That she's gonna be an angel, just you wait and see When it turns out she's a devil in between the sheets And there's nothing she can do about it Hey, hey

This line about her brother is thought to narrow the muse to KJ and TS, in the above live performance in Nashville Harry said little brother which would be Austin Swift. Harry also got on with Austin.

To me, she’s an Angel/devil is here is similar to Style, where Taylor had “good girl faith and a tight little skirt” both play on the idea of someone seeming good but being wild. Kiwi is also similar “hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect”

She's an angel Only angel x3 Wanna die, wanna die, wanna die tonight x3 My only angel She's an angel x3 My-my-my only angel

The refrain is repeating that she’s the only angel for him, and he wants to go to heaven.

Harry included Van Morrison's Tupelo Honey on his Another Man Mix Tape from an article while he was making this album. The outtro "She's an angel", which is also how Tupelo Honey ends. As Harry said to Rolling Stone:

“I don��t know much about Van Morrison’s life, but I know how he felt about this girl, because he put it in a song. So I like working the same way.”

[ghostly-penumbra]

Seven Ways to Summon the Ghost King

Chapter Six: Traditional Way, Part II: The Remix: Electric Boogaloo, Slumber Party Edition

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [here] [7]

Ao3

Summary: Class 1-A humours its resident goth...

... things go exactly as he planned.

- - -

A Hero’s life was a stressful one, even if you were still just a student. It was nice, to find kinship and support from people that got it, that sometimes had been there with you as you faced down the villains.

That is to say, the UA dorms had been a great idea, actually. 1-A managed to find the perfect balance between each other’s little idiosyncrasies pretty well, with only minor mishaps along the way.

This week’s’ “Fun Night” showed to be quite the example.

“Are we sure we’re gonna do this?” Asked Kaminari with a shaking voice as he passed the small candles for Todoroki to light up with a touch of his finger.

They were in their dorm’s common room, with the furniture pushed to the side to make space for the… temporal redecorations.

“Well, it is his turn to pick this week’s activity.” Yaoyorozu said reasonably, watching Tokoyami draw the summoning circle from memory without hesitation.

“Yeah! ‘Sides we all participated in your skit videos last week!” Mina told him as she skipped next to him. “So if our introverted classmates can appear and act in front of a camera, you can hold hands and chant the creepy verses!” She slung an arm over his shoulders and pulled him towards herself to whisper in his ear, “And it’s not like something’s gonna actually happen, so relax!” And with a conspiratory wink she shoved him off.

- - -

“YOU SAID NOTHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!”

“NOT NOW, KAMINARI!”

“How do we stop it?! It’s almost finished!”

“Someone bring Aizawa-sensei!”

“It’s too late.” Tokoyami announced calmly over the cacophony of his panicking classmates. His eyes were lit up with the reflection of the green fire on the candles, giving them a manic gleam “He is here.”

All the candles that Todoroki unsuccessfully tried to smother with his ice flared up at the same time, illuminating the scared faces of the heroes-to-be for a second, and then diminished back to small embers, making the biggest source of light in the room the pair of flames that hovered in place atop the summoning circle, until these two blinked out… and then back on

“If this is another cult seeking immortality…” A voice said a hundred times at the same time, and even Todoroki’s resistance to the cold was useless against the chill that ran down their backs.

Bakugo would remember that Midoriya moved first, activating his quirk and launching himself at the dark figure feet first in a kick aimed to the face.

The person –being?– caught Midoriya by the ankle and easily redirected him to skid along the floor with his momentum. They –it?– dodged Kirishima’s hardened fists with the ease of a dancer, sidestepped a rising block of ice and broke it into small flakes of dust. Bakugo had him in the face with a good explosion and –bright toxic green eyes that bore into his soul as he illuminated them, making him feel so smallweakuseless– next he knew he was crashing against stupid fucking Deku, who chose that fucking moment to have his second wind.

“That’s enough.” The being said, and the lights came back on. (He couldn’t be older than any of them. He just couldn’t!)

The class stopped in their tracks at the sight of him, except for Iida who had already ignited his engines and was just as easily redirected back towards his friends, who held him quickly as he abruptly stopped his quirk.

“A bunch of teenagers, why not.” The little boy face palmed after looking at them.

“Hey, that’s rude!” Ashido complained, being the first one to step up with no intentions of attacking.

“Well, forgive me for not lying to spare your feelings after being summoned against my will in the middle of a power nap.

“But let me guess,” he pinched the bridge of his nose and rested his elbow on his other palm, “you somehow found an ancient ritual to summon one of the most powerful beings there are –which, by the way, I made sure to get rid of- the rituals! Any book that had it. Jeez, I didn’t get rid of all the powerful beings, don’t give me these faces.”

The students looked at each other; had it been that they all misunderstood the –boy’s– words and jumped to the same gruesome conclusion, or had he just been bad at wording?

“Anyway, you kids somehow found the only source for how to summon an eldritch abomination, thought it would be a fun bonding activity,” an awkward glance at each other, “and didn’t stop to think, just for a second, that perhaps you shouldn’t be messing with things you don’t understand?”

The class kept silent, most of them staring ashamed at their feet, some even scuffing the floor with them.

“It was Tokoyami’s idea!” Kaminari cried, trying to hide behind Kirishima. “He was the one to do it all!”

“Kaminari!” Several of his classmates cried out in offense at such coward snitching.

“Hey!” The ghost boy called, bringing everyone’s attention back to him. He had stopped hovering, rather planting both feet on the ground. “Alright, listen. I’m not mad at you kids, but this is something you shouldn’t be meddling in just for fun. And not only that, but I made sure no way to summon me remained in this plane of existence, so I need to know how you did it, to make sure you didn’t do something dumber than summoning me.” With his hands on his hips and that I-can’t-believe-I-have-to-deal-with-this face, the self-proclaimed eldritch abomination looked more like an annoyed (if short) senpai correcting his kohais.

“It was not hubris nor naïveté that made me desire to summon you, King of Ghosts, Liminal God, Harbringer of-” Tokoyami’s greeting was cut short as said liminal god –and didn’t that make some eyes widen in shock and wariness– held up a hand to stop him.

“Two titles are more than enough, buddy. Y’all can call me Phantom.”

That sounded like such a simple hero name, that the students easily accepted it. Phantom: The Ghost King Hero.

“As you wish, Phantom.” The goth corrected himself with a grave nod. “As I said, I did not arrange for your summoning out of hubris or ingenuity, for you see, we are in the dark path of Heroism, where we will face countless more encounters with horror, destruction, and death, and so I sought you out, so you may tell my friends of the kindness of leaving this world.”

His classmates stared at Tokoyami after his solemn words; some with apprehension, others with growing understanding. Iida adjusted his glasses and breathed in deeply, preparing to launch himself into a rant speech about how they were thankful for his consideration but he should please refrain himself from things like this, when the bird-headed boy spoke again.

“And if you could please sign this for me, I would be in your debt.” The boy held out a black, leather-bound journal with a black pen adorned with a plastic skull hanging from the bookmark.

There was a long, awkward beat of silence until –unsurprisingly– Bakugo exploded.

“YOU FUCKING SUMMONED A FUCKING DEATH GOD JUST TO GET A SHITTY AUTOGRAPH?!”

The feeling was shared by the rest of the class, as they showed their discontent all at the same time.

Tokoyami ignored them, though, keeping his wide, hopeful –and, this was a bit worrying– worshipping eyes on Phantom, until he finally relented.

“Alright, kids, listen up!” Phantom said, commanding the attention back to himself. He took the journal from the bird-headed boy and flipped the pages until he found a blank one. “Gosh, this brings me memories…” He mumbled, scribbling down, before continuing for the class. “Rule Number Two of Interacting With Paranormal Slash Mystical Slash Magical Slash Et Cetera Et Cetera Et Cetera, never make open-ended deals, ever, this includes but is not limited to: contracts, handshakes lood oaths, spit oaths, fist bumps, promises, spoken words –you get the gist. Now, what did you friend say to me?”

The teenagers looked at each other in awkward silence but, being teenagers, they were easily reverted to their ‘we’re in a lecture in class mode, and the brave soul of Yaoyorozu raised her hand.

“Tokoyami-kun said that he would be in your debs in exchange of an autograph.”

“And there was truth and intent to his words, so now that I’ve fulfilled his request…” He let the sentence open as he showed the journal where it now had a stylized D with a smaller P within it.

The class looked at their friend with mixed feelings of concern, irritation, and fear.

“You could ask anything from him.” A brave soul finally answered.

Tokoyami didn’t seem to care what might be asked of him, as he stared almost reverently at the journal now back in his hands. That wouldn’t do.

“Well then,” Phantom began, placing his hands on his hips, ready to deal out a detention, “your part of the deal will be that you never ever again make such a fool open-ended deal with anyone! No ghost, monster, creature, oni, Higher Being™, angel, god, God, demon, or anything else I may have forgotten. Not your parents, not your relatives, classmates not your teachers or principal, not random people on the street, not children, not the government. No one, ever.” He finished sternly as Tokoyami nodded along.

“That…! Is actually really kind of you, Phantom-san.” Iida saod thoughtfully.

“The Lord of Cessation is known for his kindness and fairness.” Tokoyami told them, clutching the journal to his chest when he noticed Bakugo’s slightly-more-murderous-than-normal expression still in place.

“Yes, I’m cool, I know, whatever.” Phantom was massaging his temples breathing deep and slow. “Alright! He began anew, now with some cheer. “I haven’t’ been to the Living World for anything other than work in over a century and a half, so, what’s good in video games these days?” He asked with a smile finally acting like the teen he was when he died.

“I mean the controls are different, but a fighting game is a fighting game, so no biggie.”

“If you want you can pick All Might to make it more even!”

There were very heated protests (from two very specific boys) as everyone surrounded the dorm’s gaming centre so Phantom said “Don’t worry, I’m my own character.” Before merging with the console and appearing on the screen, unleashing chaos among class 1-A once again.

- - -

“So you were born before the Dawn of Quirks? What was it like?” Midoriya asked, distractedly losing in Hero Cart as he kept looking at Phantom next to him.

“Eh, I can’t really say it was much different. Y’all seem to have gotten… stuck in time, in a way. Like, I understand a lot of stuff like time and work and resources go to make accommodations for mutations and stuff which is great, don’t get me wrong, but one would have thought that over two hundred years in the future, at least clothes would be different.

“And for what the dead say, some of those ‘accommodations’ are… doubtful, to say the least. And don’t get me started in social issues.” He quickly mumbled with his mouth in a thin line. “So, overall, it was pretty similar. It may have to do with the fact that I was born in another dimension.”

He kept his focus on the game. So, if Phantom noticed all of their shocked faces and stunned silence, he didn’t show it.

- - -

“D’you guys have DOOMED?” Phantom asked as he leaned against the couch from his place on the floor, watching as Mina ruthlessly obliterated Sero in Dance, Dance Revolution!

“What’s DOOMED?” Ashido asked, not skipping a step as Sero stumbled with the increasing speed of the game.

All the lights went out and the room’s temperature dropped, making Tsuyu swoon and the rest of the class to cry in alarm or fall into battle stances.

“The DOOMED devs didn’t release the game’s code for it to become memetic, only to be completely ignored by some- futurelings from another dimension!”

The lights returned, and the TV they were playing in turned back on; the cold ebbed out slowly, not as abrupt as it had come, and Tsuyu slowly began to stir helped by the proximity of Todoroki’s left side.

“Alright, kiddos! I hope you’re interested in coding, ‘cause I know by heart and tonight, we make history!”

- - +

Phantom typed away without thinking it twice, confident, whilst the class watched and Midoriya took notes just as fast, transcribing on his notebook what Phantom put in the computer.

Kyoka leaned against Tokoyami’s side as they saw, well, history. “This is the best night ever. Do you have any other interesting being in your journal? Possibly someone who liked karaoke?”

“Just so y’all know!” Phantom told them cheerily, spinning his neck 180º degrees as his hands kept typing. “I know I’m cool and a chill guy to hang out with, but that’s ‘cause I was human and died at fourteen! Most beings that can be summoned hate being summoned. Myself included, bus, as I said, I’m rather cool!”

A chill ran down the class’ back again, and all of them –minus Midoriya, who kept on writing– turned to look at the resident goths.

“… I shall abstain from more summonings, Lord Phantom.” Tokoyami conceded, and Dark Shadow cooed at him.

“There’s a good boy!” Phantom said brightly, returning to his coding.

“Let’s just do regular karaoke next week, right, guys?”

“Alright, students!” Phantom called them. “Get ready to get schooled!”

- - -

[clotpolesonly]

I'm so curious about the Declan was abused by a priest au 👀

my friend Cami and i can't help it, we just look at promiscuous characters with intense trust and intimacy issues and ask "is anybody gonna hc a history of sexual abuse here??" and then don't wait for an answer adlkjfgh

this verse -- (dubbed "the Wesleyverse", after our OC priest, Father Wesley) -- began with "and i am not gonna think about the reputation the catholic church has for sexual abuse of young boys because i have already delivered plenty of trauma and angst upon my boys and it also it feels uncouth alkdfjhadgf 😅 bUT ALSO" which was met with a resounding "I WENT THERE TOO" from Cami, and it spiraled from there

i'm just saying, a quiet self-sufficient anxious boy with an unstable home life and who has already had the importance of keeping secrets drilled into him would be very convenient for a sexual predator. socially isolated and emotionally unfulfilled. the ignored child, the overlooked, no one's favorite -- desperate for the validation and attention that he doesn't get from his parents, at least not the way he wants it. resentful of his brothers and their specialness.

Father Wesley made him feel special. like he was the important one for once, more important than all the other boys, more important than Ronan who he could've chosen instead. Father Wesley gave Declan all the attention and praise and reassurance that he craved, and all it took was playing some private games. secret and unpleasant and ever-escalating "games" that made Declan feel bad in a variety of ways, but Declan was used to that. cleaning up after dad's and Ronan's dreams were games, according to Aurora, and those made him feel bad too. those were unpleasant too. those made him afraid too. those were things he couldn't tell anyone about too.

how is a 6yo supposed to know the difference between a secret that should be kept and a secret that shouldn't be? a game he has to play behind closed doors whether he wants to or not and a game he needs to tell a trusted adult about?

(there aren't many adults he trusts anyway. who is supposed to be more trustworthy than their priest? Father Wesley speaks for god, doesn't he? he's the highest authority. right?)

so anyway. all that lasted a while, maybe from ages 6 to 8, when Father Wesley stopped wanting to play with him. it took months for Declan to realize that he wasn't coming back, that for better or for worse it was over. (relieved, yes. hurt, also yes. abandoned. unfavorite. if Father Wesley doesn't love him anymore, does it mean god doesn't either?) he put it behind him, labeled it as over and done with, and he did everything he could to bury it and pretend it never happened. he never told anyone and he never intended to.

it's been 11 years since the abuse stopped, Wesley's been retired from St Agnes for 5 or 6 years, a whole lot of shit has happened and life has been very busy for Declan (set post-TRK, more or less lol). things are finally calming down a little bit. the Gray Man has the underground shit handled for the time being, he and Matthew are back in town (because reasons, don't ask about georgetown, it's not important) and his relationship with Ronan is stabilizing. everything is fine.

and then Father Wesley gets arrested.

Gansey forwards the article to Ronan. Ronan shows it to Declan when he's stopped by monmouth for whatever reason, like holy shit, this is crazy, can you believe this??? fucked up, amirite??

doesn't notice at first that Declan has gone completely still.

it isn't until he mentions that the police are going through all the evidence to see if they can identify the victims -- indicating that it's not just, ya know, possession of materials from the internet, but actual production, records of his actual abuse -- that Declan fucking bolts. and Ronan is like UMMM?? DON'T LIKE THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT

and here's the thing about the Lynch brothers. they may not get along. they may have a lot of water under the bridge. they may be liable to attack each other at the drop of a hat. but the second someone else attacks one of them? they close ranks. Ronan may not like his brother all that much but it's still HIS brother, thank you very much, his family, and anybody who lays a fucking hand on him is gonna suffer the consequences.

he has to chase Declan down. checks his condo, checks his work, checks the Barns, even calls Matthew to ask if he's seen him. finally finds him at the absolute LAST place he expected -- the church. it's late afternoon on a tuesday or something and there's no one else there. it's just Declan, alone in the sanctuary, with a rosary that Ronan hasn't seen him actually use in years.

Ronan doesn't remember ever having seen Declan cry before, and he's not crying now but it's obvious that he has been. that he's fighting to keep control of himself now. says he came here to be alone.

Ronan says fuck that, he's not just gonna leave.

after a minute, Declan abruptly sits up, suddenly blank and businesslike and steady, and he tells Ronan to ask his questions. which is.........disturbing, for Ronan. because he's seen this face before. he's seen it a dozen, a hundred, a thousand times. it's the cool detachment that's always rubbed Ronan the wrong way, earned Declan accusations of being an unfeeling robot, someone who just didn't care as much as Ronan did about anything or anyone.

had this face always had all this under it? could he really just pull it on over top of.........of ALL THIS and pretend that none of those feelings were there?? hide them that well?? fucking hell.

Ronan refuses to ask any questions. he has plenty, of course, but he's not here to interrogate him. (he doesn't even know how to put his questions into words anyway, fuck, he's just trying to wrap his head around it.) Declan said he wanted to be alone, obviously he doesn't wanna talk about it, so Ronan is gonna sit here with him for as long as Declan wants to be here, and later if Declan wants to talk about it then, then they can talk about it, and if not, they won't, and that's it.

it's silent for a few minutes as Ronan sits stubbornly and tries not to look, but out of the corner of his eye he can see as Declan's face crumbles bit by bit. as he fights so hard to keep his composure and, without opposition to set himself against, fails.

(he's not used to Ronan not pushing back, not being combative or accusatory. he definitely never expected support. and it's hitting him that Ronan knows. that pretty soon, everyone in town is going to know. Henrietta is a small town, it's a gossipy church community, they're only a few years off from when predatory priests were headline news all over the world, this is not staying quiet. and there's evidence. identifiable evidence and a police investigation and calls being made to victims. there is no way that his name is staying out of this no matter what he does. the situation is officially outside of his control, and that's terrifying.)

he's never cried in front of Ronan before, not since they were very small children, but even his prodigious repression skills have a failure point and he's reached it. he's curled in on himself and there are gasping, gulping sobs in the silence of the empty church, and Ronan eventually throws caution to the wind and does what he would do if it were Matthew. he puts a hand on Declan's back, just maintaining contact, proving that he's there and he's not leaving.

........

SO ANYWAY

this verse goes on and on, my anon friend, this is the set up and we just kept spinning out the thread for literally a year at this point, i think it was jan 2023 that we started talking about this concept 😂 it's not always one linear narrative, we branch off into "ooh i wanna see when X happens" in a patchwork kinda fashion, just rolling around in the sandbox and exploring the premise and also all the relationships and the way this particular trauma interacts with all the other traumas and also Ronan and Matthew's traumas and all their dynamics with each other.

Cami and i lean toward the self-indulgence of letting the Lynches actually make the occasional healthy and productive choice, because there is nothing more cathartic and satisfying to us than having them actually talk to each other, so by god these little fuckers are communicating in a semi-functional manner most of the time. they love each other, goddamn it, they're gonna fucking act like it. also about 30k in we finally got Declan into therapy 😂😂😂 good god he needs it, lmao.

.......i also accidentally got REALLY INVESTED in an OC, Jeremy, who was Father Wesley's next victim, the one he moved on to after Declan. i did not mean to start shipping Matthew and Jeremy, but here i am, a Meremy stan. i love them. #otp

so. lemme know if you want more, lol. i've got so so much more alkfdjh

[ravens-roth]

Thinking about how atsv took place in one day… like all of that happened in one day

Imagine starting your day just doing your superhero duties you know just trying to reprimand another ‘a villain of the week’ only for him to be the biggest threat to the multi-verse (oh and also your self proclaimed arch nemesis who is trying ruin your life) then the girl you have a crush on who you thought you’d never see again, pops in to your bedroom you guys hang out everything is seems to be fine, but then she runs off. You end up following her and fall into a different universe. You save a police captain now all of a sudden the world is disintegrating before your eyes. Then you meet a vampire looking Spider-Man and he’s telling you your father is going to die in two days and your suppose to let it happen cause of some bs called canon events. Obviously you’re not gonna let that happen so you need to leave to save your dad but because you want to you now have to fight a league of spider people who want your head. during the chase you’re told (by the same guy who told you to let your dad die) you’re a mistake, you don’t belong here and you were never meant to be Spider-Man. and your friends knew the whole time and didn’t tell you. You’re feeling betrayed, sad, confused, lost, but determined. you need to get back home to save your dad. You finally end up back home (even though that vampire motherfucker was literally clawing at the machine to let you out because he simply could not comprehend that a child wants to save his father!!!!) but turns out you’re not even in your own universe and you have no way to get back home also your dead uncle is alive in this universe but your dad is dead and to end the night off you’re being held hostage by an alternate version of yourself who seemingly wants to kill you... and all of this goes down within like 12 hours