#✦ connection // sebastian & tom. ✦

[weirdraccoon]

*coming out*

Tom: Mom, Dads. I'm gay.

MC, Sebastian and Ominis: ...

Sebastian: Was it supposed to be a surprise?

MC: It's Harry, right?

Tom *pouting because he thought they didn't know*: Yes.

MC: I knew it! Pay up, bitch!

Sebastian *handing her a bag of coins*

Ominis: When are you going to stop betting with her? Aren't you broke now?

Sebastian: I could've sworn it was that Malfoy kid.

Tom: wtf

[c0la-queen]

Tord Headcanons | The Stoic One

---

Let's start with his physical appearance!

My Tord has pale skin, since he is from Norway and doesn't get a lot of sun.

His hair is naturally that dark brown color that we see in Classic, but he dyes it the caramel brown color from Legacy- though, sometimes he can be seen with dark brown roots when he needs to touch up the dye.

My Tord has silver eyes, and I often describe them as piercing or being able to see through people. I think his eyes are one of the most unnerving parts of Tord, and makes people uncomfortable.

No facial hair- he shaves it if it starts to get stubbly.

Tord is the second tallest in my timeline, standing at 6'4 (I like my boys inhumanely tall). Edd is the only one taller than him and it pisses Tord off to no end.

I like to think Tord has the most athletic build of the group, being the military oriented one. He's not skinny and he doesn't have painfully unnatural muscles like you'd see in magazines. Think more along the lines of Chris Evans or Sebastian Stan. (Also has the juiciest man tiddies) Tord would alternate between going to the gym in the morning and going on morning runs through the neighborhood. He runs more often during the winter, since he's always thrived in cold weather. If Reader also liked working out or was interested in starting, he'd gladly let them join him. I think he'd even teach them self defense if they asked.

Because I think Tord would have some connection to his cultural roots, my Tord has a small tattoo of Yggdrasil on his collarbone, and an even smaller protection rune on one of his wrists. He has a piercing hole in one of his ears that he sometimes wears a simple black stud in; he got it pierced during his emo phase in high school.

Family life:

Tord is an older brother is one younger sister. He practically raised her until he moved out.

His dad was Red Leader before him and put him through intense training. Turned him into a child soldier. Resents his dad for it all.

Only time he ever argued with his dad is when he tried to give his sister the same training- Tord refused to let him.

Worst thing his dad ever did was make Tord do wilderness survival for 3 nights in a Norwegian forest. He was 12.

A Eurasian Lynx managed to find him, but he got away with only claw marks on his back. He's still got the scars.

He doesn't hate his mother, but he's not particularly close with her. Because his training started from such a young age, he spent most of his childhood around his father and other high ranking soldiers.

Cares a lot about his little sister and travels home to see her once or twice a year.

Now, personality:

My Tord is very apathetic sometimes, but mainly is just kind of calm and chill.

He likes to say that he'd rather be with his machines and inventions than other humans, but that's a bullshit lie and he's just being dramatic

Prefers being quiet, doesn't say a lot unless its under specific circumstances or he has commentary to give. He enjoys listening to Reader ramble endlessly, or just have her in his arms while he silently does some task.

He switched from cigarettes to vapes after a while, since its better than smoking and has more flavors available.

Likes energy drinks more than coffee, enjoys the variety they offer.

Actually pretty good at cooking, he'd cook for himself and his sister when his parents were busy with work.

Way smarter than he looks. If he had to take the ACT, he'd probably get a nearly perfect score.

A STEM girlie. He uses the garage as his workshop and spends most of the day there (not counting weekends).

Absolutely has a motorcycle in the garage. He rides it if he's having a low day and needs to get away. Has a special route that takes him the long way through the city before ending up at the cliff overlooking the neighborhood (the one we see in The End). Takes Reader on that route to cheer her up or clear her head. One time they fell asleep on the cliff and woke up to several calls from Edd, Tom, and Matt, who were all scared shitless.

Never gets cold. If someone comments on it, he says its "nothing compared to Norwegian cold." (The others are all tired of hearing that and roll their eyes)

Despite this, he's not dumb. He knows how to stay warm and how important it is. Will scold Reader for not wearing enough layers.

His music taste is so mixed up and wild that nobody can give it a name.

Probably reads the most out of the four, will never tell you what he's reading.

Gets angry about historical inaccuracies.

Not allowed to play Trivial Pursuit because he knows a bunch of random facts.

"Kill yourself." "This is why we can't have nice things."

Likes Super Smash Brothers and can create ass kicking combos for any character in a couple of rounds.

He works as a mechanical/chemical engineer. Works independently by taking commissions for blueprints and fixing machines for people. He mostly works at home in the garage but very rarely has to go to another location. He prefers to have the client talk to him over the phone or meet him.

Likes Liquid Death Mountain Water.

Smokes cigars occasionally, usually on special events.

Smells like smoky wood and vanilla.

Does some art every so often, but not as often as Edd.

Vibes/Aesthetic:

Red LED lights as the only light source

Night so late the entire house is silent

Sneaking out of the house to get candy and drinks at the gas station

Sleep Token playing on the drive

Anime on his laptop

Making battery acid drinks together

Fucking instead of sleeping

Athletic shorts and hoodies

Thigh high socks

Late night drives

Vape clouds and suckers

Trying to stay quiet

Playlist (Based off my Own Spotify Playlist for Him):

Sleep Token

CORPSE

Hollywood Undead

Twenty One Pilots

Kanye West

Childish Gambino

Eminem

Glass Animals

Rob Zombie

[lostmyremembrall]

Ohmygosh happy birthday!! Hope you have a good one and celebrate with your loved ones today :))

Could i request for 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐞? — 🐍 Go on a date with Tom, Ominis, or Sebastian! Send in anything you're comfortable sharing about yourself (such as your love language, 16 personalities), and I'll write a mini HC date, specifically curated for you.

I'm a hufflepuff (she/her), and my love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. I love doing arts and crafts, and I love cats (sorry tom). I'm also an ENFP.

Anyways, happy birthday again!! Have a very blessed one, and I wish you a good day ahead <33

🐍 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐇𝐂: 𝐓𝐨𝐦

Touch-Starved! Tom x Reader

A/N: Thank you so much for the birthday wish!! And I indeed had a great one (had some dim sum). We're very similar in nature it's comical. Also an ENFP, love cats and arts&crafts (embroidery, wood carving, etc). Even the love languages! I have a feeling we'd get along perfectly if we knew each other haha. Anyway, thank you for participating and I hope you'll enjoy it!

You're the embodiment of "Every Dark Lord needs an emotional support Hufflepuff"

He seriously needed an open-minded person like you, who would be willing to just be there for him.

Tom finds your enthusiasm infectious, often reluctantly breaking into a smirk at seeing you smile.

You're brilliant at making connections, gaining a deep understanding of yourself and others.

-----

Your love blossomed in the Room of Requirement.

On his patrol, Tom needed a place to hide, the panic getting to him as dark thoughts overwhelmed him.

He was desperate, and heaved a sigh of relief as the familiar door appeared on the wall.

He froze, when he opened the door, however.

It was you, in your own atelier, with all the tools prepared for any arts and crafts you might be interested in.

You froze as well, not having expected a guest.

Tom glanced around the arts&craft tools.

How on earth were these supposed to help him?

But, being the perceptive and good-natured Hufflepuff that you are, you noticed his dishevelled state.

You asked him if he was doing alright.

Tom couldn't speak. His teary eyes only staring at you and his jaw clenched.

Without a word, he took slow steps towards you.

And buried his face into your shoulder.

Your eyes widened at the tall man that had to crane his neck to reach your shoulder, his fists shaking at his sides and refusing to let a tear drop.

Slowly, you wrapped your arms around him.

Tom's shoulders relaxed significantly at the warmth that enveloped him.

He buried himself deeper into your embrace.

Realising then, that your embrace was his hiding place, shielding him from all of his dark thoughts.

-----

Tom is very possessive about having his emotional support Hufflepuff all for himself.

It took a lot of adjusting and discussions in the beginning.

Tom would practically hog all of your free hours.

And Tom is very selfish when it comes to your kindness and love.

-----

It was only when there was an apparent possibility that you might leave him, that Tom truly began to reconsider.

I can't lose her now.

Tom panicked. Where will he go to hide if she is out of his reach?

Tom grows determined to do anything if it means keeping you. Even if that may require him to change.

He begins taking an interest in you, your values, your interests, and your dislikes.

And questions what he can offer you.

-----

He is timid at first. But slowly grows accustomed to physical affection over time.

He begins with a gentle kiss on your hand.

Then your forehead.

Your cheek.

It ignited something in him when you giggled in response.

Like he was hearing an embodiment of sunshine.

He feels a grin spreading on his lips as well. And his arms swiftly take you, spinning you in the air and letting your skirt flow before embracing you.

He's like a touch-starved cat, in the sense that he grows more and more affectionate over time as he learns to trust.

Rubbing his cheeks against yours. Rubbing the tip of his nose against yours. Thumbing your cheek as he studies you with absolute adoration in his eyes.

It became easier as Tom saw how physical touch made you happy.

Wanting to see you smile, and hear that beautiful laughter in his ears, he is willing to do anything.

Words of affirmation were more challenging for him.

He grew up with the mindset that honesty is a vulnerability.

And he would never want to lie to you.

He began with statements (that wasn't even a compliment lol but he tried)

"Your shoes are navy." "You got an Outstanding for that Potion's essay." "Your hair changes colour in the sunlight."

When he couldn't bring himself to say he liked the colours of your shoes and hair, or that he was impressed by your grades.

Little by little, he braved himself.

"I like your hairstyle." "You should be proud of yourself for that charmwork."

He's still working on it.

But, you're noticing he's grown comfortable with showing unvoiced compliments

"Did you change your perfume?"

As he pulls you onto his lap at the breakfast table.

You tell him you got a new one at Hogsmeade, noticing how he buried his face into your neck.

When you tell him you need to get to class,

His grip around your waist only tightens,

"Five more minutes,"

his voice muffled against your neck tickling you.

It won't be long before he can voice what he feels - what he's always felt.

-----

At one point, Tom began calling you 'his angel'

To him, you truly are the last grip he has on this world before he descends into chaos and unhinged rage

He is extremely protective of you.

You are his escapism, so he is determined to keep any darkness away from you.

That means keeping you safe, as well as keeping you away from any discussions of dark magic as well as some of his friends.

-----

Tom will regularly fight with your cat for your attention.

"No, you had her last night!"

As Tom glares at your cat.

Your cat knows how to annoy Tom as well.

Like, jumping onto your lap minutes before you leave for a date.

Tom will sulk in the corner but patiently wait until you are done petting him.

One day, you found him having a heart-to-heart with your cat.

"Look, I adore her. And I am not leaving her as much as you hate me. So we've got to find a way to work together."

"We both care for her, yes?"

Your cat meows, as if in agreement.

Tom shows a hint of endearment towards the cat at the possibility of their conflict coming to an end.

He approaches your cat for the first time, before he jumps back at a violent hiss.

"Merlin, I get it," he grumbled before moving to his usual corner of the room.

-----

People would find you two visiting Hogsmeade, regularly sampling the newest additions to the craft store.

Tom would stand back a bit in these stores.

Happy to learn different crafts if you were to teach him,

But he's more content to see you happy.

His eyes soften every time you smile up at him excitedly.

He would hold your hand in his coat/robe pocket

And walk with the proudest smile throughout the school and the village.

After all, how did such an unfortunate orphaned boy get to be with an embodiment of sunshine?

A/N: Oof. Sorry it got so long, you two were just so cute, I kept coming up with more to write. I hope you enjoyed it, and please lmk if there are any parts you want to be changed! (Whether it be your characterisation, or how you prefer Tom to act.)

[toastedkiwi]

Bastard Child Outline

Pairing: Chris Evans x Bastard Child/Daughter!Reader

A/n: this shit has been sitting in my drafts for like three years and a year in my queue so it wouldn’t get lost in my drafts. I’ve decided I’ll just post it because I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever actually write the parts. So this is for those who were holding out hope. I’m sorry to disappoint. (Also, some bits and parts might be triggering for those who’ve dealt with abuse and self harm.) it’s long too. Not at all perfect either.

Born 1999 in Hawaii.

Mom, Emily Reed, had you when she was 15 and Chris was 16. She’s a decent person and obviously got married to surgeon. They had kids. Stepdad, Dr. Issac Reed, is a decent guy but works a lot. You’d never be his kid however. He made sure you were alright but he never had the connection with you as much as that sucked. It happens.

Your grandpa was stationed in Boston when your mom and dad got together. They had a huge fight and another girl was caught with her lips on his right before she moved with her family to Hawaii.

At 11, you start a YouTube channel under the name xXBOSLEYXx (named after your grandpa’s dog) and start posting covers since you love music. (2010)

At 12, you audition for a role in Hawaii Five-O. You get it and end up being a kidnapped kid that they have to find. It leads more people to your YouTube channel. (2011)

At 13, you go to LA by yourself since your mom had just given birth. Your aunt who’s a publicist gets you signed to a record deal along with a manager by the name of Marie Trevor. It’s decided that you’ll be known as BOSLEY. (2012)

You end up moving to LA. You record some singles which is received amazingly. You easily rise to the ranks especially with the help of some modeling gigs and acting gigs.

At 14, your mom doesn’t approve anymore as you’re gaining fame and your dad is getting bigger than ever. You get into a huge argument. She pretty much drops you as her child and your aunt is responsible of you. You drop an album. (2013)

At 15, You stop smiling for pictures which becomes signature of BOSLEY. You’re offered a small role in The Bronze getting to tell Lance Tucker to fuck off in a moving car. You happily take it and managed to befriend the actor. (2014)

At 16, You’re fully doing music and touring. School is pretty much dropped. You find that your boyfriend knocked you up. You want your mom but she won’t pick up. You end up having a miscarriage while on touring. You’re given a day to grieve and the next you have to continue on. You also perform at Kylie Jenner’s birthday party. You end up becoming good friends with the Jenner sisters which gets you more fame. You also get diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD. You end up getting another role playing Peter Parker’s neighbor and his second best friend. (2015)

At 17, you perform on SNL with Scarlett Johansson as the host. You release another album which kicks off another tour after you finish filming Spiderman: Homecoming. Tom Holland actually invites you to the Civil War premier and you join him. Sebastian hugs you tightly when he sees you. You don’t meet your dad. (2016)

At 18, rumors spark that you’ll be taking over the mantel as Captain America as filming for Infinity War starts. You start getting compared to Chris Evans as if it’s a fair comparison. There’s also rumors that you two might be related. You also start dating this actor, Max Wess. You attend the Spiderman premier with him. (2017)

At 19, your birth certificate is leaked.

Chris freaks out over the news. He knows your mom. He remembers her and the last night they shared together before she left without another word.

Your boyfriend ends up beating the shit out of you which one of your friends finds you barely alive and calls you an ambulance. This happens in your LA home. It’s a huge story.

Chris gets in contact with your aunt Jamie Y/l/n and she happily helps him sneak into the hospital without paparazzi catching him. He ends up sitting in the chair close to your bedside waiting for you to wake up if you ever will. He expects Emily to come. She doesn’t.

You wake up in a panic and Chris’ face is what you first see. He’s the one to tell that you’re okay and you’re safe. You learn that your jaw is wired shut. Your ribs are broken. You’re missing a kidney. You had a lot of internal bleeding. Your right hand is busted and took many screws and rods to fix. You’re definitely worried about your career especially when you found out that they had to slit your throat and put a tube in it. Your dad luckily distracts you and is sure to not bring up your mother since he’s been warned by Jamie.

“I’m really wondering how you got BOSLEY from Y/n,” Chris said.

You tapped on the keyboard of his iPad using your left index finger as he holds it for you. Chris can’t help but chuckle.

“He really named all his dogs Bosley?”

You nod and your grandpa said, “it’s a strong name.”

You turned head seeing the old man and Chris hasn’t seen him in two decades. You haven’t seen him in a good 3 years. Your grandmother heads to you easily freaking out over how you look but Chris knows you looked a lot worse. He wants to so badly ask why they didn’t tell him about you. They surely should’ve known. But he doesn’t for your sake.

“You don’t have to stay, Christopher,” your grandpa said.

Chris moves to stand up but you grasp his hand. You give the nastiest glare to your grandfather.

“Is she even gonna come?” You hissed through the wires. You aren’t supposed to try and use your voice.

“Honey,” your grandmother said. “She’s gotta look after the kids.”

You rolled your eyes and Chris could see the tears start to form. Your heart is beating faster on the monitor. He’s just as mad as you. Are you really not that important to her? If you aren’t, why didn’t she just give him you? He without would’ve taken you in and loved like a parent should.

You wave off the hands and swat them away. Tears streamed down your cheeks. You yanked out the leads as the monitor started to beep louder. It ends up showing that you’ve flatlined. You try kicking off the blankets.

“Hey, Bubba,” Chris said but you aren’t listening.

He ends up wrapping his arms around you. He takes the hits you give him. It’s heartbreaking to watch especially when you give up and cry as he held you. Nurses and doctors rushed in.

“She’s okay,” your grandpa informed as Chris comforts you as a parent should.

Once you fall back asleep with the help of some sedatives, your dad pulls your grandparents outside of your room.

“Where the fuck is Emily? Why isn’t she here? It’s clear Y/n wants her,” Chris said.

“Let’s go somewhere more private,” Lucille suggested.

Chris ends up taking them to his place after running into Tom Holland and Zendaya who are obviously there to visit you. He informs them that you’re asleep but it’d be fine for them to stop by and have them watch over you.

“They got into a huge fight over Y/n becoming BOSLEY,” your grandma said before her husband could speak. “Emily couldn’t handle it. She still holds a lot against you and she didn’t want you meeting her.”

“Really?” Chris asked.

“Yeah,” your grandpa said. “Emily practically disowned her. Probably should’ve called you.”

“No fucking shit. When was the last time they talked?” Chris asked.

“3 years ago,” Lucille said.

“It’s been five since they’ve seen each other. That’s when they had their big fight,” John said.

It’s late at night when you get released from the hospital. Your dad drives you to your house. You end up getting panicky and not wanting to go in. He takes you to his place and has his assistant go tomorrow to pack some bags for you. It’s a rough night so he stays up with you watching movies together until you fall asleep.

Chris takes you to Boston the next morning on a private jet. He sets up some appointments for you with doctors in Boston to make sure you’re recovering just fine. You meet Dodger and the two of you become best friends. It’s a lot of watching movies with your dad until you ultimately crash against him due to the meds. You also can’t seem to sleep alone in the guest room due to having terrible nightmares. With the first couple, Chris didn’t want to overstep and climb into the bed to hold you and try to make it go away. But it was clear that Dodger wasn’t cutting it. Just a couple nights a week, the three of you will be together in the same bed. Chris jokingly got you one of those starry night projectors but you both love it.

“What are you doing here?” You hear you’re dad hiss.

“It’s called dropping by unannounced to annoy you and to rescue your child from you,” Scott sassed.

“You are not taking my child anywhere, Scott,” Chris said.

“You make it sound like I wouldn’t bring her back,” Scott said.

Scott ends up taking you both out of the house. You have to listen to them both sing along with the radio. You end up capturing the two brothers on your phone. You agree going over to your grandparents house and meeting them even though you’re still recovering. It distracts you for awhile.

You get some news you don’t want to hear about your hand. It’s not healing as the doctors would like. They don’t know if you’ll be able to play guitar or piano (which will be one handed) like you had before. You end up having the surgery. Sebastian Stan surprises you when you wake up.

“Fuck off,” is what Sebastian says to you. You a small smile.

“Why’d ya say that?” Chris asked.

“It’s what your child first said to me when we met,” Sebastian said.

You hummed loudly to a song in your head making them laugh.

“She acts exactly like you when you’re drunk,” Sebastian teased.

As much as Chris wants to stay with you during your recovery, he does have to film but thankfully it’s in Boston. It’ll be like he has a regular job. However, there’s not much for you to do or you can do. You can’t sing or write. You end up getting stuck in your thoughts which isn’t a great place to be in for a long period of time.

Scott and Chris can clearly tell you’re absolutely miserable. Nobody knows how to help you out and get you out of it. Your dad ends up calling whoever he can. He calls Sebastian, Tom Holland, your manager, Scarlett, his mother.

Scarlett asks him, “what does she do for a living?”

“She’s a popstar,” Chris said.

“There’s your answer.”

He ends up getting a grand piano and putting it in the living room where the dining room table is. The table ends up in the garage with the chairs. It takes Chris playing a song poorly on it for you to come over and smack his left hand off the keys. It makes him smile as you play the song with your left hand and he plays with his right.

“Sit down next to me,” Chris said.

You sit next to him on the bench. He puts his left arm around your shoulders pulling you closer.

“Play me something,” he requested.

You give him a look that he’s been known to give people. He smiles. You let out a sigh- it’s more like a slight hiss. You play him a song. It turns into two and then into more.

You and your dad fly to LA as he’s got meetings and your ex has finally been arrested for what he did to you. You definitely built some walls up and retract from your dad as much as that sucks. Chris just knows he’s gotta be patient because he can’t force you to open up to him or you’ll probably push him so far away to the point of no return. Besides it’s only been 7 weeks since you first met each other.

“Hey, Y/n. I’m gonna watch The Muppets, you should join me,” Chris said after knocking on the bathroom door. “I’ll be in the living room.”

You stared at the door and listened to him walk away. You look back at the OxyContin in your hand. The pill bottle has your name on it. It was prescribed and filled once you were released from the hospital. There’s five pills left. You unscrew the top with some difficultly. You dump the little pills in the toilet and flush them. You drop the pill bottle in the trash and turned on the faucet. You let your left hand go under the water and you see the faint lines on your wrist. You’d let a blade run over them again but The Muppets will have to do.

“You’re just in time,” Chris smiled seeing that you took him up on his offer.

You sit right next to him. You both end up sharing a blanket as he noticed you getting cold.

You get your wires out in LA making it much easier to hold a conversation with people. You also get spotted out with your dad to dinner to celebrate that you can finally eat soft foods which blows up everywhere. You easily get backlash and told that you’re using him as a publicity stunt. Both his team and your own team finally meet on how to deal with the situation.

You finally speak up in the meeting. “I’m not doing fucking GMA or Ellen to talk about my sad little life and how it’s all good now ‘cause Captain America’s my dad. Are you insane? Have you not seen the shit I get from everyone? How everyone believes that everything that has happened— my boyfriend beating shit out of me because I told him to ‘fuck off’ to a leaked birth certificate revealing that fucking Chris Evans is my dad is just for publicity. It will not go over well especially with that fucking asshole out on bail talking shit because he can.”

You leave after snapping at everyone. Chris tries to talk to you but you snap at him telling him that he doesn’t know you and he’s not your dad. It definitely hurts to hear.

You don’t go back to his place which has him worried. He checks your home. You aren’t there.

You end up going to Hawaii to see your mom. It leads to a huge blow out. You’re screaming at her and she’s screaming at you. You’re told that she never wanted you and you were a mistake that she was saving Chris from. It truly destroys you.

Chris doesn’t see you again until he gets a call from your assistant in the middle of the night after she found you unconscious in the pool of your own blood. He of course comes even if you don’t want him there. He’ll sit at your bedside or the waiting room. He has to know that you’ll be okay.

“I’m gonna state this once and for all,” Chris said to you. “You’re stuck with me and I’m sorry that I’m your dad. I don’t know how to be one but I’ll figure it out.”

You cried which makes him climb into the hospital bed. He holds you tightly as you cry. He can tell you’ve gone through so much and you haven’t really had anyone. They’ve always left.

Chris takes you back to Boston once you get your cast off and sadly you’ll need another surgery but it thankfully can wait a bit. You start seeing a therapist that he helped find. You don’t talk about what was said in the room but he can you’re coming out of shell a bit.

You and Chris are seen again going to a courtroom in LA with Scott coming along. You even have some friends come in support. There’s tons of paparazzi and gossip sites covering it. It’s not a very fun experience especially with you having to take the stand and Chris learning some very heartbreaking things that you went through. Your ex tries to spew more lies about you and drag your dad into it. It’s thankfully over after three days and your ex is found guilty.

A celebratory dinner takes place at your favorite restaurant in LA. Chris gets to see you let loose a bit and smile more. He knows as BOSLEY that you don’t smile especially not in pictures. It’s your whole image that has been created and with everything that has happened, it hasn’t been a happy experience.

“Get next to her,” Chris is told.

You both grin widely with cheeks pressed together for one of your friends to take a picture. It gets posted on your dad’s twitter with a caption “there’s no denying it, I have a mini-me.” You retweet it.

[mxssingmemories]

Making Magic

Summary: Y/N is an equestrian, and has been for years. Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan are her mentors and father figures. It's Y/N's first show, what could go wrong? Or in her case, what could go right?

Pairings: Sebastian Stan x teen!reader, Chris Evans x teen!reader, Anthony Mackie x teen!reader, RDJ x teen!reader, Scarlett Johansson x teen!reader, Tom Holland x teen!reader, Mark Ruffalo x teen!reader

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, anxious thoughts, some hurt/comfort, parental issues, and tooth-rotting fluff

Word Count: Around 3.6k !

A/N: this was requested by @ladki-ki-kathi <3 kind of love this! part 2 is in the works :)

IMPORTANT! This is @bergarasunsolved 's new writing blog, it's jules :)

The funny thing about horse show days is that no matter how stressful they are, anyone in the "show business" would rush to defend them the second someone starts to talk negatively. It's not that they're wrong, though; horse shows can be some of the most exciting and rewarding experiences in the equestrian world. Y/N knew this personally, being an equestrian for most of her life. Having been riding all her life, she's been to countless shows. Normally for her, days like these were not at all stressful, but today was different. It was Y/N's first show, and she was petrified.

After waking up at the crack of dawn to get the trailer ready, she finally made her way over to the stable where she took the route to Mac's stall by memory. Mac somehow seemed to know that today was a big day for them, and the minute Y/N stepped in the stall, he came over and nuzzled her. With a smile on her face, she sat down and cuddled him for a minute. Knowing the coming chaos of the day, a little more time spent bonding and trying her best to relax couldn't do any harm.

Much to Mac's dismay, she stood up five minutes later, taking a deep breath as she put his halter on. Y/N knew they had a little time to spare, so instead of leading him straight to the trailer, she led him to a tack stall. Grabbing her grooming bag, she took out her curry comb and began to brush gentle circles to rid Mac of the dirt that he somehow managed to accumulate the prior night. Y/N fell into a daze as she followed the familiar routine. She had always found it easy to let herself get lost in horses. Her relationship with her parents wasn't the best, but fortunately her father was an actor in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. This meant she had connections to almost everyone who'd ever acted in a Marvel movie. Even though her dad was absent, she was pretty thankful that she at least has this- it gave her someone to be able to look up to.Except it wasn't just someone. The whole cast, when they found out about her situation, had made it their mission to be there for her as much as they possibly could. This meant 75% of her time was spent with at least one member of the cast. It was a little overwhelming at first, but she'd grown to love it-they were genuinely the most caring people she'd ever met. She was close with all of them, but especially Sebastian Stan and Chris Evans. They took on the role of mentors and father figures in perfect stride, and Y/N couldn't be more appreciative of how easily they took on the roles.

If Y/N was honest, the only reason she was where she was right now was those two. When they found out about your pure passion for horses and realized she didn't have the resources to do it how they wanted her to be able to, the first thing Chris did was research. A lot of research. After about a week, he and Sebastian approached her asking if they could help you out. At first, Y/N said no, but they just kept asking and asking. She finally gave in, albeit reluctantly, and found out they managed to buy an old barn for her. She was absolutely flabbergasted, and kind of angry they didn't ask her first, but that settled down when she saw the place.

Seb and Chris had insisted it wasn't a big deal, and logically Y/N knew it wasn't. They had so much money they didn't even know what to do with it, and it made sense to them to buy it for her. After all, they'd both come to see Y/N as a daughter figure to them, and they loved her so much. When they saw the barn online, they were instantly charmed and knew she would be too. So they did the logical (okay, maybe not logical) thing, and bought it.

As soon as they pulled up to the place, Y/N instantly fell in love with it. It was a bit old, but it was obvious that the place could be great with a little work put into it. It was slightly tucked away in a quiet area with trees surrounding the property, which just made it more charming in her opinion. The paint was faded, and the barn itself had 5 stalls. The pasture was huge, and Y/N was so excited to see what she could do with the place.

It took the three of them (with lots of help from the whole cast) about a year to get it fixed up, but when it was done, it was the most gorgeous barn Y/N had ever seen. It had an aura that was comforting about it, and she took solace in that every chance she got. When she got Mac, her days were no longer spent making repairs on the barn, but taking care of her new horse. Mac's a gorgeous Palomino Thoroughbred, and he's about 15.4 hands. He does showjumping best in Y/N's opinion, but he's pretty awesome at dressage and eventing.

A tap on Y/N's shoulder brings her out of her thoughts, and she turns around to find Chris with a soft smile on his face.

"Hey, kiddo, how ya feelin'?" he asks kindly, looking Mac up and down as if to make sure he's still there.

"I'm alright, just lost in thought. Where's Seb?" she questions, as he's normally attached her & Chris' hip.

"He's hanging out in the truck. He's very excited to make our first pre-show Starbucks run!" Chris says with a teasing smile on his face.

Y/N rolls her eyes, having expected that. It's a well-known fact Seb's a sucker for Starbucks-he doesn't hide it very well. Knowing all of Mac's tack is in the trailer already, she puts the lead rope back on his halter and leads him to the trailer with Chris following close behind, a smile on his face the whole time.

Luckily for Y/N, Mac goes in easily. After securing the knot on his halter, she closes the doors and walks around to the front door of the truck. Climbing in between Chris and Sebastian, she grabs her seatbelt and fastens it.

"Ready for Starbucks, Y/N?" Sebastian's eyes lit up with anticipation, and he flashed a grin that revealed his teeth. He leaned in, and the corners of his mouth twitched as he asked for your answer. You returned the smile, nodding your head as fast as humanly possible.

30 minutes and a coffee run later, the trio was finally headed to the showgrounds. Y/N stole the aux as usual, playing her favorite music(to the annoyance of Chris and Sebastian of course.) The sun had just started to come up, making one of the most beautiful sunrises Y/N had ever seen in her life. The ride there was peaceful, a stark contrast to the events that were to come. The second they parked, the mood shifted from peaceful to anxious. Y/N instantly got out of the truck (climbing over poor Chris in the process) and got Mac out, walking him around and the other two prepared what they could for her.

Seb walks over to Y/N first, noticing her anxious manner as she walks Mac around the parking area.

"Hey, you okay darlin'? I know you're nervous, but pacing with Mac isn't going to help. What do you need me to do?" he questions, concern evident on his face.

"I honestly don't know. I need to go lunge him, but I'm so stressed I feel like I'll trip over my own feet. I'm so scared." she admitted in a soft tone, Sebastian's heart clenching at her words.

"Okay, how about this. I can come in the ring with you to lunge Mac,or I can go grab Chris if you want. Remember how you taught us all that stuff about horses? We've gotcha, kiddo. Let us help."

Y/N wasn't expecting tears to form in her eyes at his words, so instead of showing her face, she barreled into him for a hug while holding Mac's lead rope at her side. Seb's arms came around her, and she took a second to breathe before she pulled away.

"Okay. Can you come in with me after you go let Chris know where we'll be? I know he'll want to come watch, even though I'm not even on the horse." she smiled, and Sebastian nodded and headed off. Y/N got his lunge rope on his halter and led him into the ring, making sure they were alone so she could safely lunge him.

A few minutes after she gets him into a working trot, she sees Chris smiling from the edge of the arena, and Seb heading towards her. He cocks his head as if to ask if she needs any help, but Y/N just offers a reassuring grin and looks back at Mac. When she finally gets him into a working canter and warmed up, she pulls Chris over.

"Could you just go set up some jumps? I'm gonna lunge him over some smaller verticals.Maybe 2'3?" Y/N asks.

"Absolutely, I'll set a line up. Want me to get Sebastian to hold him while you go get changed? I know it's a little early for that, but it's kind of cold. I don't want you getting sick."

Y/N nods as she heads towards the truck, gathering her clothes in her arms as she heads into the back of the trailer to change. She decided on a long-sleeve white riding top, and a pair of her favorite sweatpants. She wanted to put off actually changing into her real riding clothes until she tacked him up.

Y/N gets back into the arena to see an absolutely adorable scene. Sebastian is holding Mac while snuggling his neck, and Chris is sitting on a jump trying to measure it. She grabs her phone out of her pocket and snaps a quick picture, heading over to help Chris out and take Mac from Seb. Bringing him to a canter, she lines him up with the line and he jumps it flawlessly. She can't help a smile from forming on her face as she lunges him over it again, confident she can raise the vertical again.

Y/N made the decision to show in the 3 foot jumpers as well as the 2'8, so she had Chris set up two verticals and an oxer. The oxer was 3'2, just in case, and the verticals were 3 feet. She spent about half an hour lunging him until she was satisfied, Chris and Sebastian watching the whole time in awe.

"Ready to tack up?" Chris asked as she walked over. She nodded and together they all headed up to the barn area, Seb checking them in while they found Mac's stall. The barn itself was deserted-it was around 9 A.M. and the show started at 11. Putting Mac in his stall, she ran to the truck and grabbed her tack box.

She'd decided on a wintergreen saddlepad, a choice much approved by Chris. Y/N hooked mac onto the crossties and began to brush him again, getting the dirt off as much as she could before she started to warm up. Putting the saddlepad on, she adjusted it a little bit and threw the saddle & girth on. A minute later the bridle was put on. Y/N lets Seb hold Mac as she ran to the barn bathroom to change again. She changed out of her sweats to her "show-worthy" breeches, and zipped her boots on. Grabbing her helmet, she walked out and met Chris and Seb by the warm-up arena. After adjusting her stirrups, Chris gave her a leg up and she situated herself.

Thankfully the arena was empty, so she sent the boys off to set up the same jumps she lunged Mac over earlier. Taking a deep breath, she came into a posting trot, doing a few laps around the arena before picking up a canter. Finding her distance, Y/N lined herself up with the jumps and sped Mac up a little bit. She soared over the first one, and had a little bit of a wonky distance for the second one. The adrenaline started kicking in as she went over the last two easily, giving Mac a little pat as she brought him down to a trot. Coming back around, she went over them again, this time trying to perfect her technique. She got lost in the sounds of Mac's hooves, allowing herself to ride the jumps almost perfectly. Going over a few more patterns and heights, Y/N finally got off and checked the time. Leading Mac back to his stall, she calculates the time in her head. She shows at 2, and it's 10:45. 3 hours to prepare. As she looks around, she slowly notices the amount of people there. Naturally for her, Y/N's brain sets off into a spiral. What if she's not good enough? What if she embarrasses herself in front of everyone? What if she falls?

Not even a minute later, Seb and Chris walk over. If Y/N didn't know any better, she'd think that they could sense her negative thoughts. They both had a feeling something was wrong with her when she started staring off into space, and that feeling was confirmed when they saw the tears in her eyes.

"Hey sweetheart. I know it seems fucking terrifying, but you know you're just as good as everyone here right? You deserve to be here, and we're so proud of you." Chris nods along as Sebastian talks, and they both pull her into a hug as she feels her anxiety start to calm down. "Now, how about we go check out your course?" He smiles, as they both take Y/N's hand and lead her to the paper. Of course she'd studied the course the nights before, but you never know. They both wanted to make sure she felt as prepared as possible, knowing how bad her nerves could get. They also knew it was amplified by the fact that it was her first show, so they were trying their hardest to help her feel comfortable.

"I wish the others could be here," she mumbled, staring at the sheet as she got lost in her thoughts again.

"I know love, but you know how Chris is. He's going to be taking a video of the whole thing." Seb smiled, turning back to Chris with an excited smile on his face.

Little did Y/N know, Anthony, Robert, Scarlett, both Toms, and Mark were going to be there to surprise you. Chris had gotten into contact with them a few days prior telling them about her first show, and managed to organize the whole thing. They were so excited.

Once Y/N was confident she had the course down, Seb and Chris set to finding as many distractions as they possibly could. They took her to the show shop, and grinned as she started in awe at all the merchandise. Her eyes kept wandering back to a grey hoodie with the show's logo on it, but she dismissed it. Chris walked off with her to the cafe, and Sebastian stayed behind to get the hoodie for her. After all, it was her first show-he wanted to indulge a little bit.

The time flew by faster than she thought it could, and soon enough, it was time for Y/N to get her number and get Mac warmed up. Chris and Seb did all that they could for her-tying the number on her belt, leading Mac to the ring, and of course feeding him a couple treats. Y/N's nerves got worse as the stands got more crowded, but the boys managed to get her distracted long enough to calm her down. As she went into the final warm-up ring, the boys ran to the gate, making sure that they could send her off when she got in line. They saw her jumping and were so excited to see her compete. Scanning the crowd, the boys saw the cast members in the front seats. They knew it would be impossible for Y/N not to see them when she came out, and got even more excited.

As soon as she got in line, they came running over. They wore the biggest smiles she'd ever seen on them, in turn making her wear an ear-splitting grin.

"Holy shit!!" Seb whisper-yelled, getting some death stares from other riders in your class. He didn't mind though-it was worth it.

"I fucking know! I'm terrified. I know the course though, and Mac is definitely ready. I'm just lucky I have the same course for my 4 o'clock class." she says, a shiver running down her spine for the poor souls who had to learn a whole now course in two hours. Chris reaches up to give Mac a pet on the neck, and Seb does the same with a smile.

"You've absolutely got this in the bag, kiddo. There are so many people out there and I'm confident you're going to beat everyone's asses." Chris says with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Y/N rolls her eyes as an involuntary smile comes across her face at Chris' words. As they move up in line, her smile only gets bigger.

"You feelin' ready?" Seb asks, for the 50th time that hour. She smiles and nods, letting the feeling of the reins in her hands and Mac's breaths

ground her.

After a few more minutes of talking, Y/N is up next. She watches the rider before her with bated breath. Said rider knocks a pole off and ends up falling, and Y/N starts freaking out again.

"Shit shit shit shit shit." she mumbles, as Chris and Sebastian stand there with their jaws clenched. They know this only made her anxiety worse; so far, no one had gotten a clear round. Chris grabs her leg and gives it a reassuring squeeze and Sebastian does the same to her hand- a reminder that they're there. The previous rider comes out of the gate looking devastated, and all three of the trio feel their hearts beat a little faster.

Y/N steps into the gate and the arena as the announcer begins her speech.

"Next up we have miss Y/N L/N! We've heard very good things about her, and cannot wait to see her ride. She's on her horse Makin' Magic, aka Mac, a gorgeous Palomino. We wish best of luck to you both! You may start your round at the buzzer."

She starts her courtesy circle, bringing Mac up into a canter around the arena. Looking out at the crowd, she sees something that makes her do a double-take; her cast is here! Her heart beats a little bit faster as the pressure she's under increases by ten, but the smiling faces of everyone, most importantly Sebastian and Chris, calm her down.

As soon as the buzzer goes off, she makes her way towards the first jump, counting her strides. She soars over it without effort, and immediately realizes she needs to speed up if she doesn't want any penalties. As she takes a deep breath, Y/N squeezes Mac with her heels. He immediately goes where she wants him, and they continue to jump rather easily. When they come to the second-to-last jump, however, Y/N starts to freak out. This is the jump two riders fell off on. Time seems to slow down as she looks for her father figure's faces in the crowd, making eye contact with them. Taking a breath, she counts her strides carefully. She eases him into the distance, keeping her eyes focused on the jump. They get there a stride too early, but Y/N puts all her faith in Mac and they manage to hop over it. She's launched out of her saddle a little bit, but what matters the most is that they got over it without knocking anything down. One jump left. Lining herself up once again, she pushes Mac to his max- getting the strides perfectly. The second they hit the ground, loud cheers break out from the crown. The most noticeable to Y/N, though, and the boys' cheers. She smiles to herself as she waves at the crowd, and can't help but full-on grin when the announcer sounds shocked.

"There you have it folks-our last rider for this class, Y/N L/N, has the first and only clear round. That was truly amazing." She says, a smile evident in her voice. Y/N trots out of the arena and straight to the cast, laughing as Chris, Anthony, and Tom Holland ran up screaming.

"Holy shit!" Chris yells.

"Holy FUCK, Y/N!!!" Anthony screams.

"Oh. My. God." Last but not least, Tom stands shell-shocked as he spits those words out.

Everyone that didn't run up screaming congratulated her, smiles on their faces. Y/N couldn't help but be excited for her next round.

[bergarasunsolved]

Making Magic

Summary: Y/N is an equestrian, and has been for years. Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan are her mentors and father figures. It's Y/N's first show, what could go wrong? Or in her case, what could go right?

Pairings: Sebastian Stan x teen!reader, Chris Evans x teen!reader, Anthony Mackie x teen!reader, RDJ x teen!reader, Scarlett Johansson x teen!reader, Tom Holland x teen!reader, Mark Ruffalo x teen!reader

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, anxious thoughts, some hurt/comfort, parental issues, and tooth-rotting fluff

Word Count: Around 3.6k !

A/N: this was requested by @ladki-ki-kathi <3 kind of love this! part 2 is in the works :)

The funny thing about horse show days is that no matter how stressful they are, anyone in the "show business" would rush to defend them the second someone starts to talk negatively. It's not that they're wrong, though; horse shows can be some of the most exciting and rewarding experiences in the equestrian world. Y/N knew this personally, being an equestrian for most of her life. Having been riding all her life, she's been to countless shows. Normally for her, days like these were not at all stressful, but today was different. It was Y/N's first show, and she was petrified.

After waking up at the crack of dawn to get the trailer ready, she finally made her way over to the stable where she took the route to Mac's stall by memory. Mac somehow seemed to know that today was a big day for them, and the minute Y/N stepped in the stall, he came over and nuzzled her. With a smile on her face, she sat down and cuddled him for a minute. Knowing the coming chaos of the day, a little more time spent bonding and trying her best to relax couldn't do any harm.

Much to Mac's dismay, she stood up five minutes later, taking a deep breath as she put his halter on. Y/N knew they had a little time to spare, so instead of leading him straight to the trailer, she led him to a tack stall. Grabbing her grooming bag, she took out her curry comb and began to brush gentle circles to rid Mac of the dirt that he somehow managed to accumulate the prior night. Y/N fell into a daze as she followed the familiar routine. She had always found it easy to let herself get lost in horses. Her relationship with her parents wasn't the best, but fortunately her father was an actor in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. This meant she had connections to almost everyone who'd ever acted in a Marvel movie. Even though her dad was absent, she was pretty thankful that she at least has this- it gave her someone to be able to look up to.Except it wasn't just someone. The whole cast, when they found out about her situation, had made it their mission to be there for her as much as they possibly could. This meant 75% of her time was spent with at least one member of the cast. It was a little overwhelming at first, but she'd grown to love it-they were genuinely the most caring people she'd ever met. She was close with all of them, but especially Sebastian Stan and Chris Evans. They took on the role of mentors and father figures in perfect stride, and Y/N couldn't be more appreciative of how easily they took on the roles.

If Y/N was honest, the only reason she was where she was right now was those two. When they found out about your pure passion for horses and realized she didn't have the resources to do it how they wanted her to be able to, the first thing Chris did was research. A lot of research. After about a week, he and Sebastian approached her asking if they could help you out. At first, Y/N said no, but they just kept asking and asking. She finally gave in, albeit reluctantly, and found out they managed to buy an old barn for her. She was absolutely flabbergasted, and kind of angry they didn't ask her first, but that settled down when she saw the place.

Seb and Chris had insisted it wasn't a big deal, and logically Y/N knew it wasn't. They had so much money they didn't even know what to do with it, and it made sense to them to buy it for her. After all, they'd both come to see Y/N as a daughter figure to them, and they loved her so much. When they saw the barn online, they were instantly charmed and knew she would be too. So they did the logical (okay, maybe not logical) thing, and bought it.

As soon as they pulled up to the place, Y/N instantly fell in love with it. It was a bit old, but it was obvious that the place could be great with a little work put into it. It was slightly tucked away in a quiet area with trees surrounding the property, which just made it more charming in her opinion. The paint was faded, and the barn itself had 5 stalls. The pasture was huge, and Y/N was so excited to see what she could do with the place.

It took the three of them (with lots of help from the whole cast) about a year to get it fixed up, but when it was done, it was the most gorgeous barn Y/N had ever seen. It had an aura that was comforting about it, and she took solace in that every chance she got. When she got Mac, her days were no longer spent making repairs on the barn, but taking care of her new horse. Mac's a gorgeous Palomino Thoroughbred, and he's about 15.4 hands. He does showjumping best in Y/N's opinion, but he's pretty awesome at dressage and eventing.

A tap on Y/N's shoulder brings her out of her thoughts, and she turns around to find Chris with a soft smile on his face.

"Hey, kiddo, how ya feelin'?" he asks kindly, looking Mac up and down as if to make sure he's still there.

"I'm alright, just lost in thought. Where's Seb?" she questions, as he's normally attached her & Chris' hip.

"He's hanging out in the truck. He's very excited to make our first pre-show Starbucks run!" Chris says with a teasing smile on his face.

Y/N rolls her eyes, having expected that. It's a well-known fact Seb's a sucker for Starbucks-he doesn't hide it very well. Knowing all of Mac's tack is in the trailer already, she puts the lead rope back on his halter and leads him to the trailer with Chris following close behind, a smile on his face the whole time.

Luckily for Y/N, Mac goes in easily. After securing the knot on his halter, she closes the doors and walks around to the front door of the truck. Climbing in between Chris and Sebastian, she grabs her seatbelt and fastens it.

"Ready for Starbucks, Y/N?" Sebastian's eyes lit up with anticipation, and he flashed a grin that revealed his teeth. He leaned in, and the corners of his mouth twitched as he asked for your answer. You returned the smile, nodding your head as fast as humanly possible.

30 minutes and a coffee run later, the trio was finally headed to the showgrounds. Y/N stole the aux as usual, playing her favorite music(to the annoyance of Chris and Sebastian of course.) The sun had just started to come up, making one of the most beautiful sunrises Y/N had ever seen in her life. The ride there was peaceful, a stark contrast to the events that were to come. The second they parked, the mood shifted from peaceful to anxious. Y/N instantly got out of the truck (climbing over poor Chris in the process) and got Mac out, walking him around and the other two prepared what they could for her.

Seb walks over to Y/N first, noticing her anxious manner as she walks Mac around the parking area.

"Hey, you okay darlin'? I know you're nervous, but pacing with Mac isn't going to help. What do you need me to do?" he questions, concern evident on his face.

"I honestly don't know. I need to go lunge him, but I'm so stressed I feel like I'll trip over my own feet. I'm so scared." she admitted in a soft tone, Sebastian's heart clenching at her words.

"Okay, how about this. I can come in the ring with you to lunge Mac,or I can go grab Chris if you want. Remember how you taught us all that stuff about horses? We've gotcha, kiddo. Let us help."

Y/N wasn't expecting tears to form in her eyes at his words, so instead of showing her face, she barreled into him for a hug while holding Mac's lead rope at her side. Seb's arms came around her, and she took a second to breathe before she pulled away.

"Okay. Can you come in with me after you go let Chris know where we'll be? I know he'll want to come watch, even though I'm not even on the horse." she smiled, and Sebastian nodded and headed off. Y/N got his lunge rope on his halter and led him into the ring, making sure they were alone so she could safely lunge him.

A few minutes after she gets him into a working trot, she sees Chris smiling from the edge of the arena, and Seb heading towards her. He cocks his head as if to ask if she needs any help, but Y/N just offers a reassuring grin and looks back at Mac. When she finally gets him into a working canter and warmed up, she pulls Chris over.

"Could you just go set up some jumps? I'm gonna lunge him over some smaller verticals.Maybe 2'3?" Y/N asks.

"Absolutely, I'll set a line up. Want me to get Sebastian to hold him while you go get changed? I know it's a little early for that, but it's kind of cold. I don't want you getting sick."

Y/N nods as she heads towards the truck, gathering her clothes in her arms as she heads into the back of the trailer to change. She decided on a long-sleeve white riding top, and a pair of her favorite sweatpants. She wanted to put off actually changing into her real riding clothes until she tacked him up.

Y/N gets back into the arena to see an absolutely adorable scene. Sebastian is holding Mac while snuggling his neck, and Chris is sitting on a jump trying to measure it. She grabs her phone out of her pocket and snaps a quick picture, heading over to help Chris out and take Mac from Seb. Bringing him to a canter, she lines him up with the line and he jumps it flawlessly. She can't help a smile from forming on her face as she lunges him over it again, confident she can raise the vertical again.

Y/N made the decision to show in the 3 foot jumpers as well as the 2'8, so she had Chris set up two verticals and an oxer. The oxer was 3'2, just in case, and the verticals were 3 feet. She spent about half an hour lunging him until she was satisfied, Chris and Sebastian watching the whole time in awe.

"Ready to tack up?" Chris asked as she walked over. She nodded and together they all headed up to the barn area, Seb checking them in while they found Mac's stall. The barn itself was deserted-it was around 9 A.M. and the show started at 11. Putting Mac in his stall, she ran to the truck and grabbed her tack box.

She'd decided on a wintergreen saddlepad, a choice much approved by Chris. Y/N hooked mac onto the crossties and began to brush him again, getting the dirt off as much as she could before she started to warm up. Putting the saddlepad on, she adjusted it a little bit and threw the saddle & girth on. A minute later the bridle was put on. Y/N lets Seb hold Mac as she ran to the barn bathroom to change again. She changed out of her sweats to her "show-worthy" breeches, and zipped her boots on. Grabbing her helmet, she walked out and met Chris and Seb by the warm-up arena. After adjusting her stirrups, Chris gave her a leg up and she situated herself.

Thankfully the arena was empty, so she sent the boys off to set up the same jumps she lunged Mac over earlier. Taking a deep breath, she came into a posting trot, doing a few laps around the arena before picking up a canter. Finding her distance, Y/N lined herself up with the jumps and sped Mac up a little bit. She soared over the first one, and had a little bit of a wonky distance for the second one. The adrenaline started kicking in as she went over the last two easily, giving Mac a little pat as she brought him down to a trot. Coming back around, she went over them again, this time trying to perfect her technique. She got lost in the sounds of Mac's hooves, allowing herself to ride the jumps almost perfectly. Going over a few more patterns and heights, Y/N finally got off and checked the time. Leading Mac back to his stall, she calculates the time in her head. She shows at 2, and it's 10:45. 3 hours to prepare. As she looks around, she slowly notices the amount of people there. Naturally for her, Y/N's brain sets off into a spiral. What if she's not good enough? What if she embarrasses herself in front of everyone? What if she falls?

Not even a minute later, Seb and Chris walk over. If Y/N didn't know any better, she'd think that they could sense her negative thoughts. They both had a feeling something was wrong with her when she started staring off into space, and that feeling was confirmed when they saw the tears in her eyes.

"Hey sweetheart. I know it seems fucking terrifying, but you know you're just as good as everyone here right? You deserve to be here, and we're so proud of you." Chris nods along as Sebastian talks, and they both pull her into a hug as she feels her anxiety start to calm down. "Now, how about we go check out your course?" He smiles, as they both take Y/N's hand and lead her to the paper. Of course she'd studied the course the nights before, but you never know. They both wanted to make sure she felt as prepared as possible, knowing how bad her nerves could get. They also knew it was amplified by the fact that it was her first show, so they were trying their hardest to help her feel comfortable.

"I wish the others could be here," she mumbled, staring at the sheet as she got lost in her thoughts again.

"I know love, but you know how Chris is. He's going to be taking a video of the whole thing." Seb smiled, turning back to Chris with an excited smile on his face.

Little did Y/N know, Anthony, Robert, Scarlett, both Toms, and Mark were going to be there to surprise you. Chris had gotten into contact with them a few days prior telling them about her first show, and managed to organize the whole thing. They were so excited.

Once Y/N was confident she had the course down, Seb and Chris set to finding as many distractions as they possibly could. They took her to the show shop, and grinned as she started in awe at all the merchandise. Her eyes kept wandering back to a grey hoodie with the show's logo on it, but she dismissed it. Chris walked off with her to the cafe, and Sebastian stayed behind to get the hoodie for her. After all, it was her first show-he wanted to indulge a little bit.

The time flew by faster than she thought it could, and soon enough, it was time for Y/N to get her number and get Mac warmed up. Chris and Seb did all that they could for her-tying the number on her belt, leading Mac to the ring, and of course feeding him a couple treats. Y/N's nerves got worse as the stands got more crowded, but the boys managed to get her distracted long enough to calm her down. As she went into the final warm-up ring, the boys ran to the gate, making sure that they could send her off when she got in line. They saw her jumping and were so excited to see her compete. Scanning the crowd, the boys saw the cast members in the front seats. They knew it would be impossible for Y/N not to see them when she came out, and got even more excited.

As soon as she got in line, they came running over. They wore the biggest smiles she'd ever seen on them, in turn making her wear an ear-splitting grin.

"Holy shit!!" Seb whisper-yelled, getting some death stares from other riders in your class. He didn't mind though-it was worth it.

"I fucking know! I'm terrified. I know the course though, and Mac is definitely ready. I'm just lucky I have the same course for my 4 o'clock class." she says, a shiver running down her spine for the poor souls who had to learn a whole now course in two hours. Chris reaches up to give Mac a pet on the neck, and Seb does the same with a smile.

"You've absolutely got this in the bag, kiddo. There are so many people out there and I'm confident you're going to beat everyone's asses." Chris says with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Y/N rolls her eyes as an involuntary smile comes across her face at Chris' words. As they move up in line, her smile only gets bigger.

"You feelin' ready?" Seb asks, for the 50th time that hour. She smiles and nods, letting the feeling of the reins in her hands and Mac's breaths

ground her.

After a few more minutes of talking, Y/N is up next. She watches the rider before her with bated breath. Said rider knocks a pole off and ends up falling, and Y/N starts freaking out again.

"Shit shit shit shit shit." she mumbles, as Chris and Sebastian stand there with their jaws clenched. They know this only made her anxiety worse; so far, no one had gotten a clear round. Chris grabs her leg and gives it a reassuring squeeze and Sebastian does the same to her hand- a reminder that they're there. The previous rider comes out of the gate looking devastated, and all three of the trio feel their hearts beat a little faster.

Y/N steps into the gate and the arena as the announcer begins her speech.

"Next up we have miss Y/N L/N! We've heard very good things about her, and cannot wait to see her ride. She's on her horse Makin' Magic, aka Mac, a gorgeous Palomino. We wish best of luck to you both! You may start your round at the buzzer."

She starts her courtesy circle, bringing Mac up into a canter around the arena. Looking out at the crowd, she sees something that makes her do a double-take; her cast is here! Her heart beats a little bit faster as the pressure she's under increases by ten, but the smiling faces of everyone, most importantly Sebastian and Chris, calm her down.

As soon as the buzzer goes off, she makes her way towards the first jump, counting her strides. She soars over it without effort, and immediately realizes she needs to speed up if she doesn't want any penalties. As she takes a deep breath, Y/N squeezes Mac with her heels. He immediately goes where she wants him, and they continue to jump rather easily. When they come to the second-to-last jump, however, Y/N starts to freak out. This is the jump two riders fell off on. Time seems to slow down as she looks for her father figure's faces in the crowd, making eye contact with them. Taking a breath, she counts her strides carefully. She eases him into the distance, keeping her eyes focused on the jump. They get there a stride too early, but Y/N puts all her faith in Mac and they manage to hop over it. She's launched out of her saddle a little bit, but what matters the most is that they got over it without knocking anything down. One jump left. Lining herself up once again, she pushes Mac to his max- getting the strides perfectly. The second they hit the ground, loud cheers break out from the crown. The most noticeable to Y/N, though, and the boys' cheers. She smiles to herself as she waves at the crowd, and can't help but full-on grin when the announcer sounds shocked.

"There you have it folks-our last rider for this class, Y/N L/N, has the first and only clear round. That was truly amazing." She says, a smile evident in her voice. Y/N trots out of the arena and straight to the cast, laughing as Chris, Anthony, and Tom Holland ran up screaming.

"Holy shit!" Chris yells.

"Holy FUCK, Y/N!!!" Anthony screams.

"Oh. My. God." Last but not least, Tom stands shell-shocked as he spits those words out.

Everyone that didn't run up screaming congratulated her, smiles on their faces. Y/N couldn't help but be excited for her next round.

[bubblessunshinehoney]

Is it smut?

A/N: i think the title speaks for itself, but yeah, it was my first fic ever published on my first account @/cloudyfeel. Still couldnt get it back, so i'm investing all my energy on this one, hehe

TW: smut, I mean the title is a spoiler?… cockwarming, slight jealousy,(if you look very closely), a little bit of angst-Tom being a bit insecure

Enjoy,

Cloudy

Dont't be shy, comment, reblog, like!

english is not my first language. not beta read, all mistakes are my own.

You were on the couch reading some fanfic on tumblr while Tom, your cute boyfriend, was watching some golf on TV. It was time like this, that you miss while he was away for filming or on press tour. You just enjoyed being with him and spend time with him even if both of you were doing different things.

“What are you reading?” Tom asked you genuinely curious. You looked at him before answering: “Some fanfiction”

“About who?” You thought of your answer.. you were not embarrassed to read fanfiction, Tom knew from the start of your relationship two years ago, that you read and write some of it. “Mmh… currently Bucky Barnes, it’s a really good one.” “Sebastian Stan as Bucky Barnes?” “Yeah, who else?” You asked in return.

Tom looked at you, a hint of jealousy coursing his veins. He didn’t know why… but he also knew that you found Sebastian Stan pretty looking. You could feel him tensed. You let a small sigh and you said:“ I also read one about Captain America, Harry Styles, Peter Parker…so you know about a lot of people, about a lot of different topics.”

“You read fanfic about me?” You laughed. “I said about Peter Parker.” He snorted. “Yeah, but I am Peter Parker.” “So he’s Andrew Garfield or Tobey Maguire… you’re not that special, babe” you teased him. “Excuse me young lady?” “I excuse you pretty boy.”

You continued your reading, but you could feel Tom’s glaze on you. You stopped looking at your phone after a few minutes and you meet eyes with Tom. “Ok, I confess… I read fanfic about you.” “Like me, me? ” “Yeah and your characters. But mostly Peter Parker, Arvin Russell and you as yourself or in alternative universe.” He blushed. You raised an eyebrow at his reaction. “Why are you blushing ?” “Is it smut?”

You scoffed, “sometimes” you mumbled. Now you were a bit embarrassed… ok you read smut about those fictional characters… but to admit it out loud to your boyfriend, who played those characters… you felt shy suddenly. “But I’m right here, darling” “ I’m not reading smut about you or your characters when you here…” “Oh…but your reading bucky barney’s fiction…with smut?”

It was your time to blush. Yup, you were reading a smut fiction about a marvel character while your boyfriend was watching innocently some golf. “Maybe?” “Y/N!” “Sorry, Tom, ok? I just found it and the summary was catchy and I started reading it…. and this author is very good at smut. I am horny and reading this kind of fiction is nice when I am in this state, you know.” “But I am here!” Shouted Tom. “Tom, sweety, I am mentally horny… not physically horny right now” You both laugh. “Damn, you’re weird… I love you Y/N/N”. “Love you too dork, but I know that you’re jealous of my Bucky Barnes fanfic.” The day went by and when you were both getting ready to go to bed Tom asked you.

“Could I read some?” You looked at him with wide eyes. “ I mean, I am curious to see some of the works you liked. About my characters, me or other.” “To be clear, I read about you or you characters, when I missed you and you’re not here, ok? Because clearly, when we’re together I don’t need it… I mean all my fantasies come true while we’re together.”

“No need to justify, baby. You told me when we started dating that you like reading and writing some fanfic. But I really am curious and to read some you liked… I don’t know I feel like I can connect with even more, when we’re not together.” You pout, he was the cutest…and you couldn’t handle it or even said no to him. “Tom… stop being this adorable… give me your phone I’ll connect you to my tumblr.”

He smiled at you and handed you his phone. He was happy to asked you this because he was going away for a few days with his brothers and you couldn’t come. “Keep in mind that some of them are… maybe a bit extreme and I don’t put them on the list of the thing I want to try with you during sex, alright?” He nodded and opened his arms for you to come cuddle him. ~~~~~~ You were at your desk working on something when your phone start buzzing. Tom was calling you. “Hey Tommy!” “Hey, Y/N” “ we said that we were calling each other later or am I wrong?” There was a silent and you could hear tom heavy breathing. “ you ok?” “I’m reading some of the fanfic that you saved.” Your heart started beating a little faster. “Oh, the extreme ones?” “ i don’t know what you mean about extreme… but I- i am a little concern about my size.” “Your size?” “ yeah, my penis… I-I mean sometimes the description of my shaft in these… I wonder if mine is… you know good enough…” You reprimanded your laugh. Tom was sometime insecure, but you were not ready for him to be insecure about his size…well no this one to be honest. “You’re stretching me just right, baby boy.” You said languidly. “ damn, you don’t know what’s coming for you when I am home.” He replied. “Well I sure hope to cum…” You both laughed and started to talk about everything and anything before you had to hang up and started working again. But you couldn’t wait for him to come home… now you were horny in the physical way. ~~~~ Two days later, Tom and his brothers were coming back from there little trip. You had planned a little lingerie set to welcome home your sweet, sexy and handsome boyfriend. You heard the door open and shut quite quickly before the voice of Tom came to you. “Y/N!” “In the bedroom!” You found the best way to lay down on the sheets. You were on your stomach with your legs bends and your chin between your hands. Tom literally stormed to the room. He stopped in his tracks and looked at you with wide eyes and he huffed.

“ jesus, why didn’t you warned me that those fanfic could made me that horny !” You laughed and sit on your knees. “ why don’t you cure your horny state with me ? I just read a fanfic with Peter Parker and it was… so… fucking hot. I need you Tom.”

Tom took his shirt and pants off. He crowled on the bed and stopped just an inche from you. He looked at you from head to toes and his eyes darkened with lust. “ I saw that you read one were we have a threesome with Hazz.” “ yeah, an extreme one…sorry about that. But if it makes it better, I don’t want to… just you and me.. nobody else.” He kissed you, with a certain passion that you only found when he came back from filming. His hands started running down your body, cupping your breast, your ass before he cupped your cheeks.“ You’re so beautiful, I can believe you’re mine.” You chuckled and put your hands on his neck and you scratched the base of his hair. He groaned in the kiss and put you closer to him. “ I want to try something.” He whispered. You hummed letting him now that you were listening. He kissed your cheeks, your lips, your neck before saying. “Cockwarming” you put your hands on his shoulders and you looked him in the eyes. “I was thinking of that this morning… I want to try it too. But not in my mouth though…” “ yeah, not in your mouth I wanna hold you tight.”

You stripped from you last bit of clothing and Tom sat against the headboard. You straddled him, he caressed your folds, you reached the drawer of the nightstand and got the lube. Tom smiled at you and took the bottle. He opened it and squeezed some in his hands, he worked him self up and continue to teasing your folds. When you felt both ready, he put a condom and you aligned yourself with him. You slipped gently and when your ass meet his thighs you both sigh in pleasure. “So now, we don’t move for awhile” Tom murmured. “Yeah, that’s the idea of cockwarming. How was the trip?”

He chuckled and tried to focus on his answer, but he felt too good to be in you after being so horny for the past few days of reading this smut. “It was nice, but not as nice as what I am feeling right now.” You laughed and in doing so you clenched a little bit. Tom hissed and you let a little moan out. “Fuck, that’s not what I thought, I would feel. Tom, don’t be insecure about your size, you’re really filling me up just right.”

He put his arms around your waist and kissed your beck tenderly. “Gosh I love you, Y/N/N”. You put your hands in his hairs and kissed his forehead, cheeks and then his lips. “I love you too, Tommy.”

You stayed silent, just enjoying the feeling to be this close and this connected. When your legs started to hitch, Tom took the initiative to turned you around. Without slipping out of you, he was on top. He took both of your legs and put them on his waist and he started thrust in you. You whimper quietly at the sudden movement. Your hands on his back, your nails digging in his flesh. He groaned and start thrusting harder and faster. You moaned louder and louder overwhelmed by the warming and now the way Tom entered you and hitting your g-spot. “Babe, I wont last long” panted Tom.

You kissed him passionately and your hands went on his ass to accentuate his movement. “Me neither, touch me please”. He reached for your clit and you arched your back. Tom searched your eyes, when you locked them together your breathing synchronized and you both camed at the same time. Your all body trembled and Tom collapsed on top of you. You caressed his head and shoulders while he kissed tenderly your neck and collarbone.

“Sweety, can you come out. Cockwarming is over” you chuckled. He sighed and lay down beside you. You cuddled on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. “Babe, do you want me to sub next time?” “If you up for it, why not.”

He hold you tighter and kissed your forehead. Maybe let him read your favourite fanfic was a good idea.

[daggerzine]

MY FAVORITE RECORDS OF 2023! (lists in no particular order....well, sort of)

MY 20 FAVORITE RECORDS OF 2023  

Anna Hillburg- Tired Girls (Speakeasy Studios)

RVG- Brain Worms (fire) 

The Tubs- Dead Meat (Trouble in Mind) 

Seablite- Lemon Lights (Mt St Mtn)

The Reds, Pinks & Purples- The Town That Cursed Your Name (Slumberland)

Lewsberg- Out and About (12XU)

Melenas- Ahora (Trouble in Mind)

Blues Lawyer- All in Good Time (Dark Entries) 

Colored Lights- S/T (Bobo Integral)

Doe St- Stepping Stones (Legless) 

Guardian Singles- Feed Me To The Doves (Trouble in Mind) 

Corvair - Bound To Be (WIAIWYA)

The Garment District- Flowers Telegraphed To All Parts of the World (HHBTM)

Royal Ottawa- Carcosa (self released)

Tough Age- Waiting here (Bobo Integral)

Soft Science- Lines (Shelflife)

The Midnight Sailors- S/T (self released)

Robert Forster- The Candle and the Flame (Tapete) 

Civic – Taken By Force (ATO) 

Sumos- Surfacing (Meritorio) 

WAIT….HERE’S 20 MORE!

Connie Lovatt- Coconut Mirror (Enchante’)

En Attendant Ana- Principia (Trouble in Mind) 

Withered Hand- How to Love (Reveal) 

The High Water Marks- Your Next Wolf (Minty Fresh)

The Feelies- Some Kinda Love: Performing the Music of the Velvet Underground (Bar-None)

Connections- Cool Change (Trouble in Mind) 

The Ex Bats- Song Machine  (Goner)

The Photocopies- Top of the Pops (Ultra Modern)

Amanda Brown- Eight Guitars (Lillipilli) 

Arthur Alexander- …Steppin’ Out!  (Big Stir Records)

Eyelids- A Colossal Waste of Lights ((Jealous Butcher) 

Panic Pocket- Mad Half Hour (Skep Wax)

Yo La Tengo- This Stupid World (Matador)

Swansea Sound- Twentieth Century (Skep Wax)

Kevin Robertson- Magic Spells Abound (Futureman)  

Super 8- Hoopla (The Beautiful Music) 

The Radio Fields- Dos and Dont’s (Subjangle)

Joe McAlinden- Where The Clouds Go Swimming (self -released)

The Black Watch- Future Strangers (ATOM) 

Rob I Miller- Companion Piece (Vacant Stare)

….AND HERE’S 10 MORE

The Lost Days- In the Store (Speakeasy Studios) 

Life Strike- Peak Dystopia (Bobo Integral)

Belle & Sebastian- Late Developers (Matador)

Lauds- Imitation Life (Fort Lowell) 

The Hepburns- Only the Hours (Lavender Sweep) 

Lomma- Torrey Pines (self released)

C.O.F.F.I.N.- Australia Stops (Goner)

Special Friend- Wait Until the Flames Come Rushing In (Skep Wax)

Burning Ferns- World of the Wars (Country Mile)

Wojtek the Bear- Second Place on Purpose (Last Night From Glasgow)

I ALSO REALLY LIKED ALBUMS BY:  Diners, Moving Targets, Bill Orcutt, Skull Practitioners, the Suncharms, Divine Horsemen, The Flashcubes, Hurry, Teenage Fanclub, Lydia Loveless, The Make Three, Shana Cleveland, The Ekphrastics, Ryan Allen, Fruit Bats, Nicole Yun, Dippers, Lost Film, Tony Jay, Cindy, Class, The Clientele, Lemon Twigs, Sweeping Promises, The National Honor Society, The Whiffs, Infinite River, Silver Biplanes, Jason Isbell, The Cuticles, Mudhoney, Alex Lahey, Crocodiles, Peter Hall, Cherry Fez, The Angles, Scott Gagner, Mainland Break, Christian Kjellvander, Sick Thoughts, Grand Drifter, The Motifs, The Sunshine Convention, The 1981, Roy Moller, Youth Valley, Soft Covers, Deadlights, The Smashing Times, The Spires, Helen Love, Motorbike, Silverstiles, Water Damage, Uni Boys, The Royal Arctic Institute, Gina Birch, Gee Tee, etc.

MY  10 FAVORITE REISSUES OF 2023 

The Chills- Brave Words (Fire)

The Replacements- Tim (Sire)

The Ocean Blue- Davy Jones Locker (Korda)

Wild Carnation- Tricycle (Delmore) 

Neutral Milk Hotel- The Collected Works of Neutral Milk Hotel (Merge)

Das Damen- 1986- Keeps Me Wild (Dromedary)

Heavenly -Le Jardin de Heavenly (Skep Wax) 

The Verlaines- Bird Dog (Schoolkids Records) 

The Toms- S/T (Feel It) 

Celibate Rifles  Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Bang!)

MY 15 FAVORITE EPS OF 2023 

Lightheaded- Good Good Grief (Slumberland)

Minor Threat-  Out of Step outtakes (Dischord)

The Cucumbers- Old Shoes (self released)

The Reds, Pinks & Purples- Unloveable Losers (digital) 

The Vapour Trails- On a Beautiful Day (Futureman)

Blues Lawyer- Sight Gags on the Radio (Dark Entries)

Deary- S/T (Sonic Cathedral)

The Wends- Better Will (WWNBB) 

Te Vista- S/T  (Cripes) 

Red Sleeping Beauty- From Sarah With Love (Matinee)

Letting Up Despite Great Faults- Crumble (S/T) 

The Prize- Wrong Side Of Town   (Anti Fade) 

Touch Girl Apple Blossom- S/T (self released)

Galore- Blush (Paisley Shirt) 

Lost Tapes- Crossing Towns (Shelflife)

MY 5 FAVORITE COLLECTIONS OF 2023 

The Particles- 1980’s Bubblegum (Chapter Music)

Primal Scream- Reverberations (Travelling in Time) (Acid Jazz/XTRM/Young Tiki)

The Shapiros- Gone by Fall: the Collected Works of (World of Echo) 

Dot Dash- 16 Again (Country Mile)

Comet Gain- The Misfit Jukebox (Tapete) 

Eric "Eggman" Eggleson's favorite records of 2023!

A Colossal Waste Of Light - Eyelids

Aeterna - Vinyl Williams

Away From The Castle – Video Age

Babydoll – Rat Columns

Bananasugarfire – Golden Apples

Careless By The Coast - Marvin Powell

Cartwheel - Hotline TNT

Colored Lights

Compact Trauma – Ulrika Spacek

Continue As A Guest – The New Pornographers

Disenchanter - Alaska Reid

EP IV – Yumi Zouma

Flowers Telegraphed To All Parts Of The World – The Garment District

Henry St. - The Tallest Man On Earth

Hindsight is 50/50 – Ghost Woman

I Held The Shape While I Could – Bodywash

Javelin – Sufjan Stevens

Left Hand - Becca Mancari

Life and Life Only - The Heavy Heavy

Love as Projection – Frankie  Rose

May Cause Dizzy Ness - The Musical Chairs

My Entire Life – SUSTO

Pearlies – Emma Anderson

Perennial - Woods

Pictures – Dean Owens

Praise A Lord Who Chews But Which Does Not Consume; (Or Simply, Hot Between Worlds) - Yves Tumor

Prize - Rozi Plain

Radio Red – Laura Groves

So Soon Now – Trillion

Strange Loops and Outer Psyche – Andy Bell

Suntub – ML Buch

The Greater Wings - Julie Byrne

The Natural Lines

The Queen Is Not Dead – Spiritual Front

the record – boygenius

The Sunshine Convention

The Twits - bar Italia

This Candle Is For You - Spearmint

Waiting Here – Tough Age

We Live In Strange Times – Ian M Bailey

When Horses Would Run - Being Dead

[crashdevlin]

Losses and Gains 1- She Deserves Better

Author’s Note: This is the first chapter of Losses and Gains, the second part of To Have it All. This is Something More...from Jensen's side!

Summary: Jensen doesn't take it well when Y/n catches the eye of a certain British gentleman. 

Pairing:  Jensen x Reader, background Reader x Tom Hiddleston

Word count: 4149

Story Warnings: open marriage, mentions of depression and heartbreak, the beginnings of bad things

~~~~

I knew. When I watched Y/n ride away in that Uber, I knew that Danneel had broken something. Months of getting closer, being in love with each other, building some secret something with her...all torn down with one catty, jealous comment from my wife.

I was hoping she'd come back around but I knew that I had one shot to see her and bring her back to me. I was hoping that showing her that I was still in love even when she was clear across the continent would work. I called her every night after we wrapped. The calls were short, fifteen minutes, usually, but I managed to make her laugh at least once a day. It was a good thing. Made me feel like there was still a connection between us.

I spent my days sad and my nights dreaming of her. I missed her so much and I knew, I knew it in my heart, that she was pulling back and that I was at risk of losing her. Losing her...well, that was going to be the worst thing I could think of.

When she went to Atlanta, I was excited. She'd be alone. She'd be able to remember how being with me felt. At least that was the way I thought it'd go. I mean, especially when she actually called me at noon on the first day of her shooting with Marvel. "Hey. How's your first day on a major motion picture going?"

“Uh, it’s good. My hair is super red. My voice is already tired," she said as I sat in my recliner in my trailer. "You remember when Rich was directing and he made us do the French Toast scene thirteen freakin’ times? Nothing compared to these Marvel guys.”

I chuckled as I remembered the day a few months ago. “You havin’ fun, though? Meet any of the biggies, yet?”

“Yeah, actually. Most of my scenes are with Tom.”

“Which one?” There were several Toms in the MCU so that was funny to me.

She laughed and I smiled. She hadn't really laughed since she went home...not with me, anyway. “Hiddleston. Sinthea has most of her scenes with Loki. I have a small interaction with Stephen Strange and  two tiny scenes with Thor, but that’s it. So, I’m sadly not gonna have any screen time with Robert Downey Jr. or Sebastian Stan." She sounded so excited. "Oh, they did tell me something cool and super-secret-keep-your-mouth-shut. I get the mid-credits scene.”

I was filled with pride for her. That was a big fucking deal. “No shit?”

“No shit. Well, me and Tom, but… it’s Sinthea’s reveal, which I can’t go into because it's super-secret-keep-your-mouth-shut.”

“So, you're already callin' him by his first name, huh? I knew they’d take to you as fast as we did.”

There was a long moment of silence before she gave a little sigh. "Yeah, um, about that…Tom asked me for drinks after we wrap tonight.”

Drinks. I knew what that meant. He was making his move on her. Already, he was making his move. He hadn't even known her six hours! And she was going for it? “You said 'yes’?” I asked.

“Of course, I did," she practically squeaked.

I got irrationally pissed off. I was losing her. I was losing her to Tom fucking Hiddleston on the day they met each other and there was nothing I could do about it. But I wasn't pissed off at her…no, all that anger was directed at Dee and Hiddleston. “No, you’re right. I've got no claim to you, no right to stop you from your life. Hell, I’ve got a wife. Look, I gotta go. Bob’s calling. Talk to you later.” I was shaking as I hung up the phone. I literally hung up on her.

I jumped up and started pacing back and forth in the living room area, trying to deal with the anger. I threw my phone at the plush back of the recliner and rubbed my hand across my face as it bounced and hit the floor. What was I going to do? Was there anything I could do? I was stuck. I could only sit back and hope the man wasn't as charming as he seemed. There had to be something wrong with him, right?

"Wishful thinking, first of all. He's a complete fuckin' gentleman, by all accounts," Jared said when I told him what soured my mood. "Besides...this could be a good thing for her! She deserves a nice guy!"

"I'm a nice guy!" I argued. "She already has a-"

"Jensen, she doesn't have a nice guy in her life that can be a public part of her life and she deserves someone who won't treat her like a dirty little secret."

I clenched my jaw and my fists. "I have never treated her like a dirty-"

"The first rule of your relationship is that I'm the only person other than your wife who can know about Y/n. That is, exactly, treating her like a dirty fucking secret." Jared shrugged. "Come on, Ackles. Don't act like you don’t know how this played out for her. I told you how it was affecting her and how much worse it could get. You're lucky, and she's lucky, that she found someone else before either of you got in too fucking deep."

I scoffed. "She's not his yet. I can still pull this out. I can still fix-"

"Jensen!" His tone snapped me out of my monologue and I looked up to catch his eyes. "Stop. Just fucking stop. She's not his yet, but she's not yours either. She put up a wall and you need to respect that shit. Call your wife and work on fixing that instead."

"Are you kidding me right now? Dee is the reason that Y/n was emotionally available for this asshole to swoop in and turn on the charm! Why would I want to fix anything with-"

"Because she's your wife and you love her and she needs to be more important than your ex-mistress, okay?" Jared patted my shoulder and walked away as I processed his words.

He was right. Jared usually is when it comes to other people's lives. But I didn’t want him to be right. I just wanted to have both of the women I loved. Is that so fucking wrong?

So I switched my flight to Atlanta. I was planning to fly out Friday night to get there for her birthday Saturday, but I needed to get there as soon as possible to mitigate the damage.

Tom Hiddleston. Why did it have to be Tom Hiddleston? Why did she have to be interested in him? All that Loki energy rolling off of him.

I spent the rest of the day pissed off. Luckily, it worked with the episode since Dean was having to deal with Jack and spent half the episode irritated. We wrapped at about 1 in the morning. I was exhausted, cold, and still pissed as I trudged toward my trailer. I was planning to call her and leave a message before I went back to the condo...but my phone rang before I could get there.

"Hey." From the heavy way she said the greeting, I could tell she was drunk. It was 4 am in Atlanta and she was drunk dialing me. "Jensen, I’m drunk.”

“I can hear that," I said as I opened the trailer and stepped up into it.

“I’m drunk and I’m alone.” Alone now or alone completely? “I didn’t go back to Tom’s hotel with him, which...he's in the Ritz, by the way...because I was left with the distinct impression that you are mad at me and I don’t want you mad at me, Jay.”

Of course she thought I was mad at her and not him. She's got the self-esteem of an abused puppy. I couldn’t let her keep thinking my issue was with her so I scratched my head and sighed. "I ain’t mad at you. I know I…” Words. What words are the right words? Why do I struggle to say the right shit to her so often? “I’m married. We aren’t dating. I knew we were temporary when we started it." Which was painful but true. "I just didn’t expect you to leave me as soon as you…left Vancouver.”

“I’m…sure it’s temporary with him, too. It fuckin’ always is. Look, I’m not going anywhere, Jay. I…I’m part of the Family now, right? Even if Tara gets killed off, I’m part of the Supernatural Family. Even if we aren’t together, I’m gonna be around. Right? You aren’t gonna cut me off just because-”

“No! God, no!" The very idea of it...never...I could never. "Come on. Don’t…look, I’m not mad at you. I just really wish I could give you what you deserve.”

“I deserve a chance with Tom. Since I can’t have you…I deserve Tom. But I deserve to be your friend, too. Please, don’t take that away from me.”

I didn't think I could watch her be with him. I couldn’t stand idle as she started a relationship with him. I knew it was going to hurt too much, but still I said, “I won’t. I’m here for you. Promise.”

“Good. I have to get some sleep so…Jay. Don’t hang up on me again. It hurt.”

I shook my head at myself. I never wanted to hurt her. “I know. I’m sorry. Hey, but I’ll see you at the Atlanta Con, right? You don’t have any shooting for this weekend, do you?”

“Yeah. Definitely. The director cleared me for that weekend before I even got here.”

“Okay, great. I’ll see you then, Baby Girl.”

“Good night, Jay.”

I bit my lip as I disconnected the call. At least that hadn't changed. She still called me 'Jay' and it still made my heart thud out an extra beat.

~~~~

Clif didn't like the idea of me going to the convention alone. I was supposed to be with Jared. I was supposed to stay guarded. But I promised him that I was just going to sneak into the green room and surprise Y/n and then I was gonna grab a drink with her back at the hotel. He insisted on coming along anyway.

I made it to the con hotel about a half hour after karaoke started and I found the green room by memory from the last time we did a con in Atlanta and from there, I had a smitten volunteer take me to the backstage area. I could hear Y/n's voice as we approached. She was singing a duet, some Meghan Trainor thing I had heard her sing in the kitchen while making dinner. But instead of her singing the male and female like she did when she was frying chicken, there was another voice coming through the speakers.

I was, for the first time, irrationally pissed off at her. She brought him to our space. Conventions were ours. Conventions were for the Family and she brought this guy she barely fucking knew into our place.

I went back to the green room and started pacing. "Can you believe that shit? She brought him to a convention! She should know better! He's not one of us! Why would she bring- isn't it bad enough that he's stolen her away?" Clif just shook his head at me and went out into the hallway. He was not shy about the fact that he was on the 'let it go' train Jared was driving. I kept pacing for a few moments before sitting down on one of the couches, seething at her and at him. Tom, who walked in as I was debating leaving the con and pretending that I’d never been there. He stopped at the door and I glared at him. I couldn’t help it.

Y/n followed him into the green room about a minute later, practically bouncing with happiness. “Hey! You were amazing! Your voice is like velvet!” she exclaimed.

He gave her an uncomfortable smile and nodded toward me before he said something I couldn’t hear. She looked over at me and gasped before rushing at me. “What are you doing here on a Friday?!”

I stood up and pulled her into a hug. It felt good to have her in my arms again but I was still pissed off so I just licked my lips and stepped back. “Well, your birthday’s tomorrow. I didn’t wanna miss out on your big two-nine. Though, I kinda feel like I may be a third wheel now that I see him. I cannot believe you invited him to a con.”

She literally rolled her eyes at me and grabbed my hand, pulling me across the room toward him. “Tom, this is Jensen. Jensen, this is Tom.”

He extended his hand for me to shake it and for a moment I almost let him hang, but the look in Y/n’s eyes told me I couldn’t really do that. If I did, I’d be spurning her. So I took his hand and tried to crush it in my own. To his credit, he didn’t show any pain. He just smiled politely and nodded. “It’s a pleasure,” he said and I forced myself to nod at him.

“Right,” I agreed, as I stepped back from him and turned my focus on Y/n. “So...how about a drink, Y/n/n? I mean, if your friend doesn’t mind.”

“I agree, a drink is a wonderful idea. Should we wait until the karaoke fun is over or-” It made me cringe that he answered for her.

“Oh, we definitely have to wait for the finale!” Y/n exclaimed. “Everyone’s gonna sing ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’! If Jensen goes out to sing with us for the finale, the audience will freak the fuck out! He’s literally never here for karaoke!”

I didn’t really feel up to it. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was there except her. “Yeah, I, uh, don’t know if that’s such a good idea, roomie. I just came early for a birthday drink with you...and after you bringing your new friend, I’m sure they’ve probably had enough excitement for one night.”

She immediately slipped into her puppy dog face. “Oh, come on, Jay! The fans will love it!”

I ran my hand down my face and shook my head. “Fuck. You sure do know how to use those eyes on me, don’t you? I...guess I can do some Kansas. But after ‘Carry On’ you and I are grabbing a drink...just the two of us,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t put up any protest. If she protested, I’d just go have a drink by myself...and I thought I was going to have to do that because she looked over her shoulder at Tom, like she was asking permission.

“It’s fine. I’m sure you two have quite a lot to talk about with your...roommate. Meet me back at my hotel afterward?”

His hotel? She was staying at his hotel?

She nodded. “I’ll text you when I’m done. Just to make sure you’re still awake.”

“I’ll put on the strong tea.” He winked at her, then kissed her cheek and left.

I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I wasn’t sure what to say. I was so full of anger and pain. “So, you’re staying with him now?”

She shook her head. “No. I’m still at the Holiday Inn Express. I did stay at the...Ritz last night. And it looks like I might be staying there again tonight.” I was so hurt and pissed off about the very idea that she already fucked him that my stomach seemed to burn inside.

“Wow, that was fast. I mean, took me months of flirting with you before we made it to the bedroom,” I snapped. I didn’t want to make her feel bad but I was pissed. I could see the offense on her face and I felt bad about it but I was too pissed off to care much.

“Jensen, I had no fucking self esteem when I met you. I-I couldn’t even imagine that someone like you was flirting with me. But...you did and...because you showed me that I was worth the attention of a...of a god among men, I was able to see it for what it really was when Tom asked me for drinks.”

I scoffed. “Oh, so you’re saying that it’s my fault that you’re fuckin’ that guy? That...stupid...British...ginger…” I couldn’t articulate my anger. I couldn’t articulate my feelings.

She looked away but nodded. “In a bit of a roundabout way...yeah. I’m sorry, Jay. It’s just...we can’t ever be more than what we were. You’re married and you love her.”

“Yeah, of course I do, but you and I both know that my love for you didn’t start or stop at the bedroom door,” I reminded her and she looked away from me.

“But the way you love her...your love for her and your kids...it’s all-encompassing. You...can’t…” She sighed and looked away from me. “Jensen, I will always love you. Always, but...I deserve to be someone’s one and only. I would never be more than a--a distraction for your long days away from home. I deserve more than that.”

“I…” I shook my head and looked away from her. “I know. It doesn’t mean I gotta like it, though. I thought we were happy with our prior arrangement.”

“We were...until...I wasn’t.”

“Because you met him,” I accused her.

“Because I realized I wanted more,” she responded.

I was on the verge of tears, my heart breaking at the idea of her wanting more than what I could give her. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to stick around for the finale. Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just...not into it,” I said, starting to walk away.

Her hand wrapped around my wrist and I looked back at her. “Jay, please don’t shut down.”

I couldn’t hold back my anger anymore. “What do you want from me?” I snatched my hand away from her. “If you had told me ‘no’ in January, then it could’ve been okay.” No, it wouldn’t have. It would have hurt if she told me no, but it wouldn’t have hurt like this did. “We could’ve stayed friends but after everything we’ve been through...Y/n, you’re leaving me for Loki. It’s that simple.”

“We weren’t dating, Jensen!” she whispered, furiously. “I was your sex toy. I was something for you to play with when you were away from your wife!”

“I love you and you know that!” I growled and I was a little bit louder than I should have been.

“But you can’t be with me,” she whispered...and her voice was full of so much pain...and that hurt me.

Fuck, I just wanted everything to be okay. “What if I could?” I asked, before clarifying. “What if...we were really together?”

She looked around, obviously making sure that no one was around to hear what I’d said. Obviously, I wouldn’t have said that in front of anyone. She shook her head. “You’d never leave her and I would never want you to. It’s the last thing I want to be a homewrecker and she is your home. Her and JJ and A-to-Z.” I love the way she called the twins ‘A-to-Z’ but I couldn’t appreciate it right then. “I would never want to break that up. But I deserve to be with someone I can tell my family about. I deserve to be with someone for more than just the few weekends we do conventions and the couple weeks I shoot on the show. I’m not gonna be on Supernatural forever, Jay, and what then? I deserve-”

I couldn’t hear her say anymore. “I know that! I just wish I could be what you deserve.”

She looked irritated. “If I’d met you before 10 Inch Hero...but I never would have...before…” She shook her head. “Jensen, it’s just not in the cards for us. You should find someone else because...I’m moving on.”

“I don’t want another girlfriend. I want you.”

She looked away from me and sighed. “Fuck, Jay. I’m ready for a grown-up relationship. I am ready from more than just sex.”

That. That hit me harder than anything else. “Is that what you think this was? You can’t really think that’s all you and I had.”

“We couldn’t ever be anything else!” she hissed at me and I could see that she was as hurt by the whole argument as I was but my anger and hurt wouldn’t let me empathize. “We were never going to date or-or have a relationship that I could ever tell my friends or family about. I was always going to be a secret. What we did, for the past eight months, was hide in dark corners and behind bedroom doors and I knew for the last couple months that I wasn’t ever going to get more than that. I thought it was what I wanted. I thought that was less drama and it would be a good idea because the last time I tried to have something real was when I lost everything. I lost myself in Nate but I’m better now. I’m a fuckin’ adult, Jay, and I deserve-”

“I know!” I couldn’t help but lose my temper because she was right. She was right and I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted her. Why did that have to be so fucking hard? “I get it! I’m not giving you what you deserve! But I’m not gonna stand here and pretend to like this shit because I don’t!”

“Keep your damn voice down!” she demanded, looking around nervously. I didn’t even care if someone heard at that moment. My world was crashing down. Her eyes were sad but she was breaking up with me and there was too much happening in my heart for me to care about what some fan or one of our friends was gonna say. “Fuck, Jensen...I can’t do this. If you want to push me away...if you wanna end our friendship over this…” She got a little fire behind her eyes as she stepped up closer and looked up at me. “If you wanna act like I’m fucking wronging you by stepping away from my status as your sanctioned fuck-toy, especially when I know that your wife was not as on-board as you both made it seem...Fine,” she bit out before stomping away.

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause I’m the fuckin’ bad guy here, right?! Happy birthday, Y/n!” I shouted as she disappeared into the hallway. I punched the nearest chair but it didn’t make me feel better, so I moved to the closest wall. I was about to do some damage when Clif walked in.

“The hell do you think you’re doing? Padalecki’s the one who’s supposed to get his ass hurt.”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Clif.” He scoffed as he followed me out the back door of the green room, heading toward the parking lot.

“You’re being a dumbass,” he said as soon as we got in the SUV.

“Said I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Yeah, but you need to. Am I your friend?”

I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. I didn’t want to hear how I’d fucked everything up. But I didn’t have anywhere to go once he started driving to the hotel.

“Course you are.”

“And you know I’ve been watching. I’ve been around. I see things a lot of folks don’t, right?”

“Yeah.”

“She was on her way out before Danneel even met her.” I glared at him in the rearview mirror. Yeah, I just heard her say the same shit, but I didn’t want to believe it. “I could see it in her eyes after you started with the lovey-dovey bullshit. As much as she wanted you, she knew that you couldn’t give her what she needed...and you can’t.”

I shook my head. “Clif...you don’t understand.”

“I do. I watch, remember? You’re so in love. I know. But now you have to give her an opportunity to have something else.” I looked out the window as he pulled into the parking garage at the hotel and parked. “I’m not going to tell you to focus on your family or any of the crap Jared’s been telling you. I’m going to ask you: does Y/n deserve someone who can shout his feelings from the rooftops, or should she stay someone’s secret for the rest of her life?”

I didn’t have to answer. We all knew exactly what Y/n deserved.

[k-s-morgan]

I would love to know what your favourite story that you've written so far is ? What story are you most proud of ?

You know, I really don't have an answer to this question! I love each of my stories in a unique way. Each is connected to so many great memories, hours of enjoyment, planning, moments of insights, delight from reading comments and so on. I'd never be able to choose. I feel more proud of my later stories - I've been writing for as long as I remember myself, and I can see how my writing and planning evolved over the years, but each of my creations has my love.

I loved re-imagining the Hunger Games with Will and Hannibal, I had great fun exploring the concept of Hannibal killing Will's father and Will dedicating his life to catching the killer, unfolding at the background of omegaverse; I can't get enough of staying with Ciel and Sebastian in their twisted Victorian world, and Hogwarts with all its secrets, along with Tom and Harry, will forever hold my heart. Now I'm also enjoying creating my take on Batman and Joker, pushing them close early on and seeing where it leads.

Writing is a miracle I treasure daily. I don't know what I'd do without it.

[ksfoxwald]

Fire and Hemlock Readalong Extras: On Names

Thinking about how most of the names in the book have some sort of significance.

"Polly" is the Greek "poly," because she is many things and people over the course of the story.

"Thomas Lynn" is Tom Lynn and also Thomas the Rhymer, which is pretty explicitly stated in the book.

"Laurel" is the Lorelei, who lures men to their deaths

"Morton" is probably a death reference

"Nina" is a general diminutive that resembles the Spanish for "little girl," who is characterized by being young and silly and girlish.

"Ivy" is a plant known for clinging and choking things.

So with all that, "Perry Leroy" as a surname should probably mean something.

"Leroy" means "the king," which makes sense as Laurel is the Faerie Queen.

All I can think for "Perry" is that it sounds a bit like fairy, so the Perry Leroys are the Faerie Kings and Queens.

Interestingly "Reg" also means "king," and while Polly's dad isn't very kingly he does have a slight connection to Hunsdon House, since his father was taken.

I can't think of anything for Leslie and Edna, though; or Sam, Ed, and Ann, beyond that they are very short and ordinary British names. "Fiona" means "blessed" but I'm not sure that's relevant, though she does seem to have her own sort of protection from the Perry Leroys.

"Sebastian" doesn't seem to have much significance either, though he is a martyred saint, which might not be entirely irrelevant. And the slutty martyred saint, for that matter, though I'm not sure if that was a meme in 1985.

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (3-9 Dec 2023)

just fucking spatchcocked him

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

😊 The Late Mrs. Willoughby (Mr. Darcy & Miss Tilney #2) (Claudia Gray, author; Billie Fulford-Brown, narrator) - another perfectly serviceable, decently entertaining historical cozy mystery feat. Austen characters and their progeny. Plot's pretty basic but it's still cute to see Jonathan Darcy (autistic king) and Juliette Tilney (mom's adventure sense, dad's common sense) solving murders again. The 'obstacles' to their romance are typical for a series like this but still annoying [tbh in more deft hands they might be more angsty and less annoying but it is what it is]

😍 The Charming Man (Zenaidamacrouras1, author; Late_to_party_81, artist) - 65K, shrinkyclinks no powers AU - just a delightful fic with adorable art (TEXTILE ART!) - I'll let the author's summary speak for itself: "Tldr: Steve has an eventful three weeks. Longer version: Steve Rogers is quite happy with his pleasantly simple life working as a graphic designer, chatting with his best friend Sam who has the desk next to his, eating the same gluten free sandwich for lunch every day, and staring out his office window hoping to catch a glimpse of The Charming Man walking by. Unfortunately, life has a tendency to get complicated without our permission, particularly when Steve begins to suspect that a certain evil corporation is doing criminal things that decidedly grate on his nerves." Great banter/hilarious lines - even the secondary characters get great lines plus some fine quality angst.

😍 Proper English (England World #1) (KJ Charles, author; Bella Lowe, narrator) - reread, love love love. The origin story of fluffy Fen & practical Pat getting together and solving a country house murder.

😍 Think Of England (England World #2) (KJ Charles, author; Tom Carter, narrator) - reread. Another country house mystery featuring blackmail and treason being resolved by Daniel Da Silva (poet & spy) and Archie Curtis (blond viking himbo, about to have a gay awakening) with secondary but crucial support from Fen & Pat

😊 Lessons In Chemistry (Brenda) - 42K, stucky no powers college AU - I’m not often in the mood for a college AU but this hit the spot

💖💖 +46K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

Cupid's Rugby Ball (softestpunk) - The Sandman: Dreamling, 5K - h/c meet cute with instalove, as is only correct for this pairing 😆

you'll never be blue ([currently anonymous]) - The Cabots (Cat Sebastian): Peter/Caleb, 3K - "Caleb and Peter, adjusting to living together." Perfectly captured the character voices! {written for the Fic In A Box 2023 exchange, authors not yet revealed}

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

D20: Fantasy High: Sophomore Year - e4-7

Dirty Laundry - s3, e7

D20: Burrow's End - "Evolution and Revolution" (s20, e10)

D20: Adventuring Party - "Welcome to the Honk Honk Club" (s15, e10)

Dimension 20 Interview: Siobhan Thompson Talks Jaysohn's Near Death In Burrow's End & Fantasy High

Doctor Who: The Star Beast (2023 special #1)

Doctor Who: Wild Blue Yonder (2023 special #2)

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

⭐ Welcome to Night Vale #239 - Sister Cities: Vermillion Falls

What Next: TBD - They See You When You’re Shopping

Desert Island Discs - Lea Salonga, singer and actor

⭐ The Sporkful - Rise Of The Foodie Bro (The Year In Food 2023)

Cautionary Tales - The Dunning Kruger Hijack (and Other Criminally Stupid Acts)

Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Julia Gets Wise with Amy Tan

Vibe Check - Nostalgia, Ultra

99% Invisible #562 - Breaking Down The Power Broker (with Conan O'Brien)

Endless Thread - "Extremely Online" with Taylor Lorenz

Ologies with Alie Ward - Syndesiology (CONNECTIONS) with James Burke

NPR's Book of the Day - Norman Lear's memoir recalls a life and career that shaped American television

Cautionary Tales - Demonizing Dungeons & Dragons

⭐ Switched on Pop - Hear the Year: The music we loved in 2023

One Year - 1990: Bush vs. Broccoli

Song Exploder - Raye - Escapism (feat. 070 Shake)

Today, Explained - Get the lead out

What Next: TBD - Spotify Unwrapped

Today, Explained - Are movies too long now?

Dear Prudence - My Friend Won’t Stop Buying Me Gifts. Help!

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - The Super Museum

Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me! - Fred Schneider

Strong Songs - The Band: The Last Waltz

Endless Thread - What Is That?!

⭐ Cautionary Tales - How the Radium Girls Fought Back

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

'90s R&B Girl Groups

Presenting Etta James

Pop Motivation

Victoria Monét

Troye Sivan

Laufey

[piggyjeans]

updated masterlist

started: july 25 2022

last updated: july 25 2022

chris evans >

make it work, chris evans x teen! reader

vogue makeup tutorial, chris evans x daughter! reader

sebastian stan >

protect you, chris evans & sebastian stan x teen! reader

talentless, sebastian stan x teen! reader

ryan reynolds >

graduation, ryan reynolds x teen! reader

gushing, ryan reynolds x teen! reader

im just a kid, deadpool x teen! reader

there there spidey, deadpool x (platonic) penny parker 

robert downey jr >

can you pick me up, tony stark x teen! reader

he hurt me (TRIGGER WARNING), tony stark x teen! reader

tom hiddleston >

skys the limit, tom hiddleston x teen! reader

jake gyllenhaal >

connected, jake gyllenhaal x teen! reader

jesse pinkman >

my kid, jesse pinkman x teen! reader

the walking dead >

plz dont read this 

wrote it when i was thirteen, grace must be given 

plz dont read this either

[dawnscales]

healing my relationship with my ethnicity, roots, past, present & future.

gonna preface this that by "healing my relationship with my ethnicity" it is not due to trauma in the Jewish community but the severe antisemitism I received as a child. this is also me healing my relationship with the religious part of Judaism because I hid and denied this part for so long in an attempt to fit in.

my christian & Mormon teachers would call in my local Synagogue asking if I even visit because otherwise they would require of me to visit the christian religion lessons. they made comments, whenever I spoke Hebrew ( and I was only 8 at the time ) that I sounded like a terrorist. I was made to partake in Christian prayers etc and that ruined my relationship with religion in general.

Then the hate because I was born in Israel started. And because I was Jewish. I grew up on the poverty line, I did not get a phone until I was 16 and my classmates would make comments about how "of course your family is stingy, you are Jews" or tell me "don't behave so Jewish" when I did not want to share my lunch.

One time we did a little exercise where we wrote down what we think each student would be once they grew up. Under my name? "Gas chamber fodder". they'd also call our landline & wish my Israeli family death.

So now I am healing myself with books! Connecting with all that was taken from me - I am also in talk with a Community if I may join them. They are further away but they are queer friendly, I could only go every month but they live-stream during holidays and shabbat.

anyway I decided to buy books because as a librarian I sure know how healing they are. It will take time to read them all ( & also not all are seen here. Like I bought the Torah but I also downloaded things for my ebook ). I am certain I won't agree with everyone listed here but I want to read as much as possible. For those interested these are the books :

Pnina Navé Levinson ( born 1921, fled to today's Israel in 1933, her books are not available in Englisch ) :

Eva und ihre Schwestern ( Eva & her sisters - perspectives of a jewish feminist theology )

Was wurde aus Saras Töchtern ( What happened to Saras daughters? - Women in Judaism )

Esther erhebt ihre Stimme ( Esther raises her voice - a collection of prayers | most of these prayers center women & are from communities nearly erased during the Shoa )

Einführung ( Introduction into the theology of Rabbis )

Einblicke in das Judentum ( Insights into Judaism )

Tom Segev ( Israeli & Jewish historian )

Es war einmal ein Palästina ( One Palestine, Complete: Jews and Arabs Under the British Mandate )

Jerusalem Ecke Berlin ( Jerusalem corner Berlin | Not official Englisch title, has yet to be translated I believe )

Henryk M. Broder ( German journalist & Author who often provokes people with his thought games )

Der Ewige Antisemit ( The eternal Antisemite | Book has not been released in English. My mother gave me this book saying she believes any Jew in the Diaspora should read it once. )

Sebastian Voigt ( German historian, I am not sure if his books have been translated either )

Judenhass ( a book about how most societies are built upon antisemitism. Think 'If capitalism was the enemy, Jews were capitalist. If communism was the enemy, the Jews were communist )

Richard C. Schneider ( German Journalist who has lived in Tel-Aviv for many years )

Die Sache mit Israel ( The thing with Israel )

Erwin Javor & Others

Israel - was geht mich das an? ( Israel - what does it got to do with me? | Essays from several people about Israel )

Joseph Croitoru ( German journalist )

Die Hamas - Herrschaft über Gaza. Krieg gegen Israel ( Hamas - Reign over Gaza. War against Israel )

Tania Martini & Others

Nach dem 7.Oktober ( After the 7th October | Essays by people, mostly Jews about the 7th October, the trauma etc )

Navid Kermani & Natan Sznaider

Israel - eine Korrespondenz ( Israel - a correspondence )

Saul Friedländer

Blick in den Abgrund ( Gaze into the Abyss | At the start of 2023 Shoa survivor Saul Friedländer starts to write a diary about his dislike for the current Government of Israel & the history of the land since he was massively involved in the early years of Israel. Unaware of what would happen in October of the same year the book is described as a must read )

[animasola86]

Just another Slytherin: Genevieve x Prof. Sharp

Living up to her name of Snake Lover. Seriously, this girl has a crush on Sharp, falls in love with Sebastian and gets manipulated by Tom Riddle. I see a pattern... (And in yet another universe, she and Sharp connect over their Scars.)

[ PS4 VERSION ] [ SCREENSHOTS MASTERLIST ] [ MC MASTERLIST ]

[unveilhq]

NEW WANTED CONNECTION ALERT!

did you hear arthur ashe (eli brown), our resident human, is looking for their uncle? they’re a 40-45 year old human who arrived in the chateau ~10 years ago. they look like luke macfarlane, tom hardy, sebastian stan, charlie cox, open. the player does require you to contact them prior to filling this out. - his uncle is the younger brother to arthur's father and their family have been vampire hunters for generations, though arthur never discovered this. his parents tried to kill some old vampires in italy during a vacation and it went badly and they were later hunted down by these vampires who killed them when arthur was 19. his uncle gave up hunting at some point and this caused friction in the family, leading to being cut off. he finds arthur after his parents deaths and brings him down to alexandria where he's living so he's not alone. i gave him the name archer in my bio but that's a placeholder atm. - @newsalvations

NEW LOCATION ALERT!

HILL HOUSE BOOKS: a lovely two story bookstore located in the heart of downtown alexandria, hill house books is owned by the human ashe family. countless books can be found all across the shop with bookshelves taking up as much space as they can, there's an open space towards the back of the shop for reading hours to kids and one can find several nooks and crannies to hide away in once they find the perfect book. a part of the second story is used as the living quarters for the ashe family- including bedrooms, a a private bathroom, kitchen, and living room. it's become a popular space for both humans and the supernatural