#“Ugh. BE MY WIFE”

[dootznbootz]

Odysseus is the type of guy who oozes rizz and can and will say the sweetest shit to Penelope and revels in her being happy with it ("You're beautiful in red" when she blushes. THAT type of cheesy bullshit. Have you READ the shit he says to her in the Odyssey?) but if she gives it back, he just freezes and Odysseus.exe stops working. Especially since he was the one doing all the flirting in the beginning until she finally chills out and "allows" herself to have a crush.

Penelope: ...You know, I don't really know if your name fits you. Odysseus: Oh? You don't think "Pain in the ass" is a good fit? Penelope: It definitely is...But...I don't know. Maybe it's because when I think of you, I don't think of pain, I think of joy... Yeah, instead of "pain giver", you're a giver of joy."Joy Giver" perhaps? Odysseus:

Penelope: ...Are you okay? Odysseus: *completely red and continues to make a high-pitched squeaking sound like air being let out of a balloon*

He gets more used to it as they get further along in their marriage but in the beginning, this guy was screaming into his pillows and kicking his feet and twirling his hair and being stupid :D

[polinsated]

colin: *is angry, feels betrayed and insecure and turned on* also colin:

[balfeys]

You guys have more then made up for missing my birthday. You're all forgiven.

[shouyuus]

sfw; in which popstar!reader buys vi some jackets

─── Ⅵ THE STORE IS CHIC, sharp collection of white-cut marble and black leather, the clothing racks all uniformly hung from the ceilings with industrial metal piping, the hangers themselves cast in thick, transparent acrylic.

"hello! welcome to our -- oh --"

you give the wide-eyed store clerk a camera-ready smile, tugging vi along behind you, fingers laced, even as she stares at the pristine store front with a mute incomprehension, as if she can't quite wrap her head around where the hell this is and what exactly you're doing there.

"hi! we're here to look at some jackets," you say loftily, casting vi a glance before nudging her forward. her head swivels towards you, an expression of incredulity eclipsing her shock as she registers your words.

"o-of course! and i just have to say -- i'm a huge fan --" the store clerk adjusts her sleek black-rimmed glasses, her hands clasped in front of her chest as you giggle, pursing your lips with an almost demure smile.

"aww... thanks!" but you leave it at that, turning back towards vi, giving her hand a squeeze, "you said you wanted a new jacket, right?"

"yeah..." vi answers slowly, still looking around as if she's not sure what that has to do with anything. a moment later, she turns back to you.

"so... let's look at some jackets!" you smile brightly before turning the full force of your charm back towards the store clerk, who nearly trips over herself trying to show the pair of you the season's latest designs.

vi follows behind you as if in a daze, barely registering the words the clerk is saying before she asks a question and you turn, waiting for vi to answer.

"uh... sorry, what?"

the clerk smiles and repeats, "was there any particular style you were interested in seeing today?"

vi blinks, her gaze flickering to you for a second before slingshotting back to the clerk, "no?"

"alright then..." the clerk licks her lips, "then shall i pull some pieces for you to try? and then maybe we'll see what you like from there?"

you nod, swinging yours and vi's hands between you, "anything cropped is good -- but a good quality leather. oh! and these studs are nice too --" you run a hand along a jacket with a row of silver studs along the collar.

"oh yes! and we have a few sample pieces from the next collection upstairs -- i can grab them for you --" the clerk scurries off, pulling a few things from the racks, disappearing into a room in the back, leaving you and vi alone in the cavernous shop.

vi bites her lips.

"you -- you don't have to do this for me."

you cock your head, "sure. but i want to. like i said, someone's gotta spoil you rotten."

vi's lips twitch before she breaks into a lopsided grin, her expression softening as she tugs you in to press a kiss to your cheek.

"i put a few in the fitting room for you," the clerk comes back, her cheeks flushed as she looks between you and vi, motioning towards the back. you give vi a tiny nudge before following along, running your fingers lightly over the silken sleeves of a white shirt.

but when vi slips on the first jacket, you can see the change it wrights in her almost immediately -- the way her shoulders pull back, her eyebrows shooting up as she looks herself over in the mirror, her toned stomach flexing as she grins at you from her reflection.

"whoa. this is nice."

you settle into a large chaise lounge tucked against the wall of the changing room, nodding as you drink in the view. and what a view it is. you'll never quite get over how startlingly attractive vi is -- her body a shrine to her strength, the delicacy of her features off-set by the sturdiness of her form.

and really, leather looks good on her. you lick your lips, clearing your throat as you tear your gaze away from the way the jacket hugs her biceps and cuts just above the bend of her waist, showing off her figure.

"yep! and they source only the highest quality leather, so it'll only get softer over time."

vi rubs her thumbs over the buttery material of the sleeves, looking over the silver detailing at the cuffs, the weight of the zipper that runs up the front.

"yeah... it feels... really good."

she frowns down at the price tag, and a second later, lets out a choked noise as she scrambles to take the jacket off.

"holy shit -- that's -- that's more zero's than i've ever seen in my entire life!"

you sigh, pushing up out of the chair and coming up behind vi to tug the jacket back onto her shoulders, turning her back towards the mirror. she frowns at you from the reflected image, her shoulders hunched up, her jaw locked tight.

"vi. don't think about the price, just... tell me if you like it."

vi sighs, crinkling her nose as she looks herself over.

"yeah, i do but --"

you shake your head, "then that's all i need to know!"

she chews on her bottom lip, her cheeks darkening beneath her scatter of freckles. she puffs out a helpless breath.

"it's just... it'll be the nicest thing anyone's ever given to me and --"

"then i'll get you something nicer, and then something nicer after that," you smile at her, tugging her around so you can push up to kiss her. she melts into your touch, a soft groan vibrating against your lips as your fingers dig into the soft leather lapel of the jacket.

you pull back, grinning cheshire-wide as you lilt your head, catching the fractured, wanting look in her eyes as she smiles down at you.

a soft knock comes at the door.

"how're things going in there? we have other sizes as well if things aren't fitting correctly."

you bite back a laugh as vi shrugs, mouthing a soft oops as the pair of you turn back to the suit of jackets hung up still for vi to try.

"we're good!" you sing-song, even as vi crinkles her nose and tugs off the first jacket to try on the next.

after a good thirty minutes of trying on all the jackets, of posing and vi pulling steadily more ridiculous poses just to make you laugh, she's caught between two -- one in plain black, and the other with a flurry of red-velvet patches, the sleeves and collar silver-studded.

you push open the door of the changing room and point at the two jackets.

"we'll take both."

"amazing!" the clerk claps, reaching out to take the hangers but vi jerks them back.

"wait -- what? i thought we were just getting one?"

you shrug, "you like them both. so we'll get both."

"b-but --" she sputters, fingers going slack as you tug the jackets from her and press them firmly into the store clerk's hands. she looks between the pair of you for a second longer before turning to ring both items up at the cash register.

"i don't need both jackets --"

you sigh, shaking your head, "and i don't need 37 pairs of heels either, but that's not the point here, is it?"

vi pauses, "you have 37 pairs of heels?"

"mm. just the pink ones." she flash her cheeky grin, turning back to the clerk and tugging a tiny cheque-book from your bag. you scribble something on a slip of pink parchment before tearing it out and pushing it towards her.

"send a pneuma-tube to the vault-keeper there. he'll settle up the payment for you."

"just the pink -- where'dyou even keep them? i've never seen --"

you cut her off with a daring look, "one of these days, i'll show you my closet floor. and it will be an adventure indeed, i promise." you turn back to the clerk with a gracious grin as she hands over a large bag with vi's new jackets.

"wait, how much --"

but you cut vi off by pressing the large bag into her chest.

"not nearly as much as i'd like to spend on you in the next place."

"the next place?" vi sputters, letting you shepherd her from the store, you tossing a quick wave over your should at the store clerk, who seems to be furiously texting on her phone.

you let out a dramatic grown, "come on vi, did you really think we'd stop after hitting just one shop? it's called a shopping spree for a reason. now -- lets get you some new pants -- there's a store down here that does custom fittings --"

"wait, princess."

you allow yourself to be tugged back, pausing to stare at her, the way she seems caught between two opposing urges. you sigh, placing your palms flat on her chest; her hand (the one not holding the shopping bag) settles at the bend of your waist like it's second nature.

"what?"

"it's just --" she chews over her words, and you can see the doubt flickering behind her eyes, hear the uncertainty laced like stitches between the spaces of all her words, "i -- i'm not used to this -- it's -- don't get me wrong, princess, i'm flattered you want to spoil me but... it's all just... so much. and i don't... i don't know if i deserve it."

her voice trails off into softer and softer words until she's almost mumbling. and it takes you a second to parse them out. but when you do, you're the one that cups her cheeks between your palms, giving them a tiny squeeze.

"violet, look at me."

she lifts her gaze to meet yours and not for the first time, she feels her breath still inside her chest at the way you're looking at her. like she's someone you've waited for for lifetimes. like a sailor might look at lost treasure -- something to be searched for across the breadth of entire oceans.

"you deserve all this and more. and i know you're not used to it... so we can take it slow if you want. maybe we can cap the shopping trip here and go get something to eat -- or just go window-shopping or something like that. but... i've always thought... that people like us -- people who grew up without the nice, expensive things can appreciate them more, right? you don't know how truly luxurious silk sheets feel on your skin if you hadn't slept in a mix-match quilt made from old window curtains. and champagne tastes that much better when you grew up on shitty beer --"

"hey, i happen to love shitty beer."

but vi's smiling, and so are you, mirroring her grin back up at her as she takes a breath and you feel her shoulders loosen.

"i know. i'm not saying that you have to let go of shitty beer," you say, rolling your eyes, giggling as vi leans down to bump your nose with hers, "i'm just asking you to let yourself be pampered occasionally."

"with insanely expensive clothes and champagne?"

"yes," you nod, laughing as she grazes her lips over yours, tugging you closer as you try to squirm away, "you don't have to toss out all your old clothes. we're just adding some nicer, new ones."

"fine, fine," she lets out an exaggerated breath before planting a soft kiss on your forehead, "thanks for the jackets, princess. they're really... really nice."

you tug playfully on a longer strand of her hair, twisting the end around one of your fingers.

"and you look really, really nice in them. so, it's a win for us both."

vi's grin goes crooked as she hikes an eyebrow.

"oh yeah? wanna tell me more about how good i looked in them?"

you lick your lips, "maybe later. after dinner tonight. i made reservations at my favorite place."

vi blinks, and for a second, you think she's going to protest again. then, she softens, her voice low and sweet as she reaches down to lace your fingers once more.

"yeah? and is there champagne at this favorite place of yours?"

"yep," you say, letting your lips pop over the 'p', turning down the street towards your next destination. you shoot her a glance and a cheeky smile over your shoulder.

"but don't worry. i'm sure they'll source you shitty beer if you ask very, very nicely."

[inkedberries]

death approaches

[silentheiss]

AU, where Luo Binghe meets Shen Yuan under different circumstances. Precisely, when one of his wives comes to him to ask for divorce.

Because she’s kind of in love with Shen Yuan, as it happens.

It goes like this:

Shen Yuan is having a great time being a transmigrator. He had quite a safe landing with being an NPC who’s never been mentioned in the book, so he’s not about to be killed by Luo Binghe anytime soon, and he’s doing great avoiding him.

Until he meets Ban Li. She’s so pretty and feisty she bound to become Luo Binghe’s wife one day, and Shen Yuan doesn’t want to be seen next to her when it happens. He’s not a suicidal idiot, despite what Ban Li says the first time they meet.

“-an utter degenerate! To face a Venomous Flying Spider in your own! What the hell were you thinking?” She yells, after cutting two back legs of the spider in one sharp swing of her sword, rendering beast to a withering, scaly pile. “At least you had a presence of mind to cut the wings first! Idiot!”

Who gives compliments like that? Shen Yuan sighs and positions himself more comfortably on the ground.

“As this one already said, everything was under control.”

“Ha!” Ban Li barks out, her eyes glowing green. Ah, must be a demoness, then. “Under what control? Be thankful for this one’s grace or your legs will be cut off!”

Shen Yuan laughs and offers Ban Li some sweets he always carries in his pouch. Things go smoothly after that — Ban Li accompanies him for next week, claiming she has a task of exterminating beasts in the area.

“Husband will want a report soon, but this one has time to spare.” Ban Li mentions one day.

“Ban Li is married?” Shen Yuan freezes. “Isn’t it inappropriate to- I mean for us, to. Uh.”

“This one was unaware Shen Yuan was courting.” Ban Li giggles, twirling a lock of her hair around her thin finger.

“I’m not!”

Ban Li laughs and leans closer to Shen Yuan, eyes glimmering.

“If you were,” She says, low and intimate. “I would agree. I would leave my absent husband and runaway with you.”

Ah. Now Shen Yuan sees how it is. Ban Li is not infatuated with him. She’s just-

“Ban Li, are you unhappy in your marriage?” He asks, heart breaking for this feisty, sweet demoness.

“Will Shen Yuan make it better?” Ban Li asks pitifully. Shen Yuan nods.

He will talk to that good-for-nothing husband of her and make him let Ban Li go. She’s promised to Luo Binghe, anyway, for plot purposes. He’ll just help smooth the process.

Several days later Ban Li takes Shen Yuan to a camp. It’s big, obviously expensive, and Ban Li looks almost shaky as they near the biggest, most impressive tent.

“Ban Li’s husband is… powerful.” Shen Yuan notes.

“He is.” Ban Li nods. “But this one doesn’t need his power.”

“Of course you don’t.” Shen Yuan nods. “We’ll make him see sense.”

Ban Li smiles at him, teeth sharp and eyes sharper.

“Shen Yuan is confident even in the face of the Emperor.”

Shen Yuan freezes.

“Ban Li.” He says, very quietly and very slowly. “Are you married to Luo Binghe?”

“Not for long!” Ban Li answers brightly.

Oh shit. Oh fuck.

“Ban Li.” Shen Yuan groans. “What the hell? Why on earth would you want to divorce Luo Binghe?”

“To stay at Shen Yuan’s side.” Ban Li says.

“Have you gone mad?” Shen Yuan demands. “Are you completely, utterly crazy? Who in their right mind would want to leave Luo Binghe to stay with me?!”

“Shen Yuan!” Ban Li whines. “You promised!”

“I didn’t know you were going to divorce the best person in the whole universe!”

Ban Li gasps at him.

“Do you want to marry Lord Luo?”

“No!” Shen Yuan says. “I’m a man, Ban Li.”

“So what?”

Shen Yuan feels like he’s going grey from the sheer ridiculousness of the situation.

“Ban Li, we’re losing a thread of the conversations here.” He says. “You cannot divorce Luo Binghe.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s stupid! Have you seen him? He’s the smartest, strongest, bravest man ever. He’s extremely good looking. He’s lived through hell and persisted. He’s amazing, Ban Li! You can’t leave him to stay with me, are you kidding? I thought you were smart!”

Ban Li pouts at him, folding her arms like a petulant child.

“If Shen Yuan is in love with Lord Husband-”

“I’m not!”

“No? Then why are you praising him so?”

“Because I have common sense?”

“I don’t want to get back to harem while Shen Yuan is risking his life fighting dangerous beasts!”

“Ban Li, I’m begging you.” Shen Yuan says. “You will regret your decision.”

“I will regret not seeing Shen Yuan anymore.”

“Nonsense!”

“I will run away.”

“Ban Li.”

“Try me. I will.”

Shen Yuan sighs, hiding his face in his hands. He’s so going to die today.

“Do you suppose your Lord Husband might need a librarian?”

Ban Li squeals and drags Shen Yuan into the tent.

Luo Binghe, who’s been silently listening to the whole conversation, hires him immediately. He doesn’t claim to know Ban Li well, but they definitely agree on one thing: Shen Yuan mustn’t ever leave.

[foxdoodles]

rough little tashi study to experiment with brushes

[nyree2712]

Top Gun - Incorrect Quote 277

Iceman: Ask me why I love Maverick

Slider: Don't-

Cyclone: Admiral Kazansky, Why do you love your husband?

Slider: UGH not this again

Iceman: I'm so glad you asked *Opens a Powerpoint* Page 1 of my 600 page presentation

Slider:

Cyclone: It's- It's okay sir, you don't need to do all that!!!

[yennao]

Hey if Deathbit ain’t scorched to hell in 97 I’m gonna be disappointed. I’ll draw that too. Obviously. Asap. Till then, comic Deathbit

[ilikedetectives]

Baldur's Gate 3 (2023) by Larian Studios

[thelucidduchess]

The Underworld Saga experience

[darlingpeasant]

“Hyacinth, I do not think Penelope can breathe” is Colin ✨‘my wife’✨ Bridgerton mode fully activating

[orykorioart]

Putting my silly, grubby hands all over a stupid shirt I saw

[dedfly]

stupid little sketches because I'm in a loving mood

[spindle-and-nima]

Several unsuccessful attempts at grooming mimis butt

[macdenlover]

we don’t acknowledge enough how dee used to be a pageant winner when she was a kid and how much damage it did to her. she worked her ass off and got recognition for being pretty and talented at a young age and it was the only source of self esteem she could garner in a family that constantly berated and talked down to her. she sought after that external approval because it was the only way she could prove everyone around her wrong. her dream of being a performer didn’t come from a self-aggrandizing delusion— she genuinely showed a lot of potential when she was younger. but she went through an unflattering puberty and her spinal condition got worse and that natural talent she had as a kid plateaued way too early. the “former gifted kid” dilemma. she slowly lost the thing that promised her that she was good, but she was so desperate to keep holding onto it that she tried anyway. again and again and again no matter how much people made fun of her because it was always about proving them wrong. but after a while she couldn’t jump anymore without anticipating the way it feels when she hits the ground face first. self-sabotage became her way out, choosing to rather live in the fantasy of her own unrealized potential and blaming those around her for her lack of success, than having tried and crashed again. she’d rather buy lottery tickets over and over and never scratch off the numbers than to see that she lost. that self-sabotaging behavior bled into other aspects of her life too, from friendships to relationships to therapy. her own short lived success is what made her grow into embodying the cycle of failure.