#‘Man… I don’t think he even introduced himself to Frodo.’

[canichangemyblogname]

A man will go on a 10 min rant about how Legolas was his favorite LOTR character and how he was absolutely obsessed (his words) with the movie as a kid and thought Orlando Bloom’s performance was really, really great, and then conclude his thoughts with, “I’m straight, tho.”

[bitkahuna]

“Well if you were worried about cool people you shouldn’t have let Peony invite that ElvenKing.” Pippin pointed out.

Bilbo almost looked a mix of disgusted and concerned. “King Thranduil is c- wait why did Peony want to invite him?”

-----

Thorin in the moonlight was something else.

Of course, he’d always loved Thorin in the sun. Thorin in the forest. Bathing in the river. Under firelight in the bedroom. But Thorin in the moonlight, surrounded by his mountainous kingdom of stone. It was something else.

The bit of grey in his hair seemed to shine in the moonlight and the silver beads and baubles in his hair and braids were gleaming. “You look like a dream.”

-----

“You’re my cup-bearer, are you not?”

Bilbo blinked,. His lips were slightly parted and he licked them, brushing his hair behind his ear. What was wrong with him?

“To make sure it isn’t poisoned?” He looked at the rim of the cup before him, entirely unable to look the king in his eyes.

“Will you not do your duty?”

“Are you ordering me?”

“Yes.”

-----

Bilbo nodded to himself and waited for the two of them to exit, fully intending to be discovered.

“Oh!” The Bekhzél gave a small gasp of surprise when she saw Bilbo leaning against the wall just outside the Great Hall. Thorin quickly rushed to join her, looking a bit guilty when he saw Bilbo there. “Chamber Master Baggins, you surprised me.”

“You surprise me, Bekhzél.” He spoke with something heavy in his voice. Bitterness? He wasn’t sure.

-----

Bilbo swallowed and let out a shaky breath. “I- A-Are you trying to get me in bed? I’ll kick everyone out right this instant.”

Thorin’s deep chuckle rumbled through the crowded hall, grounding Bilbo back to the present. The smirk playing on the dwarf king's lips was undeniably mischievous. "Not tonight, Bilbo," he replied, his voice a soothing timbre that only added to Bilbo's flustered state. "Though, the thought had crossed my mind once or twice."

-----

in a quiet hall of Erebor, Mirabella Brandybuck hit the ground.

Unhinged version:

Faramir, being led around by four of the Boggins sisters. He gave Bilbo a polite wave before he was hurried along.

“Check on him in half an hour and save him if need be.” He whispered to Frodo, who nodded while trying to hold back a laugh.

“Oh, don’t laugh at the poor man.” He scolded while barely stopping a chuckle of his own.

The Princes of Erebor were next, with Fíli and Kíli quickly being approached by Merry and Pippin. The four seem to be getting on quite well and that only made Bilbo nervous.

----

Elrond’s twins, Elladan and Elrohir, were next to enter just as the music started up. The twins very quickly caught sight of the princes of Erebor with Merry and Pippin and immediately made their way over.

Ah. There are six of them. Erebor was doomed at this rate.

-----

Peony and Thranduil were sitting quite close and were chatting away like old friends.

Why the fuck was Peony even near him? Why was he talking to Peony? Maybe it was a weird pregnancy thing, like when she once insisted that sardines and mangos were delicious together. Yes. Certainly, it was the pregnancy that was messing with her brain and making her think it was a good idea to befriend King Thranduil of Mirkwood.

-----

He still frowned at the sight of Peony and Thranduil sitting together. He even noticed Legolas giving them odd looks from where he stood, now with the group of Elrond’s sons, the princes of Erebor, Merry and Pippin. There are seven of them now. He certainly didn’t regret introducing them. The elves and the dwarves would never scheme together, but with Merry and Pippin, he felt all the worse and most mischievous traits of them all were amplified. It stressed Bilbo out enough that he didn’t notice Peony and Thranduil quietly leaving together.

[simplyfandomish]

Imagine you’re Gandalf the Grey’s...Granddaughter?

Simplyfandomish’s Masterlist

Warnings: Mild LOTR lore?? Fluff! Magic! Hobbits! 

Fandom: Lord of the Rings 

Your grandfather was…interesting. He was really cool and fun to party with, but there were times where he scared you shitless as he could make the Earth rumble and the skies dark with just the wave of his magic staff. 

Your grandfather was none other than Gandalf the Grey. One of the mighty wizards or “Istar” that walked the world of Middle Earth.

You were not related by blood by any means. You didn’t even think Wizards could reproduce. The angelic, supernatural beings that were the mighty Maiar were…interesting. 

You would especially know being an Istari yourself. In fact you were the first female Istari. 

(Y/n) the Gold they called you as you specialized in Light and Heat Magic by focusing your powers from the sun. 

You basked in the shining sun as you were lulled into relaxation by the rocking of the wagon. Gandalf was driving the wagon, allowing you to fully relax in the sun and with the influence of pipeweed. Gandalf was smoking as well but less than usual as he had to drive. 

But as you rolled through the meadows and hillsides of The Shire towards Hobbiton, you were relieved there was no major traffic or the human sheriffs that would charge the both of you for riding under the influence.

The reason for the journey to Hobbiton was to attend the birthday party of one of Gandalf’s old friends. Apparently, they were partners on a mission that involved a mighty dragon, and all the armies of Middle-Earth. 

During that time, you were dealing with the obscure weather patterns occurring in Gondor. From your hazy memory it had something to do with the volcanic activity from Mordor covering the sun so crops were failing to grow. 

Why Man would even build a mighty civilization as close to that wicked place was beyond you. ‘Dumb humans.’ 

You choked as the smoke went down the wrong pipe. Gandalf chuckled at your misfortune. “Don’t keel over just yet, granddaughter. We have to celebrate such a festive occasion!” Gandalf patted your back harshly to help clear your airways.

You coughed and hacked. 

Again, you and the much older man were not blood related, but the both of you had adopted each other? Yeah, that’s a good way to put it. 

The both of you kept running into each other and after joking about stalking one another, you decided to band together and go on adventures together, learning magic and ways of life from one another, and smoking pipeweed. What a perfect arrangement!

“You’re late.” A new voice piped up. 

It was a hobbit! You’ve never seen one before!  He was so tiny! And so cute!

Gandalf stopped the wagon and you watched the interaction in curiosity. 

“A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins.” Gandalf began in all seriousness. “Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.” You glanced between the two silently. It was strangely tense for a moment before both of them dissolved into boisterous laughter. 

“It’s wonderful to see you, Gandalf!” The little being flew into Gandalf’s arms and the two embraced.

You smiled at the interaction.  

“You didn’t think I’d miss your Uncle Bilbo’s birthday did you? Ah, and I want to introduce my granddaughter.” The hobbit sat snug between the both of you and turned up to look at you. He was so tiny! “This is (Y/n) the Gold.” 

Frodo smiled and shook your hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, miss.” 

“The pleasure is all mine, Frodo. I’ve heard how you Hobbits can throw raging parties.”

“Oh yes, half the Shire has been invited and the other half were going to turn up anyways!” The males chuckled. “But your grandfather is the wild one. Especially after whisking my Uncle away on a wild adventure that involved a dragon!” Frodo turned back to Gandalf, “You’ve been officially labeled a distributor of the peace.” 

“Oh really?” Gandalf muttered to himself, noticing the glares that were shot at him by some of the Hobbit folk as you entered the community.

You rubber necked as you observed the daily lifestyles of the Hobbits. They harvested in their bountiful fields and gardens, feasted on fat cakes, chugged from small ale barrels, smoked on the delicious pipeweed, and were bustling around to prepare for the magnificent birthday party for Frodo’s uncle. 

The glares shot at the Gray Wizard were triumphed by the shrieking sounds of giggling children. 

A group of young Hobbit children chased after the wagon and shouted your grandfather’s name. 

Guess your grandfather was a big deal around town!  

Frodo stared at Gandalf expectantly, but the old man ignored the children. Instead the old man glanced at you with that twinkle in his eyes. 

You grinned at the quiet permission. You turned and spun in your seat, leaning against the back to steady yourself as you raised and twirled your staff in the air. 

Your staff was your prized possession - intricate spirals and curls were carved into the piece of mahogany by your own hands with a chunk of topaz stone held in place at the top. The stone naturally sparkled under the light of the sun and it glittered more when you used your powers. 

You used your powers to collect the rays of the sun and transform them into a rain of gold glitter - the evaporating kind of course, you didn’t want to receive the wrath of the Hobbit parents from dealing with the sparkles. 

Where the sparkles landed, small golden flowers manifested. Flower crowns and necklaces appeared on the children; On the ground, the same golden flowers sprouted from the dirt. 

One particular gardener became enthralled with the random golden sprout that manifested in his beloved peony sprout plant pot and he eagerly looked around for the one responsible. 

Samwise’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. The wind whipped through your hair made you look angelic as you stood on the wagon and used your magic to create the trail of golden sparkles and flowers. 

Sam was among others to rush to their fences and watch your powers at play. 

They knew the old man and the young Hobbit in the wagon next to you, but you were an entirely new face.

Mr. Frodo was grinning up at you, so Mr. Frodo must know the pretty young sorceress! Samwise was eager to get off work and ask more about you from his friend. 

You smiled at your achievement and plopped yourself back into your seat. 

“Hobbits love gardening, so do one of your pretty flower shows.”

“Great idea, grandfather!”

[idjitlili]

Some Aragorn love?💖

PoTato buddies

Aragorn x reader

summary: imagine being apart of the fellowship,falling for aragorn,yet you feel like you stand no chance,turn tables he is very protective of you when another male is in the way.

word count:2299

You had been apart of the fellowship since Rivendell,you weren't much of a fighter but Gandalf insisted you come ,you were good at cooking potatoes ,and some other things. But the really reason you came was because you were a healer. You were shy around new people, you soon developed a bond with Sam you had one major thing in common you both loved potatoes. Sam was the main person you spoke to,he was not judgemental and was a kind soul.

You would burst out with laughter with Sam making the others stare at you,you were always quiet,you were all currently walking through the snow. You were freezing but Sam was distracting you with stories such as when Frodo had made him jump when he was gardenering ,and he ended up accidently throwing a potato at him,before rush to see if the potato was damaged. Pippin was also very humerus,and childish,well he was barely an adult so it made sense. "what's so funny?" he had questioned you confused ,you stopped laughing and stared at him briefly before answering. "I would tell you but...the jokes aragorn." Sam snickered next to you,Gimil burst out laughing, pippin didn't understand straight away but eventually got it, Aragorn sent you a smile before walking again.

He was surprised at your outburst, not hearing you speak that much before, when you did it was just one word answers.  He would often see you giggling with Sam , he thought you liked the hobbit, he couldn't deny he found your shyness adorable , and he found you very attractive. Sam would often tease you about Aragorn because he knew of your feelings for him.

"You are going to talk to him, y/n tomorrow, promise?" He had been trying to get you talk to Aragorn for ages, today was the closest you had gotten. You had simply nodded at the hobbit.

***

After Gandalf had died, you had all made it to the elves, well lady Galadriel. You had been sat with Sam and Frodo when legolas had walked by. "Uh..mister legolas?" He had stopped turning to you, nodding for you go on. "Uh..right..if you had no legs what would your name be?" You face was heating up,he looked at you with an confused expression. "I assume , it would be the same." You shook your head at the elf. "no mister legolas, your name would be leg a less , because your legs Aragorn." He have you a look at said 'really? ' before sending you a small smile.

"You are going to be teasing Aragorn with that for the rest of the journey,aren't you?" Gimli had asked you , you had nodded in agreement, Aragorn had heard the whole thing from nearby.

***

Boromir was dead, you had been separated from Sam, and was with Aragorn, Gimli and legolas. You had held onto Boromir's hand as he passed away. You had wept as Aragorn had led you all after Merry and Pippi, you cried the whole first day, there was no time to rest .Legolas had basically carried you the whole day your head on his shoulder. As much as Aragorn wanted to carry you , Legolas had much more strength , being an elf and all and Gimli did too but he was too short.

The third day you four had ran into Eomer, in the lands of Rohan. He had already introduced himself , and briefly questioned you all before turning his attention to you. He had stood infront of you , eyeing you. "Why do you travel with these men?" He had asked holding his posture. "Uh..I am their healer." You had spoken quietly, avoiding his direct eye, he was indeed an handsome man. "She does not need explain her reasons," Aragorn had stated simply.

"Oh I see now, she is with you." Eomer had eyed you then Aragorn , who wrapped his arm around your waist, making you flush red. Legolas had smirked at Aragorn, "yes we are." Aragorn's grip on you became tighter, Eomer had just smiled and soon enough you were told where the hobbits were, but they may be dead. That worried you , you had already lost two of your group. Eomer had given you two horses, you having to share with Aragorn, you had lift you on , sitting you infront of him. You decided not to question what he had just done. As you set off after the hobbits.

"I am sorry , if I made you uncomfortable back there." He had told you sincerely , his left arm around your waist to keep him steady. "..no you didn't." You spoke , causing him to hum in response , as you continued after the journey after the hobbits. You couldn't help but blush at Aragorn's body being so close to yours. His strong arms holding tightly around you to control the horse , his head on your shoulder to see where he was going. His breath on your neck , sending tingles down your spin.

The next time you were both so close was after the battle of helms deep, in celebration of victory. Theoden had toasted in celebration, Gimli and Legolas were having a drinking competition, as you ,Eomer and Aragorn watched. Eomer had discovered that you weren't actually with Aragorn, but it was clear that you liked him. As you would blush every time he would speak with you, he decided upon himself that he was going to do something about it. Well at least after Gimli passed out, causing Legolas to win.

As soon as a new song was played, which happened to be a fast paced one , he had asked you. "Miss y/n, would you dance with me?" He had asked you gently, you had blushed ,nodding "I am not very good though." You had spoken quietly , making your wast to Eomer. "Don't worry, I'll guide you." He had spoken grabbing your hand gently , leading you to the dance floor. Aragorn watched envy, Legolas nudged him, "I believe that he does that on purpose." Aragorn had scoffed at this, staring still.

Before you had both started dancing Eomer had let you know that he knew of your feelings for the future king, you had denied it , but he had just smirked at you in response. Before you began dancing fast paced with Eomer, with twirls and turns. He had even lifted you with ease , causing you gasp and giggle, as he spun you. Your face went red as he dipped you , it was like dirty dancing , yes there were some hip movements, you looked great with Eomer especially in the dress Eowyen had given you. you had to tuck one side up into your shorts so you didn't trip dancing revealing your whole bare leg. In finale Eomer had grabbed that leg by the knee , guiding you down to one final dip. As your cleavage was fully exposed to Aragorn, yes Eomer did that on purpose, before pulling you up, you had embraced him.

"You are a very skilled dancer , Eomer." You had spoke quietly to him as merry and pippin clapped. Gentlemen. "As are you." He spoke breathless letting go off you. In which as he did merry ran at you jumping up on you, wrapping his arms around your neck, you had grabbed a hold of his legs to keep him steady , giggling. "Will you dance with me ,my lady?" He had asked smiling up at you, you had nodded at him , dancing with him you in your arms , because he was too small on the ground.

Afterwards he would not let go of you, so you kept a hold of him , sitting back down next to Aragorn with the hobbit sat your lap. Aragorn smiled at you, and eventually Merry had fell asleep on you , using your breasts as pillow. After a while of being in that position, you began to ache you had only had one ale, it was just you were so tired. You had let out an "uGh." And a groan causing Aragorn to look at you. "What's the matter?" He had asked eyeing Pippin, he couldn't help but be jealous of him. Pippin had already made his way to bed well forced by Gandalf ,leaving Merry on you.

"It hurts him laying on my..after a long time." He had accidentally looked down at your burst when you had said it , blushing , He had pulled Merry from you gently , ushering you to stand, once you did he followed carrying Merry. "Are you tired , y/n?" He had questioned you ,you had nodded. "Take him." You had looked at him confused but did, turning to leave in embarrassment, but you didn't even get the chance to walk as you sweated off your feet in ease by Aragorn who began carrying you bridal style.

Merry laid upon your chest yet again, as Aragorn held you tightly. Eomer had smirked at the three of you in success, you and Aragorn hadn't even told the others goodnight, as he carried you away. Your eyes fell heavy ,"I'll will get Merry to bed, then you okay?" He had told you , you had nodded tiredly. Your eyes flutter closed, falling asleep in Aragorn's' arms, he smiled at your sleeping form as he took you to the room that Theoden had gave you to sleep in for the night.

He had laid you in the bed , Merry next to you , before he sat down in the armchair going to sleep. You had woken up with Merry laid across your stomach, and Aragorn changing. You had blushed harshly at his bare back before you turned so your face was faced down in the pillow so he would t know you were awake from your blushing face. Pippin groaned , now using your ass as pillow.

Aragorn had turned to see your position, before walking over to you , now dressed poking your shoulder,"y/n,Merry , wake  up ." Merry groans , you sit up rubbing your eyes, to act as if you just woke up. You push merry off of you ,shaking him awake."w-whats going on?" you question,remembering how you ended up here. "Gandalf has to Pippin to Gondor for safety." he states at the side of the bed,as you stand up from it ,yawning as merry stood on the bed. "why?" Merry asked panicked. "sauron thinks he has ring,they are leaving soon." Merry had gasped jumping from the bed,running out the door,slamming it shut. 

You looked at Aragorn ,who was already looking at you. "is Pippin going to be okay?" you questioned ,showing your concern for the youngest hobbit ,Aragorn simply nodded. You looked down to see you were still in your dress from last night,you grab your bag that is sat next to the bed pulling out your clothes. You were used to having to get dressed infront of Sam,frodo,and some other fellowship,but not the point you were naked ,or they could anything. You tried pulling the dress off but it was tied on too tight,you groaned and turned to aragorn ,who was looking away,red. "uhh..could you please help me untie this." he walked closer to you,so you turned away so he could untie you.

His hands pulled gently at the strings on the dress,loosening it ,you breathe in feeling less caged now. His hands soon fell away as he walked away ,facing away from you again. You went back to trying to remove the dress,you groan as it gets stuck under your shoulders,leaving your arms in the air ,looking pretty stupid ,if I am being honest. You werent sure why  Aragorn was still here with you. "um...I hate to ask again,but this dress is a little stuck." of course the man you like as to see you in your underclothes.

He chuckled at you ,before pulling the dress up above your head ,but it was no use,it was completely stuck. "uh..would you care if the dress is ripped?" he had questioned you ,he had now idea how anyone could fit in a dress like this ,too many layers,and buttons. "no..I'll j-just get Eowyn a new one." thats all he need ,as he ripped the dress in half  with his bare hands ,you had gasped ,and blushed at the thought of him doing that in some particular actitives. "woah...thank you."he smiled at you as you began now dressing.

"I have been meaning to tell you something ,y/n." he had spoke ,as you pulled the undershirt off,before throwing a navy tunic over your chest."o-oh?" you had replied nervously."for many months ,I have admired you...and it is clear to me you have captured my heart." you were shocked at his words ,not believing it at all. "a-are you being serious?this isnt a joke is it?" he had walked over to you ,your trousers  half on as he brought his hand to your cheek,before leaning down to press a short gently kiss it your lips. You hadnt kissed anyone before ,it had came natural to you even though you were clueless. "believe me now?" you nod at him,he wraps his arms around your waist ,your hands on is chest.

"hey,um  maybe we should go find merry?"

"in a minute,will you court me?"

"yes ,of course.Darn I could do with some mash or a grilled cheezus right now."

[naeshira]

On Theoden, and why he’s unique in fantasy kingdoms

When we think of kings in fantasy fiction there are two archetypes that come to mind. To stick with LOTR, we can look at Chosen One Aragorn and Mad King Denethor (not a king but serves as a leader in this argument), which are the examples we usually see.

Arargorn is meant to be king. He’s perfect and regal and proves himself over and over again that he is worthy of kingship. People follow him before he is crowned, and there’s a whole prophecy poem about him. He’s the Chosen One of the story, moreso than Frodo is.

Denethor is the leader who is disliked. We (the audience) don’t like him, and his people follow him not with loyalty, but because it’s their duty to him as Steward. He’s the Mad King, who loses his mind with grief and sickness, making him unfit to rule.

Theoden, however, is neither of these archetypes. We are introduced to him weak and under the control of Grima and Saruman. And his decisions once he’s saved by Gandalf are made with the safety of his people in mind. Not only that, but he’s still reeling from the loss of his son. He questions himself “Who am I, Gamling?” “You are our king, sire.” “And do you trust your king?” and he has his doubts. His despair in Helms-Deep is perfectly understandable, they’re fighting a losing battle and if he goes down, all his people go with him.

But he is not a weak character, nor a bad king. His strength is in battle and in the loyalty of his men, and he repeatedly demonstrates why he’s so trusted. Theoden is also kind, and openly fond of his niece and nephew, his family makes him happy. He is allowed to grieve, and he is allowed to be kind, and he is allowed to be fallible, and that just makes him a more complex and realistic character.

This is what sets Theoden apart as far as fantasy kings. He’s fallible, he’s good. He’s a great man and a great leader while still making hard choices. Even in the deepest of his despair he doesn’t fall to evil. He needed a savior; Gandalf and Aragorn both rescue him from darkness, but then they give him room to be king and respect the choices he makes.

I won’t say there are no other kings like Theoden in modern fantasy, but the media I’ve consumed very much tends to box them into Mad King and Chosen One archetypes. Theoden is such a breath of fresh air in the midst of all that.

Theoden may not be my favorite character, but I love his role in the series, and his role as a complex, likeable, fantasy king. 

[agirlunderarock]

How I accidentally wrote 20 page paper on Boromir for one of my Final Ever University Papers PART 3

 Okay folks so I think we’re a little more than halfway through? I think??? I don’t freaking know this is the exact same feeling I had while writing the paper-

Will I ever come to an end? 

We just don’t know

If you missed Part 1 and Part 2  just click the text and it’ll take you to the link

So where did we leave off last time?

I told you exactly how academics where taking a crap on the goodest boi and so this time I’m going to explain why Faramir is the better character foil. Because instead of using Boromir as foil for say Aragorn or Sam, I say they should be using Faramir. I think specifically I left you guys with this lovely little picture I made myself of their character arcs:

If you can’t read it, I’m sorry its pixilated, thats just how the program gets when you try to make an image that compact to fit on a large presentation poster with an already large image. But anyway the important thing in this image isn’t whether or not you can read the damn thing, no, its that Boromir and Faramir’s character arcs are nearly exactly the same.Boromir and Faramir face political, and familial pressures, and faced with the question of what to do about Frodo and the ring. Both brothers are introduced in places that are supposedly out of their element. Boromir is seemingly described as more prepared for battle and fighting, yet we meet him in a council meeting of all things, and Faramir who is supposed to be #intellectual we meet after he and his men have just conducted a raid on an enemy patrol. They’re later both faced with questions of doubt and what they feel they need to do to protect their people. Denethor asks a lot of them and it takes a toll in some way shape and form. but the main points of their character arc ultimately come down to the conflict of family, country, and the fellowship.

like okay I’m not gonna lie, I really just want to put this picture in here and I have a funny story about how this picture made it in the research project but basically even the movie backs up that Boromir’s real foil is Faramir.

shit what was I saying?

Oh yeah

so basically in this flashback from the two towers we get a good side by side comparison between the brothers. Clearly they look alike, but look at how they’re dressed. Boromir’s in full armor my dudes, sword looks like its partially out of the scabbard- but really the main thing you need to focus on is the costuming in this shot, because the costuming here is, of course a reflection of their roles as military leaders, but also a major reflection of their personalities and really how their character arcs play out as a whole. Boromir is usually on the defensive (note I say defensive not ready to throw down) not just in battle because Mordor is like constantly like “Knock Knock can we come in?” but when he gets the Rivendell too, he’s being defensive because it almost sounds like these people half way across the world are going to forsake his home and the people he loves. So yes, I’d say my boi gets to be a little abrasive and wear emotional armor. He’s got a lot of feelings and he doesn’t get to talk about them because either 1. he’s with his troops or 2 he’s surrounded by people he doesn’t know that well i.e. the fellowship early in the story.

Faramir on the other hand is wearing some pretty light armor. He’s more open than Boromir, and if I remember correctly its said in the book that Faramir had taken to talking with Gandalf often when he was young and stuff- I don’t remember tbh I’m at that point where I haven’t read a book in a year cause I’m so damn tired, and I get canon and fanon mashed up sometimes. But what I’m trying to get at is, Faramir lets himself be open to more ideas, to more people, he’s more trusting of people’s intentions probably that numorian thing that he and Denethor have tbh. So basically what I’m trying to say is the main difference between the two brothers is how they deal with fear and anxiety.

Again Boromir tries to hide and swallow his fear and anxiety- he has to as a military leader shit happens. Faramir, looks for as many plans as he can to relieve some of his fear and anxiety- he’s also a leader shit happens.

So remember back when I said that Aristotle said some bullshit about how betraying your father is like the shittiest thing a person could ever do ever? Or when I said the heroism through obedience is absolute bullshit? If not too bad that was your reminder, though I genuinely don’t remember if I talked about the latter.

Denethor becomes the focal point of how these characters are compared. I say this because there is never a moment in the books were we actually have a conversation with all three of them present, but we know that he makes the same demand of both of his sons, that being find out what Isildure’s Bane is and then find a way to protect Gondor by any means. Not necessarily a bad request, its just HEAVY and the way its delivered in Return of the King is heavy and hurtful. I sir I know your mad stressed but also

YOUR SONS ARE MAD STRESSED SO CAN YOU PLEASE NOT HAVE CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS:

“‘Your bearing is lowly in my presence, yet it is too long now since you turned from your own way at my counsel. See, you have spoken skillfully, as ever; but I, have I not seen your eye fixed on Mithrandir seeking whether you said well or too much? He has long had your heart in his keeping.

‘My son, your father is old but not yet dotard […]

‘If what I have done displease you, my father,’ said Faramir quietly, ‘I wish I had known your counsel before the burden of so weight a judgement was thrust on me.’

‘Would that have availed to change your judgement?’ said Denethor. ‘You would still have done just so, I deem. I know you well. […]But in desperate hours gentleness may be repaid with death.’

‘So be it,’ said Faramir.

‘So be it!’ cried Denethor. ‘But not with your death only, Lord Faramir: with the death also of your father, and all your people, whom it is your part to protect now that Boromir is gone.’

‘Do you with then,’ said Faramir, ‘that our places had been exchanged?’

‘Yes, I wish that indeed,’ said Denethor. “For Boromir was loyal to me and no wizard’s pupil.” (Return of the King 794-795).

Like thats a big load for two dudes to carry man

Like I get it but thats heavy and I cri for both my bois having to deal with this war their whole life

 But you see what I’m getting at here. Theres a lot of expectations for these boys, and really they just need hugs, and I need a hug rewriting this part into non academic language because it makes me BIG SAD

But whats interesting about the expectation that his sons only be loyal to him, is that in attempting to obey their father, THEY GET FUCKING WRECKED. Boromir ends up scaring Frodo to the point the Fellowship breaks up, and Faramir ends up like almost dying and gets his men wrecked. Now I’m not saying Aristotle is full of bullshit, but he’s full of shit, and I’m gonna learn you why.

So before I say which critic actually puts everyone else to shame by praising two hobbit bois, let me make this clear: Boromir does not die trying to obey his father, he dies actively disobeying him. Instead of trying to find Frodo and still get the ring like Denethor would have wanted, Boromir goes dies defending Merry and Pippin. HE COULD HAVE LEFT THEM IN FAVOR OF GOING AFTER THE RING BUT HE’S A GOOD MAN WHO WANTED HIS HOBBIT CHILDREN WHO ARE TECHNICALLY JUST AS OLD AS HIM TO GET AWAY AND BE SAFE AND HE DIED. Faramir on the other hand nearly dies while trying to carry out his father’s orders and thats tragic but again- shit happens.

According to no braincells Aristotle, one of these is right, even with the tragic outcome and one is wrong and deserved to die.

WRONG

In Ian Romuald Lakowski’s, "Types of Heroism in The Lord of the Rings," he acknowledges that through Merry and Pippin there is heroism in DISOBEDIENCE. For Boromir and Faramir this means obedience or disobedience is not a simple right or wrong choice, and in both of them being disobedient to their father is a more sure sign of their heroism.

I mean think about it, the very action every critic characterizes Boromir for is based off of his obedience to his father. He’s villainized for trying to take the ring from Frodo, when the reality is, the man was struggling with trying to figure out what the right course of action was. ITS THE SAME REASON FARAMIR TAKES SO DAMN LONG TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH FRODO AND SAM. THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

So what ends up happening? Faramir is praised a good guy for disobeying, and really in the end the real Boromir comes back when he disobeys Denethor too.

But we’ll come back to some of that in a bit,

Because STRESS is not enough to bind these two as better foils than other comparison that can be made. Because again, critics like to praise Faramir and elevate him and I’m not about to put them against each other.

Like despite their differences Boromir and Faramir’s relationship with one another isn’t characterized by fear or power or even that #stress but genuine love for one another. And this is important, because though no critics ever sighted a page for their reading of Boromir as a greedy little shit, I believe their interpretation comes from second hand accounts of his character. Instead of actually looking at what he says and does to be his true self.  They characterize Boromir by his single action of trying to take the ring from Frodo instead of looking at him as a whole.

Boromir’s relationship with his brother is incredibly important because given the circumstances and everything that they’ve been through and even though they have very different thought processes, they should have a rocky relationship, but  they don’t. They have a very good relationship.The appendices give a nice description of the things we never got to see happen in the book

“…there was great love, and had been since childhood, when Boromir was the helper and protector of Faramir. No jealousy or rivalry had arisen between them since, for their father’s favour or for the praise of men. It did not seem possible to Faramir that any one in Gondor could rival Boromir, her of Denethor, Captain of the White Tower; and of like mind was Boromir” (1032).

Actually

I take it back

Never say never get to see because in the council of Elrond, Boromir literally shows us his relationship with his brother and what kind of person he is. 

“ Therefore my brother, seeing how desperate was our need, was eager to heed the dream and seek for Imadris; but since the way was fully of doubts and danger, I took the journey upon myself,” showing that he willingly put himself in danger to protect his little brother (The Fellowship of the Ring 239).

The reason I bring this up is because I don’t think critics look at what Boromir actually says and does through out the book. I literally don’t understand where or how they would even perceive this as an ulterior motive or that he does anything with ill intent. AT THIS POINT THERE IS NOTHING THAT SUGGEST HE MIGHT BE. BECAUSE LITERALLY EVERY ACTION BOROMIR TAKES IS TO PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE

 Like maybe they take the first description of Boromir to be negative:

“a tall man fair and noble face, dark-haired and grey-eyed, proud and stern of glance,”

But none of these are inherently negative. Proud and stern aren’t negative words. Proud doesn’t become negative until you pair it with the action of taking the ring from Frodo and THATS ASSUMING that he’s taking it for himself to use and that he himself wants power.

BUT HE DOESN’T- and we’ll get to why later

OR maybe they’re trying to take what Faramir has to say about his brother to the extreme end: 

“‘And this I remember of Boromir as a boy, when we together learned the tale of our sires and the history of our city, that always it displeased him that his father was not king. “How many hundreds of years needs it to make a steward a king, if the king returns not?” he asked. […] Alas poor Boromir. Does that tell you something of him?’

‘It does,’ said Frodo. ‘Yet always he treated Aragorn with honour.’

‘I doubt it not,’ said Faramir. ‘If he were satisfied of Aragron’s claim, as you say, he would greatly reverence him. But the pinch had not yet come. They had not yet reached Minas Tirith or become rivals in her wars” (The Two Towers 655 ).

Which I’m gonna be honest is fair assessment.  But like Boromir’s asking these questions 1. as a kid, and as I myself was a child who hated incompetency, ITS CONFUSING AND FRUSTRATING TO BE DOING ALL THE WORK AND NOT GET THE CREDIT? (RIGHT NOW I’M LOOKING AT PEOPLE WHO REPOST FAN ART WITHOUT THE CREDIT- I WILL FIND YOU AND SMITE YOU)

but anyway, yeah you know what that question about kingship tells me- HE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE THE FUCKING KING IS???? Like thats not inherently a greed thing- Only if you’re looking at it from like a religious standpoint and blah blah blah Catholic teachings about- but again

Then good boy Frodo looking out for him, I’m gonna cry, points out the obvious- that Boromir respected Aragorn, and Faramir has the nerve to say- yeah but wait until the group project falls apart- then see what happens

and let me just say

Faramir

sir

my boi

YOU CLEARLY HAVE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A GOOD TEAM FOR YOUR GROUP PROJECT BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU. IF ARAGORN WENT IN THERE AND THINGS STARTED GOING WRONG AND PEOPLE STARTED DYING OF COURSE BOROMIR WAS GOING TO BE PISSED- LIKE THEY WAITED HOW LONG FOR WHAT????

It’d be like if someone you didin’t know came over to your house told you not to make dinner in your own house, that they knew their way around the kitchen- WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW YOUR’RE ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS, proceed to start a fire while trying to fry up some chicken, and then saying they’ve got it under control, but the fire dept can’t put out your oven. I mean thats worst case scenario.

I’m sorry but just the thought of someone I know/am related to coming into my room and touches my goddamn light switch gives me anxiety- BOROMIR HAD TO TRUST THIS STRANGER WITH HIS COUNTRY 

But like the movie tries to get you to agree with the line of thinking, that Boromir is about himself and doing it to glorify himself. take THIS SCENE

You know the one, that shot in Rivendell and Boromir is exploring on his own and casually picks up the sword, you know THE SWORD and kinda low key plays with it for a hot minute- you know, the way you walk by the nerf swords at a walmart and you pick one up to wack your bro with it, but then you remember you’re 23 and he’s 18 and taller than you now so he’ll beat the shit out of you if you start shit. But anyways, Boromir picks up the sword and cuts his finger, is amazed that its still sharp, and then puts it back only to have it teeter off and he walks away quickly like nothing happened. If you’re a small brain critic you’ll see this scene and say “Ah yes, in picking up Narsil Boromir displays a desire for power for himself, and in cutting his finger it shows that this desire is his ultimate demise. He might think he’s ready for power and deserves more, but by walking away he shows that he’s actually irresponsible guffaw” I demand you go back and read that in your guadiest accent. But hear me out. Remember that nerf sword you picked up in the toy aisle, instead of being the grimlin you know you are deep in your soul, you take a few practice swings for your audition fantasy and put it back and start walking away just to realize that the walmart employee had been watching you the whole time and the whole bin of plastic and foam swords comes tumbling down bring with it a Hot Wheels track and collectible cars, and you just look at the employee, and they just look at you, and then you brain just short circuits  and so you keep walking down the aisle away and laugh cry across the store because you don’t know what the fuck just happened. And thtas the energy that scene gives to me.

But I’m getting away from it all because the real arguement against the way this scene is framed is one question he poses right before he attacks Frodo:

“What could not Aragorn do?”  ( The Fellowship of the Ring 389). 

He makes a big speech here about Frodo giving up the ring, but he doesn’t talk about him using it himself, instead he wonders, What would Aragorn be capable of?

Does that sound like a question someone crazed with a drive for power would ask?

I don’t think so

Why even mention Aragorn if he wanted it for himself right?

We’re dissect the fuck out it in the next part don’t you worry.

I think I’m almost done

[introvertguide]

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001); AFI #50

The current movie for review from the AFI top 100 is the most recent of the films, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001). This was the introduction of director Peter Jackson to much of the mainstream American audience despite him having a 20 year history of film making in New Zealand. The film is beautiful in so many aspects, from the special effects to the cinematography to the sets creating the world of Middle Earth. The film received 12 nominations at the Academy Awards and received 4 of them, a feat unheard of for an epic fantasy film. This is also the only “incomplete” film on the AFI list because there are no other “too be continued” stories. There are some films that are first and second parts (specifically The Godfather 1 and 2), but this is the only one that intentionally stopped with intent for the story to pick in the next film. With that being said, the sheer number of characters and the intended incomplete nature of the film makes it almost impossible to summarize without just going scene by scene. There are 100 movies on this list and I am not going to set any precedence that I will be doing that, so here is a very brief synopsis of what happens in this film without diving into too much of the lore concerning the rest of the trilogy or The Hobbit:

SPOILER WARNING!! I DON’T KNOW WHY IT IS NECESSARY ON THIS ONE, BUT I DO IT EVERY TIME AND I WANT TO BE CONSISTANT!! IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THIS BY NOW OR ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH THE STORY, THEN YOU ARE LIKELY VERY YOUNG, LIVE UNDER A ROCK, OR PURPOSEFULLY AVOIDING IT!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED SO I DON’T WANT TO GET ANY NOTES ON THIS ONE!!!

So here is the general outline, there was an evil guy named Sauron that gave out rings of power to the Elves, Dwarves, and Humans in a realm called Middle Earth. This land is a fantasy realm that has a mix of Dark Age castles mixed with monsters and human like races. It looks strangely like New Zealand through a lot of the country side. Coincidence I am sure. Anyway, Sauron tricked the different races because he kept for himself one ring to rule them all and bind the ones wearing the rings to him. This did not go over well so the humans, elves, and dwarves rose up and fought Sauron and his armies and were able to get the master ring during battle. There was a chance for them to destroy the ring but human corruption prevented this and the ring was eventually lost. It eventually ended up in the hands of a man that kept it close and allowed it to suck away his life until it was stolen by a small human-like creature named Bilbo Baggins. The ring was taken on many adventures (see The Hobbit films for this story) and it gave this little hobbit prolonged life, but it also became an addictive burden. Bilbo decided to go off and leave the ring for his nephew and this is where the story begins. I know, it’s a lot.

A wizard named Gandalf (Ian McKellen) comes to the hobbit village as Bilbo is leaving and makes sure the ring is left in the hands of the nephew Frodo (Elijah Wood). The wizard confirms the ring is the one that rules them all and reveals that Sauron is regaining power and wants the ring. For the safety of the shire, Frodo must take the ring to Rivendell, home of the Elves, to figure out what must be done. Gandalf has to take care of some business so some other hobbits - Sam (Sean Astin), Merry (Dominic Monaghan), and Pippin (Billy Boyd)  - get wrangled into the journey and the group of four go off to a local human town to meet Gandalf and continue forward. This short trip proves treacherous as the 9 humans that were given rings of power had been corrupted and turned into Nazgul that are attempting to track down the little group of hobbits. Gandalf does not show up, but the group run into a ranger named Strider at the human tavern and he helps fight off the ring wraiths. With the help of his elf girlfriend, Arwen, the group are able to make it to Rivendell where they are presumably safe for the time being.

A meeting is held at Rivendell and representatives of the different races all show up to decide what must be done. The ring must be destroyed so a fellowship to transfer the ring to Mount Doom is formed. It is made up of the four hobbits, Gandalf the wizard, an elf named Legolas (Orlando Bloom), Strider the Ranger who is actually a human king named Aragorn (Viggo Mortenson), a dwarf named Gimli (John Rhys-Davies), and another human named Boromir (Sean Bean). I have seen enough movies with Sean Bean as a side character to know that he is for sure going to die. It is only a matter of when.

So the group heads off toward Mount Doom and initially start by taking a path through snowy mountains but have to turn back and instead decide to go under the mountains. The dwarf is excited because he can visit his cousin who is king under the mountain. Alas, all they find is skeletons and an evil race created by Sauron called orcs. This race also seems to have other evil creatures enslaved including a cave troll. The Fellowship is chased through the bowels of the mountain until the orcs suddenly back off and the group finds something even worse, an ancient evil called a Balrog. Gandalf takes on the creature at a stone bridge and screams the now memed words “You shall not pass!” The Balrog falls into a pit but drags Gandalf down as well, reducing the number in the group by one wizard.

The group mourns the loss very briefly (and dramatically) before traveling to an elven forest where Frodo is told by a queen that he will have to take on the quest alone and that one of the fellowship will betray him. They continue on and it turns out that a wizard named Saruman that was corrupted by Sauron (confusingly close in name, I know), has created super buff orcs called Uruk-hai (pronounced “Orick Eye” all blended together) to hunt down the party. Boromir tries to take the ring from Frodo but immediately makes up for it by sacrificing himself to protect the hobbits from the super orcs. Sean Bean was kind of a bad guy and was killed. What a surprise. That actor really needs to find different roles or he is going to spend his entire career being type cast. 

Anyway, Frodo and Sam break away from the group to go off on their own, the other two hobbits are captured and taken by the orcs, and then Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli decide to track everybody down. To be continued.

This probably seems like quite a short synopsis for a 3 hour movie...but legitimately the movie is a visual spectacle in which not a lot happens. Most of the movie is traveling, fighting, introducing the lore of the world, and introducing characters. Not a whole lot of plot progression in this particular movie, but it sets the stage for the second film to be nothing but battle and progression (an hour long battle of Helm’s Deep which is amazing), while the last one is nothing but battles and resolution of every story line. It is an incredible trilogy and this is only the beginning and it had audiences drooling for more.

In fact, Peter Jackson films set the standard for special effects for the early 21st century. His team took home the Oscar for best visual effects in 2001 for Fellowship of the Ring, in 2002 for The Two Towers, in 2003 for The Return of the King, and in 2005 for King Kong. No film series with consecutive releases has done this except Lord of the Rings (not even with Star Wars, Marvel, and DC universe films coming out constantly).  The series really is something special. Attempts had been made to tell the trilogy as an animated movie, but no drawings could do the world justice. It took advanced computer graphics, motion capture technology, an expansive New Zealand countryside, a quirky director that had envisioned this world his whole life, and a dedicated cast and crew that was fully committed to the project. It is an amazing piece of filming.

If I have any complaints, it is that there is some really corny drama. The amount of times that Elijah Wood overacts in pain or despair is more digits than I have. Especially when the group is mourning the loss of Gandalf...it is kind of embarrassing. It is that “inconsolable parent who lost a child” acting with scream crying and shouts of “Noooooo!” It is all the hobbits, too, which doesn’t help that they are the size of children and are having a despair tantrum. Luckily they keep going and that is a one minute scene, but still it is embarrassing. Also, Frodo is stabbed and presumed dead twice. I can see why there were no nominations for best actor because it was not the best acting.

It is all made up for by the incredible battles. For me, it is the chase under the mountain with the orcs and the cave troll and the balrog. That is about 30 minutes of constant fight or flight that left me short of breath. I realized I kept forgetting to breath I was so mesmerized by the constant intensity. There is also a good amount of comedy since the hobbits are generally peaceful farmers and they don’t know how to (or want to) have adventures and keep messing things up. Pippin and Merry keep touching things that they shouldn’t and it brings all kinds of trouble. I think it is one of them that knocks some armor into a well that catches the attention of the orcs under the mountain.

Two specific scenes that I found memorable in that they are burned into my brain forever were the Nazgul fight and the appearance of the cave troll. The Nazgul are absolutely terrifying in that they have no face and have only one intent: kill whatever they are hunting. A good comparison would be to Dementors in the Harry Potter universe. The Nazgul are like Dementors with swords and armor. What is worse, Frodo can use the one ring to make him invisible, but it puts a target on him for the Nazgul and they come straight for him. They idea that you can’t hide from this evil and attempting to will make you stand out more is kind of horrific. I found the Nazgul truly disturbing. The cave troll is just awesome and huge. At no point was I worried for the team on this occasion because the wizard, elf, dwarf, and humans seemed undefeatable. It was more of curiosity about how they were going to handle this challenge. The detail of filming all the actors and sets so they were affected by the troll made the huge beast and the threat it posed in an enclosed space seamless. 

There was some question why this movie was on the AFI list and the other movies in the trilogy were not, especially with the third film winning 10 Oscars including best picture. It is because this was the watershed film that made the others possible. I got to see the film in the theatre and it was an experience like no other. I cannot think of a movie that had created such a complete fantasy world like LOTR and it made for a truly cinematic experience. I generally do not like movie theatres because people around me whom I have no control over can affect my experience and I am not normally willing to pay for that. However, the theatre I was in had tiered level seating that was graded enough so that nobody blocked my view and ample leg room that also prevented kicking from behind. It was a thing of beauty and I went and saw the other two films in the theatre as well. It was amazing.

So does this film deserve to be on the AFI 100? My goodness, I would think less of the AFI if it wasn’t. It changed audience expectations of what a movie could be and set the tone for the new millennium as far a big budget cinema. Would I recommend it? Please, I own it. If you come by my place and you haven’t seen it, then I will be happy to put aside 3 hours and watch it again with you. It is the easiest epic film to get through, in my opinion, and I don’t think you will be sorry to give up the time. Just a fantastic movie.

[masterfuldoodler]

Tag Game

Rules: Name your top 10 favorite characters from 10 different fandoms and tag 10 people.

Was tagged by: @redfirefox-55 so guess here we go! this gonna be so hard to choose but I'll try. might just settle for not TOP top because too much brain power. :( Also tagged by @festivepeppermint so I really need to finish this lol

Sora from Kingdom Hearts. I really like Sora's story, his personality, the role he fills in the story, and how he grows through the story. He's our main character and hero, but not really for any of the classic reasons. He wasn't "the chosen one" (he did become it, but that's too much detail for this) he isn't a super smart guy, he's not all that tough, even in the world he's in and the strength that's most important he lacks in. His heart is weak, but it's not his strength that makes him great. It's his will, determination, and compassion. He can see where the Light is and the path you need to walk to get there. And he is gonna walk it, and he'll drag everyone he can with him. And if they can't jump the cliff well then he'll give you a boost, even if that means he'll fall. He's a hero and he never wavers.

Samwise Gamgee from The Lord of the Rings. Sam is just a simple gardener, he works for the family his family has always been employed to, a happy man with his flowers and trees. When he gets swept up on this adventure that he had no idea would be anything like it was. Through that whole life-threatening adventure he was by Frodo's side as much as he could. Through the whole year they traveled together he only wavered twice in leaving him, once because he thought he was dead. The part he plays is so simple, but so important. Without him, Frodo would not have succeeded, there would have been no happy ending. Sam had one simple role "Don't you ever loose him, Samwise Gamgee." It may seem small, but he was faithful and loyal to the end, he followed him to the crack of Mount Doom and back. He followed him to the end of all things.

Alistair from Tales of the Goldstone Wood: Dragonwitch & Shadowhand. I really like the story for him, how he grows and what he does. Not only is he just one of those lovely types of characters, but he's a kind I really like. In a fantasy setting where there's faerie and humans it's important to show us why the human character is "human" but just as able as our magical character, and he's one of those characters very well done. He's very human, and maybe the best example of one. He has almost all of the best qualities (he's not a genius or anything, but he has his brains where they're needed) and plenty of their faults as well. And what I like about him is how he starts his story as an "okay" human. He's fine, there's many men better than him. But through his story he's pushed to be better and grows. You can see at the beginning he had those marks in his character but they're not present and there. But by the end you can really see why a faerie would tell him he's the only human he likes. He's that type of "stupid" character that really isn't dump, he just doesn't think too much before moving. Meaning he stumbles a lot, through sentences and hallways. But it's a loveable clumsy, and you like him better for it. And at the end of the day even though he's not thinking too well he's better at acting in the moment and doing the right thing, because he doesn't get hung up on how "the right thing" hurts him, it's the right thing.

Picket Longtreader from The Green Ember. Picket, he is my bunny son. Kind of like a different branch of Alistair's character growth we watch him grow as well. But he starts off at square one. We're introduced to a fussy boy and later we get boy who's become a man (or buck, since he's a rabbit) Through his story he's had a lot of rough things happen, many tough choices, sometimes he chose the right then, and maybe not. And because of that he grew and learned. He started out wishing he could be this great hero and by the end we see that great hero he's become, not because he strove for glory but because of the selfless acts he did, the fights he fought, and the lives he saved. I'm just so proud of this boy ;-;

Huon from The Great and Terrible Quest. Now, how does one describe this man? I can't really do that without spoilers so this is hard. Through the whole book, the whole time you're read it you're always surprised by him. At every turn he shows a different dimension to himself, and just when you thought you knew everything he pulls something else out. And the end of the book you go online and look up to see if there's a sequel because, you want to read more about this man! Huon is a real gentleman, and how every knight should be. He's a happy man, amuses many and laughs loud. He brings joy to those around him. But he cries as well. He allows himself and those around him to feel the emotions presented to them. He mourns for the pains of others and seeks to help them. And if he had a mind to do it, he will. Nothing you throw at him will hinder this man. Even death.

Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender. Do I even need to explain myself? Zuko, is a really good character. The story he has and the growth he goes through is very well executed. He was masterfully crafted, and you don't see many characters like him. What I love the most about him it that yeah he's a grouch, has a temper, and can just be unpleasant sometimes, but his good qualities and the side of him that we love wasn't something that he gained when he became good, he always had that. Zuko has always cared for other people, he's naturally kind. That trait just wasn't allowed to blossom and so it's a weaker trait. But the thing is it's always been there. And when he isn't spending all his energy and everything he has just to be loved he will do things for other people just, to be nice. This boy is determined and when he sets out to do something he gives it his all, risking his neck to accomplish his tasks. He's loyal and once he's decided he's for you he'll throw all that determination into helping you. All he needs is just some help setting him on the right path.

Patzu from Castle in the Sky. This lil son is just a big ball of fierce loyalty to the end. He'll do anything and risk everything for those he cares about. This young boy is trying to be a man and I think he's doing a fair job! He's just a loveable little passionate guy and deserves so much. He's kinda a simple character, but I love what they simply portray with him.

Howl from Howl's Moving Castle(movie). Howl is one of those loveable jerk characters. Yeah he's selfish, a coward and liar. But you just can't help but like him. He's a very dramatic and talented man, but under all his flamboyant clothes and mannerisms he's still a 11 yr old kid at heart. He never really grew up, and he gets just as excited as a kid would, and just as jerkish as a kid. He's just a little boy who needs a mom to love and take care of him.

Spike from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I stopped watching the show a few years ago, mostly because I didn't like the direction it was taking and I was busy. But! What Spike was like when I was watching it I really liked! He's a very underappreciated character, even in the show. And I feel like nobody really realizes just how much he helps and supports the other characters. He's very loyal and a great righthanded dragon. He just needs some more affirmation and love.

Artham from The Wingfeather Saga. I was really close to choosing Janner, but, I think I like Artham better. But once again I can't talk a lot about why I like him because spoilers. I love his attitude through the whole series, he's very protective and caring, and takes his duty very seriously. He's a terribly interesting character and you really want to learn more about him as we see him show up more. All around he's a great guy, and I really enjoyed his character. I wish I could say more but :/

You can probably tell now my favorite tropes in characters lol. All these stories are really good and I highly suggest you read/watch/play them! Except for My Little Pony, that wasn't that great.

Man I'm sorry that this took so long, I think I way over did it but, I felt I needed to explain why I chose them? Hopefully you'll at least enjoy reading my weird ramblings about why I like them, maybe make up for taking MONTHS.

Tagging: @echoheart0324 @honrupi @daylilydoodles @granny-griffin @squishidoodles @starsora @finchcritter @a-w-tuscany-archive @hero-of-dork @conquering-the-carnival @thetwilightroadtonightfall I'm not gonna force you to do this, it was hard enough for me, so only if you feel like it! And yeah, you don't have to do a blurb explaining why, you're good if all you wanna do is list em. I'm just stubborn and take every opportunity to ramble lol.

[writinginstardust]

Movie Night

Pairing: contains Tyler x Finian, Kal x Auri, and Scarlett x Cat x Zila

Request: @blossomtheterror asked “ Aurora rising - the squad has a LoTR marathon and Kal finally learns who Legolas is. ”

Warnings: a couple of bits of suggestive conversation, I think someone might swear? big-ass spider and mentions of fictional violence

A/N: Does what it says on the tin, the squad have a movie night. god i really loved writing this one and it gave me an excuse to rewatch lotr as well. it’s more of a general thing with just like a few moments of ship related content and I really need to do more of this casual found family bonding stuff because it’s great!

Word Count: 1944

*

"So you're telling me none of you have watched Lord of the Rings?" Auri was horrified.

"Tyler and I have," Scarlett offered. "I don't remember much of it though."

"This is unacceptable. We're watching them all tonight, I can't be around people who haven't seen them for another day."

"Technically tonight we're meant to…" Auri's hard look cut off whatever Tyler was going to say. "...We can reschedule I guess."

"Good. Kal and I will go find snacks and meet you in the common room at 5."

"So early?" Kal asked.

"We've got 9 hours of movie to get through so yes."

"Alright, see you guys in a couple of hours."

*

At exactly 5 the squad converged on the common room. Scarlett arrived early and managed to nab the big screen with the comfiest couches, quite possibly through a little persuasion if the awestruck look on the faces of a group of guys across the room was anything to go by. She grinned as everyone filed in and got comfortable, Cat coming to sit on one side of her and grumpily leaning her head on Scarlett’s shoulder. 

Kal and Auri claimed the second couch, curling up together only slightly uncomfortably. It was still new to them and they weren’t sure how to navigate everything but they were cute. Everyone thought so. That left Tyler and Fin with the pile of pillows and blankets dumped on the floor in front of Scarlett’s couch. The boys pouted at Scarlett but she wouldn’t be swayed and eventually they flopped down onto the floor. Scarlett prodded her brother’s head with a foot and giggled when he swatted it away, grumbling under his breath. 

The lights dimmed and sound blared, causing them all to wince as Zila frantically turned down the volume and offered a quick apology before crossing the space to curl up on the couch, half in Scarlett’s lap. She stole a blanket on her way over to the protests of the boys on the floor. Scarlett quickly silenced them both with light kicks and a glare when they turned around, her face softening when Zila finally settled against her and Cat curled in closer to fit under the blanket as well. Tyler rolled his eyes but didn’t complain further and settled down with Finian tucked under his arm.

With everyone finally settled comfortably, Zila pressed play and Auri shushed everyone loudly as the first whispers of Cate Blanchet’s ethereal voice started. She didn’t even follow her own command though and eagerly narrated and explained everything to Kal in excited whispers. No one really had it in them to complain though. That or they worried Kal might rip out their tongues if they said a word against her. 

Kal barely even watched the film, far too entranced by Auri, the passion in her voice, the glint in her eyes. He got the gist of it from her rambling anyway. Auri pointed frantically after about an hour and a half and Kal finally forced his eyes away from her and towards the screen in time to see a tall man with long, blond hair and pointed ears appear.

“That’s Legolas!” She proclaimed gleefully and Kal had to admit after a while of watching him, he could see why Aurora had made a link between them.

“You never told us you were an actor, Kal,” Finian said in mock offence.

“I can’t believe I’ve kissed a celebrity!” Tyler pretended to swoon and Kal felt his ears redden at the reminder of that time in the server room.

“What!?” Everyone’s attention turned from the movie to the boys and Finian scowled at his boyfriend.

“You kissed Kal!?” 

“Fin-” Tyler suddenly regretted dropping that on them all in that manner.

“And you didn’t invite me!? Maker, you think you know a guy...”

“Wait,” Scarlett piped up. “When did this happen?” She shoved him with her foot. “And why didn’t you tell me!?”

“On the Worldship. A tech was about to catch us in the server room and it was the first thing I could think of to stop our cover being blown.”

“I can assure you,” Kal looked between Auri and Fin to try and reassure them, “it meant nothing.”

Tyler gasped. “But baaabe,” he said, just managing to maintain a hurt pout through the bubble of laughter that threatened to escape him.

“So if I invited you-”

“Do not finish that question,” Tyler, Kal, and Auri all practically yelled in sync.

“Alright, fiiine. I guess I’ll just stick with Tyler.” Said boy pretended to look hurt but he knew better than to take what Fin said seriously. The devilish Batraskan grin aimed his way and the quick kiss he received only confirmed it.

“Okay, can you all shut up and watch the movie now?” Cat grumbled, the sound less threatening and quieter than normal with her face pressed into the crook of Scarlett’s neck. Still, they did as asked and focused back on the movie.

‘You have my sword. And my bow. And my axe.’

“And my freaky mind powers,” Auri continued with a grin

“And my wrench.”

“And my awesome pilot skills.”

“And my disruptor pistol,” Zila added, quite to the surprise of everyone.

“And my leadership skills.”

“And my powers of persuasion.”

“And his...well...him,” Auri said, gesturing to Kal. Everyone was starting to really get into the film and she was ecstatic. They all broke down laughing at their own ridiculousness and missed the Fellowship head off. Half an hour later there was yelling and popcorn was thrown at the screen.

“They did not just kill off Gandalf!” Cat exclaimed, royally pissed off and enjoying the film far more than she’d planned to. Maybe she was a bit more inclined to give the film a chance than usual since Scarlett seemed to be enjoying it so much. Scratch that, she was absolutely more inclined to give the film a chance because of that. Although, she knew she’d enjoy it anyway but it’s not like she could admit that to the others. Anyway she was not happy that the old wizard was gone now. Auri had to bite her tongue to avoid ruining anything for her and the others.

The film finally ended and everyone was mildly shocked. They had no idea Boromir was going to die. Auri and Fin were the only ones seemingly unaffected.

“You know, if I was trying to protect a bunch of Hobbits, I would simply not get shot in the chest three times. RIP to Boromir but I’m different.” Auri could barely contain her giggles as the rest of the squad scowled at Fin and Tyler shoved him gently. His death was too fresh for them it would seem.

“Alright get the next one on,” Cat demanded, unwilling to move and do it herself. Zila slipped off Scarlett’s lap instead and sorted out the next film. Disgust was voiced when Grima was introduced. Cheers erupted when Gandalf finally returned. And the squad discovered both the Jones twins had a knack for impersonating Gollum. Fin most definitely did not appreciate this particular talent, especially when, without warning, Tyler whispered an eerily accurate my precious directly in his ear. He nearly jumped out of his skin, fortunately managing to hold back a scream which at least slightly lessened his embarrassment.

“You’re going to pay for that golden boy.” He glared down at Tyler who was clutching his stomach while his body shook with laughter. Something disgustingly soft formed in Finian’s chest at the sight of Tyler so carefree and relaxed though.

“Worth it,” he wheezed. He managed to calm himself enough to grab Fin’s hand and tug him back down into his arms, still giggling softly into the older boy’s hair.

“You won’t be so pleased about that later,” Fin grumbled and Scarlett couldn’t help laughing.

“Looks like someone’s not getting any tonight. Bad luck baby brother.”

“Will you all shut up? I’m trying to watch sentient trees kick ass,” Cat complained.

“They’re called Ents,” Auri corrected absentmindedly but Cat just waved her hand dismissively.

By the end of The Two Towers Zila had fallen asleep in Scarlett’s arms and the rest of them were on the way to it. Auri crawled out of her comfortable spot curled into Kal’s side and put the last movie on.

Too tired now, the squad kept the comments to a minimum this time. Auri and - surprisingly - Cat shuddered when Gollum led the hobbits into Shelob’s lair and Cat actually hid her face in Scarlett’s shoulder. A comment about that was on the tip of several tongues but they all thought better of it. Cat would certainly kill them if they dared mention it.

Despite enjoying the film, probably more than everyone except Auri, Cat fell asleep soon after Sam escaped from the Orcs with Frodo and then Scarlett’s attention was no longer on the film. Technically she’d seen it anyway so it didn’t matter. She’d much rather enjoy the rare quiet contentment from a sleeping Cat and Zila than watch a movie. About 20 minutes later, she too fell asleep.

“Wait. There’s ghosts in this?” Kal questioned when Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas met the army of the dead. 

“Yep,” Auri said through a yawn. “It’s long and complicated but they’ll explain in a minute.”

“But ghosts…”

“Shut up Legolas,” she groaned lovingly. “Just wait. They’re very useful.” She fell asleep before their use could be revealed though and Kal cared more about gazing lovingly at her than the movie. No one made it to the end. Tyler and Kal got close but in the dark and the quiet even they couldn’t keep their eyes open any longer. 

In the morning, groggy and awoken by other Legionnaires coming in, Auri insisted they rewatch the end. Tears were shed. Even Cat and Finian were caught crying silently by the Jones twins.

“So, did you like it?” Auri asked when the screen finally faded to black. They all did.

“It was very enjoyable,” Kal admitted. “I...can understand why you call me Legolas now.”

“Do I get to keep doing it?”

“I think you would with or without my permission,” Kal smirked as Auri conceded that she probably would. “But I do not mind the nickname.”

“Good.” She kissed his cheek before taking his hand and standing up. “Now take me to breakfast, Legolas.”

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

“Almost definitely.” And then she dragged him from the room. Zila and Cat tugged Scarlett up as well and followed them out.

“You want breakfast?” Tyler asked Fin who was still laying on him.

“Depends. Are you on the menu.” He said it around a yawn and there was little of his usual teasing in it. Tyler just laughed. He leaned in closer and whispered in Fin’s ear with his best gollum impersonation again.

“Anything for you, my precious.” Fin lept up with a screech and Tyler was losing it again.

“I told you not to do that again.”

“Your face,” Tyler wheezed. “It’s still worth it.”

“You’re sleeping on your own tonight,” Finian grumbled.

“Oh come on.” Tyler stood and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend as they both left to catch up with the rest of the squad. He pulled out the smeagol voice he was also rather proud of. “It’s just a bit of fun, precious.” 

Finian jabbed an elbow into his side. “I should never have let Auri talk us into watching that. She’s created a monster.”

“Don’t be mad, precious.” 

“No. No. No. No. No.” Finian squirmed out of Tyler’s grasp and ran, Tyler’s laughter following him all the way down the hall.

*

Tag Lists: (send an ask if you want to be added!)

Everything: @wonderfilledness @writingbychelle @ad-astraaaa

Aurora Cycle: @aurising

[avantegarda]

Guess Who’s Coming to Mordor

(Another installment of my “Maglor Joins the Fellowship” Au

Listen, @most-definitely-human, @cherepashkadrabbles, @semperaeternumque, @mywoesaregranular, @whatstolkienherepeeps, @fat-flubber-seal ,and everyone else who was foolish enough to encourage me…I don’t know what you were expecting other than the fic equivalent of an episode of Saturday Night Live, but that’s what you’re getting.

–

First impressions were clearly unreliable; Elrond had originally seemed like a very sensible sort of person, and yet Frodo was beginning to suspect the lord of Rivendell was quite mad. Of course it made sense for an Elf to come along on the quest—it was only fair, after all—but was it necessary for Elrond to choose this one? Surely Glorfindel, or that prince from Mirkwood, or anyone really, would have been a better choice than the quiet dark-haired man Elrond had introduced, inexplicably, as his father.

Father, indeed. Frodo knew his history as well as anyone, and he recognized the name Maglor straightaway. 

“I know who you are, you know,” Frodo told him, the first time they were alone together. It was the night before the company was scheduled to leave, and Frodo felt it was high time he got everything out in the open.

“Well, that’s hardly surprising, considering we were just introduced,” Maglor replied. Even when speaking quietly, his voice had an otherworldly quality Frodo found distinctly unsettling. “I’d go so far as to say I know who you are as well.”

“No, I mean I know who you are. Perhaps you think we don’t learn history in the Shire, but Bilbo’s told me all about the First Age, and I know exactly what you and your family did. Everything.”

“Ah.” Maglor’s expression was unreadable. “Then perhaps you also know that I have spent the last two ages punishing myself for my family’s deeds.”

“By wandering about on the beach and moping?”

“That, and other things as well. Looking after orphans, fighting a few orcs—I haven’t been entirely idle, you know.”

“That’s as may be,” Frodo said skeptically. “But I’d still like to know why you agreed to come on this mission. I know you and Lord Elrond are…family, but it can’t be just as a favor to him. And I find it hard to believe your motives are completely altruistic.”

Maglor leaned back in his chair, tapping his long, elegant fingers together. “The truth, then?”

“I’d appreciate it.”

“The truth, Mr. Baggins, is that I am tired.”

Frodo blinked. “Tired?”

“Indeed. Quite unfathomably exhausted. I’ve spent the last 6,000 years wandering from place to place, never resting, never feeling that I am doing enough to make up for my past. This quest we are going on? This may be my last chance to do something genuinely good.” For a moment, he looked as though he was about to cry. “The truth is, Mr. Baggins, this may be my last chance to find a way home.”

Oddly, Frodo felt a spark of sympathy for this strange creature, separated from his home and family since before the sun and moon had first risen. What would it be like to be away from the Shire for that long? 

Well, he was soon to find out, he supposed.

“I understand that,” he said at last. “But how do I know I can trust you, around something as dangerous as…as what I am carrying?”

Maglor smiled, the first time Frodo had seen him do so. It was a surprisingly nice, though sad, smile. “Mr. Baggins, I threw one of the most valuable objects ever created into the ocean. I think I can manage to help you throw Sauron’s bloody trinket into a mountain.”

–

After much fuss and annoyance, Aragorn and Gimli had been persuaded to hand over their weapons before entering King Theoden’s presence. Maglor, standing behind them, looked nearly as reluctant as his companions had.

“You too, Master Elf,” the guard said. “Disarm yourself, please.”

Obediently, Maglor unhooked his sword belt, tossing it and his twin blades on the table. “There you are. Disarmed.”

“I said all your weapons, sir,” ordered the guard. “Do you think I’m blind?”

With a sigh that sounded like a wave crashing on the shore, Maglor pulled several small knives out of the top of his boots and handed them over. The guard nodded.

“Thank you, sir. Now…”

“Hold on, just a moment. I’m not quite done.” Digging about in his pack, his pockets, and his sleeves, Maglor extracted two small silver whistles, several hair-thin harp strings, something that appeared to be a tuning fork, and an unidentifiable instrument shaped like an hourglass, which he passed to the bewildered guard. “You did say all my weapons.”

“Sir, most of these are musical instruments,” the guard said, frowning. “They are not weapons.”

Maglor looked mildly offended. “Well, not with that attitude.”

–

“My stars,” Maglor said quietly. “Is that what I think it is?”

“A palantir, yes,” said Gandalf, carefully inspecting the dark stone that Wormtongue had thrown out the window. “One of the seven lost seeing-stones, capable of…”

“Yes, yes, Mithrandir, I know perfectly well what a palantir is,” Maglor interrupted. “They’re only a bloody family heirloom. Damned useful, too, when your family is spread out over half the continent and letters take about a year to be delivered. I always did wonder what became of the old things.”

“So it is true,” Gandalf said in awe. “The palantiri were created by Feanor.”

Maglor snorted. “Of course they were. Who else do you think could have had the skill and motivation to make them? Father had seven children to keep track of, you know, and this was really the only sensible way to do it. May I?” He held out a hand, and after a moment’s hesitation Gandalf gave him the stone.

“So this belonged to one of your brothers?” Pippin asked eagerly. “Which one was it?”

“That is just what I am trying to find out.” Maglor turned the stone in his hands and sang a few quick words in an ancient dialect of Quenya (and of those assembled, only Gandalf was able to recognize that they meant “turn on, you dratted thing”). For a moment nothing happened at all, before the stone lit up with a crimson glow and emitted a vaguely exasperated-sounding noise. Maglor smiled with satisfaction as it faded back to black.

“Ah, just as I thought. This one was Caranthir’s,” he said. “He’s been gone for two ages and his palantir is still annoyed about people calling him. And, where is it…ah, just there, you see that crack?” He indicated a hairline fissure barely visible in the stone’s dark surface. “That right there is from when I was visiting Caranthir and we quarrelled, and he threw this at me. Fortunately I ducked out of the way, but I thought it was going to bring down the fortress when it hit the wall. It’s funny, you know, Father created these things to be indestructible but he really didn’t bank on the force of Caranthir’s temper.”

Pippin shook his head. “It’s funny, you know, when Frodo and Bilbo are going on about the First Age one tends to imagine everyone being very solemn and dignified. Not going about chucking things at their brothers.”

Maglor smiled and patted Pippin on the head rather condescendingly. “Clearly, Mr. Took, you have been learning the wrong kind of history.”

–

Frodo’s worries that he would have no one other than Bilbo and Elrond to talk to on the long voyage to Valinor were assuaged as he and the others made their way onto the upper deck and saw who was already there.

“You!” Frodo exclaimed.

“You!” Maglor replied, smiling broadly and looking about a millennium younger (was it possible, Frodo wondered, for Elves to age in reverse?). “You’ll be coming along then, will you? I must say, I am rather on the fence about this journey. The last time I was on a ship was a thoroughly unpleasant experience, but then those were…unusual circumstances. I don’t expect we’ll have nearly as much trouble this time.”

“If we do have any trouble, I am throwing you overboard immediately,” Cirdan grumbled. “Elrond, are you quite certain you have thought this through?”

“Absolutely,” Elrond said firmly. “And if the Valar have any issues with my father returning home after everything he’s helped us accomplish, they can have it out with me.”

Elrond and Cirdan ushered Bilbo down to his cabin, while Frodo remained on the deck, taking an awkward seat beside Maglor. The breeze whipped around them as the ship began to move away from shore, and Frodo suddenly found himself unaccountably nervous.

“Maglor,” he said. “What is Valinor like?”

“Well, you know, I haven’t been there in some time,” Maglor said thoughtfully. “But from what I recall, it is a thoroughly fine place. Pleasant weather, good food, kind people. You and your uncle will be given a hero’s welcome, I can almost guarantee.”

“And you? What kind of welcome will you get?”

“I rather imagine there will be a long line of people waiting to slap me! But I can’t say I mind that so very much. I don’t particularly care what sort of welcome the general public gives me, as long as I can see my family again.” His smile faded slightly as the reality of their destination seemed to sink in. “Frodo, do you think…do you think it will have been enough? Do I have any chance at all of being forgiven?”

“Oh, honestly, Maglor,” Frodo said, rolling his eyes. “You helped lead the armies of Gondor and Rohan against Sauron, and you certainly saved my neck a time or two. If your family isn’t inclined to forgive you, I’ll have words with them myself.”

“You Hobbits,” Maglor laughed. “You certainly are fiercer than your appearance suggests. But there is one person I don’t think you’ll be able to defend me from.”

“Who’s that?”

“My mother.” Maglor shook his head, pushing a few errant curls off his forehead. “She’s going to kill me for being gone so long.”

[rhabakoli]

Infinite White - 8

The text Fenja translates is the letter Gandalf writes about Aragorn (i think to Frodo? not sure rn), per @finnickfoxes request. And since I am a true dumbass, I actually translated it myself, instead of just look it up. But I like my version better anyway. 

Previous chapters here.

Trigger warning: space talk. Anyone disagreeing with me will be blocked. 

Taglist:@dreamwritesimagines @i-am-always-famished @marauderskeeper @superwolfchild-fan @thescarsweleave @cgn-99 @alicedopey @alwaysadreamingoptimist @atlas-of-the-world @finnickfoxes @rmwest9 (i’m just gonna tag u now, scream if you don’t want to) 

**

“So, how’s his family? Did they suspect anything?”, Maeve asked. They were carrying their trays to their usual table, finally catching up with each others lifes. 

“They are nice. A bit touchy. His uncle asked me if I know UNO, and then he kinda… welcomed me to the family?”, Fenja answered and then shrugged. 

“They have quite a low standard to meet. They’d love you.” Maeve gave her a sour look, kicking at her. “You’re lucky my hands are full.” Her friend just grinned cheekily and dodged her half-assed attack. The mensa was filled with chatter, the sounds of dishes clattering and the occasional discussion escalating. “And did they say anything about your breakdown?” Maeve sat across her, cracking open her coke and taking a sip. “No, I don’t think they know.” Fenja halted, then looked up at her roommate. “Well, I think his mom might know. But she didn’t say anything.” Mave nodded and took a bite from her lunch. “That’s good, isn’t it?” Fenja shrugged, gaze focused on her plate. “As long as I don’t have to explain it to everyone, I’m fine.” “I think your man will be glad to do it for you, if you asked.” Fenja carefully tasted her soup, trying not to burn her tongue. Then, as she processed the words, she raised an eyebrow at Maeve. “Who?” “Ragnar.” “Ah.” She smacked her lips together, blissed out expression on her face. “Goddamn, that soup is delicious.” Suddenly, her spoon came up, pointing across the table, almost threatening. “Also, he’s not ‘my man’, where even did you get that from?” “He’s not?” “Nah.” Maeve shrugged, then ogled the bread on Fenja’s tray. “Can I have some?”

**

The lecture hall was packed, every single seat taken. Some poor souls were even sitting on the stairs, eager to listen in and maybe find some validation, and inspiration - who are we kidding, mainly they just wanted to hear that it would be worth it all and it’d get better. Fenja was sitting all the way up, last row, glad to even have found a seat. Half the literature department was here, some journalism majors too. “I heard she’s only doing this, because her husband is a Ragnarsson. Otherwise she’d never have gotten the spot.” Fenja scoffed, as she pulled out pen and paper, ready to take notes. Unfortunately, her neighbours heard her and turned. “You have something to say, honey?” Her eyes grew round, she twisted in her seat and shook her head. “No, sorry, I just misheard. I thought you said she only got the lecture because her husband’s a Ragnasson.” “Well, I did.” The guy leaned his forearm onto the back of his seat, his body angled towards her, chest puffed like a bird ready to dance. His friend mirrored him, twirling her thick long hair around her finger, smirking. “Which doesn’t make sense, to be honest. She’s been holding lectures and seminars even before she’d met him, so implying she’d need the help of a rich man is not only wrong, but also degrading to her, her achievements and other authors and writers that have made it by themselves.” He wanted to throw another comment in, probably just as entitled and ignorant as his first, when Fenja raised a hand to stop him. “I’m not interested in fumbled comebacks dragged from your misogynistic fathers mouth, so, let’s leave it be, yes?” “Listen, bitch-” “You better think of a new beginning for that sentence, because I can promise you this is not going to end well for you. I know for a fact that the dean is quite the feminist, and he does not tolerate such behaviour at all. I’d pull my head out of my bum, if I were you, because your view on the world is growing a bit old, don’t you think?” He opened and closed his mouth, looked like a fish on the dry, skin flushing. His friend was looking on with big eyes, absolutely shocked anyone would talk to him like that. “You will regret this-” He finally found his voice, anger radiating off him. Fenja sighed. “Listen, you educationally handicapped amoeba. I am not going to regret this, even if it gets me into trouble. Because I know for a fact, while I will have to sit through a serious conversation on properly handling my anger, you’ll have to face an angry dean about the way you view women and I bet you’ll get to go to a couple very educating lectures, which I doubt you’ll get credit for.” They now had enough, they were storming off, the girl tutting over him, while he almost rammed into Ragnar, who took a step to the side and watched them go. “Hey.” He gestured over his shoulder, into the direction the two asshats were fleeing. “What was that?” Fenja shrugged and sat properly, facing forward. Some of the professors were gathered by the podium, talking. She tried to get a good view, but a rather tall professor was in the way. Wait. She knew that back from somewhere. Also, that manbun beat her in UNO just last week. Ragnar sat next to her, typing away on his phone, when she poked him violently. He really felt that, even through the fluffy sweater he wore. Gods, did she have pointy fingers. He hastily grabbed her wrist, holding it so she couldn’t attack him again. “What?” “Is that your Uncle?” He followed her line of sight, chuckling. “Yep.” “What’s he doing here?” “He’s teaching, princess. He’s specialized on Viking history and Nordic religions.” He laughed at her face. Her mouth stood open, eyebrows raised and her breath left her with a silent “oh.” “By the way. Auntie asked me to tell you, that she’s in town all week, and I am supposed to drag you to dinner, so you can meet her.” Now, that really got her attention. “What?” She pointed down to the podium, where a small, dainty woman assumed position and straightened her papers. “You mean that auntie? The amazing, famous author/Journalist?” “Yep.” He’d really get himself bitch-slapped one day, if he continued to play down such important, impactful events. Fenja flailed in her seat, almost falling out of it. “You can’t just - what, I -” Ragnar caught her arm, pulling her back up like it was nothing. “Calm down. How about dinner this friday. Whole family will be there.” “Is that supposed to help me? In any way?”, she asked, her tone suggesting how it definitely did not help. “Bear too.” He grinned at her, chuckling at the speed at which her expression - her whole demeanor, really - shifted. “Okay.”

Down at the podium, Gala cleared her throat and welcomed them, introduced herself and explained why she was holding his lecture. Ragnar knew all of this, he had only come up here to deliver his aunts message. But Fenja was so cute, all attentive, eager to soak up whatever knowledge his aunt decided to share. How she sat there, focused, scribbling down notes and questions for later. She did it on seperate sheets, organized and thought-out. He watched her profile, let his eyes roam over her figure, how she was wrapped into a hoodie at least two sizes too big, how she had a foot up on the seat, and an arm wrapped around her knee, leaning into it. How she ran the flat of her thumb’s nail over her lower lip, - left, right, left again - lips slightly parted. He licked his lips, swallowing and then promptly snapped himself out of it. Shaking his head over his creepy staring and suddenly, uh… not-friendly mood, he turned to watch Gala talk about the struggles of writing, writer’s block and solutions that helped in her experience. The lecture took about an hour, with a Q&A session added. Here too, Fenja listened closely, checking questions already answered and noting them down. Ragnar caught himself staring again. He always had felt the need to kinda protect her, keep her close, in his arms, but- oh boy. Oooooh. He leaned back against the chair, crossed his arms and stubbornly stared ahead, until his aunt excused them and everyone was leaving. He’d have to talk to someone about this. Crap. Someone help him. He must have made a sound, because Fenja looked over, concern on her face. “Is everything okay?” “Yeah, I’m good.”

** “Okay, so, I’ve got some examples I need you to translate, please.”  Ingrid laid down papers in front of Fenja and sat. “We’re gonna implement this in the program, we need to get clear on pronunciation and grammar and stuff.”  Fenja looked down at the paper, then back at Ingrid. “That’s your example?”  “Yep.” This whole family, for real.   “Uh, you’re not gonna get accurate, actually used German that way, right?” It’s from Lord Of The Rings. The hell.  “It’s not about that, it’s just an example, a start. It’s about the words, not what it means in context.”  She nodded, then held her hand out for a pen. “You want me to do it on paper?”” Now it was Ingrids turn to shrug. “However you’d like, doesn’t make a big difference.”

It didn’t take Fenja too long to translate it, even when using old German, plush and polished words, to keep the feeling of the original. She caught Ingrid’s attention, as she put her pen down and leaned back in her chair. They were seated in the Ragnarsson library, spread all over the place with school stuff, research, Fenja’s papers for her essays and Ingrid’s paperwork for the Linguae Populi. “You wanna read it?”, the girl asked, and promptly put her chin into her hands, abandoning her work.  “Sure.” Fenja cleared her throat and took a deep breath.   In a sure, but soft tone, she read aloud:

“Nicht alles das Gold, funkelt; Nicht alle die wandern, verloren; Alt und stark nicht verdunkelt; Wurzeln in Tiefe nicht erfroren; Feuer aus Asche entsteht, wie Licht entspringt dem Schatten; Soll zerbarste Klinge nun heilen, Krone wieder auf Königs Haupte weilen.”

Fenja felt slightly uncomfortable under Ingrid's attentive gaze; she raked her fingers through her hair and looked down at the paper. “It's probably not perfect, and certainly not even close to the original translation, but I tried.” The girl stopped her immediately, waving a hand through the air and shaking her head adamantly. “no I'm sure it's absolutely fine.” “Sounded fine to me.”, Came from the door. “Dad!” Ingrid uncurled her legs, bound over to her father like a puppy and dove into his arms for a big old hug. “I didn't know you'd be home today! I thought you had a work trip to Ontario?” Ivar stroked his daughter's head as he looked down at her. “I sent your Uncle instead. Gala has some business there, so he'd have gone there anyway.” Piercing blue eyes fixed Fenja ij her seat, while Ingrid took her fathers free arm and pulled him over. “You speak german?” Fenja nodded, intimidated and shy. “My family came over during the war, and they never let anyone lose touch to their roots. They expect you to be fluent in german.” Ingrid pulled the paper with the translation over and showed him. “That's from Lord of the rings. She's a nerd.” “Then you must like her, no? Two peas in a pod?” He grinned playfully, his calm exterior and the way he bantered with his kid, put her at ease. He wasn't bad, in any way. He was just so… tall, and broad, and had this very hard and cold aura, if he wanted to. They talked for a while. Ivar asked her more about her family, if they came before the war, or if they lived through the harsh times there. Fenja tried to answer, even taught him a couple of words and phrases when he asked for it. Turns out, the big bad Ivar Ragnarsson was a very curious and eager-to-please puppy dog. Now it was obvious, where this part of Ragnar came from. Those two were so much alike.

**

Ragnar was minding his own business, concentrating on his work, as a body fell into the spot next to his and a phone was shoved into his face. “LOOK AT THIS!” He did. “What am I looking at?” Fenja grinned, eyes alight with excitement, her whole body vibrating with restless energy. “That's a photograph of a black hole!” She sounded so proud, you'd think she made it. Without having to prompt her, she started into an extended rant, explaining how and when, how big it was (very), and how she really wanted to go visit it (so damn much), and how it looked like Sauron’s eye (It really did, wow), and ‘what if there is some kind of alternate universe where hobbits exist and the black hole is actually a way to go there, or to look into other universes?!’ “You want to visit a black hole.” “Yep.” “You think it’s a way to an alternate Hobbit universe?” “Yep.” Ragnars eyes were skipping over her face, taking in the scrunched nose as she smiled, the tousled hair from her run over, the healthy color of her face, the twinkle in her eyes. She was so cute, this excited. So open, so warm. It was a glimpse of how she could have been, if her parents had survived; she'd be way less inclined to shut others out. He also noticed how close she was. Her arm was wrapped around his biceps, her front pressed into his side as she leaned against him, essentially hugging his arm, while she was still holding the phone up, her elbow on the desk in front of him, his forearm trapped under hers. “You’re crazy.”, he shook his head.  “That’s my best personality trait, that are you talking about?” “But I’m coming with you. No way you’re gonna survive there. Either you’ll eat yourself to death, or you set one foot there and collide with some monster.”  “It’s settled then.” She let go of his arm, laid her own arms and head on the table, face towards him. “Now the only things left are contact with aliens and society’s realization regarding Pluto’s wrong degradation from planet status.”  Ragnar knew better than to dive into that discussion. She was very passionate about space. Instead, he plucked a hair hanging from her lashes.  “But what if there are no aliens?”  Okay, he was weak. Don’t judge.  Fenja groaned, but didn’t move much. “People who honestly believe that we are the only ones out there, are either very stupid, ignorant, or just plain scared. I can respect scared cucumbers, because that means on some level at least they agree that we can’t be alone, that’s just not logical.”

They fell into a comfortable pattern, Fenja ranting, Ragnar working. Sometimes it was the other way around, sometimes it was almost completely silent between the two of them. It was like a bubble, a safe haven on campus. Other students usually tended to avoid the two of them, because rants could happen just about any time, and those two got really passionate, including flailing arms and sometimes even thrown pens. So, their table was a corner-table, but other than them, there were no others in close vicinity. 

No one wanted to be part of… whatever they had.

**

Part 9

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S1 Ep 38: Yugi Dies

Something I have to hand to Yugioh is that when stuff happens, a LOT happens at once. So, lets just get into it.

Things are getting a little smokey. Kind of unfortunate that Yugi’s hair resembles a five pointed leaf when there’s just…a lot of smoke that happens whenever the Shadow Realm comes around. But, I’m going to assume most people point out the purple urkle references immediately, so I don’t need to retread on that territory, right?

To be honest, if the shadow realm players really were vaping, they’d probably be way better off. It seems like a really anxious activity to be constantly opening the gates to hell every time you want to play some games.

And then out of no where--this happened:

What is that!?

His hair was already SO BAD and then it just...took off and flew away?

Listen, when I was kid and didn’t know anything about Yugioh, I saw a lot of attempts to draw Bakura, and I just assumed everyone was collectively drawing the same bad OC. I thought it was like a webcomic that I had never read that was purposely drawn wrong (I’ll be honest, I thought he was a Homestuck for a good while because I also haven’t read Homestuck). But no, it’s this TV show with a lot of professional artists on it who were like “hair wings? I like it.”

(read more under the cut)

So now I’m thinking, ah, Tristan will solve this by doing some sacrificial thing in a card duel or something. Like maybe offer up his own body by knocking himself out? Maybe saying “put me in a card instead of taking Mokuba” ?

nah.

They can’t actually show the punch I’m thinking, because of kid’s show reasons--but like, how did he hit him and pick up Mokuba at the same time? What happened? Why does Bakura look so thrilled that it happened?

Anyways, now Bakura has permanent brain damage. Well, even MORE permanent brain damage.

WOW, THEY FIGURED IT OUT.

I mean I’m not going to think that it’s permanently gone, especially since Bakura has a bit of a Frodo dilemma but...it’s not like there’s a ready active volcano on this island.

But ya, problem solved for now. Kind of. Honestly, I don’t know how good of an exorcist Tristan is, but it’s a good substitute for Pharaoh’s little band-aid solution.

Man, so many problems on this show are solved by punching.

Yugi’s situation is...very similar, actually. Pegasus has realized he can’t beat him unless he does a real quick exorcism. So, lets see if Yugi can fare any better.

I just realized I have no idea what is going on with Yugi’s collar. Why are there hooks on both sides? Shouldn’t one side have buttons? 

Anyway, now that the field can’t be observed, the peanut gallery desperately needs something to do.

Bro has told me that my biggest error in these recaps is that I make Joey sound too smart. I apologize for this, but for the record, I do think he’s smarter than Tea.

How strong is Tristan!?

After all that happened, watch Tristan just brush it off like it wasn’t that big of a deal.

WHY!?

We spent 3 episodes finding Mokuba and they just--they just left him behind? Couldn’t one of them have stayed behind!? What was the point of any of this if you were just going to leave Mokuba laying there?

Pegasus decides to be the only person in fiction that decides the best way to do an exorcism is to exorcise the original person and not the ghost. I mean, the ghost can’t posses someone that doesn’t exist anymore. It’s effective.

Also, unlike Tristan, Pegasus has a much better to way to go about it than chucking some kid at Yugi’s face.

Oh hey, it’s another Yugioh lore fact they never introduced before now!

Anyways, even at the risk of Yugi’s soul getting consumed by shadow realm in this toxic-aired environment, he can’t be bothered to play any faster. It’s like playing Carcassonne with my mom.

The hell? How have these guys never noticed their psychic link to Yugi before? Is it because they are never outside of 5 feet of their friend? Whatever, I’ll roll with it. It is one of the least weird things that has happened this season.

He’ll be fine.

Or not.

Anyways, time for a Pharaoh eulogy. That’s right. This guy. This asshole.

I do admit it is sad, but more in a pathetic way than in a “wow I really think Yugi is actually dead” kind of way. I mean, Yugi really is Pharaoh’s only link to the human outside world. The rest of the Yugi crew has only really known Pharaoh exists for like a day, and he was banished for about half of that time. Now, without Yugi, he’s back to being a lonely ghost of an ancient kingdom that doesn’t have Pharaoh’s anymore.

It’s very melodramatic and hammy, and I’m sure many pre-teens shed so many single tears and immediately made fan videos to the ironic tune of “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head.”

It’s probably the first time in this show I honestly felt something for Pharaoh, although I couldn’t stop laughing during the following scene because WOW, Did they seriously do a PIETA!?

I’m loosing my mind, it’s a freakin Peita!

For those not in the know of art history this is a freakin Peita:

Holy literal Mother of Joseph, it’s both a deep cut AND foreshadowing. This storyboarder! What balls it must take to do a freakin Pieta in your show--not as a joke--but completely seriously.

Man, I love it when people die in anime, especially when you know they’ll come back to life 75% of the time. The real question is, when he comes back, will there be any actual consequences?

Pegasus takes the opportunity to immediately dunk on Pharaoh, by saying something along the lines of “Wow, I’m very impressed by how quickly you let that kid die.”

I mean, they have to something with their time.

Next week, on Yugioh:

Will Tea figure out that if she falls into the same portal several times, she can launch herself up to the rafters? Will Pharaoh have to figure out how to do an proper burial ceremony for Yugi that doesn’t involve removing your brains through your nose? Did all of Kaiba Corp’s VP’s fall asleep or are they actually following what’s happening here?

[tessatechaitea]

Batman Loves Superman #1

Batman teams up with a Superman pencil topper?

When did Perry White become interested in Batman and Gotham stories? Oh, that's right. When Joshua Williamson began writing him. Oh, and what editor puts a fucking exclamation point in their headline? Even "Dewey Beats Truman" didn't have any punctuation!

If Jimmy Oleson can get a picture of Batman from that angle, then somebody needs to begin investigating Jimmy Oleson. He might be Superman. It's going to take me all night to read this one comic book if I keep getting bogged down in the details. Although the details are where all the fun is! The plot probably won't even be worth mentioning. I can probably state it right now without even reading the comic book! "The Batman Who Laughs introduces some kind of virus into the DC Universe which begins infecting heroes whom Batman and Superman need to sniff out and inject with Bat-Antidote." That's pretty much what the cover said and I don't expect it to get any more complicated. While Clark is at work surrounded by his fellow employees (and employer!), Batman calls for Superman's help. Instead of excusing himself from the room, he simply disappears at super speed. I mean, he's fast so nobody will notice that he left without anybody noticing him leaving! Plus, Clark Kent's persona is so boring that I guess everybody just shrugs and thinks, "Was he even here? Who knows? *YAWN*".

The second page and Williamson is already losing me by having Superman engage in trite comic book philosophy. Think up better reasons for Superman to be better, you lazy jerk.

"You know why I don't punch people on the street? Because then I'd be like people who punch people on the street!" is a pretty lazy code of ethics. Even "I don't punch people on the street because I don't want to be punched on the street" would be better and even that's pretty much the bare minimum of being a good person. How about Superman doesn't treat bad guys like they treat people because he follows the teachings of Jesus, especially the bit about how the man with no sin should cast the first stone. And, no, that doesn't mean righteous people get to act like assholes, Tumblr. It means everybody should have a chance to redeem themselves and their past horrible behavior. It's an anti-death penalty statement made at a public execution. And it's not because Jesus doesn't want people to become like the convicted! It's because he understands that everybody throwing rocks has, at some point, done something for which they've needed forgiveness. And the only way to get forgiveness is to earn it through works and actions. And you can't do that if a bunch of self-righteous assholes on Twitter murder you with stones. Fucking, Jesus, man. It's weird that I totally get what you're saying but I don't believe in you at all and there are millions of people who don't fucking understand you one bit but claim you as their Lord and Savior. If you're not religious, just replace "Jesus" with "Gandalf" in the prior exchange and remember that Gandalf's lecture to Frodo about how we can't give life so why do we feel so quick to take life away is the reason Gollum survives to destroy the One Ring. Mercy and compassion and forgiveness are the only ways to allow for redemption. Oh, sure, Gollum never really redeems himself and the One Ring is only destroyed because Gollum is a greedy and clumsy asshole! But I think you're supposed to kind of ignore that part and just realize without him, Frodo would have become just as greedy but way less clumsy and Sauron would have won. Anyway, that was Earth-Negative-Whatever's Superman thinking that trite bullshit so maybe I can let it go! I'm sure the Superman of Earth-Positive-0 has way more complex thoughts about moral superiority! Earth-Positive-0 Superman has been called to Gotham by Batman to discuss The Batman Who Laughs and his special serum. I didn't read The Batman Who Laughs but I assume Batman defeated The Batman Who Laughs in it. But it was close and Batman was forced to consider what could happen to the world if he ever stepped over that line! You know the line! Superman just said it in my previous scan! The line that Batman uses to prove that Batman doesn't believe in justice at all; he's just trying to keep from becoming a serial killer one day at a time.

Ugh. I forgot that in Batman Loves Superman comic books, we're subjected to this kind of constant Narrationg Boxing. And the more mediocre the writer, the more intolerable the "playful" thought exchanges.

Commissioner Gordon sends Batman and Superman on a mission to save some kid that was apparently kidnapped by a Superman Who Laughs. After Batman and Superman leave, Gordon laughs. Not much but it's a slight laugh. So I guess I'm supposed to suspect anybody who laughs is evil now? I guess I'll have to kill myself to save all of my loved ones from my gregarious personality! I'm a monster!

This is a trick question, right? More to the point, "What could Superman do that wouldn't stop Batman?!" I can think of about five thousand ways that Superman could stop Batman without even having thought about it before! They just all came to me as soon as Batman asked the question!

I get it. Readers of DC have been trained to believe that nobody can stop Batman. Batman always has a plan. Batman is always prepared. Batman will, if he has to, kill Superman to save the world. Except we also know that Batman won't kill or else that will make him no better than the bad guys! And if we assume that in the final battle between Batman and Superman that Batman will finally kill, maybe we should assume Superman will as well. And maybe we should assume that Superman isn't as naive as Batman thinks he is and that Superman will be killed by Batman in a surprise attack (like how the Batman Who Laughs kills his world's Superman in the beginning of this issue). Maybe Superman will just fly into space and incinerate Batman with his laser vision from orbit. Or maybe Superman will suck all of the oxygen out of a ten mile radius around Batman, knocking him (and everything else) unconscious after which Superman will eat his heart. Or maybe he'll just throw his unconscious body into the Phantom Zone. That's more Superman's way than the heart eating thing. That's more my thing, I guess, since I laugh so much I must be a truly sinister fuckmonster. Batman winning the fight against Superman always has enough presuppositions in Batman's favor that everybody simply believes Batman can defeat Superman, any time and any place. But more to the point, Batman will probably always beat Superman because that seems to be the more challenging story for a writer to write. And they always want to attempt the more challenging story! I'd like to say more surprising too but, at this point in DC history, it would be more surprising if a writer chose to let Superman win. You know how Batman has prepared to take out any other hero if they go bad? What if Superman has used his x-ray vision to give Batman super cancer that can be activated with one more small blip of x-ray vision, leading to Batman's ultimate demise. Sure, it'll probably take about six months but Superman can just hide in a quasar until then. I bet the residents of Kandor aren't actually dead! I bet Superman implanted them in Batman so they can end him at any time! They probably live rent free in Batman's brain! If I don't stop, I'm just going to list all five thousand ways I figure Superman can kill Batman. I should probably keep the other four thousand, nine hundred, and ninety six ways of stopping Batman for future Batman Loves Superman commentaries. Batman keeps pressing Superman about Superman's "What if Batman turns evil?" contingency plan. Batman is such a narcissist. What makes him think Superman would have any trouble stopping him?! I bet he's already given Alfred some special Kryptonian tea which causes impotence whenever the person who drinks it is around kryptonite which Batman surely noticed by now so he never has any kryptonite on him when he's out whoring around as Bruce Wayne which is when Superman will strike. Four thousand, nine hundred and ninety five ways left!

"Oh, uh, right. Sentimental!" replies Batman as he positions his bat cape to hide his bat boner caused by thinking about his sex toys.

Batman and Superman discover a mold for six batarangs which obviously means The Batman Who Laughed only made six batarangs with which to infect six heroes with Batman Who Laughs juice. And I'm sure they can only be used once because that makes it easy to follow the plot. Save six heroes and Batman and Superman win! And the first hero they need to save is Captain Marvel. Or is it Shazam now? I mean, it shouldn't be Shazam because then Billy Batson can't say his own superhero name without killing the power across several city blocks.

Of course Captain Marvel can kick Superman's ass. Captain Marvel is magic! But then again, he's also an inexperienced child. But then again, Superman wouldn't want to hurt a poor innocent child! So see? This fight is already more exciting than a Superman/Batman match-up where Batman would be a pile of ashes/broken bones/cancer in seconds!

I just remembered that this issue was called "Who are the Secret Six?" At first I thought, "Oh boy! The Secret Six will be guest stars. But then I realized, "Oh, see? Finding a mold that can make six batarangs at once obviously means it was just used once and only six heroes have been turned. I hope the big surprise will be Batman and Superman getting killed by six more turned heroes just when they let their guards down." Batman Loves Superman #1 Rating: C. It gets an average grade because it's exactly what I expected written exactly as averagely as I expected plodding the same old Batman Loves Superman ground as I expected. And while I might normally drop the series, I'd forgotten how much fun it is to write about a comic book that I'm completely biased against! Hey, at least I admit it! Try reading one of those other comic book review sites that think they're objective and just see how much fucking garbage they'll recommend to you. I mean, the Weird Science blog loved Neal Adams Deadman comic book! At least for a few issues before they could no longer make excuses for how thoroughly fucking awful it was! At least my review began with, "Holy fucking shit I think I just found the anti-Bible!" Or words to that effect. It would be narcissistic for me to remember every single word I've ever written!

[shirtlesssammy]

Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell: Savor it because we won’t see Cas for over a month Recap

Then:

In which writer, Davey Perez, continues to ascend to the Fan Throne of Goodness vacated by the much missed Robbie Thompson.

Now:

On a camping excursion in the wilds of Nebraska, a young woman, Gwen, attempts to split firewood against the grain, her boyfriend, Marcus, is busy watching nature on his iPad, and the audience realizes -with or without monsters- this cute city couple is DOOMED. Before their imminent demise, they talk about her acceptance to a veterinary school out-of-state, and the ability to make a long-distance relationship work. On the premise of getting more firewood, the boyfriend wanders away to practice his proposal speech. Gwen stumbles upon the ring. And unfortunately for Marcus, a hellhound stumbles upon him! He just makes it back to camp before getting shredding to pieces. Gwen stands paralyzed but eventually gets the wherewithal to slash the invisible beast with the ax (also against the grain --the hellhound lived, even if Gwen escaped.)

RIP Marcus.

At the bunker, Sam and Dean and Lucille are just getting back from an epic hunting trip. (Fun Fact: Boris had to stop watching The Walking Dead just when Papa Winchester showed up. Too many sads.) It seems Sam keeps finding new jobs through a new computer program, aka, Frodo, aka, Mick Davies. So I see Sam hasn’t told his brother of his little allegiance yet. Dean’s ready to go, after all he has baby wipes in the car to remove any residual siren gunk, but Sam insists he shower first.

Dean acquiesces but insists he’s going to use Sam’s fancy shampoo in retaliation. (Boris is willing to hand-wave Dean’s lack of cleanliness for himself due to his overwhelming need to hunt and forget about his mom issues, but getting monster gunk in Baby? That cannot stand.)

The boys make it to the scene of Marcus’s demise, finishing phone calls as they exit Baby. Sam (talking to his mom): “Let us know.” Dean (talking to Cas): “Love you too.” Oh wait, scratch that, reverse it. Sam fills Dean in on their mom’s recent hunt with the Brits. Dean fills Sam in on more angel killings (like, doesn’t that warrant a drop-everything-and-help-Cas situation? Finding the nephilim seems WAY more time sensitive than bear attacks, but don’t mind me, I’m just a bitter Cas girl.) (Natasha: raises hand in solidarity.)

Speaking of Cas, or Agent Solange...

He’s at a diner, investigating the death of a waitress. Herb, the diner’s manager, believes she was killed by a Reptilian alien, you know, like the Queen of England. Cas is dismissive but Herb has proof and pulls out a tape! Man, this whole scene played like a goofier episode of The X-Files. It gave me happy feels. It also reminded me of Ronald Reznick and Mandroids. (And I love the silly reference to Misha Collin’s weird thing with the Queen.) In any event, they watch the video, which consists of Kelly Kline’s confrontation with angels and her rescue by Dagon, and her yellow eyes. “Like I said, reptilian,” Herb confirms. Cas takes the tape and leaves.

At the campsite, Sam and Dean hear about Gwen’s strange account of the attack. They were attacked by an invisible wolf. “Invisible dog. Sounds like a hellhound to me,” Dean concludes, and Sam agrees, as they head out to interview Gwen.

Once at Gwen’s house, the brothers disagree on how they should explain the situation. The much handsomer brother spitballs telling her the whole disturbing and unbelievable truth, but Sam says they just need to lie, a lot.

Of course, by letting in Agents Clapton and Baker, Gwen unknowingly lets in the hellhound. They tell her that a bear killed her boyfriend. She is not in danger, but Gwen doesn’t believe them, and tells them to leave. And the hellhound attacks! Sam and Dean burst in and shoot the hound, but it escapes out the window.

Crowley. Oh Crowley, what are you doing with Lucifer? You’re a smart demon, Fergus. But this seems...ill-advised. Yet he continues to hold Lucifer prisoner and taunt him. Lucifer isn’t too concerned. “I’m still gonna peel off your skin and eat your soul.” Lucifer makes it clear that they both know that the chains that hold him are just a temporary situation. “I’m already 10 steps ahead,” Crowley reassures the audience. He then meets with Demon #1 and #2. There’s a lot of Hell business to handle.

Back at Gwen’s, Sam and Dean tell her the whole disturbing and unbelievable truth --a hellhound just attacked her. Dean’s admission that they’ve tangled with hellhounds in the past is an understatement. *crying in corner over sad season 3 feels* The boys tell her that hellhounds only go after people who have sold their soul to a demon. They ask her to recall anything in her past or Marcus’s that they might have done unknowingly. Her answer is a firm “No.” The brothers call in the big guns for a conundrum like this: Crowley.

Summary: Dean calls Crowley “Peaches”, and Crowley is still pissed about the whole Gavin thing. Dean asks about the hellhounds and Demon #1 and #2 admit that Ramsey escaped. Crowley pops over to the brothers without hesitation.

Outside the diner a new angel, Kelvin, confronts Castiel. He’s looking for Kelly Kline as well and suggests that they partner up.

Back at Gwen’s house, Crowley unhelpfully introduces the hellhound as “THE Hellhound.” Sam squints inquisitively. Well, God created posies, koalas...

...and hellhounds! He wanted to make God’s best friend but ended up with a vicious beast instead. Rather than killing all the hounds, Lucifer rescued Ramsey, a pregnant hellhound. Loyal to her first master, she’s the one hound Crowley has never been able to control. As to why this wayward hound is after Gwen? Well, she did whack it with an axe. You could say that hound has an “axe to grind.” (Shows myself out.) Everybody looks exasperated at Gwen when instead, IMO, they should be high fiving Gwen’s bad ass self for sticking an axe in a hellhound and surviving the encounter. Anyway, everybody - even Crowley - is ready to saddle up and put an end to Ramsey.

“That mutt’s head, mounted on my wall - good for the brand,” Crowley says, explaining his participation.

“A hellhound gunning for revenge,” Dean snarks. “Just when I thought this gig couldn’t get any weirder.”

“It can always get weirder,” Crowley tells him, weirdly. (I APPROVE of this message and also your weirdly significant look, Crowley...and by extension Andrew Dabb / Davy Perez?? That is a damn fine motto right there.)

Back in Crowley’s palace, two demons open up Lucifer’s cell with a key they purloined from Crowley’s pocket. They walk in to find Lucifer trussed up and mouth gagged. 

(At this point there was a commercial break during the broadcast. I feel compelled to tell you that I spent the whole commercial break cursing Crowley’s stupidity for locking Lucifer up with simple chains that open with a key. Crowley! Who is always so clever when it comes to self-preservation. Anyway.)

The two minions immediately begin fawning over Lucifer - and complaining about Crowley. He killed everyone involved in “the cage project.”. Minions 1 and 2 set Ramsey free as a distraction so they could bust Lucifer out.

Back in the woods Dean pulls out two holy-fire-treated pairs of eyeglasses. Dean and Crowley will patrol the woods for Ramsey while Sam drives around with Gwen in the Impala.

Dean settles a soulful look on Sammy. “Take care of her,” he implores. Oh Dean, you big soft package of cotton candy! Don’t worry! The Winchesters always find a way to save the day! While we’re all clutching at our hearts, Sam realizes that Dean was referring to Baby - not scared little axe-swinging, hellhound mauling Gwen. “Imagine she’s a beautiful woman,” Dean tells him. (The rest of us: side eye.) Okay, great talk, Dean. He heads off into the woods with Crowley as Sam drives away.

Boomeranging back to Castiel, he’s parked in a bar with Kelvin sipping waters. (Bartenders must HATE angels.) Heaven’s running along in an orderly fashion but the angels want him back to help with their nephilim problem. Castiel has the most field experience, after all. 

“I think you overestimate me,” Cas says, profoundly underestimating himself (as is his way lately).

Kelvin begs to differ and suggests that having Heaven waiting in the wings when the wee human Winchesters fail is just smart strategy. Plus, as a bonus, if Cas does Heaven a solid then he can go back to coming and going as he pleases. Cas doubts Kelvin’s ability to actually follow through on any of the promises he’s spinning, so Kelvin drops his power card. Kelvin is just a messenger from Heaven - Joshua can restore Cas to his rightful place in Heaven. Go on, emotes Cas, turning towards Kelvin.

“Imagine it, Castiel. For you to come and go as you please. Part of your family - your true family again.” Cas looks at him in consideration. (Me: Noooooooo Cas!)

Back in the palace, Lucifer is suffering through the worst Hell-torture of all: irritating minions. They finally finish outlining their list of demands. Well, one of them has a long list of demands. All that Minion #2 cares about is “Making Hell great again.” (Me: laugh cries)

At last they unlock Lucifer. Stupid STUPID minions. Minion 1 disintegrates in a puff of fire and ash. Minion 2 offers himself up. “My life is yours to devour!”

Lucifer: “See, now you just made it weird.” POOF.

In the woods on the hellhound hunt, Crowley flirts with Dean. He’s all “those glasses bring out your eyes” and “remember that fivesome we had when you were a demon?”

Dean and Crowley marvel at a Winchester and the King of Hell working together yet again. “You saved Cas,” Dean says, at last thanking Crowley for saving the day a few episodes ago.

“Just to spare myself the Winchester man pain,” Crowley snarks.

Dean sees something in the woods - it’s Gwen’s boyfriend’s body, dragged back to Ramsey’s den. The hellhound’s den is empty!

For Science

And back to the Impala, where Sam drives along merrily with Gwen who succumbs to the Impala’s magical confession and introspection powers. “This is all my fault,” she mourns. She asks Sam to pull over so she can vomit. When she returns she confesses that she wanted to break up with her boyfriend, but she still acted like everything was perfect between them. “Why couldn’t I just tell him the truth? I lied to make things easier.”

Sam weeps along with her (internally) and reflects upon his own lying lies with Dean. He finally pulls himself out of his miserable slump and looks up to see Ramsey snarling in front of them. (Me: Hit it with the car, Sam! Wouldn’t be the first dog, amirite?)

Ramsey busts up Baby a bit, then Sam grabs an angel blade and heads out to kill the dog. The glasses get knocked off of his face during a scuffle and things look bad for our hero. Then Gwen comes out and knocks the hellhound off of Sam like a fucking bad ass.

This gives Sam just the distraction needed to climb to his feet. When the hound rushes him again, he stabs her with the blade, killing her.

When the four regroup, Dean castigates Sam for his damaged car. A relieved Gwen gives Crowley a giant happy bunny hug. Sam thanks Crowley with actual words and feelings and Crowley zaps out. “He seems nice,” Gwen says, chirpily.

Crowley heads straight for the palace where Lucifer’s torture chair is empty! He finds Luci in his throne room. I’m yelling ZAP OUTTA THERE CROWLEY WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU when Crowley snaps his fingers and Lucifer’s magical archangel wings fizzle out.

“I’m always ten steps ahead,” Crowley reminds Lucifer. He had his vessel fixed up and heavily warded. Lucifer’s meatsuit is his prison! (Me: punches air in joy at this development) Just as Crowley learned not to underestimate the Winchesters, Lucifer really has to learn not to underestimate the MacLeods.

Crowley dusts off his hands, steps over a whimpering Lucifer, and settles onto his throne. Crowley’s going to rip apart Lucifer’s child in front of him, and then he’s going to continue his revenge. (I’m guessing with more torture-by-irritating-minion.)

Elsewhere, the boys are just making it back to the bunker when Cas calls. He has a lead on Kelly Kline. (Hooray!) Cut to Cas, getting out of his truck and walking into...fuuuuuuuck...a playground. While I’m freaking out, Cas tells the boys about Dagon.

They hang up and Dean frowns at the phone. “He sound weird to you?” Dean, your worried husband rader is SPOT ON.

There’s no time to reflect on that, however. Sam gets an alert from the Men of Letters about another case. He decides to come clean to Dean, telling him that instead of a computer program feeding him cases, he’s been getting jobs from the BMoL. Sam tries to explain his position and apologizes for lying to Dean.

Dean hates it, but he agrees that they work with people they don’t trust all the time. Hell, they just worked with Crowley. So he’ll work with them on one condition: the second something feels off they both bail.

The phone rings again. “It’s Mick,” Sam says, holding up his phone.

“Pick it up,” Dean says, not radiating any kind of deep man pain at all.

Boris: Overall, on the surface, I felt like things were a bit off this episode. Dean seems to be taking all these lies and deceptions really well. What’s he thinking? Is he going along with Sam and Mary because he doesn’t want to lose them? Suddenly Sam has another family member to choose--and in a way he picked a side. Dean’s gut instinct is usually right --so it hurts to see him cave so easily to Sam and Mary.  And Cas? I want to believe that he went to heaven for one final goodbye. Can he find a way to use the angels to TFW’s advantage? So much hasn’t been said after his big confession. He’s said and done SO much for the Winchesters this season, but there’s been very little given to him in return. And, I’m totally on board for cleaning up the ridiculous Lucifer Meatsuit improbability. I just thought it was such a stupid reason for it, but to have Crowley be 10 steps ahead of Lucifer is satisfying to watch. And Sam saved the flipping day again! And started the trials again? He killed a hellhound. I realize it’s nbd for them these days, but it’s, uh, really not.

Natasha: Sam didn’t do the incantation, so no trials. I thought Dean was shocked about Sam’s news - bitter and worried, but also respecting Sam’s right to make his own choices. He’s probably going to angry fix his car the first chance he gets. I agree that Cas trying to get back into Heaven’s good graces is a tired storyline by this point. What I’m hoping is that Cas appears to agree because he sees the tactical advantage of using Heaven’s resources. After all, he just saw two angels confront Kelly Kline...they must have some resource that’s beyond him to find her. Furthermore, he seems intrigued by Joshua’s involvement. I think Cas wants to know who’s on the game board. I’m hoping that Cas gathers intel and heads down to the Winchesters when he’s put together a solid plan. However, there are definitely parallels between the Winchesters/BMoL and Cas/Heaven in terms of our heroes working with people they don’t trust, but that might help them achieve their goals in an efficient manner. Given that Cas is gone for the next 3 episodes leaves us with a ton of questions about what could explain his absence. And the fact that he isn’t telling the Winchesters a thing is breaking my fuckin’ heart.

Who’s a good Quote?

It’s two and two. Doesn't count if you flip ‘em inside out.

Computers. Monsters? Porn? Is there anything they can’t do?

Most sheeple can’t handle the truth. But not me. I’m woke.

Who ya gonna call? Douchebusters.

The FBI, the Man in Black. Well, you know, Beige.

[dmoftheapocalypse]

Campaign Diary 1; Trouble in Westbridge

@dargon899 and @ominouswalrus you’re more than welcome to read but I have dm noted throughout marked obviously lol so DON’T READ OR YOU WILL HAVE THE WRATH OF GOD DOWN ON YOU lol

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After the long and hard battle of Dellmon Ranch the group was successful against the army of Orcs using the disasters and disturbance from the activity of the Cults to sweep the land for their tribes. They headed back to the small village of Beliard where they gained a few horses and headed back on the road. Heading northwest on The Stone Trail towards Westbridge.

They traveled relatively fine, though coming close to Westbridge they had a run in with a mystery group following them for a bit though when they tried to talk and they never seemed to get closer. Naivara thought maybe mirror images and it confused the others and they decided to forget them and head into Westbridge.

Westbridge a decently sized and somewhat rustic looking village on the middle of the main travel road, the Long Road (basically a medieval highway). It’s grown in size as of the last decade or so as it’s been taking over by a Halfling businessman Ghaliver Longstocking.

Getting to Westbridge they head on to the largest building, the three story Harvest Inn. They ended up meeting a talking with the owner of the Inn, a curly haired Halfling man named Hervin Dardragon with a big personality. They chatted for awhile where found out that a noble is coming threw town soon and that a group of black cloaked “bandits” that took over the town a few tendays (Faerun’s versions of a week it’s just 10 days not 7, hence tendays) but a group of a few adventures took them out not long after, as well as some problems within town with supplies going missing. Though a supposed Halfling and large Half-Orc men fellow was trying to figure it out.

Before finding out any more the noble arrived and people headed out to greet him. He was a Dwarven Noble named Lord Fallgal and apparently a good friend of Hervin. It want long as it was late before people began heading home and through group headed to the Inn except Morogash who decided to stay behind everything watching expecting something to happen. And Faldorn. Hervin, Lord Fallgal and Faldorn and quick chat and Morogash over heard something about a talk in the morning. After they headed back in Morogash headed to the back following the old man driver moving the horses and caravan to the back to put the horses in the stables, and finding a back window to the third floor room that the Lord was staying in.

Inside Naivara mentions to the others that she thinks everything went too smoothly and in suspious as well and decides to send in her familiar turned spider over night to watch just in case. Nyx finds out Faldorn was chatting with the Lord and is worried he’s hiding things and when they go to bed (as they always share a room, Nyx in a drawer while Faldorn has the bed) she asks him and because of a very high deception roll from Faldorn she believes him.

In the morning Faldorn sneaks out to meet up with the noble again in the morning where H341 was “sleeping” outside (He’s a Warforged so you know sentry mode lol). Though doing everything everyone says he doesn’t do anything about it after Faldorn tells him not to worry. Naivara checks in with her familiar and sees nothing happened with the noble overnight and then hears Faldorn down and sends her familiar to see what’s happening only to find out that Faldorn has left with the noble.

There’s a panic argument downstairs when she wakes everyone up to tell them. They are told he left a note saying something came up I’ll meet you all in Red Larch. They were interrupted with they’re angry argument by Hervin bring coffee to the “not really morning people” group all while another Halfling man playing a lute comes in.

[DM NOTES] Honestly fully expected them to chase after Faldorn with they’re horses and see what was going on.. but they didn’t which was nice tbh haha [END]

But introducing Frodo Bardgins a Halfling Bard played by Paige (switched out Faldorn for the moment) that’s from another campaign. Mainly because she wanted to play him again just for a small thing.

After some talking which honestly poor Paige was interrupted a LOT when she tried to introduce Frodo and give out information about the thieving problems in town as Frodo was the one on the case mentioned. They decided to leave Faldorn be and distract themselves with what was going. Which was apparently smart rats??

They investigated the Warehouse where Frodo killed on but the body was no longer there. They also met a Dwarf named Bolthenar which they misheard for Brunthenar (similar I know didn’t mean to) and thought he was more than an NPC lol and Mr. Kildark two strong workers though it was soon revealed Mr. Kildark was Ryder, Frodo’s traveling partner who is helping out with the warehouse while Frodo was looking into the rats.

After some running around in and out of the warehouse they found that the rats broke in and stole supplies, mostly food. Morogash eventually found tracks outside though most were covered so it took him some time. Though the tracks seemed to spread in all directions so I rolled for him to go one and he found himself inspecting a small house that was dark inside when the rest of the group found him. Nothing came out of the house but there was a shed close by and he decided (with the encouragement of Frodo and Naivara) he breaks down the door and digs around. All while Reinar man contact with the owner in the house tried to ask questions. He was a short and very old high elf, not very nice either…didn’t help at all.

Morogash eventually found a hole in the back of the shed going into the grown but was only small enough for Nyx, Frodo and Morogash’s boar companion to go in. We’ll Naivara went too but had to crawl as she’s pretty small for a Wood Elf. Inside they fought some Giant Rats and a lot happened at this hole. They tried baiting the rats out running back in and trying to kill more, even fighting with the crotchety old elven man with them breaking into his shed.

[DM NOTES] They were very focused on this hole and didn’t go to like anywhere else to try to find another entrance…honestly that was a little annoying XD this was one of many and like damn I’m shocked they didn’t just go ask around (my players never do anything I except even if I plan WHAT THEY ALWAYS DO…feels bad man lol) [END]

Eventually after many failures to get the rats to come out, Nyx turned into a giant badger and dug a large hole into on of the tunnels underground so the rest of the group could go down…well other than H341 as he’s like 400 lbs and wouldn’t be able to get back out lol

Finally they made some progress and made it into a long room that they could actually all stand in. Where they found 7 Giant Rats and another smaller skinnier rat which as they fought them it had raggedy clothes on and in the end was knocked out and revealed as a Wererat! But it turned back to a small child…DUN DUN DUN!!!

—

And at that we ended our extra long session as Paige is going to comic con 😭 so we can’t play for two weeks!

[DM NOTES] SO I am really excited about how things happened bc right at the start with the Wererat, Nyx rolled low on her CON save against the Wererat's bite which means she is now inflicted with lycanthropy! Which I'm interested in how that'll go! Tempted to like not make it too obvious to see what happens bc the Remove Curse spell won't be able to fully cure it after her first full moon which is technically in like 5 days! And it's not the last Wererat they need to fight so more might be infected! [END ]

If your wanting to find out with everyone stay tuned for the next Campaign Diary but if your curious to what is happening with Faldorn I’ll be posting a side Diary for that!